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16th May, 2024
Stop inner urgency:
When we’ve been stressed for a long time, we can experience changes in our inner perspective. Firstly, certain stressors begin to take on an exaggerated importance. Once we have felt that feeling of the exaggerated importance, we often respond with urgency. Urgency to tell, urgency to discuss, urgency to fix, sometimes urgency to criticize or correct or escape. Feelings of urgency are useful in an actual emergency but creating “emotional emergency” is usually detrimental, both to the nervous system and to relational intelligence. Urgency is judgement-impairing. Beware of that first domino: allowing things to be of exaggerated importance in mind. It starts there. How big is it really? What’s the evidence? How would a detached outsider view it? What is another perspective? What is the wise action (if any) to take? Moving into balance and clarity helps maintain a calm nervous system. Slow it all down today and access wise mind.
15th May, 2024
No obligation!
Some of us are more susceptible to the pressure to agree to what others ask or demand, even if we don’t actually want to do it. The use of implied fear, obligation and guilt in a request or demand can be very powerful, depending on childhood experience as well as personality traits such as agreeableness which can lead to people-pleasing. Being neurodivergent can also have an effect on the ability to spot manipulation and/or know how to respond without being trapped in perceived obligation. Additionally, saying NO can lead to its own troubles, with loops of self-doubt and guilt replaying afterwards, over and over. There’s no easy answer; this pattern requires psychological understanding, self-acceptance and gradual evolution towards building both an inner boundary and an outer limit with certain others. “It’s easier to say yes” may be ok sometimes but might also lead to emotional and physical symptoms over the longer term. There is no obligation, you get to make a choice. Rather than an outright NO (and NO is fine; NO is a full sentence), it may be “not now”, “not yet”, and “not that way”. Stay in the circle of choice today by being connected to the inner compass of your own needs. You matter.
14th May, 2024
Relax the grip!
Don’t hold on too tightly today. There will be something that we are attaching too much to, and grasping is never a good thing. Relax the grip, release the holding on and remember that the universe is unfolding towards growth and positives. Despite appearances, everything is better when we relax and practise radical acceptance. Be willing to let it go and see what evolves. It’s all ok.
13th May, 2024
Mindset of power!
Self-efficacy is about knowing that you can handle things. You don’t have to know how you’ll handle it, just know that you can, and you will. This is the mindset of strength and power! You can do it, you’ve got this, and it’s a day of self-appreciation for your positive attitude and resourcefulness. Stay with the force today and remember that you will handle it all.
9th May, 2024
Need a confidence boost?
Confidence is about what we believe, not just in mind, but in body. When our whole self fully believes something to be, then we are naturally confident about it, we don’t have to question or try to convince ourselves. Test your confident feeling. Think of something you 100% know to be true, such as the sun rising this morning. It did. No questions, it’s light outside, the sun rose. It just is. That’s the confidence feeling. If you want confidence in another belief about yourself then you find a fact or two about it. Something indisputable. If it’s a fact, then we get that same “it just is” feeling as before. People try to be confident about unknowns (eg other people or situations) but unknowns aren’t facts. In unknown situations we focus on actual facts like “I’ve successfully managed many unknowns before”. We focus on previous resourcefulness or abilities or any other fact that we know to be true. If we stay in the land of facts then we can have that strong quiet confidence that is based on reality instead of “influencer-type” confidence fantasy. Be a factual confident quiet achiever today. You will have solid foundations and you will rock it.
May 8th, 2024
Everything is ok now.
Most of our unpleasant feelings stem from the past and/or lie in some imagined future. If we come back to the present, we can notice that everything is ok right now. Right now, we can accept what is. Keep your mind grounded firmly in the present moment today.
May 7th, 2024
Unmet needs?
Unmet needs can trigger physical symptoms as well as emotional symptoms. It could come in the form of pain, mood changes, irritability, recurring gut or other disturbance, food or substance cravings or fatigue. Unmet needs may not relate to what others are giving or not giving, but what you have not acknowledged and allowed yourself. Relaxation time, space, silence, joy, fun, engaging in activities you love, or just the choice to do what you really want instead of what you feel is expected of you. Ask today about true deeper needs and see what you need to pay more attention to in yourself.
May 6th, 2024
Be kind please!!
Be kind to you today! No comments about what you should or shouldn’t do or be or feel, just be as pleasant and accepting to yourself as you are to your favorite people and pets. Be super nice, with a generous attitude and complimentary words. Be understanding about what doesn’t go so well and massively excited about any wins, big or small. Just like you would for others. It’s only fair. Be a self super fan today.
May 1st, 2024
It’s alive!
You’re alive! Your brain is alive, your body and all cells and all the other bits and pieces. Feel the aliveness! It’s easy to feel a bit tired and use deadening words that totally forget aliveness. Your ideas are alive. You are moving and going places in both mind and body. Enjoy your aliveness and let it power you into higher states of physiology and focus today!
April 30, 2024
For blah moods:
If you wake up in a blah mood, a mood that doesn’t feel so good, there’s a way to make it less unpleasant. Firstly, identify the feeling, in both body and mind. Is it tightness, fatigue or tension? And would you label it agitated, irritated, pissed off, flat, foggy or sad? Is there an obvious trigger? Poor sleep, excess stress, uncertainty, pain or hormonal weirdness? Trigger or not, it doesn’t matter. Label the feeling, note where in your body and mind you can feel it, accept it as a temporary state then put your thoughts elsewhere. No dwelling or ruminating or being annoyed about it. Choose a go-to thought like “I will take good care of myself today” and remove thoughts and expectations away from the self by focusing on what is around you. Excessive thought is usually unhelpful when the mood is blah as the thoughts often follow the flavour of the mood. Reading is good, and music is better. There will be book lines or music lyrics that help neutrality. All you need to do is remain neutral when feeling blah. Keep thoughts centered on a safe area and don’t go into cognitive danger zones or feed any inner fury. Go offline from any worries and stay in the safety zone until things improve. They always do.
April 29, 2024
Small intentions:
No big expectations for today. Just small intentions, intentions for little good things. Breathing, focusing on remaining calm, doing only what you need to do, remembering a few pleasant things about your life, so many to choose from but just focus on what comes easily to mind. Stay in the now, no jumping ahead, and just do what needs to be done with a chill attitude. You’ve got this.
April 25, 2024
Mind Craft:
If your mind was a computer game, how would it look and feel? Would you like a Pac-Man to gobble up all the extraneous unnecessary thoughts, or a weapon of some kind to clear the space?? Or would you like to build a little dream world in there so all is just as you like? Or maybe a vehicle race where you cruise along in the lead? Load your mind software any way you like today. It’s your time, it’s your game and you set the rules. Have fun and feel good.
April 24, 2024
Patience.
Moving into a state of patience is not an easy thing for many of us. As technology and all kinds of immediate services (including online shopping and gaming) increase our loop of instant gratification, it can reduce both the need for patience and the tolerance for patience. Patience means that what’s happening now is ok. Patience means we know something else might happen and we are prepared to calmly wait the required period of time. Patience means we can pause while a person responds or doesn’t respond. How is lack of patience showing up for you? Could you decide to slowly build the patience muscles, knowing that it adds to inner peace? Decide to take a beat today and notice a billboard in your mind that says PAUSE AND BREATHE. ALL IS WELL. HAVE PATIENCE.
April 23, 2024
Foot off pedal.
Are you driving things too fast in there?? Are you clinging too hard, pushing too much, trying to make something happen or not happen? Maybe it’s time to trust in the bigger plan, trust that you’re part of nature and it’s all working out perfectly for you. You probably don’t need that pedal to the metal; you can probably cruise a little more. Just chill and know that everything is actually being taken care of for you. Your universe has got your back.
April 22, 2024
New day for new thoughts!
Today is a new day, and it always will be and nothing is the same as yesterday. Today is always better; we know more, we are more, we have new resources and ideas and possibilities. We never know what good things are just around the corner, and some might even make themselves known today. Choose a great new thought for a great new day.
April 18, 2024
Integrity with yourself:
One of the big things we can do for our health is to be in internal integrity, meaning integrity within the self. Integrity means we tell ourselves the truth. We admit to what is real and what is important to us. The truth about what we feel, what we see, what we want and do not want, and who we want to be around. Trying to hide the truth from ourselves can, over time, lead to anxiety, depression, fatigue and worsening of physical symptoms. The first step is claiming the freedom to admit an actual truth to ourselves. The second step is taking the required action (if any) based on that truth. It doesn’t mean we need to tell everyone else; some truths are private and others require sharing. If you’re hiding a truth then it’s time to get real, get back into integrity with yourself and admit to what you think and feel. Only then will the right course of action present itself.
April 17, 2024
Time-out for your phone:
Our phones need to be put regularly into time-out. This means you don’t need to take it on a walk. You don’t need to put it on the table if you’re out somewhere. You don’t have to look at it in bed. You don’t need to sleep beside it. You don’t need to have it next to you on the couch. You don’t need to look at it when you’re waiting somewhere. Evidence suggests phones have affected our nothing-brain state, our ability to daydream and our drifting creative mind. They’re great when we need them but most phone activity is unnecessary and probably detrimental. It keeps the mind in hypervigilance and increases stress signalling. Send your phone to time-out today, and make it a long one. You’ll feel better for it
April 16, 2024
Brain rest.
Stop. Listen. Breathe. Let silence fill the brain regardless of externals. Just listen for the next thought, then stop, wait again, listening. If the brain is too full, stop, let each thought drain away, and keep listening for the silence. You need a breather. Here it is.
April 15, 2024
Optimism in world mess:
When things feel messed up at a personal level, it helps optimism when we can take a broader perspective, focusing on the vast universe in all its expansiveness, order, competence and beauty. But in times when the mess is happening way out in the broader world, outside of our personal arena, we may need to do the opposite to help get our optimism back in line. We may need to consciously zone in on our small circle, our loved ones, people and pets, the enjoyment, the humor, the friendship, the beauty, the interesting things, the possibilities, ideas, colors and sounds; all the great things we appreciate in our actual lives. There’s always a lot to appreciate and savour. Knowing when to zoom out to a vast universe and zoom in to the close circle is a key aspect of managing focus and attention so that we can manage a challenging narrative, directing it back to what feels better in the moment. Choose the good stuff today and move your focus to wherever it needs to be.
April 11, 2024
I see cool people
People often ask about themes we see as psychologists. The biggest theme I’m noticing right now in many of the people I coach, is how hard people can be on themselves. What I see is a whole lot of intelligent, considered, self-reflective, creative, kind, very cool people. But due often to the past behavior or messages of others, they begin to doubt themselves and have more difficulty staying in touch with their own awesomeness. Taking too much responsibility and feeling “to blame” is very common in both women and people with neurodivergent brains. It creates a feeling of “I have to fix it” as well as “To fix it I have to fix me”. While of course we all must take responsibility for our choices, there are many external factors (including other people and their choices) that we cannot control.High empathy personality and neurodivergence are wonderful things but come with a side dish of not always knowing with part is ours and which part belongs to the other. Shit can get all mixed up, generating anxiety and self-doubt, as well as low moods and exhaustion. Be aware of this tendency if it resonates with you, and see it for the trick that it is. Re-centre yourself on who you are, what you’re good at, and the things you love. You too are one of the cool people and you should know this.
April 10, 2024
People don’t suddenly grow empathy.
The level of empathic ability in adults is fairly stable. In other words, the highly empathic individual will remain so, and probably become more in tune with the reading of those around them over time. That’s probably you, given the nature of these posts. And, conversely, those who are not particularly tuned in to the thoughts, feelings and true needs of others will probably remain that way. While explaining your feelings or intentions or needs to somebody probably won’t change their overall empathic level, it may improve that particular situation by helping them see it from your point of view. It’s just that it’s highly unlikely to bleed into their view of the next thing, and that’s frustrating. Empathy training is possible in childhood but most adults have a set point that’s fairly locked and loaded. Don’t take it personally if somebody lacks empathy; it’s a skill or ability that just didn’t kick in for them. The key point is accepting that while they may have other great qualities, that’s not one of them, and that’s probably the way it is. It’s not about you and you can manage your expectations accordingly. Please remember this.
April 9, 2024
Tiredness and the empty tank:
The changes in weather and daylight saving time can be confusing to the body. Add this to the buildup of life over the past few months (or years!) and combine it with all the recent local and world events and you have a recipe for energetic drain. Are we doing enough to fill up the tank? If you divided your life into energy tank fillers and energy tank drainers (people, activities and general moods) then what would the balance look like? Do you need a few extra energy tank fillers? Start with basics: good food, right sleep, some exercise, some relaxation, inspiring/energising music and some tailored fun. Then add all the extras you can think of; if you’re not sure then think about how you liked to spend free time when you were 11 years old. Chances are you haven’t changed much and similar fun will be good for you. Don’t focus on the drainage (unless you need to stop doing certain draining things) but focus instead on adding items to fill the tank. All is well.
April 8, 2024
Choose the Optimism Zone!
There are always many things we could focus on, many thoughts, conversations and ideas. Many interactions, stories, many possibilities. And if we choose to remain in the optimism zone when going over things in our mind, then we really need to remain factual. If there is a focus on something unwanted such as stress, pain, fatigue or disappointment, we can focus on the fact that it is temporary, specific to one area, and not personal, just part of the menu of life. We never know when things are going to quickly improve, and it’s usually faster than we expect. Rather than polluting all of life, shrink the issue to its factual side, with no catastrophizing. It’s not everything, it’s just one aspect. And it’s not personal, it’s part of human experience and sh*t just happens sometimes. Better things are always just around the corner and today is always a new day so be on the lookout for improvements and signs of new growth. Staying in optimism zone is a choice we can make all day with a quick shift of focus. Stay in that zone today, you know it feels better.
March 28, 2024
The healthy online skeptic:
Please be aware of how much is curated online. Whether it’s known people on insta or so-called experts on podcasts or TikTok, what you see probably isn’t what you get. The drive for approval, status, money and fame is stronger than ever, and it’s apparently easy to fool people into thinking you have credibility or authority online. Please be a healthy skeptic. In a time when everyone is looking for quick answers and “hacks” we need to remember our humanity and the necessarily individualised process of actual change. Nobody has all the answers and those who act like they do are often wizards of Oz behind a curtain. Be aware. Don’t fall for fake stuff. Watch and listen, but always know that we never really know what’s truly going on behind the image. This is why social comparison is a waste of energy. Just do you.
March 27, 2024
Radical self-appreciation:
Most people don’t receive enough appreciation. It would be great to be appreciated just for who we are, for our uniqueness and personhood rather than only for the things we do. We appreciate personhood and uniqueness is pets and often in children but adults, well, apparently appreciation must be hard-earned at times. Start with the self. Are you giving yourself the appreciation you could? Just for being? Because you exist, in all your uniqueness, gifts and interesting quirks? For your interesting or amusing view of the world? For your inner world? Start today. Appreciation begins with Thank you and could expand into details of what and why. For everything! Big, small, mundane, poignant. Practise radical self-appreciation and regularly acknowledge your inner self today!
March 26, 2024
Balance of responsibility:
When bad vibes or conflict occurs, people seem to either feel fully responsible for what happened, or assume no responsibility at all. It’s as though many have programmed themselves as the hero or villain and that’s just that. In general, those who automatically take too much responsibility (the self-proclaimed villains) need to realise their own part is just a part; there are many factors, often including the behaviour or responses of others. And in general, the one who always thinks “it’s not my fault”, the self proclaimed hero, needs to realise each human has a part to play in any system and that their approach or behaviour or response is certainly a contributing factor. Creating balance in level of responsibility is a key skill in emotional maturity. Please check perspective today!
March 25, 2024
Clear, calm, confident:
Triple C mantra for today is “Clear, calm and confident”. This is for you. May your head be clear, may your nervous system be calm and may you radiate confidence. Triple C gives you strength and resources for whatever is needed today. The force is with you.
March 22, 2024
Head too full?
Stop now, slow your eyes right down, let your shoulders and stomach muscles just relax, as you breathe in a deep cool breath of relaxation, and now hold it, and hold it, now let it go, breathing out through your mouth as if blowing through a straw, slower, and deeper now, in, and hold, now out through the straw, you can, and as you focus on your breathing, I want your inner mind to listen to me, here, as you switch off all the excess buzzing and activity, that’s right, we are going to switch on only the essential aspects of mind now, all extraneous questions and answers and concerns and vague worries are now fully de-activated, only necessary processes left alight, just one or two things switched on, just the essentials, the rest can wait, the sun is there, the planets are held in place, night becomes day, no need to control the universe, just focus on breathing, then one foot steps where it needs to go, and then the other, nothing bothers you now, nothing disturbs you, you simply focus on the next part of now, only the essentials, and nature takes care of you and yours, all is well, you can relax, it’s all ok, just show up and do only what you must. The force is with you.
March 21, 2024
Cancel the future!
As that saying goes, if you want instant stress, get a future. Most of our anxieties and worries lay not in the now, but in what *could* be, and our thoughts of trying to prevent or control that far-off, maybe stuff of an imagined future. The past is gone. It’s done. It has material for learning from, but not lamenting or ruminating. That’s a pointless waste. And the future doesn’t exist. Beyond doing normal, sensible adult things, we can let the future dissolve. All we truly have is the present moment, and if we keep making intelligent choices in the present moment, then we will keep having more great present moments. Cancel the future and be here now. Now is good.
March 20, 2024
Be willing to choose peace.
When stress is stirred up, it’s easy to get caught in the drama. For some people, drama and chaos feels exciting or satisfying, and perhaps even normal. For the rest of us, it’s more of a drain. If you prefer peace, then consciously choose peace by stating it to yourself straight up. When tempted to enter the eye of an emotional storm, stop and choose. Are you choosing peace? What would choosing peace look and sound like? In a very chaotic world, we can all start with one, and choose peace in each moment.
March 19, 2024
Doubting yourself?
Self-doubt isn’t a lack of confidence. Self-doubt means that part of you thinks you can, then another part, probably an external voice from the past, questions it. Speak back to self-doubt. Remind yourself that you are well-resourced and can find information or ideas or answers or assistance. Remind yourself that you have runs on the board, many different kinds of runs. Remind yourself that others have done it so you can too. We are all human. We have moments of questioning but we don’t jump in that pool. We speak to the unhelpful voices, thank them for their input and remind ourselves that this is what we’re doing. Just do it.
March 18, 2024
Optimism adjustment:
Adjust your controls to increase optimism today. No toxic positivity required, just a factual, helpful narrative about whatever is going on. When we adjust to optimism, we feel a quickening, a surge of possibilities. The possibilities are always there, it’s just a matter of whether we are viewing the many possibilities or whether we are stuck behind an unhelpful story about things. Whatever it is, it’s improving already, there’s always something you can do about it (usually adjusting our own behavior or mindset) and it’s nobody’s fault. Getting stuck in blame doesn’t help at all. Remind yourself that things can improve quickly at any moment and we never really know what great things are just around the corner. Today is a great day because we can make it so. Keep the mind tuned to optimism as you go about the day. Do it because it feels good.
March 15, 2024
Your personal propellant:
Breathe with me now, and slow right down as you listen to my words, as I speak to you, directly to your inner mind here, breathing slowly in, and holding, now release it, letting go, relaxing, and allowing all blockages to instantly dissolve into thin air with every out-breath, you can, and as well, I want your inner mind to notice the propellant, the power that propels you forward into wherever and whatever you need to be today, that personal propellant is building inside you now, gathering strength, powering up wildly, exactly to the level needed for you, a comfortable and exciting level, and it’s ready to activate whenever you say go, it’s ready now, you’re ready, so flick that propellant switch and feel your rocket fuel kick you into the best gear for today. All power to you.
March 14, 2024
Moment of admiration
This moment of admiration is for you. As you take it in, please internalise the message as if it’s from you, to you. Admiration for your unique gifts, your particular talents, your strength, your ability to adapt to all you have endured over the years, your optimism despite many obstacles, your positive attitude even when the sh*t hits the fan, your kindness and generosity, your resourcefulness and ability to seek out the ideas and information that inspires you, your creativity and ability to think in a different way, see a new perspective. You are an awesome human and one of a kind. Much respect and admiration to you. You f*cking rock.
March 13, 2024
Listening to victim talk?
When you work very hard at optimism mindset and taking responsibility for moving forward, it can be very frustrating to listen to other people who are stuck in a pessimistic victim narrative. When we are hearing them speak about their situation, we can hear how their story keeps them stuck, and how there are many things they could do to improve their situation if only they adopted a can-do attitude. Usually our advice or narrative challenge isn’t welcome here; people can get very sucked into their own story. Often the more you try to point out possibilities, the more they dig into to why they can’t happen. If our solution or advice isn’t welcome, be supportive, be validating and keep to time boundaries in order to preserve the energy you need on the day. Sometimes we can listen and sympathise for ages; other times we reach frustration overload fast. Know that people are ready when they’re ready. It’s their life and their choice, better to be there with options if and when they are actually ready. And remember, the main challenge to the mood and outlook of an optimist is being around pessimism and victimhood. Paradoxically, it’s useful to be optimistic about the pessimism of others: it’s temporary and it could change, it’s probably only about this particular topic, and it’s not personal towards you. Let them have their story but don’t let it affect yours.
March 12, 2024
Motivation and inspiration:
Motivating ourselves can be exhausting! We usually want motivation when we’re trying to do something we don’t really want to do. It’s often when the mind says yes but the heart says no. It usually consists of trying to force something, to talk one’s self into a thing, to push and argue, and push again. It’s all about effort. Sometimes it works, sometimes the heart wins and finds a better reason not to do it. Inspiration, on the other hand, comes from a natural place within. It means we are aligned with our inner and outer forces and we move in the energy/activity flow much more easily. It’s not effort exactly, it’s just a natural evolution of inner drives and outer actions. When we lack energy towards something, let’s focus on inspiration rather than motivation. It requires a mind-shift which usually comes from new ideas and a change of the inner storyline. Watch out for new inspiration today.
March 8, 2024
Daily dose:
Follow me here, with your eyes and your mind, and as you do follow, I want you now to consciously slow down, taking a long in-breath, now hold it, and now, breathe out, as if blowing bubbles, and in your mind’s eye you can see all those bubbles moving into the air, the build-up of the week, and all the things, it all leaves now, much more relaxed, any tension dissolves in those bubbles, disappearing into thin air, and now you can breathe in again, taking in your daily dosage of optimism, feel it entering your system through nature’s perfect arrangement, oxygen, optimism, and a dash of oxytocin as you feel the connection to everything and everyone, we share the clean air with all of nature, plants, animals, trees, people, tune into that oneness and take that with you today, knowing that you can take another dose whenever you need and it always hits the right spot. Enjoy.
March 7, 2024
Watch the inner vibes!
While many people present a positive outlook to the world, the inner narrative isn’t always so sunny. In fact many people have a litany of negatives in the mind towards themselves, other people and the future. If the inner narrative is a consistent downer then over time that’s going to be draining and a bit depressing. It’s also tiring to have to cover up those thoughts with a mask for everyone else. Change the direction of the inner narrative by giving it specific questions to answer. What is going well? What is ok right now? What are we looking forward to? What are we pleased about that has happened? Who do we feel appreciation for right now? What can we congratulate ourselves for achieving, no matter how seemingly small? What thing can we do to make today more peaceful and enjoyable? Good questions lead to solid answers that get the mind back into optimistic facts and away from vague worries and gloomy thoughts. If the inner vibe needs lifting today then ask yourself some pointed questions to get yourself back in the game.
March 6, 2024
Stop status insecurity!
There’s a racket going on to create insecurity. Insecurity is useful for sellers, as it leads to a state of want. When we have a sense of that gap between wanting and having, it leads to purchasing both services and items to enhance our “pretend self-esteem”. We are being set up for constant comparison in fitness, health, youth, houses, luxury items, beauty, so-called mental health, happiness, perfect families, friends, “amazing experiences”, romantically idealised relationships and exciting high-paid jobs. Our brains are being more and more driven towards that quest for “perfection”. And it’s all a consumer racket. Every time we judge ourselves or compare to others or assess “where we should be” we are falling victim to the racket. Humans are humans, all uniquely gifted, on their own path and all important in the world. Please do not fall for those “ideals” that are being subliminally imposed. The mantra is “perfect as is”. And please remember that everything we see on a device (and sometimes in the real world) is advertising. It’s been curated to capture the attention of the ego and create desire via insecurity. Don’t fall for it.
March 5, 2024
Fast hack for stress:
If you need to calm down quickly, then do this: tilt your head up, roll your eyes upwards, let your eyes close (if possible), then breathe in through your nose for the count of 4, hold for the count of 7 and breathe out slowly through your mouth (with your lips in small O shape like you’re breathing out of a straw). Then repeat. While doing your breathing, hold the words CALM (during in-breath) and CLEAR (on out-breath) in your mind, perhaps saying it out loud if you can. This method changes both physiology and focus, setting the foundation for a more balanced nervous system. Please do it now.
March 4, 2024
Energy tune-up:
Tune into the energy centre of your body today, noticing where you feel all the strength and power. Notice also that by focusing on where the power is, it begins to increase. Energy always begins in the mind so imagine yourself pumped up and running powerfully on a beach. Feel that strength in your arms and legs and chest, that feeling of “I can, and I am”. Make a fist and pump it and say “YES!” whenever you need to re-access this strength and take all of your protected energy with you today, you are the force field and you kick ass. Keep going!
March 1, 2024
Activation Stream:
Stop what you’re doing, listen closely, and begin now to slow your mind, letting the imagination come to greet me here, and your breath can become deeper, and easier, as you take in a slower stream of air, and hold it, and now release, letting go of all gunk, and build-up, and internal barriers, and unpleasantness, just dissolving all the unneeded things, back to the nothingness they came from, and now, simply and easily, with that new clear space, we can click on the activation stream, we can activate energy, peace, clarity, intention, intelligence and love, we now activate all streams needed for your highest good, and you don’t have to do anything, or know anything, you simply have to let the installation do its thing, and you just glide along in the world, happily knowing that things will be done, will be known, will happen, will be successful, will feel good. Enjoy.
February 29, 2024
The Burnout Blues:
Many low moods are due to burnout. Burnout is more than tiredness, it’s physical, cognitive and emotional. Burnout often follows a period of prolonged stress, which again is often a combination of a physical stressor (a virus, injury, chronic pain or other), emotional stressors and cognitive overload (just having too much in the mind, too many problems to solve). Burnout isn’t cured by a weekend rest, although that can help. Burnout needs understanding, it needs to know what led us to where we are now, and it needs a pathway out of the mire. Incoming and outgoing energies need to become less unbalanced and we need a truthful look at where the energy drainage is occurring. Many people fight the truth on this as they don’t want to or feel they can’t stop doing the energy draining thing. Maybe the improvements are in a compromise or adjustment or change in approach. Burnout colours our view of solutions and sometimes our optimism so it can be helpful to get help when needed. There is a pathway towards more vitality. Take one step on that path today.
February 28, 2024
Superpower focus!
I’m here to remind you of your superpowers. Forget whatever you think you don’t do well, we all have gaps in ability or personality. Focus instead on the incredible strengths, the gifts and the superpowers that have helped you get where you are today. There are many. Think of the curiosity, the creativity, the willingness to learn, the openness, the love of new ideas, the persistence, the determination, the kindness and generosity, the ability to find good people, the discernment, the positive attitude and that wonderful skill of getting up and going again when things don’t work out. That is the stuff of superpowers and not everyone has them. I’m sure you have more. Appreciate those powers today and make a list to remind yourself of just how many special gifts you have onboard. Use your growth mindset by noticing and accessing all of those exciting strengths now.
February 27, 2024
Resolve to listen better:
Many people are semi-tuned out while they are meant to be listening. It’s become a multi-tasking world (and that’s not great in itself) and the last thing we want to do is multitask while supposedly listening to a person we love. At times it can appear that we are listening when really we are just mentally preparing what to say next, or thinking of something else entirely, barely even “waiting” for our “turn” to speak. It’s not even about turns. Not everything has to be tit for tat. Listen first, listen to understand the emotion and the intention behind what your person is saying. Are they wanting mutual outrage, sympathy, agreement, ego boosting, validation, a laugh, a possible solution or just sharing their experience? Form the intention to listen more deeply and supportively for the people who matter. It’s a critical skill that needs constant monitoring and probably determines the quality of our relationships. Listen well today.
February 26, 2024
A day of confidence!
Today is the day to back yourself. Just own it. Confidence is a natural state as long as we don’t undo it with questions, self-doubt and comparisons to others or previous aspects of ourselves from the past. Everything is totally good enough, the uniqueness is awesome and none of it is undermined unless we undermine it ourselves. It’s ok if others underestimate us; sometimes that’s good. It’s exciting to surpass expectations and impress ourselves as well. Confidence means focusing on our natural strengths and gifts and deciding that they are plenty, and that we will calmly show what we can do to anyone and everyone. Own that today.
February 23, 2024
Positivity implant:
Take a long, deep breath now, slowing your mind’s pace and listening carefully as I talk with you, here, and you can keep breathing, easily, slower and deeper, and more relaxed now, as I float the idea of a bright dollop of positivity, pulsing with good news, alight with possibilities, alert to the improving future, and that dollop can be taken now into your mind, with every in-breath you install your positivity implant, the bright dollop spark moves slowly and calmly to where it settles, happily, your own bright spark, full of motivating ideas, and clever reframes, and action data to get you where you need to go, it’s all there, it’s all yours and you can feel it sparking the day forward now, so calmly release yourself from social media and get on with the fun stuff. Enjoy.
February 22, 2024
Not better, not worse:
So many people are cycling uncomfortably around in the mind via social comparisons. We know that the more we compare ourselves to others (either to feel better than them or worse than them) the more fragile our confidence and self-compassion will be. So many people are looking at others in life or on social media and having unpleasant comparison feelings. And yet it’s all made up. It’s mostly quite wrong. In truth we know nothing about those people’s actual experience or true inner lives and yet somehow we use our made-up stories to feel better or worse. Here’s the truth: We are all equal. We all have gifts and quirks and happy and sad and good days and not so good days. Catch the mind in its silly comparison tricks and exit the loop with the statement “we are all humans and we are all ok”. Don’t fall for the ping of inadequacy, it’s just a trick of the mind left over from ancient times when we needed to look to the behaviour of others to know how to survive. These days it’s just a cruel trap. Be aware.
February 21, 2024
Sleepless nights??
We all feel better about things when we sleep well. Sleep makes the world and everything in it look brighter. And if we don’t sleep? Well, then there’s a different temporary lens placed over our life. When we’ve been sleepless, we need to carefully manage our focus and attention. Firstly, not focusing on the lack of sleep. If it comes up, we remind ourselves that we have indeed rested at some level and will get some physical benefit. Secondly, we accept sub-optimal functioning. We can manage despite tiredness, at a lower level. And our lower level will no doubt be better than some people’s higher level. That’s ok, we place our attention on the bits that go ok despite everything. Thirdly, we lower expectations of any external outcomes. It’s ok just to get through, we don’t have to aim for perfection or completion; given that we accept our temporary sub-optimal functioning, we can also accept not achieving what we might normally prefer. The key word is acceptance, an almost “so what!” response to the poor sleep. This helps our brain with the next night. Coding it as non-urgent or no big deal creates less anxiety and arousal for future sleep. It’s ok. You’ll be ok. Every day is a new day and things are looking up.
February 20, 2024
The What if Question:
Anyone with anxiety or overwhelm is subconsciously living on a constant drip feed of What if Questions. What if it goes wrong? What if I can’t do it? What if they don’t respond? What if people are thinking X about me? What if, what if, what if. You can probably feel the anxiety rising as your brain processes those What ifs. Flip the What ifs. What if questions bring good feelings when we flip them into preferred options. What if today went really well? What if we were calm all day? What if we had better levels of contentment than expected? What if this weekend was fantastic? What if this experience turns out to be the best thing ever? What if I got it all done more easily and enjoyably? What if the universe always had my back and it always works out? What if this led to something wonderful each day? These What ifs are the go-to. Choose questions that create exciting and uplifting possibilities today!
February 19, 2024
Give yourself a break!!
Ok it’s time to be a bit more fuxking appreciative of yourself, right now, and drop all that perfectionist crap. There is no standard to meet and no right way of doing or being. No human feels or says or does the “right” thing at every moment and in fact, we celebrate imperfection here. Our little peculiarities are what make us human and interesting. We are not born to compare ourselves to others or constantly see where we are not meeting “standard”. Give yourself a fuxking break today and just allow yourself to be you. You know you fuxking rock so just be there, knowing that you do.
February 16, 2024
A tall glass of CALM:
Allow your eyes to relax as you slowly read my words, and on my count of 3, I want you to slowly breathe in, 1,2,3, now breathe in, and hold it, now very slowly let the clean clear oxygen release from your lungs, taking with it all the build up of whatever, anything you don’t need to hold on to, you now let go with every out-breath, that’s right, slowing as you breathe, deeper and more relaxed, and in your mind’s eye, I want you to pour from the bottle labelled CALM, a beautiful coloured glass bottle that has been powered by the sunshine, and from that bottle, I want you to pour a glass of that pure CALM and now very slowly, very comfortably, you begin to sip the drink of CALM, drinking until it’s finished, and now pour a top-up to sip throughout the day, knowing that every sip settles you more, less reactive now, much more equilibrium, seeing things as they are and bringing an optimism lens to the world. Enjoy.
February 15, 2024
Minute by minute mood mix:
Our moods are formed and maintained minute by minute. While we wake with a baseline state that might range from flat/tired/grumpy to pumped/excited/happy, we can always modify our mood somewhat. Mood maintenance is a mix of the physiological state (body processes) and the psychological state (what the mind focuses on). Want to boost mood? Change the physiology, via rest, activity, cold water, warm water, breathing, eyes closed meditating, and good choices with food and caffeine. And psychologically, notice the inner focus. Even if thoughts are gloomy or focused on gaps/criticisms/painful aspects, you can correct these thoughts by using real evidence of the aspects that are ok or perhaps even going well. Moment by moment, consciously downgrade the threat of the so-called negative aspects and turn the lens to the features that lift the spirits. Choose not to let external circumstances be the full controller of your mood; use the inner controls regularly and cleverly. May you be lifted in spirits today!
February 14, 2024
Are you taking it personally??
Many of us can be easily triggered by perceived “unfairness” in life. Unforeseen events that pop up to thwart our plans, things that suddenly go wrong, people that don’t meet our expectations, people that are critical, rude, dismissive, unreliable or aggressive. The more we believe (often unconsciously) that the world should be fair and just, the worse we feel. In truth people and events are neither fair or unfair, they just are what they are. And it’s not personal, not designed to mess with us. Life involves a series of obstacles and problems to be solved at every turn. This includes people behaving towards us in ways we don’t like or expect. Plus, their behavior is ALWAYS a reflection of their choices and problems and character at the time, not a reflection of our worth. Your worth is a given because you exist, as part of nature. For example, people on the road don’t set out to cut us off, they are just single-minded, internally focused and perhaps dissociated. We’ve all been there. Letting the world be as it is can be a challenge and is always a work in progress. But your inner peace will be linked to taking it all less personally. Remember this today.
February 13, 2024
The importance of peace:
Nothing is more important than inner peace. It needs to be our highest priority. External stressors are always going to present themselves, and we can certainly choose to walk away from some situations or people that disturb our inner peace. But when we can’t exit, then it’s an inside job. Firstly, notice physiology and consciously release tension. Then remind yourself “I choose peace”. Remind yourself to accept the situation, decide it will be easier than you expect, it may actually turn out to be a good thing in some way; state that you will make the best of it and that all forces will assist you because you are calm and peaceful. Peace is not the absence of stress. It’s a choice that must be constantly made despite outer noise, and it’s not a one-off. It’s an imperfect philosophy of life involving ongoing inner adjustments. May peace be with you today.
February 12, 2024
First steps only:
There is to be no overwhelm today. Overwhelm involves an attempt to look at too many pieces at once, with the attempt to solve or control. Stop. Look only at a small first step, preferably in one area only. Taking one first step boosts optimism and a sense of agency providing we are conscious. We can choose to look at that significant small achievement or we can choose to keep focusing on an enormous perceived gap, which is what drives overwhelm. Stick to the first step, move towards and through that one step, and choose to credit yourself with that first step. Only then do we move to next steps, one by one, crediting as we go. Stay in small step mode today and build positive credit slowly but significantly.
February 8, 2024
Entering weird energy zones?
Some of us pick up on the moods and energies of people more easily than others, and while it’s a gift of knowledge, the downside is also in that constant awareness of the vibes. When you can feel or sense what’s going on, it’s easier to also take automatic (often unconscious) responsibility for those moods or energies. Of course humans co-regulate. We help each other create balance. But the energies of others can also throw us off balance, sometimes even changing our own emotions or thoughts in the moment. Learning how to protect our energy while also being aware of managing other energies is a key skill. The first step is noticing. The second step is separating responsibility rather than internalising. It may be enough to say “That’s not my stuff”. The third step is making a conscious choice about going forward, retreating or just being. There are also skills to learn about energy transformation at a deeper level. And that takes a bit of coaching usually. Be aware of energies today as awareness is your first power. Know what’s yours and move back and forth as needed.
February 7, 2024
Come back here!
Come back here, now, to the present moment. Whenever we return to the now, and breathe, we can calm down and re-focus, as we synchronise heart and mind. We need both our emotions and our intellect in order to center ourselves. Stop. Take a breath. Remain awake and aware rather than caught up in inner narratives and worries. Everything is ok. You can breathe, be calm, do your thing and trust that all things are working harmoniously towards the better. It is.me back here, now, to the present moment. Whenever we return to the now, and breathe, we can calm down and re-focus, as we synchronise heart and mind. We need both our emotions and our intellect in order to center ourselves. Stop. Take a breath. Remain awake and aware rather than caught up in inner narratives and worries. Everything is ok. You can breathe, be calm, do your thing and trust that all things are working harmoniously towards the better. It is.
February 6, 2024
Toxic self judgements:
If we are judging ourselves as lazy or hopeless or not good enough or defective in some way then we need to sit the fuxk down, shut the fuxk up and listen. Those toxic inner judgements came from one of two places: either we heard the message from an emotionally immature person at a time when we were young enough to internalise it, and/or we are comparing ourselves to some ridiculous standard, perhaps an exaggerated, perfect, imagined (i.e. untrue) version of a person we know of. Social media and dating apps also seem to breed toxic self judgements so if that’s true for you, stay away from it. If the self judgements happen, stop them in their tracks. Say “I delete that”. Then say “I’m ok”. And in fact you are way better than ok, even if you can’t see it in the moment. Don’t let yourself get away with toxic crap towards yourself. It might be a bad habit, but habits can be changed. Act now.
February 5, 2024
Drive that thing!
What do you want today to be like for you? How do you want to feel? What emotional outcome do you want? Would it be useful to have an intention to turn up, on time, doing what you said you’d do with an attitude of optimism? Forget the peripheral irritation factors. They mean nothing. We are the only ones who can manage our internal environment, so please take charge of your thoughts, focus on where you want to be emotionally, and drive that thing to where you need to go. You’ve got this!
February 1, 2024
Elevate your Zen:
Today requires an elevation of Zen. Let’s enter with the attitude of allowing what ever happens to happen. Let’s allow what doesn’t happen to just not happen. Allow everything to be as it is, and everyone to be who they are, yourself included. Whatever happens is the perfect thing and when it happens is the perfect time. Let’s release any inner tension or resistance and go with the flow of events and of nature today. May the peace be with you.
January 31, 2024
People shocks:
There’s a thing that happens when people we know do something that is unexpectedly shocking or nasty towards us. Often it’s not exactly surprising; they’ve done it before, they’ve done it to other people, we know nasty stuff goes down between people. But we don’t expect it because our own kind and ethical brains just cannot conceive of how a human could be so shamelessly vile towards another human, especially a human that they are involved with, related to or know personally. So our system goes into a type of shock just trying to process the level of cold shit that went down. We must be careful during this emotional shock phase: our defences are lowered in terms of physical strength, immunity and nervous system activity. It’s harder to think straight and we often get a mental loop of the awful behaviour because our brains just can’t believe what went down. We can’t believe it because we would never do it and it’s actually impossible to understand because the kind of mind that can be highly insensitive, cruel or unethical is so removed from who we are. So of course it makes no sense, of course it’s shocking. Take the time to process and remember who you are. You are kind and ethical and it’s no reflection on you. Better things are always ahead. The shock will pass. Good things await you.
January 30, 2024
Be your number one fan!
Appreciation from others is a wonderful thing, if we get it. It’s like the bonus. But are you a fan of yourself? Are you THE number one fan of yourself? All you have to do is be excited by all the things you do, give a bit of cheerleading to yourself and remind yourself how awesome you are (well, it’s true!) every time you glimpse the mirror or do a task. Think of how we are with pets or children! Everything becomes an opportunity to admire and praise. Being a number one fan means dumping the criticism and self-doubt and seeing yourself through rosy lenses like a true fan would. Interpreting things positively, getting excited about what you’ll do or see next and being super-forgiving about any perceived error or shortcoming. Why reserve fandom for strangers? Give it to yourself. A small move in the direction of being the number one fan of YOU will bring many pleasant changes. Start with some admiring words for yourself and keep on it!
January 29, 2024
It’s working out:
Imagine that today is already working out. You could even imagine being home later on and saying to yourself or another person “today went really well actually!” Everything in nature is already working cooperatively towards the highest good, and you’re a part of nature too, as we all are. Switch off all unnecessary inner alerts and allow everything to sort itself out with just the right input from you, no more, no less, and no worry or tension. Later on you’ll be surprised and pleased about how clear and calm you’ve been, and how easy it was. Enjoy today.
January 25, 2024
Your permission slip:
You are hereby granted immediate permission to be who you are, to feel what you feel, to move towards what YOU want and to give less fuxks in general, especially about what “they” might think. Use this in the way that will be best for you today and feel free to carry it forward.
January 24, 2024
Nothing bothers you.
Being less bothered means being less stressed and it means preserving motivated energy. We need to help re-train the mind to be less reactive to unnecessary things. Affirm today that nothing bothers you now, nothing disturbs you, all events remain at low alert on your radar, your nervous system can stay in a state of equanimity, or equilibrium, your mind is hermetically sealed into calm and you can detach and watch whatever goes on while making excellent choices. Nothing bothers you. Calm is king.
January 23, 2024
Your mission is to be fully you:
Your only mission today is to be fully and completely yourself. You have a magic cocktail of energy, spark and outlook, with unique gifts that only you bring to this world. Forget perceived societal norms and imagined external judgements, true power comes with authenticity and openness. This is the time to be fully in alignment with yourself and do what you need to do with boldness and sensitivity. Listen well and speak only what is truthful and useful. Bring your unique full self to the day and allow yourself to relax into it all. Good things await.
January 22, 2024
Anticipating:
Anticipation is a cocktail of sensations. It often contains a dash of nerves, a fleeting flash in the stomach, a spark of adrenaline, a punch of uneasiness and a glimmer of excitement. We can label this experience in many different ways, thereby creating a secondary emotion that will feed and grow. Language, both in the mind and out loud, creates our reality. We should choose our experience labels with great care. Generally we will feel best if we code these sensations as excitement, and we want to feel good as much as possible, so excitement is a reasonable choice of labels. It’s ok to be excited and it’s ok to have mixed or complex feelings. Notice your sensations today and be conscious of labeling them in an accurate way that helps your outlook. You can relax and know that today is already moving towards better things.
December 21, 2023
Holiday stuff:
Holiday stuff seems to come up at these times of year. It might be about meeting expectations (ours or others), pressure to do or be something we don’t want, difficult family dynamics, exhaustion or lack of energy to approach it all, reciprocity issues, unmet needs, heightened defences and possibly even going back into old family patterns that we thought we’d left behind. Please chill. It is what it is, we are who we are. All we can do is show up, on time, with a good attitude. The rest will be what it will be. If family is complicated, then watch as if from afar, like a docudrama playing out in front of you. Check expectations. People can only operate at the level to which they are equipped or capable. I vote for Holiday Zen, which means letting go of attachment to how it should be, and allowing it to just be what it is. And then, letting it go. Start Holiday Zen now!
December 20, 2023
Outsource the issue:
Whatever that issue is, whatever the problem to be solved, outsource it. We humans are not as adept as we think at designing solutions. In fact, many of our “solutions” create further problems due to our limited understanding. Most things are eventually managed by themselves, or by nature. If we can allow it, most things sort themselves out and the stuff we spend worry time on would appear to be unhelpful. If we can morph worry into deciding to trust nature and/or the future to take care of us and our loved ones and other big decisions then we might find a dash more inner peace. Next time a worry seed pops up in the soil, don’t water it, turn away and put trust in nature and inevitable flow of natural solutions.
December 19, 2023
Seed and feed good thoughts:
If we want more good-feeling thoughts, we need to seed them. We seed them by consciously choosing what we need to loop on repeat, or use as a mantra. It may be as simple as a word (optimism!) or a phrase (it all works out!). It needs to be something that resonates. Then we feed those thoughts with reminders and extensions, perhaps reasons to think that way or evidence from the past. Feeding solidifies the thought and extends it into related areas. By consciously seeding and feeding we keep our minds in the better-feeling zone. Reach for a better-feeling thought seed any time you need to, then feed it with sunshine and water.
December 18, 2023
The message of Optimism:
The attraction to Optimism is powerful. Even the word itself speaks volumes, creating a feeling of upward movement, of possibilities and of quickened mental processes. The word Optimism can be used as a mantra, any time you need that sense of heightened awareness and excitement to power you forward mentally or emotionally, perhaps even physically. Your brain knows exactly what it means for you today, and will divert the Optimism message to where it is needed. Just say the word and take that power wherever it is needed now. Optimism is with you.
December 15, 2023
Help for weary brain:
If your brain is a little weary, needs a little rest and recovery, or even a soft reboot, then listen now, no need to think, or process, just passively allowing your eyes to glide comfortably over my words, as I speak to you, your inner mind, that’s right, the inner mind can pay attention while the rest of you just drifts, pleasantly, perhaps in a haze, letting the conscious mind fully relax, letting go, as you slowly breathe in, and holding, and now letting go, tension easing, letting all guards down now, nothing to do, or fix, or prove, just allowing the mind to feel blank, taking a load off, and releasing all mental burdens, attach them now to helium balloons and let them go, flying high and away from you now, back to the ether they came from, and you can return to now, just looking, and being, and allowing all to be well. It is.
December 14, 2023
Forecast of catastrophe??
Some anxiety is physical. It starts with bodily sensations and the fearful thoughts escalate it to greater heights. The antidote to physically generated anxiety is to learn to react neutrally (even with eye rolling!) to the sensations. This often needs coaching or hypnosis to assist. Mind-generated anxiety, which may be accompanied by physical sensations but begins with a frightening thought or event, needs mind-altering thoughts to stop the loop. Usually the thought involves a forecast of catastrophe: we imagine some worst-case version of the future, none of which has happened yet. The antidote is to return only to NOW. Which problem needs to be solved right now. Usually it’s none. And if there is one, it’s one small step towards getting things together in the plan. Come back to now. Now is usually fine and can be even better with one step in a plan. Leave the future forecasts to those with functional crystal balls. The rest of us: back to the now.
December 13, 2023
Stretched too far?
Many people are feeling a sense of having been too stretched, too pushed, having to go hard to get over the line. Many personal events, unexpected mishaps, world events, and just life in general can be very depleting at times and yet our expectations of ourselves (and perhaps the demands from others) remain high. Please give your mind little mini-breaks often. Stop. Close your eyes. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Think of nature, holding the planets in place and managing everything, sunrise, sunset, sky, flora and fauna, quite effortlessly. See if you can get into a zone of feeling carried along by nature, doing only what is truly needed and not beyond. Remember: you doing your thing at 50% capacity is probably enough right now. Try and ride the tail-wind today.
December 12, 2023
Inner-battle awareness:
We notice our own inner battles but tend to forget the inner turmoil of others. Most people we meet are going through something that isn’t visible on social media, and perhaps not obviously visible in life. Whatever people do or do not do has much more to do with where they’re at than about you. Don’t personalise anything; everyone else has an inner world that is running the show. Let’s stay in our lanes today and maintain inner-battle awareness.
December 11, 2023
Might be ok!
Whatever it is, it might be ok, it might even be better than you think. Expectations are very powerful. While it can certainly be unhelpful to have unrealistic expectations, we can decide to expect that all will be ok, and that we can handle it. This is realistic. And it’s also realistic to note that it could be better than we expect. Acknowledging the possibility of it being better is both factual and uplifting. May you be filled with effective and realistic optimism today!
December 8, 2023
Brain relief:
I want you to just imagine, for a moment, that by asking your brain to relax and slow down, that now, here, as you breathe in, and hold, and now letting go, and your brain is listening, hearing my calm helpful words, and your eyes glued much more smoothly as you read them here, easing, just taking hold of that dial, and lowering the pressure on all things, on all beings, you are part of nature, no need to constantly think, nature relaxes, trusts in the process, all things in their season now, it is, and it’s your season to have some calm happy brain, all your efforts are rewarded and you can bask in the sunshine of relief, no pressure, nothing to prove, just the warm inner knowing of you and your unique gifts, many resources, better day by day, always one with nature and able to appreciate all the good aspects now, relaxing. All is well.
December 7, 2023
Bad review for Worry:
Worry gets a one star review as a coping strategy. Once it starts, it feeds on itself, multiplies and makes new worry babies over and over, with no relief. It’s like growing prickles instead of plants everywhere in the house. The antidote tools for worry begin with making the worry specific. Most worry is vague, often more a dread feeling than a thought. So get specific. What is the actual problem to be solved? Can you solve it? If so, what’s the plan, step by step? Most worries are in fact about unknown or uncertain things such as the actions of others or certain potential unwanted outcomes. It’s the “it can all turn to shit so fast” type worry. In these instances we can do nothing to control the situation so we must use tools to control our minds. There is no real action planning beyond agreeing to take things as they come and agreeing to trust in both our own resources and in the universal forces which will come to our aid, as nature always does. So we shift focus to what we appreciate in our life, in others, in ourselves, in our environment, in books, music, pets, anything at all. Focus on inner resources and strengths and actual positive aspects around us. Keep the mind grounded in five star rated good places and please leave the one star worry strategy alone. Start now.
December 6, 2023
Driving on a half tank?
Many people are sitting on low fuel right now. The end of the year has many pressures ranging from personal to professional, social to emotional, as well as a lower supply of physical energy. Resolve to challenge the pressures and demands to see what outgoings you can reduce. You don’t have to go to things or do things; you don’t have to get things done by a certain date unless absolutely necessary (and mostly it isn’t). And even if you’re running on 30% tank capacity, your 30% may be more effective than many people’s 100% tank. Be allowing of wherever you’re at. You give plenty but you don’t have to go right into deficit. It’s ok to say we’ve hit capacity and need a recharge. May your tank be enough for today. Refuel time is coming.
December 5, 2023
False messages of fear
Most of our false messages of fear are generated by a state of uncertainty. As a society we have become quite intolerant of uncertainty and in the face of ambiguity, we need to be in control, to *know* what is going on or what is going to happen. Fear is generally a lack of trust in ourselves, others or the unfolding of events. To increase our tolerance of uncertainty, we best stay in the now, where things are ok. Most of our fears lie in the unknown future, so if we come back to what is true right now, fear levels subside. Especially if we return to something we like about right now, or even something neutral such as breathing in, breathing out. Most fear has a false message of chaos, calamity or catastrophe. Return to the truth of the present moment where is all ok. The only thing that is true right now is a person reading these words.
December 4, 2023
The patience project
Most of us are not patient by nature but rather it’s something we cultivate daily. Patience means trusting that the thing will happen in its own time and deciding to allow that time within ourselves. Many of us are full of anxious control patterns, wanting to dig up the seed to check on its growth instead of just doing our job, sunlight and water, then watching appreciatively as nature transforms seed to plant. Please allow all seeds to grow without human interference today, knowing that nature outsmarts us all and that once we’ve seeded an idea, we can always have trust in the process.
December 1, 2023
Inner mind reminders:
I want you to listen now, and allow your eyes to gaze at my helpful words, gazing almost like you are in a dreamy state, off into the distance, and yet also fully present, inner mind wide awake and ready for what it is that you truly need to hear, need to know, all information on a need to know basis, and what you need to know, right now, is to be calm, to breathe, in, holding, slowly out, that’s right, all things in perfect order, nature organises it all, everything in its correct place, whether we see the natural perfection or not, knowing that it already exists, right place, right time, right action, or no action, nothing to do, nothing to prove, unique and perfect as is, like the trees and stars, this is your time and you get to choose, peace, calm, light, content, and appreciation of what is, staying in now and allowing what is to constantly expand into better and better for you now, you are, and it’s all ok. Go peacefully.
November 30, 2023
Too much responsibility??
This is a pattern we see a lot in psych land. It happens in many eldest children, especially eldest daughters, although it can happen in any family. It’s the pattern of internalised responsibility, or over-responsibility. It means that automatically, subconsciously, if there is a perception of anything wrong, the “job” is then find and fix, mainly in others. If important others and all required tasks are ok, then it’s calm but that rarely happens. This internalised role includes (but isn’t limited to) being hyper vigilant towards the moods or emotions of others, as well as any social, physical or emotional discomfort or health gap. The result of this inner vigilance and need to restore harmony includes people pleasing, anxiety and exhaustion. There is also a danger of being attracted to people or situations with “potential” instead of noticing and assessing what actually is. The antidote is knowing boundaries: what is my job, what isn’t my job; my stuff versus their stuff. Awareness is key. Balance compassion and responsibility today.
November 29, 2023
Listen Carefully:
Please repeat after me. It’s all ok. It’s all under control. You can relax. You are safe. It’s all good.
November 28, 2023
Whatever you think you’re arguing about:
When we argue with people (often partners or family), it’s usually not about whatever we think it’s about. We might think it’s about housework or money or politics but underneath every argument is fear of an unmet need, or two sets of unmet needs. What we are really fighting for is control/power (who is right or who knows best), recognition/respect (needing to be seen, heard and have my needs understood) and trust (am I safe with you, do you have my back). Think about whatever recurring argument themes there are and ask yourself which of the three you are really fighting for. Is it control, unmet recognition needs or trust/safety. Sometimes it’s a combination of the above. But please remember, when it’s a recurring argument, it’s never really about the dishes.
November 27, 2023
Just do progress!
Nothing has to be perfect today or ever. Just do some progress. Any progress or action is a win. Progress can be getting up, or reading, or making a step towards something that needs to be done, or talking to somebody, or taking some breaths for inner calm, or stopping to appreciate something in the environment, inside or outside. Anything is progress, and any progress deserves inner celebration. Progress promotes motivation and optimism, the sense of can-do. Keep your intentions realistic and feel good about any tiny percentage of progress. It counts.
November 24, 2023
Alignment:
If you’ve been feeling a little out of sync, tune in now, here, to my friendly words, as I speak to you, directly to your inner mind, and you can breathe in, listening, holding, and now letting go as you breathe out, easy, loosening all tension, just letting those muscles relax, all mind cells relaxing too, they do, and all fear and worry dissolving now, as your inner mind meditates and drifts, drifting pleasantly as your inner eye gazes into the horizon, knowing now that everything is already aligned perfectly, we release all tension and we synchronise with nature, all things in place, like all trees and stars and birds we are part of the greater whole, moving together in peace. Move forward with ease today.
November 23, 2023
Thank you and Sorry:
In any relationship, most things will be improved with more thank you and and more sorry. Thank you is for everything, big and small. Many people feel that they do so much for the other and shouldn’t have to “thank them for everyday things”. It’s not a have-to, it’s a relationship add-on. It’s not about tit for tat or keeping score; those who keep score usually find themselves in resentment. Add bonus thank you as much as possible because everyone likes more appreciation and it feels good to give appreciation. Sorry is about acknowledgement and commitment to do better. Being willing to say sorry for big and small things is also a crucial relationship skill and can dissolve much resentment when given in the right way at the right time, along with a stated commitment to do better. Check your thank you and sorry counts and remember their importance to everyone, at a deep level. Within reason (and in consideration of appropriate boundaries), don’t wait to receive, be willing to give.
November 22, 2023
Remain open.
Openness means being receptive. It means not forming rigid views, being willing to consider multiple perspectives and take input from many different places. When the mind is closed it has decided how things are and reduced possibilities. There are always more perspectives and one of the purposes of an education is to know how much we DON’T know, and that there is rarely one right answer or method. Whether it’s the big issues or the small decisions of life, commit to remaining open. Another view, another way, another person, another time, another possibility. Our openness helps us connect to optimism and future-orientation. May the gates of the mind be suitably flexible today.
November 21, 2023
Let the mind be still:
With many things going on, we humans tend to assume we need to constantly go over it in our minds, asking questions of the situation, look at all the options or possible outcomes and then go over it all yet again. In truth, our best ideas or knowings come when the mind is still. The creative process demands that we think about a situation deeply but briefly, then forget it and wait for wisdom to arrive during relaxation of mind. The best wisdom never comes from a tense worried mind. Be aware of that human “thinking in circles” tendency and remind the mind to relax, so as to let the answers come through on a clear channel all by themselves, without our human interference!
November 20, 2023
Positivity signs:
Despite everything, all signs point to a positive outcome. If you look around, there are many positivity indicators, many things going well, many things to appreciate and keep front of mind. It’s easy to get caught up in the other stuff, but just for today, notice the positives and absorb the optimism that comes from being connected to the good aspects. There are many.
November 17, 2023
Mind de-clutter:
You know, and I know too, that perhaps the mind has been a little cluttered, a little crowded, a little too much going on in there, so just breathe, take a long deep relaxation breath, holding, waiting, now let it go, release all the clutter, all the stuff, let it flow out the window in a puff of coloured steam, that’s right, and you can see the space lighting up, free, clean, new and ready to use for whatever you need. Enjoy.
November 16, 2023
Are you a fixer?
Being a fixer personality is great for getting tasks done. It’s usually highly valued in a work setting, as it’s associated with high self-motivation, self-development orientation, solution focus and high conscientiousness. In personal relationships though, it may be a sticky pattern at times. Fixers can sometimes feel too responsible for others. They can at times see the “potential” in others and forget that a person is “as is”; that means that whatever the behavioural pattern is now (for an adult) will probably be an ongoing pattern unless that person themselves really, really, really wants to make a major change and puts in major, consistent effort. Fixers often see what “could be”, which can lead to ignoring red flags in new situations or relationships. The other aspect of being a fixer is the potential to see problems that are not yours to fix and maybe ignoring what is in fact going well. Being too oriented towards fixing and helping may serve well in task-related matters but please consider whether it may lead to blind spots in other areas.
November 15, 2023
Immunity ok??
We need to keep both our physical and our emotional immune systems in top form, especially when things have been stressful. Physically we need to sleep 6-8 hours, eat healthy nutritious food, drink water and fluids, get enough leisure/down time, watch caffeine levels and get the right amount of exercise for our body type. For emotional immunity we need our personalised right balance between action and rest, people and space, intimacy and distance, work and fun, as well as meeting our personal needs for appreciation, validation, support, love, growth, challenge, creativity, security and freedom. We also need to limit (or eliminate at times) social media and news intake. Would you add to this list? What helps your physical and emotional immunity? Wishing you great power today.
November 14, 2023
A dash of overwhelm??
Sometimes there’s a little too much overwhelm in the recipe, and the physical and emotional effects are unpleasant. With overwhelm, we’ve let something build, to the point where the perceived pressures or demands have overtaken our internal resources. Go back to the demands and pressures. Write them down. Are we trying to control the uncontrollable? Do we just need to stick to the facts of the situation and focus only on our lane? Usually with overwhelm we are focusing on factors we have little control over. Narrowing the focus to just the facts, and just our part of the action is a start. Next step is to only do tiny steps. Delay other steps or outsource them. Chunk down and just do the small thing that you can do. Let the pressure drop and know it’s ok. And it is.
November 13, 2023
Monday mood boost!
Which positive words could you use more of today, both about yourself and events? Which person could you speak to or message or think of, a person that always brings a smile to your face? Which outcome can you move towards today? Even if it’s one step? And what soundtrack will you choose to give you the boost you want? The resources are there, let’s take little tiny steps to feel ok or better than ok today!
November 10, 2023
Still mind:
Send your mind, your deepest inner mind, here now, to my calming words, easing as I talk to you, releasing the need to hold on to whatever is stuck, just letting go as you listen to me, as you breathe slowly in, holding, and now releasing it all as you breathe out here, relaxing all the little muscles, you can let go while holding on, allowing a part of your mind to gaze dreamily into the distance, seeing the bigness of the universe, and you, part of nature, an importance piece in the universe, nobody just like you, unique and powerful, you are, and you can be filled with the strength you need for today, and tomorrow, all the tomorrows, and you can go forward in still mind, with all resources in place. It is.
November 9, 2023
Filled with light:
May your mind be filled with light today. Light brings clarity, shining the torch into what may have been the dark corners and illuminating all that good stuff. Light brings wisdom and perspective. Light brings an ability to see and feel what is helpful and useful. Turn that light on and keep it as bright as needed today.
November 8, 2023
Calm still.
Whatever it is, dial it back. Decide to be calm still. The mind and body work best from a place of calm and the right solution will present itself when you’re not looking. Forget the alert, turn it off. Be calm still.
November 7, 2023
Take it easy.
Take it easy today. Ignore most thoughts. Take in only friendly or neutral input. Give yourself a break and do what you do without pressure or expectation. It’s ok to chill.
November 6, 2023
Operate only to capacity!
Check your capacity today. How’s your energy? Your emotional state? Your level of rest and recovery? Your enthusiasm? Your strength? When we check our fuel gauge, we should adjust our journey according to the results. No pushing beyond capacity today! Just cruise with the juice you’ve got, and don’t run to empty. Take a few easy routes and keep a little in reserve for later. You’re good enough and you do enough. Take care of you today.
November 3, 2023
Brain-clearing:
If you’d like a little more free space in the mind, then take my invitation, as I invite you to glide over my words now, slowing both eyes and mind, you breathe in, more slowly, hold, and now exhale my friend, allowing all tension to flow away with each relaxing out-breath, freely, that’s right, letting those little muscles in the neck and shoulders just melt into softness, stomach relaxes too, you can, and there are many things I can say, and many things you can do, or not do, you get to choose now, and you could choose to send a crew to the mind, perhaps a cleaning crew, or a crew to open things right up in there, open the windows, letting the cool air in, everything circulating well, all corners and spaces sparkling clean, so much more clear space, you can move, or think, or do, or not do, or rest more, you can, the mind has space and time, all is on track, you are fine, and you can move forward with confidence today. It is.
November 2, 2023
Welcome what is.
Life is a series of experiences, some leading to pleasant feelings, and some not so much. As with all of nature, we go through seasons, some sunny and some stormy. If we want more internal equanimity (calm composure) then we need to focus less on control and more on acceptance. We cannot control other people and we cannot control some circumstances. But we can accept. Acceptance doesn’t mean we chose what’s happened or that we like it. But as in nature, we can take a welcoming stance to what is, allowing it to be as it is, rather than resisting it, just as the animals and birds and plants do with the change of seasons or circumstances. We can relax into it. It is, so we adapt. While the phrase “it is what it is” can seem like a trite cliche, there are times to inwardly state that truth. It is what it is and some aspects can be changed or managed, and the rest can be accepted and welcomed. Drop the weapons and welcome what is today. It’s all ok.
November 1, 2023
The time thieves:
Our devices are changing our brain patterns. Some of the changes feel positive; we can amuse ourselves and retrieve information quickly and we probably think it’s freeing up the brain. In fact, studies show phone use is causing more multi tasking and acting as a time/attention thief. Firstly, research shows we interrupt ourselves and try to multi task when on our devices, lowering the average time spent on a task by up to 50% and reducing our IQ by 5 points for females and 15% for males (according to research). Despite our beliefs, we are not as productive or competent when multitasking. In addition, we have created what psychologists now call idleness aversion, checking social media or other apps when we could be relaxing or socialising, and when trying to do a task we’re not looking forward to. Devices are great but let’s take some control and stop the cognitive traffic jams they can lead to, as well as the time thievery. Let’s take the best parts and be more conscious of use.
October 31, 2023
It’s ok not to know.
We don’t have all the answers. In fact, usually, the people who claim to have all the answers have quite strong opinions and are unwilling to admit they don’t understand the full complexity. To have a strong opinion, one must disregard all other perspectives. Generally, the most intelligent perspective is to know that we do not know. We may have some of the information about people or events or history, but we only see what we look for or what we are shown. It’s good to know that we actually don’t know anything for sure. It’s part of wisdom and it’s part of humility. And it sure takes the pressure off too. Be ok with not knowing things today. It’s human and it’s real.
October 30, 2023
Minimal expectations:
Today is a day to take pressure off yourself. Minimise any expectations and go about your day quietly and with a peaceful mind. Manage any external distractions and stay away from any news or drama if possible. Let your mind take a breath. It’s ok.
October 27, 2023
Resting mind state:
As you allow your eyes to gently move across my words, as I speak to you, and you can just breathe, really taking in that deep breath, and holding, and now exhale my friend, breathing out all tension, all worries, all the mess that isn’t even yours, all the energies you have taken on from others, and from the world, releasing it now, smoothly, easily, just letting yourself go into resting mind state, no need to think, or decide, or argue, or do anything, simply just being, right here, just be here now, in the calm clear peace, allowing yourself to stay in that gear of resting mind state, all the good things come from a resting mind, it’s all there for you, and it all belongs to you, and it is you, and your mind can rest anytime, anywhere, it is, and you will notice much more good today. Enjoy.
October 26, 2023
Great job!!
Just in case nobody has said anything lately, this message is to remind you that you are doing a great job! In a complex and multi-faceted life, it can feel like “success” is always a long way off but in fact it’s right here, already happening. All those things you do, the learning, the thinking, the various kinds of tasks, the care and concern, the kindness, the empathy, the surviving of so many things, at a local and global level. Seriously, great job. It’s tricky to be a human these days with all the crazy expectations we load upon our mere mortal selves, and yet you’re doing it. Good on you and please take in the compliment. You’ve earned it.
October 25, 2023
Micro Harmony:
While the big picture might be very chaotic, we can always move towards micro harmony within. We begin by pausing, breathing, anywhere, anytime and repeating one phrase until we feel something shift inside. One phrase that helps harmony is “thank you, thank you, thank you” over and over. You can say it quickly or make it long and slow. If you close your eyes, or stare into space and repeat “thank you” long enough, something will shift or relax inside. Similarly, if you just repeat another favorite phrase like “peace, peace, peace”, there will be an inner shift. Clear the mind of other stuff and focus on a word that brings you micro harmony today.
October 24, 2023
World overwhelm:
Many are feeling world overwhelm at the present time. Phases happen where everything can seem very chaotic and destructive, and we can begin to question our humanity and its future. In phases like this, the way through is via peace. If every human was focused on peace and goodwill, then our world would be very different. While this is highly unlikely, the more of us that are focused on peace, goodwill and wisdom, the more this state permeates humanity in general. Start with one. See the oneness in humans. Feel the inner peace and project peace to all humans. Feel the goodwill and wish good to all humans. When we feel helpless, we focus on the only thing we can do: our own state of peace. Peace in one can lead to peace in many. May you be a generator of peace and goodwill today.
October 23, 2023
Calm clarity:
Instead of getting caught up in the hurry and worry today, let’s direct the mind towards calm clarity. With calm, we have more inner peace. Pause. Take a breath. Remember that the universe is under the care of nature and will return to some kind of balance or equilibrium. With clarity we see what is real and what is not. We see what needs to be actioned and when we can wait. We see what is ours and what belongs to others. Saying the words CALM CLARITY will help take you there and keep you there. Ease the mind into the calm clear state today and watch everything begin to improve. It will.
October 20, 2023
Inner freedom:
Whatever might be constricting you now, and we all have things that we chew over, or worry about, instead, I want you to pause here, take a long deep breath, remembering to forget concerns for just a minute, breathing out, and as you do breathe out, you can be right here, listening carefully with your inner mind, the inner mind is curious and ready, as I speak to you, reminding you to stay in that special inner circle, the circle of freedom within you, that part that is always alive, on duty, always bright, like a little pilot light that flames and flames away quietly, peacefully, lighting the way, steadfast despite all the external world chaos, that peace is always there within, remembering now to tune in, and that peace has been with you always, and it will be there until the end of time, bright, alive, and free, and your inner mind now helps you remember, with every powerful in-breath, to make contact with that light of freedom within, so you can stay solid in who you are, and go gently into the world to do your part. It is.
October 19, 2023
How humility helps:
Humility helps us manage our expectations of ourselves as well as our expectations of others. If we can keep those expectations balanced then we are less likely to be judgemental and critical of ourselves and more likely to hold both ourselves and others in high regard despite our flaws and inadequacies. We are, after all, humans and not perfect robot versions of ourselves. We accept the complexities within our pets, and often in children, yet sometimes lack the humility to accept the complexities within our adult selves. Humility means “I don’t know it all”. Humility says “I always have much to learn”. Humility means I don’t always have to have an opinion or offer something to every situation. Humility means I know I may be wrong in what I think or do, and if I make a mistake, it’s ok; I can apologise and aim to do better. Humility means I’m as human as everyone else and nobody is better or worse as a person. Humility means we can actually accept ourselves in entirety instead of always expecting this idealised “best self” rubbish. We can aim to be kind, and ethical, and show up, on time, to do what we said we would do. Sometimes it will be great, sometimes not. And that’s ok. Humility can accept the “whatever” of it. Humility helps us feel good because we’re always good enough as is. And that’s a lot.
October 18, 2023
Feelings of exhaustion:
Exhausted feelings are disconcerting. Not sleeping well is disappointing, as is waking up still feeling tired. We imagine that we should wake up feeling good, and energised but in truth most people do not, so perhaps morning tiredness is more the norm than the exception. When we feel tired, our strategy has to be first and foremost about adjusting our expectations. Our brain may be slower or less clear, our energy limited, our temper a bit less tolerant. All normal, especially with a period of chronic tiredness. Next step is to not do the five Fs that will make it worse. If we FOCUS on it (eg by saying how tired we are to ourselves a lot) it will feel worse. Trying to FIX it with sugar or caffeine will make it worse by disrupting chemistry for the next night. FEARING the tiredness (why am I tired, how long will this go on) also extends the bad feelings. Getting mentally FRUSTRATED with it also adds more agitation, as does FIGHTING it by pushing yourself too hard. The five Fs can be replaced with bringing the mind back to calm acceptance and reassurance. It is what it is. And it will be ok, many people are very tired today and they will be ok too. Take yourself by the hand as though you would a small child, and gently coax yourself through the day with no pressure to be anything or impress anyone. It is what it is, and you will be ok if you take things one at a time. You’ve got this.
October 17, 2023
Will they change??
Change often depends on whether it’s a problem or it’s a personality. Often we hear of people expecting others to change by force of personal will, as though it’s simple to change life patterns by just deciding to. Even in therapy, change takes time and work, even when there’s a specific problem. Understanding a why a problem exists often isn’t enough to make it change, we need to change thoughts, actions and habitual emotional patterns. But if it’s more of a personality type than a specific problem, then it is less likely to shift much over time. Those of us who are high in self-awareness, empathy and motivation can determine to change our patterns and we can get results with time and effort. But if you’re banking on seeing change in a non-motivated person without that driven self-awareness then perhaps it’s better to change expectations. Sometimes we need to think about accepting that the person is AS IS, especially when it comes to relationships. With that reality check, we can decide what is right for us.
October 16, 2023
Blinkers on:
It’s ok to narrow our focus and put the blinkers on. Focus determines where we put our attention at any moment, and from there what we focus on determines both meaning and subsequent action. Putting focus on the breath can remind us that we are safe, that breath is life, that we can breathe in good while breathing out any tension or concern. We can focus on nature, only choosing to look at the sky, our pets, trees, the sea or other elements. If everything gets too big, put the blinkers on and choose your focus to narrow it down. You’re ok. All is ok.
October 13, 2023
Revitalise!
As you stare at my words, begin to actually look right through the words, to the space underneath, gazing with a dreamy state, that’s right, as you breathe in slowly, say “breathe” in your mind, and hold it, and hold it more, now let it go, exhale my friend, and say “releasing” in your mind, as you do release all the pent up stuff, the gunk, the worries and all the tension, simply allowing it to exit and move the f**k on, enough now, you want to feel good, time to revitalise, you can, breathing in that powered-up fuel, high-grade oxygen, clearing the mind, strengthening the body, giving you that memory of being so kickass, you are, you will, powerful and strong, focused and doing exactly what you need to do, no more, no less, just happily powering through your life, you enjoy your life and your people and all is well. Go on.
October 12, 2023
Navigating burnout:
There are times when everything happens at once or happens for too long, or doesn’t happen the way we want it too, or is too exhausting, or out of control or just too much. It’s human to have burnout at these times. It’s physical: it can affect sleep, energy, pain, immunity, appetite and reactivity. It’s cognitive: it can be hard to think clearly or make decisions or remember names or even remember why you went into that room. It’s emotional: it can be harder to feel pleasure, it can give you that pointless treadmill feeling, it can be harder to get started on things, socialising can feel just too much, everything feels aggravating, patience and tolerance is very hard to generate and tears or panic or anger can kick in more easily. Most people just want it to stop, which is understandable. And yet, it’s the body’s natural human built-in alarm system. Are we listening? We can keep going for a bit but when burnout symptoms really kick in, it means something needs to change. More of something (rest, space, good nutrition, time to self, etc) and less of something else (less work, less caffeine or other stimulants, less pressure on self, less trying to meet unreasonable expectations, etc). Decoding the guidance messages of burnout is crucial and sometimes we all need help working out a plan, because the stress of it can blind our wisdom and stop us seeing what we really need to do or stop doing. Please listen to system signals and don’t keep driving when your engine warning lights are activated.
October 11, 2023
Radical acceptance method:
If there is a circumstance or feeling we absolutely cannot change, and we want to feel less angst about it, there is a method. It’s called radical acceptance. It’s radical because most of the world prefers to stay in resentment or victim consciousness, with the mind firmly in complaint mode about how wrong or awful or unfair it is. That too is a valid choice. But if we want to feel better we need to make the switch to saying “it is what it is”. The next step is to say “it’s ok as is” and then “I will do what is necessary given what is”. Rather than push against what is, we acknowledge, accept and take on what is, keeping it to the bare facts. It’s a continual process as the mind jumps back to wanting to resist or avoid, and we can gently come back to acceptance each time. Decide to be a radical accepter when necessary. This is an energy saving method that aims for neutrality or equanimity in the face of difficulty. May you radically accept if required today.
October 10, 2023
Speak your truth, with love:
If the relationship matters, then the truth matters. If something is on your mind enough to affect the relationship, then it’s time to speak your truth. We speak the truth with love by choosing our timing, choosing our words, and doing our best to send the message in a kind, non-accusing format that can be heard and understood by our loved person. To not speak the truth can mean a build up of both anxiety and resentment which can eventually lead to disconnection and detachment. Speaking truth gives the issue a chance to be aired, discussed and resolved. It may take time and may be initially uncomfortable but there’s a good chance it will lead to a stronger connection based on improved openness. The first step is to speak truth to yourself about what you feel. Mull it over, get advice if required (to make sure it’s a relationship thing and not a momentary irrational fixation) then engage in true intimacy by speaking loving truth. You’re doing it for the relationship. Stand up for the relationship when it matters by stating succinctly, calmly and kindly how you feel.
October 9, 2023
My stuff/not my stuff:
Things we are concerned with are divided into two categories: within my lane and outside of my purview. Wisdom lies in knowing the difference. There are people who cannot see that events lie in their lane which means we are responsible and accountable for those things. However, responsible people usually have trouble with the other bits, the “not my stuff” and the “not in my purview”. That is the realm of other people and circumstance. Let’s focus on the “our stuff” part, stay in our lane and let the other people manage the stuff in their lanes. We can be kind, we can offer help, and we can also know it’s up to them and all anyone can act upon is what is within their own lane. Staying in our lane boosts optimism because that’s the stuff we can act upon! Stay calmly in that zone of influence today.
October 7, 2023
Renewal:
As you take a long deep breath of relaxation, let the gliding of your eyes slow down now, that’s right, everything easing, deep breath in, and hold it, hold it still, now breathing out, letting go all the old stuff, anything no longer useful, it’s all released in that exhale, and every time you exhale, my friend, you can relax a little deeper, knowing that in all those trillion cells inside, renewal is working away, every cell oxygenating, powering up, casting off anything unwanted, or unneeded, that’s right, every cell emerging from every breath now, cleaner, clearer, calmer, and with great confidence, and it all belongs to you, and it is you, and it’s all perfect, exactly what you need now, all there and nothing for you to worry about or do or prove, just relax and enjoy. Renewal is.
October 5, 2023
Be conscious about focus:
Most people let their internal focus be hijacked by whatever is in front of them. Deliberate or conscious focus can be even more challenging for those of us with attention deficit or neurodivergent traits. And yet focus is like a muscle, we can decide to strengthen it. Our first step is awareness of focus: in which direction is our mind pointed right now? And where would we prefer it to be pointed? Focus is like a laser, if directed at one spot it has great power and clarity. The CEO within our own mind must stop and think about what the best point of focus is right now. Is it listening to a person? Is it a key task? Is it on a list of actions that must all be done in order? Is it on peace, or harmony, or appreciation, or love, or truth? Choosing our most important focus point is an ongoing life skill. It doesn’t come naturally for most but we can decide to hone our skills by having our focus point in mind and gently directing ourselves back on track when we start to drift. Beware of focus hijacks from other people or from technology or social media. Hone in on your preferred conscious focus today.
October 4, 2023
Peace moment:
During the events your day, and starting with this moment, take a breath and remember peace. Maybe peace is a thought, a feeling, a word, an image of tranquility, a reminder of a person, pet or place, anything that symbolizes inner and outer peace to your mind. Peace is within a deep breath. Breathe now and connect to inner peace whenever needed.
October 3, 2023
So what do you want??
There are people that are low-level disgruntled, maybe a bit pissed off and feeling like their life is a bit meh. That’s ok. We all have these phases and maybe they exist to push us into asking what we actually want and need. When we are in meh, there is something missing. It might be a lack of peace, a lack of alone time or space, lack of ability to recharge, and quite often a lack of fun. Enjoyment and contentment and fun are all different places to be and most of us need a balance all of them. So if things aren’t quite right, take charge and ask yourself: what do I need? What do I want? Schedule it in, even if it can only be mini-doses. Decide to be at cause instead of being at effect and initiate something to make your life better today.
October 2, 2023
Positive power shot:
Here is your daily shot of positive power. You can swallow it or drink it or take it in any way you like. The power of positivity reminds our mind to look for the good aspects, and remember to feel some appreciation for them. It can be in your cup of tea, or your view out of the window, or in the enthusiasm of your pet. It can be in people you will see or will remember in your mind. It can be from reflecting on the past or anticipating the future, or just being in enjoyment right now. There are seeds of positivity all around and you can plant them and allow them to take root and flourish. Enjoy your positivity shot and drink freely.
September 29, 2023
Something for you:
For this moment, in this day full of possibilities, take a moment now, slowing, to take one deep breath, holding, and now, even more slowly, releasing that breath, and with it, releasing all that does not belong to you, all the accumulated absorption from the week now moves away from you, out into the nothingness it came from, fading into glittery dust and blown away, letting go, all is ok, you are ok, it’s your time, this is something for you, you know what you need right now, harmony, inner peace, fun and joy, you will, nothing right now to do or prove or be, just that something for you, make sure you do it, you know what you need and you can do it, that’s right, more enjoyment, more progress, more satisfaction, more peace now. And so it is. Enjoy.
September 28, 2023
Generous listening:
Most of us do not naturally listen well and our time tolerance for interpersonal listening is often very minimal. In truth it is easier to listen to certain people compared to others, probably due to how we feel about what they say and how they say it. In close relationships, most people say they’d like to be truly listened to more generously. This means tuning in, without distraction, giving eye contact, nodding, taking in what is said, pausing, acknowledging what was said and perhaps even giving agreement or validation, eg “sounds like you felt X, that must have been challenging, tell me more”. Rather than racing to offer a fix (which is mostly annoying) or responding with “yes well I had that experience too” (which it’s generally not the time for), or rapidly asking too many questions (which shows interest but can feel like interrogation or can be diverting), just being able to let the other be truly heard is a rare gift. Generous listening doesn’t come naturally to most people. As an exercise, when somebody close wants to talk, once they’ve said their first part, respond with “really, tell me more” and continue with similar encouragers. The focus doesn’t have to be 50/50 shared in every conversation. Sometimes it needs to be all about them, sometimes all about you, sometimes back and forth. Practice the generous listening and notice what a gift it can be for the other.
September 27, 2023
Check your language!
Listen carefully to the language you use both inside your mind and out loud when describing your situation or response or emotional state. Many of us have habitual or go-to terms that we use, some of which may be inadvertently worsening our moods or outlooks. Being able to name our responses with the right specific words has an effect on the level of pain we feel. Many people choose over-the-top words or watered-down words, neither of which will help the mind identify and validate effectively. Learning to narrate experience accurately is a key skill in managing both emotions and decisions. Increase your emotional vocabulary and choose the words that reduce inner pain naturally, along with appropriately increasing pleasure when possible!
September 26, 2023
They had the audacity to do that??
Sometimes it’s hard to believe they had the audacity to do what they did. Maybe it was rude, or disrespectful behavior, or crossing a boundary, or asking for something ridiculous or going way over the line. Most of us are left a little dumbstruck when they have the audacity. What were they thinking?? How did they justify that in their own mind?? The truth is, there is a subset of people who make impulsive and emotionally immature decisions in the moment. It could be a one-off bad day type thing, and it could also be a regular occurrence for them. Emotional maturity is a strand of personality development that is separate from intellectual, academic, professional and social strands of development. Audacity comes from a lack of ability to read the play due to a momentary egocentric focus on only the self, and a subsequent lack of empathy for the other person. We can’t really take it personally because it’s an egocentric act. We didn’t really figure in the equation, they just impulsively acted from their needs in that moment. We had nothing to do with it. So their audacity? Not about you. Just about them in that particular moment. Nothing to do with you. Put the focus back on your own kindness and ethics. The audacity will bring its own fruitage, no need to dwell on it. Just remember: it’s not personal, they weren’t even thinking about you. You’re ok.
September 25, 2023
Fuel with optimism:
Fill your mind today with fuel that generates optimism and a sense of possibility. Choose audio optimism fuel from music, a podcast, the sounds of nature, anything that lifts your mind and your ideas. Choose thoughts and actions that fuel your sense of optimism: WHAT thoughts and HOW thoughts, such as “WHAT do I want to feel or achieve”, and “HOW might I quickly start a small chunk of that”. WHO thoughts may help as well, like “WHO would I I like to speak to, or listen to, or see, or think about that might help generate the emotion or action I’m looking for?” Asking these questions keeps us focused on our outcomes and stops us going down unhelpful paths. Fuel your mind with optimistic input and enjoy the results.
September 22, 2023
Forgetting to remember:
You know, and I know too, that sometimes, when you need to really slow down, becoming more and more relaxed, breathing, slower now, that’s right, taking in that relaxing breath, holding it, now letting go, breathing out all build-up and toxic gunk from before, you can, and how important it is for your mind to forget, to simply not remember those things, the things that you can forget, remembering only what you need to remember, and all the other stuff can just drift away, like specks in the air, glittering as they move further and further away now, and all that you can remember is that small amount needed, good things, and feeling better and better as your subconscious mind forgets, and holds only what is useful for you now, it does, and you can relax and be in now. It is.
September 21, 2023
Love note to self:
When is the last time you wrote yourself a love note? Most of our notes to self are about things to do, things to remember, things to not say, things to buy. How about a little appreciative love note that you could stick on your desk, mirror, computer or car dashboard? Or even inside a cupboard so it surprises you every time you open?! The note could say that you are unique, and intelligent, and funny, and resourceful, or that you are awesome and kickass, or kind, ethical and caring, or that you put your all into everything, or that you’ve come so far and have done it all yourself, or that you rock. It’s all true and everyone should have a little love note lying around. Get some post-its and get those love notes happening!
September 20, 2023
A micro start!
It’s time to get a micro start on that thing you’ve been procrastinating on or avoiding! A micro start means doing just a tiny chunk. Just a beginning, or a small chunk of time on it. If it’s a physical thing, do it only very briefly. If it’s a task, reading, writing, doing whatever it is, then just do the first bit. The idea is to remove the enormity of it while also getting some completion, moving away from the “all or nothing” mentality. Commit to doing the small bit today and feel accomplished for achieving your micro start. It’s easier when you chunk down on tasks and you’ll have relief from the stress of avoidance. Go on.
September 19, 2023
You’re the gift!
Many people, perhaps due to early experiences, feel like a bit of a social burden to others, as if they have to be careful not to be too much themselves in case people silently (or publicly) object. Most of the people who worry about this are wonderful, kind, interesting, complex, funny, clever and ethical people who really don’t need to think twice about being generally likeable. If we make sure to listen, if we share ourselves in a way that’s reciprocal, if we have normal ups and downs; that’s all socially fine. It’s usually a self-image installation problem much more than a personality problem. You’re the gift, and most people will enjoy that gift because it’s unique and it’s pleasant. Decide to enjoy being the gift now.
September 18, 2023
All of it is ok!
Our goal isn’t to minimise the so-called unpleasant feelings. In fact, the more we try to avoid fear, anger, sadness, irritation or despair, the more we often build dysfunctional avoidance mechanisms that end up being problems in themselves! Decide now that all emotions are ok; they offer us feedback about our inner responses to people and events. We can learn to observe, acknowledge and validate our responses without falling into a catastrophic thought spiral. We actually can’t suppress those messy emotions without missing the highs. Having the full spectrum of emotion is part of the human experience, and we will all express that differently. Whatever we feel, well, that’s what we need right now. And it will be temporary, moving like the tides. Feeling is being alive. Look at nature in its wildness. And we are part of nature, moving through internal and external seasons and changes. Embrace your inner climate today, whatever it is. It’s all ok.
September 15, 2023
Enlighten:
Slow your mind as you read this here, and you know, by slowing the breath, breathing in, and holding it, then fully letting go now, that’s right, and slowing down the way my words speak to you, slower still, everything begins to harmonise, easing now, calming, clearing space for all kinds of enlightening, perhaps light can fill your mind, you can feel much lighter indeed, an idea can light up your heart, your cells can flow too, with healthy white light, your whole self can just glow with the light of being, and perhaps, if you listen, and then calmly forget, you will receive information on that thing you’ve been trying to figure out, you know, enlightenment comes sometimes when we least expect, bringing the answers and ideas we most need, it will, let the light guide you into wherever you need to be today, easily, relaxed, free and in calm enjoyment.
September 14, 2023
Your life matters.
Have you switched anything off? Turned off your own signals because they weren’t listened to and now you’ve stopped listening too? Well, switch them back on now. Your needs, your desires, your aversions, your preferences, your emotions, your nostalgia, your little ways; it’s all you and your stuff matters. Your life matters. What you want matters. We can’t control it all and we can’t change other people. But we can tune into ourselves via our internal signals and acknowledge or validate how we actually feel. Don’t switch off. It all matters. There’s only one like you and it’s up to you to express the artistry of you.
September 13, 2023
Waiting for ideas?
If you want ideas, possibilities and inspiration, it’s never far away. All we need to do is think about it, deeply, then forget about it. This is a method used by creative people forever. We’ve raised the intention in our subconscious mind, and we’ve explored the territory a little. Then we let it go. It seems that ideas need space, no pressure and a kind of neutral mental gear in order to seed and flourish. Just when you least expect it, in the car, or in the shower, or while walking along in a dream-like stare, the idea or inspiration appears, seemingly from nowhere, but really via the subconscious percolation that’s been going on since you opened up the cognitive possibility. Give yourself plenty of source material via reading, talking, music, podcasts etc, then give it plenty of space. Ideas need a room before they can move in so get your mind into nothing-brain gear when you want an everything-idea!
September 12, 2023
The “overthinking” myth:
It’s on social media, it’s on YouTube and so many people are now using this false term. “Overthinking”. They say “I’m overthinking it” or “I’m an overthinker”. Since I first heard this term I have noted that it is a false and useless concept. If we are thinking good or positive or excited or helpful thoughts then we can think them over and over to our heart’s content. Plus, we can’t just “think less”. Thoughts pop up without us actively generating them. What people really mean when they discuss their “overthinking” is that they are employing an unhelpful or distressing thought process. If we call it what it is, then we can antidote it. Often it is actually distorted catastrophic thoughts, of the “what if” variety. It might be pessimistic, worst case outcome, non-solution focused thinking. Or it is a process called ruminating where people dwell on the things they are scared or upset or angry about. How to exit? We stick to the facts and the evidence, we challenge the automatic unhelpful thought and we make a plan for actual contingencies. For example if we are worrying or stewing about another person, we ask ourselves what our goal is in order to determine action or reframe our narrative. There is always a way out of a thought pattern but it involves identifying the specific thought and solving a problem. Calling it by a new, vague, unhelpful name doesn’t help us address our internal loops. We catch the one thought and/or feeling, describe or identify it then work out if we accept it or need to action it. And we can do that very productively. Lots of thoughts is fine when you know how to manage all those internal conversations.
September 11, 2023
Move at the right speed!
At this time of year, it’s important to check your speed. Are you running in a full tank? Are the demands of life a bit much for your resources? There are many ways to adjust so that you move at a more compatible speed. Sometimes we can lessen the demands, sometimes not. If we can’t change the demands then we need to tinker with the internal environment. We can slow our internal speed. We are more efficient both in fuel use and competence when we slow our breathing, relax our nervous system and focus the mind on just one thing. We can only do one thing properly at any one time, so let’s choose more consciously. Adjust inner speed today and use internal resources wisely.
September 8, 2023
A comfortable essence:
Take a moment to let your eyes focus deeply on my words here, really stare at each word, slowly, as you breathe in a deep relaxation, and holding, and now releasing, letting go of all uncomfortable thoughts and feelings now, all tension dissolves, melting away like a snowball in sunshine, and your mind can easily focus, following my words to you, to all comfortable areas, comfortable in the world, comfortable in mind, comfortable in body now, you are, your mind remembers to stay on comfortable targets, remaining in the zone of warmth and light, getting lighter, and better, and knowing that all is really well, everything is in its place and everything unfolds in its right moment. And so it is.
September 7, 2023
You’re safe.
You’re safe. Every cell in the body and mind needs to know you are safe. All the signals we get, both in thoughts and feelings can bring an “unsafe” alert, but really they are signals for something else, possibly even echoes from the past. Right now, in this moment, you are safe. And this moment is all we need to focus on. Remind your nervous system of its safety today. You’re great. Everything is working out. It’s all ok.
September 6, 2023
More self-care lessons from dogs:
Every day we ought to take a lesson in self-care from the dogs. Dogs are happy to sleep, happy to wake up, happy to see you, happy to see others (maybe not everyone, but that’s discernment!), happy to enjoy whatever food is served, happy to hang with loved ones, happy to be part of family photos if in the mood, happy to get gifts, happy to smell trees and grass, happy to play and happy to stop when tired. Dogs know how to do self-care. When they want out of the action, they leave. When tired, they rest. When they need space, they move to a quiet spot. Show pics of your dog and take a lesson from their self-care philosophy today!
September 5, 2023
Pitfalls of pride:
Pride is something that can help us make the best of things, back ourselves, be confident, make the effort, manage the appearances. Pride is the ego wanting to be seen in a positive way. The flip side of pride is when we get stuck in being right, or wanting to look like we know (when we really don’t know) or refusing to apologise or give in first. There are no life prizes awarded for being stubborn. Even if we think we are right, we must figure out whether we are acting from ethics or wisdom, or whether stubborn pride is motivating us. Stubborn pride is rigid, won’t admit it’s wrong, won’t relent, won’t reach out first, won’t compromise for the sake of relationship. The ego is healthy when led by the wise mind, but an ego led by emotional immaturity becomes a major pitfall. We see it in politics and we see it in families and work and personal relationships. Let’s keep a wise eye on the egos around us and stay away from personal pride pitfalls. The goal is inner and outer harmony.
September 4, 2023
Bright day!
Notice the brightness in everything today. Your own bright mind. The brightness of the day. The brightness involved in all the food you eat, the clever brightness in our technology, the bright ideas that just keep coming to you and to many others. Whatever you want to shine brightly today, set that intention and allow it to light the way. Brightness brings clarity and direction so move with confidence into your day.
September 1, 2023
More inspired:
Take a long deep breathe as you listen to me, inspiring, and holding, then now slowly expiring, as I speak confidently to your inner mind, many kinds of inspiration, being infused with many uplifting feelings, you can, feelings that lift, that power, that drive us forward towards where the soul wants, needs, to go, listening to that inner guidance, the call of the soul, and that guidance takes on a wonderful bright color, a light that fills you and energises you now, a possibility, an idea, a feeling, a direction, all parts of you now unified to follow that inspiration to wherever it might lead, good things for you now, it is, and you can enjoy feeling, and knowing, without ever really needing to fully know, just following that path in a trusting way. Enjoy.
August 31, 2023
Use wisdom.
Most of us favor either our logical minds or our emotional minds. In truth, we get the best information when both parts of the system are working together. When we consider both facts (logical mind) and feelings (emotional mind), we enter what is known as wise mind. The wise mind factors in the truth, the consequences, plus acknowledgment and empathy for all the feelings in the situation. Choose your wise mind to assist with anything required today. Ask yourself “what would wise mind do?” and move forward with a balanced perspective.
August 30, 2023
Inner guidance mechanisms:
The human inner guidance system is always showing us when to move forward and when to move away. We receive signals via inspiration and intuition, and if we go off track, we receive signal thoughts that we can tune into as well as uncomfortable feelings or a drop in energy level. This is inner guidance that we truly need to follow. When our choices line up with our authentic self needs, we feel lighter, energised, focused. If we think about going in a particular direction and our heart sinks, or we feel dread or slight sickness, it may not be a great match for us. Many of us push forward anyway, with internalised expectations or so-called logic. Ignore intuition and other authentic signals at your peril. You have the right to have needs and preferences when it comes to who you spend time with as well as how you spend it. Authenticate your needs and advocate for your inner self. Inner alignment brings inner peace.
August 29, 2023
High sensitivity and invalidation:
One of the most tricky combinations is that of being born with a highly sensitive and perceptive personality into an emotional environment that is critical and/or invalidating. Highly perceptive and sensitive kids need extra help and skills to navigate a confusing world, and if the world at home is also confusing, judgemental or invalidating, this can prime the nervous system for difficulties with emotional regulation. This combination can also drive the nervous system to be more easily triggered (even though it may be hidden or suppressed) and take longer to return to baseline level. High sensitivity and perception is a wonderful thing and generates a rich inner life when the family environment is supportive and nurturing. This is also why sensitive people often need to work on their self-kindness as adults. Please be supportive and approving of yourself today. Acknowledge and respect all emotions, feelings and any wins, small or large. Listen to yourself as you would a small child. It’s never too late to generate inner approval and empowerment.
August 28, 2023
A lucky day!
It’s always a lucky day for lucky people. Remember the research on luck: luck increases due to knowing you’re a lucky person, noticing opportunities, taking opportunities and then feeling lucky for having those positive experiences and opportunities. Everything depends on narrative so use your powers of observation, contrast and reframing to amplify your luck today.
August 25, 2023
Message to your cells:
Listen now, breathing in a deep long breath of relaxation as I speak to you, and I speak directly to all cells in your system, listening carefully with your inner mind, as you breathe, in, holding, and out, every cell releases all buildups, that’s right, the cell cleansing begins, and continues, sustaining you, maintaining you, energy in with every relaxing calm breath, swirling around, sweeping out as needed, exiting all toxins and gunk, leaving only light and clarity in every energised cell, that’s right, every cell lighting up brightly and strongly for you now, renewed and revived, and this will continue, quicker and better over time, its effects will surprise you, pleasantly, as you flow with the rhythm of your day now. Enjoy.
August 24, 2023
Stop secondary emotions!
It’s the secondary emotions that usually upset us. We feel tired (the primary pain in this example), then think anxiety thoughts about why we are tired, and worried thoughts about everything we have to do, leading to overwhelm thoughts about how maybe we can’t do it. Or somebody says something thoughtless, we feel hurt, then add to it with disappointment about them not getting us, and angry thoughts about how they could say that. If we just stick to the first feeling, name it and acknowledge what triggered it without adding building blocks, then our pain is just the primary pain. Name and find the links to only primary feelings today, without judgement, and leave the additional ingredients out. Named pain dissolves much faster without the extras.
August 23, 2023
The feel-good list:
Maybe it’s time to commit the feel-good list to paper. A feel-good list is a list of all the things you can do if you want to improve your mood or energy. Everyone’s feel-good list will differ but might include certain places, people and activities that are engaging and uplifting. It might include certain books, music, art, audio, nature aspects, pets, energising activities and relaxing activities. Collate your list of guaranteed feel-good choices, both big and small, and ensure they are included in plans regularly. The more we feel good, the more we feel good.
August 22, 2023
Breathe in peace.
Pause regularly today to breathe in peace. Take it in all through your system, let it circulate, then breathe it out into the world. Inner peace is the goal and outer peace is the bonus.
August 21, 2023
Generating enthusiasm:
Enthusiasm is a potent ingredient in any recipe for a good day. Even when approaching something we feel unsure of, or maybe even something we fear, we can approach it with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm means being infused with interest, curiosity, and a kind of YES feeling. Enthusiasm means being open to experience in a non-resistant way. Enthusiasm gives us access to mind resources as well as emotional state, perhaps increasing the opportunities we notice and utilise. Decide to cultivate the right dosage of enthusiasm for today and enjoy its benefits immediately.
August 18, 2023
Relaxify:
Imagine, using your inner mind, that there was an app, something your subconscious mind could open within the electronic device of your nervous system, and, breathing in, you could, if you want to, holding, and now letting go, select either sympathetic nervous system or parasympathetic, whatever you need today, that’s right, you select that button, and then there is a dial, and you could turn up that part you need for today, just allowing it to emerge for you, as slowly as you need, or perhaps faster than you expect, and then on the other button, turning down the controls for the stuff you want to feel less of, lowering it to a level of comfort and calm, easily, you can do that now, as you relaxify, in fact, let that be your mantra today, notice the app in your mind’s eye and say RELAXIFY, knowing your subconscious will tap in and adjust those perfect settings automatically. Enjoy.
August 17, 2023
Love radar:
Feel the love. It’s pretty much everywhere. It’s in all parts of nature; the trees, the sky, the animals, sunshine, the flowers, the bees, rain, the grass. It’s in people. It might be misguided at times but most behaviour between people starts at a place of love. Love is a verb, and it’s in every act of care, in worry, in kindness, in compliments, in affection, in gifts, in all attempts at connection. It might not always arrive in our preferred flavour but love is everywhere if our radar is activated. Remain activated today.
August 16, 2023
Fog brain days:
Most people get the fog brain feeling at times. It can be a worry, we rely on our brain so much; we need the memory, the problem-solving, the pattern recognition, the inner language and ability to articulate our thoughts. If we tense up about a fog brain, the resulting stress makes it harder to think clearly. Fog brain means relax, it’s ok, your brain is fine, it just needs time to warm up. Plus, your brain on slower speed is probably more effective than the human average on maximum speed so just lean into it. Be kind to your brain, and be patient, as if it was a child who’s woken up tired and just needs a minute to come around. Take your time with it and trust that all functions are intact. The more we relax, the more the information flows. It’s all in there.
August 15, 2023
You are safe.
Please remind your mind and body: you are safe. Any message of concern sends a signal of lack of safety, creating unease, tension, pain and other unpleasant feelings. While these signals are useful, sometimes a moth sets off a car alarm. Keep reminding yourself that you are safe. It’s just a moth. All is well.
August 14, 2023
Walk with confidence!
Today, consciously choose to walk with confidence, both into and through your day. Head up, eyes forward, shoulders back, moving swiftly and easily, smiling slightly and knowing you are rocking it. The body recognises the physiology of confidence and will help your mind stay on that path too. Put confident thoughts in your mind and strong moves in your body and glide powerfully around today.
August 11, 2023
A spark!
There’s always room, in the many rooms of the mind, and perhaps every cell, for a new spark, so listen carefully to my words, breathing in calm, that’s right, holding it while easing, and breathing out slowly, exiting all the junk build-up, just letting it go now, clearing the system, all mind and cells ready to jump the spark, spark of an idea, sparks begin, the energy builds, the sparks bright and clean, powering you, driving you, comfortably, calmly, and with great confidence, you spark forward into the next possibility, empowering and fulfilling, you are, just clear the path and allow yourself to follow. Enjoy.
August 10, 2023
Get more real:
It’s time to get more real with yourself about what’s going on and what you’re feeling and what you really want. Many of us have internalised so-called societal expectations and try to be “good” or “nice” which may come at a big expense to the self. Nobody has to do a 180 into rudeness or inconsiderate behaviour but really, how many people factor in their feelings, their needs and their self-care before making a decision or proceeding on a course of action? Check in with the many different internal emotions, listen deeply to what you really value and then choose a path that is authentic to you. Being unapologetically yourself is a decent goal so maybe give it a shot every day. Start now.
August 9, 2023
Low energy days:
The low energy days happen due to insomnia, or pain, or illness or chronic stress or weather change, or perhaps unknown reasons. And the demands don’t stop just because the energy supplies are low. What needs to change is self-expectation and self-support. We need to adjust what we demand of ourselves and be really supportive of even minor efforts or achievements. If a child is not right, we expect them to operate below usual expectations. We adults are no different; a low energy day means we need to be very kind to self and very forgiving of self. Please adjust expectations and self-support accordingly today.
August 8, 2023
The priority!
With all the junk and distractions and expectations flying around, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s important. Usually, in any situation, there is one key thing that truly matters. Trying to manage multiple (and often competing) priorities is what leads us into internal conflict and its resulting pain/stress. What’s the one thing that matters most in your case? Focus on that and send the other bits to the back of the line. One priority only.
August 7, 2023
Strength mantra:
Repeat after me: May I be filled with strength now. Whatever kind of strength you need to access today, repeat the mantra then say thanks to your system for powering you. You are strong and you’ve got this.
August 4, 2023
Recharge post:
Plug in to my words here, noticing that perhaps there is a part of you that needs recharge, elements that have been running on low battery and need maximum strength, breathing as you slowly glide, slower now again, that’s right, taking in each breath, holding that energy, then releasing, and as you release you can be aware of all blockages beginning to clear, letting go whilst holding on, you can, freeing yourself from all tension, nothing worries you now, nothing disturbs you, you breathe easily as you recharge with each clearing and energising breath, and you can come back to the recharging post any time you like, it all belongs to you, and it is you, and you can power up and move forward with confidence and ease. Enjoy.
August 3, 2023
Always an answer:
No matter what the situation is, that’s is always an answer, always something to help us understand it, to endure it, maybe even to improve it. We can’t see it when we are tired, and we will not find it or recognise it when we are overwhelmed. First comes rest, diversion, escape. Then new perspective via wise others, in person, in print, in recordings. Be open to new information about stuck matters and know that new possibilities will always appear once we are in an open state. Be ready.
August 2, 2023
Perfect as is.
Made in the factory, no instructions given and yet here you are, unique and perfect. Perfect as is. Just focus on being your authentic self and being pleased with it. Anything extra is a bonus.
August 1, 2023
The imposter worries:
Worries are just anxious feelings posing as rational problems. Worries are the true imposters of the mind. They dress up like reasonable thoughts, sounding like genuine concerns, raining things to be vigilant about. But it’s just a loose thread from a tense nervous system, causing trouble and diverting the mind from its preferred focus. Notice and name any imposters today and refuse to credit them with any authority. Imposters can be politely ignored and overtaken by our preferred focus.
July 31, 2023
Possibility radar:
Here is your chance to program your radar for interesting and exciting possibilities today. The mind automatically keeps track of what’s important, so let’s make sure the programming reflects the possible good moments, points of curiosity, factors of interest and opportunities for excitement. The radar is set, now it’s up to you to notice and appreciate all the information available during the flow of your day. Please be ready and willing to enjoy.
July 28, 2023
Want better recall and memory?
Watch my words carefully now, here, slowing as you listen to my voice, and I can speak to you, directly to your inner mind, listening closely, each word I say can have a unique and interesting imprint, indelible, direct to the deeper mind, all cells listening, remembering what is important, noticing what might be important in the future, or maybe even in the past, it’s all stored in your cloud, all available when needed, forgetting what you need to forget, remembering what you need to remember, you will, all the resources are there, they will be accessed as needed, in due course, slow down, relax, memory doesn’t have to be instantaneous, although it will be quicker than you expect, quickening now, alive and vibrant, only as needed, and most of it isn’t, more important to be here now, you are, and your resource bank is there for you too, on demand, on your command, ready to go. Enjoy.
July 27, 2023
Positive messages:
This is a positive message for you, and you can take the idea and put messages in your pocket, on post it notes, or as reminders to come up on your phone or laptop. You are a reflective and high-growth person. You are learning daily, hourly. You see the depth in life. You connect on important matters. You have a broad perspective. You are a seeker of knowledge. You are curious and resourceful. All your qualities are useful and beneficial. You matter. Keep the positive messages coming and add to my ideas with your own!
July 26, 2023
Self-advocate!
Here is your reminder that you are a great person and that your needs are important. Being a kind person often means thinking constantly about what others need. That’s fine but are your needs getting overlooked? Signs of overlooking our own needs can be seen in mood dips, exhaustion, frustration, irritation, stomach issues, migraines and other chronic pain/physical complaints. It doesn’t mean going around asserting your needs with everyone. It means thinking about it, considering what you want/need/really think and factoring it in for yourself. Many need coaching with this, especially how to do it without conflict or overt methods. Think about your inner self today and self-advocate for its needs. It will help with both inner peace and creative fire.
July 25, 2023
Not all at once!!
We don’t have to change everything all at once, in fact it rarely happens. Many people suddenly realise they are unhappy with parts of their lives and seek the “all or nothing” massive change. It might bring psychological relief to make that decision but it rarely sticks over time. If we want to address change, we start with one aspect and build a plan based on realistic steps. This way we can achieve success that is manageable and sustainable, and this then leads to forward momentum. We go for small bites and we get it done. Take only a small bite today.
July 24, 2023
Brain awakening!
If you ever feel a little sluggish, try waking up your brain. You may need a pattern interrupt via going outside, doing some fast or brief exercise, or putting some stimulating music on, jumping in a cold shower (then later warming it up) or some other slight shock to the system. Cold water is one of the quickest ways to improve and reset brain chemistry but if you’re not up to that (you’re not alone!!) maybe imagine in your mind’s eye, jumping in cold water, shouting, and cheering yourself on, then emerging feeling alive and awake. Repeat the words ALIVE and AWAKE to yourself when needed! Have a bright day today.
July 21, 2023
Letting pressure subside:
If you are one of the many who have been feeling the pressure lately, keep your eyes centred on my words here, as I speak to you now, addressing your inner mind, slowly, that’s right, slowing breathing as you take a relaxing in-breath, and hold it, and now release it all, slowly, allowing all the tension and gunk to exit with every calming out-breath, and I wonder, and it’s good to wonder, if you can feel some part of you beginning to relax even more now, and perhaps another part of you is becoming curious about what I might say, or not say, and that’s ok too, it’s all ok, you are ok, in fact you’re really quite great, no need to prove anything to you or anyone else, nobody’s business, only you, and your happiness, increasing now, we turn down the dial on the pressure, you allow yourself to feel good, you are good, you are a whole and unique person and there is nobody just like you, you can appreciate yourself, you will, and you do it all on your time, in your own way, and you can feel glad, pleased even, without doubt or concern, you let that go, and simply flow with the rhythm of your life, feeling very confident, you are, and you can enjoy that ride today.
July 20, 2023
Slow down, tune in:
Slow it down in there, wherever it’s a bit much or racing too fast, just wind it back. Tune in, like adjusting the radio frequency to the clearest channel, and that channel is you. Tune into body and mind, be open to intuitive messages and any useful other information or golden breadcrumbs to follow. Don’t let the world pull you out of yourself today; stay tuned in to your true authentic self so that you can make the best decisions wisely.
July 19, 2023
Check emotional load:
If your tiredness seems excessive, if your pain seems chronic, if your hormones are all over the place, if dizziness is coming and going, or migraines, or your stomach keeps playing up, check your emotional load. Of course these things sometimes have physical causes that need to be addressed or ruled out, but when physical factors taken care of, we are wise to examine the amount of emotional stuff in the mix. Emotions or stress from the past, from the present and about the future. Family stuff, work stuff, relationship stuff, kid stuff, world stuff, day to day stuff, traumas of all kinds, worries, fears, regrets, frustrations, guilt, internal conflicts, unresolved issues, concerns for health or aging, worry about others, and on the list goes. If you’re a sensitive and empathic person, chances are you carry a lot of emotions in the mix. If there is no space to manage it all, it can often spill to the physical as our nervous system’s way of expressing the pain we are carrying. We all need to notice, normalise, validate and perhaps find a channel to express emotions, even the ones that are “unacceptable” to us. We are not like cars who go to the mechanic and have each part fixed. We have complicated emotional systems that store all the memories and fears and frustrations and everything else on top. Check your emotional load regularly and tune into its messages. By tuning in, the system knows we are “getting it” and things can begin to change for the better over time.
July 18, 2023
Been invalidated?
Many people have experienced emotional invalidation within the family, as well as from friends or partners. It doesn’t feel good. Invalidation happens when you disclose feelings or thoughts or requests and another person denies, dismisses or distorts in response. Denial is about you being wrong in your experience, it isn’t like that, you’ve misinterpreted, it never happened. Dismissal can be via ignoring, changing the subject, implying or saying that you are overreacting or too sensitive or that it’s just nothing, forget it, get over it. Distorting is being told how it *really* was, the story is re-written, the heroes and villains are allocated differently, a new confusing version of events is thrown out there, often with the focus taken totally from your emotions or experience. Invalidation methods like these are often employed when you try to put in a reasonable boundary of some sort and it can be a shock when this is the response. These patterns leave us feeling inner confusion and rage. Depending on personality we respond with stress, anxiety, anger, indulgence or exit. Many people need assistance managing this behaviour when it’s been a long-term issue as it can severely affect identity, relationship patterns and mood. Knowing what pattern is occurring can help us identify what’s going on, manage our emotional regulation and decide on what to do next.
July 17, 2023
Motivation and elevation!
Imagine getting into the lift in the building within your mind and going up up up as far as you need to today. Go up in thoughts, go up in focus, go upwards in optimism. Wherever your beginning point is in energy, motivation and mood today, you can take it up up up a notch or two right here, right now, and let it elevate more as time passes over the day. Now is just the starting point and you can decide that it will improve. It’s going up up up! And it will.
July 14, 2023
Heavy to light:
Perhaps for some reason you have felt the heaviness of something, maybe emotional, maybe physical, or even both, or neither, and either way, you can slow your mind now, focusing here on my words, as I speak to you, breathing in, taking in pure light energy, holding, circulating, and now breathing out, exiting all heavy stuff, from all cells and nerves and synapses, letting go of all those balloons now, they float off quickly into the distance, gone, taking all unneeded material with them, that’s right, you are lightened and lifted, more and more over the day, and you can feel better and better, letting any other balloons leave you as needed, they will, and your heart and mind can raise up, looking up, feeling up, moving forward with optimistic intention. Enjoy.
July 13, 2023
Want more joie de vivre?
Joie de vivre is a French concept that is about that spontaneous feeling of joy or lust for life, that sensation of bliss or excitement in the heart. Many have reported feeling less joie de vivre since the pando, probably because of such a long period of requiring ourselves to modify expectations of day to day life. The ingredients for more joie de vivre include novelty, variety, change of scene, fun, freedom, carefree time, interesting things and openness to merriment of some sort. We can increase joie de vivre via new experiences, different (and enjoyable) people, listening to music, travel, being around laughter and above all, making the decision to increase our passion for life. It’s both an attitude and a behaviour. Please share this with people who boost your lust for life, and make sure you do something that reminds you of the joy of living today!
July 12, 2023
Just listen FFS.
When people are upset or stressed, they don’t want solutions. They don’t want logic. They don’t want fix-it ideas. They don’t want to be told they shouldn’t feel that way. When people are upset they just want to be heard. They want their close/trusted person to be interested in what they are feeling, even if it seems irrational or illogical or excessive. Usually once we feel heard and validated we too can question our response and perhaps problem solve, but don’t skip the listening and validating phase. This is one of the biggest issues in couples, friendships and family misunderstandings and can lead to long-term resentment. It’s ok just to listen and that in itself is rare. Stop. Give full attention. Listen. Wait. Listen more. Then ask what the person needs. It’s not that hard and yet it seems so elusive. Please pass on this message to people that might benefit. Listen well today.
July 11, 2023
Great expectations?
We can have great expectations about stuff within our control. We can expect to enjoy ourselves, to achieve realistic things that we plan, we can expect to solve some problems and for many situations to pass. Realistic is the key word: expectations should be specific, moderate and address aspects within our control. And the only aspects we have control of are our thoughts and our actions. Any action or thought (or emotions actually) relating to another person, well, that’s not within our circle of control. Remember that all we can do is change our own thoughts and actions. It may have the influence we want in relation to others, or it may not. We manage expectations accordingly. Stay balanced in mind today.
July 10, 2023
New and exciting:
It’s a new day and with it brings possibility, novelty and enjoyment. You get to set the scene for today; no matter what the circumstances or challenges, it’s new, it’s different, and there are things to appreciate and feel good about. Set the radar for how you want to think and feel about the day, and go in confidently with your own useful intentions. Enjoy.
July 7, 2023
Mood lift up:
Tune into my words here, slowing your eyes deliberately, as your mind slows too, just for a minute, as I talk directly to you here, and your inner mind can listen, deeply, deeper again, that’s right, breathing, in, holding, and now releasing, easy, comfortable, safely with each breath, you are ok right here, and in your deep inner mind, many processes are occurring, independent of your need to do anything at all, just automatic updates very regularly, installing improvements, we are, the latest is now ready, for your mood lift, a shiny energising icon, we press yes now, and your mood lift installation begins right away, moving through the system at its own pace, lifting, improving, integrating, and you will feel better and better over time, noticing slight lifts now, and simply allowing all to upgrade perfectly. Enjoy.
July 6, 2023
Choose a great soundtrack!
No matter what you’re feeling, or what you would prefer to feel, there’s a music soundtrack that could help. The soundtrack is chosen by you, from streaming, CD, vinyl, music videos, whatever your preference. You’ll know it when you hear it because you’ll feel it. When it’s the right sound track it elevates us to exactly what we want to feel. Choose your soundtrack consciously; do you need loud, angry, passionate, or chill, melodic, delicate?? Mood both dictates and is impacted by music. Get your soundtrack ready today and take your emotions where you’d like them. Enjoy.
July 5, 2023
Check your fuel tank!
Life has a way of emptying our tank at times. Whether it’s stress, chronic exhaustion, insomnia, pain, illness, outside drama, weather change or just the craziness of life, it can drain the tank without us realising. When our tank is low, we need to adjust our expectations of ourselves. If we’re running at 50% capacity then we need to manage ourselves carefully, with compassion, acceptance and adjustment to inner dialogue. Refined inner demands are appropriate when there is reduced resources. Check your tank daily, and modify your inner self-demands (and more importantly, your inner commentary) accordingly.
July 4, 2023
Move away from the SHOULDS!
Shoulding is a bad habit. Shoulding on ourselves about what we’re supposed to do or be only leads to guilt and frustration and feeling down on ourselves. “I should exercise more”, “I should be further ahead with whatever” etc is not a recipe for motivation or moving forward. Shoulding on others leads to judgement and expectations that may not be met, leading to further disappointment and frustration. “They should have contacted me”. “They should do more”. No “should” will change what they did or didn’t do. There is no should. Turn it into a COULD. Or let that expectation drop entirely. Our expectations of ourselves and others are our key cause of unhappiness and frustration. Check the miserable shoulds today and focus on moving away from unacceptable situations while accepting the good stuff with appreciation.
July 3, 2023
The day awaits!
May you be filled with optimism and positive expectancy for today. Anything unpleasant is temporary and restricted to its own compartment, and the good stuff is vast and expansive. Be open in heart and in mind today and notice all the micro joys. Much good awaits you.
June 30, 2023
Recalibrate:
If anything has been a little off, just not quite right, or maybe not at all right, then go into my words now, listening deeply with your inner mind as I speak, directly to you, as you breathe in slowly, and hold, and now exhale my friend, breathing out all blockages and gunk, as we begin the recalibration of your system, moving towards your best blueprint now, on the in-breath sending instructions to all cells and inner parts, holding, and now breathing out while all cells and inner parts perfectly recalibrate themselves for you, it’s automatic, you need do nothing, it all happens for you, for your benefit, everything streamlined and cleansed and perfected, it is, and you can move back into the flow of your day with ease, knowing that little by little, it all flows better and better. Enjoy.
June 29, 2023
Free the badass self!
Are you playing it too safe somewhere in life? Do you need to kick in with some rebel spirit and do what you need to do with a bit more abandon? Remember your badass self is waiting to get out there and do what needs to be done. It’s your life. It’s your choice. Be kind, be ethical, be powerful and be badass. Just think from your badass mind and do the thing you know you need to do!
June 28, 2023
Peace guide:
When making any tricky decision, factor in your own inner peace. Most of us strive for peace but often think of it in terms of minimising impact on others. That’s fine but inner peace is what brings true peace. Many of us sacrifice inner peace to keep outer peace. Let’s try for an effective balance of both so that we generate more calm states inside. May everything align nicely today.
June 27, 2023
Flow brain:
Please remind your brain to go into flow state today. Just flow with the rhythm of your life with less commentary and more peace. You can add a dash of enjoyment if you like. Flow well.
June 26, 2023
Praise you:
Most people don’t get enough praise or appreciation. Let’s not wait. Today is the day to start giving a little more praise to yourself. Everything you do, give yourself praise, compliments and appreciation. Give some to others too but focus on you first. You’re great and it’s time to acknowledge it a bit more! Start now.
June 23, 2023
Mind emptying:
There has been much going on lately, and maybe your mind needs a clean, an emptying of unneeded material, so breathe now, slowing, that’s right, breathing in, and holding, now breathing out, releasing all that build-up of stuff, feeling the excess leave your body and mind with every relaxing out-breath, softening every muscle, talking calmly to all your cells, relaxing and energising all parts, sweeping the mind clean until it gently shines, brighter and clearer now, more space, much more peace for you, easily and comfortably just doing what you need to do, mind resting while it can, only doing what is truly necessary, that’s right, you can return happily to your day now, knowing your mind is prepared and upgraded. Enjoy.
June 22, 2023
Demands and entitlement:
A theme of the week is around people discussing their observations about demanding entitled people, as well as the upset they can generate. Demanding entitled behavior tends to be rude, perhaps arrogant, and usually boundary-violating. Entitled people take little notice of societal (and sometimes legal) rules or unspoken agreements and see things from their own perspective only. Often they present as an accusing angry victim when their demands are not met. This behaviour reflects emotional immaturity as well as a lack of self-awareness. Have you noticed or been affected by it too? It can happen in the workplace, on the roads, or with friends, even certain family members. It often generates rage when we’re on the receiving end, due to its unfairness and WTF element. It’s out there. It is what it is. It isn’t personal, it’s just what a small percentage of people do, kind of like an extreme adult tantrum. We can observe, notice if our rage fires up and let it dissipate as we de-personalise it. It reflects only on the person behaving this way, whether they know it or not. We release the energy back to the nothingness it came from and stick to our own code of ethics. Stay in our lane and focus on the other people that matter to us. Let’s be part of the good energy out there today and let the other stuff drift away easily.
June 21, 2023
Empty?
Many people are currently reporting feeling the empty fuel tank sensation. There are many pressures on us, physical, emotional, relational, personal and professional, and the chronic feeling of overload can take its toll in many ways. This includes exhaustion, fatigue, pain flare-ups, hormone disturbance, anxiety, OCD episodes, substance misuse, irritation, emotional outbursts and despair. These phases can lead to feeling like we are hanging by a thread, caught in the mouse wheel of survival mode. If you’re in the empty fuel tank zone, hang in, you’re not alone. Be accepting of where things are now, knowing they will change in some way; these phases are difficult and temporary and we can maintain optimism by zen. Zen optimism is moment by moment. Chop wood, carry water. Just do each thing as it presents itself and make that the focus. The mind needs discipline in survival mode: eyes on the task in the moment, not yesterday or tomorrow. Get in zen and know that the small steps you take will lead you to better places and good feelings too. May you be powered with strength and inner peace.
June 20, 2023
The outline feeds the script:
Before the creative process of the movie, even before the script, we need the outline. The outline gives the general idea and direction of the narrative. This applies to managing our minds as well. If we want to have an enjoyable experience, we need create a useful narrative in a general outline form. For example “I’m going to approach today with a positive attitude and be friendly and open to people and events”. Next comes the inner script. A few key lines can help us stay in mode, such as “This is fine”, “I’m lucky”, “I’m doing well”, “It is what it is”, “I keep noticing the good stuff”, “Eyes on the optimism” and whatever else drives your positive outlook. If you get lost in the script, go back to the outline, or your general intention. Always keep eyes on where you want to be. You’ve got this.
June 19, 2023
Energy transmitters:
There are people and places and songs and books that naturally uplift our energy and optimism. People can be instant good-energy transmitters, and when we have a person in our lives who generates optimism by their very presence and attitude, we benefit immediately. Think about the people and places and music and art that immediately uplift your wellbeing. Feel free to tag your optimism-transmitter people or name your places/things that immediately bring joy. Even thinking about them brings the vibe. Keep your focus on the uplifters today!
June 16, 2023
Stop now.
Stop right now and slow right down, in your inner mind, as you read my important words, breathing in lightness, holding it, now slowly let it go, that’s right, allowing yourself to dissolve into a soft version, inner mind like a laser on my words as I tell you, easily, comfortably, that you are enough, you did enough, and now, whatever it is, you can let it go, let it slip from your mind, remembering to forget what is no longer needed, any stress or pressure, gone, dissolved into the nothingness it came from, so you can just be present in your day now, enjoying what’s enjoyable, ignoring any other bits that need to be ignored, remembering what matters, forgetting the irrelevant, noticing the moments of joy and beauty, you will, everything improving, it does, and you’ve done enough, so you can just cruise and take it in. Enjoy your trip.
June 15, 2023
Vigilance and fatigue:
It’s tiring to be vigilant. Vigilance keeps our nervous system on high alert which, over timed drains both the mind and body via tension and overload. Some people are vigilant over themselves; the key question is “Am I safe??” After stress or trauma or unpredictability, vigilance is an inbuilt survival mechanism designed for our safety but many of us don’t have the off-switch. If we were raised around unpredictable or volatile family, we learn to be vigilant about everyone else “being ok”, which leads to constant subconscious checking and perhaps accomodation of their needs in order to peace-keep. This is exhausting and can become a life pattern for some. It can also lead to subconscious choices of friends or partners whose needs must come first. Reassuring the subconscious mind that we are safe and to turn off vigilance is a possibility, as long as the threat to safety is really over. If you’re safe today, let your inner mind know. Safety means inner peace. You can relax and be off-duty now.
June 14, 2023
Beware of pessimism triggers:
Pessimism triggers can quickly take us out of our good mood and have us seeing our world through a murky lens. While we all have our own unique pessimism triggers, there are some common triggers that many of us share. Being tired, being ill, overwhelmed, being chronically exhausted, feeling under excess pressure, being cognitively overloaded with too much going on in the mind: these can all be pessimism triggers. Feeling criticised or rejected or disrespected by others can also be a pessimism trigger. It becomes a pessimism trigger by changing our thoughts and feelings about ourselves, the world and maybe the future. It’s as though that trigger colours our view without us realising- so we need to be on guard when in those vulnerable phases. If the triggers are there, we try to keep them contained and remind ourselves of the temporary state of tiredness/illness/overwhelm etc and conscious remember what’s good and important in our life. The good things are permanent and broad-ranging, and the other stuff is about temporary and specific states of being. Keep the reins on any runaway thoughts today and notice your triggers before they take over the narrative. It’s ok and you’re ok.
June 13, 2023
Unexpectedly good!
Whatever you’re feeling, it may unexpectedly take a turn for the better, just when you least predict it. Everything is temporary, even when it feels intractable. Better things are always just around the corner so at some point soon, you’ll get that unexpectedly good moment. Remember to notice and enjoy.
June 9, 2023
Get your motor running??
It’s time now, as you read this, slowly, breathing, taking in that perfect potent oxygen, to activate that part of your system that needs activation, the motor that drives whatever it is that needs to be driven now, for you, that thing that will improve how you feel, dissolving any tension or worries as it does, powering up the system as needed, comfortably, safely, wisely, driving you forward, or still, or wherever you need to be right now, with the knowledge that things are looking up, you’ve taken first steps, your inner mind is on board, and you can do this. Go.
June 8, 2023
You are welcome.
You are welcome in the world today. You bring good things, unique gifts and knowledge and your own energy blueprint that nobody else can ever replace. You matter to a lot of people, more than you know. Welcome all experiences and people into your day and know that the world welcomes and appreciates you, not for your doing, but just for your presence. Showing up is enough. Welcome.
June 7, 2023
Notice your progress!
Many of us have annoying perfection tendencies which means we often notice the stuff that needs to improve and probably gloss right over all the small bits of progress. We get more calm and contentment if we always have small steps in mind, and then make a real effort to notice the progress in the small steps. Many small wins lead to a big win and we can get many good feelings along the way by being a small-step operator. Consciously choose to map your little wins today, no matter how tiny. Sometimes just waking up or moving about is a win. Just keeping going can be a win. Doing better than yesterday is a win. They all count and they all help us build self-confidence. You’ve got this.
June 6, 2023
Drama buy-in:
It doesn’t take much to get the nervous system all revved up into vigilant mode. “Guess what, have you heard, did you know, that person over there, they..”. From an evolutionary point of view, gossip was probably necessary to provide safety and connection. But our circle of safety has changed and most of this will now quickly lead to drama. We can respond openly and politely while internally letting it run off our system and back out where it belongs. Buying into other people’s drama often leads to unnecessary anger or stress in the system, and perhaps trouble in the connections. Let’s all stop buying into drama, stay in our lanes, be kind, be ethical , live and let live.
June 5, 2023
Breathe and move forward.
We don’t always have to excel or change things or focus on achievement. Perhaps it’s a day to just breathe and move forward slowly. You are in the driver’s seat, so you manage the journey and the pace. No pressure. Just go forward with inner calm today.
June 2, 2023
Vibe Booster:
Focus your eyes on my words, letting them drift, seeing between all the letters, and the ideas, good ideas as I speak to you now, and you can slowly breathe, in, holding, then out, releasing all the build up from lately, or long ago, any time is fine, breathing out all unwanted material, all unnecessary heaviness, as we tune into your vibe now, noticing its color, its shape, and easily allowing it to morph if needed, slowly transforming into positive, into energised, into free, into joyful, into active, into the bouncy vibe of happiness, your good vibe moves and improves, powering you and bringing you happily to wherever you need to be. Go well.
June 1, 2023
Micro-Joys
It’s great when we get a big hit of euphoria, something new, something huge, a mega-excitement. We love those. But the real good comes from the micro-joys that we feel over every day, especially if we stop to notice and enjoy. Enjoy really means to embody the joy, to be present for it. It may be a cup of tea, seeing your person or your pet, or a hit of music, or a hint of nature and its beauty. Could be a small achievement that feels big, or a moment of laughter or connection. The micro-joy is what fuels contentment and good moods over time. Cultivate and enjoy the micro-joys today and let them boost all parts of the system.
May 30, 2023
The Pet Joy Perspective:
Our pets wake up pleased to be in the new day. They give us love in their own special, unique way and happily receive love in the way we choose to show it. They get playful at times, for no good reason, get excited for their food, and their walks, and their excursions and their visitors. They love their gifts and they love us just because. They love to go suck if somebody walks past, a chance to use their voice. They enjoy the casual routine of the day and don’t complain as long as basic needs are met. Pets live in the moment and they just do what they do, fully themselves. They bring so much joy to us and to strangers out and about in the world. Our pets (and the pets of other people) don’t ask too much of life and yet they receive everything. Today is dedicated to the pet joy everywhere.
May 29, 2023
If you were full of optimism:
If you were full of optimism right now, what would you think, what would you say, what would you do? Remember, optimism isn’t about fake positivity. It’s using a factual narrative to see any so-called negatives as temporary, keep them in perspective and know that it’s not your fault. And it’s about factually taking credit for good stuff, knowing that the good lasts, and extends into multiple areas of life. Choose to think and act via the energy of optimism today and watch everything go well for you because no matter what, your interpretation will be uplifting.
May 26, 2023
Easing off pressure:
You know, and I know too, that we humans can be quite hard on ourselves, a little to critical perhaps, so listen now, as I speak to your inner mind, slow long breath in, now hold it, and exhale my friend, breathing out all that pressure, all that useless comparison, wherever you think you ought to be, letting go, all those silly shoulds and shouldn’ts, all the unneeded rubbish that we pile on ourselves, time for the removal truck to pull up, and to take all that outdated junk away from you now, that’s right, letting all the old stuff go, breathing in light, holding, breathing out all tension, letting go, the pressure begins to dissolve, just do your thing, take no thought, just do you, you are enough and more. Move kindly towards yourself today.
May 25, 2023
Remember to disconnect.
Remember how it used to be? We could work, or walk, or eat, or talk, or watch TV or drive our car with no interruption from a phone. Ever (maybe a landline once in a while but we could ignore it or let it go to the answering machine!). No texts, no calls, no emails, no vigilance during whatever we were doing. Our phones are great, we have everything at our fingertips. And for this reason our phones are also terrible. Our minds don’t get to wonder, or wander, they google or they text and ask and check. Being tied to the device is draining our attention and our ability to roam freely. Remember to disconnect every day. We don’t need constant monitoring and we do need a brain break.
May 24, 2023
If you’re feeling lost?
If you feel lost, start by knowing that there is a path and that it will reveal itself. Sometimes we focus so hard on how awful it feels to be uncertain, leaving no space for the pathway or solution to present itself. When we’re unsure, we’ve already thought about it, deeply, and lots. Now we need to forget about it and wait calmly. When we empty the frustration, the golden breadcrumbs will have a chance to appear. Could be in song lyrics that you hear, a book you see, a dream, an overheard snippet, a social media post or something somebody says; the breadcrumbs will come. It’s your job to notice them and go in the direction that strikes the right note inside. It always comes. Lost states are temporary and often necessary as a phase of progress towards something better. Notice the golden breadcrumbs today.
May 23, 2023
Confidence fact:
Confidence is a choice, not a feeling. Confidence is about choosing to hold yourself in high regard in spite of, and maybe even because of any mistakes or imperfections or gaps in life. Humans are imperfect, life is imperfect and adulthood means accepting this fact without the magical thinking of humans and life being all rosy all the time. Sh*t happens and sometimes it’s our doing, other times it’s life or other people. And we can choose to hold ourselves in high regard despite f*ckups. The mantra for today could be “I will choose to hold myself in high regard even when I screw up (and I will, I’m human)”. Please have a high-regard day.
May 22, 2023
Action and motivation!
Action creates motivation. There’s no point waiting for motivation to strike, usually it doesn’t appear out of nowhere. We create motivation via momentum, we start doing the thing that needs to be done, just a little bit of it, even for five minutes. We keep a positive voice in our minds and we start. When we’ve done a little bit we say “this is good!” and maybe we just keep going. Motivation starts from the doing, and the reward chemicals kick in when we earn them. Don’t wait for the feeling, do the doing and get that momentum today!
May 19, 2023
Dissolve aggravations:
Slow now, breathing in calm as you listen, remembering that we are part of nature, as still as the trees and as vast as the skies, our needs are provided for, all in perfect order, just as the sun and moon rise and set, so too do circumstances come and go, and you know, and I know too, that there can be a little aggravating residue at times, and that like nature, we can let the breeze take care of anything that needs blowing away, just let the breeze take it all now, breathing in, calm, and out, slowing, knowing the breeze clears all, trusting that nature is in order and that all is well. Enjoy the moments of inner peace and order today.
May 18, 2023
Boundaries and reactions:
It sucks to have to set a boundary with somebody (usually a family member) about contact or behaviour. If we have to put limits on the relationship it’s generally because that person wants something we don’t want, or behaves in ways that are quite unacceptable. Most of us are reasonable people, so if we have to set those internal rules for our own emotional or physical safety, then there’s a damn good reason. The trouble is, due to that other person who doesn’t read the play, we have to act in a way they won’t like and probably won’t respect, and in addition, we don’t like having to be the person who draws the line, especially if others don’t. In truth, people don’t usually get thanked for setting boundaries. In fact, many get disapproval and criticism or further acting out because the person didn’t get their way and is used to using rude or controlling behaviour (or silence) to meet their own needs. It’s tough. We want that relationship or connection but it is full of hurdles. Boundary setting is tricky and can be done overtly or more silently. Family boundaries are the hardest and often the work of a lifetime. Please do not judge yourself for finding it difficult or upsetting, and get coaching from a trusted person if required. Don’t be fooled though, if you’re needing to set boundaries then there is a good reason. Stay in your reality, be empowered and be consistent. Be respectful of your own human needs. You matter, and you can do this.
May 17, 2023
Recognition and respect:
Most of the relationship arguments we have are about recognition and respect. When we don’t enjoy being around a person, it’s usually to do with recognition and respect. If we have interpersonal issues at work it’s usually about recognition and respect. When we doubt ourselves and let another person’s viewpoint become “the truth” then it’s about lack of self-recognition and respect. These two are important. We need to be seen, heard and validated and it needs to be reciprocal. Don’t be talked out of that or talk your self out of it. You matter too. There are many ways of choosing recognition and respect and they don’t involve fighting or escalating. Stay with conscious, balanced self-recognition and self-respect today.
May 16, 2023
Decide to forgive yourself!
No giving yourself a hard time today. Whatever you think you haven’t done enough of, or could have done differently or screwed up completely, decide to forgive yourself. It’s complicated, you are ethical and kind, and sometimes our intentions or actions don’t go to plan. It’s ok. Forgive yourself like you would if you knew it wasn’t your fault and it was all ok anyway. Guilt is wasted and pointless (unless ethics or integrity are involved) so let it go and know that you’re enough, and better than good. Enjoy being you instead.
May 15, 2023
Autonomy and freedom!
You get to make the choices today. What will you think about? What’s important and invites your attention? What will you do and not do? And with what mindset will you approach it? While there are some givens and have-to aspects of life for everyone, there is also autonomy and freedom of choice. Be enthused and be conscious when deciding today. You will be great!
May 12, 2023
Micro-dosing happiness:
It’s perfectly ok to feel, now as you breathe slowly, just feel whatever you feel, perfectly fine, listening to me here, with everything going on, a lot to process, things to do, they get done, all in good time, but slower now, listening to my voice with your deeper self, as I remind your inner mind to micro-dose regularly with happiness, just by a thought, a pleasant thought, or an observation in nature, the sky perhaps, or trees, some music, a beloved pet, enjoying the look of something you love, appreciating a good person, enthusing about art, or tea, or the art of tea, you know, and I know too, that a micro-dose of happiness can be found and taken anywhere, all day and all night, imbibing joy regularly, and integrating as you go about your day. Start now.
May 11, 2023
No rush!!
Research shows us that everything in the world has sped up radically within the last ten years. Thanks to fast internet, streaming and smart devices, information is racing at us faster than we could ever consume it. People feel under pressure to do more, achieve more, earn more, provide more for their family. Many also say they are too busy, too overwhelmed and feeling somehow left behind. We truly can slow down. It takes conscious choice to stop rushing everything and modify the perfectionism. And we can make small efforts. Hurry and worry are close companions so take slower steps, slow your thoughts by speaking in a warm slow inner voice to slow the internal rush. It’s all ok. It all works out. There’s no rush for anything.
May 10, 2023
Dose of peace:
Both body and mind need a regular dose of peace. Peace from noise, peace from worried, peace from responsibilities, peace from interruptions. We meditate to increase our inner peace once we’ve found a method that works for us. We can just sit silently at home or in the car, or on a walk. We don’t have to fill our minds with incoming. Even saying the word PEACE as we breathe in and out is helpful. Take a regular dose of peace today.
May 9, 2023
Device distraction:
If we need full access to our IQ, then we need to reduce interruptions and distractions, especially via phone or device notifications, texts and emails. Research shows that it’s not only the time spent noticing or reading texts/emails that we lose, but also that our brain takes more time than expected to shift gears and refocus on whatever we were doing before. Researchers have found this to be the equivalent of a ten point IQ drop, resulting in reduced task performance. They also noted that the effect was similar to being drunk while doing a task. As humans we way over-estimate our ability to juggle tasks or “multi task” as we erroneously call it. Apparently we’re fooling ourselves, draining our cognitive resources and doing the tasks badly due to distraction or interruptions. Turn notifications off and reduce text/email disturbance by putting phones away. Devices have led to us being more addicted, distracted and tired. If we want energy or creativity, devices are not the answer. Go for reduced screen time today.
May 8, 2023
Uplifting words:
Take note of the words you use today, both in mind and out loud. Choose positive, enthusiastic and uplifting language if you’d like to energise. Steer away from any downer language; be as factual as needed of course, but avoid any embellishing or catastrophic inner talk if you want to stay in optimism. Language both reflects and transmits mood. We can consciously change our internal language to feel differently and resonate differently when talking with others. Notice the language that makes you feel good (including swearing, which has positive effects for those who want to swear!) and use those words consciously to boost you today.
May 5, 2023
Trust the process:
Breathe now, as you read this, slowing your eyes, that’s right, as you allow the presence of all the stuff you need to let go of, breathing in, holding, now breathe out my friend, letting go, allowing your inner mind to remember that it all works out, looking back, things worked out well too, usually better than we expected, all things in order when we trust the process, no need to hold on, don’t have to control the sun or the moon, just let nature fulfil its order and pattern, you too as part of nature, trusting the process, the trees don’t worry or grasp, they simply allow for the seasons and the changes and the colourful growth, that’s it, all is well, trust the process, move forward and breathe. All is well.
May 4, 2023
Taken for granted?
None of us likes feeling taken for granted. To feel that our gestures or actions are unnoticed, unappreciated or expected feels invalidating and disrespectful. Often it’s due to the other person being oblivious; just not voicing or acknowledging the benefit they received. This pattern is damaging to all kinds of relationships and can breed resentment if not kept in check. Be conscious of showing appreciation to those people in your life whenever you can. A simple THANK YOU and/or a compliment goes a long way. Give it to yourself while you’re at it. And thanks for reading this, I appreciate your presence and engagement!
May 3, 2023
Follow the passion crumbs!
If we want more good feelings or excitement in life then we need to start with a decent foundation of physical stability. We need more rest, even rest for the mind. And then, we follow the excitement or passion breadcrumbs. What’s interesting? What looks fun? What did we used to enjoy that we could re-engage with? We don’t have to know the answers, it’s more about being on the look-out for the stuff that gives us juice. Keep an eye out today!
May 2, 2023
A dash of enthusiasm:
Turns out that one of the key ingredients to a more enjoyable life is adding a dash of enthusiasm to things. Some people do it naturally; the “enthusiast” tends to find something in life to get interested and excited about, even if they don’t express it externally. Others need deliberate, conscious focus to enhance enthusiasm. Enthusiasm means we move towards things with a positive vibe (perhaps not all things, just the stuff that matters to us) but it also means that we have the ability to internally generate some enthusiasm for unwanted things if life requires. It’s a way of saying YES to life rather than moving away and hiding in an emotional bubble. We can set enthusiasm reminders on post its or on our phones. Add a deliberate dash of enthusiasm to your day and enjoy the benefits.
May 1, 2023
Optimise!
With an optimistic approach to the day, our inner mechanisms will improve. If we decide we are going to optimise, it means changing our focus and our inner narrative about whatever is going on. We don’t have to do toxic positivity; it might be that we focus on our strengths and resources and choose an inner narrative that says “I’ve got this, I can get through”. Or it might mean maintaining a focus of neutrality in the face of difficulty. Whatever it is, optimise your inner processes so that you move more easily through whatever it is. Don’t double the struggle with “what ifs” or catastrophic predictions. Go slow, go easy, go well. And you’ve got this.
April 28, 2023
Energy and Focus:
Of course you know, and I know too, that we feel our best when we have optimal energy and focus, we can do anything then, so listen now, with the part of your inner mind that knows, and relaxes, and hears, and adjusts, that’s right, it will, breathing slowly, easily, energy with every in breath, now hold it, focusing, and breathing out all tension, discomfort, worry and inner noise, just letting go, leave it all to perfect inner guidance, the compass will direct you, energy up, focus sharp, laser beam towards where you’re going and be on your way. Enjoy.
April 27, 2023
Not a competition.
Where do you need to back off on the self-pressure and remember that none of this is a competition? We just need to chill, go about our business and be guided by ethics, kindness and enjoyment. Social media can breed an inbuilt competition mentality so beware, as can any other social comparison patterns. Stay in your own lane and do it for you. You’re already enough.
April 26, 2023
Check out the sky-cast!
Forget the bad news cycle for a minute (or preferably longer) and check out the sky! The sky changes all the time, always nature’s cool art show in one form or another, day and night, in any location. Check the colours, textures, patterns, vibes and your own visceral reaction. Turning regularly to the sky-cast helps with re-establishing perspective and focusing on what really matters, truth and beauty. Check your sky-cast often today.
April 25, 2023
Peace to you.
Focus on inner peace today, and hold the peace within you. Breathe in peace, breathe out peace and choose peace. From a place of peace we can access everything.
April 24, 2023
Just roll with it.
Whatever today is, you’ve got what it takes so there’s no pressure. Just roll with it, ride the tailwind, go with that flow. You have nothing to prove and no real effort is required; just let your gifts and talents work the magic, do your thing and roll with it. It’s gonna be great.
April 21, 2023
Guilt-free trip:
Hold your eyes right here, right on my words, riding the words as I speak to you, here, and remind you that it’s time to take a guilt-free trip, very relaxed, guilt is such a funny thing, a mix of fears, not enough, good enough, unsure, who knows really, and we don’t know, not at all, so we can just relax now, letting all muscles soften, everything is as it should be, the clouds are in order, the sun rises and sets, the birds do their thing then stop, they don’t question it, or feel anything bad about themselves at all, nature has it all sorted, and so too with us, a part of nature, just doing what nature intended, that’s right, no need to judge it right or wrong or good or bad, it just is, it’s kind, it’s ethical and it’s ok, so release all guilt now, be one with nature, just do no harm, do your thing, and feel perfectly fine, you are. Go smoothly today.
April 20, 2023
Worried? Just send love.
When you’re worried about somebody and you can’t really do anything, just send love. Sometimes there are practical things we can do when we worry about somebody, but if not, you send them love. You can imagine love as a golden light, or a pink mist, or a burst of energy or however else it appears to you. Worry is inevitable at times but isn’t actually productive, whereas sending love will help you stay in giving mode. Humans are both givers and receivers of energy via our inner antennae so maybe the love you send will help; either way it helps you stay in power and out of fear. Send love to the person you know might need it today.
April 19, 2023
Right on track!!
Despite any concerns, you’ve got to know that you are actually right on track. You are moving in the right direction, forward, towards more inner peace, more fun, more satisfaction, more fulfilment. Many people wait to feel happy or content, but that’s often a temporary state before we hit the next challenge. There’s a calmness in knowing we are right on track so remind yourself regularly today and feel the focus and power that comes from that knowing. Get on track, stay on track and feel pleased with yourself for choosing well.
April 18, 2023
The initial enthusiasm phase:
Many people report feeling motivated for a while towards a new habit, then losing interest. In the initial excitement phase of a new thing, we are open, curious, accepting, forgiving and focused on our enjoyment. This newness effect is a psychological and physiological cocktail of optimism, high energy, positive expectancy, high dopamine (excitement/interest chemistry) and goodwill. Which elements of the excitement phase do you need to consciously generate today to change or improve your perception of a current habit or behaviour? Or perhaps even towards a person or situation? We can choose to get excited by changing our inner story and language. Don’t do the blah or the ho-hum. Decide to make your moves with excitement and possibility-mindset today!
April 17, 2023
Greet the day!!
