Ideas = Melbourne Psychologist & Nutritionist Selina Byrne 

Boredom is a weird feeling:

I hear many busy people saying they’d love to have time to be bored. What they are really referring to is time out of “have to” where they can potter about with nothing to do and feel a bit free. In fact, boredom is quite the opposite feeling; it isn’t relaxing or feeling free, it’s actually a frustrated and highly uncomfortable sensation that some people feel more easily and intensely than others. Boredom is a strong feeling of “I don’t like what is happening now” or “something else should be happening now”. The feeling of boredom is a massive physical resistance to the now, whatever that now is, usually because the topic or activity is undesirable, uninspiring or otherwise objectionable. Our proneness to boredom seems to be part of how our brain is wired, as well as a combination of personality elements such as need for novelty, activity level, mental processing speed, level of entitlement and areas of interest. We can antidote boredom both mentally and physically by doing something different, slowing down the stress reaction and by choosing different thoughts. True boredom is a stressed feeling so any effective antidote for stress will also help boredom, whether it’s cognitive changes, music, exercise, pleasant distractions, meditation, other people, activity planning or simply just accepting the present moment and deciding it’s ok as is. It’s only temporary anyway. It’s up to us to find the inspiration in every moment if we want it. May you be easily inspired today.

If you need to get motivated:

Motivation isn’t just something you feel, it’s something you do. You can wait around forever until your desire drives you into action or you can build up your own drive so that you can access it when needed. Drive is just a matter of urgency towards action, a strong feeling of “want to” or “have to”. Most people with motivation problems are waiting for the “want to” to magically arrive by itself. We call this “desire-based” motivation. This is fine in theory but in practice often leads to procrastination, avoidance and staying in a zone of being comfortable. Driven people have less motivation problems because they know that motivation is not always about “want to”. It’s about using your brain to get to the place of a compelling sense of “have to”. With “have to” drive, you have to know WHY you have to, and these reasons need to mean something. And it’s not just about the positive outcomes or feelings that will come if you do the thing, sometimes we need to focus on the negatives and pain that will happen if we don’t do that thing. Many times we need to remind ourselves to drop the excuses, stop being a baby and just bloody do it. We usually feel better once we do the thing, and wonder why we were being a drama queen about it. So if there’s not enough natural “want to” for you, work on your drive. Get the “why” part worked out and get yourself into “have to” thinking. No excuses. You know you’ll feel better after you get yourself into gear. Go on.

Brain can’t think??

Some days, often for no apparent reason, the brain seems to go into fuzz ball mode. You walk into a room, then forget why you came. You read something, only to forget it within seconds. You go to say a normal word, one that you KNOW that you know, and you go blank. You can’t remember what you did yesterday, let alone that important fact you’re trying to remember. And then you worry about why your brain is all cotton-wool, which of course only clogs up the channel even more. The more we try to focus, the harder it feels. Of course, as kids, we had dreamy, forgetful, unfocused times too. But we didn’t care. We didn’t TRY to remember things, or perhaps even notice if we didn’t. Learning is easier for most kids (compared to adults) because kids aren’t immediately mentally checking their learning and memory of whatever it is. They just let whatever flow in, and then out. This more relaxed alpha wave state of mind is better for the brain, and learning, and memory, as well as the nervous system. So if the brain is having a slow day, let it. If recall takes a minute, just wait. If there’s a blank, allow the blank, knowing the idea will return when needed. And it doesn’t matter anyway, you don’t need to notice. Give your brain an off-duty day if it needs it; you’ll still function perfectly well, probably better than most others, and you’ll be charged up again soon enough. Trust your brain to do what it needs to do.

Nervous when asserting??

So many people withhold from asserting themselves due to nervous thoughts and feelings. We’ve come to somehow believe that if we don’t feel “comfortable” doing something then maybe we shouldn’t do it. This of course is just ridiculous! Whenever we move to the next level of learning or performance, some uncertainty or discomfort is there. And so is growth and achievement, plus reward chemicals when we give it a shot! Stop all the mental rehearsal and trust yourself to say what you think and ask for what you want. The biggest mistake most people make is not thinking about what they actually want (it’s easier to focus on what you don’t want) and not asking for it (it’s easier to be silently pissed off). So. When you feel the need to assert, ignore the nerves; they’re just normal when we stretch ourselves a bit. Then ask for the behavior or change you’d like in a calm and polite manner. That’s it. Stop talking. You’ve done your part. Either they will agree or comply, or they won’t. Not your problem (yet). You might feel a tad nervous afterwards, it’s just an empathy bi-product which you can also ignore. This calm assertiveness thing could become a habit. Not a bad idea at all, right?

Check your year so far:

We’ve been in this new journey around the sun for a short time now and while many of us vow to change some habits or patterns, life can get in the way of our good intentions. Maybe there’s nothing to change. Or perhaps we can check the basics first: sleep, food choice, activity level, relaxation, social choices, leisure or hobbies, creative outlets, optimistic thought patterns, spiritual practices, maybe even just stopping to enjoy the view?? Choose one thing today that you’d like to do more of. Write it down as well as when you’d like to do it. Perhaps also choose one thing that you’d like to do less of (eg time wasted worrying, time spent complaining or listening to others complain, or maybe time wasted scrolling through stuff on your phone!) Put the written intentions somewhere where you’ll see them. Now decide to activate this intention and make sure you do something in the next 24 hours. Action towards what you want always feels good and lifts mood. Enjoy.

Sabotage via the inner rebel:

Nothing wrong with having an inner rebel. It helps us be who we want to be and do the things we want to do, except when it doesn’t. You probably know people who have an inner rebel that actually causes them more trouble by stopping them achieving the things they want to achieve. That kind of inner rebel has certain outcomes it wants but then says things like:

“But I don’t want to”

“I shouldn’t have to”

“It’s too hard” 

“It’s not fair”

“I can’t do it” 

“Stuff it, I’ll do what I want”

Stop pushing and start allowing:

Things happen regularly that we do not like. Most of the time we may not have done anything to cause this unfortunate sequence of events and we feel resentful that the stress of it is interfering with our ability to feel good. We humans have this strange inbuilt expectation that life events should always be pleasant and when they aren’t, we can feel thwarted, like it’s not fair! In truth, fairness is not a helpful concept when it applies to life. Things can happen due to the consciousness and the choices and of many people (including ourselves) as well as other unknown factors. Let’s agree to flow with life today. Let’s stop resisting what is, whether it’s the people, the politics, tiredness, injustice, weird weather, the traffic, sickness, world events, family drama or other annoying things. Let’s allow it to just be as it is and stop pushing against it. It will be ok. Let’s just say “yeah, whatever” and get on with the stuff we need to do and the stuff we feel good about. Annoying things don’t deserve our attention and we certainly don’t benefit from giving it our attention. Do what needs to be done and then move on mentally. The motto today is “Let that shit go!” Are you in?

Activate your optimism:

Optimism is never about denial of human emotions or changing the facts. If anything, it’s about validating your feelings, knowing they are normal under the circumstances but then monitoring your narrative or story about what is occurring. It’s about sticking to the facts, actually. The most important thing is whatever it is, do not personalize it. It’s a part of normal life, happens to many people and is not an indicator of defectiveness on your part. It’s just life. Shit happens. Secondly, do not make it bigger than it is, or generalize it. It’s just this one thing, everything else is going on as normal, it’s contained to this small area. Confine the issue to the smaller space it belongs in. And thirdly, know that everything is temporary. It won’t be like this forever, probably won’t even be like this in a day or two. Humans have a remarkable ability to take an unpleasant moment and stretch it into the past and then forward it into the future. The past is over. End of. The future is unknown and will take care of itself and will likely be much better than you expect. Optimism is about staying in the now and finding the positive aspects so that whatever is happening remains temporary, specific and not something terrible about you. You can do this. On the other hand if something great happens, do the opposite! Claim credit, expect that good things continue and know that its positive ripple effects will extend more goodness into everything else! With the help of a little optimism, today can be a good day anytime you like. Ready to activate it??

The installation of wellbeing for you:

Wellbeing is a state we can generate regardless of circumstance, unlike satisfaction or happiness which can be more conditional and based on life evolving according to our preferences. Wellbeing is just a process of remembering that all is well, that you are ok, that you can relax now and stop taking thought, and you CAN stop, you CAN let your mind drift towards somewhere pleasant, now, while I talk to you, and you listen, letting your inner mind go a little deeper now as you remember what it is that your mind needs to know, that all IS well, that you ARE ok, that you CAN always reach for a thought that feels better than where you are right now, that just one thought, or image, or memory, or song lyric, or picture or maybe even a deep breath can change it in a moment so you feel just that little bit better, moving towards wellbeing always, no need to take on other people’s stuff, that’s up to them, let’s stay with our own wellbeing, if we feel a little better then we bring more wellbeing to the world and that can only be good, and it is good and you are good and it is all good today, just reach for that thought that feels a little better than before and you’re already moving. Keep going.

Take a non-think break:

Our minds need a minute here and there to stop the internal activity. To just be. Take that time today to stop, breathe in, feel the pleasant nothingness, breathe out. And congratulate yourself for building tiny mental breaks into your routine. It’s becoming a lost art with all our driven and rushed behavior. Let’s commit to time out of mind here and there. Every day! Please start now.

Get a theme song for today!

Music is the fastest way to change our brain chemistry and nervous system activity. The speed or tempo of a particular song will speed you up or slow you down. The melody will affect your emotions. And the lyrics can form a message in your head. You can choose from your past favorites and feel happy or nostalgic or you can choose some other track that gives you inspiration or energy. Music is medicine and it’s all about choosing the right dose at the right time in order to dial up what you want to feel. Don’t leave it to chance! Choose a direction for how you want to set up your mood now and grab some music that takes you there.

Mental rehearsal of arguments:

We humans have an interesting capacity that our animal friends lack. We can do this thing where we can imagine an argument in our minds, we can hear the criticisms or demands of the other person (which may be actual events from the past or purely imagined) and we respond to those criticisms or arguments internally. Of course, the nervous system responds as though it’s really happening; stress chemicals, tension, aggravation, anger, righteous indignation and on it goes. It’s a strange phenomenon really, as most of this negative rehearsal we do is for nothing. We are projecting a drama about what the other person is thinking/feeling/saying and coming to our own defense. Even if that argument did happen in the past, it’s the past. It’s over. The end. But we humans, we can resurrect this shit in our minds in the blink of an eye! And then make up some extra bits where they say more offensive things and we get hurt and/or fight back. Pretty crazy right?! Even if we think the argument is coming, mental rehearsal is unlikely to help us deal with it calmly. The antidote is to remind yourself “Hey I’m making this shit up!! I’m being a producer, a scriptwriter and a director! Clever, but pointless”. Then choose an appreciative thought about the here and now about sometime else. Something entirely different. Argument rehearsal is a form of worrying/anxiety/anger; it’s a waste of your headspace. Choose something interesting or fun or amusing or even neutral to focus on instead.

We thank teachers:

All the teachers and school staff have gone back to work, starting another year doing one of the most important jobs in existence. The role of a person working in education gets bigger and more complex every year, not just with academic and curriculum requirements, but with growing social complexity. Many school staff feel responsible for so many aspects that used to be the responsibility of the family, and due to their incredible kindness and professionalism, school staff often go way beyond the call of duty. Please tag the teachers/school staff you know and thank them. And, teachers/school staff, a message for you: please look after your physical and emotional wellbeing. Make it a priority. Eat when you are supposed to eat, take mini breaks just to breathe, give appreciation to yourself and other staff, find a way to unwind before you get home so that you can actually interact calmly and enjoy your nights. Find escapism and activities that get your brain right away from work. Learn to meditate in a way that works for you, to slow your brain down. In fact, slow down in general. Stop the rushing and take your time. It will all get done when it gets done, and it’s never all done anyway, just let it evolve as it does. Teachers and school staff, we thank you. You’re awesome as.

Fun, clever, effective!

Yes you are, and the power is within you to activate even more fun, clever and effective experiences, beginning now, breathing in slowly as you listen to my voice, holding it, then slowly releasing that breath now, all systems calm as I talk to you here, and you listen now, that part of your mind where all positive expertise is stored, those skills and resources that are waiting, ready, poised to kick into gear for you when they get the green light, we green light them now, green means GO, releasing now, all the potential fun, cleverness and effectiveness and other active friendly qualities moving now into your day with you, adding to your experiences and bringing more joy. Go for it.

Relationships: the movie version or the real-life version??

Hollywood romantic idealism has a lot to answer for. Whether it’s a date, a new relationship or a longer term partnership, many of our expectations are becoming a tad more overblown. Whether it’s the influence of literature, movies, articles or social media, many people have this thing about “the one” and what it will feel like and be like long term. This leads to problems when things don’t feel like the idealized perfection we’ve trained ourselves to expect. Does this mean that she/he “isn’t the one”?? Firstly, the concept of “the one” is flawed. For most people there are many compatible people. Secondly, with any other human, there will be ups and downs, phases of being in sync and out of sync, times when you feel like they are a soul mate and times when they feel like a weird or difficult stranger. Love has cycles. And even the kind of “love” you feel changes from person to person and sometimes from week to week. But aren’t we meant to feel magnetically attracted and obsessed forever if it’s “the one”??? No we aren’t. We maintain love by focusing on positive aspects, maintaining attraction via novelty and space, developing clear and respectful communication patterns and solving problems or disputes with as little criticism/nastiness as possible. And if we need help doing this, we get coaching. Most of us didn’t grow up with the best relationship role models so some coaching can lead to great results if both parties are somewhat willing. Check your romantic idealism next time you have a complaint thought! Perhaps you need to communicate or perhaps you need to chill. The wisdom is in knowing which and when.

Commit to improving your self-confidence:

This is a great time to feel stronger within yourself. Clearly you are an intelligent person who is very open to learning and applying new concepts. Perhaps the issue is too much worry about approval and peace-keeping, which is a part of perfectionism. Or perhaps you worry about your competence in some area and whether you are doing well enough. Maybe you compare yourself to others, which is generally a terrible idea if you want to feel focused or confident. Maybe you’re often rebelling against yourself or others and creating self-sabotage. Remember though, self-confidence is a pure and natural state. We need to identify the barriers we are erecting through our own thought habits and behaviors, the patterns that undermine and erode self-confidence. The pattern of self-confident thought includes:

- I’m ok. I can do this. Small steps.

- What other people do or think is a reflection of their consciousness, not mine. And it’s none of   my business.

- I am my own person. I was designed this way and I add value to the world in my own unique    way

- I have no need to apologize for who I am. If my behavior is ethical and kind then other people’s   expectations are their responsibility.

- I have many gifts and talents so I’ll focus on using them to my best ability on the day. Some   days will be better than others, that’s just life.

- Shit happens. If I don’t do as well as I wanted to, oh well, it’s temporary and I’ll be better next    time.

- I’m probably more effective than I give myself credit for. In fact, I’m probably doing pretty well.

Sound like some patterns you could use?? Feel free to add one to your mix today.

Learning to use thought choice:

There is a direct link between how much control we believe we have over our thought content and how we feel within ourselves. We will all feel different degrees of physiologically-generated ups and downs in mood based on sleep, food choice, weather, hormones, energy level, health issues, etc as well as mood alterations triggered by emotional or relational aspects of life; in other words, the stuff that happens around us. However, those who can choose or manage their thoughts tend to fare better. There are many methods of thought management. We can do thought replacement, where we choose a go-to thought such as “everything works out in the long run” or “I’m ok, it’s ok” when we feel distressed. We can choose reframing to manage thoughts by asking questions like “how would a comedian see this” or “what are the positive aspects here” or “what’s an alternative view of this”. We can also choose thoughts that keep us in the here and now, such as “this is temporary” or “right now I just need to breathe and do nothing else” or “right now the things I feel good about are x, y and z”. The choice of thought doesn’t matter, the object is to feel a little better. And the most important part is to know that thought management is possible. Yes, we may need to do it over and over. Thought looping is a human pattern so most of us must learn to control our thoughts by conscious re-direction. Choose your preferred destination today.

Holidays, Monday’s and IQ hangovers:

So many things can affect our brain’s working ability; the weather, amount of sleep last night, pollen levels, air quality in general, day of the week, working and leisure time balance, background stress and on it goes. If you feel less than optimal in brain power, the worst thing you can do is focus on it and worry about whether you are competent. Let your brain be as it is right now, relaxation is the only cure. Any stressed-out dwelling on it will make it feel worse! Just chill and know that your brain on one or two cylinders is probably better than most people’s brains running on all four cylinders! You’ll be ok. The power is there, just let it spring into action in its own good time. It’s all there for you when you need it, your subconscious mind stores everything and will kick into gear as the moment requires. All is well.

A word with your inner mind about more contentment:

While there’s currently a lot of talk out there about happiness, we all know that happiness is very elusive, both as a concept and as a feeling; something we notice the absence of rather than the presence of, so I’d like a word with your inner mind now, as you slow down reading this, one deep slow breath in, that’s right, hold it, and then slowly out again, as you consider the feeling of contentment instead, that feeling of quiet inner satisfaction, the knowledge that you can feel ok, you can experience inner peace no matter what is going on outside of you, and it is outside of you, nothing to do with you really, moving now towards that sense of equanimity, being ok with the world, ok with yourself, ok with the now, you are, you can just focus on breathing in, breathing out, and knowing that’s your only task right now, and all the rest will take care of itself in its own good time. And we can be content with that.

You’re ok. In fact your better than ok!

You’re doing great. With all the stuff you have going on, you’re functioning, you’re doing your best and you’re always striving to be better. I know this because you read these posts, and I know very well the group we have here, reading these ideas and what that means. Give yourself credit now. You’re doing great. Your sensitivity and intelligence are excellent qualities and bring joy to others that share similar qualities. You do make a difference and the world is a better place with you in it. Feel good today.

Can’t get that thought out of your head??

Sometimes we get stuck with a thought loop that doesn’t feel good. Thought loops are generally “negative” in that they are fear or anger phrases that keep replaying over and over in the mind, even though we don’t want them to. It may be a legitimate (ie “factual”) thought but if it doesn’t bring peace or joy, then it serves no purpose other than unpleasant feelings. To dissolve thought loops we generally need to replace them. It’s good to choose a go-to thought for the occasion. You’ll know it’s the right one when the intensity drops and/or you get a slight sense of calm. Useful replacement thoughts will vary for different people, and even vary for the same person on different days or for different situations. One day, the thought of “I am willing to see the good in this” might bring calm, and on another day we might choose “may I be filled with loving kindness” or “they are free to be as they are and do as they like, just as I am” or “this is none of my business” or “it all works out somehow” or “if I think about the bigger picture, this is not big deal”. There are so many possible replacement thoughts that we could choose. We can dip into a book at random until something resonates. Or a song. Or choose an aspect of nature (the ocean, sky, animal, trees etc) to focus on. Or we can just breathe, or count breaths in cycles of 3 or 5 or 10. The idea is to move quickly away from any looping thought that harms. And when it comes back (it usually does!) just calmly move away again. After many moves (sometimes many thousands!) your brain may just get the message to stop going there. Go somewhere pleasant instead today!

All focused on fixing and changing??

One of the areas we fixate on the most these days is that of our relationships, intimate/romantic, family and friends. Many of us get hooked into improvement orientation here, thinking that if only this part changed, if we could just get the other person to communicate better, or stop doing certain things or start being more positive or more accountable or stop being manipulative or be less critical (or whatever else our brain generates) then we will be happy. Much of this improvement orientation happens in our minds; most of us don’t actually direct it to the person concerned. On the other hand, if we can get clear on three things, we would certainly have more inner peace. These things are 1) other people can (and generally will) be as they are. 2) it’s not our job to fix, change or control. And 3) we need to be clear on what our own boundaries are. If their behavior is affecting us, we ask them to stop. If the behavior persists then we make a CHOICE about the amount of time or energy to invest in the relationship. Most of our irritations with people are reduced when we decide to let them just be as they are (as if we have any control anyway!) but also make a clear choice about our own involvement or engagement with the behaviors or people concerned. Sometimes we need to bounce this with a trusted confidante as it can be confusing - clarifying what’s our stuff and what’s their stuff. Begin with the idea that it’s not our job to fix people. They can only do that for themselves and many will choose not to because they don’t feel that they need to or believe that they cannot change. We can focus instead on improving our own thoughts and responses instead. We actually have some control over that part.

Get a message from your 9 year old self:

When you were 9, you probably knew how to have fun. Maybe you liked to read, or ride your bike, or go exploring, or watch movies, hang out with friends or just lie outside looking at the sky, dreaming of nothing and everything. Your 9 year old pre-adolescent self probably knew a little more about how to be in the moment, take no thought for the concerns of the future and just enjoy. If that 9 year old self could speak to you today, what would they suggest to you right now?? What would they like you to do more of? Less of? Who would they like to see more of? What changes would they demand of you? Listen to your 9 year old self. Most of us at 9 do things that we LIKE to do (during leisure time) as opposed to the things we think we SHOULD do, or what other people think we should do. In fact the 9 year old isn’t particularly concerned about what others think at all. The 9 year old self is still in there waiting for you to take notice. Check in, listen and act today.

Moving towards inner harmony for 2018:

Whatever the concern, whatever issue we have or intention we might hold, considering the idea of harmony is helpful. Inner harmony means a sense that things are ok, a lack of any struggle between different parts of something, allowing things to be as they are, a feeling of agreeing with life. Whatever is, just is. We can resist it or dislike it but if it exists, either within us or without, then all parts can move towards inner harmony. Harmony means that somehow, in some strange way, all things are working together for good, even though the “how” may not be visible or known to us yet. A choir involves many, many voices creating many different notes, some which might seem strange if heard individually, and yet, heard together, the sound produced is balanced, harmonious and oddly powerful. As you move forward in your life today, notice and acknowledge the harmony around you as well as the harmony within. All is well.

Stop and check in:

Everyone I see right now is talking about running on empty but also still trying to run around like crazy. Being both tired and wired is emotionally a bit risky and can lead to a bit of a mood crash, especially once the adrenalin peters out. Many people feel awful once they finally stop and spend the first week of their holidays in some type of pain or illness. Slow down now. Right now, as you read this. Slowly decelerate and let your system wind down before it comes to a halt. Take some time to relax, to reflect, to meditate, to go for a walk. Eat small amounts of clean natural food that makes you feel strong. Slow down on the roads and let other people in and out as required. Recognize that most people are in a crazed state right now and need your chilled vibes! We can relax no matter what. Take a breath now and let’s all remind our subconscious minds to keep things pleasant, comfortable and fun. Everything is ok.

Realistic holiday intentions:

It’s easy to idealize things this time of year. How you “should” feel, how friends or family “should” behave, what you “should” give or not give. Work with the truth. Look at the facts. How are you doing right now?? What are you really capable of? What’s the truth about where those around you are at? The personalities and circumstances involved? Do you need to adjust your expectations to line up with reality? Overdoing the expectations will lead to guilt, hurt and disappointment. Keep your narrative truthful and proceed accordingly.

Holiday overindulgence: How will you feel tomorrow??

At this time of year, I have many clients raising issues about the amount they feel they “have to” eat or drink and how terrible they feel afterwards, either physically or emotionally. You can indulge as much as you like, but if overindulgence has been an issue that has caused stress or regret in the past, then it might be worth planning to wind it back a bit. Plan in advance. Go into parties, events and gatherings with forethought. Whether it’s food, alcohol or other substances, work out how to minimize whatever it is you need to watch out for, and put a plan in place, perhaps with a trusted person to help you make sure it happens. It’s up to you. Nobody will force any substance down your throat so you get to make the choice and the best choices for you will be aided by pre-planning. Have fun and do it in a way that leaves you feeling ok the next day!

"Home" for the holidays??

It's really only in recent years that movies are popping up about dysfunctional families reuniting for Christmas/holidays without it turning into a Hollywood happy ending. Families and/or relatives can be a difficult experience for some, and a confusing or frustrating experience for many. Most of us know who we are in day to day life. We have established our identity, we know what's important to us, and many of the people we associate with share similar values and philosophies. Then. Suddenly we are back with the people who knew us when. Possibly back in the house where things may not feel so good. Perhaps they all still treat us like they did when we were little, or as the "difficult one" or the "quiet one" or the "too sensitive" one, the "rebel" or the "lost one" or perhaps even the the "baby" or the one who had to fight for themselves some reason, maybe even the "naughty one". So many people report feeling "not taken seriously" in their family group, or maybe overlooked in favor of some other family member who apparently ticks all the "right" boxes. If you feel happy and comfortable with your family and relatives then you are lucky; enjoy it! And if not, then focus on who you are, your own identify and achievements and know that you will be back amongst your own kind soon. Either way, your ok.

Expectations of yourself this time of year:

How are you feeling?? Is your energy at full throttle? Feeling strong and charged up?? Or is your enthusiasm getting all maxed out? Most people need to pull back a little at this time of year and remember that it gets a little crazy and expectations can get a little much. Somehow there’s pressure to do too much, see too many people and perhaps engage in things you don’t really want to engage in. Check in with yourself today and make sure you’re keeping everything in perspective and keeping life simple. What matters is peace and joy. The rest can wait. Go slow today.

Time to breathe.

Today we all need time to just breathe. No goal. No intention. No information. Just breathe and then breathe again. Space for the brain. Nothing to do, nowhere to be, nothing to prove. Just breathe.

Inner guidance vs self-doubt:

Most of us would get clear and accurate information about our life and how to proceed but for the self-doubt content that crowds out the true message. Self-doubt often arrives via the mouth of others; have you noticed how everyone has an opinion, an agenda and a point to make?? Just enough to make you wonder, throw a seed of doubt or confusion into the mix. Many of us need to break the habit of discussing our plans or decisions with others in important matters, or at least being very careful who we take into our confidence. If you know the person is prone to opinions, judgements and strong preferences, perhaps go elsewhere. The useful person is the one who asks questions about what YOU want or need and helps you clarify what is truly the best way forward for YOU rather than letting their stuff color your guidance. Remember that you are very intelligent and intuitive. Ask yourself the right questions (and perhaps write down the answers) such as:

What is my goal here?

What are the most important factors to take into account?

What has worked well for me in the past?

What do I need to be careful of?

What are the risks involved?

What is my best-case scenario?

What will work into my life best?

Then trust the answers to guide you. You know best about what’s right for you.

Our friends with status anxiety:

Status anxiety is the feeling or worry that we are not doing as well as we should be, perhaps not keeping up with those around us, should be achieving more, should be making more money or having "the best" of something, more trophies or generally being more important in the world. It's a relatively new concept; while some people certainly experienced it in previous generations due to internal or family pressure, it's much more common now perhaps due to social media and reality tv. The idea is, we are all supposed to be "amazing" and have "amazing" lives, apparently. You may have noticed that some people buy into status anxiety more than others and never feel like they have enough or are doing enough, whereas, some of us don't care, we stick to what matters to us and just do our thing, enjoying the more simple pleasures. Which do you think leads to more contentment and inner peace?? We all know appearances (both in social media and real-life observations) mean nothing. Most people present a more successful and "perfect" facade than actually exists in reality. Status is nothing and can change in the instant we see somebody who has "more". Inner peace is everything and we can work towards it no matter what is happening. Choose peace today.

The fear of being "selfish":

The term "selfish" has been used to criticize people who do what they want to do rather than do the thing that pleases others. For most of us, being accused of "selfishness" is something we'd never want, it brings a certain horror, possibly even a sickly guilt or shame feeling. Of course there are levels of "selfishness". We all know people who have zero empathy, who are willing to hurt others, who manipulate, create conflict and feel no remorse when they have done interpersonal damage. But if you're reading this, you're not that person. Interestingly, when sensitive or kind people get around to making choices that are actually good for their own wellbeing, especially in regard to who they choose to spend time with, they often fear being seen as "selfish". Perhaps they may even be accused of "selfishness" by the people they are choosing to distance from. This kind of "selfishness" could also be called "Self Preservation" or even "Choosing Peace" or "Prioritizing Wellbeing". I chose to put the term "selfish" in inverted commas because in this context, it's a nasty, meaningless, manipulative term that should not be in the psyches of most people reading this, as it relates to themselves. Are you kind? Are you ethical? Then the leftover empathic guilt about saying no or setting boundaries has nothing to do with this silly "selfishness" word. It's about making good mature choices for Wellbeing. Let's ditch the S word for good.

Doing what needs to be done - for you.

Most of us keep our commitments to other people, but somehow the commitments that would help our wellbeing get a little lost in the mix, so let me speak now, quietly and seriously, directly to your subconscious mind, knowing that the inner part of you will protect and assist with your deepest priorities, helping you now, thinking just of what you truly need to do for yourself, that one small thing, making all the difference, perhaps even leading on to other better things for you, reminding your mind to do that thing, to take action and put your well-being at the top of the priority list now, at least equal with the needs of others, you can, allowing that one thing to take shape and lead you towards greater energy and optimism now. You will.

Ditch the drama:

Every situation we face has a choice that activates or feeds drama, as well as a drama-free choice. While others may engage in drama around you, you can opt in or out, depending on your thoughts and choices. The drama-free choice will feel less exciting and also more peaceful. You may even wish to say to yourself “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. This is a very good detachment and drama-reduction mantra and has been used successfully for generations! Stay with the chill today, avoid the crap and preserve your inner peace.

A quick message about going easy:

Decide to take it easy today. Go easy on yourself, easy with others and as much as you can, just do easy things. Move smoothly and easily in the flow today.

Motivational lows:

It's normal for we humans to fluctuate in our acceleration levels. While we might be pumped up and on fire at certain times, at other times we get flat, lethargic and lazy. This may be just seasonal or cyclic, or can be related to both physical and emotional factors. If you feel like re-triggering your motivational system, first think physical. Are you eating the food that gives you the energized sense of lightness that you need? Are you getting adequate sleep? Are you getting enough relaxation/pottering around time for yourself? Are you moving or exercising the right amount for you? Too much? Too little? Make the adjustments you need to make and write a plan or list. Also consider emotional factors. The idea is to trigger dopamine, the chemical of excitement and focus. What are you looking forward to? What are you doing that is exciting or challenging? What new things are you learning or doing? Where are you competing, either with others or yourself? What gets your heart racing in a pleasant way? Where's the fun? Do you need to set a new goal to challenge and motivate you? Motivation generally comes back in its own time if it's just a mojo phase, but sometimes we need to do something to help it along. See what you can do to accelerate things a little today.

Changes in relationships:

Most of us will change quite a bit in any five year period. Depending on where we are in our life cycle, we may experience alterations or redirections in our choices, priorities, social tolerance, leisure preferences, partying behavior, health orientation, work life and enjoyment of certain activities or people. We may also change significantly in what we like to talk about, or the way we approach talking about certain issues. Some relationships will still be a good energy match, while others may start to feel different, possibly uncomfortable, maybe even combative at times. This happens in various relationship types, including friendships, romantic relationships and families. If one person does more changing than another, or if both change in different directions then it may be necessary to renegotiate the relationship. This means starting with goodwill, pulling back on any judgements, working on clear communication (especially listening) and remembering that sameness isn't always required for connection. Even if people change, or we change, we can strengthen a connection through staying with curiosity rather than judgment, acceptance rather than frustration. The relationship may alter in closeness or contact frequency and yet still be fulfilling. Check in with your various connections over the next few days with benevolent curiosity.

The brain in shock:

Many things can trigger the brain’s shock mode; unexpected events, emotional attacks, deaths and other losses, anything painful can get it going. Shock mode will be different for all of us. Some people go into a frozen-like state, others become emotional right away, some panic or feel major anxiety or anger, others dissociate, some go into practical mode and seem to bypass the feeling phase. Some need to talk about things, some need privacy or solitude or maybe even company while avoiding the subject. It’s mythical that we all must talk about things; some people can process better by themselves while other people definitely prefer to process by talking with others. There is no right or wrong way to be in shock or grief; we all have our coping mechanisms and we need to trust our systems to process it in the right way for us in whatever time it takes for us. So many people have rules or expectations about how themselves or others are “supposed” to feel but the truth is, there is no normal. The only thing that is normal is that we go through phases with shock or grief, it doesn’t stay the same all the time, or even over time. Sometimes we think phases have passed, and then they come back temporarily, and then move on again later. The system has its own clever design and if we ask ourselves what we need at any given moment, the answers will come. The most important thing is to be accepting of phases and not impatient. Let it unfold as it does and know that all feeling states are temporary even though it may not feel that way. The sun always comes up after the dark night passes.

On Belonging:

It’s easy for some of us to feel a little alienated at times, a bit different, maybe from the general world or the family or colleagues, and while it’s great to be unique, it’s also important to know that you belong, and maybe one day your mind told you that you didn’t, perhaps as a young person, at school or among those at home, or some other group experience, we’ve all had that feeling sometimes, we misunderstood something and made up a story about somebody else’s behavior, really it was about them and their choices and their patterns, but we mistakenly think it’s about us, easy mistake to make, and now, here, we can correct that mistake so that your inner mind always knows that you do belong, breathing now, taking in my words as you breathe slowly, you belong everywhere, you are an important part of the overall plan for the universe, you are required, just as is, exactly as you were made, and maybe you ruffle a few feathers at times, perhaps that’s your job, to challenge things, improve them, help growth, your uniqueness helping the world adapt, accommodate and grow in a beneficial way, you belong, you don’t have to belong to anyone in particular, you belong to yourself and whoever else you want to belong to, you belong in the world and it wouldn’t be the same without you so know that feeling deep now in your inner mind and make that installation permanent, walking through your day now, just knowing that you always belong and you always will, a special part of the universe, perfect as is. You are.

How do you feel around victimhood people??

Victimhood is a way of thinking about the self and the world. Most of victimology involves a narrative of not having a choice, of being powerless, of having things happen TO you, or being done TO you, rather than seeing yourself as an active participant in life. Because victims feel powerless, they also feel resentful. They will resent other people, resent circumstances, maybe even resent the way they themselves are, their own personality or physical features or history. It's a quick road to self-pity, to feeling angry and sorry for yourself. There are times of course when we all have moments of feeling like we've been victimized. Most of us can have our time of venting, complaining and whinging, and then pull ourselves back into action mode by taking responsibility for our part in the situation. Maybe we can't change what has happened but we can challenge our own narrative or story about it, and go into action mode about how we can make the best of it by activating our choices. Some people, however, do not activate this mode, and prefer to live in the land of victimhood. When you see or hear this, you may recognize your own feelings of frustration or anger because you will probably see the choices and possibilities in the situation and also notice that the person isn't taking any responsibility for their part in what occurred. Victimology is probably the more popular choice right now and is perpetuated in certain aspects of the media. Notice it, be conscious of your feelings when observing others and don't take it personally. People have spent many years working on their worldview and probably won't change it unless they do some serious work. Detach and let them be.

Trusting the future to take care of itself:

Many of us have things that we worry about, mostly things that haven't happened yet but we fear that they will, or maybe we just have a vague fear about how something will work out or how we will cope. Yet, if we look back over our life so far, most of us have had some stuff happen, maybe it was painful, and yet we actually did cope. Using the skills and resources we have accumulated, we got through it, the most painful part was indeed temporary, and over time, things improved. Maybe it's even difficult to remember the full awfulness of that time now, perhaps some of it remains accessible while other parts fade. Humans are designed for adversity. While it isn't enjoyable at the time, we solve problems as they happen, we draw on strengths we didn't know we had and we receive support from unexpected sources. When the future worry kicks in, remind yourself that you are built to cope with all sorts of problems and that you will be emerge well from any adversity. The future will take care of itself, just as it always has.

The Present:

This is me reminding your mind to BE HERE NOW, in the present moment. Most of us are great at drifting into the past, comparing past and present selves or events or others, drifting into the future, planning, worrying and projecting. Most of it comes to nothing. If the past/future thoughts make you energized and inspired, great; stick with them. Most of us, however, would have better mood and energy if we stayed with the NOW a bit more often. Our animals and pets live in the now and experience greater happiness and joy than most of their parents, and probably sleep better as a result! There are many ways to stay in the now, including looking around, listening, breathing, moving, playing music, being present while talking to people (rather than planning your next statement in your mind) or even just saying to yourself NOW IS OK. This is your reminder to find a way to stay here today!

Approval Immunity!

One of the most freeing changes we can work towards is feeling free of the need for approval. If we’re lucky, some people in our lives will give us unconditional approval. So we can be whoever we are, totally real, and they think we are just fine. If somebody is withholding approval then it means either their approval is conditional on you meeting their expectations or that for whatever warped reason, they get something out of seeing you uncomfortable. There are people that enjoy the power that comes from seeing people feeling uncertain or insecure. Either way, the only approval that matters is unconditional approval, and that comes naturally. If you don’t have it then maybe you don’t want it, and why you don’t have it is none of your concern. Sometimes we work harder to get the approval we don’t have (especially in families and new relationships) while taking for granted the approval that is on tap anytime. Generally speaking, if we have to work hard to get it, we will have to triple our workload to keep it. There are many people with ambivalent or avoidant attachment issues and nothing you do is going to fix that. You can’t fix twisted and you can’t fix remote. Your mantra is “I’m immune from needing approval anyway”. Approval needs are inbuilt from the days when we needed to fit in with the pack to survive. But nowadays we choose our pack. Choose to be with the ones that naturally fit. Wish the others all the best in their quest to convert the world and choose to stay where the love is.

A note about being the "best version" of yourself:

The new perfectionism about the self is very tiring. Apparently we are meant to be as "fit" or "healthy" as we "should" be, make the "most" of all aspects of our "looks", have a "positive body image" and in general "be the best version of ourselves". How gross is that. These types of concepts are very concerning, and create emotional disturbance in kind by generating excessive focus on the self rather than the world outside the self. It also sets up a model where we are either "good enough" or not good enough, and given that we are meant to be "best versions" of ourselves, do we ever actually achieve that, or is it always just out of reach? Using ideas like "I just want to be the best version of myself" is the new version of "I just want to reach my potential" which is equally disempowering, pressurizing, anxiety-provoking and generally pointless. As a goal, it is too vague, too broad, completely non-specific and really quite unhelpful. The goals that people tend to successfully achieve (and this has been heavily researched) are based on small, achievable, specific and measurable steps. So if you really need or want to improve something, choose one area of life, pin it down to one specific action or behaviour, focus on a very small measurable step and work out your plan for doing it consistently. Follow up on it and make yourself accountable. That's all you need to do. Forget being the best. It's a bullshit construct designed to generate insecurity so you will engage in more consumer behavior. You're fine as is. You're probably actually quite awesome. Know that today.

Misunderstood by others?

It can hurt immensely when we are misunderstood or misperceived, especially by friends or family or others close to us. We may be just doing our thing, no intention to hurt anybody, perhaps even trying to be helpful, and yet we may not be seen this way by the person concerned. We may even be judged, criticized and accused of being selfish or inconsiderate. This stuff can cut deeply for people that try to act with kindness and love. However, regardless of our motivations or intentions, we only have control over OUR thoughts and behaviors and interpretations. On the other side of the fence, the other person may have unspoken expectations based on who knows what, perhaps their own past, their current mood, daily irritations, unmet needs, dysfunctional beliefs, twisted thinking or entitled attitudes. There is so much going on on their side of the fence that it is impossible to "figure out". And in fact, it's not our responsibility to "figure it out". Ideally, as adults we make an unwritten contract to be reasonable in our expectations of each other. Ideally we agree to ask for what we need, while always giving the other person space to refuse or negotiate if they need to. Ideally we live and let live, knowing that people have different preferences and priorities in how they live life. Ideally if we are upset, we raise it rationally and allow space for discussion. Sadly, some adults cannot operate by these reasonable limits. That's on them and we need to detach from their projections and know that it's a reflection of their mind, not our character. Again I will say: if we are ethical and kind in our intentions and behaviour, then that's enough. We cannot change the unreasonable expectations of others.

There's no such things as rejection:

Perhaps due to our increasingly social media-oriented culture, I hear more about rejection fears these days than I did in the past, especially as it relates to dating apps and/or meeting people. Fear of rejection stops many people from engaging with others and affects their behavior if they do contact or meet somebody that they might like. As I say in my office all the time, rejection fears are strange and pointless because there is actually no such thing as rejection. It's actually quite an egocentric construct and it does not exist if you know how attraction actually works. Firstly, we have little choice in who we are attracted to without knowing them. It's a strange mix of visual preferences (mostly unconscious and certainly involuntary), pheromones and some other familiarity or unfamiliarity feeling that somehow excites us. It's not like we've gone through a checklist, rated the person on a range of factors and decided yes or no. Attraction or magnetism just either happens or it doesn't. Nothing to do with us, therefore it's not a rejection as all, it's just a case of magnetism or non magnetism. Then we get to know the person, their voice, way of communicating, their physicality and their personality. Once again, this will either FEEL like a compatibility match or it won't. If it feels like a yes, we go forward. Incidentally we may not be correct in our compatibility assessment; it may be due to old childhood patterns and what feels normal or exciting. But again, it's not a rational or logical choice so if it's a no, it's not our fault or theirs, and it's not a rejection. It's just not a match because it's all chemistry. We can't create it and we can't fake it. Take nothing personally, most relationships are a complicated mix of mysterious chemistry and emotional projection and we look for the vibe that works for us. No rejection exists.

Commit to an optimism boost today:

We all have that one thing (maybe even more than one) that we don't feel great about. When we think about it we activate an inner vibration of fear or anger or pessimism, sometimes even before the thought kicks in. Even though feelings often arrive before a conscious thought, we can still use our thoughts to moderate how we feel. The first step is to be willing to remind yourself that the situation is ok. Many people object to this step, insisting that the situation is NOT ok at all so why should they work towards thinking that it is?? The answer relates to acceptance. We are not saying we like it or that we approve of it or prefer it. We are saying it is ok which means that "it is what it is" and that we CAN manage our feelings about it. We are doing the opposite of catastrophizing, which is making a situation bigger and feeling worse about it. Practice saying "it's ok as it is". Next step is to move it forward somehow, but we must know what we want to achieve. This intention should only relate to our feelings, our actions, things we can actually control. If our goal is to change another person or their attitudes, forget it. We can't. Asking yourself "what can I do to feel better about this" is a useful question, as is "what small step can I take to improve how I feel". Start now. Focusing only on factors you can control is a golden key to wellbeing and optimism.

Balance, perspective and humor!

The more you get into life, the more things can seem a little serious, a little out of perspective, even sometimes quite dramatic and yes, life throws us curve balls at times and the more we can laugh, the more we can be calm, and calm always helps everything stay in balance as it should be, so easy now, relaxing your eyes, slowing your breathing, letting all tension and seriousness dissolve now, shrinking all drama into postcard size, or maybe even matchbox size, letting all details fade away into the distance, focusing only on the light above you, all around you, shining that light on to all the funny things now, the slightly amusing, the kind-of-funny, the laugh out loud, the totally ridiculous, the hilarious insanity of it all, letting your inner mind see the larger scheme of things, the big picture and the comedy in it all, you can, any story can form a brilliant sitcom for you now, laughing comfortably and changing the humor lens to get a new perspective any time you want to. Watch out for all the funny stuff today and make sure your laugh track is turned up loud!

Anxiety when things are going well??

Many people have a vigilant mind and know exactly how to worry. A vigilant mind is set up to subconsciously scan for problems or danger so that the system is alert and poised for action. But what about when things are going well for a period of time? What about when there are no problems? This type of anxiety applies often to relationship anxiety as well as health anxiety. So many people are optimists, yet feel anxious when it all appears to be “too good”. What if something goes wrong?? What if it was all lost somehow?? What if this is a premonition and I shouldn’t relax or enjoy it??? The truth is, the human brain is hard-wired for survival and challenges, which means it will look for trouble to fix, problems to solve and circumstances to avoid. When things are going well, it may still be in active mode. Give it something to do. Count the great things. Recite a mantra saying thank you for things you enjoy, or an unrelated mantra! Learn something new. Focus on a puzzle to solve (eg word or number puzzle). Know that “good times anxiety” is a thing but not a thing that means anything. Ignore it and enjoy the sun when it shines. Wellbeing is your birthright!

The art of passive-aggressive behavior:

Some people have a black belt in passive aggressive techniques. The cold shoulder? So infuriating, just keep turning away and breaking eye contact. Silent treatment? They can keep it up way longer than you can stand it. Maybe just don’t answer messages or texts. That keeps it ambiguous! Comments under the breath? Keep it coming, then deny you said anything. Super effective. Hostile remarks that are then framed as “only joking” when you object?? Killer move that one. And if cornered?? Change the subject! The derail is a master passive aggressive move that leaves the other confused and a little blind-sided. How about the contemptuous eye-roll? But it’s ok because they didn’t “say anything!” And. If you ask what’s wrong when something is clearly wrong, the finest passive aggressive response is “nothing”. Keep them guessing! Make them figure it out! Covert hostility is common in couples and is a strong predictor of trouble. The only solution is to learn to communicate calmly and directly without blame. Please let’s notice any passive aggressive habits in ourselves and commit to eliminating them. Clear, calm, direct communication is key.

Need a break?

What do you need a little break from? You could take a break from being too accommodating. Or a break from being hard on yourself. Or a break from social media. Or a break from putting your head in the sand about something you need to do. Or a break from routine. Is it time to get out of a rut? Do you need a break from a certain situation or person? A break from work or a break from boredom? Think about the small change you need and take a bit of action on it today. You know you’ll feel better for it!

What if you just relaxed about everything today?

What if you just believed that it would all unfold perfectly? What if you just trusted in yourself and events? What if you released all concern? What if you just stayed in the moment and enjoyed whatever happened to be pleasant? What if you just assumed all was well? You could try that today if you wanted to and let your nervous system have a moment in the sun. What if it made your day a little easier? You could always do it again tomorrow. Relax and move forward again knowing that all is ok.

Sunshine for the mind:

With all that goes on in the week, in the world, it’s so important to let a little sunshine into all parts of your mind, the part reading this message to you, and the other parts that need to know, so relax now, breathing slowly, eyes moving much more comfortably, slowing down, releasing all tension now, and using the power of your imagination, I want you to open up all the curtains and blinds and covers in your mind, opening the windows too, now turn the lights on too, at the same time letting all the sunlight in, as much light as you need for today, letting that light stream into all the parts of your mind, into all corners and any dark areas, boosting your power, revving your energy system and clearing anything that needs to be cleared now, sunlight charging up your body and soothing your emotions ready for action. Stay in the light today!

Joy is a choice.

You don’t have to choose it. There is no pressure to be joyous, and sometimes it’s not what we want to feel. But, if the idea of increasing enjoyment appeals to you, you can say right now “I choose joy!” When you say that, you will generally feel a little chemical uplift and your mind might veer towards things, even very small things that you feel good about. I just said “I choose joy” and my eyes went straight to the blue sky and trees that I can see from the window right now and the pleasure of all the signs of nature around me. I said it in my car a day or two ago and just enjoyed the feeling of my car, the music I was playing and the road in front of me. Allowing your mind to choose its own joy focus after saying “I choose joy” will strengthen the feeling and remind you how easy it can be to grab a split second here and there just to feel enjoyment. Repeat as often as you like today.

The effects of angry people:

There are two main varieties of angry people: the first is the angry person who is going to let you know all about it. They will express their anger, often without appropriate containment or boundaries, and blame you, others or circumstances for their emotional state. This kind of anger can be volatile and shocking to the nervous system, often taking us by surprise and leaving us stunned, upset and confused afterwards. The other type of anger is the silent, seething, controller anger. The person denies the anger, and though you can feel it coming from them, they won’t voice it and maintain that there’s nothing wrong if you ask. This kind of anger is extremely frustrating to be around because the punishing effects are strong and powerful. You are aware that the person is ruminating on something, working up a narrative, but you don’t know for sure and you don’t know what it’s about. There is no easy way to be around either type of dysfunctional anger other than a) knowing that the other is responsible for managing their state and getting their needs met respectfully and b) minimizing contact with inappropriately angry people. Of course anger is a normal and healthy emotion generated by violations of various types, and functional anger is fine. In functional anger we express our anger in a respectful (and hopefully relatively calm) manner by describing our emotional response and asking for the change we want to experience without blaming or labeling the other person. This usually ends well, providing the other person involved also has the appropriate level of emotional maturity. Most people aren’t great at managing anger. They either lean towards denial or over-expression. Let’s aim for balanced, calm expressions of anger where we prioritize calm respectful communication at all times.

A moment to meditate:

Your brain needs a break here and there, just a moment to release stimulation and thought activity. Take that break now. Breathe in slowly through your nose. Count to five as you breathe in. Hold and count to three. Now breathe out slowly through your nose again counting to five as you release tension. Please repeat three times and have a great day.

Irritation needs reframing!

Anything that irritates you today can be used as a reminder to practice the art of the reframe. Reframing is just the ability to deliberately choose to see an alternative view, or take multiple perspectives in relation to events. There is an automatic first story, and then we can switch to a preferred other story. Bad traffic? Reframe it as a chance to chill, or to listen to something you enjoy. Don’t like the weather?? Reframe it as an improvement compared to what happens in other parts of the world. Feeling tired? You are, in fact storing energy and gearing up to feel better soon. People that bother you? Reframe by reminding yourself that everyone is doing the best they can with the capacity they have, and that there may be more going on for that person than you are aware of. Feeling impatient?? Reframe it as a useful trait that gets things happening. We can reframe anything if our mind is willing and flexible. The skill of reframing can be learned and taught, and is an excellent preventative for depression and anxiety. Every thought we think generates a chemical reaction in the system. Choose to generate neutral or positive chemicals today.

Reflection on all the good in people!

With all the weirdness that goes on in the world, sometimes it's great to allow our minds to focus on the kindness, the love, the difference people can really make to out lives, sometimes without even really knowing us, so let your mind drift as you read, slowing down, easy pace, just allowing one slow deep breath, then another, many people we meet over our lives, could be just a friendly face or remark, simple kindness from a stranger or somebody we know, perhaps somebody that just understood without needing to be told, or said that thing that made all the difference, or gave you that look so that you knew that they knew, or laughed and laughed with you until you couldn't stop, or hung out when you just needed a human around, or created some piece of art or music that moved you, or a person in a professional role that truly went beyond the call of duty or walked the extra mile for you, or maybe that little extra that you yourself did for somebody, maybe they knew, or maybe only you know, one act of loving kindness making all the difference that perhaps you don't even know you have done, we don't need to know, just allowing our minds to focus on the many many good things that humans do for each other, every day, every minute, making things easier, more pleasant, more comfortable, and you can connect with that human goodness any time you want to. Be connected today.

Judging other people:

We can feel ourselves judging people or events (especially on social media) as good, bad, right, wrong, annoying, amazing, immature, successful, irritating, fun, infuriating, happy, miserable, boring, charismatic, insecure, confident, unhealthy, fit, drab, cool, difficult, chilled, complex, simple, deep and many, many other words that we use to label people in that short-hand way our brain uses to judge others. The truth is, we never know or see the complete picture about any person or their life. A snapshot or sequence of behavior can be a interesting way of making an assessment of whether we move closer or away from a person, and we may be quite correct in our assessment in terms of energy match. But to judge less, we need to turn off black and white labels. We can note our impressions, avoid dichotomous labels, know that we lack the whole picture and choose to move closer or further away from connection based on the information at hand. Less judgement of others leads to less judgement of ourselves. If we can be flexible enough to acknowledge the complexity in others, perhaps we can allow ourselves the same understanding.

Anxiety and uncertainty:

Anxiety is really about the tolerance of different kinds of uncertainty. There are many types of uncertainties that show up in our lives, and whether it’s situational, relationships, physical symptoms, jobs, disagreements, social events or other aspects of the unknown, some of us really don’t like it, don’t like feeling out of control, don’t like the process of not knowing. Many people avoid these situations in order to avoid the anxiety. Truthfully, everyone experiences anxiety in various degrees. To manage it well we need to become more adept at the process of internally calming ourselves down when approaching the unknown or uncontrollable. Interestingly, smart phones and social apps have made it quicker and easier to seek reassurance from others in times of anxiety. This can be helpful short term, but some research shows that the more we quickly seek reassurance from others when anxious, the more anxiety we will generate, probably due to the fact that we are training our brain to be a help-seeking missile rather than be able to self-soothe. It’s great to connect with others and receive support of course. But if you relate to this post then perhaps wait a bit. Don’t rush to solve control everything and work at being a little more ok with uncertainty. Stop seeking instant reassurance from others and start working towards generating it from within. Imagine you were dealing with an anxious child or pet. You’d speak to it kindly, lead them forward, be reassuring and perhaps distract them with a calm or fun activity. Use some similar self-soothing today to calm your brain.

Being less reactive:

Toning down our reactivity starts with a decision. We form an intention to be more calm, balanced and work towards greater equanimity. Why do we do this? Firstly for our own benefit. Excess amygdala activity means more stress hormones which leads to the inability to think straight or solve problems. Equanimity means we can take in the information more factually without the emotions of fear or anger clouding our brain. Secondly because it’s god for our interactions and will help most things go more smoothly. How do we do it? We need to calm the sympathetic nervous system. Any relaxation method will help, whether it’s breathing, music, meditating, or just free-floating relaxation. We also need to manage the dialogue or narrative that goes on in our minds. When we are quick reactors, we tend to fire up language quickly, using the internal talk of fear or fury, labeling things as bad, wrong, unfair or outrageous. Tone down the language. Rather than your usual internal or external comments, say “this is not quite my preference” or “this is a little different from what I had in mind” or something similar. Then say “and it’s ok”. Ok means you don’t have to like it but can be accepting or allowing of it. Saying it’s ok also means that you can deal with it. Being in this state will help you decide what to do next without the lens of fear or fury. This is one of the best recipes for the chill pill and I hope it brings relief for you.

Dealing with entitled people:

Entitlement is a thing. Some studies show recent increases in numbers of people with the trait of feeling special, feeling better than others and demanding special treatment or expecting that rules don't apply to them. Healthy entitlement is ok of course; feeling that we are just as deserving of good things as anyone else and feeling equally entitled to joy and contentment. However, the other more noxious kind of entitlement is feeling better than, feeling that your needs are the priority rather than the person or organization that you are dealing with, getting angry if you have to comply with normal rules or regulations, expectations or even laws. Entitled people can come across as irritated, haughty or grandiose if they don't get what they want or if they want to demonstrate their superiority over you. It's unpleasant behavior and usually has significant effects on their relationships, especially family. When dealing with an entitled person, it's important to remember that it isn't about you and isn't something you should take personally. It's their way of thinking and operating and while you should stick to appropriate boundaries, you probably won't get them to change or see it your way. Recognizing entitled behavior for what it is can take the sting out of it.

What do you need to get done today??

Consider this a reminder for your mind, a trigger to help your subconscious mind come on board and assist with whatever you need to get done today, smaller or bigger tasks, perhaps that one thing you have been putting off or waiting for, until that sign arrives to DO IT NOW, to GET IT DONE, knowing full well that you will feel good when you put the tick against that thing, slowing your mind down now, breathing, remembering, it’s on the list now and you get to tick it off and release it from your list once it’s done, feeling free and feeling accomplished, focusing now on that feeling and letting that feeling draw you now towards action, just DO IT, it is never as difficult or as unpleasant as what we imagine it will be, in fact most of us ask ourselves why we didn’t just get on with it earlier, it’s not that bad at all, in fact it’s really quite fine, and you get to feel really, really good just knowing that it’s getting done, you’re moving forward, you’re kicking ass and kicking winning goals! Go take some action now and enjoy that feeling of DONE!!

Getting frustrated?? Read this.

Frustration is a very interesting emotion. Some people argue that it isn’t an emotion at all, but rather a catch-all type state. I think it is an emotion, somewhere on the anger spectrum but not quite the same, and I notice similar patterns around it whenever it gets mentioned. When people speak of frustration it is ALWAYS focused on something they can’t control. Frustration appears to be born of trying to control the uncontrollables. Often frustration is about involuntary bodily symptoms (eg pain conditions or fatigue etc), other people’s behavior, events in the world, things people say, the traffic, the hold-ups in life, the way other people don’t do what they say they will do, etc. In other words, all the stuff we can never control. So the formula is: focus on uncontrollables = greater frustration. To reduce frustration we can either choose our environment or people very carefully (not that easy to do) or reduce our attachment to outcome. We can allow whatever is there simply to be there. Yes we may have a preference for it to be otherwise. But if we can’t control it or avoid it, then we drop the focus on it. Let it be. We can allow it to be what it is without liking it. We can choose peace instead and dissolve frustration by not feeding it. Choose peace today.

Time for music therapy!!

As we all know, the right music at the right time is the quickest way to boost positive brain chemistry! You can charge up your energy with faster or intense music, raise motivation with some pumping-type tracks and calm yourself down super-fast with chill songs. What do you need to feel right now? Choose a song or a playlist and get it moving through your nervous system! You’ll know right away if you chose the correct match and chemistry will respond accordingly. Get into it today!

Go outside and connect with nature!

Yes you might be busy, might be stuck inside all day for whatever reason. But go outside, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Look at the sky. Touch something green, whether it’s grass or maybe a tree. Be barefoot if you can! Notice all the elements of nature that you can see, and listen for any messages you might need to receive for yourself or others. Know that you are part of nature and that all are taken care of.

A little bit of trust today:

It’s great to be a proactive person, a person who takes action, somebody that’s accountable and responsible. The only thing is, the flipside of having these helpful traits is feeling a little too responsible for making everything turn out ok, not just for ourselves, but for everyone else too. It means we often lose trust that things will just somehow work out ok. Interestingly, people from previous generations had a lot more trust in things working out, and were more focused on enjoying the now than we are in the present generations. If we want some enjoyment, we might need to choose trust. Trust is a belief and a feeling but it starts with a choice. We can choose to increase our trust in things being ok and be less focused on controlling everything. Just notice when you have the urge to control an outcome for yourself or others and choose trust instead. We can still do what we need to do, but our enjoyment and contentment can only increase with a little trust on the side. Try some today.

Stop now and take in a dose of peace.

Peace is much underrated. The pace of our world isn’t slowing down and the glare of social media can be a little blinding at times so relax now, as you allow your eyes to glide smoothly over my words, as I talk to you here, calmly, reminding your mind of all the sources of peace around you, many avenues for peace; sometimes silence, other times just tuning in to nature, connecting with a pet or animal, listening to some music and simply noticing all the sounds, or maybe just being, sitting in the peace of now, without any thought or judgement or analysis, you can, reminding your subconscious mind to scan for peace, to move towards peace today, to allow the feeling of peace to grow and grow, clearing the space inside your mind so you have the ability to think, to feel and to know that all is well and that peace is available at any moment if you choose to seek it. Seek now and forever hold your peace.

Step out of the way!

We all have situations in our lives where we would benefit from just stepping out of the way. Drop the pressure, drop the control tactics and stop trying to get something to happen. We could, if we chose, just let it unfold in its own way in its own time. There’s a time for action and a time just to take a breath and step back. That time is now. Jump in the back seat for a bit and see where it takes you.

Feeling bad? Feeling sad or angry?? Check your narrative!

As humans, we are natural storytellers. We observe an event, we tell ourselves a story that assesses the situation: it’s good, it’s bad, it’s awful, it’s ok, it’s unfair, it’s great, it’s so/so, it’s going to lead to trouble, it’s going to work out well, it’s going to be painful, it’s going to last a long time, it’s not my fault, it is my fault, nobody else seems to have this happen, other people don’t feel like this, there’s something wrong here, this sucks, I like this, I hate this, I have lots of support, nobody is here for me, AND AND AND - you get the message. Suddenly we’ve constructed an internal narrative that will deepen whatever we already feel, good or bad. I see many people who can’t quite understand why they’re feeling a particular way (anxious, sad, depressed or apathetic etc) and when we tease out the internal narrative, the answer becomes a little more clear. Luckily we have some choice. We can challenge our current narrative; it’s neither right nor wrong. It’s chosen by us, and it will either be helpful or unhelpful in the way we feel. Words are powerful whether they are said aloud to others or just said silently in our minds. Check your narrative today and choose words that support how you WANT to feel. And you WANT to feel good. Start now.

Find your balance:

Remember learning to ride a bike or a scooter? One of the key lessons is about letting your body tune your inner balance system to feel when you are off centre, then automatically correcting yourself so that you keep moving forward in a comfortable way, hopefully without falling! Life balance is a similar process of listening to your inner body. When we are out of balance, symptoms will show up so that we can listen and self-correct. Are you ignoring imbalance signals? We often do this for short periods just to get across a deadline, but doing it long term will result in imbalances that take a little longer to correct. Remember the feeling of being on a bike and listen to your body today for auto-correction!

You’ll be ok today.

No need to be excellent. You don’t even need to be great. Definitely don’t aim for perfect. You don’t have to be very good. Drop the pressure, lose the tension and just be ok today. No pressure to be driven, ambitious , successful or even productive. Have you noticed that for many people, the escalating pressure to reach perfection goals is creating stress, self-comparison and feelings of not being good enough?? Perhaps we can enjoy being average, embrace being ordinary and fully commit to just being ok today. Ok??

Mediation for articulating your truth:

As you read my words, as I talk to you here, you can know that your inner mind can listen, can deeply relax now, can read between my lines as I speak to you, knowing that the truth is now flowing freely, combined with loving-kindness, and that as humans we warm very well to this combination, many people hold back on truth, later feeling annoyed or resentful, knowing fully that there is another way, there is a method for telling the truth with love, with kindness, in fact as best as I can tell, it isn't very loving without the truth, and it isn't very kind if it isn't authentic, and it isn't very truthful if you don't say it, so slow your mind now, breathe deeply, let your gut tell you what the facts are, no judgement, just the facts, and let loving-kindness guide your mind to the articulation of those facts, knowing just what to say, and choosing to say it in the right way, at the right time for the best results for all concerned, calmly, with love and with the knowledge that each is responsible for their own path and their own choices and that you are entitled to speak your truth now with love. You can.

Vow to say what you need to say!

Yes, there are times to shut the hell up. Times when speaking needs to wait or things will get way worse. But there are other times when your boundaries are truly being violated and it's time to speak. There's a myth that it should come naturally, without fast-beating heart, without nausea or panic feelings. But truthfully, when most of us have to assert ourselves, there's an adrenalin response that kicks in and it feels anything but calm. This is good! We are designed this way, that's why we call it the fight/flight mechanism. It's designed to kick into gear and help at these moments. Don't wait for the calm confidence to speak. Speak when it's TIME to speak, when you get the signal of "No, this is not ok". And if you don't know what to say, just say that. "This is not ok". Then let the other person respond. You don't have to know all the words. Just give a STOP signal. You might question yourself later but subconsciously you'll also be pleased with yourself for drawing that line. Vow to speak up when necessary today!

What if there was nobody to impress today?

What would life be like if we let go the pressure to present an impressive exterior to the outside world? The pressure to show we have it all under control, or that life is perfect or that we are happy, ambitious and succeeding? Most of us are installed with a grain or two of perfectionism, feeling like we have to be a certain way in order to win the approval of others. This of course means that we won't approve of ourselves until this list is also checked off. Trouble is, the list is never finished so we never get to the self-approval part. The more things we think we have to be or do in order to be "ok", the more things we have to feel bad about ourselves for not doing or being. Most people also overestimate the amount of judgement from others anyway; most of that is all in the mind, a projection perhaps left over from previous experiences. The vast majority of people are focused on their own lives and aren't focused on you at all. So. What if the pressure to be perfect and impressive was pointless?? (It is) Might be worth letting that one go today. Just being you is impressive enough, and you can choose to be impressed right now.

We find whatever we look for:

If we look for spiders, we will definitely find them. If we look for evidence of a damaged world, or difficult people, we will be sure to find that too. The mind is trained to notice whatever we consciously or subconsciously decide to focus on. Let's decide to keep a look out for beautiful things, pleasant surprises and miracles today. Hopefully we might just find a few.

No expectations today:

No expectations doesn't mean feeling negative or pessimistic. In fact, releasing all expectations is likely to lead to better feelings and less strain. It means you don't have to try to be anything or feel anything in particular. It means simply being open to whatever happens, allowing of whatever comes and a release of attempts to control either yourself or events. Let any and all pressure out of today and just let it unfold as it does. It will be fine.

Meditation for inner harmony:

Life will continue to happen, out there, up and down like it always has been; it's easy to forget that things are getting better, that many good things are evolving constantly, working towards improvement, so relax a little now as you read my words, as I talk to you, and you can listen, or not really listen, doesn't matter, as your subconscious mind knows exactly what to do, breathing more slowly now, dissolving tension, this message transmitting to the part of you that needs to harmonize, flowing more easily, simply allowing things to be as they are, not here to fix or change everything today, you are as you are, whole and perfect in your imperfection as we all are, flowing with the rhythm of this today, more harmonious now, more allowing of what is, simply accepting the now and open to the maybe, your subconscious mind attuned to the good around you as you naturally move towards the open doors here, all things working together for your good, and you can notice how much better you can feel, more calm, more confident and much more tuned in now, you are. Stay tuned.

The inconsistency of happiness:

Research indicates that there has been a change in our culture, quite a recent change, relating to our expectations of happiness. Many people now assume that it's "normal" to feel energetic and happy as a baseline, and that any deviation from this is some kind of pathology. In fact, experiencing the range of human emotions is normal. Sometimes these emotions are more intense than we would prefer and perhaps last longer than we would like. In my experience there is usually a rational reason behind these emotions, whether conscious or subconscious. I often say to clients "if I were in that situation I would feel terrible too" and also that "if you weren't feeling like that, then something would really be wrong". Have we become intolerant of normal emotional ups and downs?? Our expectations of fulfillment in relationships, job, life in general have increased. Perhaps our expectations for how we feel day to day have also become unrealistic. Some days our energy is low. Our contentment is low. We feel aggravated, anxious, irritable or bored. These feelings are human. And they generally pass if we observe them without judgement or fear while continuing to engage in actions based on what is truly important or meaningful to us. Let's opt out of the new perfectionism regarding life and adopt a new philosophy of just being a human with ups and downs. It works just fine.

One thing for your physical self:

Just do one thing to boost your physical health today. It doesn't have to be huge or extreme. Maybe have a little less of something you think is harmful to your system. Or go for a walk. Go outside and connect with nature. Choose more water or black/green tea. Eat lightly if this would feel good, or perhaps eat more consistently. Get a massage or attend yoga. Go to the gym if you enjoy that. Go to sleep earlier. Or do something else that benefits your physical wellbeing. It's all linked and you only have to do one thing. So what's your one thing going to be??

Choose your people well!

If you've been brought up in an emotional environment laced with a bit of criticism, chances are you may be subconsciously attracted to earning or seeking the attention of those who withhold approval. This might apply to friendships, romantic relationships or work colleagues and is generally a fruitless exercise. We need to work at becoming comfortable with people that freely give us love and approval and choose to be around these kinds of relationships. People with high IQ are often especially attracted to relationships that present a "challenge" (eg hot and cold people) but challenge implies a level of stress. This dynamic is becoming even more prevalent in the online dating world, where people are kept simmering on the back burner for long periods of time. Be careful who you trust with your innermost and make sure you give the good stuff to people who have actually earned that trust via loving or kind behaviour over time. As the saying goes, it's a better policy to walk through the open doors and go where the love is.

Stop looking at them!

You are one of a kind. You know you are! Yes there are people similar, people sharing the same goals or concerns. But nobody has your exact collection of traits and talents and gifts. That's why there's no point at all in comparing yourself to others; where they are versus where you should be. There is no should and there is no comparison. We all have our unique path and it's got nothing to do with how or why somebody else got to where they are on their unique path. We all need to notice what brings us joy and just keep walking towards this, bit by bit, day by day. Commit to no comparisons today. Where you are is where you are, and it's the right place for today.

The Perfection of Imperfection!

Being imperfect is excellent. Being imperfect is relaxing. Being imperfect is a hell of a lot less pressure. Being imperfect is normal. Being imperfect is being human. Perfectionism as a personality pattern sucks. Firstly it's not even a real thing. We cannot and should not be perfect. And what IS perfect, anyway?? By whose standards are we judging? If we do the thing perfectly in our own eyes, chances are somebody else won't find it perfect at all, so no matter what, we need to perfect the art of being imperfect. The perfect parent?? Doesn't exist. The perfect body? What a joke. It's all subjective and all temporary. The perfect life?? Show me one of those, I'm yet to see one. The perfect partner??Again, as humans we have strengths, flaws and quirks so I doubt that the perfect partner is even a thing. Perfect anything sucks. Aiming for perfection is something many people (much more frequently women) do unconsciously and it leads to pressure, anxiety, hyper-vigilance and a constant fear of failure. So, a new goal. To perfect our willingness to be imperfect. To be pleased with our imperfection. To enjoy our imperfection. This is the challenge I offer you today. Please be imperfect.

Interrupting anxiety:

Anxiety can start its wave via a terrifying thought, a horrible feeling of dread or other physical/emotional symptoms such as stomach knots, dizziness, shakiness, tension or irritability. It arrives in many guises and sometimes new or unfamiliar ones. The trouble with all the anxiety guises is that they often trigger a second round of anxiety ABOUT the symptom itself. "Why am I feeling this? When will it stop? What if it doesn't stop? What if it isn't just anxiety and it's something worse?? How am I going to get through today/tonight/tomorrow feeling like this?" And on the mind goes, deepening the spiral of fear. As hard as it is, we need to be more nonchalant about anxiety symptoms. "Oh yes, just a little anxiety or worry activity today, this will settle down soon. Not worth dwelling on it". Anxiety wants to scare the shit out of you so you really pay attention. That's its job. When we respond with a little more "Ho hum, this old thing again" we short-circuit the pattern somewhat. Figuring out the reason for anxiety doesn't usually make it stop and sometimes can deepen it if you try to do it on your own. Interrupting the pattern can be a better plan, then you can reflect later from a calmer place. Interrupt via physical activity (walk, run, swim, drive, yoga, gym etc) or brain distractions (music, reading, movies/shows, art, craft, making things, gardening, cleaning etc) or by human connection (talking to or being with friends, getting a massage, listening to calming people on podcasts or YouTube etc). Do something different. Move body or mind, preferably both. And be chill about it. Don't buy into the fear campaigns. All is well.

Is it that bloody hard to listen??

So many people take listening for granted. It isn't just about hearing, it's about understanding and reaching resolution. And it certainly isn't about waiting for your chance to talk again so you can argue every point. I notice in my work that many people, especially when talking with their partners or family members, are hopeless listeners, listening only for points of argument and correction, waiting to hit back like it's a game of tennis. Others are "brick wall" listeners, giving no eye contact, no response or indication that they are engaged at all. Some are chronic interruptors, jumping in to point out this or that before any sentence can be completed. Yes it can be hard to listen non-defensively when it's a contentious issue. It can be tough to hear somebody out if you don't agree, very hard to let them finish and even harder to pause and check that you heard the right message. And yet this is exactly what is helpful. Listen. Shut up. Look at them while they speak. Check the message you heard to make sure you got the right information. Then respond calmly. Don't argue or accuse or defend. Don't use "but". Train yourself to start with "Yes and..". The idea is to aim for understanding of each other and work towards a mutual resolution. Or maybe just to listen and agree that yes, they could be right, they may have a point there. Practice engaged listening today. No arguing. No defensive responses. Just take in the message and check you heard it correctly. Ask what the person would like you to do or how they'd like you to respond. Good things may come of this.

Reframe that annoying thing:

Certain days of the week are more prone to providing niggles. Little things that aren't really that big of a deal but can trigger enough irritating feelings to build into something that affects mood and energy if we let it. When we become aware of a mild annoyance about something we can't change or avoid, then we can take a breath (maybe three), and then decide to see the annoyance in perspective and reframe it. Reframing is the art of cutting something down to true size, seeing it differently, changing the meaning of it and choosing a new narrative. The new narrative doesn't have to be positive as such, but it helps if it's at least neutral, as in "this situation is ok". And, mildly annoying things are ok. We can handle them. We can reframe them so they don't spiral our brain into anger or negativity. Decide to look for reasons why those niggles are, in fact, ok and be pleased with yourself for skilled reframing!

Some food for your brain:

Your brain will appreciate something fresh, something that feels good right now and also leads to very, very good feelings later, feelings of being happy that you made the right choice for yourself, you did the thing that you can really feel good about, relaxing now, breathing in, holding it, breathing out, thinking of that one thing you can do today, for yourself, and maybe even tomorrow; if it makes you feel good then it's really no effort at all is it, just continuing to do that thing and feeling very good about it, knowing that good feelings multiply and accumulate, good choices for you, good feelings for you, more good feelings leading to more good choices for you now. Do it.

Seek fun! Seek joy!

It's so easy to get sucked into the problems of the world and some weeks they can feel insurmountable. Mostly it's stuff we can't control anyway so we might be able to help the world more effectively from a place of improved wellbeing. Being stressed and bogged down in problems doesn't usually lead to creative thought. So let's resolve to move towards more fun, more excitement and more experiences that bring us joy. Little things bring fun and joy! Kids find joy in small things, whether it's in nature, creativity, drawing, pets, playing, reading or just being silly. Interestingly devices (iPhones, iPads and other machines) don't bring fun or joy, just obsession and distraction. More device time correlates with less contentment. Let's move into old-school kid-mode and find more ways to enjoy the little fun things.

Here's your SLOW DOWN sign:

I think most of us would agree about the increasing pace of life and our constant vigilance for new information or experiences. Our brains might enjoy it (temporarily) but our nervous systems are asking for it all to SLOW down. Slow down so we can rest, sleep, digest, relax. It's not going to work well if we are racing all during the day and expecting to relax later. Most people will find that their mind is still racing even if they try to stop. We need to slow down across the day so that we aren't in overdrive. Then we can just tap the brakes lightly when we want to relax, rather than having to slam them so hard. Slow it down today. Stop rushing. Relax. Let things happen in their own time. Heed the stop sign and the slow down sign!

Intruder alert!!

Two kinds of people can feel like intrusions: those with no boundaries and those with no filter. Lack of boundaries means that the person doesn't read the play and back off appropriately, perhaps asking too much, being too needy, crossing the line and generally breaking the unwritten rules of social behavior. In a similar way, the person with no filter says rude/weird things, says too much, over-discloses or makes inappropriate critical comments. Having no filter is another boundary issue of course, but in a more verbally-oriented way. The two patterns often occur together and will more likely occur around less assertive people. Less assertive types may be unsettled or upset with the behaviors but have trouble knowing what to say or do. Sometimes it's easier to use a quick response such as "hey, that's not cool" or "oh, I need some time out here" and then follow with an explanation if asked why. They may or may not get it, but we need strategies for managing intrusions before they become aggravations. Avoidance of the person is always an option, but doesn't seem to decrease the stress of knowing that person is still around and may strike again. Notice if you have any intruder alerts and commit to asking for time out if you want it.

Morning aggravation:  

Contrary to popular expectation, many of us don't wake up feeling refreshed and enthusiastic in the morning. Some people do, and that's great for them. You may have noticed that many people don't like talking or activity in the morning, needing peace and a little time just to ease into the day. Noises and intrusions can be unsettling or aggravating to the people that need their time and space in the morning, and life may not permit this needed peace period. If you need less morning aggravation, how could you work towards it? And if you can't have it, can you make up for it later with relaxation or meditation?? Or perhaps use noise-canceling headphones and listen to music/white noise/something else? Be gentle with your nervous system in the morning, and be allowing of its need to enter the world at its own pace.

A meditation for managing reactions to the world:

There are times when the world seems a little strange, a little chaotic, triggers a bit of an urge to avoid, so let's build some internal protection for you now as you read this, slowing down, breathing in, breathing in the good stuff, as you do this, your subconscious mind can quietly take note of all that good stuff in your life, the stuff that truly matters, you enjoy it, you love it, it loves you, breathing out, knowing of more good stuff to come, we never really know just what great stuff is just around the corner, all is well in your little corner of the world, subconscious mind relaxing and simply allowing the good to rise to the surface, remain in focus, going back into oneness any time things out there seem too many, just returning to oneness, feeling your connection to the good, the beauty, the animals, the sky, the music, the people, the sunshine and all other good things, drinking all that stuff in, going deep inside like a liquid tonic, healing all parts and boosting good feelings now. It is.

The ones that won't help themselves:

Chances are, you're a helpful person. Caring and kind and offering of support. There is also a pretty strong chance that you've spent a bit of time trying to help certain people who asked for help, only to notice that they continued to stay in their current predicament, despite the pain it appeared to be causing them. Frustrating much??!! Truth is, people will choose when and if they change something big, like a damaging relationship or life habit, or emotional concern. There are those who prefer a victim consciousness, feeling they are helpless to change anyway. Others prefer the comfort of the known over the possible discomfort of the unknown. Another group wants the change or outcome but isn't prepared to do what it takes and go through the pain. And you know what? All of this is ok. We let people be where they are. If they change, it's up to them, if not, it's their life and ultimately their choice. We live and let live. We cannot want more for others than they want for themselves! Next time it happens, remember that it's ok.

The people that "have to be right":

Did you know that "having to be right" as a personality trait is a major relationship risk? The people that "always think they know" and close down to the opinions of others tend to create fractures and cracks in all their relationships, romantic and otherwise. Talking to a person who stubbornly insists or implies that they are right about most things is extremely frustrating, even infuriating. Many of us, in the face of that pointless arrogance or egotism, will find ourselves arguing just because the person is so rigid. Of course there's generally no point. Stubbornness and "being right" is its own punishment in that it's repellant. We all have some level of tendency in this area so it's worth being conscious of it and making an effort to remain open. Nobody is "right" and nobody knows everything. Let's remain open and flexible in attitude today.

The tiredness phases:

There are times when almost everybody is reporting tiredness and lack of motivation. I'm hearing it a lot right now, with people feeling like they have nothing left in the tank and one more thing on their plate would be totally overwhelming. In a tiredness phase, the best thing we can do is accept it, it's temporary, it passes and we WILL feel better again, even though when we are in it, it feels like forever. The anxiety associated with the tiredness phase will drive the exhaustion even more. Tired nerves need a rest. Tired brains need a break. Tired bodies need care. If you're in need of a recharge, decide on one thing now that you will do to help yourself. Maybe it's chilling out and not giving a **** about something. Maybe it's resting more or doing something fun, taking some time out of mind. We all feel better with a plan. Plan your one recovery thing now

"I was only joking, you're just being too sensitive:"

"Put down" humor isn't funny to the person who is being put down, but somehow they are often expected to laugh and go along with it in our culture. Jokes and "banter" are interesting processes; being "funny" can easily cross the line into being cruel or nasty, and the "just joking" person doesn't see why the recipient should be upset. After all, it was "just a joke". But jokes/banter can have hostile undertones and hurt people, intentionally or not. The intelligent response is not "well you're too sensitive", it's "I'm sorry, I accidentally crossed the line and I won't do it again". And the intelligent response to the person who says to you "its just a joke" is "I'm not laughing so maybe you just missed the mark". We never know what people have gone through (or are still going through) so a little empathy is always a good thing.

A breath of fresh air:

We can all let the stress get on top of us and feel that need for a change, to get away from everything, reduce overwhelm and get perspective, and you know and I know too, that sometimes we need that breath of fresh air, so slow it right down now, remembering that all the air around you is fresh and new, constantly recycling and re-energizing via a moment of focus, so focus now, slowly breathing in, feeling the cool glow of new oxygen move through your system, lighting up your warm places, clearing any build-ups and circulating good feelings throughout, and, as you breathe out slowly, allowing the energy cycle to build again, taking a moment just to breathe, feeling the air exit, friendly and accommodating, all is well, nothing you need to do at all right now, just be, just breathe.

What are you doing to slow your brainwaves?

For many of us, the pace of life is fast. Are you busier than you used to be? Find it hard to relax? Trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep? As well as lifestyle and stress, our engagement with technology (including phones, iPads, social media etc) great affects our level of stimulation and keeps us in the higher paced beta brain waves. The place of brain relaxation is what we call alpha waves, which interestingly is also the best state for creativity, learning and taking in new information, as well as healing from physical and emotional dysregulation. So what are you doing to slow down your brainwaves? There are many pathways; walking, yoga, meditation, art/craft, daydreaming, music and driving in a car can all be routes to alpha waves. There are also apps that you can download (especially Brainwave by Banzai Labs) that use binaural beats to lure your brain into relaxed alpha waves. Everybody has five or ten minutes where they could do this, and if you only have two or three minutes you'll still benefit. Get off social media and plug into alpha for a few minutes. Relax into a quick brain holiday and get a recharge.

Please be nice.

To you. Please be nice to YOU today. Choose two things that are kind to you, two comments or actions or other things that demonstrate self-kindness. Do it. Do it today and tomorrow and every other day. Encourage others towards acts of self-kindness too. You're great. Remember that.

"Don't take it so personally"

When nasty behaviour occurs, especially via partner, friend, colleague or family member, most of us will initially take it personally. The process of "taking it personally" means that we project our consciousness onto the other person and imagine what it would be like and what we would be thinking if we were ever to be that nasty. And we know we never would be that nasty. So it feels inexplicable; how could they do that?? How could they do that "to us"?? Truthfully, although it feels like they are deliberately doing it "to us", they are not. They are being themselves. They are doing it because that's who they are in this instance. It may be a one-off, bad mood, over the edge type thing, or it may in fact be an on-going auto pilot behaviour to be rude/superior/accusing/blaming/cruel/withholding under certain stress conditions. Some people feel entitled to behave badly if they feel they have been slighted or wronged in some way, even though you may know nothing about this perceived "slight". This is called offending from the victim position; ie that person acted in a way I disapprove of so I'm entitled to retaliate. This behaviour accounts for a lot of nastiness and is highly dysfunctional. If that person is upset with us, a) they need to take responsibility for those feelings and realize it may be a miscommunication or incorrect expectations and b) they can raise it calmly and kindly as a discussion. Nastiness is always the choice made by a person who is stuck in their belief about "being right" and not questioning their own behaviour. So it's certainly not personal, despite how it feels. It's their choice, it's very unpleasant and it's their stuff.

Give your mind a break today:

Too much thinking, always thinking, it's no wonder we get stressed and have trouble switching off. Begin now to take quick brain breaks all day. You can do it from another room (kitchen or bathroom if you need to escape) or wherever you are. Stop. Close your eyes. Roll your eyes upwards just a bit. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feel that breath moving in and out. Think of "CALM". An image may come; let it come. Take another breath. If you can do this for one or two minutes, great. Even ten seconds will help. Do it now and repeat today for CALM ENERGY.

Are you forgetting something??

This message, an important message, will be short and to the point, a direct message to your subconscious mind, as you read this, slowing down, breathing in, relaxed as you remember exactly what you need to remember, you can, and forgetting all the things you need to forget, you will, trusting your subconscious mind to know the difference and to keep your mind in the now for what truly matters. Be here.

The Irritating People:

There are people who just don't realize that their behavior or communication style is obnoxious. If you're reading these posts you're probably not one of them; in fact you're probably into self-improvement and generally too hard on yourself. But I'll bet you notice the obnoxious ones. The self-absorbed, the know-it-all, the one that talks too much and doesn't ever listen, the victim, the me me me person, the blamer, the gossip, the sneaky one. It can be hard to know whether to confront or ignore this behavior and the answer depends on how close you are to it, the possible consequences and whether you've been given license to be honest. Generally it's best to detach and distance oneself from obnoxious people if it's an ongoing pattern. Leave them to their life and go ahead with yours. Don't judge yourself for being affected by their obnoxious behavior; you won't be the only one. Wish them well but move into another direction with people you feel good around. Most of us prefer people that are able to read the play and know how to adjust in different dynamics. Unfortunately some people get stuck in a rigid pattern. Not your fault. Wish them well and then go forth to where you prefer to be!

Honing Detachment Skills:

Detachment skills mean less regret, less anxiety and less self-blame. We need to apply detachment to the past, the present and the future in order to neutralize unpleasant feelings. So, here are a few key points on detachment:

1. What you feel is what you feel. There are no should or shouldn'ts.

2. What happened, it happened. It was the only way it could have gone.

3. Where you are now is where you're meant to be.

4. Things always change at the right time.

5. It always works out.

6. Whatever is happening now is exactly what should be happening now.

Try one or two of these today when agitation or irritation arises and notice the neutralizing effect of detaching from outcome. It's pretty cool.

Victims and blamers:  

There are those people that always find a way to blame other people or circumstances for the situation they are in. The trouble with doing this is that the unstated assumption is "I can't control this and I can't change it". Feeling like a victim to circumstances isn't great for our mood, our health, our relationships or our work. Of course there are times when things happen "to us" and it isn't "our fault". But there's always some aspect of the situation we can control or work on, even if it's just our mental attitude towards it. Many couples are so quick to play the blame game; as soon as anything happens, fingers are pointed, usually resulting in defensiveness and more counter-attack finger pointing. Blame is a useless and disempowering approach. Today, ask yourself (only where appropriate of course) "what's MY part in creating this situation?" and "what do I need to do to improve things?" Sitting mentally within YOUR locus of control is a great strategy for health, mood and success. There's always something WE can do to lift things.

Messages from your gut:

There's a nervous system in the gut called the Enteric Nervous System or ENS. This is why we get so many feelings in there, from butterflies to anxiety, irritation to love; many of the strongest emotions are experienced in the stomach. We also experience intuitive hunches or guidance as a gut feeling. These feelings, which are quite different from impulsive feelings, should not be ignored. Most of us have ignored gut feelings (eg "this person isn't trustworthy" or "this situation is not for me") and regretted it afterwards. If you have gut trouble, ask yourself whether this might be your body's way of communicating something that you're worried, upset or very frustrated about. Most people go looking for food intolerances and other physical triggers (which can of course be involved) but generally the main triggers are in fact emotional. For many, any disturbance to the mind or nervous system will also disturb the gut and its functions. Listen to your gut today, both for intuitive guidance and as an emotional barometer, then take appropriate action. The gut messages don't like to be ignored.

Are you being serious??

Sometimes I think most of us get a little too serious. When we get pressured or stressed we can let things get a little out of perspective and forget what matters. We need to have more fun! We need to remember what's funny to us, what we enjoy and what we love to do. We need to chill. Check the seriousness levels today and relax! It all works out.

Today is self-liking day!

Enough self-criticism. Enough misguided perfectionism! Enough self comparing to others. Enough pressure to be more of this or less of that. Today is a day for committed self-liking. Just agree to like everything that you do or say or feel today. Starting right now. Hit that internal "like" button on everything with no judgements at all. Like!

No apologies for who you are:

One thing I've been noticing lately is the amount of people who apologize for who they are or what they are about to say, eg "This will sound silly but.." or "I know other people have it a lot worse than me so I shouldn't even complain but.." Or "I know this is really weird of me but..." None of these statements are necessary and in fact undermine confidence. You are who you are, you feel what you feel and your experience is your experience. Women in particular appear to apologize more for who they are or what they think or feel when it isn't necessary. Be unapologetically you today. No need to censor when you are sharing your experience! There is no "silly" or "weird", it's all good and it's all human so just be authentically you.

Catch some stillness:

Anywhere you focus, you can find some stillness if you just remember to stop and look. You can look at a tree. Or a chair. Or a pet. Or a wall. Or the color behind your eyes when you close them. If your thoughts are firing, wait for the gap. There's always a small gap in between the thoughts, just wait for it, focus on it, notice it and go inside it. You can feel the stillness as you breathe if you focus on that oxygen moving in and around and out. More stillness means more inner peace. Be aware of all the stillness around and inside you today.

Meditation for greater harmony:

Even we we are in the middle of chaotic events in life or in the world, we need to be able to access inner harmony, which in turn helps to promote outer harmony as well, so listening now, breathing slowly as I talk to you here, allowing your mind to release all concern, to let go of responsibilities that aren't even yours anyway, just being, reading very slowly, deep breath, slower now, that's right, letting your inner mind listen as the outer mind hears my helpful words, all things in easy, harmonious flow within you, the system slows, it checks and balances itself naturally, you allow this to happen now, breathing and allowing the flow of oxygen in, the circulation is easy, the flow of oxygen out, rhythmic, comfortable, all things working together for good now, they are, simply allowing things to be, it all works out, it all flows easily, no more blocking the flow, from now on you flow comfortably with the rhythm of events, you detach, you stay in your own positive inner world, harmonious, friendly and funny, it's very pleasant in there and your subconscious mind can help you check in and maintain inner sunshine today and always. Enjoy your own private feeling of harmony today.

Music changes brain chemistry!

In fact, music is one of the fastest ways to alter our mood chemistry by somehow getting our brainwaves and heart-rate in sync with the song rhythm and structure. Undulations in music (rises and falls in intensity) seem to boost serotonin levels somehow and, providing we like the song, flood our systems with feel-good chemicals. Skip the news or podcast or random radio today and choose some music that dials up the speed and vibe that you need for the day. Need calm? I'm sure you have a playlist that gets you there. Need a boost? Then grab the playlist that speeds you up. Get on it!  

Oh, what now??!

"What now" is the sound of overwhelm, the feeling of having a plate that is already full and yet here comes more. Overwhelm drives our brain into fuzz mode, the emotion overloading the hippocampus which part of the brain that solves our problems. Maybe it's time to take a step back. The antidote for overwhelm is to address one thought or issue at a time. Not everything at once! Ok. First thing: what do I need to do right now to feel a little calmer? Make a list? Take a break? Breathe? Go for a walk? Meditate? Stroke a pet? Talk to a friend? Or just wait? Either way, don't sit in overwhelm, do something to help your brain think of one small thing and calmly move towards it. Forget the rest. Most things take care of themselves if we leave them alone and let them unfold. Start with one small chunk that needs to be done now and let the rest be. It all works out.

Watch your language!

As much as we need to be careful in how we speak to others, it's equally important that we monitor the words we use in our inner commentary. We comment internally on everything; our appearance, our behavior, how we think we did in certain situations, whether or not we are pleased with ourselves, every little thing. Are you speaking to yourself as you would to another person you wanted to love and protect?? Speak with kindness and understanding towards yourself today and throw in a few compliments and a bit of appreciation too. It's only fair.

Go easy today.

Take your time. Breathe. Allow today to unfold in its own time and in its own way. You don't have to control it. Everything will be ok. No striving, no pressure. Choose to go easy and just let things be.

Are you reading this??

Reading lowers stress hormones, boosts positive brain chemistry and helps our minds form new connections. You can read to learn, to escape, to laugh, to be absorbed or taken away into another world. Reading is correlated with so many life improvements, unlike TV which is mood-neutral or sometimes mood-depleting, and social media overuse which is definitely associated with negative effects on brain chemistry. Reading is one of the best and most underutilized forms of therapy and I prescribe books every day for my clients, both fiction and non-fiction as well as quality self-help literature. Get some bibliotherapy (literature or books for improved circumstances) today! Read something that is helpful for you.

What do I need to remind you of today??

It's my job to remind you of what's important to you. Your intentions, the things you said you wanted to do or change or improve, think of the main one now. How's your progress? Are you letting yourself off the hook and making excuses? Or are you taking the action you need to take to get it happening? Things will change when you do something different. Just do one thing different today and remember to note and enjoy your progress.

The Can't-Be-Bothered Syndrome:

Most people get a case of can't-be-bothered-itis at some point and there's a lot of it going around right now. It could be the weather, could be mid-year stuff, could be due to other circumstances. Symptoms include low motivation, not wanting to do things, lack of pleasure or enjoyment and general do-nothing-ism. You can wait it out until it goes away by itself (risky move depending on how long it takes) or you can generate the cure from within. The cure is in both thinking process and actions taken. Firstly, stop saying you can't be bothered or whatever version of that you say inside or out loud. Whatever it is you want to be more motivated to do, write it down. Write a daily list. Also write down and continually remind yourself of WHY you want to do it, what the benefits are, what you will get as a result of doing it. Remind yourself that doing it isn't that bad, and that you will feel ok, maybe even enjoy it a little. Reinforce to yourself how good you feel when you DO get it done. You CAN do it. Stop with the energy-killing thoughts and choose action-boosting thoughts. You CAN be bothered. There IS a point. Get it done and then feel good, that's the point. Do it.

Staying drama-free:

Life events will always happen and it's generally in the best interests of our wellbeing to minimize the internal drama. This means choosing a calm perspective on things and overriding any tendency to react impulsively. If the drama involves other people, remind yourself that it's their life and that you can view it with detachment. Say to yourself "not my circus, not my monkeys". If it is a scary or challenging event or incident, remind yourself to take one small step at a time, just dealing with the now rather than jumping to conclusions or fears of the future. If you are baited into conversational drama by others, refuse to eat the bait. If in doubt, say "I don't know what to say about that" or "I don't really have an opinion on this". Keep your nervous system in neutral gear today and don't jump on the adrenalin bandwagon. Stay chill and be drama-free.

Meditation for health boost:

Each cell in our body is set up to react instantly to the thoughts we think via chemical messengers called neuro peptides. What this means is that your immune system is listening and responding to everything that goes on in your mind, so let's go in there now, relaxing here, and reset the mind-focus just a little, taking a long slow breath now, holding, now releasing it and letting go just a little more, that's right, breathing in again, hold, then release all concerns with your out-breath, allowing all tensions to dissolve now, back into the nothingness they came from, so that you can now focus on wellbeing, no more focus on pain or suffering right now, committing to using the power of your mind to imagine good health, strength, I want you to focus now on remembering a time in your life, perhaps long ago, when you felt very strong inside, very healthy, maybe a memory of doing and enjoying something quite physical, perhaps even running along a beach or at a park, feeling alive and filled with enthusiasm, remembering now, and allowing all your cells to be filled with this positive memory of strength, wellness, focus and fun, all cells remembering now, taking in that feeling, holding it, and integrating it into the now so you can take it everywhere with you today, you will. Be well.

You deserve good things!

No matter what has happened in the past, you deserve all the best things that bring joy, happiness, fun and fulfilment for you. Check the different areas of your life: where do you need to change your attitude and allow in more good stuff? Sometimes we start to expect certain areas of life to be ordinary, or limited, or lacking, or boring or just ok. Lift your mindset. Expect and allow something better in that aspect of your life and take the required action that you need to take. You deserve great things.

Make a commitment!

If you truly want to improve a situation, it calls for consistent and dedicated effort. Are you being half-hearted in your attempts?? Wanting to see results without really doing what it takes? Not working on consciously motivating yourself? Well, we get the result according to what we put into it. Make a solid plan, commit to it and get the thing happening today!

Dump any guilt:

If ever there was a useless emotion, it's guilt. The evolutionary purpose of guilt is to notice when we make a social mistake, make amends if necessary and learn from it so that we don't repeat the mistake and lose connection with the tribe. In my experience, with most guilt, there has been no real transgression except for a perception of not meeting the demands or expectations of others. Feeling responsibility around the happiness or satisfaction of others triggers guilt in those with people-pleasing patterns, which is interesting as most of us would argue that while we have a duty to be ethical and kind, we don't actually have the obligation (or ability) to make others happy. Doing things for or with others is great, if it's a win/win. If not, then it may be manipulation. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness, it's an inside job. So next time the guilt kicks in, do a check: is there a transgression to apologize for? Or is it simply that you're feeling responsible for not meeting the expectations of another? The "guilt" may just be a remnant of people-pleasing and maybe we shouldn't be led by this trait. Go for win/win.

Free of the opinions of others?

You actually are free of these opinions. They do not belong to you and you have no obligation to enter into them unless you choose. Other people's judgements and opinions are a reflection of the reality they create in their own minds based on their history, their consciousness and their expectations. If you choose to see some truth in their opinions, that's up to you. You can also say "I see no truth in that so I delete it from my mind" every time it comes up. Sometimes there is a grain of truth in the feedback, but often it's just the narrative of another person with a different reality and a different agenda. Most of us are too open to the opinions of others. Decide today to put up a wall of "no thanks, not interested" followed by appropriate deletion.

Meditation to get clear on what you want for today:

Every day is a new day, starting fresh now, doesn't matter what time it is, it's always the time to clear any concerns so that you can focus on what it is that matters to you, redirect that compass towards your north now, breathing in slowly, through your nose, relaxing, then breathing out now, also through your nose, and again, slow easy breath though the nose, hold it, and now release it through the nose, letting all tension and resistance go now, just breathe, just be, allowing my words to flow through your eyes, into your mind's eye, into your imagination where all things begin, building possibilities and reminding your subconscious mind to slow down and check your intentions, what it is that truly matters right now, your true values, guided now towards that which fulfills you and gives you that sense of positive progress, that feeling of YES, that movement that you've been working towards becoming clearer and clearer, closer and closer, everything getting better for you now as you simply breathe and I remind your mind to do that thing that will lead you down the right path today, good choices for you now, easily, comfortably, losing any resistance and just cruising towards the good stuff. Keep going.

Speak from your true self!

So often we don't say what we want, what we actually need and then we are annoyed when we don't get it! We don't like to be difficult or demanding and honestly, there is no need to be. We can calmly, kindly and respectfully speak authentically and state what we need. With love. No matter what. Be unapologetic. It's not a crime to say how you feel or ask for what you want when you have done so calmly and respectfully, without any blame or criticism of another person. Be authentic. Be unapologetic. You know you're ethical and kind so switch on your truth button today as well.

You're on the right track.

Even if it feels like it's not progressing well enough, or moving fast enough, it's important to know you're on the right track. So many of us get stuck in how it *should* be different, or how far we *should* have advanced by now or how *long* it took to get going or even how we *shouldn't* have to do this. No point going down that feel-bad path. Keep moving forward towards your true north and don't lament the past or worry about the future, just be here and be glad you're on the right track today. Keep walking.  

One thing and one thing only.

Just do one thing at a time today. No thinking forward or thinking back. No multi tasking. Focus fully on that one thing you are doing right now. Be here with just the one.

Booster for happy peaceful connections:

There are times when communication isn't easy, when things are misunderstood, misinterpreted and even just not heard at all. The most important thing is to have harmonious communication from within yourself, so let's install some clear alignment today, as you read this, starting to slow down, to breathe more slowly, in, holding that breath a second, then really letting it go, releasing all difficulty now, allowing all tension to dissolve, back to the nothingness it came from, and I want you to use the power of your mind, in your imagination noticing that whiteboard we have in our heads, all chock-full of the things we think, do, feel, say, crowding up so much mental space in there, time to create some clarity now so taking that eraser and I want you to use the full power of your imagination now to physically erase all the writing on the whiteboard, cleaning and clearing it all now, wiping the board completely shiny, clean and new so you can feel that space, that ability to start from clarity and begin again from a state of nothingness, of zero, of openness. From that openness move back into your day with willingness to see and hear with clarity and to respond with a clear and calm mind. Enjoy.

Today is "Take Nothing Personally" Day.

Repeat after me. "It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me". Things happen, people do stupid stuff, people say all sorts of garbage, some people are going to be rude, or inconsiderate or downright insane sometimes. And you know what? It's their stuff. Not about you. Not about you at all. In fact it would (and will) happen to anyone. Whether is the world, work, family, kids, traffic insanity or weird internet trolls, it's not personal, it's not about you. Ok??  

Maintaining the motivation:

Starting a change is easy. Most people reach a point of pain where they can't stand things the way they are anymore and beginning a change is a relief. That feeling of "I'm finally doing something about it" kicks in. But over time, many people do not engage their motivation mechanisms and allow their choices to return to the old ways. This happens because people put it off until tomorrow, say "it's too hard", or they "can't be bothered" or decide to "reward themselves" for what they have done so far with a reward that includes returning to the unhelpful old pattern. Sometimes people just "forget" to do the new thing because they haven't made the effort to stay conscious or alert about keeping the change going. Making a permanent change is an effort. It requires some vigilance, planning, checking in, accountability and honesty about what we are doing and why. It won't happen by itself automatically, perhaps ever, regarding certain patterns. There are some things we will always need to keep an eye on if we want it to be different and that's ok. We can all tolerate a little effort and/or discomfort in order to keep a good thing going. The maintenance of the change brings the emotional reward. Whatever it is for you that you're working on changing, keep it front of mind, and make a plan to keep it going.

Everyone thinks they know how to be optimistic.

With the thousands of books and articles and media presentations that now exist relating to positive psychology, people know think they "know" all about it and "know" how to do it. In my observation, this is mostly not the case. Those who think it's about "just thinking positive thoughts" are inaccurate. It's about facing reality in a factual way, free of distortion. It's about focusing only on the now. It's about not thinkingthat events or other people's statements are personal. It's about seeing the world as a neutral canvas on which we project our opinions, interpretations and narratives. It's about viewing our own thoughts and feelings as projections which we can witness or watch with a degree of detachment rather than feeding them or believing them to be the "truth". Optimism requires an assessment of "what is", followed by a question about what to think or do in order to best maximize the situation. It's actually a skill that requires constant practice and honing. Anybody who thinks its simple is missing the point. The human experience is full of challenges and different optimism skills are required for different challenges. Non-judgmental acceptance and positive action is not easy. That's why we need continued practice and reminders. Notice where your thoughts or feelings become agitated, anxious, restless, bored, annoyed or gloomy. There is your target area for honing your skills right there. Be glad when you find an opportunity to work on your optimism today. Observe the facts and reframe towards neutrality.

Face the fear!

It's human to try and avoid feelings of fear. Fear sensations are unpleasant, whether they manifest emotionally or via the body as pain or tension sensations. People use all kinds of distractions and substances in order to not feel what's really going on for them. But remember: feelings are not there to "get rid of". They are part of our well-designed information system, intended to provide feedback about what is going on as well as guiding us towards corrective action when necessary. Sometimes the alarm system gets a little stuck (in the case of panic symptoms and chronic pain/fatigue) but nonetheless, we need to check in, face the concerns our subconscious mind/body might be experiencing and act on it. By naming a fear honestly to ourselves and spending a little contemplative time on it we often find the fear begins to resolve itself. If it doesn't, we seek good help to get further insight and strategies. But bottom line, ignoring or avoiding fear is only good for short-term survival. Long term, we need to face it, listen to it, talk it through and take corrective action.

Positive thoughts prescription for today:

After certain events in life, we can need a little recharge sometimes, a redirection of of the mind towards the positive, a relaxing of the nervous system towards calm, so if it sounds enticing to feel a little more comfortable, a little more optimistic, then take a slow deep breath, holding it now, then releasing it as you release all concerns at the same moment, breathing and releasing, just knowing that with every new day, in fact with every new moment, we can start afresh, focusing on what is going well and noticing certain things that we can think and feel to bring more enjoyable energy for ourselves right now, more fun, more laughing, more action, more feelings of progress and achievement just through remembering to notice what you do each day, the little things and the things that were really quite big for you, the difficulties you faced, the things you managed to get done despite obstacles, the people you interacted with and made a difference for, all of the good in the world that you contribute to every day, every moment, just by your mere presence, you don't have to do anything, just by simply being, you are a positive influence on yourself and the world, enjoy it and feel good today.

The relaxation of pets:

Have you noticed how dogs and cats sleep? How they instantly relax and chill, despite the things going on around them? If they are tired, they rest. When they feel ill, they rest. When it's time to enjoy fun, they enjoy. When it's over, they chill. What lesson do you need to take from the pets in your life today?

Speak the truth.

While there are many different kinds of stress, denial and avoidance are probably the stronger patterns leading to nervous system stress. Have fatigue? Pain? Anxiety?

Your body knows what is true for you. Stop avoiding any truth you need to face about aspects of your life needing change and take the action that your body wants you to take. You'll feel instantly better.

Feeling pessimistic about something in life?

There are times when things seem grim, life gets tough, people get overwhelmed and can't see a way through. Times like these, it's important to remember that you just never know what can happen; right out of the blue, the situation can take a turn for the better, all by itself without any human interference! We just never know what good things are just around the corner but those that believe they could be just around the corner seem to feel better and achieve more success. Even when things look bleak, that good thing is about ready to happen. It's happened to you before so you know it's true. Remember the good thing today.

Monday Self-Care!

Mondays are strange things, our bodies and minds have much to adjust to. Whether we are working or not, there is a change of energy or pace from the weekend to the week and some of us need help synchronizing. We can start by releasing any pressure to be a particular way today. Release expectations. Release the "shoulds". When the nervous system needs time to adjust, the best thing we can do is decide to just BE. Breathe in. Breathe out. No mental performance pressure, just allow your system to be as it is today. May you be relaxed and calm.

Boosting abundance:

It can be easy to compare ourselves to others and feel like we don't have "enough" or do as much as we "should" be doing, easy to enter into a fear mentality rather than our natural state of abundance, so let's address that now, sitting quietly for a moment, plenty of moments to choose from, just relaxing, nothing to do or prove right now in this moment, breathing in, waiting, waiting, plenty of time, now breathe out slowly, allowing your mind to fully relax and be comfortable, listening to my voice now, as I talk to you, and you can just let your inner mind take in many, many ideas, from so many places, always multiplying, growing and increasing, plenty for now, plenty for later, as one idea moves through, the next one is already moving into consciousness, plentiful, abundant, never-ending and permanent, and your inner mind can know just how fortunate you are, just how much you have and always will have, better things for you now, many ideas, ideas that grow and provide fruit for you, fruit that will feed, and feeding provides more and more growth, ideas never stop, and just when you wonder when the next idea will come, you find that there are always plenty more fish in the sea for you, swimming closer to remind you of the plentiful abundance of the universe that exists inside your own mind and you can know this today, tuning in to all rich opportunities and trusting in the law of increase. Enjoy the feast.

Anxiety of the free-floating type:

Sometimes we know exactly why we are worried. There's a link between our anxiety level and our current stress or concern and it makes sense to be feeling that way. At other times, we feel the feeling with no particular identifiable trigger that we can pinpoint, and it often feels more concerning for exactly that reason. This of course is known as free-floating anxiety, anxiety that floats around the psyche and appears to latch on to every situation and infect it with worry or a sense of impending doom. As we know, the brain is somewhat reassured when feelings are identified and labeled, it hates it when we ignore and repress, often escalating the feeling to get us to take notice. So when we notice this free floating anxiety, the first helpful thing to to is calmly name it, almost like you would if a friend was describing the feeling. "Oh ok, so I just have a little free-floating anxiety today". Hopefully you will hear the calmness and "no big deal" vibe in that quote, with the idea that we are not going to freak out about something so normal as free floating anxiety. The more accepting we are of it and the more we are able to be almost humorous about it. We can say "yeah, yeah, I get it, I'm supposed to be worried about everything, thanks for that, I'll get back to you" while moving on with normal activities. Don't avoid it, just jokingly acknowledge it and keep doing stuff. When it alerts you again, say "yes thanks, heard you the last time, thanks for the warnings, I'll just keep moving forward". It's a normal state and can fade quickly by itself. Obviously if it's happening too often you may benefit from professional assistance. In the meantime, use a bit of non-judgmental, humorous acceptance of the feelings that arise today!

Getting out of overwhelm:

Overwhelm is a horrible state of feeling like everything is just too much and we can't even process it, let alone focus on what to actually do about it. Overwhelm usually means the brain has gone into a state of stress hormone overload, with the fear-generating amygdala activating wildly and the problem-solving centers of the brain flailing helplessly. Of we think of the biological side of overwhelm, it becomes clear that we usually need to do something to calm or balance the physical processes before we approach the mind side of things. Trying to think clearly when your chemistry is out of control can be practically impossible. So we start with soothing the nervous system and activating the parasympathetic side, rather than the stress-oriented sympathetic nervous system. Exercise (walking, swimming, yoga etc) will help to break the cycle of overwhelm for many people. Another effective option is targeted breathing. Breathe in slowly through your nose, count three, hold it, count three, then slowly out of your nose, count three. Only breathe and count for 5-10 min and your parasympathetic system will kick in. Then, once calmer, decide to focus on only one thing. The first thing. Perhaps the easiest thing. Write down what you will do. Then tick off that thing and move to the next. Overwhelm must be dealt with in small chunks only. One small thing at a time today.

The thing you're putting off:

Most of us have one thing that we keep delaying or putting off, the thing that would make us feel heaps better, or improve our quality of life. Procrastination means putting off effort, delaying it until the time feels "right" or easier. But it probably won't. The point of effort is the reward that comes WITH the doing, not before the doing. Think of taking one small step towards the thing you need to do, and actually do it today. You know you'll feel better after. It's never as big a deal as what we think it will be and the effort is never as bad as we make out. Do the thing. You'll feel good.

Moment of quiet:

Take a moment just to be still today. Just sit. No thoughts or plans or trying to meditate or feel anything in particular. Take that moment and know that your brain will benefit from that brief state of just being.

Little things that help:

Sometimes when things get weird, little tiny things can help it feel just a little better so relax now, breathing slowly as you read my words, deep breath in, and holding it, and now letting it go, comfortable now as you allow my words to reach your inner mind, the part of your mind that remembers those little things, the caring things that people did, the things you did for others, the tiny pleasures in life, the laughing parts, things that were so funny at the time and maybe you can't even remember now exactly what was funny but you remember the feeling, on the verge of laughing now as you think back, remembering the little things, the pets, animals that just seemed to smile at you, people that just get you, the connections that always stay no matter what, your connection with yourself, when you feel good, magnifying that feeling now and allowing it to build over the course of the day as you feel better and better and put all the pieces in place to have a day that is good

Problems, plans and hoping for the best:

When there's some sort of problem, whether it's problem eating, substance problems, anxieties, relationship issues or other areas of difficulty, most people in the world operate on a "just hope for the best" model. In other words they don't truly or clearly identify the issue and they don't put a strategic plan in place to make sure things go well. Instead they rely on mood state, circumstances, the behavior of others and the external environment and let that dictate or affect the outcome. This is not optimism. This is "blindly hoping for the best" and while it often works with one-off minor concerns, it's a terrible strategy for longer-term issues that have been problematic in the past and likely to cause issues in future. Optimism means clearly identifying problems or challenges, developing a suitable and achievable goal state and a realistic plan for making it happen, which the person ACTS UPON. Many issues can eventually become non-issues if we get out of half-baked hoping/denial and activate the right planning process. How do you want things to be? What do YOU need to do to make this happen? Who else needs to be part of the conversation? What tiny thing can you do today?

On social anxiety:

Social anxiety can occur before going to things, during the things themselves and of course, after the things like a post-mortem. The key question of social anxiety is about being "good enough" in some way, maybe intellectually, conversationally, physically, our perceived status, or some other factor we think people are going to evaluate. Truthfully, most people subconsciously evaluate others based on their interpersonal warmth. In other words, do they come across as a kind and trustworthy person? While we worry about so many factors to be self conscious about, all we really need to do is tune in to the people we are going to be around and transmit a genuine interest in THEM, rather than projecting some rubbish about what they may be thinking of us. Chances are, they are also thinking of how they themselves are coming across. Be present by focusing on feeling genuine interest and kindness to the others at whatever social event you're concerned about. Be a transmitter of interpersonal warmth today.

Risky Relationships: check your expectations:

There are some relationships (romantic, platonic and family) that are risky. Risky due to past behavior, risky in trust levels, risky due to personality factors of the people involved, risky due to our human inclination to take things personally when they go wrong, risky because humans are quite upset after disappointment and abandonment. Most people go into risky relationships with what they think are open eyes, they say "I know what I'm doing" or "I can handle it". Truthfully though, when there are alarm bells early on, ignore them at your peril. If a dog has bitten before (metaphorically speaking) then chances are it will bite you too. So many people are shocked when the dog bites *them* even though they were fully aware of the history and behavior. Past behavior is a very good predictor of future behavior in relationships unless a person has done a LOT of work on themselves and had intensive coaching (which is quite rare). Are you in a risky relationship with somebody, romantic, platonic or blood-related?? Check your expectations. Stick to the history and the facts and choose the decisions you would recommend for a friend if they asked your advice. Do the smart thing. Activate your boundaries and expect mutual full-respect behavior in all relationships.

Need a little luck today?

Remember: you're a lucky person, good things always happen for you and you always manage to be in the right place at the right time with the right people! The scientific research on lucky people consistently shows that holding these beliefs is correlated with experiencing more good luck. It has also been demonstrated that people who believe themselves to be lucky are more likely to take advantage of the good opportunities that come their way, leading to greater success in their chosen endeavor. Even if something unpleasant happens, we can still focus on the lucky aspects and remember all the lucky parts of it that improved things or helped us in some way. Wishing you the best of luck for today! May you always be in the right place at the right time with the right people

Staying true to yourself in the face of whatever:

Other people and random events have this habit of throwing tricky situations our way, tricky words or actions that we think we understand but then we doubt ourselves, we give the benefit of the doubt, sometimes a few too many times, maybe even to the point where we feel guilty or anxious or confused, and it may be helpful here, as you read this, to slow right down, take one slow breath in now, that's right, and hold it, and hold it, and now let it go, feeling a little part of that tension melt away as you release each breath, continuing with the slow deep breaths now as I have a quick word with your subconscious mind, that part of your mind that comes completely alive and awake when it's time to help the change process, it will, and I'd like to ask your subconscious mind to focus on your eyes, the idea that you can see many things from behind your eyes, your point of view, your analysis of the situation, clearly seeing the facts as they are, no manipulation, no toxic self doubt, no looping around in circles trying to figure out what and who and why, just the facts, clear as day, as they are, is what it is, not personal, it says nothing about you, you are kind and ethical and helpful and you will continue to be so, regardless of the reciprocity of the situation, true to YOU, much prosperity around you, much positive connection and correct action, and your subconscious mind can know that whatever is going on will be ok, will be more than fine, is already resolving itself, you just stay true to you and all is well. It is.

How to spot when you're being manipulated:

Confusion is often a sign of being manipulated in a relationship, whether it's romantic, family or friend. You feel confused about who is right and who is wrong. You think about your view of the situation and it feels clear until you think of it from the point of view of what the other person is saying, then it gets all cloudy. There may be mixed messages, behavior that doesn't match up with words. For example they may profess their care or love for you yet continually behave in a disrespectful manner, or be disregarding of your feelings. If you raise your concerns they might stonewall you (withdraw or respond with a blank look or dismissive remark). They may criticize you and tell you that you're too sensitive or that you're taking it the wrong way. Or they might talk a lot, rationalizing their behavior so that you go back into confusion about the legitimacy of your point of view. Your brain may feel addled. Guilt is another key indicator of manipulation. You may try to put a boundary in place or say no or create distance but they attempt to guilt you into submission, either with rules, logic, charm or emotion. People create their own expectations. You are free not to comply, with kindness and with an ethical attitude. If they impose the expectation through manipulative means, you will feel the guilt, confusion or anger to alert you. Get clear. Check in with somebody who is great with boundaries. Get some help about the boundary you need to draw. And keep your eyes open.

Feeling bad about a relationship or other key event?? Check your narrative:

As humans we constant narrate our lives internally, almost like the director's commentary on movies that you can watch on the bonus section. We comment on the rightness or wrongness of things, the motivations of others, we justify or condemn actions and predict situations and consequences. We do a post-mortem after key incidents, what went wrong and why, and who is to blame and what should or shouldn't happen next. We evaluate and analyze the characters involved and label their personality characteristics. The content and vibe of this narrative will generate further feelings. Just like movie, in life we have an experience, then a secondary experience as a result of the narrative we apply to it. If we are ruminating (going over and over in our mind) on key events, then perhaps it's time to check the narrative and make sure it's helpful and factual. Often we need a third party to assist or we get stuck in our own version of what happened. Ask "what are the facts here?" and "how else could this be interpreted?" or "what's another possible explanation for this part of the story?" Or even "how might an outsider who didn't know any of us view this part of the situation?" A new narrative brings new possibilities and new feelings. This is especially true regarding relationship narratives, either current shaky relationships of any kind, and definitely in break-up related narratives which can keep people stuck for years. When in doubt, please check your story.

Are you in a toxic relationship with somebody?

Toxic means somebody is using manipulation, knowingly or unknowingly. Somebody is exercising power or control or guilt or just plain disregard in order to get what they want, and yet refuses to be accountable for any emotional consequences. That person's needs are being met while the other person (you) feels like something isn't right and either tries to ignore the problem or tries negotiate, but doesn't succeed. We can have toxic relationships with dating or romantic partners, friends, family or colleagues. When you need to say no or set a boundary, your body will tell you. There could be feelings of tension, anxiety, guilt, nervousness or irritation. Many people ignore this feeling and rationalize the behavior of the other person which often builds internal or repressed frustration. Some get mad at themselves for not being assertive, others know there's no point because the other person will never understand or respond like an adult. Some people just want to hold on to the crumbs they are getting rather than risk losing the connection, damaged though it is. The purpose of setting boundaries can be to create a change in the relationship, and sometimes you will be successful. But the other reason for doing it is self respect. Staying in a toxic relationship without setting boundaries is saying "I don't matter". But. You do matter. Whether the other person agrees with your boundary is not the point. The point is detoxifying the relationship by being YOU, being authentic and truthful (hopefully as respectfully and kindly as possible) and detaching from the outcome. If the relationship is over then it wasn't a relationship. It was just a one-way manipulation. Be your authentic self today.

A million talents:

Most of us are so focused on self-improvement that we forget how many special things we can do, big and small, how many abilities, skills, and gifts we have that we use every day without thinking about it, without even noticing! Even by reading this, by being interested in material such as this, by making sense of it and applying it to your life, you are demonstrating and using many skills right now. You get to feel good about that! You probably notice the many skills of others more than you notice your own but it's time to tune into your million talents and feel good about them as they happen. You may not get appreciation from others as you go about your day using all your clever talents, but you can certainly boost your own brain chemistry by regularly appreciating yourself as you go along! Well done, you can say. That was great, you can add. Good on you, you can affirm! And I mean it, you can assure. Self-appreciation is the theme of today so please enjoy it.

System recovery:

After all you've been through in the last week or two, or maybe even three, it's great to take a pause and allow your system to go into repair and recovery mode, it's been doing well, so now you can take a pleasant moment to help things work even more effectively, so slow your breathing, here, now, take one slower breathe, hold it, then let it go, now, as you read and let your eyes move a little more slowly too, take another slower, deeper breath, hold it, hold it a little longer, and now let it go, and as you do let it go, your inner mind can help you let go of all the other things you need to release right now, with every slow out-breath, that's right, take another breath, holding it now for a moment, then breathing out slowly, just simply allowing your mind to let go of all the stored up stuff, just releasing it now into the nothingness it came from, cleaning and clearing your mind, everything in there now is neat and ordered as you breathe on, so that you can just tune into happy and let the day run itself very well. With every breath, your mind can release everything it needs to, and your body feels more and more relaxed. Just let it go and enjoy the ride.

Dangers of Repressed Frustration:

Repressed frustration is when we feel annoyed or pissed off or angry about something but we make a choice to keep it inside us. Maybe we can't express it due to personality factors such as approval needs or peace-keeping tendencies, or maybe we fear losing a relationship or starting a fight if we speak up, or perhaps due to our work or professional role we are not in a position to show the frustration. There are many legitimate reasons not to "express" frustration and in fact we may need to work on our frustration tolerance skills if we are overreacting or personalizing something that is just part of life (eg bad traffic, poor customer service, random rudeness etc). However, the amount of repressed frustration we experience may be affecting pain conditions, anger management, mood problems, anxiety, overeating, chronic fatigue and other health issues. Repressed frustration often creates internal conflicts and stressful inner debates about what is right/fair. Be conscious of the presence of frustration and consider whether discussing it is helpful, or whether you need to create a boundary, assert yourself or detach from something/somebody. Or maybe you don't need to anything except be more aware. Notice your patterns today and name your inner responses without judgement.

Days when you just don't feel like it:

Some days you wake up and just don't feel so great. It can be very hard to get it together. Maybe it's too much overload, or a poor night's sleep or other stuff going on in your life; maybe there's no reason at all, just a random low energy day. No need to freak out about days like this, we all have them. First step is to acknowledge the feelings or sensations in your body, whether it's tiredness, tension or stiffness or whatever. Label any other feelings without judging them or building a story about them. Have you noticed that stories about not feeling good usually deepen the state and make it feel worse?? No stories. Just stick to the facts without judgement. Then move on to solutions: how can you take it easy today? How can you keep your thoughts on the now, stay chill and lose any internal pressure? How can you cruise through the day in your own mind so that you don't load any extra stress?? Lower the revs a little when you feel like you're running on empty. Just stick it in cruise control and go along for the ride. Soon it will be better.

Rushing and stress chemicals:

Hurrying and rushing around is what most of us do, under time pressure from the minute we wake up until we finally sleep (or can't sleep!). Rushing keeps the nervous system in a state of fight/flight and will have you racing around your day flooded with stress chemicals such as adrenalin and its chronic stress cousin, cortisol. Over time, high cortisol depletes our natural good mood chemicals (especially serotonin), leaving us miserable or exhausted or both. Slow down today. Slow down in your mind as well as your body. Whatever gets done or not done is ok. And as I've said before, you're probably not doing brain surgery so slow it down, chill out and stop racing about like your life depended on it. Choose to wander instead. And remember to notice a few pretty things as you go. 

Fun check!