Greet the day warmly. With open arms and open mind. Let’s agree to welcome whatever it brings with curiosity and enthusiasm. The challenges and problems to solve are the things that make life interesting so we can welcome it all with non-resistance and an open attitude. Turn your back on the have-to mindset and be in choice mode today, it feels much better. Choose to be welcoming!
April 14, 2023
Pressure drop, tension drop:
I wonder, and it can be good to wonder, if maybe you haven’t had a little too much pressure lately, a little much tension, so perhaps now just slow, letting your eyes glide easily over my calming words, letting those little muscles soften, the ones in your face, and neck, and shoulders, they carry and release all that tension, easing now, nothing to do or prove, just being, stomach relaxes, all pressure and tension forming a smooth greyish mist as you breathe in and out, now letting all that grey mist go, clearing, releasing everything that needs to leave, that’s right, let it go, just be, no improvement necessary, just be as you are. It’s great.
April 13, 2023
It’s badass time!
Time to kick into mode, time to make sh;t real: you are, in fact, a badass and you’ve got this. Whatever the goddamn thing is right now, you are a badass and you can do it. Get in your badass clothes, make your badass face and your badass moves and get on with it. You go.
April 12, 2023
Mind jumping ahead?
Come back here. Now. Return to now. The only thing that is true right now is you reading this. Now is ok. You are ok.
April 11, 2023
Hope for optimism!
Hope is about the future, a sense of possibilities, a better idea or event that may pop in unexpectedly at any moment. Hope is a key ingredient in optimism because it says that whatever is happening now is temporary, and that ,things can get better. The second part of optimism is about using that narrative to take the action to make things better. Stay with the possibilities that drive hope and keep looking up. You can.
April 7, 2023
The mind gets a break:
After so much inner activity, and all the other stuff, you know, and I know too, that your mind needs a break from it all, just a breather, so breathe in you will, deeply, slowly, letting the cool clear oxygen move easily through your cells, now exhale my friend, exiting all that built-up junk, and gunk, and maybe even funk, breathing, eyes slowing, that’s right, your mind has a break, lying on a banana lounge, drinking some kind of tropical magical elixir, lying in the sun, or shady parts, the right mix of sunny shady in the mind, relaxing with that healing umbrella drink, you will, the mind has its holiday and recovers nicely, easing in and enjoying. You are.
April 6, 2023
Certainty and uncertainty:
Most of us require a delicate balance of feeling free and feeling secure. Too much or too little of either can trigger anxiety or discomfort. Most of us choose our relationship and work circumstances based on our required balance of freedom and security. And if we are choosing to opt out or opt into something new, we need to carefully consider the freedom/autonomy/spontaneity offered compared to the security/predictability/routine offered. It’s the known vs the unknown and we all have different requirements. If you’re not balanced, check your requirements. Is it a good match? If not, work on some ideas for tweaking the balance today.
April 5, 2023
Tired much??
It’s that time of year. Things are happening, things are changing, lots is going on, or nothing’s going on, immune systems are activating, the world is as it is, and many need a break. Many are feeling tired, possibly exhausted. Be kind, to yourself of course, and also to others. Many are off-balance right now, and are going through difficulties we can’t always see. Be kind to your nervous system. Ask what it needs from you today in addition to a awareness and validation. How can you best rejuvenate, and if you can’t, how best to preserve the energy you have left? Be kind to you, please.
April 4, 2023
Get up there!
Take up some space, stand up tall, look at the sky and look out at the world. You are a unique and wonderful part of the landscape and the world needs you for who you are. You don’t have to do anything except own that space and be who you are. Stand tall, get out there and own it.
April 3, 2023
The pause-breathe-redirect:
Many things could be different if, once we notice stress or duress, we could remember to pause, take a breath, then redirect. Direct the mind to what is useful, enjoyable, doable, or neutral. The ability to control the busy traffic inside the mind is precious, and can be built over time. Take the pause regularly today, breathe, and then consciously redirect your mind to where it feels optimal.
March 31, 2023
Getting to happy:
Welcome your eyes here now, as you lean in closer to my words, and hear me, slowly breathing as I speak to you here, now, and exhale, and gently inhale, slower again, that’s right, as I talk warmly to your inner mind, that deeper part of you, the part that wants to feel good, to be content, to enjoy more, happy, a feeling that just is, everything is ok right now, you are ok, you can feel happy, maybe a happy memory, a happy thought of the present, or perhaps even the future, things to look forward to, to enjoy, to be happy in, that’s right, see the word happy, and remember its feeling, just being free in right now, you are, it is, happy, and you can feel good. Enjoy.
March 30, 2023
Killer perfectionism dude!!
Perfectionism is really sneaky. What we might think of as being ambitious, an achiever, or being in control, or having high standards or never feeling finished or never feeling good enough, or worrying what people think, or being self-conscious or trying to say the right thing, or trying to make others happy or overworking or over-giving?? It’s probably a case of killer perfectionism. No, of course it won’t kill you. But it kills joy, energy, contentment, connection and inner peace. Good enough is good enough. Don’t feed the perfection beast today.
March 29, 2023
Safety reminder:
Your body needs to know that you are safe. If you feel anxiety, vigilance or pain, it’s a subconscious message about safety; even though you might logically think you’re safe, the body is giving a true reading. Lack of safety might be about being able to have and enforce boundaries around what you do and don’t want to do, and with whom. It might also be around uncertainty and the unknown. We can learn to improve boundaries and we can learn to trust our resourcefulness regarding an unknown future. We learn these skills to help the body/mind feel safe. The reward is inner peace.
March 28, 2023
Celebrate little wins!
We all have little wins, many of them, every day. The more we notice, the better we feel. No win is too small to celebrate. When you see a small win, say YES! Take the credit, appreciate it, praise yourself and others, and be ready for the next win. Feeling good is its own reward!
March 27, 2023
Ideas and expectations!
Be open to ideas and wary of expectations. Ideas are our possibility fuel, giving us a sense of what could be. Take the idea and move forward without expectation. Having expectations that link to outcomes or other people often means frustration or disappointment. Do it the zen way. Have the idea and see where it goes. Wherever it goes, that’s ok. Things are as they are, people do what they do. Ideas are plentiful and enjoyable. Let the ideas flow today.
March 24, 2023
Calm waters:
They say calm waters never made a good sailor, but every sailor needs a little breather, so listen now, slowing, as I speak easily to your inner mind, breathing in, holding, and now exhale my friend, releasing, letting go all of that inner tension, all the stuff you held on to, let go, relaxing, feel that feeling of relief, and release, as you imagine all that stuff, the murky-coloured stuff, exiting your system with every out-breath, that’s right, breathing again, ejecting all stored-up gunk as calm waters begin to form, clearing up all stormy sensations, just calm, clear, blue water, very safe to swim in, or just lie about in, relaxing, just letting that gentle tide carry you to wherever you need to be today, maybe even just floating, moving easily with the flow, enjoying the calm waters from now on, streaming through the rhythm of your day with relaxed pleasure. You can.
March 23, 2023
Inner guidance:
Humans are equipped with a powerful inner radar. We may call it intuition, but there are also other specific elements in the nervous system and brain that are always picking up on subtle information sources and processing them instantly and subconsciously. Our inner guidance about people and optimal courses of action is usually correct, and we may go down an unwanted path if we fail to notice and incorporate that guidance. Tune in today and take it seriously. The inner radar is always activated for our benefit.
March 22, 2023
Sensitive phases:
Most humans go through periods of extra sensitivity. Maybe it’s overwork, overwhelm, overload, or weather, hormones, time of year, background stress or other disturbances causing it; often we can’t know why. But at those times, we need to take extra care, like we would with a close person or small child who was going through something real. Don’t dismiss it. While there are still things we need to get done, approach them with awareness and care, avoiding any drama, harsh situations or known emotional hazards. Get support. Get rest. Voice it. Write it down, acknowledge it in some way. It’s temporary and yet it totally deserves your conscious awareness. Be soothing to your nervous system today. Go easy.
March 21, 2023
Triggered communication:
When two communicating people are triggered, that means two people are emotionally dysregulated. Trying to talk (or usually, in fact, “argue”) when dysregulated is risky. Emotions are high and logic has blurred. Comments can feel more like direct attacks. We use more loaded language and often generalise in our descriptions, loading one thing on top of another. What we thought were our reasonable requests may turn into multiple criticisms and be met with defensiveness and/or withdrawal as well as revenge criticism. Please recognise emotional triggers for both parties. Try not to activate those triggers. When you see the other one is triggered, try to stop there and backtrack, because when two are triggered it escalates very quickly. We can (and should) work on our own regulation but it’s also our job to help keep it on track for everyone when we can. Communicating from calm, with respect and goodwill is the goal.
March 20, 2023
Affirmative!!
“Affirmative!” is a strong and clear YES. You may need it today. Affirmative: the day will bring many good things, some expected and some surprising. Will you notice the good stuff you bring?? Affirmative: you will. Will you remember your gifts and talents?? Affirmative: you will. Whenever you need reassurance?? Answer “Affirmative!” and notice your mood lift.
March 17, 2023
Getting upbeat:
Whatever is going on out there, and in there too, I want you to pause now, slowing, and listen to me, as I speak calmly to you here, breathing in, that’s right, take a strong breath of relaxation, and now exhale my friend, letting go of all troubles, all worries, all the toxics, you can just release it all now, with every out-breath, clearing the muck, leaving clean space, so now we can stir up the good energy, we’re going upbeat, boosting motivation, can do, will do, do it now, enjoy it, do well, feel good, you will, kicking in, taking hold and going where it needs to go now. Go well.
March 16, 2023
Calm wins.
Whatever it is, it’s best approached from calm. With calm comes clarity and from clarity comes wisdom. Calm the body with a deep physiological sigh. In twice and outward sigh. Calm mind with mantra: “relaxing now”. Repeat consistently.
March 15, 2023
Courage infusion:
It’s always a good day for a courage infusion. While there may be some fear in the system, an infusion of courage fills your mind with the strength to manage whatever you need to manage. Courage comes in your favourite colour and is easy to receive. Take it now. The infusion is instantaneous and you can feel it right now, moving into every cell and every part of the mind. You now have your fill of courage ready for whatever is needed. Feel the power within and move into the day with confidence.
March 14, 2023
Faith in self:
Whatever challenges you might face today, lock in that you will have full faith in yourself. You can. You have many skills, abilities, resources and gifts. You are capable and competent. You know your strengths and your limits. You are sound as ever. Total faith today.
March 10, 2023
To relax.
I wonder if it’s time to relax. As you know, and I know too, there are many many ways to relax, as you breathe in slowly, easily, holding, and then gradually releasing, letting go, that’s right, relaxing out all of that tension and gunk, just really letting it fly away, to a faraway place now, that’s right, perhaps even dissolving into the relaxation of nothingness, letting all that unwanted stuff just disappear into the void, gone, so you can take it easy, you can chill, you can ease off and let go, trusting in the flow now, all are well, you are ok, everything is in perfect order, perfect timing and no need for you to control the universe, it’s all in hand and you can just relax. Relax.
March 9, 2023
Wait a sec.
Just wait. It’s all going to be ok and you probably don’t need to do much. Stuff works out. Just do the first small thing and let it unfold. It all works out.
March 8, 2023
Ease off.
You know what it is that you need to ease off on. It may be something in mind or something in action. To back off, to slow down, to wait, to be patient, to watch and decide, to manage expectations, to rest, to withdraw. Easing off gives space to pause and use wisdom. Apply as needed today.
March 7, 2023
Just. Be. Kind.
Be kind to yourself. Just. Be. Kind. Most of us are so kind and so understanding when it comes to others, but how dare we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, get over things, do this, do that, get it right, feel good all the time and whatever other nonsensical non-human things we expect of ourselves but not others. Raise the standard of self-care. Speak to yourself as you would a young child who is trying very hard but finding life difficult. Be reassuring. Take the pressure off, be warm, be understanding, be sweet. We can still have our intentions and our plans and our ideas but no need to be mean to ourselves about it all. Policy: Kind to self today and every other day. Please.
March 6, 2023
Ready for lift-off:
If you want to rev the system up ready for lift-off, then let’s take a quick check. Are you gearing up physically? Are you moving and breathing in a way that motivates, energizes and strengthens you? Have you taken solid fuel in the form of food and hydration? And how are you gearing up in mind? Do you have a mind full of YES, do you feel lucky to be doing what you’re doing, are you realistically positive in your expectations and have a balanced focus on the challenges to come today?? Get into YES mode, decide to enjoy as much as you can and chill with the rest, and keep the rev going just enough to power through. You’ve got this for sure!
March 3, 2023
Mind Vac:
With all the buildup of mental and emotional stuff, you know, and I know too, that there are times for a mind vac, an easy removal of unnecessary material, so listen now, breathing slowly in, and gently holding, now breathing out my friend, exhaling all tension now, as the high-tech vacuum moves around in your mind’s eye, scanning and collecting all unneeded data, all redundant history, all undeserving ruminations, all the bits and pieces no longer required for your wellbeing, scanned, taken, removed and emptied, leaving a clear clean surface for you now, you can see for miles, you can think, you can do only what is needed, easily, with a sharp mind and a warm heart. Move easily with the day and maintain your clear space.
March 2, 2023
How to self-motivate:
We can self-motivate now by focusing on YES. YES I can do this, YES, this is WHY I want to do this, YES, I choose to do it, it’s my choice, it’s my thing, I’m happy to do it, doing it will bring progress, doing it brings the outcome I want, doing it will relieve my discomfort (or pressure or boredom or inertia or other type of unpleasantness), I will do it because that’s what I’ve signed up for, I keep my word, I will do it because I’m a responsible adult and even if it’s difficult I will persist, YES doing this will probably be easier than I think, and more pleasant than I expect, YES I do have the energy, I’m alive and I have many resources and YES I can, YES I will, YES I’ll do it now. So just do the thing.
March 1, 2023
Zen detection:
Be on the lookout for hidden or secret moments of zen today. Zen is a state of mind, an acceptance, an appreciation, just being and not analysing or judging. With zen there is no trying to grasp at anything, or hold on to it. Zen allows things or feelings or people to come and to go, and even to change or transform. Zen doesn’t push or control, but seeks to trust in the flow of nature. Is every moment an opportunity to practice zen? Be a zen detector in the world of chaos today and look for moments to return to inner peace.
February 28, 2023
Validate anxiety:
Some people get so pissed off with what they feel, and yet when they tell me the context, I often note that their feelings are entirely valid. In fact I often note that it would be a little weird if they didn’t feel that way, given what’s going on. Our anxiety is often due to major overwhelming circumstances, unresolved/unresolvable conflict and/or looming uncertainty. Before we can let go of emotions like fear or anger, we often need to validate them and normalise them. Of course we feel fear or anger under the circumstances, we are humans and these are normal healthy human emotions to feel in the face of threat, uncertainty or violation. Once we validate the normal human emotions we can then maybe look at our narrative or our choices or our internal commentary in order to manage or release some of the intensity. Validate yourself first today. Things really do get tough and the world really is complicated. And it’s ok. You are ok.
February 23, 2023
Enthusiasm up!
If there’s one thing guaranteed to lift mood and energy, it’s enthusiasm. We do not naturally feel enthusiasm all the time for any task, object or person, even if we have initially. Familiarity with task, object or person tends to lower our enthusiasm over time if we aren’t aware of it. We can boost our enthusiasm by consciously focusing on how lucky we are in relation to that thing, how pleased we are with it, how positive we are towards it and by regularly and deliberately focusing on its desirable features. Enthusiasm feels good. Show enthusiasm towards the people that matter to you today, as well as the tasks and objects. More enthusiasm means more appreciation too. Enjoy them all.
February 22, 2023
Thank thank thank!!
When you’re in a mode of Thanks, you feel good. Thank everything, as much as you can. Thank the morning for being here. Thank your bed. Thank your food and drink. Thank your car for doing its job, thank the sunshine, thank your body for its clever systems, thank nature, thank the oxygen going into your lungs right now, thank your pets for just being, thank as many people as you can, even silently or internally. A cognitive state of Thanks is good for mind and body and can never be overused. Thank you for reading my words and being around! Thank you for the great day that is now.
February 21, 2023
Approval-seeking missile?
Some people are subconsciously oriented towards seeking outside approval. Being an approval-seeking missile is exhausting, leaving the mind in a constant state of questioning. Every approval-seeking mission reinforces insecurity and the need for constant vigilance: do they like me? Are they bored with me? Are they mad at me?? Approval-seeking generates a response style from our much younger self, a black and white world where people love us or hate us, which of course doesn’t exist. Most people feel either neutral or unaware or like you just because. Be conscious of approval-seeking missile programming today; it usually comes from childhood experiences so we need to reassure the child within using the adult of now. Just be you and all will be ok. You are great.
February 20, 2023
Have trust in your system:
Even if mind or body feels a little below par right now, have some trust in your inbuilt system of recovery. Whatever it is, it’s temporary. Notice the system situation, assess if anything needs action, then do only what is required today. Don’t jump into why, and definitely don’t jump into future projections. Know that your system is programmed to return to equilibrium and that the more you trust and focus on this, the faster it’s likely to reset to where it belongs. Don’t go poking around checking on it all the time. All things return to balance, given time and trust. Let it be today and feel the strength rebuilding and rebooting.
February 17, 2023
You are legit!
You know, and I know too, that there are some of us out there that may, just sometimes, feel that imposter sensation, so listen now, as I remind your inner mind to relax, breathing in, holding, now exhale my friend, truly letting go, breathing out all that tension and pressure from the week, the month, the lifetime, easing now, as I speak to your inner mind, and the inner mind can respond, you have so much knowledge, experience, and natural gifts, you genuinely care, and it’s because you care that you want to feel legit in your role, and you are legit, that caring, that life experience, it’s enough, you are enough, you are legit, you have confidence in yourself and you now go out there and relax into doing what you were born to do. You’re awesome and you can know it from this moment forward, you are the real deal and the world needs you. Do your thing with kick-ass vibes today.
February 16, 2023
How’s your energy tank?
Checking in on the energy tank is important. So many things can deplete our energy, both physical and emotional. If the tank is running a little low, stop for 5 minutes. Write a list of people and issues and activities in your life and note whether they are energy-boosting, energy-neutral or energy-depleting. Then check the ratio. We need more energy boosters (and neutrals) compared to the depleting factors. Some depleting factors can’t be changed but perhaps we can add in an energy-booster (whether it’s physical, social, spiritual or emotional) to offset the deficit. Check that tank and make any necessary adjustments today!
February 15, 2022
No drama!
It’s easy to generate mental drama via the stories we tell in mind. We can ramp up the outrage, feed the what-ifs, question ourselves, focus on worst-case scenarios and general horror. Any time we are feeding a narrative of fear or anger, it becomes more dramatic. This triggers adrenalin and cortisol, stress hormones we don’t need to fire off unnecessarily. The antidote is to stick to facts. The only thing true right now is person reading these words. Stick to actual verifiable facts and stick to the now. No drama, right!!
February 14, 2023
The universe loves you:
The universe loves you, mainly for being generally awesome, and also for your unique gifts and skills and humor and wildness and kindness and all the good things you do that nobody even sees. The universe loves you because you rock, and good things are around the corner for you, coming soon, maybe even sooner than you think. Keep doing you, it’s totally working for you
February 13, 2023
Mind and energy:
If you’d like increased energy today, be aware of what’s going on in the mind. While physical energy rests on many factors, the content of the mind plays a major role. Even if we lack sleep or rest, we will generate further exhaustion if we focus on tiredness, or frustration, or our fear of managing the day or our fears of tomorrow. Staying neutral is great; keeping thoughts in the neutral “it’s all ok” zone will keep energy at its optimum level. You can even try boosting energy with optimistic and confident thoughts about your capability. You’ve been through hard times, you’ve survived, you’ve even done really well despite terrible circumstances so you’ll be ok, you’ll probably be better than ok. Keep the mind uplifted using your conscious and deliberate focus to get the best out of today.
February 10, 2023
A quick zen shot:
If your head is busy, and you need a quick zen shot, listen now, pausing as I speak to you, and you can just drop straight into passive mode, nothing to do, nowhere to be, nothing you need to solve right now, just slowly breathing in, holding, now exhale my friend, releasing all that buildup, letting go of all the gunk, relaxing, being here now, now is ok, release any thoughts of judgement; no good or bad, no right or wrong, no fear and no anger, just sitting with IS, because it is, and that’s ok, all is well and will evolve according to highest good. Stay with that and flow with today.
February 9, 2023
The blessings.
Blessings can often hover outside of our awareness due to the mind’s habitual focus on problems and gaps. We humans are set up for survival, and the more stress we’ve experienced, the more our antenna is auto-tuned to the next problem or worry, real or imagined. If we want to be conscious of the blessings, we need to ask the question and direct the mind on purpose. Every day, multiple times, we search for the good parts, the kindness, the silver linings, the exceeded expectations, the funny bits, the unexpected wins or windfalls. Blessings are always around. Remember to notice today!
February 8, 2023
Connectivity issues:
As we move to different stages of life, it’s easier to feel less connected to a wide range of people. When we’re teens, or 20-somethings, we tend to meet and connect more easily based on interests and proximity. Over time, our connections become more finely-tuned; we notice values, behaviour, involvement in drama, reciprocity, repeated choices and many other personal factors. Some people are less bothered and keep a wider circle; others are more particular and choose to keep only those who are compatible. Either is ok. If you want more connections, follow the same principles. Find local (ish) proximity and an accessible group that is based on a personal interest, be that academic, musical, sporty, crafty, canine, creative, physical, skills-based or otherwise. You’re not alone and there are many looking to expand their circle in more focused areas. Don’t wait, and definitely don’t doubt yourself. Do something today to get the connectivity you need.
February 7, 2023
Moving through uncertainty:
In a life-phase of uncertainty it means there are probably many factors we can’t control and many unknowns. If we want to maintain some equilibrium during an uncertainty phase, the way to go is to only focus on the thing to do right now. No jumping ahead into the future, no what-ifs, no entertaining the fear. Just take the action step that needs to be done today and keep your mind busy with something neutral or positive; a mantra, a familiar quote, a mediation-type method such as counting breaths or repeating a calming phrase. The truth about uncertainty is that we don’t know. And that’s ok. No attempts at fortune-telling, we just keep showing up, doing what needs to be done, with a good attitude. That’s it. Eyes to the front and keep moving forward today.
February 6, 2023
Exceeding expectations!
Today might well exceed your expectations. Maybe it already has. Most things turn out way better than we think, and the vast majority of things we worry about never even happen. While it’s usually best to have balanced expectations when it comes to people, we can certainly benefit from expecting our day to go well, and from consciously noticing the elements that please us (even tiny ones like a really good cup of tea!). Remind yourself that today will be better than you expect, and by doing so, you’ll help reinforce neural pathways for positive expectancy and optimism. Go well out there.
February 3, 2023
In good hands:
In those times when things get a bit much, it’s great to be able to access that feeling of reassurance and safety, so listen now, pausing, all parts slowing as I talk to you, that’s right, breathing in, easy, and hold, now exhale my friend, letting go of all that old stuff, letting go of fear now, as you breathe in, hold, breathe out all concerns, just let it float away into the nothingness it came from, all is in order now, everything as it should be, all matters held safely in good hands, that’s right, it’s all being taken care of, not your job to fix, just let it evolve into the goodness that it is, easily, effortless, all is in good hands and you can relax. It is.
February 2, 2023
The kid inside:
Please pay attention to the kid inside you today! They’re always there, and they like to be involved with pleasant and safe situations with kind people. If the inner 9 year old doesn’t like something or somebody, be empathic and reassuring, or better yet, get them the hell out of there! If you can’t leave, then talk to them about it and apologise for putting them through it. Take your inner kid in hand if it’s overreacting or throwing a tantrum inappropriately, but still remain calm and reassuring with them. The inner kid requires your love and attention every day for optimal health and stability so here’s your reminder to tune in and take their needs into account with everything that you do. They’re an important part of feeling good, and an important part of you. Factor them in always.
February 1, 2023
A moment of clarity.
If you need a moment of clarity then it’s time to pause. Perhaps your brain is too full of things and the scene is way overcrowded. With a crowded mind, it all gets in the way and blocks our ability to see what matters right now. That’s the key to clarity: right now. What needs to be done only right now. Cognitive overload leads to overwhelm and confusion, and often more paralysis than action. Pause. Breathe. Come back to now and only do the thing required right now. Trust that one right thought or action leads naturally to the next, at the right time of course. Stay here now and do only what needs doing in this moment. It all works out.
January 31, 2023
Make an actual plan!
With that thing that you want to do better with, stop feeling bad or doing the “shoulds” and make a goddamn plan! A real plan that includes the important parts: how you will talk to yourself about it, what you will actual do differently and how you will manage any external factors. Plan for only that first small step. The rest will follow once you get momentum. But plan properly, don’t be half-assed about it. The thing that matters, the thing that will make you feel better about life, it’s worth planning for your attitude, the action to take and the environmental factors to manage. Small step only and let it build via success. You can.
January 30, 2023
Harmonious:
It may be that today, all things are moving forward harmoniously, everything and everyone operating together peacefully, easily, with positive intent. Our part is to maintain inner harmony and flow into today with a good attitude and a kind heart. Expect pleasant things in return and just keep moving calmly into each segment of your day. It’s a new day with good things ahead.
January 27, 2023
A mind full of zen:
If you’d like to ease into a zen mind today, then slow down, let go, just for a minute, breathing in, feeling that in-breath as it travels, just observing, no labels, no judgement; how it goes is just how it goes, nothing more, as you breathe out, it’s just out, that’s all, no assessment or labelling anything good or bad; it simply is, and it’s ok, you can observe anything without judgment or narration, that’s right, just letting it flow in, out, around and past, as you are present, taking in only what is needed, taking action only on what is needed, without any unnecessary analysis, you can, without the backstory, or even a front story, let it be, just letting the flow of life work easily for you now, just being where you are, and knowing that you are always in the right place. All is well, and so are you. Flow with that zen in mind today.
January 26, 2023
Breathe. Slow down.
If you want to calm your system quickly, a change in breathing can do it. One useful method involves taking a short breath in, then physically “sighing” the breath out in a longer way than you normally would. If you do a few rounds of this short in-breath then long slow sighing exhale, you will feel your parasympathetic nervous system take over to induce physical and emotional calmness. Take a long slow breath today and let stuff go that can go. All is well.
January 25, 2023
Breathe. Slow down.
If you want to calm your system quickly, a change in breathing can do it. One useful method involves taking a short breath in, then physically “sighing” the breath out in a longer way than you normally would. If you do a few rounds of this short in-breath then long slow sighing exhale, you will feel your parasympathetic nervous system take over to induce physical and emotional calmness. Take a long slow breath today and let stuff go that can go. All is well.
January 24, 2023
Looking for the goodness:
Point the laser of your mind towards the goodness and the beauty. This is a choice we can make daily. Everywhere we look, we can laser-point in any direction we want, and it’s sometimes best not to go with our autopilot. If we are feeling tired or overwhelmed, we will often see life through that lens, and a certain picture emerges. So we need to consciously direct that laser of the mind, asking for the beauty, the goodness, the pleasant, the fun, and if that’s not possible, at least see the neutral, the manageable, the ok-ness. Choose wisely today. If you don’t like what you see, look in another direction. There’s always something better.
January 24, 2023
Labels on experiences:
Humans have a strange tendency to narrate experiences as they happen. Whether it’s traffic or news or human behavior, it tends to be internally labelled as good or bad, which then triggers feelings and further inner stories. If you want more inner peace, try refraining from labelling. Decide that everything is neutral for now, we don’t know what it means. The zen approach of equanimity means we try to see most things as neither good/bad or right/wrong. Refraining from judgement takes practice but the very attempt to do so is what helps retrain the neural pathways. Beware of labels today and remind yourself that whatever it is, it just is.
January 23, 2023
New growth, new possibilities:
Today is a day of new growth and new possibilities. Every day brings the opportunity to choose, both in mind and in action. Perfection isn’t required, just awareness. If we can be aware of our physical and emotional state, and how this drives our choices; if we can be aware of what truly matters to us and which direction to move towards, then that’s helpful. New possibilities are always around us and new growth is natural. Enjoy the momentum of today.
December 23, 2022
Rechargeable human:
You know, and I know too, that many have been running on low charge for quite some time, a lot going on, so listen now, breathing in, as I talk to you, very slowly, now exhale my friend, breathing out all that built-up physical muck, release it all now, clean pure oxygen in, cleansing the engine, now breathe out all emotional gunk, that’s right, in your mind’s eye also notice that large battery inside, always rechargeable, now plug it into the energy generator, that’s right, switch it on, and observe the whirring of energy transfer into your system, boosting you, powering you, restoring you to full function, you can close your eyes and plug in any time you need, perhaps even more often, charging regularly now, you’ve done so well, your system is restoring continually, remaining plugged in, your life force is stronger and stronger and things are better and better as you breathe and move into your day. Power on.
December 22, 2022
Every day, new day.
At certain times of the year, it’s easy to feel like we are just waiting to get to a certain day or event and then we can feel different or better or calm. Designated days are just that; quite arbitrary in many cases and while they may hold special qualities, every day is new and has the potential to be special. Great things can happen inside and outside, every day. Relax a little today, take the pressure off and find the newness and specialness in the day that is.
December 21, 2022
Holiday and Christmas comparison:
Most social comparison generates weird feelings of inadequacy or guilt. Many are particularly prone to this at holiday times, looking at what others are doing and comparing their own presents or decorations or plans (or lack thereof!). Social media has escalated social comparison with “best life” bullshit served up in reel after reel after pic after pic. We are presented with pics of parents doing “amazing” things with/for kids, or “amazing” holidays or professional level decorating and food prep and gift construction. One part of the brain thinks “yeah nice, but who cares?!” and another part may question or feel smaller as a result. The habit of advertising perfectionist life on social media is a disturbing and concerning change in our culture as it encourages our mind to change inner standards. Do not be fooled. Social media pics are just “works of art”, a curated series of moments in time that may be preceded or followed by a whole lot of mess we don’t see. Perfectionism gone wild. It’s an illusion and it’s none of our business anyway. Let’s ditch the perfectionist thing, stay in our own lanes and do what’s right for us on our holidays or special occasions.
December 20, 2022
Ditch the urgency!
Urgent feelings are common under stress. They give us the sense that something is so pressing, it must be done right away or something terrible will happen. Urgent feelings result from chronic stress, overwhelm and anxiety. They are actually imposters most of the time. Many things just get done when they are done and it all works out. The urgent feelings may occasionally be real (when we have important tasks or deadlines) but we need to check them in case they are actually imposters driven by emotions in high vigilance mode. Slow down, pause, take a breath and focus only on what matters right now. You’ve got this.
December 19, 2022
Eyes open for inspiration:
If we keep our eyes open today, and our ears too, there will be inspiration all around us. We can be inspired by nature, seeing one tree or flower, or by music, or other sounds, by any scenery, city or rural, by works of art and literature, by people and their ideas or their kindness or their creative gifts. We can watch our pets or other animals, perhaps even insects for ideas and inspiration. The sky is a changing work of art all day. Even the way the light hits the wall or ceiling can be inspiring. To be inspired is to be filled with the life force which is in us and all around us. Be inspired and energized by the force today.
December 16, 2022
Smooth sailing:
While you know, and I know too, that rough waters sometimes make a skilled sailor, we also know that there are times when we need some smooth sailing, so listen now, carefully, with your inner mind, slowing now, breathing in deeply, and hold it, now exhale my friend, breathing out all lower energies and tensions, releasing all the gunk, all the trouble, all the choppy seas, the past is gone, it can never come back, the present is fine, with many things to appreciate, and the future is bright, so much to look forward to, so notice that even smooth sea now, as you sail easily through your day, gliding majestically, relaxed, accepting, optimistic and calm, moving into wherever you need to be. All is smooth. All is well.
December 16, 2022
Need acceleration?
If you need to get things done or rev up the system, then you must access your internal accelerator. We have two pedals inside our inner mind, and right now, most of us want to activate the brake pedal. Perhaps though, it’s not quite time and we need to keep moving. Every time you need to focus or move forward, I want you to physically move your right foot on to the accelerator pedal and say “ok go!” to yourself. You’ll be able to activate the brakes soon enough but right now, if you must accelerate then press that pedal and feel yourself move easily into forward momentum. You’ve got this!
December 14, 2022
If you can’t do it:
If you can’t do it, whatever it is, then chunk down to something smaller. The pang of wanting to do a thing and not feeling able to is unpleasant, and it means we need to be kind to ourselves. It’s not laziness. It’s overwhelm, exhaustion, overload, burnout and probably a flood of anxiety. Cut it down to a tinier thing. Just do a teeny-weeny thing. Don’t pressure or berate yourself. There’s a reason it’s hard right now even if it’s not obvious. Be kind to you. One tiny thing and some self-congratulation is your assignment for today. Go easy.
December 13, 2022
The focus controls:
The mind can struggle to pay attention when it’s trying to hold too many pieces of information and when the fuel tank is on low. Most people are low fuel right now, with many things causing cognitive overload. Help your brain simplify by consciously choosing only one thing to focus on. Mental multi-tasking is frustrating and generally unproductive unless we’re in a high energy mode so allow your focus control to work by zooming in on one thing. What problem must be solved right now?? No thinking ahead or zoning out when you need to focus; just use the controls to zoom right in on the one thing that needs attention. Don’t wait. Do it now.
December 12, 2022
On the improve!
Everything is improving. Whatever today might bring, please remember that it’s ok, you can do it, and it’s already improving. It will get better moment by moment. Keep an eye towards the brighter phases and keep the other stuff in perspective. All is well.
December 8, 2022
Very simple.
Right now things need to be very simple. Whatever you thought you should do, go for 25% of that. Simplify in thought, action and reaction. It’s time to keep an empty mind about many things. Choose simple for everything.
December 7, 2022
Unhelpful versions of life events:
When tricky stuff happens in life, there are many versions of the story that we could tell ourselves. If we only have one version, it’s likely to be limited and probably won’t feel good. Many people come up with a story version where they didn’t do enough, others didn’t care enough, it’s going to be awful and/or nothing good will come of it. While these versions may have validity on some occasions, mostly they do not represent what really occurred. We have some agency in most situations AND there are factors outside our control. Please don’t fight for your automatic version of events if it’s unhelpful. Fight to find other versions. The more versions we come up with, the more we realize we don’t really know, we can’t really blame ourselves or others, we need to take a broader view, many factors are always involved and that’s just life. The human mind wants a simple answer but the truth is always more complicated. Work on the version of the story that involves a helpful level of truth and allows for both validation of feelings and the possibility of change or growth.
December 6, 2022
Protective shield:
Humans affect the energy of other humans. We can lift the energy of another, or resonate with it neutrally or we can have a draining effect. Often it defies logic; somebody we like or love might somehow leave us drained of energy after being with them, while others can energize us even though we may not know why. If we need energy protection then we need tools. It may be a behavioral tool, perhaps managing topics of conversation, time spent or disclosure levels. Or it may be visual; imagining a shield of white or golden light that keeps you protected. Or you may tell yourself verbally you are safe and protected via a strong force field around you. You might even choose to feel that forcefield surrounding you and only letting uplifting energy through. Either way, you can protect and shield yourself at will if you are aware and if you form the intention to do so. Put your chosen shield around your energy for self-preservation today and feel your own personal fuel supplies improve day by day.
December 5, 2022
Need that power button?
If you need a bit of powering up for today then remember that it all comes from within. The subconscious mind controls a lot of the power so have a word with your inner self right now and turn that green energy power dial up to eleven while turning that red tension dial right down, as far as you can. Feel the power building within, knowing that you’ve really got this today, you can do it and you will show up with a good attitude and do what’s needed. Remember to enjoy what you can, ignore what’s not for you and know that you’re fueled up and ready for some action. The force is with you.
December 2, 2022
Targeting overwhelm:
If your mind and body feels a tad overstretched or overdone, slow it down now, allowing your eyes to relax and soften as you read my words, and I can talk with you, speaking easily with your inner mind, relaxing as you breathe in, and hold, and slowly breathe out, and out, softer, that’s right, relaxing all muscles here, as I remind your mind that everything is unfolding as it should, you can let go now, all essential tasks go on the list, all that truly matters will evolve exactly as it needs to, and your brain can let go, nothing to do or solve, just letting that part of your mind drift away slowly into space, pleasant space, knowing that somehow it all works out, you let go, you relax, you know all is in perfect order, all the forces of nature helping you, everything is complete, and it’s all you, and it all belongs to you, everything is ok, you know it, your inner mind remembers to relax now, moving about your day to allow more peace and joy. It is.
December 1, 2022
Inner peace compass:
While we’d prefer outer circumstances to support our inner peace, often the chaos or drama or pressure or expectations can be a bit much. That’s when we need to go towards the compass of our inner peace. Inner peace is deciding to be neutral about whatever is occurring, especially when it involves the drama of others. Sometimes this is very challenging and we fight for our idea of how it “should” be. We may not be wrong but focusing on “should” or a “fair and just world” will disturb our inner peace. We can be “right”, or we can have inner peace, rarely both. Our judgements cab disturb our inner peace unless we remind ourselves that we don’t really know, we can’t really say if something is good or bad, we don’t know the whole picture. We don’t have to like it but we can aim for neutrality where appropriate. Protect your inner peace today.
November 30, 2022
Out from overwhelm:
If we need to come out from overwhelm then we need to get all the pieces of our heads and on to a page. Trying to keep too many pieces in mind creates a horrible feeling of overload mixed with fear, fear of not getting it done, not remembering it all, maybe even not wanting to do it all. Write it down. Make a list or a map, make a plan with categories, pictures or words, something to get all the necessary bits out of mind and on to a page. Get help doing this part if needed. Then begin with a small do-able chunk. Yes you can. Usually it’s not as big or as bad as that vague huge feeling we had before. Chunk down and just do the first thing today.
November 29, 2022
Reminder for the thing:
Here’s your reminder for the thing you said you wanted to do. The thing you know will help kickstart momentum and get you feeling better today. Do that one little thing. Put a mantra in your head, say “I’m doing it” and say “bring it on!” Then just do the thing. Action brings the rewards.
November 28, 2022
Checking in now!
Just checking in now to ask what positives you need to remember today? At least one good thing about you. At least one good thing you’ve done lately. At least one person who makes you smile. At least one thing you could look forward to. And is there anything you need to go easy on today? Stay in the chill zone and focus on what matters.
November 25, 2022
Healing words in mind:
Whatever it is that might need healing, in mind and in body, I want those parts to listen carefully now, as I talk to them, and as you read my words, all parts relaxing now, deep breath, holding, now exhale my friend, releasing all unnecessary tension, easy, that’s right, little muscles in the eyelids relaxing more and more, as they become heavy, you become lighter, everything getting more and more clear, that feeling of positivity, you remember, of inner harmony, of all things working for your highest good, they are, all forces surrounding you to help, in the form of people and other things, healing whatever needs to be healed, thoroughly, in its own time, no rush, all inner and outer forces now moving harmoniously towards your perfect and smooth healing, it’s already begun, just relax and let it all do its thing. You are one with the laws of nature creating perfect outcomes. All is well.
November 24, 2022
Give permission:
Today you can give permission to yourself. Here is your official permit. What have you been holding yourself back from feeling, doing, having? Are you being too harsh or punitive with yourself? Use this permit today. Permission to be. Permission to let go. Permission to chill. Permission to have fun. Whatever you need, there it is. Use wisely and freely.
November 23, 2022
The tripwire of avoidance:
Avoidance is a tripwire. If we avoid something we know we really need to do for ourselves, just because it’s an effort, or it’s uncomfortable or it’s unpleasant, then we make that thing bigger and much more controlling in our mind. We are essentially telling ourselves “that thing is way too scary and painful and I just can’t handle it”. The thing then turns into an even bigger block and we justify it by telling ourselves (or others) why we can’t do it just yet. Reinforcing this pattern is going to limit us. To actively work against avoidance is life-enhancing. We need to welcome the challenge and discomfort, we need to be pleased to have it, because pushing through discomfort brings us the reward and the achievement and the confidence we want. Plus, doing it brings the reinforcement that hard or scary things can be done, and done by us. Say yes to the pain and discomfort of doing what you know you need to do. Know discomfort is part of the process of getting the most out of human experience because discomfort isn’t going anywhere and by staying in a comfort bubble we also aren’t going anywhere. Take on one hard thing today. Say yes. Welcome it. Move towards it and then be through it. You’ve got this
November 22, 2022
Fear and uncertainty:
As humans, we’re all living in uncertainty, and many of us don’t like it. Of course, most of nature lives calmly in uncertainty, not needing to know what happens next or what the plan is. Nature seems to feel safe unless there is a direct and immediate threat. Not so humans, we detect and plan for many threats that will never exist, but loom large in imagination. It’s not our fault. Our nervous systems are threat-detection machines and some nervous systems are a tad zealous. It’s all about safety. If our nervous system thinks we are safe, it’s all good. If not, Fear and its famous friend The Need To Control can show up to “help”. Threat detection is largely unconscious. We can make it conscious by responding to signals and reaffirming that there is no actual threat and no need to control. We can know that we are actually safe, even if we don’t feel it. We can remember that life is changeable and that all of nature lives within that and it’s all ok. Change and uncertainty is part of life and we like life. We can even say “bring it on”. If we welcome it we might feel more neutral. Neutral is great. And so are you.
November 21, 2022
Totally great:
Today is a great day. It may not be apparent yet, but many great things are already happening, perhaps unknown to us, possibly even behind the scenes, seeding and quietly taking root, only to be revealed later when the timing is right. Often something looks one way, later to turn out in quite another, much better way. The greatness may be right in front of you, or just around the corner, but either way, today is great. Know it, sense it, and act as if you’re already in it. That feeling will add to your life force today. Enjoy it.
November 18, 2022
Infusion of energy:
If you might need an infusion of energy, pause now, slowing as you read my words, letting a part of your mind be here, listening, while another part of your mind gazes off into the distance, way out in space and the ocean and nature and the sky, gazing at the magnitude of life, and how the sun fuels all of nature, all life held in place and fed and watered and slept, all of life perfectly balanced and in harmony with nature, and you know that you are one with nature, part of nature, and can take in that energy infusion from the light of the same sun, from the inner image of the ocean, from the leaves of the trees, from the vastness of the sky, infusing now, moving easily through all cells and into the mind, powering you, fueling you, ready and good to go. Enjoy.
November 17, 2022
Radical appreciation!!
It’s time to lunge towards radical appreciation for yourself. Maybe you’re not used to it; maybe you’d rather self-deprecation or being overly modest about who you are and what you’ve been through or achieved. Humility is great but true humility is a balanced sense of appreciation, in other words being able to fully accept the greatness while not feeling superior or grandiose. You’re awesome! Your gifts, talents, kindnesses, all the little extras that people might not see or know. You’ve got it. You’re a star. Please radically appreciate it today.
November 16, 2022
Accountability feels good.
If we can be accountable, then we can change something. Refusing to take accountability (when appropriate of course) leaves a person in victim mode, with a sense of things *happening to them*. Whatever happens, we usually have played some part in it, and emotionally mature people are able to look rationally at the role they played, admit it if required and commit to learning or adapting. Refusal to take accountability can be due to a mix of stubbornness and lack of emotional maturity. It’s something we need in friends, partners and in the workplace. Don’t miss that red flag in others and let’s all be conscious of when we need to be accountable. If we can own it, we can manage it and having control of that always feels good.
November 15, 2022
The punch of perfectionism:
The punch of perfectionism is that there is nothing in a human that is permanently perfect. While an object may be subjectively perfect, even its perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Having a tendency towards perfectionism means that it’s either right or wrong; the world can only be coded as perfect or imperfect, therefore it will nearly always be imperfect in some way, leading to either continual overwork, excessive people-pleasing or it’s emotional side effect, feeling despairing, dissatisfied, guilty, overwhelmed, not good enough. Many perfection tendencies come from false ideas about what others are doing or being, and how they are perceived by others. This is a cognitive trap. We can never know the truth about others; a confident facade can hide incompetence and a quiet demeanor can mask great talent. We are not chosen for jobs or relationships for our perfection but rather for our mysterious, complex mix of gifts and strengths, which will all of course have their flip side. And that’s ok. That’s the beauty of humans. Being human (and therefore full of complexity) is ok today.
November 14, 2022
Congrats to you!
For getting through it. For keeping on going despite stuff. For orienting towards the positive. For overcoming the hurdles. For appreciating the good things. For what you do for others. For your good attitude. For your optimism and persistence. For just being you. Please keep going. You rock.
November 11, 2022
Blank your mind.
If there’s too much going on in mind, we need to erase some space for relaxation and rejuvenation, and maybe you know what I mean, and if you do, then let your eyes drift here, as though a part of your mind is reading this while the other part of your mind drifts away, perhaps it looks up at the ceiling, or into the distance, gazing, eyes de-focused like going into a daydream, and the deeper you go, the better you feel, your inner mind, turning like spokes on a wheel, going around and around, moving away from all the stuff you can let go of now, and moving around towards all the fun and the good, and there is much good for you, more good things always coming and coming, as you relax and let go, your mind as blank as you need it to be, clean slate ready for the next good thing. You are.
November 10, 2022
Exhaustion is extra:
This message is for yourself and/or for the people around you. It’s almost a warning. The level of exhaustion reported by so many at the moment is next level. It’s multi-factorial: a mix of chronic world issues, local issues, illnesses, life changes, extreme weather, sleep disturbance, allergies, fear of the future and massive cognitive overload. Exhaustion affects our thinking and our behavioral choices, at times resulting in increased drama and chaos around us. Everybody needs a physical, mental and emotional break and many may not have the luxury of this. All we can do is what we CAN do; address the factors within our influence. Choose one thing. That one thing might be the puzzle piece that leads you to greater strength and capacity. May the force be with you.
November 9, 2022
Don’t aim for happiness.
If we monitor our happiness, we usually feel worse. Being “happy” is a very vague and momentary state and many people now have the idea that we are meant to be in a state of permanent enthusiasm. In fact, if we focus on achieving what matters to us, doing what feels meaningful, having some pleasure or fun and maintaining inner peace then we get the payoff brain chemistry that means we will feel pretty good. When we don’t feel good, there is usually a reason; perhaps physical, emotional or relational. And that’s ok, we need signals to help us redirect. So forget the “happy” cliche and think achievement, pleasure, meaning and inner peace. That’s a good combo for today.
November 8, 2022
Harmonize:
Most of us feel good when we have inner harmony. It feels like everything is aligned, the pieces match up, no two parts of ourselves working against each other. Inner harmony is a sense of congruence, of being on the same team within yourself as opposed to being in conflict within. When there is a lack of harmony we can ask where the conflict lies, whether we are not living according to what matters to us, whether we need to tweak our narrative or our ethics or choices. Inner harmony is the key to calm. Where do you need to tweak your narrative or choices?
November 7, 2022
Choose a positive!!
Choose one thing today, one thing you like, a beautiful thing, or a fun thing or a thing that’s getting better, perhaps even an image or song that makes you feel good. Whenever your focus drifts, take your attention back to that one good thing. It doesn’t matter how many times you drift, just take the mind back to a pleasant thing and move forward. Stay with the good today!
November 4, 2022
Freedom from toxic!
If it feels like time to release some toxic buildup, then tune in now, listening to me, as I talk, slowly, calmly, quietly to you now, and I can invite you to slow down, just breathing in, holding, out, and easily, with every in breath, taking in clear white light now, in through your nose, moving confidently through your whole system, then releasing, breathing out all that toxic buildup, see the colors exit, as you let go, really setting it all free as you breath in, out, all toxins leave you now, you are clear, calm, confident and valued and you remember this going forward as you hear my words, in, out, clear, valued and awesome. You are.
November 3, 2022
Beware the tiredness lens:
Always beware the lens of tiredness as it can change the color and flavor of life. Tiredness can lower our enjoyment chemicals, giving us the feeling of being on a treadmill to nowhere. It can keep us irritable or pessimistic or flat, it can increase perceptions of hunger leading to pointless consumption. Tiredness makes us less available for the people and activities we care about. It makes it hard to relax in the “tired but wired” version. When not feeling up to par, check in on tiredness. Do you need rest, sleep, free time, more fun? Tune in and act on signals. It’s for you.
November 2, 2022
Prescription for Silly:
It’s time to get silly. Silly means lighthearted, fun, irreverent, amusing. It means losing the seriousness even temporarily and just being a little bit silly to break the pattern in a place, and with people, and in a way that seems right to you. Things in life can get a bit intense at times, and throwing in some silliness will help with free spiritedness and enjoyment. Start silly soon!
November 1, 2022
Priority is YOU!
You are the priority today. Think about your self-care; whether it’s the basics or something more specific, what do you need to start, stop, do more of and do less of? What activities or people are draining you? What is fueling you? Take a check in today and either plan the changes or enact them. It’s for you. You’re worth it.
October 31, 2022
Not feeling like an optimist?
There are days when optimism comes easily and naturally, and other days where it feels blocked. When we feel out of sorts, look at the calendar. Is something coming up that you don’t feel great about, or has something just happened that affected you? It’s ok to feel blocked or flat; the idea is to allow it rather than fight. Optimism isn’t about feeling good. True optimism is knowing that flat feeling is temporary, specific to circumstances (life, sleep, burnout etc), and that it’s not a personal failing, it’s just a human response. Today will be ok. Tomorrow will probably be way better. Good things await you. Be chill my friend.
October 28, 2022
Compliments!
We need to give more compliments and appreciation, especially to those we live with and are close too. Familiarity can lead to forgetting. Tell them what they did well! Tell them what you like/love about them! Thank them for anything. Even small things. Go with the love today.
October 27, 2022
Letting stuff go:
You know, and I know too, that it’s time to release some stuff, maybe recent stuff, old stuff, any stuff that doesn’t serve, so breathe in strength now, slowly in my friend, hold on, the now exhale my friend, releasing all the gooey grey, all the junk, all the stuff you don’t need now, cleansing, purifying, white light shining everywhere inside and out, bright white light, you see clearly, you can feel lighter and lighter now, full of the clear space and balanced energy that is needed. You are filled with charge and ready to go. Enjoy.
October 26, 2022
You did it!
You totally did it! Think of that thing you need to celebrate, past or present, big or small. Could be enduring something, turning a situation around, completion of a tricky task or job, maybe even a social win. Notice all the small wins, pump your fist in the air, play a celebration song, high-five yourself and say “YES!! I did that!” And yes, you did! More congratulations all around means better brain chemistry and confidence!
October 25, 2022
Got a tired brain??
Our brains can get very exhausted from thinking and carrying too many areas of focus. If we have attention issues (eg ADHD) this can be even more tiring. It’s called Cognitive Load. It’s the amount of stuff we are thinking of, solving, worrying about and concentrating on, or even trying to push out of our mind. The more ongoing factors to keep in mind, the more the cognitive load. The brain needs a break, regularly. During the day we need to be mindful of ultradian rhythms, the 90 min cycle of focus/rest. And we need periods where our minds can wander. We need nature, we need meditation, we need good sleep, we need escapism, we need light moments. Consider your cognitive load. Do you need to lighten up on your brain a little?? Factor it in soon.
October 24, 2022
Every day, new day!
No matter what’s been happening or not happening, today is a new day, and it always will be, and many good things can happen. Each day is full of possibilities in mind and in action and all we need to do is remember this. Things improve, our minds shift, we see things differently. Frame today as a good one and yourself as well. Everything is ok.
October 21, 2022
Easing the frustration:
As you read this, perhaps you are carrying some annoyances, some frustrations or other emotional disturbance, so listen now, slowing your eyes as you glide over my words, as I speak to you, here, slow breath in, inhale my friend, let it rest, then out, slowly exhale my friend, easing those little muscles in the neck and shoulder, dissolving any tension, it dissolves like an aspirin in water, draining any frustration residue, relaxing the stomach, all stress exiting the system, freeing you, releasing you, leaving you calm, clear, confident; doing only what needs to be done, no need for too much thought, just look straight ahead, do what you need to do, go where you need to go, the universe supports you just like the planets are held in place, part of nature, set up for optimum, you are, so know now, you are safe, you are calm, strong, ready to do the things that need doing. Go in peace.
October 20, 2022
Not being understood:
For many, especially those with childhood feelings of being criticized, the feeling of being misunderstood can be very disturbing. It’s awful when your intention was pure but somebody else perceives it as malign and responds with disapproval. The desire to “clear your name” can be powerful, though often not successful. If we explain ourselves and it’s not accepted or believed then we need to build muscle for sitting with that disapproval. Yes it’s unfair but people who cling to fairness experience more frustration, resentment and anger. The negative perception belongs to the other person and it’s their faulty assessment. Go back to your integrity and see it through your own eyes and not theirs. Understand yourself and reassure yourself. Do not be reliant on that outside approval; it’s not an objective assessment. What they think maybe be distorted and biased so let them misunderstand you. You’re ok.
October 19, 2022
Be pleased with you.
While we can always focus on the things we think we *should* improve, more focus needs to be on progress, appreciating the things we’ve persisted with, endured, survived and even optimized. It’s not about positive thinking. It’s about choosing and using the facts and the evidence from our life that reminds us of our achievements. Good feelings arise from achievements via the pathways of perceived satisfaction, fulfillment and meaning. These will differ according to what matters to us, our deepest values. Achievement is always there though, if we look carefully, and we can choose to be pleased with that. Focus on the little wins, however significant (or insignificant) they may seem to boost achievement and satisfaction. And please be pleased with you.
October 18, 2022
Unique.
Each person is unique. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to most things human. Not emotional regulation, not ideal nutrition, not exercise plans or preferences, not motivational style. Most approaches (including evidence-based and clinical methods) need to be tailored to us. And that’s ok. Nothing is generic. You have special talents and gifts and a system that is yours and yours only, requiring management specific to you. The more knowledge and options we have, the better. Find your own unique way today and have faith in your self-knowledge. You’ve earned it.
October 17, 2022
Choose uplifting thoughts!
We have a very quick gap between feeling and thought. The good news is that even if we feel tired or flat or unmotivated, we can quickly choose to think an uplifting thought, and if that thought resonates, we will feel instantly better. Make it simple and make it evidence-based so your mind will accept it as a possibility. Eg: “my energy improves over the day”, “I’m going to feel better and better”, I can focus on the good parts”, “fun things are just around the corner”, “it might work out better than I expect”. Choose not to feed any thought that takes you down. Stay on the uplifting path with the power of your mind today.
October 14, 2022
Help for disillusion
Now and again, as you know, and I know too, we can all get a little downhearted, disappointed or maybe disillusioned, so breathe now, easy, inhale my friend, holding, now exhale my friend, breathing out all that built up stuff, releasing it, that’s right, many things don’t meet expectation, we know it, but you know, sometimes it works out later, we are compensated somehow in another way, easily, and we never truly know what good or even great things are just around the corner, always there, many good things for you, it’s always working out, maybe not the way we expect, but as we relax and let go, we can allow for many possibilities and let things work for us in ways we couldn’t have even imagined. Release the past now, and let things turn the corner. They do.
October 13, 2022
Exhaustion stuff?
Stress build-up, lack of sleep, constant pressure, other people’s problems or expectations, hormone imbalance, too much to carry in the mind and body: all of this can contribute to exhaustion. Exhaustion can be scary when there are things we need to do. Firstly acknowledge there are valid reasons for exhaustion. Secondly look at the factors you CAN influence. Thirdly allow yourself to operate at sub-optimal functioning; no perfectionism allowed. Lastly schedule in breaks where you can and that includes boundaries (saying no) and mini-exits. Know that it’s just exhaustion. It will pass. You’re ok.
October 12, 2022
Go forward!
There are times when staying “as is” feels ok, perhaps even essential, and there are times when it will feel like being stuck. When considering change please choose one thing. So many people rush to change multiple things to escape discomfort but really we need to prioritize and choose one important and achievable thing (make a list in order if you must plan it all!!) and get momentum. Improving one thing can uplift us fairly quickly as long as we focus on progress and not perfection or gaps. What is your one specific change? It’s ok not to have one but be clear with yourself and get it done if it truly needs doing. Go on. Go forward.
October 11, 2022
Extra-sensitive?
Being highly sensitive can be a permanent state for many and a long circumstantial phase for others. There is evidence that high sensitivity has a strong genetic component, and, if combined with trauma or stress can activate states of anxiety, depression, ADHD, pain conditions and chronic fatigue. People with high sensitivity often get messages suggesting their responses are too much, irrational or wrong, and so they learn to hide or mask these responses. This can be exhausting as well as messing with our sense of reality. Managing high sensitivity requires awareness, consciousness of potential triggers of fight/flight/freeze and learning ways of helping the system to return to baseline. It’s ok to be sensitive; our modern world may not be set up for sensitive systems but growing awareness means there’s more information around to help manage the return to equilibrium. Notice your inner peace-invaders today and consider how your system could be aided to cruise through it or course-correct more easily afterwards. Humans are equipped with nervous system GPS data if we notice and listen. Please listen.
October 10, 2022
Please look up!
When we look up, it can take us out of our inner dialogue, away from worry and away from our devices. Looking up means we can have perspective, we can appreciate what’s good and what’s going well, we can look up to the sky for inspiration and calm, we can look up and remember what’s right in front of us and all the good stuff we can’t even see yet because it’s just around the corner. Look up, look ahead and remember to see the fun possibilities today.
October 7, 2022
Recovery Relief
Please take a breath, in now, as you read this, slowing down, and breathing out, releasing all tension in your shoulders, allowing your stomach to relax, truly letting go, nothing to do right now, nothing to prove, nobody to appease, no pressure, no need to do anything at all right now, except let your eyes slowly glide over my helpful instructions, as I remind you now to relax, you recover as you read this, all cells easing into just being, relief is here, all is well and you can move around your day as you refill and power up for enjoyment. You are.
October 6, 2022
Get unstuck!
There’s always a sticking point for most of us, the thing we need to take action on and feel like we can’t, or the thing we need to keep doing and somehow don’t. If we want to unstick ourselves, it’s time to stop the inner narrative or criticism and ask a powerful question. Firstly clarify the WHY. “Why do I want to do this positive action? What will it give me?” If we know the why, we move on to the WHAT. “What is the first small step?” Just one small step. Do that. Not the whole massive thing. Just one small step. One tiny thing takes us out of stuck and into momentum. Get it clear and get it done. You can.
October 5, 2022
Long journey, low fuel?
Please be aware that so many people are running very low on fuel despite feeling like they have a way to go, a lot to do. It’s not a great feeling and it can be a little scary. Lots of self-compassion required: in other words, manage self-expectations. We can’t split the pie in so many pieces and expect each piece to be huge. We need to prioritize and to kill any perfectionist needs and just do a good-enough job in the parts we can manage. And we can’t manage all parts. Maybe we need assistance, maybe we need to opt out of some stuff. If fuel is low, don’t push it. Change the destination and let yourself coast a bit. It will all be ok. It all works out. You know it.
September 21, 2022
Stuff works out.
Just in case you need a reminder, here it is. Stuff works out. Sometimes it works out all by itself without our interference or precipitous action, and at other times it needs a little kick up the a$$ to get things moving. Whatever it is for you, it IS going to work out and probably already has. When we look back at most of the stuff we’ve stressed about (and we probably don’t remember the vast majority of it) it can seem comical. So: affirm it today. Stuff works out. Always.
September 20, 2022
Check all gauges:
Check your energy barometer. Check the emotional levels. Check the physical conditions. Check your signals. Check the indicators. The nervous system is constantly giving us feedback on where we are; it’s up to us to look, listen and figure out which direction to move towards. Tune in to the truth today and take the small action steps that the system requires. Then go forward smoothly in your tuned-up state.
September 19, 2022
Nurture in nature:
Take in some of your surroundings today. Nature is everywhere. It’s in a flower, a sky, a blade of grass, a pet, the sound in the distance, the bird outside, in every breath of air we take in. We are part of nature and we are designed to thrive. It’s a big system and it works well, so release all concerns and flow with nature today.
September 15, 2022
Guilt and responsibility:
Guilty people usually get the attributions all wrong. Most people that feel regular and potent guilt are actually feeling responsible for far too many factors that sit right outside their control. This is often sub-conscious though, and explains why guilt feelings are so vague and yet so powerful at times. Most guilt is related to other people and their responses or reactions. In truth, when it comes to other people, we have very limited control of most factors. We can’t control their past, their experiences, their family history, their genetic makeup, their inner thoughts, their decisions, their narrative or made-up stories, their preferences, their lived values, their lifestyle, their nervous system activity, their philosophy on life, their view of themselves, others or the future. Really, all we get to be responsible for is what we say and what we do. It’s not much is it. And yet, guilt suggests it’s all on us. Next time guilt steps in, count the factors you can truly be held responsible for, compared to the ones you have zero control over. The equation is usually highly unbalanced. Stick to your lane and act with ethics and kindness. Choose peace.
September 14, 2022
The way of the pet:
If we want to Zen, then follow the way of the pet. The pet walks when invited, eats its fixed amount on schedule, rests when need, gives love whenever and is always ready to play. The pet lives in right now and forgets all conflict or upset once it’s over. The pet remembers unsafe people or situations and keeps its distance. The pet meditates and does not require or benefit from excess stimulation. The pet feels joy when joy is there. The pet knows its needs and will ask when necessary. The pet calmly enjoys life as it comes and adapts to changes in life with serenity. The pet withdraws when unwell and returns to full functioning without analysis. The pet appreciates all things and feels curiosity about particulars. The pet lives every day with enthusiasm and equanimity. The pet is. And the pet knows that being is enough.
September 13, 2022
Get out of the way!
Most things work out all by themselves, despite our efforts to control the universe. Have you noticed how much energy we use trying to solve or plan or strategize, only to find out things went perfectly fine, perhaps in quite a different way than you could have predicted? Perhaps it didn’t even seem fine at the time, but later, you look back and see that it’s the only way it could have gone, and it led to the right things. It’s certainly a possibility that there’s more order in the universe than what we realize. Maybe, just maybe, we don’t personally have to take on the responsibility of controlling the planets and all beings?? Perhaps we could just get our perfectionist-driven mind out of the way and allow things to unfold naturally and work out perfectly well today?? Not everything needs our input and management. Take the vehicle with the self-driving option today and just see if you arrive naturally at a good destination. You know you will.
September 12, 2022
Don’t believe the negs!
The negs are full of it. Anything about you, thought or feeling, that feels or sounds less than, let’s not buy in. Unpleasant comments that you make towards or about yourself, again, not to be believed. Dire predictions of the day or events or the future, not buying in. No negs today. Just go neutral or higher. It’s always easier than you think and it’s always better than you think. Notice it, know it and stay in the comfortable zone today.
September 8, 2022
Energy Recovery:
When we examine the flow of our energy, we need to consider what fills us and what drains us. This of course includes the people that we feel filled around and the people with whom we feel emptied after being in their presence. Sometimes it appears illogical or counter-intuitive; we may love or enjoy an activity/person and yet feel drained by it. Things can fill or deplete our tank in different ways. Eg an activity might be boring or draining but we somehow feel fulfilled at a practical or existential level. Conversely, something may provide short-term pleasure or fun, yet add nothing to our tank at a meaningful level. It’s individualized and the key is to be both aware and honest about who and what fills/drains your tank. Take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle and compare fillers with drainers. Check your balance and change strategy as required. Your tank will thank.
September 7, 2022
Burnout World:
Burnout world is a build up of long term overload. That overload can be from anything that triggered dysregulation in the nervous system or the immune system or other aspects of life. Some people are more sensitive to overload dysregulation and need to adjust life balance (and probably people-balance) to make sure it doesn’t get to be all too much. A few nights of sleep doesn’t cure burnout. Either does “just do more exercise”. If you’re feeling the strain of burnout then you need an individualized plan for how to get your system back into balance. The “advice” of well-meaning partners, family or friends to just do this, or just do that is often unhelpful and incorrect. We need to address the root causes of disruption and design a way to gradually return the system to its equilibrium. And equilibrium also looks and feels different for everyone. Recognize burnout. You’re not lazy. You’re just in survival mode and it takes a toll. Get help if you need it and allow your mind to mull over what might be required for relaxation, balance and inner harmony. You probably know the answer already. Act on it.
September 6, 2022
Suspend judgment:
It’s good to make an assessment. Intelligent minds do it often, taking in all the information to see the pattern that lies beyond. But: we often don’t know what it really means, and yet many of us quickly decide on what we think the meaning is and then act accordingly. The meaning of somebody else’s behavior, the meaning of a look, or a silence, a “smart-ass” comment or even a lack of response: we don’t fully know. Our job is to note these developments, put it in the file whilst suspending judgment. Rushing to the polarities of good/bad or right/wrong can lead us into unnecessary stress, aggravation or rumination. We can just note the development and resolve to add it to the file. The subconscious mind is in charge and usually makes the appropriate call if we tune into our intuition and we do this best from a place of calm non-judgment. Allow yourself to suspend judgment and opinion today while maintaining focused observation and awareness. It’s a powerful thing because it keeps us in the empowered state.
September 5, 2022
Good days and better days!
It’s so easy to get sucked into negative predictions about what the day may hold, what people might bring, how you may or may not feel. Thing is, our predictions are usually subconsciously self-protective, designed to spot danger before it even happens. And mostly, it doesn’t happen! Most days are good and mostly we feel better than we expect to. Today just might be ok. Look outside, check nature, remind yourself of its equanimity, and decide to flow with the rhythm of the day. It could be better than expected. Could even be very good. Go with it.
September 1, 2022
Delay tactics:
One of the ways to manage chronic worrying is to use delay tactics. This means that when a worry pops up, we delay it until later. We might even say to ourselves “I’ll worry about that this afternoon or maybe tomorrow”. Delaying worry helps our brain learn to compartmentalize, as well as to manage the traffic flow of thoughts. Building our attentional control is one of the best building blocks for staying calm and quickly re-establishing inner peace. If there’s a pop-up thought that’s unpleasant or unnecessary, delay it. This is a good use of procrastination, and who knows, you may just forget to remember it later. Worry is overrated anyway so just keep putting it off until another time.
August 31, 2022
The attention arrow:
It can be tricky to maintain focus. The brain is open to so much stimulation from so many places, both internal and external. Our subconscious mind sometimes gets hooked on potential danger, often becoming over-vigilant and exaggerating possible risks. Another part of our mind can seek distraction, wanting to avoid discomfort and go towards escape. While these patterns are human, our focus of attention can also be targeted like an arrow if we consciously notice and train it. We can speak to it. We can observe the tendency to drift to fake danger or fake escapism, while gently guiding focus back to where we’d like it to be. Choose your focus. It may be a task or it may be an emotional state; either way, make it specific and doable. Choose your focus right now and keeping calmly guiding your arrow back towards your chosen target today. You’ve got this.
August 30, 2022
Seeking inner peace?
Most weeks have ups and downs, and maybe even a few flat parts. That’s human, that’s normal, it’s really part of nature. Nature operates in cycles and we humans sit within it, experiencing similar phases. Nature doesn’t question her cycles or try to “fix” them. She just allows, knowing it’s temporary and that a new phase is just around the corner. A tree doesn’t cling to its leaves, it lets them go when the season arrives. And then, in another season, new buds and leaves appear and the tree doesn’t fight this, but simply allows. Inner peace is the radical acceptance of phases, rather than the constant judging/fixing/fighting/fearing that we humans are prone to do. Just for today, when inner ambivalence or frustration arises, say “I’m ok with this phase, it’s temporary and soon the cycle will change”. It will. And it’s all ok. You’re ok.
August 29, 2022
Find the plus side!
Let’s assume, just for today, that every equation is balanced. While there may be downsides to what occurs, today’s puzzle is to always find the plus side. The plus side doesn’t have to overshadow or rule over the others. This is about finding the balance, about considering perspectives. So however you’re feeling, whatever is happening, solve the puzzle of the plus side. What are the benefits, the advantages, the possibilities, the opportunities, the learnings? In every equation there exists logic and balance. Let’s aim to find and know this today.
August 25, 2022
Emotional Regulation:
We feel the best, we make the best decisions and we communicate from the best place when we’re in a state of emotional regulation. This is equivalent to a kind of equilibrium, a place of nervous system calm balance. Notice today how often you are taken into emotional dysregulation. Depending on personal triggers, it could be traffic, demands, thoughts, worries, comments of others, expectations of self, criticisms, or internal factors like fatigue, hunger, pain, overload, stress, burnout, tiredness or hormones. Many things can lead us into dysregulation and this is a danger zone. We’re more likely to make mistakes, snap, get impatient or abrupt, lose our focus, lose our language. Dysregulation happens quickly when couples argue, and usually leads to language and response choices that escalate problems. We can do some training to help us quickly return to a regulated state. The first step is awareness and being able to notice when you’re dysregulated. Then we need to learn what is best for us to re-enter the regulated state. Anything that naturally relaxes, calms and energizes us helps regulation, both short and long-term. Help yourself by being aware of that balancing act today and head back to regulation as you are able. You can.
August 24, 2022
Something motivational?
Motivation is about the drive, the energy to do the thing you know you want to do. Firstly we have to desire the thing, with enough desire to push us to the next level. Wanting it only a little bit won’t get it over the line. Then we work on the determination, the mindset required to get the CAN DO energy activated inside. Sometimes this is easy and at other times it takes a lot of mental repetition. This part is the part that makes the difference. Getting in touch with your inner coach and listening to them while they fire you up and into action mode. The final part is the JUST DO IT, the follow-through, the willingness to act with discipline and do what you know has to be done without over complicating it or giving yourself excuses. You want it, you coach yourself into compelling action by focusing on why it matters and you follow through. You can. You’ve got this. Just do it.
August 23, 2022
Body tune-up:
Are you taking care of your body in the way that it needs to be cared for? No need for perfection or pressure or guilt. Just choose one aspect of physical care to enact. Consider your activity level, quality of rest and sleep, nutrition intake, hydration amount and nervous system relaxation vs stimulation time. Just do one thing, one small thing; no extra burdens. Doing one small thing might help energy, outlook and mood quite a lot. Check in with your system today and do one small tune-up. Do it for you.
August 22, 2022
Stay maxed!
Max out with attitude today, taking the choices and chances that help you feel good. Things might happen; that’s ok, but stay maxed. Decide to feel ok about what goes on and remember it’s all temporary and it’s all impersonal. There might be amusing aspects if you look closely; but if not, that’s cool too. Feel what you feel and decide to maximize the aspects that are helpful to your system, both in energy and in peace. Go well and stay maxed!
August 18, 2022
Where’s the boundary line??
All places of residence have boundaries. That boundary states where our house/space begins and ends. We get to determine who is allowed into our space and what they can do in there, and who leaves and when, and who stays out no matter what. A boundary violation is like a trespass. Somebody has either entered a realm without permission, or they have done something to mess with your space or your stuff. Maybe they even messed with your mind. None of it is ok. We don’t need to feel guilty when another has trespassed. The boundary line is pretty obvious and those who choose to cross boundaries often feel entitled to do so and might even blame you for it, as well as showing no remorse. We need to be around people that naturally respect our standard boundaries in life. Most people know full well where the line really is but have chosen to justify stepping over or around it. If they accidentally cross the line, they may respond to an attempted explanation of why they need to respect the boundary. If they do not respond immediately, then they probably should not be allowed in your domain. Exit, abort, re-direct. If house boundaries are enforced and legally-binding then human boundaries are even more so. Stay away from line-crossers. Go where the love is. And remember, love is a verb.
August 17, 2022
Watch the credits!
Many people used to watch the credits on films or tv shows. Now, most skip them because we can. Why waste time on acknowledgements of talents and achievements?? And some people are doing the same in life: going through the episode and then skipping their own credits. Skipping credits in life means achieving things or completing them without taking the time to digest the “fuxk yeah” moment. It’s just done, done, on to the next one. Missing out on taking your own credit means we aren’t consciously adding to confidence, competence and sense of fulfillment. Might as well actually run through your credits; it’s likely nobody else is going to roll them for you. Complete the cycle today and write the credits (either mentally or actually writing it down) so you can watch the list of all the stuff you actually did, complicated things, against the odds and despite setbacks. You are producer, director and actor in all that you accomplish. Credits are like bonus points, you get to keep them and accumulate them and they mean something. Make sure you get the payoff.
August 16, 2022
Add positive energy:
Doesn’t matter how you feel today; you can be a little flat or tired, maybe a tad foggy; it’s irrelevant because you will still add positive energy to this world. Purely through your internal attitude and mere presence, you are a strong force of positive energy. You work at it, you keep adjusting your mindset, you seek inspiration. You deserve recognition for what you bring to the world, and this is for you. Thank you for your energy, you are an important part of the big picture and everything you do makes it a better place to be. Enjoy knowing you are adding to the world in a pleasant way, you earned it. May the force be with you.
August 15, 2022
Peace and patience:
While there might be a little hurry and worry in the air today, let’s agree not to merge into that lane. Your nervous system will thank you if you focus on peace and patience. Let things unfold, release the urgent urges and flow with the rhythm of the day. Repeat the mantra of peace and patience to assist your mind to adapt easily to the events and the people and remember to pause, to breathe. It’s all ok and you’re going to be great today. Let others do their thing, stay in your lane of chill and notice all the good that comes your way. The good is plentiful!
August 11, 2022
Strength for tough times:
Many people are doing it tough in a private, hidden way. While we might assume everyone is fine, most have a battle we know nothing about. And in managing our own inner battles we need to keep our strength up. First is mindset. We need to validate the reasons we feel as we do and not be nasty to ourselves or frustrated about feeling as we do. Then we need to get proactive: is there something we need to change in the way we’re thinking about this state of being, a reframe perhaps? And then, what action do we take? Is it just a change of attitude or approach? Or do we need to put a survival or exit plan in place as well? Usually it’s a combination of both that gives us strength in tough times. We need to feel equipped to manage ourselves and the situation. Take a can-do attitude and walk through the open doors. It gets better. You’re awesome and it all works out. Take the required action today.
August 10, 2022
Remember your power!
Whatever it is, we have an element of control. We are not passive victims who are at the mercy of circumstances or other people. We always have a choice. We can change direction or we can change mindset, every minute, every day. There is always a choice, even when we can’t see it in the moment. This is why we sometimes need to seek help from our brains trust; they may see options that are momentarily beyond our view. Bottom line: we always have a part to play and knowing this gives us power. Find the tiny thing that will make the difference and take charge today.
August 9, 2022
Slow it.
If it’s been a lot, if there is a lot, or even if there isn’t enough, slow down. Slow down in mind and slow down today in body. Take a breath. Give yourself the space you need. Wherever there is overload, create some balance. Maybe the balance is physical, perhaps emotional, or cognitive. Slow down. Do what needs to be done and keep your mind as neutral as it needs to be today. Space creates room for more enjoyment.
August 8, 2022
Surprisingly good!
Today may bring some surprising good things. Often our expectations are set at neutral, or even less, and yet life can always surprise us with unexpected joys and pleasures. They may be small and it’s our job to notice and appreciate them. Be ready for unexpected good things today and when they happen, be glad and remind yourself that you knew this would happen! May your day be glittered with unexpected goodness!
August 4, 2022
Victim behavior:
Like many people, you may at times be frustrated and bewildered by the victim behavior you see around you. Yes there are genuine victims to whom something unfair and awful has happened, and we willingly give empathy and assistance. But. There are others who do not see their choice, or their role, or their responsibility or their pattern. Even when you tell them their options or suggest possibilities, they see only hurdles, traps and persecution. Victims feel helpless and often resentful. In truth it’s hard to watch, even harder if it’s somebody close to you. The first step in coping is to recognize it. See the different types of victim presentation; the angry victim, the bitter victim, the martyr victim, the passive victim, the offending vengeful victim. The superior all-knowing victim. There are many. And there may be nothing you can do if they choose to remain in this mindset. That’s ok. See it as their choice and their world map. You have a different map. Your map has many directions and options and possibilities. Your mind is flexible; you can see the role of circumstances but you know you always have a certain level of choice. Even if just a tiny choice. Be zen when you see victim mindset in others and know that it may not be within your power to effect change but you can always remain within your own circle of power and influence within. That part is up to you.
August 3, 2022
Single moment, single focus.
Single moment, single focus.One thing that helps focus, attention and productivity immediately is to stay in one place mentally. Splitting our attention across tasks or topics means less to go around. Inner restlessness can lead us to believe that we are more effective if we have more than one thing on the go, if we “multi task”. However, both research and common sense actually agree: splitting our attention lowers effectiveness markedly. Be here now, do one thing, focus on that one thing. Slow down, let your mind work as designed and feel the YES feeling that comes from completion and achievement. All it takes us remembering to be here. Remember to stay in the NOW today!
August 2, 2022
Choosing mindset:
Even when we wake feeling less than great, we can manage ourselves better by carefully checking mindset. No need to go hardcore positive; sometimes it’s a matter of going easy on yourself, taking it slowly, knowing a tired or painful day can still be ok (if not great) and allowing it to be as it is. A zen mindset helps most things. It is as it is, we don’t dwell on it, we move towards our day with equanimity. We don’t aim too high and we don’t go low in mind. We can acknowledge and validate our physical and emotional feelings without taking them down a black hole in our mind. Mindset means we have a choice. It may not be a case of feeling better but rather not feeling worse. Or it may be that we can find a way of thinking about things that emboldens us, makes us stronger and more determined. Think about what you need more of today and make comfortable adjustments to mindset. It’s the most powerful way to move forward.
August 1, 2022
Thanks everybody!
Say thank you to absolutely everyone today. Even if they do something that’s expected of them, perhaps even something you’ve asked them to do, or even paid them to do, just say thank you. The more appreciation we give out, the better we feel. We get a boost, they get a boost: everybody wins! Nobody likes feeling unappreciated and yet many of us hold on to our lack of appreciation until we get it from others. Just give it out freely today, especially to those closest to you, those you live and work with. Thank you to everyone! “Thank you” brings the joy and we all like it so let’s do it often.
July 28, 2022
Rigid thinking:
Thinking in a rigid way usually limits us. The minute we are sure about something, we close off possibilities. Of course there are times to be sure, and to close off other options. But when faced with a problem, or something we need to adapt to, or any relationship issue, flexible thinking will usually assist us. Looking at multiple possibilities, being open to ideas, willing to receive feedback, knowing that there are many narratives and multiple factors that affect any situation or outcome; that’s what helps us. Flexible thinking helps us stay out of mental loops and can keep our moods and emotional responses more balanced. We can all feel when our mind closed up and we become rigid; it doesn’t feel great and often leads to inner and outer conflict. Keep an eye on your mind and be open and flexible in thought today!
July 27, 2022
Your fun quotient:
Are people having enough fun these days? Is fun quotient correlated with age or personality? Many people have reported experiencing less fun over the last 2-3 years. We all know why; many things have changed and many new routines have developed, some of which are helpful and provide balance, and some of which might be affecting fun. And in truth, fun is a higher value for some personalities compared to others. Plus our definition of what is fun varies between people and often changes over the course of our lives. Assess your own fun requirement. How much does fun represent a key aspect of a fulfilling life for you? What is your fun style? Is it social? Creative? Musical? Adventure-based? Humor-oriented? Activity-specific? Or an “in the moment” type vibe? And are you currently fulfilling that requirement? In truth, fun begins as an attitude, as a decisive intention or desire to have fun. Anything (in theory) could be fun with the right attitude, ingredients and people. Focus on fun as an aspect of life going forward today, and make any relevant adjustments to attitudes as well as plans and intentions!
July 26, 2022
Positively reinforce!!
Most of us will respond much more to the carrot than to the stick. Praise and positive reinforcement are so much more effective than criticism and yet many of us ply ourselves (and maybe close personal others) with critical statements way too much. Whether it’s in trying to motivate ourselves through negative talk or judging ourselves harshly for any perceived mistake or failure, it’s unpleasant and ineffective. Use more of the honey voice and the honey words on self and others for momentum and for praise. Catch yourself and others doing something right as often as possible. Positively reinforce everything you want more of, in you and in those around you so you can stay in honey mode today!
July 25, 2022
Remember your purpose!
Keep your mind on your key purpose today, whatever that is to you. Sometimes our purpose is a task, to get something done; sometimes it’s what truly matters to us, a deeper fulfillment perhaps. And sometimes it’s just to be, or to just breathe. You get to decide. Don’t be sidetracked by irrelevant stuff or thoughts that take you places you don’t want to go. Stay with what you need to focus on. And keep your eyes and mind firmly on this. May you complete your chosen mission today
July 21, 2022
Words vs Actions:
If you want to know what is really valued by a person, look at their actions and choices. Most people have an idea about themselves and will represent this via talking about who they are, their intentions and what they value. In truth, we always demonstrate what matters through the actions we take or don’t take. For example we may describe ourselves as a good communicator and think of ourselves that way, but by choosing not to speak up, we may be showing our choice to avoid conflict or we may be showing that we don’t care enough about the issue at hand to discuss. Our actions and choices give more information about ourselves and others than our words do. In an ideal world, there will be congruence between word and action; this is called integrity. The more we operate in integrity, the better we usually feel about ourselves. If you are wondering about the integrity of a person, consider the congruence of their words and actions. And for yourself, choose integrity as much as possible and note the rise in confidence or inner strength. Choose what really matters today.
July 20, 2022
Regarding yourself?
Are you holding yourself in good regard today? You can always choose to offer yourself unconditional positive regard, just as we can do for small children despite their actions or behavior. We can regard ourselves well, and on an equal playing field with all others rather than being compared as better or worse; there is no comparison really. While history or other drives may impact our choices or reactions at times, we are all human and we all strive to do the best we can with what we have on any particular day. That old mantra of “I’m ok, you’re ok” still rings true. We feel better when we refuse to denigrate ourselves and others (although we may assess behavior or choices as not ideal in hindsight). Giving positive regard to others despite their choices usually leads to better choices in the future (assuming one has the insight and awareness to learn from past choices) and, in a similar manner, having that good attitude towards ourselves may in fact lead to better stuff to come. Decide to help future reactions or actions by choosing to give yourself unconditional positive regard today. You’re worth it.
July 19, 2022
Moments of contentment:
Many of our brains always seem to be scanning for potential problems, probably due to chronic stress and general circumstances. But in between the worries and concerns are moments of neutral contentment. They may not be euphoric or exciting; just moments where things are ok, where you are ok. Let’s commit to noticing and naming these moments of contentment. It might be in the car, or when you’re just sitting doing nothing or watching a show, a moment of peace or beauty, could even be a moment with a pet or another person. Notice and acknowledge the contentment moment. Label them consistently as contentment moments so that your brain will begin to sort and scan for them. You might be missing a whole lot of the moments as they occur but in committing to noticing and scanning, you will begin to remember, and the moments will naturally increase. Enjoy your moments of contentment today, and may they quickly increase in frequency and duration.
July 18, 2022
Gotta wing it!
We can’t prepare for everything, we can’t predict and we can’t control it all. The busy mind loves to feel like it’s all planned and in hand but the more important thing is to trust capacity and capability. When we trust our inner and outer resources, we can just wing it. Winging it takes a belief in having what it takes and knowing that the right things will happen at the right time with the right people, as long as we walk through the open doors and go where the love is. Trust your auto pilot, be content with all your resources and just let yourself wing it today.
July 14, 2022
Smoothing anxiety:
Anxiety is rough. It feels raw, and spikey, unsettling and concerning. In those times, we need to be able to tune into the idea of a smooth sea. The chemical storm might be washing all around us, and by noticing this storm, perhaps we can also allow the storm to settle, and the sea to return to its smooth phase; calm waters, waves going in and out in time with our breathing, you can almost hear those waves, peaceful and cyclic, noticing the smooth surface more and more as the sea eases into a balanced pattern. The sea can be a helpful metaphor for our emotions and moods and cycles; waves move in, waves move out; the tide changes and the current emotional phase changes with it. When your chemicals or your worries intrude, take your mind to the sea and allow it to slowly go back into smooth waters.
July 13, 2022
Acting from self-respect??
We tend to feel the most balanced, both physically and psychologically, when we act from a place of congruence. Congruence is when everything lines up, it’s about acting in a way that matches what we truly believe or value. If we act in a way that goes against our intuition or we ignore the signs in a situation or relationship, then we might be subconsciously eroding self respect. We respect ourselves naturally when we make choices that support how and where we want to be. Sometimes that can mean overriding impulses or emotional desires in order to make a congruent choice. For example we’ve probably all felt an attraction to a person or situation that isn’t right for us. Acting on that impulse creates a state of incongruence and can take us out of integrity or self-respect (depending on the circumstances and severity). Let’s take self-respect into account with decisions. Asking ourselves “will this action take me closer to or further from self-respect ” can clarify where our compass should point to. Move forward in the right direction today.
July 12, 2022
Yes to confidence!
Confidence fills us with positive expectancy. We don’t have to fully know what’s ahead, but what we CAN know is that we can do it. We have the resources, we have the capacity and we have access to help as required. Confidence is knowing that you can. And it’s always true because there is always a way through, and there is always access to some kind of assistance to get you through. Confidence is just a feeling built on beliefs. If you choose to believe that you can, that it’s possible given the facts or evidence, then you are already boosting capacity. Keep an eye on your inner narrative and make sure that you operate in the CAN DO zone. That belief in your own capacity is everything and most people have much more capacity than they expect. You can and you will.
July 11, 2022
Kickstart for a helpful attitude:
We feel better when we approach the day’s events with a curious and energized attitude. At times it comes naturally, other times we need to kickstart that optimism. If your optimism needs a kickstart then begin with your breathing and how you hold yourself. Look up, nod yes, breathe deeply like you mean it. Pump your fist like you believe it. Tell yourself “I’ve got this” and “I’m on it”. Feel it in your gut. Know that today will be interesting if you think and know it will be. Know that every day is different and every day is really a cool challenge of some kind. Know that you can make today better for yourself and probably for other people too if you choose to. Say “yes”. Say “let’s go”. Today is your day. Go and find out what else is going to happen. Could be good, could be great!
July 7, 2022
Cycles. In everything:
For most of us, just as in nature, nothing is the same every day. Not even every hour. Just as the sky changes, the light changes, the plants change form, so too do our moods, our energy, our preferences, our relationships, our sleep, our motivation, our creativity, our focus, our patience, our tolerance. Even love and desire operate in cycles. Most aspects of emotional life operate in cycles; sometimes upwards, sometimes drifting, sometimes on the low side. Cycles are good to recognize, not necessarily analyze; sometimes there is a WHY, and sometimes it’s just because. There is no why. The important thing is to know that it is part of a cycle; whether it’s an ending or a beginning, we can never know for sure, but one thing we know is that it’s temporary and will move to another point in the cycle sooner or later. All parts of a cycle can be appreciated for what they are, reframed perhaps. We don’t need to cling to something being a particular way. Cycles are good; they bring change and newness if we remember to look. All of nature regenerates and we are part of nature. Enjoy your regeneration today, no matter which part of the cycle it sits in. It’s all ok.
July 6, 2022
Whatever you’re worried about:
In truth, the worries we have are already resolved. Either something can be done and we will do that thing, or the action belongs to someone else and there’s nothing we can actually do. Most of our worries are resolved behind the scenes and we don’t really have to do anything at all. In fact, our worry programs are wasted energy. We don’t actually solve the problem and many times there isn’t a problem in reality, not at all. When a worried thought comes up, that’s the time to choose a go-to reassuring thought such as “I have many resources, most things sort themselves out, nothing for me to do right now so might as well chill”. And it’s true. There’s nothing for you to do until the next action presents itself so you might as well chill. Chill is the go-to program.
July 5, 2022
Safety check??
All beings have a deep and fundamental need to feel safe. Most disturbances arise from lack of feeling safe, even if it’s mostly subconscious. We need to feel physically safe, both from external harm and internal bodily processes such as pain or panic. We need to feel emotionally safe, again internally stable and externally cared for, understood and validated. We need to feel cognitively safe, knowing internally what we need to know and do, and having the required competencies to externally complete whatever is needed. We need to feel spiritually safe, that sense that we belong in the universe and that we are connected and loved. Do your safety check today. Is there an area of life that needs a safety plan? What small changes need to occur? Do you need to remember the safety needs of other key people in your life? Maybe you also need to remind yourself that you are indeed safe in all the major aspects. Remind your mind and body that you will take care of safety today. All is well.
July 4, 2022
Feel lucky!
Being lucky is actually about believing you are a lucky person. Lucky people see opportunities. Luck means we recognize that we have those opportunities and see the possibilities that might come our way. Lucky people act on these opportunities whenever it feels right. Lucky people congratulate themselves on doing so, and for being continually lucky. Make your own luck?? Yes, research suggests that we really do, via our awareness of chances that come our way, and by taking those chances and making it turn out well via how we narrate those events internally. Like many things, luck is about the way we view the world and ourselves. We get to choose. Choose to find a way to know that you are in fact lucky today, because research shows that it’s the best way to increase the emergence of lucky things. Best of luck to you, you are a lucky person and you can make the most of anything that comes your way.
July 1, 2022
Need some GO?
Sometimes, as you know, it’s important to stop, to be still, to experience rest, and perhaps even a little peace, just slowly breathing in, and holding, and then just breathing out, and then, you know, energy can rebuild, maybe you can even feel it as it increases, just a thought, an idea, a possibility, that’s all it takes, a spark, just a tiny bit, then somehow, our inner mind can convert that into action, good action, the kind we have been looking and waiting for, so notice those seeds now in your inner mind, moving towards those possibilities, beginning to start that little spark, the one that gets momentum going, noticing it now, no pushing, no stress, nothing to prove, just simply allowing the spark that drives you to GO. And go you will, at the right time, to the right place, with the right people. Everything is going to be ok, you are ok and you are ready to go. Go now.
June 30, 2022
Validate yourself today.
Your feelings are valid. Your desires are valid. Your needs are valid. Your thoughts are valid. You are an important part of the universe and you belong here and that’s totally valid. Validating our thoughts and feelings doesn’t mean feeding anything that might cause distress; it means that you accept your responses then decide what you would like to do with them. No berating, no frustration. Just validate then make a choice. Everything about you is valid and real and good. And you can change or redirect some things if it suits you. Today, make a conscious choice to be accepting of everything you feel or think and notice that in doing so, you don’t have to hang on tightly to any particular thought or feeling. In acceptance comes release. Give yourself that validation.
June 29, 2022
When in doubt, choose peace.
We choose peace by saying “I choose peace”. We choose peace by staying away from drama as much as possible. We choose peace by noticing when our mind is going over things that create turmoil, or when there is overwhelm or indecision. When it’s all a bit much, we choose peace. Even when we can’t control our circumstances, we remember that choosing peace is an inside job; it’s verbal, and can be visual too; we can remember a peaceful scene or look consciously at the sky or a tree or a loved pet or other peaceful aspect around us. Choosing peace is a practice that helps the mind centre itself and to remember what is truly important. In a world that sometimes appears to thrive on chaos, we need to remind ourselves to choose peace quite regularly. Here’s your reminder today. We choose peace.
June 28, 2022
Eyes on the simple stuff:
What simple stuff do you need to achieve or complete right now? There’s no point getting bogged down in the details; just focus on doing the important and simple stuff that gets the result. It’s quicker to start than it is to analyse. Sometimes it’s just a matter of choosing one small task and then: just do it. There is an emotional relief and a chemical reward awaiting you after each step. That’s how we’re built. Paint the target on the simple stuff, focus on it calmly and do one thing at a time today.
June 27, 2022
Do the thing!
That one thing, you know, the one you KNOW will make you feel better?? Just do that thing. Your intuition is telling you it will improve things if you do it, and it will. Doesn’t have to be much. Just one small step towards that one thing. And then aim for realistic consistency. Do the small thing and do it regularly. You know how much better you will feel. Make a decision now as you read this and make sure something happens today towards it. You’ve got this.
June 24, 2022
The easy path:
With all that you have in your mind right now, you may need a reminder to relax, so listen now, take a slow deep breath, holding, then letting it go, letting it all release, and relax, deeper now, as my calm words remind your inner mind, as I speak to you here, listening, reminding you to choose easy world, where it all works out, where it all somehow goes ok, and everything just sorts itself out, you just cruise, nothing to do really, nothing to prove, you just go along for the ride, and now listen to my instructions, as I ask you now, asking that deeper inner part of you, in a relaxed, easy, comfortably way, that your system is to remain on the easy path today, and any time you begin to veer towards difficult world, your inner GPS redirects you back on the easy path, and you can relax, knowing that you will arrive exactly where you need to be, calm and refreshed. Begin now.
June 23, 2022
Need a boundary?
If someone you know is repeatedly intrusive, rude, inappropriate or frequently puts you in a position where you want to say no, then it’s time to put in a boundary. We need boundaries like we need fences: to keep our precious stuff protected and to keep unwanted stuff out. But just like we need to be empowered to build that fence, we need to feel empowered to say no or put conditions in place to establish a boundary. Let’s face it: we do need to protect ourselves from the words and behaviour of certain people. They will not do it for us. The reason for that is that they have already shown that they themselves lack awareness of mature interpersonal boundaries. As a result they will sometimes do or say things that may violate our space or our needs, even when we’ve already asked them to change tack. When we stop them by actually saying no to requests or demands or we put certain conditions in place, they probably won’t like it. It’s hard to understand when you yourself have good boundaries- you’d be mortified if you knew you’d pushed it or violated or intruded. But people that repeatedly violate are lacking in that awareness and/or may feel quite entitled to act as they do due to egocentricity or self-importance. When you say no, you’ll probably feel a bit bad. It’s just misplaced guilt and empathy. That’s ok. You’re not responsible for how they respond to normal healthy boundaries. Say no to them and then let yourself feel bad until the feeling goes away. It may not be easy, but it is simple. Don’t think about it too much. Even if they power trip you with passive aggressive or snooty responses, leave it be. That’s their pattern. Erect the fence anyway and be pleased that you have empowered yourself to do so. Own the power to truly protect yourself emotionally and build fences as required. Be safe.
June 22, 2022
The gift of the red flag:
Red flags are seen in behaviour. Most people follow a code of behaviour over time and form a pattern which is why we should take careful note of bright red flags rather than justifying or excusing them. Red flags occur in actions, words and omissions (ie lack of action or words). Noticing, recognizing and acting appropriately on apparent red flags that appear before us is an indicator of our emotional maturity and wisdom. If we rationalize the red flags then it has been said that we are telling ourselves “rational lies” about what is actually occurring. Most people in unsatisfactory relationships have been willing to engage in the rationalization of some or many red flags over time. This is especially true in the world of dating and relationships but is just as valid in the world of work, sport and other pursuits. Tell yourself the truth. If you’re not sure, check with a trusted other, preferably somebody objective rather than a friend or family member who “just wants it to work out for you”. Beware of people that will support your rationalizations or add to them. They love you and want the best for you but they may not know enough about human behavioural patterns to know what the red flags mean over time. Most human behaviour is consistent (even if inconsistency is the pattern!). It’s not about dividing humans into good people or bad people. Such categories do not exist. But character and ethics and true values are evident over time in behaviour via the choices made and displayed. Watch, listen and learn. And don’t bullshit yourself. If it looks like a red flag then in all likelihood it is a red flag. Ignore at your own peril. Be glad that the patterns are there to see and use them as a guide to red or green-lighting a connection with any person. The flags are a gift. Do not ignore.
June 21, 2022
Rollercoaster Mood?
Some people seem frustrated by the inconsistency of mood and energy. There is a perception that how we feel should be like the merry-go-round, predictable and consistent, while in fact it’s often more like the rollercoaster with ups and downs and in-betweens. A high-adrenalin day can be followed by a depletion day. A tired, restful day can be followed by an energetic boost. Riding the waves of mood and energy is easier if you actually expect it to have a certain degree of rollercoaster pattern. This means not constantly fixating or frustrating over it and just letting it be what it is. Keep going, keep moving and focus on what matters right now. If you don’t have enough rollercoaster, then add in some excitement or book something to look forward to. Be aware of your rollercoaster and consider what you need to add or subtract for greater meaning and enjoyment.
June 20, 2022
Just look at what’s right in front of you.
It’s natural for the human brain to jump ahead, to be vigilant and to try to solve tomorrow’s possible problems today. Thing is, those problems don’t actually exist yet. That kind of pre-planning does not help and just creates extra tension. Let’s just focus on what needs to be addressed and done today. Let’s be calm and positive (or at least neutral!) and solve the thing that needs solving now. The rest will take care of itself via natural momentum and our ability to manage things minute by minute, day by day. Stay in the now and let your mind relax. It will all get done when it’s ready. Move easily today.
June 17, 2022
Not in the mood??
Sometimes, maybe quite a few times, we are waiting to feel a certain way before we can do, or enjoy or approach some particular thing, so listen now, if it’s a mood you want, a feeling you seek, then let your subconscious mind hear my words here, relaxing, because you know, and I know too, that it all starts there, letting tension slowly dissolve, that’s right, breathing a little deeper now, you can, and as all concern begins to float away from you, very, very slowly, you can simply allow the energy to build, just let it build as slowly or as quickly as it wants to, relaxed calm energy, only to be used as required, in storage until the time is right, not wasted or squandered, just building your supplies until they’re truly needed, and the right mood is right at hand now, the mood of acceptance, of possibility, of allowing things to be exactly as they are, while also moving towards something much, much better for you now. It is. Let your pleasant mood take you where life flows today.
June 16, 2022
The capacity of others:
We cannot change the capacity of others. We can make requests, we can set boundaries, we can choose our response. But their capacity is their capacity and our requests or complaints may not change this. Whether it’s a friend, lover, partner, colleague, parent, adult child or sibling, we all have our capacity limitations. Sometimes we need to remember to accept the other’s capacity as is. This may mean a change in the relationship. It may mean a change in expectations. It may mean that we choose different behaviors ourselves or limit the way we interact. We all have different strengths and capacity. If you’re becoming aware of the capacity of another person then don’t be in denial. It is what it is. It’s up to you to decide what to do with that. But, whether it’s your own capacity or that of the other person, please accept it AS IS. Be honest with yourself. Life will be less disappointing and frustrating. And it’s ok for others to be as they are. They’re ok. You’re ok. Humans are inherently interesting and inherently flawed and that’s ok too. Be curious, be honest. Adapt accordingly.
June 15, 2022
Help for energy:
If we’re feeling low on fuel, we need to firstly stop fighting it and stop frustrating about it. Fixating on it and comparing it to how we *think* we “used to feel” is also equally unhelpful, as is the fear about it getting worse. Energy lows usually have triggers and reasons, some physical and some emotional. The biggest trigger is a long period of chronic stress (and really, who hasn’t had that the last few years at least?!). Other emotional triggers might be unconscious worries, ongoing burdens or responsibilities and often a lack of something to look forward to. Of course we adapt sleep, nutrition, activity patterns and exercise if needed. But also look at your ongoing narrative about your energy. Much of the information will be found there. Be accepting. Know that there are many in the same vibe right now. Know that you can do just what you need to do (without pushing) and just go with it. No fixation, no frustration. The less obsession, the more the system has space to return to equilibrium. Go with that flow today and let it be what it is. It’s ok.
June 14, 2022
The motions of a good attitude:
Even if you feel a little flat, or a bit tired, even a tad apprehensive, go into the motions of being yourself with a good attitude. Act as if you felt good about today, as if you had some more enthusiasm. A good attitude means you show up, you do the stuff you said you would do and you think the thoughts of appreciation. You focus only on the good-feeling aspects of the day rather than any auto-pilot worries. Yes there will be a mix, but we can choose to focus on the parts that feel ok when we think about them. If we can’t find an aspect that feels ok then we need to look harder and focus on something pleasant and simple. Simple good stuff feels just as pleasant as complex good stuff. Walk as though you have a good attitude. Talk as if you feel that way too, especially in your own mind. Sometimes it’s just a matter of getting a little momentum, and you know you can do that. Get your body and mind into the motions of improved attitude and notice your day following suit. It’s going to be fine, you’ve got this!
June 10, 2022
Turning down worries:
As you read my words today, and I can talk directly to you, knowing that there are many people with worries, perhaps you have a few, so listen now, as I talk, speaking straight to your inner mind, taking one deep breath, holding, now releasing it slowly, as we allow the tension to dissolve, that’s right, counting down now, deeper, and more relaxed, you will, 3, 2, 1, breathing, as your inner mind remembers the dial for adjusting worry, worry is an inner program that doesn’t really help much, we think it’s like virus protection software, always on alert and acting on threats, but really the worry is actually the virus, so let’s just get that dial and adjust the worry threat level right down, down to a comfortable level, just very relaxed, perhaps keeping a very very mild eye out for issues, but only half, that’s plenty, any real threats will be noticed, no need for vigilance, you relax now, you let go, you let all worries recede as the dial is turned down and things are much more comfortable now. Go about your day in peace.
June 9, 2022
Interpretations and predictions:
We interpret by making up a story about what’s going on or what went on and why. We predict by coming up with imaginary scenarios and treating them as real. All of it is fiction. Letting the mind play around with the past and the future is ok as long as we carefully manage its narrative trajectory. If a story arc feels bad or scary then it may not serve us, and, more importantly, is probably not grounded in evidence or fact. If there’s a narrative that feels unpleasant, return to the present moment where everything is ok. Come back. If your thoughts about past or future are uplifting, enjoy them. If not, come back. Be here. See or hear or touch something in the now. Now is fine. You can direct your mind; you’re in the driver’s seat. Keep it simple and just take a small step back into the now. It’s good here.
June 8, 2022
Extra sensitivity?
Many people are feeling more sensitive than usual at the moment. Sensitivity is great, it gives us instant feedback at a visceral level and we can use our responses or emotions to guide our choices. Feelings are feedback loops, very handy indeed for knowing what’s going on. Perhaps though, we may be picking up on the feelings of others, perhaps even feeling responsible for the feelings of others despite playing no active role. Sensitive people notice and feel the vibes. But please ask: “is this my stuff or is this their stuff?” Yes we are all connected and emotion is contagious in terms of human sympathetic resonance. However we need the emotional boundaries as well. Just by knowing that you’re sensing the “stuff” of others or world vibes, we can separate and not take it all upon ourselves. Sensitivity just means we have access to lots of information and that’s great. But like the internet, not all of the information is correct or useful. Notice the visceral feedback today and be discerning. Much of it may not be your stuff. Stick to your lane and do the best you can. It’s enough.
June 7, 2022
A dose of enthusiasm?
If you have a case of MEH today, take this tiny dose of enthusiasm right now: Enthusiasm says exciting things may be just around the corner. There a possibilities coming and they just might be fun, interesting and inspiring. It could be good, it could even be great! It will definitely be better than you think, it always is. There’s always the chance that something unexpectedly positive will occur, perhaps even something miraculous. You can do this, you’ll be fine, you’ll even be great; you always are. You’ve got this like a rockstar so take that enthusiasm and kick ass today!
June 6, 2022
Safety first!
The nervous system needs us to feel safe. If there’s any disruption in feelings today, check your perceived physical and psychological safety. Tiredness can lead to a subconscious sense of being unsafe, just as other worries or concerns (especially those relating to people) can trigger a subconscious lack of safety. Check in with your feelings today. Do you need to establish physical or psychological safety in your mind so that your system can relax? Putting those reassurances or boundaries in place can help you go about your day with the certainty that you are ok. You are safe. Check in and be grounded in safety today.
June 3, 2022
Attention, focus, action:
Perhaps your mind has been a bit cloudy or maybe even a tad overcrowded, so slow down now, here, as you listen to my words, and I can talk to your inner mind, as you breathe, deeper, slower now, you can, just taking a moment to allow some clarity to happen, easily, comfortably, and perhaps faster than you might expect, clearing all fog now, perhaps there’s a clever device there to remove it, or a cool clear breeze that moves the cloud onwards and out, it doesn’t matter really, the clouds dissolve and the light is visible, bringing you to attention now, able to focus with a clear mind and a warm heart, ready to do whatever one thing might be required right now, not thinking about tomorrow’s things at all, letting tomorrow take care of itself, just being here, now, doing only what is needed with a clear mind and a warm heart. Go calmly and fearlessly. You’ve got this.
June 2, 2022
Burnout and exhaustion city:
Recovery is elusive for many right now. Tired in the morning, feelings of dread, exhaustion and fear about getting through the day, feeling at wit’s end, temper going from zero to ten in an instant, feeling like the tank is so full that one little extra thing will result in catastrophe. Years of unresolved stress and long periods of survival and/or crisis mode tax the nervous system immensely. Interestingly the first step to take is towards self-compassion. Of course you feel this way. Of course it makes sense. You’re so not alone; many are feeling just like this right now even though they too are probably hiding it and doing the best they can to get through. Speak to yourself with kindness and reassurance. Remind yourself to take it slow and steady, one thing at a time. Reduce expectations of yourself and decide if boundaries need to be set for self-preservation. If you can’t set external boundaries then set internal ones. Stop with the pressure to be perfect in highly imperfect conditions. Survival mode means doing only what’s really necessary and only as best you can. You’re not a miracle-worker. Keep self-expectations in check and switch into cruise as much as you can today.
June 1, 2022
Therapy like a pet?
The auto pet response can help humans. From our pets we can remember to enjoy or accept all phases of the day. We can be excited to see people. We can rest when tired, without guilt or judgement. We can play when we feel like it. We can enjoy our toys at any age. We can eat the same thing every day with great enthusiasm if we want to. We can ignore the weather and the news. We can see fun and beauty in something as simple as a stick or a ball or a puddle. We can instantly forgive people we love. We can be happy anywhere with our loved ones. We can stop when ill and let our body recover without any “shoulds”. And sometimes, we can just BE. No need to do anything. Think about the pet therapy you need for your mind or body today and enact your pet lesson.
May 31, 2022
Have confidence!
You know you’re a seeker. You seek skills and knowledge that will help both your mind and your outcomes. You are resourceful and adept when you need to solve problems and you are open to new input. That’s a rare thing. Many people who feel very confident in themselves and their opinions do so without this open mind and without emotional maturity (sometimes even without resourceful intelligence!). Your confidence can truly be based on the qualities within. An enquiring mind and a resourceful, adaptive approach is like gold. Move into your confidence now, knowing that your mind is the kind of mind that can do well in any scenario. Go forth today in that quiet inner confidence and have faith in yourself.
May 30, 2022
Morning morbs??
Morbs is an old Victorian term for feeling melancholic. Many people (possibly even most people) are not at their best until an hour or two (or three) after they wake up and get moving into the day. Do not expect to wake full of energy and optimism even when you’ve had a good sleep; most people do not. We activate ourselves via routines and commitments and by choosing not to dwell on any morbs. Yes we may feel tired, or achey or, in more technical terms, blah. Be amused. Know that you, like most people in the world, have the morning morbs and that it will pass if you ignore it and make sure you have stuff to do that is fun or urgent or important to you. It’s ok. Don’t compare yourself to others or your past self. This is called “making sh*t up”. Don’t blame and guilt yourself. There’s no need. Feelings are just feelings, we don’t have to propagate them with a narrative. Just say “it’s ok”. Acknowledge the feeling without judgement and move on. Distract with music or reading if required. Morning morbs are normal and fade over time if left unfed. May any morbs dissolve quickly to help you jumpstart into the day today.
May 27, 2022
Calm in uncertainty:
With so many unknowns, and even the knowns that might look like unknowns, it’s easy to forget to just take a deep breath, to relax here, even just to remind yourself that today you are ok, everything is ok, so listen now, and just take that long, deep breath, in, holding it, then slowly out, releasing all tension, no need for any of that, your body can ease itself, softening now, easy body reminds the mind to go easy too, just to slow down, to remember, it’s all ok, just do nothing right now, no need to do anything at all as I speak to you here, just listen, relax, let events take care of themselves, they will, and your inner mind can know that certainty is not required really, when and as matters arise, you have many resources, and you know, and I know too, that all your powers will rise forth as and when required, you have many gifts and talents and many supports in place, and you can ease off now, knowing that all really is well. Be here. Be calm.
May 26, 2022
Guilt and responsibility:
Many people suffer from an over-developed sense of guilt. The message of guilt is to guide us when we’ve actually done something that goes against our values, ethics or integrity. If we feel guilt and we haven’t violated our values, ethics or integrity then it’s probably not guilt at work, it’s an over-active sense of responsibility, perhaps we are taking too much ownership of an outcome or relationship that isn’t even within our control. When it comes to other people, all we can do is our part; our expectations of ourselves need to be within reasonable limits. We are not mind-readers or miracle-makers. We can communicate with openness, kindness, ethics, sensitivity and integrity. We cannot control the response or outcome. If guilt comes, check the facts. Has there been a violation of your personal code? If not then check the balance of responsibility. Take ownership of your part in it and leave the rest of it where it truly belongs. Consciously choose self-compassion and perspective today.
May 25, 2022
There IS NO comparison:
Comparing your achievements with others. Comparing your progress or finances with others of your age or profession. Comparing your activity or energy or looks or body with others. Comparing your relationship status or quality with others. Comparing your children with other children or your parenting with that of other parents. Most comparing sets up a one-up or one-down mindset in which we can instantly feel either superior or inferior to others, presuming we buy into the concept of better-than or worse-than. This mindset is a sure-fire rapid entry into feeling upset or frustrated over time. In truth we should never compare ourselves to others at all. We don’t know the whole picture of anyone’s situation, often even our own situation. Better or worse thinking eventually leads to frustration, worry, depression, anxiety, resentment and dissatisfaction. Every quality or skill or trait lies on a continuum. We all have aspects dotted all over the continuum. If we catch ourselves doing comparison then let the mind flick to the continuum where all people have a range of traits and skills and achievements which operate in unique combinations. It’s all different so comparison is not valid. Ever. When it comes to you, there is no comparison. You’re a one-off and you’re great. End of.
May 24,2022
Manage all expectations:
Manage expectations of how you’re “supposed” to feel in the mornings. Most people are tired and need time to come alive. Most people do not feel motivated in the morning and approach their routine from choice or discipline rather than pumped-up desire! Manage mood expectations. Most people are up and down and in-between in cycles. Manage expectations of sleep. Many take a while to sleep and many wake up at least once. Manage relationship expectations. Love goes in cycles and so does conflict; with the right skills we can ride those waves. Manage expectations of work. Expect to find it interesting and choose to do so via curiosity but don’t expect to feel “passionate” and pumped up as a permanent state. Most people have ups and downs with enthusiasm; it’s normal. Expect people to behave according to who they are. Of course it varies with mood and circumstance. But if somebody has shown you the kind of person they are, expect it to continue. Most of all manage expectations of yourself. You are awesome and gifted and also human. You will not be perfect and nobody should expect perfection in humans. That’s part of being human and it’s fine. Expect to be fine. No matter what, you are indeed fine.
May 23, 2022
Be open. Be willing.
Wherever you are today, deciding to be open will help. And deciding to be willing will help. Being open means not deciding or controlling how things will be, instead being curious, allowing for interesting and surprising aspects. Being willing means going into things intentionally, and that you get to choose your intention; eg perhaps you’re willing to feel more energy today. Are you open to see what happens? Open to ideas and possibilities? And are you willing to enjoy yourself or notice the pleasant aspects? Are you willing to be neutral about the tricky parts, willing to see them as just part of life, open to change and willing to see it as a fun challenge? Being open and willing makes it easier, smoother and emphasizes lack of effort. You don’t have to “try”. You don’t have to focus on outcomes. Just choose to be open. And decide to be willing.
May 20, 2022
Disconnect:
This is a time to help your mind slow right down, and unplug just for a moment, to disconnect from anything that might be disturbing or concerning you, so listen now, as I count down, from 5 to 1, just to let your inner mind know that we are going a little deeper, 5, into relaxation, deep breath in, hold, 4, now release it, letting it all go like that helium balloon into the sky, 3, just floating away, 2, easing into calm, and 1, just being, listening, away from all the things, escaping just for a moment, nothing bothers you, nothing to do, nowhere to be, just here right now, unplugging, and remembering that all is well, the universe is held in place, the sky is fine, the earth is grounded, the sun comes up and up and up, like you, from 1, and 2, towards 3, feeling alive, 4, feeling strong, and 5, moving powerfully back into your day with energy and a good attitude. You’ve got this.
May 19, 2022
Ask. Questions.
If we want any relationship to either improve or stay great, we must maintain curiosity. The best way to truly demonstrate curiosity is to ask genuine, open-ended questions. Not just the everyday “how are you” or “how was your day”. Ask for more. Ask what happened; ask about experiences, feelings, stresses, reactions, memories, concerns, desires and areas of interest. And listen to the answers. Too many people are unconsciously waiting to jump straight back into “oh, well, I …”. Keep the focus on the other, in an interested curious way. Don’t jump back to your stuff. Sharing isn’t like tennis, with an equal back and forth of talking and waiting. Sometimes a conversation can just focus on one of you. Yes, it’s great to have reciprocity over time but not necessarily in the one exchange. If they’re telling us about their car accident, we don’t try to “empathize” by talking about our car accident. At that moment, it’s not relevant. And don’t jump in to fix, suggest and offer advice unless asked. It’s annoying. Just listen and agree that it sounds awful/difficult/stressful/fun/exciting/challenging or whatever the feeling is. Imagine there’s a spotlight. Who needs that communication spotlight most right now? When you’re talking, consciously remember to shine the spotlight in the area the person needs. The spotlight can be yours at some other time. Use your spotlight time and questions wisely.
May 18, 2022
Head in a fog?
Head fog happens. Sometimes it’s tiredness, or fatigue, or illness or overwhelm. Often it’s due to cognitive overload, meaning that your brain is trying to monitor and manage too many things at once. It’s an unpleasant feeling if you need brain power on the day. Sometimes words disappear, leading to a feeling of “losing our language”. Or it’s just hard to think straight, there’s a feeling of being scattered. The answer is usually to do with rest for the mind. The brain needs a break from holding so much at once. How do you get that mental freedom? Time away from the stresses, sleep, exercise, music, gardening, art, watching fun tv shows or movies, being in nature, finding time out of mind via mediation and hypnosis, getting acupuncture or massage; whatever works for you. Time will help but we can speed recovery by finding a way for the mind to be free and clear of troubles, even just temporarily. Don’t load up the mind too much. And if it says the cup runneth over, then listen and take a mind break. Recovery can be fast if we act early. Guard the mind from excess today!
May 17, 2022
Is it a miracle?
Anything can suddenly change for the better. All it takes is one small shift, perhaps in attitude, or behaviour, or calm headspace or even something as simple as tone of voice. One thing, and everything can change. We never know when things might suddenly improve, perhaps for no reason at all. If we look back, there have been many times when things looked grim, then something changed or happened, and it all got better. It happens all the time. We might as well expect miracles; they happen more than we know. Be on the lookout for sudden, unexpected positive improvements today. They will be there if we remember to notice.
May 16, 2022
Perspective!
Perspective enables us to see clearly. It helps our minds focus on what is truly important rather than what appears demanding or urgent. Perspective looks at the overall picture, from a distance, perhaps with a wider sense of time and space. We can use somebody else’s point of view (an outsider) to gain perspective, to see what they might see. We could go back in time a year, or five, or ten, to look at how NOW appears, or maybe even go some time into the future to look back. Will this concern matter in five years’ time? Taking a different perspective can help our inner narrative as well as our decision making. It’s about being able to look at the forest as well as the trees. Check perspective today and remember that in the grand scheme of things, it’s all ok. And you are more than ok. You are awesome. Enjoy that perspective.
May 13, 2022
Calm the farm:
With all that has been going on, you know, and I know too, how helpful it can be to calm the farm down, that farm inside, with all that activity, growth, sometimes even turmoil, so listen now, as I speak to you, slowly, to your inner mind, relaxing now, all cells listening, as you remember that the farm is part of nature, part of the bigger plan, all things in their natural order, all working easily together, relaxed, calm, friendly, a system that is perfectly ordered and productive, doing only what is needed, exactly when it is needed, with no concern for anything else; nothing to do or prove, just letting that farm operate naturally, it will, all is well and the crops are perfect. Enjoy the fruits.
May 12, 2022
Anti-worry:
Worrying is a mind habit that is fairly addictive. Over time, the subconscious actually begins to believe that worrying is necessary to prevent catastrophe, and that worrying is uncontrollable. Both these assumptions are untrue of course. Most of the things we worry about involve other people, their choices and their behaviour, as well as other factors out of our control. If it’s within our control then there’s no need to worry as long as we plan or prepare. If it’s outside our control then there’s no point in worrying and we need to shift back to what we CAN actually do. Our beliefs about worrying need examination. It doesn’t actually help, it doesn’t help with real problems, it’s exhausting and it’s a fake “magical thinking” version of disaster prevention. Balanced preparation and planning is fine; scanning for what if scenarios and other things outside of control is just wasted energy. Get back to reality today and work with the facts and only the necessary action. It all works out.
May 11, 2022
Remember your superpowers!
You have superpowers. You know it. They are your special gifts, some obvious, some hidden. Some powers are about knowing, some are about doing, influencing, creating, beauty or healing. Most people with superpowers underrate themselves and lack appreciation for their own special talents. But these powers are to be acknowledged and validated and enjoyed in ourselves. Your superpowers, your gifts and talents make the world a better place and make a difference for many others, whether you know it or not. You have added to somebody’s day so many times without being aware. Give thanks to your superpowers and put them to good use, in the right time, the right place and with the right people. Feel your power and enjoy it today.
May 10, 2022
Go back to yourself:
Are you getting caught up in externals? If you feel pulled in too many directions right now, it might be time to think about that gap between what you want or need, compared to what is expected of you. Those expectations may be stated by others, might be assumed, might even just be societal, family or other internalized expectations. If that gap is too wide, look out. Write a list of a few things you need in order to feel balanced. What small step or tiny thing can you do today to move towards getting back to you, and to what you need? We all arrive in the world with needs and missions. Nobody else is going to facilitate this for us as adults. We need to check in, assess and adjust as required and as circumstances permit. Go back to yourself today. Do your thing. Be grounded, be clear and be confident. You’ve got this.
May 9, 2022
How’s your head??
It’s ok if your head is a bit fuzzy or slow, or distracted, or if the thoughts are a bit unclear. They will improve. Clarity will come. It might be a time to take it easy on yourself; no full-on demands and definitely no perfectionism. The more you relax in mind, the more your system will serve you well with ideas and action. Allow both mind and body the time and space they need to adjust to whatever your day involves. Go out, and go easy. May the force be with you.
May 6, 2022
Release it now:
You know, and I know too, that there are many things that build up, creating tension where there could be calm, draining resources that are better used as energetic flow, so breathe now, deeply, and again, deeper and deeper still, allowing all muscles to relax, allowing concerns to fade, and I want you to imagine a coloured helium balloon in your mind’s eye, sending any and all burdens into that balloon now, all of them in there safely, then make sure that balloon is tightly secured, and now, on a deep breath, I want you now to release that balloon, let it go, watching it rise up into the highest place, sailing up and away, out of sight and slowly out of your mind now, the inner burden is far, far away, and you can come back to just now, just what needs to be done or solved or addressed or enjoyed right now. You’ve let it all go. Now just be here.
May 5, 2022
Losing your sh*t?
If you feel like you’re losing your sh*t more often these days then you are not alone. Tempers are frayed, impatience quicker to activate and going from zero to ten in seconds is common. More kids are reporting this as well as adults and couples. Of course we know why; living in constant stress, uncertainty, elongated survival mode and other life events can generate a hair-trigger stress response for many, leading to emotional flooding. Flooding is when the stress hormones (triggered by the amygdala) send physical and emotional zaps through the system, instantaneously affecting cognition and responses. How to stop freaking out?? Firstly, prevention. We need a regular activity/process that counters this sympathetic nervous system overload, something relaxing. Relaxation is whatever is calming FOR YOU. If you like meditation, do that. If you like walks, baths, reading, comfort tv, gardening, pottering etc then do that. Whatever works. Secondly, in the heat of the moment, take a pause before you respond. Count or recite something or take 5 breaths or feel your feet on the ground. Just pause. Give the system time to come down before speaking. As long as needed. Thirdly call a time-out. You can say you need to go to the bathroom or go outside or take some kind of break. A pattern-interrupt can give you time to think. Do not ruminate; choose a helpful thought such as “what can I do to calm and center myself”. We can re-train our hair-trigger over time. And it may take time. And that’s ok. You’re ok.
May 4, 2022
Watch out for creeping thoughts:
Guard your mind for creeping thoughts. Creeping thoughts start out as vague anxieties or doubts and, if fed, can lead our brain into a spiral of inaccurate worries and/or panic. Many of us know what our creeping danger thoughts are; although they might vary over time, they tend to center on similar concerns. Catch them early by preparing a response. It doesn’t have to be an argument, but more of a corrective statement to get to a more neutral or factual place in the mind. And stay there. If the creeping thought returns (which they usually do), then go again with the corrective statement. As long as it takes. Prepare pleasant distractions if needed and if possible. Know your time zones too; most people need extra awareness after waking up and mid to late evening. Prepare with correctives and go back to the mood-protective neutral zone today.
May 3, 2022
Stay curious!!
The number one buzz killer in any relationship or activity is the inability to remain curious. Curiosity keeps us open. Curiosity wants to know more. Curiosity may begin with an idea of how things might be, but it’s a “might be”, not a final opinion. Being rigid, opinionated or all-knowing does not generate any curiosity, nor does disinterest. We get interested and we get curious by asking a new question, looking at it another way, seeking information, remaining open to new possibilities. Remaining open and curious is a part of emotional maturity. Rigidity and dogma might work temporarilyy if you agree with a person (or group) but it’s a closed system. Open and flexible thinking keeps curiosity alive and promotes constant revision of what we think about the world. Stay open today and keep your mind curious. Remember to “wonder if” rather than know.
May 2, 2022
Do look up!
Eyes up! Things may indeed be looking up if you remember to notice. Even a 5% improvement is worth noticing and celebrating. Upwards as well as onwards. Eyes up helps energy, stops pointless thought spirals and reminds us to focus on where we want to be, rather than on any perceived gap. Be upstanding, lift your mind up to the possibilities and the big picture. Look at the sky. It’s always a work of art no matter what kind of day it is. Remain up, perhaps even upbeat. It’s great up there.
April 29, 2022
Easy trip:
I wonder if you can breathe a little more slowly, and evenly, and deeply, as you relax now, reading my words, knowing that right now, all is well, and there is nothing to do, no pressure, all you need to do is slowly drink in these words of relaxation, easing now, all muscles softening, every cell listening as your inner mind forgets about all that stuff, now only remembering to chill, every cell is revitalized and energized now, that calm elixir moving through your body and mind, preparing you for the chill trip that is now, today, easing into your day in cruise mode, just flowing along, letting the pleasant moments carry you. They will. Take the trip, stay chill and go easy.
April 28, 2022
Raise the bar:
Where do you need to ask for more? Many people are affected by self doubt, or fear of being perceived as unreasonable, entitled or arrogant, and therefore accept a lower standard of care. Maybe it’s a key relationship, or a job or a commercial service you received that was less than adequate. Usually it’s a key relationship. Of course we should stay clear of romantic idealization but we also must remember that solid satisfying relationships are possible. They rest on passion (which includes various relevant types of enthusiasm, engagement and interest), intimacy (both communication and physical connection as appropriate) and commitment. Commitment means you know you are chosen because it is demonstrated via behaviour and effort. Check in today. Do you need to raise the bar with an aspect of your own self care? And also consider whether your bar could be raised for other aspects of life, including relationships. If so, approach with care, kindness and love. Things improve if you employ the “soft start-up”, meaning go with a pleasant request rather than a criticism and always lead with appreciation. If you want it to be better, raise the bar and have the conversation. Be empowered to lift the game today!
April 27, 2022
Factoring in your emotional needs?
Remember that there is an inner 9 year old inside you. All emotional patterns are linked to this part of the inner mind and yet we often try to manage them using only the adult (or perhaps even the parental) parts of ourselves. If you’re feeling flat, or tired, or anxious, or sad or unmotivated, or ill or in pain, please think about how you’d talk to a 9 year old child who was feeling this way. Think about the questions you’d ask, the reassurance you’d offer, the adjustments to activity you’d insist upon. Use this way of speaking to yourself daily, perhaps even imagining your 9 year old self as a habit. What do they need? What do they need you to stop doing? How can you be more attuned and responsive? This pattern of tuning in will help you to increase awareness of your emotional needs quickly. Yes, the inner adult runs the show, but they must take the little kid by the hand in order to create true balance. Talk kindly to that little one today.
April 26, 2022
On its way to you:
Clarity, calm and confidence are your friends today. You probably need all three but it’s fine to focus on the one you need the most. Say the word, let an image come to mind if it comes, perhaps even choose a theme song for boosting the clarity or calm or confidence. Reading this will prime your mind and help prepare your nervous system and you can build on this with your follow-up. Start out the way you mean to go on today and be filled with clear, calm confidence.
April 22, 2022
To be content:
Listen carefully now, slowing your mind as you slow your eyes, breathing deeply, slower now, and more relaxed, that’s right, your inner mind listening carefully to my helpful calm words, reminding your inner mind about moments of contentment, many moments where, no matter how briefly, there is nothing to do, nowhere to be, and everything, just in that moment, is perfectly fine, there is contentment inside, and your inner mind can remember that feeling, just by going in, it’s all stored in the files, nothing to do with the outside world or other people, just those little moments of contentment, and that you can remember to notice, remember now, everything is fine, and your inner mind can help you to forget the outside world a little more often, tune in and remember just to be, and to be content in that very moment. Enjoy.
April 21, 2022
Please watch your language!
Inside the mind is where the most powerful language occurs. The way we speak to ourselves about ourselves and events and the world has a powerful effect on how we feel. Even if we wake up not feeling great, or some hurdle appears in our plans, what we say inside our minds will determine the pathway of nervous system response. For example, let’s say you wake up tired or in pain after a night of poor sleep. Rather than a fearful, pissed-off or frustrated language sequence, we could say “it wasn’t the greatest night, I’ll take it very easy on myself and just do the best I can. I’ll be ok.” This way, we use language to stop the creation of secondary suffering. Yes, we have automatic or involuntary thoughts and feelings. And the language we use to describe or respond to these auto-states will chart what we feel next. Choose neutral language that downgrades the threat level. When in doubt, just choose “it’s ok” or “it’s neutral”. In truth, everything is objectively neutral (it’s just facts and events if they remain label-free) and our mood is determined by the language we follow with. Choose yours with awareness today and choose to feel ok with whatever. You’re ok.
April 20, 2022
Legitimize downtime!!
Downtime is a requirement for balance, effective recovery and prevention of burnout. Downtime means not needing to be productive. Downtime means you can stay in pajamas and do nothing. Downtime means you can read or watch shows or just sit around doing nothing at all. Humans are entitled to just BE. If you’re around active types or grew up with active types, you might feel guilty about downtime. But: we are all different and relax in different ways. Just because some people *need* to feel busy or active doesn’t make them superior beings. They may naturally have high activity levels, may have inner restlessness, may be avoiding being with their thoughts. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we need balance and downtime means down. Sit down, relax, do fun stuff that is fun for you. Downtime is essential. Enjoy.
April 19, 2022
Where you are:
Where you are is just fine. It’s not to be judged or criticized or compared. Whatever you’re feeling or doing or not doing, it’s ok. If you want to take a step or make a change, that’s ok too. But not from a position of criticism or inadequacy; we make progress more effectively from a position of acceptance. Where we are is ok, and we can move or change. Calm acceptance keeps the nervous system out of alarm, and alarm in any form generally doesn’t lead to sustained positive action. Be ok with where you are today, and let action flow through you as required. It will.
April 18, 2022
Remember balance:
Think about which elements of yourself have been overdone and underdone lately. What do you need to do less of and more of in order to feel more balanced? With balance comes energy, with balance comes inner peace. Choose one small thing today to re-balance your reserves.
April 15, 2022
May the force be with you:
As your eyes move slowly and comfortably over my words, your inner mind can now allow you to completely relax, just in this moment, as I talk to you, and you can just listen, nothing to do or know, just listen, aware of all the things going on without you needing to do anything at all, your heart beats, the sun comes up, and goes down, the planets all held in place, plants growing, humans growing and developing, nature just doing its thing, just as it is for you, the force of nature within, healing and improving every cell, soothing your nerves and strengthening your resources, the force is with you, powering whatever needs to be powered, enhancing and entrancing you as you require. Relax and let the force lead the way today.
April 14, 2022
Ideas are coming!
We all go through times where we feel stagnant in mind, as if maybe this time the inspiration may not arrive. This is in fact a necessary part of the creative process. While we could see it as frustrating, we could also know that any creative process begins with the seed or desire for an idea and then the idea takes as long as it takes to percolate. It could be a short percolation or a longer one. We sometimes might not like how long it takes. And often the more we “try”, the more elusive it feels. Creativity needs space and time. If we are too busy, stressed or trying to rush the natural process, then we may be our own blocker. Have the desire for the idea, think about it deeply, then relax and allow it to appear on its own terms in its own time. Trust that it will come, or perhaps something even better will emerge. The creative process is part of nature. Trying to rush it is like constantly pulling up plant seeds to check if they’ve grown yet then throwing them in the rubbish if they haven’t grown enough. Leave creative ideas to sprout and grow on their own. Then be pleased when they appear, in any form and at any stage of development. Enjoy them without judgement; they deserve only your appreciation.
April 13, 2022
Take a breath and smile.
While our thoughts have great power over how we feel (if we buy into them), so too do our body processes. Taking a long slow deep breath at the right time will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which slows things down for the relaxation response. And smiling, despite whether there is a reason to smile, has been shown to activate the chemical process of mood enhancement, even if temporarily. So stop, breathe and smile. Your body will appreciate it and your mind will enjoy the brief break from everything. It’s all ok. You’re ok.
April 12, 2022
Safety concerns:
All concerns are safety concerns. Our nervous systems are designed like car alarms, registering any perceived threat to safety. Some alarms are a little too active, perhaps sending a full-boar alarm when a silent notification would do. Safety reminders are key. Remind yourself often that you are safe. Others are safe, whatever you’re concerned about, you are safe. You always get the information you need and take the action required. No need for alarm, it’s all ok. You are ok. You are safe.
April 11, 2022
Create a moment.
Check in with yourself: how’s your mood? How’s your energy? Is there something you need to add or subtract today? Create a moment to adjust your mindset or your activity plans to make sure they align with how you want to feel. In this created moment, decide on your intention. Do you want to feel good (or at least to feel ok)? Take this time to internally adjust whatever needs adjusting within, and move back into your day with calm optimism. All is well.
April 8, 2022
Ease the mind:
As you read my words, as I speak to you, take a deep breath, and hold it, hold it now, and then let it go, releasing all the pent up stuff, all tensions dissolving now, just let it go, that’s right, as I remind your inner mind to ease the other mind, the busy one, the conscious mind with all its thoughts and worries and concerns, things that probably, almost definitely won’t even happen, just ease that mind now, no need to go down wasted paths, just stay in now, now is ok, now is fine, now has many good things and a lot of love to connect to, ease the mind now, relax and move on with your day feeling clear, calm and confident. You will.
April 7, 2022
Use your damn somatic intelligence!
Somatic intelligence is your body’s way of guiding you, perhaps even clearly telling you YES or No about anything in life. We get weird feelings, chills, excitement, strange alerts, sick feelings, unexplained tiredness, tingles, heart or gut sensations and many more guidance signals. Do we take notice?? Many of us override these signals in favour of the mind’s rationalized version of decision-making, especially about people, relationships and other opportunities. We need to use or listen to all our information systems: the mind (logical information, e.g. pros and cons), the emotions (how we and others feel) as well as our bodily flashes or somatic/intuitive sensations that cannot always be explained. The “gut instinct” has a primal purpose in survival mode and is used by all sentient beings to decide how to move successfully in the world. Check in with yours and utilize your somatic intel today!
April 6, 2022
Loads of options and possibilities:
Many of us get stuck in one thought zone, whether it’s something we think we can or can’t do, or a reason why something will or can’t happen, or why something started or ended, or why a situation or relationship evolved as it did. In truth, whatever it is that we feel or think we are stuck on, there is always another option and always another possibility. Every problem or situation or interpretation has many, many potential alternatives. We limit ourselves by not reminding our minds of the endless options. We may be correct in our first idea but there are still many other ideas. The more ideas we are aware of, the more flexibility and freedom. Rigidity of mind affects outcome as well as mood. Whatever happens today, remind your mind that there are multiple interpretations, options and possibilities, and that knowing this is always beneficial. Always.
April 5, 2022
Generous with praise?
It’s time to up the praise and admiration levels for yourself and probably to others. Most of us speak many more critical words compared to the amount of praising words, especially inwardly to ourselves, as well as to or about others. It may also be that we get into a habit of inner and outer complaining about self, people and circumstances and this of course lowers mood over time. Yes we need to vent or complain at times, but we also need to know where to draw the mental line and start praising where praise is due. Think of the people around you. Could you be more generous with praise and admiration? Many people state that they receive little to no praise in general life so let’s start distributing it more freely, both to self and others. Well done for actually reading this and for being interested in philosophical and psychological thoughts! You are awesome. (and you know it!)
April 4, 2022
Chill on self:
You know about your high expectations?? Those expectations create excess pressure and self-criticism. Applying that to yourself all the time is exhausting and upsetting, and today is the day to begin to chill on yourself. There is no need to try to be perfect, and in fact there’s no possibility of being perfect as we are but joyously flawed humans. Flawed imperfection is perfect. We accept it in others, now it’s time to accept in the self. When you feel the self-imposed pressure, notice it and then hear my voice reminding you to chill on yourself. It’s ok. You are ok.
April 1, 2022
The Department of Relaxation:
Here is your message for the part of your inner mind known as the Department of relaxation so please listen carefully as your eyes begin to release all strain, breathing deeply now, all tension dissolving, easing all muscles and tendons and ligaments, the body relaxes, and your mind clears now, listening closely to the sounds of tranquil, easing into relaxation, much more comfortable here, and your department can set the mode to calm, clear, confident now, while you easily go about your day, knowing that your Department of relaxation is keeping everything at easy optimal functioning for you. The memo has been sent and all is in place. Enjoy.
March 31, 2022
Stop. Listen. Breathe.
Most of us have too much space junk in our minds. Whether it’s memories returning to bite us, endless scenario-planning, worrying about things that haven’t happened (and probably won’t) or trying to analyze the WHY of what others do, all this cognitive flotsam is tiring as well as buzz-killing. That’s why we stop. We listen. We breathe. We can listen to the silence, or the nature sounds or the noise of the city. Just being in this moment, taking in the sounds and breathing. No commentary required. No urgent mind. Just stop and let your eyes and ears be present for a few breaths. The system can reset and you can move back into the day with a mind that feels spacious and clear. Stop. Listen. Breathe. Repeat. Enjoy.
March 30, 2022
Long-term survival mode:
If you still feel like you are running in survival mode without much fuel, you’re not alone. While media/social media may suggest otherwise, many people still report feeling de-motivated and sluggish, without much to look forward to. Exiting survival mode starts with basics: sleep, food, exercise, balanced activity cycles. Then we need to look at what used to excite us, perhaps at 10 years old. What you enjoyed then will probably lead to what you could enjoy now. Find some enjoyable things, add in some stuff to look forward to or work towards. Check your mind: are you working on a curious, excited attitude that looks forward to enjoyment and progress? Beware of mood-kill thoughts and re-direct them elsewhere, whether it’s to nature, to a pet, to a song or to a true and positive statement about life. You are ok. Everything is ok. Energy is returning. You can make it happen, whatever it is. Vitality begins in the mind and it starts right here. Keep it going today.
March 29, 2022
Feel bad: Check loops.
If you’re feeling less than great emotionally, chances are that you are thinking something unpleasant about yourself or others or the world or the future. Chances are you’ve got a thought loop in a form that is quite generalized and you’re probably thinking it in permanent language as though it’s unchangeable or hopeless. The thoughts probably run below consciousness and you might not even notice the inner narrative that is looping the mind and killing your buzz. Notice it. Tune in. When you feel low, check on that repeating stream in your mind. Don’t feed it. You don’t even have to challenge or change it. Just redirect. Deliberately choose another direction. It could be a song or something you recite from a book or from memory. Or just say “it’s ok. I’m ok”. Just don’t feed it or let it run away with you. Neutral thoughts like being “ok” will take you back to neutral feelings and that’s a great start. Then, if you can, go for a tiny walk. Change your state. There’s always something you can do in mind or body to feel just a little better. Keep an eye on your inner loops today.
March 28, 2022
Today can be a great story:
You get to choose the story for today. You could focus on tiredness or lack of motivation or overwhelm; or you could decide to place yourself inside a different story, where you know you’re ok, you are perfectly equipped to take on whatever adventure arrives or evolves, and you do so with some enjoyment and a sense of purpose. In this story, the day unfolds with interesting scenes and all characters play their pre-assigned parts in harmony with yours. And remember, pre-assigned means that the characters have a backstory that you are largely unaware of. Your role is to respond according to YOUR character. You are prepared, resourced and ready. Enjoy the evolution of the story today, and look for the highlights. Go well.
March 25, 2022
Strength serum:
Take a long slow breath of relaxation as you wind down your pace to read my words, slowly, letting my voice speak calmly to your inner mind, so much going on, it’s ok to let your mind just rest and drink in my words, and you know that you have been bothered by some things, some concerns, and that you inner mind may need a little reassurance now, so in your mind’s eye, I want you to imagine that little dropper bottle of serum, the serum that boosts your inner strength, it calms and soothes all concerns while allowing your mind to focus easily on what truly matters right now, what you need to do today, so take six drops of the strength serum now, placing them under your tongue, noting the pleasant taste and the powerful sensation as the serum absorbs into all cells, healing, soothing, restoring, emboldening and powering you more and more as the day evolves, it will, and you can enjoy whatever it is and wherever it goes. Feel good now.
March 24, 2022
Taking a sensitivity hit?
When you’re a sensitive person, many actions or comments from others can feel like a knife in the guts. “How could they do this??” we ask. “Why is this hitting me so hard?” we wonder. Usually it’s because we have taken it personally. We’re really asking “How could they do this TO ME”. Well, why wouldn’t they. It’s not personal. The person doing or saying the thing is capable of that behavior due to their own narrative and personality and history and wounds and expectations and entitlements and input from others and on it goes. The wiring of a person’s mind and its impact on their behavior began way before you met them and will continue longer than you know them. In truth it has very little to do with you. They do it because that’s what they can do and chose to do in that moment. It’s not about you really. You’re just the current recipient. You may think they have targeted you and don’t target others but this is highly unlikely. It’s not personal although it may feel that way. Extend perspective to the bigger picture (which we can never fully know) and remember that we are but a small bit player in their huge production. Decide to exit the production if you don’t like the part you’ve been allocated. Or take on a new role within the scene. It’s up to you how you respond, but do so with the knowledge that it’s a huge production with many players and nothing is ever as personal as it might seem. Choose your part with wisdom.
March 23, 2022
Ok Badass!!
Apparently it’s time to accept that you’re a badass and own it. Apparently you like swearing and you know it’s good for you. You want to express yourself and embrace the truth. What would you do differently if you operated from the mindset of your badass self? More of what you want to say and do? Less anxiety, self-doubt and guilt? Less people-pleasing? Saying no when you want to say no, without unnecessary apologies or excuses? You are a badass. Just do it. Own it. And enjoy it; you know you’re going to have more fun. Be unapologetic and badass today!
March 22, 2022
Saying f*ck a lot these days??
The research on swearing consistently shows many emotional and health benefits. So many studies show positive effects for swearing on tolerance of both emotional and physical pain, whether self-inflicted (eg via exercise) or accidental. Swearing boosts our pain tolerance in general. Many other studies link higher swearing levels with people of greater intelligence, greater openness, higher honesty and integrity. Swearing has been shown to increase rapport socially and increases emotional expression in times of both enjoyment and upset. Swearing also triggers chemical release, giving us a dopamine boost. Swearing should be used ethically of course, (not with hostility towards or against others) and in the appropriate context. Even swearing within the mind provides the benefits outlined, so f*ck it, keep swearing and enjoy your many benefits while doing so!
March 21, 2022
The friendly world:
As you go about your day, remember that you are in a friendly world. This is a world that welcomes you, appreciates you and has your back. It will help you get whatever you need and a lot of what you want (even if that’s not always what you really need!). The world is designed for your benefit if you believe that it is. As you know, whether we believe we are in a friendly world or a hostile world, that will become true for us. Stick with friendly today. The world greets you with enthusiasm and great appreciation.
March 18, 2022
Direction and flow:
I was thinking, and it’s good to just think about thinking, and you can slow your eyes as you read my words, relaxing now, letting all tension dissolve and just disappear, breathing slow, and deeper now, and you can wonder too, about how many of us, probably want something to be different, to begin, to change, to improve, to stop, any and all positive changes, and how quickly they can start sometimes, and at other times slow and steady, always in the right direction, flowing with the rhythm of optimism and life, a seed of an idea, growing all by itself while you may not even notice all the tiny positive changes, all good things, everything is flowing in the right direction for you now, and all is well. Take only the action required today.
March 17, 2022
Sending lightness:
Sending an idea of lightness to you to counteract any heaviness. If you’ve been feeling like you’re carrying too much, or heavy with fatigue, burdened by heaviness from others or the world, then let’s counteract this with a light touch. Or we turn the light on now. Lightness and brightness can antidote heaviness and darkness. When we see the light we can see new possibilities. When we feel lighter we can focus and do just what needs to be done right now, rather than being stuck in past or future concerns. Focus on light or lightness today and do only what you need to do. May your mind light up right now!
March 16, 2022
Nervous system safety:
If your nerves are activated, then the alert is activated. Just like a car alarm or burglar alarm, our system goes into vigilance any time there is a perceived threat to safety. Please remind yourself now that you are in fact safe. Say “I am safe”. You may even add “Everyone is safe”. Safety is the priority of the human alert system; we are designed to act or flee in times of danger or urgency. But like a car alarm set off by a butterfly, sometimes our systems are a little too keen. You can reset your safety switch with regular reminders. Yes you are safe. Relax and go with the flow of today.
March 15, 2022
Do it with confidence!
Whatever you do today, do it with confidence! The difference between confidence and self-doubt is the ability to remember the fact that you are resourceful. You have skills and lived experience and the ability to find out whatever you need to know. You’re a quick learner. You have options and choices. The first choice is to be confident in your actions and decisions. Confidence isn’t rigid; it takes in new information and considers the big picture, including people and consequences. Confidence says “I’ve got this”. And you do. Go do it. With confidence!
March 11, 2022
Smooth tonic:
Take a long easy breath as you read my words, and relax now, reading with your conscious mind while your subconscious mind tunes in deeply, listening, paying close attention as I ask you now to go a little deeper, a little more relaxation, softening your eyelids, your face, and all the little muscles around your neck, and your shoulders, and I want you to imagine, in your mind’s eye, a beautiful smooth tonic, the tonic that will relieve all things required, a glowing, lovely coloured tonic, with an attractive label that happens to list your particular concern on the bottle, and you can unscrew the cap now, and take a long slow dose of the tonic, taking it in, very pleasant taste, and now swallowing easily, letting that powerful positive liquid move all through your body, your cells, your nervous system and your mind, easing everything, healing, restoring and enthusing, fast-acting as you know, and you will feel better and better, sip anytime, feel good, go well. Enjoy.
March 10, 2022
Let things change:
Most things change over time, it’s part of life. In fact, allowing change means allowing the process of life. Many times, just as we’re on brink of despair, something happens, it changes, and we feel that sense of possibility, of optimism or renewal, or perhaps even growth. Changes might seem scary but looking back, often they turn out to be advantageous or necessary. Resisting change is resisting the laws of nature. Decide to allow for cycles of change today. Welcome it. May the highest good prevail.
March 9, 2022
That thing you’re putting off?
It’s time to start that thing you’ve been putting off. It’s just a thing to be done and you only need to do a tiny bit, perhaps even five minutes. Just a start. It takes way more energy to do the avoidance, the denial, the guilt, the ignoring of pressure than it does to start. Stop thinking and just do. Only a little bit, nothing too much. Just to get a sense of the beginning and to kickstart the momentum. You’ll feel better. No thinking. Just do.
March 8, 2022
Drivers of exhaustion:
Exhaustion and burnout are real. If we keep pushing through, we may deepen the exhaustion or push our nervous system too far, leading to emotional symptoms. When the reserves are low, look at the drivers. There will be physical drivers: sleep, nutrition, fluids, rest/activity imbalance, environment, perhaps even allergies or reactions to stimuli. There will be emotional drivers: relationship concerns, unmet needs, pasts hurts, perhaps trauma, fears and worries. There will be psychological drivers: the patterns of thought, the “shoulds”, expectations of self and others, habits of rigid thinking, the rationale and the narrative we have decided upon, the rules we have for what is and isn’t fair, the gap between what we want and what is expected of us. Often one small adjustment will help our other drivers readjust too. What small adjustment will help your vitality? If unsure, start with sleep and work from there. Things improve when we change one small thing. Begin anywhere.
March 7, 2022
Uplifting thoughts?
Check your inner story today, in fact check it right now. Are you running a story of complaint or a story of possibility? Certainly watch out for any false fear stories of things that haven’t even happened yet. Check the evidence on any story you’re running and stay with the facts that lean towards the positive or even the neutral. Find some aspects to appreciate or where you can see the good. Adjust the attitude across the day so that you feel better. Choose to focus on uplifting thoughts and notice that you too are uplifted.
March 4, 2022
Tranquil:
As you let your eyes gently glide across my words, allow your eyelids to relax slightly, letting the jaw muscles dissolve any strain of tension now, any other body discomfort releases too, allowing you to begin to feel better and better, and you know, and I know too, that inner tranquillity is the way to go, despite whatever is going on around us, just reminding your inner mind that you can feel that inner harmony inside, knowing you are ok, you can manage this, you have many gifts and talents, your resourcefulness is infinite and in knowing this, you can return to inner tranquillity now. Releasing all concerns and just focusing only on the task in front of you. Tranquil.
March 3, 2022
The boundaries.
Most of us have areas where we are lenient, we will let it go, we will accommodate, we will say yes, we will turn a blind eye. But when the NO feeling kicks in, it’s time to recognize and act on that boundary. We don’t need to have rigid boundaries about everything, the point of boundaries is flexibility and adaptation. But when it’s too far, when it’s a violation, when it’s a definite NO, then it’s time to state the boundary and make sure the line is clear. Prepare in advance when you can. Small lines: “No, that’s not possible for me”. “No thanks I prefer not to”. “Please don’t go there, that’s a no-go zone”. “Perhaps you’d like to change the way you are saying this to me”. “Not this time”. Or just simply “No”. NO is actually a full sentence that requires no explanation or justification. Think about your boundaries and make sure you enact the ones that truly matter. It’s good for the soul.
March 2, 2022
Stress antidote:
When we’re not feeling right emotionally, we need to take a check on two patterns: our need for control and our need for approval. Those two patterns, especially when combined, have the effect of creating so much rumination, aggravation, frustration, irritation, hurt, fatigue, resentment, depression, and on it goes. When overwhelm hits, check on control needs first, then ask yourself about your approval needs. Truth: we can’t usually control things and have it our way when it involves external events and/or other people. Truth: we cannot control whether or not others approve of us or our views. For whatever reason (and yes, it may be unfair reasons) some people will not approve of us or like us or choose us. Especially if we make a difference in the world, have strong opinions, or talents or confidence. If you’re visible, there will be some disapproval. Welcome to human nature. Next time you’re aggravated, check those control and approval patterns. Truth: it is what is is, and it’s ok as it is; we don’t know the whole story and we may never know it. Notice, accept, work only on your side of the fence. You’re ok. Everything is ok.
March 1, 2022
Recognize burnout:
If you expect yourself to feel better than you do right now, consider your burnout levels. Even if you had “time off” or time out, did you have time off from cognitive load (from too many things to think about or solve)? The last few years have increased cognitive load considerably, and there’s usually something new on the horizon (like current political or world events) added to usual life concerns. The first stage of burnout is exhaustion. Second stage is depersonalization, a kind of detachment from people or activities or things or work. The third stage is feelings of incompetence, of “I can’t actually do this”. Burnout is real; the nervous system and chemical processes of the body are altered. Rest or holidays may often help but usually it’s about resolving or changing the key ongoing conflicts that drive the excessive inner or outer stresses. Check in with yourself and be aware of burnout; stress takes a toll and there is help in many different forms. Make sure your stress-management team is in place and know that you will get better. Burnout is real, and so is recovery. Focus on what you need to do to put less demands on your system. You can do this.
February 28, 2022
Peace and harmony:
Inner peace gives us harmony. While we can’t always influence peace in the outer world, we can start our engines in the mode of inner peace by accepting what is, even if we don’t agree with it, knowing there are many sides to everything and no one right answer. We can also remember to detach from drama and to focus only on what is within our circle of influence (our thoughts, our behaviour) and be a force for peace in our own minds and relationships. There is much we can do with an attitude of peace and harmony. Choose inner peace today.
February 25, 2022
Clarity in mind:
With all the disturbances around, you know, and I know too, how much we need a clear mind, a mind that can screen out unwanted fears or upsets, so listen now, reading more and more slowly as I speak to you, deeper and deeper, and more relaxed, letting all muscles soften, eyes softening and easy, and I remind your inner mind to simply allow all those extraneous concerns to dissolve now, no need to hold them in mind, they can exist, out there on their own, being resolved at the right time, in the right way, smoothly, comfortably, as you relax now, just stick to your lane, doing only what you need to do, with a good attitude, you’re ok, everything is ok, your mind remains clear and your thoughts remain helpful. Go with clarity.
February 24, 2022
Bump!
This bump is for you! You are bumped up the list, whatever list exists for you! Bumped for priority, bumped for good health, for goodness in general, for respect, for all the good things that you are, and the good things that you’d like. Bump yourself up that list now, think about what you need as well as what needs to be done. You matter and you need to treat yourself as such. You are officially bumped for good feelings and good decisions today!
February 23, 2022
Social anxiety?
Some feel social anxiety building at the thought of things, some feel it in the lead-up and others feel it once they’re in the situation. Others even feel it afterwards, analyzing what was said or not said. It’s as though the brain is looking for clues for approval and connection; in fact that’s exactly what it’s doing. Some brains are wired to focus on the possibility of disapproval and/or disconnection and that’s more painful. Social anxiety has a purpose: to keep us connected in the way we’d like to be. But the subconscious sometimes needs a little help focusing in a more helpful way. Instead of self-consciously monitoring ourselves, we need to train the brain to focus on others and responding naturally to others. If we are behaving with appropriate openness, kindness, flexibility, reciprocity and ethics then we don’t need to analyse ourselves before/during/after events and the mind can be trained to manage this more effectively. Some people need coaching on this, and others need some trauma work based on past friendship disturbances that accelerate social anxiety. Most people with social anxiety are very sensitive and take way too much responsibility, personalizing everything that doesn’t work out. This is often true when people had multiple hurtful experiences as a young person. Again, the subconscious mind can be re-trained over time. The focus is on the dynamic, on the other, and nothing is personal. Notice your social approach and give yourself a break. You’re pretty awesome and you might as well just go with that.
February 22, 2022
A different lens:
There’s always something in our life that needs a new take, a different way of looking. Whether it’s an aspect of self, a situation or another person, a different lens can give us a whole new perspective. We could try looking at it through someone else’s eyes, or deliberately taking an opposite view, widening or narrowing the range of view, zooming in or looking at the bigger picture, going far away in distance or close up, looking back into the past or going forward in time a few days, months or even a few years. Will it ever matter five years from now?? Or perhaps it matters even more and requires immediate action. It all depends on the lens. A new view changes everything. Try as many as you can if you’d like more flexible thinking.
February 21, 2022
Quiet mind:
Take a quiet mind into your day today. No commenting or editorializing on what could happen or is happening; just let the experience be what it is and know that you have the resources to calmly manage whatever you need to manage. Only manage what is yours; leave other people’s stuff to the other people. Let your mind be quiet and your actions meet what is necessary with a cheerful attitude.
February 18, 2022
How are you?
How are you really? Ease your mind and tune in as you read my words, breathing slowly now, easily, and you know, and I know too that most people won’t ask how you really are, but you can ask yourself, and you can truly listen, and check in, straight to your inner mind, that little one, ask what’s really happening, and what you really feel, and what you need today, yes you can, tuning in now, remaining tuned in, becoming more and more aware of how you feel and what you need, relaxing into it and taking action where you can, feeling better and better as you tune in more and more. Well done to you.
February 17, 2022
Relaxing helps everything.
There aren’t many problems that are improved by worrying or stressing. Being physically tense or emotionally fixated tends to have a blocking effect on creativity, problem solving and healing in general. If we watch our pets (pets without anxiety issues anyway!) they show us how to be. If there is an issue, be still. Wait. Many things solve themselves if we relax and let things settle. Our pets just focus on what matters, (us, fun, food) and let things evolve. Humans find this more challenging of course, but the first step is to know that tension and worry are unfruitful. Relax your body. Move towards relaxing your mind. It’s all ok. You are ok.
February 16, 2022
Need motivation?
If the natural desire isn’t there, then we need to access more deliberate pathways to motivation. Relying on desire alone is a trap that will limit our motivation to the presence of emotion and dopamine. The conscious approaches to motivating ourselves involve directing our cognitions (thoughts, narrative) as well as physiology. We can focus on the benefits, the simplicity, the end result, the first step, the importance of it, the long-term outcome, the effects on others, the link to our values. We can focus on the consequences or emotional effect of not doing the thing too. We can motivate our physiology by walking or moving or putting on music or other uplifting activities. Moving thoughts and moving body gives momentum. Don’t settle for desire alone, build motivational skills for when they’re needed. You can do it!
February 15, 2022
Little bit of zen:
Do a little less. One thing at a time. And take your time doing it! Notice the pleasant moments like taking a sip of your tea or coffee or watching your pet. And leave space between activities; just sitting is ok. Let your mind breathe easily. You can only do what you can do and it will be enough. It all works out so go with zen.
February 14, 2022
Resourceful!
You know you have the resources for whatever is needed today. You can access calm, or detachment, or good attitude, or compartmentalization, or even just reminding yourself that this is temporary or to focus on what is truly important. You have many resources. Your mind is a toolbox filled with options. Go confidently into the day.
February 11, 2022
Off the job:
Slow your thoughts as you read my words, easily, smoothly, gliding along as I speak to you, releasing all tension, reminding your inner mind that you are off the job, you can relax now, that job you gave yourself, with the vigilance, the worry, the need to monitor everything and pre-empt things; it’s all ok, you’re off the job, you can relax, just do what you need to do, have as much fun as you can, allow things to be as they are and just goddamn chill; it’s all ok and all is well. Go peacefully back into your day!
February 10, 2022
Beware the drainers:
People, activities, events, thoughts, media, TV shows; there are many kinds of drainers. We know a drainer by the feeling it leaves us with. Drainers can actually be things (and people) we *think* we like or want to be around. But the proof is in the effects. How do you feel during and after?? If it’s a drainer then your energy is reduced. You may be tired, avoidant, irritated, frustrated, aggravated even. Sometimes we don’t really know why a person or activity is a drainer; sometimes we know exactly why. Put up the energy shield, reduce exposure, be self-preserving. This is especially important if you have fatigue or other emotional or physical issues going on. Add as many energy-enhancing things and people as you can. Delete the drainers in your life as you are able. If you must engage then use protective strategies. Your energy supply is precious. Keep it in refill mode today.
February 9, 2022
Get that soundtrack!
Nothing beats music for mood boosting or calming or energizing or any other state you want to dial up! Think about how you feel now, then decide what state you want to install. Then jump on your favourite music platform and choose the tracks or album that transports you to where you want to be. Do you want a nostalgia trip, a teenage time capsule experience or to pump yourself with energetic upbeat input? Something familiar, or new? The right music will take you right where you want to be. And if it doesn’t, choose another vehicle for an instant mood lift. Get on it and go up or down as required!
February 8, 2022
Listen to this:
If you’re not feeling right, whether it’s anxiety, depression, frustration or unexplained fatigue, consider this. What’s the current gap between what you actually WANT and what is *expected* of you?? That gap may explain many things. If you’re not sure, write it down using two columns on paper. When there is a big gap between what we really want to do/feel/think compared to the expectations of us (from others, self, family conditioning, “societal norms” etc) then there will be an inner conflict and perhaps a subconscious attempt to solve this inner conflict with avoidance, addiction, panic, pain or other emotional disturbances. Check in constantly with what you think you actually want or need. Perhaps we can’t have or do everything we want; it’s not about that. But balance and fulfillment require conscious attention and tuning into ourselves, our true desires. Please listen.
February 7, 2022
Expect the good stuff!
The self-fulfilling prophecy can truly be self-fulfilling. Of course there are things we can’t control, but our attitude and our expectations can be set to the direction of realistically optimistic. Good things will happen today, large or small, noticed or unnoticed. Your job is to expect the good and notice it when it appears. Welcome it, credit yourself and be glad of good things. They’re everywhere, no matter what. May the good prevail for you today.
February 4, 2022
Recharging dock:
As you read this, with easy, soft eyes, I want you to slow, and let all tension dissolve from all the tiny muscles, letting your inner mind know that right now, if you choose, you can plug in to the charging station, allowing yourself to power up now, connected to that recharge dock, as long as needed, as long as you’re comfortable, smooth power up, refilling all that is needed, seeing possibilities as the energy builds, all the fuel and power you need for whatever you want, filling now, recharging, automatically and completely, all good to go, ready for your next thing. Feel the powers returning and move on in your day easily and joyfully.
February 3, 2022
Away from the gap:
Our eyes are often towards that gap; what we need to do next, where we fall short, how we want to feel (instead of like *this*) and the place we want to be. Some ambition helps drive us, but is it balanced with appreciating what we HAVE achieved, the progress we HAVE made, the effort we’re putting in, the strengths or benefits we already possess?? We don’t always have to move forward, there’s a time to consolidate, a time to cruise and a time to recognize that survival mode is operational and necessary. Wherever you are, it’s ok. Keep eyes off that gap today and load yourself up with credit for actually getting to where you are. You’re doing so well. Know it.
February 2, 2022
Remember your choices!
It’s so easy to get stuck in a mindset, consciously or unconsciously, of “have to”. That mindset doesn’t always feel great and can lead to irritation, resentment, perhaps even despair. However. Every moment, every thought, every action: we do have a choice. Sometimes that choice is about what we choose to do, sometimes it’s about how we choose to think about or view the situation. The more we remember our moments of choice, the more freedom we feel and the more empowered we are. Whether it’s the viewing or the doing, we always get to choose if we are aware of it. Choose your inner response wisely today in service of feeling alive and vital and free. You can.
February 1, 2022
The other side of idealism:
Being idealistic has its upside. Seeing possibility, potential, what could be. The part of idealism we need to watch out for is the *need* to make every situation or aspect of life ideal according to some perceived standard. It’s become a new kind of perfectionism for many. There are so many bits of information about the “ideal life” or all the things we “should” do, and how people “should” be, whether for health, rest, sleep, exercise, hobbies, motivation, relationship maintenance, gratitude, parenting, work etc; only a robot could do them all. The work of being a human is a little more messy, a little less than “ideal”. It’s ok to do it your way, the way that works for you as an individual or family. We are all different. We have our preferences and challenges. If we have too many expectations we may become frustrated and potentially frustrating. It’s a kind of perfectionism in disguise. Nothing wrong with having intentions or direction. Just keep it realistic and allow for everyone being human. We are, in fact, all human and being human is great. Perfect in its imperfection.
January 31, 2022
Check your optimism settings:
Firstly, there’s no need to be “positive”. Optimism is about where you want to be and how you will get there. Optimism is about the possibility, whether it’s a feeling or an action or an outcome, just that sense of “it’s possible, let’s work out a way”. So optimism settings need checking to make sure there’s no mood-killer story about today or about yourself or the circumstances. Start neutral. Start with the facts. Then move on to a small direction you’d like to go in for today, eg just staying in your lane and doing what you need to do calmly. No focusing on the what ifs or the how could theys or the frustrations. You want to feel good? Then check that inner and outer narrator of life and make sure they too stick to neutral interpretations. It’s ok. It is what it is and it can improve. Optimism is about facts, endless possibilities and useful actions. Keep your mind firmly on the optimism path today.
January 28, 2022
Hit restore:
Just like a computer, we all have a setting for deep restoration, and you know, and I know too, that restorative activity is different for you, perhaps slowing down, breathing easily, reading this with smooth gliding eyes as your subconscious mind begins to consider the idea of your restorative settings, of what might be needed so that you feel better, stronger, ready to deal; so go inside now, and adjust your restore setting to “automatic updates”, and your inner mind will know that you can continually restore your functions, doing what is needed for best functioning for you now, more joy, more energy, better focus and a sense of “all is well”. And it is.
January 27, 2022
Manage self-expectations:
Tune into yourself. Are you expecting too much or too little of yourself right now? We can expect ourselves to behave ethically, have an attitude of proactively or optimism and to do the things we said we would do. We cannot expect to please everyone, be praised, be appreciated or to always have reciprocity in what we give. We cannot expect to perform on demand and/or feel good all the time. We can expect fluctuations in energy, mood and motivation and we can manage those variations with calm acceptance and modifications of thought or behaviour. Please check your expectations of yourself (and of others too!). We are all human; our capacity varies day to day for so many reasons. Go with that flow today!
January 25, 2022
Release all outgrown things:
Perhaps it’s an idea you’ve been holding on to, about yourself, or about somebody else. Or maybe a friendship or relationship you’ve been trying to hold on to despite feeling deep down that it’s probably had its day. Or maybe you’re still engaging in a habit or pattern that is no longer serving you. Decide now to release all of what you’ve outgrown. You don’t need to hold on or grasp, let it be what it is; if it’s time to let go then it will be for the greater good, and something better is on its way to you now. Open the door to newer and better things today!
January 24, 2022
Walk on the lighter side!
Where do you need to go lightly? Carry a lighter load? Light a fire under something? See the light? Tread lightly? Light up a room? Take a lighter view? Travel light? Shine a little light on it? Go lightly on yourself? Whatever it is, bring some light to the situation today and notice the heightened clarity in your mind and body
December 24, 2021
Go easy, go slow.
Please take your time today. Breathe. Avoid pressure, avoid hurry and worry. Let everything take care of itself in the right order. It all works out.
December 23, 2021
Holiday triggers:
Most people have one (or five!!) and the idea is to know what they are, expect that they may occur and have an idea of what to do if they do hit. It could be thoughts, people, places, comments, political views, so-called “jokes” or even just feeling trapped or alone. Think about what helps when you feel activated. Time out, temporary exit, a quick walk, various distractions, a helpful narrative, quick text/call contact with a friend, putting headphones on to listen to something, reminders to yourself about what is true/what matters, or perhaps just a strong positive truthful self-statement. Weird times need good antidotes, so plan ahead if required. You’ve got this!
December 22, 2021
Let sh*t settle!
Maybe it might be time to relax a bit, take the pressure off yourself and let sh*t settle. Much of it will settle in its own way and its own time, without you needing to DO anything. It all works out. It all gets better. It’s all ok. Just relax and let things sort themselves out. Nature probably has a better plan than we do, so perhaps just chill and let nature do its job!
December 21, 2021
Exhaustion acknowledgement and recovery:
Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling exhausted. Excessive cognitive load and constant decision-making and problem-solving and adjusting and worrying and trying to have fun and being pissed off and asking whether we should go out and being grateful for good things and working or not working and constant uncertainty and more modifications and news updates and being positive and feeling bad for other people and many other unknowns; it’s exhausting even to read this or think about it. The antidotes for being tired (rest, sleep, breaks etc) don’t really cut it for actual exhaustion; in fact mental or cognitive exhaustion can take as long (or longer) to recover from as physical exhaustion. If your nervous system is overloaded you are certainly not alone and everyone needs space and time and freedom from mental strain. We’re all in it together and we need to be kind to ourselves and others. Please forgive yourself (and others) for any deficits right now. Tanks will begin refilling soon.
December 20, 2021
Resist complications:
Most complications are self-made, starting with an ambiguous situation and adding a few attributions or storylines to make it all messy. Stick to one thing. Stick to facts when it comes to tricky stuff. If your brain goes to “why??” or to “what if??”, take it right back to the key facts. Stay with clarity today and keep it simple.
December 17, 2021
The fun meter:
Deep inside your inner mind, you know, and I know too, that there is a little fun meter, measuring the levels all the time, as you breathe slowly now, notice this fun meter, using your mind’s eye, and notice too, that perhaps we might need to boost that level just a bit, easily, starting with an idea, a mindset, maybe even a possibility, something fun from before, or now, or even in the future, imagining as you breathe slowly, hearing my words, little sparks of fun, tiny notions of more, seeds planted now, beginning to grow naturally, you don’t have to try, or even to watch them, just relaxing, knowing that it’s all happening, fun meter on the rise, better and better every day. You are.
December 16, 2021
Neutralize and Nothingize!
When we’ve been under a lot of stress for a long time (er, pretty much everyone right now!?) then our nervous system can lose sight of what is a genuine level of threat. When our system is totally stress-primed, it will start sending massive threat signals even over less-serious things. Trouble is, it will feel very real. When the stress has been pumping too long, the part of the brain that keeps things in perspective is affected, so whatever our stress-focus is can become almost an obsession, and a scary/freak-out obsession at that. This is what leads to massive overwhelm: the mind decides that all our concerns are super-important, threatening even. The antidote involves actively down-regulating the threat. We say “I neutralize this” which means it’s neither good nor bad. And if appropriate (and it often is despite our over the top reactions) then we follow up with “I nothingize this”. Being able to NOTHINGIZE things helps our brains remember that many things are just part of life and that the brain doesn’t have to continue to generate threat messages. Use as required!
December 15, 2021
System closed for maintenance:
Every system needs a tune-up. What is needed to create balance and improved functioning for you? Start by assessing basics such as your ideal nutrition, hydration, sleep, exercise, rest, social life, leisure etc. Then move on to look at pleasure, meaning and fulfillment. You know yourself. You know where the system gaps are. Address one or two when you can, not as a pressure but as an act of service to the self. You’re worth it.
December 14, 2021
The trouble with expectations:
The truth is, we need to be careful with expectations. Unless we are in a legally binding contract, most expectations are actually SHOULDS in disguise. Expectations about how we should feel a certain way, perhaps we “should” be more active, motivated, energetic or “over something by now”. Or perhaps we have unstated expectations regarding what other people should or should not do. Sometimes we’re not reasonable enough in our expectations, sometimes way too reasonable, allowing other people to behave in ways that violate our boundaries. If we are feeling upset or pissed off or confused about others (or maybe even upset with ourselves) then it’s time to check our expectations. Are they realistic given the person in question and the history or context involved? Balanced expectations means greater access to inner peace. Check in today with the subconscious and/or expectations you hold, do a reality balance on your mindset about it and be more at peace.
December 13, 2021
Choose the framing wisely!
We change our emotional reactions by the process of reframing. It doesn’t mean everything has to be made into a positive; that can be equally unhelpful and the mind may reject overly positive reframes. A neutral reframe can help, for example, “this is just part of life” or “it’s not ideal but I can live with it”. Reframes can take us away from perfection tendencies (eg “I should be feeling/doing/earning/ more than this”) and stop us comparing to others, or an idealized version of ourselves. Notice your framing today. There’s always another way to look at everything and the more versions we find, the more neutralized we feel!
December 10, 2021
Smooth waters:
Imagine now, as you read this, that every slow, deep breath is taking you deeper, away from the turbulence, inner or outer, relaxing now, deepening that relaxation with every calm breath, slowing as you read my words, hear me talking to you, as you easily begin to relax all those muscles, easing all that tension, every cell listening and responding to my helpful instructions, all cells regenerate, rejuvenate, inspire, enthuse; all turbulence is dissolved, the waters are smooth and you can glide through whatever is in front of you, untouched and immune, moving closer to contentment and strength, more and more every moment, many good things await. Appreciate. Enjoy.
December 9, 2021
And the Endurance Award goes to:
That endurance award goes to you! Think about all you’ve been through, survived and achieved. It’s pretty impressive isn’t it? Most people stare too much at the gap between where they are now and what they want/want to be, and that’s a recipe for dissatisfaction. It’s nice to have ambitions but we also need to take credit, to appreciate where we came from and where we are now. Only you can fully know all the internal struggles and difficulties you have endured; most people have way more going on than others realize. But you get an award. You’ve done well. You’re pretty great. Feel it, know it, enjoy it.
December 8, 2021
Exhaustion, not tiredness:
Tiredness responds to rest. A brief break, a nap, a good night’s sleep and we’re good to go. Exhaustion is different, it requires a break from the cognitive and emotional load. A really decent break so that the nervous system can return to normal adrenalin and cortisol functioning. When exhaustion hits and we keep going, the body enters a state of “running on empty”; morning malaise, low daytime energy, strange pains and aches, ragged emotional functioning. There’s a sense of no recovery. This can also affect sleep quality; there’s often a desire to stay up later to “relax” or maybe even a late-night second wind. Even with a decent sleep it can feel like the same day all over again. Exhaustion needs a proper recovery ( even a convalescing) period of time. Plan it. Do it. If you can’t completely do it then do the best version you can. The body is telling you: it’s time to listen.
December 7, 2021
The nasty stuff is on them.
If family or strangers behave rudely or nastily towards us, that is almost always a reflection of their character and/or their current mood and circumstances. While we may take it personally, wondering what we did to “deserve this” or perhaps even knowing we “don’t deserve it”, it’s important to remember that “deserving” has no relevance here. Poor behaviour or rudeness or nastiness is never “deserved”. Even if the person is upset over something you may have said, done or not done, that is not license to behave badly. They have the choice to discuss their concerns with you in a mature manner, like an adult. If they can’t/won’t, then that’s on them. Don’t ask the “why do they do this” questions; there is no answer. Our job is to know it’s on them and to keep our own emotional maturity in check when choosing to respond or not respond. It’s not easy and this time of year often brings up past hurts and slights. Remember to stay in emotional maturity and that all we can control is our own response. Choose wisely.
December 6, 2021
Energy watch!
However you’re feeling, you can always boost your energy via your mind. Move any inner complaints into neutral territory, and keep your expectations balanced. Decide to allow whatever happens to happen until it doesn’t! Being neutral and removing resistance will relax the nervous system and help rebuild energy. On the other hand, if you’re already feeling ok then focus on the positive aspects of everything, and enhance them. Feel the energy in mind and body and know that you are going to have a good day, perhaps even a great day. You can always slide a little bit up upwards on the energy scale, no matter where you are. Do what works and feel better today!
December 3, 2021
Restore settings:
If you’ve been pulled out of your energy groove, perhaps in need of a little reboot, then breathe with me know, slowing your eyes as you read my words, listening as I talk to you, to your inner mind, deeper now, and more relaxed, that’s right, allowing more and more of that relaxation to enter your mind and cells with each deep breath, letting all tension dissolve, nothing bothers you now, nothing disturbs you, moving now towards the options menu, choose settings, and then choose restore, that’s right, your inner mind fully and completely aware of how much excess data can be deleted and removed now, anything not needed, anything that can be released or discarded to free up all that space, restoring now, clearing what needs to be cleared to move you towards much improved functioning, better and better each day, completing that restore now. Done.
December 2, 2021
THAT time of year?
If you have festive feelings building, enjoy them. And if you don’t, then apparently you’re not alone. It’s been a weird time, for a long time, and many many people are reporting an exhaustion and a sense of emotional depletion. Being relaxed or being excited requires energy. If you are tired, then enthusiasm may be affected. Notice what you feel. Accept what you feel. Don’t fight it or be mad at yourself. It’s all in context and it all makes sense. Consider carefully what you really want to commit to at the moment and put self-preservation further up in the priority list. Recovery is coming and will arrive when the pressure drops. Until then, go easy, go slow and rest up.
December 1, 2021
Chronic things:
Flare-ups of pain, fatigue and other chronic conditions often happen after a period of emotional activity. It may not be stress (though it could be). The body is always responding to the emotional temperature of life so if a flare-up occurs, it’s time to check in. Check on internal conflicts. Those areas of life where it feels like there is nowhere to go, no win, damned if you do or don’t, it’s unfair or frustrating or both, it’s never-ending etc. These types of internal conflicts often involve people. Either people close to us or people we wish were (or were not) close. It can also be triggered by doing too many “have to” things and not enough “want to” things. Also look for increased cognitive load (too much in the brain to think about clearly), overwhelm, overwork and too much emotional intensity due to life events or drama. Too many draining factors will put the body into overload and the flare-up may be your signal to check in now to see what’s needed. Usually the recipe is rest, fun, good boundaries and increased fulfilment or meaning. But it could be something else. If you’re listening, your system will tell you what you need. Please listen.
November 30, 2021
Wake up and remember you’re great!
Have you forgotten? You’re better than good, you are excellent! You keep going, you make the effort, you continue to progress too! Stop all comparison with past selves or idealized selves (probably not even realistic) and totally stop comparing with others, real people or imagined. Waste of time and total fantasy; we don’t ever know what really goes on for others. Wake up, smell your own roses and remember your own greatness today!
November 29, 2021
Reprocessing today:
Whatever you think about today, try a little reprocessing. The mind is like a laser pointer, highlighting whatever we are paying attention too so let’s shift the focus to possibilities, enjoyable possibilities, or even neutral possibilities, the good stuff that has happened or might happen, the openness of your mind to opportunities and growth, the optimism you can allow for what is to come, noticing the things that are slowly improving and processing it all through the lens of acceptance. You can take all the ingredients and reprocess them to make something that feels good. The view looks better from there.
November 26, 2021
Healing now:
Slow, slow down now, take a breath, easing, all cells relaxing as you read my words, powering down so you can power up again later, it’s ok to rest; nothing to do, nowhere else to be right in this moment, nothing bothers you, nothing concerns you now as you allow all cells to rest and recover, sending the blue light of healing to wherever it’s needed, healing easily, comfortably, fully and successfully here, breathing, taking in the force and letting it circulate, full of life, building strength, strengthening spirit, and healing all. It is.
November 25, 2021
What’s going right?
Be on the lookout. Some good stuff is happening, some progress has occurred, some things are going well for you. Please focus on the aspects that are good and watch them multiply. Growth happens, feel good.
November 24, 2021
The best of you:
The best of you is what it is, on any given day, according to circumstances and state of being. Mood, energy, recent events; all of these will impact our capacity. And this will vary from person to person, and even within each person according to so many factors. We’re always doing our best and that’s enough. Go in with a positive attitude and only focus on your lane, the aspects you have influence over. Less inner analysis may be better, only you will know if that’s true for you right now. Either way, your best, whatever it is, is fine. You are fine. Cruise through your day without questioning yourself.
November 23, 2021
Check those expectations:
Our expectations of ourselves should be modified according to the circumstances and the energy of the day. If you’re not feeling great, please adjust what you require of yourself. If you can reduce tasks, do it. If not, then reduce pressure or performance expectations. Do an easier or reduced version of whatever you need to do. It’s ok. There is nothing to prove, and nothing awful will happen as a result. Check that perfectionism and change it to acceptance-ism! Conserve your energy and do some self-preservation please.
November 22, 2021
Have more fun, give less f*xks!
Many people are a bit tired, a bit in need of a lift. Where does the boost begin? With more enjoyable things, as well as letting go some of the stuff that’s been held in mind. More fun and giving less f*xks - that is a recipe for mojo reboot! Make a list of things you’d have fun doing (whatever is fun for you, or was fun in the past) and factor it in. The small things make a big difference. Make a list of worries and concerns. Note which ones really require your action now, versus stuff you can’t change anyway. With the stuff you can’t change (and maybe even some stuff you could change) decide to rest and let it settle itself. You only have a many f*xks to give so allocate them wisely. And focus ok that fun that you’re going to start having more of! Life balance is really about where your head’s at during different times of the day or week. Keep it in the fun zone today!
November 19, 2021
Unfrying the brain:
Perhaps you’ve felt a bit out of sorts, a bit in need of a tune-up or maybe even a tune-in, so listen now, slowing, softening, breathing in, with each in-breath comes a wave of pleasant relaxation, that’s right, releasing each breath and with it, releasing all stress and tension here, letting it all go, it’s time to let your brain rest, rest before recharge, allowing all concerns to melt away, nothing to do, nothing to prove, nothing bothers you now, nothing disturbs you, you can simply just be, listening here, as I remind your mind to rest, from rest comes recovery, from recovery comes clarity and from clarity comes focus, happening for you now, seeds planted, now just let them grow at their own pace, they will, and let the fruitage begin. Enjoy.
November 18, 2021
Respect the gut feelings:
If you get an inner “No” or a red flag feeling about a person or an activity, listen to it. Our gut has a nervous system built in (the enteric nervous system) and it gives us feedback our minds don’t always listen to. Yes, it’s hard knowing the difference between intuition and our anxiety or fear-based concerns. If you can’t tell whether it’s red flag intuition or anxiety, you need to discuss it with a trusted wise other person, perhaps a professional in the area who can help your discernment skills. In most interpersonal incidents or relationships gone sour, we have a person who missed or ignored their initial gut feelings. Be smart, tune into your gut and let it help decision-making. Ignore interpersonal red flags at your peril!
November 17, 2021
The veil of tiredness:
We might forget to remember that most people are tired at this time of year. Everything looks and feels different when we are drained; problems feel bigger, solutions seem overwhelming, energy and motivation feel elusive. It’s not a normal year; In fact it’s not a normal two years. It’s ok if we are viewing life through the veil of tiredness, and it’s important to remember that what we see and feel will be influenced by that tiredness. We can acknowledge it and remember not to believe everything we think. We can say “I’m needing a recharge and it’s affecting my perception so I won’t buy into this thought or feeling or worry”. Tiredness changes our perceptions of many things, and rest improves our perception of most things. Be aware. Don’t buy in until the veil is lifted.
November 16, 2021
Self-doubt to self-trust:
How many times have you questioned your ability, your judgement or your perception of a situation, only to realize later that you were fine all along? It’s great to consider different perspectives and to be discerning. It’s also time to trust yourself and have confidence in your intuition and resourcefulness. Your mind is powerful and can know many things by seeing just a part of a pattern. Get the information, be flexible in your thinking, and trust yourself. You’ve earned that trust.
November 15, 2021
Destination check!
What’s your intention for today? Not a goal, not a plan, just an overall consideration of where you’d like to be, emotionally and cognitively. What do you want to focus on or keep in mind? Do you want to stop and take more deep breaths, hurry less, move more, smile, laugh, eat consciously, pause before responding, increase self-acceptance or chill more? Wherever you want to be, think about it casually, no pressure; just let your inner GPS move towards it easily and let the journey be pleasant today!
November 12, 2021
Getting started?
Your inner mind can listen closely to me now, as you read my words, and I talk to you slowly, comfortably, about that tiny grain of an idea, not actually doing anything, no force, no need for willpower or anything like that, just knowing that a tiny idea creates a spark, you may not even notice, perhaps forgetting to notice or remember, just comfortably allowing that grain to spark, the spark becomes a move, that move becomes the beginning of momentum, the moment at which no force is ever required, as the power builds itself, it will, and you can simply enjoy the things that begin to happen, good things, as if all by themselves, moving into progress bit by bit, easily, in a most pleasant way, it may surprise you how comfortable that momentum can be, starting now all by itself and shifting that gear for you. Enjoy.
November 11, 2021
Inner wild child!
When’s the last time you did something for your inner wild child?? Something crazy, thrilling, adventurous, creative or just super fun; just really letting loose and breaking the adulting shackles? It might even be something you used to enjoy doing as a kid, as a pre-teen. The inner wild child needs an outlet! Think about your outlet today and give your wild child something fun to express itself!
November 10, 2021
Enough already.
What you’re doing is enough. What you are being is enough. You also probably have enough. You are, in fact, enough. Even better than enough! If you get that “lacking” feeling, remember: you are enough, already. Doesn’t mean we can’t make progress, and progress is an added bonus. But it’s already enough, just so you know. You’re great, as is. Be ok with enough.
November 9, 2021
Feeling confident?
Confidence is just a feeling of certainty that you can remember and use as required in a situation. If you’d like to practice certainty, take something that you know to be true; for example, that the sun rises every morning. That’s true. As you say that, notice the feeling of certainty in your body, probably somewhere around your chest. Notice your head wanting to nod. That’s the feeling of YES, of certainty. Now move on to something you know to be true of yourself, something positive that you can appreciate, for example your resourcefulness. If you’re reading this, you are indeed a resourceful person who looks for information of various types. This is true. Notice the feeling of YES, of certainty. This is confidence. Keep going with focusing on true positive aspects about yourself or your life here and there throughout the day. Feel the feeling of YES. That’s confidence. Plant seeds and allow them to grow. YES, they will.
November 8, 2021
Is it time yet?
Time to go for a walk, time to move, time to get going, time to activate, time to calmly do what needs to be done, time to lift, time to be optimistic of at least neutral, time to think about what you want, time to move towards the good stuff, time to chill, time to flow with the rhythm of your life and time to just be? Looks like it’s that time.
November 5, 2021
Take a hit of energy:
Breathe in, slowly, easily, letting your eyes relax as they glide comfortably over my helpful words, as I talk to you here, now, you know, and I know too, that you might like more energy, that perhaps you have things you might like to do, or be, or know, so relax now, and I want you, in your mind’s eye, to imagine a device, perhaps some type of pipe or cylinder, something you can breathe through, to slow down the breath, and you can also know that this equipment boosts energy as you breathe in, moving in via your mouth, moving down your throat and into your system, feeling it rev the cells into gear, energizing, motivating easily and safely, powering up your cells and your brain now, getting the system all ready for whatever action is happening, that’s right, powering up now, focus your mind on where you need to be and to do it. You can.
November 4, 2021
Taking it too personally?
Sensitive people often feel like actions or behaviors are directed at them personally. In fact, most actions or behaviors are a reflection of the person who initiated them rather than being the fault of the receiver. If somebody doesn’t treat us well, it’s not because we aren’t “worth it” or because we “deserve it”. Yes there are exceptions. But in general, poor behaviors are reflective of the person who is being rude or aggressive or critical or contemptuous or withdrawn or whatever it is. And they probably do it to many others even though you may be unaware of this. Nothing is personal. People are who they are, and they do what they do. Everyone has patterns in interacting or communicating, and those patterns were in place long before you were on the scene. If somebody operates without respect, kindness or integrity, that’s on them. You probably have no control over it and it may be their pattern, especially if it’s repeated behavior. Not your fault, not your stuff. Be discerning and remember you can only control your part in things and the behavior of others is not within your control and nearly always nothing to do with you. They are who they are and it is what is is. End of.
November 3, 2021
Energy and weather changes:
Air pressure changes can trigger inflammation, which for some people means changes in pain, sleep, energy levels, sinus issues and other flare-up conditions. We all have our preferred temperature and humidity levels, and some are not affected by weather changes at all. We are made of water, cells and lots of other parts and our body may act like a barometer. Notice, acknowledge, be relaxed about it. We interact with and are influenced by our environment. We adapt. We’re ok.
November 2, 2021
No mean words!
Speak no meanness to yourself today! May no mean words pass through your inner mind about you. Give credit to yourself and be kind and understanding about everything in your mind and actions. You’re great. Please remind yourself!!
November 1, 2021
Get going!
It’s time to move forward in some way, you’ll know the thing you need to focus on! Get up, get out, eat well, chill out, settle down, make it happen, be positive, do the small thing, feel good and take credit. No excuses, no explanation required, just do it. Go on.
October 29, 2021
Momentum:
As easy as it is to read this, you can begin to notice, as I talk to you, and you listen, that momentum beginning, seeds of possibility have been planted, and now, day by day, we water those seeds, comfortably, no pressure; it all happens in good time, little seeds becoming stronger, more alive, more powerful, bit by bit, all at the right time, trusting in nature, knowing that all is well and improving every minute, perhaps you feel it now, or will very soon. Growth is strong and we are emerging.
October 28, 2021
Why so tired??
Some kind of burnout or exhaustion is a theme right now. Some people are accepting of tiredness when it’s a phase; some become impatient and try to “solve” it. If you’re in tiredness, you’re in the majority now. Disruptions, decision-making fatigue and anxiety, loss of motivation and mojo, endless frustrations of various types, weariness of it all; of course people are tired. There are so many reasons for feeling burnt out. And so many reasons to know it will all be ok. We recover from tiredness and burnout in time once preferred routines and lifestyles settle and once pleasure has returned. Don’t resist the tiredness, do what you need to do and take off the pressure. Practice radical self-acceptance and compassion. Don’t get annoyed with yourself; understand and adjust. You’re doing the best you can, we all are. Flow with the rhythm today and please be nice to yourself.
October 27, 2021
Need a new frame??
There’s always something we need to reframe. Changing the way we view somebody or something has the effect of instantly changing our emotional response. We don’t have to have a “positive” view; sometimes neutral is just fine. We can just say “this is ok” or “I’m quite capable of managing this” or “it’s not that bad really”. We can point out the benefits or positive aspects too. We can always look at anything from another angle or perspective if we decide to. Any reframe is actually a step forward as it demonstrates to our brain that there is never only one story about a situation and therefore we shouldn’t buy in so heavily to any story or narrative in our minds. Look for another view if you want another emotion and keep it realistic. Neutral is ok.
October 26, 2021
Disappointment in people?
Trust somebody to be who they are. Don’t make excuses or reframe the behavior if you can see it’s a pattern. Don’t impose your ideal or fantasy about who they “really” are or who they “could be” if they “worked on it”. See what IS, not what you think could be. Then trust yourself to see it correctly. Stop second guessing. Your instincts are usually right. Your emotions are giving you a signal via discomfort or doubt or weird feelings of confusion. Listen and watch and act. This is not about judging people or deciding who is a “good or a bad person” (which doesn’t exist; everyone has strengths and flaws). This is about being discerning, building your ability to assess behavioral patterns over time. This is about watching those patterns (especially around emotional maturity or lack thereof), interpreting them with calm wisdom and above all, listening to your gut about what you see or hear. Be smart. People tell us who they are by what they do over time, and we are well-advised to listen and believe.
October 25, 2021
Attitude? Check!
Today is a day for a positive attitude. It means showing up, on time, doing what you need to do with pleasant energy. If you can’t quite do positive in your attitude then neutral will do just fine. Any attitude adjustment will improve our own experience as well as adding to the positive experience of others. Bring some good stuff today and add to the pleasantness in the world!
October 22, 2021
Hello to fun:
You know, and I know too, that it could be time to factor in the fun, to assess what’s needed, to look beyond today’s stuff and into the possibility of a little bonus, so relax now, dissolving all tension and trouble, eyes gliding easily, calm, nothing to do, nothing to prove, just allowing the idea of fun to enter your inner mind, to move quietly into all your cells, to infiltrate all options today, this is fun, fun can now encapsulate all thoughts and actions, no rush, it’s there when you want it, ever-ready and willing, the fun ideas grow and breed now, as life gets better and better. It is.
October 21, 2021
Some appreciation:
If you need a little appreciation, then please know that this is for you. You do so much that people don’t see; the work, the effort, the progress, sometimes just the work of staying in survival mode is a credit to you, the work of keeping on keeping on. People probably don’t know how hard it is sometimes, and what you’ve been through. Please credit yourself; you’ve done well. Know that you have many unique gifts and talents and that you are super-important, whether it seems obvious or not. You bring a lot of goodness to the world and it goes further than you could know. You are fucking awesome and I truly wish you every bit of joy today and going forward. Share appreciation today; humans need it and it feels good to give it too. Thank you for everything you are.
October 20, 2021
Hovering? Waiting?
Just do the damn thing. Stop waiting and finding excuses and wondering if it will work and procrastinating for a better time and questioning it and avoiding it and feeling frustrated with yourself and putting it off until the perfect time and all that other stuff. Just do the goddamn thing and it will feel good.
October 19, 2021
Awaiting approval:
If you’re waiting for that train, it’s probably not coming. Either approval is automatic or it’s conditional. The people in our lives that only give us conditional approval may be problematic. Perhaps it’s their boundaries, perhaps it’s their expectations, and perhaps it’s their history. Either way, it’s nothing to do with you. Some of us are hard-wired for approval-seeking, with a strong preference for harmony, especially with family members. If so, we need to recognize when approval will not be forthcoming and exit that internal loop. Either you stay in the situation and accept the perceived (or actual) lack of approval, taking a zen stance, or you exit. No point taking the bait, there is no cheese in that mousetrap. Be aware of approval motivation and make sure you exit any pointless mind/behaviour loops about it. Not your stuff, not within your control. Go where the love is.
October 18, 2021
The first sign:
What will be the first sign that things are improving for you? The first sign of those pieces aligning into place? I wonder when you will notice, and who else will notice too. Perhaps there are already small signs. Pay attention to any tiny indicators of improvement and reinforce them in your mind. Take credit. Be glad. First signs can turn into bigger things if fed and validated. May your seeds of improvement nourish and grow today!
October 15, 2021
Heart-opening:
In tough times, we tend to contract inside just a little, to withdraw into ourselves in some way, so listen now, I want you to take a deep breath, allowing your mind to slow down, stopping the pressure now, just for a minute, nothing to do or be, just reading slowly over my words as I speak to you, to your inner mind, to remind that deep part of you to open up now, the heart beginning to relax, like a door opening bit by bit, comfortably, easily, safely, allowing the connections and emotions to reset, warmly and respectfully, all at the right time, with the right people, expanding that zone inside you that understands and allows to live and let live, and to love and let love, heart opening now, relaxing, allowing joy in and out, slow, easy, calm and smiling quietly. May your heart zone be balanced and happy.
October 14, 2021
Remarkable adaptability:
Have you taken internal credit for the remarkable adaptability you have activated in yourself over time? While it may not always feel pleasant, it’s important to acknowledge what you’ve adapted to, both recently and during your life. Humans (and their pets!) show amazing ability to move towards what is required, to manage day-to-day life in uncertain and often frustrating conditions and to monitor or adjust mood state as best as possible, which takes energy, determination and optimism. Time to credit yourself (and pets of course!) for adapting as needed and to show some admiration towards your strength of spirit. Stay in self-acceptance and self-acknowledgement today!
October 13, 2021
Add energy, subtract toxic:
Emotions and thoughts work together to generate our mood. If we’re not feeling so good, we need to take a look at our commentary on whatever is going on, both internally and externally. If we focus on aspects of the external situation, chances are, we are focusing on what we cannot control and those thoughts may be energy toxins. At any time we can notice our inner story about how we feel and choose to go neutral. We don’t need to be “positive”. It’s neither good nor bad; it’s neither right nor wrong. We will have some aspects to our liking and others not so much. That’s the human experience. If we want more enjoyable human experience then it’s an inside job. Add energy to the enjoyable thoughts by emphasizing them and noticing them. Subtract the frustrated “this sucks, wish it wasn’t like this” thoughts and replace with neutral thoughts (eg “it’s ok, I’ll just focus on the good bits”) as required today. Energy will improve soon.
October 12, 2021
The wired kind of tired:
If your sleep is disturbed, you’re not alone. The wired tired often starts with staying up later, feeling tired but wanting more time. Trouble falling asleep and trouble staying asleep, often waking 3-4 am or similar. It’s usually a chronic stress thing; too much uncertainty or frustrating circumstances for too long. It doesn’t feel great during the day and it’s never fun to be awake around 3-5 am; the thoughts that occur at that time are usually more unpleasant than pleasant. What can you do to help your stress hormone cycle? More or less activity? Improved evening routine? Change in food selection? Less caffeine? Talk to somebody to solve a problem or two? Change of scene, if only a minor one? Or perhaps just accept and wait for improvement? Either way, be kind to yourself and others. Everyone is doing their best and the public picture of a person may not be telling the real story of what they are going through. Practice radical self-compassion today! You’re ok; in fact you’re awesome, regardless. You’ve got this.
October 11, 2021
Inertia to momentum!
It takes just one small action to get momentum. Perhaps even one thought or idea. Any tiny thing that creates movement or activity leads to something different. Do one thing and feel the force assist you to wherever you need to be today.
October 8, 2021
Calm waters:
Inside all of your cells, and the inner mind, there is a place of calm, where nothing is urgent, no pressure, nothing to do, nothing to prove, so focus now, listening, breathing slowly and easily as you allow that place of inner calm to smooth the waters, to ease any burden, to remind your subconscious mind of the sanctum where all is well, all will be well and peace exists. Breathe and feel the smoothing of calm waters whenever needed.
October 7, 2021
Just can’t think?
Brain wooly. Energy lowered. Mojo dwindling. Will it all come back?? Yes, it will. There are good reasons for the current cognitive overload and its resulting brain sleep mode. With changes and increased pleasure comes dopamine, the thing that will kickstart all the activity again. Let your system have its rest, knowing it will soon result in brain action mode when the time is right. All equipment is still solid. Watch that space for the spark of life. It’s there and it’s growing day by day.
October 6, 2021
Drama breaks:
Whatever the drama type, we might need a break. It could be our own inner drama or something happening around us. Using the statement “I allow this moment to be exactly what it is” reminds us that it’s fine to detach and stop trying to control it. Releasing inner resistance can take us back to peace, which is always better than inner turmoil. Aim for drama-free (when possible) by sitting back and just allowing it to be as it is today!
October 5, 2021
Choose your boost!
You know best about what will boost your mood or energy, even if it’s just a small boost. Make a list of five things that make you feel a little better and allocate one per day. You can always do more if you want to. Every day, just do one thing for feel good. Every little step helps.
October 4, 2021
Go in easy!!
Whatever it is today, approach it slowly and easily. Aim for a neutral attitude and let it evolve into optimism in good time. Just go forward now, do what needs to be done and keep your thoughts neutral as a minimum. Open mind, open heart, easy attitude. Go well today.
October 1, 2021
You are fine.
Take space from where your head is at, reading this now, being right here, I want you to slow down as you follow my words, breathing in, the words enter your mind, comfortable, perfectly safe, becoming more and more clear, and calm, you are fine, fine in so many ways, resourceful, unique and with many gifts and talents, relaxing now, all your many abilities always with you, in you, through you, relaxing, you are fine, all is well, your mind and body activates as needed today. Trust.
September 30, 2021
Relations under pressure:
Heightened anxiety, less external experiences, general boredom, deprivation of pleasure, frustration, and uncertainty: of course they have an effect at the relational level. When two people are mojo-affected, it may come out in tense communication, withdrawal, irritability, dwelling on past resentments, low sex drive, and questioning compatibility or future of the relationship. Many relationships are under a weird kind of pressure currently. Many couples have been having what I call “pandemic fights” or fights that appear to be about an issue but are really caused by the buildup of conditions, both circumstantial, social and emotional. We all need to remain generous and beware of hostile attributions (deciding there was deliberate ill intent) and remember that we are all affected in different ways and we are all doing our best (despite varying capacity on any given day). Generosity of spirit will get us through, fueled by the ability to keep questioning our own storyline. Stay with the love.
September 29, 2021
Don’t be mad at yourself.
If your brain is a little fuzzy and your mojo has dissolved into mush then you are not alone. Studies are showing long-term effects of chronic uncertainty and it’s feeling like a system hibernation mode for many. There are many valid reasons for this; excessive cognitive load, constant decision-making, lack of usual options to look forward to, inability to plan or anticipate pleasure, ongoing fear or uncertainty, major changes to routine and lack of variety of experiences. It’s normal if your system feels off. It’s ok to feel a lack of motivation. And it’s fine to stay in neutral mode, just doing what needs to be done without feeling the usual kick from it. Be neutral, remain in light and know that mojo always comes back to play.
September 28, 2021
Check in with emotions:
If we’re operating in survival mode, we might be bypassing emotions without realizing, and potentially missing the guidance or signals our feelings provide. Whether it’s tension, anxiety or unexplained physical pain, our system gives us valuable feedback about our inner conflicts and areas needing attention. Tune in today. If there were emotions floating around, what might they be? If there were feelings or concerns you need to address, what might they say to you? Listen to inner guidance today.
September 27, 2021
New things:
Every moment is a new one. Every breath. Every sky is new. Sameness feels like sameness until we look for newness. Hold on to curiosity and focus on the beginning of new moments today. It’s a new day.
September 24, 2021
Flooded nerves?
There are times when our nervous system gets flooded with too many stress signals, disturbing that peace and deactivating the very helpful part of the brain, so stop now, just for a minute, take a deep, long breath, hold it in, that’s right, holding, and now slowly letting go, let that breath out much more slowly than you take it in, and again, breathe in, hold it, now release, your mind needs a peaceful idea to focus on, something very tranquil, perhaps a scene; a river, a beach, the bush, the sky, or something else completely, possibly even a word, it doesn’t really matter, just return to that peaceful idea again and again, reminding your mind of that tranquility, sending the message of rest and recovery to the inner mind; of improvement, with more tranquility you will feel better and better, relaxing and releasing anything no longer required now, returning to that peaceful scene or idea many many times, feeling the lightening of the burden as your mind becomes more and more free today, possibly even finding some enjoyment, those things you used to enjoy, you know the ones; and all will feel better, you are helping the collective via your own inner peace and tranquility, so fix your mind on anything that feels easy now, and connect with the shared joy. You’ve got this.
September 23, 2021
Neutral gear:
Deciding to remain neutral can break up some of the thought patterns that feed anxiety or frustration. And it is a decision; we can choose to remind ourselves that we don’t have all the information about whatever it is we are feeling or thinking about. We don’t always have to analyze it; the time for analysis might be after a sleep or later, in a moment of relative calm. Trying to work out why we feel a certain way when we are “in it” is tough. The goal then is calm. Neutral. Then, once settled, it’s sometimes easier to see what was going on in hindsight. Neutral gear helps us pause before we go to a place we might not like. Decide to remain neutral if it’s needed today.
September 22, 2021
Defuse judgement:
To defuse is to take the potency away; taking the explosive out of the bomb for example. To defuse judgement of a person or situation, take the potency out. Remove the labels or harsh words, remember that there are always two sides to everything (or three, four, five sides) and we do not and can never have all the information when it applies to people rather than objects or formulas. Simply say “I prefer to keep an open mind as I don’t have all the information” when judgement applies to people. Of course we must enact boundaries when violated in some way. But when looking on, it’s best for our emotional and physical wellbeing to defuse judgement while also keeping self-preservation in mind. Intelligence is the acceptance of multiple possibilities even when (perhaps especially when) not knowing the answer. It’s ok not to be opinionated, it’s ok not to know. Judgement is a tool for the right time and place. Defusing judgement is a crucial skill at most times.
September 21, 2021
A task for you:
Write yourself a little note on a post-it or on paper or on your computer screen saying:
“YOU are awesome and everything is ok. Be calm and do one thing at a time. You’re doing so well”.
Every day we need to know we are actually doing a great job; little reminders of self-affirmation become signals to take inner credit and to remain positive about ourselves no matter what. You can feel flat or demotivated; you’re still awesome whether you take any action or you don’t. You can be overwhelmed and still know it’s all ok and you can just focus on one thing. You can carry difficult emotions while also knowing that pleasure possibilities still co-exist. We humans have room for optimism despite all the challenges and positive emotions to balance the less enjoyable emotions. Please write your note and remember to glance at it now and then for uplift as needed.
September 20, 2021
Peace is the reminder:
Whatever it is, choose to do it with peace. External circumstances will change and appear good, bad or indifferent; either way we can choose peace. You don’t have to do anything really. Just saying “I choose peace” reminds your nervous system of your willingness to remain clear and calm. We choose peace today.
September 16, 2021
Time to choose a soundtrack??
Sometimes we don’t just need background music, we need an actual soundtrack. The soundtrack on a movie helps reinforce and build a narrative as well as a mood. What narrative and mood will you build for today? Choose 5-10 songs that reinforce the vibe that you want to bring to the day, both lyrically and melodically. Yes it’s a challenge; it’s also easy if you use streaming services or Google, or peruse your own collection. Get that soundtrack and use it to support the storyboard and script you’d like for today. May it lift you to wherever you want to be!
September 15, 2021
Mood Sentry:
The sentry needs to be at the gate of mood right now. A sentry who guards the thoughts, a sentry who is vigilant about who and what content makes it through to the inner sanctum of your mind. A sentry who is focused on intention and outcome and quality. Your sentry can guard for cognitive distortions and send them back from whence they came. The sentry is your wise mind at work. Focus on your positive intentions and let the sentry do its job today.
September 14, 2021
Name your pleasure!
Seriously. Name your pleasure. Name a list of them. Focus on the pleasures that you can enjoy regardless of external conditions. Make sure you are including at least 2-3 of your pleasures every single day. Write your completed pleasures down at night so your brain remembers. The little things can grow bigger with focus and attention, plus, pleasure recognition leads to more pleasure. Boost your pleasure cycle today.
September 13, 2021
Watch for goodness!!
If we’re not watching, we could miss loads of positively good stuff. This is a reminder for your inner Reticular Activating System (the subconscious part of the brain that decides what to pay attention to) about attuning to the beautiful, the funny, the good and the pleasure! Noticing goodness makes life better. Remember to watch!
September 10, 2021
Center and ground:
Inside your mind, deep into your inner mind, is a place where everything is peaceful, all is well and nothing else matters except feeling that peace, so breathe with me now, listening closely as I talk to you, connecting with that inner mind of yours, going straight to the center, that peace center, deeper and deeper, more relaxed, that’s right, easing your grip on it all, simply allowing the peace to center you, to ground you, connecting to nature and the sky, its vastness reminding your inner mind of true permanence, nature is forever, the sky is endless, and you are a part of it all, centered and grounded, with inner peace filling your mind and cells now and going forward, more relaxed and happier moment by moment. Stay in that center.
September 9, 2021
Feeling Zenny??
Zen is many things, among them is the ability to cultivate a state of equanimity during the ups and downs. Being Zenny is a conscious decision and takes an amount of effort to remain calm, as well as deliberately focusing on maintaining perspective. We try to minimize the rushes of excitement or anger or fear by remembering it’s all just part of life, it’s temporary, it’s not personal, and many things are ok. Part of being Zenny is reminding ourselves that it’s all ok, rather than trying to label things as good or bad. We accept that the brain automatically wants to react and categorize and we follow with a redirect towards a balanced approach. Go with it. Be Zenny. And may you retain your even keel today.
September 8, 2021
Stay with what matters!
It’s so easy to lose focus, to be overwhelmed. Choose one thing that matters today and stay with it. Whether it’s a state of mind, an activity or a task, choose it, focus on it, stay with it. Keep it simple and make it easy.
September 7, 2021
Kindness starts with self:
Don’t turn on yourself with criticism, blame or recrimination today. Perfection is bullshit; it doesn’t exist, there is no actual definition anyway and you are actually “perfect” as is. It’s ok to be in survival mode, it’s ok to just do what you can, even if it’s not the same as other times. Take note of how much inner praise and credit you give yourself, and double it today. Triple it tomorrow. You need more.
September 6, 2021
Positively detached??
Find the positives where you can today and detach from the rest. You can only work with what is within your control; the rest is up to others or circumstances. Choose your focus wisely and keep your inner peace.
September 3, 2021
Escapism moment:
Breathe slowly now as you enter thus moment of pure escapism, slowing down all thought, just breathing with me easily as you read my words, allowing the smooth feeling of nothing to process, just let these words roll across your eyes, your subconscious mind paying attention while your conscious mind can take some rest, escape, your conscious mind can travel back to a time or place of simplicity, of fun, of no worries at all, nothing to do, no pressure or troubles, nothing disturbs you now, nothing bothers you as your mind escapes into a place of easy riding, just a little break, like a trip to a fun place, hang around a while, recharge, then, when you are relaxed, go back to your day feeling refreshed. You can do this. It’s all ok.
September 2, 2021
Inner tranquil.
While external peace may elude us, the one thing we can move towards is our inner peace. When we can find that inner tranquillity, in that moment nothing disturbs us, nothing bothers us; we have equanimity. Nothing is either good or bad; it just is. Looking at nature can connect us to a moment of tranquillity: the sky, the water, the tree, the flower, the grass, the dirt, and the insects. Nature goes about its business in spite of the outer turbulence. Find your moment to connect with tranquillity today. It’s there when we need it.
September 1, 2021
Return to focus.
Ground yourself. Just focus on your breath. Count three breaths then start again. Put your hand on chest/heart and breathe. Notice your hand against that area and how it moves as you breathe. Feel your feet on the floor. You are here. You can do this. It’s all ok.
August 31, 2021
Open the window of generosity!
Whatever you see happening, there’s always an alternative explanation. In times of adversity and turbulence it’s easy to rush to judgment, to criticize, to condemn. Please remember that everyone is doing the best they personally can with the capacity they have. In truth, some have more capacity for flexibility, tolerance and uncertainty than others. Stay in the grey, even if others rush to black or white. Be generous with yourself and others. We’re all doing our best with equipment and circumstances we have. Please go lightly.
August 30, 2021
Mind = Open!
Sometimes it’s best not to rush to judgement about “how it is”. Rather than having a rigid inner narrative, it can be useful to maintain a flexible mindset on most things. In times of uncertainty, many feel the urge to “decide” how things are. It’s useful to remember that we don’t usually know the whole picture about anything much, and yet it all works out somehow. We’re always living in uncertainty; it can be less obvious at times, but still true. In times of higher or more obvious levels of uncertainty, that open mind with flexible thinking helps us find ways to feel ok. And of course, we may need to remind ourselves that everything is ok. And it is. Dark becomes light, the sun comes up, the plants grow, the pets bring joy and live in the moment. Think like a pet today and keep the mind open to find possibilities!
August 27, 2021
Elixir for the nerves:
As you breathe slowly, reading my words, I want to to imagine, in your mind’s eye now, a glass of clear, pure water, into which you put ten drops of elixir, the elixir that makes you feel better and better, easing whatever ails you, calming you, helping you to feel good, making its way down, through your system, easing your throat, down into your chest and heart, relaxing all tension as it moves, releasing all stored up junk, moving down into your stomach, all juices flowing nicely, down into your legs, stirring the energy you need, motivating you and connecting you with the love and power required for today. The elixir has activated. You’re ok, you’re good to go.
August 26, 2021
Find antidotes:
If you’re feeling ungrounded, walk in bare feet on grass and feel your skin connecting with nature. If you’re in fear, listen to or watch something about courage and overcoming adversity. If you’re flat, find a podcast or music or content that is uplifting or motivational in a way that suits your needs. There’s a time to notice and acknowledge feelings and a time to plot the pathway forward. Accept what comes up, then take required action when it’s time. Please antidote any unhelpful thoughts or feelings today!
August 25, 2021
Playful!
Playful is an attitude as much as it is a behaviour. Playful feels good! While you might not always be able to show it on the outside, an inside playfulness helps keep things in perspective and helps generate energy, humour and calm. Be playful with yourself, your thoughts and perhaps even certain people. Playful is a vibe; find one playful thing to do and feel it help with general uplift!
August 24, 2021
Choose your music hit!
If dopamine is needed, get a hit via music! With the right choice, our brain chemistry responds with pleasure chemicals right away. It may be a time to go back into your musical past for an uplift; sometimes playing the music from your younger or teenage-self years. Or just an album/song that you hear while driving and have to turn it right up. Get the music playing, get the chemical rush you need! Start soon!
August 23, 2021
Eyes ahead!
What’s your intention today? How do you want to feel or be? Any action required? Keep your eyes firmly on where you want to be and move towards it with calm energy and a can-do attitude. You’ve got this!
August 21, 2021
Uplift!
Find the thing that can uplift you today. Look at it. Listen to it. Feel it. Be with it. Be uplifted. It’s all ok.
August 20, 2021
MindBalm:
All the activity in there, or the foggy movement, or the swirling data, it’s time now to tune in, breathe deeply, and again, and listening to me here, talking to you so you can allow your inner mind to breathe, to receive the helpful balm for the mind, this mindbalm is soothing, calming, creating comfort and safety, allowing you to see only what is real, only the helpful things you need to see, all the rest can dissolve easily into the nothingness it came from, relaxing you, mindbalm easing everything so you can relax and enjoy what you enjoy. Allow the balm to stay with you today in the parts of mind where it’s needed. Be calm.
August 19, 2021
Open heart.
Many people are on the edge right now, doing it tough. Just getting through current life is hard enough, and then extra things happen, pushing people beyond their coping capacity. Memory issues and brain fog caused by “sameness” as well as general lack of joy is common. If you’re feeling on the edge then you’re not alone. No blame, no shame. We are in fact all in this together and we need to keep an open heart and a generous mind, both towards ourselves and those around us. Stay with the love. It feels better and it helps others feel better. Love is a verb. Put some love into action today.
August 18, 2021
Humans in uncertainty:
There are some things we don’t know. Always. Most of the time it doesn’t bother us. But then, when we don’t know, can’t plan, lots of changes, people talking, many opinions, max confusion, emotions on high, joy depleted, mojo flailing; you know what I mean. Information overload and under load at the same time. We take a breath. We focus on what we DO know. We focus on what matters right NOW. We do only what is required today. We stay HERE. We don’t have to *know* everything. More important is trusting that we will know what is required of us at the right time, via the right sources. Knowing that it all works out. That’s life. Life works out. It’s all ok.
August 17, 2021
Be confident.
Commit to focusing on what is ok right now. Direct the laser focus of your mind towards the small enjoyments and the good ideas and the love that is always around. Take action on only what is needed and know that you are an important part of life. You’re doing well most of the time and it’s ok not to be doing well sometimes too. We are humans and we do our best. Be confident in moving forward or sitting still today.
Do what you need to do and keep your mind on peace and calm. It all works out.
August 16, 2021
Tread lightly today.
Tread lightly in the world. Tread lightly within yourself and others. Cultivate lightness. Use a light touch and a light exit. May your load be light to carry and your eyes on the light that is always right there. Remain in light.
August 13, 2021
Feel like you need a little something for your tank?
That emotional tank of yours, that tank you work so hard to fill, imagining it now, as you read my words, relaxing, taking a long breath, and letting it release, now another breath, deeper again, filling your lungs with the oxygen you need, that’s right, and as your lungs fill, so too does your tank begin to refill, easing all feelings of tension or worry, just breathing, nothing else to do or be as you read this, reading slowly, take my words in, let the words ignite the switch to the tank that refills, constantly refilling as needed now, an emotional tank needs a moment of peace and space, that moment is now, the tank is refilling as your read, as you breathe, and will continue to refill now and then, whenever you need, all you need to do is to stop and take three deep breaths and say thank you as your tank refills for you now. Thank you.
August 12, 2021
Just today. And only today.
When things seem too much, too intense, too overwhelming, it probably means we are jumping into a future in our minds, and/or seeing everything all at once and feeling helpless. So we have to chunk it down, break it up, cut it back to size.
Focus on right now. Are you ok? If not, what is the one thing that has to be solved or done right now or today? That’s all. Choose the thought or action for right now. Then stop. No jumping ahead. Just now. Stay there.
August 11, 2021
Check that storyline!
Our storyline is the inner commentary we have regarding wherever is going on. We do it all the time; sometimes we speak the storyline aloud, presenting our inner dialogue to others, but mostly it remains inside, affecting and often creating our ongoing emotional state. Does your storyline focus on the frustrations, the shoulds/shouldn’ts, the annoyances, the inconveniences, the comparisons and other judgements? We all have those moments; it’s human. But we get to re-shape the storyline. Our commentary can note those irritating aspects then move to reframe, to accept, to note the positive aspects, to feel lucky in some way or other; anything to keep the narrative in the direction of things being ok. Things may not be great, but when we acknowledge why it’s ok, we also receive an inner story of safety. Our nervous systems need that safe feeling. Make sure you shape your storyline towards it being ok today and notice the relief that comes with a calm inner narrative.
August 10, 2021
Using up all the good stuff??
Think about your tank of social energy. It’s probably being used a bit differently right now, and there may also be less of it due to changes in activities or work. Zoom calls have been shown to be more draining than regular interaction too, for so many reasons, not least of which is the demand on the brain to “fill in” the missing information bits we’d get in face to face interaction. All of this means the tank may be on empty. Be aware of the energy you bring “home”. Are you running on empty and withdrawing, snapping, feeling irritable, being easily pissed off or just wanting to be left alone? Couples need to be especially careful of each other. Notice your emotional tank today. If it’s running low, take pause to be aware, to breathe, to intention positive interactions before they happen. Everyone isn’t themselves right now. Be aware, be sympathetic, be kind. It’s a weird time. Take care out there.
August 9, 2021
You may need reminding:
You, in fact, are awesome AF. Who you are, what you stand for, what you do, the way you want to learn and develop, the positive energy and influence, the continual efforts towards optimism even when things are tough. We know, we notice. Keep hanging with the people that get you and remember how great you are today!
August 6, 2021
The lens of peace:
As you read this, sliding the controls down to lower, less vigilance, lower tension, sliding that control panel lower now on all the things you need to feel less of, I want you, in your mind’s eye, to imagine putting a beautiful soft lens over everything, showing a softer, more pleasant view of it all, a calm, easy view, in all the colours that are pleasing to you and help you to feel better and better and better as time goes on. Look at the view through your chosen lens and know that deep inside, all is well and you can enjoy what you enjoy, find peace where you find peace, and go easy on yourself. It’s ok.
August 5, 2021
Energy will arrive:
If you’ve been feeling like a computer in sleep mode, you’re not alone. With ongoing stress and decision-making fatigue, the brain feels like hibernating, withdrawing from the cognitive load. If your system is in this mode, be accepting, know that it’s a thing right now, know that you will emerge, mojo will return, energy will kick in, all will be well. In fact, you’re probably beginning to improve right now, even as you read this, just through knowing. It’s getting lighter, it’s getting better, energy is coming.
August 4, 2021
Boosters and Drainers:
Whether its people, events or activities, or even thoughts, we all have boosters and drainers. If you were to grab a page, draw a line down the middle and put your boosters on the left and drainers on the right, how would the balance look? The results would probably correlate with energy levels right now. If we can’t remove drainers then we need to boost the boosters! More of the good stuff, whether that means rest, sleep, exercise, quality food, uplifting people, inspiring reading or media, feel-good music, nature, or extra cups of tea! What are your best energy boosters? How can you maximize them ASAP?? Side note: it starts with our thoughts so please guard your mind and keep it neutral/factual and move towards appreciating/inspiring/energizing today.
August 3, 2021
Self-honesty:
We don’t always need to tell other people exactly what we are feeling, wanting, thinking of or doing. But we do need to tell ourselves. Hiding the truth from ourselves is one of the most uncaring patterns we can create. We value ourselves by listening and acknowledging our true desires and feelings, whether we can act on them or not. Cover-ups don’t work in the long run. What truth do you need to acknowledge today? Don’t hide stuff from yourself. Get truthful and you’re integrity will be intact. You’ll also feel relieved. The truth always feels better.
August 2, 2021
Thoughts about today??
Turns out you thoughts affect our experience quite a lot, especially if we are activating the brain’s “danger, alert!” system. When we subconsciously feel we will be “safe” in the day’s events, our systems remain in calm neutral. Any sniff of danger (mental, emotional or physical) and our nervous system is activated and vigilant, creating a higher demand on all parts. Remind your inner mind that you are, in fact, safe and that all is well. Even if you’re a bit tired, allow your system to meet the day with calm openness. Trust that things are getting better and that today could have many ok and even enjoyable moments. Please notice them!
July 30, 2021
A deep breath for your system:
In your mind’s eye, I want you to notice the excess inside your head, all those chattering bits of information or worries or fears, and slowing down, breathing in now, that’s right, taking that deep breath right into your mind, knowing that a deep breath can clear many things at once, like a vacuum, gently removing all unwanted or unnecessary stuff, that circulating junk you can do without, breathing deeply, deeper now, as the deep breath cleans and clears all irrelevant data, leaving your mind smooth and flexible and ready to go. System cleared and ready. Go.
July 29, 2021
Anti-overwhelm anyone??
If it feels like too much then it’s probably too much. If you have to do it then the only way to begin is to chunk down. Stop looking at the whole thing; choose one little bit and address that. A really tiny bit. Then the next really tiny bit. And: if the overwhelm is in your mind rather than in action, then the antidote is the same. Speak out loud or write it down. Write the list then address one small, tiny bit. If it’s all too much then take it one drop at a time. Maybe delete a few things too. Yes you can. We all can.
July 28, 2021
Easier.
Have you been pushing a little too hard on something? Doing, solving, deciding, analyzing, should-ing, worrying and long-term forecasting?? Maybe back it off. Change the flavour, choose the easy vibe. Decide that perhaps it will take care of itself more easily than you think. With an easy attitude, all things become more calm. Less driving and striving, more easy and peasy today!
July 27, 2021
Remember what love is?
Start with being nice to yourself. People ask about self-love. This is a reminder that love is a verb: it’s about action, about DOING the loving thing towards yourself as well as others you wish to show love to. Love as a “feeling” doesn’t really help here. Ask “what is the loving ACTION”. Please ask that about yourself every day. And when analyzing a relationship, consider the effects of loving actions more than feelings or words. Love is truly a verb, which means doing something rather than just feeling something. Please remember this.
July 26, 2021
What and How?
What do you need to feel more of today? How will it make a difference for you? Keep things very simple. Choose one small step towards how you want to feel and move that way.
July 23, 2021
Zombie brain help needed??
If you ever get that cotton wool feeling, little bit fuzzy, maybe a lot fuzzy, then listen now, slowing right down, that’s right, take a breath with me, deeper now, and more relaxed, loosening all tension, allowing that build up to slowly dissolve, in your mind’s eye notice it starting to soften and begin to disappear now, releasing all of the load, feeling the lightness of relief, it’s all ok, you’re ok, we’re ok, you can chill, you can let the brain rest and recover. It will.
July 22, 2021
Gotta hang in.
Loads of people are doing it pretty tough right now. It IS tough. A lot of uncertainty, relentless stress, lack of joy, low mojo; it can be hard to find things to look forward to. We’re all with you. It’s hard. Let’s try and do the best we can, stay as calm neutral as we can, find the bits of fun that we can and try to plan some enjoyment that we can share. Send your thoughts of care and kindness to yourself and others. Everyone needs a little care right now. Sending some your way
July 21, 2021
Raise the fun quotient!
Make a list of all the things you truly enjoy. Ensure that it’s stuff you *actually* enjoy rather than stuff you think you *should* enjoy. Factor in fun things you can do inclusive of weather conditions and other “restrictions”. Schedule them in daily in doses you can manage. Make sure you have your weekly fun quota. Start today
July 20, 2021
Frustration overdose??
Frustration is the feeling of “things shouldn’t be as they are”. Maybe it feels unfair, or unnecessary or inefficient. In truth, the more reactive we are to perceived unfairness, the more frustration and anger we are likely to feel. It’s like we have a set of internal rules about how things “should be”. Nothing wrong with that, but we need some flexible Jedi mind tricks for when things aren’t to our liking. Can we help change it? If we can, great. If we can’t, then we list which factors we CAN act on in order to optimize our experience. It’s a case of “how can I live better during this”. Remember: it’s temporary, it’s also happening to others, we change it or we adjust and optimize our experience as best we can. When external conditions are tough, don’t add extra from the inside!
July 19, 2021
Help for your brain
Relax it. No pressure. Let your brain light up in its own time. If it forgets something, just laugh and wait. Acknowledge that there is currently unprecedented levels of cognitive load (much of it sub-conscious) and the brain is doing its best to manage all the data. Thank your brain for its efforts! Please just mentally cruise. You’re very smart, it will be ok.
July 17, 2021
Please manage your attention today!
You’re in the driver’s seat. Take your mind by the hand and repeatedly focus on the good news, the pluses, the enjoyable experiences, nice memories and tiny pleasures. Our focus controls our mindset and mindset is a huge factor in mood. Please gently re-direct all thoughts to the good stuff.
July 16, 2021
Release toxic junk
All the build up, all the excess, all the stuff; it’s time to release it now, so slow down here, breathing in, holding, breathing out, slower and deeper now, and more relaxed, as the inner mind allows its cleaning and clearing system to begin, notice in your mind’s eye, dissolving all that is necessary to release, then cleaning and clearing it away to the nothingness it came from, leaving your sparkling psyche bright, shiny and ready for today. Go forth with calm clear energy!
July 15, 2021
Sense of humor check
Been so serious? Been a bit worried? Overwhelmed? Time to kickstart the humor pattern. Need to watch that movie that always makes you laugh with tears? Talk to that friend where you two always crack each other up? Listen to the comedy that gets you every time? Funny memories from the old days?? Get that sh*t started. Our sense of humor is a survival strategy and can break any pattern we need to shift, even if temporarily. From a place of pattern-shift, we can go down a different thinking path. Get laughing today; one or more crack-ups is your prescription!
July 14, 2021
Confusion and volatile relationships.
Volatile relationships can often be addictive. Even though they contain regular pain, the relief from that pain is experienced almost as euphoria, a recovery that feels so good in contrast that it creates an artificial sense of intimacy and connection and that “it’s worth it”. It’s as though the brain wants to see it all in a positive, hopeful light somehow. This is how abusive behaviors creep in, slowly, then become on/off/on to confuse the judgement of the mind. So many people feel guilty for “staying” in a relationship like this but the addictive hit after each recovery is powerful. This is why we need awareness. It’s not that the relationship is worth staying in. It’s that the addictive hit is judgement-impairing, especially if other desire factors are involved. This applies to romance, family, friend and work relationships. It’s easy to see it clearly when it’s not ourselves; we don’t get the dopamine hit of the roller coaster. But when it’s us? It’s confusing. Again, confusion is a sign to discuss it with an objective wise other person, preferably a knowledgeable professional. The experience leaves scars and confused expectations. Keep your brain wired for balanced, respectful and reciprocal relationships. They trump the roller coaster every time.
July 13, 2021
First do no harm. Then take no sh*t.
Excessive people-pleasing is both conditioned by early experiences and hard-wired in personality. We can de-condition it by knowing what the balanced boundary is and having a go-to response to overcome natural tendencies. It’s ok to say “no thanks”. It’s ok to say “we remember things differently”. It’s ok to say “it’s ok for us to have a different opinion”. It’s ok to say “I’m leaving/hanging up now”. It’s ok to say “actually I have other plans”. “It’s ok to say “I’d prefer not to discuss that”. Having a boundary does no harm to others. And maybe it’s time to stop taking any sh*t too. Excessive people-pleasing is a health hazard.
July 12, 2021
Green lights everywhere!
Green says go! Green says growth! Green says all good to proceed, you’re ready, you can do this, let’s get moving. Notice the green lights today and take off to wherever you want to be. Go well!
July 9, 2021
Recovery from everything
You know, and I know too that there is much going on, internally and externally, so take an internal breath now, slowing your eyes, easing your mind, letting go of it all here, as you listen to my words, slowly, and I talk to you, to your inner mind, reminding you that it’s all ok, everything is working together for good, the planets are held in place, the sun rises and so do you, resting, then shining, all at the right time, cycles of rest and activity, balanced and perfect, relaxed and free, recovering well and cruising through today. Enjoy.
July 8, 2021
Ok with this?
Whatever it is, say “I’m ok with this”. Keeping a mindset of neutrality (which doesn’t mean approval) allows the ability to decide on a response rather than being driven by a reaction. It also reminds your mind that you are safe. From a place of safety we can remain in wide adult mode and choose correct action according. Fear and outrage lead to adrenalized or knee-jerk responses. Being “ok with it” keeps the mind open to information and flexible enough to see choices. Being ok is more than ok.
July 7, 2021
Inner peace and outer peace.
Choose peace on the inside. Inner peace means you are aligned, that there is no inner conflict, that both sides of the mind are in agreement. The outer world may not be peaceful but if you are able to be of one mind internally, then there can be inner peace despite the outer chaos. Inner peace is resolving the inner conflict; it’s choosing a truthful narrative that sits comfortably enough. It might be something vague such as “it is what it is” or “I can only do my part, the rest is up to them” or “it can’t be any other way and it all works out somehow” or “let’s just see how we go, we can adjust as we go along”. You’ll know when you get the inner alignment feeling. Things are not always to our liking but we can work the narrative so that we feel inner peace if we work on it. Stay with peace today.
July 6, 2021
Independence and approval:
Block the energy thieves, stay away from the controlling, conditional approval vibes. You are free, you are independent and you are allowed to think and do as you see fit. You are intelligent, ethical and kind but do not let your empathy blind you from breaches of boundaries. Be optimistic about others yes, but tell the truth to yourself and act accordingly. Be smart, keep your inner freedom and independence away from the opinions or reactions of others. Break from reliance on approval. Inner peace trumps momentary people-pleasing every time. Stay free, stay independent.
July 5, 2021
The world needs you!
Nobody can do exactly what you do. Nobody says it just like you, nobody sounds just like you, nobody thinks exactly like you. Your gifts are yours and they are great gifts! Your unique cocktail of talents and thoughts is required and appreciated by those who get it! Be unapologetically yourself today and bring your badass self to the mix! We all need you.
July 2, 2021
The easy ride:
In your mind’s eye, I want you to imagine that you are relaxing more and more as you read this, heart rate balancing, breathing rate slows, all tension drops now, you relax, you let go, and I want you to notice that you always have a choice, the easy ride or the other one, and from today you take the easy ride, getting in slowly, perfectly safe, relaxed, trusting your senses and your instincts, flowing easily with the others, releasing any concerns as you move smoothly through the world today, easily, comfortably and successfully. Safe travels.
July 1, 2021
Stick it to perfectionism!
Be proud of doing a half-assed job on something. Be pleased that you can put something off that doesn’t really need to be done yet. Be happy that you fly under the radar and just do your own thing quietly. Be excited about not comparing yourself to anyone else. Be relieved that you can dump the “shoulds” in the toilet where they belong. Be glad that you can be good enough, just you, unique, exactly as you are, and truly, stick it to perfectionism.
June 30, 2021
A little nicer.
Please be a little nicer to yourself today. No harsh. No critic. No pressure. No nasty. Just accepting, kind, caring to self please. You know, the stuff you do for other people? Turn it towards self today.
June 29, 2021
The inner voice.
Our protective instincts give us key information about safety. Most of us listen to this as it applies to the situations we put ourselves in (whether on the road or in the streets). But when it comes to people and their behaviors, please listen to instinct around red flags. Especially in romantic or dating situations, it doesn’t usually go well when a red flag episode is explained away. Many people are extremely forgiving and prefer to give benefit of the doubt (which is a nice thing) but we need to face facts. Whether it’s romantic, friendship, employment or family, if it quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. It’s not you being “unreasonable”. Listen to the inner voice and ignore instinct at your peril. The inner voice usually guides us well when we choose to hear it.
June 28, 2021
Inner smiley!
The smiley face emoji has become a symbol for enjoyment, excitement and approval. Use your imagination to plant a smiley emoji on the inside today; it will keep you amused if things are tough and it will remind you to enjoy what you can and look forward to good things. May the smiley be with you!
June 25, 2021
Pause button on nervous system:
With all the action lately, the activity, the runnings of the mind, the conscious and subconscious concerns, you know the ones, it’s time to let the mind hit the pause button, slowing the pace, breathing easily as you read this, deeper and deeper, and more relaxed now, that’s right, you can continue whatever you need to do, knowing that nervous system overactivity is paused, system on slow regenerative mode, calming you, restoring you and recovering you now. Go easily.
June 24, 2021
Handling frustration:
There are heaps of annoying, irritating, boring or frustrating elements in our days. Our level of reaction is determined mainly by our expectations and our inner story. We can decide it *shouldn’t* be this way and fight it internally or we can decide ok, this is what I signed up for and this is just part of life. Accepting that we don’t love it but it’s ok, it’s not a catastrophe can help neutralize the irritation. It’s not necessary to be positive about it or reframe it if you don’t feel like it. Neutralize it. Nothingize it. Dissolve it into the other stuff you won’t remember next week or next year. It all works out.
June 23, 2021
Appreciation incoming:
You are appreciated! Please take it in now. Appreciated for who you are. Please appreciate yourself as is. No need to compare to anything or anyone or to shoot for perfection. As is. This is your daily appreciation hit, hope you have many more. Many people appreciate you but may not say so or show it. Give out a few shots of appreciation today, to yourself and others. It’s all needed right now. Thank you for reading this and thank you for being you.
June 22, 2021
Zoom in:
What’s the one most important thing for you to focus on today? One task? One emotional state? One idea? Just one thing. Don’t get distracted. Remember that one thing that truly matters and hold your mind there. Clarity drives outcomes.
June 21, 2021
Plan to enjoy!
Planning means scanning. Send your brain on a scanning search for enjoyment at any level today. Enjoy the sky. Enjoy the brief and longer moments of nothingness. Enjoy the people. Enjoy the warm or cold beverages. Enjoy the sun, the clouds, the traffic, the light and dark. Enjoy the fact that you are enjoying any aspect at all. Plan to let plenty of enjoyment into brain space today and leave less room for the other stuff. Enjoyment is the kind of transmission we could use more of!
June 18, 2021
MindSweep!
Imagine for a moment, that you are relaxed, slowing down as you read my words, taking in everything here in an easy comfortable way, without tension, becoming aware of all the extra bits in the mind, little pieces of information, some of it false or useless, taking up space, blocking channels inside the system, and you know, and I know too, that it’s important to clean and clear on a regular basis, so imagine all those unnecessary bits now, all being swept into a pile, all moved to one place, then vacuumed away, removed, emptied, left clean and clear and sparkling, so you feel that clarity, that lightness, the space to think and be. It’s done. Enjoy.
June 17, 2021
Caught up in pressure?
Pressure gives us a sense of urgency, a sense of things being important; possibly even “make or break”. It feels real at the time, and then later, looking back, we often wonder why we put ourselves in that state or position. Most pressure is self-imposed, a made-up story about the expectations and demands on us. If it was truly factual, everyone would respond to the situation in the same way, and obviously that isn’t the case, so it’s an inside job. If the pressure is a bit much, check internal expectations and demands. It’s your choice. In most situations, we choose our level of engagement even if we blame the circumstances. When pressure mounts, check the internal narrative and check what’s within your control. Keep the focus there and feel the pressure dissolving.
June 16, 2021
Clear view:
When you need to make a change or stay clear-minded, you need a mini-plan. Not too much; clarity demands that we don’t overwhelm ourselves. Write down 3 things that you need to focus on at the moment. With those 3 things, what actions needs to be consistent? Clarity means we narrow our focus to the few aspects that matter in this situation. Look at that list of 3 things every day. Make it into your 3 word mantra. Focus on what matters and make it happen. You’ve got this.
June 15, 2021
Focus. Clarity. Curiosity.
May you focus on what truly matters to you. May you see with clarity and discernment, and not be taken in by any delusions of the mind (your mind or the mind of others!). May you remain curious and open to experience rather than rushing to judgement. May you approach today with calmness, detachment and balanced enthusiasm. May it all flow well for you.
June 11, 2021
Clear data:
Whether emotional or physical, there may be some bits and pieces of data needing to be deleted and cleared today, so tune in to me now, listening closely to my words, relaxed jaw, shoulders releasing, stomach eased, slowing your breathing now, that’s right, allowing eyes to drift comfortably and easily, as we go into the part of the program that triggers defrag, in your mind’s eye, hitting that key button now, there it is, clearing all data no longer needed, deleting all bits clogging up space, releasing you now and making room for all good things, space and light, all irrelevant history is now cleared and your system is rebooted and good to go. Enjoy.
June 10, 2021
Choose imperfection!
We need help with reversing the growing perfection trend. Many now expect and seek perfection in looks, personality, relationships, jobs, social status, and most of all, emotional state. Being a human means being unique, flawed, challenged at times, up and down emotionally, winning some and losing some. The expectation of perfection is both impossible to achieve and kind of grandiose. And yet consumerism and social media thrive on generating a sense of what’s missing and how to “complete” the self by changing or purchasing. Don’t buy into it! Feel imperfect and proud! No more unrelenting standards. Let’s stand for individuality and freedom. Enjoy being yourself today.
June 9, 2021
Frustrated??
Frustration could be described as the feeling that happens when we believe things shouldn’t be as they are; either something is happening and it shouldn’t be, or something isn’t happening and it should be. Frustration usually involves things we can’t control and wish we could, or perhaps continue to fight unsuccessfully to control. What’s the antidote to frustration? Recognizing and labelling the frustration, remembering that it is what it is, noting the factual limits to our control, focusing on what is right in front of us, redirecting towards the aspects we can act on. How we tolerate and manage frustration is a key to both fulfilment and achievement. Note any frustration thoughts and help the mind through redirection today.
June 8, 2021
No fake scenarios!
Listen to the content of the mind. Notice how it can invent unpleasant scenarios and take you through the feelings as though it was really happening! Notice how it can invent anticipatory conversations in which people criticise, attack or ignore; while these conversations might have a link to past experience, the ones in the mind are pure invention. If we’re going to dream up fake scenarios and feel the effects as though it’s real, let’s choose enjoyable and pleasant versions. You’re the director. You choose the actors, the plot line, the dialogue, the ending. Choose wisely today!
June 7, 2021
Safety Check:
Feeling better means feeling safe. Our nervous system gets many danger messages from news, media, other people, and from our own thoughts or beliefs, both conscious and subconscious. When our nervous system feels unsafe, body and mind can act out. Feelings of subconscious threat (lack of safety) are also related to ongoing pain or fatigue conditions as well as insomnia and anxiety. Let’s reinforce your safety within the world. We are safe. It’s ok. Repeat after me during the day: I am safe.
June 4, 2021
Mind Cleanse:
It may feel, especially with everything around right now, that the mind needs a cleanse, a crystal clear shower to wash all toxins away, so breathe now, letting your mind and body relax and focus, inner mind on my words, slowly step into the shower, feeling the water at perfect temperature, pouring over the mind, washing away all dark water from the system, all fears, worries, aggravations and any other toxins, seeing those dark colors wash away now, down the drain, cleansing, purifying, until all the water is clear, the mind is clean and pure, restored to factory settings and ready for duty now. Enjoy.
June 3, 2021
Comparison traps:
It always ends badly. Looking at social media or strangers online (or in life) and comparing looks or achievements or style or partners or kids or social lives; thinking about “all the other people” who are having so much fun (they’re probably not) or seeing pictures and thinking you “should” be doing “more” with your life. Any kind of comparison is pointless really. We never know the reality behind the lives we think we are comparing ourselves to and even if we did, so what. Nobody is better or worse. Everything and everyone has ups and downs. There is no such thing as “living our best life”. Idealistic and perfectionist concepts such as “living our best life” should be taken away by garbage trucks and dumped in the tip. All these ideas do is make people feel inadequate about ordinary normal life. Ordinary life is fine, ordinary people are fine. It’s all good enough. No comparisons and no judgements today. Find the stuff you like and focus there.
June 2, 2021
Tiredness may not be about lack of sleep!
Tiredness often has a big emotional component. A symptom of something missing in an area of emotional life; perhaps pleasure, fun, joy, peace of mind, connections, carefree feelings, a sense of freedom or anticipation. As studies continually show, it’s beneficial to the nervous system and mood to acknowledge the emotional side of what’s happening. It isn’t always necessary to change or control it, but we do have to notice and name it. Knowing and accepting a state of emotional deprivation can stop us either mentally spiralling with frustration or acting it out in ways we don’t like. Ask yourself how you are, and what’s missing. Be understanding, be compassionate. You’re doing your best and it’s more than enough.
June 1, 2021
Remember balance?
Balance is not about getting it right, or being perfect, but more a process of continual adjustment towards equilibrium. It’s useful to consider the balance in different areas of life: the intellectual, creative, emotional, social, spiritual and physical. Outside time, inside time, people time, alone time, nothing time, fun time?? What do you need a little more of? Schedule it in and make a tiny plan to get that thing that would help you move towards balance today.
May 31, 2021
Choose easy, forget perfection:
Look at the sky. Take a breath and remember that you can choose the easy route today. No need to fix or solve or prove anything, just cruise and do only the important or essential things. If your mind is foggy, that would be standard right now. Let it clear in its own good time and adjust expectations accordingly. Easy mode is a modified program that takes circumstances into account, perhaps only expecting bare minimum. Take credit for any small things and accept the adjusted operational mode. It’s temporary and it’s ok.
May 28, 2021
Have patience??
In strange times, in uncertain times, even in frustrating times, we could add perhaps a few droplets of patience to the mix, beneficial usually, so slow down now, breathing in with each sentence of mine, holding it, circulating, breathing out slowly, relaxing your eyelid muscles, letting your jaw drop and be calm, easing the tension in your throat, that’s right, now see those little drops of liquid patience, perhaps in a bottle with the dropper in its lid; beautifully coloured drops, the colour of deep calm patience, now take that bottle and give yourself exactly the dose you need, a few drops when you’re ok, and more when you really need it, dosing now, those coloured liquid patience droplets moving, circulating around the system and creating order and calm for you now; just breathe and continue and dose as needed. It’s ok.
May 27, 2021
A little bit of honey:
If you want the best from yourself and others, choose the honey. In other words, lose the criticism or fear-focus, talk about what IS working, what IS already going well and how great they/we ARE! Even if there’s only a 5% improvement, notice it, praise it and welcome it. Most people will run further on praise than on criticism. Keep that in mind today and please do lots of inner praise for yourself!
May 26, 2021
Your personalized stress barometer:
Stress materializes in many forms: viruses, neck or back pain, food issues, migraines, IBS, fatigue, panic attacks, flatness, and often in the behaviour of children or pets in the home. Instead of getting frustrated with it, or immediately trying to fix that “pain”, tune in. Recognize the stress. Name it. Ask yourself what you might be subconsciously angry or upset or disappointed or frustrated or despairing about. Notice those emotions, be accepting of them and let them have a voice in your mind, or out loud with a trusted other. Validate them with self-compassion. It’s ok, it’s perfectly normal, perfectly understandable to feel this way under your circumstances. Attunement may be all that is required for your brain to begin down-regulating the stress response. You don’t always need to take action or find solutions. Usually it’s about watching the barometer and then attuning to the emotional message. Tune in today.
May 25, 2021
To the Future thinkers:
Some people have minds that enjoy “staying in the now” and enjoying the present moment. Mindfulness is often promoted as the best route to calm enjoyment. That’s great, if the present moment is in fact enjoyable. It’s also perfectly effective and valid to derive enjoyment from future-based thinking. Some of us feel more excited by anticipation or possibilities than by current experience, and that’s ok. Make sure the mind stays focused on exciting or pleasant possibilities and there’s much enjoyment to be felt. Also, reflecting on past enjoyment is good for the mind too. You’ll know by the feeling. If it feels enjoyable then it’s a productive or useful thought loop. If it feels stressful or unpleasant then perhaps veer off into something better. The future has many exciting possibilities, both personally and more broadly; just ensure that your future-based thinking is focused on stuff that feels good to you.
May 24, 2021
No rush, no tense:
Today is a day to breathe. To be slow if you feel slow. To allow the flow to be the flow. Don’t rush it and don’t push it. Everything that needs to happen will happen and your job is to show up to whatever you said you would, with a good attitude, ready to do what you do. Anything else is a bonus. No pressure, no tension, no rush. Just cruise in and watch it take care of itself.
May 21, 2021
Sharpening the tools:
Perhaps you’ve been doing a lot, perhaps you’ve even forgotten that you are the golden goose, and that you need care and maintenance, so listen now, carefully, slowing down, breathing; deeper now, that’s right, as you know, it’s time to do the things that will keep you in tune, the balancing, the sharpening, the tending to YOUR needs, you know, the things you might need to remember to do, or stop doing, or begin thinking about, and feeling good about thinking about, moving naturally into a better rhythm, you take care of your SELF, you do it today, you feel better and better. You will.
May 20, 2021
Addicted?
Addictions mean we crave a thing, we overuse or misuse it, we fear being cut off from it, we experience unpleasant sensations if we don’t have it and doing it this way is causing issues in life. There is no addictive personality trait identified and no clear gene has been found. A tendency towards anxiety or depression or heightened stress can lead us to look for things that make life more “comfortable” in the short term even though it might be against the choices we say we want to make. Tiredness, stress, lack of connection, inner conflict: they all cloud our vision and make it harder to choose different options. “Changes” are often delayed: “I’ll stop after this week/weekend/event” but somehow that doesn’t quite occur. Addictions are a survival strategy to make life more bearable somehow. Most people improve with coaching, a plan and a commitment to a different balance in life. If there’s an addiction, then there’s something missing in the life balance. When we address what’s missing, we can make choices that support the values we believe in. Is there something (substance or activity) that you’re misusing or doing too much of? Ask yourself what’s missing from life balance. Begin to plan a step towards that thing. More fun? Relaxation? Ability to switch off? Time? Connection? Intimacy? Address the real issue and maybe the other thing can take more of a back seat.
May 19, 2021
Addressing motivation lows:
If you’re flat lining right now, you’re certainly not alone. Studies show that globally, we are having more motivational issues, increased brain fog and trouble finding pleasure compared to pre-2020 levels. The thing with motivation is to think only of one thing. Generalized attempts to increase motivation don’t really work. We choose one idea or one area to address. The first domino always impacts the others. Your first area should be something you used to enjoy, or will enjoy in theory. If it’s associated with pleasure, at least intellectually, then we have some lift off. Think about what would increase the chances of you doing that first thing, that domino activity. Do you need to buy something for it, call someone to do it with you, pay someone to help get it happening, join in with others already doing it, create competition with yourself or others, chat with someone to plan it, play certain music to elevate it, block out time or space to make it possible or something else? One tiny step. Then the next. Achievement comes first, the pleasure comes later. Make your small plan and get it started. The first domino awaits you.
May 18, 2021
Advanced-level worry??
Worrying in advance of events (or anticipatory anxiety) can keep us awake at night, or start our day with tension and nerves. Somehow the inner mind gets the idea that something unpleasant or scary might happen, the body kicks in with the worry fuel, and off it goes. How to re-direct it? Ask “what problem do I need to solve RIGHT NOW”. Generally the answer will be that there is absolutely no problem to solve right now. The vast majority of our concerns are unlikely, unfounded, unrealistic and will never actually occur. And any that do occur: we will be provided with the strength, resources and people we require at the time they are needed. The right thing always shows up when needed. The antidote for anticipatory anxiety is always trust. Trust in yourself, trust in your connections, trust that the universe always has your back. It always works out.
May 17, 2021
A curious mood!
Curiosity cures most things. The minute we’ve decided how it will be, we’ve closed off the channel. Curiosity is a mood of openness, of wondering, of being interested, of being attuned to possibilities in a pleasant way. We can be curious and wonder about the things that might happen today, how conversations might evolve, of what good and unexpected events may occur. Curiosity within relationships is what keeps them alive. No two days are ever the same, we can never fully know anybody (they will still surprise us!) and you just never know what treasures lay just around the corner. Let’s take the mood of curiosity into today and be open to interesting possibilities!
May 14, 2021
Calm regeneration:
Those cells of yours, all the tiny cells inside, listening now for what they need, reading my words slowly now, slower still, that’s right, breathing in, cells listening, breathing out, calming, slowing all processes to the correct speed, relaxing, all cells releasing all physical tension now, all emotional tension exits too, allowing all concerns to move out into the ether, to be dealt with naturally, easily, successfully for you, all cells breathing in calm clear oxygen, refreshing, rejuvenating and re-energizing you, repeating, constant rejuvenation for you now, all cells happy as you complete this here, and move back into your day with joy.
May 13, 2021
Critical eyes:
If you grew up with critical eyes upon you (and their critical words feeding straight into your young mind) then chances are you’ve internalized those eyes. When things don’t go your way or in times of uncertainty, those critical eyes might be the lens through which you suddenly view yourself. Your inner narrative may even replicate those critical words you heard a long time ago. It takes some work (and sometimes some coaching) to lose the installation of the long-ago critical eyes. The aim is to release those eyes back to their owner and to choose the lens of your own eyes, or maybe even choose the eyes of somebody who gets you, likes you, respects you and admires you. When we view ourselves through the eyes of love and approval, most things feel better. It’s a pathway to both self-compassion and self-acceptance. Notice the eyes today and make a choice about viewing yourself through the love eyes.
May 12, 2021
Lack of appreciation?
Not feeling appreciated is one of the most damaging aspects in all relationships, whether it’s partnerships, friends, family or work. Feeling pressured, busy, stressed or unwell can limit the ability to feel or express appreciation and can often lead to focusing on the negative or “missing” factors in the people around us. Sometimes we need a reminder to focus on the aspects we appreciate, and perhaps to verbalize or demonstrate, especially with those closest to us, the ones we often take for granted. Focus on your appreciated people today in the different arenas of your life. Send them some thanks in whatever form feels right to you. And please remember to appreciate yourself as well!
May 11, 2021
Don’t mind the gap!
If your mind is geared towards constant improvement, it’s probably good for your work (or is it??). But that constant focus on “being better” creates internal pressure and tension, usually also an unfair comparison mindset where we come out as “not good enough”. Maybe try looking back to see progress, and appreciating all credits and successes without that urge to perfect whatever it is. Maybe it’s ok as is, or probably better than ok. Seeking that perfect thing is a crazy trap that leads to frustration and dissatisfaction. Focus on how far things have come; focus on the good bits. It’s ok to feel good.
May 10, 2021
Choose your key word today!
Words have powerful effects, both on mind and nervous system. The right word at the right time can strike a healing chord and move us easily through our day. Choose whatever you need, eg FLOW, FOCUS, CALM, LIGHT, EASY, ACTION, HARMONY, LOVE, OPTIMISM, CHILL, BOOST, YES, POWER, CRUISE or any other word that makes you feel good. Put your key word somewhere in writing and use it well today!
May 7, 2021
Breathe in air and sunshine:
Stop the activity for just a moment, breathing in, and slowly, in your inner mind, imagine the sunshine, sunny air, moving from the atmosphere, in through your nose, moving all around, and slowly, out again, sharing the sunshine with the universe, deeper, taking in all that warm positive energy for yourself, allowing it to move around every cell, energizing you, cleansing you, calming you, releasing any buildups, dissolving any concerns you once had, relaxing now, simply just being, enjoying that sunny air, perhaps even reminding you of a time of freedom, of nothing to do or prove, permanently, just enjoying the sunny air, and you can take this with you anytime, anywhere. Take it everywhere today
May 6, 2021
Check your inner peace meter!
How’s your inner peace today? Notice any sensations or thoughts or concerns that affect your inner compass. Just noticing them helps the system to remember that you are safe despite these experiences, and that all is well. No need to focus on them, fight them or be frustrated with them. No need to fix or fear them either. Just notice. And remind yourself that even with all our concerns and perceptions of the imperfect world around us, we can choose peace. Problems are universal. Peace is our choice.
May 5, 2021
No delusions!
Look for your love, support and approval in the right places. If the love isn’t there, no amount of demands or complaints will change it. Whether it’s a potential partner, a job, a family member or someone else, remember that love is a verb. If the actions aren’t there, accept it, and go elsewhere if you want something different. You don’t have to walk away but you do need to manage your expectations. No self-torture today!
May 4, 2021
Relaxed flow.
Notice any vibes of anxious control today, of trying to make things go your way, on your time. Beyond normal levels of responsible behavior, we can just choose to do the best we can and go with the flow on the rest. Please remember what is your responsibility and what remains the choice of others. We can only control what we do, think, and say. Other stuff is up to other people and circumstances beyond our input. Stay in your lane and stay in relaxed flow today. It will all work itself out.
May 3, 2021
The alternative version of today!
Check your internal narrative of today, or how today might be. Choose to write a new version where the storyline is realistic, you manage it well, perspective is maintained and expectations are balanced. Today can be ok when we know that it is what it is, all we can manage is showing up with our own attitude in check, doing the best we can on the day (given the circumstances) and taking strong credit for doing so. Be pleased with yourself, be praising. Today’s story involves no self-denigration, no unfair self-criticism and no self-doubt. You are intelligent, competent and kind. It’s enough. That’s the story. Today is a fine day and you are fine too. The end.
April 30, 2021
Infinite Abundance:
Take a moment now, here, reading my words, listening, breathing, slower now, that’s right, paying attention with your inner mind, you can, and I want you to think now, of those things you want more of, perhaps thought there wasn’t enough of, silly really, with all the abundance in the universe, and it’s all yours, always available, circulating, incoming, replacing; when one moves, another comes to take its place, multiplying, plenty, like fish in the sea, growing, ever-expanding and it’s all yours, abundance, infinite abundance, all the peace, health and prosperity you could ever want or need, always circulating, all relevant channels open now, ready to give and receive in perfect rhythm with everything. Enjoy.
April 29, 2021
Thinking too much??
When people say they are thinking too much or “overthinking”, it’s usually about the content as much as the frequency. In fact if we’re thinking about lots of creative or positive ideas and exciting thoughts, we usually don’t mind at all. “Overthinking it” is generally code for worrying about all the things that are or could be bad about the thing, or flipping back and forth between different angles on a problem, and even jumping too far into the imagined unpleasant future. If it feels like you’re thinking too much, ask yourself if it’s actually worry (which is useless and best left to solve at the time the solution is needed) or catastrophizing (which is distortion of thought). It’s not usually about thinking too much, it’s about thinking the incorrect way. If we can learn to choose productive thoughts, the mind tends not to spiral out of control. Ask “what specific problem needs to be solved right now, today”. Then decide to solve the others if they arrive. One day at a time, crossing bridges only when you get to them. That’s good thinking.
April 28, 2021
Can’t change it?
Most external events and most behaviour from others is way out of our personal control. Our level of mind control is determined by our responses, both internally and externally. Are we going to personalize it? Make it our fault or responsibility somehow? Are we going to dwell and ruminate? Are we going too heavily into self-pity or despair or entitlement about what we “deserve”? Or can we decide it is what it is, choose not to dwell too much, reframe where possible and move forward with a plan of action that suits our intentions? There’s always something we can do, but it’s usually an inside job. Guard your mind carefully today and focus on that internal re-adjustment to any unwanted circumstances. You can do it.
April 27, 2021
Trust.
The place to put our trust is in the much bigger picture, the picture that some call Infinite Order. This is the order of nature, the order that holds planets in place, brings the sun every morning and keeps the plants and animals growing as they do. What may look like chaos could actually be the infinite order doing its thing. Those that remember to trust the order of nature have been shown to be able to access more peace and optimism. Trusting what we can’t see can be difficult at times, that’s why it’s called trust. Look around at nature when you need a reminder that it’s always there. It’s got your back. All things are working together for good.
April 26, 2021
Freedom in mind:
The key to freedom is in our minds. We can stay in “have to” or we can move to “it’s my choice”. We can feel frustrated or we can choose openness, and the idea that perhaps what is happening is the only thing that could happen. We can choose to make the best of it, in a realistic way, given the resources available. We’re free to choose a different story about whatever is happening today so choose a story that runs with your freedom of choice and your ability to maximize or optimize anything. You’ve got this!
April 23, 2021
Brainy Boost:
Most of us, in fact possibly all of us, would like a little more speed and processing of the mind, perhaps even a sharper memory, so stay with me now, slowing, that’s right, listening as I talk directly to the part of your inner mind that controls processing and memory, and in your mind’s eye, notice that part sitting up, paying attention, listening closely with great interest as I remind you that you can sharpen at any moment, right now, processing improving, faster and faster, better each day, better coding of information, all senses receiving and computing only what is truly needed, screening out the rest, processing rapidly and accurately, storage capacity is now getting stronger and bigger, reliable, easy information in, easy information out, on command, that’s right, your mind processes all data, quicker speed for you now, easily, better each day, right data, right place, right time, right person. Brainy boost upgrade is now complete, you may go and rejoin your day. Enjoy.
April 22, 2021
Check out that sky!
Beyond the sun, around the clouds, in many colors that change every minute, the sky is vast and infinite, reminding us always to look beyond whatever is in our minds and remember the big picture. Check that sky today, it’s bigger than all of us. Feel the infinity and the beauty, and focus on what’s going well for you.
April 21, 2021
On low days:
When the fuel gauge is on low, either emotionally or physically (or both) then it’s time to adjust expectations. We can still do what we need to do, with a positive attitude. But we need to drop any perfectionism or excessive standards as this will only lead to frustration and further depletion. On low days, the only way forward is acceptance of the low fuel gauge and quietly doing just what we can along with regular inner self-praising for doing so. How would you manage a depleted child who needed to perform? You’d go easy, you’d remind them to aim for realistic outcomes, you’d encourage and you’d praise. Let’s agree to do that for ourselves as required. There a child in everyone and they need looking after.
April 20, 2021
The words we need to hear:
Whatever we need to know or hear somehow shows up, just at the right time. Messages can arrive in so many different ways and formats. There was an email this morning that said that there are only two things we ever need to know: the universe has your back, and that everything will be ok. Maybe those words resonate, or maybe some other words or lyrics will show up for you, right when you need them. Maybe you need to hear that you’re awesome, don’t change a thing, and that you rock. Or that the thing you’re worried about will sort itself out or that you should just stay in your lane today. Or that the person you’re thinking of is sending you love right now. Or that you need to just relax and enjoy the thing you’re about to do. Whatever you need to hear or know will arrive; just be aware and be pleased when it does!
April 19, 2021
We call on the Wise Mind today:
We all have that other voice, the one that feels tired, frustrated, sick of things; the one that complains internally and perhaps spurts a silent stream of frustrations. That voice emerges all by itself, fed by fatigue or ongoing stressors. It’s our job to call on our Wise Mind in response, or even in reply. The Wise Mind is the one we use when helping others with their frustrations, or use anytime on a good day! The Wise Mind reminds us that these annoyances are temporary, often nothing to do with us, not our job to fix, not a big deal; that we are ok, we are safe, all is well. Most of the things we internally complain about are unchangeable or not our job to change anyway. All we can do is show up, on time, with a good attitude and do what we are supposed to be doing. That’s it. Let your Wise Mind speak today to guide you.
April 16, 2021
Resetting calm control:
Stop, breathe in, breathe out, and breathe again, eyes slowing now, that’s right, easing, relaxing a little more, allowing all that tension in your neck and shoulder muscles to simply dissolve, seeing the colour of that stress you’ve been holding, like a mist, drifting easily away from you now, leaving your body and mind, that mist moving further and further away, as the colour of calm begins to enter all cells, moving around your mind, a very pleasant colour, circulating and energizing as it stills your thoughts now, eases all burdens and relaxes you, all controls set to calm for you here, everything is ok, move forward and flow with the rhythm of your day. You’re safe.
April 15, 2021
Everyone wanting a piece of you??
There are times in life when we feel like there are many people wanting or needing or even demanding our energy. Often it’s for things they could perhaps manage themselves if they chose to, but it serves them to attach to a stronger, apparently more helpful energy. This can leave you feeling a bit put-upon and drained. Consider your energy reserves. Are you giving out more than you are taking in? Think about the people and activities/events that feed your energy as well as those that drain it. Make a list of both. Check your balance and see if you can move towards more things that boost or preserve energy. Remember that while we can be kind and ethical, people ultimately must help themselves and you are not responsible (unless they are your young children) for their emotional outcomes. Check in on your self-preservation skills today.
April 14, 2021
Affected by narcissists??
Narcissistic traits appear all around us. Easy to spot in reality TV, politics, media and business, they may be more subtle in those closer to us. If you’ve experienced the effects in your family or personal life, seeing these traits exposed publicly can be stressful and it can also be validating. Research and clinical evidence suggests that there are a subsection of people that truly feel superior to others (for a variety of reasons) and feel no remorse for the harm they inflict; at times they even derive some smug satisfaction via their power to sting people. These traits exist. They do cause harm. Please limit exposure and get coaching if you’re affected. Words can and do cause harm, as well as actions. Recovery is certainly possible but education and strategy is the way forward.
April 13, 2021
Force of nature:
Whatever you’re doing today, you take the force of nature with you. The same force that brings the sun to us, the force that holds the planets in place, the force that turns seeds into plants and tiny sprouts into huge trees. We are all part of nature and we carry the force within us, the energy, the growth, the healing power and the connections. Close your eyes whenever you need to, and feel the force within you, powering you for whatever is needed right now. You are ready. You are equipped. You are powerful. Go forward to meet good things today.
April 12, 2021
Look only at the one small bit:
As an antidote to overwhelm, choosing to focus only on one small bit at a time is essential. Break everything down. When you only look at the one “right-now” bit in front of you it feels manageable and it is do-able. You’ve got this. Have confidence and have faith in your skills and resources. All forces will align to help you. Take everything one bit at a time and don’t go any further in your mind than you need to. You’ve got this.
April 11, 2021
Guard your mind:
If negative thoughts emerge, call stop on them. Clear them and delete them. Do not feed, do not enlarge. Thoughts are automatic but our responses are our choice. Choose wisely and factually.
April 9, 2021
Soothing healing liquid:
I want you to imagine, for a moment, that you are quite relaxed now, reading this, slowing all inner processes, breathing deeply, that’s right, letting all tension drain out like water in the shower, easily, just letting it all go now, and I want you to imagine too, the thing that concerns you, or frustrates you, noticing in your body mind where that sits, its colour and shape, and now, as I talk to you, and you can listen, I want you to use your imagination, and notice the bottles of amazingly-coloured soothing healing liquid, sitting on the shelf, and now I want you to select the correct colour liquid for you now, and I want you, in your mind’s eye, to pour a glass of that liquid, and to drink it now, comfortably, noting the feeling as it moves down into your system, soothing and healing all that is needed, doing whatever is required so that you will feel better and better, much more quickly than expected, calm and energized and ready for life, taking a sip whenever needed, noting that beneficial nourishing effect every day. Enjoy.
April 8, 2021
Pain syndrome risks:
If you have chronic conditions (ie not caused by recent injury) then personality factors will be playing a part. Look at your suppressed emotions (the ones you don’t talk about with the person you need to talk to!). Check your perfectionism; what impossible standards might you be holding yourself to? Check your people-pleasing and your worry about or taking care of others. What do YOU really want. Check your inner criticism and thoughts about not being good enough. You’re already great. Gotta chill about yourself. Check your level of anxious control- everything is ok as is and the other stuff isn’t your task or problem to fix. All of these patterns increase your inner stress and can lead the brain to create pain sensation in old injury sites or new places. Upset brains and brains in pain activate the same pathways and it can easily become a neural repetition. Connecting the emotions and personality patterns with the pain experience is the first step. Notice the connections without judgement and remember at all times that you are safe.
April 7, 2021
We all need a dopamine hit:
All over the world, people are having pleasure issues right now. Whether many of us are still in weird social hibernation or just in survival existence mode, something is going on. There’s research on how people are feeling right now, and it’s a new feeling for many. We need dopamine. Something about recent times has affected dopamine production which feeds our pleasure and reward system. If we want dopamine, it comes with the right level of challenge, stress and excitement. Dopamine is produced when something is a little scary but kind of thrilling at the same time. Music can feed dopamine release, as can exercise, competitive activity and being put in an urgent situation requiring action or fast problem solving. We have to be interested in something to get the anticipation vibe plus dopamine release reward. Think about what used to excite you and set a tiny goal or challenge. Write it down. Make a small list, then review it later. Keep a challenge and reward written record of some kind. We need to get our brains back into mode without any frustration at ourselves. It may happen naturally but perhaps we need to kick it along a bit. Start today.
April 6, 2021
Leisure and life with low mojo?
Whether you’re supposed to be busy or relaxing, it’s harder to *feel* it without mojo. In truth, the mojo of many has not recovered from the year that was, and the year that is, in addition to other life stuff. Chronic stress takes its toll on the pleasure/reward system. If we can’t get the buzz then we either accept the resting phase without resistance, stay in neutral mode, and/or focus on small achievements. Pleasure is more fun, no doubt. But one of the methods of depression recovery (in the face of loss of pleasure) is to focus on making a daily list of very small things and to tick them off once done. The list might include a rest, a walk, making a simple meal, spend time with pets, browse website, make one call, etc, and DO IT! Be mindful of getting annoyed or frustrated with yourself; that kind of adrenalin surge isn’t what you need in the long run. Stay zen and do what you can. Mojo always returns when it’s ready. All is well.
April 2, 2021
Inner restlessness?
Ask yourself what you need right now. Action, entertainment, achievement, distraction, connection? Don’t overthink it. Just do something!
April 1, 2021
Don’t feed demons!
Humans have demon thoughts. They arise from nowhere, often at night, and haunt us with vague, frightening catastrophes. Tiredness and chronic stress allow a lot more space for demon thoughts to enter. We can’t stop their entry but we can refuse to feed them further. Our first step is to recognize and label those thoughts as rogue. The second step is to redirect. Choose your go-to thought in advance if it’s a regular thing. It may be a line of dialogue, a song lyric, a mantra, a single word, numbers or counting, an image, a memory or any other neutral/warm thought of your choice. The brain needs a focal point and many brains aren’t good at contentment when at rest. Choose the neutral zone and send your mind there whenever it plays up. Train it and train hard. Demon exit mode is a skill that improves with time.
March 31, 2021
Slow down. Calm down.
Turn all responses down. Grab the remote control and turn the volume down in your mind. The noise can be lowered. So too can your expectations and pressure on yourself. Don’t try to control stuff that has nothing to do with you either. Other people, events, the behaviours and the dramas. Slow down, calm down, you only need to be calm, be ethical and be kind. Dial back the inner and outer expectations today. Slow down. Calm down.
March 30, 2021
Unsettled??
Many things can disturb our equilibrium, often against our conscious will. We can think we are ok about something, only to find our nervous system has other ideas. Conflict is draining, even if it’s not even yours or it’s happening in the background. Drama is draining. Self-important or egotistical behaviour is draining to watch or know about. Observing any kind of injustice or unfairness can be very unsettling, whether we are involved or not. Being a person of compassion and empathy is great, but the radar picks up all kinds of incoming messages, all of which can have some nervous system impact. Be nice to yourself. Acknowledge any swirling activity and remind your mind that it’s normal to feel affected. It’s just sympathetic resonance. It will settle in time.
March 29, 2021
Engage with optimism:
Remember, the word optimism relates to optimizing. It’s not about denial or toxic positivity; it’s about taking note of the facts of a situation, deciding what you want to aim for (given those facts), making sure your internal narrative is realistic and supportive, and that you credit yourself with the ability to learn, change or just do ok. No getting bound up in perfectionism or catastrophizing. You can only do what you can do, and the way it is must be the way it’s meant to be, for now, and it can change/improve. Optimize your thoughts, experiences and actions today without pressure or judgement. You’ve got this.
March 26, 2021
A moment of self-appreciation:
Whatever it is that has been occupying your thoughts, or your energy, it’s time to slow down for a second, here, reading my words, as I talk to you, breathing in now, holding it, and slowly breathing out, easing all inner processing, just releasing all tension now, that’s right, deeper now, and more relaxed, you can, gliding your eyes over my words, as I remind your inner mind just how much there is to appreciate about you, who you are, what you stand for, things you do, or don’t do, the light and the love that you hold every day, even when it’s difficult, take this moment now, with every slow deep relaxing breath, to appreciate YOU, you’re doing so well, better every day, and you can know it, and feel it, and take it into every part of your being today, carrying the knowledge that all is well and that you are awesome. Go easily through life today.
March 25, 2021
Reminder to center yourself:
When we’re feeling like we are pulled in many directions, mentally and emotionally, it’s possible to lose touch with what truly matters. We need to take a moment, several (or many) times a day to return to centre. We do this by focusing on primal elements of the body. Feel your feet against the floor. Then be aware of the heart area, breathing in and noticing the sensation of that breath as it goes in and then out. Perhaps count three breaths and follow them with your awareness. You are then back in your body, calm and clear mind, grounded and centered. Remember to take a few moments to return to centre today.
March 24, 2021
For those with hidden struggles:
If it all looks ok from the outside, many people presume all is in fact well. Even on social media, so many assume the carefully curated pics represent the idealized reality. Of course they usually don’t. So many people have all kinds of issues, emotional, physical, social and other. If you’re carrying off a good facade and hiding inner angst, this is for you. Sending healing and strength your way. And if you’re ok, please be aware that many others have inner stuff that we can’t see. We never really know what’s going on with people so an open mind is helpful. Be ethical, be kind, and try not to judge (unless it’s time to really draw a line). It’s been a tough time and many are still making their way back. Hang in there and go where the love is.
March 23, 2021
Are you doing enough for yourself?
Consider your needs. Physical, emotional, creative, intellectual, social and general fun needs. Or maybe achievement needs. What’s missing? What is one thing that if you did it, you’d feel more relaxed or fulfilled or like things are progressing? Do one thing for yourself today (and every day!) and do it consciously. You’re definitely worth it.
March 22, 2021
Watch for a lucky day!
Lucky is an attitude, a state of mind and a belief. Lucky people know they are lucky, notice all opportunities and optimize them, and feel lucky for doing so! There’s always a way to feel lucky (though many choose to insist on believing they’re unlucky) so in a way it’s true that we make our own luck via beliefs, choices and actions. We do know from the research that believing you are lucky leads to more lucky situations, perhaps again due to the narrative we choose. Be lucky today and may the force be with you!
March 19, 2021
Light switch:
After all the life stuff, the externals, the busy-ness and the noise, I’d like to invite you to slow your eyes, slowing your mind now too, breathing deeply, in, that’s right, and now slowly out, and then in again, breathing in that relaxation, letting it slowly swirl through the system, then breathing out, releasing all tension and worry, it’s all ok, everyone is ok, letting go of strain now, ready to let more light into the system, clearing all darkness, feeling that lightness moving, circulating, becoming brighter and brighter, illuminating, bringing clarity and calm so you see the path ahead with ease. Go forward now.
March 18, 2021
Take a break from intensity:
At a life level and at a societal/world level, things can be pretty intense. All kinds of drama and ego and full-on energies; it’s quite draining. If we add this to the events of the last year, it can explain why many people are not feeling like themselves, not full of energy, not enjoying what they normally enjoy. Allow rest and recovery, allow for adrenalin to rebuild. Take a break from links to intensity and go for lightness instead, whether it’s comedy, nostalgic movies/series, music, nature walks or whatever else brings peace. Take some easy time.
March 17, 2021
Beware of TIRED:
TIRED masquerades as depressed, as worried, as hungry, as despairing, as overwhelmed, as compelled to do or say things we said we wouldn’t. Being tired is the biggest risk factor for derailing our mind, body and relationships. Tiredness needs to be noticed and interpreted as just tiredness. No dysfunctional activity or substance or worry will make it change. Rest and sleep and life changes might help. But please notice the lens of tiredness and make sure you see it as just that.
March 16, 2021
You need to say No??
A quick reminder: NO is a complete sentence. You don’t always need to justify, explain or elaborate. You can just repeat “sorry, no I/we can’t” over and over if needed. Or just NO. You’re allowed to say no if you don’t want to do something, if you don’t want to hear something, if you want to refuse a request. If another person cannot hear a NO then they have an issue with respecting boundaries. They may get pissed off, withdrawn, disappointed or sooky. They may indeed have an issue with their emotional maturity. This is not your problem to solve though and you don’t need to feel guilty (although you might if you’re not used to saying no to them- this isn’t real guilt through, just a sign of you exiting the program). So. In case you need to be given permission, it’s perfectly ok to say NO.
March 15, 2021
Attitude and mood altitude:
We need to get an honest reading on our attitude today. Our attitude is going to affect the way we see or experience everything that happens. What is a good attitude?? It just means clearing the slate, giving things (and people) a chance, believing that good things could happen, noticing the moments of enjoyment (however brief or seemingly insignificant) and generally operating with the outcome in mind; how do we want to feel, what do we want to achieve, what do we need to focus on. We need to stay in our own lane, detach from any drama and other crap that might swirl around us. A good altitude allows for better mood and stronger energy. Stay in your optimistic zone today.
March 12, 2021
The strength button:
If you need a booster, stay with my words here, read them very slowly, breathing, just easing into the sound of my voice, as I talk to your inner mind, and you can listen, as I remind you of your many talents, gifts and resources, your many strengths, relaxing now, noticing the stillness within, releasing any and all chaos, just being, knowing that we can activate the strength button now, turning it on, turning it up, feeling the power increase and enjoying the relaxing, calming sensation of knowing it’s all there for you. You’ve got this.
March 11, 2021
Slow.
There’s been a lot of internal and external activity. There has been drama swirling around in the periphery too, in a broad world sense. Please slow your nervous system down. Activate the brake pedal by breathing in, holding, then breathing out for even longer. Stop several times a day for a focused long breath. Too much adrenalin can lead to a tiring chemical crash after. Stop. Slow down.
March 10 ,2021
Open-minded??
Rigidity or firmly-held beliefs can be limiting in many areas of life. While it’s easy to think we’ve worked it all out, we know what’s best, we are entitled to judge, it’s black and white etc, this is rarely the case. The picture is always bigger than we imagined and very few situations in life are black and white. Choose one area in which it might be beneficial to be more open-minded and instruct your imagination to consider other possibilities. The most flexible thinker always succeeds in any situation.
March 9, 2021
Non-judgement Day:
Whatever you think, however you feel, don’t decide what it means yet. Our rush to determine the meaning of our thoughts and feelings usually adds to distress. Just notice, acknowledging that you are having a thought or feeling, and know that’s all it is. Anything else is just a story. Allow any uncomfortable sensations to be as they are and pass through to the keeper as they do. It’s all ok.
March 8, 2021
Friendly reminder:
You are, in fact, awesome. Please remember that today and tomorrow and the next days. Awesome.
March 5, 2021
Calm clear mind:
With the busy or restless vibes around, it’s time to tune in now, watching my words, calmer, as you read this, as they enter your inner mind, breathing, slower now, easy, breathing in, holding it, breathing out relaxation now, that’s right, you can release, letting all tension dissolve, allowing all concerns to disappear into the nothingness they came from, that’s better, feeling comfortable, clear, sharper now, and more focused, your mind and body activating nicely, ready for today’s happenings, calm and clear, moving forward. Enjoy.
March 4, 2021
Distractible??
Focus is about keeping our attention on one thing for as long as it requires. Many of us have trouble with this; modern life has so many interesting distractions, let alone the other pathways and rabbit holes our minds can go down. Distractibility and anxiety and restlessness can go together too. It could just be an anxiety condition if the distraction is one concern, or worry. But if the distractibility is more general, it may be an attention condition. Attention conditions (known broadly as ADHD) are particularly neglected as a possibility in women, especially bright or academic females. I always check in with my clients with anxiety to screen for ADHD and it’s regularly the case that the condition is present. Addressing attentional control can have a major impact on a person’s success in education, work, relationships and other key areas of life. If you’re distractible, you need to see whether you can control it with power of mind. If not, perhaps look further into it. It can help getting stuff done if that’s important to you.
March 3, 2021
Auto Thoughts:
There are people that believe they can’t control their thoughts or feelings. In a way that’s true; most thoughts and feelings occur automatically without voluntary activation. The control is in what we do next, once the feeling or thought arrives. Do we calmly notice? Do we judge the thought or feeling? Do we accept it as true or remain neutral, knowing that thoughts and feelings are only thoughts and feelings? Do we take the thought and build something bigger and scarier?? Or do we thank it and choose to go in a preferred mental direction? Don’t buy too much into mental activity. The mind is too busy and often goes into places it’s better to stay away from. Stick to the facts and manage your own chosen direction in the face of any auto thoughts.
March 2, 2021
Intentions not perfections:
There has been a subtle increase in perfection expectations in recent years. We can credit media or social media or dating apps, but ultimately it’s up to us to remember that perfectionism and relentless standards for ourselves, others, relationships, families and jobs will only lead to discontent and frustration. Acceptance first, small intentions as appropriate. If you’re wanting everything to be perfect or nothing, you’re asking for trouble. Focus on the good, work on what is possible or realistic and then accept the rest.
March 1, 2021
Stories about today?
Unless your story feels great, scrap it. Today’s story begins well, proceeds to get even better and will have a happy ending! Today is a fresh new day, the sun is up, the people are moving, the action is happening and you can move into it with openness and optimism, choosing to enjoy the adventures and challenges it may bring. Today is a day of possibilities and opportunities to appreciate and/or calmly observe. Be here now. This story is a good one.
February 26, 2021
Every day is a reboot:
Welcome to today, a new day, and it always will be, breathing as you read my words, every breath a mini reboot, slowing now, relaxing, flowing into the moment, nothing to prove, pressure reducing, breathing as you release all tension, every breath a mini reboot, starting fresh, clear, ready for the next thing. Enjoy.
February 25, 2021
Re-orient to feel good:
Every night, write down the small things that went well. Write down what you got right. Write down what you enjoyed. Write down the people or events that were pleasant or funny or even just ok, no matter how seemingly inconsequential or trivial. Then, in the morning, you can read it and remember. If you wanted to you could even write down what you’re looking forward to. Capturing the good stuff in mind and through writing can re-orient the brain and help build strong positive memory and expectation. Use your life to help your mind feel good today.
February 24, 2021
Next??
We are purpose-built to move towards our next thing. And whether you call it a challenge or a goal or a project, having something interesting to move towards releases excitement chemicals that motivate and fulfil us. Even when we don’t really feel like it, something new to focus on can help. It doesn’t have to be huge. Just one little mini-goal might trigger a bit of mojo. Are you down for that??
February 23, 2021
Backing off from overwhelm:
Overwhelm is a sense of too much; too many things, too much pressure, too much information, too much to do, too much in the mind. While some people use distraction and avoidance to manage overwhelm, we can also chunk down. Chunking down means focusing on one thing. If we can’t find the most important thing then we start with the easiest thing or choose at random. Narrow the focus to just one thing. Mental multi-tasking is stressful and inefficient; mostly a big waste of time and energy. Choose your one focus and get to the tick.
February 22, 2021
Appreciate good people.
So many great people. Being kind, going beyond, tuning in, helping, getting interested in ideas and people, being funny, being ethical, being sensitive, being caring. Yes, there are those people who exhibit little or none of those qualities. We try to limit contact, as we need to. But please, today, think of the great people and send them some love. And plenty back to yourself; if you’re reading this then you’re one of the lovely ones. We appreciate you.
February 19, 2021
Tired worried brain?
If you’re reading here, reading and breathing, that’s right, slowing down, and I’m wondering now, whether your brain feels like it needs a small recharge, perhaps a bit more space, and now as you breathe, asking your inner mind to release some of the load, breathing slowly now, in, holding, then out, relaxing now, releasing the parts of the mind that carry too many pieces, allowing them to simply dissolve, easy, it all works out, inner mind helping to bring freedom and comfort to you, delivered here as you breathe, all is well, brain load is less and less, able to think, able to easily see and know, able to act, everything is ok. Move forward with calm.
February 18, 2021
Be calm. Just do today.
You can only do what you can do, given resources available. Show up, do what you need to do, with a positive attitude. Anything else I’d just a bonus. Chunk it down to one step at a time and stay in the calm zone today. Just do today and leave tomorrow until then.
February 17, 2021
Vigilant nerves?
Amidst uncertainty and worry, our nervous systems become trained to be on high alert. It makes us more reactive, more irritable, and can lead to impatience and an urge to anxiously control other parts of life. If we have a focus for our anxiety (eg a project or emergency situation or work) then we might feel quite focused and stimulated. But when we try to relax, it’s not easy. Vigilant nerves don’t want to chill, they want to scan for problems. Vigilant nerves may not want to sleep either. They may prefer to sift over worries or aggravations. Begin to release the vigilance via your own mechanisms; attention control, easy exercise, nature, beach, mediation, fun projects, reading, music, escapist tv: whatever calms you down. The need for the constant active radar has ceased. Call off the guards.
February 16, 2021
Neutral through anxiety:
Anxiety has a feeling. Generally it isn’t a pleasant feeling. If we add a dash of worried, tense or frustrated thought to go with it, it will multiply and accelerate. If we are able to calmly acknowledge and name the sensation (eg tight chest, racing mind or tense muscles) without commentary then remind ourselves that it’s ok and in fact normal to have these sensations then our brain begins to be neutral. Naming the anxiety in the third person may even help some brains to detach (as in say your own name eg “Selina feels anxious right now”) and make sure you say it in a neutral, matter-of-fact, perhaps even semi-bored way. Our brains like our feelings to be noticed and acknowledged. The key is to add no power or concern. May you be able to merely notice, accept and move forward easily today.
February 15, 2021
Good for you!!
Today is a day to take some credit. The endurance, the achievement, the tolerance of frustration, the progress, the determination, the calm amidst the storm and the value added to all situations. You have contributed in many different ways to help many different people and probably don’t even realize the level of difference you make to the world. Good for you. Enjoy the feeling of your unique contribution today!
February 12, 2021
More relaxed. More chill.
As your eyes begin to read this, I want you to allow your breath to move easily, in, holding, then out, slowly, reminding your inner mind that you can do all that you need to do, breathing, that everything that needs to happen will happen, no need for stress, relaxing, moving forward on action needed with ease, comfort, your nervous system can just relax, auto pilot chill, enjoying the rhythm of the day. Easy.
February 11, 2021
Take one simple idea.
Most of us split our cognitive focus in many directions. Can be exciting, can be overwhelming, can lead to lack of progress due to diluted priorities. Today just choose one priority. It may be a feeling, an action, a thought; but the plan is to focus on just one idea. Just one thing. Doing the one thing will help everything. Choose wisely.
February 10, 2021
On the tired days:
Maybe the holidays didn’t feel like the holidays, maybe the start-up felt a bit more like a repeat, maybe the novelty was nice and now reality hits, maybe there’s a bit of fun-deprivation, maybe the changeable weather is a factor; either way, many people are reporting tiredness right now. All we can do in the moment when we are aware of tiredness is to just notice, without adding extra worry or judgement or annoyance to it. It’s ok to be tired. We can do our thing, we can not stress about it, we can know it’s temporary, and we can focus on the basics of sleep, clean food, mild exercise and fun leisure activities. Tiredness may be a form of emotional and physical convalescence after a busy or stressful time, or a hangover from a period of worry, vigilance or intense emotions. You will power up when the moment is right. Just let your system naturally recharge itself in its own time. It will.
February 9, 2021
Strong connections:
Our connections to others begin in our minds. So many people worry about their friendship count, or whether they are close to enough people compared to others. We can always decide that there is not enough, or we can choose to focus on the strong bonds that always exist, and the humanity that ultimately binds us all together. We can also find ways of connecting more if we want to. Humans are all in it together and all share pain, joy, vulnerability and love. Choose to be curious and kind towards humans. Leave judgements only for when necessary for boundaries or protection. We are all in this together.
February 8, 2021
Welcome!
Interestingly, the more we welcome things, whatever they are, the less rigid resistance we feel. If something is here, it’s here. Resistance is often wasted energy anyway, plus, with a welcoming attitude we are in a more resourceful state to cleverly manage wherever arrives. A welcome vibe doesn’t mean we say yes if we want to say no, or allow people to treat us badly. It’s about welcoming the situation, the chance to manage it, the chance to adapt, or change it rather than being annoyed by its presence. We welcome today, with all its arrivals. It all works out.
February 5, 2021
Calm Balm:
As you read my words, imagine a ball of warm light, calming light, very soothing, that’s right, moving around your mind, into your inner mind, breathing slowly, deeper and more relaxed now, the calming light moving and dissolving all concerns, all worries releasing into the nothingness they came from, warm light signalling that all is well, breathing, being, relaxing into your day now. Enjoy.
February 4, 2021
Acceptance of momentary lapses!
We all have them. We make mistakes. We are not perfect. We do not need to be perfect. Acknowledge, accept, apologize to yourself or the others involved and focus on what to do next time. Note the lack of self-flagellation in the process? Self-blame and rumination achieve nothing. Repeat: acknowledge, accept, apologize and future-focus. That’s it.
February 3, 2021
Hate asserting yourself??
Interestingly, we can have difficult conversations without going into typical “assertive” mode. People who aren’t natural assertive often either avoid the tricky conversations altogether or work themselves up so much to discuss the difficult issue that they come off as tense or rigid, perhaps even a bit over the top or intense. The idea is to make a calm, neutral request for what you’d prefer. Don’t say too much or bang on about what and why and how. The listener, *if they have healthy boundaries* (and I say IF) will generally happily comply. If they do not, then it’s a different problem. However, when a calm, pleasant succinct request is made, most mature adult people (again I repeat: mature adult!) will accommodate your reasonable request. And if you’ve thought about it a lot before asking, and perhaps checked with a wise trusted other, you are definitely asking for something that is ok to ask. So just calmly state concerns and/or request change. If you get nowhere with a reasonable request then you are managing a personality, not a request. And that’s not your stuff, that’s theirs. Have you been putting off anything you need to mention?? Get on it soon. It will probably be fine and you’ll feel better.
February 2, 2020
Good stuff!
Our brains are built for survival mode which means we’re more likely to notice threats, things to be concerned about, potential social or financial issues and problems to be solved. How much good stuff are we missing?? Every day, let’s ask ourselves about the good stuff we might not be noticing or thinking about right now. The more we notice and reflect on good things, the better and more at peace we feel. Remember the good things today and ask your inner mind to keep noticing please!
February 1, 2021
Setting the mood direction:
In the inner compass of your nervous system, where is North? Are you orienting to peace, to joy or to optimism? Some people unknowingly set their inner compass to orient to problems, annoyances and to fears. But that’s really heading South. Remind yourself that North is the way, where the arrow points towards being ok and feeling ok. Head North today
January 29, 2021
Focus on better:
Let your eyes rest here on my words for a moment, slowly, breathing, taking the time to let some peace in with every deep breath now, as you listen to my words, and I talk to you, reminding your inner mind of all the things that really are getting better, maybe even better already, those little changes that help everything feel just that bit more enjoyable, more relaxing, more fun, that’s right, breathing in the love now, you can, sending the pleasant colour and feeling all through your system and allowing your inner mind to see it all clearly, better and better every day. You are.
January 28, 2020
Hey education staff!
Can we send some love to all the teachers, educators and support staff going back into gear this week? People that work in schools have one of the most emotionally and mentally pressured roles, with complexity growing year by year. Parents, please trust your educators and let them use their hard-earned professional skills! Educators, you rock, you do one of the most important jobs in the world under ridiculous levels of public scrutiny, and you need to factor in your wellbeing. Sleep, rest, fun, clean food and a zen mindset. Thank you for what you do. May your year be filled with joy and calm.
January 27, 2020
Look.
You are an awesome person. Right now. You can choose to believe this and you don’t need anyone’s approval. You’re great. Let go of approval seeking today and live from the place of what really matters. Of course we keep working on the things we need to do, but our value as a person is not contingent on that so-called improvement. Remember: You are already awesome.
January 25, 2020
The moment of choice is right now.
Whether it’s the thoughts we hold on to, the attitude we adopt for the task at hand, the food we put in our mouth, contacting or responding to a certain person (or not), going outside or just staying put - every moment contains a choice, and that choice has ongoing effects on how we feel about ourselves, our lives, other people and the future. Every moment contains a choice. To feel, to divert, to do, to act, not to act. Be conscious of all the mini choices today and take the path towards how you want to feel and be. Think about what truly matters and let it guide you.
January 22, 2021
Dial down anxiety now:
With everything going on, or perhaps not going on, or things that we wish were or were not going on, it’s easy for the nervous system to get the wrong idea, to remain a little too hyper-vigilant, so now it’s time to deliver that message, right here, now, to slow down, breathing with me now, as I talk to you, and you can just listen, easy, knowing that the right thing comes at the right time, it always has, it will, breathing slowly, and you know, and I know too, that you can trust in your many resources, you will know when to do or not to do, no need to plan ahead or predict, or control; the right mechanism kicks in at the right time, and you can just relax, and let it. Just allow. You’ve got this.
January 21, 2021
Yes we are all doing our best!
Even if it doesn’t turn out to plan, please remind yourself that we all do the best we can with the resources we have in the moment. We can increase our resources via good sleep, balance in activity and rest, exercise, clean food, reading/learning and assistance with internal narrative, patterns or self-talk. If we need to resource up then let’s do it. But no perfectionism; our best is usually more than enough. Please credit yourself today!
January 20, 2021
Sensitivity is our friend.
While many people wish they were “less sensitive”, it’s really about how we go about managing our sensitivity. In truth it’s just a more powerful information system. How we then process and act on that incoming information determines our level of success. Many sensitives need coaching on what is their problem/responsibility versus what really belongs to others, as well as the skill of knowing that nothing is personal. Sensitive people are blessed with a highly-tuned emotion detection system. Like a Ferrari, it’s all about knowing when to accelerate and when to brake, as well as when to get a tune-up from a professional! Enjoy your sensitivity. It’s a superpower.
January 19, 2021
It all works out.
We don’t have to know the how. Whenever things seem complicated, or uncertain, or even overwhelming, affirm that it all works out. The sun rises every day, planets are held in place, nature does its thing and so does life. It all works out.
January 18, 2021
Positives.
Look for them. Notice them. Say thank you for them. Know that they’re always there, even if they’re hiding. Allow them to appear in their own time. They will.
January 14, 2021
Many vantage points.
Sometimes we think we know how something is, or why something is, and then later, with more information, it turns out that what happened was due to something else entirely. The truth is, we don’t really know. We think we know. We rush to conclusions. It can give more balance to the situation if we choose to suspect or hypothesize, but not decide. We don’t have all the facts; actually we probably have very little. Let it evolve and come to light in its own good time. We can choose to entertain balanced, wise assessments that lead to the right way forward.
January 12, 2021
Time out.
A time out can work as a reset whenever we need to interrupt some kind of pattern or activation. It can be a 10 second breather or a few days/weeks/months break, depending on circumstances and opportunity. A 3-10 minute time out might even halt any escalations in a difficult conversation. Think about building time out into your own situation (as needed) and make it happen.
January 11, 2021
Resentment poisoning:
Inner resentment may be the number one buzzkill. More resentment means more irritability, sadness, frustration and inner conflict, and it’s also linked to addictive behavior with food, alcohol and other substances. Resentment is a very common relapse trigger. Resentment is about thinking what is happening shouldn’t be happening, and/or that something else should have happened. The only antidote is to know that it is what it is. You don’t need to approve. But if it’s not within your control, just say “it is what it is” and stay on your side of the road.
January 7, 2021
Centered. Grounded.
Come back to you. Go inside. Take a deep breath. Feel your feet touching the ground. Look around you. Feel the air. Center yourself. All is well.
January 6, 2021
Seek out peace.
Peace is all about how we view things. We can choose the dramatized version or the version where it’s all working out as it is. Choose peace.
January 5, 2021
Small Chunk Reminder:
Prevent overwhelm. Focus only on what is within your control and on one thing at a time. Break it down to keep it doable.
December 24, 2020
There is no rush.
Ok sometimes (rarely) we need to hurry to get something done. But most of the time it’s our own internal pressure and crazy perfectionist standards driving the rush, or maybe somebody else pushing the hurry hurry now now now. Take a pause. Breathe. If rushing feels good, then ok. But if it feels agitating, stressful, tense or anxiety-provoking, then take a minute and slow it down. You get to enjoy your day. Make a choice about the pace and stay chill.
December 23, 2020
One step.
Stop running. Take a breath. Just breathe and focus on that oxygen going in, going out. Your job is to remain calm. Calm means clear. Breathe.
December 22, 2020
Flat tyres and no fuel??
We all need a reminder about 2020 exhaustion. It’s a phenomenon that differs from the usual end of year tiredness; it’s actual fatigue or nervous exhaustion level for so many people, worldwide. The vast majority are speaking of scary-level exhaustion, fears of not recovering, worries about how to even function or get through festivities. There’s a reason for it; on top of all the normal huge life stressors, we’ve lived in uncertainty, change, stress, hypervigilance and political tension (local and global) all year. Those energies take their toll. Some feel it more than others due to personality and personal circumstances. But it’s rampant. Please be kind to yourself about it. Please be accepting of it. Please allow rest and recovery. Please do the things that will support your nervous system in recovery. Please avoid toxic or dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Rest, walk, ride, read, watch, drive, swim, eat, talk, meditate, create, potter, and avoid whatever you need to avoid. The pleasure and motivation will return. No pushing, no self-whipping; just know it’s normal and it will pass. The energy will slowly refuel and all will be well.
December 21, 2020
Flow state.
While there are probably many things our brains could fixate upon today, remember the flow. Like a river or any other kind of stream, let today flow without placing pressure on yourself. If there is tension, focus on the flow. Leave the details and just go with it. You’ll get there.
December 18, 2020
Lightbulb
Sometimes, you know, and I know too, when we really, really need a bit of a lift, a bit of a recharge, just one idea can make all the difference, so breathe now, slow your mind, relax your body, no pressure, no need to do anything at all really, except read my helpful words, ideas appear whenever, no trying necessary, they will ease in when the time is right, when the mind and body is relaxed, and then you know, you’ll feel good, the lightbulb will go on, and you’ll know exactly what to do, or not do, and now you can just relax, flowing with the rhythm of your life today, knowing all will come, all is well. Enjoy.
December 17, 2020
Plug into the light!
Need ideas? Need energy? Need help? Maybe you need to plug into the universal solar power source. That source that shines the sunshine, lights up the sky and kickstarts photosynthesis in all the plant life in the world. It’s all around as and it’s all through us. You can look to the sun or you can look to the light in whatever room you are in. Take the light in via your eyes or your mind, and know that we are all solar powered. Time to charge up the batteries and energize.