Are you having enough fun?? Could you use a little extra? Write down three things that are genuinely fun for you and also note down when you will do them next and for how long. Sometimes life gets in the way and we need to actually plan the time for fun. Do it now and enjoy the anticipation!

Draw the line in the sand:

The line in the sand is a real thing, a metaphor or story that can talk to the subconscious mind in a way that reminds you exactly when and where it is that the line needs to be drawn for you, in your life right now, so begin reading this in a more fluid way, flowing with my words, more relaxed, slowing your eyes now, as I talk to you, and you can just listen, and allow that part of your inner mind to come wide awake, letting your imagination drift towards that sense of the line in the sand, the important place where you get a certain uncomfortable feeling, you know you need to draw the line, you need to say "no more" and that's it, then you've drawn the line and from now on, you'll stay firmly on your side of the line, always in integrity with yourself and what you value, knowing what you know to be true, no matter what anyone else might think or say, simply choosing to know your truth and stay on that side, feeling very good, very congruent and you know, and I know too, that you can see much more clearly now, know when the boundary needs to be set, and take action as soon as you get that feeling of needing to draw that line in the sand. Be ready.

Remember how to manage awful thoughts??

Most people can manage their thoughts when feeling good, but struggle to remember how to approach this when they feel low or worried or panicked. Firstly, identify what you are thinking about. Write it down. Merely thinking it is too vague and less helpful. Write down the situation and what you're saying to yourself about it. This is called "the narrative" because it isn't the actual truth, it's a story you are telling yourself and it might need to be challenged a little so you can feel differently. The next step is to notice the feeling. Call it something, such as "miserable" or "lonely", "aggravated" or "overwhelmed" or whatever it happens to be. It's best not to use depression or anxiety as labels, as these are umbrella terms describing patterns rather than actual emotions. We name the emotion without judging it as good/bad/warranted or unwarranted because we know from brain research that the process of recognizing and labeling the feeling somehow helps the brain calm down. Now identify which cognitive distortions you were using in the way you were thinking about your situation. Were you personalizing something? Catastrophizing? Focusing on negatives? Predicting an unknown future?? Mind reading? Learn more about cognitive distortions if you need to. Now. Choose better thoughts, neutral, calm non-judging thoughts such as "it will pass", "I can handle this", "it's ok", "I'm just going to focus on one tiny step" or something else calming. You will notice that the feelings drop a bit in intensity once we've identified the distortions and chosen better thoughts. This very important and underrated skill can boost your energy and optimism quite quickly. Use often!

How to best help others:

Everyone has stuff going on. It might be in our own mind, or nasty events, illness, scary unknowns or difficulties with people close to us. Many people look like they are doing fine and don't need any help, and maybe they think they really don't need help. But support is one of the most important things in life. There are many kinds of help and support and we can offer it in the way that best suits our own personal gifts. Some people are natural practical helpers, offering meals, car rides and physical or domestic assistance. Others are more emotional helpers, providing a listening ear, problem solving and empathy. Another type is more likely to help in a spiritual way, offering prayers or mediation, other intuitive guidance or special connection. Another subset help via distraction, humor and getting away from the stress situation with other activities. Creative types may offer artwork, music, craft or some other symbolic expression of their love. If you want to help, think of your own 

Back to simple:

This is your reminder to keep things in perspective. Slow down, take a breath and notice the good. Then take another breath. The only thing that is true right now is you slowing down and taking a breath. Your nervous system will thank you for this. Just breathe.

"No" could be the word of health.

The word YES is great for us, it's about receiving, and openness and allowing certain people or events or choices into our lives. In my work with people in difficulty however, one pattern I continually notice is difficultly with the "NO". Saying NO to unhealthy situations, people or behaviors, saying NO to ourselves when we are doing something we know will lead to feeling worse, saying NO to people who are intrusive or violating our boundaries in some way, saying NO to doing too much or going beyond our physical limits. In fact I would suggest that NO, used in the right circumstances, begins the pathway to health. It doesn't always mean literally saying NO out loud when the behavior involves others, but rather demonstrating through your actions that you will not accommodate this. Choose one thing, behavior or situation that you will say NO to from now on. Make that commitment to follow through with the NO and work out what you will say and do, both to yourself and others. No is a word of strength. Use it wisely.

Assert a little more:

Being able to calmly and kindly assert yourself is something most of us want to improve. It's a matter of boundaries, knowing what is reasonable behavior, both in yourself and others, being able to stay on your side of the line by knowing what is your stuff and what is their stuff, as well as making sure others stay on their side of the line, so as you think about this line you are now going to draw, I want you to slow your eyes down, reading slowly to let my words enter the part of your mind that decided a long long time ago where the line was, or wasn't, or maybe didn't even know, never really knew, but it's time to know, and you can know many things, and remember when you first began to draw lines, when you were very young, perhaps beginning to write your own name, and it was so tricky to draw that figure in the right way, in the right place, but over time, with practice, with determination, you began to be more solid, more secure, more confident and able to put those lines in exactly the right place at the right time, and you got the right result and you were very pleased with yourself, you kept going and were able to draw many more lines over time, in exactly the right way, and it becomes easier and easier once you know, once you practice, giving yourself that determination and that time to learn, and your subconscious mind knows exactly how to apply this lesson for you, here, now, so take that away with you and say and do what needs to be done today. Go.

What do you need to cut out of your life?

Sometimes we tell ourselves we need to "cut back" on certain things. Sometimes we may need a moderate approach in order to have balance. And, there are things (which could include people, habits, substances or certain thinking patterns like guilt) that we need to cut out completely, and we've just been kidding ourselves about "cutting back". The word cut has a finality to it. If you've been trying to make a change somewhere and going back and forth in success, then there are probably thought patterns or mental excuses or behaviors that you need to cut out permanently. This starts with a decision. It requires on-going determination and a specific and well-thought-out plan. It also requires vigilance, accountability, follow-up and often external support. It means cutting out complaining and self-pity or self-indulgence. But it's up to you to decide. Whether you ready or not is irrelevant. We are never truly "ready". The questions is this: are you WILLING to make the cut and do what it takes.

When your achievements aren't acknowledged:

Life seems to run in themes, and one of the themes I've noticed lately when people are talking to me is their feeling of having down something or achieved a milestone, telling close friends or family about it and then not getting much back. It's probably true to say there are many people who are not skilled at complimenting or acknowledging others. Rather than saying "that's so great, well done", some choose to return the topic to themselves, give advice, point out that more could be done or make some other unsupportive comment. The lack of ability to acknowledge success of others is a bit like the people who lack the ability to sincerely and fully apologize. Interestingly these two traits often go together. People who have family members (especially parents or close siblings) with these two skill deficits often feel quite upset and hurt when it occurs. Again, we must remember that this behavior says more about that person's personality or thinking process than it does about us or our achievement. As much as it can feel hurtful, it's not about us. It's about their inability. And if we know somebody has that pattern, then it becomes about our realistic expectations of them. Internal self acknowledgement is the most important thing anyway. Do some of that today.

True confidence:

Real confidence isn't about feeling better than or superior to others. It's not about feeling arrogant or entitled or saying "I deserve" this or that. True confidence is about feeling equal to others, that everybody, most of all yourself is worthy of your own acceptance and respect. It means that you can trust your own view of the world without constantly doubting yourself or going to others for validation and approval. Confidence means "I'm ok. And you're ok. Even if we think or act or perform differently". Confidence is not going into the "one down" or lesser position just to make others feel comfortable. This is a particular issue for women. Strong and confident women are often labeled intimidating or worse still "bossy" (which many see as a sexist term as it is generally not used with boys or men who show leadership skills) and can be viewed with suspicion or put down by others. Confidence means being self aware and checking your behavior, being accountable if you acted in ways that go against your values, while also remaining accepting of yourself as a person. Vow to act with full respect towards yourself from now on. You're ok. In fact, you're great. Remember that today.

Judgement-free day:

Today is a day that we can be more conscious of the judgements and labels that we constantly apply to people and events. It's natural for the human mind to offer up these labels and judgements, but are they helpful? Do they feel good? Do they create aggravation or inner conflict? Do they create a one-up and one-down situation? Are they mostly black and white? Decide today just to let people and events BE as they are, without applying principles of good or bad to them. They just are. We can say to ourselves "I don't know, I refuse to judge this". Let's live and let live today without judging, and notice the positive effects on mood and energy.

Anti-procrastination:

Most of us have times where we put something off, usually something we don't really feel like doing, and as we put if off, we think we feel better but you know, and I know too that the thing we need to do sits at the back of the mind, weighing heavily as we try to ignore the discomfort, so listen now, slowing down here, even more slowly, that's right, as I speak to you, my words directly aimed at your subconscious mind, and you can listen easily, allowing my words to glide slowly into that part of you that truly wants to take action NOW, the part that knows just how much better you will feel when you say to yourself DO IT NOW, and then without thinking, doubting or questioning, you can move straight to that thing, that task, that ACTION, and just DO IT, no thinking, no asking how you feel. just get it done now, FAST, enjoying the feeling of DOING IT and having it done, just knowing how good it feels to tick the thing off the list and remove the weight from your shoulders, feeling lighter, more free, more satisfied with your ability to just GET IT DONE. You can. Go on now.

Dealing with dishonesty:

Most of the people reading posts like this are straight-up people who are into personal improvement, accountability and honesty. Honesty is a funny thing. When surveyed or asked, nearly all people rate themselves as very honest. Truth is, some of them are lying to themselves. Dishonesty is usually related to self image preservation. That is, telling a story that makes the person look good. This is why most dishonesty occurs. If I tell you the truth, you may think less of me, so I have to take a risk. Most dishonest people are motivated to preserve that positive, honorable, stable or successful image of themselves that they have worked hard to project. Some of this is sometimes based on shame, the desire to hide parts of the self that people feel bad or guilty about so rather than own up to it, they hide it with dishonesty. At other times it is based on superiority, the belief that they are better than others. Dishonesty is also often related to personal gain, especially money. There is a subgroup of people willing to be less than honest in order to have more for themselves. From this we can glean three patterns in dishonest people: strong motivation to present a certain image to the world, shame about certain parts of themselves they wish to hide and lastly greed or entitlement about money or possessions. And we can't take any of that personally. If somebody is dishonest, it's about those patterns and they will do it with anyone. It's not about you.

Is low frustration tolerance an epidemic??

I notice that I've been discussing low frustration tolerance in my office a great deal recently. This idea is related to feeling uncomfortable or annoyed about something and internally demanding that it be different or avoided in some way. It's essentially an unwillingness (often incorrectly perceived by the person concerned as an "inability") to put up with unpleasant feelings or situations that might be stressful or difficult. Most people with an addiction have very low frustration tolerance and a desire to feel a particular way quickly via a substance or activity that causes them trouble over time. Frustration tolerance is one of the most important skills a child can learn. Mostly, it's about how we talk internally to ourselves about that situation. It's the difference between saying "it's not the end of the world, it's normal, I can do this/I can handle this" compared to "I can't, this sucks, it's not fair, screw this, I'm done". As you can imagine, having frustration tolerance skills helps us in school, relationships, jobs, traffic and other tricky situations, as well as helping us handle the normal internal ups and downs of emotion, such as anxiety, feeling flat, tiredness, irritation, anger etc. Let's check in on our frustration tolerance today. It's a skill we can easily increase via awareness and reminding ourselves that it's ok, it's not a catastrophe, it's normal human experience and we can handle it. We can.

Make today easy.

EASY starts in the mind with and intention and translates into your choices. Not easy as in lazy. Just easy as in do what needs to be done in a relaxed manner without excessive mental activity, hurrying or resistance. Flow with the rhythm of today, just go with it and stop with the pressure. You're not doing brain surgery (unless of course you are ACTUALLY doing brain surgery as your work!!) so keep it in perspective and cruise through your day with some enjoyment and fun. Please.

No yelling. Ever.

One thing I notice a lot in my work is the amount of yelling and crossing the line that people are prepared to do with somebody they are in a relationship with. Most would never speak that way to friends or work colleagues, yet think so show it's ok to be critical, contemptuous, defensive, stonewalling and/or use rude or abusive language with partners because "they deserve it" or "they don't listen otherwise" or "I was retaliating" or whatever. I'm an advocate for full respect communication in which we listen effectively, then we use calm assertiveness and verbalized requests for change. Many people somehow expect partners to mind-read about what they want the other person to do, and then they build a chain of resentment when it doesn't automatically happen (because the "right one" will read our minds, right??!!) then explode when the resentment gets too much, becoming blaming and accusing. Couples often need coaching regarding how to "fight", or at least how to not cross the line when discussing areas of disagreement. Many think their fighting style is ok and don't realize the negative affects on both the relationship over time and the children or others who are around. Most of us did not grow up in families where we learned these skills, in fact most of us learned the opposite. It's ok to get coaching. It might just change everything. In the meantime, let's all check our behavior. No explosions. No yelling or abuse. Deal?

Clearing the energy:

Maybe you've had some difficult things happening this week, or some unpleasant people, or even perhaps some irritated thoughts or something that leaves your energy a tad depleted. There are days when we need to activate an energy reboot, and it's really quite easy, so relax now, allowing yourself to slow right down as you read my words, letting your mind go into cruise mode, just gently scanning with your mind's eye as I talk to you, here, and you can be there, but really we can both be in the same place as you make that decision now to hit the reset button on your system, that button that clears all the history and the complications, leaving much-needed free space, and you can do whatever you like when you have free space, allow it to remain clear or perhaps to fill with positive things, uplifting thoughts, motivated feelings and whatever it is that is fun for you now, and using the power of your imagination, I want you to see the color of that reset button, and the shape, and the texture of its material, and in your mind's eye, hit reset now, you can do it more than once if you need to, clearing the system of all that needs to be cleansed and cleared now, it is, the space is free and you can go now feeling much better, more energetic and calm, doing the things you need to do. Go.

From noxious to toxic:

The key issue with people who behave in noxious or toxic ways is that they have zero awareness of this. And if made aware, they will generally dismiss it or deflect accountability somehow, perhaps even back towards the person trying to raise the issue. There are people in the world who are open to feedback, will consider it and adapt their behavior if they know they are upsetting or harming others. However, another subset of people will continue their egregious behavior even in the face of negative consequences and/or serious requests for change. This information is to remind us all that not everybody can change and not everybody is willing. Let's keep working on our own side of the fence and let those other people be as they are, it's their pattern, it's there stuff. And it's ok.

The connection between boundaries and guilt:

Sensitive people often feel more than their fair share of guilt. It's natural to feel guilty if we have truly done something that violates our own ethical standards or if we were lacking in kindness on a particular occasion. However, once the incident is duly considered, we can decide what we will do next time, apologize if necessary and then mentally move past it. The other kind of guilt comes when we haven't done anything truly wrong, but we are taking responsibility for the response (real or imagined) of another person, usually family, friend or co-worker. We think we are seeing the situation "through their eyes" accurately but in cognitive psychology this thought distortion is known as Mind Reading and Fortune Telling. Generally we don't really know what a person is thinking or feeling. In addition, nobody is responsible for creating our internal happiness except ourselves, and most of us accept that. But when it comes to other people, somehow we can feel (consciously or unconsciously) as though we are in fact responsible for their happiness. This leads to guilt and anxiety if we feel we are not doing what they might want. Having strong boundaries means we know what is our stuff and what is their stuff, and we don't let their judgments in. We can consider the judgement or opinion, but it belongs with the other person and is a reflection of them and their consciousness, not you, unless you choose to adopt the same narrative. Next time unwarranted guilt raises its head, remember to check your boundaries. There's a pretty good chance that actually, it's not your stuff.

Eating according to weather or your health goals??

When the weather changes, sometimes our food preferences change too, and we need to incorporate different ways of eating according to our health goals. When the weather is darker or colder, we often want food that feels more "rich", which is certainly possible and not that difficult. For example, if you are a meat eater, you can slow cook lamb shanks with green vegetables. Or have some kind of curry with meat, or chicken or tofu, including vegetables and maybe even cauliflower rice. If you like bolognaise sauce you can make zucchini noodles easily with a spiralizer and serve with your meat-based sauce. Thai, Indian or other Asian style curries are fabulous with some protein and veg. You can also make a great frittata using eggs, vegetables and some feta cheese. The issue isn't really finding the recipes (easily available online or in books) but in getting your head right. Stay positive and look for ways to stay within your plan rather than making excuses, getting lazy, grabbing crap takeaway or resorting to the so-called "comfort foods" which in fact make many people feel very UNCOMFORTABLE once consumed. Make an exciting food plan and make sure preparation is quick and easy. All the examples above are quick. Want to feel good? Check what you put in your stomach. It's all connected.

Beware of drama junkies:

Drama junkies love to feel upset about things and only feel truly alive when their fight/flight mechanism has been activated. This can be due to a volatile childhood which makes intensity seem normal or desirable, or a particular kind of personality that needs plenty of intensity or aggravation from outside in the world. Ideally people who need high drama will find work that provides it, and that can be quite satisfying. Even then, there are those with high drama need that will still require extra outside of work or family life. Drama junkies may create conversations that lead to discussion of stressful things, or upsetting events or anger-provoking topics. You can either join them and feed it, or agree with them quietly then detach. Notice the effects of different types of conversations on you today. Do negative or upsetting topics affect you? Energize you? Drain you? Leave you feeling neutral? Think about what you want to feel today and feed the conversations that give you the uplifting feeling you prefer.

Activating your mojo:

Mojo is the juice that powers us forward into doing the things we want to do, it makes us aware of the life force within us and helps us direct our energy into the things that matter. Sometimes the flame can start to dwindle due to life and its many demands, so let's remedy that now, here, as you slowly begin to relax your eyes as you listen to my helpful words, words that are specially prepared by me, in order to speak directly to your subconscious mind, the seat of the flame, the control room of the life force, and things can happen without you having to do very much at all, as we move calmly and slowly into that control room, exciting place, centre of activity, bright and busy, with many things going on all at once, all the time, and we can move towards the panel that controls your mojo, can go up there and begin to slide the adjustment towards HIGHER, and you can know that your mojo can now begin to lift, slowly, comfortably, so that you may not even notice that spark at first, but over the next few days, pay close attention to the fact that you will begin to look forward to things, begin to feel just a little more happiness, more excitement, more spark, more drive and focus as your mojo flame burns higher and brighter every day now. Enjoy.

Motivation? Can't be bothered? What's the point?

At certain times of the year, many of us go through dips in motivation. Maybe it's the weather, or life circumstances, immune system activity or just tiredness, but we start to get that "can't be bothered" feeling and then activities we normally enjoy (or at least endure) get pushed to the side. We can either allow the phase to take its course, or we can lift ourselves back into action using mind body methods. All that is happening is that our physical energy is just a little lower than normal and we are allowing that to dictate our mental activity. If we need to break out of a motivational slump, then we can make a written list of activities/tasks (not too many) and decide that we don't have to gain maximum enjoyment right now, the pleasure can be in the completion itself instead. Make the list, tick them off, feel pleased for doing it when you didn't really feel like it. If we wait for high motivation it may take a long time (basic recipe for procrastination by the way). Or we can just do it now and feel good just because we got it done. Do it. Tell yourself you can.

Physical vs mental anxiety:

Sometimes we create and feed anxiety through our thoughts, usually via the dreaded "what if" scenarios and their catastrophic consequences. At other times, anxiety starts with a physical feeling. For some it's tension or tightness, for others it's shakiness or nervous feelings, for many it's through the stomach, pain, nausea or discomfort. If the anxiety starts as physical, we can train ourselves not to feed it with mental components as well. We can choose to be calm about the feelings, noting their presence without freaking out. Knowing it will pass, nothing to worry about, just the body choosing to be hypervigilant for some reason. Doing something physical (as opposed to sitting thinking about the feelings) will often help. Walk, run, move, just do something that involves activity and distraction. Or, breathe and allow it to pass (which it will). A key move is to only feed or amplify pleasant and positive thoughts and feelings. Let the others pass without judgement or freak outs until you move back into the more comfortable neutral gear.

Harmonious relationships:

While the most helpful thing in any relationship is compatibility in key values and preferences, we can also improve communication about differences in order to improve the relationship. A pattern I see regularly in relationships that are not functioning well is when one or both people go into the mode of "I'm right, you're wrong". This can either be followed by, "And I'm going to tell you all about it right now" or "And I can't even be bothered telling you because you should already know". Both of these versions are very damaging, no matter what the trigger. I work with clients towards full respect communication. This means that in any relationship we are both equal. Nobody is the superior being or has the right to put the other down. And we can and should communicate our concerns or requests, but we do so in a way that is respectful, without blame or labels. For example "I felt really annoyed/hurt/ when you didn't show up on time and I'd really like you to make an effort to be there at the time we agree on in future". The other person, rather than going into defense or excuses can then say "yes you're right, I'm sorry, I'll work harder to be on time". This allows non escalation and includes no blaming, labeling or accusations. Commit to full respect communication today.

Ways to stop magnifying negative thoughts:

When worries arise, or downer type thoughts, we can dwell (which prolongs and escalates the lower mood) or we can divert quickly and neutralize. One quick way to neutralize whatever it is that comes up in your mind is to repeat "It's getting better". Whatever it is, whether it's something you're concerned about, insomnia, or pain, or fatigue, or yourself and what you've said/done/not done, either way, reminding yourself firmly over and over that "it's getting better" will take the brain on another path. Don't question yourself about whether it's "really" getting better or try to find evidence that it isn't. Just repeat the phrase. Interestingly, using this method of auto-suggestion is quite an old and established pathway to improvement if you stick to it. After training in hypnotherapy, French psychologist Emile Coue had all his clients using conscious auto-suggestion and achieved some amazing results. His clients were to repeat "day by day in every way I'm getting better and better" many times daily. You can choose the reduced version to use as needed or try the extended phrase if you prefer it. Either way, it's a great thought stopper and diversion technique. And you know what, it IS getting better.

Mind clearing:

Sometimes the mind can get all gummed up and foggy with all the thoughts and all that stuff that happens or doesn't happen, and there are times when we need a little clearing, just to be able to see straight, and we can start that now; now is always the right time, so just slow those eyes of yours, that's right, reading just a little more slowly, you're doing very well, slower still, so that my words can slowly and clearly reach your mind now, that vacuum effect, where all the stuff you don't need is simply vacuumed from the mind here, gently sucked away and then dissolved into the nothingness it came from, cleansing and clearing, emptying the space, everything neat and ordered in just the way you want it, leaving room for more good, more fun, more possibilities and ideas and sleep and whatever else you might want, but simply allowing that space to clear and expand into perfect clarity, that's right, and you can take that clarity back into your day now. Stay clear.

Go approval-free today!

How many things do we not say or not do in case it brings disapproval from others?? How many times do we worry before we bring up topics that might be difficult? Or bring them up but worry later, going over and over what was said in case it upset somebody? Our job is to be ethical and kind of course, but our job is also to live and speak our truth within those boundaries. People that don't live or voice their truth often have slower rates of healing, especially from anxiety, fatigue and depression. Where are you holding back? Resolve to go approval-free today. Self-approval is the drug of choice. Be ethical, be kind and live the truth.

Overdoing the guilt?

As an emotion, guilt has a purpose. Its job is to help us review our behavior and to make sure that in hindsight we've made choice that are aligned with our key values. Were we ethical? Were we kind? Did we do the best we could, given the circumstances and how we were feeling at the time? If the answer is yes, we did, then then we could feel ok, even if we decide to do something different for next time. But. If guilt is still flowing, then something in our thought process is distorted which is generating unpleasant emotion. Usually, unwarranted guilt is made up of several thought distortions, mind reading, fortune telling, catastrophizing and minimizing the positives. Mind reading because we are making up a story about what another person or feels. Fortune telling because we think we know what will happen next and what consequences will occur. Catastrophizing because we are making a bigger deal of it that it is. When we write down our guilty thoughts it's much easier to see the distortions and correct them. Guilt is a byproduct of empathy gone awry. Keep the empathy (kindness and ethical behavior) and lose the distortions for more pleasant results!

Gotta do it!!

Procrastinating? Not doing what you need to do? This is your signal to get it started, get on with it, get it finished. Stop thinking, start doing and don't bother with excuses, do the thing you said you were going to do, then you can chill. Go on.

On a bad run??

It's strange how bad runs seem to happen. One difficult thing happens and then a few more tricky or unpleasant things often occur around the same time. Even in families or among friendship groups, weird event clusters can occur. When we feel this happening, it's important not to catastrophize; all the events are part of normal human experience, they are not personal. We are not being targeted. Also, it's important to remind ourselves that it's temporary. It often doesn't feel temporary at the time, but it is. And afterwards we look back with less aggravation and then much later on, we forget the phase even happened, like a bad cold or flu whose details or intensity quickly fade from memory. Today could be the start of a very good phase, who knows?! Keep your mind in check, hold pleasant thoughts and be ready for good stuff to come your way.

Setting up for good days:

On some days, good feelings arrive for no good reason, that light feeling in the chest, clear head, sense of having slept well enough or at least not caring, a feeling of possibility about the day ahead that just seems to be effortless and spontaneous but slow things down now as you read this, more relaxed, slower now, breathing, you know, and I know too that good moods don't just come out of nowhere, somehow, all the gears in the body and mind are moving in the right direction, you are moving, you are active, you are making the decisions that are right for you, doing the things you know will make you feel better, alive and connected now, plugged into the source of whoever and whatever brings you joy, and we can decide right here, now, to do more of this, to actively program the mind to do more of what works, more good decisions for you, thinking the right way, positive, knowing that you CAN overcome these difficulties that can sometimes feel so powerful, but you have more power, right now, we charge your battery to the point where you know you are stronger, faster and more alive and you can move forward today knowing that it's getting better, moving well, progressing day by day. Stay on the right side of good decisions today. You will.

Are you magnifying imperfections??

One of the common thought patterns that leads to depression, stress and anxiety is the tendency to zoom in on one tiny thing that isn't right, a small portion that you're not happy with, either in a task, an event, appearance, other people, relationships or jobs, or other things in life. It's as though we look at the tiny imperfection using a microscope, so it looks huge and overwhelming, and everything else is hidden. Many people do this with certain aspects of their own appearance or personality, leading to feeling completely awful about the self based on one tiny exaggerated factor. Or maybe it's one part of yourself, a habit, personality trait or tendency and for that you criticize and crucify yourself. We humans have an ability to forget the whole picture and just zero in on the bit that makes us feel bad. Nobody knows why we do it, but it feels horrible. Most people, females in particular, would ignore the twenty compliments and remember the one bit of negative feedback. This is a great example of magnifying imperfections and leads to worry, anger, feeling bad and other unpleasantness. Go for balance. Check the big picture today and make sure you deliberately look for what is going well and what is already good.

Personalizing stuff and its effect on mood:

Traffic, other people's behavior, the events of the world, the rudeness of words, tiredness, illness and other unpleasant stuff; it's very easy to take it personally and feel bad that it's happening "to us". It can feel unfair, unjust and like we did nothing to deserve this. Interestingly, those last thoughts I just mentioned, about the unfairness of things, and how we didn't "deserve for this bad thing to happen" are the most likely to trigger a cycle of self pity, despair and depression, perhaps even resentment. We also know that people who ruminate about the unfairness of things are the most likely to have anger issues. The opposite of personalizing is to know that all the things that happen are part of the human experience, and that it's nothing to do with fairness, worthiness or deservingness. Some stuff just happens, due to a collection of precipitating factors that may have very little to do with us. De-personalizing things that happen is helpful for prevention of anxiety and depression. It's not always about you. Stuff just happens. After it's happened, we do the best we can to recover and get back to life. Resolve to take nothing personally today.

Thanks:

Today is a day to write down a list of things you feel very thankful for. Anything at all. Small things, like your cup of tea or a pleasant scene around you. Bigger things like people you care about or enjoy. Huge things like life itself, nature and the bigger picture of creativity, intelligence and renewal. If you have trouble thinking of things, just say "thanks" or "thank you", over and over. Your brain will get the message.

The trouble with anxious or negative thoughts:

The real issue with these unpleasant thoughts is that they arrive seemingly out of nowhere and then run so fast through the mind, generating new and similarly unpleasant thoughts as they go. Of course we know the strategy is to notice the thought, label it without buying into the content (eg "catastrophizing thought") and then go back to the realistic facts which are always better and less dire than we first think. In other words, we challenge the truth of our "story" and arrive at a more factual conclusion then we feel a little better. Again though, the issue is the speed of the thoughts. If you think you can successfully achieve thought changing by using your mind alone, you would be one of the few people in the world. None of us can, they go too fast. The only way to start retraining the mind is to do what most people can't be bothered doing, and that is to write down the negative thoughts and stories that pass through. All the time. Then, identify the distortions in the thoughts (write it down) and correct the facts (yes, write that down too). You'd be amazed how effective this is, for anxiety, depression, pain, CFS, insomnia, relationship issues and loads of other life things. I might cover a few types of thought distortions if this would be helpful in identifying where things go south. In the meantime, get a notebook. Get ready to write.

Less and less anxiety:

Most people want the feeling of calm inside, that feeling that everything is ok and there's no need to worry, so it's time now to take a minute, won't take you long at all to listen to my words, as you slowly read, slowing down your eyes, and then your breathing can follow in some relaxed way, whatever way feels natural to you, easier somehow, and more pleasant, just simply allowing things to take their course, trusting that nature knows how to do things, how to help creatures breathe, in fact how to create a creature from a tiny seed and give it life, how to turn a tiny pod into a fully grown tree, how to heal when there is an injury, how to restore full function when there has been an imbalance, and how to create peace after a storm has passed. And just like the waves that vary, sometimes huge and thick, sometimes flat and easy, emotions can change very quickly, and all can be restored into calm by letting the wave pass by, or pass over you or maybe even under you, and then you can move right on with your day, knowing that all is indeed well. It is.

Neutral Thought Training:

If we experience anxiety, depression or fatigue, managing our thought process is a crucial part of recovery. Negative and/or scary thoughts or feelings are naturally going to arise and we need to know what to do with these. Typical thoughts are catastrophising, freaking out with what ifs, focusing on only the negatives, personalizing it and projecting the bad stuff into the future. Once you label it in your mind "anxious thought/feeling" we need a neutral thought to go straight towards. Here are a few suggestions for a repetitive homing thought during anxiety:

- Repeat over and over "Thank you"

- Repeat name of beloved pet or person. 

- Say "Just breathe" repeatedly

-Count forwards to ten or backwards repeatedly. With each breath if you prefer. 

- Notice and label all the green you can see. 

- "Peace". Say it and breathe. 

- Focus on love. Who do you love? Who loves you?

- Alphabet- choose a theme (eg beach, TV shows, sport, bands etc) go through and choose one that starts with each letter.

So you get the idea. Label the anxiety thought then move straight to the homing thought. As many times as it takes. The brain gets the diversion message eventually!

Anxiety mind triggers:

Anxiety usually starts with a feeling, and that's the thing we focus on. But when we trace it back, there's often been a series of thoughts or worries, sometimes conscious and at other times operating below conscious awareness. Once we are aware of the anxiety sensation, many of us then go into an anxious thought spiral, often based on catastrophising, future fantasies and self criticism. For example, worrying about something that has happened or is about to happen, thinking of the unpleasant ways it might go, thinking how it always happens and will lead to more bad things and then getting mad at yourself for thinking like this, but being unable to stop it. Sound familiar?! When an anxious thought it feeling arises, call it. Label it "ah, there's an anxious thought". Don't figure out what or why. Just notice, label, then move on to a chosen neutral thought. Do this twenty times if you have to. The neutral thought is something you may want to have organized in advance. More on this aspect tomorrow. In the meantime, practice labeling the thoughts without buying in or adding to them. Don't build a fire. Our aim is to extinguish, not fuel the flames.

The New Day:

Every day is a new day. Every day is a chance to change. Every day is a chance to start something or to start again if you want to. Every day we should be ready for good things to happen. Every day is new and can be completely different from other days if we actually look for the differences, or of course it can feel exactly the same as most other days if we look for that sameness. We control most of our day by our thoughts and reactions. Some things that happen will be beyond our control, especially the aspects that involve other people. But we can take charge of our boundaries, our thoughts, and how we choose to respond. How we respond determines how we feel. We can either feed a negative spiral or circumvent it by detaching and deliberately going in another thought direction. Choose the new day with the new thought today. Your mantra today is "it's a new day!".

Make it a GOOD Friday!

Make GOOD choices. Focus on what makes you feel GOOD over the long term. Think GOOD thoughts. Do something GOOD for somebody! Think of all the GOOD things and people in your life. Reflect on how things can turn out to be for the greater GOOD even though it may not seem so at first. Use the word "GOOD" as often as you can. Make it a GOOD one for you and those around you today!

Sticking to habits:

Changing habits isn't easy and often takes a bit of time and some coaching. Many people WANT to change what they do, whether it's food habits, sleep time, alcohol or substance use, exercise, relationship patterns or other things. But wanting isn't enough. If we stick with the "want to" phase, we will go well when we feel good, when we naturally feel motivated. But that won't be all the time. We get stressed, we get tired, we become overwhelmed or lose our mojo or are around other people that don't support the change and then suddenly, it isn't so important, it can wait, it's already ruined, what's the point, might as well start next week, isn't the right time now. This pattern is common and people usually self-justify it at first, then go into guilt mode later. The solution is in the decision making process. When the choice moment comes, go beyond "want to" or desire. Go long term. What is the outcome you ultimately want? What is the important value here? What is the most intelligent thing to do, given the outcome you want? Challenge the self-indulgent or self-pity or lazy thoughts that arise and focus on what matters to you. Then make your choice according to those guiding principles. If you live according to your own key values, you have integrity. If you lie to yourself and cheat yourself out of what you know is important to you, you won't feel good. Make the right decisions for yourself today!

Stubborn attitudes and beliefs:

Stubbornness is a mixed bag. It can be a part of determination, as in stubbornly refusing to accept defeat, or stubbornly persisting in the face of opposition or difficulty. The flip side of stubbornness is the inability to remain open, listen or take in new information. The other more worrying part of stubbornness is a refusal to admit when we are wrong, or to say sorry and show remorse. Many people have a defensive streak and will deny any possible wrong-doing. While this may protect the ego, it does not protect the relationship with the other person involved. Check internal stubbornness. Ask, is this a time to be "right" or is this a time to be flexible? There are times for both, of course, but stubbornness causes more problems in relationships than many other personality traits. Ask what is more important: the ego and its need to be right? Or the feelings of both parties in the relationship. Let's do our part to lessen the unnecessary stubborn aspects in our world.

Anxiety, concentration and blood sugar:

So many people who have nervous system issues do not manage their blood sugar effectively. There is a direct connection between anxiety and unstable blood sugar. Skipping meals (especially breakfast) will mean that your blood sugar will drop and your adrenalin levels will skyrocket. High adrenalin means more anxiety and/or agitation. In addition, your brain won't be adequately fueled, which affects concentration, memory and clear thinking. We are also more likely to overreact (leading to increased anxiety) when not adequately fueled. For the optimal mood state, calm nerves and focused mind, we need a balance of protein (palm-sized), low GI carbs (ideally vegetables) and good fats (just a bit) at least three times a day. Some people need five or six smaller meals, others are better with three. Yes there is a current buzz about intermittent fasting (eating dinner early then not eating at all until late morning/lunch the next day) but this works for some, not all. Those with less stable blood sugar may find it disturbs their sleep, energy and mood. The key is to find what works best for you. But remember, if you want good feelings, choose the right fuel.

Beware fear tactics:

Fear tactics are designed to scare you and make you believe that a perceived threat against you is real. It may come from within your own mind, perhaps your own inner catastrophizing. Or other people, including friends or family may "warn you" or trigger thoughts of anticipated harm or rejection. The media is full of fear messages, possible harm, multiple dangers, talk of "epidemics" and other threats to your safety and health. Remember your grounding thoughts: you are safe. All is well. Do not be caught in the illusion of fear. Most people's brains will automatically overreact to the fear message in order to protect the self. It's up to us to put up the stop sign, re-establish perspective and proceed with relaxed awareness. Anything we need to know or do will become apparent. Until then, our job is to remain calm. Enjoy the calm today.

A short reminder for your inner critic:

Slow down now as you read these words, as I speak to the inner part of your mind, the control room that manages all change processes, because you know, and I know too, that your inner critic has been too active lately, judging yourself, perhaps maybe even judging others at times, comparing, contrasting and being a little to harsh on yourself, and you know that it's time to turn down the volume on that voice now, fade out that voice, let it blend into the white noise of background life, no longer necessary, we thank it for its input, but it has now been superseded by a much more balanced and positive voice that searches for and comments on the ok, the good, and the better than good. Listen for THAT voice today. It will be much louder. That voice says all is well.

Your quick reminder:

Your reminder today is that it is not personal. Whatever it is that is bothering you, it's not personal. It's just the way things are, not about you, not your stuff, it's just the human condition. Some humans operate differently from others and that's ok. It's not about you. Remember.

Your next short reminder:

This reminder is about activating your boundaries. We have two sets of boundaries, one for outgoing, which appropriately contains our own words, emotions and behavior as well as one for incoming, which protects us from the inappropriate words, expectations or behavior of others. Check yours today and activate them with emotional intelligence.

Short reminder time:

Today your personal reminder is to make choices that are best for your body. Great choices in food, water, activity, relaxation and rest will power up your body and boost your mood. Think long term and think best choice.

A week of short reminders:

Today is your reminder to take a breath. Whatever that means for you, physical, emotional, activity level, relationship or other issue. Remember to take a deep breath.

Tapping into connection:

Sometimes it can be easy to allow feelings of disconnection or isolation to float around in the mind, feelings about people or relationships, wishing they were other than what they are, and as you know, and I know too, whatever we focus on will expand, so watch my words here now, slowly, letting your eyes relax into an easy glide, dissolving all tension as you read now what I'm saying to you, slowly and comfortably, as my mind connects with yours, synchronizing as I pass these helpful words to your inner mind, the subconscious mind, where all change takes place now, connecting to all positive points like a strong electrical circuit, you know which energies you want to align with, and it doesn't really matter whether they are nearby or not, or even whether or not they are still moving in your human scene, using the power of your mind, you connect now with the love, the essence, with the bond you know is always there and you can feel it now and always, just by tuning in, always with you, always connected, always available through the circuitry as long as you tap in and so you tap in now and you can notice the positive charges begin to flow within your circuit. Stay tuned today.

Your personal reminder:

This is your reminder to look after your personal wellbeing today. You know what this means for you. We all have a priority for self-care; for some it is the correct nutrition and no excuses. For others it is staying away from toxic substances no matter what the triggers are. For others it is remembering to stop, breathe and relax. Some need to remember to walk, or move or boost activity. Or do some fun things, hang out with fun people or avoid certain other people/activities. Others need to meditate and take time out of mind. Do what you need to do for yourself today please.

Not feeling good?? Work backwards:

When you're not feeling good in yourself, it's generally something that has developed over time. For most people, mood is a slow build and if going in a negative direction, can be easily triggered into a depressive or anxious mode of thinking. Mood builds according to two major areas: physiological processes and emotional/cognitive focus. Physiological factors include what you eat, what you don't eat, what you drink, substances consumed, blood sugar patterns, hormones, brain chemistry patterns, energy/exhaustion, nervous system activity and sleep or rest cycles, among other things. These areas have huge affects on depression and anxiety triggers as they set the scene for how your body/mind will respond. Similarly, thinking patterns and emotional focus have a massive influence on mood build up. Catastrophizing, continual worry, only seeing the negatives, putting yourself or others down in your mind, angry thoughts, "what's the point" thoughts, judgmental thinking etc will deplete your good mood chemicals and lead you into the viral spiral. Moods have patterns. If you want to feel good, think physiology and think focus. Even if you don't feel great, attending to these areas will give some relief and a sense of direction.

The catastrophizing brain:

Some brains freak out, and when in the grip of anxiety, start throwing out terrible worst case scenarios about people, the future and things in general. It could be that you are catastrophizing about your relationship, your children, your finances or even the future of the world. Catastrophizing thoughts aren't rational or helpful, but they feel "true" when in the grip of an anxiety flood. Later on, when you feel better, you can look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking, but they certainly feel realistic when they kick in. The trick is to recognize that it's just anxious catastrophizing as it happens (not easy but can be achieved if consciously worked on) and to label it as just an anxious thought rather than buying into its content. Continue to label it as "anxious thought" and take your brain somewhere else with action that is distracting and positive. If we continually disregard the catastrophizing content, it will fade away more quickly over time, and arise less. Keep your thoughts real today!

Things that go right:

The human brain may have evolved with a tendency to track for problems in order to survive. This is especially true for those of us with "hyper vigilant" systems that constantly scan and check and have trouble relaxing or shutting off. We can settle the hyper vigilance via calming activities or interventions (including relaxation methods and key nutritional supplements) and we can also teach our brain to scan for something that WE choose rather than an autopilot choice. For example if you ask your brain to scan for all the blue that you can see around you, you will find the blue. In a similar way, you can ask your brain to scan for all the things that go "right" or well for you today. Our brains are so used to scanning for possible danger or discomfort but we can employ this same process more consciously just by being aware and making a clear choice. Scan for friendliness, things going smoothly, areas of bodily comfort, pleasant scenery, colors you enjoy, animals, smiling people, nature sounds and anything else that pleases you. Let your brain use its evolutionary mechanism for your enjoyment today!

Time to focus:

The thing you need to do, it's time to remind your mind to get in line, to move towards the action you need to take, so watch my words carefully as I speak now to your inner mind, slowly, with the friendly and gentle nudge towards what you and I both know you can do, can easily do, can make it happen really quite smoothly, in a relaxed way, releasing any tension now, letting your inner mind focus like a laser beam right on that thing you need to do, in your mind's eye moving now towards your target and remembering the positive feelings you can now have in advance, with more good stuff to come!

That thing you're upset about:

Think about the thing that might be bothering you right now. I'm assuming you've probably analyzed the problem side of the issue enough. Now it's time to focus on the elements that will move things forward. I want you to ask yourself three questions about this:

1. In relation to this situation, how do you want to feel?

2. What story are you telling yourself about this situation and where do you need to challenge fact vs interpretation?

3. Given your emotional goal and the facts, what small step would be the best one to take and when will you do this?

When we have a problem we need to examine the human feelings that come with it. And then, if we don't want to remain stuck in the problem state, we need to move towards solution focus using questions such as those I've stated above! So what are you going to do now??

Kindness check:

We know that most people are more kind and patient with people at work compared to people they live with. Are you using up your kind, patient energy during the day and then bringing impatience home with you? Is there somebody with whom you'd like to feel more kindly, or to act with more kindness? Kindness is a state of mind in which we accept the person for who they are whether we approve of their actions or not, and we feel a generosity of spirit towards them. Generosity of spirit means we assume the best, we feel open and we transmit positive energy. Where do you need to work on generosity of spirit? On the roads? At home? With certain friends or co-workers? While watching TV? Or just in general? Kindness plus appropriate boundaries (ie do not let in what should not be let in) seems to be a recipe for wisdom. And as I've said many times before, kindness should be one of the top criteria for choosing partners when dating. It's a strong predictor of success in all relationships, again paired with appropriate boundaries. Consider one key relationship today and check in with the kindness/boundary balance.

Sticking with changes you make:

Most people only make changes when their level of emotional pain reaches an intolerable level and life feels out of control. This applies to changes such as eating, exercise, substance use, drinking, anger management, addictions and relationship patterns. Often, something has gone wrong, or there is some unpleasant catalyst for the change of behavior or habit. Changing things and getting it under control feels great. At first. At first, there is a kind of high, a relief, a feeling of euphoria about finally getting started, about feeling better, about making progress. Then, over a few weeks, the change begins to feel "normal" and less exciting. Old thoughts begin to appear, old urges are triggered, it becomes "boring" or maybe just less compelling, less important somehow. Excuses kick in, permission to go back to the old way is self-granted. This is where the true work begins, in terms of the maintenance of change. Some call it self regulation, the ability to keep yourself on track doing the things that you know are right for you. It won't happen by itself, you have to help it. Put up reminders about why you are doing it, read or listen to relevant experts/authors on the topic, seek coaching which provides an accountability process, set up talks with a friend or group making similar changes. Do something. Keep the momentum. YOU need to trigger the momentum.

People and pain:

It's hard to watch people in pain. Sometimes we can see it, sometimes it's well-hidden. Pain increases stress hormones, and as a result, lowers serotonin, the good mood chemical. It's really hard to project a good mood when you're in pain, and some people just can't. For many, pain can lead to withdrawal, grumpiness, moodiness and irritability, especially if the pain has become chronic. Pain can also generate a lot of anxiety, as people worry about doing what they need to do, and how long this will go on, and what it might mean. Many people, such as those with fibromyalgia, CFS or other chronic pain conditions, feel like this every day. Nobody can see the pain they feel. And when they try to tell people, most don't really understand or empathize with just how debilitating chronic pain is, especially pain with no "obvious" cause. People understand a "back injury" or a broken arm, but chronic pain conditions are invisible and therefore remain largely unacknowledged. This of course only adds to the pain and mood effects of those particular conditions. Many people are in silent, secret pain, both physical and emotional, and it could be affecting the behavior of those around you without you knowing. Be aware today just in case.

Allowing inner peace:

Amongst all the turmoil out there, we can still access a feeling or thought or word of inner peace, here, now, reading my words, slowing down, beginning just to let your eyes glide much more, easily, slow down, breathing slower, tension releasing, simply dissolving all that stuff that you used to hold on to, now just really letting go and allowing your inner mind to remind you of what you already know, and you do know peace, deep, inner peace that is only found by looking through in the minds eye at what is really true and real, all is well and you can remember this feeling now, remembering a time, perhaps long ago, when you felt very very relaxed, nothing bothers you now, all things working together for your good, just simply allowing things to be as they are while you bask in the mellowness of inner peace today. You can.

Remember your mission today.

Only you know what your mission is. Your mission is the thing that gets you out of bed, that gives you purpose and satisfaction. It may have nothing to do with any paid or unpaid work that you do, and it might be something others don't understand. But it's YOUR mission, you have accepted it and now you must let it propel you through your day. We know when we are on mission. We feel purposeful and focused even though it may also be tiring or stressful. Sometimes one mission finishes and you know it's time to wait for the next mission to reveal itself, which it will, in good time. Be honest with yourself about whether your mission still propels you forward or whether you are ready for your next assignment. And be prepared to be patient. Not all is revealed in the timeline we prefer but it works out right in the long run. Tune into your inner compass today and move forward in the direction of your true mission.

Working on your optimism game:

When stuff happens, we need ways of redirecting the negative thoughts so that we don't end up in a spiral. When the problem thought of feeling arises, ask yourself a series of optimism-boosting questions to change the flow of your narrative. Let's say you wake up with overwhelming fatigue or pain, you feel pretty awful, and have a few thoughts arising about how bad you feel and how hard the day is going to be. So you could redirect by asking yourself:

- Given how I feel, what's my goal today? What can I focus on?

- What tiny thing could I do that might help me feel better or minimize the effects of how I feel?

- Who can I speak to or see that would help me feel better?

- What do I need to do for myself so that I feel ok about feeling this way?

- What do I need to do to stay calm about this temporary situation?

- What small steps can I take now?

Asking questions changes thought content and prevents the viral spiral into depressive thought. Use them often!

Remember your mission today.

Only you know what your mission is. Your mission is the thing that gets you out of bed, that gives you purpose and satisfaction. It may have nothing to do with any paid or unpaid work that you do, and it might be something others don't understand. But it's YOUR mission, you have accepted it and now you must let it propel you through your day. We know when we are on mission. We feel purposeful and focused even though it may also be tiring or stressful. Sometimes one mission finishes and you know it's time to wait for the next mission to reveal itself, which it will, in good time. Be honest with yourself about whether your mission still propels you forward or whether you are ready for your next assignment. And be prepared to be patient. Not all is revealed in the timeline we prefer but it works out right in the long run. Tune into your inner compass today and move forward in the direction of your true mission.

Good feelings now:

Most of us want more positive feelings coursing through our veins, easing the nervous system and promoting pleasant thoughts so just read my words slowly now, relaxing the eyes so that they can in turn relax the mind, and soothe the body, your body and your mind remember many good feelings, past, moving into the present just by the feeling of their memory, letting your inner mind remember now, maybe something from when you were very much younger, a happy time, a fun time, running freely on a beach or somewhere else completely, in your own world doing something, just not thinking, being IN the fun, your mind and body at one, free, just being in that moment where your mind forgot to think and only remembered to BE, and you can be, today, in this moment, quite free, right now, just free of care, being willing to feel good, willing to feel a little bit better, willing to take a holiday from cares or concerns in the inner mind, just letting the pleasant feelings flow naturally. They will.

So you want to eat better and be more healthy?

Improving our nutrition, exercise and substance choices is a simple way to boost mood and energy quickly. The only barrier is in the mind. For some people, the mind will throw up all sorts of reasons why: "it's hard, it's difficult, it can't happen now, it's self-deprivation, it's not the right time, other people don't have to do it, why should it be so hard for me, it's my hormones, it's not fair, it's too much, I can't be bothered, I'm overwhelmed, there's too much conflicting information, I've got too much on anyway, I'm going out so I can't do it, and it's always been a problem for me". I hear these patterns in my clinic most days. That narrative is a justification for staying as is. Truthfully, any change takes a DECISION, which means that other options are cut off and a single path is CHOSEN. It's a CHOICE. We need to make that choice consistently, using SELF DISCIPLINE. We expect children to employ self discipline (ie doing things they may not want to do, for their own good) but somehow some of us expect adulthood to be fully free with regard to how we treat out bodies. We have a CHOICE. We can go with urges, impulses and desires, or we can CHOOSE to do the best thing for our precious body and mind. And it is precious. Treat your bodymind with respect today and CHOOSE well.

A little bit of self-appreciation:

None of us want to be arrogant or entitled, or to project an attitude of superiority. People with these traits have a tough time in life, and often can't understand why they offend so many people and burn relationships. On the other hand, most genuinely great people don't realize how great they are, and may even tend towards feeling inferior in some way. It's important to be able to appreciate our own strengths, the unique or interesting combination of traits that we bring to the world. Nobody else does it just like you! And who are you to judge yourself harshly? It's like a piece of art, it just takes the right eye or the right perspective to see the beauty and complexity in something that may appear simple. Or the perfect simplicity in something that may appear complex. If you choose, you can decide that you were made perfectly, and that you present a unique and pretty cool package to the world. Notice the things you do, feel and say that you enjoy, as they happen. Begin to self-appreciate a little more as you go through your day today!

Tiredness and adrenal recharge:

Sometimes after being particularly energetic during a busy or stressful time, we hit an adrenal crash. This feels like a phase of tiredness in that we feel unmotivated, not able to think clearly and have thoughts about just staying in bed or lying on the couch indefinitely. When the adrenal glands have been forced to pump out energy for an extended or intense period, they need rest and recovery time and only your body can decide how long that takes. If we try and force it we often end up feeling worse. Many of us become worried or anxious during tired phases as we are "busy" and have "so much to do", and "how long will this last?" But the busy-ness probably got us here in the first place, and those tired phases are an invitation to look at how you could do things a bit differently. Where do you need to relax more? Is it more mind relaxation or body relaxation? What could you do more of? And less of? Is there anything you have been overdoing or avoiding doing? Listen to the body, it knows much more than the mind, and is not subject to the "shoulds" that we do in our head. Tired phases pass more effectively when we listen to what the bodymind wants, and follow through. Listen today.

Blank mind and Fog mind:

There are days when we can't think. Days when we don't seem to be able to talk properly. Days when we walk into a room and forget why we came. Days when we can't remember names, events or other things from the recent past or long term stuff that we "know we know". People blame all kinds of things for these brain blanks; age, tiredness, hormones, illness, medication and premature cognitive decline! But these foggy days happen to everyone. They pass more quickly if we just know that it's a temporary fog/blank and pay no attention to it at all. The brain is clever. If you fear something, it will show you more and more examples to increase your vigilance. So if you want sharpness, search for it. Notice the times you feel really on the ball, the times when information or language just flows effortlessly. Happens all the time. Notice this today!

Getting over stuff:

Sometimes things happen, things that get stuck in the inner mind, and it's hard to shake them, can be hard to integrate and move forward, so with your eyes slowly gliding over my words, so I can talk to you, here, your subconscious mind knows to listen carefully to my helpful instructions, relaxing the mind, letting all tension dissolve from the face, the neck, the shoulders, softer now, allowing a little inner peace to slowly make its way around your system via my words to you, reassuring your inner mind, all is well, everything is in perfect order, your subconscious mind can begin to settle, less analyzing, less worrying and negativity now, just simply being, allowing everything to settle in its new place, happier, more confident, knowing what matters and forgetting now about what doesn't matter anymore, because there is really no need to remember, dissolving what no longer serves you now, focusing on the good from now on, now is the time and here is the place and you're more than ok.

Inner peace for today!

We can't control the level of peace around us, but we can contribute by working on our own level of inner peace. Inner peace comes by accepting what is, whatever that is. Just say "It is". And feel the deep breath that comes when we agree that "it is". We don't have to label it good or bad, right or wrong, or judge it in any way. We can just breathe in and say "it is". We can increase inner harmony via this choice of acceptance, breathing into what is, and letting go the tension or resistance. We don't solve any problems from a state of fury, frustration or annoyance. Return to inner peace, then let the mind direct you in ways you may not have expected.

Negative thoughts arising!

Every single person, even the most happy or optimistic among us, are subject to negative thoughts. They could be about ourselves, the world, other people or events and they arise from nowhere in particular. Some researchers have suggested that the "negative bias" of the brain may be protective, helping us to predict, identify and deal with potential threats or problems. While this is possible, many of our negative thoughts are pointless and just make us feel bad for no good reason. The difference is in the amount of attention we pay to the thoughts. Optimistic people are aware of their negative thoughts, but find ways of diverting and reframing. On the other hand, those with less optimism often buy into the thought as if it was true, finding further evidence and generally forging mentally down the black hole. When a negative thought arises, cancel it. Say "I cancel that thought" or "I delete that thought". Cancel or delete, whichever word is stronger for you. Then actively choose a new thought. If your negative thought is about an event or situation, cancel or delete it, then choose "it will be ok, I can handle this" or something else that takes your brain pathway in a different direction. Don't run with negativity! Calmly cancel or delete, then move to possibility today.

Not good enough??

When it comes to ourselves, many of us judge so harshly, we should be better, we should be faster, quicker, more calm and less stressed, doing more of one thing and less of another, or just different in some undefined way. And yet, we are as we are, perhaps we don't need to change so much, perhaps we are already good enough! Yes we can have intentions, goals, areas of progress, and we can also be good enough already. Try it out today, when the critical voice kicks in, say to it "it's ok, I'm actually good enough". And you are.

The mantra of EASY.

The word for today is EASY. Decide now that everything that you need to do can be easy, your body can feel easy, all interactions can be easy and pleasant. Whenever you come across a challenge, you can say "This is easy". EASY is a word with semantic density, and has a positive effect on the mind and nervous system. Easy isn't about the outcome, it's about the process, the attitude and physiology you choose to enter the day with. Be easy today.

Are you listening?

Your bodymind is carrying a bit of stress right now, and it's time to let that stuff go, to release all the unwanted, unneeded, no longer necessary residual, just dissolving it into the nothingness it came from, so listen now, hearing my words as I slowly talk to your inner mind, and you can slowly listen as you read this, allowing your eyes to easily focus and your mind to calmly absorb, just noticing any areas in the bodymind where the color isn't quite right, the places where some excess or build up has occurred, and now, here, using the power of your mind's eye, simply allowing that stuff to be drained away, sucked out using that powerful energy vacuum we all have access to, taking it all out, dissolved and gone, leaving only clean energy, healthy cells and a strong clear nervous system, feeling much better now, cleansed, purified and ready to flow with the rhythm of your life. Go with ease today.

Goals, failure and misery!

We know that setting goals and being outcome oriented is great for achieving success in work, sport and other hobbies where we have a certain level of control. One of the key principles of goal setting is to decide what outcome you want, but ONLY focus on the part which is in your control. For example if you were starting a running program, you might have the goal of going out running three times per week for thirty minutes. That is achievable. However, if you set the goal of beating the times of other people, well, that's not within your control. Working with athletes involves focusing on improving PERSONAL BEST, rather than comparisons to what other people are doing. There's a reason for this: what any other human does is not within our control, so if our goal is focused on that, we are setting ourselves up for misery. In addition, when we set a goal or intention, we need to release ourselves from attachment to the outcome. We never truly know what's best for ourselves or others; even if we thought achieving a certain thing would be for our highest good, it may true out that some other outcome was best for all concerned. We don't know, so we release attachment and control. And we feel better.

We are responsible for the energy we bring!

It's easy to blame circumstances, other people, traffic, bad mood or other factors for allowing ourselves to bring angry, irritated, gloomy energy to our interactions with others. Of course there are times when it's difficult to hide how we feel, and times when we really need to discuss how we feel. But in the workplace or other social interactions, we all need to be aware of human sympathetic resonance. This refers to the way our energy or mood will affect the other people around us. If we are angry, negative or gloomy, there will be effects on others. Some will feel anxious, some will feel drained, others may try to compensate with extra positivity and some may feel like the air has been sucked out of the room. A small subset will be unaffected and may not even notice. If we can't get ourselves out of a negative space after a day or two, we may need to take further action. We know ourselves what promotes our optimism, whether it's talking to a trusted person, reading, music, massage, yoga, meditation, creative activities, rest or relaxation, increased exercise and self care. We must take responsibility for boosting our vibe without any self recrimination. Good vibes to you today

Frustrations and irritations!

We can feel very thwarted when things don't go the way we want them to go, leading to tension, agitated feelings and inner resistance. Frustration is really just thinking and feeling that things "should" not be the way they are, and "should" be the way we prefer. Frustration tolerance is a key skill in maintaining positive mood and avoiding depressed or angry thoughts. We learn to tolerate frustration as children by the way our parents and teachers help us manage disappointments or refusals. We learn to fight it, to tantrum it or alternatively, to self-sooth, which means to calm ourselves down and find a way to allow or accept what is happening. Even if our frustration tolerance is low (which will be exacerbated by tiredness, chronic pain, illness or overload) we can work on the self-soothing skills. Remind yourself of why it will be ok, that you can handle this, that you can move on to something else, that it's just temporary, that it's not such a big deal, that you can accept it. The quicker you can use your mind to dissolve irritation or frustration, the less your system 

Distracting the anxious brain:

Anxiety feels like something we should pay attention to, a horrible alarm signal that is loud, unpleasant and signaling imminent danger. If we are genuinely in danger then it isn't anxiety, it's an appropriate fear response. Mostly though, there is no imminent threat, just a nervous system with an overactive alarm mechanism. We can re-train this mechanism with help, training it to turn down the noise. Our first step is to train the brain to pay less attention to the noise and focus on something else. By redirecting focus, we send a message to the subconscious mind that we aren't as interested, and over time the alarm will reduce in intensity. We do this via distraction mechanisms. We give the brain another job to do so that it pays less attention to the physical or cognitive anxiety symptoms. This distraction job can be anything, from something creative, to counting, to naming objects, to changing breathing, to coloring in, to repeating a mantra or key words. The trick is to CONTINUE doing the distraction method rather than do it for ten seconds and say "this doesn't work!" The method is in the discipline, and the knowledge that anxiety isn't worth paying attention to. Find your distraction task and stick with it.

Pulling the plug on any pain or stress:

Most of us store some residual stress or pain or frustration in our bodies, manifesting as tension or discomfort or perhaps just a sense of unease or tiredness, so let's tune in now, tuning in to any stored stuff, anything you need to release here, slowing down as you allow your subconscious mind to do the work for you, relaxing while your inner mind makes all the required adjustments now, focusing your attention on the color of what will be released, the shape, and the associated feeling, and through the power of your imagination, allowing your mind to know what the color will be once it's all released, and the shape of what will drain away, and now, when you're ready, using your mind's eye, simply pull the plug and let it all drain out of you, like water going down the plug hole at the end of a shower, releasing now, letting it all pass easily through, leaving you cleansed and renewed and ready to go forth into the rest of your day. It will.