December 16, 2020
Enter the burnout zone??
Where everything is tiring, nothing feels enjoyable, normal things are boring, any commitment is overwhelming and the tank is on empty?? Doesn’t sound like fun does it. But we can go in and out of this zone due to many kinds of stresses, changes, annoyances, impositions, invalidations and other strains. What do you need to help get back into the fun zone? A rest? A change? A new narrative? A bit of time and space to yourself? Don’t worry if you feel stuck in the burnout zone for a bit; it will pass. Be accepting, be chill, don’t judge it or yourself. Notice a few positives or beautiful things. Soon the internal clouds will shift and the sunshine will be brighter.
December 15, 2020
Anxiety eruption channels:
If there is stress in a person, there is also an overactive amygdala which acts as a hair-trigger for the nervous system. Anxiety, whether conscious or below surface, can come out looking like something else altogether. It can erupt as impatience, irritation, aggression, criticism, procrastination, avoidance or dissociation. Many rage outbursts are triggered by unacknowledged or untreated anxiety, often made worse by fatigue and overwhelm. It’s really about how the body/mind reacts to the fight/flight/freeze reaction; while we probably understand the panicky flight mode a little more easily, many people actually go straight into fight mode when the amygdala is activated, and can say or do things they later regret. Expressing anger or rage can falsely empower the mind, masking the anxiety and providing both an outlet and an illusion of control. Tune in. If you were anxious or worried about something, what would it be? Research and clinical experience shows that awareness and acknowledgement changes responses. Check in today.
December 14, 2020
Optimism kick starter:
So there are 3 things I’d like you to focus on to kick into optimism. Firstly, how would you like today to be for you, ideally? Secondly, what story are you telling yourself about today? And do you need to tweak that story towards actual possibilities rather than problems? And lastly, what small action steps will you take to move your day into the direction you’d prefer? And when you get some action or good feelings today, please notice and claim credit to help stay in the optimism lane!
December 11, 2020
Release worries:
As you move across my words with friendly eyes, I want you to allow your inner mind to wander, knowing that there may be background concerns, those little worries that sit there, bothering you or perhaps even being consciously avoided, breathing now, as we allow inner guidance to slowly make its presence felt, maybe you don’t need to *do* anything, maybe just letting the story change into something neutral, or even much more optimistic, worry dissolving, either you can change it or you can adapt to it, either way, there is a solution inside, allowing that solution to appear in its own good time, the action will come when needed, it all works out, and you can relax, be calm, be confident, and flow with the rhythm of your life now, knowing that all is well. Flow with it.
December 10, 2020
Dash of confidence:
Go back into today with a good dash of confidence. You’ve got this. You’re equipped with all the gifts, the resources, the intuition and the guts to pull it off. Have faith in your badass self and get out there with an inner fist pump. Clear, calm and confident
December 9, 2020
Answers for pushy people:
If you feel like an opinion or idea or activity is being pushed upon you and you don’t want to go there, it can be helpful to have a neutral response pattern in order to hold your ground. If you feel that urge to lose your shit, try one of these boundary statements:
It’s ok for us to have different views
It’s ok for us to like different things
It’s ok for us to have different priorities
It’s ok for us to have different plans
It’s ok that we have different personalities/preferences
It’s ok for us to have different approaches
It’s ok if we live our lives a little differently.
The idea is to reinforce (mainly to ourselves) that we can say no and not feel guilty. We can disagree without being disagreeable. We can remember that we’re all entitled to free will and that we can live and let live. It really is ok to have choice. Feel free to make yours with confidence.
December 8, 2020
Who you gonna call? GuiltBusters.
If you’re prone to guilt, you might be experiencing a little extra at this time of year. Guilt if we don’t want to do something. Guilt for saying no. Guilt for being tired, or just not up to it. Guilt for wanting to take a different path. Guilt for having a separate personality. Thing is, with guilt, we must ask ourselves whether there is a “sin”; as in have we actually taken harmful action against another? Or, (which is much more common) are we just not doing what somebody else wants us to do and feeling that imagined (or real) discomfort with their disapproval? If we feel guilty a lot, we must question our level of approval-seeking or approval-needing. Learning to live according to kindness and ethics without being reliant on approval is a big thing. It’s ok to make different choices and want different things. Getting the approval of another is not our task (unless it’s in our work or similar; that’s different). But when it comes to those who withhold approval when we make a choice they don’t like, no guilt is required. Be ethical and kind but give approval to your own badass self.
December 7, 2020
What’s the plan??
Whatever is on your list today, add in your plans for feeling good. Add in some positive thoughts about yourself, the world, the future. Add in some plans to enjoy the moment. Add in a reminder to look at the sky. Add in a plan to keep your neck and shoulders relaxed and to take strong deep breaths. Add in that you will take nothing that others say or do personally and that you will silently claim credit for any success. The plan is to cruise pleasantly through today.
December 4, 2020
Recovery Juice:
So I want you to imagine, as you read this, that you can close your eyes, relaxing, becoming more and more comfortable now, breathing in, slowly, that’s right, resting your eyes, resting your mind, simply just allowing my words to reach you, deeper now, very good, you’re doing very well, and now as you read, I want your inner mind to imagine that you have poured a big glass of special liquid, liquid that will help you feel better instantly, natural, clean, clear liquid, releasing, cleansing and purifying as it goes down, sipping now, drinking that big glass of recovery juice, that’s right, drink as much as you need now, and knowing there’s more for later too, now take a breath and let the recovery do its thing. Breathe again. All is well.
December 3, 2020
Switch the list!
Write a list of Fun Things. They need to be quick and easy things you can do (and will do!) that are enjoyable and will positively distract or give you some enjoyment. Write a list every day if you can, even if it’s just 3 things. If you’re short of ideas, try this list and tick them off:
Look at the sky
Play my favorite song from when I was 15
Admire or touch a pet
Read the first page or two of a favorite book
Take a photo of something outside
Call or text a favorite person just to tell them they’re great
Stop and take 5 deep breaths.
Enjoy your creative mind today; I’m sure it will think of a few extra things for your Fun Things List
December 2, 2020
Thought watch!
That thing that’s worrying you or pissing you off: it’s time to do a thought-check. A thought-check is like fact-checking; is your thought process based on evidence and realistic positive expectancy? Or is it based on tiredness, gloom, despair or catastrophizing? It’s not about creating false positivity, that’s a bit annoying. Thought watching is about being grounded in optimistic reality and making sure we aren’t falling into patterns of hopelessness or helplessness. Let’s focus on the many possibilities and the useful facts that lead to feelings of hope and inspiration. You’ve got this!
December 1, 2020
Options!
We always have many options. There’s no need to feel stuck or trapped or in a rut. With the right inspiration and correct information we can expand possibilities and improve any situation, either by mindset or by action; usually both. Think about where you feel limited and would like to expand your options. Generate some ideas and let the possibilities inspire you towards growth and change today.
November 30, 2020
Day-sleepy?
Studies show that between half and three quarters of people report being sleepy during the daytime at least 3-4 days per week. More women than men report daytime sleepiness too. Research also suggests that the more stress, the more sleepiness. And stress doesn’t necessarily include activity or busy-ness; it could be the stress of uncertainty, boredom, cognitive overload, generalized anxiety, unresolved inner conflicts or no-win situations. Sleep, good food and exercise are the first lines of defence (along with any blood tests if deficiencies are likely) but the next direction to take is to fire up the brain by motivated, positive, can-do thoughts and inner talk. Our thoughts are the quickest way to change our brain chemistry and the idea is to boost dopamine with YES thoughts. Let’s go, get on it, make it work!!
November 27, 2020
Happy boost:
Read slowly now, yes, even more slowly, as your eyes feel the glide, deeper and deeper into my words, as my words, slower and slower and more relaxed, speaking to you, to your inner mind, remembering a happy place, a happy thing, maybe even a happy person, a happy song, perhaps from the distant past, memory deep in the cells, maybe even finding shells, walking, or running along a beach, anywhere really, it doesn’t matter, but your inner mind will soon find things, perhaps a few things, happy things, and all your cells can join in the happy, feeling better, smiling, and moving forward with the rhythm of the day. Go well.
November 26, 2020
How’s your pilot light??
If you’re feeling like your inner flame is just a flicker, you’re not alone. So many people are feeling a level of flatness that they don’t usually feel; it’s almost the norm right now. It’s more than being tired. Tired is a “low-energy but just need to chill or sleep” kind of feeling. It’s not that uncomfortable. But fatigue and exhaustion feel awful. It’s an extreme sensation with agitated nerves, brain fog and borderline panic at the thought of facing anything except Netflix. Fatigue or nervous exhaustion can be physical but is usually the result of long-term cognitive overload and emotional pressure. Rest will help but it’s the removal or alteration of cognitive and emotional factors that help ignite the inner flame. Make a plan to give your mind and nervous system the break it needs. The flame will light up in no time.
November 25, 2020
Silence beats drama.
Sometimes the best response is no response. Not in a passive aggressive, “silent treatment” kind of way, but in the face of insult or inappropriate behavior, assertive eye-contact silence can speak volumes. When paired with confident energy, silence may be the most powerful response in certain circumstances. Some actions do not deserve your attention or reaction. There is wisdom in knowing when to choose the right to remain silent.
November 24, 2020
The gaslight headf*ck:
It’s been said that one of the more nasty things you can do to a person is to mess with their sense of reality. That’s what gaslighting does: you know what’s happened/happening but the other person denies it, undermines it, twists it, scoffs at it or explains it in a perfectly “logical” way in order to trigger doubt, defectiveness, embarrassment or confusion in the other person. The effect is to wonder if you in fact might be incorrect, might be taking it the wrong way, may be too sensitive or too demanding. Gaslighting can occur in a very calm controlled reasonable manner (even more confusing), leaving the other person feeling like the unreasonable one. Gaslighting happens at work, in families, in relationships and in the public arena. If you’re in that conversation and you’re confused, you’ve been gaslit. A witness or third party view may be helpful. The only antidote is to stay in your own reality, stay away from gaslighters, and stay in fact mode. Get away as soon as you can and stay with the accepting, respectful, loving people. Gaslighters suck.
November 23, 2020
Pleasant surprises:
We never know quite when good things will arrive out of nowhere, perhaps in the place we least expect. Exciting things can be just waiting for us around the next corner, or even closer, so let’s allow some anticipation of great stuff to come, perhaps even sooner than we think.
November 20, 2020
Relax, relax, you’ve got this:
All those stirred up neurons lately, whoever or whatever is stirring them, time to listen now, listening now as I calmly speak to you, tuning in with your inner mind, right now, nothing to do or prove or conquer, nothing to notice, nothing to fear even, breathing in, just relaxing, breathing out, letting the mind rest, all is well, the sun is rising as it does, cycles of everything, relaxing into the rhythms of nature, of life, of your own life-force, breathing in, that’s right, breathing out, relaxing as you calmly go forth into the next adventure of today. You’ve got this.
November 19, 2020
2020 fatigue is a strange beast.
At later stages in each year, many people feel a bit tired, ready for a break. But this year is next level. Many of us have been hyper vigilant for nine months, in a semi-shutdown mode of life that limited enjoyment and anticipation in a way that none of us had experienced before. Add changes to job or work routines, household membership during the day, relationships under pressure, political clashes, lack of friend activity, no holidays and missing out on many routine stress outlets and you have a recipe for nervous exhaustion. The chronic stress of 2020 cannot be underestimated. If you are fatigued, it makes sense. Acceptance and awareness are the first steps to recovery. No self-blame, no frustration. It is what it is. We need rest, but more importantly, our minds need a break, an enjoyable break, not just escapism. Tune in to your energy system and work out a plan for the coming few months. We will all come back stronger.
November 18, 2020
Dealing with emotionally immature people??
Those that lack emotional maturity (especially colleagues or family members) are tough to manage. They like to control, they don’t take responsibility, it’s always all about them, they don’t actually listen to you, they throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want and they suck up all the energy in the room. If you try and resolve things in an adult way, they turn it back on you and may even trigger self-doubt or confusion about “whose fault it is”. Gotta do boundaries and they won’t like it; if you’re expecting them to agree to boundaries like an adult, think again. We have to stick to our boundaries and let them be pissed off and/or blame us. Not easy is it. But it’s good to be able to recognize the pattern without internalizing it. Keep an eye out and set the boundaries with as much calm kindness as you can. That’s all you can do. They’ll be ok.
November 17, 2020
Lots of brownie points!
Brownie points are credits for all the good things you do. Sadly many of our good deeds are unseen and often unappreciated. Take the points anyway! You’ve earned them and you may as well enjoy them. Start keeping your tally today and feel the glow with every gold star sticker!
November 16, 2020
The feel-good comes afterwards!
So many people hold back on starting things, wanting to wait until they feel good, or feel ready, or feel comfortable or confident. The human reward system doesn’t really work like that! We are designed to feel uncertain, unsure and even frustrated during the beginning or learning or doing phase, and then once a thing is started, progressed, achieved or completed, feel-good chemicals flood our systems. Happiness feelings are a by-product of taking action towards what matters to us. Keep intentions realistic and work towards small chunks for better reward chemistry today.
November 13, 2020
You’re ok. Better than ok.
As you reflect now, reading this, moving out of scanning mode and into deeper thinking, your inner mind can relax, automatically slowing down, listening for my message now, you can, and you know, and I know too, that you have many talents and gifts, many things to offer, even your energy has a unique code, a unique effect on the universe, and you are better than ok, you are really quite special, and you know that everyone who matters knows just how special you are, you’re ok and your inner mind can begin to remind you now, often, of just how great things can be for you, better and better for you now. You are.
November 12, 2020
Poor behaviour?
When you are the recipient of poor behaviour from another, it’s common to take it personally. What did I do?? How could I have acted differently or prevented it or seen it coming??? Well: you couldn’t. People do what THEY want to do. THEIR poor behaviour is a reflection of THEIR choices and THEIR character. Your response is up to you, but please remember. It’s not your fault. It’s not personal. And this is possibly a pattern for them; it’s what they do. All you can do is act according to your ethics and standards. And. If people show you who they are, believe them.
November 11, 2020
Every day, write these things down:
3 things that are going well for you.
3 things you’re currently enjoying.
3 things you’re looking forward to.
Get a notebook. Do it daily for mojo boost. They can be small things; you can repeat the items over time if they still feel true. No excuses for not doing it. It works.
I hope you accept the mission!
November 10, 2020
Better than you think:
Today. Your personality. Your achievements. Your past. Your progress. Your future. It’s all better than you think and you’ll enjoy it more than you expect. Expect to be pleasantly surprised.
November 9, 2020
Constructive in thinking:
Construction is about building things. Constructive thoughts take tangible facts or ideas with a solid basis and move towards creating something meaningful. Destructive thoughts take us down the path of fear, or anger or self-criticism. If we want to create peace, harmony, action and good moods, then we choose to build on constructive thoughts. What is the goal state? What small steps can be taken now? How can we acknowledge or celebrate each small achievement? How can we maintain progress? Continue calmly constructing what you need to feel or do today.
November 6, 2020
Tuning into awesomeness:
In the midst of all the whatever, please slow now, breath, reading with me here, as I talk to you, and you can listen, or not really listen, knowing that your inner mind will hear my important helpful words anyway, so listening, or not, eyes gliding more and more easily, remembering those awesome things, those parts of you, those installations, always available, always a resource, gifts, talents, ideas, and it all belongs to you, and it is you, many wonderful things for you now, you have, and you can begin now to feel very good indeed, safe in the knowledge that it’s all there for you, all the awesomeness, and it always will be, and better and better things for you now to enjoy. Enjoy.
November 5, 2020
What you do matters.
It’s time to work on self-appreciation, right here, right now. While you may not always feel acknowledged or appreciated by others, you must know that your presence adds an interesting and positive essence to the world. You’re a one-off and nobody else has your unique cocktail of talents or gifts or insights, or your smile or your kind words, or your funny outlook or wry observations. Be quietly confident, you have earned it.
November 4, 2020
No pushing, no grasping.
A reminder to walk only through the open doors and to go where the love is. Our attempts to push at closing doors or try to grasp at the indifference of others are peace-destroying. Open doors and available love is the way forward.
October 30, 2020
Releasing energy blocks:
With so much stuff swirling around, it’s easy to go into autopilot, moving along in survival mode without even realizing, and that’s fine; our inbuilt mechanism helps us keep going, and perhaps soon, perhaps even right now, you could take a breath, and with that breath, you could say silently, or even aloud “With my breath, I release all blockages and I accept energy into my entire system”, knowing that breath is life, and that life is energy, and all blockages are dissolved, and that energy is motion, and you can now take that motion in any direction you need. Enjoy.
October 29, 2020
Tap in to the WHY!
If you want a mojo boost then it’s time to think about motivation. Yes, it’s very connected to innate desire, to anticipation, to the enjoyment or fun connected with an activity. At a deeper level though, it’s connected with the WHY. Finding your reason for doing the thing, WHY it matters, is the key mental aspect. What really matters to us is what drives our behavior. We can choose the values that drive us in order to get through the flat spots. Choose your WHY today.
October 28, 2020
Lose the drama.
When anger or frustration or fear sit bubbling away, some people will express it in drama and try to pull you in to gain validation and energy. In truth, many people are energized by drama while the rest of us become stressed and drained. Make careful choices and choose the drama-free lane. It may feel like you have to stay detached or neutral; it may mean that others are annoyed that you won’t buy in. But protect your energy and peace. Drama burns itself out so preserve yourself.
October 27, 2020
Celebrate little stuff!
The little joys, the little wins, the little jobs done, the little amusements, the little engagements, the little pleasures and everything else that comes! Celebrate with a thank you and an inner high five today!!
October 26, 2020
Commit to enjoy!
Of course there are days when we feel less than ideal, emotionally or physically. Our best way forward is to accept how we feel without judgement, then commit to enjoying what we can and changing what we need to. Enjoyment is a mindset requiring us to be flexible in adapting the stories we tell ourselves. Let’s go with the “potential for enjoyment” story today!
October 23, 2020
Radar on enjoyment:
As we know, it’s easy for the radar of the inner mind to attune to the gaps, the issues, the things to fix, and yet we also know that it’s much more pleasant, easier even, if our radar is geared towards those moments of enjoyment, the enjoyment that is now, the enjoyment to come, any enjoyment really, anything our minds can notice, and feel, and remember, and project into the future to remind the mind that there are always many good things, now, and yet to arrive, always enjoyment around if we remember to look. Please set your radar today.
October 22, 2020
Mojo check:
If you’re a little low on dopamine, don’t be surprised. Dopamine is the chemical of excitement, anticipation and driven focus. It’s fine to allow time and space for mojo to naturally regenerate when dopamine supplies refill. Or, if you want to trigger a little mojo, set up some fun challenges. Choose things you enjoyed in the past or are a bit interested in now. Decide on a time frame or volume goal. Make it a competition if that helps, perhaps involving another person or just competing to improve your own progress. Choose dopamine music (faster, heavier, exciting) and go for it. Again, this is not a “should”. It’s a “can do if you want to”. Mojo will return regardless.
October 21, 2020
Impermanent.
We understand the seasons of nature. We may enjoy some seasons more than others, but perhaps the contrast helps us enjoy those preferable times. Intermittent rewards boost our enthusiasm and mood more than constant reward, as that consistency doesn’t feel exciting or special after a time. We seek comfort so of course we run the risk of staying in a rut. Is it time for a change of season in any part of life? Tune in and let both reason and emotion be the guides.
October 20, 2020
Neural pathways to better mood:
To help our brains feel happier, we can write every morning or night about two key things:
1. What we are enjoying or appreciating right now
2. What we are looking forward to.
If we can’t think of anything then we need to chunk down and look harder. This simple daily writing exercise is a game-changer. Commit to the experiment if you’d like a boost
October 19, 2020
Look at the sky.
For instant uplift, look at the sky. If you need a sense of energy, perspective, illumination, peace, beauty, safety or any other feeling state, it’s in the sky. Check regularly today.
October 16, 2020
Peace offering:
You know, and I know too, that there are always ways to access a little more inner peace, or perhaps even outer peace, whichever is needed today, allowing your inner mind to glide over the idea of that peace, calmer, easier, transmitting more zen vibes now, backing off, slowing down, stillness increasing so that thoughts and feelings flow comfortably, that’s right, just allow it, no pressure, no pushing, just know that peace can arrive within the flow of nothingness, and we can find that peace here and there, in the chaos of life, even for a moment. Enjoy that moment.
October 15, 2020
No perfection demand!
No perfection demands of yourself. None for your friends or family members. None for partners. None for job or surroundings or world. None for your own feelings or mood. Everything good is a bit messy or flawed. It’s still good.
October 14, 2020
The guilt thing.
Guilt is a strange and disturbing companion for those of us who are high in self-responsibility. It’s mostly a helpful thing to have an internal locus of control; it helps us be accountable and take action on what is within our circle of influence. But when it’s out of balance, it can lead to taking too much responsibility, both for things within and outside our control, or even feeling responsible for things that may not even be a thing, or are the responsibility of others. We can downgrade guilt by checking the facts: what “sin” did we actually engage in?? Are we merely being a human, imperfect and fallible? Perhaps we can just forgive ourselves either way. Guilty people tend to forgive others readily. It’s only fair to apply the same kindness to ourselves.
October 13, 2020
In times of trouble, wait.
Patience is usually the most difficult part of discomfort. Our urge to change things can be useful when it’s possible. If not, then our skills of non-action are paramount. Frustration tolerance is a muscle that begins its development in childhood. Low frustration tolerance can lead to drive and motivation, but can also lead to immense rage or distress. Being able to act and knowing when to wait is a form of wisdom. Practise waiting.
October 12, 2020
Release demands and expectations:
Let today be as it is. You are well-equipped and all you need to do is show up with a positive attitude and do what you need to do. Focus just on what is right in front of you and take each small step with neutrality. That’s it. When the first foot moves, the other will follow. Assess each outcome with approval. Let momentum create itself today.
October 9, 2020
Trust.
When the nervous system feels safe, you know, and I know too, that you will feel much more relaxed, much more calm, everything easy, just taking it easy, with no pressure, and nothing to prove, reading this as you relax your mind, knowing that you are safe and you can trust in the broader picture. It’s all ok.
October 8, 2020
Relax the mind.
There are many tension signals around at the moment. Hopefully we can reduce exposure to external tension and work on any inner tension to relax and dissolve it. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, being here now. Bring the mind gently back to the moment, enjoy what is here and don’t jump ahead. Count your breaths as they go in and out, from one to five, then begin again, noting the entry and exit. Our minds need a lot of help to relax and this is just a friendly prompt. Relax now.
October 7, 2020
No meanness to yourself.
When other people fail to meet their own expectations, you probably kindly remind them not to be hard on themselves, that there are many factors involved and that they can start again anytime. Please extend this kindness to yourself. It’s not self-indulgent; it’s really about self-compassion. You can accept what happened, see the many factors at play, and adjust your sights to move forward accordingly. Treat yourself as you would a vulnerable child. Compassion then action.
October 6, 2020
Hey you!!
Have you been doing enough good things for yourself?? What’s missing right now?? Not as in indulgences but in terms of what you really need to do or say or alter in order to feel a bit better. Or maybe you need to drop perfectionism and go easy on yourself or others in order to chill a bit. Or hold yourself and others a tad more accountable?? Only you can know. Do you need more outside time? More music? A bit of screen-free or silent time?? A realistic to-do tank every day?? Whatever it is, get on it. Or just keep on doing what you’re doing if it’s working. As always, the force is with you.
October 5, 2020
You’re safe.
You may have challenges today; things to deal with, problems to solve or tough conditions. Your nervous system can handle it. You have all the skills and resources you need and there’s no requirement for stress. You’ve got the goods and you can meet those demands, no worries. Nothing to prove and nobody to prove it to. Just go and do your thing, you’re all good.
October 2, 2020
Content with what is:
All that worry and striving, you and I both know it can be quite tiring, leaving you in need of a few moments of contentment, so stop now, reading this, allowing your inner mind to remember those tiny things, or big things, or the sky, or nature, or animals, perhaps even people or ideas or things, anything really, things that remind you of contentment, of being happy with what is. They’re here now and they always will be. Remember.
October 1, 2020
Time for a pleasant chat??
Please say hi to yourself, wish yourself good morning, good afternoon, good night and other good things. Say “you’re doing an awesome job” and please add in that “you rock!!” Every day, talk to yourself like a supportive cheer-leading type of coach would, someone who has your back, believes in you and celebrates your successes. No more ignoring yourself. If you want motivation, if you want action or pleasure, start chatting away positively. If anyone hears you, tell them you’re on a prescription from me! This shit works. Congratulate yourself on the small stuff; waking up, getting up, making tea, or coffee, just being. You do rock!
September 30, 2020
Defensive??
Defensive responses are a killer. They can feel so natural coming out of our own mouths but being on the receiving end sucks so much and can stop resolution in its tracks. Why do people get defensive? Well, our nervous system is subconsciously scanning, asking if we’re safe. Constantly. And if we think there’s judgement, or a hidden agenda, defenses go up. Depending on our history, we will attack or withdraw or freeze. If you don’t want to arouse defensiveness, watch the judgements and implications of what you say. If you’re feeling defensive, think about safety. Is it present or past stuff triggering?? Be wise. Stop. Think. You can.
September 29, 2020
What’s the first tiny step:
Whatever you want to be different, whether it’s a thought, a feeling or an action, it starts with a tiny, tiny step. If we think about a whole process or project, it feels overwhelming and so avoiding it becomes more likely. Staying with the first tiny step means we begin. One step leads to the next. We get progress and that motivates more progress! Whenever overwhelm hits, just focus on one tiny step for a few minutes. You can do it.
September 28, 2020
Choose your energy investments:
You have a certain amount of energy. You have another set of constant demands. Choose consciously when deciding whether to invest that energy in a particular demand (or person). There’s always a time for giving and a time for receiving. There’s also a time for giving zero fucks. Wisdom is knowing the difference. Choose with wisdom today!
September 25, 2020
Anxiety release:
Read with me now, slowing down to see every word, every letter of my message to you, every comma, hearing me within your inner mind, the part that controls that tension, now easing into it, moving down into the control panel, slowly turning the dials, easing things off, lowering all the aspects that you need to lower, that’s right, much more comfortable now, the colour changes, notice where the light is different now, reassurance increases, everything is ok, nothing you need to do except calmly observe. Feel better now.
September 24, 2020
Some days you just can’t.
If time out is needed then that’s the way it is. There are times when we need to push ourselves and other times when we need to let go and just take the time out; mentally, physically, as required. Again, check in. When you need to recharge, do the best version of time out that you can manage on the day. Even a little helps. It’s called self-care, and you get to feel good about doing it.
September 23, 2020
Stop. Breathe. Assess.
Stop for just a moment. Take a breath and be in your body. Check in. Listen to your inner messages: what do you need to keep doing or start doing or stop doing? What is it that you could modify that would enhance your quality of life presently? It may be actions, it may be thought processes or the story you are telling to yourself or others about something. Or do you just need to focus more on the things you’re already doing? You don’t have to change or do anything. Just check in and listen.
September 22, 2020
2020 Burnout:
Just like the CovidFight in the home, CovidBurnout is an actual thing. Research is now showing levels of burnout not seen before, across a range of home situations and professions. One study even showed 70% of professionals working from home were experiencing major burnout symptoms by May 2020, including fatigue, disengagement, lack of enjoyment and lack of motivation. Four months later, symptoms are more extreme and widespread. For many, it’s the lack of separation between work, school and home, combined with continued uncertainty as well as excessive or fluctuating workloads. Screen fatigue also plays a role for those not used to spending their days online. Like any form of burnout, a good break is the best prescription, but restrictions have changed the nature of what a break can involve and what we can look forward to in the short to medium term, as well as many of our stress-release outlets. It’s ok to know if we’re in burnout. While it doesn’t change the situation, it does change our frustration about feeling this way. It’s a thing. Worldwide. And it is being studied and researched. All we can do is our best; just cruise along in survival mode and know that our fellow humans are in it with us.
September 21, 2020
You have credit!!
No matter how things feel, no matter what’s going on, there’s all this credit stored inside, all the resources, talent, gifts, agreeable personality traits, achievements, hidden creativity and other stuff just waiting to be released when required. You have lots in the internal bank, many assets, in fact you are really quite rich within. Don’t let anyone allow you to feel otherwise today. You rock. It’s official.
September 18, 2020
Just follow for extra calm.
This mode of breathing lowers your nervous system stress response. It’s called 4-7-8 Breathing and you do it in cycles. Start with a couple of cycles now: Breathing in, count one, two, three four; now hold, count one, two, three, four, five, six, seven; and now breathe out, count one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Repeat three times daily.
September 17, 2020
Forgive yourself.
Being pissed off with yourself does not lead to positive change. Doing the whole “why can’t I do this” or “why am I like this” isn’t helpful either. The real question is “What is most important right now” and “What is the first tiny action I need to take”. The action might be no action at all, but rather a change of perspective. All positive moves start with self-acceptance. Where we are right now is ok. And we can move forward if needed. But first we need to be ok with what is. Forgive yourself today for that thing you tend to berate. It’s ok. It’s just a phase.
September 16, 2020
Watching the frustration responses:
Frustration is the tense explosive inner feeling of wanting something to be other than what it actually is. It’s that lack of control, the inability to make something be what you think it should be. We all respond to frustration differently. Some accept it calmly with non-resistance, as part of life, or part of learning. Others withdraw, some become angry, or defiant, dummy-spitting, contemptuous, rejecting, defensive, humorous, dismissive, passive, mocking, aggressive or helpless. Our tolerance and responses to frustration are learned early in life and we can modify them with awareness. Our first step is noting our go-to moves, as well as the moves of those we closely interact with. Be aware today.
September 15, 2020
Please meditate. Even a little.
If there is stress, frustration, tension, worry or anxiety in the system, finding a way to meditate will help. Anything that calms the nervous system will down-regulate that angst and smooth things a little. You can use an app like Calm or Headspace, you can focus on breathing, or use a word or mantra or binaural beats or anything you like. Even five minutes can help. It’s not always the time to meditate; if we’re sad, a pleasant distraction might lift us, but mediation has a place with every emotion. Stop and check inside today. If in doubt, focus on the breath.
September 14, 2020
Remember EASY.
Easy on yourself first up. Easy on others. Easy on expectations. Easy on hurry or worry. Easy within thoughts. Ease off all tension and pressure. Small adjustments have pleasant results today.
September 11, 2020
Soothing your nervous system:
Perhaps you’re up and down, or down, or up, or both, or perhaps just flat, or maybe even flattened, or perhaps a little activated, or triggered, or even jagged; nerves can need soothing for many reasons as you know, and I know too, as you breathe, and read, focusing right here, all parts of your mind paying close attention, or maybe just skimming over, it doesn’t matter really, your inner mind can know that it’s ok to flow, ok to relax, or not, ok to feel very soothed now, simply allowing yourself the possibility of feeling better, or feeling better about what you’re possibly feeling, or not; either way you can be soothed, knowing that at the deepest level, you are ok. Just be.
September 10, 2020
Inspire.
To feel creative we need to stop trying. With certain activities, effort brings reward. Creativity and inspiration require a calm mind, perhaps focused on something simple, easy and pleasant. While calming the mind can be difficult during heavy or stressful times, that’s what we need most. Find a way to meditate that works for you; try apps, binaural beats, white noise, silence, breathing, mantras, water, staring at a candle or other object- whatever clears your mind for a bit. Let inspiration arrive in peace. It will.
September 9, 2020
A little bit same-same??
Many people are reporting an experience of Groundhog Day lately, a sense of lack of differentiation between days, to the point of not even knowing what day it is. The usual markers and variability aren’t the same so the mind is detecting a little too much sameness. Is it time to introduce some markers and differentiators into your day or week? There are many ways of implementing new markers. It could be change of clothing, location (within premises), music, altering habits or forcing yourself to make contact with people at times you normally wouldn’t. If you need some difference, work it in. Alternatively, ride the sameness wave while you can; it will be different again before long. It’s all going to be ok.
September 8, 2020
The down/up/down:
Mood stability is taking a battering at the moment. Not many people are reporting being on an even keel; the majority speak more of a roller-coaster type experience. Please don’t be harsh on yourself if you’re up and down, flat as a tack or lacking in motivation. These mood effects are real and they’re widespread. We can moderate the effects by observing without judgement, accepting the validity of the emotions and not getting caught up in secondary narrative about how we feel or projecting it into the future. When there’s a down, there will also be an up. Ride the rollercoaster, watch the scenery and know that your fellow passengers are right there with you.
September 7, 2020
Feeling as good as you want to??
Scan your mind and body signals. Notice the main thing you’d like to address. Focus only on what you can influence or change, and perhaps talk about it or write down what you are feeling and where in the body it’s located. Ask yourself how you’d prefer to feel, given the circumstances. Do just one thing that will help you feel the way you want to feel today, keep it simple and expect a beneficial result.
September 4, 2020
Help for your nerves:
All these things, the ones you’ve been noticing or worrying about, you know it’s just long term stress, system a little frayed, and now you can stop for a minute, breathing in a deep breath of relaxation, that’s it, breathing slowly, remembering to take that breath right in, holding it, then letting it go, releasing all tension in that breath, your nerves gently massaged by every relaxation, letting go, nothing to do right this second, just be here, knowing, all is well, all will be well, and your nerves can begin now to relax and sing a different song, peaceful, easy and chill. You will.
September 3, 2020
Chemically haywire??
Can’t sleep properly? Wake up tired? Exhausted in the daytime? Can’t generate that mojo? Pain, sinus blockage and malaise? Frustrated with lack of achievement? Taking it mentally day by day without the usual ability to jump ahead?? These are the current themes and they’re the result of stress hormones being switched on long term. It’s not a fault in the system; this is what happens when scary, unpleasant or unwanted events are unrelenting. The only way to feel better is to physically calm the nervous system regularly and to add in our personalized psychological optimism narrative. Meditate, walk, do whatever relaxes us. Ask the questions of optimism. What CAN I do? Which parts CAN I work on? Who do I need to connect with at the moment? What small actions might assist me right now? What do I need to stop doing or asking or thinking? How can I get started? Calm optimism is your prescription for today.
September 2, 2020
More eggs in the fun basket!
There’s so much research showing the emotional protection from achieving satisfaction, fun and fulfilment from many different aspects of life rather than just one or two things. If we have all our happiness eggs in one basket we are at risk if we can’t access that thing. Never has this been more apparent than in current times. Think about your basket and check whether you need to find a few more fun eggs to keep you balanced.
September 1, 2020
Short fuse??
If your fuse is a little shorter and more explosive than normal, you’re not alone. Living in a chronic state of stress for long periods leads to changes in brain chemistry that include lowered motivation, lack of enjoyment, fatigue, sleep disturbance, irritability and good cravings. Initial bursts of stress can be semi-energizing but this doesn’t last over the long haul. We need to mitigate the chronic stress overload with methods that calm the nerves and soothe the brain, even if just for a few minutes at a time. Find a mediation method. Block out the works with music. Go outside. Find a moment of escapism however you can. And, of course, remember that this short fuse won’t last. Things are improving. There is light.
August 31, 2020
Let your words elevate you:
Language creates emotion and mood as well as reflecting it. If we choose our inner words and our speech more carefully, we can elevate our state quickly, given that every word and thought has an instant effect on the nervous system. Test some key words to see their emotional results: energize, inspire, love, action, focus, improving, uplifting, powerful, optimistic, accepting, beauty, joy, peace, harmonious. Words can heal. Choose well today!
August 28, 2020
Breather.
In some way, only you know in which exact way, you do need a breather right now, and here is your window, slowly breathing in, your subconscious mind knows where to go, holding, then letting go, slowly breathing out, releasing all tension and build-up, allowing the old to expel, ready for the new, letting go of everything no longer needed, making space for the better things to come, relaxing, just being, letting mind and body rest for a moment, you will, as your inner mind updates all of the software, correcting any glitches, maximum functioning after this minor reset, and good to go. Relax and enjoy.
August 27, 2020
Your contribution matters
It’s easy to feel a bit lost at times, or feel that sense of not making enough of a difference, especially in phases of low mojo or inner turbulence. But you do matter. You’re an important part of the overall plan and the individual essence that you bring to the world is irreplaceable. You do matter and a lot of people know it. Remember why you do what you do and what drives you. Your contribution, no matter what it is, forms part of the massive amount of good stuff in the world. Nobody can do or give exactly what you do. Please keep at it!
August 26, 2020
Relax mental effort:
Effort is effective on the physical level. Physically, when we push harder (within reason) we move forward to results. The reverse is true at the mental level. If we’re looking to change a response or a memory or a pattern, or to create an idea, relaxing the mind is key. The harder we try not to think about something, the more it appears. The harder we try for a creative breakthrough, the more elusive it becomes. The harder we try to study and remember information, the more we can question our skills. In relaxation mode, the mind is receptive to ideas. Mental pressure has the opposite effect in most cases. Learning a method to relax the mind allows for best mental functioning. Breathing, counting, meditating, visualizing, using a mantra; anything to relax and gently occupy the mind is great. Less pressure, less effort = great results.
August 25, 2020
Total confidence:
It’s not arrogance. It’s merely a certainty about being resourceful. You can be totally confident today because you know that whatever happens, you can find the skills, the information, the resources or the assistance you need in order to manage it. No need to know all the answers or to feel especially amazing in any way. Total confidence is being open and knowing you have access to your own resources as well as all the resources available out there, and that our access just keeps expanding. Be sure of this today, and enjoy your confidence.
August 24, 2020
Count your credits!
Is your brain a little too wired for deficits? Luckily for humans, we have a steering wheel for the mind, and we can adjust our focus in the moment and move towards the credits. The things you HAVE done. The stuff you ARE happy with. The personality traits you DO like. The people that ARE supportive. The ways in which you’ve been ABLE to manage life well lately. They exist and they need some attention so that all parts of the brain can remember. Get in the credit zone today!
August 21, 2020
Soothing brain program:
You might have felt, either lately or for a while, that your brain needs some extra soothing, that calm reassurance that all is well, that you can relax now, that there is nothing to control, nothing to fear, nothing to do, and that’s right isn’t it, you’re already doing everything that needs to be done, so listen to me with your inner mind, that subconscious part of you that takes care of everything, and let it turn up the soothe now, easing off all hypervigilance, and allowing relaxed deep breaths to slow and heal and fix everything here, brain reset to optimal functioning and mood improving as you read, feeling better and better as time goes on. You do.
August 20, 2020
Supportive self-coaching?
Are you a self-coach or a self-critic?? A self-critic is always looking at the shortfall, the so-called flaws and the woulda/shoulda/coulda whereas the supportive self-coach takes a more solution-focused and friendly approach. Want to change something? Break it into a tiny step or chunk. Be encouraging of yourself. “You can do this!” Be kind to yourself. Praise anything, no matter now small. Cheerlead yourself! “Great job!” Celebrate every small win with a fist pump! And please remember. Just surviving a global pandemic is achievement enough. There is no requirement to be achieving anything above and beyond your essentials. You’re doing a great job. Please remind yourself of this on a regular basis today!
August 19, 2020
Nothing to look forward to?
We humans have many future expectations, which boost our dopamine levels. Looking forward to something is anticipatory pleasure, one of the most enjoyable feelings in the human emotional spectrum. Enjoyment in the moment also boosts pleasure, but many of us are more future focused in terms of our emotional excitement. In times of uncertainty we’re not sure what to look forward to, or perhaps our future plans have been thwarted. The excitement that fuels us isn’t quite the same. To maintain mood, we probably need to adjust our goals or desires temporarily. Luckily we can do this via expectation shifting. Things are different so we change our focus and choose to deliberately look forward to different things. This may not be as exciting, but if we stay grounded in reality, we get emotional payoff. Life satisfaction is said to be based on the gap between our expectations and the reality of what actually happens. We can’t expect to feel our normal emotional excitement right now but we can plan for adjusted versions of enjoyment. Our pets are as happy as they ever were, probably more so. Again we can learn life enjoyment from watching how pets do it. Let’s simplify our pleasures today.
August 18, 2020
Irritation alert:
One of the key signs of chronic stress is a change in our pattern of temper. Normally, many of us have a longer fuse, going with the flow on most minor things and keeping it in perspective if we get annoyed. But in times of chronic stress (ie everyone right now) one of the personality factors that changes is our ability to manage these irritations. At the moment, I’m hearing of more accounts of frustration, more criticism (voiced or silent) and more uncharacteristic explosions, generally directed at those closest to us. Awareness is key. If your temper feels a bit off, you’re not alone. Take preventative calming action. Leave the room or go outside if you feel yourself hitting the red zone. Hold your breath for a few seconds. Do five star jumps. Count backwards from 10-1. Sing something easy like a nursery rhyme or football theme song (“We’re from Tigerland” might work well!) or perhaps an ABBA or AC/DC song. Then ask yourself if what you were irritated about really matters. Sometimes it does matter and sometimes it’s just a moment that needs perspective. We usually need a circuit breaker to see the difference in the moment. Be aware today.
August 17, 2020
Preventative Calm:
Everyone wants a way to trigger calm when the nerves are all haywire. The truth is, it’s all about prevention. That means doing things to keep the nerves in a calm state rather than ignoring or overriding signals of nervous overactivity. Prevention is different for everyone but usually includes thought management (recognizing and redirecting fear or pressure thoughts in particular), exercise, some kind of relaxation/breathing/visualization/meditative type of thing, eating correctly for blood glucose regulation, control of incoming information overload and having a balance of social and creative outlets. It’s currently a challenging time for implementing preventative calm but we could all do more. Take a breath, and choose one thing that will make a difference for you to help stay relaxed and unwound today.
August 14, 2020
Brain in peace:
If your brain needs a small tune-up, listen now, as I speak to you here, and you can listen with your inner mind, relaxing, taking a deeper breath now, slowing down those parts of the brain that might be a little too active, just easing off that accelerator a bit, that’s right, relaxing, and those parts of the brain that help you feel better, those comfort controls, come alive right now, turning the settings to a much more pleasant level, you can, and you’ll notice more comfort and peace today as you remember to relax and enjoy. Your brain will remind you.
August 13, 2020
Your “GO EASY!” reminder:
Again and again I hear self-critical talk of not doing more, not being motivated enough, not being productive enough during this unprecedented crazy time. In truth, many people seem to be affected by a weird kind of malaise, lack of enjoyment, difficulty with concentration and low motivation. It’s probably due to the survival mechanism as parts of our brain subconsciously grieve the pleasure and stimulation we miss while simultaneously scanning our environment for danger/safety-related information. We need to aim for acceptance of this weird emotional state; it’s temporary, it doesn’t ruin all aspects of life (many things are still ok) and it’s not personal, it’s part of the human emotional picture right now. Please go easy. Have a plan, look for small pleasures and be forgiving of self and others. We can do it.
August 12, 2020
How’s YOUR memory going??
Forgetting words? Or walking into a room then forgetting why you came? Are you needing to write everything down or it just slips away? Forgetting the name of that thing, that person; you know, that one.. what’s it called again?? Did you think it was cognitive decline or that other disease, what’s it’s called, can’t quite find the word; oh Alzheimer’s, yes I think that’s it. Well you’re not alone, and if you’re relatively healthy (if you’re reading this you’re ok) then the likely cause is chronic stress, especially that chronic, low-grade, semi conscious type stress affecting pretty much everyone right now, more so than ever. Do the normal things. Eat clean, get sleep, move around, give your brain a break. Perhaps sharp memory is deemed “non-essential” in survival mode. It doesn’t matter, it will improve so maybe just forget it.
August 11, 2020
Weird physical symptoms??
More and more over the past weeks I’m hearing people talk of strange symptom patterns; lots of sinus blockages, sleep disturbance, new or recurring back or neck pain, fatigue and chest tightness. The brain is wired to find new ways to present underlying stress in the form of physical symptoms (well they get our attention, right?!) especially for personalities that are “keep pushing on” types, and those that don’t like to disappoint or upset others. There’s a lot of research around this presentation of stress in physical form (read Dr John Sarno if you need convincing) and it happens to us all. The brain is adept at finding a vulnerable spot, such as an old injury site or a scary symptom that freaks us out like numbness, sudden shooting pain or palpitations. Many times the stress is subconscious; we think we are managing ok and keep going but the body has another plan for getting our attention. Tune in. Acknowledge the stress or fear or frustration. Talk about it within yourself with a compassionate tone. It’s not self pity, it’s just accepting its presence as you move forward, and perhaps slowing down some aspect of mind or activity. The body tells the truth about what’s going on. Always listen.
August 10, 2020
Attitude check:
How are you feeling today? Are you taking care not to add secondary fear or complaints to any internal sensations? Ask yourself about your preferred emotional outcome today, given the circumstances, and move towards this. Keep your thought zone at neutral or above and know that we’re all in it together, we’re all connected and it’s all going to be ok. Stay chill.
August 7, 2020
Feel better:
Whatever it is, however it is, tune into it now, feel where it is, and know that right now, as you read this, as you now take a deep breath of relaxation, that it gets better, improving right now, already planting many seeds of change, changes for the better, everything easier and more comfortable, better energy for you now, and many pleasant feelings increasing as you hear my voice, reminding you to keep feeling better today. You will.
August 6, 2020
Nerves under stress!
The disruption is real. Motivation centers of the brain go to sleep, yet the hypervigilance area remains switched on. It’s the weirdest thing. Many people are reporting lowered enjoyment combined with an inability to turn away from alerts and news updates. This is the brain’s survival mode; subconscious focus on dangers and threats while reducing focus on normal pursuits. It’s our inbuilt design so it must be adaptive. Remember to normalize it and know that it’s temporary and the joy will return with gusto when the time is right. After winter comes the spring and with it, new life. Don’t forget to remember that.
August 5, 2020
Relationship weirdness:
Disruption, uncertainty, fears and restrictions have weird effects on relationships. Right now, many (maybe even most) relationships are under pressure. Partner, friend, family patterns have all been disrupted. Daily routines altered. Normal freedoms curtailed. Future plans on hold. We are seeing more impatience, irritation, withdrawal, explosions, closer examination of minor personality glitches and rumination on grievances. Let’s keep it in perspective peeps. Shit is getting weird and we’re all going a little bit loco. It doesn’t mean anything about the quality of our relationships. We’re all just doing our best to survive this crazy time. If explosions occur, apologize or forgive, and also know that it’s just a temporary phase. And so normal right now. It’s ok.
August 4, 2020
Unmotivated? Flat??
Many people are doing it tough and feeling no sympathy towards themselves for feeling flat or miserable. When things are restricted and uncertain, it would be strange to feel normal. Everything is under pressure right now; relationships, work, health; much of what we value. Many of us are in survival mode with nowhere to run. It’s ok. It will be ok. We need to adjust our expectations of ourselves and our emotional states. Be calm. Be kind. Be forgiving of others and their inability to read our minds. Mojo will return and little bits of it will come back if we keep an eye out. Humans adapt. We will adapt. Keep the faith today.
August 3, 2020
The right version of optimism:
It’s not denial. It’s not ignoring the truth. It’s not covering up the crap with bright pink icing. True optimism is facing facts without opinion or narrative, and focusing on what we want to feel or achieve, given the facts of the situation. We might not like the facts but we choose to focus only on what is within our control in order to create an adjusted or realistic outcome. Forget perfection, go for progress. It’s temporary, and some joy or pleasure can be found if we keep looking. Please keep looking.
July 31, 2020
Breathing and relaxing:
You know, and I know too, that if things are a little tense, there’s even more reason to breathe deeply, breathing in that deep relaxation now, as you listen to me here, oxygen and energy into every cell, calming, easy now, all in perfect order, flowing comfortably forward from where you are, relaxed, all cells smiling, warmly welcoming and friendly now, moving through your day with enjoyment. Breathe.
July 30, 2020
Your creative mind:
It’s time to relax on the control tendencies and just allow your creative mind to do the work for you. As you know, “trying” and “effort” aren’t really part of the creative process. Decide today that when you feel the urge to control or complain about something, you will instead ask your own creative mind to effortlessly sort it out for you. Hand it over, relax and watch for better results.
July 29, 2020
To procrastinate or not to procrastinate..!
The procrastination pattern usually leads to frustration and guilt and other uncomfortable emotions. While it’s assumed to be “laziness”, procrastinating is actually a result of an inability to regulate emotion in the moment. To start, ask “what am I feeling?” Then ask “what do I want to be feeling and how can I get towards that feeling?” We get started when we generate the YES! and the GO! Next time you’re stuck, choose emotional regulation.
July 28, 2020
People-pleasing tendencies??
Not wanting to rock the boat is part personality trait and part early training. It has its benefits; agreeable people do well in relationships and work. But used out of balance it can lead to avoiding the truth. There’s always a way of speaking the truth with kindness and wisdom. It’s all about timing and required outcome. Choose to balance love or kindness with wisdom and truth today.
July 27, 2020
Laser beam for you:
The laser beam reminds us of the power of direct focus. A single point of light or thought or color or whatever you need it to be. Use the laser point in your brain to direct focus where it needs to be right now. We can be pulled in many random directions or we can choose to keep our laser in the correct spot. Notice and adjust as needed.
July 24, 2020
Mind Staycation:
You know, and I know too, that your mind really needs a holiday right now, so sit with me here, letting your inner mind wander, into a pleasant warm place, a place where you can relax, kick back, imagining all the holiday smells, feelings, scenery, the easy feeling of nothing to do, nowhere to be, your mind can remember, you can, just relaxing now as your mind takes that feeling and infuses it into every cell for you so that you can carry all those benefits with you today. Enjoy.
July 23, 2020
The way of calm:
Calm is a choice. While the nervous system may react to fear or anger triggers with its rapid shot of adrenalin, we can moderate this with the inbuilt human superpower of the mind. Our bodies are cleverly wired to predict and control for danger so if we are a little over-primed, we can regulate with soothing or reassuring thoughts to downgrade the threat. It’s ok. We’re ok. Everything will be ok. And it’s ok to feel like this. Choose calm as you go about today.
July 22, 2020
Keep choosing peace:
There are always many opportunities to choose fear, anger and drama. The usual cost of this is our inner peace. If you truly value inner peace, keep choosing peace in response to events. This doesn’t mean being in denial, being a doormat or being passive. We can peacefully educate ourselves, peacefully have an opinion and peacefully make a choice. We can choose to live and let live. Wishing you inner peace today
July 21, 2020
Beware hopeless/helpless:
Two kinds of thoughts are more likely to trigger a massive mood dip. Hopeless thoughts such as “what’s the point, it’s all bad, it’s never going to improve, it’s all turning to shit” etc are particularly depressive. Helpless thoughts such as “I can’t change it, nothing I can do, everything I try only fails, everything is working against me, it’s just my luck” etc will also trigger a spiral. Use facts. Be challenging. Guard the mind with truth, wisdom and kindness.
July 20, 2020
Spotlight on thoughts:
We need to shine the torch on what we’re thinking as it will link directly to how we’re feeling. Find the enjoyable thoughts and feed them. Spotlight the downer thoughts and leave them be, let them pass unannounced. If you feel low or anxious, find the thought or belief that goes with that feeling and downgrade it to something more neutral. Let’s agree to keep our thoughts factual and clean today.
July 18, 2020
Emotional survival tip:
Take action only on the stuff you can have some control over. Decide to ignore the rest.
July 17, 2020
Feel better now!
While you read this, hear my voice, as I talk to your inner mind about that little part, that part that needs a lift today, just a small warm booster, helping, going inside towards the controls now, moving towards the dials, gently increasing the helpful flow towards better, that’s right, see it in your mind’s eye and know that you will feel better, bit by friendly bit, step by happier step, all is improving.
July 16, 2020
You’re doing so well!
You’re functioning, you’re doing your best to stay positive, you’re focusing on the good stuff, you’re giving the most you can right now, you’re feeding your mind with optimism. Thank you for being part of the solution. Forget any gaps. Be glad for what you do enjoy and what you do achieve.
July 15, 2020
Find your bubble.
There are many bubbles to choose from. A bubble of peace, of distraction, of comedy, of home, of pets, of music, of fantasy, of art, of reading; a bubble of some pleasant form of escapism. If you need to go in your bubble, go in. Stay calm, stay positive. Stay in your bubble.
July 14, 2020
Weirdly overloaded?
If your mind is feeling crowded, you’re not alone. In times of “normal life” routine, we can relax into just knowing what to do. In more uncertain times, every piece of information is an extra, factoring into thoughts, decisions, emotions, reactions and processing time. It’s a lot. Give your mind a break. It has a lot going on and it needs your support. Be kind and forgiving of any delays. Full function will resume shortly.
July 13, 2020
Select thoughts with care!
Every thought we think has a chemical reaction in both the nervous system and the immune system. And yet many of us let our thoughts run rampant, as though we have no say in the decision of which thoughts to indulge in. Yes, our thoughts arrive automatically. But we can choose to boost them by feeding them or starve them by letting them go. Choose only the best mind-fill for yourself today!
July 10, 2020
Into the warm circle:
If you’ve noticed that things have been a little tricky, then you may need to tune in now, here, slowing right down, hearing my words, as I speak to your inner mind, just breathing, feeling that stream of warm golden light, through you, within you, connected, powered and safe, relaxing into the day, knowing you have everything you need, guided, protected and activated for peace. Stay with it.
July 9, 2020
Brain Detox:
What do you need a break from? If there’s too much input of something, we tend to feel out of balance. If your system is overwhelmed, reduce something. Is it screen time? Information overload? Too much news? Certain food or alcohol or substances? Whatever you need to reduce, do it. Your brain will get some chill time and your balance will improve straight away. You can.
July 8, 2020
Another view!
Whatever it is, the happenings, the interpretation, the version of events or story we tell ourselves about it, there is always another way of viewing it. Being open to other multiple perspectives is true intelligence. Even if we return to our original opinion or point of view, the very act of viewing a situation or idea from multiple perspectives boosts IQ, awareness and optimism. Rigid thinking is brain-shrinking, whereas remaining open to varied interpretation helps the brain continue to grow and expand. Stay in growth mode today! Commit to taking a look from another view.
July 7, 2020
Alert for miracles:
Amidst all the difficulties and testing times, there will always be miracles. Moments of unexpected kindness, joy, peace, humor, creativity, pleasure, breakthrough or unanticipated success. Watch out for your small miracle today. Miracles arrive in many forms so make sure to notice and enjoy the moment.
July 6, 2020
Need to Power Up?
Whatever we feel today, we can use the power of mind to elevate ourselves. While we probably won’t jump from a tired or sad or grumpy mood state into a joyous state, we can lift ourselves by refusing to feed any lowering thoughts. No buy-in means no deepening of mood. Focus instead on neutral thoughts. Acceptance thoughts. Reassuring thoughts. And can-do thoughts. Capability thoughts. Efficacy thoughts. Possibility thoughts. Intentional thoughts. It’s ok. We can do this.
July 3, 2020
Stop.
If you need a little down time, just stop here, take a slow deep breath and know that there is no urgency, nothing to do now, just be here, breathe and chill. It’s all ok.
July 2, 2020
Lockdown life or lack thereof:
Many people have IsoFatigue. While social media speaks of people creating art, learning new languages and having “time to reflect”, this does not represent the majority in any way. In truth, most of us are in some kind of weird survival mode, both emotionally and energetically. Even if life is somewhat “ok”, this phase has triggered an odd drop in mojo, motivation and pleasure for most. Of course it makes sense logically, given the changes to routine, the fears, social deprivation, pressures on home life and/or relationships, the constant vigilance, restriction of freedoms and global uncertainty. Please adjust expectations of yourself accordingly. If you feel a reduced sense of achievement then you’re not alone. Maybe just getting through this weird phase intact is achievement enough. Go easy.
July 1, 2020
Managing sensitivities:
Whether we are sensitive to criticism, certain sounds, foods, sleep disturbance, tiredness, pain, noise or other parts of life, our preferred outcome is usually to reduce or to accept that sensitivity. Acceptance means allowing it to be there, being calm about it and putting your focus elsewhere. The narrative becomes “yes it’s there, but I don’t mind and I’ll focus on finding aspects of enjoyment”. If the goal is to reduce sensitivity then the narrative is about working towards having better plans to avoid those aspects or to seek help so that effects are less. The least useful approach is to focus on sensitivities and make them the central feature of your conversations and thoughts. Whatever you focus on expands. A sensitivity is basically an involuntary overreaction of the mind or body. The reaction is real but we get to decide how we will approach it. Choosing to focus on the stuff we can do boosts inner power.
June 30, 2020
It’s not about you.
The stuff that happens isn’t personal. Especially when it comes from other people; that’s actually their stuff. Of course we can get affected by it. That’s human. But then we remember “this isn’t actually my stuff” and the issue moves a little further away. Detachment allows us to see things for what they are rather than just from the view of how it affects us. Everyone is going through stuff but not everyone owns it sadly. Beware of people’s projections or comparisons. It’s their stuff, so don’t make it yours.
June 29, 2020
Take a confidence-boosting minute:
Confidence is knowing that you are both competent (you have skills) and resourceful (you can find knowledge or assistance if needed). And it’s true. You have many skills and abilities and you are an intelligent, open person who is wise enough to get the information you need to enact whatever plan might be required for any situation you encounter. Have faith in yourself. You’ve earned it.
June 26, 2020
Feeling extra-sensitive?
There are times when there is so much happening, externally, internally, it’s all one really, strong resources needed now, so take a breath, breathe with me here, now, as you slowly read, releasing all pent-up stuff, all tension, feeling the strength build and build inside you as you keep breathing, knowing what is and isn’t yours, releasing worry or control now, strengthening, solid, moving forward with a clear, confident mind. You can do it.
June 25, 2020
Is there actually a problem to solve right now??
Many of our problems are actually worries, worst-case scenarios or things that haven’t happened yet and may never happen. Let’s wait for the actual problem, in the actual moment, knowing that we will somehow find the solution or seek help if required. Until then, let’s agree that there really is no problem.
June 24, 2020
Messy times:
If it feels uncertain or messy, affirm solutions and peace. The solutions will arrive and the peace will follow. Things are changing quickly and we stay centred in solutions and peace.
June 23, 2020
When you need to detach:
Know that it is what it is. It will also be whatever it will be. Allow it to unfold in its own time. Don’t attempt to control it. Watch with curiosity rather than investment. It’s not your circus and it’s not your monkey. Stay in your lane and focus on your stuff. Look at it as if from a distance in time or space. It’s not yours to fix or solve.
June 22, 2020
Positive expectations:
Whatever it is, you will find the internal and external resources to manage it. Let’s not deny the challenges or the emotions, let’s just know that with the right approach, they can be managed, and things will be ok. Do only what needs to be done right now and then tomorrow will then take care of itself. We’ve got this!
June 19, 2020
Sending peace:
There are times, you know the ones, when we can’t do much, perhaps it’s not our action to take, and all we can do is be part of the peaceful energy that is needed for things to resolve themselves, it will, easing now, breathing in as you read, holding peace, breathing out, releasing, sending peace as a color and energy out to exactly where it’s needed, circulating that inner peace now, letting peace prevail. All is well.
June 18, 2020
Quiet reminder.
Take a breath. Slow down. Keep it simple, whatever it is. One step only. You’ve got this.
June 17, 2020
If you want change:
Knowing that a change is needed is the first step. Are you prepared to do what is necessary for that change to happen?? It’s the DOING part that will change everything. What is it that you need to accept? What do you need to surrender in order to make it happen?? What action is necessary? What will you STOP doing? And how will you maintain it? Change is always possible if you do the thing that’s actually required.
June 16, 2020
Tired mornings?
An old myth claims that sleep is refreshing and that a good sleep means we wake up good to go, bounding enthusiastically from bed to world. In practice, many of us are not morning people and feel half human, half zombie for an hour or three. In practice, low sunshine levels may affect our spark. In practice, surviving isolation/lockdown during a global pandemic might zap the reserves a tad. In practice, many come alive at 10 PM instead. If you feel tired in the morning, check your basics (sleep time, food, exercise, stress etc) but also know that most of the human race is right there too, and the inner spark of the mind will drive everything in the right direction today.
June 15, 2020
Story with a happy ending:
We could choose many stories about today, about this week. Some stories will reinforce tiredness or flatness or stress, some might emphasize aggravations. We can also choose stories that include meeting personal challenges and responding well. Check your story about the day or the week and make sure it features you as hero, overcoming obstacles, remaining calm, responding with wisdom. Everyone lives happily ever after. The end.
June 12, 2020
Relax first, energy later:
Breathe in through your nose now, slowly, easily, letting that deep breath of relaxation circulate, that’s right, easing all parts of the system, releasing worry or concern, just really letting go, knowing that through relaxation, all elements will rest and re-set, moving back to their easy state of natural energy now, building spark and ready to go. You’re energizing and moving towards action.
June 11, 2020
Good outcomes!
Good things are beginning. Right now. You may not see or feel it yet but positive outcomes are just around the corner. Keep moving forward according to what matters to you and you will see the great results.
June 10, 2020
Yes Power:
The YES word has a boosting effect on energy and mood. If you’re feeling like you can’t do it, use YES! If something feels difficult or painful, welcome it with YES. If you‘re lacking mojo, go for YES. If you’re worried about something, bring it home with an internal YES. YES it is. YES you can.
June 9, 2020
Access to motivation:
Many people are struggling with access to some of their automatic emotional motivation (the “want to” factor) right now. This pattern is occurring all over the world in spite of all the social media suggestions. When we are low on desire, we need to access motivation via the two other faculties- determination and discipline. Determination means deciding what’s important and making a plan. Discipline is sticking to the plan or routine whether your desire supports it or not. Choose the thing you need to do. Make a plan. Do the plan. Desire will return in time.
June 8, 2020
Need a dash of confidence?
Stop looking at the gaps and the “haven’t done that” parts! Look at the stuff you have done and what you’ve been able to get through lately, as well as over time. You did that! Taking credit leads to confidence.
June 5, 2020
Harmonious.
Whatever is going on now, relax your mind and slow your breathing, let your eyes glide easily, remembering harmony, all things moving and working together in the same direction, all sounds, all parts of the picture, and the feelings, all harmonious today. It’s all one.
June 4, 2020
Overwork:
Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. Working from home means it can be harder to establish the boundary between working and “relaxing” because we don’t really leave or arrive. It’s easy to get sucked into “if I work longer tonight then tomorrow will be easier”. In truth, work usually expands to fill any time made available. It’s never “finished”. Put in boundaries and make them stick.
June 3, 2020
Prevention of panic:
Panic attacks are very very tricky to stop once the process has activated. If you can interrupt the physical and cognitive pattern early enough to trigger calmness then maybe. But it’s best to approach by working ahead of the game. Watch out for tension and tiredness. Be aware of emotional triggers. Have an outlet. Eat regularly and cleanly. No overload. Reduce pressure. Train the system to be in chill mode via 4/7/8 breathing and progressive breath holding. Talk to a professional that can help. Know that it can improve. Prevention is key. Stay chill.
June 2, 2020
Patience is hard.
Most of us want it now. Want it decided. Want it over. Want it to start again. Want to feel differently. Want mojo back. Want to feel inspired. Wait calmly. It will come.
June 1, 2020
Begin slowly.
Take it easy on yourself today. There’s a lot going on and cognitive load has never been higher. Let your brain process in its own good time and just focus on the one thing you need to do now. Just one.
May 29, 2020
Sliding into happy:
The time is now, you can begin at any moment, just take a long slow deep breath now, that’s right, being here now, in this moment as I talk to your inner mind, and you can listen too, if you want to, sliding those controls, it all belongs to you, your control panels, sliding up the happy now, sliding into a more comfortable level for you, feeling better and better, stronger now, you are, just let it build, slowly, deeply, and notice yourself sliding easily into happy today.
May 28, 2020
Light-hearted:
Been a little too serous lately? Is it time to lighten up A bit?? Maybe we can ditch the heavy today and choose to go with a light-hearted approach. Light-hearted means we keep things in perspective, we keep our sense of humor and we can be in the moment to enjoy what’s available. Look to animals and nature if you need a little help, and remember to cultivate lightness where you can today.
May 27, 2020
Outlet for expression:
How much frustration do you suppress each day due to what you’re doing and/or who you’re in contact with? There may be a direction connection between suppressed frustration, mood and pain levels. We all need to find a safe method of noticing and acknowledging the stuff we have to suppress, and perhaps a creative way of freely expressing it without consequences. Think about how much you’re not saying right now.
Notice, acknowledge, find creative expression channel. Daily.
May 26, 2020
Choose focus!
In every moment, our emotions are being generated by what we think about, and the way we think about it. The first thought is involuntary. Thoughts just pop by to say hi. But the second thought is about how we respond to the first thought. Do we judge it, get frustrated with it, suppress it, voice it, feed it, balance it or redirect it? It’s the response that determines where to next. Choose consciously.
May 25, 2020
Chill the brain!
Doesn’t matter how much you’ve been doing or not doing, there’s a lot of extra cognitive and emotional processing for everyone right now. Make sure you’re taking some time to do activities where the brain can chill, no need to think or solve or process. Escapist fun is much underrated. Make sure you factor some in!
May 23, 2020
Eyes up.
No need to look back. Keep your eyes on the one step in front and just keep moving.
May 22, 2020
Release from worry:
Whatever it is, put it aside now and listen to me, taking one long, slow, deep breath, slowing down, breathing in again, slowly, and out, deeper and deeper now, and more relaxed, dissolving all that tension in your neck and shoulder muscles, just letting go, it’s all ok, breathing in, breathing out, life goes on out there, relaxing more, everything is progressing, you can dissolve all tension as you breathe, more relaxed, it’s all ok, you’re ok. In fact, you’re great.
May 21, 2020
Anxiety without a cause:
Anxiety is an umbrella term to describe all kinds of weird uncomfortable feelings. It’s usually something to do with what’s going on in life, or something coming up soon, but it can also be vague and non-specific. Usually, with the right questions, the anxiety source (or multiple sources) can be located. Often they relate to external factors over which we have no control. Our point of change comes from taking control of the narrative or story around those factors; ie changing the way we view and respond. More than 99% of our concerns never actually happen so we might as well change our story and let our subconscious mind know that it’s actually ok as it is and that it all works out anyway. You know it’s true.
May 20, 2020
Yo-yo energy:
Tired in the morning, energized at night, up and down like a yo-yo; it’s a common story at the moment. Maybe your routine is different, maybe it’s the same but everything else is different out there; maybe it’s the uncertainty or the confusion. It’s normal for the nervous system to adjust itself. And in time, patterns will normalize. Get the basics right: activity, sleep, clean food and fun. And don’t stress about the stress. It’s all temporary.
May 19, 2020
Not guilty your Honor!
Being prone to guilt is often part of being prone to anxiety. Guilt is the feeling of having done something wrong, that terrible sensation of being responsible for causing pain or offence and it’s mostly a system error. Empathic people and/or those with critical, unstable or volatile parents often internalize a misplaced guilt program that kicks in when others are upset or angry. Guilt is appropriate when we’ve actually done something outside of our values or ethics and need to make amends. Usually though, it’s just a case of taking too much responsibility for the reactions of others. If guilt kicks in, question it. Is it your stuff or is it their stuff?? And in all likelihood you need to hear my voice pronouncing “Not guilty your Honor!”.
May 18, 2020
Direction, not perfection:
If you’ve started, if you’ve taken a step or two towards the direction that you’ve chosen, then feel good. Focus on those tiny steps. Many people focus on the gaps, on the things not done, on the lack of achievement. This kind of perfectionism will probably lead to unpleasant feelings and lowered motivation. We create momentum by taking each small step and focusing on the achievement within each step. Small step, feel good, next step. One by one.
May 16, 2020
Look after your body!
Get sunshine. Get active. Eat protein and vegetables. Play music. Move around. Change location. And get the energy moving!
May 15, 2020
Tiny spark:
Whether or not your flame is fully alight right now, deep down in your system there is always a tiny spark, a spark that could ignite into something quite strong and powerful, as you read my words, noticing, as you breathe, the sense of that spark, growing, little by little, day by day, building, all in good time, the right timing, no rush, we breathe in, we breathe out, the spark always builds into the flame ready for when you need it.
May 14, 2020
The importance of venting!
Part of remaining optimistic and activated is the ability to blow off steam when needed. Some people respond as if it’s an act of anti-gratitude if you vent or complain, but in fact acknowledging normal human pissed-off emotion is part of staying in balance. When you want to vent or complain, announce it as that so that nobody tries to fix, or solve, or remind you of how lucky you are. It’s ok to create a space to vent and when contained appropriately it will probably lead to feeling better fast. Choose your audience wisely.
May 13, 2020
Stress chemistry fatigue:
Our bodies know how to handle short-term stress. Adrenalin kicks in, then leaves. But over the longer term, cortisol starts pumping as our systems adjust to ongoing vigilance. This leads to lowered energy, lowered good-mood or pleasure chemistry, leaving us feeling tired, flat and mojo-deprived, even though we have “no clear reason”. Well there is a reason. Long-term stress has a depletion effect that is real and will affect some people more than others. We rebuild by listening to our bodies and minds. Rest and recover in a way that actually boosts you. Get help if needed. And be patient; it may take time. The body/mind is designed to self-repair if we let it.
May 12, 2020
Different thinking:
Most of us have something we need to change our way of thinking about, whether it relates to events, ourselves or others. Reframing is changing perspective, looking for another explanation, altering the narrative so that it shifts the vibe. Where do you need to apply your different way of thinking? A small shift can easily lead to better feelings. Check in today.
May 11, 2020
On the right path!
There is progress. There is achievement. There is positive growth. Make sure to look, to notice, to appreciate those small steps forward today. Everything is renewing and rejuvenating whether we can see it yet or not, and every day brings a new beginning. Let’s keep our eyes up today and scan for the good.
May 10, 2020
Simplicity.
What do you need to simplify today? Activity? Ideas? Expectations? Choose simplicity today.
May 9, 2020
Kindness reminder!
Nice to self.
Nice to others.
Stay out of judgement.
Easy on everyone.
May 8, 2020
Listen for a sec.
Listen to me with your inner mind, the part of you that needs to hear that it’s time to dial down, relaxing, breathing, slowing down any unnecessary mental activity, strengthening those parts that need more, soothing all rough waters and just allowing, moving in and out, naturally, like tides on the ocean, flows and cycles, temporary, it all improves, it’s all moving towards the greater good for you now, just keep breathing, listening, one step at a time. It’s all ok.
May 7, 2020
Our pets: watch and learn!
The pets are chilling. The pets are living in the now, loving their walks, sleeping peacefully, barking at exciting stuff, sitting in sunshine, playing with toys, making a mess of stuff, enjoying their food and sharing the love, same as always. Routine might change but pleasures are still pleasures to them. Any time the brain wants to jump into the future, or the past, or the “woulda shoulda coulda”, let’s look at the pets being ok right here in the now, because they stay in the now. Let’s watch and learn.
May 6, 2020
The internal cast of voices:
The optimistic one, the scared one, the energetic one, the tired one, the grown up one, the kid, the funny one, the serious one, the creative one and the couch potato; they’re all in there and they’ve all got something to say! It’s our job to listen, say thanks, and refer all commentary to the executive director who decides what is useful and what is deleted. Ask your executive director to choose wisely today.
May 5, 2020
Managing energy:
Our usual ways of keeping our energy in balance may not be the same as those required in current times. Periods of uncertainty and changes to routine bring new challenges and can be disruptive to mood, motivation, cognition, activity level and sleep. Which area, if any, needs a shift for you? Take only a small step. Small changes, in mindset or behavior, are enough.
May 4, 2020
The tiny window of choice:
We always have a tiny window of being able to choose our response or our story. Some days the window might be bigger, other times very small. Which part of your narrative do you need to monitor and choose today? Choose your inner story wisely and notice that you will be recharged and rewarded with a wider window of choice going forward.
May 3, 2020
Only think about today.
What do you need to do today? What do you need to NOT do today? If you need fun, find some. If you need achievement, choose one thing. If you need meaning then find a small contribution. One step. Just one.
May 2, 2020
Remember fun and positivity!
Find a way to stay up. Use your music, your movies, your toys and your books! No laws against enjoying yourself even if it takes a little more effort! Do it now and do it later!
May 1, 2020
Calming the inner mind:
We all do so much to manage conscious mind chatter, the stuff we are aware of, and sometimes we also need a little help for the stuff we don’t know we’re reacting to, so listen now with your inner mind, your subconscious mind, the part that always takes care of you and protects you, even when you are not aware, relaxing now, knowing that you don’t have to control everything, that’s right, letting things work themselves out, it’s ok, allowing positive outcomes to form for you now. They are.
April 30, 2020
Non-perfectionism:
Most perfectionists don’t know how much their perfection needs are upsetting life. Perfectionism is often worn as a badge of honor but in truth it leads to unfair demands on the self and often unrealistic expectations of others and of life in general. Nothing wrong with a strong work ethic and aiming to do a good job on things or to seek improvement sometimes. But continually striving for a “perfect” version (eg all this recent talk of “being the best version of myself”) is pressurizing and destructive and unnecessary. Just be ok. Ok is good enough. Perfectionism sucks.
April 29, 2020
Patience with people:
When we have extra information to process, our nervous systems can alter. Right now, life is weird and uncertainty is high, which often results in mood flatness combined with hyper-vigilance and irritability. It’s easier to get pissed off with people around us, especially if we’re around them more than what we’re used to, or if we’re interacting with them in a way we’re not used to (eg via technology). Patience. Everyone is feeling altered and out of sorts. Let’s try and remember that it’s the situation and not the person, and cut people some slack. It’s just temporary.
April 28, 2020
How to calm down anxiety:
We need to notice it, name it, say it loudly and probably write it down. Labeling emotion works. Denial is the worst (yes it gets you through if you’re with kids or at work). But as soon as you can, scan and notice and name it out loud. Be specific. Then stay out of the future and be in the now. Your mantra is “I’m ok, this is temporary and I can handle it”. Then follow the protocol for whatever you actually need to do RIGHT NOW. No worst-case scenarios. Just follow the steps required now. Acknowledge, reassure, action.
April 27, 2020
MindBody Energy Boost:
Want to power up for today? Think POWER! Feel it coming on. Rev up your engine right away. Get your mind into YES mode, dial up the accelerator in the brain and make sure it stays ON! You can do this. Get moving in mind and in body and keep a solid pace, slowing and speeding up when required, then you can come to a gradual stop later when it’s the right time. Energy is NOW activated. Get going!
April 26, 2020
Need some inner peace?
Are you feeling settled inside? Can you allow conflicting feelings or thoughts to co-exist? Do you need to promote calm mentally, or do something physical to bring things into balance? Either way, let’s decide to allow things to be as they are today.
April 25, 2020
Working-from-home Fatigue:
It’s a new thing. We didn’t know it would be so tiring but many people working from home are describing a flatness and an unexpected sense of being drained. Part of this may be due to the hyper-vigilance and camera-consciousness that leads to video-call fatigue.
April 24, 2020
The light:
I don’t know whether you need to feel a little lighter now, or perhaps you need to see the light, or perhaps even to lighten up in regard to one thing or another, but either way, slow down now, listen to me, that’s right, breathing in, deeper and deeper now, and more relaxed, slowly, even more slowly, deeper and deeper and more relaxed, you are, and you know, as you listen to me, as I talk to you, here, there, that the light is within you, it’s all inside you, it all belongs to you, and all you have to do is flick the switch, turn the brightness up, see the light and always move towards the light, you will. Today can be a little brighter for you now. It is.
April 23, 2020
Internal frustration:
How much frustration are you suppressing and repressing? Suppression means you know you’re pissed off but you’re keeping it in and hiding it. Repression means it’s kind of subconscious and you’re not even facing it. Both patterns link to anxiety, fatigue and pain conditions. There’s a lot of frustration around right now. To get in touch with your frustrations ask “if I was a really angry person, what would I be pissed off about”. It doesn’t mean you need to tell the people concerned, although you might need to assert yourself more. But either way, acknowledging, validating and facing your frustration will help calm the brain and stop misdirected outbursts.
April 22, 2020
Routine and structure:
If we choose wisely, routines and structure provide some sort of rhythm and comfort to our daily lives. When they’re disrupted, it’s disconcerting and we can sometimes lose focus and sense of meaning. Do you need more routine or structure right now? Structure is about the time and the markers between aspects of our day. Then we consider physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and creative needs. Under stress most of us over-emphasize one component and neglect others. How can you manage your new routine so that you have the balance you really need? Keep it simple. No perfection required.
April 21, 2020
You’re doing so well!
There’s so much going on right now. Uncertainty, change, global effects. And yet here you are, reading this, influencing your mood and attitude, keeping spirits up as much as you can, boosting your optimism, working at maintaining your inner calm. That’s impressive. We all have ups and downs during crisis and yet we keep going. We stay focused on the now. Well done ✅✅
April 20, 2020
Need some optimism?
Optimism isn’t about the circumstances. It’s about accepting the actual facts without embellishing or catastrophizing the story, then deciding what we’d like to feel or do or be, given the situation. It’s thinking about our own personal, internal outcome. What’s happening today? What emotion would we like to take into this? What action do we need to take in order to feel ok? Then we do it. Optimism is momentum.
April 19, 2020
Recipe for Patience:
Repeat after me: It is what it is. It takes however long it takes. We roll with it and stay in cruise mode. We find enjoyment. We accept the process. We choose peace.
April 18, 2020
Disrupted routines:
Changes to our daily patterns mean a lot of extra work for the brain. Many of our routines are running on autopilot; we know what to do and when, and we do it. We might change one thing at a time at our choice, and that’s sometimes hard enough. When many routines have to change at once, that’s when our energy, willpower and temperament may be affected. If you’re out of sorts, well it makes sense. Everyone copes differently with the behavior and the emotions. Be accepting.
April 17, 2020
Let’s dial that shit down!
As you let your eyes move comfortably across my words, as I speak to you here, think now of that thing, that emotion, that behavior you’d like less of, perhaps even none of, and listen now, maybe it’s time to let your inner mind know that we are dialing that shit down, right here, right now, taking control of the knob, rolling it back now to a much more comfortable, safe level so that you can relax more, be at ease more, breathe and just be. Dial it down now and feel better and better as your day goes on. You will.
April 16, 2020
Brain tricks:
In phases of change, uncertainty, stress and chaos, the brain may not behave itself. It might get a little foggy. It might forget things (like what day it is today). It might go blank, many times a day. Or it might go on a crazy action overdrive. It could focus on random thoughts or song lyrics. It might also tell you “sorry, I’ve got nothing”. Or it might generate an obsessive loop about something or other. No you’re not losing your marbles. Your marbles are all still there and will line up nicely again soon. Ignore all brain tricks today.
April 15, 2020
Productivity and achievement.
Our culture is obsessed with being productive, and achieving stuff, and being this mythical “best version of yourself”. That “best version” is next level shit for denying our humanity and getting stuck in self-improvement guilt. Most roads lead back to human connection; feeling connected with the right people in the way that suits us best. There is no pressure to produce or achieve, especially right now. The real joy is in the real stuff.
April 14, 2020
Vigilance, tiredness.
When our systems are on extra alert we may feel strangely sensitive, irritated and lethargic. This can affect motivation and creativity as well as social behavior. When life changes suddenly and drastically, the brain is busy making sense of it, processing threat levels and planning for best action. It can be tiring, even if you don’t feel like you’re doing that much. When tired, rest, and keep expectations moderate. Focus only on today and be pleased that you’re doing your best. It’s more than enough.
April 13, 2020
Threat response frustration.
In the face of any kind of threat, most of us have predicable patterns. Some withdraw, check out, ignore or avoid facing it, others deny threat and push forward, some panic and take frantic action, others are frozen in fear and do nothing, some stay calm and just do what is required. Their method might trigger your fear or anger if it opposes yours. You can choose to live and let live if there’s enough distance; if not, you can ask for what you need without judgement. Threat response isn’t always logical. Be kind and stay open.
April 12, 2020
Feel the life-force.
Today is a day to take a breath. Let your nervous system have a small break from whatever you need some distance from and seek pleasantness and humor. Take a conscious breath. Remember that breath represents life and calmness and energy. Your life-force is strong. Take a breath and feel it.
April 11, 2020
Everyone handles stress differently.
Interestingly, many people who have lived with anxiety or other health conditions are used to a vibe of uncertainty or hyper-vigilance and may not be as rattled to the core as others are right now. Some are high on amplified emotions and may be irritable, easily upset, super-sensitive or exploding in unpredictable and unfamiliar ways. When everything is weird, some focus on creating a new routine and others become disorganized or disoriented. And that’s ok. Let it be and just do your version.
April 10, 2020
Help for your brain:
Perhaps your brain needs a little boost, a little medicine for the mind, something to calm, or something to excite, only you know what you need, so get ready now, listening to me with your deep inner mind, take a slow deep breath, now hold it, now release, that’s right, relaxing the body, releasing all tension, letting go, that’s right, a little deeper now, getting ready to adjust the settings, ok boosting that thing you need, turn the dial up now, inner mind watching and listening, levels up, all done, now move forward and notice as you begin to feel better and better. You are.
April 9, 2020
No pressure to achieve.
While it can help to do what we can to keep our spirits up during adversity, there is no pressure to feel or achieve or do anything in particular. There’s no need to optimize anything or do extra or learn a new thing or whatever else the “over the top positive” people on social media might say. If you feel like a new project, fine. If you feel like hibernating and doing whatever you need to do to get through, that’s perfect. Just do it your way without pressure or guilt. Please be kind to yourself.
April 8, 2020
When you’re doing it tough:
There will be down days or anxious or sad days. Perhaps we can mitigate intensity and duration. Firstly, consider: are you ONLY focusing on today??Jumping into questions about the future is never helpful. Stay in today, stay in right now. What can you do right now, today, to feel a bit better? Do you need distraction, talk, connection, exercise, entertainment, reading, music, tv, sleep, time to yourself? Or just to breathe and know you’re ok? Do something in the now. And stay ONLY in the now.
April 7, 2020
More appreciation, more reassurance.
Now, more than ever, we need positive statements, reminders that we are doing well, that we are ok, that everything is on track given the circumstances. Many people right now are feeling totally overloaded or totally bored, perhaps even at the same time. Choose some words of thanks, of kindness, of acknowledgement. These small statements can change the whole vibe. How can you add to somebody’s day today?
April 6, 2020
A bit up and down?
In weird times we can sometimes feel weird. Sometimes up, a moment of normality, sometimes a bit worried, then optimistic, oblivious then fine, then not, maybe pissed off, blaming this or that, then chill, at times entertained, but distracted, kind of normal again, then shaken, a bit up and a bit down. Go with that, we’re all on that rollercoaster with you. It’s ok.
April 5, 2020
Step. Then step.
Zen practice helps the mind to stay out of past and future in uncertain times by reminding us to focus on taking that one step now, then, to focus just on that next step as it happens. Don’t think about tomorrow’s walk. Just calmly step forward today.
April 4, 2020
Just today.
Plan only for today. Think only of today. Do only what is necessary for today. Find the good in today. Make a decision to enjoy today. One day at a time is always the way.
April 3, 2020
Easing the mind.
Breathing deeply, much more slowly, message to the inner mind for calm, for clarity, your subconscious mind easing now, safe, solid, and helping with any actions you might want to do, or not to do, that’s right, clever and creative now, new ideas for you, feeling better and better, you will, remembering to breathe, all settings on inner peace now. Stay.
April 2, 2020
Take a breath, look around.
There are signs of normal life everywhere. The sky is still an artwork, the oceans and rivers flow, the trees do their thing and the light and dark move back and forth. Seek a moment of stillness as often as you can. Breathe it in and enjoy it.
April 1, 2020
Zen and control.
When things are out of our control, Zen concepts can help us choose peace. The first concept is non-resistance. Do not fight what is. Accept that it is what it is. No need for anger, blame, guilt or rumination. The second idea is non-grasping. Don’t madly try to get something, make it happen, control or cling to outcomes. It’s great to have direction but not all outcomes are within our control. Inner peace helps us roll with what is. Stay Zen.
March 31, 2020
The hyper-vigilance mode:
When the brain is constantly scanning for information or potential danger, there’s a good chance of getting stuck in that zone day and night. The part of the brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) quickly habituates to whatever we are frequently stimulated by, and can keep us in a state of high alert which affects relaxation and sleep. Take control of what you might be teaching your brain to scan for right now. Decrease news checking, media, device use. Increase whatever relaxes and distracts you, preferably stuff that calms from within. Lock your radar to scan for chill.
March 30, 2020
Stay open, stay friendly.
It’s so easy to go into survival mode when things get weird. To withdraw, to dissociate, or to lash out in anger or fear. We need to guard and guide our minds into states of peace so that we can receive clear messages as well as remain connected to people. Let’s stay kind, stay friendly and limit blame. Everyone is doing the best they can and everyone needs friendly voices and faces. Kindness boosts our own mood chemicals as much as the recipient’s mood. Stay warm.
March 29, 2020
The ups and the downs:
Sometimes we feel good, sometimes just ok, and at times not so good. It happens anyway, most of us have our natural ups and downs. At the moment they may be more amplified and perhaps exacerbated by changes to routine. It’s ok. Ride the changes like a wave, it enters, it moves, it passes. Don’t add secondary fear or anger to the wave. Ride it, let it go, move on to the next. Tide in, tide out.
March 28, 2020
Just one step.
One small step. One tiny thing. One single focus. No overload, no pressure, no forecasts. Which one thing is needed for you right now? Just do that. Place your attention on that one thing. It’s enough.
March 27, 2020
Normalizing the mind:
In times of uncertainty we must guard and guide our minds carefully, so listen now, hearing my voice as I speak directly to your subconscious mind, as you slowly breathe, in and out, that’s right, good, every breath now lowering the arousal level, as we go into that control room in your mind, finding the green dial and turning up the calm, that’s right, slowly increasing your clear, calm, confident feelings, better now, levels balanced, relaxing and focusing, clear and ready to calmly do what we need to do knowing that we are all fully connected and working together. Strength and oneness. 👊
March 26, 2020
Dial down all pressure.
Many of us are a little more driven and achievement focused than we might have realized. Makes it hard to relax, makes it hard to go with the flow. The world is having to take a collective deep breath right now. Many things will not be done and we may not get to tick our preferred boxes. We need to say “whatever”. Take the pressure off. No perfectionism! It’s ok. Let’s take it day by day and remember our humanity.
March 25, 2020
The color of optimism:
Optimism isn’t a green light, a denial or a message of ignoring the facts by painting a “positive” view. Real optimism is more like the color of sunlight. It’s about calmly accepting what is, choosing our desired outcome (given the facts of the situation), carefully managing our stories or narratives about the situation and then taking the action that best suits our desired outcome. It is what it is, let’s be careful of the story we tell ourselves and let’s keep taking steps towards feeling good and doing as well as we possibly can. Look at nature, listen to music, watch some comedy. And above all remember our oneness in all of this. 🤘
March 24, 2020
Look outside!
The sun comes up. The skies are colorful and artistic. The trees are brown and green and textured. Birds are hanging around doing their thing. There are many signs of life and beauty. When you can, put some music on. Fill your mind and the atmosphere with as much beautiful stuff as you can. Speak words of kindness and appreciation. Guard your mind carefully and stay in the zone. This too shall pass and we remain strong. 👊
March 23, 2020
Peace and patience in adversity:
Plenty of uncertainty, plenty of events beyond our control and life happening in an unfamiliar way means we have to work a little harder to manage our thinking and responses. There is also a lot of extra noise right now, not all of it solution-focused. So we need to tune out some of that noise and put our mental focus where it needs to be. We ask ourselves “what am I required to do right now?” Then we do it. No more, no less. Be calm and be alert for positives. Seek them and we will find them.
March 22, 2020
Connect with what makes you feel good.
The most important thing right now is that you feel ok. Choose who you talk with, who you listen to, what you watch, what you avoid. Only allow in information that is helpful and gives you a sense of calm and a sense of agency. Optimism means we focus on the facts, manage our narrative about the facts and take the action that brings us towards our desired state or outcome. Don’t waste your time or energy. Stay with the optimism. 🤘
March 21, 2020
Control your focus!!
We can’t always control our circumstances but we can take charge of where we look. Take wise action and resolve to remain calm. Intelligence wins. When we make decisions from a place of calm we help our nervous system as well as our immune system. Stay grounded and seek out positive distractions when needed! We can do this. ✌️
March 20, 2020
Relaxed mind, strong body.
Stop whatever else you might be doing now, follow my words here, slowing your eyes to meet the relaxed pace of my words, that’s right, taking a long deep breath, easy, slowing right down, deeper now, and more relaxed, you can, easing the nerves, slowing the pace here, another deeper slower breath helps you now, your mind is clear, your nerves are calm and relaxed, your body is strong and you are fine, all is well, we stay calm, we wait, we have confidence and clarity, we maintain inner peace now. After the storm there is always sunshine. Be accepting of stillness and stay in the light today. ☀️
March 19, 2020
The contagion of calm:
Take a breath and remember the power of stoicism. Stoicism means we can look at a situation calmly, accept that it is what it is, work out which parts we can act on and then focus only on that part. We stay in the now and we do only what is necessary. Let’s practise wisdom, kindness and equanimity in times of uncertainty. Our job is to remain calm. We’re all in this together and connectedness is everything. ☀️
March 18, 2020
Thoughts and reassurance.
Our ancestors knew about acceptance and patience. They had no illusions that their world could be controlled so they focused on living well day to day, knowing the resources would be there to meet each challenge as it came. There were less thoughts about the future, less plans and therefore less fear or disappointment. When we talk about living in the moment, this is what we are really on about. Stay in the now, do what needs to be done, limit excessive discussion or thoughts of “what if” and know that need for action will be revealed at the correct moment. It’s called trust. We can do it.
March 17, 2020
Accepting the unknown.
Uncertainty is very hard for most humans. We like to predict, we like to make plans, we like to feel in control. During unknown phases, we need to take it moment by moment, day by day and have confidence that we will know what we need to do when it’s time to be doing anything. The sun comes up. The birds talk and sing. The trees look great. Stop, look and listen for the normal parts of life. Acceptance and patience are skills we can hone at any time and now could be a good time.
March 16, 2020
Calm system now.
A calm system makes good decisions by taking in only key facts in the here and now. A calm system is more efficient both physiologically and psychologically. We need to relax. We need to detach from drama. Watch and wait, breathe, do only what needs to be done in the here and now. It all works out.
March 13, 2020
Keeping your Zen mind flowing:
As you move around your day, keeping your eyes firmly away from the media, your subconscious mind can choose to focus back here, on my helpful words, words to calm you, as you listen now, while I talk to you, reminding you that you can relax, that dissolving all tension now is the best thing, being open to life, breathing, taking in only what feels good and healthy, you are healthy, you can relax, all is well in your world, easy, everything according to the great plan, you don’t have to do anything except relax and breathe. Stay Zen. 🐥
March 12, 2020
The Zen hen during crisis and chaos:
When times are tough and the world goes mad, Zen hen ignores Henny Penny and remains focused on the now. What needs to be done right now? No dwelling on past. No fear of future. Just putting one foot in front of the other and watching the path ahead emerge naturally. Remaining in Zen hen calm present moment creates our inner peace, acceptance of what is, and ultimately, improved immunity. Stay Zen. 🐣🐥
March 11, 2020
The Zen hen meditates.
Meditation time begins. Zen hen sits still, counting breaths. Discomfort arises. Zen hen notices with detachment and remains still. This continues until the bell rings. Zen hen stops. Zen hen leaves. No judgment, no analysis.
March 10, 2020
The Zen hen in action:
When it’s time to get up, get up.
When it’s time to move, move.
When it’s time to walk, walk.
When it’s time to go, go.
When it’s time to stop, stop. 🐣
March 9, 2020
The non-action of the Zen hen.
To arrive at true action, we first need to stop reacting and doing what we usually do. Be still. Wait. Do nothing. Many things dissolve naturally by themselves. Let it be as it is and wait for peaceful direction to appear. 🐣
March 8, 2020
A golden egg from the Zen hen:
If it comes, we welcome it.
If it goes, we do not pursue it.
🐣
March 6, 2020
The spark:
There are times, aren’t there, when we’d like that extra spark, that little feeling of YES, that boost that comes with improving our energy supplies, and you know, and I know too, that it all begins with you, starting with your relaxation, allowing all tension to release now, breathing in, waiting, breathing slowly out, reminding the system that all is well, gently encouraging regeneration to happen now, energy restoring, supplies building, spark igniting now, all returning to optimal functioning for you now, so press go, and move through your day with spark and ease. ✅💥☀️
March 5, 2020
Uncertainty, worry and control:
There are many different ways of approaching uncertain situations. In fact, every situation is uncertain if we’re interacting with life and people. Worrying is a common go-to when things are in limbo. Going through worst-case scenarios, imagining horrible outcomes, predicting the worst. For most people, it’s a kind of attempted problem solving designed to feel in control of outcomes. But would it surprise you to learn that all research and clinical experience shows that it doesn’t really work at all. Anxious worry and control only upsets us and the people around us. It feels like a useful problem-solving exercise but really it’s a stress-inducing nightmare strategy. While it’s hard to break a habitual thought loop, we can try. You want a few mantras? Try these. “I’m on a need-to-know basis”. “I’m resourceful and will deal with each challenge/problem as it arises”. “No matter what, I’ve got this and the right help will arrive”. And it’s true. The right info will show up and you’ve totally got this. Remember. 👌
March 4, 2020
Waking up wooly-headed?
You’re not alone. There’s a myth out there that people wake up like they do on TV ads, stretching, smiling, jumping out of bed excited for the new day. Personally I’ve not heard of many in real life waking up this way. For most people it takes an hour or two (plus a little caffeine) to feel human again, and to have any thoughts of substance. It doesn’t necessarily reflect quality of sleep. It can mean you’ve been in deep sleep and have been woken during the cycle. Or it can just be that like most people, you take a while to get going. Let your mind take it slowly and give yourself the wake-up time you need by setting the alarm a bit earlier if needed. Sometimes wooly-head lasts all day and that’s ok too. Your sharpness will return. Allow peace of mind by accepting normal human energetic ups and downs today
March 3, 2020
Light and movement:
A little moving about in sunlight can change the vibe quickly. Even if the sun isn’t out, there is still light (daylight or streetlights!) and we can still move. If you need to chill out, move slowly. If you’re needing to vent frustration, move fast! Move around inside and outside your place for no particular reason. Enjoy the change of scene and the boost in energy ☀️👣👣👣
March 2, 2020
Short, sweet and upbeat:
A good-feeling thought is a quick positive thought about anything good. Ditch the analysis and over-thinking patterns today and just stay with the “it’s all good”. Quick, easy, upbeat and keeps you in the zone. And just in case you forget: It’s all good
February 28, 2020
Restorative:
Take a moment now, as you read this, listening to me, as I talk to you here, slowing down, just simply remembering to be, just slowly reading, eyes gliding peacefully across the page, yes, that’s right, breathing in, holding, then breathing out all tension, and again, feel your breath smoothly moving in, then hold, then release, all stress and worry leaving the body and mind, in this moment just being, no thought, no action, just reading, breathing, and knowing that you are restoring now, rebuilding, reorienting to a better state, everything improving for you now, more and more restoration and good feelings with every breath today. Enjoy.
February 27, 2020
Private invisible battles:
On any given day, so many people will be going through something awful that we don’t know about, and perhaps we can’t see it outwardly and won’t ever realize. Maybe they don’t want anyone to know. Don’t be fooled by “positive” images social media; it’s no reflection of emotional reality. In fact, the pressure to project perfection is a major trigger for many. Life is weird. We do the best we can. We stay connected to our humanity. We are as ethical and kind as we can be. And let’s do our best not to judge. We just don’t know what’s really going on. Send out peace today.
February 26, 2020
Uncertain times:
Sometimes we don’t know what’s going to happen. Waiting isn’t easy for most of us and not knowing is even harder, the feeling of being in limbo and not being able to see what’s coming. In truth many aspects of life are uncertain but some feel harder than others. Job or financial uncertainty, health uncertainty and relationship uncertainty seem to be the most unsettling. In uncertain times, we must focus on our strengths and our resourcefulness. We must say “I’ll find a way to manage this”. And we will. We have before and we can. When uncertainty hits, remember: we can do this. We will find a way. It all works out. ✅
February 25, 2020
Calming the farm:
If we’re a little too revved in body or mind, there’s a quick hack that will calm the farm. Breathe in through your nose for the count of 4. Hold your chest in (like you are suppressing a sneeze) for the count of 7. Then slowly breathe out of your nose for the count of 8. Repeat a few times and feel the engine slow down back into cruise mode. Stay in cruise mode today. 🏖
February 24, 2020
Ignore the bait.
There is always bait. Bait to draw you in to unnecessary activity or work. Bait to draw you into drama or conversations you don’t want to be in. Bait to convince you to do something you shouldn’t be doing. Bait to go against what you believe in. Bait to get a rise out of you or annoy you. See the bait. Know it’s just bait. Walk away from the bait. Ignore the bait. 🧀
February 21, 2020
Recovery for you:
After action comes recovery. Which parts of your system need recovery now? As you read this, tune in to any and all parts of yourself that may need recovery assistance now, as you breathe, focus in on those parts, that’s right, breathing in energy, healing, strength; breathing in a reminder for all parts to return to perfect form now, perfect functioning, optimal arrangement of the pattern, everything for your benefit now, improving, better every minute, feeling ready as you return to your day knowing that deep recovery is occurring faster than expected and that all are well. Enjoy.
February 20, 2020
Yes. It all works out.
Many things resolve themselves. Some things will begin resolving when we take the necessary action. Either way, let’s keep our eyes on the positive outcome. There are good things in this, even if they aren’t apparent yet. What small step do you need right now for peace of mind? Who do you need to speak to? What action will make you feel just a little better? Keep things in perspective today and remember we can’t change some stuff and we can’t change other people. I’m sure you know what I mean. Keep your eyes on the positive outcome and remain calm
February 19, 2020
The reality of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria:
Feelings of being rejected or criticized are never enjoyable. Sometimes they’re based on something that actually happened and sometimes it’s just a perception or guess with no actual reality to it. What is very real is the emotional turmoil that follows for some people. As I said, nobody likes it, but for those with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) it’s excruciating, intense, unbearable and intolerable. Thought and emotion loops come like waves and can’t seem to be stopped by the usual methods. RSD is especially common in anyone with ADHD too, and needs more recognition as a feature. The best antidote is recognizing that you have the pattern, that it’s a real pattern. When it kicks in, know what it is. Say “this is RSD”. Know it’s common, happens to many people, it’s probably not based on any actual facts, and that your system is producing a powerful overreaction based on a mix of history, genetics, brain type and nervous system loops. Wait it out, don’t feed it, remember it’s just RSD and it will pass like a wave on the ocean. With RSD, knowledge is power. Now you know.
February 18, 2020
A reminder about that thing:
This is your reminder. Perhaps you were looking for a sign saying go; well, here it is. Stop procrastinating, stop with excuses or “reasons” and find a way to move forward on it. You don’t have to do the whole lot, just begin. You’ll feel good when you do. Take that step. Go on. 🚦
February 17, 2020
Feed the good-feeling thoughts:
On any given morning there will be a variety of thoughts. These might be observations about how your body feels, what you feel like doing vs what you need to do, perceptions of sleep and energy, inner dialogue about ourselves or other people. Notice which thoughts feel good and which thoughts bring you down. Grab the good-feeling thoughts and go down that path. What can you enjoy? What can you feel good about? What are you looking forward to? Feeding only the good-feeling thoughts will enhance mood and create a momentum of optimism. Build on any “YES thoughts” today! ✅
February 14, 2020
Listen to nature.
More and more of us would like to experience inner peace, and inner peace is omnipresent in nature, everywhere we look, at the sky, the trees, the stillness of the air, the cleansing of new rain, the patterns of the sun, all planets held in place within a perfect system, all here to remind us of stillness, of perfection, of growth and regrowth, and most importantly, of connection and relationships, so as you read this message, as I speak to you, and you listen, I want you to remember to notice nature today, to check in, to disconnect from other matters, and to connect with nature. Breathe.
February 13, 2020
When in doubt, choose stillness.
Stillness allows the brain to rest from its constant analysis of past, present and future. If you say “stillness” to yourself, notice the helpful imagery that your brain gives you. Maybe it’s a still nature scene, trees, calm water, perhaps it’s white light, or another visual sense of stillness. Saying “stillness” is an instruction to the mind and it can be trained regularly and given as a command at any time you need it. When the mind is still, the answers will follow. Take a moment for stillness wherever you can today
February 11, 2020
We’ve got this!!
To all the people going through a challenging time today, gotta tell you, we’ve got this! Might be tricky, might be tough, might even be unpleasant but we can do it. We need to keep our eyes on the game. Stay calm, stay focused, notice the humor, take the credit. And above all say to yourself “I’ve got this!” We’re all cheering for you.
February 10, 2020
What a good day isn’t:
A good day isn’t about what happens. There will always be times when events don’t go to plan or situations feel challenging. A good day is about deciding it’s all good. Even if we’re tired, even if things are weird, even if something a bit scary is going on, it can still be a good day we decide that all of it is ok. The more we idealize a good day the harder it is to classify it as good. Can we grab a cup of tea? Look outside? Take a minute to breathe? Look at something or somebody interesting? Chat with friends or family? It’s a good day. Remember to enjoy the “one percenters” that all add up to a pleasant time.
February 7, 2020
Welcome to a new day:
Sometimes it’s easy to think, and we all find ourselves thinking don’t we, as one day rolls into the next, it can feel like sameness, and yet, you know, and I know too, that today is a new day, and it always will be, and nothing will ever be the same again, not exactly the same, if we ask our brain right now, while we breathe deeply in and relax, that’s right, breathing out, asking our brain to scan for all the new, the different, all the things to appreciate or even just notice, that sense of newness, remembering now to forget the sameness, seeing the new, the growth, the possibilities, that’s right. Welcome to your new moment. The moment is good.
February 6, 2020
Where is your attention??
Whatever we give our attention to becomes bigger and more prominent in our experience. If we look for spiders, we will find more of them. If we scan for green things, we will notice all the greenery. What do you want to notice more of? Send your attention towards things that make you feel relaxed, friendly, enthused, encouraged and inspired today.
February 5, 2020
Stories feed stress:
If you’re worried, anxious, pissed off or frustrated, it’s time to take a look at the story going on in your mind. We all do it; we think we’re just living in the now and reacting to what’s going on around us, but really, we are taking single facts and turning them into a cause and effect story, often with a byline of unwanted consequences and gloomy predictions. The story is so powerful and often runs below consciousness. Is a headache (or another unwanted event, whatever it is) just a headache? Or is it part of a collection of past and future problems, dire expectations and ruminations on how it will affect other aspects of life?? Shrinking our story back to the neutral facts helps keep us in the now and out of pessimism and fear. Sometimes we need another person hearing us to realize what our story is doing. It’s sometimes hard for the brain to accept a realistic and balanced storyline, but it changes all the emotions once the true story sinks in. Be aware of the stories in mind and in speech today! 📕
February 4, 2020
Get some momentum!
In a funk? Stuck in a rut? Not making the changes or taking the action you said you would? Time to take stock and think about the one thing that’s going to help you feel better. Don’t make the mistake of trying to change everything at once, it usually doesn’t stick. Choose that one thing that makes all the difference and provides your gateway to momentum. Need to get a little exercise daily? Do you need to eat differently? Stop the drinking or other substances? Book in date nights? Get to sleep earlier? Get on to a particular medical or health issue? Talk to a certain person? Take some small action today. We start momentum by beginning the thing and remembering why we’re doing it. Don’t think too much. Just do it. ✅
February 3, 2020
Light-hearted:
There’s bound to be stuff going on today, some of which may not feel light-hearted in content. Whether it’s inner tension or external environmental tension, everything is better with a light-hearted view. Maybe it means tuning in to any positive aspects, neutral aspects, humorous aspects or just the temporary-ness of it. A light-hearted approach makes everything just a little better. And sometimes “just a little” can make all the difference. Go lightly today.
January 31, 2020
Feel pride, take credit:
In all of the rush of life, our brain can focus on gaps, things not done, aspects that are missing from our experience, leading us to feel less than optimal, and so, it’s time now to reflect on some of the “done” stuff, the things that were finished, the tasks completed, the difficult things that were started or overcome, and as you read this, breathe in slowly, thinking to yourself “I’ve achieved so much”, and you have, you know it’s true, right now all sorts of things will begin to pop in to your mind, like a to-do list with loads of ticks, reminding your inner mind of all you’ve done, all you’ve achieved, even the little things, and you can feel pride, you can take some credit- you did that! And you can begin just to feel better and better about what you’ve achieved, both lately and over time, because it’s true, and it’s time to forget the gaps and just enjoy that feeling of pride and credit. Big ticks for you! ✅✅✅
January 30, 2020
The leeches and the lilies:
We all have activities and people that take energy from us while giving nothing in return. We also have many relationships and activities that we give to and they flourish, making it a win for us because we see mutual growth and development or personal achievement. Dr Ned Hallowell (who happens to be a world expert in ADHD management) calls this being able to distinguish the leeches from the lilies in our lives. It’s not about labeling people a leech or a lily; it’s about recognizing which aspects of life are life-affirming and lead us to feel encouraged, fed and fulfilled. We can’t always stay away from the leech aspects of our lives (especially if it involves work or family members) but we can recognize it and plan for harm minimization. And we can maximize the lilies also by recognizing them and investing more. When tired or stressed, assess your leeches and lilies. It’s usually correlated with how we’re feeling and it can feel better when we know why.
January 29, 2020
Find the peace:
Amidst all of our activities, both external and internal, there are moments of peace. Moments where the thoughts stop for a few seconds, moments when it’s quiet, moments where we can remember to notice the silence, or the spaces between the demands of life. We can find peace in our car, peace outside, peace by staring into the distance or looking at something beautiful. We feel peace when we remember that everything is exactly as it’s meant to be right now, and it will change when the time is right. We feel peace when we allow things to be as they are, (even if we don’t like it) and allow the possibilities for change. Catch yourself in moments of inner peace today and breathe it in. Peace is good
January 28, 2020
Decide to release all fear today:
We all carry conscious and unconscious fears, tensions and worries, so much of which will never actually come to pass. The human mind is always trying to prepare itself and plan for possible dangers that we can end up a little robbed of joy while our minds keep drifting to the possible problems and pitfalls. When the thoughts and feelings arrive (and they probably will), decide to release them. Just say it to yourself. “I’m releasing all fears today”. You can even have a visual link too, maybe visualizing throwing them all out of yourself and into the ether. Then just move on to the next thought. Any concerns, release them. A worry thought: release it. There’s nothing to be gained. If there’s something you need to do then do it. Otherwise, just decide to release it. Go with inner peace today.
January 27, 2020
It’s ok to do nothing.
Sometimes we need it. Do nothing. Say nothing. Give nothing. Existing is enough and it can be quite enjoyable. Turn off the achievement compulsion for a bit and just be
January 24, 2020
Lower stress, improve immunity:
We want optimization in the system don’t we, everything working well, a finely tuned instrument, all things working in unison; and so the first step is to slow the system, to give it rest and space through the breath, so breathe in now, slowly, more slowly, that’s right, allowing the calm energy to move easily through your entire system, cleansing, clearing, energizing, that’s right, in, then hold, then slowly out, you’re ok, you’re doing very well, all the love and energy and fun around you, it’s all yours and you can enjoy it, breathing in, slower now, inspiration, creativity, all good things for you, take it all in now, let it move around the whole system, breathing out, expiration, releasing all tension and stress, just for a moment, being here now, really just being, knowing that all is well, staying in the breathing, feeling that instrument tuning up, ready to go. Go. 🚦
January 23, 2020
Synchronize with music:
Music has many effects when it comes to changing our brain chemistry and mood. One of the main ways it changes our nervous system is by unconscious synchronization. Our heartbeat starts to match the music. Our breathing starts to work in time as well. And our brainwaves slow or speed up in synchrony. Our bodies usually want to move in unison. Add all that to the emotional changes that happen due to the rhythm, melody or lyrics, plus the overall mood or vibe of the track, and we can have a potentially massive impact on how we feel while listening. Some people are more affected that others, and, not all music will affect us, or affect us in the same way as it affects another person, perhaps due to personal preferences, associations and mood on the day. But we can use different types of music to motivate, to calm, to inspire and to generate euphoria. Or we can just leave it to chance and see how it affects us. Music is powerful. Music is medicine. Choose wisely and synchronize happily
January 22, 2020
The lure of approval:
Many of us are programmed to prefer approval from people in general. Often, approval is even required from people we ourselves don’t “approve” of or perhaps even dislike. Approval seeking preferences are more like subconscious survival mechanisms, especially for people who grew up in unpredictable or damaging families or peer groups. Approval (to the ancient part of the brain) can feel like life or death when we are on auto-pilot. And yet when we say or do things that are just designed to maintain approval, we don’t feel great afterwards. Approval is a prize that doesn’t feel good. Ethical behavior feels good. Respect feels good. Living in congruence with personal values feels good. Yes it’s great to be in rapport and harmony with others. But if it’s not a genuine connection then all we get is a superficial exchange with very limited pleasure feelings. Of course it’s ok to maintain rapport and avoid conflict when possible. It’s the approval addiction and the resulting stress when it’s withdrawn that causes trouble. Let’s aim for ethics, kindness and integrity. Approval-seeking is just an old pattern that doesn’t work.
January 21, 2020
Wiring your brain:
Whatever we do over and over becomes more and more wired in our brains, so much so that it begins to feel “wrong” if we don’t do it. This is how helpful habits are built in, along with less helpful habits such as addictive behaviors. When an action is strongly linked with some kind of pleasure or removal of pain, it’s much more likely to become a pattern. So if you want to make a change of some kind, think about how it’s all wired up. Is your old habit wired up for increased pleasure or for pain reduction? If so, how will you change that? And when you choose a new option, how will you maximize the pleasure chemicals to get it wired in? Everything we choose in life is either to boost pleasure or reduce pain or discomfort. Whether it’s food, substances, activities, people or social media, our choices depend on our current neural circuitry and our daily choices then shape our future neural circuitry. Our wiring is being affected every time we repeat a thought or action. Choose wisely today.
January 20, 2020
Face the thing.
Is there something you’ve been putting out of your mind? Doing a bit of denial? Procrastinating on? Perhaps even avoiding?? Find the thing you’ve been *not doing* and do something with it today. The subconscious mind doesn’t like denial when something needs to happen. It can trigger stress, pain, insomnia and engagement in other behaviors that aren’t helpful. Face the thing. Do the thing. It won’t be as hard as you thought and you’ll feel much better. Go on.
January 17, 2020
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Take a minute. Slow down. Breath in easily and smoothly through your nose. Hold it. Now slowly release the air through your nose, feeling all tension leave your body and mind. Now one more time, breathing in, holding, then releasing. No great acceleration, just cruise mode as you move through your day. Stop and breathe wherever you can. Easy.
January 16, 2020
Helplessness and the uncontrollable:
It’s normal to have feelings of helplessness when we have things around us we can’t control. For some it’s their illness, loved ones with illness, it’s the bushfires, the loss of life, fears for the earth and concerns about the future. When we have helpless thoughts, they can breed anxiety and depression if they are permanent and global thoughts that lead to overwhelm. We can pull it back a little if we remember that everything is temporary and that we can contain it to just one part of life, there are still things that are ok or better than ok. We can also mitigate helpless feelings by focusing on what we CAN do. Maybe we can’t do much. If we can’t provide practical help we can educate ourselves, meditate, send money or supplies, or send kind words, thoughts, energies. We can express it through art or music or other creative pursuits. We can always do or think about something helpful that mitigates helplessness. We can’t control the externals but we can ask “what can I do to help this situation”. If we can’t do anything then we work on internal attitudes and affirm that things will improve.
January 15, 2020
Energy in afternoons:
It’s normal to take a bit of a dip 3-5 pm ish. Our cortisol lowers a little during this period making us wonder if we’re meant to have a siesta at this time! In fact research shows more people feel tired then, accident rates increase and most diets are broken between 3-5 pm. As much as you can, plan the activities of your day accordingly and make sure you eat a breakfast and lunch that sustains you appropriately. Most people feel better after dinner (especially night owls) so just cruise your way through any afternoon energy storage phase today!
January 14, 2020
Self-approval:
If you’re inclined to be hard on yourself, please commit to stopping now. It doesn’t lead to much except guilt, disappointment, worry and stress. You can have goals and intentions for yourself. And yes, sometimes we need to access self-discipline. But we need to do it with kindness to ourselves rather than harshness. Possibility leads to action, action leads to sense of achievement. Do it with self-approval today!
January 13, 2020
Right people, right place, right time.
If we release ourselves from the idea that whatever is happening now shouldn’t be happening, then we have emotional freedom. If it’s happened then it’s the only thing that could have happened. If we choose to believe that we are always in the right place at the right time with the right people then we don’t feel impatient or frustrated or concerned. Whatever is happening is ok. From this position of acceptance, many good developments will happen, perhaps even effortlessly. Non-Resistance leads to emotional freedom.
January 10, 2020
Pain relief:
Pain has two components: the sensation itself and the reaction or interpretation of sensation. This applies to both physical and emotional pain. We can’t always control the former (although we may in fact have more ability than we might expect) but we can mitigate the reaction interpretation stage. Firstly we refrain from thought. It’s not easy to stay in present moment experience but we just try to allow our mind to acknowledge the sensation. Say aloud in mind what you are feeling. Then stop. Just notice it. Don’t interpret, predict, worry or panic. Just let the mind rest on the sensation. It’s exactly what it needs to be right in that moment. It will pass. Brain studies show that people who tune into the pain without fear experience less pain both in frequency and duration. Send love or colored light to the pain area. Be reassuring to yourself. Then let it be what it is until it changes.
January 9, 2020
The past and the future:
Most of our troubling thoughts are about the past or about the future. Have you noticed that if you are right here, right now, that most of the “now” thoughts are ok? Staying in the now isn’t easy for many of us. But if and when we need to regulate our emotions, it’s the quickest way back to balance. Be here now. It’s ok here.
January 8, 2020
When in doubt, stick to the facts.
If you’re anxious, if you’re pissed off, or worried, or catastrophizing, revert immediately to the facts. Not opinion, not mind-reading, not crystal ball-gazing, just the facts. Ask “What are the facts? What do I know for sure?” Be very mindful that there are few things we know for sure. The only true thing in this exact moment is me writing this and you reading it. Anything else is opinion. Focus on facts when you need to dial down emotion.
January 7, 2020
Mantra of easy:
Whatever it is, go easy today. Easy is a mindset rather than a circumstance. Easy in breathing, easy in thought process, easy in action. Even saying the word is good for the nervous system. Stay easy.
January 2, 2020
Refuelling the way you want it:
What do you need? Rest, space, quiet? Or fun, activity, people? Perhaps a little of each? We all have different needs for refuelling so think about what fills your tank and make sure you put some time into what you actually need rather than what you think you should do, or what others think you should do. Inner peace and joy are the ingredients we all seek, but it’s your recipe that is individual. Consider what you need and factor it in!
January 1, 2020
No resolutions, just good choices!
Wishing you the best of everything for the new year and new decade. Wishing you more fun, more joy and more inner peace going forward. May you continue to make the choices that progress you towards your highest good! Happy 2020 🎈🎈
December 31, 2019
Take a moment to reflect:
It’s the completion of a year, it’s the completion of a decade. It’s time for a stock-take of achievements and credits, a list, written if possible so you can fully appreciate. Write out the good, the significant, the endurances, the completions, the attempts and the developments. It’s time to reflect and appreciate. Let’s do a good examination of rear-vision before proceeding forward again. Look back with an appreciative eye on what you’ve done. The better it gets, the better it gets. Enjoy this day and cheers to the next one!
December 24, 2019
Good moods require calm energy:
If we want to feel good, generally we want our energy to be on the higher side and our nervous system to be calm. In most of the mood research, people report feeling better when they have energy in combination with that calm feeling. Usually we need to prioritize the calm factor first; having an activated nervous system tends to rev us up in the short term then lead to exhaustion over time. Make sure you make daily choices to boost your calm via thoughts, relaxation, problem solving, leisure, music, meditation and whatever else calms you. From a calm place it’s easier to build energy, either by physical means such as rest, sleep, activity, social time, appropriate food choices and exercise. Please promote inner peace and calm vibes today. A calm day today means a better mood tomorrow! 🙏
December 23, 2019
Hang in there.
Are you being kind enough to yourself? Are you racing around trying to do too much? Are you putting yourself under emotional pressure to do or feel or not feel too much? Are you getting too hooked in to other people’s stuff?? Focusing on uncontrollables?? There’s so much going on around us right now. It can be overwhelming. Take a breath. Relax into it. Be non-resistant. Go into cruise mode as much as you can. Glide through it all and focus on the goal of feeling ok or feeling good. There may be chaos but we can glide through with peace in mind. Wishing you good things today.
December 20, 2019
Decide to choose EASY:
Even when things feel tricky, you know, and I know too, that you’d feel better if was going to be easier, maybe not the situation, perhaps we can’t change it, other people; can’t change them either, but as you read this, allow your inner mind to focus on my words here, perhaps it can be easier than you thought, it all works out, it’s getting better right now, everybody lives happily ever after, all is well, sometimes a glitch is just a glitch, and then the GPS guides you straight back to where you need to be, easy, no effort required, just follow the easy instructions and keep moving forward with your eyes on the prize. Easy today.
December 19, 2019
Achievement focus:
People who are driven or achievement oriented often focus so much on what they are YET to achieve. That’s great; it provides challenge and future orientation. What it doesn’t provide is satisfaction or a sense of accomplishment. Unless we take time to reflect on what we have achieved, it’s easy to feel like we never finish and never relax, and it’s also related to our overall sense of confidence and competence. Take stock today. Build in a daily reflection of things you have achieved (count the so-called small things!) and begin to consider what you have achieved during the year. Take stock, remember it, feel it. Your confidence will get a boost and so will your sense of fulfilment. You’ve done a lot. Be glad and take credit
December 18, 2019
Re-writing stressful stories:
It’s easy to come up with a story in our minds about whatever is going on for us. Most stories have a victim and a persecutor. Sometimes we paint ourselves as the victim of circumstance or other people, other times we focus on ourselves as the perpetrator of acts we aren’t happy about. Thing is, it’s just a story. We act like it’s the truth, based on facts. And yet ten independent observers may have come up with ten different versions of the story. It’s just a narrative and humans are great at making them up. Many times we’d feel better if we just refused to form a story at all and just admitted we don’t know what happened or why it happened most of the time. The trick is to choose a neutral version of the story if we want to change how we feel. Think of your most stressful recent event and choose to narrate a neutral version of that story. The better and quicker we are at re-writing our own narrative, the better and quicker we are at mood management. The most important part of a neutral story is that we say “the end” after a quick summary. That’s how we move on. May your stories be helpful and optimistic today.
December 17, 2019
Dial down hyper-vigilance:
When there has been stress, the system may still hang in the red alert zone, sometimes for much longer than logically needed. It’s as though the inner watchful soldiers are still on duty, ready for the next threat, primed for action. The accompanying feeling is that of being unable to relax, perhaps difficulty sleeping and often a feeling of dread, anxiety or tension. Maybe it’s time to let your inner mind know that the threat has passed. You are safe. All is well. Once the subconscious mind is able to feel safety, the alerts are reduced and a return to normal activity is easier. Imagine turning down the button that controls the alert: just dial it back to a more comfortable level and remind your subconscious mind that you’re now in the safe zone. Move through your day safe in the knowledge that you can relax; it all works out.
December 16, 2019
Pressure to feel happy:
Many people on any given day are not feeling particularly happy. Due to illness, family difficulties, exhaustion or other personal problems, feeling good may not be realistic right now. It can be especially hard when it’s a time of year when people appear to be having fun and making merry. Sometimes we don’t feel great and there’s no apparent reason; that can be frustrating too. But like any mood, we deepen and prolong it via frustration and irritation thoughts. Whatever you feel right now is ok. If others prod you and demand smiles or good cheer, you can say “I’m all good, just got some stuff happening” and detach from their expectations. The pressure to be happy is counter-productive for many. It’s easier (and therefore uplifting in the long term) to just be. Allow yourself to just be whatever today. No pressure to feel anything other than what you feel. You’re all good.
December 13, 2019
There is always light:
As you read my words here, and your mind begins to slow down and listen, I want you to begin to relax now, letting all tension dissolve from those tiny muscles in the neck, and shoulders, and in your face, all stress and tension draining away as you listen with your inner mind, to my helpful words as I speak to you, here, reminding you about the light, and light can mean many things; many possibilities, perhaps a new light on the subject, or a light at the end of the tunnel, or feeling yourself light up, being enlightened, or perhaps a burden has become lighter, or you may light up a room, or maybe something good will come to you faster than the speed of light; either way, you will begin to see the light and then everything will be easier and more comfortable now. Tread lightly today.
December 12, 2019
Stop, listen, breathe:
Among all the hurrying and worrying of now, stop. Take a breath. Listen to the buzz of your nervous system. Is it whirring a little fast? Take a moment to close your eyes. Then breathe in, hold your breath, wait, then release it. Do it again. Imagine the speed of everything just slowing down and easing. Your brain needs a break. Don’t expect too much from yourself at the moment. You’ve been a bit overloaded in many ways and now it’s time to let your nervous system adjust to equilibrium. Stop. Listen to the sounds. Breathe. Then do it again. May you move through the world with inner peace today.
December 11, 2019
Uplifted:
What do you need to do to uplift yourself today? Do you need to check your narrative to make sure that the inner narrator is taking a neutral or positive stance on everything? Do you need to steer your mind away from “I’m so tired” thoughts and into focusing on having enough energy for today’s events? Do you need to pump some feel-good music or a motivational podcast? Do you need to make contact with a friend or family member that energizes you? Even just meditating on the word “UPLIFT” will help you rise up in consciousness towards whatever you need right now. Relax and UPLIFT.
December 10, 2019
Families and holidays:
Suddenly the pressure can be on. The TV is suddenly full of happy families, amusingly “dysfunctional” and yet somehow sweet, eccentric, and transforming positively as a result of holiday politics. It isn’t like this for many people. So many have to (or choose to) force themselves to be around family members that may be associated with difficulty, conflict, trauma, abuse, neglect, criticism, contempt or dismissal. Others are estranged from various family members and have to work out how to manage holiday politics or avoid them altogether. Most people that go through this don’t feel good about it and many have a tendency to feel like they “should” be able to rise above it and be loving towards family (no matter what the history). As a wise client recently noted, it’s often the case that you really “should” feel uncomfortable around some of those people; it’s an indication of having healthy boundaries and picking up on unacceptable behaviour. It’s not meant to feel good. If you have natural simpatico with family members, that’s great, enjoy it. If you don’t, it’s not your fault. Work out a harm minimization plan and stick to it. Detach from outcome and don’t expect to feel amazing. Remember: it is what it is. Don’t expect anything else and refrain from labelling the experience or the people. Just let it be what it is and know who you are. You’re ok. In fact you’re great. Know that today and take it into the holiday season with you.
December 9, 2019
No need for control freakery!
Anxious control is a pattern that creates tension in the person doing it, as well as those around them. Anxious control is about fear, worrying about what might go wrong, or that things are not the way they “should” be. Our best attempts at control are often pointless; most things work out ok and the ones that don’t are not within our control anyway. When we manage to move from control attempts to forming positive intentions, then allowing and accepting what is, we relieve a lot of inner tension. This is a time of year when many lurch into anxious control. With hindsight we can often see our concerns and control attempts led to nothing. Use foresight today and let the control urge drain away. All we can do is relax, manage our own consciousness, show up doing what we said we were going to do and then stay in our own yard. The rest will be fine if we leave it alone to take care of itself. May your day unfold with relaxed enjoyment.
December 6, 2019
Energy increase, stress decrease:
You and I both know that your job is to remain calm, to focus on what is right in front of you, ignoring the past or future for now, just being here, nothing to prove, nothing to do or say, just simply being, and by reading this, we can remind your inner mind to slow, slow down now, just breathe, breathe slowly into the gut area, all alarms off now, relaxing calmly as you simply focus on the one thing, whatever is right in front of you now, being here now, and as the dial on the stress control gets turned way down, you can relax, you can be comfortable, and in time, with that, energy increases, energy returns slowly as you relax, as you enjoy just being. Slow and focused today. Just do what needs to be done now, then chill. Enjoy.
December 5, 2019
Managing end of year fatigue:
You might be feeling it yourself, that sense of being on low fuel, on edge, having had enough, wanting a rest, just needing a break. Many people fill their lives and give it all in many directions and it can all feel a bit overwhelming at times. The upcoming holiday season brings its own stressors and for some, can mean doing unwanted things or spending unwanted time with certain people. If you’re tired, return to basics. Good rest, good food, light exercise and building in downtime. Remember, it’s temporary, you’ll feel better soon. You’re probably ok most of the time, you just have some tired moments. And it’s not personal. Most people are feeling like this right now. Changeable weather is a contributing factor too; along with whatever else you have going on. Be chill, keep your expectations moderate and refrain from internal criticism. Show up, do only what you need to do and remember that it’s all ok really. With time comes all the healing you will need.
December 4, 2019
Approval-seeking is rubbish:
Want to feel bad?? Want to feel deficient, resentful and miserable? Then focus on seeking approval. While many of us are hard-wired to seek the approval of others (even people who have perhaps treated us or others quite badly) we need to remember that a large number of people are actually hard-wired to withhold approval. Why do they do it? Well, often they have weird or regressive opinions about people, bizarre expectations about what you should and should not to, they may be detached or lacking empathy, they may desire a superior feeling (which means others must be inferior) and they really don’t care how you feel, it’s not their key focus. They are just not a match for you. It’s nobody’s fault and in truth it isn’t personal. We ask “but what did I do to deserve this?” and the answer is, most likely nothing at all. You’re just being you. That’s your job. We try to be ethical, kind and true to our word. Beyond that we have no control over the opinions of others. Approval means nothing anyway. Our own inner standards are what must be met and what others think is none of our business. And the question must be asked: what part or parts of yourself must be sacrificed to get the approval of a certain person or group?? Is it worth it? Are you willing to be the person you’d need to be in order to be “one of them“?? Self approval is what really matters. Decide on key values and stick to them. The majority of the population do not have a well-thought out philosophy anyway so stick to yours. Be ethical, be kind and show up with a good attitude. Anything else is not your job.
December 3, 2019
Already enough!
So many people trying to fix, change, improve themselves or at least thinking they need to; so many harsh thoughts towards the self for perceived flaws or habits and yet being forgiving of others. How about self-forgiveness?? It’s great to work on ourselves and get some progress but we need to come from a place of already being enough. Good enough, kind enough, smart enough, attractive enough, loving enough, successful enough, happy enough. From a point of being enough, it’s easier to add more, or make changes. It’s not necessary or helpful to come from a place of defectiveness or inadequacy. You’re great already. Sure, we can all improve. But we don’t need to, don’t have to and certainly shouldn’t feel bad about where we are at. It doesn’t help. Be kind to you. You’re enough now so please remind yourself today just in case.
December 2, 2019
Validation and appreciation:
We don’t tend to get a lot of external validation in everyday life so it’s important that our brains learn to validate and appreciate ourselves and our efforts. Validate your progress! There’s no such thing as perfection but every day you take steps towards completing or improving or just getting shit done. You do a lot. Much of it may be unseen and unrecognized but we know it’s true. To validate is to recognize and to appreciate. Be conscious today of the little things you do that add value to others and to the world, and to yourself. You’re doing great! Be on a mission to validate!
November 29, 2019
Wiped?
There are times when it’s harder to get going, harder to feel that mojo kicking in, so drift here now, allowing your eyes to glide over my words, easy, no need to think, or do, or try, just let your subconscious mind lead the way, doing all the activity without any need for you to interfere, just relaxing now, breathing slowly, letting all tension leave your neck and shoulders, just being, and as you do relax, your inner mind can remember the seasons, and the cycles, and the phases of nature, fruits in, fruits out, leaves on, leaves off, high tide, low tide, daytime sun to nighttime moon, many phases and cycles of moons, clouds, always moving and drifting then somehow disappearing into beautiful blue sky with pleasant sunshine, and so it is for us, cycles and phases, always returning to that version you love best, just wait and it will be here soon, a season for everything. Just relax and appreciate what is.
November 28, 2019
Toxic after-effects:
If you’ve been around people in drama or conflict, chances are you didn’t feel very comfortable. In observing some people’s communication habits, it can be horrible to watch the way they speak, criticize, interrupt, sneakily insult, ignore or manipulate others. Maybe it didn’t even come your way, but you witnessed it. For many of us, it’s very confusing and unsettling to witness these dynamics because our brains just can’t quite process it. We can’t understand how or why people would behave that way. It can leave us a bit shaken, befuddled and exhausted. This response is a normal reaction to abnormal behavior. Sensitive and empathic people are usually disturbed by conflict, disrespect and nastiness. It may take hours or days for your nerves to return to equilibrium. That’s ok. Rest and know why it’s happening. Allow it to happen and to pass in its own good time. It’s not your stuff but it leaves a temporary residue. It’s a sign of your sanity and sensitivity. Be glad.
November 27, 2019
Dreading??
Sometimes we wake with dread for no reason. Other times it’s about something that’s coming up, or something we fear. Dread is an unpleasant feeling and it can trigger thoughts that can make it a lot worse. Don’t feed the dread. When the feeling comes, remind yourself that you are strong and resourceful and that the right people will somehow arrive to help if needed. You are always in the right place at the right time. You can handle it. You’ve got this. It’s ok. And soon it will be behind you and you can feel that relief and reassurance already if you like. Why wait?? Everything is temporary. Most of what we dread turns out not to be as bad as expected anyway so we might as well be neutral about it.
November 26, 2019
They’re being an asshole and you’re feeling guilty??!?
We know that there are people out there that can only see their own point of view. Perhaps they’re pissed off about something and they are letting you know that it’s somehow your fault. Maybe they are doing it in a subtle passive aggressive manner, drawing you in with baited questions then gaslighting the hell out of you when you try to reply with polite honesty. In truth there are many articles, videos and blogs about gaslighting now because it exists and because it’s becoming more common. Gaslighting has the effect of making us doubt our own reality or sense of the situation as well as somehow feeling like it’s our fault for being too sensitive/getting it wrong/being generally not nice or good enough. These tactics suck. They are pathetic attempts to manipulate and avoid accountability; it’s a way not to take adult responsibility and have a real conversation about whatever has gone on. If there is gaslighting that makes you feel confused then you’re probably dealing with a headfuck. It’s not your fault. Some people have developed master skills in this area. Learn to spot the common phrases and tricks of the gaslighter, who will never usually admit they are upset or annoyed; usually they are just “concerned about you” or “very disappointed but that’s fine”. Passive aggressive behavior and gaslighting suck. End of. Recognizing the pattern is the first step towards being unaffected.
November 25, 2019
Stick with your special peeps:
The people that you feel good around. The people that ask you questions about you just as much as they answer questions about themselves. The people that get you. The people that have been there for you when it mattered. The people that are happy when something goes well for you. The people that make you laugh so much you forget what you were talking about. The people you can talk about the real stuff with. The people that actually listen. And you know what? We don’t need many. One is all it takes sometimes. Stay with the love and avoid the ones that bite. Connection is everything.
November 22, 2019
You make a huge difference:
Sometimes it’s easy to feel not enough, not doing or being, or even just feeling the way you’d like to feel, and I’d like you to listen to me now, as I talk to you, and I want you to take a breath, and breathe it right into your heart/chest area, so that all cells are listening, waiting, breathing, just being, and as you take these deep breaths, I’d lie to ask your inner mind to remember all the people over your life that you have positively impacted, some you won’t even know about, you won’t necessarily know when your kind words or smile, your energy, or actions, or just being there, present with them, you won’t always know just how much you changed their day or their life, but you have, you know, and I know too, that you make a huge difference in the world and your presence is important. Breathe and notice the connection between all people and know that you are a key.
November 21, 2019
Stay young!
Do fun things. Be silly. Lie on the grass and stare at the sky. Make some time to read for hours and hours. Go on a bike ride. Or ride a scooter. Listen to upbeat music. Wear your favorite clothes. Run on the sand at a beach. Play in the sand. Draw something. Color in. Find a kids book and read it while looking at the pictures. Play a harmless trick on somebody to make them laugh. Above all, remember how it feels to be a kid. Stop counting your chronological years, they mean nothing. Research has demonstrated time and again that people who have a young or youthful attitude reap emotional and physical benefits. Decide now: your chronological age is irrelevant, you are remaining young and ageless. Have fun today 🍭
November 20, 2019
Inspired?
To be inspired means to be “infused with a certain spirit”, perhaps the spirit of energy, excitement or ideas. Inspiration leads to motivation; we don’t have to try or push, it’s like the action has a life of its own and you just need to let it happen! What inspires you? When you need a little inspiration, it’s usually about going back to what really matters to you, combined with a new approach or possibility that you haven’t fully explored before. That’s why it’s so important to keep a “beginner’s mind” in relation to what we do; that sense of learning, of possibility, curiosity and newness. The minute we think we know it all, it can easily become a situation of going through the motions. It’s all new. Every moment, every day is a new moment, never to be repeated. Every idea can be considered from new angle. There are so many possibilities and things to be curious about. Choose to seek inspiration today and let the energetic action take care of itself!
November 19, 2019
Pump it up to get it done!
Need to get something done? We can’t do it from a mood of “blah”. We’ve gotta rev it up, pump it up, boost that mood, get a strong attitude and show that f*cker that we’ve got this thing in the bag! Pump it up with powerful “yes I can” and “just watch me” talk, pump the music in your brain, rev up the engine and let it rip. Getting started is the key, keeping going is easier. Pump it now and get on with it!!
November 18, 2019
General awesomeness:
Today is a day to be aware of your total awesomeness. No reason needed, no proof required. With all of the stuff you have going on, you go out there every day and give it your best. That’s awesome. Despite challenges you work on maintaining a positive attitude. That’s awesome. No matter what happens you keep searching for new information and resources. Totally awesome. In fact, you rock. Know that today! And feel free to tag somebody who might just need to hear it too. 👊
November 15, 2019
From the red zone to the green zone:🚦
Many of us live with a sensitized nervous system, and our green zone feels ok, we can handle it, we can react calmly from the green zone, much more easily than when the nerves go into the amber cautionary zone or the red alert zone where anything can set things off, so take a slow breath now, breathing right into your belly, then take one more slow breath, and in your mind’s eye I want you to see those zones, like an emotional gauge, and using the power of your imagination, I want you to bring your nervous system color down, out of red, down past the amber zone and moving towards the green zone, that’s right, you can hover in the green zone quite comfortably today, just focus on the now, if we stay in green now, then tomorrow will take care of itself, creating a cycle of green, like resting on cool moss, feeling that calm that comes with knowing that all is well, you can handle it. Go green ✅
November 14, 2019
Neutral is perfectly fine.
Neutral attitude. Neutral mood. Neutral opinion. Neutral gear.
No need to expect yourself to fire up to top level all the time. It’s ok to stay in neutral for a bit, no matter what the concern is. Many things will take care of themselves while we hover calmly in neutral. Just cruise there today.
November 13, 2019
Weird physical symptoms??
Unexpected pains, numbness, shooting sensations, weakness, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, sudden exhaustion etc are all ways that the brain can “redirect” our stress. Of course when we freak out about these weird symptoms we increase our biological stress response so we may then get even more of the physical manifestation. It’s hard for many people to believe that their awful symptoms are stress-triggered or generated. And yet the evidence piles up. Keep a log of when symptoms hit and notice how much it correlates with how you’re feeling. The links may be to overwhelm, frustration, worry, grief, fear, pressure, inner conflict, resurrection of past trauma and other emotional states. Evidence suggests that by tuning in to the emotional side and working with this our experience of symptoms can change, sometimes quite quickly. The body/mind is a complex creature. Nothing is separate and everything is connected. Tune into yourself today and be kind.
November 12, 2019
The brain in slow gear:
Maybe it feels foggy or tired or delayed in its thinking. Maybe there’s a word you know, but you just can’t find it, or you’ve forgotten something you’d never normally forget. Or maybe the brain just feels heavy or sluggish. Either way, it sounds like overload. What have you overloaded?? Illness, stress, trauma, emotion, confusion, too much incoming information, grief, boredom, too many decisions, multiple worries, not enough rest or sleep or recovery time, too many competing demands, a sense of pressure or overwhelm? Perhaps not enough fun or being around the people of your choice? The most important thing to remember is to be kind to your brain and not impatient or frustrated if it’s in slow gear for a bit. If your nervous system is sensitized, your brain function may not be in top form. This is temporary and it will return to normal the more you relax, have fun and focus on other things that matter to you. The most important message to send your subconscious mind is that you’re actually ok, you’re safe and that all is ultimately well. And that’s true. Take it easy on yourself today. No harsh words.
November 11, 2019
You’ve got it.
Go forward calmly and with a vibe of openness and curiosity. Today might or might not be what you expect but you are resourceful and competent and you can handle it. No need to hurry or worry, just stay in your lane and keep moving, breathing, trusting in the flow and being in the now. The now is always ok. All is well.
November 8, 2019
Eyes on the prize:
You know that there is something you are moving towards, that thing, perhaps it’s eluded you in the past or maybe you’re just still on the way, moving past all difficulties, through that minefield, always progressing, perhaps it’s never really done, but getting there, easier if you relax, allowing your inner mind to implement the plan, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one moment at a time, no need to think too far ahead, just do the thing right now that keeps you moving towards what you want, you can, step by step, nervous system calm, eyes on the prize, keep going now, and enjoy the journey as you continue moving with the flow. Easy.
November 7, 2019
Relationship reality.
Never in history have we expected so much from all relationships. We’ve been indoctrinated by the expectations of today via movies, tv, social media and other materials telling us to expect mind-reading, best friend, permanent lust and soul-mate qualities that make us feel energized, understood and alive all the time, despite whatever else is going on in your life. But all relationships go through cycles. It’s so easy to imagine the perfection in the public presentations relationships of others while seeing the day-to-day up and down reality in our own situations and mostly we are just making up stories that aren’t true. These projections affect people in relationships as well as those in dating mode or seeking a relationship. We need to remember that we are engaging with a human being, not a romantic ideal. This applies to family, friends and colleagues as well as partners. Expectations are dangerous. All we can do is focus on improving our own relationship skills so that we are more effective communicators and responders. It’s easy to point the finger (and often justifiably so) but we need to go back to basics. Remember, it’s an actual person engaging with another person, both with their own gifts, talents, stresses, history, worries, trauma and resources. Love is a verb. It’s about the things we do, give and receive. This applies to all relationship types; romantic, friend, colleague, family and others. Focus on just one thing you could do, or give today.
November 6, 2019
Prioritize like a pet!
Our dogs and cats and other pets know how to do life. Sleep or rest when needed, give love when you feel like it, take all the love that comes your way and play creatively whenever you want to, even if it’s inconvenient! If feeling ill, take rest in a warm place knowing that you’ll be ok soon. Eat small amounts when hungry and work for extra rewards! Choose your key people carefully and stay close to them. Be in the now and know that tomorrow will take care of itself. Life is fun 🐾
November 5, 2019
Well done!!
It’s time to take some credit for the stuff you’ve pushed through lately, the things you’ve done even though it was tough. It’s time to praise yourself, to acknowledge “Yes, great job” and feel that sense of accomplishment that you’ve earned. Good feelings come when we tick things off but we need to remember to stop and notice all the ticks, and what it took to get those ticks. You did it. Now take the credit ✅🌟👊
November 4, 2019
Sending vibes of optimism!
Optimism is a mindset, a way of explaining events (both past and present) to ourselves. Today is a new day with a new narrative. Make sure you tell the story of today in a way that predicts how you’d like to feel. Anything unwanted is just a temporary phase, any setbacks are just momentary glitches and all the positive things you appreciate are there for you whenever you want them. Optimism means we optimize, we get the most from. Optimize today.
November 1, 2019
Boosting your fuel injection:
When we’re a little low or unmotivated, it’s sometimes not as easy to plan and activate the things we know will make us feel better, easier to just relax now, as you read this, letting your subconscious mind drift to some of those things in the past that you have enjoyed very much, perhaps activities you’ve enjoyed when you were very young, things that gave you pleasure, or a sense of excitement, perhaps even a feeling of achievement, all those interesting times stored in your subconscious mind, always accessible, the people, the places, the activities, even just having them in mind can feel good, and your inner mind could choose just one thing, couldn’t it, one thing that makes you feel good and boosts your internal fuel injection, and you could do this thing, maybe today, or even tomorrow, and feel good about that idea, that possibility, that boost that kicks in now as you decide, letting your mind scan for fun and letting your body follow through. You can enjoy.
October 31, 2019
Just let it unfold.
We’re all in situations that have uncertainty as a built-in feature. In fact, it seems that our life satisfaction is based on the right balance between certainty and uncertainty. Too much certainty and we get bored or complacent and everything feels a bit routine. Too much uncertainty and it can be scary or overwhelming. Most of our objections to uncertainty come from our need to predict and our need to control. Of course this is human instinct and is quite useful in meeting our basic survival needs like staying alive, feeding ourselves and having a roof over our heads. But when it comes to more complex situations, perhaps involving relationships or other people, we cannot predict and we cannot control. We need to wait and see how it evolves and trust in our ability to manage, whichever way it goes. We have many skills and resources, plus access to the help of others. In nature, there’s not much planning ahead. In nature, it’s just dealing with today’s joys and challenges then resting for tomorrow. Not easy for we anxious, controlling humans but we can remind ourselves that we too are part of nature, designed for survival, success and enjoyment. Let it unfold and know you are in fact designed to thrive.
October 30, 2019
Ready for your next adventure??
You can have an adventure anywhere. It’s not a place or person, it’s a state of mind. Going into any experience with an attitude of adventure brings a mood of curiosity, anticipation, perhaps even a dash of excitement. As kids we often have that feeling of adventure even if we’re just going out somewhere, whether it’s shopping or a visit or a walk. Adventure means possibility, being ready to be surprised, ready to sense novelty, willing to be interested and enjoy. You can plan an adventure or you can just go about your day knowing that it already IS an adventure. Be intrepid today!
October 29, 2019
Tank a bit low??
If you feel like you might be running on empty, you’re not alone. It’s been a strange time for many people and I’m hearing many say they aren’t feeling themselves, they feel tired a lot and need the mojo back. If you feel like things are a bit grim, there’s usually a good reason for that. Look back over your past year or two. I’ll bet you can find some on-going issues, stressors, changes or worries. You deal with these while you deal with normal life routines and it can take a toll on energy and emotional reserves. If your nervous system is somewhat sensitized, so be it. Not surprising. Ride with it, do not be frustrated or impatient as this will prolong it. Take it easy, do what you can and plan some fun. Times change and with them, moods improve. It’s all temporary and you’re doing well. Be kind to yourself please.
October 28, 2019
Scan for differences!
There are times when days or weeks can feel the same, that sense of routine and going through the motions like Groundhog Day. Many brains are trained to sort for sameness and patterns, it’s how we often make sense of the world. But if you want to feel a sense of variety, begin to scan for differences. No two days are ever the same, no two moments identical, no conversation just like another one if we scan closely. We can send our brain a message to notice nuances, improvements, subtle differences and other novel aspects within a situation or the day as a whole. Get curious and keep an eye out for the unexpected! We never know what interesting things are just around the corner or just out of our sight. Keep looking!
October 25, 2019
The answer is there.
As you read this, you may be aware that there are things you wanted to change, perhaps an improvement, stopping one thing or starting another, or maybe just doing more of the same, or less of something else, and that at times the right solution can elude us, seeming close at one moment, then just out of reach at another, so slow down now, your breathing becomes deeper as you relax, breath in, hold it, then breathe out all tension now, gliding easily over my words, as I talk to you, here, now, knowing that all the answers are inside you, and it all belongs to you, and you can, if you relax, access everything you need to, right now, no need to plan too far ahead, just allow the answer for right now to make its way to you in its own good time, it will, and listen to that answer when it comes, and do what you need to do. You will.
October 24, 2019
Help!
If you need it, then ask. Find the right person who will say what you need to hear right now or do what needs to be done! You don’t have to deal with stuff by yourself, there’s always someone who cares (sometimes it’s an unexpected person) and there’s always someone who gets it. We’re all connected and the right person will show up if you put the word out. Whatever it is, if you need help, be chill about getting it. Help is about two brains being better than one. It’s inspiration, it’s motivation, it’s validation. Go get it.
October 23, 2019
Schedule in fun ✅
Too busy with have-to activity? Lost mojo a bit? Wasting too much time aimlessly looking at your phone? Then it’s time to write some serious fun into your schedule, not just this week but every week! What makes you feel most like “you”?? What activity makes you laugh? Makes time seem irrelevant? Makes you feel good afterwards, like you achieved something? Perhaps something you used to love doing but you forgot, or you drifted out of the habit, or life got in the way. Schedule it! Fun gives us joy and feeds the psyche and soul. It’s as important as the have-to stuff; perhaps more important. Organize something today! ✅
October 22, 2019
Remember: you’re no imposter.
Yes you are. Even though you may get niggles of feeling like a fraud or imposter, just waiting to be found out, you must work against this loop, this bullshit glitch that kicks in every now and again. There is no imposter. It doesn’t exist. The thing is, you lack the arrogance of others which means you have healthy self-doubt at times. And, at these times, remember: You have skills. You have talents. And you have experience. And it’s important to you to do a good job at what you do so you seek knowledge and improvement. Imposters and frauds don’t do that. They feel supremely confident, entitled even, and they enjoy the trickery. You’re no imposter. You’re the real deal. Remember that today and always.
October 21, 2019
Optimism chemical mix:
Breathe deeply. Have a cup of tea and really enjoy it. Go outside and look at the sky. Really gaze at it and see the enormity of things. Walk briskly as if you had a purpose but no hurry. Remember that any annoyances or setbacks are temporary and that you can focus on enjoyable developments at the same time. Know that you can change habits or patterns with the right brain training. Be accepting of what happens and flow with it, doing only what YOU need to do right now. The rest can wait. Be pleased with yourself and take credit for any small things you do. And be pleased that you remembered to be pleased. Read and listen to uplifting things. Take silent time and plan fun. And don’t do all of this, just the bits that seem like they might boost your optimism chemistry today 🌟
October 18, 2019
Harmony. Goodness. Wellbeing.
Repeat after me in your mind: Harmony. I am willing to be in harmony today.
Goodness. I am willing to be open to noticing and feeling goodness today.
Wellbeing. I am willing to allow wellbeing to flow today.
Harmony. Goodness. Wellbeing.
Harmony. Goodness. Wellbeing.
Harmony. Goodness. Wellbeing.
I’m willing.
October 17, 2019
Expect good things:
Today is a day of many good things. It’s like a treasure hunt; some of the goodies may not be obvious or immediately apparent, so set your antenna towards the good stuff now, asking your subconscious mind to scan and find all the fun, funny, pleasant, healthy or positive things around you. Even the hidden ones are worth finding. May your emotional treasure hunt bear fruit richly today 🌟
October 16, 2019
Take a moment to breathe in.
In all the hurry and worry, we forget to breathe. This sends a message of fear or threat to the nervous system, which triggers further tension. Put the brakes on for a sec. Breathe in. Hold it. Then slowly breathe out. Do five slow breaths and do this a few times a day. You may hear your stomach rumble and relax as the tension releases. You may feel a softening in your chest, neck and shoulders. You may feel your mind stop, just for a few seconds. All of these things remind the inner mind that it’s ok, that it’s safe. Breathe. And again.
October 15, 2019
Reframing annoyances:
As humans, most of us have minor (or major!) irritants that cross our paths and enter our minds. We can buy in, feed the irritation, feel righteously indignant and perhaps even justifiably angry. Some things are worth it, some things not so much. How much does it matter? Will it have on-going, far-reaching effects for ourselves and others? Will we remember it tomorrow? In a week? In 5 years?? In truth, most minor irritants probably belong in the Nothingness File. Minor, temporary and confined to a very brief episode of life. When irritants are shrunk down to their true size, mostly they don’t matter much at all, freeing up our ThinkSpace for what truly matters. Remember to shrink and refocus as required today!
October 14, 2019
Make the right choices.
Go inside. Enter deep honesty about changes you need to make. You know what you need to do. It isn’t anything huge. Do the first small thing today, do the next thing and then the rest will follow. You can make it happen if you want to, whether it’s attitude shift or behavior shift. Decide, then follow through. It feels good to make good choices for yourself. You’ve earned it.
October 11, 2019
Time to fire up??
I wonder, and you know it can be fun to wonder, if there is an idea, perhaps something that you wanted to do, something that you would now like to seed into your subconscious mind, adding to the flow of energy inside you, warming up possibilities and firing you up for feeling more and more motivated, maybe something you’ve been putting off, procrastinating, or perhaps just haven’t made the time yet, and you can just relax, knowing that NOW is the time, NOW is the right moment to allow yourself, letting your mind comfortably wander to that thing you’d like to fire up, igniting that spark now, something is shifting, moving, gaining momentum, and you may be pleasantly surprised by what happens soon, activity and action, new beginnings and new possibilities for you now. It’s on.
October 10, 2019
Are you avoiding quiet time??
It’s never been easier to be distracted from our inner thoughts. As soon as we get a minute, many of us reach for our phones and scroll away into nothingness, or watch entertainment programs that are devoid of any meaningful content. It’s ok to be distracted and/or entertained of course. But are we avoiding quiet time? Time with our thoughts, time to reflect on what truly matters? Many people now speak of being “so busy” but what is “busy” anyway; it’s just a choice about how our time is used. “Busy” can seem like a badge of honor, and hearing others say it can lead to feeling like we are not “doing enough with our lives”, another overused (and often dubious) concept in recent times. The adults that can “never sit still” or “never relax” probably need to learn to sit, perhaps in small doses to begin with. We all need time to think and reflect. It calms the nervous system and prevents cognitive overload. Take a quiet moment today just to let your inner mind have its time to wander and process. Inner peace is fun ☀️
October 9, 2019
Clear mind, open heart:
It’s easy to have expectations, form opinions, make judgements and anticipate what’s going to happen even before going into experiences. But we don’t know. And generally it’s not at all helpful. Better to go in with a clean slate and a positive attitude and allow whatever it is just to be what it is without analyzing it in advance. So let’s use the mantra “Clear mind, open heart” today as we go into whatever is to come. When you feel your mind going places it doesn’t need to, just stop and say it again. Clear mind. Open heart. 🦁
October 8, 2019
No add-ons or plug-ins!
So you have an unpleasant thought. Or a zing of self-doubt. Or a line of worry. Or an anxiety zap. A weird loneliness feeling. Or a hopeless existential dread sensation. Or shoulder pain, fatigue, or myriad other unwanted thoughts/feelings. These are all part of normal human experience and happen to most people daily. We can moderate the frequency and intensity to some extent by how much buy-in we give these experiences. They happen. We can either let them pass by in a disinterested, detached manner or we can add further insult to injury by adding to it, building on it or freaking out about it. Commit to being less interested in passing sensations. Yes, they can be messengers trying to get your attention for something important. Or they can be imposters trying to get your attention and lead to unnecessary freak-outs. You probably know the difference and if you’re not sure, turn to a wise friend, coach or therapist. Remain calm, all is well.
October 7, 2019
Strength for your journey:
Whatever you have going on today, know that you have strength with you for your journey. You have cognitive tools, you have emotional resources and you have human support. We’re all in this together and whatever you might need is with you. Focus only on your parts, the things you have control over and do your best in a relaxed manner. That is more than enough and you can feel very good about it. Go forth knowing you are fully powered up for whatever meets you and you always will be. It’s a good day.
October 4, 2019
Tough week?
There are many different ways we can have a tough week, and you know, and I know too, that tough weeks might be about what happens outside, and also they can be about what’s going on inside, so you can just relax now, in this small moment, breathing, listening, taking in my words now, as I talk to you, and you can listen, relaxing now, that’s right, and I want you now to take one breath in, and hold it, and hold it, yes, now release, that’s right, breathing out all the tension, and again, in breath, and hold, holding it, now release, letting all stress dissolve with every out-breath, you can, letting that past go now, new moment, new day, every day is a new day, time to re-build, you can, and you can begin now to feel better and better with each breath, that’s right, and know that you are supported and that all is well, that’s right, it’s a new moment and nothing is exactly the same and it’s ok. Enjoy.
October 3, 2019
Who do you need to ease up on?
Driven people are usually hard on themselves, often focusing on what they can (or “should”) do more of, how they can be better etc etc. This of course creates a lot of avoidable internal tension and stress. Thing is, driven people can sometimes apply unrelenting standards to certain other key people in their life too. The criticisms could be internal, or perhaps they’re voiced. So is there somebody you need to ease up on? Give them a break? Realize that they are a separate brain, formed in a particular way with certain life influences that have shaped them?? It’s easy to have expectations that those close to us should read our minds and “know” what we want or need. But they have stuff going on too, and perhaps what we need from them is not always obvious at the time. Go easy today. Most people are doing the best they can. Let’s reward the parts that go well and ditch perfectionism for good.
October 2, 2019
Sensitized nervous system??
If your nervous system is giving you signals, a bit of anxiety, a bit of panic, physical pain, migraines, gut problems or other adrenalin symptoms, then you’re currently sensitized. Some people live in a sensitized state for a really long time, perhaps due to genetics, trauma, illness or long-term stress. If you’re sensitized, then remind yourself that’s why symptoms occur and don’t freak out. It’s normal and it means your system is functioning correctly. Becoming annoyed or frustrated or desperate to get rid of symptoms only creates more of the very chemicals that keep you sensitized. You have to learn to not give a f*ck. Heart pounding?? Yeah whatever. Tight chest or throat?? So what. I’m not minimizing these symptoms and I know all too well how awful they are. But reacting with disinterest and/or calm acceptance sends a message of non-alarm (versus high alert) to the nervous system, which means the loop will exit faster than if you add fear/anger/frustration to pump the cycle further. Next time a symptom pops up, say “oh yeah, you again, whatever” and go about your day doing the thing you’d do if you didn’t have the symptoms. Changing your daily activity to avoid symptoms sends the message of being scared to the nervous system, and adds fear to fear. You can help a stuck cycle shift by calm acceptance and by using methods that promote stillness and peace (such as the scientific breathing methods I posted recently). Nervous symptoms won’t hurt you. They’re designed to scare you but you know better. Screw them. Keep doing what you love and let them pass. They will.
October 1, 2019
Are you a type T personality?!
Type T stands for tension. Carrying physical tension in the body, easily triggering emotional tension and being aware of certain effects of that tension? A tense person usually carries inner conflict and that conflict can lead to anxiety, irritation, guilt and indecision. Inner conflicts are often about the balance between our needs and those of others, or they can be about what you want versus what you think you should do. Tense personalities usually feel driven to achieve but also driven to be what is now known to be “a good person” (whatever this is). FYI, tense personalities are the most likely to suffer from various chronic mindbody syndromes such as pain, digestive disturbances, anxiety and fatigue-related conditions. In fact, anything chronic is usually mitigated by tension levels. Type T means excessive sympathetic nervous system activity and the need for the counter-balancing effects of the parasympathetic nervous system. Slow down. If you get a first wave of pain or anxiety or irritation etc, don’t add second wave worry/frustration/judgement to it. Just let it be what it is, for however long it needs to be there. Type T is pissed off and wants it to stop now, which of course only adds to adrenalin and more tension and more symptoms. Relax. Allow. Move forward. Let’s be Type R (Relaxed) today.
September 30, 2019
Remote control for the mind:
Push the Play button. Leave it on Play but push the Pause button occasionally when you need to take a break. Do not rewind. Do not fast forward. Just stay on Play and then Pause when required. May your transmission be smooth today. 📱
September 27, 2019
Let that sh*t go!
You know, and I know too, that there is some stuff, maybe a little, maybe a lot, that you need to release, that you need to let go of, so listen now, slowing your breathing, that’s right, no need to do anything, no need to even try, just glide your eyes over my words, letting your subconscious mind pay attention now, as I talk to you, and you can listen, ready to let that sh*t go, no effort required, just taking it easy, letting your inner mind dissolve it now, releasing it into the nothingness it came from, just let it go, take a breath and let it be, and any time you need to, today or some other day, just take a breath and hear my voice reminding your inner mind, just let it go, let it be. Bam.
September 26, 2019
Intruder alert: intrusive thoughts!
Intrusive thoughts are the kind of thoughts we don’t want to think. They might be awful, or fearful, or scary, or even a little nutty. They can be about harm to yourself or others, even though you have no actual intention of doing any harm, or harm you think you did in the past. They could be health-focused thoughts or worries. They could be weird sexual thoughts involving people you would never, ever want to imagine in that context! Or it could be a song that just keeps looping in the brain even though you hate it, or an image that keeps replaying like a video in the mind. People often become very alarmed by these intruder thoughts and worry about what it means and whether they will go mad. In truth, the intrusive thoughts are just the actions of a tired brain that has been under stress, deprived of cognitive rest, possibly from analyzing things too much. Intrusive thoughts mean nothing. They’re just a loop that the tired brain gets stuck on, like a toy train that keeps circulating the same track. Next time you have one, mentally yell “intruder alert!!” which should make you laugh. Remind yourself that intruders are normal, harmless and meaningless, then go on with your day with total neutrality. It’s fine.
September 25, 2019
How chronic problems start:
Whether it’s panic attacks, anxiety disorder, insomnia, chronic fatigue, or chronic pain, all mindbody syndromes follow a similar pattern of beginning and getting stuck. They all begin with a sensitized nervous system. Adrenalin is switched on too frequently due to stress or illness/injury (or both). Symptoms of anxiety or pain or tiredness begin, which is entirely normal under the circumstances. The next stage is that we become concerned about our symptoms, not wanting them, being upset, frustrated, confused and/or annoyed. The final chronic stage is when the brain begins to fear the symptoms and monitor them closely, being consciously or subconsciously hypervigilant and trying to avoid triggers or stop their onset. This fear of symptoms is the very thing that boosts the continued adrenalin cycle and holds the system loop in place. We don’t need to “try” to stop the symptoms or continually seek solutions or new practitioners. The symptoms are quite normal for a system under stress and will cease with understanding, rest and a neutral mindset. We need to learn to say “yeah, whatever” when the symptom kicks in (assuming medical conditions are ruled out of course!) and go on with relaxed thoughts and activities we enjoy. Nervous systems get sensitized all the time, some more easily/quickly than others. It’s part of being human. And that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t buy into the fear campaign. Decide not to give a f*ck, and keep doing what you love. It works.
September 24, 2019
Tide flows in, tide flows out:
The tide comes in, never exactly to the same point as last time, then out it flows again, different place from before, different wave level, different movements and yet if you weren’t looking closely it could seem like a repetition, like the same thing, day in day out, no progress at all, just one step forward and one step back; and yet nothing could be further from the truth. Everywhere in nature, things move and change and develop at their own pace, low tide to high tide, and yet there is always a sense of progress and change if you look closely. We humans are part of nature and our natural progress is always evident if we watch closely. Watch. Enjoy.
September 23, 2019
Look for the good and don’t take any sh*t!
Funny thing about people that value ethics and kindness. Generally it also goes with assuming the best about people. This is a very helpful attitude in life and usually results in awesome relationships and good outcomes. It also can result in taking other people’s crap at times, by giving benefit of the doubt or by questioning yourself. Newsflash: it’s probably not you. If you strive to be kind and can’t work out why someone behaved or spoke rudely then it’s probably not about you. It’s probably their stuff and maybe you need to assume the best but take no sh*t. Being truthful is as important as being loving. Be upbeat and take no sh*t today.
September 20, 2019
Guilt-free:
Sometimes the guilt that follows certain interactions is not really ours to hold, but rather a empathy byproduct due to seeing things from the other person’s eyes rather than our own wise eyes, so if that resonates for you, and you’d like to release that misplaced guilt, slow down now, allow your eyes to glide easily over my helpful words, as I talk to you, here, and remind your inner mind that you have good intentions, you operate with ethics and kindness, you do the best that you can, and that is your part, that’s the only part you can do, and control, and feel good about, and you can feel good about it, remember, you did fine, can’t control what others think, don’t need to, releasing the need to try to mind-read whatever they might or might not even think at all, it’s all made up really, just making stuff up, so sticking to the facts now, you’re ok, you do your best, you operate from the good, you stay in your eyes now, thinking from your wise mind, seeing the truth and releasing all the other made up stuff into the nothingness it came from. Yes you can. Only the facts through your own wise eyes today. ☀️ Enjoy.
September 19, 2019
Don’t feel like it??
Sometimes we don’t feel like it (whatever *it* is) because we’re feeling lazy or unmotivated. Maybe it’s ok to be lazy and leave it. But if it’s got to be done or there are consequences to not doing *it* then we need to find a way. Seek inspiration: change the feeling and we change the possibility of motivation. Use music, talk to others, read something, think of someone else and how they might do it, just agree to start with a tiny bit, five minutes, just a little step at a time. And remind yourself that you have a choice, always. Whether it’s in action or mindset, we always have a choice. You can do it.
September 18, 2019
Welcome emotions!
Most emotions intensify if we struggle with them. We get frustrated, annoyed, we analyze them, dwell on them and of course all that happens is a deepened state plus some extra aggravation. Some emotions are uncomfortable but also part of the human condition and certainly not a sign of dysfunction as many people now believe. We humans are designed for anxiety, fear, dread, sadness, anger, boredom, frustration and melancholy. Some people have more intensity than others. It’s always been that way and it’s ok. Learning to calmly accept and regulate these emotions is a lifelong process and we can begin calmly welcoming them while continuing to move forward on what matters to us. Notice it, acknowledge it, thank it, keep doing life. Like tides of the ocean, this too shall pass. Just surf that wave.
September 17, 2019
Sometimes the trying is the problem:
We feel something unpleasant, we want it to stop, we want to fix it. It’s a normal human urge. Sometimes though, the act of trying drives up pressure and stress, paradoxically causing more of the stress that may be driving the problem. If what we do isn’t helping, try doing nothing. Just allow it to be there, and say “ok, fine, I don’t give a sh*t”. You’d be surprised how often it helps. If the strategy isn’t working, remember George and do the opposite.
September 16, 2019
Keep it easy for your mind to digest:
The simple message is the one that we always need to hear. We talk more to ourselves than we talk to anyone else, so let’s keep it relaxed, neutral and real. No stories, no buts, no elaborations. Notice the feelings you have in the moment. Then give yourself the simple message: “It’s ok.” “It is what it is.” “All is well.” Those simple, easy and true message choices are highly digestible for the mind, and resonate with truth. Choose your easy digestible message for today and stick with it.
September 13, 2019
Help to do the thing:
And you can relax here for a moment, simply gliding over my words as I speak slowly to your subconscious mind, reminding you in a very friendly, motivating way of that thing, you know, the thing you need to do that perhaps hasn’t quite happened up until now, for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter why, what matters is that you CAN, and your inner mind can feel the urge building, positive feelings now, that feeling of yes, ok, just do it now, do it today, you can, and you know, and I know too, how much better you’ll feel when you start, when you say go, when you hit send, so move forward now doing what you need to do, easily, comfortably and with a smile inside. You can.
September 12, 2019
When you feel like you’re over it.
We all have our moments of being emotionally “f**king over it”. The thing is, it’s a permanent, global statement to make to our minds and will generally lead to worse thoughts, feelings and actions (or inaction as the case may be). So when you get the “over it” thought/feeling, stop. Say to yourself “it’s just a feeling, a temporary moment in time”. Ask yourself what you need. Do you need a break? To vent or debrief? To change your routine or way of operating? More fun moments? (I think definitely more fun is needed!) Do you need to address anything or make a decision? If so, wait 24 hours or more until you feel clear-headed. No impulsive actions! Also, remind yourself it’s human to have “over it” thoughts and feelings. They usually pass. You’ll be into it again any minute. There’s always something new, challenging and/or interesting if we keep looking.
September 11, 2019
Plans and expectations:
Plans can be ok, we can have ideas and intentions about what we’d like to do. But once we attach to expectations about how it “should” be, how it “should” feel and how others “should” respond or behave, we are potentially creating disappointment or anger. We can have intentions. Logically we know that things often don’t turn out as expected, so the more we can detach from outcome and just allow whatever unfolds to unfold, the more we can be ok with it. Anger and disappointment mean that we had expectations, even though we mightn’t have been aware of it. Easier to form our intentions and then allow it to be as it is. Not our job to control others or outcomes. Allow things to be as they are today.
September 10, 2019
Are you getting your prescription of silent time??
The world can be noisy and intrusive, demands can be loud and multi-directional. We need some silent time as an antidote to all the cognitive overload we experience. If you can’t find silence in the environment then perhaps it’s time to get noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs. Be silent. Take a breath. Remember to focus on areas of comfort within the body and mind. Create space in there so that more good feelings can naturally arise.
September 9, 2019
Focus on your assets!
So many good things about you. Maybe you can’t always see them, but think of that person in your life who does see them. What positive aspects would they fire off about you? You have loads of enjoyable qualities and personal competencies and you’re probably not as great at focusing on those as you could be. Every day, list at least 3 qualities you like in yourself. Change them up and find new ones you hadn’t thought about. Most females in particular need to focus on positive aspects of self a whole lot more. Forget the gap, forget the perfectionism and focus on the “f*ck yeah, I’ve got this!” Plenty of good stuff in you. 👊
September 6, 2019
You’re doing a great job:
As you notice my first words today, as your eyes begin to move and relax, I want you to hear me saying now, to you, GREAT JOB, because yes you are, with all that you have going on, all the hard parts right now, all the challenges, just breathe, slow down, feel very pleased with yourself here, because you know, and I know too, that you truly are doing a great job, and it all belongs to you and it all gets better and better for you too. You are great. Five stars for you 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
September 5, 2019
Feeling lucky??
The research on luck is pretty cool. It suggests that lucky people feel lucky, look for and spot good opportunities and then take the initiative, which reinforces their sense of being lucky. Lucky people also reframe things to focus on the lucky side of outcomes. So if you believe you’re lucky, you’ll be more lucky. Believing you’re unlucky has a similar self-fulfilling effect so it might be prudent to look for examples of luckiness today! It’s already happening 🌟
September 4, 2019
Moments of stillness.
Notice what comes into your mind’s eye when you imagine stillness. The idea of stillness might be an image of nature, perhaps water, or a tree on a windless day. It could be a sky, vast and colorful, overarching everything. Or perhaps it’s a more vague sense of stillness without clear images, a feeling of equanimity, of being relatively immune to the ups and downs of daily life. It doesn’t matter what comes to mind. Contemplating stillness is a message for your nervous system. Just for a moment, be still. Breathe.
September 3, 2019
Friendliness:
Notice the signs of friendliness around you today. You might see it in nature, the sky, the animals, the traffic, the people, the events that occur, or perhaps in your own feelings of openness! Seeing the world as a friendly system rather than a hostile system has known health benefits, both emotionally and physically. Be vigilant for friendly signs today ☀
September 2, 2019
What do you need?
There’s always something we could be doing a little differently so that we feel better and life goes a little more smoothly. Are you avoiding something? Not acknowledging what you really need or want? Something that you need to to banish from your repertoire? Do the thing you need to do. No excuses. No bullshit justification. Do it and make your life easier. It’s worth it and so are you.
August 30, 2019
Comfort installation:
As you read this, and your eyes scan my helpful words, your subconscious mind can begin now to enter the control room of your mind, breathing slowly, deep breath in, now hold it, now release, and as you do release you can allow all tension to easily exit your system, becoming more and more relaxed, more and more comfortable with every out-breath now, all tightness becoming softer, and you can begin to notice more comfort in your nervous system, little by little, bit by bit, feeling better and better as time goes on, more and more flashes of enjoyment for you now. You will.
August 29, 2019
Tired mind needs rest!
If you’ve been multi-tasking or taking in complex information then you’re probably in cognitive overload. These days our levels of stimulation is higher, with more incoming data via our devices as well as from other parts of life. Studies show that our minds are in deficit and it’s affecting attention, recall and mood. Please build brain breaks into every day. Things are not becoming simpler for most of us so we need to compensate. Dream, potter, walk, read, meditate, do nothing. Let it breathe.
August 28, 2019
Lightness:
Choose the bright light today. Sit in the sun, turn the lights up higher and move towards shiny things. While you may be carrying many burdens, you can lighten your load by keeping that eternal sunshine in your mind. Beware of dark thoughts and stop them in their tracks without buying into them. Work on keeping the lightness via noticing it creating humor and by focusing on the good stuff.
August 27, 2019
Emotional distraction:
Distraction is a mixed bag. On one hand it’s great to be able to take our minds away from our concerns and focus on something entertaining or exciting. On the other hand, we now have an epidemic of boredom and anxiety intolerance. Boredom and anxiety are both unpleasant states that are inbuilt into human experience, and some people will feel these states more intensely than others. As with most strong emotions, avoidance (via various distractions) doesn’t build skill or tolerance, it just builds on-going avoidance, possibly even leading to addiction for some. Most adults know this. Most kids do not. Distraction is useful short-term. Learning to tolerate and manage the gamut of emotional states is much more useful long-term. Beware of avoidance!
August 26, 2019
Hang in there.
So many people are going through tough times lately. Nobody knows why but it seems that many are having difficulties, feeling tired, feeling ill, feeling discouraged. It can be hard doing what you need to do when feeling like this, and it’s really important to watch your narrative so you don’t add to the suffering via stressful or despairing thoughts. This weird phase is temporary. It will pass, hopefully sooner than expected. You will feel ok, then better than ok. Maybe the tide is turning now. Today could be better than expected. It will. ☀
August 23, 2019
Just being:
Perhaps there has been too much doing, or thinking, or thinking about doing, or perhaps doing not much but thinking that you should be doing; all too much really, it’s time to relax now, to let go, to let it be what it is, to let it unfold or pass in its own good time, resolving naturally, all things working together for good, and your subconscious mind knows exactly what I mean, and exactly where to apply these ideas now, as you listen to me as I talk, easing off now, letting it be in flow, just being. You can.
August 22, 2019
What a great job!
Have you taken the time to remind yourself what a great job you’re doing? You know that things aren’t always easy and that you have circumstances and hurdles to overcome. Solving problems is the essence of life, and we strive to have the kinds of problems most preferable to our makeup. You know that you always do the best job you can managing your unique set of challenges and please remember to feel pretty good about that. Life can be tough sometimes and it’s crucial to appreciate your determination and persistence. Great job 👊
August 21, 2019
Pressures and responsibilities:
That feeling of worry in the background of the mind can be quite distracting. It can fog the brain, block the memory and drain emotional energy. Think for a moment about where you might be feeling a sense of too much pressure or responsibility. And really, the question is how to mentally release yourself of any excessive sense of pressure. Maybe there’s a change to be made in behavior, but more likely a change to be made in the mind. Agree to release yourself from the self-imposed sense of pressure. You are free. You are competent. Just show up, with a good attitude and do what needs to be done. That’s it.
August 20, 2019
Strength for today:
All of your physical, mental and emotional resources are with you today and always. While at times they might feel harder to access, it’s all there and it all belongs to you. Everything you need is within you and will be available right when it’s needed, including any external support. You’re traveling with a comprehensive toolbox so have faith in your ability to handle it all today. You will.
August 19, 2019
Great minds!
You’re here, you’re reading this, you’re a seeker! You look for ways to feel better and to experience the fulfilment that you know you’re capable of. You have many skills and talents, and great resourcefulness. Your mind is active and you work to solve interesting problems, and you are stimulated and stimulating. Appreciate the great mind you have today, it’s always working to create opportunities and meaning. Relax and let it happen.
August 16, 2019
Need to wind down?
Many of us feel that tension, that wound-up feeling of too much pressure, so it’s time now, as you read this, to allow your inner mind to be open to the idea of winding down, relaxing, letting go, and as you take a slow, deep breath now, just simply allow the oxygen to enter and move around your system, that’s right, unwinding easily, all systems softening, releasing all stress and strain, dissolving all tension in your muscles and in your mind, allowing your consciousness to bring in the sunshine and feel all the love that is around you. Unwind and enjoy ☀
August 15, 2019
Drink your tea.
Black, green, white or herbal, tea is a great relaxing ritual that enables us to take a breath and recharge. Nothing wrong with a coffee to boost you in the morning, but remember to indulge in the relaxing and antioxidant benefits of your cups of tea. And while you’re having your tea, stop. Enjoy it. Be appreciative as you take your magic elixir. Use the moment as an opportunity to be present and smiling.
August 14, 2019
Tired brain?
A brain that feels tired and slow and foggy is often the result of physical, emotional and cognitive overload. Cognitive overload is probably the most common and overlooked factor, and relates to the amount of thinking and processing that you’ve been doing, especially if you’ve had a lot of problems or worries or study or other information coming your way. Ease the load for a bit. We don’t always need to push our brain to the limits. Keep your reading and entertainment light, and stop with the multi-tasking, especially online. Many more people are online whilst doing other things and the constant brain multi-tasking has been shown to have ADHD-like effects on the brain. One thing at a time, easy things, fun things. Give your brain a rest whenever possible.
August 13, 2019
Emotional faking:
Emotional faking is when we have to suppress our actual internal responses such as frustration, annoyance, pain, tiredness, irritability, anxiety, fatigue, illness, sadness etc due to work or personal factors, and instead put on a happy or neutral face. It’s not just a face though, it’s a voice, and a look and an attitude. Many people (especially those in service, education or helping roles) have to suppress or override emotional and physical states regularly. It’s tiring. In fact, the amount of emotional suppression or faking in a role is linked to burnout levels. Awareness is key. Don’t fool yourself, don’t deny your reality. Yes you have to present a certain way. But acknowledge it internally and be kind to yourself. It’s human to have these states and feelings. Make sure to check in with your emotional self and be nice.
August 12, 2019
Can’t handle much today?
Sometimes it feels like everything is a bit much, it all happens at once and it’s a bit too intense. So go simple. Minute by minute. Only think of now, here, today. No lamenting the past, no fast-forwarding into the future. Focus on what’s in front of you, turn up, with a good attitude and only do your best. It’s enough.
August 9, 2019
Can do:
As you begin to read this, and perhaps your conscious or subconscious mind has certain concerns, things you have been wanting to change or improve, and now, here, as you hear my voice, as I speak to you, and you can simply listen, and I can remind your inner mind that YES, YES YOU CAN. You absolutely can do this, this thing that seemed once so difficult, becoming easier day by day, hour by hour, improving as you learn, all things take time to learn, building skills, conscious and subconscious, and you do learn, and you CAN feel better now and you definitely CAN do it. Know this today. You can.
August 8, 2019
Stress with stomach:
When our sympathetic nervous system is activated by stress, many parts of the body gear up for action automatically. So if we feel under threat, chances are, the stomach is very much affected. We have a whole nervous system in that area (the enteric nervous system) and the gut can easily be triggered by all kinds of stressors. It can even be confused into an irritable bowel pattern, alternating between holding on and releasing too much. Our antidote is to continue to find ways to activate the calming parasympathetic nervous system via the rest/digest/relax approach. The system has been vigilant; now we train it to calm down. We breathe. We take a break. We talk to the right people. We chill. We think about things differently, re-write the story, go to the source, acknowledge the emotions or inner conflicts. There’s a logic to it all and it can improve. Be kind to yourself today.
August 7, 2019
Vibe readers alert.
If you have the kind of nervous system that picks up on the vibes and the energy and emotion of others then you’re lucky. You have access to a whole lot of information. But what does your body and mind do with that? Do you act on it, ignore it or ruminate on it? And are you interpreting it accurately or just feeling things and not sure why? Do you recognize it as “their stuff” or take responsibility for it? Our systems are tuned to pick up energetic information for survival, but like any information, it can be overwhelming, misleading and at times draining. Notice your mindbody responses today and learn to notice other vibes without judgement or attachment. Your energy is protected. Your vibe is clear and bright. Imagine the light inside you and send it out via your fingertips today. Stay bright.
August 6, 2019
Hello to anxiety:
Anxiety can appear in the night, either in horrible dreams or in unpleasant thoughts/feelings that keep us from sleep. Some people are welcomed with anxiety symptoms when they wake up, pounding heart and sense of dread, perhaps for no discernible reason at all. The system is stuck in hypervigilance mode. Maybe there’s external stress, maybe you’re run down or worried. Your bodymind thinks it’s time for fight/flight. What is it fighting or running from? What might you be conflicted about? Who might you be consciously or subconsciously angry with? Anxiety carries a message and when we can finally decode it to the satisfaction of our subconscious minds, the symptoms will cease. Ask yourself the key questions. You don’t have to tell the people concerned. It’s just for you. May you be calm and joyful today.
August 5, 2019
Waking tired??
Most people do. It usually takes an hour or two to feel alive, let alone have a coherent thought. Being slow to warm up in the morning is ok, it doesn’t mean you didn’t sleep well enough or that you shouldn’t get up. Many operate under the illusion that if sleep was right, they’d awake feeling energized and joyous. Sadly, no. Taking time to emerge is normal and necessary for many. Give yourself that time, enjoy a cup of tea and let your adrenalin kick in when required. Be accepting of how you feel and don’t analyze it. You’re ok. And it will only get better. May your day be pleasant.
August 2, 2019
Release and relief:
I want you now to read this slowly, letting your eyes just gaze at my words, in a relaxed sort of way, breathing slowly, deeply, as you let go now, letting go of all pressure, all the different pressures that affect you, you know what they are, just allow them to release now, like tiny balloons floating off into the sky, they move away, they disappear, they dissolve into the nothingness they came from, and your subconscious mind can remind you now to enjoy this release, this relief as you continue letting go and relaxing today, you can. Let them float away quietly as you flow peacefully and pleasantly with your day now.
August 1, 2019
The price of approval.
When it comes to certain people, earning their approval can be very costly. Staying silent, repressing needs, swallowing frustration, fake laughing at hostile “jokes”, ignoring behavior etc. Is it worth the price?? Being sensitive to the approval of others (people-pleasing) creates many inner conflicts and is linked with emotional/mood upsets and mind-body syndromes such as fatigue and chronic pain. Within reason, it may be necessary to allow others to disapprove of us. Be kind and be ethical. The resulting approval (or lack of) is not your stuff.
July 31, 2019
Most things respond to relaxation.
Whether it’s fatigue, pain, anxiety, low mood, anger, worry or the other many problems of life, all disturbances benefit from finding a way to get the system into relaxation. Some people say that they cannot relax. For them, relaxation is a skill to be learned and we all need to try many methods at different times to get the release feeling. That’s all you want. Just a mini brain break where the system says “ahhhh..” and then things improve. Breathe. Keep looking. Find a way that helps you.
July 30, 2019
Non-morning people.
If you’re slow to warm up in the morning, that’s ok. In fact it’s becoming increasingly common. Many people have trouble getting anything out of their brain first thing, needing an hour (or 3!) before anything makes sense. It may even be hereditary. It can also be a function of staying up too late and/or lack of sleep. We all operate on a different rhythm of energy. Yes we can change it, slowly and patiently using small time increments. Go to bed a little earlier and give yourself the time and space you need for mornings.
July 29, 2019
The rare bird.
You are a rare bird. Nobody does it just like you do. Your special mix of gifts and talents is a rarity. Your ideas and thought processes are unique to you. You add to the overall mix in a way that only you can do. Be pleased and go forth without second-guessing. You’ve earned it.
July 26, 2019
Serenity boost.
In your mind’s eye, imagine as you read this, that my helpful words bring a circle of soft light, a very lovely golden light, in through your eyes, this calming and soothing light moving into all aspects of your brain, clearing and cleansing, and that this soft golden light also heals and protects, moving towards any area in the mind or body that needs to repair or renew, easily and comfortably healing everything as needed and keeping you in calm serenity. Send the golden light ahead of you today for inner peace.
July 25, 2019
Detach from drama:
Drama is usually an attempt to control a situation. Somebody throws a grenade in order to get your attention and get you to do what they want you to do. It can be disruptive, or annoying, or even boring. It’s often a form of adult tantruming. It’s not your circus. Not your stuff. Watch with curiosity from a distance. Unhook and detach.
July 24, 2019
Mojo rising?
How’s your mojo? Many people are also feeling a little flat and meh right now. It’s important for the mind to remember that this too is temporary. Soon your energy will increase. Focus on remembering fun from the past. Remember joy. Remember experiences where time flew and you were totally focused on what was right in front of you. Enthusiasm and energy are cyclic states and will return in a pleasant flood of inspiration soon. After night comes day. Remember the energized state using the power of your mind and be ready to notice your mojo rising soon.
July 23, 2019
Quietly claim your personal authority.
Forget self importance. Forget ego and status and other bullshit frames of reference. Just remember what you stand for, the things you’ve done, what you’ve achieved over time and the fact that you’re incredibly resourceful and willing. You have earned the right to be where you are. Stand up with calm strength and carry your personal authority with ease.
July 22, 2019
Move slowly.
Take it easy today. There’s a lot going on right now. You need to slow down. Take a breath. Remember what matters. Remain in light.
July 19, 2019
Quiet please.
When we have a sense of inner calm, of inner peace, we can begin to relax, begin to know that all is well and that we can just be, and you know, and I know too, that we need to slow everything down, slow down that inner chitter chatter, slow down the labeling or judging of things, cease the commentary on life now and then, just breathing, listening to the sound of the air as it enters, circulates, exits, bringing that calm wave of peace, wellbeing, quiet, slow breathing now. Allow your mind to enjoy the quiet as it expands to fill all of your cells with peace.
July 18, 2019
Choose health.
So where in your life are you not choosing health? Where do you need to focus? Think of the various elements of health: physical, emotional, creative, spiritual, intellectual, social, intimacy, growth etc. Think of your activity and rest cycles. Your fuel. Your relationships. Your inner chit chat. Where do you need to choose health?? Do one thing today.
July 17, 2019
Stop the ruminating brain!
Rumination is the practice of going over and over a thought repetitively, reliving it without mentally moving on. If the thought is a pleasant thought, then this feels great! Usually though, we don’t ruminate enough on love or appreciation thoughts, we get stuck on self criticism, worry about the future or people or other inadequacy thoughts. Catch yourself! Say out loud “This is bullshit useless rumination!” Have a go-to thought for replacement. A favorite song, pet, book, poem, car, movie, sports team, element of nature, a quote, an item of clothing; anything at all to focus on instead of the unpleasant ruminating thought. Ban that shit.
July 16,2019
Tide goes out, tide comes in.
Tree grows leaves, then leaves fall. Day becomes night becomes day. We breathe in, we release that breath out. We are active, then we are asleep. Action and inaction. Within all of nature there are growth cycles and rest cycles. This is also true emotionally. Excitement, then plateau. Motivated, then meh. Striving, then coasting. Building, then maintaining. Enjoy and appreciate both the ins and the outs today.
July 15, 2019
Let things fall into place today!
You don’t need to control or worry about everything. You don’t need to do plans A, B and C. No need to triple check or second guess. Just let things flow naturally and assume that everything is unfolding as it needs to. The sun rises, the planets are held in place. Your assistance is not required. Relax. Be in flow.
July 11, 2019
People comparisons suck.
Comparing one child to another. Comparing your confidence to somebody else’s perceived confidence. Comparing your success with others. Comparing your energy or vitality with how you imagine you used to feel. Comparing your achievements with some bullshit idea of your “potential”. Comparing your ability to that of others. All of it is asking for mood trouble and all of it sucks. Let’s all just run our own race and let others run theirs.
July 10, 2019
We can decide we don’t know.
Many things that happen, strange behaviors we witness, or feelings we have that don’t seem to make sense, all the weirdness of being human can be confusing. Our desires or preferences change, we have trouble making a decision, we don’t know what we want, we get restless. It’s best not to jump to any conclusions or take any impulsive action. It’s ok not to know. Don’t judge the situation. Be in the space of not knowing and trust that all will unfold at the appropriate time. It will.
July 9, 2019
Want self-improvement??
Improving something means changing your idea of what is important and making a decision about taking a regular small action. Just choose one. Many people overwhelm themselves trying to change everything at once. Don’t fall for it. Decide what matters the most and do the thing that improves it. Stick to that thing.
July 8, 2019
Decide it’s good!
Whatever it is today, decide that it’s good and pronounce it as good! There’s always a way of making it work for you if you decide that it will. It’s not even about seeing positives, you don’t need to. Just decide that it’s good and move on to the next thought or action. It’s all good.
July 5, 2019
Adjusting the speed switch:
As you read this, slowly, even more slowly, your inner mind can begin to wonder where in your life you need to slow the speed down, and perhaps even where you need to pick up the speed, you know, and I know too that it’s all about balance, knowing when to pause, slowly, and when to get into gear, a little more quickly, that’s right, using the power of your inner mind to correctly discern where to adjust your speed now, moving forward comfortably and pleasantly towards all the good things you need. Green means go.
July 4, 2019
Stop with the more, more, more!
Have you noticed that life might be getting a little crazy? Are you less busy than you used to be? And who the hell says being busy is always a good thing?! Stop. Think. Breathe. Cut down. Make space. Do less. Enjoy the break.
July 3, 2019
Focus on the YOU parts:
With all the stuff we stress about, there’s stuff within our control and then there’s the stuff that is about other factors, other people’s choices and external constraints. All we can do something about is our stuff. The rest is up to the other people involved. When it comes to others, you aren’t the cause and you aren’t the cure. Stick to your own stuff.
July 2, 2019
Yes, it all works out.
That thing that’s worrying you and stopping you from enjoying the moment? Just remember: it all works out. We don’t have to know the how, we just have to know that in the big picture, over time, it all works out. So you might as well just relax right now.
July 1, 2019
New dawn, new day:
Every day is a fresh start. Bring a fresh attitude and just do the best you can with whatever energy and optimism you might feel today. It’s a brand new day and it always will be. Whatever it is, it’s temporary and it’s changeable. Good things await you.
June 28, 2019
Turning down hyper-vigilance:
You know, and I know too, that sometimes the nervous system becomes too focused, a little too alert, like a periscope that has popped up and continues to scan even though it might be time to rest now, so slow right down, allowing my helpful words to ease the pace, breathing now, in, holding it, then out, slowing it, in again, waiting comfortably, then out again, even more slowly, that’s right, as we remind your inner mind to take down the periscope, only normal level watch is required, no extra surveillance right now, easing all units, just allowing, trusting, knowing that your subconscious mind is always covering everything that truly needs to be covered, so you can call off the troops and simply go with the flow of your life today. Relax now.
June 27, 2019
Just be ok.
You don’t have to be amazing. Don’t have to be great. Don’t have to set the world on fire or do anything that blows people away. No need to impress or convince others. Nothing to prove. No competition. No prizes. Just do your thing, be ordinary, focus on what the day gives you, forget the ego and just be ok.
June 26, 2019
The brain that talks too much:
The only way to stop the potentially upsetting internal chatter is to learn that skill called attentional control. Attentional control means finding various ways to deliberately control your own internal attention focus rather than being at the mercy of where your brain automatically takes you. If you think you can’t do attentional control then you definitely need to learn it. It’s not that hard but it requires practice, starting with very short periods then increasing to longer phases. The method is this: choosing a point of focus and then choosing to return your mind to that point of focus over and over whenever the mind drifts to other matters. Simply bring the attention back. You can choose visual things to focus on, or sounds, or physical things like breathing or tapping. You can even count from one to five using your own fingers, over and over. Or choose something more complex. Or just focus on the silent mind while waiting for the next thought to appear like a cloud. Once it appears, you can notice it and return to the silent mind. Deliberate attentional control is one of our most important skills for staying sane in this weird world. Spend two minutes today and build up your control levels.
June 25, 2019
Need more freedom? Do less.
Do less of the stuff that brings less pleasure and less achievement. Less of the stuff that feels like a waste of your time and energy. Stop being busy and stop talking about being busy. Decide what really brings enjoyment or fulfillment and do that. Leave some time for nothing at all. Find some little things to delete from your schedule and enjoy the freedom that comes from making a choice.
June 24, 2019
The brain on perfectionism:
There are two types of perfectionism, and some poor people produce both! One type is being driven to avoid errors as judged by yourself and your own standards. The second type involves being drive towards avoiding errors based on some type of external or social judgement via others. According to recent research, the second perfectionism type, being worried about imagined external standards is more activating in certain brain regions and leads to more emotional pain. Whether it’s fear of making a mistake at work, school, socially or in some other “visible” way, it can lead to anxiety, inhibition and self criticism. It’s also a cycle; if we avoided error once, our brain often wants to repeat the perfection pattern again to get the “payoff”. Making the move towards applying realistic internal standards might require a bit of time and coaching, but the brain is happier for it. Write down what really matters to you. Make sure it’s realistic and down to earth. Operate according to your own ethics and values and know that’s all we can do. And it’s enough.
June 21, 2019
Your positive image installation:
Stop hurrying, stop stressing and slow down, read this now, much more slowly, breathing easily, letting your eyes drift and feeling much more comfortable right now, as I remind your inner mind that you can point your focus in any direction you choose, and even after the image is taken, you can filter it in many different ways, and even choose to put a new frame around it, so remember now to forget to highlight what isn’t important, and remember to brighten and highlight all the glowing aspects, the parts for the inner eye to appreciate and feel good about now, you choose the focus, you choose the frame, and you get to feel great about the image that you produce. Look and like.
June 20, 2019
No, it’s not just you.
All the weirdness, fears, self doubts, desires, mood ups and downs, blowups, “blah” days and irritations that happen, they happen to pretty much everyone in different ways. Humans are perfectly imperfect and yet many still strive to be like happy robots, feeling or experiencing nothing uncomfortable or unpleasant. As a society we have begun to idealize how we should be and how we should feel, this mythical “best version of ourselves”, feeling great when we wake up, feeling “healthy”, being able to motivate ourselves at will, enjoying a life of highs and feeling intensely proud about it all. This idealization can only lead to frustration and discontent. Acceptance of *what is* is the first step for all of us. It doesn’t mean we can’t move towards other possibilities and changes, but we can do so with a mood of calm acceptance rather than frustration and self-criticism. All humans are perfectly imperfect, it’s not personal and it’s no big deal. Forget the idealized mythical perfect state. Be kind to yourself today and approach anything that concerns you with a mood of amusement and a sense of possibility.
June 19,2019
How to listen:
When someone is telling you what they are bothered by or upset about, whether it’s about you or someone else, just listen. Hold back the suggestions, advice and “it all happens for a reason” talk. Most people just want to vent, to be heard, to be understood and to be validated. Validation means saying things like “that’s awful” or “that’s so difficult” or some other indication of *getting it*. Jumping straight into “why don’t you just...” is generally annoying and often invalidating. Equally annoying is bringing your own “similar” experience straight in to show that you get it. Usually it’s best to keep the focus on the person needing to talk unless they ask whether you’ve had a similar thing happen. Sometimes you can just hear the story and say “WOW”. Wow as in “that’s full on”. Just listen. Pay attention. Just be there. That’s all most people want.
June 18, 2019
How to understand nasty behavior:
Actually, mostly we can’t. In my work I often see people so upset by the behavior of others and trying to work out why, what they’ve done to “deserve” it, how could that person do that, “why me” and on it goes. The thing is, most “nasty” behavior isn’t thought of as nasty by those doing it. Most people don’t appear to set out to cause harm consciously. There’s another pattern running based on how they see and code the world differently from how we might code it. Based on their own narrative of events, they feel justified, often in some mood of righteous indignation. In their mind, they are doing what is fair and just, and have probably rationalized it and come up with some cognitive story we could never predict or understand. From a logical level it may never make sense. All we can remember is that we can’t predict or control the inner narrative of another person. And their frame of reference may be vastly different from our own. We release the need to understand it through our own lens. We can choose to listen to their views if it’s respectful. We can then choose a response based on acceptance, kindness and our own code of ethics.
June 17, 2019
Give it your best today!
Whatever your best is will be influenced by how you feel and the amount of energy available. Choose a good attitude and show up ready to give the best you can. Don’t compare your best with other days, or past times, or other people. Just the best you can, then let it be. It’s enough.
June 14, 2019
Energy charge coming:
Whether your batteries are fully charged, or perhaps needing a little extra boost, slow down now, reading my words, as you breathe easily, and with the power of your mind’s eye, imagine that charge surging comfortably through your system, lighting up all the energy pathways within the cells, boosting power, filling you with the capacity for GO, for Yes and for any other HAPPY that you might like to feel and enjoy right now, increasing, naturally boosting and radiating all the energy you might require, easily, naturally and smoothly. Installation is complete. Hit save. And go on to your next task now.
June 13, 2019
We always have a choice.
Even if you can’t change what’s going on, you can choose to view the opportunities, the interesting elements, the learning, the parts you can become curious about, the little aspects to appreciate, the bits to laugh at. There’s always a way of seeing things differently. Always.
June 12, 2019
Watch out for dogs that bite.
Somebody tells you that a particular dog is known to bite people. “But I love dogs”, you think. “Dogs love me. It seems friendly. Surely it won’t bite me”. Then. Sure enough, one day, the dog loses its shit and bites you. You’re shocked! But. You knew. You were warned. This dog bites. Think about this concept in relation to certain people in your life and the poor behavior you have seen them display, perhaps many times over. And yet. Perhaps you expected that they wouldn’t do it again, wouldn’t do it to you, would learn from what happened, would suddenly “get it” and change. And sometimes we do get lucky. Other times not. There are times we really, really need to remember: this dog bites.
June 11, 2019
Mistakes are allowed.
Let’s agree to accept our humanity today, as well as the humanity of others. No human is a perfect robot, and I doubt we could all agree on how the perfect human robot should be programmed anyway. Everyone is doing the best they can, and there may be mistakes. Mistakes are ok. We learn, we move on, perhaps we improve. Enjoy being an imperfect non-robot human today. Humans are awesome.
June 7, 2019
You’re better than ok:
Stop. Slow your thinking, Speak slowly inside your mind as you read my words, as I speak to you, here, and you can take a moment to remember some pleasant things, the kind things you said or did recently, slowing down now to remember, the fun moments, the little wins, just those tiny things we do in life that give us pleasure or meaning, breathing slowly, or maybe a tricky task that you got through, something that once seemed overwhelming and now you’ve got it, you did it, it’s ok, you’re ok, breathing very smoothly now and allowing all the air to move freely through your relaxed system, you’re ok, in fact you’re better than ok. You’re awesome.
June 6, 2019
Banish imposters!
So many people go about their life feeling like an imposter or fraud on the inside. “If people only knew what I was really like then I’d be found out, I’d be banished” says the imposter voice. You can know, right here, right now, that the imposter voice is actually a mix of anxiety and humility. Anxiety based on fear of not being good enough or knowing enough, and the humility to know that none of us can know enough and there is always more to learn. Truthfully, imposter syndrome usually carries a dose of comparison too, comparing ourselves with people who appear supremely confident, big talkers, maybe even arrogant self-promoters. If we get the imposter feeling (and it is a feeling, not a fact), we need to go back to the evidence. Make a list of your demonstrated skills, experience, abilities, qualifications if relevant, and if you say you can’t think of any, check with somebody who knows you well. There will be plenty. If you have imposter syndrome, you’re a driven (and probably modest) person who wants to do well. The true frauds and imposters think they are totally awesome. Any healthy self doubt is a sign of being grounded and open to learning. Be real. And be glad you are.
June 5, 2019
No nitpicking
Not with yourself and not with others. Stick to the big issues and what really matters to you. There’s a some things you shouldn’t give a rat’s ass about. You only have so many rat’s asses to give so choose wisely and focus on your key values. What’s truly matters is the only thing that should guide whether or not we decide to give a rat’s. Be aware of allocating yours today.
June 4, 2019
Need some encouragement?
If you need to boost encouragement for some situation or task, the quickest way is to think of the relevant qualities in somebody else. The motivation of a certain friend, family member, famous person, sportsperson etc, the bravery of somebody who has been through something similar or equally difficult, the inspiration and creativity of an artist or musician or anybody else who overcame the odds and succeeded. Humans are humans. If one of us can do something difficult, the rest of us can learn from it and take some encouragement. May you smoothly get through whatever you need to deal with today.
June 3, 2019
Today gets better
Notice and appreciate all small improvements today, starting now. The more we ask our mind to scan for the things that we can feel good or ok about, the more our subconscious will accept and benefit from the improvements. Better and better, and more relaxed. Watch for things to appreciate now.
May 31, 2019
Stop. Breathe. Wait. Repeat.
You know, and I know too, that your head has been a bit too full with all those things you’re taking in, processing and thinking about and trying to solve, so slow down your eyes now, letting your eyes go just a little heavier, relaxing the eye muscles here as you listen to me, as I talk to you and I remind your inner mind that you can take time out inside, let the inner mind relax and be free, nothing to do right now, nothing to solve, nowhere to be, just be here, now, relaxing the little muscles in the neck and shoulders that carry all the stress and strain, breathing slowly and easily, that’s right, just breathe, let it all settle by itself, it will, all will unfold in your favor and you can go about your day with the carefree inner mind. Go now.
May 30, 2019
Head is too full?
There’s a thing called cognitive load. It’s about the amount of information you’re trying to carry in your head or take in or process. It includes information from work, finances, study, reading, podcasts, other people’s information, problems needing to be solved and anything else you’re thinking about or trying not to think about. Many people I talk to are increasing their mental load continuously and almost addictively, due to love of learning combined with a kind of driven perfectionism. Cognitive load is strongly associated with stress and burnout. Give your brain a break. Do some stuff where you’re not thinking. Have some fun. Waste some time. Lie around being dreamy. Look at the clouds. Stare at a tree. May your brain be free today.
May 29, 2019
Speak to people you love as if you love them!
It’s easy to be tired, stressed, time-pressured, irritated and therefore careless with tone or words. It’s easy to become over-familiar and speak without thought or consideration for how our words might sound or feel to the person close to us. Many people would never snap at a friend or colleague the way they can snap at a “nearest and dearest”. Reality TV is normalizing some pretty tacky conversational modes so let’s not replay these scenes at home. Let’s stop. Breathe. Take stock. Remember what matters. Speak the truth with kindness and love, and if we screw it up by accident, apologize instantly and do it over again. Nasty only breeds more nasty. Kindness, respect, appreciation and reassurance can help ensure the safe delivery of your message.
May 28, 2019
The Self-Care List:
With all the “have to” things we need to get done, let’s not forget to check in on the important aspects of self-care. Without the right self-care, we feel down, we fatigue, we burn out. Firstly we have the physical aspects: food, sleep, exercise, affection, relaxation. Then we have emotional: tuning in, body and mind awareness, creativity and self expression, doing things that boost good feelings, being heard, understood and validated. Thirdly we look at spiritual aspects of self care, however that shows up for you- beliefs, meditation, contemplation of ideas or philosophy, connection to what matters to you. Intellectual self-care is about feeding the mind; new ideas, growth, input, consolidation. Ethical self care is about making sure you are living up to your own code of conduct in personal life and work life. And finally social self-care is about engaging in the right amount of social connection in a way that is fun and meaningful for you. All of the above will be different for everyone. The question is: what do YOU need more of or less of? Choose a self-care option to implement for yourself today.
May 27, 2019
Relief from pressure:
No hurry, no worry. Act as if you have all the time in the world and act as if it’s all fun anyway. The pressure is from within so you might as well delete it. Remove the deadline and just act as if it doesn’t matter. Without pressure, shit gets done. Chill out and go do it.
May 24, 2019
Calm amidst turmoil:
With everything going on, taking time out for relaxation can feel almost, but not quite, impossible; nothing is ever impossible when we put our minds to it, so slow down right now, breathe in slowly, let your eyes rest slowly and easily across my words here, as I say helpful words to you now, and you can listen, slowing down, really breathing, with your inner mind fully present and alert now, your subconscious mind fully alive, listening to me here, saying the thing that you most need to know today, it’s ok, slowing down, being calm, possibilities are there for you, and your inner mind now has full access, all the ideas and resources and options, remembering now to say those positive helpful things to yourself, you are in fact quite awesome, you have many skills and talents, and you can remember to remain calm so the information downloads are fully clear and accessible for you now. Breathe and remember. Enjoy.
May 23, 2019
Over-stretching yourself??
There are many ways to burn our candles at both ends, either externally or internally. Are you expecting or asking too much of yourself? Doing too much in one area of life and neglecting another? Pushing yourself without rest or sleep? Being overly driven? Procrastinating too much and creating internal guilt-pressure? Focusing so much on the needs of others that you overlook yourself? Trying to cover too many bases?? If you need to create more balance then you’ll know it as you read this. Make one small adjustment today so you’ll have a little extra inner peace and joy.
May 22, 2019
Don’t force it.
Worry can create a tendency to take quick action, to do something. There is a time for action. There is a time to wait and see what unfolds. Many things unfold naturally to show the way forward if we are calm and aware. Step back and wait.
May 21, 2019
Food and balanced mood:
If you’re like most people, being tired and/or stressed is a massive risk in terms of making nutritional choices that promote balanced mood and energy. States of tiredness, sleep deprivation or stress are linked with altered cortisol levels (stress hormones) which often trigger urges for sugar or carbs. In addition, eating sugary/fatty foods at this time is more likely to lead to weight gain in the middle regions. These sugar/carb urges often occur at mid afternoon and at night after dinner. It’s no mystery and when it happens we need to go back to basics: food, sleep, exercise, relaxation and social balance. In terms of food, breakfast, lunch and dinner need to contain a decent amount of protein (which women often lack) as well as vegetables or some fruit. Eggs or protein shake at breakfast, protein and salad/veg for lunch and protein and veg for dinner. Go for a small walk. Chat to a fun friend. Meditate in whatever way suits your personality. Talk to somebody about the issues that worry you. Get some morning sunshine and plenty of darkness in the evening. Dim your lights and screens. And above all, know that you CAN do this and that it WILL help you feel better. Choose wisely today.
May 20, 2019
Brain instructions:
It’s possible to make a request of the brain so that it knows what you want to focus on today. There may be many things coming up in your day today, or perhaps few things. Either way, I invite you to request now that your brain sorts for all positive or enjoyable aspects. Your brain can now begin the subconscious search and scan, noticing the pleasurable parts and ignoring the other parts for now. That is your mission, should you choose to accept it. Request this of your brain right now. Just ask and your mind will begin to comply: notice the highlights please.
May 17, 2019
Guilt-free day:
As best as I can tell, guilt is an emotion we have no need to generate unless we have done deliberate harm to others, and yet guilt can bubble up strangely when we’ve done no such harm, so, as I talk to you now, and you can listen if it feels true, it might be time now to turn that guilt trigger button right down, to a much safer, comfortable, more appropriate adult level for you here, so take a long, slow deep breath, holding it, and letting it go, slowly, easily, and as you continue to slow down, breathing in another relaxation, that’s right, feeling that deep breath moving through all of the body, mind, mind and body working together now to move up into that part of the brain that somehow decided, a long long time ago, that you were responsible, that you were at fault somehow, probably when you were very very young, and yet, you’ve updated so many things since then, you believe so many different things now, you have upgraded in consciousness and you know, and I know too, that we can only be responsible for our own deliberate thoughts and deliberate behaviors, and also that when we act according to our code of ethics, we are doing the best we can, and that’s all we need to do now, just focus on our side of the fence and do as best we can, then know that it all works out anyway and it’s all ok anyway, all your cells updating any part of the brain now, attributing responsibility with the wise adult mind, dissolving any childlike beliefs that are no longer helpful now, updating and upgrading and integrating for you now, as you relax and move into one guilt-free day and another then another. Go on.
May 16, 2019
Functioning when tired:
It might be tiredness, it might be fatigue; either way, often we have to find a way of functioning and doing what we need to do while feeling pretty awful. If we are tired or fatigued, the goal is to avoid creating a secondary unpleasant emotional state. For example, you could generate anxiety or frustration or anger about being tired or fatigued, then your nervous system has even more to manage. As hard as it is, we can cultivate an acceptance of the energy state we’re in. It is what it is and we can just do the best we can on the day by remaining calm and neutral. If we are to be tired/fatigued then we try to be ok with it. Doesn’t mean we don’t seek solutions or work towards building a more functional energy state via sleep, correct food, environmental aspects, emotional factors, physical changes etc. We can work on all these, often with coaching from the right professionals. But in the now, we are ok with being tired, we can know our brain is still active, our body is operating, all is well. Dwell on the aspects of your body and mind that feel alright and remain neutral about the rest of it. More calm means more rest and repair. May your energy fire up nicely today.
May 15, 2019
You’ve got this!
Whatever it is that you’re worried about, remember: you’ve got this. You are resourceful and have many talents. All you need to do is remain calm, let things unfold and make reasonable choices as you go along. Don’t jump too far ahead; stay in the NOW. If you just do what is needed right now, and calmly move forward using the information you have available, you have SO got this. Somehow it might even take care of itself, many things work out if we just stay out of the way. Either way, you have many gifts and abilities to guide you. You’ve got this.
May 14, 2019
Nothing is black and white:
Whether it’s about a situation, another person or yourself, thinking in black and white terms often leads us to feel angry or judgemental or not good enough or other feelings we don’t enjoy. Black and white thinking might come in the form of thoughts about what you or others or events *should* do or feel or achieve. Or what you or others *shouldn’t* do or be. Or what you or others *deserve*. Or what is *success* versus *failure*. Or that something is good/bad. Any time we tend think or speak like something is a “rule”, or that it’s “all or nothing”, we are potentially thinking in black and white. In truth, most things in life are grey, with complexity and many aspects we may not even be aware of. Let’s all be more conscious of our version of black and white thinking and remember to consider the other ways of looking at it.
May 13, 2019
Elevated nervous system?
If you’re waking up, if you’re a tad hypervigilant, if you’re tense or anxious, or a bit hyped or having stomach or digestive issues, then your sympathetic nervous system is probably elevated. Many of us are what we call Sympathetic Dominant, which means our accelerator pedal is stuck on, driving the machine hard and perhaps a little too fast. We need to make sure we regularly activate our inner brake pedal, which is the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic system slows things down and is in control of rest and digestion. You can activate your brake pedal by breathing, preferably from the diaphragm. Breathe in slowly through your nose, count to 4, hold it in for the count of 7 and breathe out for the count of 8. After a few rounds, notice where in your body you hold tension or speediness. Focus on that and do a few more rounds of 4, 7, 8 breathing. And make sure you use your own meditation methods each day too, it helps lower cortisol (stress hormones) and assists the part of your brain that chooses helpful thoughts. Remember to breathe today.
May 10, 2019
Dissolve chaos and drama:
While there may well be all kinds of activity going on around you, it’s time now to allow the release of all awareness, the dissolving of pressure or tension, simply allowing in a dose of inner peace nor, maybe for just a minute or so, slowing down, deep slow breath in, now, as your eyes rest easily on my words, that’s right, now long slow breath out, easy, and again, slow breath in, through your nose, easy, then hold it, now release it, and as you do release it, you can feel some of that tension leave your body and mind, simply letting it go as the air leaves you, releasing it into the air around you, dissolving now, and little pockets of inner peace can begin to expand inside you, filling like small happy balloons of pleasure, lifting you, inspiring you and energizing you peacefully into your day. Take off now.
May 9, 2019
The silent treatment:
Going all silent on somebody is a horrible way to punish them. It’s the epitome of passive-aggressive behaviour. Passive-aggressive means that we’re not actually *doing anything* but our withdrawal of something constitutes a level of aggression in itself. It’s aim is often both to make a point and perhaps (paradoxically) to prevent conflict. A more adult way is of course to explain that you need a time out before talking and still maintain civility. So what about if somebody is deliberately doing silent treatment towards you?? You can ask them what’s happening and you will likely be told a version of “nothing/I’m fine”. What do you do with that?? We have a few options. If it’s a person we are more detached from, we can decide it’s not our problem unless they choose to raise their issue. You can certainly offer them the opportunity to raise their issue. You can also explain that silent treatment or withdrawal is not a strategy you feel comfortable with and that you’d like to work out another way to deal with whatever is going on. And if required you could get a coach to help with communication in that relationship. If all fails, perhaps further distance or detachment is needed. Deliberate silent treatment has been shown to be very damaging and destructive to relationships of all kinds. It’s also one of the four key predictors of relationship breakdown. Firstly: make sure you don’t do it to others. Secondly: If it bothers you in a relationship, raise it and get assistance if required. Silent passive aggressive moves suck.
May 8, 2019
Drama around you??
We know there are people that actually need chaos. Do they actual enjoy it?? Often they say they don’t and yet somehow they are at the centre of drama after drama and it may appear that they are the catalyst for much of it. It may be that their nervous system is wired to require a particular kind of high excitement, high adrenaline environment, and that without it, things feel dead or boring or just not quite right. For the rest of us who require inner peace, this need for chaos or drama can be disturbing, unsettling, annoying and even upsetting. Detachment isn’t always easy, especially when you care about the people involved. For prevention, choose distance from drama-seekers wherever possible. For treatment, repeat to yourself that you choose to focus on what matters to you, you will be acting within your own integrity and you will choose peace. Fight the urge to protect everyone. If we are talking about adults (who create and maintain most drama) then they too are ADULTS with resources and choices. Decide that it is your choice to remain in the state of peace. It’s their stuff. Your job is to choose to be drama-free, to remain calm and to focus on what truly matters.
May 7, 2019
Watching people make bad decisions??
Whether it’s friends or family, most of us get to watch others make decisions that leave our mouths open in shock or disbelief. Maybe they choose harmful activities, or maybe choose to stay in a relationship that seems toxic, or don’t manage money well, or perhaps it’s what they DON’T do for themselves or others. Yes it can be very hard to watch, especially when we care about that person and want the best for them. We can feel responsible,like it’s up to us to help or fix it. And when we get that urge, a key question to ask is whether or not that person is in the market for actual help or advice. (A tip: most people are not). If people respond well to help or suggestions, both by listening and/or taking their own action then they are ready for change. But if they don’t listen or continue as is, they are not ready. And that’s ok. We can offer suggestions and leave it there. Beyond that, it is not our job to control others. Please repeat: it is not my job to control or direct others. Help is available if needed. Live and let live. Sometimes all you can do is offer open and non-judgemental energy. And that’s a lot.
May 6, 2019
Work with the Now:
While it can be habitual to jump ahead and try to work out the future, it’s often stress-inducing and even overwhelming. Just for today, stick to today, in fact, stick to the next 5 minutes. If you stay in now/5 min, and manage that well, then the rest will take care of itself. Keep it simple in your mind today. It all works out.
May 3, 2019
Feel upbeat:
I don’t really know how you woke up feeling, I don’t truly know what’s going on for you today at all, or what is to come, but what we CAN do, if you want to listen to my helpful instructions, is to calm it all down now, taking one slow deep breath, slowly, that’s right, let that oxygen circulate easily, slowly, dissolving all tension now as you breathe out and as I talk, and you can just listen, all is well, nothing to do right now, really quite free in your inner mind, allowing that freedom feeling to move around all the places in your mind that need to know, and as that freedom feeling does move around, it is, you can also allow a certain level of upbeat to happen, slowly, just turning up the upbeat now, hand on the dial, your inner mind knowing exactly where and how, little bit more upbeat, feeling better and better as your day goes on, more and more relaxed upbeat for you now, flowing easily with the rhythm of however it goes, upbeat it is.
May 2, 2019
Jealous focus on others:
Maybe it’s social media and the constant protection of beauty and success. Maybe it’s insecurity, or self-doubt or perfectionism. Or maybe feeling like “potential” hasn’t been achieved. Or that you want or feel you deserve what they have. It can seem unfair and it can feel like “doing everything right” isn’t paying off and/or that others have things they don’t “deserve”. No matter what, it’s all a form of unpleasant comparison to others and it’s going to sting. The only antidotes involve sticking to your own yard, so to speak. Staying in your own yard means focusing on your achievements, your goals, the things you appreciate and enjoy. Any time the focus drifts to others, we gently bring it back, knowing that it’s their journey and that our journey is unique to us. We also don’t truly know what goes on for others; nobody ever really knows what difficulties they face or what’s really going on behind the scenes. If you’re focusing on another and feeling jealous, say “ I can’t judge the merit of this, I know nothing about their true situation ”. Then go back to your situation. Start with appreciating what you do have or enjoy and then remember your intentions or goals. Focusing on others is completely useless and demoralizing. Return to self and look at the brightness in the now as well as the future. It is.
May 1, 2019
Face the truth.
Is there a little dose of truth you’ve been avoiding?? Something you’ve been denying or justifying to yourself and need to stop and look at the reality? A habit you really need to change? A negative or apathetic attitude that needs a kick into a new gear? A behavior that needs to stop or start? Some self-pity that needs to convert into appreciation or action? A one-way relationship that must alter course? A lifestyle rut that needs to be shaken up? A new direction for some part of your leisure time? Whatever that truth is for you, face it and move towards a better state of mind. You can.
April 30, 2019
Energy for healing:
Whatever needs healing right now, whether it’s for you (emotionally or for some physical situation) or for someone else or other aspects of nature, send some healing energy to that place. Research demonstrates the effect of sending deliberate or intentional energy, which can be in the form of a thought, color, light or feeling, and it doesn’t even matter if the person knows or believes. You can receive some healing energy to yourself, via this message. All you have to do is be willing to receive it. We are like transmission stations, sending and receiving different forms of energy all the time via sympathetic resonance. Be receptive to the helpful energy for yourself today and send some out for others when you can.
April 29, 2019
Everything at once:
Most of us seem to have a stress tolerance limit that is fairly stable. We’ve worked out our life balance, and we do ok with it, until somehow there’s extra to cope with. Maybe family stuff, or unexpected financial issues, or illness, a Monday morning, strange conflict with others, car or appliance failure or other life annoyances. And as we know, these things often arrive in groups rather than alone! It can tip us over our stress tolerance limits before we know it, and into overwhelm or anxiety. Our first requirement is to notice, or acknowledge what’s happening. Know that everyone feels this way at times (more often than we could know) and that it’s human. It can hit us harder at various points in the hormone cycle too, so be aware. Notice, acknowledge, be calm. Chunk down. Face one thing at a time; everything cannot be solved right now. Breathe. Start with one. Know that it’s all an ongoing mission and that all missions have challenges within them. It all works out. It’s already improving right now.
April 28, 2019
Changing involuntary emotions and sensations:
You know, and I know too, that most of us have certain patterns that kick in, feelings that we don’t perhaps enjoy, or thoughts that arise, seemingly from nowhere, to disturb our peace of mind, maybe even in a dream, or triggered by some random event that the subconscious mind connects to, and by listening now, slowing down, tuning in with your inner mind to me now, as I talk to you here, your subconscious mind can hear, loud and clear, and make some adjustments right now, right here, small adjustments, turning the discomfort dial down now, that’s right, down a little further, to a relaxed and much more functional level, very good, and moving to that dial that controls motivation and confidence now, and turning that dial up a bit higher, just a bit more, turning it up to a strong and vibrant level, not too much, just getting it right, and leaving it there, so that your subconscious mind can know how to balance feelings easily, without analysis, without effort, just starting to feel better now for no good reason, and boosting enjoyment for your day. Enjoy.
April 27, 2019
Appreciate and like.
Appreciation is easy. It can be just a thought about a thing you like, something enjoyable, an idea you are inspired by, a person you enjoy, something interesting or beautiful in nature, an activity you do or once did, an animal or loved pet, a task that is easy, a piece of clothing or jewellery, a color, a particular book, a piece of music or a band or anything at all that you can remember or think of that gets you into the state of appreciating. You don’t have to feel grateful as such, you can just feel a sense of liking this aspect or being glad it’s in your orbit. Gratitude can sometimes feel like a pressure, like something we’re “supposed” to feel, whereas appreciating is just an easy sensation of liking and being glad. Find five things to appreciate around you now. They can be tiny or huge. Then find a few more. All you have to say is “I like it”. And notice how that feels.
April 26, 2019
Focus on what you CAN do.
I see so many people being so hard on themselves, so self-critical. These patterns usually start early in life. If there was a critical voice in childhood, perhaps it became internalized. Most of us don’t like the feeling of feeling inadequate, of nothing ever being good enough for somebody. And yet it’s something we also do to ourselves. It’s about expectations. Do we expect to be a human or are we expecting ourselves to behave like a robot designed and programmed to somebody’s idea of perfection? We know that perfectionism leads to anxiety, trouble and disappointment, sometimes even despair. So we need to focus our mental lens on the little wins, the minor enjoyments, the strengths. We can build on these. Let’s focus today on what is going well, what we CAN do and what the next small step is. Watch for the good bits today.
April 25, 2019
Internally shaky:
There are days when things don’t feel great inside. Maybe something has happened, maybe nothing has happened. These are the days to take it very easy out in the world. And by that, it means taking it very easy on yourself. Imagine you were looking after a young person that wasn’t feeling well or had been very upset. You’d gently lead them, you’d speak with kindness and reassurance, you’d choose or avoid certain people or places and you’d keep checking in on them. That’s what we all need for ourselves. When tired or stressed or shaky, we need inner friendliness and reassurance much more than we need any form of self medication with sugar or other substances. Niceness to self brings a calm and pleasant energy to the world. Practise self-kindness today.
April 24, 2019
Non-judgement and the brain:
Most minds have an urge to judge. We judge our own experiences, ourselves, others, the past, the present and the future. We label it, decide it’s good, bad, boring, exciting, terrible, perfect, concerning, it’s alright, it’s unacceptable, it’s better or worse or pointless etc etc. We assume that “positive” judgements are good (so we even judge our judgements!!) but even these can bring distress by way of contrast and by having an assumption that everything should feel good and/or be deemed good. To practise non-judgement, the key is to say IT IS. Whatever “it” might be, someone’s behavior, your own feelings or pain or experience, just notice it and acknowledge that it IS. The secondary freak out that can come from the habit of judging every emotion or experience can lead to a lot of stress, anxiety, frustration and despair. Saying “it is” doesn’t keep us stuck in places we shouldn’t be. If a feeling or experience is temporary, it will still pass, but we will have less distress. If it’s a situation we should be acting on, we will accept the reality more quickly and perhaps do what is truly required. When you notice yourself reacting and judging today (we all do, it’s part of being human) just go back to IT IS. If you want to feel even more accepting, try “IT IS. And that’s OK”. See how it feels. Again, that doesn’t mean you remain in unacceptable situations or circumstances. But perhaps it can bring a clarity about where to go next. Either way, IT IS.
April 23, 2019
The brain that smiles!
Smiling sends a quick signal to the brain and lifts our spirit, even a tiny bit, if only for a second. You need to push the smile up to involve the eyes! A grin is even more potent. Give a grin at yourself every time you pass a mirror or reflective surface! The smile muscles boost brain chemistry whether or not you have anything to smile about. Give random strangers a smile and nod. We never know how much they might need that free smile today. Let’s commit to bringing more smiles into daily activity.
April 22, 2019
Boosting relationship connection:
There are a few key actions we can take to make things more enjoyable and smooth. One is the way we respond to seemingly random comments. If a partner comments on something, from their day, to the weather, traffic, TV show or other observation, in psychology land we call that a “bid for attention”. It’s so easy (especially in long term couples) to ignore it, stay on a device, grunt, or make a dismissive yet vaguely polite comment. For example a person might say “traffic was so slow tonight”. We can answer “mmm” or “ok” or ignore or say “it’s always slow” etc. In truth, none of those responses enhance connection. A comment is a bid for attention. If we want to build or maintain connection we could respond “oh was it frustrating?” or “where were the trouble spots” or “how did you distract yourself from it” or “I wonder what was going on” or some other response that shows interest and allows conversation to continue. The other person may not wish to say any more about it. But they will have had a solid response to their bid for attention and research/clinical practice shows the connection-boosting effect of this habit. We tend to do it with friends and colleagues while we can get lazy and complacent with partners if we’re tired or stressed. Don’t use up all your good stuff during the day. Take some to the person you’re with. Maybe get your other half to follow this page if you think it might help you to have things to talk about! We need more people thinking about the issues we share on this page so think about somebody who might benefit. And remember to respond to a bid for attention today!
April 21, 2019
Take the inner child with you!
One of the keys to on-going fun and contentment is to have regular chats with the inner child. What does it want to do? What does it enjoy? How could it have a good time in this situation? What doesn’t it want to be involved in? Who does it like/dislike? The inner child is often about 9 years old and wants to do all the things you liked doing at that age, from playing, to talking, to learning and to dreaming while looking at the sky or out the window. That inner child knows what you need more than you do. You don’t have to everything it wants to do, but tapping in will help you understand when and why you feel naturally motivated or joyous. Tap into the wisdom and guidance of that kid today. Maybe even skip a little while you’re walking.
April 20, 2019
Validation for you:
We move around in the world every day, doing what we need to do, putting on whatever mask is needed on whatever day, sometimes hiding what is really going on inside, so today, as I speak slowly to your inner mind, listening now, to the acknowledgement, the validation that is for you, the REAL you, the part that feels everything, the part that deals with the pain and the wins and the hard times and the tricky bits, the part that perhaps not many people see, I’m talking here, speaking to that part right now, breathe in now, a deep breath of relaxation as you release all tension and strain, and simply feel that validation for the inner you, letting me remind your inner mind to feel good now, feel grateful for the good, feel satisfied with the wins, feel strong in the face of trouble, feel accepting of the ups and downs and know that it’s ok, and you’re doing great. You are.
April 19, 2019
Get it over with.
That thing you’re dreading or putting off? Just bite the bullet. Get the thing happening and then you won’t have to feel the blah of procrastination any more. Procrastination is a mix of “should” and “want to” combined with a stab of guilt and avoidance. Get it over with. The buzz of action is much more pleasant than the discomfort of ongoing “coulda shoulda”. Make it start today. It’s never as bad as we think and it’s usually easier than we could predict. Go on.
April 18, 2019
There is no defence!
Couples and families often have an issue where somebody says “the wrong thing” and then tries to explain “but all I meant was...”. Can we spread the word that when we say or do the wrong thing, even if we don’t quite get it (and this is assuming we’re dealing with a reasonable person and not a head-tripper) the response should be to be quiet and listen. Then agree that it was “the wrong thing” or that we can see how it comes across as “wrong” and apologize. The amount of defence and justification I hear in my work is a worry. It only elevates conflict and makes the other person even more frustrated. Fight the urge to defend and justify. Just hear the complaint and agree with the validity of it as much as possible. Again assuming you’re dealing with a (generally!) rational person that cares about you. We shut up. We listen. We validate. We apologize. We agree to be mindful in future. Amazing how many problems just go away when we do that.
April 17, 2019
Song therapy today!
Find that song. The one that makes you feel how you want to feel and dials up the mood you need today. Is from the past?? A song that’s always meant something? Or something new that reminds you to always stay in touch with recent music? Or some random track that you can really listen to and lose yourself in?? Use the power of music to lift your spirits today.
April 16, 2019
Anti-Rut, Anti-Boredom!
Being in a rut or feeling bored is not fun. It can build frustration and lead to impulsive acts that may not be great in the long term. We avoid ruts by making sure we keep changing it up, doing something different, setting new small challenges. In a similar way we can avoid boredom by looking for differences rather than focusing on sameness, by remaining curious and asking new questions, by reminding ourselves what is important and WHY we are doing this. It’s an inside job and it all depends on attitude and optimism. Most of the time these feelings are temporary and go away all by themselves if we don’t buy in. But if they’re sticking around, we need to change it up, get creative, challenge ourselves within the situation. Every day is different if we remember to look.
April 15, 2019
Release control:
There are times, many times really, where we need to just let it go, let things play out as they may, just allowing things to unfold, breathing now, slowing down, eyes gliding slowly over my words, speaking to your inner mind, the mind that knows, it’s not always time for action, just wait, let it unfold, events will reveal themselves and all is well. Release.
April 14, 2019
Self confidence:
It’s about knowing it’s in there. Even if you don’t feel it right now, even when you’re not sure, know that the resources are inside and will present themselves at the required time. You will always have what you need available at the moment you need it. You have intelligence, resourcefulness, competence, personality, wit and charm at your disposal. Always. And your bag of tricks grows stronger every day with every experience. You refuse to do comparison with others. It’s about you; you’re unique and you do it your way. You are equipped. You CAN do it. Be calm, say yes and know that confidence is always there with you.
April 13, 2019
Pissed off?? Check expectations.
Expectations are a recipe for emotional consequences. If we are disappointed, pissed off, let down or angry, turns out we had expectations. Maybe we weren’t even aware of it. Those expectations might have been about the behavior/actions of others or they may have been expectations of how we ourselves would feel in a certain situation. Many people feel that if something was the “right thing” for them, they’d feel different, better, euphoric even. A lot of us have idealized and unrealistic expectations of how we will feel. We expect to feel “refreshed” or “energized” upon waking (most of us wake up foggy and take ages to kick start). We expect to feel madly in love all the time in long term relationships (love goes in cycles and changes form). We expect to feel “passionate” and “motivated” in the “right” job or the “right” educational program (motivation goes up and down, we feel interest but it waxes and wanes like most things in life). We expect other people to “do the right thing” by us or know how to “make us happy” (other people come equipped with many different installations both in personality and life experience and will see things via their own model of the world). Many of our expectations are quite reasonable. Some are idealizations. Others are completely unrealistic given the people or circumstances involved. If you’re pissed off, check the expectations. The answer may lie there.
April 12, 2019
Look at the sky. Look at a tree.
Nature is constantly changing. We can look at one small element, whether it’s in the country or the city or even in our mind’s eye, and see the artistry or sense the calm or feel the inspiration that comes from the scene. We can remember that we are part of nature, growing, changing, unique and with our own features or gifts. If we feel lost or tired or despairing we can look at something in nature for an idea of how to reframe circumstances for a better-feeling thought. Do a sky check today. Find a tree or three to gaze at. A ray of sunshine to notice. And remember the possibilities. Remember it’s all alive with action.
April 11, 2019
No rush.
There just isn’t. It all works out. Slow down, enjoy, allow, relax. Hurrying links us to worrying and other expressions of anxiety. It all gets done somehow. Slow it down and enjoy the moments today.
April 10, 2019
You just never know!
Take a moment now, relaxing easily as you read my words, slowing your eyes down, slowly breathing in, holding it, and now releasing it, that’s right, allowing all tension to dissolve, little muscles in neck and shoulders easing now, letting the tension simply drop from your jaw muscles, all those little muscles carrying your stress and strain, just softening now, as you read, and as I remind your mind that it’s a new day, and it always will be, and nothing will ever be the same again, in a good way, better and newer things, we really never know what good things are just around the corner, the exciting things, the fun, new people, the interesting new ideas, the changes that might feel scary but will in fact lead to growth and inspiration, the learning, the opportunities, the things we will laugh about, the accidental good times we will have, these things are always coming, are here already, be on lookout, the never-ending creation of your life, better and better now, you just never know what’s next, relaxing now, as you just go on the ride. May your ride be friendly as you increase energy and brain alertness now for the journey.
April 9, 2019
Frustrated?? Then read more.
Frustration is a type of stress. It’s an agitated, unpleasant feeling that often leads to thoughts that spiral to anger, lowered mood, despair or anxiety. It can also be a positive force that leads us to take action when processed or focused correctly. How do we create frustration? Frustration is nearly always a case of thinking something should be different from what it is. We want it faster. We want it now. We “should” be further ahead. We “should” be feeling different. We “deserve” better. It “should” have worked by now. We “shouldn’t” be still in this place. They “shouldn’t” think/act like that. They “should” know better. Today “should” have gone differently. This needs to change. We’re “over it”. It’s not “fair”. We’re “done”. All of these types of internal narratives will build frustration. And what they have in common is a lack of acceptance or allowing of what is, combined with a strong expectation of something else, possibly even an internal rule about how it “should” be. And I’m not saying we’re always incorrect in our assessment; there are times when a situation is not ok and we need to take action or exit. And this is where it can be a positive motivator. But if these frustration patterns are recurring, or regularly triggered by everyday stuff, then we need to take stock of our inner narrator. We all narrate life from the inside. Does the inner narrator need a shake up or an attitude adjustment? Do we need to go with the flow a little more and be a little less judgey?? Notice your themes and frequency of frustrations today and see if you can shake up the internal narrator to see which part (if any) really needs the change.
April 8, 2019
Anti-procrastination method:
Most of the time, we don’t feel too great after procrastinating. We put something off, put it out of mind, tell ourselves we will start later, tomorrow, when there’s more time, when things settle down. The only antidote to procrastination is to say NO to ourselves, like we would if a kid was trying to put something off when it needs to be done. NO, we can say. DO IT NOW. JUST DO A LITTLE BIT. Whatever it is, just start, just do a little bit of it, maybe 5-10 minutes. That’s all. Then you can feel like you’ve begun and it won’t feel so overwhelming or difficult. Procrastination is a cycle. The more we do it, the more we do it. The mind gets used to helping us feel off the hook and justifying it. Sometimes it’s ok to take a break or rest but we all know the difference deep down. When it’s got to be done, we start. Face it. Say it. No excuses. No thinking up reasons why not to. JUST DO IT. Do one thing today, one tiny action towards something you’ve been procrastinating on. You’ll feel good after. Reward chemicals beat self-annoyance any day.
April 7, 2019
Physical pain:
Most pain gives double distress. First there’s the sensation itself, then there is the concern/irritation/fear/worry cycle that can accompanies the pain. We might not have so much control over the first sensation of pain, but evidence shows that our internal response to the pain can affect how long we feel the pain for, as well as the level of distress we feel. While this isn’t easy (and depends on severity of course), the key seems to be to notice and name thepain without entering into distress thoughts. For example saying “throbbing pain left side of neck” or wherever it is. Talk to the pain. Ask that part of the body how it is feeling and whether it has anything it needs to tell you. You might ask the pain what word it represents. Ask if there is any underlying emotion, stress or conflict that needs to be processed. Ask yourself what color the pain is, and think about what color you’d like it to be. You might even imagine changing the color of the pain area using the power of your imagination. When people’s brains are monitored on fMRI, the results have suggested lower ratings of pain perception using these and similar techniques. Again, the idea is to avoid secondary suffering by not freaking out and through a calm detached awareness of aspects of the pain. We can’t always do it and that’s ok. But when you can, or can do it for somebody else, it’s pretty effective. May your day be pain-free and comfortable.
April 6, 2019
Power yourself:
If you need to power up, don’t think about any tiredness or fog. Yes, your brake pedal may be a little stick today but if you want energy, focus on hitting the accelerator pedal. You are powered by the daylight or any other light you think about. You are solar powered. Bring the light into your mind, your brain, your nervous system and your body. Let there be light everywhere inside and outside you, powering up your energy meter. Lighten up your thoughts. Travel lightly. Choose a light touch for everything you say and do. You can even be a light-worker if you choose, for added energy bonuses. Stay out of the heavy zone today, turn your eyes towards wherever the light is and feel your energy power right up whenever you need it.
April 5, 2019
Hitting PAUSE button now:
You know, and I know too, that there are all those things on your mind, those worries, fears, uncertainties and annoyances, and things that can affect the mind, affect clear thinking and make you feel like you need to take action, without even always knowing what action, so just read my words now, here, and take a slow deep breath, while we hit the PAUSE button, breathing in again now, allowing your mind to stop processing, because too much processing is really just looping and doubting and looping and being frustrated and then more looping, doubting, so hit PAUSE now, in your inner mind, just breathe, and all that other stuff can just FREEZE for a bit, clearing the channels, allowing the intelligence to move freely through you without all the pointless jamming up of circuits, and leave it on PAUSE now, that’s right, just move on with your day and let life take care of itself. It all works out. It is.
April 4, 2019
Calm Acceptance:
Whatever it is, it is what it is. We can resist it, we can be pissed off, we can try to control it, we can ruminate on it or worry about it. But is it within our circle of influence? Is there something we can do to change it?? If not, then we go back to the facts. It is what it is. We allow it to be as it is and give ourselves continual reminders. Just let it be. And over time, we find that acceptance comes with the bonus of inner peace. Allow the flow today.
April 3, 2019
Energy check ✅
It’s easy to fall into flat energy patterns around others, especially if we know them well, and even more so if we share a home with them. What energy are you bringing to the room? Do you bring a mood of possibility, of being pleased to be here, of being curious about their experiences, of being glad to see them? Or are you stuck in your head, with your own problems and experiences? Of course we all have many personal challenges which can preoccupy us. But when we are around people we care about, it can be good to remember that we need to give a little energy too. We can internally remind ourselves “I’m glad to be here, and I’m keen to see what unfolds!” A little energy and a little curiosity goes a long way in feeding the vibe of any relationship. It starts with internal appreciation and exits as a mood of possibility. If you’re glad to be there, make sure it shows.
April 2, 2019
Boundary-crossers and their effects:
They ask inappropriate questions. Get too personal. Disclose too much. Give you way too much information. Ask the unreasonable. Make personal comments. Get a little too close. Want too much. People that regularly cross boundaries are not reading the social play at all. They break the unwritten rules of social behavior and appear not to notice the subtle (or not so subtle) reactions of the people they affect. If we make them aware of the violation, they may be surprised, or sorry, contemptuous or defiant, depending on personality factors and context. Most relatively sensitive people have a hard time understanding this behavior. “How can they do this?!?” “How can they even ask that?!?” Don’t they realize?!?” “I would never do that to them!” And you’re right. You wouldn’t. Having clear boundaries is a wonderful thing; the only downside is the total lack of understanding of those who do not! There’s no easy answer. All we can do is say some version of “hey, that’s not ok” without too much justification or debate. Maybe just keep repeating “it’s not ok” and “let’s not go there”. Most importantly, it’s not personal. Refuse to take it personally. It’s not about why they don’t respect YOU, it’s about their regular behavioral choices. If you looked at the history you’d probably see a whole lot of similar behavior. Back off, decide what you’re boundaries will be and just say it. Briefly. Without blame. It’s not personal, you’re just two humans with differing models of the world. Stick with your working model and let them have theirs.
April 1, 2019
No expectations.
You could just go into today with an open mind and a calm thought about everything being easy and natural. There is no pressure to be anything or to feel anything, to live up to anything or to prove anything. Show up, where you need to be, on time, with a positive attitude. Do what you need to do. Release expectations of yourself and others today. You will probably always give more than required anyway so why not just take away any performance pressure. It doesn’t help and it’s generally counter-productive. Trust in your humanity and all the good things that flow through you and through others. Just be.
Going easy, doors opening:
Enough of the rush and struggle and strain as you listen to me now, and I give your inner mind that reminder to chill, to stop for breath, pause, and just listen to my words, slowly, slowing down even more, deeper and more relaxed now, as you glide with your eyes and ease with your mind, letting all tension dissolve in all the little muscles that carry all your stress and strain, relaxing shoulders now, breathing, letting the neck become loose, and allowing all tension to leave your legs too, your calves can relax now, and your feet can feel much more comfortable, easy, contented, grounded on the floor, connected to the earth, at one with all that is, here now, and yet there too, walking easily through the open doors without resistance, just choosing the easy path and allowing a little calm and a dash of joy to emerge when ready. It will.
Avoid Brain Drain:
Give your brain a break! A ten second meditation or breather will allow your brain to reboot. But do we even take ten seconds in this busy life?? People used to zone out in cars, trams, lifts, walking, sitting or lying in bed. Now we seem to be attached to phones and incoming information most of the time. Cognitive overload is a real thing! If you feel like your memory or concentration isn’t what it used to be, reduce cognitive overload. Take a mental break. Close your eyes and just breathe for ten breaths. Repeat “calm, chill, relax” ten times. Release physical tension. Allow yourself “time to potter” from a cognitive point of view. Let the mind drift and look at the sky. We all need this. May your brain be allowed a little downtime today.
The physiology of mood state:
Sometimes it’s hard to control the thoughts. It can be even more tricky to interrupt the emotions when they kick in. It’s good to know that there are always things we can do just by changing parts of the body, and that these small changes can actually affect how we feel quite quickly. Look up! Keep your head up and your eyes up! This stops us accessing unpleasant thoughts and feelings as easily. Stand up. Make sure you stand with shoulders back and legs 40 cm apart. Make a fist on both hands and say “YES” in a voice with power and certainty. Keep looking up. Put a grin on your face even if you don’t feel like smiling. We know from research that the grin state changes the brain just a little towards the good. Move around. Walk around the room or house or outside. Maybe even run a bit, just for a minute. Or you could shake your hands around if you can’t run around. If you’re sitting, sit up straight. No slumping! Breathe deeply into your chest, or even lower into the belly area. Keep looking up! Small continual physical changes make little improvements in mood or energy or motivation and every little bit helps, right! While you’re focusing on moving your body differently, you can’t focus as easily on thoughts and feelings too. Keep those eyes up today!
You’re stronger than you think you are.
You’re smarter than you think you are. You’re more likable than you think. You’re more resourceful and talented and wise. You can see multiple perspectives on anything, as well as the funny side when appropriate. You know who you are and you disregard the opinions of others when you are clear about what you want. You are confident and courageous. Use your strengths by focusing more on them, and knowing they will always be your super powers. Go forth and be bold today.
Working for peace:
You know if you slow down, now, letting your eyes glide much more slowly over my words, that’s right, breathing now, choosing a mood of peace, an intention of peace, that inner feeling of peace for you today, no matter what goes on around you, you connect to a small haven of peace in your inner mind now, and you stay there, peacefully, enjoying the private quiet space, and every choice you make today, my voice will remind you to choose according to inner peace. Begin now.
BrainFreeze:
You’re talking, you suddenly go blank on what you were about to say. You’re about to say something else and the words don’t come to you, or come out all jumbled. You’re racking your brain trying to remember the name of a person, place or thing, and you KNOW you know it, but there’s a blank spot where the information usually lives. You hear a song, you knew the band, or you see the movie and know that actor, and yet when you go to say it, there’s nothing there. You have to google it. It might appear that brain freeze is becoming more common and frequent! People worry about cognitive decline but in fact we should be more concerned about our cognitive overload. We live in an increasingly stimulating world where we are constantly expected to mentally multi task and take in massive amounts of digital AND real-world information simultaneously. Have you ever used your smart phone or device while watching TV or talking to somebody or doing another task?? Most of us do this more regularly. Cognitive overload creates a minor attention and memory deficit situation. Review your multi tasking and digital time and perhaps reduce other forms of stress where possible. Bottom line: the information is still there in your brain. Nothing important will be missed. Your brain is fine. Relax and trust it.
Weather and seasonal tiredness:
We humans are part of nature, and we are affected by aspects of nature more than some of us realize. Our energy and mood can be affected by sunlight (or lack of), heat, cold, temperature fluctuations, humidity, dryness, pollen count, high pressure systems, low presume systems, air quality, moon cycles, and so much more. There are phases where everyone’s feeling excessively tired and achey; that’s when you look to the environmental conditions and suspect that there’s something going on. World events and other collective emotional experiences may play a part also. In times like these, we focus on the main keys to wellbeing. We eat well and don’t let tiredness dictate a need for sugar or junk. We get as much sleep as we are able to, without worrying about it too much and creating anxious insomnia. We exercise a little without pushing beyond our reserves. We maintain an attitude of optimism: this is temporary, it doesn’t have to affect us too much and it’s nothing personal. No inadequacy on our part; just an environmental energy dip. At times they can be a day or so, at times they can be prolonged. If you’re feeling it, others probably are too. It’s ok. The tide will go in, the tide will go out. It always flows.
More on the spotlight effect:
In a world of increased social media immersion, are we training our nervous systems to be more self-conscious? And with this self-consciousness, are we increasing vulnerability towards self-doubt as well as social anxiety? Having an awareness of “what will people think” was once an adaptive strategy when we lived in small tribes where acceptance meant survival. But could global social media secretly trick our minds into being less sure of our decision-making as well as how we present to the world?? In an ideal world, we would “know” that social media presence is an illusion, and a world separate from the “real” world. Maybe our brains have evolved to integrate this, and perhaps those of us born and raised pre-internet operate differently from those born into it. Has it affected social anxiety? Are some people less willing to talk and do face to face activities? Asking the question is more important than knowing the answer. Let’s remove the spotlight that might subconsciously be on us (in our own minds) and direct the light back into the world where it belongs.
The fear of being judged:
Yes it can feel like the spotlight is on you, and that others are watching and highlighting your every move, noticing and assessing and judging harshly! As we know though, something can *feel* like it’s happening and yet not be happening at all. It’s called emotional reasoning. People who have high self-consciousness (leading to a fear of being judged negatively) feel worried either consciously or subconsciously about the spotlight being on them, with all perceived flaws or mistakes glaringly obvious to all. Yet the evidence of this is long/standing. In psychology we call it a cognitive error: we mistakenly assume that people are focused on and assessing us when they are not. In fact, most people are focused on themselves and their own issues or worries or perhaps even your judgement of them! If you’ve been criticized or judged in the past it can feel like it will happen again. The radar becomes attuned to watching for convincing signs. Unless you hear it for yourself (which will reflect on the person being judgey, not on you) then assume it’s cognitive error. Refuse to pay attention and direct your focus outwardly where it belongs: on the world or on people or on helpful/interesting ideas. Allow yourself to live and let live today.
Releasing the build-up:
It’s time now, as you take a moment to read my words, slowing down now, that’s right, just letting your eyes glide slowly over what I say to you here, easy and comfortable, you are, time now to begin sending that message to your inner mind, that place that stores all the information and memories and emotions, we ask now that your inner mind begins to make a wise decision for your benefit, deciding what to release now, allowing all the built-up stuff to exit and dissolve naturally, quickly, easily, without you even needing to do anything, nothing for you to do, your inner mind can do it all for you, relaxing and releasing with my helpful instructions, and you may be surprised at the feeling of noting that a small burden is gone, something is shifting, space is created and lightness appears. Just allow it all to happen in its own time. It is.
How’s your heart??
This could be one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves. And I’m not talking about medical tests or ECG readings. I’m talking about the emotional state of your heart. Is it open? Is it friendly? Is it trusting? Is it calm? Or is it closed, bitter, hurt or resentful? Think about what you might need to do and/or stop doing in order for your heart to remain open and able to give as well as receive. Open-hearted might just be important. Put your hand on your chest and check in today. Remember to listen.
The Busy Trap:
We fall into routines, we don’t make time to think about what we love to do, let alone doing it. But of course we all have the same allotted time and we always will. We can make choices about where and how to spend some of it, even if not a lot of it. Choose wisely!! What gives you the most excitement, fun, joy, inspiration?? How can you take a tiny chunk of time and give it to yourself for the stuff that’s good for the soul? Organize it today. Do something you love.
Competing with your past self:
It’s so easy to remember the things we “used to” be able to do, the way our brain “used to” function, the energy we “used to” have and the ailments we “never had” back then. It’s seductive and it’s competitive. Comparing and competing with a past (often imaginary) version of ourselves is draining and toxic. All we can do is focus on doing the best we can with what we feel or have available TODAY. Maybe the best you can do today is a stroll and anap, or maybe just the nap! It doesn’t mean you won’t feel better tomorrow or in the future. And even if you can’t, the best moments are to be had by training the mind to stay in right now, in today, just showing up wherever you need to be and doing the best that you can with a good attitude. And we do that by reminding ourselves that that’s our job right now. Remain calm, remain present and just do the thing you need to do. Let tomorrow take care of tomorrow.
Gather evidence:
Your mission today, should you choose to accept it, is to gather evidence of good. Be one-eyed and look for things that work out, aspects that go more easily than expected, kind or pleasant people, enjoyable views or moments, creatures and animals, happy thoughts, fun music and brief episodes of joy. There might be other stuff, but for today you can choose to ignore it or find a way of thinking well of it. This is a Jedi mind training exercise and it’s very useful for guiding thought processes in order to help keep mood and energy on track. May the force be with you today.
Trippy for brain:
So many things to focus on and think about and do, all that pressure and stress you want a break from, and you do need a break, can have a break now, a simple, easy and quick break that brings many instant benefits, clearing the channels, easing your mind and recharging your batteries now, breathing in slowly, hold it, that’s right, now release the air slowly, dissolving tension now, lifting your spirits and letting your mind trip away happily, forgetting what you need to forget for now, and then later, remembering what you need to remember, easily and comfortably feeling better, breathing in again, holding it as you listen to my helpful positive instructions, and then releasing it as you allow all worry and tension to leave your bodymind, that’s right, having a nice trip, and you know, and I know too, that a nice relaxing trip always helps, and that a quick trip can be a great trip. Come back and stay chill, enjoying your day.
Help!!
Sometimes we need it. Many people can’t ask for it. Most of the world are happy to provide it but they can’t read your mind. Where and when do you need help? You don’t even have to know exactly what kind of help is required. Just saying I NEED HELP can be a good start. There are somethings we cannot do alone. There are many changes we cannot generate by ourselves. When we send out the help signal, help will arrive. Avoid the urge to be self-sufficient at the wrong moments; humans are made for inter-dependence. Ask for help.
The story brings the mood:
Yes, we wake up with an emotional state sometimes. On other days we wake up neutral and become affected by our inner narrative about how things are, how they should be, what’s happened and what’s going to happen. Inner narrative (that commentary we do on everything inside) hugely affects mood and is totally correlated with levels of depression and anxiety. If you want to manage low mood or depressive feelings, you must learn to manage your narrative. How?? I’m glad you asked. Firstly, you must notice it in a non-judgemental way. If the narrative or things you’re saying to yourself brings good feelings or pleasure, it’s probably ok. But if you’re not feeling good and heading down a “spiral” then your inner narrative needs to be challenged. Certain patterns emerge. Narratives like WHY ME, THIS SUCKS, I HATE THIS, IT’S REALLY BAD AND IT’S GETTING WORSE, WHY AM I ALWATS LIKE THIS, THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, IT’S NOT FAIR, WHAT IF THIS TERRIBLE THING HAPPENS, WHAT IF I SCREW IT ALL UP, PEOPLE ALWAYS DISAPPOINT ME, WHY IS NOBODY EVER THERE FOR ME, I JUST CAN’T COPE, IT’S ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER, IT NEVER STOPS, I’M JUST A BASKET CASE, I’M AN ALL OR NOTHING PERSON SO I CAN’T DO THIS, F*CK THIS, IT’S TOO HARD, etc etc. Those kinds of thoughts form a narrative (running storyline) which changes chemistry and feeds a depression and/or anxiety loop. Of course the thoughts are irrational and at some level we know this. So we need to point out to ourselves where they are inaccurate and replace them with neutral thoughts like I’M OK, IT WILL BE OK, I’VE GOT THIS, I CAN DO IT, I’VE BEEN THROUGH OTHER STUFF AND I’M A SURVIVOR, JUST BREATHE AND KEEP GOING, IT’S JUST PART OF BEING HUMAN, MY JOB IS TO BE CALM AND JUST SHOW UP DOING THE BEST I CAN ON THE DAY AND I REFUSE TO KEEP ANALYZING. Monitor the narratives today and notice what comes out of your mouth as well. Narrative becomes emotional reality so make sure yours is to your liking.
The physical sensations of anxiety:
The worrying is annoying enough. The repetitive thought loops are aggravating too, not to mention the irrational ideas that seem to pop into the mind all by themselves. But for people that get physical sensations of anxiety as well, moving about in the world can be daunting. Maybe it’s tears that kick in when anxiety hits a peak, tears that seem to come from nowhere and won’t turn off. Or racing heart, or trembling, dizziness, nausea and changes in sensory perception. Some people feel paralyzed or frozen. All the symptoms can be scary, and even though they really are a normal part of anxiety, they can feel overwhelming and debilitating. The root cause is a nervous system that goes into the red zone with a little too much intensity and too frequently. Our treatment involves bringing down the adrenalin peak, not so much in the moment of panic but overall. We use prevention. We retrain the nerves to be more chill, both via the mind and the physiology. It’s different for every person: some people need to address their ongoing inner conflicts, others need to learn to speak their mind or to leave an unhealthy situation. For some is changing the catastrophic thought patterns and learning to be more relaxed or less perfection-seeking in the inner narrative. For many it’s all of the above! The worst strategy is avoidance. This is a trap! If you teach your system to avoid all scary situations then it will be harder to stop it kicking in. There are also many supplements we prescribe to calm the system, depending on the person’s pattern and history. Begin with the mind and body calming methods. We all need these on hand (which is why my anxiety card sets are published) and we need to focus on it every day, not just when things are peaking. Do something today to keep your system chill.
Benefits of singing!
Whether you think you can sing or not, the truth is, everyone can. Just like the birds, we all have different voices and all belong in the world of nature, including you! Singing releases tension, lowers stress hormones, boosts serotonin, expresses emotion and channels inspiration or creativity. You can do it in private, alone, or with others and feel the benefits. While you’re singing, you are focused completely; you can’t sing and have other thoughts in your mind. It’s akin to meditation and has all the same positive body/mind side-effects. Like other forms of mediation, we do not judge or evaluate our singing, we just do it and keep going. You’re not in a competition. Singing (and chanting) has been used as a highly effective meditation technique for centuries and is great for people that prefer to be moving or physical when meditating, or those that don’t enjoy the silent, internal types of meditation methods. Or you can just have fun and be excited and forget all about the positive side-effects. Choose your favorite music and sing along today. Teachers, please keep singing alive in the classroom! Singing keeps you locked in a sense of freedom and we need more of that. Choose your song for the day.
Energize and motivate:
Listen now, to my voice as you bring to notice, with that part of your mind that knows how you want to feel, how you CAN feel, the way you want to be, the actions you’d like to take, soon, feeling that inspiration build here, as you follow my words, and my words transfer to your inner mind, raising that potent inner substance, the substance that fills your being with possibilities and options, mind allowing all the new ideas to grow now, any ideas, helpful ideas that get you where you want to go, towards energy, feeling that YES, you want this, you want it now, feeling can build slowly or quickly, it doesn’t really matter, but build it will, and you’ll get those positive feelings and enact them wherever and whenever needed. Go on.
The love day.
Today can mean anything you want it to mean. More love for nature. Noticing the love in people. Being loving towards yourself and others. Thinking about what love means- you know it’s a verb, not a noun. Put some love into action today.
Remember that NO THANKS thing??
How many things are you really doing out of duty, guilt and obligation? Do you actually WANT to do these things? Or do you do it to avoid the programmed guilty feeling that comes if you say no? Is it really ethical to agree to requests you don’t want to agree to (within reason of course) and then feel silently guilty/resentful? Wouldn’t you prefer to know if somebody didn’t want to do something, rather than them silently going along with it and feeling weird?? Of course there are things we have to do sometimes, obligations we need to meet even though we don’t like it. I get that. But I’m talking about those other things where you really could say NO THANKS and yet your head starts nodding and your mouth says ok. Our inability to be truthful and say NO THANKS may also be enabling rude or entitled behavior and we’d best not encourage that. Just two words. They’re very powerful. They’re under-utilized. So again I remind you. Use liberally for a more pleasant life. Here’s your prescription: When you get the NO feeling, use the NO THANKS.
States of enthusiasm:
No state of enthusiasm is permanent. No matter what the original enthusiasm is, it will probably wax and wane over time. Many enthusiasms will return to high peaks naturally; some will fade over time due to changes or natural redirections. In other words we can’t always rely on desire or passion as an indicator of whether we’re in the right place. Relying purely on emotional state is akin to romantic idealism: the idea that if it’s right, it will feel fantastic all the time. Psychologists have noted a rise in expectations connected to romantic idealism in relation to dating, partnerships, educational programs, job choices, family relationships and life in general. Many people now expect to feel enthused all the time and get the exit urge if they don’t. Interestingly this pattern of low frustration tolerance has long been known as a risk factor for anxiety and depression. We can learn to ride the waves, the ups and downs, the peaks and the ruts. Enthusiasm feels great and makes motivation much easier. In a lower ebb we use our cognitive skills and just do it, without too much analysis. Enthusiasm always returns, perhaps in a new form. May you be enthused today.
How not to boost energy:
If you’re a little flat or tired, there are things that will help and things that will make you feel more tired and possibly irritable. Being kind and positive and accepting towards yourself will help. Don’t judge the feelings of flatness, just notice and acknowledge them and remind yourself you’ll be ok, and to take it easy. What will not help is berating yourself, comparing yourself to other supposedly more energetic times in life, contrasting yourself with people that appear to be more energized or being pissed off about feeling tired. We have every right to feel pissed off if we like. But it won’t help us feel better. Isn’t the goal to feel better?? Other things that won’t help include sugar hits or excessive caffeine. A little caffeine might help but don’t go over your threshold or you’ll feel rattled and weird. Keep returning to chill state, let the tiredness be what it is and keep looking after the basics: positive, accepting attitude, nutritious food, plenty of sleep, fluids and gentle exercise. You’ll be ok.
Self-approval practice:
Stop for a moment now, as you read my words, hear me talking to you here, and as you do hear my words, put your other hand on your heart and simply say, in your mind or out loud if possible: “You’re great. In fact you rock. You know you always do the best you can, and while you’re pretty hard on yourself, you’re actually doing very well. “. Say that again, read it out loud, other hand on heart and know, at the deepest cellular level, that these words are always true and that you can always move towards feeling good. Enjoy today.
Feeling a little wiped out??
Having trouble moving, thinking, getting going? You’re not alone. There are many reasons we might feel wiped out right now. Humidity is high and it’s tiring if you’re not used to it. Constant weather changes can also be draining for many people. Altered routine, (maybe the back to school phase) has an effect. The start of the year has a holiday vibe and then suddenly it doesn’t. Traffic changes. Expectations change. We often feel we should feel different from what we do, be more active, be achieving more. And this pressure (self-inflicted) is tiring and prolongs the inertia. You may also be fighting a mild virus (always tiring) or be in the zone of recovering from too much stress or adrenalin from recent times. Mental and physical energy are related and one can feed (or drain) the other. Remember that we humans work in energy phases. If there is a down-cycle, then an up-cycle is on its way. Do all the good basics with sleep, quality food, optimism, rest, fun etc then just chill and say “it is what it is”. Energy is on the way to you.
It’s not your fault.
The thing you worry about, it’s not your fault. You came into the world designed this way and you were purpose-built for your experiences. It’s time to be unapologetic about who you are and cease self-disapproval. It doesn’t mean you can’t work on taking action or changing behaviors or re-working your inner narrative. But it’s time to end any feelings of defectiveness or self-blame. It helps nothing, it’s de-motivating and serotonin-draining. Let’s accept being ok, as is. Go into the world today remembering that you are purpose-built and equipped with whatever resources you might need so you can just relax and take it all in.
No thanks.
Memorize this. It applies when you don’t want to do something. It applies when somebody tries to draw you into a conversation you don’t want to be in. It applies to unwanted or unsolicited advice. It applies to drama you don’t want any part of. It applies to negative thoughts or ideas that might come into your mind. It applies to anything you choose not to engage with. Use liberally.
Choose inspiration:
Inspiration comes from within. There’s no trying, no effort; it’s like the energy just wells up ready to express itself. Contrast this with self-motivation, which usually requires a whole lot of “come on” and “have to or else”. Of course we need to be able to self-motivate for tasks that we don’t feel like doing, and we need to be able to use mental determination and be a bit of a cheerleader for ourselves when required. Inspiration requires a different approach. It involves having the right space, knowing what truly matters, and most of all, self-awareness. What lights up your tree? WHY do you do what you do? Which aspect of this would be most energizing right now? Are you ready for the doing phase? Or do you need to choose a percolation activity? Listening? Reading? Music? Meditating on it? Waiting for a change in weather? Sleeping on it? Walking? Doing something mindless to allow creative urges to kick in when they’re ready? Remember that inspiration is always there, running its program in the background. Sometimes we just need to trust in its presence and wait for the right space and the right conditions to let it flow.
Click like on today:
There are days when it’s ok to relax emotionally, to just scroll through your inner experiences, things that are happening now, or material in your mind from the past, maybe even worries about things yet to come, and just mindlessly click like, slowing down your thoughts, dissolving tension, breathing slowly now, just click like, let your eyes relax as you take this in, it’s all ok, reading more slowly now, just click like and move on, no rumination, no dwelling, just let experiences occur and click on like right now, knowing that like can be neutral or like can be appreciation, or like can be because you love it or like can be detachment or agreement or anything really, your mind can process whatever it is as perfectly ok and can come back to find enjoyment in the how. Just click like and feel more relaxed out there today.
Self doubt and self-ratings:
If there is anxiety in our system, there is also a conscious or subconscious worry of some kind, often about our ability to meet certain conditions. It might be our emotional competence, or professional competence, academic competence or sporting or musical or relationship competence. This concern is more common in females, perhaps due to societal programming around so-called humility. Humility is a good thing; we don’t want to be arrogant or grandiose. However, we need to be able to make a positive and realistic appraisal of our abilities and research suggests most of us, both male and female, are inaccurate in our assessment. In fact, well-known research by Dunning and Kruger (look it up, really interesting stuff) shows that people with higher skill levels are more likely to underrate their skills compared to others, whereas, paradoxically, those with lesser abilities tend to overestimate their skills. This finding applies to many kinds of skills, from communication, to driving, to various professional and academic abilities. So next time you have a flash of self-doubt, a) be glad you are humble and open to learning, b) be pleased you are a person who wants to improve and c) note that you are probably at the mercy of the Dunning-Kruger Effect and likely to be underestimating your own skills and abilities. You’re ok. You’re enough and you’re probably better than you think. In all truth, you rock. So relax and get on with whatever needs to be done.
Busy, self-important, grandiose:
There’s a percentage of people who are programmed to feel “better than”. Control and power is important to them, possibly because they already feel a bit superior and need to demonstrate this in their environment of choice. These people feel that they know more and are more competent than others, which of course is generally not the case in reality. They’re not particularly open to feedback though, so you might get a bit of attitude if you try and tell them something or point out any area for development. Many grandiose people maintain their own superior feelings by showing how certain other people are “below them”. They usually cultivate other “important” people but decide early on who is “not worth their time and energy”. Having a grandiose person in the family or workplace can be quite destructive and/or hurtful. Of course, the more we recognize the pattern, the less personally we take it and the less we are affected. They use similar (therefore predictable) tricks and are fairly shameless in their activities. No, they won’t feel bad about how they act. In their mind the narrative is fair and just, and they’re just doing what’s right. Lay low, minimize exposure and watch like you’re a sociologist. Learn the pattern and know that most other people will be on to it after a time. Nobody enjoys being around self-importance; it’s a disempowering dynamic, but only if you don’t recognize it. As one in the know, you are now granted immunity from their ways! Knowledge and detachment are now yours.
Thanks to all teachers:
The students are back at school, teachers are back at work and it’s all happening. Teachers pour out their energy in all sorts of ways, doing so much emotional work while they have their multiple educational responsibilities to manage. Any role in a school is a high-pressure role, with little to no breathing space, rare moments of silence and not a lot of privacy. More and more is asked of teachers and school staff every year, as their duty of care somehow expands into myriad areas of social and emotional development. Thank you to all school staff for the work that you do, and we remind you that self-care is paramount. Please continue to build and maintain habits that support your energy and optimism this year and know that your hard work is noticed and appreciated. Enjoy your day and have fun.
Your brain is fine:
At times it can feel like your brain goes a little offline, making it harder to access the information you need, and you know, and I know too that the most important thing is to allow relaxation, to clear the channels of all worry and pressure, to empty the mind and allow its natural flow to continue now, bringing wherever you need, words, ideas, music, being articulate when needed, quiet when needed, no concern about appearances, no internal conversations about the brain’s speed or efficiency, just trusting that whatever you need will be downloaded to you at exactly the right moment, now, the words come easily, that’s right, dialing that idea in now, it’s locked in, installed; and, knowing now that it’s all there for you, you can use it anytime you want. So go use it.
Be willing to take action today:
If you feel that wave of dissatisfaction, that sense of discontent, it means you’re going for something higher or better. If you’re being called for an improvement, don’t ignore the signals. Voice it, say it, admit the truth to yourself. Even if you don’t tell anyone else yet, be honest with yourself about how you feel. Discontentment is worth listening to and can lead to better things. From a place of “I’m not happy with this” we can begin to the walk the pathway out of one set of circumstances into a newer, better arrangement. It begins with self-honesty and action. Just one step. Change is necessary for growth. You can do this. And if you don’t know what to do, that’s ok. Admit the truth and wait for inner guidance. When it comes, make sure you’re listening.
Wasting time and energy on self-criticism??
You’ve heard that saying “it is what it is”?? Well, it’s the same with us. We are what we are. We’re not all the same and it would be so boring if we were. Yes we have irrational moments or phases, sensitivities, aggravations, strange obsessions, despairing moments, unexplained exhilarations and moods that fluctuate. Welcome to the human gang. Its normal. It’s ok. Rejoice in our joint humanness today.
Building some enthusiasm:
Having that energized “must take action” feeling is exciting. When we are inspired, it’s not an effort, it’s just a flow of thought, energy and action. To be inspired literally means to be filled with the spirit of YES, of possibility, of ideas that need to be brought into the world. Some people need a sense of newness to boost inspiration. It can be more of a challenge to be inspired about something you’ve already done many times before, or never really *wanted* to do in the first place. So to allow inspiration or enthusiasm to build, we may need to create a vacuum, a space in which it can grow and develop. Or we may need to put ourselves in a new and unfamiliar situation to get the brain in a new zone. Or we may need some peace and boredom to let new ideas seed themselves. Either way, trust that enthusiasm will always grow. Our emotions run in cycles, an ebb and flow. Our job is to enjoy or accept all parts of the cycle as a tree accepts all seasons. May your inspiration begin to show signs of fruit today.
New patterns!
At any moment, we can alter what we do or how we think. We can challenge the narrative, say yes instead of no, or no instead of yes, or do something we’d normally avoid. We can react differently, ask for new input, resist an old habit. There’s always a way to make tiny changes, and small changes can lead to a whole new experience over time. No day is ever the same. It’s always a brand new day and it always will be. If you feel like a dose of newness, choose three things to do differently today. Take another route and see where it leads you.
Beginning to wind down:
It can be tricky, can’t it, to release all tension, to relax right now, letting go of all concerns as you begin to wind down, to dissolve all worries and let all pressure disappear into the nothingness it came from, no need for the pressure at all, it all works out, later you know you will look back and wonder why you worried at all, because it all turned out ok, so why not look back right now, knowing that it’s already turned out ok even though it hasn’t finished yet, look back and laugh in advance, you can, and then return to now, just enjoying what is. May the path be easy and obvious today.
Choose your message in music!
Do you need energy? Peace? Motivation? Reassurance? Fun? Creativity? Endurance? Optimism? A dose of holiday spirit?? Whatever you need, you can dial it up right now with the right music. It might be the structure of the melody itself that brings the vibe you need, or the beats per minute, or the lyrics. Perhaps it’s a nostalgic thing, music that takes you back to a time when you felt they way you’d like to feel more of now. If you have a feeling you want to generate and don’t know the music to select, google it. Say “what’s the most motivating music” and see what comes up. Or “most popular song for happiness” or something like that. You may find music you don’t expect, or perhaps don’t even know about. It could be tracks with or without lyrics, and maybe from a genre you don’t normally listen to. Even the process of searching will help your mind focus on the chosen state. Remember, no matter what the ailment, music is medicine.
Unexpectedly good:
Some things turn out to be better than we think. We spend time worrying, planning, working out contingencies and exits, only to find we don’t need them. When we operate with kindness, intelligence, trust, boundaries and ethics, chances are, it all works out. Be on the lookout today for the unexpectedly good. It might be the traffic, the shop, the workplace, the easy solving of a stuck situation, a usually-tricky person who engages pleasantly. Expected the unexpectedly good and watch it appear today.
Dose of confidence!
Whatever it is, whatever the concern, you’ve SO got this. You can do it, you are capable and clever and resourceful. While you might not always feel your powers, they are ALWAYS available and ready so you can perform whatever feat you need to. Whether you need to think it or feel it, confidence is yours to know. Today please remember the inner certainty that says “You’ve got this” whenever you need reassurance and then, afterwards, remember that inner certainty also says “See?! It always works out for you! Great job!” Be with your confidence today.
Only the open doors:
If the door opens in front of you today, walk through it. But if it’s closed or somebody closes it in your face, then walk confidently in another direction. Take the easy path and know that what is meant to happen is already happening. Don’t try to push your way through the closing door, just relax and know that there’s another door wide open and waiting for you. This applies to people, jobs, and anything else you may have been pushing for or grasping at. Just chill. It will happen perfectly in its own good time.
Focus on health!
As I say hello to your inner mind, to your subconscious mind, the part of you that manages all your bodily processes, and beats your heart, relaxing now, slowing down, listening to that part of you that breathes you and heals you and returns everything to your perfect blueprint of nature, releasing all tension now, I’d like to remind you that you really don’t need to fish for worries, no need to think of the pricklies that might or might not be there, they fade and dissolve easily now, you can just feel the perfect still blue waters of health, strength, vitality, returning now, always there for you, in this moment all is well, you are well, you are perfect, whole and complete, strong and kickass, and it all works out for you and your loved ones, and everybody is easily guided towards perfect health and wellness now. Remind your inner mind today: I choose perfect health.
Your brain needs a break!
At the moment, almost everyone I speak to is worrying about their lack of motivation, inability to concentrate and feeling of brain fog. You and I both know that for this time of year (plus the kind of year it’s been- 2018 has been super intense for many people) we are not going to be operating at full power. Nobody used to expect that. There used to be this idea about “winding down” for the end of the year. But life has changed a bit; somehow we expect (or are expected) to cram in more and more activity without that easing-off period that we need. So if you’re feeling a little frayed, less enthusiastic, not quite on your game, well, that’s actually normal. We’re humans, not robots. Your battery life is a little low and you may need a re-charge. Start planning your recharge strategy soon and in the meantime, take the pressure off yourself. You’re doing fine.
Ignoring first instincts:
For most things, the first instinct you have about people or situations turns out to be right. The one exception to this is in assessing romantic partners but I’ll get back to that later. In normal life, when we read situations and people, our body gives us feedback, often via the stomach and nervous system. It’s a similar radar to what animals have; think of how dogs instinctively move towards some people and avoid others. Most young kids have the same built-in yes/no system. As adults, we have it too. As long as we are not already anxious or in fear mode (this makes everything seem like it should be avoided) we should wait for the yes/no feeling. Not get caught up with analysis using our minds, but let the circumstances evolve to SHOW us whether it’s a yes or a no. And of course, we must then act on that feeling. It’s usually right. Many of the toxic situations or difficult people that I discuss with clients result in me asking the question about when they got the “NO” feeling, or when did the alarm bells ring. Usually, the answer is that the “NO” alarm came very early on and was ignored or reframed or excused. The one exception I mentioned earlier about dating relates to waiting a bit before listening to your body signals. If we rely on instant attraction (a bad habit and sadly now, a common habit) we are usually running towards our pattern and may end up in trouble if we have a pattern of being with tricky partners. Wait until several meetings before making an accurate assessment using all built-in radars. But once you have given it time, please listen to your radar signals. Our radar is there to keep us safe and keep us with the right tribe. No ignoring, no excusing. Listen, check with a trusted person if necessary, and act.
Service is slow, traffic is slow:
It’s so easy to think impatient thoughts with others who are slower than we’d like them to be. We want the world to flow easily with the rhythm of our life, but sometimes it’s just slowing us down. Can we just take that as an opportunity to slow down and be in the moment? At times it’s hard; we have places to be, things to do. It can even be our own physical or mental slowness annoying us on a particular day. Anytime we want to speed ourselves (or others) up, we are talking about adrenalin matching. Many of us run on adrenalin and want everything fast. Of course this is exhausting and will result in tiredness. The first stage is tired and wired, we feel adrenalized but exhausted. Many people are in that zone right now. When the adrenalin stops, we’re just tired and that may not feel great. The body needs rest though; the objective isn’t to fire up more adrenalin. We need to let some slowness happen in order to refuel. The energy and focus comes back, all in good time. Take those slow moments today, breathe and allow them to be as they are, and let your system wind down a little.
Look out the window:
Everything looks different out of the window, and we can always find beauty out there. Metaphorically speaking, looking out the window might mean looking outside of current experiences or thoughts or circumstances, or maybe seeing things from a different angle; perhaps even just observing life going on, nature just being, or colors changing with the light. Outside of the window, there are many good things, you might have to look a little further afield at times, or maybe reframe what you do see, but it’s always there. The sky, the sun, the action, the peace. Take it in the way you need to for today.
Trusting.
We can try to control everything, and everyone, or we can decide that perhaps we can allow our subconscious mind to take over, trusting that we are being cleverly guided if we just get out of the way, that things are taking their own direction, it will ultimately be a very good direction, leading to many positive experiences you don’t even know about yet, and what can seem one way often turns out to be something really quite different, we think we know, but we never truly know what positive pleasant things are just around the corner, so relax now, take in my words, allow your subconscious mind to listen to my message of TRUST and just relax, knowing your inner mind is on the case and you don’t have to effort so much at all, it’s all working together for good. Trust.
The criticism dump:
It’s bad enough when we do a criticism dump on ourselves. All that crap about not being good enough and should be this or that; usually we are being way too hard on ourselves and need to shut the f**k up and be nice to ourselves. But. There’s another kind of criticism dump that comes from others, usually close family,partner or friend. Maybe something happened, you disagreed, or maybe they just erupted due to a bad day or stressful time. So they dump a whole lot of nasty crap on you about what you’re like, who you are and what you need to realize etc. Of course in any dump like this, there may be a small grain of truth. Nobody is perfect and we all have our little quirks that are potentially annoying to others. But again, delivery is everything. We can choose to talk with someone about our issue with kindness and a loving attitude or with harshness. When people speak about issues in anger, harshness often results. If their criticism dump has left you totally confused and rattled, there’s a high possibility that you have been head-f**ked or manipulated. There may not be anything of value to analyze. Check with a trusted friend or confidante but know that confusion and brain-addling after a criticism dump often shows something about the person delivering it rather than anything about you. Some people use a criticism dump to attempt to control or manipulate the other person, and/or to boost their own feelings of superiority and being “right”. It’s a horrible thing to do to a human. If people want to raise personal issues they need to reflect first, choose an appropriate time and deliver the message with kindness and without blame. Imagine the relationships that could be saved and improved. No more dumps.
Freedom now!
Where do you need to claim more freedom? Where do you need to change your thinking or your approach so that you have the freedom you need? Freedom is much more a state of mind than a state of reality. It’s about feeling autonomous, like you can do what you want, when you want. We can feel free even in captivity if we have a freedom mindset. Most of us aren’t in captivity at all, yet don’t always access our freedom consciousness. Feeling trapped or claustrophobic is a narrative, a story we tell ourselves about jobs or relationships or education or options or lifestyles. But in reality, we make choices and we are free. We can change our choices and we can change the story we tell about life. Claim and enjoy your freedom today.
Nothing to say:
Some days, our words desert us. We can feel silent and internal, or maybe we have something to say but the words just won’t come out. We can feel blank or jumbled. The days of lost language are normal and temporary. If you want to, you can even say to yourself or others “I’m having one of those days when language deserts me!” and people will know exactly what you mean. The mind is a strange thing and if it wants a break from languaging, then so be it. The less you stress, the quicker it passes. May your words be with you today if needed, but if not, chill. It doesn’t matter, and they’ll be home safely again soon.
Morning moods:
Morning people are lucky, their cortisol burst kicks in early so they wake up a bit more alive, able to function, talk and exercise in the early hours. They tend to go to bed earlier at night and their circadian rhythm supports the so-called “normal” work or school hour pattern. Then there are the night-oriented people. They feel alive later in the day (and night) and don’t truly wake up until around 10 am even though they may have been out of bed for hours. Night people are the ones most at risk for sleep issues as they often stay up later than they should, and/or overstimulate themselves at night, ending up in regular sleep debt. Night people are more likely to feel bad mood and grogginess in the morning, as their circadian rhythm kicks in with the cortisol a bit later. Then you have the adaptables, (a smaller group) who can get up earlier or later and still feel ok. If you wake up feeling a bit tired or groggy, that’s fine. If it takes you a little while to get going (especially on a Monday) that’s pretty standard. Relax about it and let your brain and body slowly catch up to the day. You’ll feel better as the morning goes on.
Stop. Look. Take a breath:
Yes, relax now as you read my words, listening calmly with your inner mind paying close attention now, time to slow the inner processes today, allowing full and complete recovery, all systems returning to normal, the better side of normal, optimal even, very beneficial for you now, slowing nervous system activity, that’s right, heart rate and blood pressure returning to optimum balance, brain waves operating at the right capacity for your needs today, relaxing easily, everything smooth, all is well in there, returning to your perfect blueprint for health and contentment now, allowing perfect balance to adjust and remain. Just be.
The things you haven’t done:
Just do one thing now. A little thing you’ve been putting off. Take a tiny step. It feels good and it builds momentum. Write it down and then tick it off. Go now and do it.
Tough times:
You may be one of the many people going through a very difficult time at the moment. You’re not alone. Humans are connected as much by our suffering as by our joy. Know that there are people tuning in to you right now and helping you with the energy and strength you need to go forward. You are never ever alone (despite how it might seem) and support can often come from unexpected places and in unexpected ways. Notice small signs of reassurance today and know that connection and strength is yours.
Looking at the good bits:
At this time of year, so many people are saying they feel tired, over it, done and ready for a break. Unstable weather doesn’t help; either does the seasonal low energy or pessimism of those around us! It’s time to engage deliberate attentional control and focus on the good parts. Anything good about anything at all. A sky, a color, a person, a pet, a song, a breath, a pair of sneakers, a perfume, a great TV series, a moment of peace, a great cup of tea. Can be tiny and unimportant or deeper and values-based; doesn’t matter. All that matters is that your brain remembers a good thing. You don’t have to wait for a good feeling, maybe it will come, maybe you’re too depleted right now. But either way, you’re not adding to any negative thoughts and you’re building up your optimism again. You can do it. Give me ten! Go for your good things!
Be with the flow:
Release all resistance today and go where things go. Allow it to unfold, knowing it will turn out as it should, despite how it may appear initially. Nature has its own organizational system and sometimes the tree loses a branch or two before the inevitable regrowth occurs. We are all part of nature and all is unfolding in the same way if we could see the big picture. May life flow easily for you today.
Nervous system on calm mode:
As you read this, imagine that your eyes are closing, maybe blinking once or twice, that’s right, then imagine closed eyes, relaxed, taking in all helpful messages as you breathe now, very comfortable, willing, relaxing into my words as I remind your inner mind to go now to the controls, over to the mode settings, selecting CALM, that’s right, the correct level is activated and your system can now go, and can remain on CALM now. Lock that on and move forward peacefully into the rest of your day. Thank you.
It’s fine to say no.
If you just don’t want to or you’ve already got too much on your plate or you’d rather do something else or rather do nothing at all. Just say no. “No thanks, I’d prefer not to”. “Or no thanks I already have a commitment”. No explanation required. As we move into the holiday season, please remember and rehearse these words if you might need them. Your wellbeing is the best intention to move towards.
Harsh doesn’t help:
If you want to raise an issue, if you want to improve things or assert yourself, beware of harshness. Using harsh words or tones is more likely to generate a defensive or withdrawal response in most people, as they can feel criticized or shocked by the harsh elements and miss your key message. If we want somebody to truly hear our concerns, we need to deliver the message in a palatable form so that it can be taken in and processed without the walls flying up. Start soft. Ask if it’s ok to raise an issue. Use a calm low pleasant voice and if you can’t, then wait until you can. Do not label the behavior (eg it’s stupid, or lazy or inconsiderate) or make a statement about why you think they are doing it. Just gently describe how it appears to you then say “I’d prefer it if you could do this next time” and ask if that’s ok. Yes it’s hard to be patient with those we love (the irony..) but it’s those people we need to be patient with. They don’t do things to deliberately annoy us and even if they do, the harsh approach won’t help. State your perception and then your preference. Be succinct and only say it once. When they listen and agree, thank them. Then shut up and move on. Yes you know this already. But let’s all take a reminder to ditch the harsh.
In case of drama: use detachment
It’s not your stuff. It’s not even real. It’s none of your business. Relax and breathe. Focus on something else. Take a break. Change the subject. Stay away for a while. Let things blow over. Remember most drama burns itself out if left alone. Think like a dog; they wouldn’t be into it at all. Go for a walk. Count trees or lights or floor tiles. Listen to a song and find a message in it. Remember what actually matters to you. Write down INNER PEACE and let your actions be guided by this.
Generating optimism:
Optimism isn’t something we sit around and hope to feel, but rather it’s a process that we choose to engage in. It’s not the same as positive thinking, despite most people getting the two mixed up. Optimism is a special way of reading situations or interpreting events. Using optimism, undesirable circumstances or unpleasant feelings are viewed as temporary states. Knowing it’s temporary stops the freak out. The unwanted aspects are also viewed in a specific, factual, contained way rather than generalizing the unpleasant state or event towards your whole life. And thirdly, they are not viewed as a personal thing, but rather something that *just happens at times*, as part of being human. Conversely, we use optimism when pleasant or desirable things happen by taking credit, by seeing it as something repeatable in the future rather than just due to mere chance or one-off luck. So, no matter how you feel today, employing the thought process of optimism will only help you feel better. If you’re not feeling great, know that it’s temporary, due to specific factors and choose to focus on other aspects that are ok. If you’re feeling good, enjoy it and be glad that capacity always exists within you. Choose to generate optimism!
Find some joy:
In the midst of life and all its distractions and phases of chaos, our minds sometimes need reminding about scanning for the joy moments as they appear, perhaps even choosing certain activities to create more joy moments, so listen to me now as I speak quietly to your inner mind, relaxing all muscles, that’s right, releasing tension from your neck and shoulders and face and legs, breathing, softening all muscle groups now as you breathe and listen, and you know, and I know too, that joy moments can be tiny, fleeting, enjoyable flickers, a sight, a sound, perhaps even a smell, new or long-forgotten, can all be brought to consciousness now, remembering joy, letting your inner scanner move towards the joy indicators, remembering what brings joy moments for you, perhaps through beauty, or creativity or kindness or peace or love, maybe just a moment of freedom or imagining driving on a highway with the best music pumping, anything really, that moment of happy, fleeting, noticed and appreciated and remembered. Remember now.
Here’s your green light ✅
Stop procrastinating. Stop making excuses. No more analysis about why. No avoidance. Just begin. Do the thing you know you need to do. Here is your sign. Green means go.
Where are their boundaries??
People who lack boundaries can be a major source of stress. They intrude. They ask questions about things they really shouldn’t. They make inappropriate requests or give “feedback” that wasn’t asked for. They probably have no idea that their behavior is violating social norms and even if it’s raised, they might defend, or justify (perhaps even apologize) and it will probably happen again. You know it will. A one-off boundary intrusion isn’t a big deal. We write it off. But serial offenders?? We find ourselves wanting to avoid contact and getting stressed before we see them. Afterwards it’s common to go over and over the intrusion, questioning our role, the legitimacy of our reactions and what we should or shouldn’t have said. Truth is, dealing with boundary violations is easier for some personality types but other types take it personally as well as having difficultly asserting themselves. Firstly we need to recognize the intrusion and then we need to know what to say. Less is more. Saying “that’s not cool” or “that’s a little too much” or “that’s not really ok” is a great start. Even saying it to yourself is a great start, rather than looping and questioning your response. Rehearse one line to say. Less is more. Then say nothing further on the matter. They can figure it out.
Is it a case of user error?
Perhaps you once thought there was something wrong with you, your brain wasn’t working as fast it should or the nervous system was acting up or being too reactive or the energy system setting is on too low and you’re lacking in power or your immunity was all over the shop. Many times all of these signals can be a pointer towards user error. How are you running different aspects of your life?? Check your activity and rest cycles. Also check your enjoyment and fulfillment ratio. Check your fuel quality, food, beverages and intake consistency. Check hazardous relationships or dynamics and how frequently you engage, both in reality and in your mind. Check how you’ve been processing your long term history. There might be an error in the narrative that regularly takes your system off course. When we correct user error at the physical, mental, spiritual or emotional levels we often see a nice boost in the overall system. Check in with yourself today.
What’s more important?
We get caught up in rubbish sometimes, from time wasting activity that provides little pleasure or achievement, or spending time with people we don’t really want to be hanging with, or mentally going over drama or conflict we’d rather have no part in. So what truly matters? What’s more important? What people or activities or ideas will be your choices? Any time something feels a bit full-on today, check in and calmly ask yourself what truly matters. This question leads us to clarity.
That break you need to give yourself:
You can take in any message easily, in fact perhaps when you were very young you took in a few unhelpful messages, perhaps about yourself, or who or what you need to be, and we can change all that, installing a much more helpful message, giving yourself that break that you know you need to give yourself, watching here, now, as my words leave this, or that page, and enter the inner realm of your mind easily, smoothly and calmly, you are fine, you are great, you are enough, you are perfect as is and you’re doing a good job of life, no rules, no shoulds, just do YOU and that will be great thanks, no other requirements, no pressure and no self-recriminations, just do you, then do whatever else you need to do in your own cool way, unique, nobody else just like you, and that’s very cool, just being and letting it be. The break for yourself is yours to give.
Make any thought temporary:
Whatever it is that gets into your mind, it will move on to the next thing. Whether it’s a tired thought, a worried thought, a pissed-off thought or something you don’t like thinking about, it can pass quite quickly. The easiest way to move that thing on is to not buy into it, not get annoyed about thinking it, not wonder why you’re thinking it, not work madly to change it. Just say “oh ok” in a very neutral, nonchalant kind of way and then wait for the next thought. In other words, no thoughts about the thought! Thoughts have a way of sliding quickly into nothing without us feeding them. If you need a distractor, choose a song for the day and every time something comes up in your head, hear, recite or imagine a key line of your song. Maybe it’s an ABBA song. Funny thing about ABBA. They were temporary too but they were always cool. Anyone who says they can’t find one of their songs to positively impact their consciousness is probably lying! We were all raised on that stuff. Choose yours today and make it your go-to if you need help letting go of a thought you’re not enjoying. I will be going with “I am the tiger”. (It’s probably on Spotify) May your day be great!
Trust in your other mind:
We don’t always have to rely only on the conscious mind. Our subconscious minds are always working away in the background like a massive information storage unit, holding facts, memories, skills, body processes and all the things we need to keep things ticking away nicely. It would be exhausting if we had to hold everything front of mind, remembering to breathe, blink and trigger own heartbeats or immune systems. Luckily, all this happens all by itself and it all works better when we relax. So today, relax and appreciate your subconscious mind. Thank it for being there for memory retrieval, information storage and all health and physical intelligence. Allow your subconscious mind to do all the hard work for you while you cruise easily through your day. It will.
Self-doubt means you’re smarter than you think:
Most people who worry about not being good enough are actually way better than they realize. Healthy self-doubt means you question yourself at times but don’t dwell on it too much or let it stop you from doing what you want to do. When you notice thoughts of self doubt, acknowledge them as a sign of being an open person, somebody without arrogance or grandiosity. Also know that self doubt is not a accurate indicator of your actual intelligence or competence or attractiveness or whatever it is you might be unsure of. It might be just a mental habit you need to release. You’re ok. You’re enough. Just go with that today. In fact you’re way better than ok, but ok is a great start.
Better. Better. Better.
You’re already better than you think, it will go better than you expect and you will feel even better soon, sooner than you might have thought, just relax now, take a breath and hold it, then let it go now, that’s better, more and more calm mind for you now, everything is ok, all is in perfect order whether we can see it now or not, sometimes we can see it later, how much better things are, even though we didn’t know before, now we can see and feel it, feeling better, thinking more clearly, seeing things as they are, being here now, better future, pleasant people, easy days and restful nights, connecting with the peace and the love in your world now. Much better.
When you need inspiration:
If you need your emotions and brain to fire up a little, then you need to be inspired. Inspiration is the best feeling, powering us into ideas, action and completion. The only thing is, it mostly arrives spontaneously and can be hard to trigger on command. There are, however, a few things that can set the right vibe for inspiration to come flooding into the channel. First, it’s best if the channel is relaxed. Empty in fact. Doing the “pressure” or “trying” thing is unlikely to help. Often we are better off taking a break and releasing all effort. Then add stimulation later: either visual, kinesthetic or auditory. Visual might include books, information, photos, pictures or other visual scenes. Kinesthetic might mean massage, yoga, physical activity, sport, a run or a quiet walk. Auditory could be music, audiobook, lecture, webinar, talking or discussion or listening to some other sounds or beats. Decide that you can inspire yourself anytime. You actually can. Your inner story needs to be one of possibility. Just get calm then add the right stimulus until your boost arrives.
When you get really annoyed with the behavior of others:
Maybe their annoying behavior is during interaction with us or maybe we are observing from a distance. Perhaps there is rudeness, or negativity. Or choices that seem destructive or crazy or harmful. Or repeating behavior that continually leads to a negative outcome. Or lack of empathy, a disregard for the feelings of others. Or excessive self-involvement. Or grandiosity, superiority behavior. All of these patterns tend to annoy pleasant, kind, ethical people. But the aggravation can be detrimental in terms of triggering unwanted stress or discomfort, even pain or illness for some. So we need to get our heads clear about seeing that unwanted behavior so we can move on. In truth, seeing that behavior is a useful thing and reminds us of the values we stand for, the behaviors we choose to engage in ourselves. The unwanted stuff isn’t about us. It’s a series of choices made by somebody else with a different mind and a different guidance system. If it’s a one-off, maybe we can discuss it and resolve it. But if it’s a pattern, it’s probably their life choice. It’s ok that they act like that because it’s a reminder of your guidance system and how happy you are with the choices you make. Any reminder of our ethics and key values is a good thing. Let them do their thing and feel good about doing your thing. Sound ok to you?
Do you need to back off??
Sometimes the best course of action is no action. We can be propelled by our own worry, or our need to feel we are “doing something” about whatever it is, but perhaps there are times to relax all effort and let things unfold. Many issues resolve themselves without our intervention or interference. Knowing whether or when to back off is a key skill in any relationship or situation, as is knowing when action is truly required. The wisdom is in knowing the difference. If in doubt, sleep on it and wait 24 hours. It may resolve itself.
Clear your mind of discord:
Our worried minds can often be on the lookout for what is wrong, what could go wrong, and who is definitely wrong. This is of course quite aggravating and draining to the nervous system. We can filter out those thoughts by sending them out the exit door as soon as they arrive. As every criticism or judgment comes to mind, release it without buying in. Notice it, do not berate or criticize yourself for thinking it and thereby create further discord. Just let it release or dissolve. Say to yourself “I release that thought” or “I allow that thought to dissolve into the nothingness it came from”. We let go of all criticisms today and allow a state of neutrality to envelop the mind. Neutral is fine. In fact from a neutral mind, many great things arise.
Morning anxiety:
Whether it’s at 4 am or when you wake to your alarm, morning anxiety is an unpleasant way to return to consciousness. Pounding heart, hot sweat or uneasy feelings, possibly jumping into worrying thoughts or panicky loops. You may have had scary or disturbing dreams while asleep too, often leaving a vibe of fight/flight afterwards. This pattern means your system is on high alert, either recent or long term stress, stuck in hyper-vigilant mode and flooding you with adrenalin. What are you going to do in order to calm your nervous system down and teach it to chill during the day? Maybe you’re not stressed so much as too busy, too much in a hurry. Are you clearing stress with exercise? Watching your caffeine intake? Eating well? Eating the wrong foods for you or skipping meals (especially breakfast or lunch) can destabilize blood sugar and lead to more anxiety symptoms. Do you need to do a short meditation or relaxation exercise a few times a day? Have less screen time? Screen time on devices has been shown to boost anxiety, mainly due to cognitive overstimulation. Even if you’re doing simple or “fun” stuff on your phone/computer, you are most likely to be boosting anxiety over time. Do one thing today to calm your nerves and do it regularly. Our goal isn’t to wake feeling great ; if you do then that’s fabulous, but most people wake up a little tired and a tad slow to move. Our aim is to wake up in a neutral state so we can build on energy and positive emotion. It starts now. Activate your best chill choices.
Your approval rating:
In the era of google reviews and online feedback, the approval of others looms as a tempting reason to do or not do things. People raised in a critical or withholding household may also be programmed towards approval-seeking behavior as an early survival mechanism. But as we all know, approval ratings are meaningless. It’s so easy to focus on one negative review and disregard all the positive glowing feedback. And what’s it all based on? Somebody’s judgement or opinion based on their idiosyncratic personal preferences or their mood on the day or what their friend said or what their parents taught them, or something they heard ages ago?? Other people’s opinions are impossible to predict or control, and even if you could control their approval, what would you have to do or change in order to get (and maintain) that approval?? Have you noticed that approval seeking is pointless and meaningless? Let’s look to a broader philosophy. Be kind, be ethical, maintain your own code of conduct and let others have their own opinions. Those opinions of others are irrelevant to you because you are operating only based on your own approval. And that rating is the only one that matters.