Flat mood days:

Some people have very consistent moods. This may be due to levels of serotonin, testosterone and other body chemicals as well as genetic structure or hereditary factors such as the speed/intensity of our personal fight/ flight response. Based on our personal chemical mix, some of us may have moods that fluctuate more than most. Generally, people have a preference for the up moods, they feel better and bring more internal fun. Learning to allow and manage the flat moods is also important, as they could be due to tiredness, adrenal dysfunction, substance use, thinking style, stress, overload or other personal circumstances. Mostly they are also temporary. Of course, if flat mood becomes the norm, help is probably indicated. But the odd flat mood requires self care such as rest, clean fuel, space, doing things that recharge the system (whatever that is for you, we are all different), a dash of optimism and perhaps discussing the mood with a trusted friend or professional. Often discussion and acknowledgment of the mood will help it shift if given the correct relaxed attention. Tune in today and ask what your mood needs right now. Then do what it asks. It knows.

Responding to mood or negativity in others:

Sometimes we have people around us that are genuinely going through a hard time and are mood affected. When mood is low, people can sometimes react with more irritability, negative interpretations of situations and hostile attributions towards others. From our own perspective, these perceptions can seem so obviously off-base, so clearly a result of mood rather than reality, and yet the person involved may not see it that way at all. As well as responding to their worldview, we may also have a secondary reaction to their energy state. Low mood and negative perceptions can be draining to be around at times, especially when we like and/or love the person in that state. It can be hard to watch them go through that phase, knowing that perhaps we can't help or influence their situation and it can also be hard to feel the effects of their mood on our own mood. When we are connected to somebody, mood is somewhat contagious and our nervous system will respond (scientists refer to this as sympathetic resonance). Awareness is key. Know that it's their phase and work on staying in your own positive state. Focus on optimizing the good and allowing them to be as they are. It's temporary.

Forget the hype, remember the love!

Today is a day to think of love, in a loving way. Love of the present, love of the past, love for key others in your life, romantic or platonic or familial, it's all love and it's all you. Be with the love today, forget all the expectations and analysis and commercial crap and just stay with the love.

Are YOU feeling lucky?

Lucky is a state of mind, a choice, a decision about what to focus on out of myriad possibilities available to you at any moment. You can feel lucky about the past, lucky it was good, lucky it wasn't worse, lucky you survived it, lucky you are still around to tell the tale, lucky to be breathing or smiling or laughing, lucky to live where you live, lucky to know the people you know, lucky to see the sky, or the ground or the animals or birds, lucky in the present moment, knowing you will also be lucky in the future. And you can be lucky to know that luck is something you always have, as long as you know you have it. Interesting thing about the research on luck, lucky people believe they are lucky and that makes them more lucky! And what appears to be "bad luck" often turns out to be a dose of good fortune, even though it didn't look that way at first. You know you are lucky. Go into the world as a lucky person today!

Happiness booster shot:

Most people have a time in their life, perhaps a few key moments where we can remember feeling the flow of happiness, that feeling of everything being perfectly ok, tinged with a slight excitement, and maybe you'd like to feel a little more of that, so slow down your mind now by easing your body, by slowing your reading down so that you can easily glide along with my words, here, relaxing now, allowing your system to become one with these words that can remind your mind of happy, remembering that feeling now, deep in all the cells, that feeling of being ok with past, present and future all at once, that feeling of possibility, of knowing that good things are here now, and that more good things are just around the corner, happy, at any moment, at all moments, good things just waiting for you, and you can move towards them, towards happy, without even knowing, really just allowing the good to unfold in front of you, it will. Remind your mind to be open to momentary lapses of happiness today. You can.

Comparisons lead to trouble.

Most of us find it hard to stay in the now and focus on where we are and what we need to do. It's so easy to look at the lives of others and make assumptions, or even to look back at our own past and think that things used to be "better" or that we used to be "better" in some way or another. These contrasts are perceptions based on mood and may have very little truth to them anyway. In my office I often hear people idealizing the lives of others, and/or aspects of their own past, as well as where they "should" be in their lives now. Comparing your achievements, your energy, your looks or even your overall happiness to that of others will generally lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, guilt, immobilization or frustration. Decide to stay in the now and be allowing or accepting of what is. From a place of acceptance we can then move into optimization, of making the best of what is, without going into negative frames in our minds. Be here now, stop any comparisons and then optimize the aspects of life that matter to you, starting with just one thing. All tiny bits of progress will light up your brain.

Times when we feel lost:

There are phases where we feel so focused, motivated and clear, we know what we want and we know where we are going. Then, in other phases, sometimes without obvious cause, we feel lost, directionless, unsure of our place and uncertain of the direction in which to move. It's like the system goes into a neutral gear, waiting and idling. For some people this is seen as a natural part of life (which it really is) and for others it is distressing, especially if it goes on longer than the person is willing to allow. There are many ways to get out of a slump, depending on personality as well as casual factors. Of course it is also quite fine just to wait it out. Or you could try:

- writing down things you have enjoyed most 

- writing down what really matters to you 

- working out the one thing you could focus on or one key goal 

- talking to somebody you trust about the situation 

- reading a relevant book or article 

- doing something completely new that you wouldn't normally do

- fixing the basics, sleep routine, food, exercise

-meditation 

Action creates momentum so start anywhere you like.

Chronological Age? Quite meaningless.

Everywhere we look there are references to age and what it means for health, ability and looks, especially for women. Consumerist agenda requires us to feel fearful and insecure so that we invest money in the youth promoting (age-defying) products they wish to market. Many people also hold strong beliefs about age and what is or is no longer "appropriate" to do, wear or be. All of this is just groupthink bullshit of course, but it's easy to trigger doubt and fear around age and where you "should be" at that "stage of life". Truthfully we all follow differed paths at different times and there is no standard and no "should". Age is arbitrary and not meaningful at all. Don't buy into numbers and don't link your achievements, confidence or beliefs to any of it.

Motivate:

To motivate means to put into action mode, to stimulate and to activate energy towards a particular direction. To feel motivated we need a why, plus the energy to move forward towards that why. Go back to the WHY. What matters to you? What is it that you want to feel, think, do, be or have? Once the correct challenge is there, the dopamine flows. Dopamine is the brain chemistry of motivation, of wanting to move towards the goal state. Now check your physiology. Are you sludgy due to lapses in nutrition, sleep or activity level? Which can you improve first? Then check your mindset. Are you being negative, flat, complaining, doing "what's the point" thinking or generally being a cognitive sludge? Fire up your thinking into "I can" and "I will!" and don't let lazy thinking slip past its useful point (lazy thinking can be great for rest and relaxation!). Motivate, put yourself into physical and mental action mode and keep stepping forward bit by bit, reminding yourself of each tiny chunk of progress. Just go for it.

Some extra LIKES for your brain:

Social media has attuned our brains to the concept of the LIKE, the thumbs up symbol now triggers a release of positive mood chemicals instantly, below our awareness and says YES to whatever it focuses on so I want you to listen now, to my words, as I talk, here to you, and your mind can remember to LIKE all the bits that speak to you, all the things that you can begin to notice today, seeing things now that you LIKE, thumbs up for that, and people that give you that LIKE feeling, noting now that there are many things to LIKE, feelings, experiences, ideas, music, people, pets, plans, memories, many things all get the LIKE from your brain, all get the thumbs up symbol now and simply allowing that idea of the LIKE to enter your consciousness, a LIKE for today, a LIKE for you and who you are and who you are becoming and who you have always been  and a LIKE for all the things to come and a LIKE for right now this second. Thumbs up, all good. LIKE.

Not personal! Not personal!

Which thing this week do you have to remember not to take personally?? Somebody did something, said something or neglected to do/say something you expected from them? Any way it goes, we can agree that it's not your stuff. It's a statement of THEIR consciousness at the time, THEIR beliefs and THEIR assessment of appropriate action. They are neither right not wrong. They just are the way they are and will act accordingly, regardless of your preferences. Yes, sometimes our words and actions can provoke a reaction in others and we need to be aware of this. But unprovoked stuff?? Not about you. It's THEIR stuff. It's not personal.

Good social choices!

How about from now on, you see more of the people you enjoy seeing and feel good after spending time with? Make a list (it can be a small list!) of the people that really add energy and fun to your life. Think of how you could have a little more time or contact with them. Also make a list of your "should" people, the ones you feel obligated to see or contact but you don't enjoy it or maybe even feel drained by it. Resolve to spend less time and detach yourself a bit, even if these people are relatives. Sharing DNA does not necessarily mean sharing positive energy, and many people feel toxic around certain relatives yet spend time out of duty. Limit time and choose neutral space. Get in and out fast. It's actually a loving choice to operate this way as it is more likely to preserve any positive rapport that may exist, rather than overdosing on the person and veering into tension or conflict. Resolve to choose wisely how to spend your time and energy going forward!

Openness!

Being closed is being shut down, stubborn, fixed, not interested, not curious and not connected. Being open, on the other hand, is welcoming the new, keeping your eyes and mind open to ideas, experiences and differences, being engaged, allowing possibilities. Choosing a mindset of being open to experience and possibilities can lead to greater optimism and happiness. Don't close down any options. Say "maybe". We don't really know, we can't really judge. Say "I'm open to possibilities" whenever you feel your mind shut down or being resistant today.

Better sleep for you:

The brain is a strange creature when it comes to sleeping, imagination always overrides will. If we want to sleep and worry about not sleeping, we often take longer to get there, and/or awake feeling unrefreshed. In fact, most people of all ages feel unrefreshed, tired and a little groggy upon waking, and this feeling usually doesn't correlate with sleep quality. Good sleep is boosted by the perception of ADEQUATE sleep. The more we feel we sleep well enough (regardless of objective evidence of sleep or subjective perception of the feeling of having slept well) the more our mind and nervous system will relax. People who are "good sleepers" don't think much about it. In contrast, those who feel and verbalize that they are poor sleepers are programming their brains for the continued perception of bad sleep as well as increasing the likelihood of increased arousal due to concern about getting to sleep. We can decide that we sleep well enough and, while still keeping good sleep habits, can allow it to be as it is. No more concern about sleeping "better", from now on, you can just know that you sleep well enough. You're ok.

To help your nerves relax:

The first thing about relaxing is allowing yourself to be right here, reading my words to you, letting your eyes move slowly across the helpful instructions and really just slowing down, softening, letting all tension dissolve into the nothingness it came from, the nothingness that it really is, because all that really is, is right now, you reading my words to you, as I speak to your inner mind, and remind your mind of what to remember, all is well, all is in perfect universal order, the bigger picture is taking care of itself, naturally, easily and without any need for your control or concern, and in fact you know, and I know too, that there are things you can just forget about right now, just let them go, allow them to resolve themselves in their own time, in their own way, they will, the universe is very happy to run itself, you don't need to run things at all, just let them be, enjoy the ups and the downs, neither good nor bad, all just experiences, allowing experiences to be as they are, getting easier for you now, more relaxed, more able to flow with what is, trusting what will be, and enjoying your new ability to relax into life. You are.

A day without complaints:

A day without complaints about anything is a very difficult task. It's amazing how much of our conversation with others consists of complaining, about work, the weather, other people, money, traffic, the lack of something or too much of something, the state of the world and more. Nothing particularly wrong about this; it's how we connect and share experiences with people. It is, however, an interesting exercise to go just one day without a single verbalized complaint, just to see how it feels and to note how much of our conversation is based on mutual vent and complaint. You may find you don't have much to say! Try it if you're up for something a bit different. And don't announce it, just do it and note the results!

Beware of negative self generalizations:

When something goes wrong, do you ever make comments along these lines?? These are some I've heard in the last week or so.

"That's just my luck"

"Story of my life"

"Typical me"

"Here we go again"

"This always happens to me"

"If it's going to happen to anyone, it's sure to be me"

It is helpful to only say these types of self generalizations in relation to good fortune or positive events. Do not reinforce unhelpful beliefs or self fulfilling prophesies!Unfortunate events are better framed one-offs and need to be seen as temporary and not personal to you. Fortunate events, on the other hand, are exactly your luck, always happen to you and form the story of your life! Be lucky today.

Procrastinate much??

Let me guess what goes through your mind when you procrastinate:

Don't feel like it yet? It can wait? Do it tomorrow? Wait until you feel the urge? Can't really be bothered? Too overwhelmed right now? It's all too hard? It's not the right time? Will do it soon, just not now? You're not ready? Too much else going on right now? You'll do it on your own terms and in your own time? Who cares anyway? It doesn't even matter?? 

Well we can say all that and more if we want to but the truth is, it probably does matter and it needs to be done NOW. Do it now. No more thinking of reasons not to, it could be done before you even think of another excuse. So JUST DO IT. Today is the day and now is the time. Do it now.

The thing you worry most about:

It's funny how most of the things we worry about never actually happen or turn out not to be the problems we thought they would be. Does your mind need to be re-focused elsewhere? Give it a new job, even if that job is just naming things that are fun or good or attractive right now. We mainly worry about things we can't control, otherwise there would be no point worrying, right?? But then, if we can't control it anyway, probably no point worrying no matter what. And we can learn to manage worrying by taking the mind in a new direction, even if the thoughts return, they are just thoughts and we can let them pass without buying in. Resolve to waste less mind space with worrying today!

Don't get hooked into Christmas drama!

Christmas drama is a thing. It can be about logistics, presents, who goes where, and when, and for how long, and isn't it our turn, and last year you did or didn't do this, and why aren't you staying longer (or shorter) or somewhere else, and who gives what to who and who said or didn't say whatever. Apparently it's all meant to be about peace and joy but maybe some people forget?!Don't buy in to Christmas drama. Say "Let's not go there" if stuff comes up and make sure you activate all your helpful boundaries! Stay in the peace and joy vibe. It's much more fun.

A reminder to remember what matters:

Sometimes during busy periods of life, overwhelming phases of life and times when we don't feel great, negative thoughts and fears can take over. The pressure of everything can feel too much and can block our experience of the good. When it's harder to see the positives, it can be helpful to deliberately focus your thoughts on what truly matters. What matters to you. This of course will be a little different for everyone, but some of the answers I've had when I've asked people what truly matters to them include: love, friends, inner peace, creativity, pets, friends/family/loved ones, learning, progress, past achievements, music, exciting things to come, financial stability, health, community, spirituality, books, nature, sports, fashion, art, freedom, being active, being challenged, security and individuality. What matters to you today? Choose one thing to help focus mind and emotions if things get tricky.

It's the season to feel calm energy:

Things can certainly get a little busy right now, and you know, and I know too that things have been going on, both inside and out, and that you may need a little top up, a little extra burst of power so that you can stay, and you can remain at your best, so now I want you to slow your eyes as you read my words, one slower breath, then another, that's right, easing everything now, simply allowing my words to flow from my mind through to your eyes, slowing down, and into your mind too, where they can begin to filter down to all the right places, the places that need to know, to be calm, to remain calm, it's really all ok, everything is in order and everything works out, all the pieces fitting into their rightful places now, that's right, and beginning to allow that energy to build, from a calm place, from a place of knowing, a place of infinite order, a place of perfect peace, yet strong energy begins to flow, not wasted on things that don't really matter, but flowing towards the rhythm of your life, the stuff that matters, the stuff of energy, calm, joy and pleasant experiences for you now, just allowing it to happen naturally, it will. Start now.

Check your story!

How are you interpreting things today? Are you expecting it to go well? Subconsciously predicting any flat, boring or unpleasant aspects? Our expectations tend to influence our moods as well as our outcomes. Check your story, frame it towards the positive, keep your inner language upbeat and focus on what you want rather than what you don't want today!

How's your fuel consumption and performance?

Sometimes we all need a reminder that our body is a luxury vehicle and needs to be taken care of accordingly. We need the cleanest, high quality fuel for optimal performance, which means good protein and loads of vegetables. We need to take our vehicle out for a spin regularly to let the engine run and hit maximum capacity; this means move! Get out, do something, charge up your energy system in a way that is exciting for you! We all need a full detail and polish every now and then to keep things looking flash, and we need a few passengers to have fun with too. Check your personal fuel gauge today, make the appropriate adjustments and get out there and give it a few revs!

Newness:

It's two weeks into the new year and for most of us, the changing of the year triggers us to think about the changes we want to implement. What are you committed to doing, or feeling this year? Maybe it's something you'd like to do more of or less of. More experiences of a particular type? Different choices? Perhaps to be more consistent with a healthy habit, or to reduce an unhealthy habit? A change begins with an idea, develops into an intention and is cemented by a solid plan that builds in our human tendency to return to baseline. In other words, don't expect your new year motivational spurt to get you through. You need a plan that incorporates the times when you "don't feel like it". True and lasting change is based on a discipline rather than a desire, which for most of us, ebbs and flows based on mood and circumstance. If you're serious about change, get a solid plan, make yourself accountable and ensure that you get some coaching if you need another person (most of us do) to help stay on track. A new beginning starts now.

There's mindfulness and then there's Kindfulness:

Being mindful means being conscious of your thoughts or experience, the idea being that you are present in the moment without needing to label or judge your experiences. You can observe that you have a tense feeling or a headache or a joyful feeling without analyzing it, investigating it, trying to get away from it or trying to hang on to it. Just allowing it to be there. A step away from that mindful focus is training your mind to be kind to everything that is there, everything within you. Many people are good at kindness to others, not so good at kindness to self. Being kind to anxious feelings, being kind to the body and its aches or discomforts, being kind to the parts that need healing, being kind to the urges for destructive or self sabotaging behavior. That doesn't mean indulging those parts, just being nice to yourself, as well as firm and kind, as you would a small child who wanted to do something it shouldn't. Help your brain move towards Kindfulness today.

Re-routing the anxiety habit:

Perhaps your mind is one of those minds that tends to idly drift towards worry and anxiety, a restless brain that needs a focus, and focus can change physiology in an instant, which can lead to pleasant or not so pleasant feelings depending on where your brain chooses to mentally spotlight, so listen here, now, slow your eyes so that your mind will follow, let your slowing down eyes remind your mind to carefully and slowly listen to my helpful words, as I talk here, to you, reminding your mind that it is safe to trust, that the world and the planets are held in place by positive forces stronger and bigger than you or I, that we alone do not have to take care of everything, no need to control or worry, you know that the universe always has your back, you're being looked after, just like the leaves on the trees, the birds in the sky and the planets that are always held in place, and that you can relax knowing that all is well, all is exactly where and when it needs to be and it's really ok. It is.

Point your brain towards good:

As we all know, the human brain is naturally set up to watch for negatives, problems, dangers and trouble. While it's a certainly a good survival mechanism, it can skew our thoughts and feelings towards concerning matters unnecessarily. We can redirect the thought traffic by deliberately seeking the good, the pleasant and the comfortable. Look around you right now. Find one beautiful thing, one interesting thing, one thing for which you are appreciative and one thing you are truly thankful for. Repeat this three times today and help your brain remember to know what's good for it!

Misunderstood by family:

Unfortunately, personality type does not really run in families. It is not uncommon for sensitive, psychologically minded or emotionally intelligent people to be the only one in their family that operates that way, especially those who have done a lot of work on themselves and their patterns. It is natural for open people to want a more open, honest and respectful relationship with family members and in an ideal world, this would happen through discussion of feelings, sharing experiences and asserting boundaries. However as you may have noticed, many of us are not living in that ideal world and may be greeted by family members who don't really listen, are invalidating and are not able to listen to feedback or respect boundaries. This can feel quite hurtful, and is especially activated during the holiday season which we idealize as "family fun time". Truthfully it isn't fun for everyone, not all will feel welcomed, validated or understood. And we can see this for what it is, accept people for who they are, see the differences with non-judgmental detachment without taking it personally. It's not about you. It's about the weird chemical mix that is present in all families. Some are more naturally compatible than others. Not your fault. But it is your responsibility to reframe, detach, see the positives, look for areas of connection or agreement, set boundaries and walk away if and when you need to. Live and let live.

A moment's peace:

So you're a little busy, perhaps a tad overwhelmed, maybe running a little flat, maybe needing positive messages, well, slow down right now, open your inner mind to the good stuff, let my helpful words run in through your eyes, all the way into your brain, all around your head, down through your neck, melting away that stress and strain, down now through your shoulder muscles where you carry all that tension, letting it go now, relaxing, just being, taking in my positive words, getting better, just leaving all that other stuff behind for a while, allowing yourself to FEEL GOOD, that's all we need really, to feel good, starts with the mind, filters all the way down through the body, circulating very pleasant colors all around the heart, moving down to calm the stomach, feeling good in there, all things working together for good for you now, it is, and down through your legs, helping those muscles to feel really really good, powering you for whatever is to come, plenty of resources, you can do it, everything will be ok, it is ok now, just keep breathing and moving forward in peace.

Happy Monday to you:

Slow down. Notice and enjoy the clean air, the food, your drinks, nice people, good music, the sky, your breathing, how good things look, pleasant smells, warm feelings and interesting ideas. They're everywhere and you can take them in for increased happiness. Now.

People who can't say sorry:

There is nothing like the power of a genuine Sorry. When we are disappointed, upset, angry with somebody, often all it takes is for them to hear how we feel, really get it, say they are sorry and promise to work on it. But so many people can't do this. Their version of sorry (which may or may not include the actual word sorry) is "sorry but,. Sorry but I was busy, sorry but I was stressed, sorry but aren't you taking it the wrong way, sorry but that wasn't what I meant, sorry but that wasn't my intention. If you do a sorry but, then all the other person will hear is the bit after the but. I see this every day in my clinic when working with couples, co-workers or family members. Resentments build up and are only magnified by the sorry but. What the person learns is that there is no point saying how you feel or trying to assert needs as the other person doesn't really get it. Or what it takes to make them get it is arduous, exhausting and draining. Let's start with our own sorry. Be genuine. Be sorry they are upset, even if you don't fully get it yet. Listen without defense, justification or explanation. Just be sorry and say so. When the apology has been genuinely heard and accepted, then things can move on. You don't always have to give your side of the story. It's for your benefit, not theirs, unless they specifically ask for it. Being sorry and shutting up is actually ok.

Focus!

If we want to make a change, we need to give it all of our focus. Most of us vaguely want a few changes, maybe just thinking about it sometimes when the pain is too much then allowing it to fade to the background when other things come into mind. Focus leads to action! Find a way to keep what you want in front of mind; put up post it notes, put reminders on your phone to alert you at key times, ask other people to remind you or hold you accountable. If we focus on too many things, something will lose out. Choose your most important thing and give it the focus and attention it needs to create lasting action!

Fuel for your journey today:

There are times when we register a little low on fuel, a little empty in the tank, not quite powering along in the way we like, and a little extra boost is always helpful, so slow down here now, breathing, in, waiting a bit, breathing out, relaxing now as your eyes slow down and you just allow all tension to melt, shoulders releasing now, that's right, just being, listening to my words as I ask your very helpful subconscious mind to review the fuel levels now, sending you in your mind's eye into the recharging station, using the immense power of your imagination to lock into the pump and get that fuel line started, flow begins now, refueling you with the highest quality stuff, filling up now, fuel gauge already beginning to show more, nearly full, feeling ready, always ready to launch some extra power on demand, rocket fuel levels high now, ready for anything, highest quality fuel and the most responsive engine system, you are power packed and ready to race now. Go.

Sending you good vibes!

What do you need today? Inspiration? Peace? Some fun? A sense of order? The knowledge that somebody really gets you? The belief that everything is truly ok even if it doesn't feel like it? New ideas to flood your brain? A feeling of energy and focus? Well, consider it yours. This message is a signal of the good feelings to come your way today. Keep a look out for improvements and that lift that you might be looking for. It's on the way!

Giving and receiving:

Most generous and kind people are great at giving to others of course, but not quite so great at receiving. Think about whether you're a great receiver. Can you happily take and thank people for compliments? Do you ask for and accept help? Do you readily and easily accept gifts? Do you welcome other people's offerings or prefer to do it yourself?? Be open to receiving today. It's more generous to be open and not deprive people of the pleasure of giving to you! Research consistently shows that kindness and helping behavior raise serotonin levels in both the giver and receiver as well as any witnesses so make sure you elevate your receiving behavior today! And may you enjoy the multiple serotonin boost!

A note for the mind on disappointment in people:

Auto pilot thoughts about disappointment are the ones that come all by themselves, often negative, often self doubting and usually distressing. These often relate to feelings of rejection by or disappointment in the actions or absence of other people (friends, family, potential partners etc) and lead to feelings of disconnection and/or loneliness. When these thoughts arise, we need to notice them, acknowledge their presence and then gently redirect them by challenging the negative story. We can question the truth of them or we can take the thought into a more positive direction, perhaps by ceasing to focus on what we don't have or can't get, and focusing instead on what we do have, the people that do support and love us, the people that are there for us. Train your mind to go where the love is today.

A word with your physical self:

So it's this time of the year, people are tired, people are reacting to changes in weather, in activity, in the world, in expectations. Maybe you're feeling good, maybe you're struggling a little. However you are, your physical system needs attention and protection. Feed it with clean quality fuel and don't make excuses for putting rubbish in. Rubbish in means feeling more rubbish yourself. So what if other people are justifying their own rubbish choices, let them have what they choose and make sure you choose what you know will feel good not just while it's in your mouth, but the hours afterwards to. Walk it. Even a small walk is better than no walk. Get some sunshine or at least a little outdoor air. Protect your sleep cycle. If you're run down the last thing you need is less sleep or rest. Prioritize yourself and your system. Do good, feel good.  

Take a minute to breathe:

Just take one minute now, slow down your mind as you read my words, slow down your breath as you begin to flow more easily, allow your nervous system to soften, easing off that pressure here as I talk to you, just being, forgetting to remember all the things you don't even have to do right now as you relax, just for one minute, very beneficial micro holiday for the mind as you receive my message of calmness, of focus on the good, of just chill and know that all is well now, and to remember to be kind enough to give your mind this pleasant calm breathing time all through the day. Feel better.

Calmness in chaos:

Staying calm when you want to freak is a tricky thing. It requires knowing that you're scared and acknowledging that part of the mind, while also making a decision from the wise mind about how to proceed. Stating "my job is to remain calm" can be helpful, while at the same time consciously releasing physical tension. Also focus on acceptance. Whatever is, is. What will be, will be. Most things work out just fine in the long run so focus on the fact that all is well in the grand scheme of things. It is.

Stuck?

It's easy to feel trapped, in a situation, in a mindset, behavior or emotion. Remember your freedom. Freedom comes from changing the situation by taking action or by changing our mindset about it. Be free today.

Taking the credit or the blame??

Most people are better at one than the other. People that hold themselves very accountable and are quick to accept the blame and apologize often have trouble taking credit for the good stuff they do, or accepting compliments in a genuinely felt way. Those who readily take credit for their achievements and are very open to compliments often find it hard to be totally accountable for mistakes and admit when they are wrong, preferring to see situational factors as causes rather than their own actions. Both skill sets are useful in relationships with others (personal and work-based), especially the skill of being able to openly admit accountability and genuinely apologize. This is one of the best diffusers of resentment and can clear the decks for much better vibes all around. The skill of taking credit is crucial to boosting feel good brain chemistry and enables you to have a better relationship with yourself. Notice and work on both today.

The Silent Treatment:

Going silent and cold on somebody has been a weapon of choice for many people for many years. One day you have sunshine, then the next, it's gone and you feel totally alone and left in the dark about why. Maybe you even ask, is everything ok, only to be told "I'm fine". But it isn't fine, you can feel it and you have to marinate in the anxiety or confusion of not knowing. Sometimes you'll be told later, after an appropriate time in coventry, other times it will just pass and things return to normal without explanation. Yes, it's called passive aggression because it's hurtful even though you're technically "doing nothing". This kind of withdrawal (used regularly) is one of the four key predictors of breakup or divorce in modern relationships. Often we learn to do silent treatment on people by watching those we grow up with. A more effective method is to calmly and kindly state what you're upset about and ask for the change you prefer. If you're not listened to, time after time, then that can be horrible, and consequences need to be put in place such as counseling or mediation with a third party. Silent treatment generally isn't helpful though, and promotes dysfunctional communication patterns. Start talking about whatever you need to talk about today.  

Calling all memory cells:

Many of us worry about our memory, about preserving our brain cells, about staying sharp for the now and for the future, so I'd like to have a few words with your inner mind now as you start to slow down your breathing and your eyes and just relax, the part of your mind that stores everything, holding all information and memories, all things from past and present, relaxing a little deeper now, the part of you that will always remember, even when you forget to know that you do, and you do remember, and from now on you can be much more aware, much more confident that you DO know, and you can relax, because YOU know, and I know too that the mind and its memory enjoys being relaxed, and will offer up more information very quickly when it feels relaxed and free, letting that pressure drop now, taking away that sense of worry or urgency, no help at all, your memory is strong, you remember what you need to know and you remember it at the right time, no rush, your brain is clear and sharp and getting stronger all the time, new dendrites, nerve growth factor multiplying and building your capacity for new information now and always, storage facilities in excellent condition and cleverly renewing with every sleep. You do.

The boost in self-involvement:

We are entering a new era in which many (maybe most) interactions occur by device rather than face to face. While there are benefits to our increased ability to contact or connect, are we losing the relational skills of being able to verbally and tactfully articulate what we think, want, need from another person and solve problems together? As our personal world shrinks into a device, how is it affecting our perceptions of the world? Are we becoming more self-involved and focused on our own particular concerns? Devices are easy. If we don't like it, scroll past, ignore the message, respond minimally. Passive aggressive behavior has never been easier or more common than on our devices. But the real work of relationships is about being open, being fiercely honest yet kind in delivery, being able to listen and actually hear the message under the words and respond with agreement and negotiation. Don't let technology kill our relational skills. Device relationship skills are important too, we need to know how to manage the typed word and its responses. But real people need real conversation and verbal problem management skills, especially to remember to articulate kindness and appreciation in difficult times.

People who mess with your head:

There are people out there who insist on being right, being one up and having the power or control. For those of us who are a little more sensitive, this can be very confusing and can lead to self doubt and uncertainty about what is real, what isn't, what is my stuff and what is theirs. Sensitive people tend to be a little too porous and open to the feedback of others, which may in fact be be about the other person and their agenda. Accusations of "selfishness" are a perfect example. Often one person makes a request (or demand) of another, then when the person says no, they are called "selfish". Depending on what that word means to you personally, you could feel quite awful about the label and wonder if it was true; ie "yes I did put my needs first in this situation, so perhaps that is selfish". Yet really, all that has happened is that the person did not get what they wanted and has sent a guilt trip your way, with a label attached. If we want to be less porous, we can say "well that may be their reality based on their agenda, but I'm not taking that on. That's their stuff". Most guilt trippers use similar tactics (accusations of unkindness, selfishness, martyr comments and reminders of all they do for you or others). Let them have their reality. Choose your own version and keep your head intact.

Check in to peace:

It doesn't matter how many moods we move through today, a check in with peace will help. Peace boosts happiness, peace boosts healing, peace boosts concentration, memory and enjoyment. What is peace? Peace is the thought or feeling that everything is ok exactly as it is RIGHT NOW. We can't feel peace in the future (although we can decide to expect that things will continue to be ok going forward) but we can feel peace in the now. What is your peace trigger? Some people focus on their pet, an animal, nature, the sea, trees, the sky or other parts of the environment, while others focus on breathing in and out. A particular thought, such as IT'S OK or ALL IS WELL can also bring peace. And it is ok. Check in a few times today to find your connection with peace, and notice how all aspects of body and mind respond optimally.

System freak outs:

Some of our systems are wired for the occasional freak out. Anxiety starts blaring, heart races, voice in the head says get out and run. Some people get a flood of emotion or tears with the freak out, some just get all systems on full pounding throttle and some accompanying fears. Humans get it, animals get it, and many times there's no obvious cause and no apparent trigger. Some systems have a hair trigger. Of course this process can be settled and retrained by many interventions but a sensitive nervous system can be a part of the constitution and certainly not in a negative way, especially if we are accepting and welcoming of it. The less we fight, the quicker it passes. The less we object, the less it tends to happen. And then it passes, we return to equilibrium, all is well. May your system be calm and welcoming today.

Please LIKE.

Think of yourself now, in a vague kind of way, either a visual, or an idea or even just your name as you read my words to you, and as you think of yourself, using your mind's eye, just click LIKE, click LIKE then move on to the next thought, and the next thought is liking the next thing, clicking LIKE on all aspects of yourself today, on the way you look, don't think too much, just quickly scroll through in your mind and without any real thought, just click LIKE, and as you move easily through your day today, whatever is happening, just click LIKE in your mind, as if you had chosen it, or even if you didn't, you can click LIKE anyway, message to the brain, smiley faces for you in there, thumbs up, going around all day just clicking LIKE. Enjoy your serotonin hit.

Myths about men, women and listening:

There are many myths about who listens better, who never listens and who needs to listen more. The truth is, I work with couples and families every day and most people are pretty terrible listeners. They anticipate, they interrupt, their eyes show that they are formulating their argument, defense or next point while the other is talking, they fire back their points without acknowledging the words of the other and mostly it feels more like watching a tennis match than a relational interaction. Listening is hard. We need to suspend our thoughts, judgements and assumptions about what "we already know they are going to say". We need to hear the message behind what is said, the intention, the request. And check that we heard correctly, especially on important matters. "So you're saying that when I do ___, you feel ____ and you'd prefer it if I ____". The other can then confirm or modify, and will feel actually heard. It's preferable if we can then say "Yes, I get that and I'll work on it" rather than going into counter attack. Almost nobody does this. We go bang bang back and forth and few people feel really listened to, heard or validated. Forget the myths. We all need to work on our listening. We need to shut up, actually hear the concern and the request, verbally make it valid and leave space for genuine interaction. Let's all try today.

Boundaries and relationship anxiety/avoidance:

Relationships can be draining if one person wants the energy of the other, doesn't give back in the way we prefer and doesn't read the play. Unfortunately this happens a great deal, in family relationships, friendships and even among partners. A relationship can feel like exhaustion and we aren't sure why, especially if the person is "nice". Nice or not, there is often passive aggressive behavior or subtle boundary violation. It's much harder to assert yourself when it's subtle, especially if others can't see it or if the other person doesn't listen, justifies themselves or holds you in contempt for raising issues. If we don't have boundaries we don't feel safe. While asserting ourselves can feel scary because the outcome is out of our control (and may lead to rejection) we need to dare to rock the boat. Kindly and calmly state our feelings and our preferred option from the other, which they have a right to refuse. Refusal has consequences on the relationship, that's a natural outcome and better than years of silent seething resentment. Dare to rock the boat as necessary today.

The anxiety-gut loop:

If your digestive system isn't working so well, it often results in bloating, discomfort, food intolerances and pain. Interestingly, it often also triggers anxiety. Anything that creates inflammation in the system can have inflammatory effects on mood and anxiety, which of course also lowers energy. While it's true that the anxiety can come first via thought or emotion and trigger gut issues, it's equally true that gut dysbiosis (and/or eating foods that don't sit well for you) can be the key cause of anxiety. This is why we often treat from both angles in my clinic; mind and body are one system and improving one aspect generally creates improvement in the whole. Look after your gut today. Eat food that is clean and gut-friendly for you and avoid known irritants. Your calm will increase accordingly!

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A boost for the truth:

Keeping the peace and shutting up about things that really matter generally leads to more problems, mostly for you rather than the person you protect. If we have boundaries and can tell the truth with love and kindness, we don't need to stress or worry about how others react because we can trust that our perception is valid and worth stating and that it in itself cannot "cause" offense. So if you'd like to tell a few more truths in loving and kind ways then let me have a word with your subconscious mind now, the part of you that always knows the truth, slow it down, listen closer now, relaxing and allowing your subconscious mind a little relief, the idea that you can in fact start by saying how you feel, with no anger, no accusation, no criticism, just how you feel and what you prefer, calmly, really just providing information in a pleasant way, how it's received is not your job to predict or control or react to, any reaction that comes, you can just say ok, you can just end it right there, you can just stop, no need to enter debate, no need to justify or defend or explain any further, just state how you feel and what you prefer, calmly and with love and with kindness, and your subconscious mind can help you now, providing the indicator of when it's time to speak, kick in at the right time, on the spot, calmly holding to what you think and knowing that you have the right. You do.

Let it go and trust!

The universe has your back. We think we have to do it all ourselves but apparently planets are held in place, grass keeps growing, the sun shines and baby things of all types keep being born without human interference. Take your hands off the wheel (not in the car!!) and know that things will be ok if you let them. It all works out.

You will feel better!

However you're feeling now, it's temporary. If you're feeling great then notice the thoughts and feelings and remind your mind to code them for future use! If you're not feeling as great as you want to feel, again, remind your mind that it's temporary. Rate your mood or energy out of ten. If you're a five, what would it take to be a six? A rush of determination? A peaceful few breaths? A thought about something really good? A memory of a person you care about? Recollecting something you feel proud of achieving? A smile as you think of something funny? Or maybe you are happy just to allow yourself to feel exactly as you feel, knowing that tomorrow is another day and in fact you might even feel better sooner than that?? Either way, you can know that the human ecosystem strives for improvement in energy, mood, healing and achievement so you can just relax and allow it all to get better moment by moment. You don't even have to do anything.  

Cant stop thinking about it?

If there's something you genuinely want or need to stop thinking about, it can be a challenge. The brain can get into obsessive loops and convince you that it's really important to keep going over and over the thing, even though to the observer, it can seem a little nutty. If we want the brain to stop thinking about something, often we need to give it another task. There aren't many people in the world (and even less females) that have the kind of brain that can just switch itself off from a topic at will. Most of us find it incredibly challenging and more so if high emotion or fear is involved. So giving the brain another task is like giving the rat a maze to run in order to keep it busy (and rats are very clever creatures!). Mantra based meditation is much underrated in favor of the current obsession with mindfulness type meditation. A mantra is something you repeat literally over and over (TM and shiva type meditations are examples of this but any mantra or word or saying that is meaningful to you will do the trick). Another secular option is counting or using the alphabet to code a topic with your mind. Counting or naming all colors you can see, going through the alphabet and finding a movie/tv show/car brand/fashion brand/dog breed/country/suburb or whatever else for each letter. If you want to change course, give your mind a job and keep it on that job until the moment passes.

Some pain relief:

Whether it's physical pain, emotional pain or existential pain from noticing crazy events in the world, we all need to know how to trigger a little pain relief, a spot of analgesic, a tad more comfort, so begin by allowing yourself to relax, let tension drop from your neck and shoulder muscles, those tiny muscles connected to your head and neck that hold all your tension and worries, simply allow them now to soften, dissolving all concerns, nothing to do right now, and nothing to prove, slowing your eyes right down as you read, gliding over my helpful instructions here, listening to my words and allowing your subconscious mind to come wide awake and very alert, relaxed and helpful, noticing the color and shape of any pain, just noticing without judgement or analysis, and sending cooling messages to that part of you that needs comfort, just letting it settle, sending calm feelings, relaxing thoughts, relaxed body, everything feels better when we are relaxed, releasing all pressure, you have a green light just to be, nothing to do right now, nowhere to be, just taking a moment to focus your mind on comfort and knowing that you can carry that comfort with you today and always. You will.  

Choose generous!

There's always three ways to judge our selves, events and people, the harsh, the neutral and the generous. While sometimes neutral is all we can manage, it isn't very uplifting. Harsh judgement never really leads to anything good, so neutral is our target unless we can aim for something higher. And if we can, the generous attribution will always feel better, and will raise your feel good chemicals quickly. Be generous in your thoughts about your self, about others on the roads, out and about in the world and at work, but especially at home. Many of us use up all of our generosity, tolerance and patience supplies during the day and give those at home some other kind of tired irritation chemicals. Save some generosity today and use it for the ones in the inner circle.

A new A.D.D. epidemic:

It's going around in workplaces and very very obvious in many relationships between couples, especially long term couples. This new syndrome is called Appreciation Deficit Disorder and many of us are displaying key symptoms. Signs include not noticing what is going well, unwillingness to compliment the other, focusing on what's missing, talking about what's wrong all the time, criticizing and complaining and even when good things happen, feeling that they are just not good ENOUGH. Treatment is quite straightforward but the pre requisite is awareness of the symptoms and an admission of the key behaviors. The first step is beginning to notice and comment on whatever is going well, even if the glass is only 10% full. The prescription is to state 5-10 good things in the workplace and to compliment at least 8 times a day in couples. Treatment has been shown to increase happiness, communication and positive connection. Check for symptoms and take action immediately.

Boosting excitement chemicals:

For most of us, when we were kids or teenagers, we were able to access excitement chemicals on a regular basis. We got excited about seeing friends, doing things, special events, getting away with stuff, taking risks, acquiring something new, playing certain games or sports, doing something different, and often before celebrations like birthdays, Christmas or other special times. As adults, some of this can fade into "normal" and we can lose access to the rush that our brains are capable of so let's work on that now, let's help you brain remember how to access just a little more joy juice, an extra hit of dopamine to drive you forward; relaxing now and slowing you eyes here, tuning into my words, all the brain has to remember is novelty and fun, nothing too specific, and that dopamine, that excitement chemical of challenge and reward can trigger itself and boost you into a bit more excitement, remembering excitement from the past, that feeling before something good happened, the anticipation of an exciting thing about to happen, the not knowing, the uncertainty, will it or won't it, but either way it will be exciting, let your subconscious mind remember those feelings now, firing up the messengers of excitement, challenge and joy, of anticipation and celebration and so you can go and focus on some things that you look forward to here and now, make sure you put more challenge and fun on the agenda. Enjoy.  

Watch out for energy thieves!

Draining situations, draining people, draining activities and poor food/substance choices will rob you of energy very quickly. The most important energy thief to watch out for is the mind. Thoughts of hopelessness, boredom,resentment or self pity will quickly drain energy and leave you flat. Feel the emotions, acknowledge them without judging and then move into another thought or action that is energy neutral or energy boosting. Some people don't have a lot of energy themselves so will latch on to yours to get a dose. Be mindful of this and detach! Take responsibility for your own energy supplies today and stay topped up with optimism.

Many possibilities!

Whatever you're thinking about, analyzing, worrying about or ruminating on, remember one thing. There are many possible stories about this. Whenever we think we know why something happened or why somebody did or said something, or what it all means, all we have is a story. To be emotionally healthy and mature, we need to remind ourself that it IS just a story and that we don't really know so we cannot really judge. There are many other possible stories about what did or didn't happen so we might as well choose the one that involves the least judgment and the one that triggers either peace or neutrality. Those who stubbornly stick to their one version of events often suffer for it. Flexibility in the story we tell ourselves is a key to recovery.

Song therapy:

It doesn't matter how well you can sing (or if you can't sing at all!). Singing elevates all our good mood chemicals and triggers immune boosting molecules at the same time. You want a serotonin hit? Put on a song and sing with it. Get some oxygen in your lungs and belt it out in the car or anywhere you like! Choose your own music or something from the radio that you're guaranteed to have downloaded into your brain. Anytime you need a hit of chemicals, the music is waiting for you to join in!

You're already enough.

As is, as you were designed. Anything you change or add to yourself is just a bonus. You're already way more than you think. And you're enough.

Taking non-action:

So many of us, when faced with a situation of uncertainty, whip into action mode. In general, action mode tends to be helpful in life and "action people" make good problem solvers. There are times, however, when the best action is non-action. To do nothing. To sit. To wait. To let things unfold. Many uncertainties resolve on their own and we can unwittingly make things worse by jumping in too quickly. Yes there are people that do nothing for far too long, avoiding and procrastinating. But I'm guessing many of us here are the driven ones who might just jump in too quickly in order to eliminate uncertainty. Remember the power of the pause. Many things resolve themselves without our anxious interference.

Improving relationship communication:

In my work, I see so many relationships going south primarily due to lack of communication. Often one person is overly critical or controlling while the other is passive aggressive, holds things in and builds up resentment. Resentment is a love killer. It's important to speak the truth, with tact and with kindness. We can kindly request changes in behaviour and own our desire for these changes without blame. When on the receiving end of a request for change (even if it's disguised as criticism) we can firstly LISTEN without defensiveness. The most important thing is not to hit back, eye roll or quibble over details, but rather to hear the (often legitimate) request for change and agree to as much of it as you can. Yes it's annoying/infuriating when a person says "you always/never do ...." when it's really a sometimes thing, but you could also respond with "yes I do have an issue with that and I will absolutely commit to change". And then do it. Nothing builds resentment faster than an apology not followed by action. Small changes in communication can build rather than destroy love, and remind you that you're on the same team.

Is your body happy with you today??

Are you giving your body the rest it needs? The proper nutrition? Are you giving your body the inspiration for energy and motivation? Are you overtaxing or straining your body at work or some other activity? Are you moving it enough? Are you giving it enough fun? Are you taking it to places or people where it doesn't want to be? If you're not listening to your body, it will speak louder through pain, fatigue, or some other condition. Our bodies and minds are one but if we split from the body and its messages when can get into conflict and trouble. Tune in, listen and take corrective action today!

Getting rid of the moods of others:

Sometimes we are around people with negative or hostile attitudes, and for sensitive people, this can leave some sort of energetic residue, affecting mood, thinking ability and motivation. At times we don't even realize how much we can be affected by other people so it's important to tune in and be able to get back to your state no matter what so tune in now, slow it right down and let your eyes take in my words slowly, gliding, easing your way across here, now while your subconscious mind can zero in on my helpful instructions and begin now to start the cleansing process, relaxing and releasing, like rain on a window or outside, beginning to clear away all that other stuff, with your mind's eye now think of water, could be any kind of water, the beach, the ocean, a shower or bath, or a pond, it doesn't matter really, but now imagine yourself entering the water and swimming along comfortably for a minute or two, just gliding along and allowing the water to hold you, releasing the residue, see it coming away from you like dark ink, slowly moving into the water until there is none left, it's all cleared, and then now, as you complete your moment, imagine emerging from the water into the warm clear sunlight, fresh, clean and ready to go. You are.

Grandiose people and the fallout:

The grandiose person moves around life feeling superior to others, often even superior to their friends, family and partner. They can be critical, insensitive, dismissive and insulting because to them, they are telling "the truth". Of course their truth may differ from those around them but they feel sure that they are "right" so they tend not to take too much notice of the opinions of others. Getting a grandiose person to change is very difficult and often not possible, fundamentally because there is nothing in it for them to change. They are quite happy, feel fine about themselves, it's probably you that they think has a problem, you're too sensitive, you have no sense of humor, you need to get a grip. If you're dealing with a grandiose person in your circle, you need limits, boundaries and consequences that you will follow. If they have all the power then these boundaries will be irrelevant. But if they want the relationship or something else involving you then you need to create clear expectations, keep the person accountable (very difficult for grandiose people to hold themselves accountable) and follow through on consequences (eg distance or non contact) if your boundaries are violated. Yes this is very challenging and most will need professional coaching to assist. The first step is recognizing grandiosity and its effects. It's not you, it's them. But you can do something to change the effect on you if you remain conscious and focused.

A break from striving:

Being driven has its upside, you'll achieve things, you'll create results. Being driven can also be addictive; the new goal is always just out of reach and the feeling of being finished never truly appears. There are times to strive and there are times to feel just fine with the way things are, using acceptance rather than always wanting the next change. Your mantra is "Now is fine, now is good". And acceptance or enjoyment are just as important as progress. In fact progress isn't much fun without enjoyment! So notice whether you need to strive or whether it's actually time to cruise today. Seed or harvest, it's all about balance.

A reminder about what other people think of you:

It's meaningless. It's all based on projection. Its created by the thoughts or beliefs they've made up about you, positive or negative. It's based on THEIR history, THEIR preferences, THEIR feeling about themselves when they are around you, THEIR sense of self, THEIR insecurities, THEIR ambitions or lack of, THEIR internalized rules about how people should or should not look, talk, think or be. Really not worth thinking about much at all when you consider how little of it relates to facts or reality. Forget it.

A message for those going through hard times:

Yes life can be shit sometimes, and there are moments when it all seems to come at once and it feels totally overwhelming. It can seem like there's no end in sight and that certainly nothing good will come of it. What do YOU need when you feel like this? Self compassion is pretty important to start with. To know that yes, you are going through hell and give yourself permission to feel yuck about it. Even acknowledging the feelings involved is helpful for the brain and nervous system, and will mitigate the pain somewhat according to FMRI studies. Also know that you are connected to all the other people going through horrible times, similar and dissimilar to yours. Know that humans are programmed to care and that many people really do care, even if their way of showing it is different from yours. Some people show care by making food, some by giving gifts, some via words of support, some via giving you space, some via sending love or healing from afar. Love is love, and it's coming your way whether you know it right now or not. And it may be from a source you didn't expect. And next you need a plan. What's the first thing you can do for yourself that shows YOU care about YOU? Do something that's kind to your body AND mind. Focus on self care. Be nice to yourself like you would to a child or friend. May you be well and happy today.

Determination booster:

If you can't be bothered, if you're not doing what you need to do, if you're not following through and need a motivation lift, then follow me now, watch my words and let them slowly enter your mind, the part of your mind that controls determination, slow down now, gliding over these words, allowing your subconscious mind to fully engage, and using your mind's eye, imagine the switch that controls your determination, that feeling of I CAN, because you really can, it's quite possible, you can do it, you can feel that you CAN, and then you CAN follow through and then you CAN feel very good indeed, knowing that you could and you DID, just by turning up that switch now, turn it up a little more, boosting determination which means you CAN DO, you CAN believe it, then you can just do it, boosting that YES feeling that drives action, you already have the ability, it's just lining up those emotions and getting on to it now. YES you CAN and you will. It's an inside job and the job is done. Now enjoy.

How's your integrity?

Are you doing what you said you were going to do? Are you following through on your commitments to yourself? Are you being open and telling your truth to others? Are you telling the truth to yourself?? Are you doing what you believe to be the right thing for yourself? Are you looking after yourself in the way you need to? Are you doing the fun or interesting things you really want to do? Check your integrity and make any corrections. Your mind and body will thank you for it.

Today: 

Just flow with it. It's all ok as is. No interventions needed. Just be

Effectively influencing others:

If we want to discuss or raise an issue with somebody, or ask for a change in behavior, it's best to do it from a place of calm, even a place of detachment. The less we attach to any particular outcome, the more power we have in most situations. If we try and raise something while we're upset, sometimes our emotions can trigger others into defensiveness, anger, judgement or shut down. The formula for raising something is to first own it ("look I know this is my issue, but I sometimes feel xxxxx") and then kindly ask for the change you'd like ("and I'm wondering if you would be able to do xxxxx instead next time"). Nothing is guaranteed of course, but most (yes only most!) reasonable people are open to friendly influence with what we call a soft start-up. If we go in hard, no matter how "in the right" we may be, the defensive response is much more likely. Give the soft start-up a shot.

Get uplifted!

The key to being uplifted is in the word UP. To feel uplifted, get up. Speed up. Think up. Look up. Breathe up. Dress up. Talk up. Eat up. Drink up. Pick it up. Go up. Choose up. The only way is up. It's up to you.

Staying in flow:

With everything that goes on around us, it can be a challenge sometimes to stay in flow, that state of calm trusting acceptance with a dash of contentment that transcends all circumstances, we want more of that, so slow yourself down now, breathe slowly, slower now, through your nose, and simply allow the gentle breaths to move slowly in, circulating strongly through your system and out again, and as you do breathe slowly, your subconscious mind can come wide awake and listen to me, here, now with my helpful instructions for you, that's right, flowing more easily with life now, just moving easily into the rhythm that comes and goes, in harmony now, drifting along quite pleasantly, always moving in the direction of your highest intentions, love, peace, happiness, goodwill, all building within you now, hourly, daily, refueling your supplies of positive, taking in the good, expressing the good, flowing pleasantly with the rhythm of your life from now on, emerging now with greater energy and more and more inspiration with every new breath, always in harmony with what is. You are.

Emotions, stress and food:

Many people with food issues need to attend more closely and more positively to their emotions. Being more present means noticing and naming your irritation, frustration, boredom, sadness, pissed off feelings, tiredness, overwhelm, self pity, hostility, anger, anxiety and all the other ones that pop up during life. Mostly when we eat or think about eating, it isn't hunger. It's an inner restlessness demanding to be calmed. And doing this with food is generally a path we don't want to go down, primarily because it actually leaves our emotional issues unaddressed! Emotions are signals that want to be seen and heard, and sometimes (not always) acted upon. We need to work out what you're really hungry for. Is it stimulation? Fun? Validation? Appreciation? Connection? Purpose? Notice it, name it and if possible, work out a plan to move towards the real thing, not some food substitute. Notice emotions today. Research shows that by recognizing and naming them, we can positively alter brain activity. Start today!

How do you want to feel today?

Start with intention. If you let an auto pilot mood take hold due to tiredness, people, events, weather etc then you leave yourself open to a spiral of possible negativity. Start with your desire. Would you like to feel more energised? More calm? More peaceful? More inspired? More focused? More determined? What do YOU need to do to get that feeling you want? Most moods can be improved in 20 minutes according to studies. Just 20 min of the right activity for you. The most successful 20 min mood lifts include walking or running, listening to the right music, meditating, listing the things you genuinely feel good or grateful about and doing kind things for other people (eg writing a note of thanks or some other generous act). Every day, in the morning, think about how you want to feel. It only takes a few seconds. Then factor in one or two activities to promote that feeling. Do it now!

Finish the thing:

Progress is one of the key human needs and we tend to get a rush of positive brain chemicals when we tick something of our list. In fact, some people will even go back to their list to write something they already finished, just to tick it off and get the buzz! Make a list today, only a few achievable things, get them done and tick them off! Then enjoy your progress buzz!

Joy Tracking for increased happiness:

Which activities and people bring you joy? Where and when do you feel moments of contentment or enjoyment? Whenever you feel the buzz, pause for a microsecond and note what you are doing and where. There are personalized patterns to joy! We can feel it alone or with others, indoors or out, in nature or in the city, in silence or in noise or music, in the present or in nostalgia. Track your joy! Write it down, notice the patterns, increase the stuff that is associated with more of it. If we have more joyous times then we have less of the other stuff by default. Have you had a dose of joy yet today? Get started and please take notes 

Boosting self control:

We all have things we want to start, want to maintain, want to complete, things we want to feel successful with, where sometimes our lesser impulses interrupt us and take us down another route that isn't quite where we want to be. So let's take a minute now to boost your inner self control system, helping you to relax a little more now, breathing slowly, eyes slowing right down now, thats right, listening to me here, tuning in so my voice can help you to help yourself, using the power of your mind, seeing that compass of yours now, the inner compass, very clearly with the arrow pointing towards your intention, towards your true north, pointing and directing you to where you need to be, where you want to be, your preferred outcome is yours now, always moving now towards what you know is important and beneficial, easier to stay on track from now on, with the compass always guiding you back to true north through the immense power of your subconscious mind, it will. Follow your own powerful inner compass today and notice how much easier it can be to stay on track. Go there now.

Too busy for what???

When we get "busy" we give ourselves excuses to stop doing certain things, and often these things relate to our health and wellbeing. Too busy to eat well, too busy to exercise, definitely too busy to meditate and no time to relax. When are we "busy" we are saying what really matters to us. We are making a choice about what we value and where we CHOOSE to spend our time and energy. Feeling good requires (for most of us at least!) good choices in how we fuel our bodies and minds. What are you choosing today?? Next time you hear yourself claiming "too busy" as a reason, know that what you are really saying is "I'm choosing to put my focus elsewhere right now". Then think about your real priorities and make sure your compass is pointed in the direction of where you want to be.

Step away from the drama!

Drama can be found everywhere, and is enticing due to its ability to stimulate a bit of adrenalin and make you feel "Alive". If we feel a bit bored or flat, drama in the form of fear or anger will kickstart the adrenal glands by triggering stress hormone release. Even though it's stressful, for many people it feels better than feeling nothing, or feeling bad. So drama (creating it or joining it) can easily become addictive. Anything that takes us out of boredom or restless states can become addictive. Most addictions are not friendly to our life, and addiction to drama is no exception. Others may try to drag you in, and it's your choice to stay detached (even if on the surface you give the "socially appropriate" response of "wow!" or some thing similar). Check your own need for drama and see if you can't find some excitement chemicals some place else today. Excitement chemicals based on love, enjoyment, achievement, contribution and personal progress are much more long lasting, pleasant to the body and ultimately sustainable.

Benefits of mini-meditation:

Just a few times a day, stop and close your eyes. Take a breath slowly and feel it enter and move around your system. Notice the colors behind your eyes of the good feeling that sits at the centre of your being as you relax. Take two more breaths (or a few extra if you like!) and focus on some kind of goodness. Then you're done. Your brain has enjoyed a mini break which is demonstrated to help recharge you, your stress hormones have had a chance for a re-balance and your nervous system is calmer. Repeat a few times per day for maximum benefit!

Retraining the brain during resentment or self pity:

If you've done it tough as a kid, or have a hard time in parts of life as an adult, it's easy to feel a bit deprived. Emotional deprivation is that feeling of self pity, of being a bit sad or resentful about your needs not being met in the past or the present, and perhaps not expecting them to be met in the future. This is especially true for people that didn't have their emotional needs attended to as children. Often this pattern can lead to over indulgence in food, alcohol and other substances later in adulthood, or in choosing partners or activities that don't meet emotional needs. If you're trying to change a pattern (of mood, eating, exercising, whatever), watch very carefully for when deprivation feelings kick in. You'll know because they are usually accompanied by "it's not fair" thoughts, and comparisons to how much easier it is for other people. Acknowledge the deprived feeling. Notice it and label it. This labeling of emotion has been shown in FMRI studies to down regulate the intensity in the brain. Notice what you feel and say to yourself that it's ok and that it's normal to feel that way. Then move on to another focus or activity that is in line with your real intention, knowing that you are cleverly retraining your brain in the process.

Plug into happy:

Happy doesn't mean euphoric. Happy doesn't mean everything meets your exact standards and that there are no problems. Happy is a state of acceptance, a state of "it's ok", a willingness to allow things just to be just as they are, so relax a little now, slowing down your eyes, a little slower now, that's right, simply reminding your mind to unwind any of that inner tension, letting all tension dissolve now, that's right, neck and shoulders much more relaxed now, softer, releasing any grip, just allowing what is, not trying to be anything, no thought for tomorrow, or yesterday, just being, allowing the natural state of happy to find you, it will, you don't need to look or search or strive, just allow the contentment of right now to immerse itself in your cells, healing, relaxing, energizing, comforting and fulfilling, no more driving or striving, just allow that natural state to find you, and it will only find you when you relax and forget to look, remembering to just be, here and now. You are.

Three good things:

It's easy to feel a bit flat or despondent as a baseline state, especially if you're not excited about much right now for whatever reason. One thing that can help is deliberately getting the brain to retrospectively review the past 24 hours for things that actually went well. So right now, go back to yesterday (or the day you've just had, if it's nighttime) and find three things that went well or that you enjoyed or felt good about. It could be a meal, a walk, a conversation, something you did, said, created, found, saw, cleaned, disposed of, wore, bought, acquired, ate or admired. It doesn't matter at all what the content is. The process of finding the "what went well" is the important part of the brain training. Do it every morning or night for optimal results!

Stuck mood?

Moods can shift very rapidly for the better, even when we think they won't. Sleep is often the fastest trigger, along with other kinds of rests, holidays and changes of scenery. Other people (the right ones of course!) can uplift mood super fast, as can the right music, book, activity or element of nature. Sometimes a little change in circumstances can help, as well as the obvious improvements in nutrition and exercise. At times all we need is a little peace, a break from the inner and outer noise or chaos. The most important thing to know is that our mood always strives towards improvement if we help it along a tiny bit. Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing. It's all about what we hold in mind. Choose one thing (or maybe nothing!) to focus on and feel even better than you do right now!

Just say it.

Too many times we stop ourselves saying what we want to or perhaps need to say. In case it comes out wrongly, in case it triggers "offense", in case we "look bad". And these unexpressed words sometimes fade away and sometimes fester to cause internal conflict. So we could choose to just say it. Sensitive people are rarely in danger of causing offense and are more likely to doubt themselves and their perceptions. Just say it today.

Quick reminder:

Everything out there, whether it's traffic or people or events, is neutral until we judge or label it. Our first judgement or label might not lead to good feelings but luckily we always have a second chance as well as a third. If there's fear, anger, hopelessness, hostility or another type of bad-feeling judgement, check in again. We can notice facts without labeling or judging. And it feels a lot better.

Nervous system booster shot:

Sometimes events can be taxing to the nervous system, leading to tension, pressure, agitation and eventually exhaustion. If your sympathetic nervous system is activated too regularly due to personality, thought style or stressful circumstances/people then it's harder to feel at your best so settle in to read this more slowly now, just slow your eyes down, right here, nothing to do or think about or solve, just simply letting my words run slowly across the page, entering your subconscious mind easily, my helpful words smoothing the waters so that you can really allow that tension to dissolve now, relaxing the neck and shoulders, breathe in, breathe out, more slowly, that's right, just take a breath, slowing your breath can remind your mind that it's all fine, staying in the now, feeling the good that kicks in when you just allow yourself to slow right down, breathe, and feel better now, dialing down that tension and stress you used to carry, no need for that now, you can be much more comfortable, naturally, using the power of your mind. Allow your nerves to remain calm today and stay connected to the good. You are.