Easing out of overwhelm:
When it all feels a bit too much and you’ve got it all piling on top of you, it’s time to step back. Overwhelm is a state of stress that can lead to panic, frustration and emotional paralysis. You just can’t be effective or make good decisions in this state, and remember, state controls both perception and behavior. If we need to change our state, we must address both the physiology and the mental side. Change the physiology: take a break, walk, have a shower, bath, massage or some other physical intervention. You may need brain or nervous system supplementation. If you already have those supplements prescribed, take them!! As for the mental side, again take a mental break from all the intrusions. Move yourself away and focus on reading or listening to music or watching a show or talking to somebody fun. Take your brain somewhere pleasant for a bit. When you’ve had that space you can come back and decide where to begin. New brain, new decision and new action. And that action may in fact be taking no action at all. Most things resolve themselves if we calmly get out of the way.
Better things!
Whatever you need to be better today, be open to it coming to you. Look for small signs of improvement; notice them and celebrate them, appreciate them and take some credit, use some praise. Things are looking up and you never know what other good things may be just around the corner for you if you keep an eye out. The better it gets, the better it gets.
Access to all intelligence:
Whatever you need today, just slow down now, take a long deep breath, that’s right, breathing and waiting, allowing the channels to clear, releasing all fear and worry, dissolving all tension now as you breathe, as you read my words, listening now, you’re doing very well, and you have access to all the intelligence you need, all resources easily available to you now, all required information coming through to you, your channel is open and ready to receive and transmit exactly as needed for you, just let the information circulate, it will, everything you need is right there. It is.
When stuff gets messy:
At the height of an overwhelm phase it can seem like nothing will ever be easy or simple again. It’s like having a horrible virus or flu where you feel so awful and can’t even imagine feeling well or energetic ever again. And yet strangely, after some weeks, the memory is generally faded, we can’t really remember how horrific we felt, life has gone forward and it becomes just another blip on the radar of our normal human experience. Any mess can be like that, feeling so big and upsetting and awful at the time, and yet fading into history, perhaps more quickly and easily than you might have expected. Mess is temporary. We humans are always moving from disrepair to repair, from chaos to order, from sadness to joy. May your journey progress well today.
Go towards the love:
It’s easy sometimes to fixate on what’s wrong in life, and where things or relationships need to improve. But if we point our lens towards what we love, or the things we get joy from, or the animals or plants or creatures that we connect with, at that exact moment we feel good. The human mind is geared to problem-solve by circulating back to the problem areas, but this is ineffective. Animals don’t do it. They move only towards what they love. Plants also move and grow towards the light. Be with nature and take your mind towards the love and the light today.
Listening well?
Listening is a much underrated skill. There are times when we can just chat, back and forth, easy and natural, and there are times for true and focused listening. Especially when somebody has a concern or is angry or upset. True listening isn’t about waiting for YOUR turn, or holding off while preparing the next bit of talking, or suggesting or challenging or arguing or advising or justifying. It’s a conscious choice to deliberately focus your attention on the message of the other person. Many people make the crucial communication error of turning the conversation straight back to themselves with “yes, well I blah blah blah”. True listening is a one way street. Engaging with a monologue, not a dialogue. Focusing on the message of the other, asking questions about THEIR message or THEIR experience or THEIR course of action. It’s not always meant to be a tennis game with messages going back and fro. There’s time for that later. Knowing when to totally focus on the message of the other (without defensiveness or argument or justification or “tit for tat” point scoring or nitpicking on details) is a crucial relationship skill, whether it’s romantic partnership, friendship or workplace relationships. Remember there’s a spotlight. And when the other person is talking, that communication spotlight can stay with them until it’s time for another issue, possibly at a later time. Better listening means better relationship.
Are you going the right way?
Think about where you’re heading, whether it be in your mind, in your actions, in your communications, in your relationships, or in your choices. You know where you want to be. Remember where your sign is pointing and choose now to go in that direction. That’s the right way.
A little bit of a shake-up!
It’s easy to get in a rut, cruising along in a routine as we so often do, can be quite comfortable, comforting, convenient and yet also, sometimes we need a little boost, a sense of excitement, you know, and I know too, that a small change in routine can lead to greater enjoyment, energy, maybe even fun, so listen to me now, breathing deeply as I talk to you, and you can just listen, relaxing, dissolving all tension, simply allowing the possibility of a new thing, or perhaps an old thing that you used to enjoy, something that you haven’t done for a while, or something completely different, going to a new place, or setting out on an unknown adventure, driving or walking a different route, your brain will wake up and pay attention, relishing the newness and uncertainty, and then afterwards, feeling good, that sense of having done something, anything, quite an accomplishment, especially if you didn’t really feel like it, but sometimes we don’t feel like doing things and then when we do them we feel great, remembering that feeling, bring it into your day now, take it with you, and look now for opportunities to say YES to something new. Yes.
Got pressure to perform?
Whether it’s exam time or a job interview or other instances in which you have to produce a performance on demand, it’s important how to know to approach it with calmness. The more we focus on the “anxiety” associated with performance, the more that anxiety feels like a real thing. Its not a thing. It’s only our nervous system response to pressure, and in fact most of the pressure is due to perception. Adrenalin can be experienced as excitement as well as fear and yet they seem so different. We can change our perception in an instant if we choose. Reframe the situation, take out the “do or die” aspect, and the belief that it’s “all up to you”. In truth, your subconscious mind has been preparing you for this situation for quite some time. You don’t need to know everything consciously. The more you relax and trust your subconscious mind to deliver what is necessary, the easier it gets and the more successful it gets. The information is all there. It doesn’t need to be front of mind; that’s not how memory works. Just know that you have easy access to everything you need and begin to move confidently into the place where you can bring that information to the party on command. Trust in the intelligence. Trust in the force. It’s bigger than you are.
Hey! Stop!
No rushing. No hurrying. No multi tasking. Just slow down. Stop. Take a breath. Take it all in. Move easily through the day and allow yourself to enjoy stuff. Be here. It’s ok here.
Are you respecting your sensitivity?
Do you need to speak more kindly to yourself and others? Take credit for good things? Spare yourself harshness and criticism? Avoid noisy or toxic environments? Get some more quiet time? Improve social choices? Or perhaps you just need to remember and appreciate and enjoy your sensitive element. It’s an important part that makes you who you are. And you are needed in the world, just as is. Acknowledge and honor sensitivity today!
Agree to keep a positive mental attitude today!
We agree that our own happiness is 100% our responsibility, right? So it means that if we choose to feel happy today (and let’s face it, it is a choice and you can choose another state if it’s more appropriate for your circumstances), we need to keep the internal attitude geared towards the positive. Look for stuff to feel ok about, refuse to dwell on stuff that isn’t ok, avoid other people’s drama where possible, accepting facts without blame or resentment, no sweating the small stuff and lots of remembering what truly matters to us. Maybe all we can achieve is a state of neutral, and that’s fine too. But to keep the mind out of the negative is an achievement as well as an ongoing daily challenge. Take it minute by minute by looking for one good thing at a time. May your day be positive
Open to good things:
Every morning is a super-important time to let some appreciation into your consciousness, simply beginning to notice anything really, anything to feel good about, or like, or feel enjoyment of, so relax now, here as you read this, dissolving and releasing all concerns and worries, just allow them to fade into the distance now, that’s right, relaxing all those little muscles in the neck and shoulders, letting all tension drain away, breathing in, very good, you’re doing well, just breathing out slowly, becoming aware, consciously or subconsciously, it doesn’t really matter, becoming aware of some things you could actually feel ok about, feel good about, things you like that are around you, or in you, or through you, or of you, maybe you can see them, or just see using the power of your imagination, it doesn’t matter really, just relaxing and allowing the good to seep into every cell now, transforming and renewing and empowering for you. It is.
Willing to detach:
That thing that you’re worried about, maybe you’re feeling like you need to do something, say something, or prevent some potential calamity, but please stop. There is much power in being calm and detached. Detached doesn’t mean apathy and it doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you are willing to step back and let things sort themselves out. Just be willing. You don’t have to know how to fix it, or even how to detach. Just say to yourself that you are willing to detach. The power is in the calm.
Thinking too much:
Over-thinking is a real thing. It’s all about a thought loop, often an analytical or unpleasant thought loop that replays itself over and over. Some people overthink by mentally rehearsing a conversation in their heads, perhaps defending themselves against a person who might be upset or angry or accusing towards them. Another way to overthink is to ask WHY something happened, or WHY somebody did what they did, or even WHY something didn’t happen the way we think it *should* have happened; it’s a great way to mentally fatigue yourself. Mostly we don’t really ever know why people make the choices they do, it’s their history, their programming and sometimes their own brand of dysfunctional pattern. Getting annoyed and focusing on it over and over is another overthinking trap. You may notice that all of these habits are mentally draining as well as being a complete waste of energy. In truth, “overthinking” really means putting mental energy in the wrong place. Apply it to something useful like word or number problem solving, or reading/repeating song lyrics, reading out loud or choosing a mantra like “peaceful mind today”. Refuse to throw mental energy down the drain. Taking control of our attention and our thoughts is probably one of the most important life skills and it takes a lifetime of practice. Please practice today. Peaceful mind to you.
Lethargy, apathy and irritability:
Many people are affected by the seasons of the year in addition to other stressors in life. If you found yourself lingering in a zone of lethargy (low energy), apathy (low motivation) and irritability (being annoyed or bothered by many things) these last few months, you are not alone. Generally, energy gradually returns first, bringing some emotional motivation which then eases the irritation. There are times when we have to change our life to boost energy, and times when we just allow it to return when it’s ready. And it will. Maybe you’ve felt a little energy returning already? Perhaps today will feel a little better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better again. We never know. It can feel like a slow process, and then suddenly we are running on four cylinders again! May your joy fuel levels move towards high today.
Some appreciation for you:
There are many people that appreciate you. They think you’re awesome, just as you are. They love the way you think, the way you do things, just everything really. Ok, there might be a few out there that don’t appreciate you so much due to their own preferences, we can allow that, not really our problem, nothing to do with us at all. And what we can do, every day, hour by hour, is a little self-appreciation. Appreciate yourself. You’re alright. You’re more than good enough. You have many talents and gifts and you do many interesting things that might go under the radar; don’t let them go under your own radar! Some appreciation please! Appreciate yourself for reading this and being the kind of person who focuses on wellbeing and improvement. It’s a great thing. Appreciate yourself for being open-minded and learning-oriented. That’s also a great thing. Now find a couple more things to appreciate. Make it a habit today and then kick it on to the next day. Appreciation feels good.
The new assertive for sensitives:
Sensitives tend to prioritize love and kindness over telling their truth when they’re upset or angry with somebody. Sensitives often feel bad about this, and think of themselves as somewhat cowardly or fear-driven. Of course, the reality is more complex. Most sensitives unconsciously identity with the fragility in the person they are upset with. And this fragility may be real, or it may be a false projection. Either way, it’s as though the sensitive wants to protect the other person from feeling bad so they choose not speak up. This dynamic has the potential to create a relationship based on inauthenticity which is generally quite unfulfilling to the sensitive (even though the other party may be quite satisfied with the status quo). The only way into a more “real” dynamic is to begin to tell the truth kindly, and with love. In other words, state your feelings quietly, kindly and with no accusation. Agree that it is only your perception; this is how it feels to you and you would welcome clarification or perspective. You can be firm (kind, fair but firm) in what you will and won’t do. And you can state your reasons why with no blame, no heightened emotion and no frustration. This takes a lot of time and we will not always succeed in maintaining equilibrium. This is an ideal to aim for, not a rule to follow. The key takeaway idea is to operate with love AND truth. Don’t bury the truth to keep false rapport with people you actually care about.
In the drama-free zone?
If you’ve grown up around drama or volatility, chances are, you’ll feel like it’s “normal” to some extent. Maybe it doesn’t even feel particularly unpleasant, and maybe it’s even a little boring without it. The downside of drama is quite extensive; the stress, the effect on others, the strain on the nervous system, the continual and tiring output of adrenalin. As much as we can, it’s preferable to make drama-free choices. Stay away from toxic people or relationships; don’t feed the sharks unless you’re happy to be bitten or eaten for breakfast. Stay in your little love bubble today and know that there are times to remind yourself “not my circus, not my monkeys”.
Playtime:
If you’ve been feeling like you might need a bit of a boost, think about how much (or more likely how little?!) playtime you have in your life. Playtime is empty, it’s fun, there are possibilities but not necessities, there are choices and you get to choose the ones you enjoy the most. It used to be assumed that kids need plenty of free playtime every day, and we know that this freedom of mind helps the brain develop as well as being good for many other aspects of a person. These days we tend to schedule and structure more than ever before and this approach probably bleeds into our playtime as adults too. Would you like free play at the park? The beach? Indoors? With musical instruments or art supplies? At a bookshop or library? Reading or writing? At a farm or zoo? On exercise or physical equipment? With cars or karts? Think about the playtime you’d enjoy the most and factor it in daily for increased fun in life.
Stop. Take a breath.
Releasing the buildup of the week now, taking a breath, breathing in new life, holding it, then exhaling all the stresses and strain here, as I talk to you, reminding your mind to let go now, to relax and let calm come slowly to you. No chasing, no grasping, no expectations, no criticisms. Let it be what it is and just take a breath. And again.
Choose your own negative thought loop replacement!
Tired? Stressed? Overworked? Overwhelmed? Feeling flat? All of those can lead to thought loops or ruminating on unpleasant ideas from the past or worries about the future. If you’re an inner talker, you need to reprogram that shit right now! In advance. Choose your loop. Your new loop might vary from day to day depending on what you want to focus on or feel. Make it a mantra. A mantra is a short word, phrase or sentence designed to keep your mind on something neutral or uplifting. You just keep repeating it. If your thoughts drift off into worry or negativity, that’s ok. Just go straight back to your mantra. Here’s a few mantra ideas which hopefully lead you to other ideas that work for you.
- thank you, thank you, thank you for everything
- I love many things and people in my life
- yes yes yes yes yes
- everything is easy
- one moment at a time
- I focus on peace
- I stay in the chill zone
- I appreciate the people who I love and who love me
- bit by bit, it’s getting better
- my job is to remain calm
- it all works out
- my brain is moving towards inspiration
- I know everything I need to know
- information comes easily to me
Anyway choose your own fun mantra for today and do it every day. Don’t let your auto pilot mind run the show, instead learn to dial up the focus and feeling you want each day!
Expectations, disappointments and resentments:
These three things go together. We expect somebody to do something we think they “should” do or respond in a certain way, or know something we think they “should” know. And then, because they are who they are, or we didn’t actually communicate what we wanted to happen, they don’t do as we expect. Then we get disappointed, pissed off or resentful. Most of the time, an objective third party would be unsurprised by the response and say something like “well what did you expect?!” And yet. Humans continue with expectations that people will see the world as we do, act as we would act and automatically know what we need from them. Truthfully we can’t really judge people’s actions from our own frame of reference anyway; we never know how people’s backgrounds and anxieties and personality structure and narratives and insecurities etc contribute to their responses. They don’t act as we act because they don’t think as we think. And that’s ok. Let them be as they are. We can adjust our expectations or we can set different boundaries with them if required. But one thing is for sure: we should probably expect that they will continue to act and think as they do now. Live and let live as much as we can, speak up about what we need and/or set boundaries when we need to. Less expectations, less resentment. Sound ok to you??
Overtalkers and their effects:
Reading the play is a crucial aspect of conversation. Some people seem to think it’s about “getting your point across” so they keep talking and talking regardless of what the response is, sometimes repeating the same message several times and going into unnecessary detail. Have they noticed that people switch off?? Do they see that their message is lost in the haze of “information”?? The human concentration span has not increased; in fact it would seem to be lower than previously, probably due to our intake of controlled, fast, targeted information via computers and devices. We put a lot of emphasis on listening skills in relationships, both at home and at work. I’d like to see equal attention on message delivery. The art of the soft entry, choosing the timing, checking the message with the listener, giving them time to think and respond, breaking a message into small chunks if necessary, leaving space for processing. Serving up an item at a time rather than a big long word salad. We call this “staying in rapport” which means being in sync with each other. The overtalker often believes they are the communicator in the relationship but may just be doing a little too much talking and not enough rapport monitoring. Conversation is an art worth spending some time with.
Sunny day thoughts:
Sunshine changes thoughts and feelings for most of us, boosting energy and bringing a lightness into the way we look at things. Sunshine can bring a sense of possibility, of freedom, a carefree sensation that is very uplifting. When it’s sunny we feel like we can do things, sometimes we even have the motivation to follow through! We’re only ever one thought away from sunny day thoughts. Part of it is physical but the other part is emotional, based on the feeling we have when we connect with the sunshine. Go outside and look at the sun today, it’s always there bringing warmth and light. Draw some rays into yourself and feel the boost in whichever way you might need it.
Lightness:
Amidst all the heavy and the busy, it might be useful to notice that element of the light, the bright spot, however large or small, getting brighter now, growing, glowing, allowing more light to reach your mind, your cells, all aspects of your system that need more light now recovering, transmitting and circulating that light, brighter and brighter, more and more light into the far reaches of all spaces, bright shiny light that illuminates and warms and clarifies, filling the lightness of your being now, open to the light, you are the light, go forth in lightness today and remain strong in your brightness.
A day in EASY:
The word EASY is one of those words we need to be reminded of every now and then. It’s one of the most powerful words for the human nervous system, having deep cellular effects when we use it. Humans in the western world tend to like things to be “hard”. We admire people for their “hard work” and feel satisfied after a “difficult” challenge has been “conquered”. But what if it was EASY? What if you chose to see it as EASY, whatever it is? Have you noticed the smoothing effect it has on the psyche and the nervous system? And it’s EASY to put this into practice. Just say it. I choose EASY. This will be EASY. EASY does it. Gonna take it EASY today. I’ll take the EASY way. EASY peasy. Go EASY. Seriously, go EASY today. And the next day too.
Losing your shit??
Many of us would not be described as angry people. We strive for kindness, compassion and ethical behavior and absolutely hate it when angry feelings kick in. Even when provoked, most of us try to remain calm and in control. For non-angry people, it can be very disconcerting when they feel like they are losing their temper, getting impatient more easily, snapping and saying things that are not so nice. This is usually a byproduct of stress overload, tiredness or illness. It can also be hormonal (or all of the above!!) When we are losing our shit, it’s time to take stock and lower the adrenalin. Our system can get stuck in the gear of hyper-vigilance and nothing about this is fun. Certainly not fun for those around us!! Walk, breathe, sleep, meditate, make some time for nothingness. If your nervous system is hitting the red zone, do the things you need to do in order to get it back in the green territory. And above all, don’t be harsh with yourself. It’s normal to get irritable or abrasive at times and if we can recognize it, then we can tone it down. Go green today.
Change of season malaise:
For some reason, it’s been a time of malaise for many people in the last week or two. Malaise is defined as a “general feeling of discomfort, illness, or unease whose exact cause is difficult to identify”. Maybe it’s a virus, maybe it’s allergies, maybe it’s post-winter blues or accumulated stress or nothing in particular. While we can feel super-impatient about not feeling on top of our game, we need to chill and accept that it’s just part of a cycle, it too shall pass, it’s a temporary storing of energy and bit by bit, day by day, things will slowly improve and then one day, things will feel just fine and then you won’t even remember that you felt this way. Be patient with yourself and others today; everyone is probably feeling similar and chilled vibes will help it pass more comfortably in its own time.
Just checking in:
So how are you, really?? What is it that you need today? Are you thinking of your wellbeing, and doing one thing that will lead you towards greater calmness, comfort or pleasure? Check in with yourself as you would a friend, and give yourself the advice or recommendations you would give a friend, in a friendly, kind way with no self-criticism. Then, follow that advice. It’s probably very sound, because I bet you give great advice to others. Be a friend to yourself today and practise self-kindness.
Need a minute’s peace??
Watch my words here, as you read, just listening to the sounds as they form in your inner mind, noticing the words that bring healing ideas for you, words that are calming, reminding your inner mind that everything is ok, you are here, you are breathing and wherever you are is where you’re meant to be right now, and it can change for the better in an instant, we never know what goodies lie just around the corner, or when we will feel that burst of improvement, or when inner peace will arrive all by itself when we weren’t looking, contentment now, when we can just relax, nothing to prove or do, just being now and know that is enough, enjoying your moments of peace as they arrive. They will.
Worry won’t help.
Whatever or whoever we are worried about, sending worry thoughts is like sending something scary in the mail. What would you prefer to send over the mental mail system? Would you rather send a form of reassurance? Caring? Calm? Love? Healing? Intelligence? Peace? Joy? Whatever you think the situation needs, focus on that. Choose the word, or a feeling of it, or a picture of it, or some form of representation in your mind. Then focus on sending that essence to the situation using the power of your imagination. Do it in a relaxed and casual manner, no pressure involved. Just send what is required and know that you are helping yourself as well as the other parties involved. Delete the worry and send only the good stuff today.
Days when you just feel blahhh:
There are many triggers for a blah kind of day; could be tiredness, maybe you’re a little unwell, been to stressed for too long, need a break or a holiday or perhaps it’s just boredom or being in a rut. When we have those blah days, it’s good to acknowledge it. I find it useful to check in whether it’s more an issue of mood, energy or circumstances, or perhaps a mix of both. We can do this by rating our satisfaction with our current mood (emotions) out of ten, then energy (physical strength) out of ten and lastly our circumstances (current life events) out of ten. That can sometimes provide an indicator of what’s going on. It doesn’t necessarily mean we need to change anything about it. There are certainly times to take action, and there are also times where we need to chill and perhaps take the pressure off. I often find that when we look at life circumstances, the reason for the blah feelings become clear. And it’s normal to not feel great when things are not great, but many people now expect to feel good all the time and get quite frustrated when they feel normal human emotions. In fact it would be weird to feel good when things are less than ideal. We operate on an emotional and energetic spectrum and it’s ok to go up and down. Of course if it’s too far down for too long then we need assistance but the normal ups and downs can be managed through equanimity, which means choosing to remain calm and composed as much as we can, even when things are tough. Choose equanimity today, and remember: it’s temporary.
The thing you want to improve right now:
Most of us have something we’re not quite happy with at any given time, something we want to work on. The first thing we need is a sense of a beginning, some momentum to carry us forward. All we need to do is one tiny thing. Maybe that thing is a change in thinking, repeating a line or mantra internally, or perhaps it’s a small action step. You’ll know what the best thing is. The idea is that sometime today, you do this small thing, get that change happening in a tiny way so that you can feel a slight sense of progress. When we take a small action, we take some internal credit and our optimism is boosted. This actually creates a change in brain chemistry. Have a small intention and then carry it out. Feel the positive internal shift. The tiniest thing can make all the difference in the world. Where will you start today??
Nothing too serious:
It’s been a heavy time for many people lately and its easy to get into the habit of waiting for the next unpleasant thing to happen. The mind is naturally vigilant and can get into overdrive when things have been difficult over time. So today, let’s deliberately cultivate an attitude of lightness. Learning from our animals and from nature, let’s remember how to enjoy the pleasant moments when they’re around and notice the good stuff. Find something to laugh at and pay attention to any moments of stillness, fun, enjoyment or pleasure. Cast off any seriousness as much as you are able to and make every effort to be with the lightness today!
Let the week slide off you:
With all of its stresses, tensions and activity, a week can feel like a long time, or it can go past in a flash too, wondering where the time went in the haze of the busy-ness or nothingness, so take a moment now, here, as I talk to you, and you can just listen, hearing my words as I speak to your inner mind, slow it down, letting all muscles relax, neck and shoulders softening, that’s right, moving towards that button or dial that controls comfort now, and simply turn up that comfort in your inner mind, noting the increased calm as your mind prepares to allow all the issues of the week to slide away, comfort and calm increasing now, solidly secured, everything is fine, you’re ok, you got through it all, you did very well in fact, you could feel quite good about it all, just enjoy that feeling now as you let the past slide off into the ether, and you move forward here, anchored into confidence and energized for a new phase. Enjoy.
Enough already:
Stop seeking the gaps. The ever-hungry mind is always trying to be better or feel better. But improvement is natural, and there’s nothing to seek, or to prove to yourself or anyone else. You’ve done enough. You’re doing enough now. You have everything you need. You’re more than good enough. You just ARE enough. Relax and enjoy.
Being a success:
Success has nothing to do with status, possessions or money. Real success is about what truly matters in life, as in what truly creates satisfaction for you . Status doesn’t actually exist. It’s a made-up construct. Everyone is equal and nobody is more important than anybody else. Possessions give temporary satisfaction followed by a desire for more, more, more. Money makes a difference in life satisfaction only up to a certain comfortable income point, then has been shown to have little impact on overall life enjoyment. Success is living according to your own personal values, setting up the life or lifestyle that is enjoyable for you and sharing it with the people you choose to be around. Success is a sense of wellbeing, that your life has the balance YOU choose, not what is expected or determined by somebody else. You have the right level of freedom, autonomy and security that works for YOU, and you can just let other people create the situation that works for them without feeling judged, judging or threatened. Success is finding the enjoyment within each day, in both the bigger and smaller things. They’re all equal and they all increase fulfillment. Enjoy your own personal success today.
Agree to agree:
Is there something you’re being resistant towards? Annoyed with? Pissed off about? Don’t like?? For the sake of inner peace and wellbeing, let’s agree to agree with what is. Just say to yourself “I agree to agree”. You’re not inviting more of it, or saying you can’t change it, or even approving of it. Just agreeing that it IS. From a place of agreement we can be calm and clear enough to move forward in a better vibe. It’s all about the vibe. May your day be agreeable
A day of gentle:
Sensitive people are generally affected by their surroundings, both the humans and the environment. It’s a day to remove yourself from any inner or outer harshness and connect yourself with gentle and peaceful stuff. Speak very calmly and quietly to yourself and do not criticize anything you do. Turn your phone on silent. Choose your music and other “noise” carefully. Avoid or shield yourself from harsh personalities. Don’t do anything major. Just take some inner time to revive the system and let it take the time it takes, there’s no pressure and no hurry. Whatever pressure comes from outside, just ignore it and stick with your inner peace and go gentle today! Your job is to remain calm.
Quick escape:
Much has been going on, both with and outside you and you need to have a little escape into peace now, a quick holiday for the mind, just to reset your vibe, so slow down down, breathe in as you read this, now hold it, now slowly release it, allowing all tension to dissolve and disappear into the nothingness it came from, breathing in now, holding, releasing, all sadness and worry to morph into pure white light, all fog and confusion leaving the system and we can now trigger the switch to illuminate your mind back into top gear, all is clear, all is calm and all is well, from deep within you generate good feelings, you can, calm, clear and confident you rise up to greet the world now. Go well.
You’ve gotta let that 💩 go today:
Life is full of good things and good people and it’s our job to find them and enjoy them. There will also be 💩. We may find that too, but the mantra for today is “Let that 💩 go!” In other words, don’t dwell on it, don’t analyze it, don’t worry about it, just repeat the mantra (well the mantra is pretty funny, right?!!) and move on with your day. All the annoyances, drama, madness, traffic and other silly aggravations you come across, you can be amused to remind yourself to “Let that 💩 go!!”
Stress arriving in weird physical ways:
Some people don’t express their emotional overload as anxiety or depressed feelings, but instead it comes out via the body. This can take many forms: insomnia, heartbeat issues, gut problems, IBS, nausea, pain, fibromyalgia, fatigue, skin breakouts, blisters or cold sores, migraines, brain fog, nasal problems, flu-like symptoms (eg swollen glands or sore throat), excess fluid or swelling, twitches and on it goes. Many people have weird symptoms that become apparent as stress-induced over time, in fact it’s fairly normal. It’s interesting though, because the worry about treating or removing the symptoms takes our attention away from whatever is really creating the overload. Next time we get our bodily stress symptom, see it like you would see an indicator on your car. Something is in overload and your system is giving you the message. You don’t have to remove stress (we can’t, and most of us find want to remove all challenge anyway) but perhaps there’s something you could acknowledge that might have affected you. Think about it, talk about it. Say to yourself “if I was the kind of person who got really upset or angry, what would I possibly be upset/furious about right now?” When your mind hears the answer, somehow it helps the physical pattern too. No frustration, just acceptance and understanding. May your day be chilled and symptom-free today.
Recovery after being around nasty:
After exposure to conflict, rudeness, crazy behavior or other harsh energies, we often feel the effects in our nervous system for quite some time. The incidents can replay as we try to “figure it out” and somehow process what has occurred. Maybe we just witnessed it or perhaps we were the recipient of misplaced aggression or anger. For those of us who are sensitive, it can feel like an assault to the psyche. Even if we aren’t really thinking about it, we can still feel shaken and stirred. After such incidents we need to go into energy recovery mode. Soothing internal voice, soothing activities, contact with pleasant energy and methods to clear the harsh energy. Have a shower or wash your hands. Water can help shift the vibe. Also go to nature or pets for pure energy. Surround yourself with white light and feel the white light clearing and purifying. Know that the white light is inside you and comes from within, and is powerful enough to dispel or dissolve any other energies around you. Create the calm pleasant energy inside yourself and mentally offer it to the person who was harsh. They need it more than you do. And remember, it’s not personal. They didn’t do it “to you”, it’s just how they operate based on their programming. Maintain your own program for kindness and peace and stay with the pleasant energies as much as you can! May the white light be with you today.
Choose 3 for peace:
Everyone is going through stuff. The best way to get a double-burst of serotonin (feel-good chemical) is to gain enjoyment via being genuinely helpful. So today your mission (if you choose to accept it!) is to deliberately radiate goodwill and peace to 3 people who look like they need it. You might be tired, you might be stressed, you might not be in the mood. But let’s do it anyway; you’ll reap the benefits as well as the people you choose. Start looking for your first recipient now. Goodwill and peace to you today too.
Peace transfer:
Perhaps there’s a way in which a little extra inner peace might assist you on your way today, that settled feeling of everything is ok, breathing it in now as you read, all is well, breathe in, hold it, all is well, now breathe out, all is well, you can just relax as you take in my words, it’s all ok, the world goes on, sun comes up every day, planets held in place, grass is growing, seasons change, all is well, everything in its correct form, breathing now, knowing at all levels that life supports you, all is well, and you can carry this feeling all day, and tomorrow, and for as long as you like, just keep activating that thought, all is well, and it is well, and may your day be filled with inner peace now.
What’s on your mind???
It’s funny to be asked what’s on your mind when most of us have way too much on our minds. We’re living in an increasingly complicated world, often made more complex by too many choices, which we quickly find out about due to our use of technology. We expect ourselves to multitask at a mental level not found in previous times. We have internalized romantic idealism to such a degree that we expect a certain perfection in every relationship, child, friendship, job, activity or task and we socially compare to other “perfect beings” when things inevitably don’t go to plan. In short, we have a lot on our minds, some of which is due to unrealistic expectations of ourselves, others and life in general, as well as low tolerance for ambiguity, boredom, frustration or just “ordinariness”. Humans have thinking minds. This is our strength and our cross to bear! Life probably won’t return to simpler times but we can make a choice as to what we hold in our minds. Our brains and nervous systems prefer one thing at a time. Less is more. Do less, think less and focus on what truly matters rather than what the media or consumerism wants us to think matters. In that sense life hasn’t changed. We feel good when we are active, kind, peaceful and ethical. We need to know that we are all different in our gifts and we all belong. Choose your focus carefully today.
When it all looks like it’s turning to 💩:
You know the feeling, one thing after another, task after task going wrong, all seems to happen at once, you’re getting frustrated, getting overwhelmed, feeling unlucky, feeling thwarted. Looking back on those phases though, sometimes a different picture emerges. Often, looking back, we are so glad we didn’t achieve/get the thing we thought we must/should have. Or that thing that went wrong led to a big change that improved everything. Or that person you thought you needed in your life was replaced by a much more suitable option. The broken thing led to the acquisition of a much better thing. When we are assessing how bad things are, we lack this perspective of the bigger picture; mostly we only see it in hindsight. But let’s experiment with the idea of bringing hindsight into the now, knowing that we won’t be seeing the bigger picture yet, but it will come. Next time things feel in chaos, the mantra is “I’m willing to trust in the resolution of the bigger picture and I choose peace”.
Go outside for a minute!
There is so much evidence suggesting that even a quick trip outside during the day is good for your physical and emotional symptoms. If possible, interact with a tree. Touch it, look at it, breathe it in and think about the tree, either holistically or by noticing aspects of it. Look at the sky. Hear the sounds around you, from all aspects. It’s all nature and it’s all good. Inside is great too, but there’s something about getting outside for a bit that improves concentration, mood and strength. And make sure you find that tree to interact with today.
If the dogs could talk:
If we let our dog community advise us today, they might have a few suggestions:
1. Be excited when you wake up! You get to see everyone and it’s really fun.
2. Mealtime is great! Focus fully on it and enjoy your food with enthusiasm. Just eat what’s in your bowl. The rest of it isn’t yours.
3. Anything can be used for playtime! A sock, a soft toy, a stick; really, just use your imagination!
4. We like some people better than others. So we hang with the ones we like best.
5. There is a natural order in the social hierarchy. You don’t need to compare yourself to others because everyone belongs.
6. You always look cute. If in doubt, stop and do a cute look.
7. The world is here for your entertainment and pleasure. Enjoy it.
8. When it’s time to rest, just stop and rest. Let the world go about its business and be so relaxed you don’t even hear the cars go by.
9. Everybody loves you and if they don’t, there’s something wrong with them!
Choose one dog lesson for today and put on repeat in your mind!
The Perfect Day:
The perfect day is the day you’re already having, whatever happens will happen, it all works out, and your inner mind can align with this pleasant idea very quickly, so let’s relax now, breathing in some peace, softening all muscles, and allow today just to be what it is, unfolding however it does, perfect in its own way, all part of the bigger picture, only good will come from it when your mind chooses to see the possibilities, tuning into appreciation so that all parts of your mind can feel good now.
Just in case you forget:
1. You have an intelligent and curious mind
2. You’re an interesting and complex person
3. You are probably more sensitive than most, and that’s exciting
4. You have many talents and gifts, some still to be discovered
5. Everything works out well for you
6. People like you even though some may not understand you
7. Things can get even better than they are now
8. You need to tell yourself stuff like this all the time, especially on tough days. Read it again and choose the most important reminder for today!
When people aren’t sorry:
Stubbornness, pride and lack of empathy are traits that prevent some people being sorry for what they’ve said/done or perhaps from saying it out loud to the person they’ve wronged. Most of us are quite forgiving when the person is truly and genuinely apologetic and seems to “get” what they did. In other words, it’s not just a blanket apology or a fake apology (eg “I’m sorry if I offended anyone, it was not my intention” - that’s meaningless) but a true understanding of the transgression and actual words saying SORRY. A good apology has three parts. 1. Genuine remorse using the word Sorry. 2. Accurate description of the action being apologized for. 3. Reassurance that it won’t happen again and how the person will try to ensure this or make repair. If you don’t get your apology, beware of resentment. Resentment is, of course, a poison that hurts us more than the person we direct it towards, so our energy is better spent changing our narrative regarding the person concerned. You can know that they made a mistake but lack the insight or awareness to know this and/or to repair the situation in an adult manner. That’s not your problem. It may have consequences for the future of your relationship but either way, it’s not personal and it’s not your stuff. Once again, let’s focus on keeping things right on our side of the fence.
Over-screening the brain:
There’s so much we don’t yet know about the way device screen time is interacting with our brains and creating symptoms we don’t enjoy. This is especially true in regard to children’s and teen’s developing brains but evidence suggests many of us are affected much more than we realize. We’ve always known that TV watching (which is a very passive version of screen time) puts the brain into a state akin to mild depression and that increased TV watching is correlated with worsened mood and energy. But it would seem that interactive screen time (games, eBay, online shopping, social media checking, messaging, YouTube watching) has effects on the brain that are much more concerning. By increasing cognitive load, these activities put the brain and nervous system into a particular state of stress that is highly addictive to many, and can result in symptoms that replicate mood swings, anger, irrational outbursts, lack of impulse control, difficulty studying or completing tasks, rage episodes, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, inability to concentrate, lowered mood, boredom with “normal activities”, memory problems, decreased motivation, fatigue and impaired social skills. In fact, evidence is suggesting that screen use can create symptoms that look like ADHD and other developmental disorders in children and teens. Some kids require a total screen fast to get their behaviors and concentration back on track. Do you need to check your interactive screen time? Would you feel better if you did a little less phone/iPad/computer and a little more old-school activity??
Respect yourself and your needs today!
Whatever happens isn’t personal, but sometimes stuff needs to be said. Speak up when you need to speak up. Do it calmly and use the adult voice of reason. Think about what you want and ask for it. Be specific and use examples. Once you’ve asked, notice all tiny positive improvements (teeny weeny ones) and comment in an affirming way. Do this with yourself too; note the little things you’re doing well and verbally give yourself praise, out loud if you can, silently if you have to. You don’t need to hide. You don’t need to take any crap. Respond with your inner adult and say what needs to be said today.
Pay attention if you’re tired or unwell:
You know how easy it can be to let thoughts veer and spiral towards the negative if we’re not feeling so good, maybe a bit tired, aching or stressed, or sick, it happens, and you know, and I know too, that feeling bad about feeling bad can make it even worse so listen now, as I have a word with your inner mind, fully relaxing, letting all tension drain from your neck and shoulders, those muscles that carry all the stress and strain, allowing them to release, dissolving any hardness now, that’s right, softening, face muscles relaxing too, easing and slowing the breath, good job, and paying attention now to the innate intelligence of the body, whether you think of this special innate intelligence as part of nature, the same force that makes the plants grow, that holds the planets in place, that changes day to night to day again, every day, that brings the sun up, shining daily as it does, that grows baby humans and animals and trees from tiny cells or spores, the force that ensures that an orange seed can sow an orange tree which produces oranges for us, and we can pick those oranges and they will grow back again, this innate intelligence working through you, with you, in you, as you, right now as you read this, all intelligent processes operating for you with no effort at all, pay attention to that now, you can, and notice how the force expands to meet your every need and increases strongly with your focus. Enjoy.
Creative attentional control:
The point of learning attentional control is to be able to take hold of the mind and direct it towards a chosen focus rather than running loose with depressive, anxious or angry thoughts. It gives us a choice. Feeling like you have no control over the mind is a awful (and sometimes scary) so it’s a skill we must practice daily. Some of us enjoy more creative methods of directing our mind so here are some of these.
1. Take a favorite album and play on headphones. Close your eyes and tune into only aspects of the music. Listen to the bass, then drums, then guitars or lyrics etc. When thoughts come, return focus immediately to the music.
2. Get your pet. Focus on only the pet, stroking it, noticing how it looks, feels and sounds as you do this. Look for the detail in the fur, the sensations of touching that fur, the underlying bone structure you can feel, the colors you can observe.
3. Take some colored pencils or textas and draw or color in something. Start with something simple like a house or tree or person. It’s not about quality. It’s about putting all your focus in that task.
4. Go for a walk. Notice and name all aspects that you see, only keep your focus on what you are externally experiencing. Or for another exercise, go for a walk and only count your steps. Nothing else. Just count the entirety of the steps with your own mind.
5. Get a glass of water or tea. Slowly drink it, concentrating only on the feeling of the liquid, its smell or taste, the sensation of it moving in your mouth, throat, stomach, the feeling of the glass in your hand and the look of it as it slowly transfers its goodness over to you as you drink.
6. Go to the beach or the bush in your mind. Feel yourself walking, barefoot, noting the sensations underfoot, the sounds, the scenes around you. Go for detail. Make it good.
7. Say “thank you”. Over and over. Just thank you. Nothing else. For as long as you can. You can say it in your mind to something, nothing, somebody or nobody.
Attentional control builds mental muscles. We are not the victims of our thoughts or feelings. We can take our mind to many pleasant places with practice.
Attention control for visuals:
Many of the attention control methods are geared towards words. Listening to words, counting breaths, repeating mantras, hearing recordings of instructions etc. If you’re a visual person, internal attention control can be a challenge. There are many ways to work on this from a visual perspective so I’ll give you a few favorites. Start with 2-3 minutes practice and increase daily as a challenge to yourself. The aim is to build brain attention muscle. First idea: In a room, identify the top left corner of that room and the top right corner. You might want to imagine L for left on one side and R for right on the other, using your mind’s eye. Now slowly move your eyes from left to right. You can do it a little faster if it feels better. Keep your head stable and only move your eyes. You can say “left, right” in your mind or aloud if you like.
Another method is to get a largish piece of paper and draw a square. Starting at top left, put the number one in corner, then 2 at top right, 3 at bottom right and 4 at bottom left. Then put the paper on a wall/floor/table/lap in front of you. Starting at 1, say the numbers as you move clockwise around the square with your eyes. The third method is to have a calming picture or sentence in front of you on a card or piece of paper. Find on internet and print out. It could be a nature or beach image or anything you find calming. Or it could be a sentence like “you can feel great more often when your mind is calm”. Whatever it is, you’re going to look at it. You can look at the whole thing or the details. Just keep looking/reading. If you don’t want a printed picture or photo, use a lit candle or fireplace or fishbowl or clouds in the sky. Watch it moving. As a visual, learn to tune in only to what you see and even if your mind drifts (it will) keep returning your object of attention.
Deliberate attention control during anxiety:
Anxiety feeds on thought loops. Yes there is a real physical sensation. It might be stomach or chest or other body feelings. It might feel natural to focus on those feelings too. Or maybe there’s another worry thought loop involved about a situation or other people. The truth is, anxious or worry thoughts won’t help anything. Won’t boost health, won’t solve problems, won’t prevent trouble of any kind. However a still or calm mind does help with all those things. The most simple and basic way to bring the mind back to a chosen point of attention (and therefore build the skill of deliberate attentional control) is to count breaths. You can count on just the out breath or both, you choose. You can count in cycles of ten. Or less. Some people choose cycles of 4 just to build skill. You may feel you mind wandering, thinking it’s boring or that it won’t “work”. The point is, as soon as you have a thought just completely ignore it and go back to the counting breath cycles. It doesn’t matter that your attention wavers. The skill is in learning to bring it back to the chosen focus. Do four cycles of four breaths right now. Slowly. Through your nose. If you can make time, do another four. Do it when you take a toilet break. Do it in the car. Do it twice every hour. If you’re with friends or colleagues or students, ask them to join in. Take four.
Can you control your attention?
The ability to control where the mind puts its attention is one of the strongest predictors of success in most areas of life. The more we rely on external sources of attention engagement, the less we learn this crucial ability. Scrolling social media, gazing at the internet on iPhones, iPad, watching Netflix or TV, online shopping, gaming and other screen activities are all passive attention-grabbers. They’re not a bad thing to do, they’re fun and they’re a distraction from internal mental activity. However if we have any kind of issue with anxious or depressive thoughts, it’s generally a signal that we need to learn better attentional control. There are many methods of learning attentional control and I will post more about them this week. Learning how to notice where the attention is, then bring it back to where you need it to be is a life skill. Some have suggested that we are losing this ability over time and that passive and instant entertainment/engagement may be one of the factors involved. Another factor is the increasing expectation that we feel “good” all the time and then have frustrated or worried thoughts if we don’t feel “good”. Either way, learning deliberate attentional control helps most human conditions. Notice your attentional patterns today and let’s see where we need to redirect. As always, our focus determines our outcome.
A chat with your inner 9 year old:
As you listen to my words, relaxing here, in the now, I want you to allow your inner 9 year old to tune in very carefully to my helpful instructions, listening now, all eyes here please, watching and listening, that’s right, and you know, and I know too, that your inner 9 year old will tell you exactly what to do so that you have more fun, who to spend time with, who to stop spending time with, what to learn more about, where to spend more play time, what music to listen or dance to and where you want to go today, in your inner mind, free like then, no pressure, just finding what looks like fun, or finding what isn’t so much fun and making it more fun, listening to what you want, what you feel like and what brings joy. Allow the inner 9 year old to run free today.
“Not good enough” thoughts and feelings:
Whether the sensations arise in the form of internal words or feelings, urs not uncommon to have that “not good enough” vibe at times. The first healing step is to notice the thought or feeling when it arrives. Did anything trigger it?? Most commonly it will be due to comparison with somebody else deemed “better”. The second most common trigger is a sense of “failing” at something or not creating the effect we wanted. The third trigger is rumination, the act of mentally looping stuff from the past. There are generally 3 aspects of “not good enough” feelings: Competence, Personality and Attractiveness. Of course it’s all in our perception of whether we are competent, likable and attractive “enough”, and for some brains, nothing is enough. We need to work on and challenge any belief that we SHOULD be a certain way. Usually our standards are harsh and unrelenting. Generally we are “good enough” as is, probably way better than good. If there’s a small aspect we need to work on, let’s identify that small step and refrain from over-generalizing about being “better” in huge or vague ways. The whole “not good enough” thing is a scam. We’re all plenty good enough and please remember that today.
The movie version:
Whatever is going on for you right now, imagine it as a movie. Would you produce it as a comedy, drama, thriller or action movie? Or would it be an art house film, animated or with subtitles? Are you a main character or somebody “acted upon” by a protagonist? You get to direct all the action. How do you want the story to develop? How do you want your character to learn or grow? What obstacles and barriers will they overcome and what will their achievements be? Do you want to write a happy ending or just leave a “slice of life” moment with viewers? How do you see audience reaction? Would they have opinions or advice for the key characters? Taking another perspective, especially a creative view of a situation can help unlock your next move. Or movie. Or even a sequel. It’s up to you. After all, you’re the producer, writer and director.
Energy hit:
Energy builds from within, from the physical and the emotional. Think of the exciting thing that drives you, the thing you enjoy, the thing that really matters to you. Combine it with physical movement, whatever you can do right now, whether it’s running, jumping or moving something while sitting or standing. Get your mind and body active. Add some music that revs your system and makes you feel even more alive. The energy is there and you must activate! Get going right now!
For you:
Wishing you a day of calm, a day of pleasant interactions and a day of good feelings. Be open to noticing all the beauty around you and seeing beauty where other people might see something less. Whatever happens, it’s ok. Whatever is said, know that you’re awesome and that all the people that matter already know this. Go you good thing.
Meditation for positive outcomes:
There’s that thing, that thing on your mind, perhaps a little concerned about, or wanting to feel better about, knowing we can’t control other people, or many outside events, but working internally we can change many things, gain many improvements, you can, breathing in now, slowing down, allowing the breath to move comfortably through the system, relaxing those neck and shoulder muscles, slowing down a little more, that’s right, easing your mind and dissolving any tension here, as you allow the positive outcome to unfold, it will, just let the good thing happen, all is working for your good, everything unfolding in perfect order, you will take all the steps you need to take now, do the thing you know you need to be doing today, keeping that positive attitude, showing up now and doing what needs to be done. Your mindset is strong.
Instant Chill:
Look up. Put your eyes about ceiling level. Having your eyes at this angle stops us going into most thoughts and feelings, allowing the brain to blank out a bit for a moment. Close your eyes (making sure eyeballs stay upwards) and see if you feel better or worse. Choose the best one. Now breathe in through your nose and count to 4. Hold that breath gently for the count of 7. Breathe it slowly out of your nose for the count of 8. Repeat this several times. Then, still looking up, think or say the words CLEAR, CALM, CONFIDENT. Then think or say the word YES. Breathe out slowly through your nose and continue on in chilled mode.
It’s always better chilled.
Whatever it is, you need to chill. With a more relaxed nervous system, your decision making is improved, your immunity is stronger, your verbal skills are boosted, you can articulate your points more effectively, you can choose your responses rather than just reacting, you can rest and recover, you can improve sleep quality, you can enjoy things more, you can allow and accept events, you can open up the stream of creativity within and express whatever it is that you have to give. Uptight sucks. Notice it, acknowledge it then choose chill instead. Chill always works. You can chill. Chill now.
Brain-free days:
Some days it feels like the brain is away for a bit, perhaps it needs a holiday and is taking one without permission. It can feel foggy, blank and just unavailable when needed. It can be scary when you worry whether the brain will show up to help with thoughts, words and memories, and maybe it will be a little slow (or a lot slow!) to bring forth what is required. This slow-brain feeling can be a result of sleep patterns or quality, food or substance hangover, general tiredness, stress, boredom, lack of stimulation or a long period of too much stimulation. What do you need to recharge? Is it a physical boost or a mental boost? Or rather a physical or mental break? Escapism or activity? Action or meditation? Of course you can just do nothing at all to intervene, and know that it’s a normal and common phenomenon. Either way, thank your brain for all it’s hard work and be appreciative of and patient with its efforts today!
Emotional Balance:
When we have harmony on the inside, everything outside us feels a little easier to deal with. And even though we don’t always wake up with harmonious feelings, or maybe we did but events soon disrupted our equilibrium, we can consciously move towards balancing the mix. Do you need to turn down the tension? Turn up the relaxation a little? Notch up the calm, boost the warm energy, move the optimism a little higher and bring down any coldness or discomfort. Work from the inside, slowing your breathing, which slows down other aspects of nervous functioning. Choose calm and warm thoughts and be accepting of what happens around you. Amidst any chaos of today you can now continue to work on your inner balance.
Be off the hook today:
Whatever you’re feeling a little guilty about, or maybe a little responsible for, you can listen to me now, and get off the hook right here, without really trying, just listen to my words, you’re ok, you are a kind person with good intentions and an ethical way about you, there is no desire to harm, never has been, you work towards the good, and you do know, don’t you, that we can’t be responsible for everything, that other people respond the way they do, due to their past programming and current choices, we can’t control that, never could and never will, and you know, you come from a place of good, so I want you now to stay in that place of goodness, what others do is up to them, just hang in your bubble of goodness and feel ok about doing what you do. It’s ok. You’re truly off the hook.
Are you overthinking it?
If there’s something you need to do, then do it. Take the action. Do the small thing first and you’ll feel better and it will naturally lead into momentum for the next thing. Yes you could delay it by doing all the “what ifs” in your head; it won’t make any difference. Take the main “what if” and say “what will I do if that happens” and actually write it down. If you can write down a specific concern and write down a list or plan of what you will do if it happens, this takes it out of vague anxiety land and into practical action territory. You can do it. You’ve got this. Remind yourself that you’re good to go. Stop thinking and start doing.
Getting out of negative thinking ruts:
Is there any part of your thinking process that needs a bit of a tweak right now? Even though you might be a very optimistic person in general, most of us have an area where we are more prone to a narrative that takes us down the dark alley. Maybe it’s your energy, your job, your social life, your kids, family, your eating or your weight or something else entirely, maybe your narrative needs a little uplifting. Firstly, notice and eliminate the negative remarks you might be making, or the “what’s the point” or helpless, “I’m no good” type statements. Then go for a neutral type narrative, eg “it is what it is” or “this is the place I’m starting from now”. Then form a statement of intention. Is it a case of taking action or changing your attitude, or both? Perhaps an attitude of openness, willingness, acceptance and a connection to possibilities might help. It’s easy to get stuck in a thinking rut and not even realize. Get on to it and get back on the path towards better feelings.
Reassurance.
When we are worried or anxious or overwhelmed, we need reassurance. We need to know that it will be fine, that everything will turn out ok, that all things are working together for the good. And this is true, it’s going to be ok, it’s ok already, everything is fine. Internalize and install this software now, ready to activate in the moments you need it for yourself and others. It’s ok. You’re ok. Everything is fine. You’re doing great. In fact, you rock.
Right people, right place, right time:
What if you just assumed that you’d be right where you need to be, that you’re there now, with the right people, and that the right people and things will continue to show up, just at the perfect time? This would allow you to release concern for the future and realize that it takes care of itself and all we have to do is chill out and make good decisions when the time arises. Let the harmony begin.
One sentence to meditate you:
The essence of mediation is to simply allow whatever is happening internally to happen, while not buying into any of it, none of it matters really, thoughts come and go, feelings arise and subside like the waves, and the breath just keeps moving in, bringing life, and moving out, taking away all byproducts as you read my words, letting all concerns dissolve into the nothingness they came from, releasing any unnecessary drama from the week, and all of it is unnecessary, focusing only on the mantra of calm confidence now, relaxing into your day and letting it unfold into the maximum joy that awaits you.
A one-sentence challenge on good moods:
To increase good moods we need to address both our physiology and our mental focus so start with your body; move, eat correctly for your type, shake things up and have some fun, get some meditation/rest/sleep and then when you wake up, work on your mind with thoughts of what’s going well, what you’re enjoying, the good things around you and what changes you’ll make to improve your life even more.
A one-sentence challenge on worry:
Whilst the recipe for general worry is to tune into all future negative possibilities or worse-case scenarios and hang in the cloud of doom, an improved twist is to focus on only one, or maximum two possible scenarios and list a written plan for what you will actually do if they happen, putting you straight back into the land of focused action and emotional control.
A one-sentence challenge on pleasure and motivation:
When we’re feeling low, we can build on positive state by firstly increasing motivation via a list of tasks that bring a sense of achievement and secondly by deliberately continuing fun activities that have brought pleasure in the past, knowing that both will slowly increase our natural optimism.
A one-sentence challenge on INNER PEACE:
Remember that we CHOOSE peace by allowing things to flow, walking away from the drama where possible and deciding that we can always work on maintaining inner harmony regardless of the outer conditions.
Pump it up:
If you need a bit of activity, a little energy today, then listen here, tuning into my words as we tune up your engine, little tweaks boost faster performance, stronger now, as you read and as I talk to you here, and you can just listen, breathing, relaxing easily now as you allow all the intelligent internal forces to go quickly to work on your behalf, feeling better, revving up the system, turbo boosted now, installation complete, time to let the system run, taking off with you, taking you wherever you need to go today, speedily, safely, smoothly and with the enjoyable soundtrack of your choice, take off now and feel the power from within as you travel to your perfect destination.
Assertiveness for people that prefer not to assert:
Some of our personalities are not geared towards stopping rudeness, calling time out, saying no or establishing firm boundaries. Many of us just prefer to be around people that have our kind of boundaries rather than having to do something to put that boundary in place. This is especially true when dealing with a self-involved, critical or dominant personality, or somebody who harshly bulldozes over the needs of others. So if you have a situation like that, you need some lines ready, lines that feel ok inside you as well as (hopefully) having a boundary effect. When it comes to asserting, less is more. Fewer words and no explanation. Break the pattern then be silent or move away. This creates more power than endless justification or explanation of your feelings. The idea is to just say no to the behavior or request. Here are a few lines to add to your arsenal:
- I’m not really into this.
- I’m thinking not.
- Let’s not.
- Seriously, let’s not go there.
- That’s not cool.
- That’s not ok.
- Dude/mate you need to back off
- I’m calling time out on this topic
- I think this is enough.
- If this continues I’ll be leaving.
- I think this is where I get off.
- I’m out.
Choose the lines that feel appropriate and use them. Say one then if the person persists, say “seriously” or “I mean it” and repeat the line. You can give a brief explanation of your feelings if they ask for it. Then be silent or move away from the conversation. It may not change the future behavior but it will help establish your boundaries and self respect. Use with love.
The exhaustion of expectations:
If you’re hard on yourself then it means you are expecting too much of yourself. Expecting to feel a certain way, expecting certain reactions, thinking you SHOULD be doing particular things or not doing them, making critical judgements about not meeting expectations even though they might be unreasonable. That’s the key message of today: your expectations of yourself in your current circumstances may be unreasonable. It doesn’t mean we can’t improve things or change. It just means you might be expecting too much in too many areas and you need to decide what the priority is. We can’t achieve everything in every area at once. Check your self-expectations today and ask how you can be more reasonable and understanding of yourself in the way that perhaps you are for others. One thing at a time.
Motivating ourselves with the whip:
Whipping ourselves into getting stuff done is generally ineffective and also unpleasant. The key question for any strategy is “does it work”. And not just in the short term, but over the long term. And for something to work over the longer term, it has to feel good. Many of us think that if we don’t whip ourselves mentally, we will turn into lazy complacent slugs who do nothing and let everything turn to crap. In truth, this is highly unlikely. Activity level is one of the key aspects of personality, so it remains largely unchanged over time unless affected by stress, circumstances or illness. We are better off motivating ourselves by using our values. Asking ourselves what is important right now, what do I need right now, what would be the best thing to do for myself right now. What do I need to do in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied today? No self-berating, no name-calling, no “what’s the point”, no negativity or hopelessness, no self-criticism or catastrophizing. It is neither useful nor pleasant and it certainly won’t produce activity or change over the long term. Try a little self-kindness for motivating yourself. It works wonders.
What we don’t want or what we DO want??
One of the most important skills of optimism is learning to go into intention. Going into intention means thinking about the preferred state rather than the feared or unwanted state. So, asking ourselves questions such as:
- how would I like it to be?
- what is my goal in this situation right now?
- what mood state shall I cultivate today?
- what would I like more of?
- what is my main priority?
- what would I like to achieve in this moment?
- what do I want to feel right now, given the circumstances?
Whatever it is, take your mind in hand and go into the place you want to be. Maybe you won’t quite get there, but by focusing on it you will get a lot closer than if you looked in the other unwanted direction. Do you want some fun, some enjoyment or some inner peace today? Focus on it then take actions that support moving in your chosen direction now.
Make life easy today:
We can think hard, or we can think easy, the easy way is just to let it happen, know that it won’t be that difficult; most difficulties are brought by ourselves from the mind, whereas in real life it’s much easier than we expect, why did we spend that time worrying and planning, it all just worked out, might as well just assume it will continue to work out easily, it will, everything falling into place even better than you’d hoped, and you can hear yourself saying “I can’t believe that was so easy” and yet you will start to believe it, and then expect it, and then just assume it without even a thought. An easy life is a good life.
Be aware of seasonal mood shifts:
For so many reasons, lots of people are currently experiencing difficulties with mood and energy. As we move through the seasonal shift, regardless of our personal weather preferences, it can still trigger changes in anxiety, contentment, pleasure, immunity, sleep, social engagement, motivation and energy. We can mitigate this to some extent via our own choices of course, though there may also be an element of accepting the different seasonaleffects on our body/psyche. To maximize mood we need to be aware of sunlight, food choice, level of activity, right amount of sleep, scheduling social events, maintaining optimistic thoughts (not trying to be “positive”, but focusing on balanced, factual and non-catastrophic thoughts) and doing pleasurable activities such as reading, music, writing, other creative expression and whatever else you usually enjoy. Binge-watching some great shows is also fun for many of us. Changes in mood are normal but if too extreme, please seek assistance. There are many ways of boosting serotonin and personal coping skills and it never hurts to get a little coaching on this. Catch some sunlight when you can today and focus on capturing some feel-good moments.
The art of the attention-seeker:
Nothing wrong with a little attention, we all need it. It’s the chronic attention-seeking vampires that tend to drain our batteries if we are around them or watching them too long. Bottom line: whatever it is, it’s about them. Their story is more interesting, what happened to them is worse, and the spotlight must go back to them ASAP. It’s annoying, it’s boring and sometimes it’s highly aggravating. Generally we can’t stop the behavior by subtle hints nor by pointing it out directly. Many have tried and been surprised by the emergence of a new drama that is now fuel for the attention sucker. It’s a chronic personality pattern only manageable if the person themselves identifies that they have a problem (unlikely). Limit involvement if you can. And if you can’t (because it’s a family member or colleague) then recognize the pattern. Expect it. Detach from it. Allow them to be like that whilst limiting your listening time. Memorize a few key lines such as “yes, sounds full on” and have a change of subject ready at hand. These people thrive on drama but you don’t have to buy in. Stay in your bubble and choose peace.
Impatience and irritation:
There could be triggers, it could be conflict or traffic or crazy people or events, or tiredness or overwhelm or maybe just waking up that way for no reason. It can be unpleasant and it can be hard to contain. The nervous system becomes aggravated and/or hyped and sometimes we aren’t even aware of it until somebody reacts to our energy or tense response. When we become aware of this aggravated nervous system state, we could consider possible triggers in order to place it in context. We could also ask ourselves what is missing right now, what do we need in order to restore some equilibrium? Do we need some time to self or time with others? More sleep, more fun, less work, more challenge, less pressure, more time in the head, better food, more music or something else entirely? The key statement is “I want to feel good”. Sometimes even acknowledging that will point you towards the how. Remind yourself today that your goal is to feel good and let the many helpful parts of your mind direct you towards the way there.
Optimism in dating & relationships:
It’s so easy to get sucked in by the grass that looks greener. A form of pessimism can creep into attitudes about relationships before we’ve even realized, and it’s a poison that we really don’t want to allow. Yes, being in the dating world is a challenge. It’s not dissimilar to job-seeking in that it’s an initial recruitment exercise that hopefully leads to a satisfying connection over time. Like job seeking, people hate the thought of doing the beginning part; the CV (which these days is often an online or app dating profile), the interviews (initial contact which may be sporadic or prolonged) and the trial period (an actual meet-up). And then there’s the probationary period, the getting to know you phase which lasts 3-6 months or more. An attitude of relaxed optimism is required, combined with discernment and an ability to be open to experiences but also a willingness to stop when red flags present themselves. It’s a fine line between openness and delusion. Once a good connection occurs, the challenge is to let it evolve naturally, like you would any friendship. No pressure, no comparisons, no deadlines. Just as in established relationships, people aren’t perfect. If we have 80% compatibility (or maybe even less!) we can work with that using good communication skills. We need to prioritize kindness and a caring attitude in partners, as well as a willingness to resolve areas of disagreement without nastiness. A dash of humor is helpful. An attitude of optimism is required at all times. This doesn’t mean seeing everything through rose colored glasses (delusional and potentially dangerous). It means being factual and knowing there are always possibilities. Good things can always happen if if we take the right action and we make good decisions.
Trusting in the ok-ness:
With the many disturbances in our outside world, it’s sometimes more challenging to maintain inner harmony, that sense of being ok with what is, of trusting in the unfolding process, so let’s pause now, here, as I speak to you, and you can just listen, nothing to do, no action to take, just listening now, as I talk to your inner mind, the mind that knows peace, that wants to feel the harmony of being, that can allow the silence for a bit, just sitting, or standing, or whatever else is happening, dissolving any tension now, as you breathe in, and breathe out, on it goes, the world continues, all is well, and you can relax in that little moment of OK, and you can trust in that moment, and allow it to grow and expand at its own natural pace, deeper now, that’s right, trusting in the flow and moving easily into the rest of your day. Go easy.
Anxiety needs an outlet:
Anxiety is a form of energy that can feel extremely uncomfortable and distressing. It’s often possible to dissolve or reduce it when we give it an outlet, a focus, somewhere to go. This outlet could be physical, such as different forms of exercise or movement, it could be creative expressions via music, art, writing, poetry, craft or projects; it could be verbal via helpful talks with others, or it could be something else entirely, such as methods that tap into the subconscious mind and reveal helpful information. Next time you feel an anxious sensation or notice an anxious thought, ask yourself what type of outlet might assist this energy to move through your system in a way that helps you. If you’re not sure, take a pen and start of write about a possible outlet for your sensations and see what help your brain might offer you.
Conflict-avoidant?
While there are those individuals who seem to thrive on conflict, many of us more sensitive types avoid it, sometimes to our detriment. It’s great to be accommodating, it can be useful to keep the peace and be a contributor to harmony. Unnecessary conflict is annoying and aggravating to the nerves. However, there are times to say something. Times where you need to stand up redirect the flow. Say what you think, state what you want. You can also do this with calmness and with kindness, and with 100% respect for the other person. Generally this goes well when we actually get ourselves to speak, unless of course you are being unreasonable yourself in your expectations or if you’re dealing with somebody who is being egocentric, defensive, shut down, nasty or manipulative. Truth is, it won’t always go well. But the point is not to be scared of it. If it doesn’t go well, review your expectations as well as your timing, start-up approach and delivery, perhaps with a trusted person. Then consider the openness, emotional maturity and receptivity of the other person. Some people can take responsibility for their emotions and actions as well as respecting your needs, while others continue to blame, defend or deflect, focusing only on their own point of view. That section is not your job to manage. Watch with curiosity and generate detachment when the behavior of others is less than emotionally intelligent. This kind of intelligence operates in a bell-shaped curve like most other forms. Continue to develop your own emotional intelligence, especially the ability to spot manipulation when it occurs. Conflict is just initial disagreement and it doesn’t have to get ugly if people use their skills. And if you’ve used yours then you’ve done your bit. All you can do is let it go and back right off.
It’s your job to do you:
We are designed perfectly, intelligently and uniquely. Not the same as others, though we may share some similarities. So why be so hard on ourselves? Why all the self-criticism and pressure to be different, better or more? It’s great to have intentions and want to make progress in our given areas, but if we can’t just enjoy the us that is us, then we will limit our achievement as well as our inner peace and contentment. Make a commitment to enjoy your *self* today. You might really like you if you just gave you a chance. In fact, you could really take to you. After all, you’re only doing your job, just doing you. Do it well.
To sanity!
Amidst the chaos and silliness of life, we can allow that balanced feeling of sanity, remembering, feeling the stability of the mind, grounded, rational and clear, seeing things in perspective now, you will, breathing in, clearing out all blockages here, breathing out, slowly, that’s right, allowing your body and mind to relax now, all is well, everything in balance, calm and free, all the planets are in place, the trees are growing at their own pace and the sun comes up day after day, as it always does, life goes on, you go on, feeling better and better, clearer now, relaxed and amused, to enjoy your day with a warm mind.
Want confidence? Count your credits:
So many of us are working on a deficit model for ourselves, always focusing on what needs improvement, what needs work, what needs to change, what we did wrong etc. While this is common in driven and approval-oriented people, it does nothing for boosting confidence and just exacerbates any “not good enough” feelings. So. Claim your credits. Notice your little wins. Praise your daily achievements. Notice your good points. Remind yourself of past positives. Focus on your strengths and list them. Talk yourself up on the inside. Do it no matter how you feel, and do it constantly. Confidence is just a consistent and positive set of beliefs about yourself. You have the facts to back up those beliefs so use them today and every day!
Hard to think straight?
Brain fog, mental overload, emotional overwhelm, too much happening, competing demands, illness, lots of thinking and lack of sleep all combine to block our brain power and make us forget why we went into to the room and what we came for! Or we read a paragraph and have to re-read it because we can’t remember any of it. It happens. It’s actually no big deal, and the best thing we can do is to not freak out, not put extra pressure on the brain at all, just let it be as it is, a temporary state. We can reboot via rest, meditation, a walk, some music, or even just a little time. Most things improve by themselves given the chance, and even just the knowledge of that expected improvement can help the mind relax and return to baseline. Let your mind chill today and just allow it to be as it is, no comparing to past times or other people, just letting it be. It will do everything it needs to do for you, guaranteed.
The inner struggles of others:
It’s easy to feel like everyone else is doing super well, confident, successful and happy without any of the inner contortions that we ourselves might have. Truth is, most people hide their inner demons quite effectively, giving the impression that all is well to the outside world. This is often the case for people going through the so-called invisible illnesses such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, EDS, pain conditions, addictions, PTSD and emotional disturbances of all sorts. Or maybe there is something awful going on at home, relationship issues, trouble with family or other loved ones, or grief, insomnia, anxiety or something else making life tough. We never really know. I work with people going through private struggles every day, and am generally amazed at how successfully they hide it from the world and carry on with life. I’m also often amazed at the lack of empathy they receive when they do confide in others, especially in regard to the physical “invisible illnesses”. These conditions can be notoriously hard to manage and hard to understand unless you’ve been through it or seen it close up. Let’s agree to remember that many (maybe even most) people have some kind of private struggle even though the outside may look perfect. It’s part of the human condition and perhaps it will help stop the self-judgement I see so regularly when people are privately not coping. We’re all in this together and doing the best we can.
Guilt dissolving:
There’s a thing where sensitive people take on more personal responsibility than required, especially with other people and how they feel. This leads to lots of undeserved guilt and rumination about possible wrong-doings, or concerns of not doing enough. Sensitives can even rake over the coals of supposed wrong-doings from many many years ago and still feel the guilt as though it was fresh. It’s important to recognize this guilt as a mere schema, a fake message from your confused mind!! Everyone is responsible for creating their own peace and happiness, including you! We bring much more good to the world with feelings of peace and joy. That is our key responsibility: to work on the vibe we bring. If we make a mistake we apologize then we move on. So let’s agree to dissolve that guilt now and allow the peace and joy vibes to come to the surface.
Sunshine brain:
The look and feel of sunshine always has an uplifting effect on the mind and body, and we can carry that sunshine with us in every cell, in every part of our subconscious and all parts of us that need to know, so listen to my words, feeling that sunshine, warming you, calming you, energizing all aspects of your whole self, pure clear power, every morning the sun rises, and with that, you too will rise, stronger, wiser and better every day, powered by sunshine and fueled by light, taking in the oxygen that clears all blockages, smoothes all crooked places and makes easy the path ahead of you now, always sunny on the inside, well-lit and bright now, ready to shine and go forward with joy. Be with the light today.
The thing you’re worried about:
That thing will be ok. Consider this a message of reassurance that the thing will turn out fine, it will be fixed or dealt with and you will have the right inner resources and external help to make sure everything turns out just fine. It’s ok and everything always gets better. Just thought you might need a reminder. Relax and enjoy your day.
When others attack, criticize or judge you unfairly:
It can be very upsetting to be labeled or judged in a way that we perceive to be very unfair. We might hear words directly from the person who said them, or second hand from somebody who feels like we *need to know* what is being said about us. Or we might overhear it or read it by accident on social media. Sometimes those words can linger in our minds for a long time. We can wonder about the grains of truth, create self doubt, or even just stay furious or resentful or upset about the unfairness or inaccuracy of what was said. Replaying scenes in our minds like this is generally unhelpful. Yes, if we’ve heard that same feedback many times, it’s worth considering any shift in behavior or attitude that might be needed. We might even ask one honest and trusted friend if there’s anything we need to take on board from the information. Beyond that, it’s our job to erase the incident and return to what we know is true. Are you kind, ethical and a person of your word? Do you admit mistakes and apologize when necessary? Have you got a general history of being competent and pleasant? If so (and it IS so!) then the rogue comments must be deleted and replaced with what you know to be true of yourself. We probably can’t change what that person thinks of us (though it was probably an off the cuff remark and not a permanent opinion anyway) and we need to LET them think what they think, seeing it as a reflection of their judgement and willingness to be unkind. Many people have a hidden hostile attribution bias which means that they find nasty or negative intention in ambiguous situations. It’s a common pattern (not a pleasant pattern to live with either) and it’s nothing to do with us. Maintain a positive attitude towards yourself and as hard as it is, be willing to let others think what they like. Not our problem. Resolve to keep a good opinion of yourself because that’s the opinion that really matters.
A dose of book therapy:
Using reading as a tool to feel or think differently is as powerful as any other mood altering activity. Bibliotherapy is a recognized professional method; a problem is identified, a book is prescribed. And I’m not talking about self-help type books (though these can be interesting and helpful) but rather a novel or perhaps even a biography/autobiography. Reading takes us to another place, another world, inside other characters, their problems, their solutions. It can be a revelation, a distraction, an escape, a thrill, amusement, mystery, or even entertainment. But it takes us out of our limited perspective and into something much broader: the varieties of the human condition. Are we reading less and using our devices more for activity that doesn’t add much to our life? There might only be a small window of time available but perhaps a page or two of another world might be just the dose that lifts you to where you want to be. Do you need to increase your daily dose of reading?
Inner critic on pause:
Yes the inner critic can be helpful at times (er, kind of), pointing out where things could be improved (yeah, ah, thanks for that) and noting where we really need to lift our game (awesome, feeling great about that too, cheers). But today, I reckon let’s put that inner critic on pause and just decide to listen to the inner cheer leader. This one says YAY!! whenever you do anything, it says IT’S GREAT!! whenever you ask yourself if something is ok or not and this one says YES!! and GO!! GO!! GO!!when you want to move into action. This one, no matter what happens, says TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT, WHO DO WE APPRECIATE??! YOU!! YES YOU!! And you know what?? It really does. The Inner critic is officially now on pause so let’s run with that crazy inner cheer leader today and have some fun!
Listen to your body:
Whether you’re trying to make a decision or just moving towards feeling good, it’s time to tune in here, listening to my words, so that I can remind that part of your mind, the inner mind, paying close attention now, as I ask you to check in, truly paying attention to the message your body has for you, you know the information is there for you if you want to look, and listen, and feel your way to doing the thing that makes you feel better, or not doing the thing that you know will make you feel worse, pausing now, breath in, holding it for a few seconds as you listen to me, now breathe out, releasing all concerns and resistance now, allowing any messages to come into conscious awareness in their own time, they will, and you can take note and take right action. You will.
Ending procrastination cycles:
We procrastinate when we associate more pain with doing the thing compared to pleasure we could be having instead. When we put off and avoid, all we see and feel is the unpleasantness of what we need to do, in fact we feel that yuck feeling every time we think about it so we try and put it out of our minds to make the thing go away. But it doesn’t go away; it sits there like a subconscious burden, a mix of annoyance and guilt and “should” feelings that we try to push out of awareness. It’s not really necessary to get *motivated* in order to make the thing happen. That implies that a certain emotional state of desire or pleasure is required, and we should wait for that. Well, good luck; with some tasks it just won’t feel that way. What we need is to get the thing done. There is satisfaction in ticking off tasks that we’ve been putting off. Getting it done requires a plan more so than an emotion. Write it down. Write down what needs to be done and perhaps break it into smaller sections, as small as possible. Allocate a time frame for each section. Generally the thing we put off doesn’t take nearly as long as all the time we spend avoiding and/or feeling annoyed about it. Write down the parts and notes about how and when to do it. Summarize the plan and enjoy the feeling of control that results. Then, just do the plan. Don’t wait to feel great about it. Just feel neutral and do it. Feeling neutral is ok. Then, when it’s done you can have that relief feeling that comes from getting a burden off your back. If it’s an ongoing task, make a simple ongoing plan. You can. Go and do it.
Want to know who somebody really is??
Just watch them for a while. Watch what actions they take, which actions they avoid taking. Watch what they do in a variety of situations. Try and ignore the words for a bit, and take a look at the “doing” or not doing part. People will always show you who they are over time, and when we meet somebody we don’t know who they are, even though we might *feel* like we know who they are. It’s just projection. The most projection happens in romantic connections but can also happen in professional or friendship connections. Only when we know somebody intimately and regularly for several months do we begin to get a glimpse of who they are, via the actions they choose. Watch wisely.
Body image and self-consciousness:
If we go back a few decades, we notice much less talk of body image, and much less self-consciousness about looks. Yes, some people still had issues with it, but the lens wasn’t squarely focused on all aspects of image in the way that it can be now, via social media, peer group and advertising. The more we focus on something, the bigger it gets, mostly in our own minds. We tell young people “looks don’t matter as much as what’s inside” and that “people are more focused on themselves than on mentally criticizing others”. Both these things are true. Becoming too self-conscious takes our awareness into an unhelpful spiral and out of the real world where it belongs. We need to focus on the important things that truly matter. Body image and self-consciousness are being sold to us by media and businesses that want us to feel insecure so we will buy their stuff. End of. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good and making the most of what we have and how we present it to the world. But excessive self-focus will create trouble, including social comparison, anxiety and often depression. It also distorts what we see in the mirror; the more we analyze, the more extreme it will seem as we lose perspective. Let’s keep the focus on what truly matters. We’re not on this earth to be a pretty ornament on a shelf. We’re here for our mission: to keep the world a good place and to add to the positive energy. Refuse to take part in the image fixation being thrust upon us. It’s a waste of our time and energy. Focus on what matters today.
Clear your head:
Nothing worse than a foggy brain and cloudy thoughts. Brain fog is more common when we’re tired or after a long period of stress, or perhaps when we’ve been drinking too much or haven’t been looking after our nutrition as well as we could. All of those factors will help clear some brain space; get better rest, sleep more and eat what you know your body needs to eat. Exercise is also great for clearing the head, even if it’s just a quick burst or a short walk. Mediation or relaxation methods can clear the head too, through calm focus. In fact, mini mediations throughout the day can help the brain remain more alert and alive. What does your brain need today? Above all else, be kind, gentle and positive towards your brain. It does a lot for you and will perform more effectively with encouragement and praise rather than frustration. Remember to say thank you for all it does for you. And then add some calm breathing to help clarity. A couple of seconds can reboot the system for greater performance. Brains are great. Enjoy yours today.
Chill Pill
Watch my words closely here, listening to my voice as I talk to you, now, wherever you are, it’s time to chill, no matter what you are doing, reading this now, deeper and deeper and more relaxed, that’s right, letting all garbage and the crap go, just releasing it all now, deeper and deeper and more relaxed, you can, just letting it all flow out wherever it needs to be, chilling now, letting all tension drain away, deeper and deeper and more relaxed, you allow peace, allow joy, allow things to unfold as they do, easily now, deeper and deeper and more relaxed, that’s right, you can, staying chill as you go smoothly into the rest of your day. You can.
All of those worries:
Lots to worry about, unknowns, possible difficulties, unresolved issues, on-going problems: our minds seem to think that worry helps so it keeps that loop pumping. Worry is some distorted attempt at problem solving, except it isn’t. When we study what the brain does in worry, it just loops over the problem with a vague sense of looking for solutions but not actually settling on any. If we just thought “ok what tiny thing could I do to help this situation”, generally we could do that thing and then worry would not be required. In truth, worry is unhelpful. We need to convert worry into one tiny action step that we agree to do and perhaps write it down. After this we agree to replace the worry thoughts with some kind of brain distraction, from counting, to mantras, to reading out loud, to singing or reciting song lyrics or tv lines or anything at all to fill the space of the hungry mind. Worry is mentally useless and very draining. Resolve to choose the one small action step then go into thought distraction or replacement today!
Motivation for the unwanted tasks:
Whether it’s completing an unfinished job, getting that study done, doing the assignment or getting ourselves out of the house to be active, the desire will not always be present. Waiting and waiting for desire to strike is also called “procrastination”. We tend not to procrastinate or avoid the tasks we really really want to do; in other words, our desire drives us straight into action. If we want to get something done, we need to self-generate that desire, rather than passively waiting for the lightning to strike. We can boost desire by focusing on how good it will be to do the thing or to have it finished, and feel that satisfaction, in other words focusing on the pleasure and meaning of the task. This is actually the most pleasant way to motivate but if our sooky, whingey, lazy mind gets in the way, complaining that it doesn’t want to, there’s no fun in it etc, then perhaps the focus can shift to the pain of not doing the thing. The pain of having it hanging over your head, the annoyance at not having done it, the consequences of being avoidant about the task. Face the thing that needs to be done with wise adult mind, agree to do it now (or whenever it needs doing) and be positive about doing it. That’s motivation for you. Just do it.
Nobody compares to you so stop trying.
Every person is unique and different and weird in their own way, talented in some areas and useless in others. It’s so easy to take a quick glimpse at one person and somehow decide on them as a blueprint for some way that we should be like them. Should be achieving what they are achieving. Should have the time/energy/motivation/zen that they (appear to) have. Should have the body they have, or the looks, or the creative output or the clothes, possessions, houses, investments or cars. Whatever the hell it is that we compare, we know nothing. We know nothing of their inner life, their circumstances, their backstory, their battles or difficulties other than what they have chosen to show the world. Next time we do a social comparison and line ourselves up with someone and their features/achievements, the reminder will come through in mind: “I know nothing about this person and I have no right to compare. I’m just going to stick to me and where I am right now. I’m where I need to be and I’ll keep moving forward at the right pace for me”. Other people are really none of our business.
Resolve to personalize nothing:
As we know, weird things happen to everyone. It’s the human experience. We have motivational ups and downs. We have mood ups and downs. Our energy and health levels vary. Sometimes we feel sociable, other times we become reclusive. Most of the emotions we go through are common to the human condition but some people are more successful at hiding these, even hiding it from themselves at times. If other people disapprove or criticize, it generally says more about them and their judgmental minds/beliefs than it does about those they judge. Rejection isn’t really a thing. Everybody is on their own trip, looking for a particular experience (which might be a different or crazy or completely unrealistic experience) so if they choose to move away from you, it probably isn’t anything about you, it’s just that they want to order something else on the menu. The traffic (and people’s behavior in traffic) isn’t personal either. It just is. Nothing that happens outside us is aimed to thwart us. Things just happen in life’s ongoing series of challenges. Let’s resolve to take nothing personally and move through today’s challenges with relaxed detachment. May your day be smooth and pleasant.
Don’t feel like it??
Things to do, maybe hard, or boring or just “have to be done” type things and maybe you just don’t feel like it yet, waiting for the urge, waiting for the motivation which, actually, we don’t need to feel quite in the way we think we do, yes sometimes it’s emotional desire than revs the system and pushes us into action, but today, perhaps it’s different, perhaps a little determination will activate your mind here, listening to my words now, connecting with the knowledge that you CAN do this, it’s ok, you don’t have to be wildly pumped about it, can just quietly and non-dramatically get it done, get it over with now, tick that box and get it crossed off your list, one less thing to do, that feeling of relief, of release of pressure, you’ll enjoy that too, many ways to get things done so go do it and enjoy the reward buzz.
Want to build confidence?
Confidence is a feeling of yes, in fact a knowing of yes. That sense of “I’ve got this, I can handle it, not a problem”. Confidence may not be the first thought or feeling that arises but it can be the second one that we choose. Just like we tell kids “you can do this, just do your best, you’ll be fine, you’ve got this”, we need to tell ourselves the same stuff, maybe over and over, just like some kids need to be reminded over and over. Of course it’s also important to delete the thoughts that undermine confidence. Cut out all self-criticism! Then go to work countering any doubts that arise. Some minds are more prone to self-doubt than others, and need extra reassurance. So get into that self-reassurance today! You got this! Easy.
Decide to enjoy today:
We are programmed for health, energy and enjoyment. Sometimes life and its many challenges can get in the way of our sense of well-being and we can start to feel or think that things are pretty awful. And yes, maybe one thing is awful, or two (or three?!). But. Maybe it’s not quite as awful as we think. And maybe the rest of it is better than ok and you can focus on those parts and decide to start enjoying those moments. Enjoy the stuff you can and treat the other stuff as a temporary endurance. Sometimes our problem-focused minds need to be reminded that we are in fact here to enjoy ourselves in whichever way we are designed for, but it won’t always just roll out in front of us, especially in our minds. Some days we need to help our eyes and minds scan for enjoyment. Make sure your eyes are locked in the zone today.
The army of imposters:
Imposter syndrome is a common issue out there, especially in women. That feeling of not really knowing, of being discovered as a fraud, of being exposed as incompetent after all. There are two major components to a strong self- concept: our sense of competence and our sense of likability. Both are important in terms of building internal evidence. Most of us (due to human programming) only tend to remember the counter evidence but it’s time to start consciously collecting evidence for competency (any and all things done well) as well as likability (any good rapport or exchange between you and others). You’re no fraud. You do your best and you do it with ethics and kindness and an intent to do good in the world. Your input matters!
The only thing you can control:
Really, the only thing we can influence is our own state of mind. Our state then determines our behavior which is the aspect of life over which we get to make choices. Good state of mind means easier behavioral choice. If we focus on negativity, tiredness, anger, frustration, annoyance and other irritated thoughts, we have less behavioral control. Every thought we think has a chemical reaction both in the nervous system and in the immune system (and probably many systems not yet identified and it’s all one system anyway) so we need to aim for higher thoughts if we want to make conscious positive choices in behavior. Unpleasant emotional states lead to auto pilot behavioral choices which are not always helpful. Finding something (anything!) to like or appreciate will help activate a better state. Gratitude is not required (though if it spontaneously occurs, that’s great), just some part of the experience that you can appreciate or acknowledge as good or fortunate. And when it feels like we can’t find it, it means we need to keep looking. The good is always there if we are willing to keep looking. May you find much to appreciate or enjoy today.
Tune into the best frequency:
So many frequencies are available to tune into, our own inner vibe, the vibe of others, the vibe of news and current affairs, or particular music, or aspects of nature, such as plants and animals and minerals, and all frequencies have different feelings, some are warm and friendly and uplifting; those are the ones I’d like to remind your mind about, right now, the good vibes, the uplifting frequencies, the buzz where those positive feelings surround you and fill you with energy and possibilities now, allowing those frequencies to make their way easily into your experience today, here, receiving and transmitting now, keeping the dial tuned in here, that’s right, and notice how effortless it can be just to feel ok, and let your day flow in the easiness of it all. Enjoy.
Need to shut up sometimes??
Some of us have issues with saying things that don’t really need to be said. The wrong words at the wrong time can make a situation so much worse and create a big drama out of a small aggravation. We all need to learn to be able to shut our mouths sometimes despite a feeling or thought that might urge us to correct, criticize, advise, judge, defend, yell, name call, unhelpfully comment etc. At other times of course we need to respond and share. But. Sometimes we need to shut the #%%# up. The wisdom is in know when to do it.
Brain blanks:
Brain blanks get blamed on so many things. We walk into a room then forgot why we went there. We go to say a word we know that we “know” and it won’t come. We go to talk about a song or movie or person or tv show and the title/name stays just out of mental reach, just on the tip of our tongue. We are talking about something then completely lose our train of thought and have to ask the other person where we were going with this. It happens to everyone. It gets blamed on age (yet it happens to young people all the time, they just don’t notice or care as much), it gets blamed on stress, hormones and attention deficit and a whole host of other troubles. And yet. I talk to people of all ages every day all day and have for many many years. It happens. To us all. Probably doesn’t mean anything much and it doesn’t even matter. The important information always comes through when needed. Let’s give our brains a break and stop demanding google-like instant performance. Release the pressure today and let your brain chill. Paradoxically it will work more effectively that way anyhow.
Today is a NEW day.
Good as new. Look for the newness, enjoy the differences and stay in the now. Today has hidden goodies if you have your eyes open looking for them. Make sure to catch them all.
Uplift
As you read this, I want you to imagine that you can hear me talking, that a very pleasant and focused tone is entering your mind and directing your thoughts to a very peaceful place, just let it happen, it will, as you hear my words now as I talk to you, stirring up the positive energy within you, igniting that force that boosts you into optimal gear, ready to calmly and pleasantly move forward into the next part of your day with a great attitude, with whatever skills and knowledge you require, it’s all there for you and all will go well because you can just relax and let it happen naturally, least effort, best result now, you have many talents and skills and they are activated here for you, imagine the energy increasing now, building up to where you need it to be, pumped and good to go. Now go.
What little extra can you do for YOU today??
Your subconscious mind knows of something that would help you feel better. Do you need sunshine and outdoors? Or some really good clean nutrition? To be around certain people or away from others? To relax or meditate or walk in nature? To do something fun, creative or expressive? To listen to a certain piece of music? To increase or decrease your level of challenge? To get more adventure? To write or record something or some part of your experience? To spend time with animals or pets? To contact somebody? Or just to take time out and just be? Whatever it is, listen. And do it. If our bodies are giving us signals that things aren’t right, it’s our job to listen and act. Tune in and be responsive to your needs today.
Remember what matters:
Focus on the parts that are meaningful to you. The aspects that matter. The aspects that made a difference. The learnings that came as a result. The benefits you’ve enjoyed. The positive changes over time. What matters is what is important today.
Break the loop of anxiety:
Like everything else, anxiety has a structure. This structure becomes a physiological habit within the system and forms a loop that can be hard to exit. The structure is based on two aspects: bodily feelings generated within the nervous system as well as fear based thoughts generated within the mind. The feelings might include racing heart, nausea, involuntary crying, tight chest or throat, visual or auditory changes, dissociation and other physical sensations of unease. The fear thoughts might be about these physical sensations (freaking out about them) or they might be thoughts about other fears/worries. Break an anxiety loop usually involves teaching the brain how to change both the physiology (bodily aspects) and the mental focus of those phases; in other words, doing something different with both body and mind. The mind needs a positive distraction or neutral acceptance in order to change the loop. The body can respond to many changes, including movement, stillness, breathing, different nutrition or supplements, hormone management, gut programs to treat bacteria, and nervous system methods (used by psychologists) such as hypnosis and EMDR. The most important thing to know is that anxiety is a neural pattern and that any pattern can be altered and improved over time. Change the physiology and change the focus and you have a different pattern already. The predisposition might remain but the response can be one of optimism.
Expectations and outcomes:
Go into today expecting good things. Of course there might be minor irritations or concerns, but your job is to direct your mind to the stuff that is ok, or maybe even better than ok. No matter what is happening, ask your brain to find the good aspects. Our lazy mind will often argue that there are no good aspects, but that’s only due to lack of mind training. The more we look for, and acknowledge good aspects, the easier it becomes to see them, even in adverse times. We don’t have to be “happy” when things are tough, or pretend to feel great. Just directing the mind to the positive or ok aspects will help balance perspective and keep us out of the dreaded all-or-nothing thoughts where things are either all good or all bad. That kind of thinking promotes frustration, self-pity and depression. A balanced view is good enough, acknowledging all aspects of a situation and choosing to direct the mind to the ok or acceptable parts. Perhaps you could notice some right now.
Can’t-be-bothered-isms:
You’ve been there, right? All the talk streams of “I don’t feel like it, what’s the point anyway, can’t do it, too much effort, too hard, I’m too lazy, I don’t want too” - blah, blah, blah, on it goes, sucking ourselves into the vortex of apathy, when really, we could do it, could do just a little bit, could make a start, could take one small step, could begin, could play with the idea, could do a bit of what’s worked in the past, could write down one thing, could make a small list, could put on some music to help, could enlist somebody to join in, could listen to a podcast to inspire, could read something that might enlighten, could relax or meditate and visualize it, could talk to somebody about it, could think “maybe I can”, could know “anything is possible”, could say “do it now”, could just go and start.
Self-indulging??
Most of us are probably too hard on ourselves, expecting perfection and not being accepting of our normal human ups and downs. While we can get all self-critical at times, most of us have something we ignore that we probably should get on to. Is there an area where you maybe need to be a little tougher on yourself? Perhaps you’re doing a little self-indulgence by avoiding doing things you know would be healthier for you. Indulging a sweet tooth a little too much?? Few too many drinks?? Cigarettes or other nicotine delivery products? Eating what is “quick and easy?” Not going for a walk or doing other exercise? Choosing to take things too personally?? All are examples of a self-indulgence that we could address if we wanted to. No pressure. Just an invitation to listen to your wise mind about anything that might be good to change just a little. The invitation is yours.
Toxic leaders:
Leadership in the workplace has a massive effect on morale. There are many ways a leader will help create a better or worse atmosphere, including the example they set with their own competence or work ethic, how they communicate with others and the amount of role clarity they provide. One of the biggest ways in which leaders set a scene is in helping determine the openness in communication. In most workplaces, it’s the norm to be non-confrontational and whisper secretly about annoyances and grievances. An effective leader will create a culture in which problems can be raised directly and in a manner which is neither accusing or blaming. Behaviors or tasks can be discussed with the people concerned so that observers know that people are being held accountable, fairly and ethically. A leader needs to be able to notice what is going on (in both task and relationship dynamics) and begin open discussions towards implementing change strategies straight away. If these competent leadership behaviors do not occur, then a negative, gossipy and divided workplace can easily breed. Of course we are all responsible for our open and honest workplace communication no matter what our role. But it’s the leader’s job to influence others in a positive and productive direction. This applies to families as much as workplaces and any other areas where people work in a group. Check your open communication today and be part of the force towards progress.
Weird secret physical manifestations of stress:
Sometimes we don’t even know we’re stressed but our subconscious does, so it gets manifested via the body. Stomach pains, IBS, back/neck/shoulder pain, muscle aches, insomnia, rashes, eczema, unexplained fatigue or exhaustion, numbness, and myriad other ways that the body can tell us that something is going on. When one of these manifestations occurs, firstly, acknowledge to yourself that “this is emotional”. You don’t actually need to know which emotion or situation it relates to. Usually it’s an internal conflict of some kind, or a repressed frustration that you’re not conscious of at all. Internal conflicts are famous for triggering body symptoms. They involve wanting one thing but on the other hand wanting another, or feeling caught in a situation with no apparent solution. Family conflicts are a good example. Often they are ongoing and we’d like to “solve” them, yet can’t due to the personalities involved. Unresolved frustrations are another common trigger of these body symptoms, as well as being upset with somebody but unable or unwilling to express it. Again, acknowledge the discomfort and its probable emotional origins and know that your brain is directing the stress into physical symptoms. Thank your brain for letting you know you have something to work out and maybe talk to somebody you trust about any unresolved or frustrating issues in order to move forward emotionally. And relax about the symptom, stressing about it will just divert your mind from the true cause. Ask yourself “if I was a super angry, resentful type of person, what would I be angry or resentful about right now?” You may be surprised by the answer. And it may make more sense as to why you have symptoms.
Feeding anger and drama:
Many tv shows are set up to trigger anger, fear and drama vibes, in fact there are whole channels dedicated to this goal. Notice when you watch this kind of material, do you feel tense and agitated or relaxed and content?? Notice too, with friends, family or colleagues, who is boosting anger and drama content. Many people will try to fire up the conversation by generating mutual anger or drama towards an external person or source and they may get a mood lift from doing so. Do you get a mood lift?? Chances are, you walk away drained and edgy, perhaps not even sure why. Notice when drama is being generated or fed, and choose whether to opt out. Drama-free choices generally correlate with inner peace. Need more peace?? Stay out of drama.
Engage in a higher perspective:
It can be so easy to get caught up in the stress and junk and irritations of everyday life, and so it’s just as important to take a little break from that, to let your mind relax and go to that place where everything is fine and nothing matters, that higher perspective where every event has its place but we don’t need to do anything except observe with neutral detachment, watching it all like it was on TV, just sitting back and letting life flow, knowing that it all works out somehow, mostly without our interference, it all comes together and that time we spent stressing and worrying was just a wasted choice really, might as well just let it be what it is, it’s all ok, breathing in, relaxing, letting it go, that’s right, you can, all of this keeps life interesting and the contrast of pleasant and not so pleasant is normal and human and perfectly ok, you’re perfectly fine, perfect as is, and you can allow your mind to spend more and more time in this higher perspective, this much more balanced perspective as of now. Stay there.
Emotions about pain and physical conditions:
Illness, pain and physical conditions can be scary. The unknown, the discomfort, the unpleasantness, the fear of things getting worse; it’s easy to feel worried, anxious, annoyed, frustrated, irritated and sometimes even angry. We generate these emotions because we want to feel better and we want to improve our situation. Only thing is, these types of emotions are not optimal for healing. We know from the neuropeptide model that every thought we think triggers a chemical reaction in the body, affecting the nervous system and the immune system. So if we want to help the cells of the body heal or improve, we need to focus on aspects of attention that feel good. This can be anything at all, as long as it feels ok while we are thinking about it or focused on it. Movies, books, pets, music, art, nature, silly things, comedy, old photos, meditative practices, gratitude lists, anything at all to keep the mind feeling good in an easy and neutral way so that our cells are in the best position to improve functioning. Make a list of things to do or focus on while in illness or pain. Don’t leave it to chance, don’t leave it to instinct. Keep the mind in a neutral or semi pleasant mode and let your body do its own healing job. It knows what to do.
Grandiosity is judgment-impairing!
We often wonder why people who are grandiose, self-important, entitled and rude cannot see what effect they are having on others. Many times we feel we should point it out to them so they “get it” and can modify their behavior. After all, if they knew it upset others, they’d stop, right?? In truth, they probably won’t. While drugs, alcohol and other substances can temporarily raise grandiosity, some people are permanently wired for everyday grandiosity, self importance, superiority, entitlement and, in effect non-filtered behavior. Many factors can play a part in generating this, including a combination of genetics, personality formation, early trauma and lack of parental boundaries. Bottom line is, to the grandiose person, this grandiosity feels good. It’s like a high. And any “high” will impair our judgment. When people are high on alcohol or other substances, they often don’t realize when they’re being obnoxious or inappropriate. Grandiosity is the same thing; it will come with a lack of self-awareness, probably even a complete denial of inappropriate behavior and possibly, if challenged, a redirect towards you as being the problem (too sensitive, misunderstanding them, being weird/crazy/neurotic) rather than seeing themselves as needing to change. The point is, they’re on a high. Not gonna come down from that. You can challenge the behavior if you have some leverage (ie something they want or need such as a relationship or job) but if you have no leverage then you probably have no case. Be willing to leave them to it if necessary and spend your time with people who are not high on their own self-importance. It’s quite hazardous to be around. Proceed with great caution.
Watching the lazy people:
Lazy people avoid effort. Often they will happily do the easy stuff, the things that might be a bit more fun to do, but the other stuff, well that’s a bit hard, might be uncomfortable, so it’s easier to take the pathway of looking active but maybe not actually doing very much. Lazy people can make an art of looking busy or productive but the results often tell a different story. For conscientious people, this is super difficult to watch, both in the workplace and in the home environment. Generally, lazy people try to hide their laziness and may argue that they are busy doing other things. Yet somehow, the conscientious ones end up doing all the difficult parts and feeling resentful about doing more than their fair share. In truth, lazier people are self-preserving. They will, consciously or unconsciously choose what they feel like doing rather than look at the bigger picture of what needs to be done. And they may genuinely feel that they are contributing and be quite shocked when others feel they’re not pulling their weight. There’s a personality trait called Activity Level and lazier people have a lower preference on this continuum, often combined with lower levels of conscientiousness. These two traits can cause major issues in couples and in the workplace, and generally it’s easier to choose the correct compatible match in the first place rather than attempt to change ingrained patterns over time. We all have an area of life where we choose some laziness, and it may not be causing us any issues. But check in and make sure it’s not triggering somebody else’s resentment. And in regard to working or living with laziness, work out a task allocation system in a friendly way and a meeting or discussion time to check in on results in a calm manner. Accountability can help boost activity and conscientiousness in ways you might not expect.
Keep your eyes on where you want to be:
When they teach racing car drivers how to stay on the track at high speed, the most important lesson is to keep your eyes on the road on front of you, especially if you feel like you might lose control. The minute your eyes go off the track, your more likely to head right off that track and into the fence. So where do your eyes need to be today? What do you want to feel or do or be? What is your one intention for today? Whatever it is, make it something simple and achievable then keep your eyes right on it. Front of mind means focus. Stay right on that track today.
Hello peace.
Inner peace is ok to feel, right now, doesn’t matter what’s going on out there, look right here, staring at my words as I talk to you, and you can listen, as I remind your mind to return now to inner peace, dissolving all tension, relaxing all concerns, just breathing, breathing means peace, breathe as you read these words, slower now, that’s right, everything easy, slowing the mind, your nervous system relaxing into peace, hit the lock switch on inner peace now and stay there.
Your optimism challenge:
If you’re reading this, you either have an optimistic pattern already or want to move towards it. The truth is, most people have an area where they need to activate a little more optimism. Optimism isn’t about being “positive”, despite what most people think. It’s about knowing the right questions to ask yourself when problems arise. Questions like “what do I really want here” or “what is the best direction to move towards?” It’s about checking your narrative and asking questions of yourself in regard to the story you are telling about the problem situation. Such as “what am I telling myself about this issue?” “How can I reframe this?” “What is a helpful narrative or train of thought here?” “What are the facts?” Then finally optimism is about taking the right action that will help things. Asking “what’s one small step that will take me in my chosen direction?” “What will I do today towards this?” “Who else might be able to help?” “What am I doing already that I can do more of?” Smart questions lead to stronger optimism and better choices for us all. Choose your questions wisely today.
Should we confront breaches of boundaries??
The person who is high in sensitivity and empathy (probably you!) generally has trouble when it comes to voicing concerns over boundary infringements. Maybe it’s a friend or family member who is consistently late, rude/blunt, dismissive, intrusive or demanding. Or a colleague/acquaintance who makes off-color or inappropriate remarks. Or the “all about me” person that manages to turn every conversation back to themselves and their experience. How do we know when it’s a reasonable time to raise it? Do we raise it with humor or in earnest? Do we begin to avoid the person or situation rather than having to face a potentially awkward or uncomfortable conversation? How do we react if they’re hurt or upset by our view of it, and does the anticipation of this reaction prevent us from raising issues at all? Whether or not we address boundary violations will depend on the nature of the relationship, perceived loss or gain of rapport, our assessment of the other person’s emotional maturity (including self awareness, openness and capacity to change or modify their behavior) and ultimately how important the relationship is to us. When we say “it’s not worth bringing this up”, do we mean the relationship isn’t worth it, or the potential stress isn’t worth it? If we can honestly assess all these factors then we can approach it with an effective strategy. Often our personality style determines whether or not to raise things. We are all on a spectrum ranging from “I couldn’t possibly say that, it might upset them” to “I can’t help but say whatever I’m thinking and I have every right to”. Most boundary issues are trickier than they first appear. We need to first focus on our own self-awareness and ensure that we are coming from a balanced perspective.
For the good:
Good thoughts, good food, good people, good times, good chillouts, good music, good rest, good environment, good activities, good memories, good feelings and all other things good for you today. Make the good choices.
How to feel really, really bad:
Think of all the ways you should be better. Focus on the many areas you need to improve on. Remember all the bad things you’ve said or done and go over them again and again, getting mad at yourself in new ways each time. Dig up as many old hurts from the past and try to relive them. See the faces and hear the voices. Of course you must take the blame for what went wrong and recognize all your character flaws. They’re probably worse since then, too. Project these bad feelings into the future as well, affecting everything you do. Cast doubt on all decisions and think of all possible worst-case scenarios. To feel really, really bad, you have to scare yourself a lot, so make sure you imagine many terrible possibilities. Then get annoyed with yourself for being so uncontrolled or undisciplined in your thinking. I mean, you should be able to feel good all the time, right? You could stop this feel-bad program anytime you like, couldn’t you?? You could probably see the pointlessness of all these feeling-bad habits and interrupt them, maybe just sometimes?? Would you be willing to do that, stop the self-torture? Being kind to yourself is really much more enjoyable. Perhaps give that program a run today and skip the bad-feeling stuff. I reckon you deserve a break anyway.
All the complaining energy suckers:
We see them in the workplace, the tv, the restaurants, families and everywhere else, whinging, complaining and focusing on the enormity of their problems. If you’re reading my posts, you’re a solution-focused person who likes to protect you’re energy and improve life. But as we know, there’s a massive group of people that enjoy complainant mode much of the time. Complainant mode (which we all join in from time to time) is where we focus on problems, deny responsibility, disregard possible solutions and vent our irritation. In fact, people in complainant mode can become annoyed or even enraged if you try to suggest a course of action; clearly you don’t understand just how complicated and awful and intractable their special problem is. It’s unique and wouldn’t possibly be improved by the simpleton things you’re suggesting. Being around people in complainant mode (especially more than one at a time) is mega draining and often enraging if it happens frequently. You will feel frustrated listening, a bit incredulous and eventually bored. Afterwards you may feel that the life blood has been drained from you. As I already said, we all go into complainant mode at times, but it’s about relative frequency and duration. Most of us don’t like to live there because it doesn’t feel good to us. We need progress and action and solutions. Others do choose to live there, and that is their legitimate choice. We, however, have the choice regarding how often and how long we engage with this. We may choose to say “I’m not engaging in this conversation” or “I have nothing to say about this”. Sympathy and attention as responses are fine if they work quickly and change the direction, but it wears thin over time. Watch your own responses to problems and make sure you stay in possibility mode. When you engage with chronic complainants, make it in small and infrequent doses. Be aware of what’s happening and interrupt the pattern if required. Yes the complaint may then become about you. But that’s almost a compliment in the circumstances.
Gratitude Blast!
As you notice everything around you today, say “thank you”. Your window, the view outside, however the sky looks, the people you see, the colors of the walls, the signs and sounds of nature, say “thank you”. To yourself, whatever activity you are doing, what you’re feeling, thinking, wearing, the ideas that come to you, the observations, the movements of your mind and body, say “thank you”. If you need a mantra for the mind, the mantra of “thank you ” is one of the most powerful. No matter what goes on in the external world, stay in internal “thank you” today for a continuous blast of gratitude and more inner peace. Thank you.
Use your mental filter today!
What do you want to filter out today? Maybe filter out any drama, aggravation or annoyance, filter out stuff that you don’t really need to see or hear about or think about. Any worries could be filtered out for the day, just like a water filter takes out the parts we don’t need, the parts that aren’t so friendly, and leaves us with all the good bits, the healthy stuff, the feel-good part. Or you could use a color filter if you prefer, putting a yellow or a pink or blue hue over today’s events. Or maybe an auditory type filter, playing pleasant white noise or happy music over anything you need to block out. Today lets choose the filter that boosts your optimism, your energy and your general enjoyment of the day. May it be a great one for you.
Some lift-off for today:
With all the drama and activity of the week, maybe you’re a little fried, a tad burnt out, perhaps needing some power to get you through the next few days, so read on slowly, slowing your eyes now as you listen carefully to my words, as I talk to you here, and you can relax now, as your inner mind takes over as I communicate directly with you, the real you, the you that knows what you need to do, relaxing, the you that can focus on that one thing, calm now, breathing, just letting any tensions dissolve back into the nothingness where they belong, releasing all concern now, right now, all that is true is person reading words, and you can stay right here in this moment, just being, with nothing to do, nothing to feel responsible for, nobody to please, no decisions to make, nowhere to be, not rushing or hurrying, just simply being, and noticing how much your system is relieved when you can just be, enabling the regeneration of energy, sustainable energy now, more power for you, stronger now, and more focused, doing only what you need to do for NOW, and letting later and tomorrow and the future take care of itself, it will, while you relax now into calm positive energy and move pleasantly through the rest of your day. You can.
Soothing the anxiety:
Anxiety is the brain and nervous system running amok, giving alarming messages that are a little too full-on for the context involved. Many people get anxiety in advance of something, an event, a social situation or some other part of life. For others, it’s the unknown, the future or time with no activities to distract them. Anxiety can also manifest as pain or body symptoms just to scare the hell out of us, sending many people to doctors looking for answers to rashes, pain syndromes, fatigue, stomach symptoms and other random physical conditions that turn out to be “just stress”. Many of our brains/bodies are just wired for a bit of anxiety. It’s ok. We can lessen the frequency, intensity and duration of anxiety by recognition (knowing it’s just excess brain or nerve activity), calm awareness (ie not freaking out about the anxiety or getting frustrated/angry with it) and learning methods to calm or reassure the system, which will vary from person to person. The key is figuring out the root cause, which is often one or more subconscious beliefs, fears or past associations combined with a sensitive temperament. Common themes include performance pressure, fear of failure and fear of rejection or abandonment. We also need to do prevention via correct food, adequate sleep, minimal caffeine, not misusing alcohol/drugs/substances, doing light exercise and having regular relaxation or downtime. Anxiety takes many forms and therefore requires many solutions. What has helped in the past? What aspect of life needs to change or improve? What is one tiny thing that generally soothes you in a helpful way? What’s one thing you can remind yourself (about you, or about life or whatever) that will calm the wave? Over time we learn many ways to make things smoother. Knowing that we can always learn to manage it in new ways, even if we’ve been anxious for a long time is also reassuring. Take a breath and direct yourself to chill today.
Criticism and harshness to loved ones:
Most people are careful at work. Careful how they put things, make sure to be respectful and sensitive and mindful of feelings. Even in shops and other public places, most of us attempt to be polite and step around offending anyone. Most of us apply this care policy with friends as well. So what happens to disable this process at home?? So many people are abrupt, critical, dismissive, even rude to those they love. Apparently if there’s love between partners/family it’s ok to be horrible if we feel like it??! It’s actually not ok. It’s super easy to take loved ones for granted and assume some sort of unconditional positive regard when venting our irritation. But the truth is that displaying regular criticism or contempt or rudeness or defensiveness or disengagement will lead to resentment in the other person, and probably distance or detachment over time. Let’s make a pact to watch how we interact with loved ones and choose to ACT with love. Love is a verb so let’s commit to some loving communication behaviors every day with the people closest to us. They have their own stuff going on too. It might look like life is easy for them but life is easy for nobody. Let’s act with kindness and love today and be aware of our impact on those closest to us.
Phone-free time:
Phone addiction isn’t getting any better. Any spare minute, any non-active moment, many of us reach for our phones, checking, doing pointless or mindless scrolling and even playing silly games that have no real purpose other than to distract the mind. Are we overdoing our technology focus?? Is your phone interfering with your concentration in other areas, task or relationship?? Phone free time is easy. Just go and plug it into the charger in another room for a period of time each day and night. Or turn it off for a period and place in another room. Many of our brains have become hyper-vigilant with our phones, as though we must see or know everything right away and instantly respond. If we go back in time 20 years or so, none of us expected to instantly see or know the things we now feel are so urgent. Truthfully none of it is urgent and most of it isn’t even important. Phones are training our brains to think that everything coming through is both urgent and important. Let’s interrupt that brain re-wiring process by taking some time out of phone reach today, and especially tonight.
False alarms:
Most stuff we worry about and go looping about over and over in our minds never actually eventuates. Humans aren’t great at the unknown. We like to be in “control”, to know what’s going to happen and what we will do and say. Actually we don’t really need to worry and plan. We have resources and abilities to handle anything that needs to be handled, and we can do it all in the moment. Most of us, in fact, are quite fine in a crisis; it’s the not-knowing stage we dislike the most. Maybe that’s the key- to remind ourselves in the unknown stage that we are very resourceful and can handle anything that actually happens. We are not required to do any pre-work. It doesn’t help and it’s a waste of energy. Let’s commit to ditching the false alarm pre-work and agree that we will competently handle what comes, when it arrives. Mostly, what comes along turns out to be just fine.
Effortless day:
Welcome to the day, it doesn’t matter what time you join us, anytime is fine, and at any time at all you can choose to go a little more effortless, you can, so stop now and breathe in slowly, effortlessly, then hold it in, holding now, and then release it, breathing out and releasing all effort here, letting go and really just allowing your body to do its thing, no effort breathing, no need to think too much at all, just let it happen, that’s right, flowing in, flowing out, one with the flow of all things, connected in the way that you want to be connected, relaxed, joyous, free from effort, just flowing with the rhythm of all things and feeling pretty good. Just take it easy today.
Minimize catastrophes!
Many of us speak to ourselves about our troubles or worries using dramatic narratives containing extreme language which makes the problem so much bigger! “It’s really bad, worst thing ever, I just hate this, it’s going to be a disaster, I’m just so bad at this, I’ve always been terrible at these sort of things, it will ruin everything, it always happens, it’s not good enough, I’ll let everyone down, nothing ever goes my way and it’s all my fault” etc etc; on and on the mind bleats. Bigger, badder language means bigger, badder feelings! (Yes I know “badder” isn’t a word, but it’s a thing). So if we want to feel better, we need to cut that shit down to size. It’s not that bad, it’s not the end of the world, there are worse things, I can solve it another way if this doesn’t work out, it’s temporary, it only happens occasionally, it’s fixable, it’s normal human experience, part of life, no big deal, I can do this, it’s probably easier than I think, it could even be a walk in the park, it’s probably fine. Watch out for dramatic narratives today and cut that shit right down to size! Maximize the good and minimize the bad and things will feel pretty ok.
Stillness vs Stimulation:
Most of our minds have never been so vigilant. Addicted to your phone?? Checking updates regularly? Seeing notifications? Or maybe just real-life drama keeping your mind active and spinning? We need to antidote the stimulation with stillness breaks for the mind and nervous system. Just close your eyes, even if for a few seconds. Do it now. Take a breath and be aware of nothingness. When you’re all revved up you can even feel the whirring of the mind when trying to relax. That’s ok. Let the whirring slow down all by itself by taking another breath. Withdraw stimulation in small doses then increase dosage over time. Please do it now. Close your eyes and just take a breath. Seriously. Please enjoy this moment of stillness several times today.
Tiredness and cravings:
Being tired is a major risk factor for craving stuff, usually stuff we don’t want to have. Tiredness is probably as risky as unpleasant emotions when it comes to urges and cravings, but when you put the two together (tiredness and forms of emotional discomfort) then we have trouble. Generally speaking, we can create addictions when we give into cravings to “get away” from unpleasant or uncomfortable states because we set up a neural escape route in the brain and we keep wanting to activate it when we feel bad. Following cravings that result from a place of feeling bad in some way usually leads us into trouble. Thing is, if we can notice a craving, be aware of it and let it rise over us like a wave, we can feel the wave envelop us then pass overhead and subside. Many of us have done this for years during meditation with other thoughts and feelings. We actually don’t need to respond to a craving or obsession with an action or compulsion. We can see it for what it is, a thought form with a physical craving, then allow the wave to pass. It generally passes more quickly than we expect, especially if we view it as that wave that washes over us powerfully then subsides if we just wait and relax into it. Rule of thumb: taking “negative for you” action based on tiredness or unpleasant emotion is trouble. Let’s ride the wave of feeling instead. It’s just temporary, right.
Reduce aggravation:
It’s all the noise, the people, the silliness, the traffic, the unnecessary things people say or do, the sleep we lack and the worries we have; it all builds up over time and it’s time to release some of that aggravation now, just let it drain away to the nothingness it came from, knowing that most of it doesn’t really matter at all, most of it you won’t even remember pretty soon, in fact you could start to forget right now, remembering only what you need to remember, the fun, the good things, and forgetting what you need to forget, just letting it drift off into the past, over and done and finished for you now, knowing the the past exists only in the mind, we allow your mind to clear now, allowing that clean empty room just to sit quietly, just being, just knowing that all is well, and that it always will be, and you can go about your day with calm clear confidence now. You will.
The drain of drama:
Drama addiction is a thing. There are people that love it and they’re often the very ones that say they hate it. But behavior is telling; hating drama means making drama-free choices. Truth is, drama promotes adrenalin, either excitement or fear, depending on your involvement and perspective. Because of this, drama is draining. If you’ve been exposed and you’re not a drama-lover, you’ll probably feel frustrated and drained. Detach from drama by recognizing it early. See the signs. Signs usually involve somebody’s perception of themselves as victim or rescuer, with somebody else painted as persecutor. In truth, there’s always more to all stories and nothing is ever as simple as hero/villain. Buy out of all drama stocks today and enjoy the peace that comes with a balanced and intelligent perspective.
Calling all tired people!
Is your tank a little low right now?? The feeling of having to run on empty can be a scary one, so much to do and worrying about the capacity to do it, and the ability of your brain to process it all. Tiredness is multi-faceted; it can link to physical factors such as sleep, nutrition quality, activity/rest patterns and exercise (over exercising as well as not enough). It can also link to imbalances in the adrenalin cycle. One day we are pumped and activated, then some how we’ve depleted our stores and seem all flat. Emotional factors drain our reserves too; repressed frustration, excess pressure, too much boredom or overwork of any kind. Getting back in balance means checking in with yourself: what do you need? Extra sleep? A bit of “me time”? Some escapism via movies/reading/adventures? To get outside into nature? Time with fun people? More music in your day? Or several of the above perhaps! Do one thing today to help yourself restore balance and make sure to check your narrative about your energy levels. The story we tell ourselves will either help or hinder, so choose the version where problems are temporary, fixable and manageable.
Activate possibilities!
Anything is possible. We never know what great things are just around the corner, and the better we feel, the better it gets. With an attitude of optimism and a feeling of being a lucky person, all kinds of things come to us. What is luck?? Luck is knowing you are lucky, looking for lucky opportunities and taking action on those opportunities when they present. Luck is staying out of complaining or victim consciousness and looking for the good stuff so you can watch it multiply. Luck is knowing that prosperity is everywhere and that we are all part of it if we join in consciousness. Consciousness means having the thoughts and feelings that match the results you want. Our consciousness is contagious and we can infect others with our possibility thinking if they are open to it, and vice versa. Be a force for positive possibilities today!
Acting from guilt??
Accepting invitations to things that you don’t want to go to? Agreeing to do things you really aren’t interested in? Saying yes when you want to say “No #%*#ing way”?? You need a lesson in no-guilt choices. Firstly, we need to accept a few basic human rights. Number one: other people have the right to ask you to do stuff, socially or otherwise. Number two: you have the right to your human emotions, including the emotion of “no way in hell do I want to do this thing!”
Number three: unless you are their employee for this specific purpose, you have the right to say no. And you can say no in a kinder, softer way if it suits your personality. You can say “oh sorry, I really can’t.” Or “I wish I could but I have other commitments” or “maybe next time but this time I absolutely can’t” or “sorry, that’s not really my kind of thing but thanks so much for asking” or some other version of “no #%*%ing way!” The key is to sound firm and emphatic. Don’t leave room for negotiation. If the person asks why not, say “I have other commitments”. If they push for more info, look at them as though you’re a little confused and just repeat “other commitments” or “I’m busy”. You owe no explanation. Do not go into excuses or justifications. Chances are they are a person who doesn’t read the play if they are pushing it, and no wonder you don’t want to go to that thing they’re asking you to. Going to things out of duty or obligation should be rare and you shouldn’t do it if it feels really wrong. How about prioritizing wellbeing and self-care? Smile and say “sorry but I can’t”. You can do that.
Dodging toxic energy:
Whether it’s angry people, entitled people, those with narcissistic traits or substance affected people, if you’re an empath then you need to take extra care to both avoid and recover from those types of energy. All of us can’t help but be exposed to it at times (possibly often depending on work and public or social contact) so let’s add an installation to help your system clear it effectively, just listening now, tuning into the optimism we can always access, breathing in, holding it, then letting it go, and as you do let it go, I want you to see and feel all that buildup from the week exit your system with the outbreath, all the way out now, letting it all release back into the white light of transformation, knowing that the light is always there, all we need to do is flick that switch, connecting now to strong positive energy, the feeling of YES and the knowing of NOW, and that feeling is within you and you can connect any time you want to, right now, feeling that optimism streaming through your system, bringing everything back into clear focus. Repeat as needed.
The first five seconds after a negative thought:
You have a small window of time after a negative thought, around five seconds in which your choice is made to feed it, or interrupt it, or challenge it or laugh at it or whatever else. For example if you were to say or think “this sucks”, you could follow it up with how everything else sucks too, it’s always sucked and maybe you suck etc. Or you could follow up with “actually it’s not as bad as accidentally bashing my elbow on the wall” or “other things suck way more” or “luckily it will only suck for 15 minutes (or however long) or “it’s not really that bad, I just need to get it over with” or “it sucks but later today/tomorrow I’ll be fine” or “it’s ok”. That small five second gap after a negative thought will have a huge impact on your mood for the next hour or more. Choose a new thought with your wise mind. Next time complaint thoughts enter your mind, remember my words: in the next five seconds choose another neutralizing thought pathway. The quicker you can get back to a thought of “it’s ok, I’m ok”, the quicker you’ll actually feel ok. The mind is affected by many external events, but it’s you who’s driving that bus. Keep your hands on the wheel.
Stuck in a rut??
Things feel the same, things feel boring, things feel predictable, nothing to get excited about? We have these times occasionally. Routine can be comfortable at first and disconcerting after a while. Is it time to switch it up? Which part of life feels like the rut? Is it just a negative thought issue or does something need to rev up a little? It’s easy to blame everything and think that all aspects need to change, but in all truth, a small change in one area can make everything feel a bit different, and can even lead to unexpected changes in other aspects of life. A new pair of glasses can make the whole world look sharper. A different item of clothing can brighten you up. A new adventure can give a couple something interesting to talk about. A quick walk around the block can clear your mind. Driving a different way home can make your brain stay on higher alert. Switching the furniture around can change the vibe of a room. Go somewhere different, do something different. Remember the emotional power of doing the one small thing.
Your brain is different:
Most people are wired for the negative. Things not to like, things to fear or hate, things to complain about. Your brain is different. That’s why you read messages like this. Your brain wants to see the good stuff, it wants to feel inspired, it wants to be uplifted, it wants to feel good. Your brain is wired to look for opportunities and possibilities and solutions. You’re lucky to have a brain like this, and you’re probably doing a lot to get your brain to operate this way. A brain that looks for optimization has many health and mood benefits! Even on a day when you feel tired, or flat or low about something, your brain is still wired for optimization so there’s no need to be concerned. Just let your system to the work while you relax and appreciate this great mind that you have. I congratulate you.
Weird and proud!
If you ever feel weird, if you ever feel like an alien in the world, maybe you are. And there’s lots of us! Weirdness is cool. Seeing things differently from the herd, having different emotional reactions, perhaps having high sensitivity, looking a little more deeply into certain areas of life, being a tad quirky or eccentric, maybe veering towards idealism at times and being a little disappointed with events or people when ideals aren’t met, striving for ethical and kind behavior and not being satisfied if we think we aren’t living up to our own high standards, hoping for meaningful conversation and relationships, striving for internal and external authenticity, appreciating art or music or beauty or culture when it hits us, looking for the good stuff and aiming for a life of optimism. Yes it’s great to be weird. I’m all for it.
Improving things:
You have things, we all have things we want to move forward with, perhaps we’re not quite sure, or worry that we’re not quite ready, or maybe it feels like there are a few things in the way, but let’s clear that up now, clear the way for new beginnings, newer, more positive thoughts and better, more focused action for you now, slowing your eyes as you read, just go slow, breathe in now, hold it for a second, now release it, breathing all the way out as your inner mind comes all the way with me now, listening for my helpful message, a reminder of optimism, of starting to remember what it is you want, and why, that inner peace you’ll feel when it’s moving forward nicely, easily, and much more smoothly than you might have expected, beginning to expect better things now, things always work out for you, you can expect the best, sometimes we don’t know what the best thing is for us, but later on, in hindsight, it can be very good indeed, and we can see that it did work out, that everything came together in a way that was really quite perfect, and it always starts somewhere, perhaps it’s already beginning, those improvements kicking nicely into gear for you now, just relax and let all be well for you.
Boredom is a weird feeling:
I hear many busy people saying they’d love to have time to be bored. What they are really referring to is time out of “have to” where they can potter about with nothing to do and feel a bit free. In fact, boredom is quite the opposite feeling; it isn’t relaxing or feeling free, it’s actually a frustrated and highly uncomfortable sensation that some people feel more easily and intensely than others. Boredom is a strong feeling of “I don’t like what is happening now” or “something else should be happening now”. The feeling of boredom is a massive physical resistance to the now, whatever that now is, usually because the topic or activity is undesirable, uninspiring or otherwise objectionable. Our proneness to boredom seems to be part of how our brain is wired, as well as a combination of personality elements such as need for novelty, activity level, mental processing speed, level of entitlement and areas of interest. We can antidote boredom both mentally and physically by doing something different, slowing down the stress reaction and by choosing different thoughts. True boredom is a stressed feeling so any effective antidote for stress will also help boredom, whether it’s cognitive changes, music, exercise, pleasant distractions, meditation, other people, activity planning or simply just accepting the present moment and deciding it’s ok as is. It’s only temporary anyway. It’s up to us to find the inspiration in every moment if we want it. May you be easily inspired today.
If you need to get motivated:
Motivation isn’t just something you feel, it’s something you do. You can wait around forever until your desire drives you into action or you can build up your own drive so that you can access it when needed. Drive is just a matter of urgency towards action, a strong feeling of “want to” or “have to”. Most people with motivation problems are waiting for the “want to” to magically arrive by itself. We call this “desire-based” motivation. This is fine in theory but in practice often leads to procrastination, avoidance and staying in a zone of being comfortable. Driven people have less motivation problems because they know that motivation is not always about “want to”. It’s about using your brain to get to the place of a compelling sense of “have to”. With “have to” drive, you have to know WHY you have to, and these reasons need to mean something. And it’s not just about the positive outcomes or feelings that will come if you do the thing, sometimes we need to focus on the negatives and pain that will happen if we don’t do that thing. Many times we need to remind ourselves to drop the excuses, stop being a baby and just bloody do it. We usually feel better once we do the thing, and wonder why we were being a drama queen about it. So if there’s not enough natural “want to” for you, work on your drive. Get the “why” part worked out and get yourself into “have to” thinking. No excuses. You know you’ll feel better after you get yourself into gear. Go on.
Brain can’t think??
Some days, often for no apparent reason, the brain seems to go into fuzz ball mode. You walk into a room, then forget why you came. You read something, only to forget it within seconds. You go to say a normal word, one that you KNOW that you know, and you go blank. You can’t remember what you did yesterday, let alone that important fact you’re trying to remember. And then you worry about why your brain is all cotton-wool, which of course only clogs up the channel even more. The more we try to focus, the harder it feels. Of course, as kids, we had dreamy, forgetful, unfocused times too. But we didn’t care. We didn’t TRY to remember things, or perhaps even notice if we didn’t. Learning is easier for most kids (compared to adults) because kids aren’t immediately mentally checking their learning and memory of whatever it is. They just let whatever flow in, and then out. This more relaxed alpha wave state of mind is better for the brain, and learning, and memory, as well as the nervous system. So if the brain is having a slow day, let it. If recall takes a minute, just wait. If there’s a blank, allow the blank, knowing the idea will return when needed. And it doesn’t matter anyway, you don’t need to notice. Give your brain an off-duty day if it needs it; you’ll still function perfectly well, probably better than most others, and you’ll be charged up again soon enough. Trust your brain to do what it needs to do.
Nervous when asserting??
So many people withhold from asserting themselves due to nervous thoughts and feelings. We’ve come to somehow believe that if we don’t feel “comfortable” doing something then maybe we shouldn’t do it. This of course is just ridiculous! Whenever we move to the next level of learning or performance, some uncertainty or discomfort is there. And so is growth and achievement, plus reward chemicals when we give it a shot! Stop all the mental rehearsal and trust yourself to say what you think and ask for what you want. The biggest mistake most people make is not thinking about what they actually want (it’s easier to focus on what you don’t want) and not asking for it (it’s easier to be silently pissed off). So. When you feel the need to assert, ignore the nerves; they’re just normal when we stretch ourselves a bit. Then ask for the behavior or change you’d like in a calm and polite manner. That’s it. Stop talking. You’ve done your part. Either they will agree or comply, or they won’t. Not your problem (yet). You might feel a tad nervous afterwards, it’s just an empathy bi-product which you can also ignore. This calm assertiveness thing could become a habit. Not a bad idea at all, right?
Check your year so far:
We’ve been in this new journey around the sun for a short time now and while many of us vow to change some habits or patterns, life can get in the way of our good intentions. Maybe there’s nothing to change. Or perhaps we can check the basics first: sleep, food choice, activity level, relaxation, social choices, leisure or hobbies, creative outlets, optimistic thought patterns, spiritual practices, maybe even just stopping to enjoy the view?? Choose one thing today that you’d like to do more of. Write it down as well as when you’d like to do it. Perhaps also choose one thing that you’d like to do less of (eg time wasted worrying, time spent complaining or listening to others complain, or maybe time wasted scrolling through stuff on your phone!) Put the written intentions somewhere where you’ll see them. Now decide to activate this intention and make sure you do something in the next 24 hours. Action towards what you want always feels good and lifts mood. Enjoy.
Sabotage via the inner rebel:
Nothing wrong with having an inner rebel. It helps us be who we want to be and do the things we want to do, except when it doesn’t. You probably know people who have an inner rebel that actually causes them more trouble by stopping them achieving the things they want to achieve. That kind of inner rebel has certain outcomes it wants but then says things like:
“But I don’t want to”
“I shouldn’t have to”
“It’s too hard”
“It’s not fair”
“I can’t do it”
“Stuff it, I’ll do what I want”
Stop pushing and start allowing:
Things happen regularly that we do not like. Most of the time we may not have done anything to cause this unfortunate sequence of events and we feel resentful that the stress of it is interfering with our ability to feel good. We humans have this strange inbuilt expectation that life events should always be pleasant and when they aren’t, we can feel thwarted, like it’s not fair! In truth, fairness is not a helpful concept when it applies to life. Things can happen due to the consciousness and the choices and of many people (including ourselves) as well as other unknown factors. Let’s agree to flow with life today. Let’s stop resisting what is, whether it’s the people, the politics, tiredness, injustice, weird weather, the traffic, sickness, world events, family drama or other annoying things. Let’s allow it to just be as it is and stop pushing against it. It will be ok. Let’s just say “yeah, whatever” and get on with the stuff we need to do and the stuff we feel good about. Annoying things don’t deserve our attention and we certainly don’t benefit from giving it our attention. Do what needs to be done and then move on mentally. The motto today is “Let that shit go!” Are you in?
Activate your optimism:
Optimism is never about denial of human emotions or changing the facts. If anything, it’s about validating your feelings, knowing they are normal under the circumstances but then monitoring your narrative or story about what is occurring. It’s about sticking to the facts, actually. The most important thing is whatever it is, do not personalize it. It’s a part of normal life, happens to many people and is not an indicator of defectiveness on your part. It’s just life. Shit happens. Secondly, do not make it bigger than it is, or generalize it. It’s just this one thing, everything else is going on as normal, it’s contained to this small area. Confine the issue to the smaller space it belongs in. And thirdly, know that everything is temporary. It won’t be like this forever, probably won’t even be like this in a day or two. Humans have a remarkable ability to take an unpleasant moment and stretch it into the past and then forward it into the future. The past is over. End of. The future is unknown and will take care of itself and will likely be much better than you expect. Optimism is about staying in the now and finding the positive aspects so that whatever is happening remains temporary, specific and not something terrible about you. You can do this. On the other hand if something great happens, do the opposite! Claim credit, expect that good things continue and know that its positive ripple effects will extend more goodness into everything else! With the help of a little optimism, today can be a good day anytime you like. Ready to activate it??
The installation of wellbeing for you:
Wellbeing is a state we can generate regardless of circumstance, unlike satisfaction or happiness which can be more conditional and based on life evolving according to our preferences. Wellbeing is just a process of remembering that all is well, that you are ok, that you can relax now and stop taking thought, and you CAN stop, you CAN let your mind drift towards somewhere pleasant, now, while I talk to you, and you listen, letting your inner mind go a little deeper now as you remember what it is that your mind needs to know, that all IS well, that you ARE ok, that you CAN always reach for a thought that feels better than where you are right now, that just one thought, or image, or memory, or song lyric, or picture or maybe even a deep breath can change it in a moment so you feel just that little bit better, moving towards wellbeing always, no need to take on other people’s stuff, that’s up to them, let’s stay with our own wellbeing, if we feel a little better then we bring more wellbeing to the world and that can only be good, and it is good and you are good and it is all good today, just reach for that thought that feels a little better than before and you’re already moving. Keep going.
Take a non-think break:
Our minds need a minute here and there to stop the internal activity. To just be. Take that time today to stop, breathe in, feel the pleasant nothingness, breathe out. And congratulate yourself for building tiny mental breaks into your routine. It’s becoming a lost art with all our driven and rushed behavior. Let’s commit to time out of mind here and there. Every day! Please start now.
Get a theme song for today!
Music is the fastest way to change our brain chemistry and nervous system activity. The speed or tempo of a particular song will speed you up or slow you down. The melody will affect your emotions. And the lyrics can form a message in your head. You can choose from your past favorites and feel happy or nostalgic or you can choose some other track that gives you inspiration or energy. Music is medicine and it’s all about choosing the right dose at the right time in order to dial up what you want to feel. Don’t leave it to chance! Choose a direction for how you want to set up your mood now and grab some music that takes you there.
Mental rehearsal of arguments:
We humans have an interesting capacity that our animal friends lack. We can do this thing where we can imagine an argument in our minds, we can hear the criticisms or demands of the other person (which may be actual events from the past or purely imagined) and we respond to those criticisms or arguments internally. Of course, the nervous system responds as though it’s really happening; stress chemicals, tension, aggravation, anger, righteous indignation and on it goes. It’s a strange phenomenon really, as most of this negative rehearsal we do is for nothing. We are projecting a drama about what the other person is thinking/feeling/saying and coming to our own defense. Even if that argument did happen in the past, it’s the past. It’s over. The end. But we humans, we can resurrect this shit in our minds in the blink of an eye! And then make up some extra bits where they say more offensive things and we get hurt and/or fight back. Pretty crazy right?! Even if we think the argument is coming, mental rehearsal is unlikely to help us deal with it calmly. The antidote is to remind yourself “Hey I’m making this shit up!! I’m being a producer, a scriptwriter and a director! Clever, but pointless”. Then choose an appreciative thought about the here and now about sometime else. Something entirely different. Argument rehearsal is a form of worrying/anxiety/anger; it’s a waste of your headspace. Choose something interesting or fun or amusing or even neutral to focus on instead.
We thank teachers:
All the teachers and school staff have gone back to work, starting another year doing one of the most important jobs in existence. The role of a person working in education gets bigger and more complex every year, not just with academic and curriculum requirements, but with growing social complexity. Many school staff feel responsible for so many aspects that used to be the responsibility of the family, and due to their incredible kindness and professionalism, school staff often go way beyond the call of duty. Please tag the teachers/school staff you know and thank them. And, teachers/school staff, a message for you: please look after your physical and emotional wellbeing. Make it a priority. Eat when you are supposed to eat, take mini breaks just to breathe, give appreciation to yourself and other staff, find a way to unwind before you get home so that you can actually interact calmly and enjoy your nights. Find escapism and activities that get your brain right away from work. Learn to meditate in a way that works for you, to slow your brain down. In fact, slow down in general. Stop the rushing and take your time. It will all get done when it gets done, and it’s never all done anyway, just let it evolve as it does. Teachers and school staff, we thank you. You’re awesome as.
Fun, clever, effective!
Yes you are, and the power is within you to activate even more fun, clever and effective experiences, beginning now, breathing in slowly as you listen to my voice, holding it, then slowly releasing that breath now, all systems calm as I talk to you here, and you listen now, that part of your mind where all positive expertise is stored, those skills and resources that are waiting, ready, poised to kick into gear for you when they get the green light, we green light them now, green means GO, releasing now, all the potential fun, cleverness and effectiveness and other active friendly qualities moving now into your day with you, adding to your experiences and bringing more joy. Go for it.
Relationships: the movie version or the real-life version??
Hollywood romantic idealism has a lot to answer for. Whether it’s a date, a new relationship or a longer term partnership, many of our expectations are becoming a tad more overblown. Whether it’s the influence of literature, movies, articles or social media, many people have this thing about “the one” and what it will feel like and be like long term. This leads to problems when things don’t feel like the idealized perfection we’ve trained ourselves to expect. Does this mean that she/he “isn’t the one”?? Firstly, the concept of “the one” is flawed. For most people there are many compatible people. Secondly, with any other human, there will be ups and downs, phases of being in sync and out of sync, times when you feel like they are a soul mate and times when they feel like a weird or difficult stranger. Love has cycles. And even the kind of “love” you feel changes from person to person and sometimes from week to week. But aren’t we meant to feel magnetically attracted and obsessed forever if it’s “the one”??? No we aren’t. We maintain love by focusing on positive aspects, maintaining attraction via novelty and space, developing clear and respectful communication patterns and solving problems or disputes with as little criticism/nastiness as possible. And if we need help doing this, we get coaching. Most of us didn’t grow up with the best relationship role models so some coaching can lead to great results if both parties are somewhat willing. Check your romantic idealism next time you have a complaint thought! Perhaps you need to communicate or perhaps you need to chill. The wisdom is in knowing which and when.
Commit to improving your self-confidence:
This is a great time to feel stronger within yourself. Clearly you are an intelligent person who is very open to learning and applying new concepts. Perhaps the issue is too much worry about approval and peace-keeping, which is a part of perfectionism. Or perhaps you worry about your competence in some area and whether you are doing well enough. Maybe you compare yourself to others, which is generally a terrible idea if you want to feel focused or confident. Maybe you’re often rebelling against yourself or others and creating self-sabotage. Remember though, self-confidence is a pure and natural state. We need to identify the barriers we are erecting through our own thought habits and behaviors, the patterns that undermine and erode self-confidence. The pattern of self-confident thought includes:
- I’m ok. I can do this. Small steps.
- What other people do or think is a reflection of their consciousness, not mine. And it’s none of my business.
- I am my own person. I was designed this way and I add value to the world in my own unique way
- I have no need to apologize for who I am. If my behavior is ethical and kind then other people’s expectations are their responsibility.
- I have many gifts and talents so I’ll focus on using them to my best ability on the day. Some days will be better than others, that’s just life.
- Shit happens. If I don’t do as well as I wanted to, oh well, it’s temporary and I’ll be better next time.
- I’m probably more effective than I give myself credit for. In fact, I’m probably doing pretty well.
Sound like some patterns you could use?? Feel free to add one to your mix today.
Learning to use thought choice:
There is a direct link between how much control we believe we have over our thought content and how we feel within ourselves. We will all feel different degrees of physiologically-generated ups and downs in mood based on sleep, food choice, weather, hormones, energy level, health issues, etc as well as mood alterations triggered by emotional or relational aspects of life; in other words, the stuff that happens around us. However, those who can choose or manage their thoughts tend to fare better. There are many methods of thought management. We can do thought replacement, where we choose a go-to thought such as “everything works out in the long run” or “I’m ok, it’s ok” when we feel distressed. We can choose reframing to manage thoughts by asking questions like “how would a comedian see this” or “what are the positive aspects here” or “what’s an alternative view of this”. We can also choose thoughts that keep us in the here and now, such as “this is temporary” or “right now I just need to breathe and do nothing else” or “right now the things I feel good about are x, y and z”. The choice of thought doesn’t matter, the object is to feel a little better. And the most important part is to know that thought management is possible. Yes, we may need to do it over and over. Thought looping is a human pattern so most of us must learn to control our thoughts by conscious re-direction. Choose your preferred destination today.
Holidays, Monday’s and IQ hangovers:
So many things can affect our brain’s working ability; the weather, amount of sleep last night, pollen levels, air quality in general, day of the week, working and leisure time balance, background stress and on it goes. If you feel less than optimal in brain power, the worst thing you can do is focus on it and worry about whether you are competent. Let your brain be as it is right now, relaxation is the only cure. Any stressed-out dwelling on it will make it feel worse! Just chill and know that your brain on one or two cylinders is probably better than most people’s brains running on all four cylinders! You’ll be ok. The power is there, just let it spring into action in its own good time. It’s all there for you when you need it, your subconscious mind stores everything and will kick into gear as the moment requires. All is well.
A word with your inner mind about more contentment:
While there’s currently a lot of talk out there about happiness, we all know that happiness is very elusive, both as a concept and as a feeling; something we notice the absence of rather than the presence of, so I’d like a word with your inner mind now, as you slow down reading this, one deep slow breath in, that’s right, hold it, and then slowly out again, as you consider the feeling of contentment instead, that feeling of quiet inner satisfaction, the knowledge that you can feel ok, you can experience inner peace no matter what is going on outside of you, and it is outside of you, nothing to do with you really, moving now towards that sense of equanimity, being ok with the world, ok with yourself, ok with the now, you are, you can just focus on breathing in, breathing out, and knowing that’s your only task right now, and all the rest will take care of itself in its own good time. And we can be content with that.
You’re ok. In fact your better than ok!
You’re doing great. With all the stuff you have going on, you’re functioning, you’re doing your best and you’re always striving to be better. I know this because you read these posts, and I know very well the group we have here, reading these ideas and what that means. Give yourself credit now. You’re doing great. Your sensitivity and intelligence are excellent qualities and bring joy to others that share similar qualities. You do make a difference and the world is a better place with you in it. Feel good today.
Can’t get that thought out of your head??
Sometimes we get stuck with a thought loop that doesn’t feel good. Thought loops are generally “negative” in that they are fear or anger phrases that keep replaying over and over in the mind, even though we don’t want them to. It may be a legitimate (ie “factual”) thought but if it doesn’t bring peace or joy, then it serves no purpose other than unpleasant feelings. To dissolve thought loops we generally need to replace them. It’s good to choose a go-to thought for the occasion. You’ll know it’s the right one when the intensity drops and/or you get a slight sense of calm. Useful replacement thoughts will vary for different people, and even vary for the same person on different days or for different situations. One day, the thought of “I am willing to see the good in this” might bring calm, and on another day we might choose “may I be filled with loving kindness” or “they are free to be as they are and do as they like, just as I am” or “this is none of my business” or “it all works out somehow” or “if I think about the bigger picture, this is not big deal”. There are so many possible replacement thoughts that we could choose. We can dip into a book at random until something resonates. Or a song. Or choose an aspect of nature (the ocean, sky, animal, trees etc) to focus on. Or we can just breathe, or count breaths in cycles of 3 or 5 or 10. The idea is to move quickly away from any looping thought that harms. And when it comes back (it usually does!) just calmly move away again. After many moves (sometimes many thousands!) your brain may just get the message to stop going there. Go somewhere pleasant instead today!
All focused on fixing and changing??
One of the areas we fixate on the most these days is that of our relationships, intimate/romantic, family and friends. Many of us get hooked into improvement orientation here, thinking that if only this part changed, if we could just get the other person to communicate better, or stop doing certain things or start being more positive or more accountable or stop being manipulative or be less critical (or whatever else our brain generates) then we will be happy. Much of this improvement orientation happens in our minds; most of us don’t actually direct it to the person concerned. On the other hand, if we can get clear on three things, we would certainly have more inner peace. These things are 1) other people can (and generally will) be as they are. 2) it’s not our job to fix, change or control. And 3) we need to be clear on what our own boundaries are. If their behavior is affecting us, we ask them to stop. If the behavior persists then we make a CHOICE about the amount of time or energy to invest in the relationship. Most of our irritations with people are reduced when we decide to let them just be as they are (as if we have any control anyway!) but also make a clear choice about our own involvement or engagement with the behaviors or people concerned. Sometimes we need to bounce this with a trusted confidante as it can be confusing - clarifying what’s our stuff and what’s their stuff. Begin with the idea that it’s not our job to fix people. They can only do that for themselves and many will choose not to because they don’t feel that they need to or believe that they cannot change. We can focus instead on improving our own thoughts and responses instead. We actually have some control over that part.
Get a message from your 9 year old self:
When you were 9, you probably knew how to have fun. Maybe you liked to read, or ride your bike, or go exploring, or watch movies, hang out with friends or just lie outside looking at the sky, dreaming of nothing and everything. Your 9 year old pre-adolescent self probably knew a little more about how to be in the moment, take no thought for the concerns of the future and just enjoy. If that 9 year old self could speak to you today, what would they suggest to you right now?? What would they like you to do more of? Less of? Who would they like to see more of? What changes would they demand of you? Listen to your 9 year old self. Most of us at 9 do things that we LIKE to do (during leisure time) as opposed to the things we think we SHOULD do, or what other people think we should do. In fact the 9 year old isn’t particularly concerned about what others think at all. The 9 year old self is still in there waiting for you to take notice. Check in, listen and act today.
Moving towards inner harmony for 2018:
Whatever the concern, whatever issue we have or intention we might hold, considering the idea of harmony is helpful. Inner harmony means a sense that things are ok, a lack of any struggle between different parts of something, allowing things to be as they are, a feeling of agreeing with life. Whatever is, just is. We can resist it or dislike it but if it exists, either within us or without, then all parts can move towards inner harmony. Harmony means that somehow, in some strange way, all things are working together for good, even though the “how” may not be visible or known to us yet. A choir involves many, many voices creating many different notes, some which might seem strange if heard individually, and yet, heard together, the sound produced is balanced, harmonious and oddly powerful. As you move forward in your life today, notice and acknowledge the harmony around you as well as the harmony within. All is well.
Stop and check in:
Everyone I see right now is talking about running on empty but also still trying to run around like crazy. Being both tired and wired is emotionally a bit risky and can lead to a bit of a mood crash, especially once the adrenalin peters out. Many people feel awful once they finally stop and spend the first week of their holidays in some type of pain or illness. Slow down now. Right now, as you read this. Slowly decelerate and let your system wind down before it comes to a halt. Take some time to relax, to reflect, to meditate, to go for a walk. Eat small amounts of clean natural food that makes you feel strong. Slow down on the roads and let other people in and out as required. Recognize that most people are in a crazed state right now and need your chilled vibes! We can relax no matter what. Take a breath now and let’s all remind our subconscious minds to keep things pleasant, comfortable and fun. Everything is ok.
Realistic holiday intentions:
It’s easy to idealize things this time of year. How you “should” feel, how friends or family “should” behave, what you “should” give or not give. Work with the truth. Look at the facts. How are you doing right now?? What are you really capable of? What’s the truth about where those around you are at? The personalities and circumstances involved? Do you need to adjust your expectations to line up with reality? Overdoing the expectations will lead to guilt, hurt and disappointment. Keep your narrative truthful and proceed accordingly.
Holiday overindulgence: How will you feel tomorrow??
At this time of year, I have many clients raising issues about the amount they feel they “have to” eat or drink and how terrible they feel afterwards, either physically or emotionally. You can indulge as much as you like, but if overindulgence has been an issue that has caused stress or regret in the past, then it might be worth planning to wind it back a bit. Plan in advance. Go into parties, events and gatherings with forethought. Whether it’s food, alcohol or other substances, work out how to minimize whatever it is you need to watch out for, and put a plan in place, perhaps with a trusted person to help you make sure it happens. It’s up to you. Nobody will force any substance down your throat so you get to make the choice and the best choices for you will be aided by pre-planning. Have fun and do it in a way that leaves you feeling ok the next day!
"Home" for the holidays??
It's really only in recent years that movies are popping up about dysfunctional families reuniting for Christmas/holidays without it turning into a Hollywood happy ending. Families and/or relatives can be a difficult experience for some, and a confusing or frustrating experience for many. Most of us know who we are in day to day life. We have established our identity, we know what's important to us, and many of the people we associate with share similar values and philosophies. Then. Suddenly we are back with the people who knew us when. Possibly back in the house where things may not feel so good. Perhaps they all still treat us like they did when we were little, or as the "difficult one" or the "quiet one" or the "too sensitive" one, the "rebel" or the "lost one" or perhaps even the the "baby" or the one who had to fight for themselves some reason, maybe even the "naughty one". So many people report feeling "not taken seriously" in their family group, or maybe overlooked in favor of some other family member who apparently ticks all the "right" boxes. If you feel happy and comfortable with your family and relatives then you are lucky; enjoy it! And if not, then focus on who you are, your own identify and achievements and know that you will be back amongst your own kind soon. Either way, your ok.
Expectations of yourself this time of year:
How are you feeling?? Is your energy at full throttle? Feeling strong and charged up?? Or is your enthusiasm getting all maxed out? Most people need to pull back a little at this time of year and remember that it gets a little crazy and expectations can get a little much. Somehow there’s pressure to do too much, see too many people and perhaps engage in things you don’t really want to engage in. Check in with yourself today and make sure you’re keeping everything in perspective and keeping life simple. What matters is peace and joy. The rest can wait. Go slow today.
Time to breathe.
Today we all need time to just breathe. No goal. No intention. No information. Just breathe and then breathe again. Space for the brain. Nothing to do, nowhere to be, nothing to prove. Just breathe.
Inner guidance vs self-doubt:
Most of us would get clear and accurate information about our life and how to proceed but for the self-doubt content that crowds out the true message. Self-doubt often arrives via the mouth of others; have you noticed how everyone has an opinion, an agenda and a point to make?? Just enough to make you wonder, throw a seed of doubt or confusion into the mix. Many of us need to break the habit of discussing our plans or decisions with others in important matters, or at least being very careful who we take into our confidence. If you know the person is prone to opinions, judgements and strong preferences, perhaps go elsewhere. The useful person is the one who asks questions about what YOU want or need and helps you clarify what is truly the best way forward for YOU rather than letting their stuff color your guidance. Remember that you are very intelligent and intuitive. Ask yourself the right questions (and perhaps write down the answers) such as:
What is my goal here?
What are the most important factors to take into account?
What has worked well for me in the past?
What do I need to be careful of?
What are the risks involved?
What is my best-case scenario?
What will work into my life best?
Then trust the answers to guide you. You know best about what’s right for you.
Our friends with status anxiety:
Status anxiety is the feeling or worry that we are not doing as well as we should be, perhaps not keeping up with those around us, should be achieving more, should be making more money or having "the best" of something, more trophies or generally being more important in the world. It's a relatively new concept; while some people certainly experienced it in previous generations due to internal or family pressure, it's much more common now perhaps due to social media and reality tv. The idea is, we are all supposed to be "amazing" and have "amazing" lives, apparently. You may have noticed that some people buy into status anxiety more than others and never feel like they have enough or are doing enough, whereas, some of us don't care, we stick to what matters to us and just do our thing, enjoying the more simple pleasures. Which do you think leads to more contentment and inner peace?? We all know appearances (both in social media and real-life observations) mean nothing. Most people present a more successful and "perfect" facade than actually exists in reality. Status is nothing and can change in the instant we see somebody who has "more". Inner peace is everything and we can work towards it no matter what is happening. Choose peace today.
The fear of being "selfish":
The term "selfish" has been used to criticize people who do what they want to do rather than do the thing that pleases others. For most of us, being accused of "selfishness" is something we'd never want, it brings a certain horror, possibly even a sickly guilt or shame feeling. Of course there are levels of "selfishness". We all know people who have zero empathy, who are willing to hurt others, who manipulate, create conflict and feel no remorse when they have done interpersonal damage. But if you're reading this, you're not that person. Interestingly, when sensitive or kind people get around to making choices that are actually good for their own wellbeing, especially in regard to who they choose to spend time with, they often fear being seen as "selfish". Perhaps they may even be accused of "selfishness" by the people they are choosing to distance from. This kind of "selfishness" could also be called "Self Preservation" or even "Choosing Peace" or "Prioritizing Wellbeing". I chose to put the term "selfish" in inverted commas because in this context, it's a nasty, meaningless, manipulative term that should not be in the psyches of most people reading this, as it relates to themselves. Are you kind? Are you ethical? Then the leftover empathic guilt about saying no or setting boundaries has nothing to do with this silly "selfishness" word. It's about making good mature choices for Wellbeing. Let's ditch the S word for good.
Doing what needs to be done - for you.
Most of us keep our commitments to other people, but somehow the commitments that would help our wellbeing get a little lost in the mix, so let me speak now, quietly and seriously, directly to your subconscious mind, knowing that the inner part of you will protect and assist with your deepest priorities, helping you now, thinking just of what you truly need to do for yourself, that one small thing, making all the difference, perhaps even leading on to other better things for you, reminding your mind to do that thing, to take action and put your well-being at the top of the priority list now, at least equal with the needs of others, you can, allowing that one thing to take shape and lead you towards greater energy and optimism now. You will.
Ditch the drama:
Every situation we face has a choice that activates or feeds drama, as well as a drama-free choice. While others may engage in drama around you, you can opt in or out, depending on your thoughts and choices. The drama-free choice will feel less exciting and also more peaceful. You may even wish to say to yourself “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. This is a very good detachment and drama-reduction mantra and has been used successfully for generations! Stay with the chill today, avoid the crap and preserve your inner peace.
A quick message about going easy:
Decide to take it easy today. Go easy on yourself, easy with others and as much as you can, just do easy things. Move smoothly and easily in the flow today.
Motivational lows:
It's normal for we humans to fluctuate in our acceleration levels. While we might be pumped up and on fire at certain times, at other times we get flat, lethargic and lazy. This may be just seasonal or cyclic, or can be related to both physical and emotional factors. If you feel like re-triggering your motivational system, first think physical. Are you eating the food that gives you the energized sense of lightness that you need? Are you getting adequate sleep? Are you getting enough relaxation/pottering around time for yourself? Are you moving or exercising the right amount for you? Too much? Too little? Make the adjustments you need to make and write a plan or list. Also consider emotional factors. The idea is to trigger dopamine, the chemical of excitement and focus. What are you looking forward to? What are you doing that is exciting or challenging? What new things are you learning or doing? Where are you competing, either with others or yourself? What gets your heart racing in a pleasant way? Where's the fun? Do you need to set a new goal to challenge and motivate you? Motivation generally comes back in its own time if it's just a mojo phase, but sometimes we need to do something to help it along. See what you can do to accelerate things a little today.
Changes in relationships:
Most of us will change quite a bit in any five year period. Depending on where we are in our life cycle, we may experience alterations or redirections in our choices, priorities, social tolerance, leisure preferences, partying behavior, health orientation, work life and enjoyment of certain activities or people. We may also change significantly in what we like to talk about, or the way we approach talking about certain issues. Some relationships will still be a good energy match, while others may start to feel different, possibly uncomfortable, maybe even combative at times. This happens in various relationship types, including friendships, romantic relationships and families. If one person does more changing than another, or if both change in different directions then it may be necessary to renegotiate the relationship. This means starting with goodwill, pulling back on any judgements, working on clear communication (especially listening) and remembering that sameness isn't always required for connection. Even if people change, or we change, we can strengthen a connection through staying with curiosity rather than judgment, acceptance rather than frustration. The relationship may alter in closeness or contact frequency and yet still be fulfilling. Check in with your various connections over the next few days with benevolent curiosity.
The brain in shock:
Many things can trigger the brain’s shock mode; unexpected events, emotional attacks, deaths and other losses, anything painful can get it going. Shock mode will be different for all of us. Some people go into a frozen-like state, others become emotional right away, some panic or feel major anxiety or anger, others dissociate, some go into practical mode and seem to bypass the feeling phase. Some need to talk about things, some need privacy or solitude or maybe even company while avoiding the subject. It’s mythical that we all must talk about things; some people can process better by themselves while other people definitely prefer to process by talking with others. There is no right or wrong way to be in shock or grief; we all have our coping mechanisms and we need to trust our systems to process it in the right way for us in whatever time it takes for us. So many people have rules or expectations about how themselves or others are “supposed” to feel but the truth is, there is no normal. The only thing that is normal is that we go through phases with shock or grief, it doesn’t stay the same all the time, or even over time. Sometimes we think phases have passed, and then they come back temporarily, and then move on again later. The system has its own clever design and if we ask ourselves what we need at any given moment, the answers will come. The most important thing is to be accepting of phases and not impatient. Let it unfold as it does and know that all feeling states are temporary even though it may not feel that way. The sun always comes up after the dark night passes.
On Belonging:
It’s easy for some of us to feel a little alienated at times, a bit different, maybe from the general world or the family or colleagues, and while it’s great to be unique, it’s also important to know that you belong, and maybe one day your mind told you that you didn’t, perhaps as a young person, at school or among those at home, or some other group experience, we’ve all had that feeling sometimes, we misunderstood something and made up a story about somebody else’s behavior, really it was about them and their choices and their patterns, but we mistakenly think it’s about us, easy mistake to make, and now, here, we can correct that mistake so that your inner mind always knows that you do belong, breathing now, taking in my words as you breathe slowly, you belong everywhere, you are an important part of the overall plan for the universe, you are required, just as is, exactly as you were made, and maybe you ruffle a few feathers at times, perhaps that’s your job, to challenge things, improve them, help growth, your uniqueness helping the world adapt, accommodate and grow in a beneficial way, you belong, you don’t have to belong to anyone in particular, you belong to yourself and whoever else you want to belong to, you belong in the world and it wouldn’t be the same without you so know that feeling deep now in your inner mind and make that installation permanent, walking through your day now, just knowing that you always belong and you always will, a special part of the universe, perfect as is. You are.
How do you feel around victimhood people??
Victimhood is a way of thinking about the self and the world. Most of victimology involves a narrative of not having a choice, of being powerless, of having things happen TO you, or being done TO you, rather than seeing yourself as an active participant in life. Because victims feel powerless, they also feel resentful. They will resent other people, resent circumstances, maybe even resent the way they themselves are, their own personality or physical features or history. It's a quick road to self-pity, to feeling angry and sorry for yourself. There are times of course when we all have moments of feeling like we've been victimized. Most of us can have our time of venting, complaining and whinging, and then pull ourselves back into action mode by taking responsibility for our part in the situation. Maybe we can't change what has happened but we can challenge our own narrative or story about it, and go into action mode about how we can make the best of it by activating our choices. Some people, however, do not activate this mode, and prefer to live in the land of victimhood. When you see or hear this, you may recognize your own feelings of frustration or anger because you will probably see the choices and possibilities in the situation and also notice that the person isn't taking any responsibility for their part in what occurred. Victimology is probably the more popular choice right now and is perpetuated in certain aspects of the media. Notice it, be conscious of your feelings when observing others and don't take it personally. People have spent many years working on their worldview and probably won't change it unless they do some serious work. Detach and let them be.
Trusting the future to take care of itself:
Many of us have things that we worry about, mostly things that haven't happened yet but we fear that they will, or maybe we just have a vague fear about how something will work out or how we will cope. Yet, if we look back over our life so far, most of us have had some stuff happen, maybe it was painful, and yet we actually did cope. Using the skills and resources we have accumulated, we got through it, the most painful part was indeed temporary, and over time, things improved. Maybe it's even difficult to remember the full awfulness of that time now, perhaps some of it remains accessible while other parts fade. Humans are designed for adversity. While it isn't enjoyable at the time, we solve problems as they happen, we draw on strengths we didn't know we had and we receive support from unexpected sources. When the future worry kicks in, remind yourself that you are built to cope with all sorts of problems and that you will be emerge well from any adversity. The future will take care of itself, just as it always has.
The Present:
This is me reminding your mind to BE HERE NOW, in the present moment. Most of us are great at drifting into the past, comparing past and present selves or events or others, drifting into the future, planning, worrying and projecting. Most of it comes to nothing. If the past/future thoughts make you energized and inspired, great; stick with them. Most of us, however, would have better mood and energy if we stayed with the NOW a bit more often. Our animals and pets live in the now and experience greater happiness and joy than most of their parents, and probably sleep better as a result! There are many ways to stay in the now, including looking around, listening, breathing, moving, playing music, being present while talking to people (rather than planning your next statement in your mind) or even just saying to yourself NOW IS OK. This is your reminder to find a way to stay here today!
Approval Immunity!
One of the most freeing changes we can work towards is feeling free of the need for approval. If we’re lucky, some people in our lives will give us unconditional approval. So we can be whoever we are, totally real, and they think we are just fine. If somebody is withholding approval then it means either their approval is conditional on you meeting their expectations or that for whatever warped reason, they get something out of seeing you uncomfortable. There are people that enjoy the power that comes from seeing people feeling uncertain or insecure. Either way, the only approval that matters is unconditional approval, and that comes naturally. If you don’t have it then maybe you don’t want it, and why you don’t have it is none of your concern. Sometimes we work harder to get the approval we don’t have (especially in families and new relationships) while taking for granted the approval that is on tap anytime. Generally speaking, if we have to work hard to get it, we will have to triple our workload to keep it. There are many people with ambivalent or avoidant attachment issues and nothing you do is going to fix that. You can’t fix twisted and you can’t fix remote. Your mantra is “I’m immune from needing approval anyway”. Approval needs are inbuilt from the days when we needed to fit in with the pack to survive. But nowadays we choose our pack. Choose to be with the ones that naturally fit. Wish the others all the best in their quest to convert the world and choose to stay where the love is.
A note about being the "best version" of yourself:
The new perfectionism about the self is very tiring. Apparently we are meant to be as "fit" or "healthy" as we "should" be, make the "most" of all aspects of our "looks", have a "positive body image" and in general "be the best version of ourselves". How gross is that. These types of concepts are very concerning, and create emotional disturbance in kind by generating excessive focus on the self rather than the world outside the self. It also sets up a model where we are either "good enough" or not good enough, and given that we are meant to be "best versions" of ourselves, do we ever actually achieve that, or is it always just out of reach? Using ideas like "I just want to be the best version of myself" is the new version of "I just want to reach my potential" which is equally disempowering, pressurizing, anxiety-provoking and generally pointless. As a goal, it is too vague, too broad, completely non-specific and really quite unhelpful. The goals that people tend to successfully achieve (and this has been heavily researched) are based on small, achievable, specific and measurable steps. So if you really need or want to improve something, choose one area of life, pin it down to one specific action or behaviour, focus on a very small measurable step and work out your plan for doing it consistently. Follow up on it and make yourself accountable. That's all you need to do. Forget being the best. It's a bullshit construct designed to generate insecurity so you will engage in more consumer behavior. You're fine as is. You're probably actually quite awesome. Know that today.
Misunderstood by others?
It can hurt immensely when we are misunderstood or misperceived, especially by friends or family or others close to us. We may be just doing our thing, no intention to hurt anybody, perhaps even trying to be helpful, and yet we may not be seen this way by the person concerned. We may even be judged, criticized and accused of being selfish or inconsiderate. This stuff can cut deeply for people that try to act with kindness and love. However, regardless of our motivations or intentions, we only have control over OUR thoughts and behaviors and interpretations. On the other side of the fence, the other person may have unspoken expectations based on who knows what, perhaps their own past, their current mood, daily irritations, unmet needs, dysfunctional beliefs, twisted thinking or entitled attitudes. There is so much going on on their side of the fence that it is impossible to "figure out". And in fact, it's not our responsibility to "figure it out". Ideally, as adults we make an unwritten contract to be reasonable in our expectations of each other. Ideally we agree to ask for what we need, while always giving the other person space to refuse or negotiate if they need to. Ideally we live and let live, knowing that people have different preferences and priorities in how they live life. Ideally if we are upset, we raise it rationally and allow space for discussion. Sadly, some adults cannot operate by these reasonable limits. That's on them and we need to detach from their projections and know that it's a reflection of their mind, not our character. Again I will say: if we are ethical and kind in our intentions and behaviour, then that's enough. We cannot change the unreasonable expectations of others.
There's no such things as rejection:
Perhaps due to our increasingly social media-oriented culture, I hear more about rejection fears these days than I did in the past, especially as it relates to dating apps and/or meeting people. Fear of rejection stops many people from engaging with others and affects their behavior if they do contact or meet somebody that they might like. As I say in my office all the time, rejection fears are strange and pointless because there is actually no such thing as rejection. It's actually quite an egocentric construct and it does not exist if you know how attraction actually works. Firstly, we have little choice in who we are attracted to without knowing them. It's a strange mix of visual preferences (mostly unconscious and certainly involuntary), pheromones and some other familiarity or unfamiliarity feeling that somehow excites us. It's not like we've gone through a checklist, rated the person on a range of factors and decided yes or no. Attraction or magnetism just either happens or it doesn't. Nothing to do with us, therefore it's not a rejection as all, it's just a case of magnetism or non magnetism. Then we get to know the person, their voice, way of communicating, their physicality and their personality. Once again, this will either FEEL like a compatibility match or it won't. If it feels like a yes, we go forward. Incidentally we may not be correct in our compatibility assessment; it may be due to old childhood patterns and what feels normal or exciting. But again, it's not a rational or logical choice so if it's a no, it's not our fault or theirs, and it's not a rejection. It's just not a match because it's all chemistry. We can't create it and we can't fake it. Take nothing personally, most relationships are a complicated mix of mysterious chemistry and emotional projection and we look for the vibe that works for us. No rejection exists.
Commit to an optimism boost today:
We all have that one thing (maybe even more than one) that we don't feel great about. When we think about it we activate an inner vibration of fear or anger or pessimism, sometimes even before the thought kicks in. Even though feelings often arrive before a conscious thought, we can still use our thoughts to moderate how we feel. The first step is to be willing to remind yourself that the situation is ok. Many people object to this step, insisting that the situation is NOT ok at all so why should they work towards thinking that it is?? The answer relates to acceptance. We are not saying we like it or that we approve of it or prefer it. We are saying it is ok which means that "it is what it is" and that we CAN manage our feelings about it. We are doing the opposite of catastrophizing, which is making a situation bigger and feeling worse about it. Practice saying "it's ok as it is". Next step is to move it forward somehow, but we must know what we want to achieve. This intention should only relate to our feelings, our actions, things we can actually control. If our goal is to change another person or their attitudes, forget it. We can't. Asking yourself "what can I do to feel better about this" is a useful question, as is "what small step can I take to improve how I feel". Start now. Focusing only on factors you can control is a golden key to wellbeing and optimism.
Balance, perspective and humor!
The more you get into life, the more things can seem a little serious, a little out of perspective, even sometimes quite dramatic and yes, life throws us curve balls at times and the more we can laugh, the more we can be calm, and calm always helps everything stay in balance as it should be, so easy now, relaxing your eyes, slowing your breathing, letting all tension and seriousness dissolve now, shrinking all drama into postcard size, or maybe even matchbox size, letting all details fade away into the distance, focusing only on the light above you, all around you, shining that light on to all the funny things now, the slightly amusing, the kind-of-funny, the laugh out loud, the totally ridiculous, the hilarious insanity of it all, letting your inner mind see the larger scheme of things, the big picture and the comedy in it all, you can, any story can form a brilliant sitcom for you now, laughing comfortably and changing the humor lens to get a new perspective any time you want to. Watch out for all the funny stuff today and make sure your laugh track is turned up loud!
Anxiety when things are going well??
Many people have a vigilant mind and know exactly how to worry. A vigilant mind is set up to subconsciously scan for problems or danger so that the system is alert and poised for action. But what about when things are going well for a period of time? What about when there are no problems? This type of anxiety applies often to relationship anxiety as well as health anxiety. So many people are optimists, yet feel anxious when it all appears to be “too good”. What if something goes wrong?? What if it was all lost somehow?? What if this is a premonition and I shouldn’t relax or enjoy it??? The truth is, the human brain is hard-wired for survival and challenges, which means it will look for trouble to fix, problems to solve and circumstances to avoid. When things are going well, it may still be in active mode. Give it something to do. Count the great things. Recite a mantra saying thank you for things you enjoy, or an unrelated mantra! Learn something new. Focus on a puzzle to solve (eg word or number puzzle). Know that “good times anxiety” is a thing but not a thing that means anything. Ignore it and enjoy the sun when it shines. Wellbeing is your birthright!
The art of passive-aggressive behavior:
Some people have a black belt in passive aggressive techniques. The cold shoulder? So infuriating, just keep turning away and breaking eye contact. Silent treatment? They can keep it up way longer than you can stand it. Maybe just don’t answer messages or texts. That keeps it ambiguous! Comments under the breath? Keep it coming, then deny you said anything. Super effective. Hostile remarks that are then framed as “only joking” when you object?? Killer move that one. And if cornered?? Change the subject! The derail is a master passive aggressive move that leaves the other confused and a little blind-sided. How about the contemptuous eye-roll? But it’s ok because they didn’t “say anything!” And. If you ask what’s wrong when something is clearly wrong, the finest passive aggressive response is “nothing”. Keep them guessing! Make them figure it out! Covert hostility is common in couples and is a strong predictor of trouble. The only solution is to learn to communicate calmly and directly without blame. Please let’s notice any passive aggressive habits in ourselves and commit to eliminating them. Clear, calm, direct communication is key.
Need a break?
What do you need a little break from? You could take a break from being too accommodating. Or a break from being hard on yourself. Or a break from social media. Or a break from putting your head in the sand about something you need to do. Or a break from routine. Is it time to get out of a rut? Do you need a break from a certain situation or person? A break from work or a break from boredom? Think about the small change you need and take a bit of action on it today. You know you’ll feel better for it!
What if you just relaxed about everything today?
What if you just believed that it would all unfold perfectly? What if you just trusted in yourself and events? What if you released all concern? What if you just stayed in the moment and enjoyed whatever happened to be pleasant? What if you just assumed all was well? You could try that today if you wanted to and let your nervous system have a moment in the sun. What if it made your day a little easier? You could always do it again tomorrow. Relax and move forward again knowing that all is ok.
Sunshine for the mind:
With all that goes on in the week, in the world, it’s so important to let a little sunshine into all parts of your mind, the part reading this message to you, and the other parts that need to know, so relax now, breathing slowly, eyes moving much more comfortably, slowing down, releasing all tension now, and using the power of your imagination, I want you to open up all the curtains and blinds and covers in your mind, opening the windows too, now turn the lights on too, at the same time letting all the sunlight in, as much light as you need for today, letting that light stream into all the parts of your mind, into all corners and any dark areas, boosting your power, revving your energy system and clearing anything that needs to be cleared now, sunlight charging up your body and soothing your emotions ready for action. Stay in the light today!
Joy is a choice.
You don’t have to choose it. There is no pressure to be joyous, and sometimes it’s not what we want to feel. But, if the idea of increasing enjoyment appeals to you, you can say right now “I choose joy!” When you say that, you will generally feel a little chemical uplift and your mind might veer towards things, even very small things that you feel good about. I just said “I choose joy” and my eyes went straight to the blue sky and trees that I can see from the window right now and the pleasure of all the signs of nature around me. I said it in my car a day or two ago and just enjoyed the feeling of my car, the music I was playing and the road in front of me. Allowing your mind to choose its own joy focus after saying “I choose joy” will strengthen the feeling and remind you how easy it can be to grab a split second here and there just to feel enjoyment. Repeat as often as you like today.
The effects of angry people:
There are two main varieties of angry people: the first is the angry person who is going to let you know all about it. They will express their anger, often without appropriate containment or boundaries, and blame you, others or circumstances for their emotional state. This kind of anger can be volatile and shocking to the nervous system, often taking us by surprise and leaving us stunned, upset and confused afterwards. The other type of anger is the silent, seething, controller anger. The person denies the anger, and though you can feel it coming from them, they won’t voice it and maintain that there’s nothing wrong if you ask. This kind of anger is extremely frustrating to be around because the punishing effects are strong and powerful. You are aware that the person is ruminating on something, working up a narrative, but you don’t know for sure and you don’t know what it’s about. There is no easy way to be around either type of dysfunctional anger other than a) knowing that the other is responsible for managing their state and getting their needs met respectfully and b) minimizing contact with inappropriately angry people. Of course anger is a normal and healthy emotion generated by violations of various types, and functional anger is fine. In functional anger we express our anger in a respectful (and hopefully relatively calm) manner by describing our emotional response and asking for the change we want to experience without blaming or labeling the other person. This usually ends well, providing the other person involved also has the appropriate level of emotional maturity. Most people aren’t great at managing anger. They either lean towards denial or over-expression. Let’s aim for balanced, calm expressions of anger where we prioritize calm respectful communication at all times.
A moment to meditate:
Your brain needs a break here and there, just a moment to release stimulation and thought activity. Take that break now. Breathe in slowly through your nose. Count to five as you breathe in. Hold and count to three. Now breathe out slowly through your nose again counting to five as you release tension. Please repeat three times and have a great day.
Irritation needs reframing!
Anything that irritates you today can be used as a reminder to practice the art of the reframe. Reframing is just the ability to deliberately choose to see an alternative view, or take multiple perspectives in relation to events. There is an automatic first story, and then we can switch to a preferred other story. Bad traffic? Reframe it as a chance to chill, or to listen to something you enjoy. Don’t like the weather?? Reframe it as an improvement compared to what happens in other parts of the world. Feeling tired? You are, in fact storing energy and gearing up to feel better soon. People that bother you? Reframe by reminding yourself that everyone is doing the best they can with the capacity they have, and that there may be more going on for that person than you are aware of. Feeling impatient?? Reframe it as a useful trait that gets things happening. We can reframe anything if our mind is willing and flexible. The skill of reframing can be learned and taught, and is an excellent preventative for depression and anxiety. Every thought we think generates a chemical reaction in the system. Choose to generate neutral or positive chemicals today.
Reflection on all the good in people!
With all the weirdness that goes on in the world, sometimes it's great to allow our minds to focus on the kindness, the love, the difference people can really make to out lives, sometimes without even really knowing us, so let your mind drift as you read, slowing down, easy pace, just allowing one slow deep breath, then another, many people we meet over our lives, could be just a friendly face or remark, simple kindness from a stranger or somebody we know, perhaps somebody that just understood without needing to be told, or said that thing that made all the difference, or gave you that look so that you knew that they knew, or laughed and laughed with you until you couldn't stop, or hung out when you just needed a human around, or created some piece of art or music that moved you, or a person in a professional role that truly went beyond the call of duty or walked the extra mile for you, or maybe that little extra that you yourself did for somebody, maybe they knew, or maybe only you know, one act of loving kindness making all the difference that perhaps you don't even know you have done, we don't need to know, just allowing our minds to focus on the many many good things that humans do for each other, every day, every minute, making things easier, more pleasant, more comfortable, and you can connect with that human goodness any time you want to. Be connected today.
Judging other people:
We can feel ourselves judging people or events (especially on social media) as good, bad, right, wrong, annoying, amazing, immature, successful, irritating, fun, infuriating, happy, miserable, boring, charismatic, insecure, confident, unhealthy, fit, drab, cool, difficult, chilled, complex, simple, deep and many, many other words that we use to label people in that short-hand way our brain uses to judge others. The truth is, we never know or see the complete picture about any person or their life. A snapshot or sequence of behavior can be a interesting way of making an assessment of whether we move closer or away from a person, and we may be quite correct in our assessment in terms of energy match. But to judge less, we need to turn off black and white labels. We can note our impressions, avoid dichotomous labels, know that we lack the whole picture and choose to move closer or further away from connection based on the information at hand. Less judgement of others leads to less judgement of ourselves. If we can be flexible enough to acknowledge the complexity in others, perhaps we can allow ourselves the same understanding.
Anxiety and uncertainty:
Anxiety is really about the tolerance of different kinds of uncertainty. There are many types of uncertainties that show up in our lives, and whether it’s situational, relationships, physical symptoms, jobs, disagreements, social events or other aspects of the unknown, some of us really don’t like it, don’t like feeling out of control, don’t like the process of not knowing. Many people avoid these situations in order to avoid the anxiety. Truthfully, everyone experiences anxiety in various degrees. To manage it well we need to become more adept at the process of internally calming ourselves down when approaching the unknown or uncontrollable. Interestingly, smart phones and social apps have made it quicker and easier to seek reassurance from others in times of anxiety. This can be helpful short term, but some research shows that the more we quickly seek reassurance from others when anxious, the more anxiety we will generate, probably due to the fact that we are training our brain to be a help-seeking missile rather than be able to self-soothe. It’s great to connect with others and receive support of course. But if you relate to this post then perhaps wait a bit. Don’t rush to solve control everything and work at being a little more ok with uncertainty. Stop seeking instant reassurance from others and start working towards generating it from within. Imagine you were dealing with an anxious child or pet. You’d speak to it kindly, lead them forward, be reassuring and perhaps distract them with a calm or fun activity. Use some similar self-soothing today to calm your brain.
Being less reactive:
Toning down our reactivity starts with a decision. We form an intention to be more calm, balanced and work towards greater equanimity. Why do we do this? Firstly for our own benefit. Excess amygdala activity means more stress hormones which leads to the inability to think straight or solve problems. Equanimity means we can take in the information more factually without the emotions of fear or anger clouding our brain. Secondly because it’s god for our interactions and will help most things go more smoothly. How do we do it? We need to calm the sympathetic nervous system. Any relaxation method will help, whether it’s breathing, music, meditating, or just free-floating relaxation. We also need to manage the dialogue or narrative that goes on in our minds. When we are quick reactors, we tend to fire up language quickly, using the internal talk of fear or fury, labeling things as bad, wrong, unfair or outrageous. Tone down the language. Rather than your usual internal or external comments, say “this is not quite my preference” or “this is a little different from what I had in mind” or something similar. Then say “and it’s ok”. Ok means you don’t have to like it but can be accepting or allowing of it. Saying it’s ok also means that you can deal with it. Being in this state will help you decide what to do next without the lens of fear or fury. This is one of the best recipes for the chill pill and I hope it brings relief for you.
Dealing with entitled people:
Entitlement is a thing. Some studies show recent increases in numbers of people with the trait of feeling special, feeling better than others and demanding special treatment or expecting that rules don't apply to them. Healthy entitlement is ok of course; feeling that we are just as deserving of good things as anyone else and feeling equally entitled to joy and contentment. However, the other more noxious kind of entitlement is feeling better than, feeling that your needs are the priority rather than the person or organization that you are dealing with, getting angry if you have to comply with normal rules or regulations, expectations or even laws. Entitled people can come across as irritated, haughty or grandiose if they don't get what they want or if they want to demonstrate their superiority over you. It's unpleasant behavior and usually has significant effects on their relationships, especially family. When dealing with an entitled person, it's important to remember that it isn't about you and isn't something you should take personally. It's their way of thinking and operating and while you should stick to appropriate boundaries, you probably won't get them to change or see it your way. Recognizing entitled behavior for what it is can take the sting out of it.
What do you need to get done today??
Consider this a reminder for your mind, a trigger to help your subconscious mind come on board and assist with whatever you need to get done today, smaller or bigger tasks, perhaps that one thing you have been putting off or waiting for, until that sign arrives to DO IT NOW, to GET IT DONE, knowing full well that you will feel good when you put the tick against that thing, slowing your mind down now, breathing, remembering, it’s on the list now and you get to tick it off and release it from your list once it’s done, feeling free and feeling accomplished, focusing now on that feeling and letting that feeling draw you now towards action, just DO IT, it is never as difficult or as unpleasant as what we imagine it will be, in fact most of us ask ourselves why we didn’t just get on with it earlier, it’s not that bad at all, in fact it’s really quite fine, and you get to feel really, really good just knowing that it’s getting done, you’re moving forward, you’re kicking ass and kicking winning goals! Go take some action now and enjoy that feeling of DONE!!
Getting frustrated?? Read this.
Frustration is a very interesting emotion. Some people argue that it isn’t an emotion at all, but rather a catch-all type state. I think it is an emotion, somewhere on the anger spectrum but not quite the same, and I notice similar patterns around it whenever it gets mentioned. When people speak of frustration it is ALWAYS focused on something they can’t control. Frustration appears to be born of trying to control the uncontrollables. Often frustration is about involuntary bodily symptoms (eg pain conditions or fatigue etc), other people’s behavior, events in the world, things people say, the traffic, the hold-ups in life, the way other people don’t do what they say they will do, etc. In other words, all the stuff we can never control. So the formula is: focus on uncontrollables = greater frustration. To reduce frustration we can either choose our environment or people very carefully (not that easy to do) or reduce our attachment to outcome. We can allow whatever is there simply to be there. Yes we may have a preference for it to be otherwise. But if we can’t control it or avoid it, then we drop the focus on it. Let it be. We can allow it to be what it is without liking it. We can choose peace instead and dissolve frustration by not feeding it. Choose peace today.
Time for music therapy!!
As we all know, the right music at the right time is the quickest way to boost positive brain chemistry! You can charge up your energy with faster or intense music, raise motivation with some pumping-type tracks and calm yourself down super-fast with chill songs. What do you need to feel right now? Choose a song or a playlist and get it moving through your nervous system! You’ll know right away if you chose the correct match and chemistry will respond accordingly. Get into it today!
Go outside and connect with nature!
Yes you might be busy, might be stuck inside all day for whatever reason. But go outside, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Look at the sky. Touch something green, whether it’s grass or maybe a tree. Be barefoot if you can! Notice all the elements of nature that you can see, and listen for any messages you might need to receive for yourself or others. Know that you are part of nature and that all are taken care of.
A little bit of trust today:
It’s great to be a proactive person, a person who takes action, somebody that’s accountable and responsible. The only thing is, the flipside of having these helpful traits is feeling a little too responsible for making everything turn out ok, not just for ourselves, but for everyone else too. It means we often lose trust that things will just somehow work out ok. Interestingly, people from previous generations had a lot more trust in things working out, and were more focused on enjoying the now than we are in the present generations. If we want some enjoyment, we might need to choose trust. Trust is a belief and a feeling but it starts with a choice. We can choose to increase our trust in things being ok and be less focused on controlling everything. Just notice when you have the urge to control an outcome for yourself or others and choose trust instead. We can still do what we need to do, but our enjoyment and contentment can only increase with a little trust on the side. Try some today.
Stop now and take in a dose of peace.
Peace is much underrated. The pace of our world isn’t slowing down and the glare of social media can be a little blinding at times so relax now, as you allow your eyes to glide smoothly over my words, as I talk to you here, calmly, reminding your mind of all the sources of peace around you, many avenues for peace; sometimes silence, other times just tuning in to nature, connecting with a pet or animal, listening to some music and simply noticing all the sounds, or maybe just being, sitting in the peace of now, without any thought or judgement or analysis, you can, reminding your subconscious mind to scan for peace, to move towards peace today, to allow the feeling of peace to grow and grow, clearing the space inside your mind so you have the ability to think, to feel and to know that all is well and that peace is available at any moment if you choose to seek it. Seek now and forever hold your peace.
Step out of the way!
We all have situations in our lives where we would benefit from just stepping out of the way. Drop the pressure, drop the control tactics and stop trying to get something to happen. We could, if we chose, just let it unfold in its own way in its own time. There’s a time for action and a time just to take a breath and step back. That time is now. Jump in the back seat for a bit and see where it takes you.
Feeling bad? Feeling sad or angry?? Check your narrative!
As humans, we are natural storytellers. We observe an event, we tell ourselves a story that assesses the situation: it’s good, it’s bad, it’s awful, it’s ok, it’s unfair, it’s great, it’s so/so, it’s going to lead to trouble, it’s going to work out well, it’s going to be painful, it’s going to last a long time, it’s not my fault, it is my fault, nobody else seems to have this happen, other people don’t feel like this, there’s something wrong here, this sucks, I like this, I hate this, I have lots of support, nobody is here for me, AND AND AND - you get the message. Suddenly we’ve constructed an internal narrative that will deepen whatever we already feel, good or bad. I see many people who can’t quite understand why they’re feeling a particular way (anxious, sad, depressed or apathetic etc) and when we tease out the internal narrative, the answer becomes a little more clear. Luckily we have some choice. We can challenge our current narrative; it’s neither right nor wrong. It’s chosen by us, and it will either be helpful or unhelpful in the way we feel. Words are powerful whether they are said aloud to others or just said silently in our minds. Check your narrative today and choose words that support how you WANT to feel. And you WANT to feel good. Start now.
Find your balance:
Remember learning to ride a bike or a scooter? One of the key lessons is about letting your body tune your inner balance system to feel when you are off centre, then automatically correcting yourself so that you keep moving forward in a comfortable way, hopefully without falling! Life balance is a similar process of listening to your inner body. When we are out of balance, symptoms will show up so that we can listen and self-correct. Are you ignoring imbalance signals? We often do this for short periods just to get across a deadline, but doing it long term will result in imbalances that take a little longer to correct. Remember the feeling of being on a bike and listen to your body today for auto-correction!
You’ll be ok today.
No need to be excellent. You don’t even need to be great. Definitely don’t aim for perfect. You don’t have to be very good. Drop the pressure, lose the tension and just be ok today. No pressure to be driven, ambitious , successful or even productive. Have you noticed that for many people, the escalating pressure to reach perfection goals is creating stress, self-comparison and feelings of not being good enough?? Perhaps we can enjoy being average, embrace being ordinary and fully commit to just being ok today. Ok??
Mediation for articulating your truth:
As you read my words, as I talk to you here, you can know that your inner mind can listen, can deeply relax now, can read between my lines as I speak to you, knowing that the truth is now flowing freely, combined with loving-kindness, and that as humans we warm very well to this combination, many people hold back on truth, later feeling annoyed or resentful, knowing fully that there is another way, there is a method for telling the truth with love, with kindness, in fact as best as I can tell, it isn't very loving without the truth, and it isn't very kind if it isn't authentic, and it isn't very truthful if you don't say it, so slow your mind now, breathe deeply, let your gut tell you what the facts are, no judgement, just the facts, and let loving-kindness guide your mind to the articulation of those facts, knowing just what to say, and choosing to say it in the right way, at the right time for the best results for all concerned, calmly, with love and with the knowledge that each is responsible for their own path and their own choices and that you are entitled to speak your truth now with love. You can.
Vow to say what you need to say!
Yes, there are times to shut the hell up. Times when speaking needs to wait or things will get way worse. But there are other times when your boundaries are truly being violated and it's time to speak. There's a myth that it should come naturally, without fast-beating heart, without nausea or panic feelings. But truthfully, when most of us have to assert ourselves, there's an adrenalin response that kicks in and it feels anything but calm. This is good! We are designed this way, that's why we call it the fight/flight mechanism. It's designed to kick into gear and help at these moments. Don't wait for the calm confidence to speak. Speak when it's TIME to speak, when you get the signal of "No, this is not ok". And if you don't know what to say, just say that. "This is not ok". Then let the other person respond. You don't have to know all the words. Just give a STOP signal. You might question yourself later but subconsciously you'll also be pleased with yourself for drawing that line. Vow to speak up when necessary today!
What if there was nobody to impress today?
What would life be like if we let go the pressure to present an impressive exterior to the outside world? The pressure to show we have it all under control, or that life is perfect or that we are happy, ambitious and succeeding? Most of us are installed with a grain or two of perfectionism, feeling like we have to be a certain way in order to win the approval of others. This of course means that we won't approve of ourselves until this list is also checked off. Trouble is, the list is never finished so we never get to the self-approval part. The more things we think we have to be or do in order to be "ok", the more things we have to feel bad about ourselves for not doing or being. Most people also overestimate the amount of judgement from others anyway; most of that is all in the mind, a projection perhaps left over from previous experiences. The vast majority of people are focused on their own lives and aren't focused on you at all. So. What if the pressure to be perfect and impressive was pointless?? (It is) Might be worth letting that one go today. Just being you is impressive enough, and you can choose to be impressed right now.
We find whatever we look for:
If we look for spiders, we will definitely find them. If we look for evidence of a damaged world, or difficult people, we will be sure to find that too. The mind is trained to notice whatever we consciously or subconsciously decide to focus on. Let's decide to keep a look out for beautiful things, pleasant surprises and miracles today. Hopefully we might just find a few.
No expectations today:
No expectations doesn't mean feeling negative or pessimistic. In fact, releasing all expectations is likely to lead to better feelings and less strain. It means you don't have to try to be anything or feel anything in particular. It means simply being open to whatever happens, allowing of whatever comes and a release of attempts to control either yourself or events. Let any and all pressure out of today and just let it unfold as it does. It will be fine.
Meditation for inner harmony:
Life will continue to happen, out there, up and down like it always has been; it's easy to forget that things are getting better, that many good things are evolving constantly, working towards improvement, so relax a little now as you read my words, as I talk to you, and you can listen, or not really listen, doesn't matter, as your subconscious mind knows exactly what to do, breathing more slowly now, dissolving tension, this message transmitting to the part of you that needs to harmonize, flowing more easily, simply allowing things to be as they are, not here to fix or change everything today, you are as you are, whole and perfect in your imperfection as we all are, flowing with the rhythm of this today, more harmonious now, more allowing of what is, simply accepting the now and open to the maybe, your subconscious mind attuned to the good around you as you naturally move towards the open doors here, all things working together for your good, and you can notice how much better you can feel, more calm, more confident and much more tuned in now, you are. Stay tuned.
The inconsistency of happiness:
Research indicates that there has been a change in our culture, quite a recent change, relating to our expectations of happiness. Many people now assume that it's "normal" to feel energetic and happy as a baseline, and that any deviation from this is some kind of pathology. In fact, experiencing the range of human emotions is normal. Sometimes these emotions are more intense than we would prefer and perhaps last longer than we would like. In my experience there is usually a rational reason behind these emotions, whether conscious or subconscious. I often say to clients "if I were in that situation I would feel terrible too" and also that "if you weren't feeling like that, then something would really be wrong". Have we become intolerant of normal emotional ups and downs?? Our expectations of fulfillment in relationships, job, life in general have increased. Perhaps our expectations for how we feel day to day have also become unrealistic. Some days our energy is low. Our contentment is low. We feel aggravated, anxious, irritable or bored. These feelings are human. And they generally pass if we observe them without judgement or fear while continuing to engage in actions based on what is truly important or meaningful to us. Let's opt out of the new perfectionism regarding life and adopt a new philosophy of just being a human with ups and downs. It works just fine.
One thing for your physical self:
Just do one thing to boost your physical health today. It doesn't have to be huge or extreme. Maybe have a little less of something you think is harmful to your system. Or go for a walk. Go outside and connect with nature. Choose more water or black/green tea. Eat lightly if this would feel good, or perhaps eat more consistently. Get a massage or attend yoga. Go to the gym if you enjoy that. Go to sleep earlier. Or do something else that benefits your physical wellbeing. It's all linked and you only have to do one thing. So what's your one thing going to be??
Choose your people well!
If you've been brought up in an emotional environment laced with a bit of criticism, chances are you may be subconsciously attracted to earning or seeking the attention of those who withhold approval. This might apply to friendships, romantic relationships or work colleagues and is generally a fruitless exercise. We need to work at becoming comfortable with people that freely give us love and approval and choose to be around these kinds of relationships. People with high IQ are often especially attracted to relationships that present a "challenge" (eg hot and cold people) but challenge implies a level of stress. This dynamic is becoming even more prevalent in the online dating world, where people are kept simmering on the back burner for long periods of time. Be careful who you trust with your innermost and make sure you give the good stuff to people who have actually earned that trust via loving or kind behaviour over time. As the saying goes, it's a better policy to walk through the open doors and go where the love is.
Stop looking at them!
You are one of a kind. You know you are! Yes there are people similar, people sharing the same goals or concerns. But nobody has your exact collection of traits and talents and gifts. That's why there's no point at all in comparing yourself to others; where they are versus where you should be. There is no should and there is no comparison. We all have our unique path and it's got nothing to do with how or why somebody else got to where they are on their unique path. We all need to notice what brings us joy and just keep walking towards this, bit by bit, day by day. Commit to no comparisons today. Where you are is where you are, and it's the right place for today.
The Perfection of Imperfection!
Being imperfect is excellent. Being imperfect is relaxing. Being imperfect is a hell of a lot less pressure. Being imperfect is normal. Being imperfect is being human. Perfectionism as a personality pattern sucks. Firstly it's not even a real thing. We cannot and should not be perfect. And what IS perfect, anyway?? By whose standards are we judging? If we do the thing perfectly in our own eyes, chances are somebody else won't find it perfect at all, so no matter what, we need to perfect the art of being imperfect. The perfect parent?? Doesn't exist. The perfect body? What a joke. It's all subjective and all temporary. The perfect life?? Show me one of those, I'm yet to see one. The perfect partner??Again, as humans we have strengths, flaws and quirks so I doubt that the perfect partner is even a thing. Perfect anything sucks. Aiming for perfection is something many people (much more frequently women) do unconsciously and it leads to pressure, anxiety, hyper-vigilance and a constant fear of failure. So, a new goal. To perfect our willingness to be imperfect. To be pleased with our imperfection. To enjoy our imperfection. This is the challenge I offer you today. Please be imperfect.
Interrupting anxiety:
Anxiety can start its wave via a terrifying thought, a horrible feeling of dread or other physical/emotional symptoms such as stomach knots, dizziness, shakiness, tension or irritability. It arrives in many guises and sometimes new or unfamiliar ones. The trouble with all the anxiety guises is that they often trigger a second round of anxiety ABOUT the symptom itself. "Why am I feeling this? When will it stop? What if it doesn't stop? What if it isn't just anxiety and it's something worse?? How am I going to get through today/tonight/tomorrow feeling like this?" And on the mind goes, deepening the spiral of fear. As hard as it is, we need to be more nonchalant about anxiety symptoms. "Oh yes, just a little anxiety or worry activity today, this will settle down soon. Not worth dwelling on it". Anxiety wants to scare the shit out of you so you really pay attention. That's its job. When we respond with a little more "Ho hum, this old thing again" we short-circuit the pattern somewhat. Figuring out the reason for anxiety doesn't usually make it stop and sometimes can deepen it if you try to do it on your own. Interrupting the pattern can be a better plan, then you can reflect later from a calmer place. Interrupt via physical activity (walk, run, swim, drive, yoga, gym etc) or brain distractions (music, reading, movies/shows, art, craft, making things, gardening, cleaning etc) or by human connection (talking to or being with friends, getting a massage, listening to calming people on podcasts or YouTube etc). Do something different. Move body or mind, preferably both. And be chill about it. Don't buy into the fear campaigns. All is well.
Is it that bloody hard to listen??
So many people take listening for granted. It isn't just about hearing, it's about understanding and reaching resolution. And it certainly isn't about waiting for your chance to talk again so you can argue every point. I notice in my work that many people, especially when talking with their partners or family members, are hopeless listeners, listening only for points of argument and correction, waiting to hit back like it's a game of tennis. Others are "brick wall" listeners, giving no eye contact, no response or indication that they are engaged at all. Some are chronic interruptors, jumping in to point out this or that before any sentence can be completed. Yes it can be hard to listen non-defensively when it's a contentious issue. It can be tough to hear somebody out if you don't agree, very hard to let them finish and even harder to pause and check that you heard the right message. And yet this is exactly what is helpful. Listen. Shut up. Look at them while they speak. Check the message you heard to make sure you got the right information. Then respond calmly. Don't argue or accuse or defend. Don't use "but". Train yourself to start with "Yes and..". The idea is to aim for understanding of each other and work towards a mutual resolution. Or maybe just to listen and agree that yes, they could be right, they may have a point there. Practice engaged listening today. No arguing. No defensive responses. Just take in the message and check you heard it correctly. Ask what the person would like you to do or how they'd like you to respond. Good things may come of this.
Reframe that annoying thing:
Certain days of the week are more prone to providing niggles. Little things that aren't really that big of a deal but can trigger enough irritating feelings to build into something that affects mood and energy if we let it. When we become aware of a mild annoyance about something we can't change or avoid, then we can take a breath (maybe three), and then decide to see the annoyance in perspective and reframe it. Reframing is the art of cutting something down to true size, seeing it differently, changing the meaning of it and choosing a new narrative. The new narrative doesn't have to be positive as such, but it helps if it's at least neutral, as in "this situation is ok". And, mildly annoying things are ok. We can handle them. We can reframe them so they don't spiral our brain into anger or negativity. Decide to look for reasons why those niggles are, in fact, ok and be pleased with yourself for skilled reframing!
Some food for your brain:
Your brain will appreciate something fresh, something that feels good right now and also leads to very, very good feelings later, feelings of being happy that you made the right choice for yourself, you did the thing that you can really feel good about, relaxing now, breathing in, holding it, breathing out, thinking of that one thing you can do today, for yourself, and maybe even tomorrow; if it makes you feel good then it's really no effort at all is it, just continuing to do that thing and feeling very good about it, knowing that good feelings multiply and accumulate, good choices for you, good feelings for you, more good feelings leading to more good choices for you now. Do it.
Seek fun! Seek joy!
It's so easy to get sucked into the problems of the world and some weeks they can feel insurmountable. Mostly it's stuff we can't control anyway so we might be able to help the world more effectively from a place of improved wellbeing. Being stressed and bogged down in problems doesn't usually lead to creative thought. So let's resolve to move towards more fun, more excitement and more experiences that bring us joy. Little things bring fun and joy! Kids find joy in small things, whether it's in nature, creativity, drawing, pets, playing, reading or just being silly. Interestingly devices (iPhones, iPads and other machines) don't bring fun or joy, just obsession and distraction. More device time correlates with less contentment. Let's move into old-school kid-mode and find more ways to enjoy the little fun things.
Here's your SLOW DOWN sign:
I think most of us would agree about the increasing pace of life and our constant vigilance for new information or experiences. Our brains might enjoy it (temporarily) but our nervous systems are asking for it all to SLOW down. Slow down so we can rest, sleep, digest, relax. It's not going to work well if we are racing all during the day and expecting to relax later. Most people will find that their mind is still racing even if they try to stop. We need to slow down across the day so that we aren't in overdrive. Then we can just tap the brakes lightly when we want to relax, rather than having to slam them so hard. Slow it down today. Stop rushing. Relax. Let things happen in their own time. Heed the stop sign and the slow down sign!
Intruder alert!!
Two kinds of people can feel like intrusions: those with no boundaries and those with no filter. Lack of boundaries means that the person doesn't read the play and back off appropriately, perhaps asking too much, being too needy, crossing the line and generally breaking the unwritten rules of social behavior. In a similar way, the person with no filter says rude/weird things, says too much, over-discloses or makes inappropriate critical comments. Having no filter is another boundary issue of course, but in a more verbally-oriented way. The two patterns often occur together and will more likely occur around less assertive people. Less assertive types may be unsettled or upset with the behaviors but have trouble knowing what to say or do. Sometimes it's easier to use a quick response such as "hey, that's not cool" or "oh, I need some time out here" and then follow with an explanation if asked why. They may or may not get it, but we need strategies for managing intrusions before they become aggravations. Avoidance of the person is always an option, but doesn't seem to decrease the stress of knowing that person is still around and may strike again. Notice if you have any intruder alerts and commit to asking for time out if you want it.
Morning aggravation:
Contrary to popular expectation, many of us don't wake up feeling refreshed and enthusiastic in the morning. Some people do, and that's great for them. You may have noticed that many people don't like talking or activity in the morning, needing peace and a little time just to ease into the day. Noises and intrusions can be unsettling or aggravating to the people that need their time and space in the morning, and life may not permit this needed peace period. If you need less morning aggravation, how could you work towards it? And if you can't have it, can you make up for it later with relaxation or meditation?? Or perhaps use noise-canceling headphones and listen to music/white noise/something else? Be gentle with your nervous system in the morning, and be allowing of its need to enter the world at its own pace.
A meditation for managing reactions to the world:
There are times when the world seems a little strange, a little chaotic, triggers a bit of an urge to avoid, so let's build some internal protection for you now as you read this, slowing down, breathing in, breathing in the good stuff, as you do this, your subconscious mind can quietly take note of all that good stuff in your life, the stuff that truly matters, you enjoy it, you love it, it loves you, breathing out, knowing of more good stuff to come, we never really know just what great stuff is just around the corner, all is well in your little corner of the world, subconscious mind relaxing and simply allowing the good to rise to the surface, remain in focus, going back into oneness any time things out there seem too many, just returning to oneness, feeling your connection to the good, the beauty, the animals, the sky, the music, the people, the sunshine and all other good things, drinking all that stuff in, going deep inside like a liquid tonic, healing all parts and boosting good feelings now. It is.
The ones that won't help themselves:
Chances are, you're a helpful person. Caring and kind and offering of support. There is also a pretty strong chance that you've spent a bit of time trying to help certain people who asked for help, only to notice that they continued to stay in their current predicament, despite the pain it appeared to be causing them. Frustrating much??!! Truth is, people will choose when and if they change something big, like a damaging relationship or life habit, or emotional concern. There are those who prefer a victim consciousness, feeling they are helpless to change anyway. Others prefer the comfort of the known over the possible discomfort of the unknown. Another group wants the change or outcome but isn't prepared to do what it takes and go through the pain. And you know what? All of this is ok. We let people be where they are. If they change, it's up to them, if not, it's their life and ultimately their choice. We live and let live. We cannot want more for others than they want for themselves! Next time it happens, remember that it's ok.
The people that "have to be right":
Did you know that "having to be right" as a personality trait is a major relationship risk? The people that "always think they know" and close down to the opinions of others tend to create fractures and cracks in all their relationships, romantic and otherwise. Talking to a person who stubbornly insists or implies that they are right about most things is extremely frustrating, even infuriating. Many of us, in the face of that pointless arrogance or egotism, will find ourselves arguing just because the person is so rigid. Of course there's generally no point. Stubbornness and "being right" is its own punishment in that it's repellant. We all have some level of tendency in this area so it's worth being conscious of it and making an effort to remain open. Nobody is "right" and nobody knows everything. Let's remain open and flexible in attitude today.
The tiredness phases:
There are times when almost everybody is reporting tiredness and lack of motivation. I'm hearing it a lot right now, with people feeling like they have nothing left in the tank and one more thing on their plate would be totally overwhelming. In a tiredness phase, the best thing we can do is accept it, it's temporary, it passes and we WILL feel better again, even though when we are in it, it feels like forever. The anxiety associated with the tiredness phase will drive the exhaustion even more. Tired nerves need a rest. Tired brains need a break. Tired bodies need care. If you're in need of a recharge, decide on one thing now that you will do to help yourself. Maybe it's chilling out and not giving a **** about something. Maybe it's resting more or doing something fun, taking some time out of mind. We all feel better with a plan. Plan your one recovery thing now
"I was only joking, you're just being too sensitive:"
"Put down" humor isn't funny to the person who is being put down, but somehow they are often expected to laugh and go along with it in our culture. Jokes and "banter" are interesting processes; being "funny" can easily cross the line into being cruel or nasty, and the "just joking" person doesn't see why the recipient should be upset. After all, it was "just a joke". But jokes/banter can have hostile undertones and hurt people, intentionally or not. The intelligent response is not "well you're too sensitive", it's "I'm sorry, I accidentally crossed the line and I won't do it again". And the intelligent response to the person who says to you "its just a joke" is "I'm not laughing so maybe you just missed the mark". We never know what people have gone through (or are still going through) so a little empathy is always a good thing.
A breath of fresh air:
We can all let the stress get on top of us and feel that need for a change, to get away from everything, reduce overwhelm and get perspective, and you know and I know too, that sometimes we need that breath of fresh air, so slow it right down now, remembering that all the air around you is fresh and new, constantly recycling and re-energizing via a moment of focus, so focus now, slowly breathing in, feeling the cool glow of new oxygen move through your system, lighting up your warm places, clearing any build-ups and circulating good feelings throughout, and, as you breathe out slowly, allowing the energy cycle to build again, taking a moment just to breathe, feeling the air exit, friendly and accommodating, all is well, nothing you need to do at all right now, just be, just breathe.
What are you doing to slow your brainwaves?
For many of us, the pace of life is fast. Are you busier than you used to be? Find it hard to relax? Trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep? As well as lifestyle and stress, our engagement with technology (including phones, iPads, social media etc) great affects our level of stimulation and keeps us in the higher paced beta brain waves. The place of brain relaxation is what we call alpha waves, which interestingly is also the best state for creativity, learning and taking in new information, as well as healing from physical and emotional dysregulation. So what are you doing to slow down your brainwaves? There are many pathways; walking, yoga, meditation, art/craft, daydreaming, music and driving in a car can all be routes to alpha waves. There are also apps that you can download (especially Brainwave by Banzai Labs) that use binaural beats to lure your brain into relaxed alpha waves. Everybody has five or ten minutes where they could do this, and if you only have two or three minutes you'll still benefit. Get off social media and plug into alpha for a few minutes. Relax into a quick brain holiday and get a recharge.
Please be nice.
To you. Please be nice to YOU today. Choose two things that are kind to you, two comments or actions or other things that demonstrate self-kindness. Do it. Do it today and tomorrow and every other day. Encourage others towards acts of self-kindness too. You're great. Remember that.
"Don't take it so personally"
When nasty behaviour occurs, especially via partner, friend, colleague or family member, most of us will initially take it personally. The process of "taking it personally" means that we project our consciousness onto the other person and imagine what it would be like and what we would be thinking if we were ever to be that nasty. And we know we never would be that nasty. So it feels inexplicable; how could they do that?? How could they do that "to us"?? Truthfully, although it feels like they are deliberately doing it "to us", they are not. They are being themselves. They are doing it because that's who they are in this instance. It may be a one-off, bad mood, over the edge type thing, or it may in fact be an on-going auto pilot behaviour to be rude/superior/accusing/blaming/cruel/withholding under certain stress conditions. Some people feel entitled to behave badly if they feel they have been slighted or wronged in some way, even though you may know nothing about this perceived "slight". This is called offending from the victim position; ie that person acted in a way I disapprove of so I'm entitled to retaliate. This behaviour accounts for a lot of nastiness and is highly dysfunctional. If that person is upset with us, a) they need to take responsibility for those feelings and realize it may be a miscommunication or incorrect expectations and b) they can raise it calmly and kindly as a discussion. Nastiness is always the choice made by a person who is stuck in their belief about "being right" and not questioning their own behaviour. So it's certainly not personal, despite how it feels. It's their choice, it's very unpleasant and it's their stuff.
Give your mind a break today:
Too much thinking, always thinking, it's no wonder we get stressed and have trouble switching off. Begin now to take quick brain breaks all day. You can do it from another room (kitchen or bathroom if you need to escape) or wherever you are. Stop. Close your eyes. Roll your eyes upwards just a bit. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feel that breath moving in and out. Think of "CALM". An image may come; let it come. Take another breath. If you can do this for one or two minutes, great. Even ten seconds will help. Do it now and repeat today for CALM ENERGY.
Are you forgetting something??
This message, an important message, will be short and to the point, a direct message to your subconscious mind, as you read this, slowing down, breathing in, relaxed as you remember exactly what you need to remember, you can, and forgetting all the things you need to forget, you will, trusting your subconscious mind to know the difference and to keep your mind in the now for what truly matters. Be here.
The Irritating People:
There are people who just don't realize that their behavior or communication style is obnoxious. If you're reading these posts you're probably not one of them; in fact you're probably into self-improvement and generally too hard on yourself. But I'll bet you notice the obnoxious ones. The self-absorbed, the know-it-all, the one that talks too much and doesn't ever listen, the victim, the me me me person, the blamer, the gossip, the sneaky one. It can be hard to know whether to confront or ignore this behavior and the answer depends on how close you are to it, the possible consequences and whether you've been given license to be honest. Generally it's best to detach and distance oneself from obnoxious people if it's an ongoing pattern. Leave them to their life and go ahead with yours. Don't judge yourself for being affected by their obnoxious behavior; you won't be the only one. Wish them well but move into another direction with people you feel good around. Most of us prefer people that are able to read the play and know how to adjust in different dynamics. Unfortunately some people get stuck in a rigid pattern. Not your fault. Wish them well and then go forth to where you prefer to be!
Honing Detachment Skills:
Detachment skills mean less regret, less anxiety and less self-blame. We need to apply detachment to the past, the present and the future in order to neutralize unpleasant feelings. So, here are a few key points on detachment:
1. What you feel is what you feel. There are no should or shouldn'ts.
2. What happened, it happened. It was the only way it could have gone.
3. Where you are now is where you're meant to be.
4. Things always change at the right time.
5. It always works out.
6. Whatever is happening now is exactly what should be happening now.
Try one or two of these today when agitation or irritation arises and notice the neutralizing effect of detaching from outcome. It's pretty cool.
Victims and blamers:
There are those people that always find a way to blame other people or circumstances for the situation they are in. The trouble with doing this is that the unstated assumption is "I can't control this and I can't change it". Feeling like a victim to circumstances isn't great for our mood, our health, our relationships or our work. Of course there are times when things happen "to us" and it isn't "our fault". But there's always some aspect of the situation we can control or work on, even if it's just our mental attitude towards it. Many couples are so quick to play the blame game; as soon as anything happens, fingers are pointed, usually resulting in defensiveness and more counter-attack finger pointing. Blame is a useless and disempowering approach. Today, ask yourself (only where appropriate of course) "what's MY part in creating this situation?" and "what do I need to do to improve things?" Sitting mentally within YOUR locus of control is a great strategy for health, mood and success. There's always something WE can do to lift things.
Messages from your gut:
There's a nervous system in the gut called the Enteric Nervous System or ENS. This is why we get so many feelings in there, from butterflies to anxiety, irritation to love; many of the strongest emotions are experienced in the stomach. We also experience intuitive hunches or guidance as a gut feeling. These feelings, which are quite different from impulsive feelings, should not be ignored. Most of us have ignored gut feelings (eg "this person isn't trustworthy" or "this situation is not for me") and regretted it afterwards. If you have gut trouble, ask yourself whether this might be your body's way of communicating something that you're worried, upset or very frustrated about. Most people go looking for food intolerances and other physical triggers (which can of course be involved) but generally the main triggers are in fact emotional. For many, any disturbance to the mind or nervous system will also disturb the gut and its functions. Listen to your gut today, both for intuitive guidance and as an emotional barometer, then take appropriate action. The gut messages don't like to be ignored.
Are you being serious??
Sometimes I think most of us get a little too serious. When we get pressured or stressed we can let things get a little out of perspective and forget what matters. We need to have more fun! We need to remember what's funny to us, what we enjoy and what we love to do. We need to chill. Check the seriousness levels today and relax! It all works out.
Today is self-liking day!
Enough self-criticism. Enough misguided perfectionism! Enough self comparing to others. Enough pressure to be more of this or less of that. Today is a day for committed self-liking. Just agree to like everything that you do or say or feel today. Starting right now. Hit that internal "like" button on everything with no judgements at all. Like!
No apologies for who you are:
One thing I've been noticing lately is the amount of people who apologize for who they are or what they are about to say, eg "This will sound silly but.." or "I know other people have it a lot worse than me so I shouldn't even complain but.." Or "I know this is really weird of me but..." None of these statements are necessary and in fact undermine confidence. You are who you are, you feel what you feel and your experience is your experience. Women in particular appear to apologize more for who they are or what they think or feel when it isn't necessary. Be unapologetically you today. No need to censor when you are sharing your experience! There is no "silly" or "weird", it's all good and it's all human so just be authentically you.
Catch some stillness:
Anywhere you focus, you can find some stillness if you just remember to stop and look. You can look at a tree. Or a chair. Or a pet. Or a wall. Or the color behind your eyes when you close them. If your thoughts are firing, wait for the gap. There's always a small gap in between the thoughts, just wait for it, focus on it, notice it and go inside it. You can feel the stillness as you breathe if you focus on that oxygen moving in and around and out. More stillness means more inner peace. Be aware of all the stillness around and inside you today.
Meditation for greater harmony:
Even we we are in the middle of chaotic events in life or in the world, we need to be able to access inner harmony, which in turn helps to promote outer harmony as well, so listening now, breathing slowly as I talk to you here, allowing your mind to release all concern, to let go of responsibilities that aren't even yours anyway, just being, reading very slowly, deep breath, slower now, that's right, letting your inner mind listen as the outer mind hears my helpful words, all things in easy, harmonious flow within you, the system slows, it checks and balances itself naturally, you allow this to happen now, breathing and allowing the flow of oxygen in, the circulation is easy, the flow of oxygen out, rhythmic, comfortable, all things working together for good now, they are, simply allowing things to be, it all works out, it all flows easily, no more blocking the flow, from now on you flow comfortably with the rhythm of events, you detach, you stay in your own positive inner world, harmonious, friendly and funny, it's very pleasant in there and your subconscious mind can help you check in and maintain inner sunshine today and always. Enjoy your own private feeling of harmony today.
Music changes brain chemistry!
In fact, music is one of the fastest ways to alter our mood chemistry by somehow getting our brainwaves and heart-rate in sync with the song rhythm and structure. Undulations in music (rises and falls in intensity) seem to boost serotonin levels somehow and, providing we like the song, flood our systems with feel-good chemicals. Skip the news or podcast or random radio today and choose some music that dials up the speed and vibe that you need for the day. Need calm? I'm sure you have a playlist that gets you there. Need a boost? Then grab the playlist that speeds you up. Get on it!
Oh, what now??!
"What now" is the sound of overwhelm, the feeling of having a plate that is already full and yet here comes more. Overwhelm drives our brain into fuzz mode, the emotion overloading the hippocampus which part of the brain that solves our problems. Maybe it's time to take a step back. The antidote for overwhelm is to address one thought or issue at a time. Not everything at once! Ok. First thing: what do I need to do right now to feel a little calmer? Make a list? Take a break? Breathe? Go for a walk? Meditate? Stroke a pet? Talk to a friend? Or just wait? Either way, don't sit in overwhelm, do something to help your brain think of one small thing and calmly move towards it. Forget the rest. Most things take care of themselves if we leave them alone and let them unfold. Start with one small chunk that needs to be done now and let the rest be. It all works out.
Watch your language!
As much as we need to be careful in how we speak to others, it's equally important that we monitor the words we use in our inner commentary. We comment internally on everything; our appearance, our behavior, how we think we did in certain situations, whether or not we are pleased with ourselves, every little thing. Are you speaking to yourself as you would to another person you wanted to love and protect?? Speak with kindness and understanding towards yourself today and throw in a few compliments and a bit of appreciation too. It's only fair.
Go easy today.
Take your time. Breathe. Allow today to unfold in its own time and in its own way. You don't have to control it. Everything will be ok. No striving, no pressure. Choose to go easy and just let things be.
Are you reading this??
Reading lowers stress hormones, boosts positive brain chemistry and helps our minds form new connections. You can read to learn, to escape, to laugh, to be absorbed or taken away into another world. Reading is correlated with so many life improvements, unlike TV which is mood-neutral or sometimes mood-depleting, and social media overuse which is definitely associated with negative effects on brain chemistry. Reading is one of the best and most underutilized forms of therapy and I prescribe books every day for my clients, both fiction and non-fiction as well as quality self-help literature. Get some bibliotherapy (literature or books for improved circumstances) today! Read something that is helpful for you.
What do I need to remind you of today??
It's my job to remind you of what's important to you. Your intentions, the things you said you wanted to do or change or improve, think of the main one now. How's your progress? Are you letting yourself off the hook and making excuses? Or are you taking the action you need to take to get it happening? Things will change when you do something different. Just do one thing different today and remember to note and enjoy your progress.
The Can't-Be-Bothered Syndrome:
Most people get a case of can't-be-bothered-itis at some point and there's a lot of it going around right now. It could be the weather, could be mid-year stuff, could be due to other circumstances. Symptoms include low motivation, not wanting to do things, lack of pleasure or enjoyment and general do-nothing-ism. You can wait it out until it goes away by itself (risky move depending on how long it takes) or you can generate the cure from within. The cure is in both thinking process and actions taken. Firstly, stop saying you can't be bothered or whatever version of that you say inside or out loud. Whatever it is you want to be more motivated to do, write it down. Write a daily list. Also write down and continually remind yourself of WHY you want to do it, what the benefits are, what you will get as a result of doing it. Remind yourself that doing it isn't that bad, and that you will feel ok, maybe even enjoy it a little. Reinforce to yourself how good you feel when you DO get it done. You CAN do it. Stop with the energy-killing thoughts and choose action-boosting thoughts. You CAN be bothered. There IS a point. Get it done and then feel good, that's the point. Do it.
Staying drama-free:
Life events will always happen and it's generally in the best interests of our wellbeing to minimize the internal drama. This means choosing a calm perspective on things and overriding any tendency to react impulsively. If the drama involves other people, remind yourself that it's their life and that you can view it with detachment. Say to yourself "not my circus, not my monkeys". If it is a scary or challenging event or incident, remind yourself to take one small step at a time, just dealing with the now rather than jumping to conclusions or fears of the future. If you are baited into conversational drama by others, refuse to eat the bait. If in doubt, say "I don't know what to say about that" or "I don't really have an opinion on this". Keep your nervous system in neutral gear today and don't jump on the adrenalin bandwagon. Stay chill and be drama-free.
Meditation for health boost:
Each cell in our body is set up to react instantly to the thoughts we think via chemical messengers called neuro peptides. What this means is that your immune system is listening and responding to everything that goes on in your mind, so let's go in there now, relaxing here, and reset the mind-focus just a little, taking a long slow breath now, holding, now releasing it and letting go just a little more, that's right, breathing in again, hold, then release all concerns with your out-breath, allowing all tensions to dissolve now, back into the nothingness they came from, so that you can now focus on wellbeing, no more focus on pain or suffering right now, committing to using the power of your mind to imagine good health, strength, I want you to focus now on remembering a time in your life, perhaps long ago, when you felt very strong inside, very healthy, maybe a memory of doing and enjoying something quite physical, perhaps even running along a beach or at a park, feeling alive and filled with enthusiasm, remembering now, and allowing all your cells to be filled with this positive memory of strength, wellness, focus and fun, all cells remembering now, taking in that feeling, holding it, and integrating it into the now so you can take it everywhere with you today, you will. Be well.
You deserve good things!
No matter what has happened in the past, you deserve all the best things that bring joy, happiness, fun and fulfilment for you. Check the different areas of your life: where do you need to change your attitude and allow in more good stuff? Sometimes we start to expect certain areas of life to be ordinary, or limited, or lacking, or boring or just ok. Lift your mindset. Expect and allow something better in that aspect of your life and take the required action that you need to take. You deserve great things.
Make a commitment!
If you truly want to improve a situation, it calls for consistent and dedicated effort. Are you being half-hearted in your attempts?? Wanting to see results without really doing what it takes? Not working on consciously motivating yourself? Well, we get the result according to what we put into it. Make a solid plan, commit to it and get the thing happening today!
Dump any guilt:
If ever there was a useless emotion, it's guilt. The evolutionary purpose of guilt is to notice when we make a social mistake, make amends if necessary and learn from it so that we don't repeat the mistake and lose connection with the tribe. In my experience, with most guilt, there has been no real transgression except for a perception of not meeting the demands or expectations of others. Feeling responsibility around the happiness or satisfaction of others triggers guilt in those with people-pleasing patterns, which is interesting as most of us would argue that while we have a duty to be ethical and kind, we don't actually have the obligation (or ability) to make others happy. Doing things for or with others is great, if it's a win/win. If not, then it may be manipulation. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness, it's an inside job. So next time the guilt kicks in, do a check: is there a transgression to apologize for? Or is it simply that you're feeling responsible for not meeting the expectations of another? The "guilt" may just be a remnant of people-pleasing and maybe we shouldn't be led by this trait. Go for win/win.
Free of the opinions of others?
You actually are free of these opinions. They do not belong to you and you have no obligation to enter into them unless you choose. Other people's judgements and opinions are a reflection of the reality they create in their own minds based on their history, their consciousness and their expectations. If you choose to see some truth in their opinions, that's up to you. You can also say "I see no truth in that so I delete it from my mind" every time it comes up. Sometimes there is a grain of truth in the feedback, but often it's just the narrative of another person with a different reality and a different agenda. Most of us are too open to the opinions of others. Decide today to put up a wall of "no thanks, not interested" followed by appropriate deletion.
Meditation to get clear on what you want for today:
Every day is a new day, starting fresh now, doesn't matter what time it is, it's always the time to clear any concerns so that you can focus on what it is that matters to you, redirect that compass towards your north now, breathing in slowly, through your nose, relaxing, then breathing out now, also through your nose, and again, slow easy breath though the nose, hold it, and now release it through the nose, letting all tension and resistance go now, just breathe, just be, allowing my words to flow through your eyes, into your mind's eye, into your imagination where all things begin, building possibilities and reminding your subconscious mind to slow down and check your intentions, what it is that truly matters right now, your true values, guided now towards that which fulfills you and gives you that sense of positive progress, that feeling of YES, that movement that you've been working towards becoming clearer and clearer, closer and closer, everything getting better for you now as you simply breathe and I remind your mind to do that thing that will lead you down the right path today, good choices for you now, easily, comfortably, losing any resistance and just cruising towards the good stuff. Keep going.
Speak from your true self!
So often we don't say what we want, what we actually need and then we are annoyed when we don't get it! We don't like to be difficult or demanding and honestly, there is no need to be. We can calmly, kindly and respectfully speak authentically and state what we need. With love. No matter what. Be unapologetic. It's not a crime to say how you feel or ask for what you want when you have done so calmly and respectfully, without any blame or criticism of another person. Be authentic. Be unapologetic. You know you're ethical and kind so switch on your truth button today as well.
You're on the right track.
Even if it feels like it's not progressing well enough, or moving fast enough, it's important to know you're on the right track. So many of us get stuck in how it *should* be different, or how far we *should* have advanced by now or how *long* it took to get going or even how we *shouldn't* have to do this. No point going down that feel-bad path. Keep moving forward towards your true north and don't lament the past or worry about the future, just be here and be glad you're on the right track today. Keep walking.
One thing and one thing only.
Just do one thing at a time today. No thinking forward or thinking back. No multi tasking. Focus fully on that one thing you are doing right now. Be here with just the one.
Booster for happy peaceful connections:
There are times when communication isn't easy, when things are misunderstood, misinterpreted and even just not heard at all. The most important thing is to have harmonious communication from within yourself, so let's install some clear alignment today, as you read this, starting to slow down, to breathe more slowly, in, holding that breath a second, then really letting it go, releasing all difficulty now, allowing all tension to dissolve, back to the nothingness it came from, and I want you to use the power of your mind, in your imagination noticing that whiteboard we have in our heads, all chock-full of the things we think, do, feel, say, crowding up so much mental space in there, time to create some clarity now so taking that eraser and I want you to use the full power of your imagination now to physically erase all the writing on the whiteboard, cleaning and clearing it all now, wiping the board completely shiny, clean and new so you can feel that space, that ability to start from clarity and begin again from a state of nothingness, of zero, of openness. From that openness move back into your day with willingness to see and hear with clarity and to respond with a clear and calm mind. Enjoy.
Today is "Take Nothing Personally" Day.
Repeat after me. "It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me". Things happen, people do stupid stuff, people say all sorts of garbage, some people are going to be rude, or inconsiderate or downright insane sometimes. And you know what? It's their stuff. Not about you. Not about you at all. In fact it would (and will) happen to anyone. Whether is the world, work, family, kids, traffic insanity or weird internet trolls, it's not personal, it's not about you. Ok??
Maintaining the motivation:
Starting a change is easy. Most people reach a point of pain where they can't stand things the way they are anymore and beginning a change is a relief. That feeling of "I'm finally doing something about it" kicks in. But over time, many people do not engage their motivation mechanisms and allow their choices to return to the old ways. This happens because people put it off until tomorrow, say "it's too hard", or they "can't be bothered" or decide to "reward themselves" for what they have done so far with a reward that includes returning to the unhelpful old pattern. Sometimes people just "forget" to do the new thing because they haven't made the effort to stay conscious or alert about keeping the change going. Making a permanent change is an effort. It requires some vigilance, planning, checking in, accountability and honesty about what we are doing and why. It won't happen by itself automatically, perhaps ever, regarding certain patterns. There are some things we will always need to keep an eye on if we want it to be different and that's ok. We can all tolerate a little effort and/or discomfort in order to keep a good thing going. The maintenance of the change brings the emotional reward. Whatever it is for you that you're working on changing, keep it front of mind, and make a plan to keep it going.
Everyone thinks they know how to be optimistic.
With the thousands of books and articles and media presentations that now exist relating to positive psychology, people know think they "know" all about it and "know" how to do it. In my observation, this is mostly not the case. Those who think it's about "just thinking positive thoughts" are inaccurate. It's about facing reality in a factual way, free of distortion. It's about focusing only on the now. It's about not thinkingthat events or other people's statements are personal. It's about seeing the world as a neutral canvas on which we project our opinions, interpretations and narratives. It's about viewing our own thoughts and feelings as projections which we can witness or watch with a degree of detachment rather than feeding them or believing them to be the "truth". Optimism requires an assessment of "what is", followed by a question about what to think or do in order to best maximize the situation. It's actually a skill that requires constant practice and honing. Anybody who thinks its simple is missing the point. The human experience is full of challenges and different optimism skills are required for different challenges. Non-judgmental acceptance and positive action is not easy. That's why we need continued practice and reminders. Notice where your thoughts or feelings become agitated, anxious, restless, bored, annoyed or gloomy. There is your target area for honing your skills right there. Be glad when you find an opportunity to work on your optimism today. Observe the facts and reframe towards neutrality.
Face the fear!
It's human to try and avoid feelings of fear. Fear sensations are unpleasant, whether they manifest emotionally or via the body as pain or tension sensations. People use all kinds of distractions and substances in order to not feel what's really going on for them. But remember: feelings are not there to "get rid of". They are part of our well-designed information system, intended to provide feedback about what is going on as well as guiding us towards corrective action when necessary. Sometimes the alarm system gets a little stuck (in the case of panic symptoms and chronic pain/fatigue) but nonetheless, we need to check in, face the concerns our subconscious mind/body might be experiencing and act on it. By naming a fear honestly to ourselves and spending a little contemplative time on it we often find the fear begins to resolve itself. If it doesn't, we seek good help to get further insight and strategies. But bottom line, ignoring or avoiding fear is only good for short-term survival. Long term, we need to face it, listen to it, talk it through and take corrective action.
Positive thoughts prescription for today:
After certain events in life, we can need a little recharge sometimes, a redirection of of the mind towards the positive, a relaxing of the nervous system towards calm, so if it sounds enticing to feel a little more comfortable, a little more optimistic, then take a slow deep breath, holding it now, then releasing it as you release all concerns at the same moment, breathing and releasing, just knowing that with every new day, in fact with every new moment, we can start afresh, focusing on what is going well and noticing certain things that we can think and feel to bring more enjoyable energy for ourselves right now, more fun, more laughing, more action, more feelings of progress and achievement just through remembering to notice what you do each day, the little things and the things that were really quite big for you, the difficulties you faced, the things you managed to get done despite obstacles, the people you interacted with and made a difference for, all of the good in the world that you contribute to every day, every moment, just by your mere presence, you don't have to do anything, just by simply being, you are a positive influence on yourself and the world, enjoy it and feel good today.
The relaxation of pets:
Have you noticed how dogs and cats sleep? How they instantly relax and chill, despite the things going on around them? If they are tired, they rest. When they feel ill, they rest. When it's time to enjoy fun, they enjoy. When it's over, they chill. What lesson do you need to take from the pets in your life today?
Speak the truth.
While there are many different kinds of stress, denial and avoidance are probably the stronger patterns leading to nervous system stress. Have fatigue? Pain? Anxiety?
Your body knows what is true for you. Stop avoiding any truth you need to face about aspects of your life needing change and take the action that your body wants you to take. You'll feel instantly better.
Feeling pessimistic about something in life?
There are times when things seem grim, life gets tough, people get overwhelmed and can't see a way through. Times like these, it's important to remember that you just never know what can happen; right out of the blue, the situation can take a turn for the better, all by itself without any human interference! We just never know what good things are just around the corner but those that believe they could be just around the corner seem to feel better and achieve more success. Even when things look bleak, that good thing is about ready to happen. It's happened to you before so you know it's true. Remember the good thing today.
Monday Self-Care!
Mondays are strange things, our bodies and minds have much to adjust to. Whether we are working or not, there is a change of energy or pace from the weekend to the week and some of us need help synchronizing. We can start by releasing any pressure to be a particular way today. Release expectations. Release the "shoulds". When the nervous system needs time to adjust, the best thing we can do is decide to just BE. Breathe in. Breathe out. No mental performance pressure, just allow your system to be as it is today. May you be relaxed and calm.
Boosting abundance:
It can be easy to compare ourselves to others and feel like we don't have "enough" or do as much as we "should" be doing, easy to enter into a fear mentality rather than our natural state of abundance, so let's address that now, sitting quietly for a moment, plenty of moments to choose from, just relaxing, nothing to do or prove right now in this moment, breathing in, waiting, waiting, plenty of time, now breathe out slowly, allowing your mind to fully relax and be comfortable, listening to my voice now, as I talk to you, and you can just let your inner mind take in many, many ideas, from so many places, always multiplying, growing and increasing, plenty for now, plenty for later, as one idea moves through, the next one is already moving into consciousness, plentiful, abundant, never-ending and permanent, and your inner mind can know just how fortunate you are, just how much you have and always will have, better things for you now, many ideas, ideas that grow and provide fruit for you, fruit that will feed, and feeding provides more and more growth, ideas never stop, and just when you wonder when the next idea will come, you find that there are always plenty more fish in the sea for you, swimming closer to remind you of the plentiful abundance of the universe that exists inside your own mind and you can know this today, tuning in to all rich opportunities and trusting in the law of increase. Enjoy the feast.
Anxiety of the free-floating type:
Sometimes we know exactly why we are worried. There's a link between our anxiety level and our current stress or concern and it makes sense to be feeling that way. At other times, we feel the feeling with no particular identifiable trigger that we can pinpoint, and it often feels more concerning for exactly that reason. This of course is known as free-floating anxiety, anxiety that floats around the psyche and appears to latch on to every situation and infect it with worry or a sense of impending doom. As we know, the brain is somewhat reassured when feelings are identified and labeled, it hates it when we ignore and repress, often escalating the feeling to get us to take notice. So when we notice this free floating anxiety, the first helpful thing to to is calmly name it, almost like you would if a friend was describing the feeling. "Oh ok, so I just have a little free-floating anxiety today". Hopefully you will hear the calmness and "no big deal" vibe in that quote, with the idea that we are not going to freak out about something so normal as free floating anxiety. The more accepting we are of it and the more we are able to be almost humorous about it. We can say "yeah, yeah, I get it, I'm supposed to be worried about everything, thanks for that, I'll get back to you" while moving on with normal activities. Don't avoid it, just jokingly acknowledge it and keep doing stuff. When it alerts you again, say "yes thanks, heard you the last time, thanks for the warnings, I'll just keep moving forward". It's a normal state and can fade quickly by itself. Obviously if it's happening too often you may benefit from professional assistance. In the meantime, use a bit of non-judgmental, humorous acceptance of the feelings that arise today!
Getting out of overwhelm:
Overwhelm is a horrible state of feeling like everything is just too much and we can't even process it, let alone focus on what to actually do about it. Overwhelm usually means the brain has gone into a state of stress hormone overload, with the fear-generating amygdala activating wildly and the problem-solving centers of the brain flailing helplessly. Of we think of the biological side of overwhelm, it becomes clear that we usually need to do something to calm or balance the physical processes before we approach the mind side of things. Trying to think clearly when your chemistry is out of control can be practically impossible. So we start with soothing the nervous system and activating the parasympathetic side, rather than the stress-oriented sympathetic nervous system. Exercise (walking, swimming, yoga etc) will help to break the cycle of overwhelm for many people. Another effective option is targeted breathing. Breathe in slowly through your nose, count three, hold it, count three, then slowly out of your nose, count three. Only breathe and count for 5-10 min and your parasympathetic system will kick in. Then, once calmer, decide to focus on only one thing. The first thing. Perhaps the easiest thing. Write down what you will do. Then tick off that thing and move to the next. Overwhelm must be dealt with in small chunks only. One small thing at a time today.
The thing you're putting off:
Most of us have one thing that we keep delaying or putting off, the thing that would make us feel heaps better, or improve our quality of life. Procrastination means putting off effort, delaying it until the time feels "right" or easier. But it probably won't. The point of effort is the reward that comes WITH the doing, not before the doing. Think of taking one small step towards the thing you need to do, and actually do it today. You know you'll feel better after. It's never as big a deal as what we think it will be and the effort is never as bad as we make out. Do the thing. You'll feel good.
Moment of quiet:
Take a moment just to be still today. Just sit. No thoughts or plans or trying to meditate or feel anything in particular. Take that moment and know that your brain will benefit from that brief state of just being.
Little things that help:
Sometimes when things get weird, little tiny things can help it feel just a little better so relax now, breathing slowly as you read my words, deep breath in, and holding it, and now letting it go, comfortable now as you allow my words to reach your inner mind, the part of your mind that remembers those little things, the caring things that people did, the things you did for others, the tiny pleasures in life, the laughing parts, things that were so funny at the time and maybe you can't even remember now exactly what was funny but you remember the feeling, on the verge of laughing now as you think back, remembering the little things, the pets, animals that just seemed to smile at you, people that just get you, the connections that always stay no matter what, your connection with yourself, when you feel good, magnifying that feeling now and allowing it to build over the course of the day as you feel better and better and put all the pieces in place to have a day that is good
Problems, plans and hoping for the best:
When there's some sort of problem, whether it's problem eating, substance problems, anxieties, relationship issues or other areas of difficulty, most people in the world operate on a "just hope for the best" model. In other words they don't truly or clearly identify the issue and they don't put a strategic plan in place to make sure things go well. Instead they rely on mood state, circumstances, the behavior of others and the external environment and let that dictate or affect the outcome. This is not optimism. This is "blindly hoping for the best" and while it often works with one-off minor concerns, it's a terrible strategy for longer-term issues that have been problematic in the past and likely to cause issues in future. Optimism means clearly identifying problems or challenges, developing a suitable and achievable goal state and a realistic plan for making it happen, which the person ACTS UPON. Many issues can eventually become non-issues if we get out of half-baked hoping/denial and activate the right planning process. How do you want things to be? What do YOU need to do to make this happen? Who else needs to be part of the conversation? What tiny thing can you do today?
On social anxiety:
Social anxiety can occur before going to things, during the things themselves and of course, after the things like a post-mortem. The key question of social anxiety is about being "good enough" in some way, maybe intellectually, conversationally, physically, our perceived status, or some other factor we think people are going to evaluate. Truthfully, most people subconsciously evaluate others based on their interpersonal warmth. In other words, do they come across as a kind and trustworthy person? While we worry about so many factors to be self conscious about, all we really need to do is tune in to the people we are going to be around and transmit a genuine interest in THEM, rather than projecting some rubbish about what they may be thinking of us. Chances are, they are also thinking of how they themselves are coming across. Be present by focusing on feeling genuine interest and kindness to the others at whatever social event you're concerned about. Be a transmitter of interpersonal warmth today.
Risky Relationships: check your expectations:
There are some relationships (romantic, platonic and family) that are risky. Risky due to past behavior, risky in trust levels, risky due to personality factors of the people involved, risky due to our human inclination to take things personally when they go wrong, risky because humans are quite upset after disappointment and abandonment. Most people go into risky relationships with what they think are open eyes, they say "I know what I'm doing" or "I can handle it". Truthfully though, when there are alarm bells early on, ignore them at your peril. If a dog has bitten before (metaphorically speaking) then chances are it will bite you too. So many people are shocked when the dog bites *them* even though they were fully aware of the history and behavior. Past behavior is a very good predictor of future behavior in relationships unless a person has done a LOT of work on themselves and had intensive coaching (which is quite rare). Are you in a risky relationship with somebody, romantic, platonic or blood-related?? Check your expectations. Stick to the history and the facts and choose the decisions you would recommend for a friend if they asked your advice. Do the smart thing. Activate your boundaries and expect mutual full-respect behavior in all relationships.
Need a little luck today?
Remember: you're a lucky person, good things always happen for you and you always manage to be in the right place at the right time with the right people! The scientific research on lucky people consistently shows that holding these beliefs is correlated with experiencing more good luck. It has also been demonstrated that people who believe themselves to be lucky are more likely to take advantage of the good opportunities that come their way, leading to greater success in their chosen endeavor. Even if something unpleasant happens, we can still focus on the lucky aspects and remember all the lucky parts of it that improved things or helped us in some way. Wishing you the best of luck for today! May you always be in the right place at the right time with the right people
Staying true to yourself in the face of whatever:
Other people and random events have this habit of throwing tricky situations our way, tricky words or actions that we think we understand but then we doubt ourselves, we give the benefit of the doubt, sometimes a few too many times, maybe even to the point where we feel guilty or anxious or confused, and it may be helpful here, as you read this, to slow right down, take one slow breath in now, that's right, and hold it, and hold it, and now let it go, feeling a little part of that tension melt away as you release each breath, continuing with the slow deep breaths now as I have a quick word with your subconscious mind, that part of your mind that comes completely alive and awake when it's time to help the change process, it will, and I'd like to ask your subconscious mind to focus on your eyes, the idea that you can see many things from behind your eyes, your point of view, your analysis of the situation, clearly seeing the facts as they are, no manipulation, no toxic self doubt, no looping around in circles trying to figure out what and who and why, just the facts, clear as day, as they are, is what it is, not personal, it says nothing about you, you are kind and ethical and helpful and you will continue to be so, regardless of the reciprocity of the situation, true to YOU, much prosperity around you, much positive connection and correct action, and your subconscious mind can know that whatever is going on will be ok, will be more than fine, is already resolving itself, you just stay true to you and all is well. It is.
How to spot when you're being manipulated:
Confusion is often a sign of being manipulated in a relationship, whether it's romantic, family or friend. You feel confused about who is right and who is wrong. You think about your view of the situation and it feels clear until you think of it from the point of view of what the other person is saying, then it gets all cloudy. There may be mixed messages, behavior that doesn't match up with words. For example they may profess their care or love for you yet continually behave in a disrespectful manner, or be disregarding of your feelings. If you raise your concerns they might stonewall you (withdraw or respond with a blank look or dismissive remark). They may criticize you and tell you that you're too sensitive or that you're taking it the wrong way. Or they might talk a lot, rationalizing their behavior so that you go back into confusion about the legitimacy of your point of view. Your brain may feel addled. Guilt is another key indicator of manipulation. You may try to put a boundary in place or say no or create distance but they attempt to guilt you into submission, either with rules, logic, charm or emotion. People create their own expectations. You are free not to comply, with kindness and with an ethical attitude. If they impose the expectation through manipulative means, you will feel the guilt, confusion or anger to alert you. Get clear. Check in with somebody who is great with boundaries. Get some help about the boundary you need to draw. And keep your eyes open.
Feeling bad about a relationship or other key event?? Check your narrative:
As humans we constant narrate our lives internally, almost like the director's commentary on movies that you can watch on the bonus section. We comment on the rightness or wrongness of things, the motivations of others, we justify or condemn actions and predict situations and consequences. We do a post-mortem after key incidents, what went wrong and why, and who is to blame and what should or shouldn't happen next. We evaluate and analyze the characters involved and label their personality characteristics. The content and vibe of this narrative will generate further feelings. Just like movie, in life we have an experience, then a secondary experience as a result of the narrative we apply to it. If we are ruminating (going over and over in our mind) on key events, then perhaps it's time to check the narrative and make sure it's helpful and factual. Often we need a third party to assist or we get stuck in our own version of what happened. Ask "what are the facts here?" and "how else could this be interpreted?" or "what's another possible explanation for this part of the story?" Or even "how might an outsider who didn't know any of us view this part of the situation?" A new narrative brings new possibilities and new feelings. This is especially true regarding relationship narratives, either current shaky relationships of any kind, and definitely in break-up related narratives which can keep people stuck for years. When in doubt, please check your story.
Are you in a toxic relationship with somebody?
Toxic means somebody is using manipulation, knowingly or unknowingly. Somebody is exercising power or control or guilt or just plain disregard in order to get what they want, and yet refuses to be accountable for any emotional consequences. That person's needs are being met while the other person (you) feels like something isn't right and either tries to ignore the problem or tries negotiate, but doesn't succeed. We can have toxic relationships with dating or romantic partners, friends, family or colleagues. When you need to say no or set a boundary, your body will tell you. There could be feelings of tension, anxiety, guilt, nervousness or irritation. Many people ignore this feeling and rationalize the behavior of the other person which often builds internal or repressed frustration. Some get mad at themselves for not being assertive, others know there's no point because the other person will never understand or respond like an adult. Some people just want to hold on to the crumbs they are getting rather than risk losing the connection, damaged though it is. The purpose of setting boundaries can be to create a change in the relationship, and sometimes you will be successful. But the other reason for doing it is self respect. Staying in a toxic relationship without setting boundaries is saying "I don't matter". But. You do matter. Whether the other person agrees with your boundary is not the point. The point is detoxifying the relationship by being YOU, being authentic and truthful (hopefully as respectfully and kindly as possible) and detaching from the outcome. If the relationship is over then it wasn't a relationship. It was just a one-way manipulation. Be your authentic self today.
A million talents:
Most of us are so focused on self-improvement that we forget how many special things we can do, big and small, how many abilities, skills, and gifts we have that we use every day without thinking about it, without even noticing! Even by reading this, by being interested in material such as this, by making sense of it and applying it to your life, you are demonstrating and using many skills right now. You get to feel good about that! You probably notice the many skills of others more than you notice your own but it's time to tune into your million talents and feel good about them as they happen. You may not get appreciation from others as you go about your day using all your clever talents, but you can certainly boost your own brain chemistry by regularly appreciating yourself as you go along! Well done, you can say. That was great, you can add. Good on you, you can affirm! And I mean it, you can assure. Self-appreciation is the theme of today so please enjoy it.
System recovery:
After all you've been through in the last week or two, or maybe even three, it's great to take a pause and allow your system to go into repair and recovery mode, it's been doing well, so now you can take a pleasant moment to help things work even more effectively, so slow your breathing, here, now, take one slower breathe, hold it, then let it go, now, as you read and let your eyes move a little more slowly too, take another slower, deeper breath, hold it, hold it a little longer, and now let it go, and as you do let it go, your inner mind can help you let go of all the other things you need to release right now, with every slow out-breath, that's right, take another breath, holding it now for a moment, then breathing out slowly, just simply allowing your mind to let go of all the stored up stuff, just releasing it now into the nothingness it came from, cleaning and clearing your mind, everything in there now is neat and ordered as you breathe on, so that you can just tune into happy and let the day run itself very well. With every breath, your mind can release everything it needs to, and your body feels more and more relaxed. Just let it go and enjoy the ride.
Dangers of Repressed Frustration:
Repressed frustration is when we feel annoyed or pissed off or angry about something but we make a choice to keep it inside us. Maybe we can't express it due to personality factors such as approval needs or peace-keeping tendencies, or maybe we fear losing a relationship or starting a fight if we speak up, or perhaps due to our work or professional role we are not in a position to show the frustration. There are many legitimate reasons not to "express" frustration and in fact we may need to work on our frustration tolerance skills if we are overreacting or personalizing something that is just part of life (eg bad traffic, poor customer service, random rudeness etc). However, the amount of repressed frustration we experience may be affecting pain conditions, anger management, mood problems, anxiety, overeating, chronic fatigue and other health issues. Repressed frustration often creates internal conflicts and stressful inner debates about what is right/fair. Be conscious of the presence of frustration and consider whether discussing it is helpful, or whether you need to create a boundary, assert yourself or detach from something/somebody. Or maybe you don't need to anything except be more aware. Notice your patterns today and name your inner responses without judgement.
Days when you just don't feel like it:
Some days you wake up and just don't feel so great. It can be very hard to get it together. Maybe it's too much overload, or a poor night's sleep or other stuff going on in your life; maybe there's no reason at all, just a random low energy day. No need to freak out about days like this, we all have them. First step is to acknowledge the feelings or sensations in your body, whether it's tiredness, tension or stiffness or whatever. Label any other feelings without judging them or building a story about them. Have you noticed that stories about not feeling good usually deepen the state and make it feel worse?? No stories. Just stick to the facts without judgement. Then move on to solutions: how can you take it easy today? How can you keep your thoughts on the now, stay chill and lose any internal pressure? How can you cruise through the day in your own mind so that you don't load any extra stress?? Lower the revs a little when you feel like you're running on empty. Just stick it in cruise control and go along for the ride. Soon it will be better.
Rushing and stress chemicals:
Hurrying and rushing around is what most of us do, under time pressure from the minute we wake up until we finally sleep (or can't sleep!). Rushing keeps the nervous system in a state of fight/flight and will have you racing around your day flooded with stress chemicals such as adrenalin and its chronic stress cousin, cortisol. Over time, high cortisol depletes our natural good mood chemicals (especially serotonin), leaving us miserable or exhausted or both. Slow down today. Slow down in your mind as well as your body. Whatever gets done or not done is ok. And as I've said before, you're probably not doing brain surgery so slow it down, chill out and stop racing about like your life depended on it. Choose to wander instead. And remember to notice a few pretty things as you go.
Fun check!
Are you having enough fun?? Could you use a little extra? Write down three things that are genuinely fun for you and also note down when you will do them next and for how long. Sometimes life gets in the way and we need to actually plan the time for fun. Do it now and enjoy the anticipation!
Draw the line in the sand:
The line in the sand is a real thing, a metaphor or story that can talk to the subconscious mind in a way that reminds you exactly when and where it is that the line needs to be drawn for you, in your life right now, so begin reading this in a more fluid way, flowing with my words, more relaxed, slowing your eyes now, as I talk to you, and you can just listen, and allow that part of your inner mind to come wide awake, letting your imagination drift towards that sense of the line in the sand, the important place where you get a certain uncomfortable feeling, you know you need to draw the line, you need to say "no more" and that's it, then you've drawn the line and from now on, you'll stay firmly on your side of the line, always in integrity with yourself and what you value, knowing what you know to be true, no matter what anyone else might think or say, simply choosing to know your truth and stay on that side, feeling very good, very congruent and you know, and I know too, that you can see much more clearly now, know when the boundary needs to be set, and take action as soon as you get that feeling of needing to draw that line in the sand. Be ready.
Remember how to manage awful thoughts??
Most people can manage their thoughts when feeling good, but struggle to remember how to approach this when they feel low or worried or panicked. Firstly, identify what you are thinking about. Write it down. Merely thinking it is too vague and less helpful. Write down the situation and what you're saying to yourself about it. This is called "the narrative" because it isn't the actual truth, it's a story you are telling yourself and it might need to be challenged a little so you can feel differently. The next step is to notice the feeling. Call it something, such as "miserable" or "lonely", "aggravated" or "overwhelmed" or whatever it happens to be. It's best not to use depression or anxiety as labels, as these are umbrella terms describing patterns rather than actual emotions. We name the emotion without judging it as good/bad/warranted or unwarranted because we know from brain research that the process of recognizing and labeling the feeling somehow helps the brain calm down. Now identify which cognitive distortions you were using in the way you were thinking about your situation. Were you personalizing something? Catastrophizing? Focusing on negatives? Predicting an unknown future?? Mind reading? Learn more about cognitive distortions if you need to. Now. Choose better thoughts, neutral, calm non-judging thoughts such as "it will pass", "I can handle this", "it's ok", "I'm just going to focus on one tiny step" or something else calming. You will notice that the feelings drop a bit in intensity once we've identified the distortions and chosen better thoughts. This very important and underrated skill can boost your energy and optimism quite quickly. Use often!
How to best help others:
Everyone has stuff going on. It might be in our own mind, or nasty events, illness, scary unknowns or difficulties with people close to us. Many people look like they are doing fine and don't need any help, and maybe they think they really don't need help. But support is one of the most important things in life. There are many kinds of help and support and we can offer it in the way that best suits our own personal gifts. Some people are natural practical helpers, offering meals, car rides and physical or domestic assistance. Others are more emotional helpers, providing a listening ear, problem solving and empathy. Another type is more likely to help in a spiritual way, offering prayers or mediation, other intuitive guidance or special connection. Another subset help via distraction, humor and getting away from the stress situation with other activities. Creative types may offer artwork, music, craft or some other symbolic expression of their love. If you want to help, think of your own
Back to simple:
This is your reminder to keep things in perspective. Slow down, take a breath and notice the good. Then take another breath. The only thing that is true right now is you slowing down and taking a breath. Your nervous system will thank you for this. Just breathe.
"No" could be the word of health.
The word YES is great for us, it's about receiving, and openness and allowing certain people or events or choices into our lives. In my work with people in difficulty however, one pattern I continually notice is difficultly with the "NO". Saying NO to unhealthy situations, people or behaviors, saying NO to ourselves when we are doing something we know will lead to feeling worse, saying NO to people who are intrusive or violating our boundaries in some way, saying NO to doing too much or going beyond our physical limits. In fact I would suggest that NO, used in the right circumstances, begins the pathway to health. It doesn't always mean literally saying NO out loud when the behavior involves others, but rather demonstrating through your actions that you will not accommodate this. Choose one thing, behavior or situation that you will say NO to from now on. Make that commitment to follow through with the NO and work out what you will say and do, both to yourself and others. No is a word of strength. Use it wisely.
Assert a little more:
Being able to calmly and kindly assert yourself is something most of us want to improve. It's a matter of boundaries, knowing what is reasonable behavior, both in yourself and others, being able to stay on your side of the line by knowing what is your stuff and what is their stuff, as well as making sure others stay on their side of the line, so as you think about this line you are now going to draw, I want you to slow your eyes down, reading slowly to let my words enter the part of your mind that decided a long long time ago where the line was, or wasn't, or maybe didn't even know, never really knew, but it's time to know, and you can know many things, and remember when you first began to draw lines, when you were very young, perhaps beginning to write your own name, and it was so tricky to draw that figure in the right way, in the right place, but over time, with practice, with determination, you began to be more solid, more secure, more confident and able to put those lines in exactly the right place at the right time, and you got the right result and you were very pleased with yourself, you kept going and were able to draw many more lines over time, in exactly the right way, and it becomes easier and easier once you know, once you practice, giving yourself that determination and that time to learn, and your subconscious mind knows exactly how to apply this lesson for you, here, now, so take that away with you and say and do what needs to be done today. Go.
What do you need to cut out of your life?
Sometimes we tell ourselves we need to "cut back" on certain things. Sometimes we may need a moderate approach in order to have balance. And, there are things (which could include people, habits, substances or certain thinking patterns like guilt) that we need to cut out completely, and we've just been kidding ourselves about "cutting back". The word cut has a finality to it. If you've been trying to make a change somewhere and going back and forth in success, then there are probably thought patterns or mental excuses or behaviors that you need to cut out permanently. This starts with a decision. It requires on-going determination and a specific and well-thought-out plan. It also requires vigilance, accountability, follow-up and often external support. It means cutting out complaining and self-pity or self-indulgence. But it's up to you to decide. Whether you ready or not is irrelevant. We are never truly "ready". The questions is this: are you WILLING to make the cut and do what it takes.
When your achievements aren't acknowledged:
Life seems to run in themes, and one of the themes I've noticed lately when people are talking to me is their feeling of having down something or achieved a milestone, telling close friends or family about it and then not getting much back. It's probably true to say there are many people who are not skilled at complimenting or acknowledging others. Rather than saying "that's so great, well done", some choose to return the topic to themselves, give advice, point out that more could be done or make some other unsupportive comment. The lack of ability to acknowledge success of others is a bit like the people who lack the ability to sincerely and fully apologize. Interestingly these two traits often go together. People who have family members (especially parents or close siblings) with these two skill deficits often feel quite upset and hurt when it occurs. Again, we must remember that this behavior says more about that person's personality or thinking process than it does about us or our achievement. As much as it can feel hurtful, it's not about us. It's about their inability. And if we know somebody has that pattern, then it becomes about our realistic expectations of them. Internal self acknowledgement is the most important thing anyway. Do some of that today.
True confidence:
Real confidence isn't about feeling better than or superior to others. It's not about feeling arrogant or entitled or saying "I deserve" this or that. True confidence is about feeling equal to others, that everybody, most of all yourself is worthy of your own acceptance and respect. It means that you can trust your own view of the world without constantly doubting yourself or going to others for validation and approval. Confidence means "I'm ok. And you're ok. Even if we think or act or perform differently". Confidence is not going into the "one down" or lesser position just to make others feel comfortable. This is a particular issue for women. Strong and confident women are often labeled intimidating or worse still "bossy" (which many see as a sexist term as it is generally not used with boys or men who show leadership skills) and can be viewed with suspicion or put down by others. Confidence means being self aware and checking your behavior, being accountable if you acted in ways that go against your values, while also remaining accepting of yourself as a person. Vow to act with full respect towards yourself from now on. You're ok. In fact, you're great. Remember that today.
Judgement-free day:
Today is a day that we can be more conscious of the judgements and labels that we constantly apply to people and events. It's natural for the human mind to offer up these labels and judgements, but are they helpful? Do they feel good? Do they create aggravation or inner conflict? Do they create a one-up and one-down situation? Are they mostly black and white? Decide today just to let people and events BE as they are, without applying principles of good or bad to them. They just are. We can say to ourselves "I don't know, I refuse to judge this". Let's live and let live today without judging, and notice the positive effects on mood and energy.
Anti-procrastination:
Most of us have times where we put something off, usually something we don't really feel like doing, and as we put if off, we think we feel better but you know, and I know too that the thing we need to do sits at the back of the mind, weighing heavily as we try to ignore the discomfort, so listen now, slowing down here, even more slowly, that's right, as I speak to you, my words directly aimed at your subconscious mind, and you can listen easily, allowing my words to glide slowly into that part of you that truly wants to take action NOW, the part that knows just how much better you will feel when you say to yourself DO IT NOW, and then without thinking, doubting or questioning, you can move straight to that thing, that task, that ACTION, and just DO IT, no thinking, no asking how you feel. just get it done now, FAST, enjoying the feeling of DOING IT and having it done, just knowing how good it feels to tick the thing off the list and remove the weight from your shoulders, feeling lighter, more free, more satisfied with your ability to just GET IT DONE. You can. Go on now.
Dealing with dishonesty:
Most of the people reading posts like this are straight-up people who are into personal improvement, accountability and honesty. Honesty is a funny thing. When surveyed or asked, nearly all people rate themselves as very honest. Truth is, some of them are lying to themselves. Dishonesty is usually related to self image preservation. That is, telling a story that makes the person look good. This is why most dishonesty occurs. If I tell you the truth, you may think less of me, so I have to take a risk. Most dishonest people are motivated to preserve that positive, honorable, stable or successful image of themselves that they have worked hard to project. Some of this is sometimes based on shame, the desire to hide parts of the self that people feel bad or guilty about so rather than own up to it, they hide it with dishonesty. At other times it is based on superiority, the belief that they are better than others. Dishonesty is also often related to personal gain, especially money. There is a subgroup of people willing to be less than honest in order to have more for themselves. From this we can glean three patterns in dishonest people: strong motivation to present a certain image to the world, shame about certain parts of themselves they wish to hide and lastly greed or entitlement about money or possessions. And we can't take any of that personally. If somebody is dishonest, it's about those patterns and they will do it with anyone. It's not about you.
Is low frustration tolerance an epidemic??
I notice that I've been discussing low frustration tolerance in my office a great deal recently. This idea is related to feeling uncomfortable or annoyed about something and internally demanding that it be different or avoided in some way. It's essentially an unwillingness (often incorrectly perceived by the person concerned as an "inability") to put up with unpleasant feelings or situations that might be stressful or difficult. Most people with an addiction have very low frustration tolerance and a desire to feel a particular way quickly via a substance or activity that causes them trouble over time. Frustration tolerance is one of the most important skills a child can learn. Mostly, it's about how we talk internally to ourselves about that situation. It's the difference between saying "it's not the end of the world, it's normal, I can do this/I can handle this" compared to "I can't, this sucks, it's not fair, screw this, I'm done". As you can imagine, having frustration tolerance skills helps us in school, relationships, jobs, traffic and other tricky situations, as well as helping us handle the normal internal ups and downs of emotion, such as anxiety, feeling flat, tiredness, irritation, anger etc. Let's check in on our frustration tolerance today. It's a skill we can easily increase via awareness and reminding ourselves that it's ok, it's not a catastrophe, it's normal human experience and we can handle it. We can.
Make today easy.
EASY starts in the mind with and intention and translates into your choices. Not easy as in lazy. Just easy as in do what needs to be done in a relaxed manner without excessive mental activity, hurrying or resistance. Flow with the rhythm of today, just go with it and stop with the pressure. You're not doing brain surgery (unless of course you are ACTUALLY doing brain surgery as your work!!) so keep it in perspective and cruise through your day with some enjoyment and fun. Please.
No yelling. Ever.
One thing I notice a lot in my work is the amount of yelling and crossing the line that people are prepared to do with somebody they are in a relationship with. Most would never speak that way to friends or work colleagues, yet think so show it's ok to be critical, contemptuous, defensive, stonewalling and/or use rude or abusive language with partners because "they deserve it" or "they don't listen otherwise" or "I was retaliating" or whatever. I'm an advocate for full respect communication in which we listen effectively, then we use calm assertiveness and verbalized requests for change. Many people somehow expect partners to mind-read about what they want the other person to do, and then they build a chain of resentment when it doesn't automatically happen (because the "right one" will read our minds, right??!!) then explode when the resentment gets too much, becoming blaming and accusing. Couples often need coaching regarding how to "fight", or at least how to not cross the line when discussing areas of disagreement. Many think their fighting style is ok and don't realize the negative affects on both the relationship over time and the children or others who are around. Most of us did not grow up in families where we learned these skills, in fact most of us learned the opposite. It's ok to get coaching. It might just change everything. In the meantime, let's all check our behavior. No explosions. No yelling or abuse. Deal?
Clearing the energy:
Maybe you've had some difficult things happening this week, or some unpleasant people, or even perhaps some irritated thoughts or something that leaves your energy a tad depleted. There are days when we need to activate an energy reboot, and it's really quite easy, so relax now, allowing yourself to slow right down as you read my words, letting your mind go into cruise mode, just gently scanning with your mind's eye as I talk to you, here, and you can be there, but really we can both be in the same place as you make that decision now to hit the reset button on your system, that button that clears all the history and the complications, leaving much-needed free space, and you can do whatever you like when you have free space, allow it to remain clear or perhaps to fill with positive things, uplifting thoughts, motivated feelings and whatever it is that is fun for you now, and using the power of your imagination, I want you to see the color of that reset button, and the shape, and the texture of its material, and in your mind's eye, hit reset now, you can do it more than once if you need to, clearing the system of all that needs to be cleansed and cleared now, it is, the space is free and you can go now feeling much better, more energetic and calm, doing the things you need to do. Go.
From noxious to toxic:
The key issue with people who behave in noxious or toxic ways is that they have zero awareness of this. And if made aware, they will generally dismiss it or deflect accountability somehow, perhaps even back towards the person trying to raise the issue. There are people in the world who are open to feedback, will consider it and adapt their behavior if they know they are upsetting or harming others. However, another subset of people will continue their egregious behavior even in the face of negative consequences and/or serious requests for change. This information is to remind us all that not everybody can change and not everybody is willing. Let's keep working on our own side of the fence and let those other people be as they are, it's their pattern, it's there stuff. And it's ok.
The connection between boundaries and guilt:
Sensitive people often feel more than their fair share of guilt. It's natural to feel guilty if we have truly done something that violates our own ethical standards or if we were lacking in kindness on a particular occasion. However, once the incident is duly considered, we can decide what we will do next time, apologize if necessary and then mentally move past it. The other kind of guilt comes when we haven't done anything truly wrong, but we are taking responsibility for the response (real or imagined) of another person, usually family, friend or co-worker. We think we are seeing the situation "through their eyes" accurately but in cognitive psychology this thought distortion is known as Mind Reading and Fortune Telling. Generally we don't really know what a person is thinking or feeling. In addition, nobody is responsible for creating our internal happiness except ourselves, and most of us accept that. But when it comes to other people, somehow we can feel (consciously or unconsciously) as though we are in fact responsible for their happiness. This leads to guilt and anxiety if we feel we are not doing what they might want. Having strong boundaries means we know what is our stuff and what is their stuff, and we don't let their judgments in. We can consider the judgement or opinion, but it belongs with the other person and is a reflection of them and their consciousness, not you, unless you choose to adopt the same narrative. Next time unwarranted guilt raises its head, remember to check your boundaries. There's a pretty good chance that actually, it's not your stuff.
Eating according to weather or your health goals??
When the weather changes, sometimes our food preferences change too, and we need to incorporate different ways of eating according to our health goals. When the weather is darker or colder, we often want food that feels more "rich", which is certainly possible and not that difficult. For example, if you are a meat eater, you can slow cook lamb shanks with green vegetables. Or have some kind of curry with meat, or chicken or tofu, including vegetables and maybe even cauliflower rice. If you like bolognaise sauce you can make zucchini noodles easily with a spiralizer and serve with your meat-based sauce. Thai, Indian or other Asian style curries are fabulous with some protein and veg. You can also make a great frittata using eggs, vegetables and some feta cheese. The issue isn't really finding the recipes (easily available online or in books) but in getting your head right. Stay positive and look for ways to stay within your plan rather than making excuses, getting lazy, grabbing crap takeaway or resorting to the so-called "comfort foods" which in fact make many people feel very UNCOMFORTABLE once consumed. Make an exciting food plan and make sure preparation is quick and easy. All the examples above are quick. Want to feel good? Check what you put in your stomach. It's all connected.
Beware of drama junkies:
Drama junkies love to feel upset about things and only feel truly alive when their fight/flight mechanism has been activated. This can be due to a volatile childhood which makes intensity seem normal or desirable, or a particular kind of personality that needs plenty of intensity or aggravation from outside in the world. Ideally people who need high drama will find work that provides it, and that can be quite satisfying. Even then, there are those with high drama need that will still require extra outside of work or family life. Drama junkies may create conversations that lead to discussion of stressful things, or upsetting events or anger-provoking topics. You can either join them and feed it, or agree with them quietly then detach. Notice the effects of different types of conversations on you today. Do negative or upsetting topics affect you? Energize you? Drain you? Leave you feeling neutral? Think about what you want to feel today and feed the conversations that give you the uplifting feeling you prefer.
Activating your mojo:
Mojo is the juice that powers us forward into doing the things we want to do, it makes us aware of the life force within us and helps us direct our energy into the things that matter. Sometimes the flame can start to dwindle due to life and its many demands, so let's remedy that now, here, as you slowly begin to relax your eyes as you listen to my helpful words, words that are specially prepared by me, in order to speak directly to your subconscious mind, the seat of the flame, the control room of the life force, and things can happen without you having to do very much at all, as we move calmly and slowly into that control room, exciting place, centre of activity, bright and busy, with many things going on all at once, all the time, and we can move towards the panel that controls your mojo, can go up there and begin to slide the adjustment towards HIGHER, and you can know that your mojo can now begin to lift, slowly, comfortably, so that you may not even notice that spark at first, but over the next few days, pay close attention to the fact that you will begin to look forward to things, begin to feel just a little more happiness, more excitement, more spark, more drive and focus as your mojo flame burns higher and brighter every day now. Enjoy.
Motivation? Can't be bothered? What's the point?
At certain times of the year, many of us go through dips in motivation. Maybe it's the weather, or life circumstances, immune system activity or just tiredness, but we start to get that "can't be bothered" feeling and then activities we normally enjoy (or at least endure) get pushed to the side. We can either allow the phase to take its course, or we can lift ourselves back into action using mind body methods. All that is happening is that our physical energy is just a little lower than normal and we are allowing that to dictate our mental activity. If we need to break out of a motivational slump, then we can make a written list of activities/tasks (not too many) and decide that we don't have to gain maximum enjoyment right now, the pleasure can be in the completion itself instead. Make the list, tick them off, feel pleased for doing it when you didn't really feel like it. If we wait for high motivation it may take a long time (basic recipe for procrastination by the way). Or we can just do it now and feel good just because we got it done. Do it. Tell yourself you can.
Physical vs mental anxiety:
Sometimes we create and feed anxiety through our thoughts, usually via the dreaded "what if" scenarios and their catastrophic consequences. At other times, anxiety starts with a physical feeling. For some it's tension or tightness, for others it's shakiness or nervous feelings, for many it's through the stomach, pain, nausea or discomfort. If the anxiety starts as physical, we can train ourselves not to feed it with mental components as well. We can choose to be calm about the feelings, noting their presence without freaking out. Knowing it will pass, nothing to worry about, just the body choosing to be hypervigilant for some reason. Doing something physical (as opposed to sitting thinking about the feelings) will often help. Walk, run, move, just do something that involves activity and distraction. Or, breathe and allow it to pass (which it will). A key move is to only feed or amplify pleasant and positive thoughts and feelings. Let the others pass without judgement or freak outs until you move back into the more comfortable neutral gear.
Harmonious relationships:
While the most helpful thing in any relationship is compatibility in key values and preferences, we can also improve communication about differences in order to improve the relationship. A pattern I see regularly in relationships that are not functioning well is when one or both people go into the mode of "I'm right, you're wrong". This can either be followed by, "And I'm going to tell you all about it right now" or "And I can't even be bothered telling you because you should already know". Both of these versions are very damaging, no matter what the trigger. I work with clients towards full respect communication. This means that in any relationship we are both equal. Nobody is the superior being or has the right to put the other down. And we can and should communicate our concerns or requests, but we do so in a way that is respectful, without blame or labels. For example "I felt really annoyed/hurt/ when you didn't show up on time and I'd really like you to make an effort to be there at the time we agree on in future". The other person, rather than going into defense or excuses can then say "yes you're right, I'm sorry, I'll work harder to be on time". This allows non escalation and includes no blaming, labeling or accusations. Commit to full respect communication today.
Ways to stop magnifying negative thoughts:
When worries arise, or downer type thoughts, we can dwell (which prolongs and escalates the lower mood) or we can divert quickly and neutralize. One quick way to neutralize whatever it is that comes up in your mind is to repeat "It's getting better". Whatever it is, whether it's something you're concerned about, insomnia, or pain, or fatigue, or yourself and what you've said/done/not done, either way, reminding yourself firmly over and over that "it's getting better" will take the brain on another path. Don't question yourself about whether it's "really" getting better or try to find evidence that it isn't. Just repeat the phrase. Interestingly, using this method of auto-suggestion is quite an old and established pathway to improvement if you stick to it. After training in hypnotherapy, French psychologist Emile Coue had all his clients using conscious auto-suggestion and achieved some amazing results. His clients were to repeat "day by day in every way I'm getting better and better" many times daily. You can choose the reduced version to use as needed or try the extended phrase if you prefer it. Either way, it's a great thought stopper and diversion technique. And you know what, it IS getting better.
Mind clearing:
Sometimes the mind can get all gummed up and foggy with all the thoughts and all that stuff that happens or doesn't happen, and there are times when we need a little clearing, just to be able to see straight, and we can start that now; now is always the right time, so just slow those eyes of yours, that's right, reading just a little more slowly, you're doing very well, slower still, so that my words can slowly and clearly reach your mind now, that vacuum effect, where all the stuff you don't need is simply vacuumed from the mind here, gently sucked away and then dissolved into the nothingness it came from, cleansing and clearing, emptying the space, everything neat and ordered in just the way you want it, leaving room for more good, more fun, more possibilities and ideas and sleep and whatever else you might want, but simply allowing that space to clear and expand into perfect clarity, that's right, and you can take that clarity back into your day now. Stay clear.
Go approval-free today!
How many things do we not say or not do in case it brings disapproval from others?? How many times do we worry before we bring up topics that might be difficult? Or bring them up but worry later, going over and over what was said in case it upset somebody? Our job is to be ethical and kind of course, but our job is also to live and speak our truth within those boundaries. People that don't live or voice their truth often have slower rates of healing, especially from anxiety, fatigue and depression. Where are you holding back? Resolve to go approval-free today. Self-approval is the drug of choice. Be ethical, be kind and live the truth.
Overdoing the guilt?
As an emotion, guilt has a purpose. Its job is to help us review our behavior and to make sure that in hindsight we've made choice that are aligned with our key values. Were we ethical? Were we kind? Did we do the best we could, given the circumstances and how we were feeling at the time? If the answer is yes, we did, then then we could feel ok, even if we decide to do something different for next time. But. If guilt is still flowing, then something in our thought process is distorted which is generating unpleasant emotion. Usually, unwarranted guilt is made up of several thought distortions, mind reading, fortune telling, catastrophizing and minimizing the positives. Mind reading because we are making up a story about what another person or feels. Fortune telling because we think we know what will happen next and what consequences will occur. Catastrophizing because we are making a bigger deal of it that it is. When we write down our guilty thoughts it's much easier to see the distortions and correct them. Guilt is a byproduct of empathy gone awry. Keep the empathy (kindness and ethical behavior) and lose the distortions for more pleasant results!
Gotta do it!!
Procrastinating? Not doing what you need to do? This is your signal to get it started, get on with it, get it finished. Stop thinking, start doing and don't bother with excuses, do the thing you said you were going to do, then you can chill. Go on.
On a bad run??
It's strange how bad runs seem to happen. One difficult thing happens and then a few more tricky or unpleasant things often occur around the same time. Even in families or among friendship groups, weird event clusters can occur. When we feel this happening, it's important not to catastrophize; all the events are part of normal human experience, they are not personal. We are not being targeted. Also, it's important to remind ourselves that it's temporary. It often doesn't feel temporary at the time, but it is. And afterwards we look back with less aggravation and then much later on, we forget the phase even happened, like a bad cold or flu whose details or intensity quickly fade from memory. Today could be the start of a very good phase, who knows?! Keep your mind in check, hold pleasant thoughts and be ready for good stuff to come your way.
Setting up for good days:
On some days, good feelings arrive for no good reason, that light feeling in the chest, clear head, sense of having slept well enough or at least not caring, a feeling of possibility about the day ahead that just seems to be effortless and spontaneous but slow things down now as you read this, more relaxed, slower now, breathing, you know, and I know too that good moods don't just come out of nowhere, somehow, all the gears in the body and mind are moving in the right direction, you are moving, you are active, you are making the decisions that are right for you, doing the things you know will make you feel better, alive and connected now, plugged into the source of whoever and whatever brings you joy, and we can decide right here, now, to do more of this, to actively program the mind to do more of what works, more good decisions for you, thinking the right way, positive, knowing that you CAN overcome these difficulties that can sometimes feel so powerful, but you have more power, right now, we charge your battery to the point where you know you are stronger, faster and more alive and you can move forward today knowing that it's getting better, moving well, progressing day by day. Stay on the right side of good decisions today. You will.
Are you magnifying imperfections??
One of the common thought patterns that leads to depression, stress and anxiety is the tendency to zoom in on one tiny thing that isn't right, a small portion that you're not happy with, either in a task, an event, appearance, other people, relationships or jobs, or other things in life. It's as though we look at the tiny imperfection using a microscope, so it looks huge and overwhelming, and everything else is hidden. Many people do this with certain aspects of their own appearance or personality, leading to feeling completely awful about the self based on one tiny exaggerated factor. Or maybe it's one part of yourself, a habit, personality trait or tendency and for that you criticize and crucify yourself. We humans have an ability to forget the whole picture and just zero in on the bit that makes us feel bad. Nobody knows why we do it, but it feels horrible. Most people, females in particular, would ignore the twenty compliments and remember the one bit of negative feedback. This is a great example of magnifying imperfections and leads to worry, anger, feeling bad and other unpleasantness. Go for balance. Check the big picture today and make sure you deliberately look for what is going well and what is already good.
Personalizing stuff and its effect on mood:
Traffic, other people's behavior, the events of the world, the rudeness of words, tiredness, illness and other unpleasant stuff; it's very easy to take it personally and feel bad that it's happening "to us". It can feel unfair, unjust and like we did nothing to deserve this. Interestingly, those last thoughts I just mentioned, about the unfairness of things, and how we didn't "deserve for this bad thing to happen" are the most likely to trigger a cycle of self pity, despair and depression, perhaps even resentment. We also know that people who ruminate about the unfairness of things are the most likely to have anger issues. The opposite of personalizing is to know that all the things that happen are part of the human experience, and that it's nothing to do with fairness, worthiness or deservingness. Some stuff just happens, due to a collection of precipitating factors that may have very little to do with us. De-personalizing things that happen is helpful for prevention of anxiety and depression. It's not always about you. Stuff just happens. After it's happened, we do the best we can to recover and get back to life. Resolve to take nothing personally today.
Thanks:
Today is a day to write down a list of things you feel very thankful for. Anything at all. Small things, like your cup of tea or a pleasant scene around you. Bigger things like people you care about or enjoy. Huge things like life itself, nature and the bigger picture of creativity, intelligence and renewal. If you have trouble thinking of things, just say "thanks" or "thank you", over and over. Your brain will get the message.
The trouble with anxious or negative thoughts:
The real issue with these unpleasant thoughts is that they arrive seemingly out of nowhere and then run so fast through the mind, generating new and similarly unpleasant thoughts as they go. Of course we know the strategy is to notice the thought, label it without buying into the content (eg "catastrophizing thought") and then go back to the realistic facts which are always better and less dire than we first think. In other words, we challenge the truth of our "story" and arrive at a more factual conclusion then we feel a little better. Again though, the issue is the speed of the thoughts. If you think you can successfully achieve thought changing by using your mind alone, you would be one of the few people in the world. None of us can, they go too fast. The only way to start retraining the mind is to do what most people can't be bothered doing, and that is to write down the negative thoughts and stories that pass through. All the time. Then, identify the distortions in the thoughts (write it down) and correct the facts (yes, write that down too). You'd be amazed how effective this is, for anxiety, depression, pain, CFS, insomnia, relationship issues and loads of other life things. I might cover a few types of thought distortions if this would be helpful in identifying where things go south. In the meantime, get a notebook. Get ready to write.
Less and less anxiety:
Most people want the feeling of calm inside, that feeling that everything is ok and there's no need to worry, so it's time now to take a minute, won't take you long at all to listen to my words, as you slowly read, slowing down your eyes, and then your breathing can follow in some relaxed way, whatever way feels natural to you, easier somehow, and more pleasant, just simply allowing things to take their course, trusting that nature knows how to do things, how to help creatures breathe, in fact how to create a creature from a tiny seed and give it life, how to turn a tiny pod into a fully grown tree, how to heal when there is an injury, how to restore full function when there has been an imbalance, and how to create peace after a storm has passed. And just like the waves that vary, sometimes huge and thick, sometimes flat and easy, emotions can change very quickly, and all can be restored into calm by letting the wave pass by, or pass over you or maybe even under you, and then you can move right on with your day, knowing that all is indeed well. It is.
Neutral Thought Training:
If we experience anxiety, depression or fatigue, managing our thought process is a crucial part of recovery. Negative and/or scary thoughts or feelings are naturally going to arise and we need to know what to do with these. Typical thoughts are catastrophising, freaking out with what ifs, focusing on only the negatives, personalizing it and projecting the bad stuff into the future. Once you label it in your mind "anxious thought/feeling" we need a neutral thought to go straight towards. Here are a few suggestions for a repetitive homing thought during anxiety:
- Repeat over and over "Thank you"
- Repeat name of beloved pet or person.
- Say "Just breathe" repeatedly
-Count forwards to ten or backwards repeatedly. With each breath if you prefer.
- Notice and label all the green you can see.
- "Peace". Say it and breathe.
- Focus on love. Who do you love? Who loves you?
- Alphabet- choose a theme (eg beach, TV shows, sport, bands etc) go through and choose one that starts with each letter.
So you get the idea. Label the anxiety thought then move straight to the homing thought. As many times as it takes. The brain gets the diversion message eventually!
Anxiety mind triggers:
Anxiety usually starts with a feeling, and that's the thing we focus on. But when we trace it back, there's often been a series of thoughts or worries, sometimes conscious and at other times operating below conscious awareness. Once we are aware of the anxiety sensation, many of us then go into an anxious thought spiral, often based on catastrophising, future fantasies and self criticism. For example, worrying about something that has happened or is about to happen, thinking of the unpleasant ways it might go, thinking how it always happens and will lead to more bad things and then getting mad at yourself for thinking like this, but being unable to stop it. Sound familiar?! When an anxious thought it feeling arises, call it. Label it "ah, there's an anxious thought". Don't figure out what or why. Just notice, label, then move on to a chosen neutral thought. Do this twenty times if you have to. The neutral thought is something you may want to have organized in advance. More on this aspect tomorrow. In the meantime, practice labeling the thoughts without buying in or adding to them. Don't build a fire. Our aim is to extinguish, not fuel the flames.
The New Day:
Every day is a new day. Every day is a chance to change. Every day is a chance to start something or to start again if you want to. Every day we should be ready for good things to happen. Every day is new and can be completely different from other days if we actually look for the differences, or of course it can feel exactly the same as most other days if we look for that sameness. We control most of our day by our thoughts and reactions. Some things that happen will be beyond our control, especially the aspects that involve other people. But we can take charge of our boundaries, our thoughts, and how we choose to respond. How we respond determines how we feel. We can either feed a negative spiral or circumvent it by detaching and deliberately going in another thought direction. Choose the new day with the new thought today. Your mantra today is "it's a new day!".
Make it a GOOD Friday!
Make GOOD choices. Focus on what makes you feel GOOD over the long term. Think GOOD thoughts. Do something GOOD for somebody! Think of all the GOOD things and people in your life. Reflect on how things can turn out to be for the greater GOOD even though it may not seem so at first. Use the word "GOOD" as often as you can. Make it a GOOD one for you and those around you today!
Sticking to habits:
Changing habits isn't easy and often takes a bit of time and some coaching. Many people WANT to change what they do, whether it's food habits, sleep time, alcohol or substance use, exercise, relationship patterns or other things. But wanting isn't enough. If we stick with the "want to" phase, we will go well when we feel good, when we naturally feel motivated. But that won't be all the time. We get stressed, we get tired, we become overwhelmed or lose our mojo or are around other people that don't support the change and then suddenly, it isn't so important, it can wait, it's already ruined, what's the point, might as well start next week, isn't the right time now. This pattern is common and people usually self-justify it at first, then go into guilt mode later. The solution is in the decision making process. When the choice moment comes, go beyond "want to" or desire. Go long term. What is the outcome you ultimately want? What is the important value here? What is the most intelligent thing to do, given the outcome you want? Challenge the self-indulgent or self-pity or lazy thoughts that arise and focus on what matters to you. Then make your choice according to those guiding principles. If you live according to your own key values, you have integrity. If you lie to yourself and cheat yourself out of what you know is important to you, you won't feel good. Make the right decisions for yourself today!
Stubborn attitudes and beliefs:
Stubbornness is a mixed bag. It can be a part of determination, as in stubbornly refusing to accept defeat, or stubbornly persisting in the face of opposition or difficulty. The flip side of stubbornness is the inability to remain open, listen or take in new information. The other more worrying part of stubbornness is a refusal to admit when we are wrong, or to say sorry and show remorse. Many people have a defensive streak and will deny any possible wrong-doing. While this may protect the ego, it does not protect the relationship with the other person involved. Check internal stubbornness. Ask, is this a time to be "right" or is this a time to be flexible? There are times for both, of course, but stubbornness causes more problems in relationships than many other personality traits. Ask what is more important: the ego and its need to be right? Or the feelings of both parties in the relationship. Let's do our part to lessen the unnecessary stubborn aspects in our world.
Anxiety, concentration and blood sugar:
So many people who have nervous system issues do not manage their blood sugar effectively. There is a direct connection between anxiety and unstable blood sugar. Skipping meals (especially breakfast) will mean that your blood sugar will drop and your adrenalin levels will skyrocket. High adrenalin means more anxiety and/or agitation. In addition, your brain won't be adequately fueled, which affects concentration, memory and clear thinking. We are also more likely to overreact (leading to increased anxiety) when not adequately fueled. For the optimal mood state, calm nerves and focused mind, we need a balance of protein (palm-sized), low GI carbs (ideally vegetables) and good fats (just a bit) at least three times a day. Some people need five or six smaller meals, others are better with three. Yes there is a current buzz about intermittent fasting (eating dinner early then not eating at all until late morning/lunch the next day) but this works for some, not all. Those with less stable blood sugar may find it disturbs their sleep, energy and mood. The key is to find what works best for you. But remember, if you want good feelings, choose the right fuel.
Beware fear tactics:
Fear tactics are designed to scare you and make you believe that a perceived threat against you is real. It may come from within your own mind, perhaps your own inner catastrophizing. Or other people, including friends or family may "warn you" or trigger thoughts of anticipated harm or rejection. The media is full of fear messages, possible harm, multiple dangers, talk of "epidemics" and other threats to your safety and health. Remember your grounding thoughts: you are safe. All is well. Do not be caught in the illusion of fear. Most people's brains will automatically overreact to the fear message in order to protect the self. It's up to us to put up the stop sign, re-establish perspective and proceed with relaxed awareness. Anything we need to know or do will become apparent. Until then, our job is to remain calm. Enjoy the calm today.
A short reminder for your inner critic:
Slow down now as you read these words, as I speak to the inner part of your mind, the control room that manages all change processes, because you know, and I know too, that your inner critic has been too active lately, judging yourself, perhaps maybe even judging others at times, comparing, contrasting and being a little to harsh on yourself, and you know that it's time to turn down the volume on that voice now, fade out that voice, let it blend into the white noise of background life, no longer necessary, we thank it for its input, but it has now been superseded by a much more balanced and positive voice that searches for and comments on the ok, the good, and the better than good. Listen for THAT voice today. It will be much louder. That voice says all is well.
Your quick reminder:
Your reminder today is that it is not personal. Whatever it is that is bothering you, it's not personal. It's just the way things are, not about you, not your stuff, it's just the human condition. Some humans operate differently from others and that's ok. It's not about you. Remember.
Your next short reminder:
This reminder is about activating your boundaries. We have two sets of boundaries, one for outgoing, which appropriately contains our own words, emotions and behavior as well as one for incoming, which protects us from the inappropriate words, expectations or behavior of others. Check yours today and activate them with emotional intelligence.
Short reminder time:
Today your personal reminder is to make choices that are best for your body. Great choices in food, water, activity, relaxation and rest will power up your body and boost your mood. Think long term and think best choice.
A week of short reminders:
Today is your reminder to take a breath. Whatever that means for you, physical, emotional, activity level, relationship or other issue. Remember to take a deep breath.
Tapping into connection:
Sometimes it can be easy to allow feelings of disconnection or isolation to float around in the mind, feelings about people or relationships, wishing they were other than what they are, and as you know, and I know too, whatever we focus on will expand, so watch my words here now, slowly, letting your eyes relax into an easy glide, dissolving all tension as you read now what I'm saying to you, slowly and comfortably, as my mind connects with yours, synchronizing as I pass these helpful words to your inner mind, the subconscious mind, where all change takes place now, connecting to all positive points like a strong electrical circuit, you know which energies you want to align with, and it doesn't really matter whether they are nearby or not, or even whether or not they are still moving in your human scene, using the power of your mind, you connect now with the love, the essence, with the bond you know is always there and you can feel it now and always, just by tuning in, always with you, always connected, always available through the circuitry as long as you tap in and so you tap in now and you can notice the positive charges begin to flow within your circuit. Stay tuned today.
Your personal reminder:
This is your reminder to look after your personal wellbeing today. You know what this means for you. We all have a priority for self-care; for some it is the correct nutrition and no excuses. For others it is staying away from toxic substances no matter what the triggers are. For others it is remembering to stop, breathe and relax. Some need to remember to walk, or move or boost activity. Or do some fun things, hang out with fun people or avoid certain other people/activities. Others need to meditate and take time out of mind. Do what you need to do for yourself today please.
Not feeling good?? Work backwards:
When you're not feeling good in yourself, it's generally something that has developed over time. For most people, mood is a slow build and if going in a negative direction, can be easily triggered into a depressive or anxious mode of thinking. Mood builds according to two major areas: physiological processes and emotional/cognitive focus. Physiological factors include what you eat, what you don't eat, what you drink, substances consumed, blood sugar patterns, hormones, brain chemistry patterns, energy/exhaustion, nervous system activity and sleep or rest cycles, among other things. These areas have huge affects on depression and anxiety triggers as they set the scene for how your body/mind will respond. Similarly, thinking patterns and emotional focus have a massive influence on mood build up. Catastrophizing, continual worry, only seeing the negatives, putting yourself or others down in your mind, angry thoughts, "what's the point" thoughts, judgmental thinking etc will deplete your good mood chemicals and lead you into the viral spiral. Moods have patterns. If you want to feel good, think physiology and think focus. Even if you don't feel great, attending to these areas will give some relief and a sense of direction.
The catastrophizing brain:
Some brains freak out, and when in the grip of anxiety, start throwing out terrible worst case scenarios about people, the future and things in general. It could be that you are catastrophizing about your relationship, your children, your finances or even the future of the world. Catastrophizing thoughts aren't rational or helpful, but they feel "true" when in the grip of an anxiety flood. Later on, when you feel better, you can look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking, but they certainly feel realistic when they kick in. The trick is to recognize that it's just anxious catastrophizing as it happens (not easy but can be achieved if consciously worked on) and to label it as just an anxious thought rather than buying into its content. Continue to label it as "anxious thought" and take your brain somewhere else with action that is distracting and positive. If we continually disregard the catastrophizing content, it will fade away more quickly over time, and arise less. Keep your thoughts real today!
Things that go right:
The human brain may have evolved with a tendency to track for problems in order to survive. This is especially true for those of us with "hyper vigilant" systems that constantly scan and check and have trouble relaxing or shutting off. We can settle the hyper vigilance via calming activities or interventions (including relaxation methods and key nutritional supplements) and we can also teach our brain to scan for something that WE choose rather than an autopilot choice. For example if you ask your brain to scan for all the blue that you can see around you, you will find the blue. In a similar way, you can ask your brain to scan for all the things that go "right" or well for you today. Our brains are so used to scanning for possible danger or discomfort but we can employ this same process more consciously just by being aware and making a clear choice. Scan for friendliness, things going smoothly, areas of bodily comfort, pleasant scenery, colors you enjoy, animals, smiling people, nature sounds and anything else that pleases you. Let your brain use its evolutionary mechanism for your enjoyment today!
Time to focus:
The thing you need to do, it's time to remind your mind to get in line, to move towards the action you need to take, so watch my words carefully as I speak now to your inner mind, slowly, with the friendly and gentle nudge towards what you and I both know you can do, can easily do, can make it happen really quite smoothly, in a relaxed way, releasing any tension now, letting your inner mind focus like a laser beam right on that thing you need to do, in your mind's eye moving now towards your target and remembering the positive feelings you can now have in advance, with more good stuff to come!
That thing you're upset about:
Think about the thing that might be bothering you right now. I'm assuming you've probably analyzed the problem side of the issue enough. Now it's time to focus on the elements that will move things forward. I want you to ask yourself three questions about this:
1. In relation to this situation, how do you want to feel?
2. What story are you telling yourself about this situation and where do you need to challenge fact vs interpretation?
3. Given your emotional goal and the facts, what small step would be the best one to take and when will you do this?
When we have a problem we need to examine the human feelings that come with it. And then, if we don't want to remain stuck in the problem state, we need to move towards solution focus using questions such as those I've stated above! So what are you going to do now??
Kindness check:
We know that most people are more kind and patient with people at work compared to people they live with. Are you using up your kind, patient energy during the day and then bringing impatience home with you? Is there somebody with whom you'd like to feel more kindly, or to act with more kindness? Kindness is a state of mind in which we accept the person for who they are whether we approve of their actions or not, and we feel a generosity of spirit towards them. Generosity of spirit means we assume the best, we feel open and we transmit positive energy. Where do you need to work on generosity of spirit? On the roads? At home? With certain friends or co-workers? While watching TV? Or just in general? Kindness plus appropriate boundaries (ie do not let in what should not be let in) seems to be a recipe for wisdom. And as I've said many times before, kindness should be one of the top criteria for choosing partners when dating. It's a strong predictor of success in all relationships, again paired with appropriate boundaries. Consider one key relationship today and check in with the kindness/boundary balance.
Sticking with changes you make:
Most people only make changes when their level of emotional pain reaches an intolerable level and life feels out of control. This applies to changes such as eating, exercise, substance use, drinking, anger management, addictions and relationship patterns. Often, something has gone wrong, or there is some unpleasant catalyst for the change of behavior or habit. Changing things and getting it under control feels great. At first. At first, there is a kind of high, a relief, a feeling of euphoria about finally getting started, about feeling better, about making progress. Then, over a few weeks, the change begins to feel "normal" and less exciting. Old thoughts begin to appear, old urges are triggered, it becomes "boring" or maybe just less compelling, less important somehow. Excuses kick in, permission to go back to the old way is self-granted. This is where the true work begins, in terms of the maintenance of change. Some call it self regulation, the ability to keep yourself on track doing the things that you know are right for you. It won't happen by itself, you have to help it. Put up reminders about why you are doing it, read or listen to relevant experts/authors on the topic, seek coaching which provides an accountability process, set up talks with a friend or group making similar changes. Do something. Keep the momentum. YOU need to trigger the momentum.
People and pain:
It's hard to watch people in pain. Sometimes we can see it, sometimes it's well-hidden. Pain increases stress hormones, and as a result, lowers serotonin, the good mood chemical. It's really hard to project a good mood when you're in pain, and some people just can't. For many, pain can lead to withdrawal, grumpiness, moodiness and irritability, especially if the pain has become chronic. Pain can also generate a lot of anxiety, as people worry about doing what they need to do, and how long this will go on, and what it might mean. Many people, such as those with fibromyalgia, CFS or other chronic pain conditions, feel like this every day. Nobody can see the pain they feel. And when they try to tell people, most don't really understand or empathize with just how debilitating chronic pain is, especially pain with no "obvious" cause. People understand a "back injury" or a broken arm, but chronic pain conditions are invisible and therefore remain largely unacknowledged. This of course only adds to the pain and mood effects of those particular conditions. Many people are in silent, secret pain, both physical and emotional, and it could be affecting the behavior of those around you without you knowing. Be aware today just in case.
Allowing inner peace:
Amongst all the turmoil out there, we can still access a feeling or thought or word of inner peace, here, now, reading my words, slowing down, beginning just to let your eyes glide much more, easily, slow down, breathing slower, tension releasing, simply dissolving all that stuff that you used to hold on to, now just really letting go and allowing your inner mind to remind you of what you already know, and you do know peace, deep, inner peace that is only found by looking through in the minds eye at what is really true and real, all is well and you can remember this feeling now, remembering a time, perhaps long ago, when you felt very very relaxed, nothing bothers you now, all things working together for your good, just simply allowing things to be as they are while you bask in the mellowness of inner peace today. You can.
Remember your mission today.
Only you know what your mission is. Your mission is the thing that gets you out of bed, that gives you purpose and satisfaction. It may have nothing to do with any paid or unpaid work that you do, and it might be something others don't understand. But it's YOUR mission, you have accepted it and now you must let it propel you through your day. We know when we are on mission. We feel purposeful and focused even though it may also be tiring or stressful. Sometimes one mission finishes and you know it's time to wait for the next mission to reveal itself, which it will, in good time. Be honest with yourself about whether your mission still propels you forward or whether you are ready for your next assignment. And be prepared to be patient. Not all is revealed in the timeline we prefer but it works out right in the long run. Tune into your inner compass today and move forward in the direction of your true mission.
Working on your optimism game:
When stuff happens, we need ways of redirecting the negative thoughts so that we don't end up in a spiral. When the problem thought of feeling arises, ask yourself a series of optimism-boosting questions to change the flow of your narrative. Let's say you wake up with overwhelming fatigue or pain, you feel pretty awful, and have a few thoughts arising about how bad you feel and how hard the day is going to be. So you could redirect by asking yourself:
- Given how I feel, what's my goal today? What can I focus on?
- What tiny thing could I do that might help me feel better or minimize the effects of how I feel?
- Who can I speak to or see that would help me feel better?
- What do I need to do for myself so that I feel ok about feeling this way?
- What do I need to do to stay calm about this temporary situation?
- What small steps can I take now?
Asking questions changes thought content and prevents the viral spiral into depressive thought. Use them often!
Remember your mission today.