Food and mood check:

Many busy people forget about the link between what they put in their mouths and how they feel, both physically and emotionally. If you want to feel more energized and more emotionally balanced, eating for quick and easy convenience is not usually a great idea. Sugars, processed foods and high carb items will lead to a crash, physically and emotionally. Eat your protein (meat, fish, chicken, eggs, tofu etc), eat your good fats (nuts, seeds, avocado, olive oil etc) and eat your vegetables! Good fuel means better performance. It doesn't take long to be organized and your reward chemicals will soon kick in to make it a habit. Lots of people have "reasons" why it's too hard (read "excuses"). It's up to you whether your health and happiness if a priority or not, but it's an easy hack to feeling better very quickly. Get on it!

Release some control:

Control is helpful in achievement drive and can definitely be a bonus in getting things done and being successful in various ways. The trouble is, once we have a control pattern in place, it tends to bleed into the parts of our emotional life where it can cause problems. The trick is knowing when to release control in order to reduce anxiety, overwhelm and self imposed pressure. If our goal relates to another person/people, relationships or events or other aspects over which we have no control then it's time to release. People with anxious control patterns sometimes benefit from remembering that "the universe has your back" and all will be ok in the bigger picture. You can relax and trust if you choose. Many anxious control types believe that nothing "good" will happen unless they "make" it happen, yet this grasping approach often creates the reverse effect. Relax. Release control on that thing you're concerned about. Act as if the universe has your back.

Music meditation:

One of the best and most effective types of meditative practice involves using music to fill the consciousness. When you choose the right music, on headphones, with closed eyes and no other stimulus, you'll hear different aspects of the music you may not have noticed before, and if you focus only on the music, your brain will drift nicely into an alpha state. Alpha brain wave state is the best part of meditation, that feeling of floating or transcending from normal consciousness, the sensation of being removed from everyday life so that the brain gets a restorative holiday. Some people choose classical music or other non-lyric music, others choose slower, trippier albums that provide relaxation and inspiration. Music meditation may also start a helpful thought process that leads you to an unexpected solution or insight relating to a part of your life. This type of meditation is called contemplative meditation and is very underrated with all the current focus on mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness is great, but sometimes we need another focus, especially if the mind is busy, stressed or restless. Choose a mellowish album and go on a contemplative trip today!

Daily dose of optimism:

Optimism isn't about denying what is. It's about acceptance of reality, reframing what is into a possibility for something that is ok or better, and it's about taking realistic action given what outcomes you want. So you feel tired or ill or low? Accept that it is that way FOR NOW. It's temporary and feelings/sensations/moods come and go, mediated by time, sleep, rest and what thoughts we hold in consciousness. If we dwell on how much it sucks and how unfair it is, we tend to feel way worse for way longer. If we decide it's unpleasant but temporary, then choose our focus of attention carefully and deliberately, we may feel a little better a little sooner. Whatever you feel today, take a dose of optimism by first accepting the reality of what is. Don't speculate on the future of it, or the why, just stay in the now, with IS, without labeling and without impatience. Know that it's ok. Then ask yourself, "given what is, how do I need to think and act in order to stay calm and allow this phase to complete itself?" Everything improves.

Self-judgers listen up!

You know, and I know too, that some of us are prone to telling ourselves off, to criticize ourselves if things don't go well, or to generally name call and label ourselves at times, but this is unhelpful, useless mental activity and actually quite unpleasant, so listen up, slow right down now, slowing the eyes and letting them close just slightly as you read my words, as I talk to you here, now, hearing my voice, listening or not really listening, it doesn't matter either way, because your subconscious mind can listen, and pay attention, and really understand my helpful instructions in a very relaxed and comfortable way, relaxing all muscles now, and relaxing that urge to be so hard on the self, leave that in the past now, much more supportive of yourself, perhaps becoming instantly more accepting, no more labels on you, no more name calling or judging, allowing yourself just to be exactly as you are, you have been designed perfectly, nothing wrong with you at all, you're really very open and always learning and moving towards improvement in how you feel and you can feel better right now, just for having read this, for being the kind of person who learns and enjoys and is willing to be part of a positive experience that will only get better and better. You are.

Simplify.

From complicated thoughts to overcrowded schedules, most of us need to simplify. One simple idea. One deep breath. One thing at a time. Let the the need for complication be released. Simplify.

Calm nervous system:

Most people are over activated in their sympathetic nervous system, which is like keeping your foot planted flat out on the accelerator pedal of your car. We need to activate the parasympathetic nervous system (which acts a bit like the brake pedal) for greater balance and calm. Take a breath in through your nose and feel it enter your nostrils and head. Hold it there a second or two. Then very slowly breathe it out through your nose, feeling the air leave your system. Imagine you are making an "mmmmm" sound as you expel your breaths. Do five or ten cycles of these and your nervous system will slow down nicely. And don't go so fast today.

Sucked in by people pleasing??

Feeling responsible for the reactions or emotions of others is a draining pattern. Not only do you have to be hypervigilant, but you have to keep your own emotions in check, suppress them and then modify your response to keep the other person happy. Which of course you don't. People pleasing is not even an effective strategy. How many times have you heard someone say "I try to keep everyone happy but they're never satisfied!" This is because we truly can't "make" anyone happy. It's an inside job. Our mission is to figure out what we personally need for ongoing happiness and work towards that without impeding the happiness of others. We can be ethical, we can be kind, we can be generous. But we can't make others happy. That's their mission, and if they choose not to accept that mission, it's not your responsibility. Focus on your own mission today and be in energy saving mode.

Up-regulate your mood today:

We don't always wake up in a good mood, and in fact our dreams can be a pointer to the chemistry we are carrying for the next day. Anxious or weird dreams can leave some people shaky or wiped the next day, or unsettled sleep can leave us tired and achey. Whatever mood we wake up with, it can be boosted somewhat with a few tricks. First of all you must know and believe that you can boost mood. Then you must engage physical activity if you can. Walk vigorously or run on the spot (or if you can't, imagine doing that). Then work on your brain. The first attitude is "I can and I will!" The second attitude is positivity. Find three things that you truly feel good about, big or small, important or trivial. Thirdly, get on the frequency of gratitude. Just say "thank you thank you thank you" until you feel a physical sense of uplift. Today could be great.

Nothing to fear:

As your eyes move from left to right over these words, you can notice that right now, there is nothing to fear, you can relax a little more, slowing your eyes, letting the eyes glide just a little more, eyelids heavier, tension dissolving now, one deep breath, just really letting all that stress and strain leave your mind and body, relaxing all the muscles in the neck, shoulders and back now, just breathing in and out, breathing new life into your cells, breathing a smile slowly into each cell and feeling those cells respond with calm strength, you will, coming back to now, staying in now, where there is nothing to worry about or do, nothing you need to fix or control, nothing you need to feel self conscious about, allowing yourself to come back to the state of calmly just being, not having to be anything in particular, just being, relaxing, breathing and allowing more and more good feelings to move happily through your system now. You will.

Check in with the feelings!

If you're tired, in pain or get ill frequently, chances are you need to check in more (or check in differently) with your emotions. Most people put their emotions to one side, especially if the emotions are about something they can't control or take action on. But it's not about control or action. It's about that younger, inner part of you being noticed, acknowledged and reassured. Even if the feelings are of stress, anger, frustration, overwhelm, tiredness, anxiety or whatever, listen to them. Tell them you've noticed. Ask them how they'd like you to best take care of yourself right now. Welcome them, take notice and soothe yourself like you would for a child or friend. How are you doing in there today? It's time for you to check in.

More attractive than you realize!

Most people see themselves a less attractive than they objectively are. Maybe this is the mirror effect, or the influence of photos (some people photograph better than others regardless of attractiveness) or maybe past criticism or rejection. But the fact is, chances are you are much more attractive than you realize. This applies especially to females, who are often conditioned to be much more sensitive about or critical of their looks. Your mantra for today is "I look great!" Do you have a few other women you'd like to pass that on to and tell them they look great?? They probably need to hear it too!

The imagined lives of others:

Apparently, other people have better lives, more fun, greater confidence, superior careers, less problems, and go out socializing much more often. Or so we think. The imagined lives of others can cause inferior feelings, otherwise known as the social comparison effect. It's all made up anyway, all projection; we really have no idea what is really going on in the lives or minds of others. Social media has escalated the social comparison effect, as we now have pictures to stir up our imagined narratives of others. But of course most people only choose the best pictures with the most visible fun. It's just a moment in time and it only represents how they want to be seen at that single moment. We need to affirm that our life is fine and that if something is genuinely missing, we will work to change things. Want more fun? Schedule an outing! Want more glamour? Get dressed up and go somewhere. Tweak things so that life feels better. And ditch the social comparison. It's just wasted mental energy and you can use it for fun stuff instead.

Nothing to fear right now:

Humans are much better at being in the past or thinking about the future. Being right here, right now can be challenging. And yet, right here, right now, things are ok. You're reading this, I'm saying this, you are breathing in and out, and that is all. Come back here. There is nothing to worry about, nothing to do, nowhere to be right now, no pressure to perform. Let the present moment be as it is. Our minds can be trained if we just keep coming back.

Energy Power Up:

As tired as we can physically feel, most energy ups and downs are generated from the mind, from how we feel, from our level of boredom, or overwhelm, or frustration or guilt or whatever other emotion might be consciously or unconsciously hovering, so if we need an energy boost we need to go via the mind, through the emotions, landing in the nervous system and physical body to get the tiny changes that will power things up now, so let your eyes slowly glide over my words, slowing now, dissolving any tension, let go, that's right, just allowing things to be as they are, feelings as they are, everything as it is right now, knowing that noticing and accepting can easily lead to changes, to improvements, just simply by noticing, and you know, and I know too that you need to do more noticing, noticing the rise and fall of your emotional tides, in and out, just like the breath, always moving, nothing ever staying exactly the same, even the heavy storms pass, often quite quickly, and the clouds disappear, the sun comes out and suddenly we see light, we feel warmer, and the air is fresher, cleaner, and you can begin again, every day new, calmer in the knowledge that the good is always just around the corner and you are always energized and ready. Enjoy.

Watch out for tiredness!

Through the lens of tiredness, life seems very different. Things seem harder, meaning is harder to find and fun or joy can be very difficult to access. Through the lens of tiredness, it all feels like an effort, sometimes a huge effort for little or no reward. Tiredness drops our mood and in many cases increases anxiety. The only way to mitigate this is to knowingly accept the tiredness, acknowledge it and its mood effects without believing in the truth of what the tired thoughts or feelings might be saying to you. Everything feels better after sleep or a good rest, and we can bounce back remarkably quickly even though we feel like we won't. Mid-year tiredness is extremely common so if you're just treading water at the moment, know that it's ok to tread, most people are doing the same, and you'll certainly feel better soon.

Permission to slack off a bit?

Only you can know whether you are too driven in your chosen pursuits, too perfection oriented and too hard on yourself. If you are, then consider this message your trigger to chill out a bit, take a breath and maybe even take a break. If on the other hand you are a little too self indulgent, prone to procrastinate and give yourself constant reasons to wait until tomorrow, next week, next month, then perhaps consider this message a trigger to get your shit together, cut the crap and get started! Of course we all have both patterns, usually in different areas of life. Some of us are motivated and focused at work/study but slack around self care or health. For others it's the opposite. Think about your balance of activity and rest and notice which one you might need a little more of today!

Fake fear thoughts:

Our minds generate untrue and untested thoughts constantly. Most of them might not matter, maybe we don't buy into them so they have no power. But at times, our thoughts trigger unpleasant feelings like fear, anxiety, doubt, and negativity, which can then bring on more of the same type of thoughts to create a downward spiral. It's important to be able to return to basic fact and to learn to disregard the power of thoughts in general. The only thing that is actually true right now is that you are reading this post. You are breathing in, you are breathing out. Returning to the simple fact of the present moment allows us to eject all the commentary our mind generates, which is mostly meaningless and made up anyway, so why pay attention. Return to the simple fact of what you are doing right now. The only thing that is true right now is person sitting/standing, reading this. Right now is ok.

Mantra for today:

May we be more peaceful and loving beings today. May we remember that we have no idea what is really going on in the lives or minds of others. May we be a force for good in the world today.

Access your hidden talents:

We all have gifts, some we know about and use, and others that are waiting to be activated and discovered, and it doesn't matter how young you are, there is newness there which we can now begin to uncover, you can apply these gifts to the area of your life where it would be most useful, and so your subconscious mind can assist right now, just continue to read, slowly, while I continue to talk to you, even more slowly now, talking to your subconscious mind now, offering helpful instructions, time to unlock that hidden potential, activate what needs to be activated now, you know, it's there, always been there, always will be there, always newness just around the corner, possibilities and options and exciting new things for you always, all you need to do is remember to know, to notice the difference, to pay attention to what is getting better, small steps, sometimes very tiny, but always present, always improving and always moving in the direction of good, those new talents helping you towards where you need to be, already are and always will be, just know, smile, and remember to notice all their positive signs today. You will.

Pet alert!

Our pets (and the pets of others!) increase our serotonin, lower our blood pressure, balance our stress hormones and generally improve mood instantly! Focus on your with pet with appreciation today, or on a pet you know or have met that makes you smile. Even the thought of your chosen pet will change your brain chemistry in milliseconds

Easier decisions for you?

Many of us rush into action without a useful decision making strategy and end up with regrets and feelings of being annoyed about going against intuition. So if we are deciding whether to make a move, do an activity, buy something, see somebody, stop seeing somebody, or make a change of some kind, ask this:

Will doing this bring me joy? Will doing this bring me peace?

Will doing this bring more inner harmony? 

And truly listen to the response from your body. While the mind can rationalize and convince, the body always knows the truth straight away. We need to listen and act on that truth.

The Mindful Pause:

One of the keys to building happiness and peace every day is to remember the art of the mindful pause. Rather than always getting caught up in the doing, or the rushing, or the worrying, or the boredom, take a regular quick stop to consciously pause. Some people set an alarm on their phone to pause, and in fact there are apps you can download to remind you. In this pause, what you do is based on the feeling you want. If you want peace, pause and breathe and feel the peace within you. If you want joy, pause and think of all the good things, the things that excite you. If you want contentment, pause and feel the positive aspects of life, the things you genuinely appreciate. Or, if you just want to feel present, pause and think about what matters or what's most important to you RIGHT NOW in this moment. Enjoy your pauses today.

The Kind Mind:

Number one rule, be kind to self. No harshness, self criticism or blame. Definitely no name calling! Number two rule, remember you never truly know what's going on in somebody else's life. So each person you meet, you could either make their day better or worse. The Kind Mind prefers to be a source of good in the world but knows that being "nice" is not the same as being kind. Sometimes the truth is kind. Sometimes silence is kind. Sometimes ending a relationship is kind. Kindness and wisdom come from the same place. Start with self kindness and the rest will follow.

No comparisons:

The human mind loves to compare, better, worse, should be, not enough, too much, shouldn't, more, less, used to be, need to be, blah blah, most of it designed to create insecurity and inferiority, well, no more, enough of that, we need a word with your subconscious mind to put some prevention and immunity in place just in case, so allow those shoulder and neck muscles of yours to relax right now, breathing just a little deeper, slowing right down, more relaxed, slow your eyes as you read my words, let my words speak to you, slowly, moving from here directly to your subconscious mind, deeper now, and more relaxed, subconscious mind wise, wide awake and ready for helpful instructions, as they begin, begin now to know, and to be completely aware of the perfect pattern, the inner perfect pattern, what is perfect for you, and what is, right now, already exactly as it should be, quite perfect really, and you can become and you are already becoming, totally indifferent to what others are doing, not doing, being, not being, saying, not saying, all that matters now is the good that you already are, always have been, and always will be, unique, nobody with your particular set of talents and gifts and skills, nothing to prove, no more pressure, no more unhelpful comparison, just enjoying your fruits, letting it be as it is, perfect, whole and complete. You are.

Stop! Look! Enjoy!

Most of us are rushing about all the time, thinking about what we have to do, planning, worrying about this and that, going over things in our minds and generally not being present. We can make it a thing to stop just for a few seconds, several times a day, starting right now, and just look. Preferably outside, even if it has to be outside via a window. Just look, and allow yourself to enjoy what you see, whether it's aspects of nature or human created scenery. Look at it now and enjoy it. Just be.

Don't ask why, ask what.

When things go wrong, asking WHY did it happen or WHY did they do this is an easy trap to fall into. The thing about that trap is that it never leads anywhere useful. Analyzing the motives of others is really just guessing and projection; we never really know, and even if we had an explanation from them, people don't usually do things for the reason they think they do. Many of our motives are unconscious and quite primal, especially in relationships. So when something happens, we stick to the facts, and we can say: "This is what happened. I don't know why. I don't need to know why. The most important thing I need to focus on is WHAT I want to feel and think now". Not so much what to DO, that comes later. Many people take impatient action (which usually involves telling somebody off!) when they really need to just stop and think and wait for a bit. So, when something happens, stop with the why, there is no useful why. Ask what. What would you like to FEEL now? What do you need to THINK in order to feel that way? Focus on YOUR focus! Focus leads to correct attention which leads to correct action.

How about you let all things be exactly as they are today.

Mental resistance is tiring. Judging and labeling is pointless. Whether it's the traffic, the people, the news, the weather or the mood you woke up with, just let it be as it is. Releasing resistance has the paradoxical effect of allowing for change without trying to make it happen. Relax. It is what it is. Let it be.

What you focus on expands:

When you get a certain new car, you spot them everywhere. If you're scared of spiders, you will notice spiders that nobody else sees. If you're easily offended you will spot opportunities to feel that way whether it was intended or not. The part of the brain that pays attention (the reticular activating system) will search and find all the things you have consciously or subconsciously told it to pay attention to. What do you want your brain to pay attention to today? Choose carefully according to how you want to feel. Focusing on any/all good things is a start. Focus on sunshine. Focus on kind or helpful people. Focus on the parts of your body that feel comfortable. Focus on things you like! The skill of paying attention on purpose is a key to happiness. Get your attention in check today!

When you get people that bother you:

Maybe it's the critical people, or the judgmental people, or the ones who drone on and on with no idea that you've tuned out ages ago, or the incompetent ones, or the negative ones, or the ones who complain, or whoever, but there will be days when people will have an effect on your nervous system that doesn't feel so good, so let's program something in right here, now, let's have a chat with your subconscious mind, put in a word or two, slowly, slowing down as you read, slowing your eyes down now, relaxing a little, letting the tension drop from those tiny muscles in the neck and shoulders, those tiny muscles that carry all your stress and strain, just relaxing them now, relaxing your jaw and allowing your subconscious mind to come wide awake, listening to my words here, ready to build immunity for you, immune from the words of others, allowing a shield to form, a shield that protects you from all unhelpful energy or words, simply allowing you to detach now, dissolving any resistance, dissolving any concern, no need to bother reacting really, just indifferent to those things and people who used to disturb you, no more, just really not caring, letting them be, nothing to do, nothing to do with you anyway, you just relax from now on, let them be, moving along and feeling good from the inside now, smiling cells, breathing and knowing that all is well. It is.

Focus on EASY:

The word easy has a calming and positive effect on the human nervous system. In contrast, every time we say things are hard, this is hard, it's all too hard, this has a draining, constricting, unpleasant chemical effect. Most things are easier than we think, easier than we allow them to be, and even if they aren't, thinking of them as easy can help you get through it with more ease. Even if we just focus on the ease of one tiny tiny step. That's what easy is, greater EASE. So ease into your day, watch your thoughts and remember to take it easy.

Motivation and enthusiasm boost:

Motivation and enthusiasm come from desire, or a drive towards something. To feel motivated we have to have a strong WHY. Want to sleep more? Eat better? Drink less? Work differently?? Change a habit? Improve something?? Know your WHY. Why are you doing it? Staying in touch with your why keeps it out of vague concept land and back in the realm of relevant and compelling. By the way, the best kind of WHY to start with is "because I feel really good when I do it". Feeling good keeps us motivated and creates a fulfilling wellbeing cycle. Think about what makes you feel good and keep your eye on that today!

Let yourself off the hook today:

Whatever you think you've done, whatever hasn't been perfect for you, it's time to stop making yourself feel bad. Feeling bad doesn't help the situation, in fact usually it makes things worse. So let yourself off the hook, remind yourself of what you've learned and start afresh now, with a very clean slate. Be as forgiving to yourself as you'd like to be to others. No more mean talk about yourself, only good things from now on please. No more expecting perfection. You're off the hook.

Breathe in. Smile. Breathe out. Smile.

Our physiology can change our chemistry in an instant. Smiling changes your brain, whether or not you have anything to smile about. Smiling while focusing on the breath lowers stress hormones while promoting positive mood. Again, breathe in. Smile! Breathe out. Smile. Repeat when necessary

Not in the mood?

At times, there are things we need to do, want to do, have to do, but we just don't feel in the mood, not really in the right headspace yet, just not feeling it. But of course, with the right input we can trigger a little change in mood, just a slight lift in motivation, that ability to not be driven solely by how we feel, but to take control and help create a new vibe, so simply slow down your eyes now, as you read this, relaxing as I talk to you, and you can listen, not doing anything, not expecting anything much, just knowing that by planting a small seed, we can quickly grow something quite strong and all it takes is just a little idea, watered daily with a touch of sunshine, and then a new feeling begins, starting deep somewhere within before we are even aware of it, then growing into a stronger feeling, starting to activate now, moving towards acceleration, driving forward almost by itself, propelling and compelling you towards what you need to do, what you now WANT to do, easily, effortlessly and very comfortably, a new mood of possibility and it's yours any time you need it so you can allow it to activate on your behalf whenever you like. Begin now.

A day of non-judgement:

Most of us spend a bit of time in our day judging things as good or bad, right or wrong, perhaps even judging ourselves, other people around us and making up stories in our head about what things mean and why people do what they do. Judgement can help us make sense of the world in a positive way and it can also allow us to make sense of a world in a way that triggers anger, hostility, blame, guilt and resentment. When we find ourselves judging, we can choose to say "I don't know what this means so I'm refusing to judge". If people state that something is good or bad, you can think or say "maybe". Because the truth is, we don't know yet. We don't have the big picture. Sometimes something that seems bad can turn out to be very fortunate, just as sometimes getting what we want turns out to be a major booby prize. We just don't know. Be comfortable with not knowing and not judging today!

A moment of self appreciation please!

Most of us are keen for a little extra inner peace. What robs us of comfortable feelings is lack of acceptance, of ourselves, of other people and of events. It is a fact that things are as they are. You are as you are. Perhaps you were actually perfectly designed for your particular mission. There are always things we look to improve, but even improvement happens more effectively from a state of acceptance and appreciation rather than criticism. Take a moment to feel appreciation for yourself now, whether for certain qualities, skills, achievements or just for being. Just being is enough you know.

A very brief reminder:

Slow down. Relax. Breathe. Stay away from hurry mode and let your nervous system remain comfortable today. There is really no rush if you look at the bigger picture. Just take it easy.

A new day, with new beginnings:

Where do you need to start afresh today? A new thought? A new approach? A new idea? A new resolution? A new attitude? Even the word "NEW" has a strong positive effect on mood chemistry and the nervous system, which is why it's so widely used by advertisers. And the great thing is, it really is a new day, and it always will be, and nothing ever has to be the same again if you choose to have that new day. Try out the mantra "it's a new day" and see how it suits you. And remember to choose to see that new day as it comes your way.

Being gentle with yourself?

We tend to reserve our most harsh judgements and criticisms for ourselves, which can lead to guilt, self doubt, inadequacy and anxiety, and of course as humans we have every right to think what we think and feel how we feel, but have you ever wondered, just really stopping now, slowing right down breathing in, breathing out, just to think, to reflect in a calm, comfortable way as you slow your eyes as they read this, just how it might feel if youeased up on yourself, if you took the pressure off, if you let go some of the expectations you place on yourself, allowing you to just be, as you are, perfectly fine, definitely good enough, probably much better than you think, without even trying, without the strain, without the inner tension that you can let dissolve right now, no more tightness, allowing everything to be much more comfortably loose, easier, going easily through the open doors, following your inner guidance and stepping forward with relaxed focus, knowing where you need to be, what to say and to whom without ever really having to plan and scheme, just trusting yourself and being very kind and gentle towards yourself at all times, you can and you will begin now please.

Filter your incoming!

Social media is a mixed bag for everyone, but for sensitive people, it may be having effects that go unnoticed. Sensitive and highly sensitive people have difficulty filtering out weird energy as well as negative energy and may find that social media browsing leads to vague anxiety, agitation, restlessness, irritation and mood change. Yes, it's addictive. It's been designed and shaped to make us feel like we are missing out if we don't click, read and scroll, and to feel that something exciting is coming up (it usually isn't!). Limit your time on social media and be aware of the effect on your brain chemistry and nervous system. The research is in now after ten or so years of active use, and the results aren't great. Yes it can enhance the perception of social connection if used wisely but it also triggers social comparison, annoyance (due to seeing things online that people may not or should not share in real life), fear of missing out, downgrading actual experiences as opposed to public experiences (photos) and excessive self consciousness. Use wisely.

Nothing personal:

As you may have noticed, there are times when certain other people can be inconsiderate, rude, manipulative, dismissive, patronizing and difficult. And you know what? It's no reflection on us. The behavior of others is only a reflection of THEIR consciousness, their beliefs, their false entitlement, their self involvement, their moods, their lack of awareness, their emotional patterns, their life situation. It's not about you. It's their stuff. See difficult behavior through the lens of "their stuff" and refuse to see it in any way about you. It's not about you.

A small simple message.

Relax now. Breathe. Focus on one small thing and just do that. You have nothing to prove today. Just be.

Anything can happen!

Many good things are just around the corner, maybe even starting to happen now without our knowledge. It's easy to get stuck in how we see things, seeing only grim reality, how we think things "are", but our perceptions can be wrong and things can be much better than we could ever expect. What if we always assumed that good things are always about to happen, always just around the corner? This creates positive expectancy and boosts optimism. The thought process of expecting good things also creates a change in brain chemistry that is probably bound to help attract or create newer and better things! Something good is definitely happening today. Your job is to find it!

Reclaiming the Should:

The era we live in is all about doing what you feel like doing, being "authentic" and not conforming to other people's ideas of what the rules are. This creates more freedom, flexibility and self acceptance and leads to many positive outcomes. On the flip-side (everything has a flip-side!) we also have to create boundaries for ourselves in order to achieve, both in a traditional and personal sense. Getting things done and being somewhat organized is important. Fulfilling our commitments or promises is important. Looking after our health is important. Being our best selves is important. Being ethical and kind is important. These are the places where we need to reclaim the Should. If we NEED to do something in order to be balanced or happy or ethical or healthy, then we SHOULD do it. Sometimes we need to say NO to ourselves, just as we need to say NO to children who want to do something that is not helpful or appropriate at the time. The ability to say NO to ourselves (impulse control) is a key skill for happiness and achievement, and is a key component of emotional intelligence. Saying NO and redirecting to what you SHOULD do (not according to society's expectations, but according to the natural laws of health, happiness and balance) gives us our boundaries, stops procrastination and keeps us on track. Stick to what you need to do for balance today and know that you SHOULD!

Reframing and letting things go:

One of the hardest things to discern is when to assert ourselves and when to let something go. Many of us let things go where we probably should assert our boundaries, while also raising concerns with others that maybe don't matter at all in the scheme of things. One of the questions that helps to decide the importance of an issue is "Will this matter in five years' time?" Some things will matter. You know that if you don't raise it, consequences may happen that perhaps the other person needs to be aware of. Or maybe the consequences for you are strong enough that you will remember and still feel strongly in five years. Other things, by asking that question we realize we'd probably forget it in three weeks, let alone five years. This is a context reframe question that brings a broader perspective into the issue as opposed to just feelings in the now, which can be affected by so many things. If we interpret events through are current mood, or our overwhelm, or our winter melancholy or our physical tiredness etc then we don't get the full picture. Five years is a good mediator of what truly matters.

Got to rate yourself higher!

So often when I talk to clients I find that they see themselves through critical eyes, feeling not good enough and comparing themselves unfavourably to others. I often think or say that I wish they could see themselves through my eyes or the eyes of another person who gets how great they are. This is actually a learnable skill and one to master in order to boost confidence or what they call "self esteem", which really means how much you like yourself or hold yourself in esteem. Seeing yourself through the eyes of another person can be extremely helpful when you want to feel better quickly. Think of that person who most gets you and most admires you. It could be friend, partner or (if you're lucky) a family member. If you can, get them to tell you what they most value or like about you, or if not, think of some of the positive things they've said about you over time. Spend a few minutes seeing yourself through their eyes, the eyes of objectivity and clarity. Our own self views are often skewed by mood or events that occur, or by memories of earlier criticism. Refuse to dwell mentally on what feels bad! Choose the eyes of admiration, or respect, or love and stay there.

Write down your intention, write down your plan!

So much research has shown that people who write down what they want to achieve have a much, much higher chance of actually completing their plan. This means writing it down anywhere, either on a post it note, piece of paper, notebook or even in a list on your phone. Look at the plan or intention regularly and imagine somebody close to you congratulating you on its completion (make sure you choose a person who really would mention it in real life!). The combined technique of writing down an intention and imagining being congratulated or praised on its achievement have been shown to be even more powerful in many studies. Maybe the brain takes it more seriously if it's written down, maybe it's the regular reminder, maybe even the act of writing it down uses a different part of the brain that activates motivation chemistry. You don't need detail, dot points will do. You don't need a major or important goal, just anything you might want to do or finish or have. You don't need to make it neat or pretty, just get it on the page and look at it. Put it somewhere you will see it often and know that your brain will start working it for you immediately! Jot it down now.

Chill time for your subconscious mind!

Your subconscious is always working in the background, keeping the body ticking away, carrying all those worries that go back many years, keeping you safe from any perceived threats and striving to ensure that you move in the right direction. When we can get good rapport between out conscious mind (what we are consciously aware of in the now) and our subconscious, life goes much more smoothly and we feel better, so let your subconscious mind come very wide awake and alert as you read this, slowing down your reading to send the signal to your conscious mind to relax, to go off some place else, let the subconscious mind take over here, easing into automatic listening, now, as I talk, and you can just listen, knowing that your subconscious mind is very powerful, keeping your heart beating, breathing for you, digesting your food, building your contentment, doing all the things necessary so that you don't even have to think about it, moving you towards those things you want, you know those goals you have for yourself, the goals about feeling better, being better, doing certain things that will be good for you, you will, and your subconscious mind can take over for you now, and you can relax, remembering to chill, forgetting any concerns now, just comfortably allowing yourself to move easily towards the good things right now. Let it happen naturally and enjoy your day, whatever it brings.

Prioritize more fun right now!

Fun is much underrated. We need more fun in relationships. Fun in friendships. Fun at work. Fun in downtime. Fun in hobbies. If we prioritize fun then we choose differently! Most entrepreneurs choose their projects based on the level of fun it will bring. If it's fun, it's motivating. Of course, fun means totally different things to different people and we probably can't choose or predict fun for others. But we know what feels like fun for ourselves. And the tiny kid in us just wants to have plenty of fun in an adult life, or it gets a bit pissed off and rebellious. If you're feeling flat, lost mojo, low energy, then ask yourself about the fun factor. Where do you need more? How would you like to do more? We can't expect others to make it fun for us, we create the fun by aligning with what is exciting, pleasant and compelling. If in doubt, think back to what was fun for you at nine or ten years of age (pre puberty, pre teen) as these things will nearly always remain fun for your whole life if you choose to keep it up. Before we knew how to be cool we knew how to have fun. All we need to do is remember. And to factor it in. Always.

Ingredients of a good day:

First of all, we have to DECIDE to create a good day. Of course, most people wait and "see what happens" before deciding if it's a good day or not. But it's not what happens, it's our attitude or response to what happens that determines how we feel. So decide now that it's going to be a good day due to your internal response system and your ability to reframe whatever (or whoever!) might occur that may not be to your liking. Secondly, choose a thought process. Of course we all have automatic thoughts, many of them not so positive, many of them complaint thoughts, but we don't have to buy in. We can allow the thought and then replace it kindly and gently with a more neutral and/or uplifting thought. The most powerful replacement thought is "It's ok." That thought, "It's ok" will bring a slight calm accepting effect to most people almost instantly. Thirdly, keep a preemptive mantra in place, such as "I choose peace today" or "I'm willing to see the good in all things today". Those two key words (CHOOSE and WILLING) put the choice back into our consciousness, rather than us feeling like a victim to outside events. Be willing today and choose the thoughts that allow it to be a good day.

The new guilt about life balance!

It's a relatively new thing, but so many people worry now about the lack of balance in their lives, or their diet or their relationships. People often worry about work/life balance as though work isn't or shouldn't be a key part of life for some. Truthfully, work plays a huge role in the lives and the pleasure of many people, whereas for others it's just a way to make a living and support other activities or people. Balance is one of those words that sounds good in theory but doesn't really tell us anything about what you want to change. If you had more "balance" in your life, what would, be happening? More sleep? Getting home earlier? More fun activities? More time with friends or family? The key question to ask is not how to get some vague notion of balance (which probably doesn't exist, it's just some idea of the life WE want, some particular combination of activities that feels right to us) then ask the key question "What is missing right now?" Again, is it time with key people, fun, enjoyment, peace and quiet, alone time, reading time, creative outlet time, playing music, time with animals or in nature? Find a missing thing and schedule it in. It happens when we make it happen.

Is it time for some self appreciation?

You know, and I know too, that you often hold thoughts of appreciation for other people, admiring things about them, feeling thankful for certain actions or behaviors, and just liking who they are in general. These thoughts make you feel very good about that person, and enhance the enjoyment you feel in the connection, and of course if you slow down for a minute here, now, slow your eyes as you read this and let all tension dissolve, and just adjust your mind towards similar appreciative thoughts for your own self, those things you could admire about your own self, the traits that you could like, the many skills and talents that you possess and express, those creative things you do that maybe not many people notice, but you can notice can you not, and you can choose to feel really quite good about those things, maybe some things you said and did, or things you didn't say when you could have, or things you held back from which turned out to be very good indeed, your judgment was sound wasn't it, your intuition was spot on, always is if you really listen, and listen you will, and then you can appreciate that after the event too, or maybe even at the time, or perhaps even in advance from now on, no proof needed, just choosing to appreciate those things about you that make you interesting now. Remember.

What's your body got to say for itself today?

Most of us continually ignore important messages from our body. More and more over time, emotional issues are processed or expressed via physical discomforts such as back, neck and shoulder pain, overeating, insomnia, irritable bowel, chronic fatigue and constant viruses. There is generally some kind of overwhelm in the nervous system, something the person hasn't become consciously aware of as something to be faced and perhaps acted on. If there is something physical kicking in regularly, check your life and check your relationships. Where might you be overwhelmed? Where might you be repressing frustration or rage? What might you be unconsciously worried about? What could you be dreading? What is happening that you don't like, or don't want to happen? Talking through these issues can help the brain process it as an emotional issue rather than re-routing it as a physical condition. No, it's not all in your head, physical conditions are very real and very painful. But the brain and emotions have a large role to play, perhaps a larger role than most of us have considered in the past, especially in this era where "staying positive" can lead to denial of what might be really going on at the emotional level. Acknowledging our current emotional reality is the first step towards optimism and sometimes body discomfort is the first sign that we need to check in. Check in today.

Building motivation for what you want:

What would you like for today? Is it a certain behaviour or action, a particular mood, something you want to get done? Why do you want this?? Asking ourselves about the WHY of wanting something is a helpful step towards boosting desire, which is integral to motivation. Unless we rev up the chemistry of desire, we tend not to get the activation of determination or discipline. People who stay motivated over the long term are people who know how to stay connected to desire. Why do you want it? Why is it important to DO IT NOW? What good feelings will it bring? What positive things will it lead to? What unpleasant things will it prevent? The skill of staying connected to desire is crucial for preventing procrastination. Procrastination occurs when you want the outcome of doing something, but lack the focused thinking that leads to its action NOW, so you delay it until some later date (which is often unhelpful). When you focus on building desire, you also build the thoughts and feelings that make you WANT to do it now. Keep going back to why you want it and let the WHY drive you straight into the HOW today. Now.

Remember to release tension today!

We carry so much tension around each day without even being conscious of it. Tension in the body connects with tension in the mind and emotions, changing the way we think and triggering a cycle of further physical tightness and pain. Most stressed people are not aware of the degree to which they hold stress in the body, tensing up neck, shoulder, back, stomach and leg muscles habitually, as well as the muscles in the jaw (TMJ) which can lead to headaches and tiredness. Start an antidote exercise! It takes only a few seconds to release some tension. The first thing is to become aware of where you store your tension. Consciously tense up the area then release it a few times, reminding it to relax and let go, allowing all tightness to dissolve. Then, at various times during the day, check in again and release the tension. Often people yawn when releasing tension, this is a sign of energy shifting, as well as a cue to relax. When in doubt, start by relaxing the facial and jaw muscles, followed by neck and shoulder. You can relax now, no matter what is happening. In fact, whatever is happening, relaxing is guaranteed to help.

Moving beyond unpleasantness:

When things happen that feel bad or sad, it's so easy to get stuck, stuck in the why, stuck in the unfairness, stuck in the emotions or resentment, stuck in concern for the future. The first step is to cease the fighting of the feeling or thoughts, and just allow it to be, allowing now whatever happens to be floating around your consciousness here and now, slowing right down as you read this, letting any resistance dissolve into the nothingness it came from and just allowing what is, to be what is, it will, in fact it just is, and you can let that be, just by saying "it is", and of course what is isn't the same as what will be, and as you know, and I know too, things can change very quickly, begin to improve and feel better now, things can feel more comfortable, your inner mind can somehow allow whichever small changes to occur naturally, so that everything is integrated, and inner peace starts as a very small seed, if we let that seed be what it is, leave it alone without pushing or prodding, then the seed begins to grow and sprout, increasing and spreading its essence all through your being now, that seed of inner peace growing, blooming, extending to whenever and wherever it is needed now for you, just being.

Pump up more music today!

Of course music is the quickest game changer for your brain, with the right music at the right time instantly changing your brain chemistry in any direction that you might want. When we change the chemistry, we also change the thoughts, and that's a much quicker way of feeling better no matter whether it's a physical, mental or emotional state that you want to dial up. Sometimes you need known and trusted music to reboot the system, other times you need something new to capture the brain's attention and remind you that there will always be new music to elevate you or to calm you. Don't get into a rut with your music, or start complaining that "they" don't make good music anymore. There's plenty of brilliant new music, it's more available than it ever was, just not on most commercial radio stations! Do a google search for new music that sounds like bands you love, or use some newer music apps like Discovr Music, Spotify, Pandora or Bandcamp to find things that might just blow your mind. It's one of the cheapest and most effective drugs for instant feel-good so remember to include plenty of music in your daily wellbeing routine!

Tracking from self doubt to confidence:

A moment of self doubt can hit quickly, usually triggered by some kind of thought along the lines of "can I really do this? Is it good enough?" which then leads to a horrible anxious defective kind of feeling. For some people, those type of questions are habitual. If we can't stop the questioning, we can certainly influence what happens after it. The questions are vague, non specific and anxiety inducing without any real content. This is the key to the antidote. If the case for the prosecution is that weak, then we only need a half decent case for the defense and we will easily win. So, in response to the "but is it good enough?", the case for the defense says: "Yes! It's definitely good enough and here's why. You're intelligent and competent and have done loads of successful things before. With your skills and positive attitude you'll do at least as well as most people, probably better. Have faith in your innate resourcefulness and trust that you will deliver the right goods for the situation at hand, no matter what it is. You have shown great adaptability and competence in the past, and the past is the best predictor of the future, so just get on with it in a state of optimism". As you can see, the case for the defense is strong. Listen to that one.

Drama is draining!

Drama steals out energy, even if we are just on the periphery watching or thinking about it. There are definitely those who thrive on drama, and get a little bored if things are too mellow. All it takes to start a drama is to identify a grievance or decide that somebody did something that they should not have done. To feed the drama, other people are brought in for their opinions and/or support. Suddenly we have victim, persecutor and rescuers, the perfect drama recipe. This is how tv and movies organize drama to get our attention too! But what works as entertainment on a screen can be quite damaging and draining in real life. Families are good places for drama to simmer; usually the roles have been allocated for years and years so big messes can trigger and erupt easily. If we want more inner peace in life, then it may be helpful to make drama-free choices by choosing not to buy in, either behaviorally or in our private thoughts. We accept that some people need or enjoy drama, but if we don't, we can choose to stay out of it. Repeat "I'm staying out of it!" And we can choose not to judge or take sides. Repeat "I'm choosing not to judge!" Sometimes, the fence can be a comfortable place to sit.  

What attitude are you bringing to the mix today?  

We humans operate on sympathetic resonance. This means that we pick up on each other's vibes somehow, and get affected by it even without being aware that we are. Of course some of us will feel it more than others. We can't control the vibe or energy of others but what we can do is to help bring some positive energy to the mix, to take responsibility for the vibes we bring to the world and hopefully improve the bigger picture. It doesn't matter whether we happen to feel good today or not. Bringing thoughts or attitudes of openness, kindness, calm, acceptance, optimism, possibility or even neutrality will be helpful. If a mantra helps, you could repeat the words "I'm willing to be open today" or something similar. Not everybody takes responsibility for their vibe and how they affect others but we can. Let's put some good stuff out there today.

Reality check on your food plan!

Many of my clients identify that they need to keep their food agenda at the front of mind. Are you also one of the people who needs a reminder to plan what you are going to put in your mouth this week? Yes, it can take more effort; yes, it's quicker and easier to do "quick and easy" food, but is that really what you want?? If you want to feel good, then check your fuel source and go for the high quality clean stuff. For each meal, check your high quality protein (meat, fish, chicken, eggs, tofu etc) and get some coloured vegetables and/or salad. Ditch the processed stuff and stay with the pure foods that feel good physically and emotionally while you eat them as well as afterwards! If you're prone to bingeing, stay away from the foods that open the floodgates and stick to the stuff you know you feel good about. Even if you're tired, stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed or sick, it will not help to be eating the foods that end up making you feel awful half an hour after you finish them. Tune into your emotions instead, as well as your thoughts. How do you feel? How would you prefer to feel? What's the best pathway to get yourself where you want to be? Plan your meals for this week and enjoy sticking to what you know will help you feel good.

Getting back into the feeling good zone:

When you've lost a bit of your mojo, it can be tough to turn things around and start to feel optimistic and focused, but we can start right now to relax all concern, to slow down the mind, to let the eyes soften and shoulder muscles release their tension now, knowing that the first key towards better feeling is to relax, to cease any resistance, to let go of all tension now, simply being with what is, allowing what is, knowing that things can improve very quickly, very suddenly, more than we expect, if we can just relax with it, relax in the knowledge that all things pass, all things improve, all things working for good now, all forces awakening to help you, already moving back to where you want to be, just because you're asking, and focusing and heading towards the good zone, letting all internal mechanisms adjust themselves automatically as your body and mind returns to the perfect pattern for you now, it has, and you can relax and let it.

Brain loops and overthinking:

What does it mean to be "overthinking" something? Generally it means there is wasted mental effort, often leading to unhelpful thoughts and anxious feelings. It means going over and over the same issue, mostly from the same perspective that didn't help the first time. The feeling of overthinking isn't fun. We can feel the brain stuck in a loop but it's hard to change track and we need mental tricks to get out of the gear we are locked into. One of the better methods is firstly to remind yourself that worrying and/or mental problem solving is completely ineffective and secondly to give the busy brain something else to do that absorbs the attention. Regarding the first stage of accepting the futility (and potential damage) of worry/problem solving, many people have issues with this, and cling to the belief that this thinking process helps them. Years of research and clinical evidence backs up the claim that it does not. Solutions (if they are even needed) are much more likely to arrive spontaneously when the brain is either relaxed or thinking of something else entirely. Striving and looping seems like a clever thing to do but we must remind ourselves about how creativity arises: i.e. relaxation, distraction, daydreaming. You can give your brain any other task to re-direct its focus: song lyrics, counting, repeating words or mantras, naming objects in the room, nonsense phrases to make you laugh, anything at all. Delay the "problem solving" and let your brain do something silly. And then do it some more.

The rise in high sensitivity:

After getting a media request to comment on the rise in people identifying as HSP (highly sensitive person), I've been wondering about whether there has been an actual rise or just an increase in acceptance and awareness (I'm thinking the latter). Sensitivity to other people, impressions and one's own emotions has always been a trait that is distributed on a bell-shaped curve, with the majority of people falling somewhere in the middle area. There are some with very low sensitivity; these people should not be seen as "insensitive" but rather are described as easy-going, hardy, thick-skinned and even tempered. This is not a pathology any more than the high sensitivity end of the spectrum. At the higher end, people report feeling more affected by things, more aware of their emotions and those of others, more sensitive to environment and impressions and often more likely to dwell on or analyse those. High sensitivity can link to mood issues such as depression and anxiety but doesn't always. Sensitives often experience a great range of emotions and many of them are pleasant. Many have been told by others that they are "too sensitive" which is about as pointless and silly as telling the grass it is "too green". Sensitivity is great, as long as we know how to manage it and not get pulled into negative vortexes when triggered. Sensitivity means we have access to a great range of experiences and emotions which means a rich life. It's a good thing and should be seen as an indicator of strength, resilience and optimism. If you identify as a sensitive, make sure to notice and enjoy the beneficial side today!

Good things for you!

Because you read this, we understand a few things about your personality. We get your sensitivity, your desire to learn, your need to work on yourself, your curiosity about people, your need for making the world a better place. Because you are higher in the trait of sensitivity, you get affected by things and as a result, you may need to monitor your mind more than some during weird times. Keep a guard at your mind. Make sure that you notice and tune in to the good stuff today, no matter what is going on. Life always has challenges and sadness, and it's up to us to help each other reconnect with the good stuff, the silver linings, the kindness, the love that is expressed even amidst the most difficult times. Wishing you good things today, may your mind remain open to the best.

System Reboot for stuck patterns!

Sometimes we feel like we are stuck in a rut, locked into a pattern that feels immovable or like a loop that won't stop and at those times it can be useful to simply allow your brain to slow down here as you read, knowing that your inner mind can perform a system reboot for you now, the kind of reboot that takes your nervous system into calm, clear focus here, slowing your eyes as you read, bringing the internal voice into a much calmer, quieter place, body more comfortable now as you read this, allowing all tension to melt away into the nothingness it came from, just being with what is, here in the now where all is well, where your mind can reset itself gently, kindly, comfortably for you now, hitting that reset button and simply knowing that all relevant adjustments are now beginning, all parts restored to the perfect pattern of health, joy and peace, just allow it, align now with the infinite peace of inner connection and take that feeling with you now as you move comfortably into your day. Enjoy.

Anxiety and the body:

Depending on your personality type, anxiety will find many different ways to express itself in order to get our attention and scare us. If we are people who are very driven, perfectionist type, results oriented, don't like to let people down and want harmony around you, then it will be more likely that anxiety will express itself via physical symptoms such as back or neck pain syndromes, debilitating fatigue, heart palpitations, irritable bowel and other bodily disturbances guaranteed to get your attention. More and more people are processing stress through their bodies as we justify the need to be busier and busier, or we do the thing we think we "should" do instead of what we are really here for. We talk of the importance of wellbeing measures like correct food, quality sleep, balanced exercise and relaxation or time out, but in reality these are only for when we "have time". As humans, we vote with our feet and we demonstrate our priorities by how we actually spend our time and energy, not by what we say our priorities are. Is it time to take stock? Is your body objecting to certain elements of your life pattern? Are you listening? Hello??? Trying to get your attention. Tune in today and make the choices that your body needs you to make. Sometimes (mostly!) it knows best.

Working on the love factor:

While most people think of love as a feeling, it's actually a verb. As in something you do, rather than something you feel. Many people wait to feel love before they "do" love, but loving actions also increase the love feelings all around. Key research on love in romantic/partnership relationships has found three key factors that maintain things: passion, intimacy and commitment (for more info on that check out Robert Sternberg). Passion isn't just about sex, but also includes enthusiasm, desire, an urgency in wanting to be with and talk to that person. Intimacy includes closeness, communication and willingness to understand and validate the other person. Commitment is stability, consistently showing up, loyalty, knowing that you are in it together and will be there for each other. The absence of one of these factors generally creates a relationship issue, which can be worked on if both are willing. But the biggest hurdle I find in working with people is a mutual willingness to "do" love. Probably the most common cause of this is silent (or not so silent) resentment. Allowing resentment to build is poison to relationships. The loving thing to do is to kindly articulate your concerns. And the loving thing to do is to listen to and act on the other person's concerns where possible. The love factor improves the world. Do a little more love today.

Need to get more done?? 

So many people talk to me about their unfinished To Do Lists, those things that sit in our consciousness waiting to be finished, and we really want to do them, and yet. And yet. So how do we get them done? We set a time. And we set some rules. And we plan for distraction within the plan and rules. Humans love distraction, it allows us to recharge, reboot and ultimately be more effective. The trick is the time and nature of the distraction. For example opening Facebook has been shown to eat way more time than people expect, raise anxiety often and leave people feeling empty and unproductive. Distracting yourself with a look outside or a quick walk in the yard or street, closing your eyes to get a drifty dreamy brain state or even a quick look in a book will raise your mood much more effectively as well as leaving you feeling more refreshed. Many of our other current distractions leave us feeling worse and go on way too long. This includes TV, eating, other social media and mindless internet searches. Block the time wasters! Set the time and rules for your task. For example, you could work in half hour bursts with ten minutes off after each chunk. Write it down then tick off each part as it's done. Take your distraction breaks and return to the task at the time you agreed with yourself. Stick to the plan! And enjoy your feeling of productivity on demand!

Check that perfectionism!

Perfectionism has always been a double edged sword. On the one hand, it can facilitate motivation, achievement and approval. On the other hand, it can lead to self-doubt, self-criticism, overwhelm, procrastination and lack of achievement to due setting impossibility high standards, and/or fear of failure. Perfectionism can trigger anxiety, with the mind playing the "all or nothing" game, either it's perfect or it's all a horrendous failure. This results in a feeling of never being satisfied, and even when success occurs, no good feelings are triggered. Perfectionism is a tricky habit to change but it can be done. Continually re-aligning our intentions or goals to something more reasonable is a good start. Accepting and enjoying our human-ness is also required! And being relaxed about outcomes, especially as they relate to other people or events we can't control (eg what uni results we get, or winning a job) is essential. The other mental habit is re-defining what perfect means. Perfect can mean that something or somebody meets the impossible high standard or it can mean the perfection of what actually is. In other words, it's perfect right now, whatever happens. I prefer the latter.

Permission to feel really good:

Sometimes we wake up with good feelings, other days we wake up tense, irritable, tired or stressed, and we can know now that whatever energy we wake up with, it can always get better, all your brain has to do is tune in here, now, slowing down that focus from your eyes, slow your reading of my words, relaxing the neck and shoulder muscles, the voice in your head becoming slower, and more authoritative in a pleasant way, very pleasant and comfortable, with just the right amount of energy, turning up the volume on the positive energy dial now, and moving to the feel good dial, rolling that dial a little higher, so you can feel good now, just a bit more, much more relaxed, happier and feeling very calm from the inside, very secure about everything, very confident, really just knowing that you are well and that all are well, and that you now have permission to feel very good no matter what, and allow that good feeling to increase over the day today, it will. Have a great day.

Do you know what a good catch you are?

Whether it's about relationships, jobs or other opportunities, most of the people I talk to tend to focus on their areas of insecurity, their worries about potentially not being good enough. This of course achieves nothing and just leads to self-doubt, missed opportunities and general unpleasant feelings! To flip the brain into the right gear, I generally coach clients to focus on areas of strength. What so people generally like or comment on about your strengths? What do they say your skills or talents or points of interest are? What have you always liked about yourself? What past achievements are important to you? What are you proud of? What personality characteristics in yourself do you admire and want to show more of? Anyway, you know you're smart, attractive, competent and likable so focus on all of those today! See each example of how those strengths play out in your day and remember to take notice!

When people feel compelled to share their unhelpful opinions:

Other people's opinions are very interesting. It would appear that some people have an opinion on everything, despite their level of experience or education in relation to that area of knowledge. Having strong opinions (and expressing them) is an indicator of certain personality factors rather than an indicator of wisdom or intelligence. And yet, many of my clients are quite negatively affected by the opinions of others, even when they don't respect the wisdom of those people. These opinions can be a serious deterrent to progress, especially regarding emotional issues or difficult patterns. The majority of damaging opinions seem to come from family members (often parents or siblings) as well as partners. These include opinions about treatment, about whether people should or should not take medication, where people should or should not be working and who they should be in relationships with. While people often know the other person's opinions are not correct or based on genuine education or training, they still plant a seed of doubt, and irritation. It can be hard to stop their flow of verbal opinionhood, but we can choose to cut off the topic by saying "look, thanks for providing your personal opinion on this, I'm going in a different direction for now and I'll get back to you if I need some assistance". Cut it off early and dismiss it as what it is, just their personal opinion. Then move back to your trusted direction. Trust in your own guidance today.

Kindness in relationships trumps everything! 

Many of us use up our best selves at work or in other daily activities. Then when we come home, we have little left to give, and are more likely to grunt, want space, look at devices or TV instead of talking and generally engage less than we could. This is ok once in a while, but if we want connection with those we live with, we need to make and respond to bids for attention. So many years of research has demonstrated that being engaging and kind even when you don't feel like it is the key to long lasting and pleasant relationships, while withdrawal and contempt are killers of connection. Kindness should be the number one desirable trait in any future partner, though it is often left off the list when I ask clients what they seek in a potential mate. The ability to stay in kindness (whether in communication, fights or even during break ups) is much underrated and I'd like to see more couples skilled up in this area. While kindness is a trait, it can also be trained into being if the person is motivated. Choose kindness and engagement today!

Set yourself up for a good day!

Good days are about how we feel, not about what happens in that day. And if we work on our consciousness (what we focus on and think about) as well as our physical energy, it's harder for any people or events to affect us negatively. Check your food plan for the day. Have you organized your protein and vegetables for each meal? Eat breakfast and again, make sure it includes protein! Check your caffeine plan. A little goes a long way, and more might be too much! Remember, if you kick your tension into overdrive, your mood (and probably sleep) will suffer. Get some steps happening. More movement equals mood boost. Check your attitude. Appreciation, praise and gratitude are the quickest mood boosters known. Grab on to the good, be glad about stuff, even if it's very small stuff, and find something you genuinely appreciate, in your world, yourself, and in others. It's a discipline! You don't have to do it all the time, but the more you do it, the better you feel. Look around you to find things you like, and ignore the other stuff. The other stuff can wait. Having a good day is a decision and we can all decide right now, no matter what time of day it is and what's already happened. Have a good one!

Immunity booster shot:

Immunity is protection, the ability to have the appropriate physical and emotional boundaries in place in order to maintain your perfect internal equilibrium, the perfect conditions for you to feel energized and contented, so just slow down now and let your subconscious mind drift here, slowing down the eyes, really listening now as I talk to you, my words slowly seeping down, deeper, talking to your inner mind, the place that controls those boundaries, the immunity centre, keeping out what needs to be kept out, only letting in what is safe and beneficial to you now, stronger, healing any areas of uncertainty, more powerful in your core, the right level of vigilance, not too much, not too little, just the right level of keeping an eye on what truly belongs and what does not, clarity there, here, energy building as your clarity and focus improve markedly, feeling much more solid in the world, flexible, alert and ready for the action you know you need to take today, now, doing it and feeling good, moving in the world with an attitude of easy, relaxed and active. You are.

Enthusiasm lesson from dogs:

The life of the average pet dog probably has a bit more monotony and routine than the life of its owner. And yet the enthusiasm level of the dog is usually much higher, with dogs excited to wake up, excited to see its family in the morning, excited for breakfast, excited to walk, excited for the day's adventures, excited to get home, excited for dinner, excited for playtime and excited for bedtime. Most dogs live in a state of "This?? Wow!! Yes!!", whatever "this" may happen to be. Again, this is because dogs do not judge or label experience, but instead live consciously in the moment, holding positive expectations (except for vet visits and bath time, although some dogs love this too!). Non judgement and non-labelling of experiences is something we can cultivate as humans, as is an enthusiastic state of mind. Choosing to say to yourself "This?? Wow!! Yes!!" and genuinely finding a way to praise or appreciate any experience will boost enthusiasm and gratitude. These habit changes will bring you the extra happiness benefits associated with being a dog!

The avoidance of boredom:

Boredom is now one of the biggest complaints of young people and adults. It would seem that the better and more available our technology becomes, the more intolerant to boredom WE become. Every time we have to wait for somebody, we glance at the phone. Any empty minutes, we check phones, Facebook, Instagram etc, looking for a pleasant (?) distraction from whatever else is or isn't going on. The thing is, we need to remember the "Best Ideas In The Shower Effect". Many of us have our best creative ideas in the shower (or in the car or on a walk or other non-stimulated situations). When the brain is out of focus, it seems to reset in some positive way that leads to new inspiration. We used to have more of this time, waiting, standing in line, on public transport, bored, just being; this time was previously used for letting the brain wander wherever it wanted to. Boredom is good. Boredom lets the brain rest and recover, as well as allowing space for inspiration, ideas and possibilities. Most people now report feeling unpleasantly restless or agitated when bored, and that's when we reach for distractions. Begin the reframe of boredom today. Decide to look forward to some bored moments and enjoy them, knowing it's brain beneficial. Put the phone down and let your mind drift.

Controllers and micro managers:

There are certain personalities that have to control everything. They over-instruct, they appear to assume you are a novice at everything, they give too much information, they want to ask/tell/check/monitor into oblivion. These are the organizers of the world (or at least the people that THINK they are well-organized!). It's easy to take this behaviour personally when you're on the receiving end, feeling not trusted, not seen as competent or skilled enough. But in fact, what it's really about is anxious control. The people with deep-seated anxious control patterns worry a lot, get anxious about things being "just so" and therefore move into control mode to make sure it all comes out the way they think it should. Anxious control patterns usually don't go down too well in the workplace or at home, and this person is likely to have tested many relationships with their vigilance/checking/instructing/bossing ways. When on the receiving end, remind yourself that the person is acting from anxious control and have sympathy for them. It wouldn't be easy to be inside that head. Reassure them that it will be fine, that you will keep them informed and that the task will be done on time and in a quality manner. And then remind yourself again that it's not your stuff! Trust is a much underrated thing.

A female thing:

Have you noticed that women are often unkind to themselves? When it comes to their looks, achievements and relationships, many women harshly judge or blame themselves, always seeming to fall short of the mark, always looking for perfection, seeing what is missing or what "should" be rather than what is. When it comes to success, many women do not feel it or recognize it. Many have a pattern of never taking credit, preferring to attribute successes to luck, circumstances and other people's actions. This is especially true in the workplace, as well as in education. An inability to acknowledge achievements leads to insecurity, self-doubt and fraud syndrome, as well as an unwillingness to self-promote when necessary (eg job interviews). Women also spend time comparing themselves to others who are seen as "better" or who have achieved "more", further cementing the insecurity pattern. Of course some males have these cognitive patterns too, although they are certainly more common in females. We can actively work to change these patterns by internally praising ourselves, taking credit and choosing to note achievements for ourselves, whether or not we verbalize them. We can also make an extra effort to praise and acknowledge the achievements of other women, and actively promote or support their success. Learning to enjoy the success feeling is an important skill and it needs to be socially acceptable in order to happen more regularly. Increase your praise and recognition today, for yourself and others!

For reducing overwhelm:

Too many things, not enough time, too much in the head, none of it feels calm so it's time to just do nothing, just for a minute or so, while I talk to you, slowly, and you can listen, or just simply allowing your eyes to move slower and slower, glide over my words now, letting that inner part of your mind come very alive, the part that listens and makes key changes that allow you to feel much more comfortable, more calm, knowing that it's just one thing, just do one thing, be conscious of that one thing, then calmly move to the next thing, all things are really quite enjoyable if we can just go into calm and begin to notice the pleasant parts, just breathe, letting your mind relax, nothing to do right now, right this second, nowhere to be, nobody to feel responsible for, just being, just reading and letting your inner mind focus on this one task, being here now, knowing all is well, things get done, if you allow your mind to look back, things were done, things worked out, and you can trust that your inner mind will make sure that this is always the case, you don't really have to do anything to make it happen, just simply allowing the natural flow of activity now, staying present and remembering to enjoy.

The deceptives and the liars:

Lying and deception is a skill. There are outright lies, covert lies, lies of omission and grey area lies, and only certain personalities are capable of successful deception. Some appear to deceive even themselves, probably feeling so convinced by their story that they genuinely feel they are not lying to you. Others know exactly what they are doing and take a certain satisfaction in their behavior. Skilled liars can look you in the eye. Their lies are not evident in their facial expressions, although skilled professionals can often spot micro eye movements that signal the altered brain activity of liars. Many liars learned the behavior in childhood, either to get out of trouble with an out of control parent, to get attention due to neglect or odd family dynamics and sometimes as a learned behavior from family members. It's a primitive survival skill and is often used to allow the liar to get what they want while remaining to be seen by others in a positive light. On the receiving end, it's invalidating, infuriating, disrespectful, and makes people feel like they are going crazy. People often go to great lengths to "prove the lies" and are shocked that the liar still remains adamant despite the showing of visible proof. If lying has been long term or habitual, it takes a lot of time and full commitment to train a person out of it and most will not admit to the pattern or seek help. Being around the habituals is usually toxic and sometimes dangerous. When you spot this ongoing pattern, move away fast. And check in with your own truth today. Where do you need to be more authentically truthful?

Want to stay younger longer?

It turns out that feeling healthy is the key to staying young! Studies have shown that how young and healthy you believe you are (and how healthy you feel) is one of the best predictors of health and longevity, often out-ranking cholesterol levels, blood pressure and other more traditional measures of health. One large Swiss study also demonstrated that predictors of longevity included being female (sorry guys!), not smoking (or at least not smoking in adult life for long) most importantly, cognitive processing speed.

The researchers were shocked that factors such as subjective feeling of health and mental processing speed were better predictors of risk than the other factors they studied. We know that remaining cognitively active is associated with aging well, but we don't know if the cognitive activity is the cause or the effect of healthy aging! Either way, think and talk health more (unless discussing illness with doctors/professional!), increase your focus on how good you feel and make sure you are always learning new skills and enhancing cognitive processing! New learning means new brain pathways so keep it active!

Distractions!

Distractions are everywhere, from social media to people to TV to food to things we do while avoiding the things we need to do. Which distractions do you need to eliminate? Are your distractions productive or do they feel like time of your life that you'll never get back? What would you prefer to be doing when you need a distraction? Choose your distraction activity wisely and make sure it's something that feeds you at a deeper level rather than the empty calories of junk!

Wake up and smell the good!

It's so easy to get caught up in life, in problems or worries, in how we are physically, in other people's stuff, in all the things we have to get done, in multi-tasking and busy-ness. But if we want happiness and peace, we need to stay tuned to the good! Think of the last 24 hours. List ten things (they can be very small things too!) that went well, things that you liked or appreciated or felt good about. Spending some time every morning mentally going back over the good aspects of the last 24 hours can make a measurable difference to your baseline happiness and can help the next 24 hours to go well too. Start now! What went well for you in the last 24 hours??

Motivation to exercise and be healthy!

You know how hard it can be to take that first step, the step that gets things happening, the step that leads to many other steps, and you can take that first step right here, right now, by slowly reading my words, slow your eyes down now to really let my helpful instructions filter deeper, down into your subconscious mind, where all decisions are made, and you can make a decision, a decision to enjoy the first step, just like when you were very very young, and you were learning to walk, and of course you don't remember that very first step you took on your own, but you did take that step, and soon you were walking and walking, and then you were running, and once you were running, there was no stopping you, and you moved around happily by yourself, enjoying your freedom in the world, exploring and being curious and always looking for a new thing, and happy to walk or run to see, to take part in, or really just for the fun of being able to walk and run by yourself, with others, anytime you wanted to, then, and now, your freedom is enjoyable, you enjoy that time, being able to walk, being able to run, feeling that freedom, that feeling of energy, that feeling of movement, starting with one small step, enjoying yourself, leading to many steps and feeling very light indeed, light and free and energized feelings for you now. Off you go!

Chunking down when things get too much:

Have you noticed that most sensitive people expect way too much from themselves? Many of us have probably at times wished that we were lazier, less caring, less driven. But when some of us come pre-loaded with a personality that favours achievement, action and progress, these are the things that are going to give you pleasure chemicals and that's really ok. The trouble is, all effects are dose-dependent. This means that in the right dose, action leads to satisfaction and fulfilment, the sense of a purposeful or meaningful life. In excess doses, it leads to overwhelm, overload, scattered thinking and perhaps addiction to activity at the expense of rest and balance. When we feel our nervous system revving up a little too much, it's time to check in. The signals might be when you start talking about being "so busy" or especially "too busy", or "I have so much to do I don't know where to start". Start with one. Prioritize calmness. From calmness comes clarity. Then from clarity we can chunk down to JUST THIS ONE THING, no more mental multi-tasking, just doing the one activity now that needs to be done. Then rest. Balancing your rest/activity cycle is important for both emotional and physical wellbeing. Don't feed any unbalanced addiction to activity today. Just one thing at a time.

From energized to drained in one interaction!

It's always confusing when you think you're having quite an energized day and then suddenly find yourself feeling exhausted, like you need a nap as soon as possible. Of course it can be a build up via physical effects like weather changes, blood sugar drop or overdoing it, but equally likely (especially if you're energetically sensitive) is that you've had some interaction that has sapped your energy completely. Tracking back, at times it can be hard to work out who or why. Sometimes the person was a long talker, somebody who talks in long excessive bursts during work-related or personal conversations, with no room for your response and perhaps no interest in your response. Listening to long talkers can be quite exhausting, as they often over-explain, give too much information or detail, and completely lose their sense of you as audience. Or perhaps the person is a vague talker, not providing anything concrete in response to your questions, or not really committing to any opinions or answers. Perhaps there was veiled negativity, despair, gloom or anger in the interaction. All of these will be potentially draining to sensitive people. As always, the antidote is awareness, acceptance and energetically clearing the after-effects if necessary. Use your cancel, clear, delete buttons where necessary and preserve your positive energy today!

The ingredients of confidence:

If you want more confidence, generally you need to look at your beliefs about yourself in two key areas. Number one is your competence. Competence is your belief about your ability to do things, whatever things are relevant or important to you. Out sense of competence is critical to feeling confident in life, and is one of the reasons early learning (at school and at home) is such a formative influence on how we feel about ourselves. To boost competence, focus on the things you can do, the things you have achieved, the progress you've made. Most of us take this for granted, but you can easily be more conscious and appreciative of it. Likability is about your ability to be liked by others, your personality power, your ability to get into rapport. Again, early experiences of acceptance, love and/or rejection will contribute to our sense of likability. To boost likability, focus on people, past and present, who like or love you. And smile more! Generally speaking, when it comes to confidence, most people will feel better about either competence or likability, and know which one they need to develop. Know that you have both, naturally, and that you just need to believe in them and trust that others see them too. Be conscious of their presence today!

Your authentic self:

Maybe sometimes you think you have to hide who you are and how you feel, that people won't get it, or people won't like it. Hiding the self usually has the effect of making us feel worse about ourselves as the underlying motive is to hide something "bad". If you want to feel good, it starts with self acceptance. Self acceptance means that we stop judging ourselves and decide that all parts are ok, even the parts we thought we had to change. People don't change successfully coming from a place of disapproval anyway. Change is best achieved via genuine acceptance, followed by curiosity, which can then lead to flexible choices in thoughts and behaviour. We can begin to notice our thoughts, feelings preferences as they arise. We can then wonder about alternative expressions or how best to channel our emotions. Please be accepting of your true self today. Whatever shows up, just let it be there and make a choice about how you express it from a place of non-judgmental awareness.

How to get more of what you want:

Reading this, now, there may be things that you want more of, internal things, external things, things involving others, all things that consciously you would like more of, and it's natural to want more of the good, so simply allow your eyes to move a little more slowly now, so that I can talk and you can listen, listening intently with your subconscious mind, allowing your inner mind to take over now, while your conscious mind just moves slowly over my words, these helpful words that will install the program you want, the program you need, watching these words now, and using your mind's eye, allowing a spark of an idea to form somewhere in your mind, or in the body, the idea of that thing you want more of, becoming clearer now, clarity is the first step isn't it, the people who know what they want are much more likely to get what they want and now you begin to be much more clear about what you want, starting with that one thing, tuning your inner mind towards it, all forces now on board with you, the universe supports you, moving towards the higher good, the law of improvement, the natural tide of increase, abundant things flowing to you now, all you have to do is openly receive. Remain willing to receive today and notice the small signs of improvement everywhere.

Holding on to resentments:

Resentment is the poison of relationships. We are most likely to generate long term resentment when we are angry about something, but for whatever reason, do not or cannot voice our anger. Some of us, by virtue of personality, say what we think regardless of consequences, whereas others prefer to bide their time and/or keep the peace. Peace keeping missions can be a double-edged sword, as often we are keeping external peace with the other person while on the inside, a war is raging. Internal conflict is the worst. It keeps us awake at night, it keeps us questioning ourselves, it keeps us ruminating: "is it reasonable to feel like this?" "What will I say?" This thinking often then becomes "No point saying anything, it won't do any good". And no, it often won't get the other person to change, and sometimes when you have voiced your concerns and the other person STILL won't change their behaviour, it can feel even worse. How can they know it's so upsetting, and yet still continue? Resentment can breed even more under these conditions. Letting go of resentment can be a complex process and there are no easy or one-size-fits-all answers. The first step is awareness, and the second is the WILLINGNESS to release resentment, even if you wish to end the relationship. Strangely the first step to many things is stronger emotional awareness. Check in with yourself today!

Those overwhelming times:

There are times when life seems to give us a whole lot of challenges to overcome simultaneously. One at a time, no problem, we can work our way through. But multiple tricky things, not so much. The brain does not like to multi task at the best of times, let alone the worst. When the emotional part of the brain (the amygdala) is activated excessively, the problem solving parts of the brain are inactivated, and as a result we feel highly anxious, overwhelmed and unable to think clearly about what to do. The first priority is to calm the brain's emotional centre so that your thinking mind can function again! There are many ways to start the calm phase and this will vary according to the situation and level of distress. A walk will help. Breathing and meditation will help. Distraction can sometimes help, taking a break from focusing on the issues. Music can help, but it has to be the right choice that gives you the feeling you want. Talking to a trusted friend or professional can help. Writing a list can help, as long as it starts to become a plan and simplifies rather than complicates the situation. The most important thing is "one thing at a time". Choose your first priority, even if they all seem equally urgent. The brain can't do multi! Choose one, start with one, know that you have dealt with many things before and you've got this. You can.

Issues with Persistence?

When I think about persistence, I define it as the willingness to remain positive and keep going regardless of how you feel. While emotions are a great guide to many things in life, if we allow our feelings to dictate whether or not to take action towards goals, then generally our motivation will fluctuate wildly. Sometimes you feel like doing things, sometimes you don't. But with the outcomes that really matter to us, persistence means that we keep moving forward regardless of your emotions and regardless of whether or not we feel like it. Persistence breeds momentum, momentum boosts motivation, motivation creates results. Persistence means we use our thoughts, our minds, our determination to overcome any "can't be bothered" or "what's the point" thoughts, and go back to WHY we want to move towards that goal. As many times as it takes!

Clarity for today!

May your vision be strong for today. May your nerves be calm. May your focus be single-pointed. May your emotions be balanced. May your optimism be ignited. May your body be strong and energized. May you allow yourself to build a state of effortless clear, calm confidence from which to approach all matters today. And may the world be friendly to you.

Focus and memory improvement:

Concentrate your eyes here, letting your mind focus on just this one thing, letting all other concerns dissolve quietly into the nothingness they came from, allowing your eyes to move more and more slowly over my words, here, coming there to you to enter your subconscious mind and make those little changes you need for today, just a minor adjustment, sharpening your mind, laser focus, zooming in on only what you need in order to feel good, feeling good now, and then doing only what you need to do, one thing at a time, no multi tasking, multi tasking means the mind is split, without mindful enjoyment it just isn't quite effective, so you focus just on the one thing today, noticing and appreciating and praising what is good, or simply knowing that it is good and getting better as we speak here, all things moving towards focused improvement, bit by bit, day by day, that one thing getting stronger and clearer and all you need to do is notice it. And feel good.

Dating and relationship danger zones:

While my work has always involved coaching people in dating and relationships, it's becoming a much bigger focus these days, for a few reasons. Firstly, many people have identified that they have an attraction pattern that doesn't work too well, in that they are continually naturally attracted to people with whom it doesn't work out too well over time. They are often surprised to hear that with coaching, this is changeable! When we change our own behaviors and signals, we attract different types of people. Secondly, many people are not adept at reading signs correctly, especially regarding noticing red flags and acting on them accordingly. Out of optimism, compassion and kindness, many people overlook glaring red flags and let dysfunctional patterns go on way too long, which often erodes confidence and creates a power imbalance. Thirdly, people often need help creating effective endings, hopefully with as little acrimony as possible. I do a lot of long term relationship coaching too, but the issues here are quite different and I will post on this in future. Many issues come down to the fact that we, for the first time in history, generally expect all our needs to be met by the one person and aim for perfection in all areas. Of course disappointment is the natural result for many. Check in with your relationships today! Are there areas you'd like to know more about in future posts?

Release that situation!

That thing that you keep worrying about, wondering how to solve, getting frustrated with, pissed off about and irritated with, that thing that seems to be an ongoing problem. You know, maybe a solution is already beginning and just needs time to seed in reality. Pushing and trying is usually not the answer. Release it now. Release it and let things take their natural course, using the same power that holds the planets in place. Release it and know that most things work out for good if we just relax and let them. Trust in the natural healing powers of the universe today!

Problems managing anger?

From road rage to political anger to relationship anger, it's all triggered by the same pattern. If we have anger, then rightly or wrongly, we have rules about how things should be. The more shoulds, the more anger. And, when people don't keep to our rules, to have anger we must consciously or subconsciously decide that they did it on purpose or at least had some intent in the matter. This is called hostile attribution. In other words, the person on the road deliberately cut you off due to entitlement and rudeness, and should not do that. With this formula, anger will generally follow. It is natural to feel anger when violated, and this response can at times be life-preserving and can ensure your boundaries in relationships. But when anger is out of control, people need help questioning their rules or shoulds, as well as their attributions (why they think the person "broke the rule"). Flexible thinking reduces anger, but this can be very hard to do once you've seen red. Pre-programming in advance tends to be more effective and can slow the reaction for some people. Go easy out there today. Remember that not everybody shares your rules and that people do or don't do things for all kinds of reasons, mostly because they are in another world, wrapped up in their own thoughts and reactions. It's not about you at all.

Feel good first:

No matter what is going on, the most important priority is to get some feel-good chemicals flowing. As you read this, your subconscious mind, the mind that is in charge of triggering those feel-good chemical messengers, can begin to pay attention now, reading slowly my words, taking in the most important essence, that essence of feel good now, that feeling of lightness in the heart, in the chest, the smile that begins somewhere deep inside, then slowly makes its way to every cell, spreading a warm pleasant colour now through your head and face and neck, and a much more comfortable feeling through your whole body, just starting to feel better and better and more energized now, conscious of the goodness, taking in the light, feeling the pleasantness more and more, allowing the enjoyment to naturally build today. It will.

Adrenal Wipe-out:

If you've been through any kind of shock or upset, your adrenal glands have kicked in with their chemical cascade, pumping out the fight/flight/freeze juice in huge doses. Probably you've had to suppress this response, and act all calmly and responsibly. Regardless of whether you expressed your adrenalin pattern or repressed it, you will have the down cycle later. After the adrenalin we get shaky and possibly emotional, and then later we often feel quite drained and exhausted. The more your adrenals have been under the pump via stress, the more intense the reaction. It takes 2 days for the adrenal response to return to normal so we often feel wiped out for a day or so. It's not the time to push yourself or punish yourself. Good unprocessed food, gentle walk, calm activities and supportive company are the best antidotes. Take it slow, take it easy.

Motivation towards that thing:

The thing you put off, but still want to get happening, it's time to change your thinking on that thing, and reframe any negative thoughts or excuses, stop thinking about why you haven't done it and start working on HOW you can get a small chunk done TODAY, even if it's just a note, or a plan in dot points. The brain likes a plan and it likes things written down. Write a reminder for yourself about what to THINK and what to DO. When we think the right things (eg "Do it now! You'll feel good when you do it") and right action tends to follow. Procrastination is merely an unhelpful thinking pattern, a pattern in which we think how hard it's going to be and really, it would be much better to wait until a later time, a better time. There is never a better time. The time is now.

The people who have no respect for your time or energy:

People with boundaries are easy to have around. Boundaries mean people know when to back off, when not to push, what not to ask for, what's ok and what's not ok to say or do. The more a person has a sense of entitlement in a situation, the less they will be respectful of boundaries. If they think for some reason that they have a right to expect, to demand, to be heard and to receive, then look out. Some of us are born with a natural assertiveness, and will assert a boundary if we ourselves feel violated. Others of us, well, we might not, due to personality, history, fear of hurting or rejecting the other person, lack of the right words, need for peace or many other reasons. When your boundaries have been violated, you might feel drained, anxious, shaky or perhaps resentful. Reflect on what happened. What process occurred? Where was the line crossed? How can you consciously pull back a bit, even if you can't say anything? Sometimes less action is more. Be aware of your interactions with those lacking boundaries and know that it's not about you. In these situations, it will generally be all about them.

Remember how much you rock today!

Yeah you do. You have many gifts and talents and abilities and nobody can do it just like you! You are impressive and you need to notice it and feel it whether or not other people bother to tell you. You do YOUR thing and you do it perfectly. You are kick ass so just get out there and know it today!

Mojo booster:

If you need a little extra help, a boost, a kick start into energy, out of malaise, lifting from lethargy towards action then focus your eyes here, slow them down, let my words slowly penetrate your mind, slower now and yet more powerful, words seeping now, deeply, right to the heart of your subconscious mind, where all the energy control panels sit, just waiting for your helpful instructions, your instructions have begun now, we can begin to turn up the brightness, brighter and brighter until it's just the right level, that's right, and turning the dial that controls energy and fuel consumption, turning it towards the green, towards a much more vibrant and elevated level, just the right level for how you want to feel, and moving to the master panel so that all dials are set to OPTIMAL now, everything turned up, sharpened up, powered up ready for you now, feeling better and better, more and more focused and ready for action you are.

Lost some mojo lately??

It's funny how at certain times of the year people start to discuss similar themes. In the last week or so, I can't tell you how many people have been discussing their mojo, feeling unmotivated, not doing things as much, feeling low energy, feeling a bit lost or just a bit blah. Maybe it's the change of seasons, maybe it's the time of year or something else we aren't consciously aware of, but none of us enjoy the lower mojo times. Truth is, mojo usually comes back if we listen to what our body/mind is saying and take notice of what it might need. Does it need extra rest? Better fuel? Less noxious substances? More fun? A bit of hibernation? More friends? A dose of music? Increased exercise? Something new to break up the routine?? Or maybe just a little patience while the inner installation takes place and restores energy without you having to do anything at all?? Sometimes no action is the best action and sometimes we have to do something to kick start the motor. If your mojo needs attention, be honest and ask your inner self what it needs. It will tell you if you listen well.

Are you thinking abundance?

Fears or thoughts of worry and lack usually constrict our experience, giving us a sense of not enough. This can happen with people that are doing quite well, but somehow the modern world means we are more likely to always focus on how we could or should have more, bigger, better. Apparently we are meant to live in a permanent state of ambition, which often translates as the horrible state of "never satisfied". Ambition and drive are double edged swords. Yes they get us motivated, but is there any enjoyment of the now?? On the other hand, feeling pleased and excited for what you do have (however modest) leads to gratitude, optimism and a feeling of abundance. Despite what many people think, abundance feelings do not correlate to how much you actually have, whether in dollar terms, in success, relationships, career or educational achievements. It's a mindset. And this is why a subset of people feel eternally dissatisfied. If we feel happy about what we have now, anything else is a bonus to be enjoyed if it comes, not to be grasped at or complained about. Enjoy the now today!

The perils of trying too hard:

It's like trying hard to fall asleep, the more you try, the more pressure in the nervous system, the more tension in the body and you end up with the opposite of the effect you want. Trying can mean pushing against the natural flow and this happens in many areas of life. Wanting something too much can somehow block our pathway towards it, whereas having an intention towards something, along with detachment about the outcome, seems to allow a more natural process for success. Is there an area where you need to release pressure and stop "trying so hard?" This process often happens in areas of health, work, relationships and other personal "goals". Even in my work with elite athletes, one of the key areas has always been attaining the correct level of focus. Too much focus and negative pressure leads to the "trying too hard effect", high tension and subconscious sabotage. Relax efforts. Know your intention (the direction you want to move towards) and trust your body and mind to take you there in the way only it knows best. Sometimes the mind gets in the way. Trust in your subconscious today and relax all efforts.

Today we ban self-criticism:

Most people don't realize the looping effect of that silent self-criticism, that litany of complaints, the should haves, the shouldn't haves and the wish I was/wasn't, the why am I, the why can't I just, the I can't even stand the sight of and the seriously I am just so. The running commentary of the self! And usually it chooses other people to compare itself to in order to feel worse than, less than, never as good as. And of course this is wasted useless energy. Time to ban this process. The thoughts will come up; and now you can laugh at them. Say to yourself "Ah, another wasted useless self-criticism thought, I'll allow that to dissolve into the nothingness it came from". Then just move on to another thought or focus on breathing for a minute or so. Do not feed the thought or feel bad about having them! It's part of the human condition but if not fed, will begin to be less and less a part of your thought landscape. Feed only the good thoughts that bring peace and enjoyment.

Stop procrastinating and start getting shit done!

You will notice that ideas come up in your consciousness, ideas to do this or that, slight urges and reminders about things that would be good to do, if you do it now, and as you read this, begin to slow your eyes right down, glide slowly and easily over my words, knowing that my words can enter your mind, your subconscious mind, and if they speak now to what you need to hear, the message will seep deeply into your imagination, quickening your creativity, lighting up your inspiration and pushing you forward to do it now, act immediately, take the action you need to take so that you can FEEL GOOD, the reward feeling that follows right action, the momentum that creates new beginnings and permanent changes, installation happening now, feel your energy building, let it quicken you and go forth into action now!

Sometimes we need some help:

Too many people think they have to do everything by themselves, it's like a "should"; as in "I should be able to do this". Whether it's about solving problems, managing situations or just getting through challenging times, why would we feel like we "should" manage without help?? Well for starters, we don't do "shoulds". Shoulds are pretty much always going to lead to trouble and guilt and failure. Instead, know that there is no "should", and learn to ask for help. Help is great. The chemistry of human minds working together is an amazing thing. You can ask friends, families or professional helpers. Ask for ideas, opinions, suggestions, and comments. You don't have to take it on, you don't have to follow anybody else's ideas about what you could do. But just one comment can spark an idea that can spark inspiration that can lead to action that can change everything. So just ask today. Those that are good at asking are usually more likely to receive.

Working towards approval?

What parts of yourself are you trading in order to get approval? The truth? Certain parts of your personality, or your needs, or your opinions, your health or your genuine likes/dislikes? Trading the self for approval will undermine our self-respect and create a state of uncertainty, vigilance and anxiety. Not only that, but approval seeking creates inner conflict, because part of us always knows the truth, even if we pretend we don't. And that part will start to act up soon enough. The truth is that people either like/love us, or they don't. There's no logic or explanation for this, we often like or love people we wish we didn't, or can't work out why we do. It's just chemistry. Having social and rapport skills is very useful but beyond that, we must leave it to chemistry. Don't sell out your true self for approval, there really is no return on that deal.

Bad days and bad thoughts:

Everybody has days where we don't feel good and we don't sound good in our own heads. The most positive and optimistic people can wake up sometimes feeling inexplicably awful, stiff, or achey or just in a bad mood. The first thing to do is not feel bad about the bad mood. It doesn't mean anything. It's temporary. You don't need to listen to any of its thoughts. It may try and convince you of another negative or scary reality but it's all lies, just a bad mood trying to perpetuate itself. No need to listen, just know that the mood is an illusion of chemistry, its thoughts are rubbish, its predictions are way off beam and its life is self-limited. You get to decide whether to listen to its complaints and fears. Yes they will pop up, yes you can allow them to dissolve unattended. Whatever you pay attention to, that's what gets fed and will grow. Let the bad mood peter out without too much fanfare. If it sticks around, then maybe it's worth examining and perhaps getting assistance with. For now though, move it to the background and focus on what really matters. All that matters is that you feel good right now. From a place of feeling good, you will naturally make good decisions and take the right action. All good feelings to you today.

Protecting your energy:

You need your enthusiasm. You need your optimism. You need your spark and your vitality. You need your sense of calm and contentment. There are other energies out there that can undermine your vibe and get into your head, so be aware today. Some people, sadly, are full of fear and/or anger and will transmit messages that could affect your consciousness unless you take your protective gear! We use hazard masks for other toxins and yet we assume words and intentions have no energetic residue! Some people won't notice it, but the high sensitives will generally feel the ill-effects of being around negativity, arrogance, ego behaviour, anger, violence, hatred or other unpleasant states. Protection begins with intention. Decide to be protected, visualize the protection, affirm it in your mind. Remain in the light. Notice the shield between you and the energy you'd prefer not to merge with. Also check your own energy and make sure you yourself are bringing optimism to the table. Stay with the higher view today!

Positive energy now:

When you read my words, here, now, there may be other things in your consciousness, things you don't yet feel so good about, perhaps even things you want to change, you will, perhaps even changing already, the seed is planted effects are beginning as soon as you form your intention to change, all cells ready, all cells already moving towards your preferred outcome now, slowing down your reading, just let your eyes glide on here, all cells relaxing, calm is the best state for change, everything starts with the reality check, the facts, and then moving towards the intention, which direction are you going in, no longer feeding fears or worries or negativity, instead your mind can begin and continue to move towards a much better state, a state of positive action, of deciding what you want and then continuing to move steadily and consistently in the direction of YES, moving always towards the positive and seeing the benefits grow bit by bit, day by day, you will, just keep going, do not evaluate, do not judge, simply remain focused on right in front of you, right now, going the right way. Keep going.

Acknowledgment within your own family:

Unfortunately, we've all be educated by TV and movies about how families are "supposed to be". We have been programmed to expect support, genuine interest in our lives, affection, a sense of specialness, a feeling of being valued and listened to, and for help to be offered when needed. A percentage of families actually do provide these to their members, especially the children. But from what I see and hear, these perfect supportive families are not the majority. Many people feel a sense of emotional deprivation, perhaps due to poor matching of personality and needs with their family of origin. As adults, many people are acutely aware of what they have "missed out on", as they have that idealized version of what a family provides in terms of emotional, practical or financial support. Just as people's expectations of partners have increased (once just a division of labour for economic purposes, now a perfect soul mate who meets every need!), our expectations of "the family" have also increased. This is not to minimize the fact that when people's emotional needs are not met they may be strongly affected by this. Like most things, somehow we need to accept the truth of the family we have and expect them to be exactly as they are. It's often the mismatch between reality and expectations that creates the pain. As always, focus on the good aspects of the situation, especially your own strengths.

The insults from people who love you:

Many of the cruel comments and insults we receive in adult life are from family members, close friends and partners. Every day in my office I hear of awful things that are said to people, often in the name of "well I'm just being honest" or "well, we're worried about you" or "well it's the truth". Often these insults relate to appearance, weight, single/relationship status, and other lifestyle choices. Does voicing that "truth" motivate people to change?? It does not. In fact it often triggers either internal hopelessness ("why even bother, I can't win") or internal rebellion ("well I'm definitely not doing it now, f**k you"). Insults from close people also stick in the head, replaying over and over, as if we can't quite believe they actually said it to us. Yes, it's a reflection of them, their judgements, their fears, their inner critical voice. Yes, they have rules about how people should look or behave. Yes, they build up worry, internal frustration and anger when people don't conform to their rules. Yes, they feel they have a right to tell you. What's your philosophy? Are you aligned with "Live and let live?" Then let them have their critical voice and their judgment. Let them have their worries, their inner tension and frustration. It's irrelevant to you, you live by your own standards and philosophy. You choose to feel good and do your own thing.

People in pain:

Pain of any type is exhausting and distressing. Nobody knows exactly how long pain will go on or how uncomfortable it might become, so it often generates anxiety as well as discomfort. Pain means the body is in an inflammatory state, which manifests emotionally as well as physically, and this can become a cycle, triggered by various factors. Modern pain management programs focus on boosting the calm state, which is the opposite of what the mind usually wants to do. Pain usually means alarm, but by training the mind to relax and breathe into the pain rather than resisting and struggling, we are more likely to end a pain cycle or at least reduce distress. The idea is to notice the pain, breathe calm breaths into affected areas, send kind and loving thoughts to affected pain areas (eg tell your neck you're sorry it's feeling so stiff or painful and ask what you can do to help it feel better) and to be accepting of the temporary pain rather than trying to end it or push it away. You can also notice what colour the pain is, and what colour you would prefer it to be if it was more comfortable. See if you can gradually change the colour to your preference using the power of your imagination. Acceptance, relaxation and allowing are the pain management tools used by most animals, who are also much less distressed by pain than we humans who worry, analyse and problem solve everything! Of course it isn't easy to change our response to pain, but we can move towards relaxed acceptance bit by bit, just allowing what is to be what it is today.

Patience not your strong point??

Most of us have a strange relationship with patience. We kind of think it would be good to have more, yet we wonder if patient people get what they want, get the job done, achieve things fast enough. Impatience is related to dissatisfaction, that feeling that "right now" isn't good enough, we need to move straight to "somewhere else", presumably "somewhere better". In fact, that's the key underlying assumption of impatience: that RIGHT NOW is NOT OK. If we buy into the mindfulness concept, it's all about being in the conscious awareness of right here, right now, without judgement or criticism. The key assumption is that RIGHT NOW is FINE. So, should you decide to cultivate some patience for the sake of your nervous system, for your heart, for your digestion, for your co-workers, or your friends/family/partner, perhaps you could choose the mantra of "Right now is fine". Which of course does not rule out the idea that things can change or improve, just that it's ok for now. Which, of course, it is.

Need to boost sharpness?

We love to feel sharp! We like that sense of having clear thinking, a quick memory, fast responses and being verbally articulate. Many people use caffeine to enhance sharpness, and it will, to a small degree and in small doses. The effect is dose dependent: more is not better! Your blood sugar balance also affects sharpness; too much sugar will often be a culprit in brain fogginess and forgetfulness. Gut function and bacteria balance can totally change the speed and accuracy of your brain, and if you want to enhance attention span, study after study has shown the beneficial effects of diet (hit the clean protein and veg) and correct supplementation (with fish oils and probiotics in particular). Brain boosting exercises can sharpen your memory and focus by enhancing neural pathways, and music will boost focus in the right dose too. Probably the most important thing is belief. Do you believe you are sharp? Do you complain about and reinforce brain deficiency states?? Stop today. Praise your focus, your memory, your brain. Forgetting one thing once in a while does not mean you "have a terrible memory". You're sharp. You're clear. You're on the ball. You remember everything you need to and your brain is excellent.

What "adrenal burnout" feels like:

If you've been stressed or anxious or ill, chances are you know exactly what it feels like. It feels like you have no energy. It feels like you really shouldn't be getting out of bed. It feels like you should eat sugary food and drink loads of caffeine (don't!). It feels like your body is aching as if you've run a marathon. It feels like you are teary and irritable and annoyed. It feels like your brain won't think properly. It feels like you can't talk to people. It feels like the day is so hard to get through. It might start feeling better after dinner and even better as the night gets later. It feels like you should stay up longer even though you know you need sleep. It feels like you may not sleep anyway or may not get enough sleep. Then regardless of sleep it starts again. In extreme or ongoing forms it is diagnosed as chronic fatigue and/or fibromyalgia. And nobody really knows because it doesn't show on the outside so people don't sympathize much. They say "I'm tired too, everybody's tired". But not everybody is adrenally affected like this and it's hard to explain if you haven't felt it. But it's real, it's measurable and it's treatable if you start listening to what your body and emotions are trying to tell you to do differently. Warning lights and inner messages aren't meant to be ignored. Tune in today.

Be peaceful today.

Whatever happens today, just let it be as it is. If we imagine the bird's-eye view, the view from the very high place that allows you to see the much bigger picture, that view says it's all ok. From our tiny limited perspective there are many things we wrongly assume, or miss entirely. Zoom out mentally and allow things to be just as is. Peace is much underrated.

Adjustment to changes:

Whether it's changes in our environment, altered circumstances or other physical/emotional changes internally, there is an easy and natural adjustment to make, a slight alteration in the program that will make things much more pleasant, much more comfortable now, so simply allow your eyes to slow as they pass by my words, here, there, just resting as they scan my words slowly, allowing the meaning to sink in much more deeply, much more slowly, even more powerfully as you relax now, and you can learn, can't you, learn to simply allow, just letting whatever it is to just be, letting it BE what it is, no resistance, simply indifference, doesn't really matter does it, as it all works out, working for the greater good, making each adjustment internally now, beginning the software update, all pieces integrating, shifting around to make room for the new, incorporating everything that needs to stay, allowing all the parts to make a new and better whole now, just let it, adapting easily now, trusting in the software update and knowing that all is well, changes can be made comfortably and you can just go on with the living of your life. Go well.

Are you making excuses for not choosing to feed yourself appropriately?

Here is the lowdown. Your food creates your mood by changing brain chemistry. Your food directly affects your energy levels and enthusiasm. Your food affects how quickly you bounce back after stress or illness. Your food affects your immunity. Your food affects your nervous system due to blood sugar effects. Your food triggers an inflammatory response which can be felt as pain or IBS. Your food choices will affect fat storage or fat loss. Your food affects your hormone balance. Skipping meals (especially breakfast) has unpleasant mood and metabolic effects for most people. Choosing "quick and easy and available" is usually not a great idea. A little bit of planning ahead makes a huge difference. Most people know they feel much better with clean protein (meat, fish, chicken, eggs, tofu etc) with vegetables or salad. No matter where you are going and what you are doing and with whatever people, it's not that hard. And it's totally worth it. Make the good choice for yourself and notice the immediate benefits.

Check your total fuel quality:

What fuels you? Of course we need optimal nutrition which is dependent on your body type and needs, we need fluids and we need to stay away from food or beverages that aggravate us physically or emotionally. But what other fuel do you need? What's your creative fuel? Your inspiration? Your energizing aspect? Those things that give you zest, enthusiasm, fun, excitement, purpose, ideas, meaning and fulfilment? Your emotional fuel is just as important as your physical fuel and most of us need to take stock every once in a while in order to check fuel balance and make sure the tank is constantly being refilled. If you're exhausted or flat or not quite feeling it, maybe you need to re-fuel in a new way. Think or mediate about what truly fills your tank and make a new plan to start scheduling accordingly. 

Scan for positive aspects:

Whatever you focus on has a direct line to your nervous system, creating an emotional response that will build if fed. Most people don't realize that whatever they give their attention to will grow and expand, creating their emotional landscape for the day, and that even if you're unwell or not in a great mood, you can choose your focus carefully and improve that baseline emotional state. Just choose positive aspects. Either positive aspects of the situation you're not feeling good about, or choose other unrelated positive aspects, anything you can think of. "Isn't it great that I have a phone/tablet/computer to read or write things on". "Isn't it good that I have a dog sitting with me". Anything at all. Keep looking for positive aspects and naming them to yourself and notice your nervous system responding in kind. If you're scanning for positive aspects then your brain is too full to think of other stuff. Don't stop.

Maximum good today:

Already there is good, perhaps you might notice more good, both inside and out, as I draw your attention to these words, slowing down these words, your eye follows, slowing, relaxing into my helpful instructions, feel better, slowly, more and more good feelings beginning now, building slowly, reading slowly, slowly absorbing my words so they can become your words, each cell in your body listening, remembering how to feel good, forgetting any concerns now, awareness of all the good energy, the optimism, the possibilities within each individual cell, all working for the good of the whole, so that you get to feel better, stronger, more friendly, more optimistic now, trusting in the universe and in nature, the same way you trust that the seed will become the plant and the plant begins to bear fruit, all in the fullness of time, everything just as it should be, all according to the perfect pattern of nature, and your good nature will naturally increase today, full of goodwill and the expectancy of better things, better feelings and better energy for you. Now.

Music is still the fastest drug:

What effects do you need today? Do you need to rev the system up? Or slow it down, chill it out or calm it? Do you need a rush of bonding chemicals to help you feel connected to all or to particular others? Do you need a blast from the past or an anchor to the present? Choosing the right music will change the activity in your brain in milliseconds. Not just any old music from the radio, but stuff that you know, chosen from your ipod or streaming service to get the effects you want, which will generally be enhanced via headphone use. Many of you will have seen the recent studies of using favourite music for patients with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson's Disease, and the massive brain, memory and motor skill changes that occurred during and after hearing favourite music. Music is THE most powerful and yet underutilized drug available. Take a prescribed dose of something that makes you feel great and repeat daily.

Getting through a tough day?

Days can be tough due to their events or due to how you are feeling. Any time you are sleep deprived, tired, a bit down, low on energy, in pain, emotionally off the mark, brain fogged or just generally in a bad mood, well things will feel a bit harder. So how to minimize fallout? Firstly don't make it worse with catastrophizing, negative self-talk or internal complaining. Decide that it will be ok, you'll take it easy, you'll pace yourself, you'll go slow and do one thing at a time. Secondly don't try to rev up the adrenal system with caffeine or sugar, it won't help and will just make you jagged and irritable as well as wiped, and the bad mood will last longer than it would have initially. Make good choices. Choose to act like you would on a good day, on a healthy day. Check your attitude. A positive and calm attitude is the most successful way of improving a bad mood and things will get better much more quickly if you expect them to. Go easy. You'll feel better as time goes on and all will be well.

The danger zone of tiredness:

Tiredness is a danger zone because thoughts and feelings change, often becoming overwhelming and irrational. When tired, people lose willpower, eat more, drink more, don't do the things they know they need to do, argue more, take things more personally, worry more, believe negative thoughts more, feel hopeless more, feel more anxiety and and and. The problem is, they don't necessarily attribute any of this to tiredness! Perceptions seem real when seen through the lens of tiredness or exhaustion, and yet after a decent rest or sleep, things can look so different. Tiredness is a signal to stop mental activity and go into self-conservation, just as an animal would. No rumination, no activity. No thought is to be bought into. Wait until after rest so you will know what is true.

Feel what you feel and be who you are today:

If you're tired, be tired. If your brain is sluggish, let it be sluggish. If you wish you had more sleep, just allow it to be that way. If you're in a tetchy mood, just let that mood be for now. If you happen to feel good, just feel it. If you want to be quiet, then be quiet. If you feel silly, be silly. If you're feeling great, then be great! If you're in neutral gear, be neutral. Whatever it is, just let it be that. No point resisting what you feel. Notice it in a mild way, then allow it. Even if it's a non-preferred state, allow it with detachment. It's all just temporary anyway, and any resistance just locks that stuff in. Let yourself just be whatever you are today, while allowing for the strong possibility that it will improve even more over time. It will.

When you can't quite get it together:

Maybe it's the brain that won't quite focus, or the body that can't get going yet, everything needs to be synced up so that you can move forward, this process starting now, slow down immediately, let your eyes slow as they move over these words, here, now, letting everything slow and blur just a little, relaxing now, letting all tension drop, it's tension that blocks the process so you can release all tension now, not caring, nothing to do, nothing to fix, no problem to solve, simply just being, and you know, and I know too, that by simply relaxing, all processes in both the mind and the body become more efficient, effective, glowing with activity, able to do their jobs more easily, sharper, focused, and more energized with every relaxing in-breath, more intelligent with every soothing out-breath, everything integrating now, working together, all parts working for the whole, all holes filled with the intelligent activity of the parts, lined up, focused, sharp, clear and calm now, leaving the mind relaxed, taking no thought, go now into the world doing just what needs to be done. You can.

Please trust your gut!

Too many people get a weird vibe about something or somebody but then question themselves into doubt. In most cases our vibe turns out to be exactly right because THE BODY KNOWS! The mind, of course, has no idea and can create all sorts of alternative explanations and interpretations. Animals trust their primal instincts for survival. A weird feeling would mean "Don't go there!" so they don't. Use your own primal survival instincts. If it smells wrong, walk away and know that your body intelligence is like a GPS steering you towards safety. Listen and follow!

The memory of sleep:

For many people with sleep issues, the feeling in the morning is one of having barely slept, a memory of being awake most of the night. And yet, evidence suggests that our memory of sleep is highly inaccurate, especially for those with insomnia, which naturally leads to fear of insomnia and an enhanced perception of the lighter sleep phases. When the brain is programmed to worry about sleep, it will often code the light phases of sleep as "awake". Actual sleep studies or even Fitbit/smartwatch data often reflect much more sleep than the person estimates that they had. This can be quite reassuring in that even though you feel like you slept badly, there's a good chance you didn't. We don't remember our deep phases of sleep at all (that "dead to the world" concept), so many people are having much more deep sleep than they think, and this is the restorative phase, along with REM sleep. So you may wake feeling tired, you may feel like it was a disturbed sleep, and you may be wrong! Maybe your brain got just what it needed and you'll feel better in an hour or two when you wake up fully. The body knows how to regulate and heal itself and you can give yours credit today if you choose. 

What are you putting off??

We put things off to preserve comfort, to try to feel good, to avoid pain. But it doesn't really work. While we might be able to forget about it consciously, the subconscious mind always knows, and instead we develop an internal conflict which may play out as anxiety, exhaustion, insomnia, physical pain or gut problems. What are you not facing or dealing with? It may be something as simple as knowing you need to change what you're eating or drinking, spending habits, or your activity pattern, needing to face up to a relationship or work issue, or perhaps even something from the past. Avoidance can work short term but generally leads to trouble long term. Put yourself first today. What do you need to do for YOU so that you feel a little happier, healthier or wealthier? Decide today that's there's no need to solve it all at once, but you could definitely take one small step in the right direction now.

Attitude: check!

Of course there are lots of things we don't have control over, mostly involving others and their behaviour. Many things we can't influence out in the world, but the one thing we always have control over is our attitude. No matter what happens out there, we can decide how to approach it mentally. We will always have negative thoughts or responses; even the most optimistic people get pissed off, disappointed, hurt, worried or irritated. But with the attitude of optimism, we recognize the thought or response and know that we can take it somewhere else if we choose to. The human auto pilot will generally direct you to the worst case scenario but if you redirect the GPS, you can begin to move back towards optimism any time you want to. The first move is deciding to have a positive attitude today. Every day we can make a new decision to have a positive attitude. Let the facts be the facts, let what is be what it is, and decide that you are going to be ok with it, you are going to feel good anyway. With a good attitude, you can stop or prevent that mood spiral where things just get worse. Decide to move up in consciousness and choose your attitude today.

For the healing of physical things:

Maybe it's some aspect of your physical self, or perhaps somebody else that needs healing in some form, and you know, do you not, that going into a relaxed healing mode has been shown to be positively beneficial, both for yourself and for others needing healing, so you can slow your reading down now, preparing to go into relaxed mode, more slowly, just let your eyes begin to slow, taking one word slowly at a time into your consciousness, transferring slowly, easily from mine to yours now, melting any tension, dissolving any concerns, like an animal who goes inside itself to heal, gazing into the distance, eyes open or half closed, all energy diverted to the healing process, nature has equipped us all with the ability to go inside to heal ourselves, tuning in, the body intelligence knowing exactly where to send that energy, aware of your blueprint for health, your map of perfect wellbeing, healing now, relaxing, dissolving all concern, letting nature do its work while you do your work of relaxing all cares, nothing to do, nothing to fix, just really letting nature do its thing, it will, it is and you are. All are well.

Feeling under-appreciated??

Most people are not feeling enough appreciation at home, work, family and in broader life. It is the very rare person who is told how much they are appreciated, which suggests that most of us are not doing enough APPRECIATING. Appreciation comes in many forms, some verbal and some behavioural. Being overtly thanked is a good start. If you have a partner, thank them for small things, thank them for personal qualities, thank them for special efforts. Thank people in retail or customer service roles. Thank your family members for things they taught you or things they did. Under-appreciated people often become resentful, creating a cycle of further lack of appreciation. If you want more appreciation, start by giving more and notice the positive changes this might begin. And of course remember to give yourself appreciation every minute. Great job and thanks for reading this, I appreciate it!

The Social Anxiety Brain:

So many triggers for social anxiety, that feeling of not wanting to go to things, worrying how to present yourself, that anticipatory dread that comes before events or seeing other people, even people that you like. Sometimes social anxiety is a nervous system response that started with a childhood or teenage incident, such as criticism, rejection, exclusion or bullying or having been picked on. Or it can be based on feelings of not being good enough in some way, looks, personality or social status. Of course it's all rubbish, every human is unique and definitely good enough, but the brain is programmed to be hypervigilant about where we are in the social order, it keeps us safe (or so it thinks!). It's best to respond to social anxiety with a kind of detachment. It's just an old nervous system pattern, doesn't usually mean anything really, it needs to be ignored and your nervous system needs to be reassured. It's only there before the event, once you're there it will be fine and you can focus on the other person rather than yourself and how you come across. Watch the people you're with and focus on putting them at ease. For all you know, they might have been building up anticipatory anxiety about this meeting too.

When people don't get you:

Feeling misunderstood or misinterpreted is a horrible feeling, especially for those of us that prefer approval and harmonious relationships. Having your motives questioned or wrongly attributed can be an anxiety trigger and lead to much rumination for many people, along with an urge (sometimes lasting for years!) to explain and clear the mix up. While many will feel responsible for the misunderstanding, the truth is that it often rests with the person making the judgement. This process is called Hostile Attribution Bias, and refers to the tendency to come to a harsh judgement in the face of ambiguous information or events. People that do this often see the event only from their own point of view, with themselves as innocent victim and the other as hostile perpetrator. This worldview leads to anger and blame, as well as a negative view of humankind. So when they don't get you, remember it is mostly a reflection of THEIR consciousness and that no amount of explaining will change their single-mindedness, that's an inside job. All we can do is continue to work on our own thinking by cultivating multiple or alternative points of view. Sometimes you've just got to say "That's their stuff".

You could be wrong about today!

It could be better than you think. It might turn out ok, might just get better, might surprise you. Something really quite good might happen, something unexpected, something pleasant. All we need to do is maintain a little openness and take care of our attitude with a dose of optimism. No dwelling on what you haven't got or what's missing, focus on what you DO have, the things in your favour. Everything is on a natural propulsion towards improvement so just step aboard and allow everything to get better and better today. You don't have to do anything. Just show up with a good attitude and let the rest take care of itself.

Detach detach detach from drama:

As your eyes begin to settle here on my words, allow them to slowly glide, again slowing right down, slower now, that's better, just reading each word and letting it drip feed even more slowly via your conscious mind, drifting down to your subconscious mind where real changes are made, here, there are a few changes that start today relating to the detachment around drama, other people's drama, not your problem at all, usually started by their unclear communication, their annoying demands, their need for conflict, their unreasonable whatever, none of your concern, it's their stuff, moving it further and further away from you now, distant speck, hardly relevant really, drifting off where it belongs, far far away from you, you just do your thing, continue with your life, letting them drift into the haze of over there, while you stay right here, right now, with more fun, more peace, more in harmony with the universe, just enjoying your life and other things remain in the distance, more and more irrelevant to you, it is, you are, and you will. Enjoy.

Release anxious control today:

Anxious control is exhausting. Seeing all the things that could go wrong for ourselves and others, coming up with plans, making pre-emptive strikes, doing things "just in case", reminding other people of stuff, checking checking, worrying worrying. Anxious control is often highly valued in the workplace (though it can lead to burnout) but not so much in personal life. The first step is to know when you are doing it. To catch yourself doing the anxious control and kindly mention it to yourself. Perhaps also mention that anxious control can often be counter-productive, especially when it relates to the actions or outcomes of others. They don't like it and may be resisting or rebelling, creating a cycle of "nag and avoid". And then perhaps ask yourself "What if I was to act as if everything would turn out well all by itself?" Maybe you don't need to do anything just YET. Perhaps you can delay for a day or so and wait and see. The "wait and see" mind-set is usually much more helpful than anxious control. You're not ignoring it, just observing from afar. Allowing for the possibility that it will all be fine. It probably will.

Want better thoughts? Ask a better question:

So often in my work I listen to people struggling with particular issues and wanting to feel different. One of the key questions they ask is "Why can't I stop feeling like this?" or maybe similar versions such as "Why do I still feel like this?" Or "Why do I have so much trouble with X?" My response is usually that this isn't a helpful question. Interestingly, helpful questions rarely begin with the word WHY. If you want to analyze and play guessing games, why questions will keep it going. Remember how annoying it can be when kids keep the "But why?" thing going. If you actually want to change or feel different though, the key questions are about WHAT and HOW. What do you want to feel or do or achieve? HOW have you done this best in the past? HOW can you learn more about it? WHAT small step are you going to take today? Helpful thoughts always start with helpful questions. HOW might you use this reminder today??

Being unapologetically weird:

If you read my posts, chances are you've been called weird at some point in your life. Weird for being sensitive, weird for thinking a lot, weird for questioning things, weird for talking about things that other people don't, weird for the stuff you're interested in, weird for wanting more. Good! Weird means different, unique, complex and interesting! Never feel bad for being weird and don't try to hide it. Weird is good and there needs to be more of it. The world is becoming much more weird-friendly, and weird is now a compliment rather than a criticism. Be weird! In fact, be unapologetically weird and make sure you enjoy it today!

No pressure today.

Pressure can come from the clock, deadlines, other people, expectations, demands and guilt trips, but ultimately it comes from ourselves. We are the ones that choose to take on the pressure, to subconsciously feel responsible for whatever we feel pressured to do. So today, the mantra is no pressure. Notice the settings on your own personal pressure valve and agree to ease it right back. Today is about cruising comfortably, just doing what you can do, not feeling responsible for things which are outside of your control. Your job is to be where you need to be, with a positive attitude and a motivated mind-set. The rest, well you can just let go of expectations, detach from drama and refuse to be a victim to pressure. Instead of pressure, be conscious of freedom. You are a free agent and you have just the right skills do what's necessary in whatever time it happens to take. So go do it.

No guilt. No guilt. No guilt.

Today I would like to speak to your subconscious mind, speaking slowly, so that you can really hear me, speaking on the subject of guilt, so please begin now to read this more slowly, so that your inner mind can really pay attention to my words, as they transfer across to your minds eye now, just thinking about guilt, useless emotion isn't it, you know, and I know too that you always behave as ethically and as kindly as you can, and that care for yourself should be the first priority, can't do anything for anyone if you aren't in optimal shape, must think of your needs in a balanced way, then deal with what needs to be done, and know that what's done is done, can't change it now, and maybe, for reasons unknown to you, it was always meant to be this way, will actually work out for the highest good, so no reason to choose to feel bad about anything really, guilt is just a programmed response linked to empathy, feeling bad if somebody else might feel bad, but a program can be noticed and changed, now, switching off guilt, knowing that any feeling remnants are just leftover empathy fragments, let them dissolve, of course you care how others feel but you can't leave those feelings in your tank, let them drain away now, back to knowing that it's all for the highest good, we can't always see the whole picture, but we can know that it's all perfect as is.

Yes you can.

That thing where you doubt yourself, will that thing you want ever really happen, not sure if you're good enough, not sure if you can do it? It's time to stop that and decide that you absolutely can. You have the desire and the ability, you just need to maintain determination and to stop questioning yourself. No self criticism, no vague questions about whether you are worthy or deserve, of course you do. If you want it, and it's good for you, then do it. You can do it. Start with the small step today then keep moving in the right direction. There is no rush, no need for a quantum leap, just keep taking tiny steps towards where you want to be. And yes you totally can.

Effects of being around people without boundaries:

Chances are, you are a person with good boundaries. This means that you know what the unspoken rules are in social interactions, what is ok to ask, where the line is, when to be quiet, conversational areas to avoid. If you say or do the wrong thing, you probably notice this quickly and make amends, change tack or apologize. But how do you feel and respond when somebody isn't aware of these social nuances and continually crosses your boundaries?? People who have good boundaries themselves are often thrown by others who cross the line. They feel it right away, get that sense of violation, discomfort and perhaps even irritation or outrage, but don't always voice it at the time, or even after. Many people with good boundaries go internal and check their perception of the situation, try to see it from the other's point of view and then possibly discuss it with a trusted person to see what they think. This often means that the person concerned never really finds out that what they do isn't ok, and so the pattern will continue. Sometimes it's ok to say "sorry, but you can't do that/ask me that/say that". The person without boundaries has often heard this before and so won't be as mortified as you might expect. It's ok to say "sorry, but that's not ok", or "that's crossing the line, let's not go there". Then decide to let it go. It's ok for you to have boundaries. That's what people do when they act from self-respect.

So, how are you??

Every time somebody asks "how are you" you have the opportunity to say something that affects your brain waves, your nervous system, your immune system, your energy production and your mood chemistry. Not to mention your identity, or your idea of yourself. Yes, there are times to say how you really feel, warts and all, both to close friends, family or health practitioners. But the everyday response to "how are you" is powerful and changeable. So many people give a very sluggish answer to that question. "Not bad" or the even more interesting "Oh, not TOO bad". Some people give the stoic response "Oh I'm soldiering on" or the more temporal "Oh I'm just plodding along". However your answer the question, your own response will either lift you up or leave you where you are. Maybe you are better than you think. Maybe you are good, or very good. Do you have to be in perfect mood, energy or health to say you are very good? Maybe you are actually great. Possibly even excellent, bordering on fantastic, moving towards brilliant. Try it out for effect today.

Are you getting stuck in the past?

There's a lot of talk these days about how things used to be better, simpler, and that people were happier in the past. Evidence does not support this of course, but people love to reminisce about the "good old days" and if only young people could live in that time. Well they don't. And maybe it's time we all enjoy the NOW and look forward to the future. How about updating your music playlist? Evidence suggests most people still listen to the music that was released while they were in their teens. You might not like the music currently played on commercial radio, but if you use google or a music discovery app, you are guaranteed to find new stuff in the vein of your older music preferences. Update your internal software! If you want to age well and remain vibrant, live in the world of the new. New things to discover, new things to enjoy. Find one today!

Meditation to feel how you want to feel:

Place your eyes here now, honing in on my words, letting them move from the page very slowly into your mind, slower now, that's right, transferring easily from my mind to yours, knowing that you can easily feel better right now, slowing down, smooth, just softening everything and simply allowing, and you know, and I know too, that everything we do, we do for a particular feeling, and when the feeling is right, really feeling good, then we just are, we just know, we can just be, not thinking any more, no doing, no analysis, not much use in that, just enjoying the feeling that comes with relaxing, flowing with the rhythm of all life, harmonizing with all the good, all those good things for you, it IS you, it IS good, you feel good, you ARE good, only good things to come, right now, preparing the ground, planting that seed, then simply allowing the good to emerge naturally, it will, no need to watch, just go about your business today and simply know that good is on the way, forgetting to be concerned about anything really and remembering to feel really good, you will.

Awesomeness Alert - yes you!

I suspect that nobody tells you that often about your general awesomeness. But there are some particular things I know about you, just from the fact that you read these posts, and it's time today to feel good, maybe even feel great about some of these things. Number one awesome thing about you is that you want to feel good. It may sound weird, but a lot of people don't. Many enjoy the downer, the bleak, the miserable outlook on life. But you strive for optimism. Not only that but you are open-minded and willing to consider new perspectives. This too is not common. Many people think they know it all, have read it all, already doing it all. But you know that every day we learn new things, or see a nuance or consider something in a different light. That's pretty awesome. The other thing I know about you is that you are a person who takes responsibility for your life and how you feel. You know that if you want change, it's up to you. Yes you don't have to do it alone, but only by changing consciousness do we create change in circumstances. And you know this, not like many others who blame all sorts of factors for their stuck states. Congratulations to you for getting it and having some of the key success patterns for life. You rock.

Adjust to Optimism:

Where do you need your attitude adjustment? Most of us have that one thing (or maybe a few things) where we can veer towards pessimism, telling a story in our minds of permanent, global, personal negative content. Maybe it's health-related, thinking a certain state or condition won't improve or is getting worse or can't change. Maybe it's a relationship thing, with family or friend or partner. Or maybe it's a world thing about people or the state of politics. Either way, telling a pessimistic story will only make you feel worse and will subtract health and energy. We stick with pessimism when it feels like truth or reality. But nothing is factually true, it's just a story, a perception. And we never really know where the story is going next, anything can happen and we don't know what good lies just around the corner. Sometimes just telling yourself "I don't know and I refuse to judge this" is a good neutral option that can open the gate to a more optimistic assessment. The minute we think we "know" the bad story is true we are stuck. Move towards agreeing not to judge first. Then we can begin to consider an alternative story, one where things could change, could get better, could become more manageable, could turn out ok. Statistically, most things turn out much better than we predict so we might as well go with the story of optimism now.

Don't join the litany of complaints!

Most humans complain. A lot. And we're not talking about legitimate discussion of deep issues with your psychologist or practitioner, just the general bonding that most people do over the stuff that sucks. Does it make anyone feel better? Does it improve anything at all?? Does it raise anybody's energy? Maybe the first time you realize that you're not the only one bothered by a certain person or thing, then you feel better, validated somehow. But continual complaining about the people, the youth of today, customer service, the world, the future, the way things are, the weather, whatever, it's going to bring your vibe down and trigger your stress chemistry. Yes, there are those that are addicted to anger and drama, and they like to feed their habit by engaging anyone who will listen. But that isn't you. Often we are drawn into complaining in order to stay in rapport with certain others. You can stay aware of the energy draining effect and maybe choose to break rapport by being positive or at least neutral. Rebel against the whinge mob if you happen to come across them today! Refuse to complain and keep your energy supplies intact.

The exhaustion and anxiety cycle:

One of the most common patterns I see is people comparing how they feel now to how they used to feel. This is particularly true in relation to energy, with many people "remembering" how they used to be much more energized, enthusiastic and strong. These memories are not reliable; it's usually that we just didn't really think or worry about it before. Regardless, these comparisons will only lead to anxiety and other bad feelings if your perception is that "now is bad". Secondly, energy is very much generated via how we think, our belief systems and what we pay attention to. So if we want to reboot the energy system, we need to focus on strength and energy rather than tiredness and exhaustion. Energizing thoughts are the beginning. Talk to yourself in an energized way, stop talking about tiredness (except as appropriate, eg to health practitioners) and check your body posture. Sit up, stand up, breathe as if you had some focus and energy. Refuse to compare anything about yourself relating to the past. Think of the now, the good and how it gets better. Don't put anything down to age; studies show that positive beliefs about getting older are linked to much better health. Remind yourself that you are totally ok and you can feel good no matter what. Go for it.

Meditation for tiredness and energy system boost:

Perhaps your eyes feel a bit slower now as you read my particular words, and I can speak from my mind directly to your mind, as you go deeper, reading slowly my words, letting each word just slowly speak for itself, simply allowing the transfer of these helpful ideas to move off the page, through your mind's eye, down now through your head, deeper now, down through your throat, neck, into your chest, through your heart, stomach and deeper into your legs and feet now, into all of the cells, cells listening now, waiting for helpful instructions, how to feel better, how to recharge now, plugging in to the infinite energy source, that invisible supply that is ever available, bigger than you, stronger now, building, more powerful, adjusting the levels, feeling it build naturally, easily, powerfully, energy moving up now from your legs all the way up through your chest and into your head, stronger and clearer, you are, just letting it work through the mind, that place where it all starts, your mind adjusting now, feeling more and more clear, more and more alive, you are alive, and now you can feel it, building, stronger into energy, clear mind, you do it now, feeling better, mind to mind, you recharge easily and go about your day, relaxed and energized is the way. Go now.

Change of routine & adrenal fatigue:

When you've been resting or relaxing, the nervous system shifts gears, slows down and turns the emergency button off. While we often feel tired during this process, it's actually very healing and prepares us for busier times to come. Busy times have become busier than in past years and when we go back to work/school/normal routine, it's a bit of a shock to the system. You can expect to feel a bit dazed, tired, foggy and muffled. The system hasn't geared up for high octane yet and will probably resist for a week or so. Once the routine becomes habituated, you will feel like yourself again. Go easy, don't expect too much. Your IQ will be lower for a week or two, your reaction time slower and your adaptation will depend on your choices, both physically and emotionally. Stay calm, be accepting of the change in gears, eat nutritious choices, get enough sleep and keep your sense of humor. All will be well.