Only you know what your mission is. Your mission is the thing that gets you out of bed, that gives you purpose and satisfaction. It may have nothing to do with any paid or unpaid work that you do, and it might be something others don't understand. But it's YOUR mission, you have accepted it and now you must let it propel you through your day. We know when we are on mission. We feel purposeful and focused even though it may also be tiring or stressful. Sometimes one mission finishes and you know it's time to wait for the next mission to reveal itself, which it will, in good time. Be honest with yourself about whether your mission still propels you forward or whether you are ready for your next assignment. And be prepared to be patient. Not all is revealed in the timeline we prefer but it works out right in the long run. Tune into your inner compass today and move forward in the direction of your true mission.
Good feelings now:
Most of us want more positive feelings coursing through our veins, easing the nervous system and promoting pleasant thoughts so just read my words slowly now, relaxing the eyes so that they can in turn relax the mind, and soothe the body, your body and your mind remember many good feelings, past, moving into the present just by the feeling of their memory, letting your inner mind remember now, maybe something from when you were very much younger, a happy time, a fun time, running freely on a beach or somewhere else completely, in your own world doing something, just not thinking, being IN the fun, your mind and body at one, free, just being in that moment where your mind forgot to think and only remembered to BE, and you can be, today, in this moment, quite free, right now, just free of care, being willing to feel good, willing to feel a little bit better, willing to take a holiday from cares or concerns in the inner mind, just letting the pleasant feelings flow naturally. They will.
So you want to eat better and be more healthy?
Improving our nutrition, exercise and substance choices is a simple way to boost mood and energy quickly. The only barrier is in the mind. For some people, the mind will throw up all sorts of reasons why: "it's hard, it's difficult, it can't happen now, it's self-deprivation, it's not the right time, other people don't have to do it, why should it be so hard for me, it's my hormones, it's not fair, it's too much, I can't be bothered, I'm overwhelmed, there's too much conflicting information, I've got too much on anyway, I'm going out so I can't do it, and it's always been a problem for me". I hear these patterns in my clinic most days. That narrative is a justification for staying as is. Truthfully, any change takes a DECISION, which means that other options are cut off and a single path is CHOSEN. It's a CHOICE. We need to make that choice consistently, using SELF DISCIPLINE. We expect children to employ self discipline (ie doing things they may not want to do, for their own good) but somehow some of us expect adulthood to be fully free with regard to how we treat out bodies. We have a CHOICE. We can go with urges, impulses and desires, or we can CHOOSE to do the best thing for our precious body and mind. And it is precious. Treat your bodymind with respect today and CHOOSE well.
A little bit of self-appreciation:
None of us want to be arrogant or entitled, or to project an attitude of superiority. People with these traits have a tough time in life, and often can't understand why they offend so many people and burn relationships. On the other hand, most genuinely great people don't realize how great they are, and may even tend towards feeling inferior in some way. It's important to be able to appreciate our own strengths, the unique or interesting combination of traits that we bring to the world. Nobody else does it just like you! And who are you to judge yourself harshly? It's like a piece of art, it just takes the right eye or the right perspective to see the beauty and complexity in something that may appear simple. Or the perfect simplicity in something that may appear complex. If you choose, you can decide that you were made perfectly, and that you present a unique and pretty cool package to the world. Notice the things you do, feel and say that you enjoy, as they happen. Begin to self-appreciate a little more as you go through your day today!
Tiredness and adrenal recharge:
Sometimes after being particularly energetic during a busy or stressful time, we hit an adrenal crash. This feels like a phase of tiredness in that we feel unmotivated, not able to think clearly and have thoughts about just staying in bed or lying on the couch indefinitely. When the adrenal glands have been forced to pump out energy for an extended or intense period, they need rest and recovery time and only your body can decide how long that takes. If we try and force it we often end up feeling worse. Many of us become worried or anxious during tired phases as we are "busy" and have "so much to do", and "how long will this last?" But the busy-ness probably got us here in the first place, and those tired phases are an invitation to look at how you could do things a bit differently. Where do you need to relax more? Is it more mind relaxation or body relaxation? What could you do more of? And less of? Is there anything you have been overdoing or avoiding doing? Listen to the body, it knows much more than the mind, and is not subject to the "shoulds" that we do in our head. Tired phases pass more effectively when we listen to what the bodymind wants, and follow through. Listen today.
Blank mind and Fog mind:
There are days when we can't think. Days when we don't seem to be able to talk properly. Days when we walk into a room and forget why we came. Days when we can't remember names, events or other things from the recent past or long term stuff that we "know we know". People blame all kinds of things for these brain blanks; age, tiredness, hormones, illness, medication and premature cognitive decline! But these foggy days happen to everyone. They pass more quickly if we just know that it's a temporary fog/blank and pay no attention to it at all. The brain is clever. If you fear something, it will show you more and more examples to increase your vigilance. So if you want sharpness, search for it. Notice the times you feel really on the ball, the times when information or language just flows effortlessly. Happens all the time. Notice this today!
Getting over stuff:
Sometimes things happen, things that get stuck in the inner mind, and it's hard to shake them, can be hard to integrate and move forward, so with your eyes slowly gliding over my words, so I can talk to you, here, your subconscious mind knows to listen carefully to my helpful instructions, relaxing the mind, letting all tension dissolve from the face, the neck, the shoulders, softer now, allowing a little inner peace to slowly make its way around your system via my words to you, reassuring your inner mind, all is well, everything is in perfect order, your subconscious mind can begin to settle, less analyzing, less worrying and negativity now, just simply being, allowing everything to settle in its new place, happier, more confident, knowing what matters and forgetting now about what doesn't matter anymore, because there is really no need to remember, dissolving what no longer serves you now, focusing on the good from now on, now is the time and here is the place and you're more than ok.
Inner peace for today!
We can't control the level of peace around us, but we can contribute by working on our own level of inner peace. Inner peace comes by accepting what is, whatever that is. Just say "It is". And feel the deep breath that comes when we agree that "it is". We don't have to label it good or bad, right or wrong, or judge it in any way. We can just breathe in and say "it is". We can increase inner harmony via this choice of acceptance, breathing into what is, and letting go the tension or resistance. We don't solve any problems from a state of fury, frustration or annoyance. Return to inner peace, then let the mind direct you in ways you may not have expected.
Negative thoughts arising!
Every single person, even the most happy or optimistic among us, are subject to negative thoughts. They could be about ourselves, the world, other people or events and they arise from nowhere in particular. Some researchers have suggested that the "negative bias" of the brain may be protective, helping us to predict, identify and deal with potential threats or problems. While this is possible, many of our negative thoughts are pointless and just make us feel bad for no good reason. The difference is in the amount of attention we pay to the thoughts. Optimistic people are aware of their negative thoughts, but find ways of diverting and reframing. On the other hand, those with less optimism often buy into the thought as if it was true, finding further evidence and generally forging mentally down the black hole. When a negative thought arises, cancel it. Say "I cancel that thought" or "I delete that thought". Cancel or delete, whichever word is stronger for you. Then actively choose a new thought. If your negative thought is about an event or situation, cancel or delete it, then choose "it will be ok, I can handle this" or something else that takes your brain pathway in a different direction. Don't run with negativity! Calmly cancel or delete, then move to possibility today.
Not good enough??
When it comes to ourselves, many of us judge so harshly, we should be better, we should be faster, quicker, more calm and less stressed, doing more of one thing and less of another, or just different in some undefined way. And yet, we are as we are, perhaps we don't need to change so much, perhaps we are already good enough! Yes we can have intentions, goals, areas of progress, and we can also be good enough already. Try it out today, when the critical voice kicks in, say to it "it's ok, I'm actually good enough". And you are.
The mantra of EASY.
The word for today is EASY. Decide now that everything that you need to do can be easy, your body can feel easy, all interactions can be easy and pleasant. Whenever you come across a challenge, you can say "This is easy". EASY is a word with semantic density, and has a positive effect on the mind and nervous system. Easy isn't about the outcome, it's about the process, the attitude and physiology you choose to enter the day with. Be easy today.
Are you listening?
Your bodymind is carrying a bit of stress right now, and it's time to let that stuff go, to release all the unwanted, unneeded, no longer necessary residual, just dissolving it into the nothingness it came from, so listen now, hearing my words as I slowly talk to your inner mind, and you can slowly listen as you read this, allowing your eyes to easily focus and your mind to calmly absorb, just noticing any areas in the bodymind where the color isn't quite right, the places where some excess or build up has occurred, and now, here, using the power of your mind's eye, simply allowing that stuff to be drained away, sucked out using that powerful energy vacuum we all have access to, taking it all out, dissolved and gone, leaving only clean energy, healthy cells and a strong clear nervous system, feeling much better now, cleansed, purified and ready to flow with the rhythm of your life. Go with ease today.
Goals, failure and misery!
We know that setting goals and being outcome oriented is great for achieving success in work, sport and other hobbies where we have a certain level of control. One of the key principles of goal setting is to decide what outcome you want, but ONLY focus on the part which is in your control. For example if you were starting a running program, you might have the goal of going out running three times per week for thirty minutes. That is achievable. However, if you set the goal of beating the times of other people, well, that's not within your control. Working with athletes involves focusing on improving PERSONAL BEST, rather than comparisons to what other people are doing. There's a reason for this: what any other human does is not within our control, so if our goal is focused on that, we are setting ourselves up for misery. In addition, when we set a goal or intention, we need to release ourselves from attachment to the outcome. We never truly know what's best for ourselves or others; even if we thought achieving a certain thing would be for our highest good, it may true out that some other outcome was best for all concerned. We don't know, so we release attachment and control. And we feel better.
We are responsible for the energy we bring!
It's easy to blame circumstances, other people, traffic, bad mood or other factors for allowing ourselves to bring angry, irritated, gloomy energy to our interactions with others. Of course there are times when it's difficult to hide how we feel, and times when we really need to discuss how we feel. But in the workplace or other social interactions, we all need to be aware of human sympathetic resonance. This refers to the way our energy or mood will affect the other people around us. If we are angry, negative or gloomy, there will be effects on others. Some will feel anxious, some will feel drained, others may try to compensate with extra positivity and some may feel like the air has been sucked out of the room. A small subset will be unaffected and may not even notice. If we can't get ourselves out of a negative space after a day or two, we may need to take further action. We know ourselves what promotes our optimism, whether it's talking to a trusted person, reading, music, massage, yoga, meditation, creative activities, rest or relaxation, increased exercise and self care. We must take responsibility for boosting our vibe without any self recrimination. Good vibes to you today
Frustrations and irritations!
We can feel very thwarted when things don't go the way we want them to go, leading to tension, agitated feelings and inner resistance. Frustration is really just thinking and feeling that things "should" not be the way they are, and "should" be the way we prefer. Frustration tolerance is a key skill in maintaining positive mood and avoiding depressed or angry thoughts. We learn to tolerate frustration as children by the way our parents and teachers help us manage disappointments or refusals. We learn to fight it, to tantrum it or alternatively, to self-sooth, which means to calm ourselves down and find a way to allow or accept what is happening. Even if our frustration tolerance is low (which will be exacerbated by tiredness, chronic pain, illness or overload) we can work on the self-soothing skills. Remind yourself of why it will be ok, that you can handle this, that you can move on to something else, that it's just temporary, that it's not such a big deal, that you can accept it. The quicker you can use your mind to dissolve irritation or frustration, the less your system
Distracting the anxious brain:
Anxiety feels like something we should pay attention to, a horrible alarm signal that is loud, unpleasant and signaling imminent danger. If we are genuinely in danger then it isn't anxiety, it's an appropriate fear response. Mostly though, there is no imminent threat, just a nervous system with an overactive alarm mechanism. We can re-train this mechanism with help, training it to turn down the noise. Our first step is to train the brain to pay less attention to the noise and focus on something else. By redirecting focus, we send a message to the subconscious mind that we aren't as interested, and over time the alarm will reduce in intensity. We do this via distraction mechanisms. We give the brain another job to do so that it pays less attention to the physical or cognitive anxiety symptoms. This distraction job can be anything, from something creative, to counting, to naming objects, to changing breathing, to coloring in, to repeating a mantra or key words. The trick is to CONTINUE doing the distraction method rather than do it for ten seconds and say "this doesn't work!" The method is in the discipline, and the knowledge that anxiety isn't worth paying attention to. Find your distraction task and stick with it.
Pulling the plug on any pain or stress:
Most of us store some residual stress or pain or frustration in our bodies, manifesting as tension or discomfort or perhaps just a sense of unease or tiredness, so let's tune in now, tuning in to any stored stuff, anything you need to release here, slowing down as you allow your subconscious mind to do the work for you, relaxing while your inner mind makes all the required adjustments now, focusing your attention on the color of what will be released, the shape, and the associated feeling, and through the power of your imagination, allowing your mind to know what the color will be once it's all released, and the shape of what will drain away, and now, when you're ready, using your mind's eye, simply pull the plug and let it all drain out of you, like water going down the plug hole at the end of a shower, releasing now, letting it all pass easily through, leaving you cleansed and renewed and ready to go forth into the rest of your day. It will.
Flat mood days:
Some people have very consistent moods. This may be due to levels of serotonin, testosterone and other body chemicals as well as genetic structure or hereditary factors such as the speed/intensity of our personal fight/ flight response. Based on our personal chemical mix, some of us may have moods that fluctuate more than most. Generally, people have a preference for the up moods, they feel better and bring more internal fun. Learning to allow and manage the flat moods is also important, as they could be due to tiredness, adrenal dysfunction, substance use, thinking style, stress, overload or other personal circumstances. Mostly they are also temporary. Of course, if flat mood becomes the norm, help is probably indicated. But the odd flat mood requires self care such as rest, clean fuel, space, doing things that recharge the system (whatever that is for you, we are all different), a dash of optimism and perhaps discussing the mood with a trusted friend or professional. Often discussion and acknowledgment of the mood will help it shift if given the correct relaxed attention. Tune in today and ask what your mood needs right now. Then do what it asks. It knows.
Responding to mood or negativity in others:
Sometimes we have people around us that are genuinely going through a hard time and are mood affected. When mood is low, people can sometimes react with more irritability, negative interpretations of situations and hostile attributions towards others. From our own perspective, these perceptions can seem so obviously off-base, so clearly a result of mood rather than reality, and yet the person involved may not see it that way at all. As well as responding to their worldview, we may also have a secondary reaction to their energy state. Low mood and negative perceptions can be draining to be around at times, especially when we like and/or love the person in that state. It can be hard to watch them go through that phase, knowing that perhaps we can't help or influence their situation and it can also be hard to feel the effects of their mood on our own mood. When we are connected to somebody, mood is somewhat contagious and our nervous system will respond (scientists refer to this as sympathetic resonance). Awareness is key. Know that it's their phase and work on staying in your own positive state. Focus on optimizing the good and allowing them to be as they are. It's temporary.
Forget the hype, remember the love!
Today is a day to think of love, in a loving way. Love of the present, love of the past, love for key others in your life, romantic or platonic or familial, it's all love and it's all you. Be with the love today, forget all the expectations and analysis and commercial crap and just stay with the love.
Are YOU feeling lucky?
Lucky is a state of mind, a choice, a decision about what to focus on out of myriad possibilities available to you at any moment. You can feel lucky about the past, lucky it was good, lucky it wasn't worse, lucky you survived it, lucky you are still around to tell the tale, lucky to be breathing or smiling or laughing, lucky to live where you live, lucky to know the people you know, lucky to see the sky, or the ground or the animals or birds, lucky in the present moment, knowing you will also be lucky in the future. And you can be lucky to know that luck is something you always have, as long as you know you have it. Interesting thing about the research on luck, lucky people believe they are lucky and that makes them more lucky! And what appears to be "bad luck" often turns out to be a dose of good fortune, even though it didn't look that way at first. You know you are lucky. Go into the world as a lucky person today!
Happiness booster shot:
Most people have a time in their life, perhaps a few key moments where we can remember feeling the flow of happiness, that feeling of everything being perfectly ok, tinged with a slight excitement, and maybe you'd like to feel a little more of that, so slow down your mind now by easing your body, by slowing your reading down so that you can easily glide along with my words, here, relaxing now, allowing your system to become one with these words that can remind your mind of happy, remembering that feeling now, deep in all the cells, that feeling of being ok with past, present and future all at once, that feeling of possibility, of knowing that good things are here now, and that more good things are just around the corner, happy, at any moment, at all moments, good things just waiting for you, and you can move towards them, towards happy, without even knowing, really just allowing the good to unfold in front of you, it will. Remind your mind to be open to momentary lapses of happiness today. You can.
Comparisons lead to trouble.
Most of us find it hard to stay in the now and focus on where we are and what we need to do. It's so easy to look at the lives of others and make assumptions, or even to look back at our own past and think that things used to be "better" or that we used to be "better" in some way or another. These contrasts are perceptions based on mood and may have very little truth to them anyway. In my office I often hear people idealizing the lives of others, and/or aspects of their own past, as well as where they "should" be in their lives now. Comparing your achievements, your energy, your looks or even your overall happiness to that of others will generally lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, guilt, immobilization or frustration. Decide to stay in the now and be allowing or accepting of what is. From a place of acceptance we can then move into optimization, of making the best of what is, without going into negative frames in our minds. Be here now, stop any comparisons and then optimize the aspects of life that matter to you, starting with just one thing. All tiny bits of progress will light up your brain.
Times when we feel lost:
There are phases where we feel so focused, motivated and clear, we know what we want and we know where we are going. Then, in other phases, sometimes without obvious cause, we feel lost, directionless, unsure of our place and uncertain of the direction in which to move. It's like the system goes into a neutral gear, waiting and idling. For some people this is seen as a natural part of life (which it really is) and for others it is distressing, especially if it goes on longer than the person is willing to allow. There are many ways to get out of a slump, depending on personality as well as casual factors. Of course it is also quite fine just to wait it out. Or you could try:
- writing down things you have enjoyed most
- writing down what really matters to you
- working out the one thing you could focus on or one key goal
- talking to somebody you trust about the situation
- reading a relevant book or article
- doing something completely new that you wouldn't normally do
- fixing the basics, sleep routine, food, exercise
-meditation
Action creates momentum so start anywhere you like.
Chronological Age? Quite meaningless.
Everywhere we look there are references to age and what it means for health, ability and looks, especially for women. Consumerist agenda requires us to feel fearful and insecure so that we invest money in the youth promoting (age-defying) products they wish to market. Many people also hold strong beliefs about age and what is or is no longer "appropriate" to do, wear or be. All of this is just groupthink bullshit of course, but it's easy to trigger doubt and fear around age and where you "should be" at that "stage of life". Truthfully we all follow differed paths at different times and there is no standard and no "should". Age is arbitrary and not meaningful at all. Don't buy into numbers and don't link your achievements, confidence or beliefs to any of it.
Motivate:
To motivate means to put into action mode, to stimulate and to activate energy towards a particular direction. To feel motivated we need a why, plus the energy to move forward towards that why. Go back to the WHY. What matters to you? What is it that you want to feel, think, do, be or have? Once the correct challenge is there, the dopamine flows. Dopamine is the brain chemistry of motivation, of wanting to move towards the goal state. Now check your physiology. Are you sludgy due to lapses in nutrition, sleep or activity level? Which can you improve first? Then check your mindset. Are you being negative, flat, complaining, doing "what's the point" thinking or generally being a cognitive sludge? Fire up your thinking into "I can" and "I will!" and don't let lazy thinking slip past its useful point (lazy thinking can be great for rest and relaxation!). Motivate, put yourself into physical and mental action mode and keep stepping forward bit by bit, reminding yourself of each tiny chunk of progress. Just go for it.
Some extra LIKES for your brain:
Social media has attuned our brains to the concept of the LIKE, the thumbs up symbol now triggers a release of positive mood chemicals instantly, below our awareness and says YES to whatever it focuses on so I want you to listen now, to my words, as I talk, here to you, and your mind can remember to LIKE all the bits that speak to you, all the things that you can begin to notice today, seeing things now that you LIKE, thumbs up for that, and people that give you that LIKE feeling, noting now that there are many things to LIKE, feelings, experiences, ideas, music, people, pets, plans, memories, many things all get the LIKE from your brain, all get the thumbs up symbol now and simply allowing that idea of the LIKE to enter your consciousness, a LIKE for today, a LIKE for you and who you are and who you are becoming and who you have always been and a LIKE for all the things to come and a LIKE for right now this second. Thumbs up, all good. LIKE.
Not personal! Not personal!
Which thing this week do you have to remember not to take personally?? Somebody did something, said something or neglected to do/say something you expected from them? Any way it goes, we can agree that it's not your stuff. It's a statement of THEIR consciousness at the time, THEIR beliefs and THEIR assessment of appropriate action. They are neither right not wrong. They just are the way they are and will act accordingly, regardless of your preferences. Yes, sometimes our words and actions can provoke a reaction in others and we need to be aware of this. But unprovoked stuff?? Not about you. It's THEIR stuff. It's not personal.
Good social choices!
How about from now on, you see more of the people you enjoy seeing and feel good after spending time with? Make a list (it can be a small list!) of the people that really add energy and fun to your life. Think of how you could have a little more time or contact with them. Also make a list of your "should" people, the ones you feel obligated to see or contact but you don't enjoy it or maybe even feel drained by it. Resolve to spend less time and detach yourself a bit, even if these people are relatives. Sharing DNA does not necessarily mean sharing positive energy, and many people feel toxic around certain relatives yet spend time out of duty. Limit time and choose neutral space. Get in and out fast. It's actually a loving choice to operate this way as it is more likely to preserve any positive rapport that may exist, rather than overdosing on the person and veering into tension or conflict. Resolve to choose wisely how to spend your time and energy going forward!
Openness!
Being closed is being shut down, stubborn, fixed, not interested, not curious and not connected. Being open, on the other hand, is welcoming the new, keeping your eyes and mind open to ideas, experiences and differences, being engaged, allowing possibilities. Choosing a mindset of being open to experience and possibilities can lead to greater optimism and happiness. Don't close down any options. Say "maybe". We don't really know, we can't really judge. Say "I'm open to possibilities" whenever you feel your mind shut down or being resistant today.
Better sleep for you:
The brain is a strange creature when it comes to sleeping, imagination always overrides will. If we want to sleep and worry about not sleeping, we often take longer to get there, and/or awake feeling unrefreshed. In fact, most people of all ages feel unrefreshed, tired and a little groggy upon waking, and this feeling usually doesn't correlate with sleep quality. Good sleep is boosted by the perception of ADEQUATE sleep. The more we feel we sleep well enough (regardless of objective evidence of sleep or subjective perception of the feeling of having slept well) the more our mind and nervous system will relax. People who are "good sleepers" don't think much about it. In contrast, those who feel and verbalize that they are poor sleepers are programming their brains for the continued perception of bad sleep as well as increasing the likelihood of increased arousal due to concern about getting to sleep. We can decide that we sleep well enough and, while still keeping good sleep habits, can allow it to be as it is. No more concern about sleeping "better", from now on, you can just know that you sleep well enough. You're ok.
To help your nerves relax:
The first thing about relaxing is allowing yourself to be right here, reading my words to you, letting your eyes move slowly across the helpful instructions and really just slowing down, softening, letting all tension dissolve into the nothingness it came from, the nothingness that it really is, because all that really is, is right now, you reading my words to you, as I speak to your inner mind, and remind your mind of what to remember, all is well, all is in perfect universal order, the bigger picture is taking care of itself, naturally, easily and without any need for your control or concern, and in fact you know, and I know too, that there are things you can just forget about right now, just let them go, allow them to resolve themselves in their own time, in their own way, they will, the universe is very happy to run itself, you don't need to run things at all, just let them be, enjoy the ups and the downs, neither good nor bad, all just experiences, allowing experiences to be as they are, getting easier for you now, more relaxed, more able to flow with what is, trusting what will be, and enjoying your new ability to relax into life. You are.
A day without complaints:
A day without complaints about anything is a very difficult task. It's amazing how much of our conversation with others consists of complaining, about work, the weather, other people, money, traffic, the lack of something or too much of something, the state of the world and more. Nothing particularly wrong about this; it's how we connect and share experiences with people. It is, however, an interesting exercise to go just one day without a single verbalized complaint, just to see how it feels and to note how much of our conversation is based on mutual vent and complaint. You may find you don't have much to say! Try it if you're up for something a bit different. And don't announce it, just do it and note the results!
Beware of negative self generalizations:
When something goes wrong, do you ever make comments along these lines?? These are some I've heard in the last week or so.
"That's just my luck"
"Story of my life"
"Typical me"
"Here we go again"
"This always happens to me"
"If it's going to happen to anyone, it's sure to be me"
It is helpful to only say these types of self generalizations in relation to good fortune or positive events. Do not reinforce unhelpful beliefs or self fulfilling prophesies!Unfortunate events are better framed one-offs and need to be seen as temporary and not personal to you. Fortunate events, on the other hand, are exactly your luck, always happen to you and form the story of your life! Be lucky today.
Procrastinate much??
Let me guess what goes through your mind when you procrastinate:
Don't feel like it yet? It can wait? Do it tomorrow? Wait until you feel the urge? Can't really be bothered? Too overwhelmed right now? It's all too hard? It's not the right time? Will do it soon, just not now? You're not ready? Too much else going on right now? You'll do it on your own terms and in your own time? Who cares anyway? It doesn't even matter??
Well we can say all that and more if we want to but the truth is, it probably does matter and it needs to be done NOW. Do it now. No more thinking of reasons not to, it could be done before you even think of another excuse. So JUST DO IT. Today is the day and now is the time. Do it now.
The thing you worry most about:
It's funny how most of the things we worry about never actually happen or turn out not to be the problems we thought they would be. Does your mind need to be re-focused elsewhere? Give it a new job, even if that job is just naming things that are fun or good or attractive right now. We mainly worry about things we can't control, otherwise there would be no point worrying, right?? But then, if we can't control it anyway, probably no point worrying no matter what. And we can learn to manage worrying by taking the mind in a new direction, even if the thoughts return, they are just thoughts and we can let them pass without buying in. Resolve to waste less mind space with worrying today!
Don't get hooked into Christmas drama!
Christmas drama is a thing. It can be about logistics, presents, who goes where, and when, and for how long, and isn't it our turn, and last year you did or didn't do this, and why aren't you staying longer (or shorter) or somewhere else, and who gives what to who and who said or didn't say whatever. Apparently it's all meant to be about peace and joy but maybe some people forget?!Don't buy in to Christmas drama. Say "Let's not go there" if stuff comes up and make sure you activate all your helpful boundaries! Stay in the peace and joy vibe. It's much more fun.
A reminder to remember what matters:
Sometimes during busy periods of life, overwhelming phases of life and times when we don't feel great, negative thoughts and fears can take over. The pressure of everything can feel too much and can block our experience of the good. When it's harder to see the positives, it can be helpful to deliberately focus your thoughts on what truly matters. What matters to you. This of course will be a little different for everyone, but some of the answers I've had when I've asked people what truly matters to them include: love, friends, inner peace, creativity, pets, friends/family/loved ones, learning, progress, past achievements, music, exciting things to come, financial stability, health, community, spirituality, books, nature, sports, fashion, art, freedom, being active, being challenged, security and individuality. What matters to you today? Choose one thing to help focus mind and emotions if things get tricky.
It's the season to feel calm energy:
Things can certainly get a little busy right now, and you know, and I know too that things have been going on, both inside and out, and that you may need a little top up, a little extra burst of power so that you can stay, and you can remain at your best, so now I want you to slow your eyes as you read my words, one slower breath, then another, that's right, easing everything now, simply allowing my words to flow from my mind through to your eyes, slowing down, and into your mind too, where they can begin to filter down to all the right places, the places that need to know, to be calm, to remain calm, it's really all ok, everything is in order and everything works out, all the pieces fitting into their rightful places now, that's right, and beginning to allow that energy to build, from a calm place, from a place of knowing, a place of infinite order, a place of perfect peace, yet strong energy begins to flow, not wasted on things that don't really matter, but flowing towards the rhythm of your life, the stuff that matters, the stuff of energy, calm, joy and pleasant experiences for you now, just allowing it to happen naturally, it will. Start now.
Check your story!
How are you interpreting things today? Are you expecting it to go well? Subconsciously predicting any flat, boring or unpleasant aspects? Our expectations tend to influence our moods as well as our outcomes. Check your story, frame it towards the positive, keep your inner language upbeat and focus on what you want rather than what you don't want today!
How's your fuel consumption and performance?
Sometimes we all need a reminder that our body is a luxury vehicle and needs to be taken care of accordingly. We need the cleanest, high quality fuel for optimal performance, which means good protein and loads of vegetables. We need to take our vehicle out for a spin regularly to let the engine run and hit maximum capacity; this means move! Get out, do something, charge up your energy system in a way that is exciting for you! We all need a full detail and polish every now and then to keep things looking flash, and we need a few passengers to have fun with too. Check your personal fuel gauge today, make the appropriate adjustments and get out there and give it a few revs!
Newness:
It's two weeks into the new year and for most of us, the changing of the year triggers us to think about the changes we want to implement. What are you committed to doing, or feeling this year? Maybe it's something you'd like to do more of or less of. More experiences of a particular type? Different choices? Perhaps to be more consistent with a healthy habit, or to reduce an unhealthy habit? A change begins with an idea, develops into an intention and is cemented by a solid plan that builds in our human tendency to return to baseline. In other words, don't expect your new year motivational spurt to get you through. You need a plan that incorporates the times when you "don't feel like it". True and lasting change is based on a discipline rather than a desire, which for most of us, ebbs and flows based on mood and circumstance. If you're serious about change, get a solid plan, make yourself accountable and ensure that you get some coaching if you need another person (most of us do) to help stay on track. A new beginning starts now.
There's mindfulness and then there's Kindfulness:
Being mindful means being conscious of your thoughts or experience, the idea being that you are present in the moment without needing to label or judge your experiences. You can observe that you have a tense feeling or a headache or a joyful feeling without analyzing it, investigating it, trying to get away from it or trying to hang on to it. Just allowing it to be there. A step away from that mindful focus is training your mind to be kind to everything that is there, everything within you. Many people are good at kindness to others, not so good at kindness to self. Being kind to anxious feelings, being kind to the body and its aches or discomforts, being kind to the parts that need healing, being kind to the urges for destructive or self sabotaging behavior. That doesn't mean indulging those parts, just being nice to yourself, as well as firm and kind, as you would a small child who wanted to do something it shouldn't. Help your brain move towards Kindfulness today.
Re-routing the anxiety habit:
Perhaps your mind is one of those minds that tends to idly drift towards worry and anxiety, a restless brain that needs a focus, and focus can change physiology in an instant, which can lead to pleasant or not so pleasant feelings depending on where your brain chooses to mentally spotlight, so listen here, now, slow your eyes so that your mind will follow, let your slowing down eyes remind your mind to carefully and slowly listen to my helpful words, as I talk here, to you, reminding your mind that it is safe to trust, that the world and the planets are held in place by positive forces stronger and bigger than you or I, that we alone do not have to take care of everything, no need to control or worry, you know that the universe always has your back, you're being looked after, just like the leaves on the trees, the birds in the sky and the planets that are always held in place, and that you can relax knowing that all is well, all is exactly where and when it needs to be and it's really ok. It is.
Point your brain towards good:
As we all know, the human brain is naturally set up to watch for negatives, problems, dangers and trouble. While it's a certainly a good survival mechanism, it can skew our thoughts and feelings towards concerning matters unnecessarily. We can redirect the thought traffic by deliberately seeking the good, the pleasant and the comfortable. Look around you right now. Find one beautiful thing, one interesting thing, one thing for which you are appreciative and one thing you are truly thankful for. Repeat this three times today and help your brain remember to know what's good for it!
Misunderstood by family:
Unfortunately, personality type does not really run in families. It is not uncommon for sensitive, psychologically minded or emotionally intelligent people to be the only one in their family that operates that way, especially those who have done a lot of work on themselves and their patterns. It is natural for open people to want a more open, honest and respectful relationship with family members and in an ideal world, this would happen through discussion of feelings, sharing experiences and asserting boundaries. However as you may have noticed, many of us are not living in that ideal world and may be greeted by family members who don't really listen, are invalidating and are not able to listen to feedback or respect boundaries. This can feel quite hurtful, and is especially activated during the holiday season which we idealize as "family fun time". Truthfully it isn't fun for everyone, not all will feel welcomed, validated or understood. And we can see this for what it is, accept people for who they are, see the differences with non-judgmental detachment without taking it personally. It's not about you. It's about the weird chemical mix that is present in all families. Some are more naturally compatible than others. Not your fault. But it is your responsibility to reframe, detach, see the positives, look for areas of connection or agreement, set boundaries and walk away if and when you need to. Live and let live.
A moment's peace:
So you're a little busy, perhaps a tad overwhelmed, maybe running a little flat, maybe needing positive messages, well, slow down right now, open your inner mind to the good stuff, let my helpful words run in through your eyes, all the way into your brain, all around your head, down through your neck, melting away that stress and strain, down now through your shoulder muscles where you carry all that tension, letting it go now, relaxing, just being, taking in my positive words, getting better, just leaving all that other stuff behind for a while, allowing yourself to FEEL GOOD, that's all we need really, to feel good, starts with the mind, filters all the way down through the body, circulating very pleasant colors all around the heart, moving down to calm the stomach, feeling good in there, all things working together for good for you now, it is, and down through your legs, helping those muscles to feel really really good, powering you for whatever is to come, plenty of resources, you can do it, everything will be ok, it is ok now, just keep breathing and moving forward in peace.
Happy Monday to you:
Slow down. Notice and enjoy the clean air, the food, your drinks, nice people, good music, the sky, your breathing, how good things look, pleasant smells, warm feelings and interesting ideas. They're everywhere and you can take them in for increased happiness. Now.
People who can't say sorry:
There is nothing like the power of a genuine Sorry. When we are disappointed, upset, angry with somebody, often all it takes is for them to hear how we feel, really get it, say they are sorry and promise to work on it. But so many people can't do this. Their version of sorry (which may or may not include the actual word sorry) is "sorry but,. Sorry but I was busy, sorry but I was stressed, sorry but aren't you taking it the wrong way, sorry but that wasn't what I meant, sorry but that wasn't my intention. If you do a sorry but, then all the other person will hear is the bit after the but. I see this every day in my clinic when working with couples, co-workers or family members. Resentments build up and are only magnified by the sorry but. What the person learns is that there is no point saying how you feel or trying to assert needs as the other person doesn't really get it. Or what it takes to make them get it is arduous, exhausting and draining. Let's start with our own sorry. Be genuine. Be sorry they are upset, even if you don't fully get it yet. Listen without defense, justification or explanation. Just be sorry and say so. When the apology has been genuinely heard and accepted, then things can move on. You don't always have to give your side of the story. It's for your benefit, not theirs, unless they specifically ask for it. Being sorry and shutting up is actually ok.
Focus!
If we want to make a change, we need to give it all of our focus. Most of us vaguely want a few changes, maybe just thinking about it sometimes when the pain is too much then allowing it to fade to the background when other things come into mind. Focus leads to action! Find a way to keep what you want in front of mind; put up post it notes, put reminders on your phone to alert you at key times, ask other people to remind you or hold you accountable. If we focus on too many things, something will lose out. Choose your most important thing and give it the focus and attention it needs to create lasting action!
Fuel for your journey today:
There are times when we register a little low on fuel, a little empty in the tank, not quite powering along in the way we like, and a little extra boost is always helpful, so slow down here now, breathing, in, waiting a bit, breathing out, relaxing now as your eyes slow down and you just allow all tension to melt, shoulders releasing now, that's right, just being, listening to my words as I ask your very helpful subconscious mind to review the fuel levels now, sending you in your mind's eye into the recharging station, using the immense power of your imagination to lock into the pump and get that fuel line started, flow begins now, refueling you with the highest quality stuff, filling up now, fuel gauge already beginning to show more, nearly full, feeling ready, always ready to launch some extra power on demand, rocket fuel levels high now, ready for anything, highest quality fuel and the most responsive engine system, you are power packed and ready to race now. Go.
Sending you good vibes!
What do you need today? Inspiration? Peace? Some fun? A sense of order? The knowledge that somebody really gets you? The belief that everything is truly ok even if it doesn't feel like it? New ideas to flood your brain? A feeling of energy and focus? Well, consider it yours. This message is a signal of the good feelings to come your way today. Keep a look out for improvements and that lift that you might be looking for. It's on the way!
Giving and receiving:
Most generous and kind people are great at giving to others of course, but not quite so great at receiving. Think about whether you're a great receiver. Can you happily take and thank people for compliments? Do you ask for and accept help? Do you readily and easily accept gifts? Do you welcome other people's offerings or prefer to do it yourself?? Be open to receiving today. It's more generous to be open and not deprive people of the pleasure of giving to you! Research consistently shows that kindness and helping behavior raise serotonin levels in both the giver and receiver as well as any witnesses so make sure you elevate your receiving behavior today! And may you enjoy the multiple serotonin boost!
A note for the mind on disappointment in people:
Auto pilot thoughts about disappointment are the ones that come all by themselves, often negative, often self doubting and usually distressing. These often relate to feelings of rejection by or disappointment in the actions or absence of other people (friends, family, potential partners etc) and lead to feelings of disconnection and/or loneliness. When these thoughts arise, we need to notice them, acknowledge their presence and then gently redirect them by challenging the negative story. We can question the truth of them or we can take the thought into a more positive direction, perhaps by ceasing to focus on what we don't have or can't get, and focusing instead on what we do have, the people that do support and love us, the people that are there for us. Train your mind to go where the love is today.
A word with your physical self:
So it's this time of the year, people are tired, people are reacting to changes in weather, in activity, in the world, in expectations. Maybe you're feeling good, maybe you're struggling a little. However you are, your physical system needs attention and protection. Feed it with clean quality fuel and don't make excuses for putting rubbish in. Rubbish in means feeling more rubbish yourself. So what if other people are justifying their own rubbish choices, let them have what they choose and make sure you choose what you know will feel good not just while it's in your mouth, but the hours afterwards to. Walk it. Even a small walk is better than no walk. Get some sunshine or at least a little outdoor air. Protect your sleep cycle. If you're run down the last thing you need is less sleep or rest. Prioritize yourself and your system. Do good, feel good.
Take a minute to breathe:
Just take one minute now, slow down your mind as you read my words, slow down your breath as you begin to flow more easily, allow your nervous system to soften, easing off that pressure here as I talk to you, just being, forgetting to remember all the things you don't even have to do right now as you relax, just for one minute, very beneficial micro holiday for the mind as you receive my message of calmness, of focus on the good, of just chill and know that all is well now, and to remember to be kind enough to give your mind this pleasant calm breathing time all through the day. Feel better.
Calmness in chaos:
Staying calm when you want to freak is a tricky thing. It requires knowing that you're scared and acknowledging that part of the mind, while also making a decision from the wise mind about how to proceed. Stating "my job is to remain calm" can be helpful, while at the same time consciously releasing physical tension. Also focus on acceptance. Whatever is, is. What will be, will be. Most things work out just fine in the long run so focus on the fact that all is well in the grand scheme of things. It is.
Stuck?
It's easy to feel trapped, in a situation, in a mindset, behavior or emotion. Remember your freedom. Freedom comes from changing the situation by taking action or by changing our mindset about it. Be free today.
Taking the credit or the blame??
Most people are better at one than the other. People that hold themselves very accountable and are quick to accept the blame and apologize often have trouble taking credit for the good stuff they do, or accepting compliments in a genuinely felt way. Those who readily take credit for their achievements and are very open to compliments often find it hard to be totally accountable for mistakes and admit when they are wrong, preferring to see situational factors as causes rather than their own actions. Both skill sets are useful in relationships with others (personal and work-based), especially the skill of being able to openly admit accountability and genuinely apologize. This is one of the best diffusers of resentment and can clear the decks for much better vibes all around. The skill of taking credit is crucial to boosting feel good brain chemistry and enables you to have a better relationship with yourself. Notice and work on both today.
The Silent Treatment:
Going silent and cold on somebody has been a weapon of choice for many people for many years. One day you have sunshine, then the next, it's gone and you feel totally alone and left in the dark about why. Maybe you even ask, is everything ok, only to be told "I'm fine". But it isn't fine, you can feel it and you have to marinate in the anxiety or confusion of not knowing. Sometimes you'll be told later, after an appropriate time in coventry, other times it will just pass and things return to normal without explanation. Yes, it's called passive aggression because it's hurtful even though you're technically "doing nothing". This kind of withdrawal (used regularly) is one of the four key predictors of breakup or divorce in modern relationships. Often we learn to do silent treatment on people by watching those we grow up with. A more effective method is to calmly and kindly state what you're upset about and ask for the change you prefer. If you're not listened to, time after time, then that can be horrible, and consequences need to be put in place such as counseling or mediation with a third party. Silent treatment generally isn't helpful though, and promotes dysfunctional communication patterns. Start talking about whatever you need to talk about today.
Calling all memory cells:
Many of us worry about our memory, about preserving our brain cells, about staying sharp for the now and for the future, so I'd like to have a few words with your inner mind now as you start to slow down your breathing and your eyes and just relax, the part of your mind that stores everything, holding all information and memories, all things from past and present, relaxing a little deeper now, the part of you that will always remember, even when you forget to know that you do, and you do remember, and from now on you can be much more aware, much more confident that you DO know, and you can relax, because YOU know, and I know too that the mind and its memory enjoys being relaxed, and will offer up more information very quickly when it feels relaxed and free, letting that pressure drop now, taking away that sense of worry or urgency, no help at all, your memory is strong, you remember what you need to know and you remember it at the right time, no rush, your brain is clear and sharp and getting stronger all the time, new dendrites, nerve growth factor multiplying and building your capacity for new information now and always, storage facilities in excellent condition and cleverly renewing with every sleep. You do.
The boost in self-involvement:
We are entering a new era in which many (maybe most) interactions occur by device rather than face to face. While there are benefits to our increased ability to contact or connect, are we losing the relational skills of being able to verbally and tactfully articulate what we think, want, need from another person and solve problems together? As our personal world shrinks into a device, how is it affecting our perceptions of the world? Are we becoming more self-involved and focused on our own particular concerns? Devices are easy. If we don't like it, scroll past, ignore the message, respond minimally. Passive aggressive behavior has never been easier or more common than on our devices. But the real work of relationships is about being open, being fiercely honest yet kind in delivery, being able to listen and actually hear the message under the words and respond with agreement and negotiation. Don't let technology kill our relational skills. Device relationship skills are important too, we need to know how to manage the typed word and its responses. But real people need real conversation and verbal problem management skills, especially to remember to articulate kindness and appreciation in difficult times.
People who mess with your head:
There are people out there who insist on being right, being one up and having the power or control. For those of us who are a little more sensitive, this can be very confusing and can lead to self doubt and uncertainty about what is real, what isn't, what is my stuff and what is theirs. Sensitive people tend to be a little too porous and open to the feedback of others, which may in fact be be about the other person and their agenda. Accusations of "selfishness" are a perfect example. Often one person makes a request (or demand) of another, then when the person says no, they are called "selfish". Depending on what that word means to you personally, you could feel quite awful about the label and wonder if it was true; ie "yes I did put my needs first in this situation, so perhaps that is selfish". Yet really, all that has happened is that the person did not get what they wanted and has sent a guilt trip your way, with a label attached. If we want to be less porous, we can say "well that may be their reality based on their agenda, but I'm not taking that on. That's their stuff". Most guilt trippers use similar tactics (accusations of unkindness, selfishness, martyr comments and reminders of all they do for you or others). Let them have their reality. Choose your own version and keep your head intact.
Check in to peace:
It doesn't matter how many moods we move through today, a check in with peace will help. Peace boosts happiness, peace boosts healing, peace boosts concentration, memory and enjoyment. What is peace? Peace is the thought or feeling that everything is ok exactly as it is RIGHT NOW. We can't feel peace in the future (although we can decide to expect that things will continue to be ok going forward) but we can feel peace in the now. What is your peace trigger? Some people focus on their pet, an animal, nature, the sea, trees, the sky or other parts of the environment, while others focus on breathing in and out. A particular thought, such as IT'S OK or ALL IS WELL can also bring peace. And it is ok. Check in a few times today to find your connection with peace, and notice how all aspects of body and mind respond optimally.
System freak outs:
Some of our systems are wired for the occasional freak out. Anxiety starts blaring, heart races, voice in the head says get out and run. Some people get a flood of emotion or tears with the freak out, some just get all systems on full pounding throttle and some accompanying fears. Humans get it, animals get it, and many times there's no obvious cause and no apparent trigger. Some systems have a hair trigger. Of course this process can be settled and retrained by many interventions but a sensitive nervous system can be a part of the constitution and certainly not in a negative way, especially if we are accepting and welcoming of it. The less we fight, the quicker it passes. The less we object, the less it tends to happen. And then it passes, we return to equilibrium, all is well. May your system be calm and welcoming today.
Please LIKE.
Think of yourself now, in a vague kind of way, either a visual, or an idea or even just your name as you read my words to you, and as you think of yourself, using your mind's eye, just click LIKE, click LIKE then move on to the next thought, and the next thought is liking the next thing, clicking LIKE on all aspects of yourself today, on the way you look, don't think too much, just quickly scroll through in your mind and without any real thought, just click LIKE, and as you move easily through your day today, whatever is happening, just click LIKE in your mind, as if you had chosen it, or even if you didn't, you can click LIKE anyway, message to the brain, smiley faces for you in there, thumbs up, going around all day just clicking LIKE. Enjoy your serotonin hit.
Myths about men, women and listening:
There are many myths about who listens better, who never listens and who needs to listen more. The truth is, I work with couples and families every day and most people are pretty terrible listeners. They anticipate, they interrupt, their eyes show that they are formulating their argument, defense or next point while the other is talking, they fire back their points without acknowledging the words of the other and mostly it feels more like watching a tennis match than a relational interaction. Listening is hard. We need to suspend our thoughts, judgements and assumptions about what "we already know they are going to say". We need to hear the message behind what is said, the intention, the request. And check that we heard correctly, especially on important matters. "So you're saying that when I do ___, you feel ____ and you'd prefer it if I ____". The other can then confirm or modify, and will feel actually heard. It's preferable if we can then say "Yes, I get that and I'll work on it" rather than going into counter attack. Almost nobody does this. We go bang bang back and forth and few people feel really listened to, heard or validated. Forget the myths. We all need to work on our listening. We need to shut up, actually hear the concern and the request, verbally make it valid and leave space for genuine interaction. Let's all try today.
Boundaries and relationship anxiety/avoidance:
Relationships can be draining if one person wants the energy of the other, doesn't give back in the way we prefer and doesn't read the play. Unfortunately this happens a great deal, in family relationships, friendships and even among partners. A relationship can feel like exhaustion and we aren't sure why, especially if the person is "nice". Nice or not, there is often passive aggressive behavior or subtle boundary violation. It's much harder to assert yourself when it's subtle, especially if others can't see it or if the other person doesn't listen, justifies themselves or holds you in contempt for raising issues. If we don't have boundaries we don't feel safe. While asserting ourselves can feel scary because the outcome is out of our control (and may lead to rejection) we need to dare to rock the boat. Kindly and calmly state our feelings and our preferred option from the other, which they have a right to refuse. Refusal has consequences on the relationship, that's a natural outcome and better than years of silent seething resentment. Dare to rock the boat as necessary today.
The anxiety-gut loop:
If your digestive system isn't working so well, it often results in bloating, discomfort, food intolerances and pain. Interestingly, it often also triggers anxiety. Anything that creates inflammation in the system can have inflammatory effects on mood and anxiety, which of course also lowers energy. While it's true that the anxiety can come first via thought or emotion and trigger gut issues, it's equally true that gut dysbiosis (and/or eating foods that don't sit well for you) can be the key cause of anxiety. This is why we often treat from both angles in my clinic; mind and body are one system and improving one aspect generally creates improvement in the whole. Look after your gut today. Eat food that is clean and gut-friendly for you and avoid known irritants. Your calm will increase accordingly!
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A boost for the truth:
Keeping the peace and shutting up about things that really matter generally leads to more problems, mostly for you rather than the person you protect. If we have boundaries and can tell the truth with love and kindness, we don't need to stress or worry about how others react because we can trust that our perception is valid and worth stating and that it in itself cannot "cause" offense. So if you'd like to tell a few more truths in loving and kind ways then let me have a word with your subconscious mind now, the part of you that always knows the truth, slow it down, listen closer now, relaxing and allowing your subconscious mind a little relief, the idea that you can in fact start by saying how you feel, with no anger, no accusation, no criticism, just how you feel and what you prefer, calmly, really just providing information in a pleasant way, how it's received is not your job to predict or control or react to, any reaction that comes, you can just say ok, you can just end it right there, you can just stop, no need to enter debate, no need to justify or defend or explain any further, just state how you feel and what you prefer, calmly and with love and with kindness, and your subconscious mind can help you now, providing the indicator of when it's time to speak, kick in at the right time, on the spot, calmly holding to what you think and knowing that you have the right. You do.
Let it go and trust!
The universe has your back. We think we have to do it all ourselves but apparently planets are held in place, grass keeps growing, the sun shines and baby things of all types keep being born without human interference. Take your hands off the wheel (not in the car!!) and know that things will be ok if you let them. It all works out.
You will feel better!
However you're feeling now, it's temporary. If you're feeling great then notice the thoughts and feelings and remind your mind to code them for future use! If you're not feeling as great as you want to feel, again, remind your mind that it's temporary. Rate your mood or energy out of ten. If you're a five, what would it take to be a six? A rush of determination? A peaceful few breaths? A thought about something really good? A memory of a person you care about? Recollecting something you feel proud of achieving? A smile as you think of something funny? Or maybe you are happy just to allow yourself to feel exactly as you feel, knowing that tomorrow is another day and in fact you might even feel better sooner than that?? Either way, you can know that the human ecosystem strives for improvement in energy, mood, healing and achievement so you can just relax and allow it all to get better moment by moment. You don't even have to do anything.
Cant stop thinking about it?
If there's something you genuinely want or need to stop thinking about, it can be a challenge. The brain can get into obsessive loops and convince you that it's really important to keep going over and over the thing, even though to the observer, it can seem a little nutty. If we want the brain to stop thinking about something, often we need to give it another task. There aren't many people in the world (and even less females) that have the kind of brain that can just switch itself off from a topic at will. Most of us find it incredibly challenging and more so if high emotion or fear is involved. So giving the brain another task is like giving the rat a maze to run in order to keep it busy (and rats are very clever creatures!). Mantra based meditation is much underrated in favor of the current obsession with mindfulness type meditation. A mantra is something you repeat literally over and over (TM and shiva type meditations are examples of this but any mantra or word or saying that is meaningful to you will do the trick). Another secular option is counting or using the alphabet to code a topic with your mind. Counting or naming all colors you can see, going through the alphabet and finding a movie/tv show/car brand/fashion brand/dog breed/country/suburb or whatever else for each letter. If you want to change course, give your mind a job and keep it on that job until the moment passes.
Some pain relief:
Whether it's physical pain, emotional pain or existential pain from noticing crazy events in the world, we all need to know how to trigger a little pain relief, a spot of analgesic, a tad more comfort, so begin by allowing yourself to relax, let tension drop from your neck and shoulder muscles, those tiny muscles connected to your head and neck that hold all your tension and worries, simply allow them now to soften, dissolving all concerns, nothing to do right now, and nothing to prove, slowing your eyes right down as you read, gliding over my helpful instructions here, listening to my words and allowing your subconscious mind to come wide awake and very alert, relaxed and helpful, noticing the color and shape of any pain, just noticing without judgement or analysis, and sending cooling messages to that part of you that needs comfort, just letting it settle, sending calm feelings, relaxing thoughts, relaxed body, everything feels better when we are relaxed, releasing all pressure, you have a green light just to be, nothing to do right now, nowhere to be, just taking a moment to focus your mind on comfort and knowing that you can carry that comfort with you today and always. You will.
Choose generous!
There's always three ways to judge our selves, events and people, the harsh, the neutral and the generous. While sometimes neutral is all we can manage, it isn't very uplifting. Harsh judgement never really leads to anything good, so neutral is our target unless we can aim for something higher. And if we can, the generous attribution will always feel better, and will raise your feel good chemicals quickly. Be generous in your thoughts about your self, about others on the roads, out and about in the world and at work, but especially at home. Many of us use up all of our generosity, tolerance and patience supplies during the day and give those at home some other kind of tired irritation chemicals. Save some generosity today and use it for the ones in the inner circle.
A new A.D.D. epidemic:
It's going around in workplaces and very very obvious in many relationships between couples, especially long term couples. This new syndrome is called Appreciation Deficit Disorder and many of us are displaying key symptoms. Signs include not noticing what is going well, unwillingness to compliment the other, focusing on what's missing, talking about what's wrong all the time, criticizing and complaining and even when good things happen, feeling that they are just not good ENOUGH. Treatment is quite straightforward but the pre requisite is awareness of the symptoms and an admission of the key behaviors. The first step is beginning to notice and comment on whatever is going well, even if the glass is only 10% full. The prescription is to state 5-10 good things in the workplace and to compliment at least 8 times a day in couples. Treatment has been shown to increase happiness, communication and positive connection. Check for symptoms and take action immediately.
Boosting excitement chemicals:
For most of us, when we were kids or teenagers, we were able to access excitement chemicals on a regular basis. We got excited about seeing friends, doing things, special events, getting away with stuff, taking risks, acquiring something new, playing certain games or sports, doing something different, and often before celebrations like birthdays, Christmas or other special times. As adults, some of this can fade into "normal" and we can lose access to the rush that our brains are capable of so let's work on that now, let's help you brain remember how to access just a little more joy juice, an extra hit of dopamine to drive you forward; relaxing now and slowing you eyes here, tuning into my words, all the brain has to remember is novelty and fun, nothing too specific, and that dopamine, that excitement chemical of challenge and reward can trigger itself and boost you into a bit more excitement, remembering excitement from the past, that feeling before something good happened, the anticipation of an exciting thing about to happen, the not knowing, the uncertainty, will it or won't it, but either way it will be exciting, let your subconscious mind remember those feelings now, firing up the messengers of excitement, challenge and joy, of anticipation and celebration and so you can go and focus on some things that you look forward to here and now, make sure you put more challenge and fun on the agenda. Enjoy.
Watch out for energy thieves!
Draining situations, draining people, draining activities and poor food/substance choices will rob you of energy very quickly. The most important energy thief to watch out for is the mind. Thoughts of hopelessness, boredom,resentment or self pity will quickly drain energy and leave you flat. Feel the emotions, acknowledge them without judging and then move into another thought or action that is energy neutral or energy boosting. Some people don't have a lot of energy themselves so will latch on to yours to get a dose. Be mindful of this and detach! Take responsibility for your own energy supplies today and stay topped up with optimism.
Many possibilities!
Whatever you're thinking about, analyzing, worrying about or ruminating on, remember one thing. There are many possible stories about this. Whenever we think we know why something happened or why somebody did or said something, or what it all means, all we have is a story. To be emotionally healthy and mature, we need to remind ourself that it IS just a story and that we don't really know so we cannot really judge. There are many other possible stories about what did or didn't happen so we might as well choose the one that involves the least judgment and the one that triggers either peace or neutrality. Those who stubbornly stick to their one version of events often suffer for it. Flexibility in the story we tell ourselves is a key to recovery.
Song therapy:
It doesn't matter how well you can sing (or if you can't sing at all!). Singing elevates all our good mood chemicals and triggers immune boosting molecules at the same time. You want a serotonin hit? Put on a song and sing with it. Get some oxygen in your lungs and belt it out in the car or anywhere you like! Choose your own music or something from the radio that you're guaranteed to have downloaded into your brain. Anytime you need a hit of chemicals, the music is waiting for you to join in!
You're already enough.
As is, as you were designed. Anything you change or add to yourself is just a bonus. You're already way more than you think. And you're enough.
Taking non-action:
So many of us, when faced with a situation of uncertainty, whip into action mode. In general, action mode tends to be helpful in life and "action people" make good problem solvers. There are times, however, when the best action is non-action. To do nothing. To sit. To wait. To let things unfold. Many uncertainties resolve on their own and we can unwittingly make things worse by jumping in too quickly. Yes there are people that do nothing for far too long, avoiding and procrastinating. But I'm guessing many of us here are the driven ones who might just jump in too quickly in order to eliminate uncertainty. Remember the power of the pause. Many things resolve themselves without our anxious interference.
Improving relationship communication:
In my work, I see so many relationships going south primarily due to lack of communication. Often one person is overly critical or controlling while the other is passive aggressive, holds things in and builds up resentment. Resentment is a love killer. It's important to speak the truth, with tact and with kindness. We can kindly request changes in behaviour and own our desire for these changes without blame. When on the receiving end of a request for change (even if it's disguised as criticism) we can firstly LISTEN without defensiveness. The most important thing is not to hit back, eye roll or quibble over details, but rather to hear the (often legitimate) request for change and agree to as much of it as you can. Yes it's annoying/infuriating when a person says "you always/never do ...." when it's really a sometimes thing, but you could also respond with "yes I do have an issue with that and I will absolutely commit to change". And then do it. Nothing builds resentment faster than an apology not followed by action. Small changes in communication can build rather than destroy love, and remind you that you're on the same team.
Is your body happy with you today??
Are you giving your body the rest it needs? The proper nutrition? Are you giving your body the inspiration for energy and motivation? Are you overtaxing or straining your body at work or some other activity? Are you moving it enough? Are you giving it enough fun? Are you taking it to places or people where it doesn't want to be? If you're not listening to your body, it will speak louder through pain, fatigue, or some other condition. Our bodies and minds are one but if we split from the body and its messages when can get into conflict and trouble. Tune in, listen and take corrective action today!
Getting rid of the moods of others:
Sometimes we are around people with negative or hostile attitudes, and for sensitive people, this can leave some sort of energetic residue, affecting mood, thinking ability and motivation. At times we don't even realize how much we can be affected by other people so it's important to tune in and be able to get back to your state no matter what so tune in now, slow it right down and let your eyes take in my words slowly, gliding, easing your way across here, now while your subconscious mind can zero in on my helpful instructions and begin now to start the cleansing process, relaxing and releasing, like rain on a window or outside, beginning to clear away all that other stuff, with your mind's eye now think of water, could be any kind of water, the beach, the ocean, a shower or bath, or a pond, it doesn't matter really, but now imagine yourself entering the water and swimming along comfortably for a minute or two, just gliding along and allowing the water to hold you, releasing the residue, see it coming away from you like dark ink, slowly moving into the water until there is none left, it's all cleared, and then now, as you complete your moment, imagine emerging from the water into the warm clear sunlight, fresh, clean and ready to go. You are.
Grandiose people and the fallout:
The grandiose person moves around life feeling superior to others, often even superior to their friends, family and partner. They can be critical, insensitive, dismissive and insulting because to them, they are telling "the truth". Of course their truth may differ from those around them but they feel sure that they are "right" so they tend not to take too much notice of the opinions of others. Getting a grandiose person to change is very difficult and often not possible, fundamentally because there is nothing in it for them to change. They are quite happy, feel fine about themselves, it's probably you that they think has a problem, you're too sensitive, you have no sense of humor, you need to get a grip. If you're dealing with a grandiose person in your circle, you need limits, boundaries and consequences that you will follow. If they have all the power then these boundaries will be irrelevant. But if they want the relationship or something else involving you then you need to create clear expectations, keep the person accountable (very difficult for grandiose people to hold themselves accountable) and follow through on consequences (eg distance or non contact) if your boundaries are violated. Yes this is very challenging and most will need professional coaching to assist. The first step is recognizing grandiosity and its effects. It's not you, it's them. But you can do something to change the effect on you if you remain conscious and focused.
A break from striving:
Being driven has its upside, you'll achieve things, you'll create results. Being driven can also be addictive; the new goal is always just out of reach and the feeling of being finished never truly appears. There are times to strive and there are times to feel just fine with the way things are, using acceptance rather than always wanting the next change. Your mantra is "Now is fine, now is good". And acceptance or enjoyment are just as important as progress. In fact progress isn't much fun without enjoyment! So notice whether you need to strive or whether it's actually time to cruise today. Seed or harvest, it's all about balance.
A reminder about what other people think of you:
It's meaningless. It's all based on projection. Its created by the thoughts or beliefs they've made up about you, positive or negative. It's based on THEIR history, THEIR preferences, THEIR feeling about themselves when they are around you, THEIR sense of self, THEIR insecurities, THEIR ambitions or lack of, THEIR internalized rules about how people should or should not look, talk, think or be. Really not worth thinking about much at all when you consider how little of it relates to facts or reality. Forget it.
A message for those going through hard times:
Yes life can be shit sometimes, and there are moments when it all seems to come at once and it feels totally overwhelming. It can seem like there's no end in sight and that certainly nothing good will come of it. What do YOU need when you feel like this? Self compassion is pretty important to start with. To know that yes, you are going through hell and give yourself permission to feel yuck about it. Even acknowledging the feelings involved is helpful for the brain and nervous system, and will mitigate the pain somewhat according to FMRI studies. Also know that you are connected to all the other people going through horrible times, similar and dissimilar to yours. Know that humans are programmed to care and that many people really do care, even if their way of showing it is different from yours. Some people show care by making food, some by giving gifts, some via words of support, some via giving you space, some via sending love or healing from afar. Love is love, and it's coming your way whether you know it right now or not. And it may be from a source you didn't expect. And next you need a plan. What's the first thing you can do for yourself that shows YOU care about YOU? Do something that's kind to your body AND mind. Focus on self care. Be nice to yourself like you would to a child or friend. May you be well and happy today.
Determination booster:
If you can't be bothered, if you're not doing what you need to do, if you're not following through and need a motivation lift, then follow me now, watch my words and let them slowly enter your mind, the part of your mind that controls determination, slow down now, gliding over these words, allowing your subconscious mind to fully engage, and using your mind's eye, imagine the switch that controls your determination, that feeling of I CAN, because you really can, it's quite possible, you can do it, you can feel that you CAN, and then you CAN follow through and then you CAN feel very good indeed, knowing that you could and you DID, just by turning up that switch now, turn it up a little more, boosting determination which means you CAN DO, you CAN believe it, then you can just do it, boosting that YES feeling that drives action, you already have the ability, it's just lining up those emotions and getting on to it now. YES you CAN and you will. It's an inside job and the job is done. Now enjoy.
How's your integrity?
Are you doing what you said you were going to do? Are you following through on your commitments to yourself? Are you being open and telling your truth to others? Are you telling the truth to yourself?? Are you doing what you believe to be the right thing for yourself? Are you looking after yourself in the way you need to? Are you doing the fun or interesting things you really want to do? Check your integrity and make any corrections. Your mind and body will thank you for it.
Today:
Just flow with it. It's all ok as is. No interventions needed. Just be
Effectively influencing others:
If we want to discuss or raise an issue with somebody, or ask for a change in behavior, it's best to do it from a place of calm, even a place of detachment. The less we attach to any particular outcome, the more power we have in most situations. If we try and raise something while we're upset, sometimes our emotions can trigger others into defensiveness, anger, judgement or shut down. The formula for raising something is to first own it ("look I know this is my issue, but I sometimes feel xxxxx") and then kindly ask for the change you'd like ("and I'm wondering if you would be able to do xxxxx instead next time"). Nothing is guaranteed of course, but most (yes only most!) reasonable people are open to friendly influence with what we call a soft start-up. If we go in hard, no matter how "in the right" we may be, the defensive response is much more likely. Give the soft start-up a shot.
Get uplifted!
The key to being uplifted is in the word UP. To feel uplifted, get up. Speed up. Think up. Look up. Breathe up. Dress up. Talk up. Eat up. Drink up. Pick it up. Go up. Choose up. The only way is up. It's up to you.
Staying in flow:
With everything that goes on around us, it can be a challenge sometimes to stay in flow, that state of calm trusting acceptance with a dash of contentment that transcends all circumstances, we want more of that, so slow yourself down now, breathe slowly, slower now, through your nose, and simply allow the gentle breaths to move slowly in, circulating strongly through your system and out again, and as you do breathe slowly, your subconscious mind can come wide awake and listen to me, here, now with my helpful instructions for you, that's right, flowing more easily with life now, just moving easily into the rhythm that comes and goes, in harmony now, drifting along quite pleasantly, always moving in the direction of your highest intentions, love, peace, happiness, goodwill, all building within you now, hourly, daily, refueling your supplies of positive, taking in the good, expressing the good, flowing pleasantly with the rhythm of your life from now on, emerging now with greater energy and more and more inspiration with every new breath, always in harmony with what is. You are.
Emotions, stress and food:
Many people with food issues need to attend more closely and more positively to their emotions. Being more present means noticing and naming your irritation, frustration, boredom, sadness, pissed off feelings, tiredness, overwhelm, self pity, hostility, anger, anxiety and all the other ones that pop up during life. Mostly when we eat or think about eating, it isn't hunger. It's an inner restlessness demanding to be calmed. And doing this with food is generally a path we don't want to go down, primarily because it actually leaves our emotional issues unaddressed! Emotions are signals that want to be seen and heard, and sometimes (not always) acted upon. We need to work out what you're really hungry for. Is it stimulation? Fun? Validation? Appreciation? Connection? Purpose? Notice it, name it and if possible, work out a plan to move towards the real thing, not some food substitute. Notice emotions today. Research shows that by recognizing and naming them, we can positively alter brain activity. Start today!
How do you want to feel today?
Start with intention. If you let an auto pilot mood take hold due to tiredness, people, events, weather etc then you leave yourself open to a spiral of possible negativity. Start with your desire. Would you like to feel more energised? More calm? More peaceful? More inspired? More focused? More determined? What do YOU need to do to get that feeling you want? Most moods can be improved in 20 minutes according to studies. Just 20 min of the right activity for you. The most successful 20 min mood lifts include walking or running, listening to the right music, meditating, listing the things you genuinely feel good or grateful about and doing kind things for other people (eg writing a note of thanks or some other generous act). Every day, in the morning, think about how you want to feel. It only takes a few seconds. Then factor in one or two activities to promote that feeling. Do it now!
Finish the thing:
Progress is one of the key human needs and we tend to get a rush of positive brain chemicals when we tick something of our list. In fact, some people will even go back to their list to write something they already finished, just to tick it off and get the buzz! Make a list today, only a few achievable things, get them done and tick them off! Then enjoy your progress buzz!
Joy Tracking for increased happiness:
Which activities and people bring you joy? Where and when do you feel moments of contentment or enjoyment? Whenever you feel the buzz, pause for a microsecond and note what you are doing and where. There are personalized patterns to joy! We can feel it alone or with others, indoors or out, in nature or in the city, in silence or in noise or music, in the present or in nostalgia. Track your joy! Write it down, notice the patterns, increase the stuff that is associated with more of it. If we have more joyous times then we have less of the other stuff by default. Have you had a dose of joy yet today? Get started and please take notes
Boosting self control:
We all have things we want to start, want to maintain, want to complete, things we want to feel successful with, where sometimes our lesser impulses interrupt us and take us down another route that isn't quite where we want to be. So let's take a minute now to boost your inner self control system, helping you to relax a little more now, breathing slowly, eyes slowing right down now, thats right, listening to me here, tuning in so my voice can help you to help yourself, using the power of your mind, seeing that compass of yours now, the inner compass, very clearly with the arrow pointing towards your intention, towards your true north, pointing and directing you to where you need to be, where you want to be, your preferred outcome is yours now, always moving now towards what you know is important and beneficial, easier to stay on track from now on, with the compass always guiding you back to true north through the immense power of your subconscious mind, it will. Follow your own powerful inner compass today and notice how much easier it can be to stay on track. Go there now.
Too busy for what???
When we get "busy" we give ourselves excuses to stop doing certain things, and often these things relate to our health and wellbeing. Too busy to eat well, too busy to exercise, definitely too busy to meditate and no time to relax. When are we "busy" we are saying what really matters to us. We are making a choice about what we value and where we CHOOSE to spend our time and energy. Feeling good requires (for most of us at least!) good choices in how we fuel our bodies and minds. What are you choosing today?? Next time you hear yourself claiming "too busy" as a reason, know that what you are really saying is "I'm choosing to put my focus elsewhere right now". Then think about your real priorities and make sure your compass is pointed in the direction of where you want to be.
Step away from the drama!
Drama can be found everywhere, and is enticing due to its ability to stimulate a bit of adrenalin and make you feel "Alive". If we feel a bit bored or flat, drama in the form of fear or anger will kickstart the adrenal glands by triggering stress hormone release. Even though it's stressful, for many people it feels better than feeling nothing, or feeling bad. So drama (creating it or joining it) can easily become addictive. Anything that takes us out of boredom or restless states can become addictive. Most addictions are not friendly to our life, and addiction to drama is no exception. Others may try to drag you in, and it's your choice to stay detached (even if on the surface you give the "socially appropriate" response of "wow!" or some thing similar). Check your own need for drama and see if you can't find some excitement chemicals some place else today. Excitement chemicals based on love, enjoyment, achievement, contribution and personal progress are much more long lasting, pleasant to the body and ultimately sustainable.
Benefits of mini-meditation:
Just a few times a day, stop and close your eyes. Take a breath slowly and feel it enter and move around your system. Notice the colors behind your eyes of the good feeling that sits at the centre of your being as you relax. Take two more breaths (or a few extra if you like!) and focus on some kind of goodness. Then you're done. Your brain has enjoyed a mini break which is demonstrated to help recharge you, your stress hormones have had a chance for a re-balance and your nervous system is calmer. Repeat a few times per day for maximum benefit!
Retraining the brain during resentment or self pity:
If you've done it tough as a kid, or have a hard time in parts of life as an adult, it's easy to feel a bit deprived. Emotional deprivation is that feeling of self pity, of being a bit sad or resentful about your needs not being met in the past or the present, and perhaps not expecting them to be met in the future. This is especially true for people that didn't have their emotional needs attended to as children. Often this pattern can lead to over indulgence in food, alcohol and other substances later in adulthood, or in choosing partners or activities that don't meet emotional needs. If you're trying to change a pattern (of mood, eating, exercising, whatever), watch very carefully for when deprivation feelings kick in. You'll know because they are usually accompanied by "it's not fair" thoughts, and comparisons to how much easier it is for other people. Acknowledge the deprived feeling. Notice it and label it. This labeling of emotion has been shown in FMRI studies to down regulate the intensity in the brain. Notice what you feel and say to yourself that it's ok and that it's normal to feel that way. Then move on to another focus or activity that is in line with your real intention, knowing that you are cleverly retraining your brain in the process.
Plug into happy:
Happy doesn't mean euphoric. Happy doesn't mean everything meets your exact standards and that there are no problems. Happy is a state of acceptance, a state of "it's ok", a willingness to allow things just to be just as they are, so relax a little now, slowing down your eyes, a little slower now, that's right, simply reminding your mind to unwind any of that inner tension, letting all tension dissolve now, that's right, neck and shoulders much more relaxed now, softer, releasing any grip, just allowing what is, not trying to be anything, no thought for tomorrow, or yesterday, just being, allowing the natural state of happy to find you, it will, you don't need to look or search or strive, just allow the contentment of right now to immerse itself in your cells, healing, relaxing, energizing, comforting and fulfilling, no more driving or striving, just allow that natural state to find you, and it will only find you when you relax and forget to look, remembering to just be, here and now. You are.
Three good things:
It's easy to feel a bit flat or despondent as a baseline state, especially if you're not excited about much right now for whatever reason. One thing that can help is deliberately getting the brain to retrospectively review the past 24 hours for things that actually went well. So right now, go back to yesterday (or the day you've just had, if it's nighttime) and find three things that went well or that you enjoyed or felt good about. It could be a meal, a walk, a conversation, something you did, said, created, found, saw, cleaned, disposed of, wore, bought, acquired, ate or admired. It doesn't matter at all what the content is. The process of finding the "what went well" is the important part of the brain training. Do it every morning or night for optimal results!
Stuck mood?
Moods can shift very rapidly for the better, even when we think they won't. Sleep is often the fastest trigger, along with other kinds of rests, holidays and changes of scenery. Other people (the right ones of course!) can uplift mood super fast, as can the right music, book, activity or element of nature. Sometimes a little change in circumstances can help, as well as the obvious improvements in nutrition and exercise. At times all we need is a little peace, a break from the inner and outer noise or chaos. The most important thing to know is that our mood always strives towards improvement if we help it along a tiny bit. Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing. It's all about what we hold in mind. Choose one thing (or maybe nothing!) to focus on and feel even better than you do right now!
Just say it.
Too many times we stop ourselves saying what we want to or perhaps need to say. In case it comes out wrongly, in case it triggers "offense", in case we "look bad". And these unexpressed words sometimes fade away and sometimes fester to cause internal conflict. So we could choose to just say it. Sensitive people are rarely in danger of causing offense and are more likely to doubt themselves and their perceptions. Just say it today.
Quick reminder:
Everything out there, whether it's traffic or people or events, is neutral until we judge or label it. Our first judgement or label might not lead to good feelings but luckily we always have a second chance as well as a third. If there's fear, anger, hopelessness, hostility or another type of bad-feeling judgement, check in again. We can notice facts without labeling or judging. And it feels a lot better.
Nervous system booster shot:
Sometimes events can be taxing to the nervous system, leading to tension, pressure, agitation and eventually exhaustion. If your sympathetic nervous system is activated too regularly due to personality, thought style or stressful circumstances/people then it's harder to feel at your best so settle in to read this more slowly now, just slow your eyes down, right here, nothing to do or think about or solve, just simply letting my words run slowly across the page, entering your subconscious mind easily, my helpful words smoothing the waters so that you can really allow that tension to dissolve now, relaxing the neck and shoulders, breathe in, breathe out, more slowly, that's right, just take a breath, slowing your breath can remind your mind that it's all fine, staying in the now, feeling the good that kicks in when you just allow yourself to slow right down, breathe, and feel better now, dialing down that tension and stress you used to carry, no need for that now, you can be much more comfortable, naturally, using the power of your mind. Allow your nerves to remain calm today and stay connected to the good. You are.
Food and mood check:
Many busy people forget about the link between what they put in their mouths and how they feel, both physically and emotionally. If you want to feel more energized and more emotionally balanced, eating for quick and easy convenience is not usually a great idea. Sugars, processed foods and high carb items will lead to a crash, physically and emotionally. Eat your protein (meat, fish, chicken, eggs, tofu etc), eat your good fats (nuts, seeds, avocado, olive oil etc) and eat your vegetables! Good fuel means better performance. It doesn't take long to be organized and your reward chemicals will soon kick in to make it a habit. Lots of people have "reasons" why it's too hard (read "excuses"). It's up to you whether your health and happiness if a priority or not, but it's an easy hack to feeling better very quickly. Get on it!
Release some control:
Control is helpful in achievement drive and can definitely be a bonus in getting things done and being successful in various ways. The trouble is, once we have a control pattern in place, it tends to bleed into the parts of our emotional life where it can cause problems. The trick is knowing when to release control in order to reduce anxiety, overwhelm and self imposed pressure. If our goal relates to another person/people, relationships or events or other aspects over which we have no control then it's time to release. People with anxious control patterns sometimes benefit from remembering that "the universe has your back" and all will be ok in the bigger picture. You can relax and trust if you choose. Many anxious control types believe that nothing "good" will happen unless they "make" it happen, yet this grasping approach often creates the reverse effect. Relax. Release control on that thing you're concerned about. Act as if the universe has your back.
Music meditation:
One of the best and most effective types of meditative practice involves using music to fill the consciousness. When you choose the right music, on headphones, with closed eyes and no other stimulus, you'll hear different aspects of the music you may not have noticed before, and if you focus only on the music, your brain will drift nicely into an alpha state. Alpha brain wave state is the best part of meditation, that feeling of floating or transcending from normal consciousness, the sensation of being removed from everyday life so that the brain gets a restorative holiday. Some people choose classical music or other non-lyric music, others choose slower, trippier albums that provide relaxation and inspiration. Music meditation may also start a helpful thought process that leads you to an unexpected solution or insight relating to a part of your life. This type of meditation is called contemplative meditation and is very underrated with all the current focus on mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness is great, but sometimes we need another focus, especially if the mind is busy, stressed or restless. Choose a mellowish album and go on a contemplative trip today!
Daily dose of optimism:
Optimism isn't about denying what is. It's about acceptance of reality, reframing what is into a possibility for something that is ok or better, and it's about taking realistic action given what outcomes you want. So you feel tired or ill or low? Accept that it is that way FOR NOW. It's temporary and feelings/sensations/moods come and go, mediated by time, sleep, rest and what thoughts we hold in consciousness. If we dwell on how much it sucks and how unfair it is, we tend to feel way worse for way longer. If we decide it's unpleasant but temporary, then choose our focus of attention carefully and deliberately, we may feel a little better a little sooner. Whatever you feel today, take a dose of optimism by first accepting the reality of what is. Don't speculate on the future of it, or the why, just stay in the now, with IS, without labeling and without impatience. Know that it's ok. Then ask yourself, "given what is, how do I need to think and act in order to stay calm and allow this phase to complete itself?" Everything improves.
Self-judgers listen up!
You know, and I know too, that some of us are prone to telling ourselves off, to criticize ourselves if things don't go well, or to generally name call and label ourselves at times, but this is unhelpful, useless mental activity and actually quite unpleasant, so listen up, slow right down now, slowing the eyes and letting them close just slightly as you read my words, as I talk to you here, now, hearing my voice, listening or not really listening, it doesn't matter either way, because your subconscious mind can listen, and pay attention, and really understand my helpful instructions in a very relaxed and comfortable way, relaxing all muscles now, and relaxing that urge to be so hard on the self, leave that in the past now, much more supportive of yourself, perhaps becoming instantly more accepting, no more labels on you, no more name calling or judging, allowing yourself just to be exactly as you are, you have been designed perfectly, nothing wrong with you at all, you're really very open and always learning and moving towards improvement in how you feel and you can feel better right now, just for having read this, for being the kind of person who learns and enjoys and is willing to be part of a positive experience that will only get better and better. You are.
Simplify.
From complicated thoughts to overcrowded schedules, most of us need to simplify. One simple idea. One deep breath. One thing at a time. Let the the need for complication be released. Simplify.
Calm nervous system:
Most people are over activated in their sympathetic nervous system, which is like keeping your foot planted flat out on the accelerator pedal of your car. We need to activate the parasympathetic nervous system (which acts a bit like the brake pedal) for greater balance and calm. Take a breath in through your nose and feel it enter your nostrils and head. Hold it there a second or two. Then very slowly breathe it out through your nose, feeling the air leave your system. Imagine you are making an "mmmmm" sound as you expel your breaths. Do five or ten cycles of these and your nervous system will slow down nicely. And don't go so fast today.
Sucked in by people pleasing??
Feeling responsible for the reactions or emotions of others is a draining pattern. Not only do you have to be hypervigilant, but you have to keep your own emotions in check, suppress them and then modify your response to keep the other person happy. Which of course you don't. People pleasing is not even an effective strategy. How many times have you heard someone say "I try to keep everyone happy but they're never satisfied!" This is because we truly can't "make" anyone happy. It's an inside job. Our mission is to figure out what we personally need for ongoing happiness and work towards that without impeding the happiness of others. We can be ethical, we can be kind, we can be generous. But we can't make others happy. That's their mission, and if they choose not to accept that mission, it's not your responsibility. Focus on your own mission today and be in energy saving mode.
Up-regulate your mood today:
We don't always wake up in a good mood, and in fact our dreams can be a pointer to the chemistry we are carrying for the next day. Anxious or weird dreams can leave some people shaky or wiped the next day, or unsettled sleep can leave us tired and achey. Whatever mood we wake up with, it can be boosted somewhat with a few tricks. First of all you must know and believe that you can boost mood. Then you must engage physical activity if you can. Walk vigorously or run on the spot (or if you can't, imagine doing that). Then work on your brain. The first attitude is "I can and I will!" The second attitude is positivity. Find three things that you truly feel good about, big or small, important or trivial. Thirdly, get on the frequency of gratitude. Just say "thank you thank you thank you" until you feel a physical sense of uplift. Today could be great.
Nothing to fear:
As your eyes move from left to right over these words, you can notice that right now, there is nothing to fear, you can relax a little more, slowing your eyes, letting the eyes glide just a little more, eyelids heavier, tension dissolving now, one deep breath, just really letting all that stress and strain leave your mind and body, relaxing all the muscles in the neck, shoulders and back now, just breathing in and out, breathing new life into your cells, breathing a smile slowly into each cell and feeling those cells respond with calm strength, you will, coming back to now, staying in now, where there is nothing to worry about or do, nothing you need to fix or control, nothing you need to feel self conscious about, allowing yourself to come back to the state of calmly just being, not having to be anything in particular, just being, relaxing, breathing and allowing more and more good feelings to move happily through your system now. You will.
Check in with the feelings!
If you're tired, in pain or get ill frequently, chances are you need to check in more (or check in differently) with your emotions. Most people put their emotions to one side, especially if the emotions are about something they can't control or take action on. But it's not about control or action. It's about that younger, inner part of you being noticed, acknowledged and reassured. Even if the feelings are of stress, anger, frustration, overwhelm, tiredness, anxiety or whatever, listen to them. Tell them you've noticed. Ask them how they'd like you to best take care of yourself right now. Welcome them, take notice and soothe yourself like you would for a child or friend. How are you doing in there today? It's time for you to check in.
More attractive than you realize!
Most people see themselves a less attractive than they objectively are. Maybe this is the mirror effect, or the influence of photos (some people photograph better than others regardless of attractiveness) or maybe past criticism or rejection. But the fact is, chances are you are much more attractive than you realize. This applies especially to females, who are often conditioned to be much more sensitive about or critical of their looks. Your mantra for today is "I look great!" Do you have a few other women you'd like to pass that on to and tell them they look great?? They probably need to hear it too!
The imagined lives of others:
Apparently, other people have better lives, more fun, greater confidence, superior careers, less problems, and go out socializing much more often. Or so we think. The imagined lives of others can cause inferior feelings, otherwise known as the social comparison effect. It's all made up anyway, all projection; we really have no idea what is really going on in the lives or minds of others. Social media has escalated the social comparison effect, as we now have pictures to stir up our imagined narratives of others. But of course most people only choose the best pictures with the most visible fun. It's just a moment in time and it only represents how they want to be seen at that single moment. We need to affirm that our life is fine and that if something is genuinely missing, we will work to change things. Want more fun? Schedule an outing! Want more glamour? Get dressed up and go somewhere. Tweak things so that life feels better. And ditch the social comparison. It's just wasted mental energy and you can use it for fun stuff instead.
Nothing to fear right now:
Humans are much better at being in the past or thinking about the future. Being right here, right now can be challenging. And yet, right here, right now, things are ok. You're reading this, I'm saying this, you are breathing in and out, and that is all. Come back here. There is nothing to worry about, nothing to do, nowhere to be right now, no pressure to perform. Let the present moment be as it is. Our minds can be trained if we just keep coming back.
Energy Power Up:
As tired as we can physically feel, most energy ups and downs are generated from the mind, from how we feel, from our level of boredom, or overwhelm, or frustration or guilt or whatever other emotion might be consciously or unconsciously hovering, so if we need an energy boost we need to go via the mind, through the emotions, landing in the nervous system and physical body to get the tiny changes that will power things up now, so let your eyes slowly glide over my words, slowing now, dissolving any tension, let go, that's right, just allowing things to be as they are, feelings as they are, everything as it is right now, knowing that noticing and accepting can easily lead to changes, to improvements, just simply by noticing, and you know, and I know too that you need to do more noticing, noticing the rise and fall of your emotional tides, in and out, just like the breath, always moving, nothing ever staying exactly the same, even the heavy storms pass, often quite quickly, and the clouds disappear, the sun comes out and suddenly we see light, we feel warmer, and the air is fresher, cleaner, and you can begin again, every day new, calmer in the knowledge that the good is always just around the corner and you are always energized and ready. Enjoy.
Watch out for tiredness!
Through the lens of tiredness, life seems very different. Things seem harder, meaning is harder to find and fun or joy can be very difficult to access. Through the lens of tiredness, it all feels like an effort, sometimes a huge effort for little or no reward. Tiredness drops our mood and in many cases increases anxiety. The only way to mitigate this is to knowingly accept the tiredness, acknowledge it and its mood effects without believing in the truth of what the tired thoughts or feelings might be saying to you. Everything feels better after sleep or a good rest, and we can bounce back remarkably quickly even though we feel like we won't. Mid-year tiredness is extremely common so if you're just treading water at the moment, know that it's ok to tread, most people are doing the same, and you'll certainly feel better soon.
Permission to slack off a bit?
Only you can know whether you are too driven in your chosen pursuits, too perfection oriented and too hard on yourself. If you are, then consider this message your trigger to chill out a bit, take a breath and maybe even take a break. If on the other hand you are a little too self indulgent, prone to procrastinate and give yourself constant reasons to wait until tomorrow, next week, next month, then perhaps consider this message a trigger to get your shit together, cut the crap and get started! Of course we all have both patterns, usually in different areas of life. Some of us are motivated and focused at work/study but slack around self care or health. For others it's the opposite. Think about your balance of activity and rest and notice which one you might need a little more of today!
Fake fear thoughts:
Our minds generate untrue and untested thoughts constantly. Most of them might not matter, maybe we don't buy into them so they have no power. But at times, our thoughts trigger unpleasant feelings like fear, anxiety, doubt, and negativity, which can then bring on more of the same type of thoughts to create a downward spiral. It's important to be able to return to basic fact and to learn to disregard the power of thoughts in general. The only thing that is actually true right now is that you are reading this post. You are breathing in, you are breathing out. Returning to the simple fact of the present moment allows us to eject all the commentary our mind generates, which is mostly meaningless and made up anyway, so why pay attention. Return to the simple fact of what you are doing right now. The only thing that is true right now is person sitting/standing, reading this. Right now is ok.
Mantra for today:
May we be more peaceful and loving beings today. May we remember that we have no idea what is really going on in the lives or minds of others. May we be a force for good in the world today.
Access your hidden talents:
We all have gifts, some we know about and use, and others that are waiting to be activated and discovered, and it doesn't matter how young you are, there is newness there which we can now begin to uncover, you can apply these gifts to the area of your life where it would be most useful, and so your subconscious mind can assist right now, just continue to read, slowly, while I continue to talk to you, even more slowly now, talking to your subconscious mind now, offering helpful instructions, time to unlock that hidden potential, activate what needs to be activated now, you know, it's there, always been there, always will be there, always newness just around the corner, possibilities and options and exciting new things for you always, all you need to do is remember to know, to notice the difference, to pay attention to what is getting better, small steps, sometimes very tiny, but always present, always improving and always moving in the direction of good, those new talents helping you towards where you need to be, already are and always will be, just know, smile, and remember to notice all their positive signs today. You will.
Pet alert!
Our pets (and the pets of others!) increase our serotonin, lower our blood pressure, balance our stress hormones and generally improve mood instantly! Focus on your with pet with appreciation today, or on a pet you know or have met that makes you smile. Even the thought of your chosen pet will change your brain chemistry in milliseconds
Easier decisions for you?
Many of us rush into action without a useful decision making strategy and end up with regrets and feelings of being annoyed about going against intuition. So if we are deciding whether to make a move, do an activity, buy something, see somebody, stop seeing somebody, or make a change of some kind, ask this:
Will doing this bring me joy? Will doing this bring me peace?
Will doing this bring more inner harmony?
And truly listen to the response from your body. While the mind can rationalize and convince, the body always knows the truth straight away. We need to listen and act on that truth.
The Mindful Pause:
One of the keys to building happiness and peace every day is to remember the art of the mindful pause. Rather than always getting caught up in the doing, or the rushing, or the worrying, or the boredom, take a regular quick stop to consciously pause. Some people set an alarm on their phone to pause, and in fact there are apps you can download to remind you. In this pause, what you do is based on the feeling you want. If you want peace, pause and breathe and feel the peace within you. If you want joy, pause and think of all the good things, the things that excite you. If you want contentment, pause and feel the positive aspects of life, the things you genuinely appreciate. Or, if you just want to feel present, pause and think about what matters or what's most important to you RIGHT NOW in this moment. Enjoy your pauses today.
The Kind Mind:
Number one rule, be kind to self. No harshness, self criticism or blame. Definitely no name calling! Number two rule, remember you never truly know what's going on in somebody else's life. So each person you meet, you could either make their day better or worse. The Kind Mind prefers to be a source of good in the world but knows that being "nice" is not the same as being kind. Sometimes the truth is kind. Sometimes silence is kind. Sometimes ending a relationship is kind. Kindness and wisdom come from the same place. Start with self kindness and the rest will follow.
No comparisons:
The human mind loves to compare, better, worse, should be, not enough, too much, shouldn't, more, less, used to be, need to be, blah blah, most of it designed to create insecurity and inferiority, well, no more, enough of that, we need a word with your subconscious mind to put some prevention and immunity in place just in case, so allow those shoulder and neck muscles of yours to relax right now, breathing just a little deeper, slowing right down, more relaxed, slow your eyes as you read my words, let my words speak to you, slowly, moving from here directly to your subconscious mind, deeper now, and more relaxed, subconscious mind wise, wide awake and ready for helpful instructions, as they begin, begin now to know, and to be completely aware of the perfect pattern, the inner perfect pattern, what is perfect for you, and what is, right now, already exactly as it should be, quite perfect really, and you can become and you are already becoming, totally indifferent to what others are doing, not doing, being, not being, saying, not saying, all that matters now is the good that you already are, always have been, and always will be, unique, nobody with your particular set of talents and gifts and skills, nothing to prove, no more pressure, no more unhelpful comparison, just enjoying your fruits, letting it be as it is, perfect, whole and complete. You are.
Stop! Look! Enjoy!
Most of us are rushing about all the time, thinking about what we have to do, planning, worrying about this and that, going over things in our minds and generally not being present. We can make it a thing to stop just for a few seconds, several times a day, starting right now, and just look. Preferably outside, even if it has to be outside via a window. Just look, and allow yourself to enjoy what you see, whether it's aspects of nature or human created scenery. Look at it now and enjoy it. Just be.
Don't ask why, ask what.
When things go wrong, asking WHY did it happen or WHY did they do this is an easy trap to fall into. The thing about that trap is that it never leads anywhere useful. Analyzing the motives of others is really just guessing and projection; we never really know, and even if we had an explanation from them, people don't usually do things for the reason they think they do. Many of our motives are unconscious and quite primal, especially in relationships. So when something happens, we stick to the facts, and we can say: "This is what happened. I don't know why. I don't need to know why. The most important thing I need to focus on is WHAT I want to feel and think now". Not so much what to DO, that comes later. Many people take impatient action (which usually involves telling somebody off!) when they really need to just stop and think and wait for a bit. So, when something happens, stop with the why, there is no useful why. Ask what. What would you like to FEEL now? What do you need to THINK in order to feel that way? Focus on YOUR focus! Focus leads to correct attention which leads to correct action.
How about you let all things be exactly as they are today.
Mental resistance is tiring. Judging and labeling is pointless. Whether it's the traffic, the people, the news, the weather or the mood you woke up with, just let it be as it is. Releasing resistance has the paradoxical effect of allowing for change without trying to make it happen. Relax. It is what it is. Let it be.
What you focus on expands:
When you get a certain new car, you spot them everywhere. If you're scared of spiders, you will notice spiders that nobody else sees. If you're easily offended you will spot opportunities to feel that way whether it was intended or not. The part of the brain that pays attention (the reticular activating system) will search and find all the things you have consciously or subconsciously told it to pay attention to. What do you want your brain to pay attention to today? Choose carefully according to how you want to feel. Focusing on any/all good things is a start. Focus on sunshine. Focus on kind or helpful people. Focus on the parts of your body that feel comfortable. Focus on things you like! The skill of paying attention on purpose is a key to happiness. Get your attention in check today!
When you get people that bother you:
Maybe it's the critical people, or the judgmental people, or the ones who drone on and on with no idea that you've tuned out ages ago, or the incompetent ones, or the negative ones, or the ones who complain, or whoever, but there will be days when people will have an effect on your nervous system that doesn't feel so good, so let's program something in right here, now, let's have a chat with your subconscious mind, put in a word or two, slowly, slowing down as you read, slowing your eyes down now, relaxing a little, letting the tension drop from those tiny muscles in the neck and shoulders, those tiny muscles that carry all your stress and strain, just relaxing them now, relaxing your jaw and allowing your subconscious mind to come wide awake, listening to my words here, ready to build immunity for you, immune from the words of others, allowing a shield to form, a shield that protects you from all unhelpful energy or words, simply allowing you to detach now, dissolving any resistance, dissolving any concern, no need to bother reacting really, just indifferent to those things and people who used to disturb you, no more, just really not caring, letting them be, nothing to do, nothing to do with you anyway, you just relax from now on, let them be, moving along and feeling good from the inside now, smiling cells, breathing and knowing that all is well. It is.
Focus on EASY:
The word easy has a calming and positive effect on the human nervous system. In contrast, every time we say things are hard, this is hard, it's all too hard, this has a draining, constricting, unpleasant chemical effect. Most things are easier than we think, easier than we allow them to be, and even if they aren't, thinking of them as easy can help you get through it with more ease. Even if we just focus on the ease of one tiny tiny step. That's what easy is, greater EASE. So ease into your day, watch your thoughts and remember to take it easy.
Motivation and enthusiasm boost:
Motivation and enthusiasm come from desire, or a drive towards something. To feel motivated we have to have a strong WHY. Want to sleep more? Eat better? Drink less? Work differently?? Change a habit? Improve something?? Know your WHY. Why are you doing it? Staying in touch with your why keeps it out of vague concept land and back in the realm of relevant and compelling. By the way, the best kind of WHY to start with is "because I feel really good when I do it". Feeling good keeps us motivated and creates a fulfilling wellbeing cycle. Think about what makes you feel good and keep your eye on that today!
Let yourself off the hook today:
Whatever you think you've done, whatever hasn't been perfect for you, it's time to stop making yourself feel bad. Feeling bad doesn't help the situation, in fact usually it makes things worse. So let yourself off the hook, remind yourself of what you've learned and start afresh now, with a very clean slate. Be as forgiving to yourself as you'd like to be to others. No more mean talk about yourself, only good things from now on please. No more expecting perfection. You're off the hook.
Breathe in. Smile. Breathe out. Smile.
Our physiology can change our chemistry in an instant. Smiling changes your brain, whether or not you have anything to smile about. Smiling while focusing on the breath lowers stress hormones while promoting positive mood. Again, breathe in. Smile! Breathe out. Smile. Repeat when necessary
Not in the mood?
At times, there are things we need to do, want to do, have to do, but we just don't feel in the mood, not really in the right headspace yet, just not feeling it. But of course, with the right input we can trigger a little change in mood, just a slight lift in motivation, that ability to not be driven solely by how we feel, but to take control and help create a new vibe, so simply slow down your eyes now, as you read this, relaxing as I talk to you, and you can listen, not doing anything, not expecting anything much, just knowing that by planting a small seed, we can quickly grow something quite strong and all it takes is just a little idea, watered daily with a touch of sunshine, and then a new feeling begins, starting deep somewhere within before we are even aware of it, then growing into a stronger feeling, starting to activate now, moving towards acceleration, driving forward almost by itself, propelling and compelling you towards what you need to do, what you now WANT to do, easily, effortlessly and very comfortably, a new mood of possibility and it's yours any time you need it so you can allow it to activate on your behalf whenever you like. Begin now.
A day of non-judgement:
Most of us spend a bit of time in our day judging things as good or bad, right or wrong, perhaps even judging ourselves, other people around us and making up stories in our head about what things mean and why people do what they do. Judgement can help us make sense of the world in a positive way and it can also allow us to make sense of a world in a way that triggers anger, hostility, blame, guilt and resentment. When we find ourselves judging, we can choose to say "I don't know what this means so I'm refusing to judge". If people state that something is good or bad, you can think or say "maybe". Because the truth is, we don't know yet. We don't have the big picture. Sometimes something that seems bad can turn out to be very fortunate, just as sometimes getting what we want turns out to be a major booby prize. We just don't know. Be comfortable with not knowing and not judging today!
A moment of self appreciation please!
Most of us are keen for a little extra inner peace. What robs us of comfortable feelings is lack of acceptance, of ourselves, of other people and of events. It is a fact that things are as they are. You are as you are. Perhaps you were actually perfectly designed for your particular mission. There are always things we look to improve, but even improvement happens more effectively from a state of acceptance and appreciation rather than criticism. Take a moment to feel appreciation for yourself now, whether for certain qualities, skills, achievements or just for being. Just being is enough you know.
A very brief reminder:
Slow down. Relax. Breathe. Stay away from hurry mode and let your nervous system remain comfortable today. There is really no rush if you look at the bigger picture. Just take it easy.
A new day, with new beginnings:
Where do you need to start afresh today? A new thought? A new approach? A new idea? A new resolution? A new attitude? Even the word "NEW" has a strong positive effect on mood chemistry and the nervous system, which is why it's so widely used by advertisers. And the great thing is, it really is a new day, and it always will be, and nothing ever has to be the same again if you choose to have that new day. Try out the mantra "it's a new day" and see how it suits you. And remember to choose to see that new day as it comes your way.
Being gentle with yourself?
We tend to reserve our most harsh judgements and criticisms for ourselves, which can lead to guilt, self doubt, inadequacy and anxiety, and of course as humans we have every right to think what we think and feel how we feel, but have you ever wondered, just really stopping now, slowing right down breathing in, breathing out, just to think, to reflect in a calm, comfortable way as you slow your eyes as they read this, just how it might feel if youeased up on yourself, if you took the pressure off, if you let go some of the expectations you place on yourself, allowing you to just be, as you are, perfectly fine, definitely good enough, probably much better than you think, without even trying, without the strain, without the inner tension that you can let dissolve right now, no more tightness, allowing everything to be much more comfortably loose, easier, going easily through the open doors, following your inner guidance and stepping forward with relaxed focus, knowing where you need to be, what to say and to whom without ever really having to plan and scheme, just trusting yourself and being very kind and gentle towards yourself at all times, you can and you will begin now please.
Filter your incoming!
Social media is a mixed bag for everyone, but for sensitive people, it may be having effects that go unnoticed. Sensitive and highly sensitive people have difficulty filtering out weird energy as well as negative energy and may find that social media browsing leads to vague anxiety, agitation, restlessness, irritation and mood change. Yes, it's addictive. It's been designed and shaped to make us feel like we are missing out if we don't click, read and scroll, and to feel that something exciting is coming up (it usually isn't!). Limit your time on social media and be aware of the effect on your brain chemistry and nervous system. The research is in now after ten or so years of active use, and the results aren't great. Yes it can enhance the perception of social connection if used wisely but it also triggers social comparison, annoyance (due to seeing things online that people may not or should not share in real life), fear of missing out, downgrading actual experiences as opposed to public experiences (photos) and excessive self consciousness. Use wisely.
Nothing personal:
As you may have noticed, there are times when certain other people can be inconsiderate, rude, manipulative, dismissive, patronizing and difficult. And you know what? It's no reflection on us. The behavior of others is only a reflection of THEIR consciousness, their beliefs, their false entitlement, their self involvement, their moods, their lack of awareness, their emotional patterns, their life situation. It's not about you. It's their stuff. See difficult behavior through the lens of "their stuff" and refuse to see it in any way about you. It's not about you.
A small simple message.
Relax now. Breathe. Focus on one small thing and just do that. You have nothing to prove today. Just be.
Anything can happen!
Many good things are just around the corner, maybe even starting to happen now without our knowledge. It's easy to get stuck in how we see things, seeing only grim reality, how we think things "are", but our perceptions can be wrong and things can be much better than we could ever expect. What if we always assumed that good things are always about to happen, always just around the corner? This creates positive expectancy and boosts optimism. The thought process of expecting good things also creates a change in brain chemistry that is probably bound to help attract or create newer and better things! Something good is definitely happening today. Your job is to find it!
Reclaiming the Should:
The era we live in is all about doing what you feel like doing, being "authentic" and not conforming to other people's ideas of what the rules are. This creates more freedom, flexibility and self acceptance and leads to many positive outcomes. On the flip-side (everything has a flip-side!) we also have to create boundaries for ourselves in order to achieve, both in a traditional and personal sense. Getting things done and being somewhat organized is important. Fulfilling our commitments or promises is important. Looking after our health is important. Being our best selves is important. Being ethical and kind is important. These are the places where we need to reclaim the Should. If we NEED to do something in order to be balanced or happy or ethical or healthy, then we SHOULD do it. Sometimes we need to say NO to ourselves, just as we need to say NO to children who want to do something that is not helpful or appropriate at the time. The ability to say NO to ourselves (impulse control) is a key skill for happiness and achievement, and is a key component of emotional intelligence. Saying NO and redirecting to what you SHOULD do (not according to society's expectations, but according to the natural laws of health, happiness and balance) gives us our boundaries, stops procrastination and keeps us on track. Stick to what you need to do for balance today and know that you SHOULD!
Reframing and letting things go:
One of the hardest things to discern is when to assert ourselves and when to let something go. Many of us let things go where we probably should assert our boundaries, while also raising concerns with others that maybe don't matter at all in the scheme of things. One of the questions that helps to decide the importance of an issue is "Will this matter in five years' time?" Some things will matter. You know that if you don't raise it, consequences may happen that perhaps the other person needs to be aware of. Or maybe the consequences for you are strong enough that you will remember and still feel strongly in five years. Other things, by asking that question we realize we'd probably forget it in three weeks, let alone five years. This is a context reframe question that brings a broader perspective into the issue as opposed to just feelings in the now, which can be affected by so many things. If we interpret events through are current mood, or our overwhelm, or our winter melancholy or our physical tiredness etc then we don't get the full picture. Five years is a good mediator of what truly matters.
Got to rate yourself higher!
So often when I talk to clients I find that they see themselves through critical eyes, feeling not good enough and comparing themselves unfavourably to others. I often think or say that I wish they could see themselves through my eyes or the eyes of another person who gets how great they are. This is actually a learnable skill and one to master in order to boost confidence or what they call "self esteem", which really means how much you like yourself or hold yourself in esteem. Seeing yourself through the eyes of another person can be extremely helpful when you want to feel better quickly. Think of that person who most gets you and most admires you. It could be friend, partner or (if you're lucky) a family member. If you can, get them to tell you what they most value or like about you, or if not, think of some of the positive things they've said about you over time. Spend a few minutes seeing yourself through their eyes, the eyes of objectivity and clarity. Our own self views are often skewed by mood or events that occur, or by memories of earlier criticism. Refuse to dwell mentally on what feels bad! Choose the eyes of admiration, or respect, or love and stay there.
Write down your intention, write down your plan!
So much research has shown that people who write down what they want to achieve have a much, much higher chance of actually completing their plan. This means writing it down anywhere, either on a post it note, piece of paper, notebook or even in a list on your phone. Look at the plan or intention regularly and imagine somebody close to you congratulating you on its completion (make sure you choose a person who really would mention it in real life!). The combined technique of writing down an intention and imagining being congratulated or praised on its achievement have been shown to be even more powerful in many studies. Maybe the brain takes it more seriously if it's written down, maybe it's the regular reminder, maybe even the act of writing it down uses a different part of the brain that activates motivation chemistry. You don't need detail, dot points will do. You don't need a major or important goal, just anything you might want to do or finish or have. You don't need to make it neat or pretty, just get it on the page and look at it. Put it somewhere you will see it often and know that your brain will start working it for you immediately! Jot it down now.
Chill time for your subconscious mind!
Your subconscious is always working in the background, keeping the body ticking away, carrying all those worries that go back many years, keeping you safe from any perceived threats and striving to ensure that you move in the right direction. When we can get good rapport between out conscious mind (what we are consciously aware of in the now) and our subconscious, life goes much more smoothly and we feel better, so let your subconscious mind come very wide awake and alert as you read this, slowing down your reading to send the signal to your conscious mind to relax, to go off some place else, let the subconscious mind take over here, easing into automatic listening, now, as I talk, and you can just listen, knowing that your subconscious mind is very powerful, keeping your heart beating, breathing for you, digesting your food, building your contentment, doing all the things necessary so that you don't even have to think about it, moving you towards those things you want, you know those goals you have for yourself, the goals about feeling better, being better, doing certain things that will be good for you, you will, and your subconscious mind can take over for you now, and you can relax, remembering to chill, forgetting any concerns now, just comfortably allowing yourself to move easily towards the good things right now. Let it happen naturally and enjoy your day, whatever it brings.
Prioritize more fun right now!
Fun is much underrated. We need more fun in relationships. Fun in friendships. Fun at work. Fun in downtime. Fun in hobbies. If we prioritize fun then we choose differently! Most entrepreneurs choose their projects based on the level of fun it will bring. If it's fun, it's motivating. Of course, fun means totally different things to different people and we probably can't choose or predict fun for others. But we know what feels like fun for ourselves. And the tiny kid in us just wants to have plenty of fun in an adult life, or it gets a bit pissed off and rebellious. If you're feeling flat, lost mojo, low energy, then ask yourself about the fun factor. Where do you need more? How would you like to do more? We can't expect others to make it fun for us, we create the fun by aligning with what is exciting, pleasant and compelling. If in doubt, think back to what was fun for you at nine or ten years of age (pre puberty, pre teen) as these things will nearly always remain fun for your whole life if you choose to keep it up. Before we knew how to be cool we knew how to have fun. All we need to do is remember. And to factor it in. Always.
Ingredients of a good day:
First of all, we have to DECIDE to create a good day. Of course, most people wait and "see what happens" before deciding if it's a good day or not. But it's not what happens, it's our attitude or response to what happens that determines how we feel. So decide now that it's going to be a good day due to your internal response system and your ability to reframe whatever (or whoever!) might occur that may not be to your liking. Secondly, choose a thought process. Of course we all have automatic thoughts, many of them not so positive, many of them complaint thoughts, but we don't have to buy in. We can allow the thought and then replace it kindly and gently with a more neutral and/or uplifting thought. The most powerful replacement thought is "It's ok." That thought, "It's ok" will bring a slight calm accepting effect to most people almost instantly. Thirdly, keep a preemptive mantra in place, such as "I choose peace today" or "I'm willing to see the good in all things today". Those two key words (CHOOSE and WILLING) put the choice back into our consciousness, rather than us feeling like a victim to outside events. Be willing today and choose the thoughts that allow it to be a good day.
The new guilt about life balance!
It's a relatively new thing, but so many people worry now about the lack of balance in their lives, or their diet or their relationships. People often worry about work/life balance as though work isn't or shouldn't be a key part of life for some. Truthfully, work plays a huge role in the lives and the pleasure of many people, whereas for others it's just a way to make a living and support other activities or people. Balance is one of those words that sounds good in theory but doesn't really tell us anything about what you want to change. If you had more "balance" in your life, what would, be happening? More sleep? Getting home earlier? More fun activities? More time with friends or family? The key question to ask is not how to get some vague notion of balance (which probably doesn't exist, it's just some idea of the life WE want, some particular combination of activities that feels right to us) then ask the key question "What is missing right now?" Again, is it time with key people, fun, enjoyment, peace and quiet, alone time, reading time, creative outlet time, playing music, time with animals or in nature? Find a missing thing and schedule it in. It happens when we make it happen.
Is it time for some self appreciation?
You know, and I know too, that you often hold thoughts of appreciation for other people, admiring things about them, feeling thankful for certain actions or behaviors, and just liking who they are in general. These thoughts make you feel very good about that person, and enhance the enjoyment you feel in the connection, and of course if you slow down for a minute here, now, slow your eyes as you read this and let all tension dissolve, and just adjust your mind towards similar appreciative thoughts for your own self, those things you could admire about your own self, the traits that you could like, the many skills and talents that you possess and express, those creative things you do that maybe not many people notice, but you can notice can you not, and you can choose to feel really quite good about those things, maybe some things you said and did, or things you didn't say when you could have, or things you held back from which turned out to be very good indeed, your judgment was sound wasn't it, your intuition was spot on, always is if you really listen, and listen you will, and then you can appreciate that after the event too, or maybe even at the time, or perhaps even in advance from now on, no proof needed, just choosing to appreciate those things about you that make you interesting now. Remember.
What's your body got to say for itself today?
Most of us continually ignore important messages from our body. More and more over time, emotional issues are processed or expressed via physical discomforts such as back, neck and shoulder pain, overeating, insomnia, irritable bowel, chronic fatigue and constant viruses. There is generally some kind of overwhelm in the nervous system, something the person hasn't become consciously aware of as something to be faced and perhaps acted on. If there is something physical kicking in regularly, check your life and check your relationships. Where might you be overwhelmed? Where might you be repressing frustration or rage? What might you be unconsciously worried about? What could you be dreading? What is happening that you don't like, or don't want to happen? Talking through these issues can help the brain process it as an emotional issue rather than re-routing it as a physical condition. No, it's not all in your head, physical conditions are very real and very painful. But the brain and emotions have a large role to play, perhaps a larger role than most of us have considered in the past, especially in this era where "staying positive" can lead to denial of what might be really going on at the emotional level. Acknowledging our current emotional reality is the first step towards optimism and sometimes body discomfort is the first sign that we need to check in. Check in today.
Building motivation for what you want:
What would you like for today? Is it a certain behaviour or action, a particular mood, something you want to get done? Why do you want this?? Asking ourselves about the WHY of wanting something is a helpful step towards boosting desire, which is integral to motivation. Unless we rev up the chemistry of desire, we tend not to get the activation of determination or discipline. People who stay motivated over the long term are people who know how to stay connected to desire. Why do you want it? Why is it important to DO IT NOW? What good feelings will it bring? What positive things will it lead to? What unpleasant things will it prevent? The skill of staying connected to desire is crucial for preventing procrastination. Procrastination occurs when you want the outcome of doing something, but lack the focused thinking that leads to its action NOW, so you delay it until some later date (which is often unhelpful). When you focus on building desire, you also build the thoughts and feelings that make you WANT to do it now. Keep going back to why you want it and let the WHY drive you straight into the HOW today. Now.
Remember to release tension today!
We carry so much tension around each day without even being conscious of it. Tension in the body connects with tension in the mind and emotions, changing the way we think and triggering a cycle of further physical tightness and pain. Most stressed people are not aware of the degree to which they hold stress in the body, tensing up neck, shoulder, back, stomach and leg muscles habitually, as well as the muscles in the jaw (TMJ) which can lead to headaches and tiredness. Start an antidote exercise! It takes only a few seconds to release some tension. The first thing is to become aware of where you store your tension. Consciously tense up the area then release it a few times, reminding it to relax and let go, allowing all tightness to dissolve. Then, at various times during the day, check in again and release the tension. Often people yawn when releasing tension, this is a sign of energy shifting, as well as a cue to relax. When in doubt, start by relaxing the facial and jaw muscles, followed by neck and shoulder. You can relax now, no matter what is happening. In fact, whatever is happening, relaxing is guaranteed to help.
Moving beyond unpleasantness:
When things happen that feel bad or sad, it's so easy to get stuck, stuck in the why, stuck in the unfairness, stuck in the emotions or resentment, stuck in concern for the future. The first step is to cease the fighting of the feeling or thoughts, and just allow it to be, allowing now whatever happens to be floating around your consciousness here and now, slowing right down as you read this, letting any resistance dissolve into the nothingness it came from and just allowing what is, to be what is, it will, in fact it just is, and you can let that be, just by saying "it is", and of course what is isn't the same as what will be, and as you know, and I know too, things can change very quickly, begin to improve and feel better now, things can feel more comfortable, your inner mind can somehow allow whichever small changes to occur naturally, so that everything is integrated, and inner peace starts as a very small seed, if we let that seed be what it is, leave it alone without pushing or prodding, then the seed begins to grow and sprout, increasing and spreading its essence all through your being now, that seed of inner peace growing, blooming, extending to whenever and wherever it is needed now for you, just being.
Pump up more music today!
Of course music is the quickest game changer for your brain, with the right music at the right time instantly changing your brain chemistry in any direction that you might want. When we change the chemistry, we also change the thoughts, and that's a much quicker way of feeling better no matter whether it's a physical, mental or emotional state that you want to dial up. Sometimes you need known and trusted music to reboot the system, other times you need something new to capture the brain's attention and remind you that there will always be new music to elevate you or to calm you. Don't get into a rut with your music, or start complaining that "they" don't make good music anymore. There's plenty of brilliant new music, it's more available than it ever was, just not on most commercial radio stations! Do a google search for new music that sounds like bands you love, or use some newer music apps like Discovr Music, Spotify, Pandora or Bandcamp to find things that might just blow your mind. It's one of the cheapest and most effective drugs for instant feel-good so remember to include plenty of music in your daily wellbeing routine!
Tracking from self doubt to confidence:
A moment of self doubt can hit quickly, usually triggered by some kind of thought along the lines of "can I really do this? Is it good enough?" which then leads to a horrible anxious defective kind of feeling. For some people, those type of questions are habitual. If we can't stop the questioning, we can certainly influence what happens after it. The questions are vague, non specific and anxiety inducing without any real content. This is the key to the antidote. If the case for the prosecution is that weak, then we only need a half decent case for the defense and we will easily win. So, in response to the "but is it good enough?", the case for the defense says: "Yes! It's definitely good enough and here's why. You're intelligent and competent and have done loads of successful things before. With your skills and positive attitude you'll do at least as well as most people, probably better. Have faith in your innate resourcefulness and trust that you will deliver the right goods for the situation at hand, no matter what it is. You have shown great adaptability and competence in the past, and the past is the best predictor of the future, so just get on with it in a state of optimism". As you can see, the case for the defense is strong. Listen to that one.
Drama is draining!
Drama steals out energy, even if we are just on the periphery watching or thinking about it. There are definitely those who thrive on drama, and get a little bored if things are too mellow. All it takes to start a drama is to identify a grievance or decide that somebody did something that they should not have done. To feed the drama, other people are brought in for their opinions and/or support. Suddenly we have victim, persecutor and rescuers, the perfect drama recipe. This is how tv and movies organize drama to get our attention too! But what works as entertainment on a screen can be quite damaging and draining in real life. Families are good places for drama to simmer; usually the roles have been allocated for years and years so big messes can trigger and erupt easily. If we want more inner peace in life, then it may be helpful to make drama-free choices by choosing not to buy in, either behaviorally or in our private thoughts. We accept that some people need or enjoy drama, but if we don't, we can choose to stay out of it. Repeat "I'm staying out of it!" And we can choose not to judge or take sides. Repeat "I'm choosing not to judge!" Sometimes, the fence can be a comfortable place to sit.
What attitude are you bringing to the mix today?
We humans operate on sympathetic resonance. This means that we pick up on each other's vibes somehow, and get affected by it even without being aware that we are. Of course some of us will feel it more than others. We can't control the vibe or energy of others but what we can do is to help bring some positive energy to the mix, to take responsibility for the vibes we bring to the world and hopefully improve the bigger picture. It doesn't matter whether we happen to feel good today or not. Bringing thoughts or attitudes of openness, kindness, calm, acceptance, optimism, possibility or even neutrality will be helpful. If a mantra helps, you could repeat the words "I'm willing to be open today" or something similar. Not everybody takes responsibility for their vibe and how they affect others but we can. Let's put some good stuff out there today.
Reality check on your food plan!
Many of my clients identify that they need to keep their food agenda at the front of mind. Are you also one of the people who needs a reminder to plan what you are going to put in your mouth this week? Yes, it can take more effort; yes, it's quicker and easier to do "quick and easy" food, but is that really what you want?? If you want to feel good, then check your fuel source and go for the high quality clean stuff. For each meal, check your high quality protein (meat, fish, chicken, eggs, tofu etc) and get some coloured vegetables and/or salad. Ditch the processed stuff and stay with the pure foods that feel good physically and emotionally while you eat them as well as afterwards! If you're prone to bingeing, stay away from the foods that open the floodgates and stick to the stuff you know you feel good about. Even if you're tired, stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed or sick, it will not help to be eating the foods that end up making you feel awful half an hour after you finish them. Tune into your emotions instead, as well as your thoughts. How do you feel? How would you prefer to feel? What's the best pathway to get yourself where you want to be? Plan your meals for this week and enjoy sticking to what you know will help you feel good.
Getting back into the feeling good zone:
When you've lost a bit of your mojo, it can be tough to turn things around and start to feel optimistic and focused, but we can start right now to relax all concern, to slow down the mind, to let the eyes soften and shoulder muscles release their tension now, knowing that the first key towards better feeling is to relax, to cease any resistance, to let go of all tension now, simply being with what is, allowing what is, knowing that things can improve very quickly, very suddenly, more than we expect, if we can just relax with it, relax in the knowledge that all things pass, all things improve, all things working for good now, all forces awakening to help you, already moving back to where you want to be, just because you're asking, and focusing and heading towards the good zone, letting all internal mechanisms adjust themselves automatically as your body and mind returns to the perfect pattern for you now, it has, and you can relax and let it.
Brain loops and overthinking:
What does it mean to be "overthinking" something? Generally it means there is wasted mental effort, often leading to unhelpful thoughts and anxious feelings. It means going over and over the same issue, mostly from the same perspective that didn't help the first time. The feeling of overthinking isn't fun. We can feel the brain stuck in a loop but it's hard to change track and we need mental tricks to get out of the gear we are locked into. One of the better methods is firstly to remind yourself that worrying and/or mental problem solving is completely ineffective and secondly to give the busy brain something else to do that absorbs the attention. Regarding the first stage of accepting the futility (and potential damage) of worry/problem solving, many people have issues with this, and cling to the belief that this thinking process helps them. Years of research and clinical evidence backs up the claim that it does not. Solutions (if they are even needed) are much more likely to arrive spontaneously when the brain is either relaxed or thinking of something else entirely. Striving and looping seems like a clever thing to do but we must remind ourselves about how creativity arises: i.e. relaxation, distraction, daydreaming. You can give your brain any other task to re-direct its focus: song lyrics, counting, repeating words or mantras, naming objects in the room, nonsense phrases to make you laugh, anything at all. Delay the "problem solving" and let your brain do something silly. And then do it some more.
The rise in high sensitivity:
After getting a media request to comment on the rise in people identifying as HSP (highly sensitive person), I've been wondering about whether there has been an actual rise or just an increase in acceptance and awareness (I'm thinking the latter). Sensitivity to other people, impressions and one's own emotions has always been a trait that is distributed on a bell-shaped curve, with the majority of people falling somewhere in the middle area. There are some with very low sensitivity; these people should not be seen as "insensitive" but rather are described as easy-going, hardy, thick-skinned and even tempered. This is not a pathology any more than the high sensitivity end of the spectrum. At the higher end, people report feeling more affected by things, more aware of their emotions and those of others, more sensitive to environment and impressions and often more likely to dwell on or analyse those. High sensitivity can link to mood issues such as depression and anxiety but doesn't always. Sensitives often experience a great range of emotions and many of them are pleasant. Many have been told by others that they are "too sensitive" which is about as pointless and silly as telling the grass it is "too green". Sensitivity is great, as long as we know how to manage it and not get pulled into negative vortexes when triggered. Sensitivity means we have access to a great range of experiences and emotions which means a rich life. It's a good thing and should be seen as an indicator of strength, resilience and optimism. If you identify as a sensitive, make sure to notice and enjoy the beneficial side today!
Good things for you!
Because you read this, we understand a few things about your personality. We get your sensitivity, your desire to learn, your need to work on yourself, your curiosity about people, your need for making the world a better place. Because you are higher in the trait of sensitivity, you get affected by things and as a result, you may need to monitor your mind more than some during weird times. Keep a guard at your mind. Make sure that you notice and tune in to the good stuff today, no matter what is going on. Life always has challenges and sadness, and it's up to us to help each other reconnect with the good stuff, the silver linings, the kindness, the love that is expressed even amidst the most difficult times. Wishing you good things today, may your mind remain open to the best.
System Reboot for stuck patterns!
Sometimes we feel like we are stuck in a rut, locked into a pattern that feels immovable or like a loop that won't stop and at those times it can be useful to simply allow your brain to slow down here as you read, knowing that your inner mind can perform a system reboot for you now, the kind of reboot that takes your nervous system into calm, clear focus here, slowing your eyes as you read, bringing the internal voice into a much calmer, quieter place, body more comfortable now as you read this, allowing all tension to melt away into the nothingness it came from, just being with what is, here in the now where all is well, where your mind can reset itself gently, kindly, comfortably for you now, hitting that reset button and simply knowing that all relevant adjustments are now beginning, all parts restored to the perfect pattern of health, joy and peace, just allow it, align now with the infinite peace of inner connection and take that feeling with you now as you move comfortably into your day. Enjoy.
Anxiety and the body:
Depending on your personality type, anxiety will find many different ways to express itself in order to get our attention and scare us. If we are people who are very driven, perfectionist type, results oriented, don't like to let people down and want harmony around you, then it will be more likely that anxiety will express itself via physical symptoms such as back or neck pain syndromes, debilitating fatigue, heart palpitations, irritable bowel and other bodily disturbances guaranteed to get your attention. More and more people are processing stress through their bodies as we justify the need to be busier and busier, or we do the thing we think we "should" do instead of what we are really here for. We talk of the importance of wellbeing measures like correct food, quality sleep, balanced exercise and relaxation or time out, but in reality these are only for when we "have time". As humans, we vote with our feet and we demonstrate our priorities by how we actually spend our time and energy, not by what we say our priorities are. Is it time to take stock? Is your body objecting to certain elements of your life pattern? Are you listening? Hello??? Trying to get your attention. Tune in today and make the choices that your body needs you to make. Sometimes (mostly!) it knows best.
Working on the love factor:
While most people think of love as a feeling, it's actually a verb. As in something you do, rather than something you feel. Many people wait to feel love before they "do" love, but loving actions also increase the love feelings all around. Key research on love in romantic/partnership relationships has found three key factors that maintain things: passion, intimacy and commitment (for more info on that check out Robert Sternberg). Passion isn't just about sex, but also includes enthusiasm, desire, an urgency in wanting to be with and talk to that person. Intimacy includes closeness, communication and willingness to understand and validate the other person. Commitment is stability, consistently showing up, loyalty, knowing that you are in it together and will be there for each other. The absence of one of these factors generally creates a relationship issue, which can be worked on if both are willing. But the biggest hurdle I find in working with people is a mutual willingness to "do" love. Probably the most common cause of this is silent (or not so silent) resentment. Allowing resentment to build is poison to relationships. The loving thing to do is to kindly articulate your concerns. And the loving thing to do is to listen to and act on the other person's concerns where possible. The love factor improves the world. Do a little more love today.
Need to get more done??
So many people talk to me about their unfinished To Do Lists, those things that sit in our consciousness waiting to be finished, and we really want to do them, and yet. And yet. So how do we get them done? We set a time. And we set some rules. And we plan for distraction within the plan and rules. Humans love distraction, it allows us to recharge, reboot and ultimately be more effective. The trick is the time and nature of the distraction. For example opening Facebook has been shown to eat way more time than people expect, raise anxiety often and leave people feeling empty and unproductive. Distracting yourself with a look outside or a quick walk in the yard or street, closing your eyes to get a drifty dreamy brain state or even a quick look in a book will raise your mood much more effectively as well as leaving you feeling more refreshed. Many of our other current distractions leave us feeling worse and go on way too long. This includes TV, eating, other social media and mindless internet searches. Block the time wasters! Set the time and rules for your task. For example, you could work in half hour bursts with ten minutes off after each chunk. Write it down then tick off each part as it's done. Take your distraction breaks and return to the task at the time you agreed with yourself. Stick to the plan! And enjoy your feeling of productivity on demand!
Check that perfectionism!
Perfectionism has always been a double edged sword. On the one hand, it can facilitate motivation, achievement and approval. On the other hand, it can lead to self-doubt, self-criticism, overwhelm, procrastination and lack of achievement to due setting impossibility high standards, and/or fear of failure. Perfectionism can trigger anxiety, with the mind playing the "all or nothing" game, either it's perfect or it's all a horrendous failure. This results in a feeling of never being satisfied, and even when success occurs, no good feelings are triggered. Perfectionism is a tricky habit to change but it can be done. Continually re-aligning our intentions or goals to something more reasonable is a good start. Accepting and enjoying our human-ness is also required! And being relaxed about outcomes, especially as they relate to other people or events we can't control (eg what uni results we get, or winning a job) is essential. The other mental habit is re-defining what perfect means. Perfect can mean that something or somebody meets the impossible high standard or it can mean the perfection of what actually is. In other words, it's perfect right now, whatever happens. I prefer the latter.
Permission to feel really good:
Sometimes we wake up with good feelings, other days we wake up tense, irritable, tired or stressed, and we can know now that whatever energy we wake up with, it can always get better, all your brain has to do is tune in here, now, slowing down that focus from your eyes, slow your reading of my words, relaxing the neck and shoulder muscles, the voice in your head becoming slower, and more authoritative in a pleasant way, very pleasant and comfortable, with just the right amount of energy, turning up the volume on the positive energy dial now, and moving to the feel good dial, rolling that dial a little higher, so you can feel good now, just a bit more, much more relaxed, happier and feeling very calm from the inside, very secure about everything, very confident, really just knowing that you are well and that all are well, and that you now have permission to feel very good no matter what, and allow that good feeling to increase over the day today, it will. Have a great day.
Do you know what a good catch you are?
Whether it's about relationships, jobs or other opportunities, most of the people I talk to tend to focus on their areas of insecurity, their worries about potentially not being good enough. This of course achieves nothing and just leads to self-doubt, missed opportunities and general unpleasant feelings! To flip the brain into the right gear, I generally coach clients to focus on areas of strength. What so people generally like or comment on about your strengths? What do they say your skills or talents or points of interest are? What have you always liked about yourself? What past achievements are important to you? What are you proud of? What personality characteristics in yourself do you admire and want to show more of? Anyway, you know you're smart, attractive, competent and likable so focus on all of those today! See each example of how those strengths play out in your day and remember to take notice!
When people feel compelled to share their unhelpful opinions:
Other people's opinions are very interesting. It would appear that some people have an opinion on everything, despite their level of experience or education in relation to that area of knowledge. Having strong opinions (and expressing them) is an indicator of certain personality factors rather than an indicator of wisdom or intelligence. And yet, many of my clients are quite negatively affected by the opinions of others, even when they don't respect the wisdom of those people. These opinions can be a serious deterrent to progress, especially regarding emotional issues or difficult patterns. The majority of damaging opinions seem to come from family members (often parents or siblings) as well as partners. These include opinions about treatment, about whether people should or should not take medication, where people should or should not be working and who they should be in relationships with. While people often know the other person's opinions are not correct or based on genuine education or training, they still plant a seed of doubt, and irritation. It can be hard to stop their flow of verbal opinionhood, but we can choose to cut off the topic by saying "look, thanks for providing your personal opinion on this, I'm going in a different direction for now and I'll get back to you if I need some assistance". Cut it off early and dismiss it as what it is, just their personal opinion. Then move back to your trusted direction. Trust in your own guidance today.
Kindness in relationships trumps everything!
Many of us use up our best selves at work or in other daily activities. Then when we come home, we have little left to give, and are more likely to grunt, want space, look at devices or TV instead of talking and generally engage less than we could. This is ok once in a while, but if we want connection with those we live with, we need to make and respond to bids for attention. So many years of research has demonstrated that being engaging and kind even when you don't feel like it is the key to long lasting and pleasant relationships, while withdrawal and contempt are killers of connection. Kindness should be the number one desirable trait in any future partner, though it is often left off the list when I ask clients what they seek in a potential mate. The ability to stay in kindness (whether in communication, fights or even during break ups) is much underrated and I'd like to see more couples skilled up in this area. While kindness is a trait, it can also be trained into being if the person is motivated. Choose kindness and engagement today!
Set yourself up for a good day!
Good days are about how we feel, not about what happens in that day. And if we work on our consciousness (what we focus on and think about) as well as our physical energy, it's harder for any people or events to affect us negatively. Check your food plan for the day. Have you organized your protein and vegetables for each meal? Eat breakfast and again, make sure it includes protein! Check your caffeine plan. A little goes a long way, and more might be too much! Remember, if you kick your tension into overdrive, your mood (and probably sleep) will suffer. Get some steps happening. More movement equals mood boost. Check your attitude. Appreciation, praise and gratitude are the quickest mood boosters known. Grab on to the good, be glad about stuff, even if it's very small stuff, and find something you genuinely appreciate, in your world, yourself, and in others. It's a discipline! You don't have to do it all the time, but the more you do it, the better you feel. Look around you to find things you like, and ignore the other stuff. The other stuff can wait. Having a good day is a decision and we can all decide right now, no matter what time of day it is and what's already happened. Have a good one!
Immunity booster shot:
Immunity is protection, the ability to have the appropriate physical and emotional boundaries in place in order to maintain your perfect internal equilibrium, the perfect conditions for you to feel energized and contented, so just slow down now and let your subconscious mind drift here, slowing down the eyes, really listening now as I talk to you, my words slowly seeping down, deeper, talking to your inner mind, the place that controls those boundaries, the immunity centre, keeping out what needs to be kept out, only letting in what is safe and beneficial to you now, stronger, healing any areas of uncertainty, more powerful in your core, the right level of vigilance, not too much, not too little, just the right level of keeping an eye on what truly belongs and what does not, clarity there, here, energy building as your clarity and focus improve markedly, feeling much more solid in the world, flexible, alert and ready for the action you know you need to take today, now, doing it and feeling good, moving in the world with an attitude of easy, relaxed and active. You are.
Enthusiasm lesson from dogs:
The life of the average pet dog probably has a bit more monotony and routine than the life of its owner. And yet the enthusiasm level of the dog is usually much higher, with dogs excited to wake up, excited to see its family in the morning, excited for breakfast, excited to walk, excited for the day's adventures, excited to get home, excited for dinner, excited for playtime and excited for bedtime. Most dogs live in a state of "This?? Wow!! Yes!!", whatever "this" may happen to be. Again, this is because dogs do not judge or label experience, but instead live consciously in the moment, holding positive expectations (except for vet visits and bath time, although some dogs love this too!). Non judgement and non-labelling of experiences is something we can cultivate as humans, as is an enthusiastic state of mind. Choosing to say to yourself "This?? Wow!! Yes!!" and genuinely finding a way to praise or appreciate any experience will boost enthusiasm and gratitude. These habit changes will bring you the extra happiness benefits associated with being a dog!
The avoidance of boredom:
Boredom is now one of the biggest complaints of young people and adults. It would seem that the better and more available our technology becomes, the more intolerant to boredom WE become. Every time we have to wait for somebody, we glance at the phone. Any empty minutes, we check phones, Facebook, Instagram etc, looking for a pleasant (?) distraction from whatever else is or isn't going on. The thing is, we need to remember the "Best Ideas In The Shower Effect". Many of us have our best creative ideas in the shower (or in the car or on a walk or other non-stimulated situations). When the brain is out of focus, it seems to reset in some positive way that leads to new inspiration. We used to have more of this time, waiting, standing in line, on public transport, bored, just being; this time was previously used for letting the brain wander wherever it wanted to. Boredom is good. Boredom lets the brain rest and recover, as well as allowing space for inspiration, ideas and possibilities. Most people now report feeling unpleasantly restless or agitated when bored, and that's when we reach for distractions. Begin the reframe of boredom today. Decide to look forward to some bored moments and enjoy them, knowing it's brain beneficial. Put the phone down and let your mind drift.
Controllers and micro managers:
There are certain personalities that have to control everything. They over-instruct, they appear to assume you are a novice at everything, they give too much information, they want to ask/tell/check/monitor into oblivion. These are the organizers of the world (or at least the people that THINK they are well-organized!). It's easy to take this behaviour personally when you're on the receiving end, feeling not trusted, not seen as competent or skilled enough. But in fact, what it's really about is anxious control. The people with deep-seated anxious control patterns worry a lot, get anxious about things being "just so" and therefore move into control mode to make sure it all comes out the way they think it should. Anxious control patterns usually don't go down too well in the workplace or at home, and this person is likely to have tested many relationships with their vigilance/checking/instructing/bossing ways. When on the receiving end, remind yourself that the person is acting from anxious control and have sympathy for them. It wouldn't be easy to be inside that head. Reassure them that it will be fine, that you will keep them informed and that the task will be done on time and in a quality manner. And then remind yourself again that it's not your stuff! Trust is a much underrated thing.
A female thing:
Have you noticed that women are often unkind to themselves? When it comes to their looks, achievements and relationships, many women harshly judge or blame themselves, always seeming to fall short of the mark, always looking for perfection, seeing what is missing or what "should" be rather than what is. When it comes to success, many women do not feel it or recognize it. Many have a pattern of never taking credit, preferring to attribute successes to luck, circumstances and other people's actions. This is especially true in the workplace, as well as in education. An inability to acknowledge achievements leads to insecurity, self-doubt and fraud syndrome, as well as an unwillingness to self-promote when necessary (eg job interviews). Women also spend time comparing themselves to others who are seen as "better" or who have achieved "more", further cementing the insecurity pattern. Of course some males have these cognitive patterns too, although they are certainly more common in females. We can actively work to change these patterns by internally praising ourselves, taking credit and choosing to note achievements for ourselves, whether or not we verbalize them. We can also make an extra effort to praise and acknowledge the achievements of other women, and actively promote or support their success. Learning to enjoy the success feeling is an important skill and it needs to be socially acceptable in order to happen more regularly. Increase your praise and recognition today, for yourself and others!
For reducing overwhelm:
Too many things, not enough time, too much in the head, none of it feels calm so it's time to just do nothing, just for a minute or so, while I talk to you, slowly, and you can listen, or just simply allowing your eyes to move slower and slower, glide over my words now, letting that inner part of your mind come very alive, the part that listens and makes key changes that allow you to feel much more comfortable, more calm, knowing that it's just one thing, just do one thing, be conscious of that one thing, then calmly move to the next thing, all things are really quite enjoyable if we can just go into calm and begin to notice the pleasant parts, just breathe, letting your mind relax, nothing to do right now, right this second, nowhere to be, nobody to feel responsible for, just being, just reading and letting your inner mind focus on this one task, being here now, knowing all is well, things get done, if you allow your mind to look back, things were done, things worked out, and you can trust that your inner mind will make sure that this is always the case, you don't really have to do anything to make it happen, just simply allowing the natural flow of activity now, staying present and remembering to enjoy.
The deceptives and the liars:
Lying and deception is a skill. There are outright lies, covert lies, lies of omission and grey area lies, and only certain personalities are capable of successful deception. Some appear to deceive even themselves, probably feeling so convinced by their story that they genuinely feel they are not lying to you. Others know exactly what they are doing and take a certain satisfaction in their behavior. Skilled liars can look you in the eye. Their lies are not evident in their facial expressions, although skilled professionals can often spot micro eye movements that signal the altered brain activity of liars. Many liars learned the behavior in childhood, either to get out of trouble with an out of control parent, to get attention due to neglect or odd family dynamics and sometimes as a learned behavior from family members. It's a primitive survival skill and is often used to allow the liar to get what they want while remaining to be seen by others in a positive light. On the receiving end, it's invalidating, infuriating, disrespectful, and makes people feel like they are going crazy. People often go to great lengths to "prove the lies" and are shocked that the liar still remains adamant despite the showing of visible proof. If lying has been long term or habitual, it takes a lot of time and full commitment to train a person out of it and most will not admit to the pattern or seek help. Being around the habituals is usually toxic and sometimes dangerous. When you spot this ongoing pattern, move away fast. And check in with your own truth today. Where do you need to be more authentically truthful?
Want to stay younger longer?
It turns out that feeling healthy is the key to staying young! Studies have shown that how young and healthy you believe you are (and how healthy you feel) is one of the best predictors of health and longevity, often out-ranking cholesterol levels, blood pressure and other more traditional measures of health. One large Swiss study also demonstrated that predictors of longevity included being female (sorry guys!), not smoking (or at least not smoking in adult life for long) most importantly, cognitive processing speed.
The researchers were shocked that factors such as subjective feeling of health and mental processing speed were better predictors of risk than the other factors they studied. We know that remaining cognitively active is associated with aging well, but we don't know if the cognitive activity is the cause or the effect of healthy aging! Either way, think and talk health more (unless discussing illness with doctors/professional!), increase your focus on how good you feel and make sure you are always learning new skills and enhancing cognitive processing! New learning means new brain pathways so keep it active!
Distractions!
Distractions are everywhere, from social media to people to TV to food to things we do while avoiding the things we need to do. Which distractions do you need to eliminate? Are your distractions productive or do they feel like time of your life that you'll never get back? What would you prefer to be doing when you need a distraction? Choose your distraction activity wisely and make sure it's something that feeds you at a deeper level rather than the empty calories of junk!
Wake up and smell the good!
It's so easy to get caught up in life, in problems or worries, in how we are physically, in other people's stuff, in all the things we have to get done, in multi-tasking and busy-ness. But if we want happiness and peace, we need to stay tuned to the good! Think of the last 24 hours. List ten things (they can be very small things too!) that went well, things that you liked or appreciated or felt good about. Spending some time every morning mentally going back over the good aspects of the last 24 hours can make a measurable difference to your baseline happiness and can help the next 24 hours to go well too. Start now! What went well for you in the last 24 hours??
Motivation to exercise and be healthy!
You know how hard it can be to take that first step, the step that gets things happening, the step that leads to many other steps, and you can take that first step right here, right now, by slowly reading my words, slow your eyes down now to really let my helpful instructions filter deeper, down into your subconscious mind, where all decisions are made, and you can make a decision, a decision to enjoy the first step, just like when you were very very young, and you were learning to walk, and of course you don't remember that very first step you took on your own, but you did take that step, and soon you were walking and walking, and then you were running, and once you were running, there was no stopping you, and you moved around happily by yourself, enjoying your freedom in the world, exploring and being curious and always looking for a new thing, and happy to walk or run to see, to take part in, or really just for the fun of being able to walk and run by yourself, with others, anytime you wanted to, then, and now, your freedom is enjoyable, you enjoy that time, being able to walk, being able to run, feeling that freedom, that feeling of energy, that feeling of movement, starting with one small step, enjoying yourself, leading to many steps and feeling very light indeed, light and free and energized feelings for you now. Off you go!
Chunking down when things get too much:
Have you noticed that most sensitive people expect way too much from themselves? Many of us have probably at times wished that we were lazier, less caring, less driven. But when some of us come pre-loaded with a personality that favours achievement, action and progress, these are the things that are going to give you pleasure chemicals and that's really ok. The trouble is, all effects are dose-dependent. This means that in the right dose, action leads to satisfaction and fulfilment, the sense of a purposeful or meaningful life. In excess doses, it leads to overwhelm, overload, scattered thinking and perhaps addiction to activity at the expense of rest and balance. When we feel our nervous system revving up a little too much, it's time to check in. The signals might be when you start talking about being "so busy" or especially "too busy", or "I have so much to do I don't know where to start". Start with one. Prioritize calmness. From calmness comes clarity. Then from clarity we can chunk down to JUST THIS ONE THING, no more mental multi-tasking, just doing the one activity now that needs to be done. Then rest. Balancing your rest/activity cycle is important for both emotional and physical wellbeing. Don't feed any unbalanced addiction to activity today. Just one thing at a time.
From energized to drained in one interaction!
It's always confusing when you think you're having quite an energized day and then suddenly find yourself feeling exhausted, like you need a nap as soon as possible. Of course it can be a build up via physical effects like weather changes, blood sugar drop or overdoing it, but equally likely (especially if you're energetically sensitive) is that you've had some interaction that has sapped your energy completely. Tracking back, at times it can be hard to work out who or why. Sometimes the person was a long talker, somebody who talks in long excessive bursts during work-related or personal conversations, with no room for your response and perhaps no interest in your response. Listening to long talkers can be quite exhausting, as they often over-explain, give too much information or detail, and completely lose their sense of you as audience. Or perhaps the person is a vague talker, not providing anything concrete in response to your questions, or not really committing to any opinions or answers. Perhaps there was veiled negativity, despair, gloom or anger in the interaction. All of these will be potentially draining to sensitive people. As always, the antidote is awareness, acceptance and energetically clearing the after-effects if necessary. Use your cancel, clear, delete buttons where necessary and preserve your positive energy today!
The ingredients of confidence:
If you want more confidence, generally you need to look at your beliefs about yourself in two key areas. Number one is your competence. Competence is your belief about your ability to do things, whatever things are relevant or important to you. Out sense of competence is critical to feeling confident in life, and is one of the reasons early learning (at school and at home) is such a formative influence on how we feel about ourselves. To boost competence, focus on the things you can do, the things you have achieved, the progress you've made. Most of us take this for granted, but you can easily be more conscious and appreciative of it. Likability is about your ability to be liked by others, your personality power, your ability to get into rapport. Again, early experiences of acceptance, love and/or rejection will contribute to our sense of likability. To boost likability, focus on people, past and present, who like or love you. And smile more! Generally speaking, when it comes to confidence, most people will feel better about either competence or likability, and know which one they need to develop. Know that you have both, naturally, and that you just need to believe in them and trust that others see them too. Be conscious of their presence today!
Your authentic self:
Maybe sometimes you think you have to hide who you are and how you feel, that people won't get it, or people won't like it. Hiding the self usually has the effect of making us feel worse about ourselves as the underlying motive is to hide something "bad". If you want to feel good, it starts with self acceptance. Self acceptance means that we stop judging ourselves and decide that all parts are ok, even the parts we thought we had to change. People don't change successfully coming from a place of disapproval anyway. Change is best achieved via genuine acceptance, followed by curiosity, which can then lead to flexible choices in thoughts and behaviour. We can begin to notice our thoughts, feelings preferences as they arise. We can then wonder about alternative expressions or how best to channel our emotions. Please be accepting of your true self today. Whatever shows up, just let it be there and make a choice about how you express it from a place of non-judgmental awareness.
How to get more of what you want:
Reading this, now, there may be things that you want more of, internal things, external things, things involving others, all things that consciously you would like more of, and it's natural to want more of the good, so simply allow your eyes to move a little more slowly now, so that I can talk and you can listen, listening intently with your subconscious mind, allowing your inner mind to take over now, while your conscious mind just moves slowly over my words, these helpful words that will install the program you want, the program you need, watching these words now, and using your mind's eye, allowing a spark of an idea to form somewhere in your mind, or in the body, the idea of that thing you want more of, becoming clearer now, clarity is the first step isn't it, the people who know what they want are much more likely to get what they want and now you begin to be much more clear about what you want, starting with that one thing, tuning your inner mind towards it, all forces now on board with you, the universe supports you, moving towards the higher good, the law of improvement, the natural tide of increase, abundant things flowing to you now, all you have to do is openly receive. Remain willing to receive today and notice the small signs of improvement everywhere.
Holding on to resentments:
Resentment is the poison of relationships. We are most likely to generate long term resentment when we are angry about something, but for whatever reason, do not or cannot voice our anger. Some of us, by virtue of personality, say what we think regardless of consequences, whereas others prefer to bide their time and/or keep the peace. Peace keeping missions can be a double-edged sword, as often we are keeping external peace with the other person while on the inside, a war is raging. Internal conflict is the worst. It keeps us awake at night, it keeps us questioning ourselves, it keeps us ruminating: "is it reasonable to feel like this?" "What will I say?" This thinking often then becomes "No point saying anything, it won't do any good". And no, it often won't get the other person to change, and sometimes when you have voiced your concerns and the other person STILL won't change their behaviour, it can feel even worse. How can they know it's so upsetting, and yet still continue? Resentment can breed even more under these conditions. Letting go of resentment can be a complex process and there are no easy or one-size-fits-all answers. The first step is awareness, and the second is the WILLINGNESS to release resentment, even if you wish to end the relationship. Strangely the first step to many things is stronger emotional awareness. Check in with yourself today!
Those overwhelming times:
There are times when life seems to give us a whole lot of challenges to overcome simultaneously. One at a time, no problem, we can work our way through. But multiple tricky things, not so much. The brain does not like to multi task at the best of times, let alone the worst. When the emotional part of the brain (the amygdala) is activated excessively, the problem solving parts of the brain are inactivated, and as a result we feel highly anxious, overwhelmed and unable to think clearly about what to do. The first priority is to calm the brain's emotional centre so that your thinking mind can function again! There are many ways to start the calm phase and this will vary according to the situation and level of distress. A walk will help. Breathing and meditation will help. Distraction can sometimes help, taking a break from focusing on the issues. Music can help, but it has to be the right choice that gives you the feeling you want. Talking to a trusted friend or professional can help. Writing a list can help, as long as it starts to become a plan and simplifies rather than complicates the situation. The most important thing is "one thing at a time". Choose your first priority, even if they all seem equally urgent. The brain can't do multi! Choose one, start with one, know that you have dealt with many things before and you've got this. You can.