Delete your stress story:

Most of us have a story about the thing that is stressful in our day, or maybe even in our life. Maybe there's even a stress story about something happening today, or this week. Do you really want to keep that story?? The story we tell ourselves influences our nervous system and programs our stress chemistry for adrenalin and cortisol release. Is it really true, that story you tell yourself? Do you want to change the story? Stories about being "too busy" and "too stressed" are not beneficial. Either you need to change your activity choices or you need to change your internal story. Perhaps you are a person that thrives on the chemistry of challenge and you need some constant hurdles in order to feel fulfilled. That's ok, but decide to enjoy them or at least feel stimulated by them. Every good story has a lead character, supporting characters, an important goal and several obstacles to the goal, just like in a movie. A story without obstacles would be hideously boring. That's how we feel interested and alive, having challenges to overcome. So if we have a few obstacles today, then this is an interesting day. Forget the stress story and reframe obstacles today.

Do you need to get into the flow a little more?

Feeling out of harmony or out of sync can happen as a result of physical, emotional and environmental factors, some of which are due to our choices and other based on elements out of our control (weather changes, other people's words or actions etc). Feeling out of sync can feel like exhaustion, anxiety, agitation, uncertainty, physical pain or tension, or maybe just a sensation of not feeling quite right. Sometimes we just wake up like this, for no apparent reason. We can start to move towards the flow by first deciding that we will, by forming an intention to rejoin the harmony, by stopping the struggle. Fighting against the "out of sync" feeling will prolong it, relaxing and being open to harmonizing will limit its effect. Choose wisely. Stop the struggle. Walk only through the open doors and go only where the love is. If the door is closed, or you have to fight to get a connection, calmly go the other way. Relax all muscles and stay in sync with the energy flow today.

Meditation for not giving a flying f**k about what certain other people think:

So you know that as you begin to let your eyes move over these words, right here, now, just slow right down, reading much more slowly now, really just slowing right down, letting your mind take in my words slowly, allowing their meaning and their helpful instruction to begin a new installation in your mind, that mind of yours that in the past, used to worry just a little too much sometimes, letting ideas about other people invade your consciousness, no point in that, those concerns you used to have, deciding right here, right now, that now is not the time to remember to take any notice at all, now it's time to forget, to forget and delete, any reference to the opinions of others, none of your concern, no need to control that, simply dissolving the wandering thought like an aspirin, letting it go back to the nothingness it came from, usually just made up nonsense anyway, doesn't mean anything at all, letting it drift away into the past, over and done, finished and gone for you, better future, you think of your own values, being kind, being ethical, being truthful, just really being yourself, no adjustment required there at all, and not really giving a flying f**k what any imaginary person might say in their imaginary mind, all made up anyway, what matters is you feeling good, you are good, you do just what you need to do to move ahead in the direction of your intentions now and you feel good. Now.

So, where did you get it right??

The human brain tends to notice and hold on to all the bits we think we get wrong and then torment us with the replay, usually during our previous sleep time! This is especially true in relation to the conversations and interactions we have with people, especially new people. Anyone with social anxiety will understand the self-torture of the after-game analysis. Time to re-train this pattern. From now on, are you willing to ask your brain to code for all the things you get right? The times when you said just the right thing, executed a task perfectly and maybe just enjoyed yourself? Pointing your memory bank storage towards what you got right will increase confidence, motivation and that elusive feeling we call happiness. You got one thing right already by reading this, which is designed to boost your social optimism. Keep it going! Ask yourself, over and over, "Where did I get it right." Anything at all can be claimed as an achievement and enjoyed. You got that right.

What they think is not your concern.

Many sensitives are programmed to worry that they have said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, haven't done enough, need to fix things. This fear of not being the "perfect human" often stems from early criticism or rejection experiences and can lead to people-pleasing in order to avoid further relationship abandonment. It's as though the sensitive is programmed to always look through the eyes of the other person to see how they might perceive things. Only trouble is, we can't. Trying to get into the mind of another is generally impossible and useless. People will think what they think anyway, and this is based on their past programming and present level of consciousness. None of which is within your control. Many seemingly "nice" people have resentful thoughts which they may not express, silent judgements and bitter ruminations. Who knows what they might be projecting on to you for the most invalid or irrational reason. Anyway it's not your concern. Show up, be kind, be truthful, be ethical, be you. Beyond that, the rest is not your concern.

So what if you're not there yet.

People get so hung up on not being where they want to be, and all their good progress somehow gets lost in the feeling of "failure". Success isn't a black and white, "is it or isn't it" type thing. It's about whether or not you are moving in the right direction. If you are taking steps (even tiny steps!) in the right direction then it's all good. And even if you've been going in the wrong direction, you can re-group, turn around and start going in the right direction. If you're moving toward your target, just relax and know that you're exactly where you need to be right now. And the future will take care of itself.

Want to be happier? Do more of what you love:

Listen to the music you love. Go to places you love. Pat the pets you love. Wear the clothes you love. Read books that you love. Think of people you love. Look at things you love. Think back over time about things you used to love, and try them again. Actively look for activities and things that you love. Happiness is a by-product of enjoyment and fulfilment, not a feeling we can just expect on demand. Forget your mind-generated gratitude auto laundry list and actively DO the things you love today.

Meditation for confidence turbo-charge:

As your eyes begin to glide over these words, as always, I want you to simply slow right down, right now, reading more slowly, as you do read my words much more slowly now, your subconscious mind can know, really know, to tune in to my helpful instructions, so that we can begin an installation that will rev up those parts of your mind that need a little help right now, you know which ones, you know and I know too, that you are needing a little extra confidence in that particular area, perhaps maybe a lot of extra confidence, perhaps even an installation for turbo-charge, which can begin as you read this, right now, turning up that dial from ordinary human confidence that may be a little up and down, now heading into turbo-charge mode, just flick the switch using your mind's eye, that's right, and lock the switch on, this can become your automatic mode, just knowing, no more questioning, uncertainty gone, self doubt gone, no more worrying, that is all over and done and finished and gone for you now. Now you can just KNOW. Feel the extra power welling up in your system and go forth with the knowledge that you CAN and you WILL, and that you can TRUST yourself. Now.

People-pleasing behavior, resentment and anxiety:

When we make a decision about how to respond to people, whether to say yes or no, whether to challenge questionable behavior etc, we need to check our motives. Most kind people will act to "keep the peace" with the other person. This is often a short-term solution which works to avoid conflict but leaves a few murky trails. Does it truly keep inner peace within ourselves? Or are we sacrificing that inner peace in order to appear as the "nice" person, the "reasonable" one? And does it keep peace for the long term in that relationship, or merely prolong the inevitable? Sometimes we are not an energy match, and we kind of know it, but choose to people-please rather than risk losing that relationship. The price is usually expensive, and most of the people-pleasing habit is bad for our health because it creates many inner conflicts. We can make an effort to tell the truth by being kind rather than "nice". Say no when we want to say no, express concerns when they appear to us, be willing to tell the truth in a kind way when we need to. Much research shows the health and happiness benefits of this approach so think about speaking more truth today.

Thinking the worst?

Many anxious brains have the tendency to come up with worst case scenarios in advance, triggering all the panic chemicals, sometimes even causing the innocent, unsuspecting human to break out in a sweat with heart palpitations. Often the thought isn't even clear or specific, just a vague but powerful feeling of "DANGER, BAD, UNSAFE!". You may have noticed that we are not in control of our initial thoughts. They spring up from some unknown source. However our secondary thoughts or responses are another story. These are within our control, just as if we were responding to the voiced thought of a friend or a child. If a child freaked out you would give it reassurance, in a meaningful and confident manner. You might remind them that the feared event is highly unlikely. Or you might remind them of their resources and how no matter what, there are always things we can do to mitigate difficult events, and that these are all human challenges and we can handle them. Remember: Calmness and confidence are the keys to helping a kid who is freaking out, both in times of genuine and perceived danger. Try it on yourself. No matter what, you can handle it and you are safe.

What's your response to anxiety?

Anxiety feelings can pop up for so many reasons and in so many different forms. Some experience anxiety more as a thought, some as a panic, some as nausea or other physical sensations. Responding to anxiety with fear often leads to avoidance of both the anxiety feeling itself, as well as any perceived reasons or triggers for the feeling. As strange as it can sound, anxiety needs to be calmly acknowledged in a neutral manner. It's one of the range of human feelings; we were designed to have it on board, and some are more prone than others due to genetic and environmental factors. It's ok to have anxiety feelings. We can learn to care a little less about them, notice them, remain somewhat indifferent, know that it's just a sensation and not necessarily meaningful. And most importantly, continue to move forward towards the action you'd take if you didn't feel so anxious. Keep doing things. Note the anxiety, but still do the thing. This sends a message of reduced danger to the brain, thereby down-cycling the surge of chemicals. Feel, note with indifference, then continue. You can.

The only New Year's resolution you need:

You can use the enforced reset to start a new self-care regime. Starting now, treat yourself like you would a valued child or pet. We give only the best physical and emotional care to those in our charge. And we can resolve to give that exact standard of care to ourselves, starting from the way we talk to ourselves, giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt, reframing and forgiving mistakes, the fuel we put in our systems, our exercise habits and increasing our fun activities. You know you deserve the best of care. Commit and maintain.

The anxiety you feel before things happen:

Many people with anxiety are fine when things actually happen, in fact they often cope better than people without anxiety issues. This is despite the fact (or perhaps because of the fact) that they have been feeling physically or emotionally anxious in the lead up to the event, sometimes not even knowing why. This nervous system activity (known as anticipatory anxiety) can be very tiring, can disrupt sleep and alter mood. It's as if the body and mind are preparing to run for their lives, and adrenalin is already activated in advance. In many instances, anticipatory anxiety has been shown to improve performance (eg in many sports, music performance, public speaking, acting etc) as long as the adrenalin stays within certain limits. So it's not necessarily a bad pattern to have, as long as you rest appropriately after the event occurs. This is crucial. Fatigue is much more likely when people do not take the time to recover after an adrenalin output episode. Keep your adrenalin cycle in mind over this holiday season. If an event has you in anxious anticipation, remember that in all likelihood you will perform well, but will need plenty of rest after. Do not stack activities. Allow space to breathe so that you can enjoy more of your life.

Let's get clear on this gratitude thing.

In the current mindfulness epidemic, everybody is being urged to be conscious of certain thoughts, to cultivate some thoughts and to non-judgmentally allow other thoughts to move through and dissolve. All of this is good, except that it keeps us very head-focused in relation to gratitude and appreciation. Gratitude is a FEELING. To receive the health and happiness benefits of gratitude and appreciation (and evidence suggests many, many benefits) you need to actually FEEL it, not just run through a list in your mind of things you "should" or could be grateful for. In fact for many people this can cause guilt, as they realize how many things they "should" be grateful for but don't necessarily get the feeling. It's a bit like your parents trying to get you to eat your dinner by reminding you of all the starving children in the world. So I suggest you forget the mental list of gratitude (unless you really FEEL it as you write it) and focus on what you really love or like right now. Whatever that is. It might be a TV series you are binge-watching, or something in your garden or your amazing car stereo sound or that new gadget you just got, or how much you love this cup of tea. Anything. But it's got to be something that lights up your tree, not just some mental blah blah blah. Find the love.

People either get you, or they don't.

Trying to worm your way into somebody's approval is a demoralizing waste of energy. Half the time we don't even know why we like people or not, it's just some sort of weird chemical equation that either results in a feeling of resonance or a vibe of "not a match!". Forget it. Ask yourself whether you actually feel good being around certain others, whether they be strangers, friends or family. Your body will tell you, if you listen. Do you tense up? Feel careful about what you say? Clam up because your brain won't feed you any words? Feel like you want to kill somebody, anybody?? Or do you just feel loose, relaxed, like you can say whatever you want? The body knows, if you're willing to tune in. And so what if they don't understand you? Well it probably means more about them, their preferences, their rules about how people "should" be, and very possibly their own insecurities. Stick with the ones that really get you and the rest will just have to deal with you! You're fine as you are. Let them be.

Act as if you liked yourself more!

Remember, confidence isn't a feeling, it's a "doing". As of today, start to do the things that you would do if you really liked yourself a lot, perhaps in the way that you like friends or family. Say nice things. Choose nutritious food. Be reassuring when things go pear-shaped. Say No when you don't want to do something. Say yes to fun stuff. Don't spend more than you can afford, but get yourself a treat now and then. Be very approving and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Be really sweet to yourself when you are tired or stressed or overwhelmed. Act like you like yourself damn it! The feelings will follow.

Meditation for end of year exhaustion:

As my words begin to speak to you, and you begin to slowly listen, I want you now to let your breath slow down too, in, out, naturally, just letting it happen as you slow down your eyes and let them glide effortlessly, much more slowly, across my words, as I speak to you, your subconscious mind tuning in to my helpful instructions that will allow that part of you that regulates energy supply and restoration, that control room where all energetic adjustments can easily take place, so we can re-set your charge and begin to build and restore, stronger now, breathing easily, all cells listening to me, as I talk to you, all cells re-charging just as if you plugged into your adaptor, adapting, much more flexible, energy is generated from your mind, and your mind can feel much more powerful now, memory stronger, concentration better, enthusiasm boosting, optimism restored, and your body, too, will feel this, each muscle beginning the re-charge, every cell responding, every breath brings new energy, every minute feeling better and better, you will, your mind controls your energy, and you now control your mind, any time you need it, just close both fists and say "feel good" and you will feel good. Enjoy.

Don't wait until you feel like it!

More and more, people are waiting for their mood to hit a certain level before they do anything, whether it's eating better, exercising, treating themselves better, approaching a difficult conversation, finishing a task or going for something they want. The good mood hit actually comes later, after you do the thing! That's how the human reward system is designed! If you wait until you feel good, you might be waiting forever! The human mood is designed to fluctuate; some days we feel great, some days ok, some days flat. We need to rely on another part of our mind other than how we feel. It's a bit like love. Actual felt affection for those close to us may fluctuate, but we act with love anyway, because love is a verb, it's something you do. Love for the self is a bit the same. Don't wait until you feel some mythical "self esteem" feeling of "wow, I just feel so great about myself today, I'm gonna eat the right stuff and then go to the gym and do all the things I said I was gonna do". Yeah right. Do the things you said you were going to do because they will lead to a feeling of achievement and possibly mood lift. It's called self discipline and it's a way underrated skill. Remember next time you wait for the feeling: Do it now!

F*ck the Fear Mongering!

Every new day, something new to be scared of, if you follow the news, the media, the workplace informers. Of course it's much easier to control people who are scared, easier to get them to buy things, subscribe to things, watch the next episode of things, support so-called solutions to problems. Refuse to play along! Refusing to live in fear means not buying into many popular beliefs about loads of things, including the so-called "aging process" (just have a look at the people over 100 years of age who are starting projects, running races, lifting weights etc), disease fears (new things to be scared of every day, if you watch current affair shows), world threats, employment opportunities (eg people under a certain age or over a certain age will/won't be able to get certain jobs), poverty and wealth (so many people live in fear of not having enough money, even though by comparative standards they may have plenty) and many other things other people might fear. It all comes down to beliefs. Does your belief support your feeling safe and secure in the world or does it trigger fear? Fear is useless unless you need to physically run for your life, and yet our fear mechanisms are triggered 100 times daily just via Facebook or newsfeed. Choose to ignore the fear mongering and focus on maintaining your feeling of wellbeing. Wellbeing heals everything.

Already rehearsing for holiday trouble?

This time of year brings up many old wounds, especially those who have had past issues with family members. Any misunderstandings, judgment, disapproval, arguments; all the ghosts of Christmas Past may start to re-enter your consciousness in preparation for another round this year. Many of us in fact begin mental rehearsal for new arguments or conflict, either re-running past scripts or inventing a new but equally unpleasant trouble script. Maybe the subconscious mind is trying to help protect us through preparation but in reality all it does is extend the stress over time. Maybe shit will go down this year, maybe it won't. Either way, the only thing that will help with mental preparation is to manage our expectations. Maintain an expectation that any tricky family members will be as they are. We allow them to be as they are. No resistance, just a feeling of indifference. We can enjoy the enjoyable, and feel neutral about the rest, because we expect it to be as it is. There is a lot of idealizing of "perfect families", "perfect holidays" and the "perfect Christmas". Be ok with moderate expectations and start mentally rehearsing neutrality and allowing it to be as is! 

Something pissing you off? Might be time for a dose of detachment!

Detachment usually comes from our willingness and intention to see something from another perspective, often from a higher or broader view. The aim of detachment is to stop grasping or "attaching" to an outcome or behavior that you want, often from another person. Generally it's the goals we have that involve other people where we need the most detachment. Step one is relinquishing control, agreeing with yourself that other people/groups/organizations have free will and that they get to decide on their own choices, and will often choose something you personally don't agree with. That's their choice. And of course, the more you attach to them changing, the more they often resist changing. Decide to allow it to be as it is. Secondly, switch your consciousness to appreciation. Even though you would PREFER things to be different, (note the use of that word prefer, which is more empowered than NEED) you can still notice what is working and what is beneficial. Thirdly, take a higher perspective. Decide that maybe things are all working together for good, even though you can't see it yet. And in the moment, when a small aspect of the situation/behavior bothers you, say "it's ok as it is, and it's getting better". It will.

Meditation for self-confidence boost:

You know, and I know too, that you can read very well, possibly quite quickly at times, with your mind able to process many things, taking in what matters and ignoring what doesn't really matter, but for this time while I talk to you, and you just listen, I want you to slow your reading right down, right here, right now, so I can really speak to your subconscious mind, and your subconscious mind, which controls many things, can listen carefully, knowing that l can offer many helpful suggestions, and that some deep part of you already knows all the answers, there is a deep knowing inside you, the part that knows, the part that doesn't need external validation from some random in the outside world, doesn't need to see things outside in order to just KNOW, because you know, and I know too, that you DO know, and that right now you can stop with that old pattern of doubt, that thing you used to do to undo the knowing and turn it into fear, that old thing is over and done and finished and gone for you now, and in its place is your ability to KNOW. And know you will, you already do, and a lot of other people know it too. And your subconscious mind can know exactly what I mean, even if your conscious mind presently isn't quite sure. Trust in that seed of knowing and let it lead you well today.

The thing about impatience:

Most successful people are impatient. It takes impatience to keep driving forward sometimes, especially in the face of obstacles and setbacks. It takes impatience to think you can do something when others say you can't, or they take too long so you do it yourself. It takes impatience to get quick results and make things happen. The upside of impatience is an action orientation fed by an unwillingness to wait or tolerate ambiguity. The downside of impatience is also exactly that, an inability to wait or tolerate ambiguity, often leading to verbal outbursts, impulsive behavior or precipitous action. Impatience can be retrained by slowing the nervous system response, increasing serotonin and by ceasing to feed the "faster, faster" expectations. A tendency to impatience is useful in certain contexts but not if it leads to entitled or rude behavior, and not if it puts undue pressure on ourselves or others. The speed of our brains is an inbuilt thing, we can't help it. But the impatient fast brain can be successfully slowed with a little effort, via conscious intention, use of music at certain BPM (bears per minute), binaural beats, meditation, hypnosis and most forms of relaxation. Slow it down a tad today.

Does your brain get tired?

Maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's lack of rest or sleep, but I'm hearing a lot of people talk about tiredness, exhaustion, feeling drained, needing a recharge. The key question to ask is "What will refuel your brain?" Look back over time. What is the best thing to recharge you? Do you need a holiday from whatever pressures you happen to be under? Do you need more stimulation (perhaps you're actually bored, which can be very tiring)? Do you need more fun? Longer hours of sleep? Less alcohol? Better food choices? A change in attitude? Less complaining or comparing? A break from certain people or activities? Do you in fact need to learn how to say No to doing certain things or taking on tasks that you really have no time for?? Maybe you need to stop focusing on tiredness and switch your attention to the recharging that can begin today if you choose it. It's up to you. What is the first tiny thing that will help you kick start re-fueling process? Get on it today.

Are you self-supporting??

You make sure to compliment others, you give others the benefit of the doubt, you look for the positives in others, you focus on their strengths, you forgive their transgressions. And what about your comparative level of self-support?? Your most important relationship is the one you have inside your own mind, how you speak to yourself and ultimately, how supportive you are of yourself. If you are harsh or self critical, then you are not being self-supporting, and you can expect to feel a drop in confidence, optimism and possibly motivation. We all need to cheerlead ourselves on the inside, or the stuff that happens out there in the world can get a bit too much, especially at the busy end of year pre-holiday season. In relationship research we have learned that to have goodwill in couples, each person needs to make at least five positive statements to their partner (compliments or appreciation) for every one negative or critical statement. I believe this ratio is similar for what we say to ourselves and the resulting feeling. Keep your ratio on the upside today!

So, what is going well at the moment?

This mindfulness stuff that everyone is talking about isn't just related to meditation. It's about conscious awareness, especially of what is going on in your mind. When we are consciously aware of a thought, we can change it, challenge it or re-direct it. But mostly we have no idea of the ear-worms secretly undermining our optimism. So here's a conscious question for you, one to use A LOT. "What is going well right now?" And then, consciously stop to answer the question, maybe even write the answers down if your brain has difficulty hanging on to positives. Most people are very vague when I ask this question and are much more interested in changing the focus to what's not going well. Start with what is already working before you focus on what needs to change or improve. By the way, make sure you do this if you are in a couple. Lack of appreciation of the good is the key killer of goodwill in couples. What's going well in your health? What's going well in your social relationships? What's going well in your music collection? Anything will do. Notice it and remember.

Meditation for attracting the good:

As you slowly read my words, I want you to imagine, using your mind's eye, that you are entering into that part of your brain that knows exactly how to slow right down now, reading more slowly over these words, really just relaxing for these moments, perhaps even a little bit longer, that's right, starting to really get in harmony with where you need to be right now, all those things out there, it all belongs to you, maybe they've arrived already, maybe they are coming soon, many good things on their way, all with your name on, all things working together for your good, and you can notice, can you not, that all the cells in your body can feel a little happier, a little more alive, much more in tune, and poised for very pleasant things indeed, much more pleasant things for you now, just feeling that openness, the openness to receive, all cells ready and willing to receive all those good things on their way now, they are, and you can relax now in very pleasant anticipation, knowing that my words can enter your mind, that an installation can take place now, and you can just go about your day, knowing many more good things are to come. Enjoy!

Right now, give me three!

Sometimes I feel like a bootcamp leader, whipping us all up into spiritual or emotional fitness for the day! So right now, stop and give me three! I want three things you feel good about, three things about yourself. Forget everyone else, get down and give me three things you like about yourself, qualities you appreciate in yourself or actions you took that felt good or things you did; whatever. It doesn't matter. The color of your eyes will do it! Your smile or that outfit you chose for whatever reason or that thing you said to somebody that was clever or funny or kind. Your exercise for today is to enjoy YOURSELF a bit more, push it a little further than yesterday. In the next few days we will be giving you the email address to sign up for our free December coaching stuff, if you join up you'll get emails every few days with info, questions for you to answer and maybe a recording if the mood strikes me. But the idea is to boost your optimism and drive for whatever you want to develop or change right now, get you looking at what's stopped you and get you taking the steps that will lead you in the right direction. Stay in the right direction today and hear my voice reminding you to remember to LIKE stuff about yourself ALL DAMN DAY! Go on, just do it.

Still thinking about that thing you're wanting to change? Is it a bit harder at this time of year?

Of course it's harder. Most people feel a bit tired, a bit depleted and a bit in anticipation of the holiday season to come. Most people don't fluctuate in their level of desire for the change, but they do fluctuate in their willingness to do what it takes to actually get the change. We'd like to help you. Why wait until the new year to summon motivation, like most other people? If you wish to start a small change, whether it's emotional, nutritional, exercise, stress management, career development, study or other habits, the best time is always now. When you make a change, you need to be able to do it whether you feel in the mood or not, whether you're tired, or stressed or pissed off or totally frustrated or at the end of your tether. You can still feel your feelings and find a way to manage them, but not in the way that you manage them currently. We are going to be offering a new free coaching program (no catch, it's just free!) that will come to you by email in December/January and you can join up for this soon, details posted in the next few days. In the meantime, think about the small change you might want to make, what you'd like to be doing instead, and most importantly, WHY you want to make this shift. And if you're not looking for any change, think more about the good things you'd like to maintain. More of the good is always better!

This is your stop sign!

Stop. Maybe you're one of the many people that feel like they have too much on their plate right now. Too busy. Overwhelmed. No time to think. Always rushing, in a hurry and not even sure where the time goes. Taking a STOP break, even for a few minutes will help your brain re-orient to the now, so you can make a better decision about how to use your time. There is enough time but it all depends on your priorities. We cannot have everything all at once. If we up-prioritize health, we use more time planning for it, and executing our health activities, which means we subtract time somewhere else. If we prioritize work or study, we subtract elsewhere, often from social time. In my work with fatigue, I spend time looking at what activities people value compared to time spent. Many people are trying to fulfill many aspects simultaneously, work, study, relationship, fitness, creative activities and more. They can't say no due to a fear of missing out or not fulfilling "potential". These days, apparently we want it all and we want to override our human needs for balance, and rest, and focusing on one thing at a time! The end of the year can be crazy, if you let it. Or, you can STOP now, and work out an easier way, perhaps one that involves saying no and loading a few less things on your schedule. Don't ignore the STOP sign!

What's in your happiness equation?

I notice that some people have very long and complicated happiness equations. For their emotional state to equal happiness, they need X, multiplied with Y, plus Z, minus criticism from P, multiplied by the square root of their childhood, divided by their current debt, added to the amount of savings they think they need, minus their energy deficit rating, plus the combined score of perfect circumstances including numerical value of friends, family, weather, holidays and world peace. And even then, there may be a negative result, which renders the whole equation null and void because it's too bloody complicated! Keep it simple. There is a possibility that happiness is a result of X (hanging out in the present moment) multiplied by Y (the level of appreciation of aspects of that present moment) minus Z (all the crap you need to forget about). Try a simple equation for increased enjoyment today.

Meditation for increasing harmonious circumstances:

Allow your eyes now to focus here on my words, which I'm speaking slowly, and so you can now begin to read more slowly, as if you are receiving my message really quite slowly, exactly in tune with my transmission, receiving only the words that flow from my mind to yours, bringing only what is very beneficial and helpful to you and really beginning now to swim along with this rhythm, taking in the good, letting the key words jump out into your subconscious mind, really just allowing the process, not pushing, not fighting anything, no struggle, just the easy, flowing transfer of one good idea into ripe soil, and really just letting that seed grow all by itself, it will, no need to poke around searching for progress, but simply allowing improvement to naturally occur as it does, and really noticing each small sign of growth, it happens whether you watch or not as a matter of fact, all parts of nature working together with that seed to produce something really quite interesting, all in the right time for you to enjoy. Let that seed do its perfect thing today while you can remain perfectly calmly in the flow of your life. Enjoy.  

Stop energy wastage!

Much of our mental energy is used in ways that drain us and leave us feeling less than. Many of us have the habit of analysis, going over what occurred, trying to figure out why, looking at our own part in whatever happened, trying to learn from it, striving to be better at it. How much does this change the outcome? Generally it doesn't, but it leaves you exhausted and confused. Non-ruminators approach it differently. The non-ruminator may very well be surprised by how things turn out, but there is acceptance, a state of "oh well, it's happened, now I need to make the best of it and move forward". Fighting against events creates anxiety, "this shouldn't have happened, it's unfair, I didn't deserve this". Of course you didn't "deserve" it. There is a romantic myth out there that says "if I just do all the right things then only good things will happen". Of course this black and white way of viewing the world leads to anxiety, anger and frustration. Events happen. They are neither good nor bad but we will create the consequences via our own response to the events that occur. Stop energy wastage by acknowledging events, reminding yourself "this is ok", choose what you will focus on and what action you will take. Use energy wisely.

On the defensive and unaware!

Defensive reactions occur regularly during conversations between many romantic partners but also at happen at work and between friends. Defense sounds like this: one party raises an issue, makes a statement or tells a story. The other party defends by replying "no I didn't!" Or "I did not say/do that" or "well what about you, you did xxx" or "Well I only said/did that because you did xxx" or some other counter attack. That's the essence of defensive behavior, the person (rightly or wrongly) feels attacked, so they attack back by arguing, denying, rationalizing, explaining, fact correcting, calling bullshit on the statement or generally saying "No!" via their comeback. Of course this communication style accelerates fights very quickly, often resulting in a game of "Yes, but" tennis. Most couples I work with are unaware of their auto pilot defensiveness until it is raised, and many quickly learn to change response styles once they are aware. The path out of defensive reactions (which often arise from a history of feeling criticized in childhood) is to learn to listen effectively, check that you have understood the person correctly, calmly ask a question about their statement (eg "could you give me an example of when I've done that and how it appears to you") and agree to think about the statement and change the behavior if requested. In other words, say "yes, ok" rather than "no!", even if you're not sure. You can always clarify later if you think about it and feel it is invalid. Either way, defensiveness is not an effective response. Say "ok" and agree to be open to discussion. And for the record, telling your partner they are being defensive may often result in further defensiveness. That's why couples counseling or seminars are effective; people have actually signed up for feedback. The first step is to start by monitoring our own natural defenses!

Nobody else can do what you came here to do!

No matter how you might feel on any given day, you need to know that nobody else has exactly your cocktail of coolness to offer the world. Every single person is a unique expression of universal being, with their own particular blend of personality, talents, eccentricities, gifts, preferences, quirks and modes of expression. Even if somebody else tried to do your thing, they'd never be able to do it just like you. Most people I work with could afford to be a little more pleased with their unique blend, a little more accepting of its inherent perfection and a little less harshly judging of their given mix. Being a critic of your own special blend only leads to anxiety, misery and procrastination due to the mix not being "right" yet. Even if it's not perfect, it's perfect. And nobody else has one just like it. Enjoy your unique combo today!

Be open to new energy!

It's always a new day, and it always will be, and nothing will ever be the same again. New energy is coming in the form of thoughts, feelings, experiences, people, opportunities, and even in music, TV and movies! So many people get stuck in the past, in what woulda/shoulda/coulda been, but maybe what "is" is actually better, but we just haven't seen the bigger picture yet. Plug yourself into the renewable energy source that continues to bring all the newer and better things with every new day, and know that your good is always incoming and might in fact be already appearing in a form you haven't noticed yet!

Meditation for detachment from any crap.

These words can now begin to enter your mind, slowly, remembering to slow your inner voice down right now, allowing your eyes to move much more slowly over my words to you now, forgetting to rush like you do, just letting go now, and slowing down the pace a little more, that's right, go a little deeper now so that you can really begin to RELAX, knowing that all really is well, and that you know, and I know too, that all parts of nature know just how to be, how to do their own thing, and really know how to let all the other parts just be, everything as it needs to be right now, just allowing it to unfold naturally, not your problem, nothing ever really is your problem, just let yourself be, whoever shows up along the way is the right person, then, when it's over, it's over, and you can really just allow the next good thing to come into play in its own good time, never pushing, never rushing, can't make a tomato seed grow by hurrying it up, but really just remembering to let things happen in their own time, they will, good things for you, letting all the other stuff go now, drifting off like debris on the waves while you just chill, knowing all is well, knowing that the other stuff is not your stuff at all, all you have to do now is remember to feel good, connected only with the good. Read only what makes you feel good and have a great day.

What other people think of you:

The opinions of others about you are totally made up. They are merely mental projections based on assumptions, guesses, insecurities, past experiences, who you remind them of, their own beliefs about themselves, inferior or superior feelings they might have, personal preferences, likes, dislikes, what sort of person they think THEY are, what they may have heard from others (second hand mental projections!), what they happen to value or think is important in another person and other totally illogical bullshit really. So why on earth would we give any attention to what others think of us?? Good or bad, it's all their projections. The real question is what do YOU think? Are you living up to your highest values? Are you being as kind and caring as you are currently ABLE to be? Then nothing else matters.

Hey, will you please stop comparing??

How you used to feel better than you do now. How energetic you used to be. How much fun it was before. How it used to be so much easier. Used to look better. Back in the good old days. People were better, nicer. That was such a better time. So much harder now. Getting worse really. Back to square one. Right back at the beginning. Have to start again. It used to be so good. Other people are happy. They don't feel like this. Look at them, they are so successful. I should be doing what they are doing. I should be happier, my life is fine, why aren't I happier? Everyone is doing much more fun stuff compared to me. They're living their life, whereas I.. Just. Stop. Comparison is guaranteed to make you feel like poo. Instantly. It promotes hopelessness, despair, frustration, anxiety, inadequacy and general misery. Just. Stop. Now is fine. Check out the now and find something to FEEL GOOD about NOW.

Has your body got anything to say??

If your body could talk directly to you, what instructions would it give you for today? Would it prefer you to make different choices compared to yesterday? Stop with particular things? Consider modifications in an area such as rest, relaxation, food, water, stimulation, creativity, exercise, caffeine, breathing, sleep? Anything else it might want you to do or not do? Most of us override our body requests with mind, so the body messages get silenced over time. Trouble is, as messages get ignored, symptoms usually amplify. What would body ask of you just for today? Are you prepared to listen and act?

Beware the thoughts:

A subsection of humans have always believed their dark thoughts, and acted upon them accordingly. Those who wish to progress beyond the fear and anger tendencies of the human mind need to train their thoughts carefully, with the first lesson being that we cannot believe our thoughts. Our thoughts are a bubbling set of observations, concerns, worries, judgments, labels, rights, wrongs, goods and bads. Many of our thoughts can lead to fear or anger quickly if left unmanaged. Mind training involves cultivating thoughts that lead to peace and joy for ourselves and for all beings. We can observe the judging/fear thoughts with the knowing that it's just an observation and will pass quickly if not fed. Cultivate peace thoughts for yourself and all beings today. May you and all beings be peaceful, may you and all beings be safe, may you and all beings be happy.

Important meditation for appreciating yourself:

As I give these important words to you, these special instructions for your subconscious mind, you can notice that the part of the mind that controls all our involuntary processes, I want you to slow it right down, not your usual reading pace or your normal inner voice, but slow it right down now, and let your voice read this to you in a voice that goes deeper, and slower, and really listening to my words, because I can say many things, many things that can help focus your mind on all those wonderful parts of yourself, forgetting what you need to forget now, all that stuff in the past, over and done and finished for you now, all those times you didn't quite appreciate, letting all that go like a balloon that just floats away, further and further into the distance until your awareness of it is almost completely disappeared, and I want you now to take one more deep breath, and with that breath, your subconscious mind can know that you are breathing in a whole new attitude, much more positive about yourself, much stronger, much more appreciative of yourself, you are unique, like a fingerprint, with your own gifts and talents that will continue to be expressed more and more from now on, much less concerned about what others think, in fact you may begin to notice yourself becoming quite indifferent to what others think, as you begin to KNOW what matters, and you and I both know that what matters is that you are beginning to appreciate YOURSELF now. As each moment goes on, you can feel better and better today. Let this installation begin right here, right now, and YOU have a wonderful day.

What do you need to stop fighting?

The traffic can be annoying. So can families, other people's opinions, certain things at work you don't agree with, relationship behavior that offends, various shocking incidents in the world. It's not about agreeing with them, or even being passive and letting harmful things happen. This is about stopping the internal resistance that happens when we don't like something that is going on, so that we can also allow clarity about what to do (or in many cases, not do). Stopping saying "I hate this" or "this sucks" or "I'm so over this". Instead say "it is" (whatever "it" is). It's about saying to yourself that you are willing to allow "it" to be as it is, so that you no longer experience as much anger, fear or frustration. Then, from the detachment of allowing (rather than the fury of resistance) we can have greater choice in how to respond. Resistance breeds suffering, allowing generates wisdom.

Yes you, your f#%king awesome!

You are. You need to hear it and I need to say it. Maybe people don't always notice, all the things you do, all the effort you make, all the stuff you help others with, your constant striving to be better, all that stuff is f#%king awesome. See it, hear it and take it into your consciousness right now! Receive it! And you should know it every day. You've got to get on your own team and stay there, noticing all the good stuff about you regardless of what other people think, appreciating the talents and opportunities you've been given and forgetting the past and the future. Go around today silently and proudly stating "I'm f#%king awesome!" You may even wish to pass on a dose of awesome to somebody else today.

How to make a good decision:

Most difficult decisions involve an inner conflict, which is why they cause uncertainty. On the one hand, we want one thing, but on the other hand, we have other ideas, and this creates a ruminative loop that we can mull over for ages. Often difficult decisions relate to heart versus head, wanting something emotionally but knowing it isn't a good logical choice in the long run. Our most reliable guidance system for the best decisions involves using the feeling of inner peace as your guide. Not avoidance, or short-term relief or ego satisfaction, but the deeper sense of inner peace that we feel in our gut, the feeling that lets us know that the decision is the best thing from the view of the bigger picture. If we can bypass the mind and choose via that internal inner peace compass, we will generally make the right decision for ourselves, even if others don't understand that decision. Choose the options that bring more inner peace and more joy.

What's the dog lesson for today?

Most dogs express plenty of happiness due to their inability to dwell on past or future and an increased capacity to stay in the now. So what dog lesson should you take today? To greet the people you love with more excitement? To eat your food with greater enthusiasm and focused enjoyment? To find a patch of sunshine to sit in for half an hour until it gets too warm? To play for hours with a fun toy? To rest or sleep whenever you feel like it? To run around and around just to express energy? To just know that you are smart, great-looking and loved by all? To wait patiently until the next thing happens? To be able to just sit?? To roll over when necessary? Or maybe just to have that doggy grin for no particular reason? Smile at all dogs today, they have much to teach us.

Meditation for calm nerves:

Now before I start to invite your nerves to rebalance themselves, and to do so quite automatically, without you having to make any great effort at all, I'd like to suggest that you slow your reading of this right now, slow it down so that the voice you have on the inside, the voice that reads my words, reads them to you much more slowly, much more calmly and in a very pleasant way that feels really quite relaxed. You know, and I know too, that your nervous response is controlled by a certain part of the brain, as well as a part of the mind that perceives threat, and that sometimes these reports can be false, a false reading, a false alarm, nothing really to worry about at all, just an old message from an old part of the brain that got it all wrong and there is no threat, all resources are on board and all safety mechanisms are locked in place for you now, so you can rest assured that your nervous system can be much less vigilant from now on, much less watchful, and that your mind can begin now to focus much more comfortably on the things that really matter, starting right now, much more pleasant, clear, relaxed focus for you.

Do you need a dose of equanimity?

Equanimity is the ability to keep our minds and emotions relatively balanced despite the ups and downs life might serve to us. It means not grasping too hard for certain things you think might make you happy, and not pushing too hard to get away from things you've decided are "bad" in some way. It also means not holding too strongly to your own opinions, but rather knowing that the mind is just that, a server of constant thoughts that you can either buy into or watch from a distance if you train yourself to do so. Equanimity means that you value inner peace and will work to keep that internal balance by not buying into drama or chaos. It also means that in the midst of pain or suffering, that you can at least be somewhat at peace with how you feel, which is quite useful given that most of us can easily generate secondary suffering via our thoughts of resistance. Take a dose of equanimity today. Whatever happens, decide to be ok what what is.

Are you on track?

You know what you need to do, maybe you've even told others what you are going to do. Are you doing it? Do you need more assistance? Do you need to have another look at your motivation, focusing on the benefits and working out how to manage the difficulties? Are you doing it for yourself or others? Contrary to popular belief, making changes to ourselves to benefit other people we consider important can be permanent and successful at times (look at all the smokers who gave up because a certain partner refused to kiss them until they did!). Do you need to spend some time in meditation or silence, focusing on that change you wish to solidify? Or maybe just form a silent intention right now, bringing it to conscious awareness for the day? You can do it, whatever it is, and notice how your inspiration can build from within, just by knowing you can.

On fear:

Fear is the process of giving power to something outside of your own consciousness. We can take back our power the minute we decide to go into our consciousness, take charge and know that no matter what happens, we will somehow be either equipped or assisted to handle it. Our best chance of handling anything is to remain calm so the active problem solving parts of the brain can do their thing without being flooded with stress chemicals. Have faith in your resources (both internal and external) today.

Do you walk into rooms and forget what you came for?

Many of my clients complain of poor memory and difficulty with attention span, especially after a period of stress. Attention span refers to the amount of time you can deliberately focus on something, whether it is interesting to you or not. It's obviously easier to stay focused on things that are more interesting to you, and restlessness, boredom and impatience are more likely to be felt quickly when something is not so interesting. This time span you can spend successfully paying attention is called working memory, the ability to keep something in your head. Research suggests that average working memory has decreased over time, with current average being around 16 seconds. Previously, average was 24 seconds. Frequent use of technology may be decreasing working memory, as well as use of faster imagery on TV shows and games. Another issue is time spent "waiting". Most people don't just wait now, they check their phones. We can train working memory and increase our attention span, reducing the experience of boredom or impatience. Anything that lowers stress will assist memory, including exercise, meditation, mindfulness strategies, brain training games/apps etc, depending on what sort of memory skills you need to build. You can also just decide to do more "waiting" with no stimulation. The brain is plastic and new pathways can be built up quickly over time!

Meditation for feeling better about yourself:

As you allow your eyes to read my words, allow yourself to relax just a little more, more and more relaxed with each sentence, knowing that I can write these words, and that your subconscious mind can listen, and hear exactly the right message for you today, a day when you can start to really begin to like more of those parts of yourself, those parts you weren't sure about, but it's all you and it's all good, beginning to notice more and more of your inherent goodness, your particular skills and talents, simply noticing those things that you could feel really quite good about, forgetting all that stuff you used to think, letting the past dissolve into the past, over and done, finished and gone for you, and your brain can start to focus more and more on that one thing, that one thing about yourself that you can always rely on, knowing that there are really many things, so many things to feel good about you, and just allowing those feelings to circulate into every cell, every memory, healing the past and creating a better future for you now, feeling very confident about the future, with each breath, feeling a little better and more and more confident. Smile to yourself now and remember this feeling today.

 Does the behavior of others feel like your fault??

When something weird happens between you and somebody else, do you blame yourself? Think about what you "should" have done, or what you said that maybe you "shouldn't" have? For many people who are very responsible types, even when other people are rude/difficult/nasty/narcissistic towards them, they somehow feel bad, even though they were often not the ones who behaved that way. They still somehow feel at fault. Psychologists call this phenomenon Defectiveness Schema, the subconscious suspicion that there is something not quite right with you or your personality, something a little bit off. People with hidden Defectiveness Schema feel bad about themselves when triggered, it could be criticism, rejection or general rudeness from others, but the "defective" person feels anxious and crushed, almost like they deserve it. Defectiveness feelings are often developed in childhood, mainly due to rejection experiences at school or within the family, but can also be due to personality factors such as high perfectionism. Most "defective" types have a confident facade and are often successful, but can feel fraudulent when triggered. Don't be fooled by a Defectiveness Schema. It has a false message that needs to be noticed, then released. Believe in your Inherent Goodness instead. You are good. More than good. Know it and release the behavior of others, that's their stuff. I'll repeat it so that your subconscious mind can hear me: You are good.

Do you think you might be too hard on yourself??

Have you noticed humans are weird? We respond in inconsistent ways, we can be unpredictable, emotional at times, sometimes strangely detached and other times just bored or restless. At times we feel really motivated and energized, then at other times completely disinterested. We feel completely connected to the world at times, then at other moments, separate and isolated. Some days, confident and ready for anything, other days filled with self-doubt. We get annoyed by certain people and notice our own judgements even though we try to work on our non-judgement and tolerance. We get upset about silly things and yet often remain strangely calm in the face of genuine major crisis. We are affected by the seasons, we go up and down in appetite, enthusiasm and inspiration. Apparently that's what we're like. Expecting to be calm and perfect all the time is only for robots. Is there anyone out there that needs to give themselves a break and be ok about being human?

Weird faces of anxiety:

When the nervous system is too amped up, the body is able to produce physical and emotional symptoms that arrive in many different forms, often not immediately recognizable as anxiety. Anxiety can present as weird obsessions, strange fears or phobias, waking up heart pounding in the middle of the night, trembling, crying, being overwhelmed and unable to think, pains that appear out of nowhere, numbness or tingling, irrational outbursts, insomnia, vagueness, irritability, overbearing fatigue, debilitating self consciousness or social anxiety, chronic headaches and more. The solutions are similar, regardless of the presentation. We need to find a way to get the nervous system out of alarm mode, firstly by calming it down and secondly by figuring out what got it into overload in the first place. This is usually a combination of physical and emotional factors. Many of the emotional conflicts driving anxiety are subconscious (things we aren't consciously aware of) but can be brought to awareness and processed in a way that helps the nervous system relax. Excessive drivenness, high control seeking, perfectionism, lack of assertiveness and need for approval are often involved. The system will calm down when it perceives less "danger"; our job is to create the conditions we need for internal safety.

Expectations, mood and happiness:

Research suggests that people expect to feel better and happier compared to people in the past. Interestingly, our current expectations of perfect mood and energy can lead to comparison and dissatisfaction, which lowers our overall contentment. "Happiness" is now set up in many people's minds as an entitlement, and yet the more we as a society focus on it, the worse we feel. It's normal to feel tired on a Monday, hurt after disappointment, up and down at times, flat after euphoria, disinterested and unmotivated at times, "just ok" some days and melancholic periodically. Some people are more prone to fluctuate, and to notice the changes. Moods are like tides, coming and going for internal and external reasons we don't fully understand, and the more we relax and accept their flow, the better we feel. Of course, if unpleasant moods persist, it's time to seek help. In the meantime, release expectations and let your mind notice whatever good you happen to feel today!

Mindfulness Mood Meditation:

As I talk to you, here, about this, and maybe even about that too, I want you to simply allow your eyes to slow down as they move over these words, no need to rush, in fact no need to do anything really, just slow down now, noticing the calming effect of the words as they enter your mind, and the positive effect that little things like words can have, the way that words can make you feel lifted, building a calm feeling of peace that can turn into something really quite pleasant, and it all starts with just noticing, noticing the sensations, breathing in, breathing out, being right here, no past, no future, just hanging out in the now, and right now no problems at all, just noticing the words, the rise and fall of the breath, the feelings that come and go like the tides, with everything receding and good feelings moving in and just knowing that it will always be right now, and that right now all is well. Enjoy this moment.

A different way to mood-boost with music:

Increasing the joy and fun in your life is a key move for lifting your baseline mood state. Of course, music is one of the most effective and efficient ways to boost brain chemistry, and it can work within seconds when you choose just the right music for your state of mind. There is research suggesting another way to trigger some great mood chemicals via music choice. Make a playlist of songs you liked when you were 15 years old. Make another playlist with songs from when you were 18 years old. These two ages and their respective music choices have been found to trigger an age regression to a time of discovery, wildness and freedom, boosting serotonin and dopamine as well as a possible urge to dance, which should definitely be acted on if triggered! This positive effect for age 15/18 music is valid for most people; generally not for those that had traumatic experiences at those ages (choose another closely related age if necessary). Try the 15/18 playlist experiment and notice the different elevation effects today! P.s. Spotify and other music streaming services often have playlists by year, you may just need to edit according to genre or taste.

Who are you talking to in there??

Many people with worry or anxiety have an interesting habit of having conversations internally with people. Having arguments in advance, imagining what they would say if they got to speak to the person they are upset with, how they would tell them off, point out facts and make their points so clearly that the other person would finally get it. Sometimes the other person gets to talk back, perhaps creating further conflict, argument and anger, all of which occurs only in the mind. It might be a replay of a conversation that happened in the past (sometimes many years ago) or it could be entirely original; both are equally able to promote bad feelings. This internal conversation creation is a form of rumination, triggering stress which is carried by the nervous system and felt in all bodily systems. Rumination is dwelling on aspects of the past or the future and so the antidote is always to find a way of staying out of future/past and being in the Now. Right now, you have no problems. Now is good.

What's the deal with thinking too much?

Do you think you have a thinking problem? Are you powerless to stop your own thoughts? Are you a Thinkaholic?? If so, join this club, the new 12 step program for people who admit they are powerless over their thoughts and need to turn their minds over to their higher power. Your own best thinking got you here, and now you need another way! The wise, observing witness self can help you respond to whatever the small minded thinking addicted self is telling you. Don't believe your thoughts. They come from nowhere and can dissolve just as easily with the calm witnessing of the wiser one. Start your 12 step Thinkaholic program today by staying in the present moment, away from past and future. One moment at a time. Think less and live more.

Who needs a boost today?

Most evolved humans are kind in their thoughts towards people, and pretty forgiving when mistakes are made by others. But when we ourselves make mistakes or don't live up to our own expectations of ourselves?? Forget it, it's a much more harsh response when it's us. If it's somebody else, it's "oh well, they were doing the best they could" but if it's us it's "I can't believe I did that, I should have known better" and maybe even "what is wrong with me??" But truthfully, you did your best too, and it was the only thing you could have done with the consciousness you had at that time in those circumstances. Be ok with humanness! Feel good that we have ups and downs! Decide to admire yourself for always wanting to be better and for reading things that might help! Know that you are really quite great, and that everyone else probably knows this more than you do! Tag somebody who is too harsh on themselves and might appreciate a boost today!

Meditation to dial down nervous system stress:

As you begin to read this, notice that your eyes can slow down, moving more smoothly across the words, and your breathing too can deepen and slow, and that just as your powers of vision can focus in on what I'm saying to you right now, so too your nervous system can tune into these instructions, getting ready for a new adjustment, a much more comfortable adjustment, turning certain things down a little, noticing your breathing now, turning other more pleasant feelings up a level, more pleasure, more comfort, a little increase in the humor, fun turned up a little higher, much more relaxed and confident, feeling really quite good for no particular reason, nervous system relaxed, balanced, all levels set to optimal, all concerns receding to the background, all good things much more visible and your vision can feel quite clear and you can know much more, much more of the good. Enjoyment set to higher levels now so you can lock that in and go about your day in peace.

Breaking the panic attack pattern:

Generally speaking, when the classic-type panic attack makes an appearance, the first sign is some kind of physical sensation, maybe nausea, dizziness, heart pounding, trembling, sensory weirdness (everything looks strange or distorted) or dissociation (feeling oddly detached from the body or self). We can easily escalate panic by adding to the sensations with scary or worried thoughts, sending the adrenalin into overdrive. While it does take practice, learning to feel detached or even bored with physical sensations will lead to the wave of panic passing much more quickly. No "what if" thoughts, no "but this is serious" thoughts, no "I can't stand this" thoughts, just noticing, just detached awareness like watching a museum piece through a glass window. "Oh ok, it's just this, it will pass pretty soon" is a reasonable observation to make. Allow it, briefly comment, then change your focus to something external that you can see, hear or touch. There's no need to panic about panic. Not panicking about it won't always stop the first wave but it allows the faster re-entry of equilibrium. Practice in advance and have the words ready if needed.

The power of non-action.

There is a time to take action and there is a time when doing nothing is the most powerful and useful thing to do. Action takers tend to be those who seek control in their lives, often fueled by the anxiety of the unknown. Uncertainty will trigger frozen, stuck, avoidant feelings in some people, but for many others, uncertainty results in the strong urge to DO SOMETHING! Sometimes action is helpful, sometimes it's precipitous action that might lead to more trouble and certainly more stress. Listen to your wisdom. Know when it's time to just wait. If it's time to wait, then be willing to wait. 

Stand still. Do nothing. Let it unfold.

On over-reactive nervous systems:

The over-reactive nervous system feels anxiety more easily and more intensely, and is often quicker to trigger irritation or anger that is out of proportion to the situation. This over-reactivity is usually a combination of heredity, environment and personality, possibly linked to brainwaves (post on this coming soon) and brain chemistry patterns. And the good news is that this kind of system can be re-trained, based on principles of neuro plasticity. It starts with the power of the pause. When the feeling comes, pause: wait and breathe. Identify the feeling (eg pissed off, anxious, furious or whatever) and know that it's there. Be friendly to the feeling, be welcoming and be kind to yourself in the way that you would to a small child who was having trouble controlling their reactions. That part of you needs some attention so you must provide it by using your wise mind to talk to your emotional mind. Stop, pause, breathe then when the intensity drops, choose a reassuring response from your wise mind. Eventually the pause becomes automatic but be willing to be patient while it learns the new way.

Mood boosting with curiosity:

Curiosity is a potent mood booster and anti-depressant, no matter what the circumstances. You can begin to wonder what is going on, or wonder about somebody else's experience, or wonder about some subject you'd like to know more about. You can even wonder what music might change your state, what book might get you thinking, and what brainwave activity would best support how you want to feel and what types of food might improve your brain chemistry or what smallest dose of exercise or meditation might give you a lift. There are many things to be curious about and I'm wondering which one you will choose today, and which one will choose you.

Meditation for increased mindfulness:

Just while you're reading these words, be here now, just reading the words, not thinking about the words or what they mean or how they apply to you, or how you can or can't do these things, just really reading the words, breathing in, remembering to breathe, and notice that whenever your thoughts are somewhere else, you can always bring them right back here by just remembering to breathe, noticing that you are breathing in, you are breathing out, then noticing that second breath, in, out, and on it goes, and while you are noticing that, your mind is full of noticing the breath, no need to think back to the past, no need to jump ahead to a future that may or may not happen, just really feeling here, now, and all the good things that are in the now, and as you read this, as you breathe, your subconscious mind can remind you later of all the things you can feel very good about, all the things you like and appreciate, maybe even a few things you feel grateful for, and as you read this and breathe, you can smile, knowing that better feelings and better days start now. Remember to enjoy!

That thing you're worried about:

Let it be what it is. 

Allow possibility for change. 

Release it with acceptance or love. 

Choose peace and leave it be.

How to stop making bad decisions about people and situations:

That thing you do that you don't want to do anymore, getting upset, losing it, feeling anxious and overwhelmed, getting angry, choosing the wrong people, feeling out of control, whatever it is. All humans are equipped with the Emotional Self, some with more built-in intensity than others. Listening to the Emotional Self will often take you down the path you don't want to go. Luckily we are also equipped with a Wise Self. This Wise Self has access to rational thought, takes a breath when necessary, solves problems well and chooses the right action based on wisdom and intuition. All you need to do is to know it is there, always, and call on it often. After you have called on it, listen to its voice and do what it tell you! The Wise Self can be the executive that you consult before making any decisions to act. Send the emotional voice into the other room after it has had its input, then let your wise self run the show today.

When there is pain:

Whether the pain is acute (sharp and intermittent) or chronic (long-lasting and debilitating), we can use our minds differently to help manage it. This is true for both emotional and physical pain, and it stems from one of the most important human skills, Attentional Control. This is a skill that can change your experience quickly and reliably, and is used in many different psychological and hypnotic techniques. It involves what we pay attention to, and paying attention on purpose, with intention, rather than letting our attention wander to focus on that which is uncomfortable. Instead, deliberately pay attention to the comfortable parts of the body, for example, your right hand. Or your left foot. Whatever you pay attention to will increase within your awareness. We can learn to focus our awareness differently to include more experiences. Even in pain, comfort is present but we don't notice this when our focus is on the pain. Notice the comfort in one of your hands or arms or feet right now. Notice whether your right hand feels warmer than the left. Hold your attention on it for a minute or two without labelling or thinking. Just simply notice.

Dogs and the skill of mindfulness:

Most of us can learn a few meditative lessons from watching dogs. Dogs share many elements of human consciousness, but with a few key advantages that we can take note of. The key difference is not having a conscious sense of the importance of time. Humans are often hurrying, watching the clock, ruminating on what's happened, worrying about where to next, bored, restless and wanting the future, a different future, or even a different past. Dogs live in a consciousness of joyous receptivity, always ready for enjoyment, pleasure and fun. No thoughts of past, no worries about the future. Dogs go easily into a meditative state, and know how to heal themselves without fear. Dogs stay in the now and are curious about everything, taking the good wherever they find it. Choose a dog to guide your consciousness today.

Meditation to improve your sleep:

While you're reading this message especially for you, there is nothing in particular you need to do in order for you to relax more deeply, no right or wrong way to go about things, just simply reading this, allowing yourself to think whatever thoughts come up, just being exactly who you are and knowing that's perfectly fine, in fact it's quite finely perfect. You can let yourself go into relaxing, not particularly trying to change sleep, because sleep is more of an allowing sleep to just naturally be there rather than a making of yourself go to sleep, so consciously you can just let whatever happens happen, knowing that you can allow yourself to be much more comfortable now, forgetting any distractions, forgetting any past history, those nights you used to have, the ones you don't enjoy so much, are over and done and finished for you now and you can look forward to easy, natural forgetting to be concerned and remembering to allow, and it will happen quite quickly and you may be surprised how good you can feel right now.

Secret annoyance and irritation:

Some personalities express their irritation, snapping at people, yelling at times, spitting out their concerns as they arise. Other personalities prefer outer harmony, even at the expense of inner harmony. For the inner harmony types, they will sometimes not even notice their irritations and resentments or things they go along with when they don't want to. Some of this repressed and suppressed irritation will still operate at the unconscious level, coming out in other ways. It may express as anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, binge eating, depressed mood, exhaustion or pain syndromes. This is not to suggest we all go around freely expressing any rage, but rather we continuously monitor any emotional conflicts, checking on "how do I really, honestly feel about this". And an extra question that might be helpful is "how would I feel about this if I was an angry type of person". This second question can unearth any resentment that is repressed or denied due to being an agreeable type of personality. When you find any anger or resentment, just acknowledge it, say hello to it, accept it, notice it and if possible, let it be what it is. Emotions acknowledged and accepted usually pass quickly. It's the stuff we don't notice that builds and breeds trouble. Scan and accept all emotions today.

If in doubt, just listen:

There are many times in life where we don't know how to help, don't know what to say. Especially when somebody is going through a tough time. So many people seem to worry about "saying the wrong thing", and so end up saying nothing at all. If that is your concern, just say "how are things?" and then listen. Just listen, there is no need to solve, distract them with change of topic, reassure or get the person to see the positives. In fact, that can often leave them feeling even less understood. If you are going through a hard time of your own, you may not feel able to listen and that is also quite normal. Sometimes we feel like we are in survival mode and can't handle hearing somebody else's struggle. If that is the case, find another way to signal your presence, perhaps by sending a message or card or some other symbol that is meaningful for you. If you are unable to do that, then send the person loving thoughts and know that at some level they will receive it. Care can be demonstrated in many ways and no one way is better than another. Some personalities make soup for those in need, others meditate for them. All care is helpful and valid.

When you do stuff you said you wouldn't:

You eat the thing you said you wouldn't. Lost your temper when you promised to be calm. Drank more than you planned. Sabotaged that thing you've been working so hard on. What went wrong?? Usually, a sense of emotional deprivation is the culprit. Feeling a sense of emptiness, sometimes for no apparent reason, a compulsive hungry or uneasy feeling that is unsatisfied and wants more, more, more. And of course, the more isn't satisfying anyway and the whole thing makes you feel worse than before. Learning to do a quick emotional scan can stop you acting out urges that arise from a sense of emptiness or deprivation. Notice it, acknowledge it, know that they happen without warning and know that feeding it in that way will not help. Sit down. Know that the empty feeling is there, breathe, don't apply content to the feeling. Don't analyze it or try to figure it out. Just let it be. If you let it be, it will pass quickly. Emotions unfed pass through the body like a wave, then gradually roll away, leaving space for a wave of peace.

Getting past a Monday blah:

More than half of all people go for the caffeine. Caffeine helps, in the right time and at the right dose. The dose varies a lot between people, with some getting jittery, anxious and sleepless even from tiny doses. A small caffeine hit in the morning can help kick your adrenal glands into action (providing they are not too exhausted) and can help the digestive system too. A dose of inner peace is also helpful in the morning, no matter how tired you feel, and can boost energy more than you expect. Even five minutes, eyes closed, focusing on peace, breathing and knowing that your system is re-booting for better performance. Lastly, check your attitude. Positive expectancy means that you are open to good things happening, you assume things can improve and you are looking for things to feel good about. And if you can't feel good today then feel neutral. Neutral is perfectly fine and will stop any downward spiral. All is well.

Feeling Good Meditation:

As you begin to read my words, my words that remind your mind about the way you want to feel, remembering to feel good, you can also relax, knowing that you don't actually need to do anything, that your cells can remember all by themselves, exactly what it feels like just to feel good, maybe remembering a time, could be long ago, when you felt especially energetic, just one time, maybe you were running quite fast, maybe as a younger person, maybe even on a beach or track, feeling strong and focused, enjoying the feeling that comes from moving fast and really feeling quite good and just taking it all in and locking that good feeling into the cells and bringing it forward in time with you, you can have that feeling anytime you want right now, just feel good now, your cells can remember with a smile and notice that feeling good is natural and easy and you can feel much much better right now and that the better it gets, the better it gets! Enjoy your feel good.

Meditating without meditation: using music, activity and coloring

Sometimes the mental activity in our heads is a little too loud. The point of meditation is to focus on one single thing so that the useless mind chatter/unease relating to the past and the future is edged out of awareness. The mind stuff will always automatically appear, but we can learn to let it drift away without buying in. And there are many alternatives to traditional meditation. Anything that contains the three key elements of pattern, repetition and detail will focus our minds and keep us out of our heads. 

Adult coloring books have been shown to be a brilliant way to meditate and these specially designed books are now freely available. Studies on adult coloring showed improved heart rate and and slowed brain waves (i.e. Meditative effects) in the people who used them. You can buy a coloring book to suit your personality or download coloring mandalas online if you prefer. Absorption in playing or listening to music will also meet the criteria of repetition, pattern and detail. Many people are learning ukulele as a quick and easy way to make music. Or you can listen to your favorite absorbing tracks on headphones, focusing on the musical detail and feeling the meditative effect. Gardening and planting will have the same effect for others, as will running or cycling. Get out of your head and lose yourself somewhere interesting today!

The best depression antidote:

Positive Expectancy is a powerful depression antidote. It doesn't necessarily mean always expecting the best, but rather never becoming hopeless, always maintaining that things might change. Even when things look bleak, you just never know what might happen! You can think you know, but you can never really know for sure, and out of nowhere, a solution can appear when nothing seemed like it would ever change. Problems usually arrive out of nowhere, and often they can be dissolved or solved just as spontaneously. Always keep in mind, things can change and you just never know how quickly and easily something might improve. Maybe it already has and you forgot to notice. Be on the lookout for small improvements today.

Ego, politics and "state of the world" worry:

It's so easy to get overwhelmed when you tune into media coverage about politics or world events. Very easy to worry about the future, lament the awful stuff and feel somewhat helpless and hopeless. Many of my clients comment that news, politics and world events are mood triggers, often leading to agitation, anxiety and melancholy. Dwelling on anything we can't control has the potential to start a negative thought train so we have to be very conscious of emotions and thought processes. Find the positives, limit dosage, be aware of media bias and resist the pull of fear-mongering. Most importantly, protect your own inner peace. If everybody came from a place of inner peace, consciousness, compassion and positive mood, the world might operate a little differently. Start with one. One means our own peace, kindness, mood, compassion and action. Peace and kindness is contagious and one person can always make a difference. Start now.

Anxiety, infinity and the too-fast mind:

Some minds work very fast, which is great news for daytime thinking, if the thinking is productive. Fast thinkers tend to be high alert people, which over time can lead to chronic stress, carrying the tired and wired feeling a lot of the time. The tiredness makes sense. The fast mind is hyper-vigilant, primed for anxiety, subconsciously watching everything and scanning for problems or danger. At night, if the fast mind still wide awake, this can create an insomnia and exhaustion pattern. The too-fast mind may need a little coaching to slow down. The internal mental activity can start to slow down, as can breathing, moving and doing. Even the words "slow down" will have an effect on the speedy mind. Slowly trace an infinity symbol with your finger (in the air or on a surface, or even in your mind's eye) and follow the symbol slowly with your eyes. Slow it down further then do the same symbol in the other direction. This meditative effect kicks in fast and helps the brain slow and relax. Use multiple times daily for calm and focus.

Motivation Meditation:

As your eyes move over these words, and they might begin to move a little more quickly right now, you can allow yourself to focus on that thing you want to happen, that feeling you want to feel so that you can start right now to make it happen, and happen it will, because you know that's what you want, and you can let that feeling build until the action begins to happen all by itself, exactly at the right time, coming to completion, which is a great feeling, that feeling of "yes!", that feeling of "It is done!" and you can tick it off mentally knowing that you can keep moving, the energy builds, the feeling grows, the desire moves you into action faster than you can forget about the reasons not to and just letting it happen naturally, you can remember that Yes You Can, and you can do it right now. Go on.

The discomfort of comfort eating:

Comfort eating often starts in childhood, when kids realize that food can be a great distraction from whatever is going on, and can mask emotions for a short time. Using food as a pacifier with children is a risky move; for some it won't persist, but for many, especially females with a tendency towards low serotonin levels, it can lead to lifetime patterns of chronic eating when stressed, bored or tired. The pleasure effect of binge eating is very temporary, rarely lasting longer than the eating of the food itself, which is usually done obsessively and compulsively. In fact, this is part of the treatment, learning to recognize the obsessive component (the thoughts, urges, excuses, rationalizations etc) and the compulsions (drive to actually eat it, feelings of not being able to stop until it's finished etc) without responding in the same way. The after-effects of comfort/binge eating are usually guilt and anger (similar to most addictive behaviors) towards the self, as though that will stop the next episode (it won't). Prevention is the key, and this is multi-factorial. This includes addressing brain chemistry (usually requires professional help), looking at triggers, strategizing about management of addictive urges and a commitment to taking different action. What you put in your body needs to be the right fuel at the right time, in the right amounts. Then you get maximum performance.

Want to know what predicts success in reaching your goals?

What do you want? Whether you aim to keep doing what you're doing, change things or work towards small improvements here and there, it helps to know which aspects of your strengths to draw on. While many psychological factors have been studied to assess their impact on achievement, two factors keep showing up in the research as super important, perhaps even master keys to success. The two that seem to matter most are Curiosity and Grit, as demonstrated yet again in a recent psychological study. Curiosity works because it keeps us open, stops self criticism, manages frustration and has the mind always looking for new information and methods or action. Grit keeps us focused on what we want, motivated and keen for the result, willing to overcome setbacks or obstacles and the ability to persist regardless of the disinterest or approval of others. Makes sense, right? Our current tendencies towards solving kids problems for them and over-managing their activities is probably not working towards grit or curiosity building. Where do you need to apply curiosity and grit for yourself today?

How much do you have to fake it?

In many jobs and some relationships, emotional faking is required. Having to listen when you don't feel like it, having to be nice when you don't feel like it, being polite no matter what, caring about something that you actually don't, portraying a good mood whether or not you're actually in a good mood. Turns out, emotional faking, or the suppressing of one's actual emotions, is one of the most tiring and draining activities we can do, and can lead to exhaustion, burnout and fatigue. If you have to emotionally fake within your job (anyone in customer care, service or other public roles) then watch your amount of emotional faking in personal relationships. Your real job is just to be, to be you and feel what you feel, with as much kindness as you can. If faking a good mood becomes the norm you may need to look at professional help to boost your mood so that it becomes natural to feel good. And on those days when you do have to fake it, be nice to yourself. Tell yourself you're doing a great job in difficult conditions and that things will get better soon.

Faulty panic button?

Humans are all wired with an alarm system, but some of us have tricky models that trigger the panic button without apparent cause. Panic attacks do not feel good. They usually begin with physical symptoms (rather than being triggered by thoughts as many assume) such as racing heart, dizziness, feeling of being about to faint, sound or visual disturbance, nausea and/or trembling. Depending on how the person reacts to initial symptoms, this can last up to an hour (usually less but sometimes more). Panic attacks appear to have a hereditary component for many, possibly via the serotonin receptor genetic pattern. For others they can be stress or trauma induced, and may also be triggered by illness, exhaustion or disturbed blood sugar patterns (hypoglycemia). While physical panic symptoms can be disturbing, we can work on prevention via promoting calm physiology, as well as training the nervous system to react more neutrally to early signs, which often short-circuits a full blown episode. A bored or completely disinterested response to early signs can mean that we observe the symptom in a slightly pissed off way, rather than freaking out and creating secondary anxiety (which feeds and prolongs it). Many need help or training to do this, but it can be done. The panic button can be re-wired for smoother lifetime use.

Anxiety reduction meditation for you:

As your eyes glide across the words in this message you can now allow other parts of your system to relax, knowing there is nothing for you to do, and that even though you might be noticing that changes are already beginning to occur, slowing down, softening, there is really no need to control things, no need to be concerned at all, just simply allowing things to slow down and smooth out and improve at their own rate, as they always do. And you can begin to notice that your breathing can begin to adjust itself calmly, no need for you to do anything really, just trusting that the body knows exactly what to do, things have a way of healing themselves just like all of nature somehow knows how to turn a seed into a plant into a flower, you too will begin to change now in beneficial and spontaneous ways. Enjoy your day.

Screen addiction, mood and behavior problems:

In the last five years, screen time has increased for most of us, to the point where we feel anxious if we can't check our updates or notifications. Kids in particular show addictive tendencies around screen devices and many parents are now raising the issue of screen effects on many aspects of behaviour. Believe it or not, electronic fasting can cure many behavioral and mood issues in kids and teenagers. I see this issue every day in my clinic; parents know this, but often lack the internal resources and willpower to stop the screen addiction. It's an issue for many adults as well. I've had many kids tell me privately that they know they feel much calmer and more focused without computer/device use but they feel addicted and desperate for it. Stop it before it starts and please think about your own screen time and what it's doing to your brain power and motivation.

The lure of anxiety content:

It feels like anxiety has a purpose. It would appear that the hyper-arousal is linked to a particular problem or issue needing to be solved, and that we should analyze to figure it out. And yet, anxiety is really a process problem rather than a content problem. In other words, the brain/nervous system is engaging in the wrong gear, all revved up with no place to go, or sometimes all fogged up with no place to go. We can re-train the system for calm clarity but we need to stop engaging with the anxious thoughts. Yes, the physical feelings will rise occasionally, but if we refuse to believe or feed them with analysis, there is no reinforcement for the brain and the pathway becomes obsolete more easily. Every time we go with the worry, think about it lots, ruminate, talk about it lots etc, we further strengthen the brain pathway. It's as though we are teaching our brain to pay close attention and go all the way. Learn from the Buddhists. Label the feeling/thought, know it's just a temporary change in the weather and focus back on what is important. It isn't easy but it is effective.

Anxiety can bring you down:

Anxiety affects mood. While many people with anxiety do not initially suffer from primary depression, over time, the chronic elevation of stress hormones will often affect emotional contentment and lower energy/motivation levels. Too much activation of the nervous system results in lowered serotonin, which leads to irritability, miserable feelings, teariness and difficulty seeing a way out of things. Truthfully, anxiety is tiring. If your brain has a tendency towards anxiety states, you need to work extra hard to do other calming things to help balance the stress hormone output. Exercise, meditation, time with animals/pets, relaxation, sunshine, stillness, creative expression, being in nature, reading - all of these will help balance the scales and assist your supply of good mood chemicals. Take a momentary dose of stillness right now.

Choose Pronoia today:

The pronoia people believe in conspiracy, just as the paranoia people do, but instead believe in a conspiracy of good. In a state of pronoia, we believe that people and events are silently (and perhaps unconsciously) conspiring to help us out, creating whatever useful conditions we need for our highest good. Even the people and events that seem to involve pain or suffering are seen as a pathway to good by those in pronoia. Just as paranoia is by definition a heightened state of awareness (and sometimes the paranoid will be proven right by events), so too is the state of pronoia just a state of awareness. Any yet, this state leads to suspicion that all will turn out well, everything will get better and that every event has a hidden purpose. Pronoia may in fact be a key component in the trait of optimism. No matter what happens, the mantra is "I wonder what good will come from this". Be on the lookout for secret and hidden good today.

Meditation for you:

As your eyes read over this, allow your breathing to slow down now, slow it down just a little and feel the tension drop, tension slowly releasing from your neck and shoulders, legs becoming more relaxed, whole body dissolving any areas that need to know. And you can begin to allow your mind just to focus on these words, these words that will remind your mind about what is important, feeling good, remembering what matters, remembering to feel really good now, any concerns releasing now, and you can come back to the place where you just are, nothing to do, nowhere to be, just being, just enjoying the things you know how to enjoy. Enjoying for no reason really, just remembering to notice the good. Now go back to what you were doing before, and take this good feeling with you. You deserve it.

Slow down, no rush!

Hurry is linked to worry, impatience is linked to impulsiveness. A mind that races is a mind that has trouble with the brakes! Slow down the thoughts, slow down the brain, let things be as they are. Whatever it is, it doesn't have to happen right now. We can be motivated and relaxed, unhurried yet efficient, refusing to get caught up in the chaos and drama of the world. If your mind is prone to urgency it may be a nervous system habit that provides false messages. Question the messages and focus on importance rather than urgency. Do what matters today.

If you want wellness, start with self-compassion:  

Most people have compassion for others. We overlook their mistakes, understand their quirks, forgive their outbursts and don't like to see them suffer. We encourage them to go easy on themselves and take care of their needs. But in most of the kind and sensitive people I meet, this level of compassion does not extend to the self. Too much self criticism, too much "I should be this or that". To feel good, we need to practice the art of self compassion. This means kindness, choosing not to focus on our faults or perceived weaknesses, knowing that we are all human and therefore prone to human emotions or reactions. Rather than trying to be "perfect", seeing that we are already perfect as we are, just as we love others for their quirks and eccentricities. Start with a dash of warmth, humor and goodwill towards the self, and maybe add a few compliments here and there. Hold off on the self-judgement and go with a large serve of self-approval today!

Multiple causes of anxiety and fatigue:

Many people look for one thing, one medical test or one event or one imbalance that will explain or solve the problem. The truth is, nervous system disorders are often multi-factorial and require a bit of detective work, addressing one aspect at a time. Bit by bit, things get better. Depending on circumstances, symptoms might return briefly, in order that another aspect is found and managed. Yes it's frustrating for those experiencing the symptoms, and even more frustrating when those around them expect that a problem "should be fixed", as though it was a malfunction in a car engine needing a replacement part. Some nervous systems require ongoing prevention work, if they are primed for the anxiety and/or fatigue pattern. More genuine inner peace (physical, emotional and mental) usually means less symptoms. Cultivating acceptance and patience helps inner peace, and is often one of the hardest parts for the anxious/fatigued person to work on! The mantra is "Now is ok". And it can get better any minute.

Today, please remember what matters:

One of the key skills in managing how you feel is being able to notice the feeling and return your focus to what matters to you. Knowing what really matters to us is important in choosing the right people around us (relationships and friends), the right activities or work, and ultimately in creating a life in which you feel happy. If we know what matters, we can begin to set up our life to match that. Much of our distress, frustration, inner conflict and mood troubles comes from not setting up our life according to what truly matters to us. Often, sensitive people get hijacked into what really matters to other people (or "society") instead. What matters to you? What do you really enjoy and value in life? What important qualities have always guided you to the right people and places? No matter how you feel today, notice it then refocus your thoughts and choices towards what really matters.

Need to feel better today?

Getting in touch with the life force will boost your energy, calm you down and help you feel connected with all of nature. The life force is the power that activates everything, it beats your heart as much as it puts color into flowers and warmth into the sun. The life force is ever-present and always available if you tune in. Coming back to the life force helps us feel grounded, in perspective, united in mind and body. We can feel it through the breath or by looking around at aspects of nature and by listening to the sounds of life. Remember to notice the force. Now!

Depression distorts reality:

Depression sends false messages to the brain about the way things are. The trouble is, those messages feel as true as anything ever felt. The brain in depression sees mainly the bad and the sad, and it feels permanent, pervasive and very personal. It also feels hopeless. One of the first skills needed for a brain stuck in depression is the ability to stop what is called emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is the concept that because we feel something, it must be true. While in general our feelings do give us reliable guidance, in states of anxiety and depression this is not the case. These thoughts should be accurately labelled as "fear thought" or "hopelessness thought" or "catastrophising thought" or whatever. Their content isn't worth analyzing because it's not real or true. The emotional brain is running the show, but only the clear-thinking higher self can heal this and this is why we sometimes need professional help and/or medication to help re-boot the brain. Mood changes reality. Don't believe your thoughts whenever you are upset, tired, anxious or low. Wait until your higher self kicks back in and let it run the show.

You've got to check in with yourself:

How do you feel? How's your mood today? How's your energy? Any tension in the body or mind? What quality do you need to focus on today so that you can feel a little better? Do you need calm, energy, optimism, trust, inspiration or just maybe to go with the flow? Check in often, see how you feel and ask yourself what you need to do so that you keep feeling ok. Feeling good is an ongoing project!

Inner Peace: get some today!

From a state of inner peace, we make better decisions. We remember more easily and engage the parts of the brain that guide our actions towards what we think is actually important rather than reacting impulsively. Inner peace means less worry, less anxiety, less self-consciousness and less unnecessary concern for the future. Inner peace is only found in the Now, right here. Take a breath in, and as you breathe out, say "May I be relaxed and at peace". Let your body relax as you say it. Say it again. The command and the use of those two key words (relax and peace) have a powerful effect on the nervous system and we can engage that effect no matter what our external circumstances. Inner peace is inbuilt into all of nature, which is why we enjoy our pets, trees, flowers and beaches so much. Plant the seed of inner peace today and continue to water it.

Suffering in secret:

Many people keep their pain hidden, wanting to maintain the facade, not wanting to worry others and sometimes not wanting to deal with the judgements, opinions or reactions of others. Quite often though, secrecy fuels suffering, feeding the sense of isolation and despair that can result from hiding unpleasant states. Secrecy can also allow avoidance, an inability to face what is happening or take appropriate action. In general, we recommend the rule of three; one friend, one family member and a professional practitioner to begin to confide in. There's something between humans called sympathetic resonance and when we talk to the right people (definitely the right people only) our nervous system releases and our brain function improves. Most people need human support to make a change and feel better. The best thing we can do for others is listen, don't advise or criticize, and above all, don't judge. Be aware of secret pain today.

Kind to self!

Do everything that is kind to yourself today. Choose your thoughts with kindness, no berating! Speak kindly as you would to a good friend or small child, praising and appreciating the little things you do all day. Choose your activities with kindness, being kind to your body with the right foods, being kind to your nervous system by relaxing as much as you can and not hurrying or worrying. Kindness is the number one trait we seek for successful relationships so if you want a better relationship with yourself, get with the kindness today!

Your words can heal:

Words have a powerful impact on the nervous system, which means they impact every cell of the body. Other people's words will impact us, as well as our own words, both those spoken aloud and those operating via the chatter inside our heads. Many of us do not choose our spoken and self-talk words wisely enough. Certain words have healing and calming power and need to be used constantly to still the crashing waves of the busy mind. Some key power words include:

Relax

Calm

Peace

Good

Happy

Energy

Renewal

Inspiration

Enjoy. 

You don't have to be feeling these states. Just use the words and feel their instant medicinal effect.

There are no backwards steps!

When there is some kind of emotional setback, or a phase of not feeling good, many of my clients talk about having taken a "backwards step" or even being "back to square one". This way of coding progress (or lack of progress!) for physical, emotional or nervous system issues is completely unhelpful because it triggers the very frustration/fear chemicals that keep driving the issues in the first place. Anyway, we cannot think of healing as a linear process; it isn't. Things change, we feel better, while healing is occurring sometimes we still have symptoms. It's ok that we still have symptoms. Many people compare themselves to how they used to feel, which is also unhelpful. We tend to inaccurately idealize how we used to feel and only remember the good bits. Either way, comparison always sucks and makes us feel worse. Stay in the now, look for the good. Notice the good, feel good about the good. Of course there are things that are still yet to change, and they will. It's not linear but it is temporary. Look for the good always.

Freaking out about feelings things:

Some feelings can be scary. Anxiety feelings can hit physically and feel very unpleasant, depressed feelings can trigger scary thoughts, chronic fatigue feelings can feel like something is physically really wrong. Most people freak out a bit and try to analyze the sensations and why they feel this way, which usually amounts to worrying madly about what is going on. The hardest thing in the world is to stay neutral and observe thoughts and feelings with detachment, and yet this is the very action that helps settle the whole process down. The aim is to remain calm and trigger as little stress hormone output as possible, in order to interrupt the phase and re-focus the nervous system. This is why we stay away from judging the feelings or thoughts and just keep returning either to breathing in and out, or to some other neutral homing thought. Over and over. Know that those unpleasant phases are temporary and will pass more quickly if you remain calm and detached. Breathe in. Breathe out. You're ok.

The delicate brain on a Monday:

On a Monday, the system needs extra care. Most people change gears on weekends, either revving up or slowing down, or maybe a combination of both. Most of us change our sleep patterns, and possibly our eating or drinking patterns. For some people the weekends are the best part of the week, for others, the hardest. Either way, weekends bring changes that will be felt the most on the Monday when we return to weekday patterns. You might feel less energised, and your IQ (according to research) may be a few points lower than its usual. Go easy on the caffeine, small doses are ok, but multiple doses prolong any system weaknesses. Eat clean, be accepting of however you feel, and choose calm thoughts. Mondays are adjustment days, and adjust you will.

Programming yourself for change:  

When we are making a change we need regular input and reminders for the brain so it doesn't just ride along in auto pilot. Maybe you're making an effort to be more calm, or more optimistic, or meditate more, or eat healthy foods, or exercise more, or be more active, or get control of finances or have more fun or be more organized or just be in the moment more. Whatever your change is, you could benefit from input in the form of reading, audiobooks, recordings, reminder apps, a check in or buddy system, coaching and visual reminders. Use your car time cleverly, listen to a podcast or audiobook that connects you to your new focus. Download relevant books on to your phone and read a paragraph every time you check your phone instead of Facebook or other distractions. Put key phrases or ideas on post it notes or as reminder messages on your desk, phone or bathroom mirror! The brain takes some programming for change so keep it coming.

Obsessed with perfection?

So many of the clients I talk to have created issues in their life as a result of some quest for perfection. Whether it's the perfect body, perfect energy state, perfect relationship, perfect job, perfect timing, perfect marks in a course, perfect performance at something - in fact the more you discuss "perfect" the more irrational it sounds! There is no perfect! "Doing our best" isn't about perfection, it's actually a vague idea that will change tomorrow depending on conditions. The antidote is to have the aim of "good enough" instead of the meaningless and useless quest for perfection.

Boundary-crossing issues:

People with boundary-crossing issues assume that social conventions or rules don't apply to them, or that they have a "good reason" not to be held accountable. Often people who cross the boundaries of others also have difficulty keeping agreements or disciplines in general life, which can create some chaos. This includes chronic lateness, not showing up for key events or commitments and not submitting work or assignments. With young people, parents can sometimes unwittingly enable this behaviour, making excuses for them or asking for flexibility under the assumption of being "supportive", especially if the young person has other problems. While this can be helpful in the short term, it's not great if continued in the long term. To survive in the world, we need to respect boundaries and be able to operate within the rules of a system (educational, workplace, societal etc) and assisting people to avoid this key life skill is unhelpful. When people cross your boundaries you will naturally feel pissed off. But also note that this behaviour is probably affecting their relationships and life in general. It's not about you.

Silence.

Sometimes silence may be the medicine you need. Get some today.

The mixed bag of impatience:  

Impatient people are usually fast thinkers, quick problem solvers who read the play and get the job done fast. Impatience is often a hallmark of successful people, bringing a motivation and an efficiency that is valued in workplaces and other areas of life where we need to get things moving quickly. The darker side of impatience is its effect on the brain, the nervous system and stress chemistry. The brain can have trouble slowing itself, looking for quick fixes to calm itself down. This can link to anxiety, irritability at home, insomnia, addictions and overuse of alcohol, junk food or other substances. Impatience can generate frustration and anger if fed, as most impatient people are not happy with the now and this can affect mood, relationship satisfaction and overall health. Antidote impatience with a willingness to be in the now, appreciating its good aspects. Slow down. Be here now. Now is ok.

Secret self-praise:  

Self-praise is like a secret feel-good weapon, something to use frequently and privately! Every time you pass the mirror, make a secret little comment to yourself about how great you are doing, or how good you look, or how well you are managing things. Kids get lots of praise (these days anyway!) and then after a certain age, we don't. So start doing more for yourself, whether you feel it or not. It's a happiness habit and will remind you about how we could probably do with praising more adults in general. And if you're reading these posts, you probably focus more on areas you need to change than areas you like in yourself. Praise now!  

Please release tension now:

Tension is tiring. The muscles when tense will exhaust easily and ache at inopportune moments. Neck and shoulders carry all the stress and strain, triggering spasms, pain and seizing. Release neck and shoulder tension right now. Soften. The jaw can clench, leading to tiredness, teeth grinding and headaches. Release now, let the jaw slacken and drop. By a conscious act of release, we can let go of most tension in seconds. Repeat hourly.

Dissolving strong emotions:

When most of us feel stronger emotions like anger, rage, fear, anxiety etc, we are thinking at the same time, so the thoughts become fused with the feeling. We then tend to either analyze the thought, talk about it, try and work it out, or conversely try to avoid it by distraction methods (activity, substances, food etc). And yet, research shows there is a quicker and more effective way to feel better. While it might sound simple, I've seen the method of using one word only to label the feeling help dissolve it much faster. Labeling the emotion (eg anger feeling, rejection feeling, anxiety feeling, scared feeling, worried feeling, irritated feeling, frustrated feeling, depressed feeling etc) disconnects it from the content of the thought. The content isn't as relevant as we think. By labeling only the feeling, our mind gets the recognition without going into rumination (analysis and rehashing) which will only deepen and widen that emotional state. We think we need to understand, but we mostly need to acknowledge the emotion. Then return to focus on our breathing, just breathe in and out. Label the feeling again, if and when it returns. One word of recognition and help you begin to dissolve a state, just like putting a berroca in water. Try it some time.

The brain on rehashing and rehearsing:

Many of our daily thoughts come under the category of rehashing (going over something that has already happened or a conversation that took place) or rehearsing (going over something you're thinking might happen, don't want to happen, what you will or want to say to somebody, what you're worried somebody will do or say etc). Patterns of rehashing and rehearsing will accelerate stress hormones, flooding your brain with chemicals that fire stress messages, resentment, fear, frustration, anxiety, depression, worry and all the other feelings we code as unpleasant. It's using a lot of energy and that energy is wasted. For most people, it's actually pretty difficult to stay here in the now and out of rehash/rehearse territory. If we are in the now, mostly we feel better, or at least we feel ok. When you have a rehashing or rehearsing thought, label it that. Don't bother about its content, that's irrelevant. Just label it "rehashing" and return to the now. Say "right now I'm breathing in. Right now I'm ok".

Anxiety and phone checking:

While many professionals discuss people being "addicted" to their phones, this is not actually the case. Phone or device "addiction" has much more to do with anxiety reduction and is chemically more similar to obsessive disorders than addiction. Checking a phone doesn't provide a release of pleasure chemicals in the way that addictive activities or substances do. In fact, according to research, it only provides a relief feeling, a freedom from the feeling that you aren't missing a text or post. If you are under 40 years of age, chances are you check your phone up to 40 times a day, just unlocking it to check for notifications. Over 40's are less programmed to check, as they still remember non-mobile days. The more often you check your phone without hearing an alert (or maybe you actually think you hear an alert!) you are reinforcing anxiety, checking and relief brain patterns. Check less. You're not missing anything.

Mind body disconnect:

Every day in my work I assist people with various mind-body syndromes, including anxiety, insomnia, chronic fatigue, eating disorders, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel and other pain conditions. We call them mind-body syndromes as they affect both mind and body and we must address both if we want the patterns to shift. Usually the body is sending a message about what it needs us to change in our life, both physically and emotionally. In order to de-code these messages, it helps if the mind and body are in sync. Most of us override our body messages, if we even notice them at all in the early stages. There are many methods to help mind and body sync, all of which have the outcome of having your mind and your body focused on the same thing. Methods include certain forms of meditation, hypnosis, energy psychology, yoga and special breathing methods. Start today. Sit for a few minutes and use only your breathing. Just breathe normally. Breathe in and say "I am breathing in". Breathe out and say "I am breathing out". For those moments, mind and body are one.

It's just the human condition:

Many people with insomnia, pain, anxiety, depression, mood instability, addictive patterns, relationship troubles, divorce, grief, fatigue or health issues get very frustrated and wonder "why them? And "why isn't it gone?" But none of it is "just us". Most people have similar private struggles and it is in fact part of the human condition. Our current obsessive focus on positive psychology plus trends in medicating means that many people are now aiming for some weird human perfection where we don't experience any of those unpleasant states. Wanting to feel great all the time leads to grasping, aversion and frustration. The truth is that uncertainty, lack of control, illness, mood ups and downs, self-comparison etc are all part of the way the mind works. We can learn to work with it to minimize frequency and upset, but humans have ups and downs. Next time you're frustrated, your mantra is "This is just part of the human condition". It's ok.

Do you need to protect your energy?

Feeling drained can be about your own tiredness, lack of sleep, stress, poor food choice or other factors you are consciously aware of. But are you considering the impact of those around you who might be feeling, acting or speaking in hopeless, negative, angry or pessimistic ways? The energy of others will impact sensitive people quite strongly and this needs to be managed if you are picking up and carrying the vibes of others. When we are around draining people, we need a kind of energetic shield, which means awareness and a conscious move on our part to keep our energy separate. And afterwards, consciously clear your own energy. There are many ways of doing this, and many of us need coaching to find the best way that feels effective for us. Some people choose white light, others choose to visualize a membrane or shield, some repeat some sort of mantra or words that emphasize clearing or releasing. While it might seem weird or unscientific, the energetic effects of others is very real for many people and responds well when a method is consistently used. Start today.

Brain Fog Alert!  

Many people complain about brain fog, especially those who have been through physical or emotional stress. Brain fog feels like you can't think properly, like there is a cloud in the brain that impedes both taking in and recalling information. It can make it hard to read or study, especially if you feel you aren't taking it in or remembering what you read. The worst thing you can do for brain fog is to panic about it, get frustrated about it or focus on it too much. It's usually temporary (not the start of cognitive decline!) and often means the brain needs a rest from whatever it has been worrying about. Learning to meditate has positive effects on brain function, information processing, concentration and memory. It doesn't take much to learn to meditate it's the simplest thing in the world. It only takes intention and the willingness to do it. Next time you have a brain fog day, just focus on one thing, the breath, a word, a picture. Let your brain re-boot in its own time. It will.

Addicted to driven-mode?

Do you feel like you always need to be doing something? Hard to stop, hard to relax? Can't stop the mind from one thought to the next? In driven-mode, the mind is always comparing how thing are with how they could be, or "should" be, and working out how progress is going. If there isn't enough progress, the mind keeps on trying to think of ideas or solutions to move forward, or tries to work out reasons why it's stuck. Drive is great in small doses, in balance. But for many it's a permanent state of mind. You can see why driven-mode is linked to stress conditions, anxiety, fatigue and chronic pain. Many of my clients need help to disengage with this mode and learn to shift into being-mode, where nothing needs doing or fixing or ruminating on. Our pets remind us of being-mode, and can help us connect to it, as can other relaxing, creative or meditative practices. Schedule in some being-mode time today.

Personalizing the unkind behavior of others:

Taking things personally when it comes to the behaviour of others is guaranteed to lead to feeling bad and losing confidence, especially in dating or relationship break ups . The people most likely to take things personally are people who consciously work at being kind, caring and empathic, and just cannot understand how others can make selfish or nasty choices in their words or actions. But the truth is, it's not about you. That person has a pattern running that pre-dates you and suits their goals at that time. It doesn't mean anything about you at all. Yes, they may appear to show their pleasant side to certain others (at the moment anyway) but what you have seen is a capability for unkindness that may launch at any time. Stay away and be glad you are free of it. Kindness is the number one criterion for long-standing relationships, even when things go wrong or need to end. Everything can be done kindly if we make the effort.

How to address anxious controlling behaviour:

Anxious control is often personality-driven, in that certain personality types are more likely to engage in both the thinking style and the subsequent action. People with anxious control have a few patterns:

- nervous system that carries a lot of tension

- strong independent streak

- strong opinions

- tendency to believe they are more competent than others

- quick action taker and problem solver

- self-critical and at times critical of others

- impatient when they want something done

As you can see, this is a complex pattern and people may need professionally coaching to address it. The first step is for the person to understand their personality and be able to recognize their behaviour as anxious control (rather than justified and necessary). Then be able to voice their concerns by labelling it, eg "I know this is just my anxious control tendency talking but I'm worrying about X". Start to see it as a process rather than believing the specific content. Take steps to reduce tension at all times and do some reading around how to trust that things work out.

Anxious control in relationships:

Many people with anxiety issues bring a controlling tendency into their close relationships, especially the romantic ones. There isn't usually a conscious desire to control the other person, but more a subconscious fear of things not going right and trying to fix everything before it goes horribly wrong. People with anxious control issues carry a lot of fear and tension, usually about their own state, and they have fear of their own anxiety which is why they try to prevent it by fixing everything in their environment so it won't happen. Does it work? It does not. Only the most patient/saintly partners can stand it, most cannot and feel criticized and/or pressured. People with anxious control need coaching and assistance to trust the flow, and begin to surrender the need to judge or control things. The mantra is "it's ok as it is".

Stuff to look forward to!

Feeling a bit flat? Need inspiration? Ask yourself how many things you have that you are currently looking forward to. We humans need things in the future that when we think about them, they trigger a buzz! And if you haven't got any, then get started organizing some. A holiday, even if it's a long way off. Book into comedy shows, concerts, gigs, a conference, arrange to see somebody you haven't seen for ages! Book a mystery hotel or tour of some interesting part of your city. Make sure there's always something to get excited for. Do it now.

Smiling changes mood:

When we laugh or feel good, we smile more. As a result, the brain is wired to pair smiling with feeling better. Even if you smile for no reason, there will be at least a slight upward shift in mood! But you need to involve your eyes, otherwise your brain won't get in on the act. Look up, smile and make sure the smile gets into your eyes! Pass it on today.

Playtime!

Most adults forget to play. Anything at all can be approached from a mind-set of play rather than work and that changes the vibe of the whole thing! Play means fun, it means there is no right or wrong, it feels light instead of heavy and it isn't about the results! Maybe it's time to buy a few toys, a tiny musical instrument, paints or coloured pencils and some Lego if you need help getting back into it. You mantra for today is "it's playtime!"

Stop with the flaws and get with the strengths:

Most recent psychological research shows that we will feel happier, more energized and more motivated if we consciously focus on and use our strengths. Most of us are programmed to look at ourselves in terms of "areas I need to work on" and yet clinical experience and research says the opposite! What are you good at? Your key strengths could include kindness, gratitude, optimism, rapport with others, connection to animals, creativity, quick thinking, problem solving, practicality, spirituality, or whatever else. Focus on your top three and if you don't know, google "VIA strengths questionnaire" and you can take the test used in worldwide research. It's pretty cool and very accurate. Focus on your strengths as you go through your day today!

Friends boost wellbeing!

The right friends boost immunity, health, longevity, mood, happiness, sense of connection, optimism, humour and life improvement! You don't need lots, in fact a few will have the same benefits if they are the right few. Appreciate a wellbeing-boosting friend today! Tag them here to let them know you have identified their life-enhancing qualities.

What to affirm?

Affirmations are effective in certain conditions, if you understand their purpose, which is to bring focus to the mind and hold the consciousness on an uplifting concept. We affirm all day long, but many of us affirm things that don't make us feel good, which is quite a waste of mental effort. If you affirm something that is GOOD and something that you believe is ACTUALLY TRUE NOW, you will experience a feeling of relief and uplift. For example, if you are bored, you might affirm "There are many possibilities and opportunities out there for me", and if that statement feels true, if you believe it, even partially, it will uplift you. If you feel tired or low, you could affirm "I'm willing to feel better" and you should feel some degree of relief. Keep repeating it. It's not a magic solution; the plan is to hold the affirmation in mind so that negative thoughts have no room for entry. Today's prescription: Affirm what is true and good (for you), then repeat as necessary.

Take the credit today!

One thing that balanced and confident people do much more often is to take some credit. Not for the things that go wrong, but for the things that go right! Women in particular have been shown to take less credit for positive outcomes, instead crediting luck, circumstances and/or other people. It's good to feel lucky, it's good to acknowledge others. But sometimes you have to say "Wow! I did that!". You don't have to say it out loud; saying it to yourself is the important part. That's the plan: If you want more confidence, take more credit internally. Notice the results and remember: you did it, you earned it and now you get to feel good about it!

Body pain during the night:

It's never good to be woken during the night, especially not between 3 and 5 am and especially not with physical pain. The most common pain is neck/shoulder pain making it difficult to get comfortable, or hip/lower back pain that makes you want to keep moving around. Getting up and walking for a minute usually helps, but also wakes you up which is not ideal. Most people who have had fibromyalgia know this pain well, as do people who are a bit run down, adrenally exhausted or in a phase of chronic fatigue. Stretching and taking powdered magnesium at night will often help these pains, but you may also need to consider what triggers (physical, mental, emotional) are driving the pain. Your body has a message to be decoded and sometimes we all need help with the decoding process. Meditation question for today: If your body was trying to object to something you are doing/not doing, what might it be??

Boost your "Thank you" power:

You already know about the power of gratitude, and how it boosts mood, improves relationships, lowers stress and primes your immune system? Some people can easily feel gratitude at will, generating loads of things that they feel grateful for. For others it's a bit more tricky, especially when not in the mood. The good thing is, our minds are already primed for the deeper meaning of the words "Thank you". We tend to use them when receiving something, when complimented, when pleased. So an alternative approach to boosting gratitude is to use a "thank you" mantra meditation. All you need to do is repeat "Thank you, thank you, thank you" over and over for as long as you think is best. Either quickly, slowly or somewhere in between. Do it now. And I thank you for reading this!

Hypnosis for your nerves:

Trying to take conscious control of worry or anxiety can sometimes increase pressure and tension, resulting in a frustration cycle that promotes further stress. And yet, if your subconscious mind can read this, just for a minute, and be receptive to what I am saying, just allowing your conscious mind to forget what it needs to forget, right now, and instead remember what it needs to remember, those relaxing times when everything is sorted, nothing to worry about, just being. Your subconscious mind can begin now to code this relaxing feeling, code it for the nervous system to learn, learn to feel more of. And just like any skill, you can feel more and more relaxing feelings over time. And bit by bit, day by day, you can begin to notice that everything is getting better.

Are you putting something off??

Putting things off to reduce stress usually has the opposite effect! While you might push it out of your conscious mind, your subconscious mind (which really controls mood, anxiety, sleep, eating behavior, some pain and fatigue conditions, etc) is well aware of whatever you are trying to avoid. Avoidance means stress, whether you are conscious of that stress or not! Make a list of the things you are avoiding and take action on something today. Relief is the feeling that comes as the reward!

Early morning anxiety:  

Whether you're run down, or mood-affected, post heavy weekend or following a night of alcohol, it's not uncommon to get a charge of early morning anxiety, with its sickly feelings and awful thoughts. It usually hits between 3 and 5 am ish, and it will multiply unless interrupted. Often, the best thing is to give the mind another structured mental task and then stay on that task. This may or may not lead you back to sleep, but at least it can stop the anxiety momentum. Have the task planned in advance, you probably won't be able to think of it when feeling awful. Use the alphabet. Find a flower, or fruit/vegetable or band or car or movie (you get the idea) for every letter of the alphabet. Or count backwards from 500 by 3s. Or mentally recite the route for long journey (eg from one side of town to another). Anything to occupy the monkey mind. And remember, anxiety doesn't mean anything and often comes from nowhere in particular (free floating). Don't analyze it. Move on and find something to enjoy in the day. There's plenty.

The good stuff:

Time to dial up a bit of good stuff for your nervous system. Notice any tension that is manifesting in your body now. Using the power of your mind, allow that tension to dissolve like an aspirin in a glass of water. Just let it dissolve and feel your muscles soften. Let your neck and shoulders relax, those muscles that store all the stress and strain. Let your legs soften, there's nowhere you need to go right this minute. Relax your arms and hands. Soften your face and let the tension in your jaw just dissolve into nothingness. Using the power of your imagination, remember the feeling of having nothing to do, nothing to prove, nowhere to be, nobody to answer to. Then just sit in the good stuff for a minute or two. Repeat as necessary.

Consciousness precedes results:

Something you want? Something you haven't been able to change? Something that seems to elude you? Not getting what you want? These days, most people set goals that involve action steps and then wonder why they don't follow through on the action required. If you are not following through on action, take a step back and look at the consciousness that is required to embrace and drive those actions by creating the right emotional/cognitive state for the action to naturally occur. Your state of consciousness is a mixture of the thoughts and feelings going on inside you, both consciously and subconsciously. We become and create what we think about. Choose your focus, pay attention to your interpretations and mental slogans. Interrupt unhelpful statements in your mind. Get back into "can do" and "want to". It's like training a puppy. Eventually the penny drops and you have a new autopilot.

Peace as medicine:

Peace is the healer of most conditions. Inner peace is what we are all really after, in fact it's the source of addictions and other self-destructive or harmful behaviour. Some people find inner peace a little harder to access, and this is often when they seek external things, people, food, alcohol, substances etc to calm the waters. Inner peace is a physical, mental and emotional state so we need to address each component if we want more of it. Any tiny moment of peace helps prime the system for more. Stop and take a breath now. Notice inner peace if just for a second or two. Every hour or two today, stop for just long enough to let inner peace enter your consciousness and build momentum.

It all works out:

When there's a glitch, it all works out. When things go pear-shaped, it all works out. When you don't know what to do, it all works out. When you're quite lost, it all works out. When you're worried, it all works out. When it's a bad dream, it all works out. When it's over, it all works out. It just does.

Self-doubt antidote:

Self-doubt can check in as a feeling or a thought, or a combo of both. It comes in the form of implied certainty about something (eg "I can do this" or "This is good") which is then eroded by questioning it ("But what if?"). When the feeling or thoughts of self-doubt enter, the antidote is recognition, respect and reassurance. Recognize and label the feeling/thought as healthy self-doubt. Secondly, respect the self-doubt; know that your logical problem solving mind is trying to protect you from danger, humiliation or disappointment. This built-in mechanism can be quite helpful and those without it have more issues than you do. Thirdly, choose reassurance. Most things turn out better than you think, you are much more likable, intelligent and capable than you think, and anyway, you're perfect as you are. In the big picture, how important is it anyway?? Just do your thing. All is well.

The hidden face of hard times:

You won't know about most people's hard times. Most people function, carry on, work at being positive, socialize, post on Facebook and continue to care about others. But there may be a private side of illness, anxiety, pain, depression or other condition that goes on behind the scenes. No matter how things seem, the story will be bigger than we know. Remember not to judge today and to send peace regardless.

Don't ignore gut feelings!

Have you thought back to your past and counted the amount of times your gut feeling was right?? And how many times you didn't listen to it? Regarding people, choices and opportunities, going against the gut is never good. Every day clients tell what their gut feeling told them at the time as well as what they did instead (usually not what the gut said!). Listen to your own gut feelings and act accordingly. It's a finely developed system of intelligent information which has been provided for your benefit and protection!

Pessimism or reality?

Studies show that the majority of people tend towards pessimism in terms of how they explain events and their causes. Pessimists have been demonstrated to generalize the causes of negative events, as well as believing them to affect the future. For example, if they have trouble adding something up, they are more likely to say "I've never been great at maths" (generalized, permanent and personalized). Pessimists also generalize causes of the behaviour of others ("Typical". She/he is always like that). Pessimism is also linked to rumination (going over and over things in the mind and feeling bad) as well as depressive thoughts. Trouble is, pessimists think they are right, and that their perceptions are in fact reality (compared to the "deluded" optimists! If you read this page you are probably an optimism person, or at least working on it. And of course you know that the optimistic view is just as realistic. In fact, most beliefs are self-fulfilling. Stick with it. Unpleasant events are temporary, specific to one area and part of the human condition. You'll feel better for knowing this.

Watch for the open doors:

So many of us go against the flow, pushing against the closed doors, trying to connect with that person or thing that eludes us. In relationships, if a person is elusive (hostile or hot and cold) it never ends well, even if the pattern goes on for years. Walk away from pushing against the closed doors. New doors will present themselves! Going with the natural positive flow of life is about reducing resistance and trusting abundance. Notice whether doors are closed or open to you and choose the natural flow.

Developing non-judgment:

If you want to feel better, work on non-judgment. Simply say "I can't judge that" or "I refuse to judge". Just say "it is what it is" and leave it at that. Refusing to divide the world into right/wrong or good/bad has many health and mood benefits and can stop the spiral of negative thinking in its tracks. Judging is usually futile; we don't know the whole story, and anyway, quite frequently things that seem one way usually turn out to be another. It isn't good or bad, it just is. Contemplate the idea of "is" today.

Make things easier today:

Most of us have things we want to improve. Our food planning, preparation and choices, exercise level, drinking patterns, reading or learning new things, skills practice in whatever area we choose. We wait until "we have time" or feel "in the right headspace". The time doesn't come, the headspace doesn't arrive spontaneously. Most successful people routinize these aspects of life so that thought doesn't have to be wasted on them. Choose one thing, schedule it, go for minimal improvements (small steps) and lock in a time. Do that tiny step whether you feel like it or not. Let momentum build and reward feelings will result. Whatever is hard for you, turn it into a mini routine so it becomes easier.

The low effort people:

Most hard-working people are triggered into anger by those who display a lazy and entitled attitude. For some reason (Upbringing? Temperament? Probably both) some people are happy to let others do the work and really don't feel in any way responsible for the mismatch in effort. They can justify their lack of effort with "reasons", generally so ridiculous it leaves others not quite knowing what to say. Often low effort types make unreasonable requests of others, leaving the work ethic people feeling guilty for saying No and drawing boundaries. But the low effort people have heard No before and may not be too surprised. So go ahead, draw the line in the sand, say No. Then watch them move on to another tactic or target. They are as they are.

Health-related anxieties:

Health and illness-related anxieties can get inside the mind like a parasite, triggering vague but powerful worries and kickstarting horrible fear adrenalin feelings. When actual illness is present, this is one thing. But many people are triggered into illness fears out of nowhere, with a few vague symptoms leading the mind into worst case scenarios and jumping on "doctor google" when symptoms present. Googling symptoms is usually a very bad idea! The other factor boosting unnecessary health anxiety is the amount of "awareness" or "education" campaigns about various forms of severe illness. It's mostly those who are vigilant about health that tune in, and it often triggers fear that isn't helpful. If triggered, we need to switch our focus to inner peace, which activates the body's natural healing mechanisms. The body is naturally internally vigilant, detecting and dissolving any problems and maintaining your blueprint for health. Trust in the body's built in processes and let your mind rest.

Instant Calmer:

Ever wake up in the middle of the night wide awake? Or stress chemicals from worrying have you buzzing when you don't want to be? Finding it difficult to chill out on the way home from work or some other pressure situation? This is sympathetic nervous system activation. To counter this we need to activate the parasympathetic nervous system which acts a bit like the brakes on a vehicle. One method I've been using with clients for many years is 4 7 8 pattern breathing, which I learned of via Dr Andrew Weil in the 90's. This breathing method changes the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the brain and creates the conditions for relaxation fairly quickly. Here's the pattern:

1. Breathe in through nose for count of 4

2. Hold in for count of 7

3. Breathe out through mouth (use blowing motion) for count of 8. Repeat as many cycles as you can. 

Don't think. Just do the pattern some more and let it kick in naturally. Enjoy.

Every day is good:

No mention of bad days or Mondays. Every day has many good things if we send our brains to look. Go looking now! Remember to notice all the good in today. The good may be yours, or somebody else's or just part of nature, like the bright lemon on a tree. Watch and notice!

Checklist for those prone to guilt or self-doubt after asserting their opinion or needs:

Were you ethical?

Were you kind/compassionate?

Then the approval of others is both unnecessary and irrelevant so any further analysis can now cease, residual feelings can subside in due course and you can begin to think of other matters. Have a great day.

Immune boosting for you!

Many factors influence the effectiveness of our immune systems, both physical and emotional. It's not just about "being exposed to germs", it's about boosting the strength of the host organism! If your immunity is low and you're getting frequent viruses, check some of these: (blood tests required for the first few)

Vitamin D level

Iron level

Thyroid function

Stress hormones

Sleep quality

Diet and nutrition

Work: fun ratio

Gut health (good and bad bacteria balance)

Level of frustration and irritation

Chronic worries, especially financial

Relationship issues, especially boundaries

Of course many supplements can help build your immunity, my favourites being andrographis, olive leaf, Echinacea and various medicinal mushrooms (reishi, skitake extracts). See your practitioner for a targeted program. In the meantime work on your level of calm. Calm chemicals are the best medicine for healing anything. Stop and breathe today.

The lure of hot and cold people:

Whether it's a relationship, a friendship or a work colleague situation, the hot and cold person has the ability to cause some disturbance. While at first friendly and engaging, this person then sets up mixed messages by being at times warm and connected, then withdrawn, unavailable or aloof. Then, just when you think there's no connection, back they come as though nothing happened. Until you feel secure again, then bang, they withdraw. This pattern causes the most damage in romantic relationships, as the hot bad cold type is highly addictive to some. Believe it or not, getting a few crumbs followed by nothing (known as intermittent reinforcement) is generally more addictive than constant reinforcement. And for intelligent rational types, this is a challenge, and their brain wants to "figure out" the other person and "understand what is happening". We can't. That's just what they do. They do hot and cold pattern. End of. Watch and avoid.

Things you need to stop doing:

We all have things that we need to stop doing (or do less of) so we can feel better. The thing that is draining your energy, affecting your sleep, or your relationship or your job, or your health or your mood. Make a plan. Start today. Commit. Persist. Stop with any excuses. Know that change can happen when you decide to make it happen. Feeling good is worth it.

Are you designed for the pace of modern life?

Apparently we are the multi-tasking, device checking, hurrying, worrying, got to experience everything, fear of missing out generation. Apparently we have to have "careers" rather than jobs, and be "passionate" about them, while still maintaining "work life balance" and interesting "experiences". Personally I think we need to keep it simple, follow our enjoyment and chill more. And definitely hurry less. Hurry and worry are the drainers of the nervous system. And anyway, it all works out.

To those who feel a bit fragile:

Many things can leave the nerves feeling a bit frayed, whether it's a poor night's sleep, a lot on your mind, illness or pain, overwhelm with personal or work issues, difficult relationships or ongoing mood disturbance or nothing in particular, just one of those days where you really want to stay in bed and not be out in the world. When you feel fragile, don't fight it. Be accepting of your body/mind's need for a bit of extra TLC which must come from yourself. Talk to yourself internally with kindness, as you would a friend or child who was feeling upset. So many of us try and whip ourselves into a stronger mood, but really, it's much more effective to kindly explain to yourself that you are going to take it easy, move through the day calmly, know that you need to take things slowly, just one chunk at a time. Reassure that fragile part that it will be cared for and understood! Things will settle soon and all is well. And remember, from the outside, fragility is not usually obvious. Others may be feeling it more than you know.

"Why do I feel anxious?"

When it comes to anxiety, sometimes thoughts trigger feelings, and sometimes feelings trigger thoughts. Believe it or not, looking for the "why" will often deepen the anxiety state, making it bigger and somehow more significant in the mind. Sometimes there is no why. Anxiety can be free-floating, physically induced, gut triggered and totally non-psychological. If we accept it as a temporary physical state, with no analysis, it often passes more easily. If it doesn't, then someone (a professional or friend) can help you address it. Much to the disappointment of we rational, more analytical types, the mind can't solve everything, and can even escalate anxiety by setting up things to be scared of or avoid. Next time you feel uneasy, remember to remember "sometimes there is no why". And that "it will pass".

Message for those in a difficult day:

Keep it simple. Just one thing. Stand still and let things resolve themselves.

Why might you be avoiding meditation??

If something seems hard we avoid it. If we think we are no good at it, we avoid. If it's no fun, we avoid. If we think there's no pint,we avoid it. But what if it was easier, what if there was a way to quickly get all the benefits; the improved brain function, better memory, less stress, better health, deeper rest? Meditation is just about choosing an idea. The beginning idea could be "I am part of nature". Or maybe "There is nothing I need to do right now". Then, of course, the automatic thoughts will rise in mind. You can't stop them and you don't need to. All meditators have thoughts, it's how you respond that makes you a meditator. When the first thought comes, let it pass with no judgement, comment, frustration or criticism. If you are aiming for no thoughts, forget it. There is no aim. The point is to return the mind to the subject under meditation, which is why our busy minds need a homing thought. Take a minute now. And at lunchtime today. And a minute before sleep. A minute builds into many benefits faster than you think.

Down times: to fight, push through or allow?

Most of us go through phases where we feel unmotivated, lethargic, can't be bothered, don't feel like doing what we normally do. Usually this is temporary and with the right action (which is often inaction!) will pass within the week. But when you freak out about not feeling like yourself, you add fear, resistance and anxiety to the mix, which leads mental and emotional strain. Of course this prolongs the downtime. Next time you feel below par, try allowing it. Firstly, agree with yourself that it's ok to go through down cycles. That they can be triggered by many things; overstrain, tiredness, immune activation, poor food choices, time of year, life events, relationships etc. Allow it to be what it is. Agree that you can look at a new plan after two weeks if necessary. After two weeks, seeking help seems reasonable. But I'm betting that if you allow it to be, without resistance, you will generally have forgotten about it entirely in two weeks. Allow yourself the cycles you probably freely allow in others.

Trash the guilt:

Many people with a sensitive nervous system are also prone to guilt. It's as if the hair-trigger mind is prone to grabbing normal feelings of self doubt and loading them up with extra stress hormones to give them extra potency. These excessive guilt feelings are most likely triggered by saying no to somebody else, or by being assertive about something. Sensitive people are generally programmed to prefer approval and by being assertive, they risking losing that approval. Generally a good feeling comes first, followed by that sneaky and potent guilt sensation. Guilt is a useless emotion; either we have something to learn from reflecting on our actions, or we don't. Use the rational mind to reflect. If you are rationally happy with your ethical choices and know you are a kind person by nature, then you have nothing further to do. The guilt feeling is really just an anxiety state and will pass if labelled as such and allowed to have its physical wave exit without too much mind interaction. You can ditch the guilt if you let those chemical waves pass without conscious interference. Like any skill it developed slowly and with determined patience.

Boost mood by remembering to notice:

Every minute we have a choice about what to pay attention to. And from this, we allocate meaning and tell ourselves a story about our life that creates either good feelings in the moment or an absence of contentment. Which do you choose? You can look at the freeway or notice the sunset in the background. In every moment there lies a choice of something to notice and feel good about. Start now.

Middle of the night anxiety:

Bad feelings can hit at 3 am and wake us up in a sweat. At 3 am thoughts are not generally too positive due to fluctuations in stress hormones, so it's usually quite unpleasant if you wake up at that time anxious or worried. Some people experience what are known as "night terrors", waking adrenalised with a pounding heart like they've been running from imminent danger. Several factors can be involved in middle of the night anxiety, including overstimulation before bed, blood sugar dips in the night (often triggered by daytime poor eating or skipped meals), high stress periods, low serotonin levels, unprocessed daily concerns and ongoing inner conflicts. Please see your practitioner if it happens regularly. When it happens, your job is to remain calm. You can either feed the adrenalin with fear or allow it to pass in its time. Distract your mind with a game (such as finding a flower or car for every letter of the alphabet) and consciously relax your muscles. Send your mind the message that it is harmless, it will pass soon and all is well.

What's your focus for today?

What do you need to make today better? This is what you need to focus on, notice, appreciate, even if it only comes in small or tiny doses today. If you pay attention to what's missing, it will grow in your consciousness and feel like an even bigger gap. Pay attention to what is going well today, starting right now with you taking the time to read some words that remind your mind of what matters to you. Focus on what matters and feel good about the bits that show up for you now.

Not our job to control others:

Worriers are the ones that lose the most sleep over the behaviour and life choices of other people in their lives, especially those close to them who may be doing things that are self destructive or self sabotaging. Some worriers go into anxious control mode, doing their best to suggest, advise, help and change the environment to alter the course of the other person. Other worriers take less action, instead spending time on worst case nightmares, scary future thoughts and general alarm to the nervous system. In truth, unless another person is actively seeking and actively ready for help, we can have little effect on their choices. And it's not our job. Adults have free will and they will use it! It can be quite liberating to remind ourselves that it's not our job to control others. Go back to the self, our choices are the only ones we can do anything about. Choose well today!

The science of long-term love:

While every long term relationships goes through it's up and down cycles, there are two key things that feed love. One is your response when your partner does or says something that requires your attention, even if it's a small thing. The other is your choice of action in general, when it comes to your partner. Firstly, listen and respond when your partner talks to you! This has becomes more of an issue since the use of devices. (Yes put your phone down!) Relationships where people respond willingly to bids for attention tend be warmer and to last over time. And be kind in your choices of actions and words! Kindness is a choice that sometimes doesn't happen, especially after a difficult, tiring or stressful day. Choose the kind action or response. Relationships are built daily from the choices we make and the level of subsequent good feelings generated. Fire up the good feelings today!

Weather change mood change:

Many of us will be mood affected by the current seasonal changes, some for better and some not so much. A change in temperature and sunlight triggers stress hormone release, which for many people will alter serotonin levels. Serotonin levels affect eating patterns, optimism, anxiety, confidence, social orientation, motivation and sleep patterns, along with other physical issues such as hunger and gut function. Seasonal mood changes can often be assisted by targeted supplementation to boost serotonin and energy, as well as lowering anxiety. Getting exercise, sunlight and eating clean protein and vegetables will also help your body/mind adjust. And of course notice your talk and self talk about the weather! Your body is listening.

The benefits of Mood Tracking:

Whether you're assessing the effect of food, exercise, meds, hormone cycles, sleep, supplements or other life events, mood tracking can really help identify the pattern that goes on for you personally. For people with anxiety, fatigue or depression patterns, this can be of great assistance. You can choose what to track depending on your concerns, but most of my clients will track energy level, calmness and optimism feelings. These are quite accurate predictors of a good mood; if you feel high in energy (physically strong), calm (low in tension) and optimistic (cheerful and genuinely able to see/feel positives) then you tend to feel better about everything. When you make a lifestyle change it's sometimes hard to notice the benefits so mood tracking can really help. You can rate your energy/calm/optimism out of ten if you like, or use words like poor/ok/good/very good. How do you rate today? What do you need to do to feel a little better tomorrow? What do you need to keep doing? You know what to do. Do more of it to feel the benefits!

Advance worrying:

Worrying in advance of something is exhausting! And some people believe that earlier is better, so the worrying kicks in over a very long lead up (which may include years!). Worrying comes from the mind's mistaken belief that a) it can problem solve effectively and b) that worrying is somehow useful and preventative of bad outcomes and of course c) that it can't stop the worrying. Worrying people do not usually respond to "positive advice" from others, as they are convinced that their worst case scenario could in fact happen, and therefore "should" be ruminated upon. In truth, people can learn to worry less. But it's an inside job that involves changing beliefs about the usefulness of worrying and a commitment to delay tactics. Worry about it later. And next time the thoughts come up, worry about it later. Focus on whatever makes you feel calm. Look into the eyes of a pet (or a photo of one). Look to nature. Look to music. Notice the stream of air going in our out of your nose. Find something else to feel appreciative of. And worry about that other stuff later.

Hormones and mood: yes it's real.

So many hormones affect mood, depression and anxiety patterns, as well as irritability and tolerance levels! Testosterone tends to be mood protective, which may be why lower levels are found in men with mood issues (it's something I often get checked in male clients) which may be why women experience mood disorders much more frequently than men. During the female monthly hormone cycle, levels of oestrogen and progesterone fluctuate, which affects serotonin, GABA, dopamine and mood/sleep/food control chemicals. Some women appear to be more sensitive to these hormone fluctuations than others. If your mood issues follow a hormonal cycle it may be worth discussing it with your practitioner to see if your system could be further supported. Studio also show that beliefs and expectations about the hormone cycle will affect how your body/mind processes hormone changes, as well as the fact that hormone patterns are affected by stress and respond well to meditative approaches. Stir some peace into the chemical soup today and allow your system to operate at optimum level.

Two very different faces of anxiety:

Most people with anxiety in their systems fall into one of two key patterns: anxious avoidance or anxious control. Both have consequences, especially for the people around them. In the case of anxious avoidance, the pattern is about finding all kinds of methods to avoid uncomfortable feelings or experiences; this m